SANDRA HATTON: Why Dating Isn’t Broken | EPISODE 20

WEBVTT
00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:08.160
He was I went on 28 dates in 30 days, but in real life, nine times out of ten, people do not look like their photos.
00:00:08.480 --> 00:00:12.080
I think a lot of people say dating is broken.
00:00:12.640 --> 00:00:15.599
Um, matchmaking is very different than online dating.
00:00:15.919 --> 00:00:18.640
Men will never marry the love of their lives.
00:00:18.800 --> 00:00:18.960
Yeah.
00:00:19.199 --> 00:00:22.559
Men always will marry whoever whenever they're ready.
00:00:22.800 --> 00:00:25.440
She just said to me, I was married for 20 years, I've never been in love.
00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:29.920
What I believe is that the only dating woman's real relationship.
00:00:30.079 --> 00:00:34.719
It always makes me sad when nobody's ever felt butterflies or had that feeling.
00:00:58.719 --> 00:01:02.880
We are here at 405 motoring, the ultimate out of spot.
00:01:03.119 --> 00:01:04.079
Very cool location.
00:01:04.159 --> 00:01:10.959
I feel like we're in the movie, and I have a very special guest, Sandra Hayton from When We First.
00:01:11.120 --> 00:01:11.920
Hi Sandra.
00:01:12.079 --> 00:01:12.560
Hello.
00:01:12.799 --> 00:01:14.159
Welcome to the basic show.
00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:14.719
Thank you.
00:01:14.879 --> 00:01:15.920
Thank you for having me.
00:01:16.159 --> 00:01:18.000
I love your dress code for today.
00:01:18.159 --> 00:01:23.680
Today's season theme is dark matter, inspired by F1 Meets Matrix.
00:01:23.760 --> 00:01:27.439
And I love how you prepared and so edgy, vampy, a little bit dangerous.
00:01:27.760 --> 00:01:28.480
Thank you so much.
00:01:28.640 --> 00:01:30.719
This is a very New York wardrobe.
00:01:30.959 --> 00:01:33.439
Very easy to throw together some black clothes.
00:01:33.519 --> 00:01:35.200
And I watched Matrix on the way here.
00:01:35.439 --> 00:01:35.680
Wow.
00:01:35.840 --> 00:01:36.000
Okay.
00:01:36.079 --> 00:01:39.439
I love how you prepared emotionally for this for this episode.
00:01:39.680 --> 00:01:41.120
And speaking of New York, right?
00:01:41.200 --> 00:01:47.920
It's sex in the city, this is where uh all of the stories and love stories and drama is coming from, right?
00:01:48.480 --> 00:01:50.799
So tell us about your company.
00:01:50.959 --> 00:01:52.640
And I have a lot of questions.
00:01:53.040 --> 00:01:54.560
Let's start from the very beginning.
00:01:54.640 --> 00:01:55.599
When are we first?
00:01:55.760 --> 00:01:57.040
Yeah, how did it start?
00:01:57.120 --> 00:01:58.079
You know, what is it about?
00:01:58.239 --> 00:02:01.359
Give us a few lines about um your new venture.
00:02:01.599 --> 00:02:07.120
Yeah, so I've been in matchmaking for 16 years this year, so a long time.
00:02:07.200 --> 00:02:10.159
And I started at a very large matchmaking service.
00:02:10.240 --> 00:02:13.439
I was there for 13 years as the vice president.
00:02:13.599 --> 00:02:19.840
And I just kind of found there was a need for a lot of work to be done in the dating industry.
00:02:19.919 --> 00:02:23.520
I think a lot of people say dating is broken.
00:02:24.080 --> 00:02:30.159
And matchmaking is very different than online dating, it's always been around for thousands of years.
00:02:30.400 --> 00:02:41.520
Um, and so matchmaking services, their goal and job is to match people based on their relationships and kind of in a way find matches for you and coordinate them and arrange them.
00:02:41.680 --> 00:02:49.919
So the company that I was at just didn't really use any technology, and matchmaking doesn't really have a lot of technology, it's very intuitive and personal.
00:02:50.319 --> 00:02:52.240
But I believe in technology.
00:02:52.560 --> 00:03:01.120
So I really wanted to, I got lucky enough to create a brand that combines both technology and the human touch.
00:03:01.360 --> 00:03:08.560
So, in my personal experience, what I believe that online dating ruined real relationship.
00:03:08.719 --> 00:03:09.039
Yeah.
00:03:09.280 --> 00:03:12.240
And it kind of damaged how okay, we're here.
00:03:12.960 --> 00:03:13.280
Wow.
00:03:13.439 --> 00:03:15.199
You guys now feel a part of the set.
00:03:15.280 --> 00:03:17.439
We have the planes, the cars, the motorcycles.
00:03:17.520 --> 00:03:20.080
Now you understand that we're actually not in the studio.
00:03:20.240 --> 00:03:22.719
We're not in actual outer shop.
00:03:23.520 --> 00:03:25.520
So let's go back to dating, right?
00:03:25.680 --> 00:03:35.360
So can you actually explain to me how, in your opinion, yeah, online dating didn't ruin, or maybe it could actually elevate and help people to find their true match.
00:03:35.599 --> 00:03:42.400
Yeah, I've always believed that no matter where you meet, someone is good, whether it's online, whether it's in person.
00:03:42.560 --> 00:03:48.639
Of course, everybody wants to meet somebody naturally who doesn't want to just meet someone at the grocery store, you know, walking down the street.
00:03:48.960 --> 00:03:52.719
But I personally have seen a lot of people have success online.
00:03:53.120 --> 00:04:06.240
I've personally had success online, but it's changed a lot in the last few years, especially since like COVID times, where people just have kind of shifted their mindset that they want to meet in person again, but it's really hard.
00:04:06.719 --> 00:04:07.840
You know, it's really hard.
00:04:08.000 --> 00:04:14.159
So we developed a dating app that essentially has a human button.
00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:30.000
So it's a human element in the app to give people an opportunity to get help online dating better, whether it's to set up their profile if they don't know how or just don't want to do it, um, or to get a coaching session if not they're not ready for matchmaking.
00:04:30.240 --> 00:04:36.959
But then behind the scenes, you have a bunch of matchmakers and dating experts helping to guide the way.
00:04:37.040 --> 00:04:38.959
And then we do separate offline matchmaking.
00:04:39.040 --> 00:04:42.959
So kind of consider it the first hybrid dating service that has both online and offline.
00:04:43.120 --> 00:04:46.560
But if you're gonna date online, it will just be a better way to do it.
00:04:46.800 --> 00:04:51.680
Okay, so you have an app, yeah, kind of more of a traditional way that we used to.
00:04:51.839 --> 00:04:52.079
Yeah.
00:04:52.240 --> 00:04:59.360
And then as an additional feature, you have the human button where uh your what do you call the the candidates, right?
00:04:59.439 --> 00:05:02.240
What's the right way to the Yeah, clients, clients, candidates.
00:05:02.560 --> 00:05:07.040
I don't like to use the word users because you know, or people, so yeah.
00:05:07.519 --> 00:05:09.360
Humans, humans looking for humans.
00:05:09.439 --> 00:05:14.720
So then you have an additional feature of an actual matchmaker, person, a human person.
00:05:15.439 --> 00:05:16.399
A human person, yeah.
00:05:17.439 --> 00:05:19.519
Who actually is there with you throughout your journey?
00:05:19.920 --> 00:05:22.000
But do you think it could be a little bit biased?
00:05:22.079 --> 00:05:24.160
Or maybe let me paraphrase the question.
00:05:24.319 --> 00:05:36.160
Do you think um there is a difference between a using an algorithm that's more stereotypical versus having an actual person who is getting to know you and finding a match?
00:05:36.319 --> 00:05:38.639
Maybe I don't know if it's too judgmental or subjective.
00:05:38.720 --> 00:05:39.600
How do you approach that?
00:05:39.839 --> 00:05:46.800
Yeah, well, let me start with we built our algorithm ourselves the way that no other dating app has one.
00:05:47.120 --> 00:05:51.680
So it's 99% on relationship goals, qualities and characters.
00:05:52.079 --> 00:05:52.720
Another plane.
00:05:52.959 --> 00:05:56.720
Another plane, and and like things that you actually have in common.
00:05:56.800 --> 00:05:59.519
So it's not a Swipe app, you only get a couple of matches a day.
00:05:59.759 --> 00:06:06.240
So we didn't copy an algorithm from any other dating app to just kind of randomly match you on like what kind of pizza you like.
00:06:06.319 --> 00:06:08.240
It's really based on relationship goals.
00:06:08.399 --> 00:06:17.120
And then again, the whole point of the app is to just help people date better until they feel more comfortable and see more value in matchmaking.
00:06:17.360 --> 00:06:19.040
So I am a little biased, of course.
00:06:19.120 --> 00:06:20.000
I'm a matchmaker.
00:06:20.079 --> 00:06:26.240
I I know that matchmaking works better because we're intuitive, we understand people better when you get to know someone.
00:06:26.319 --> 00:06:28.959
And an app, I don't believe, really can do that.
00:06:29.279 --> 00:06:34.639
Do you think with apps, the problem, in my opinion, is that we have too much choice, right?
00:06:34.959 --> 00:06:41.839
And the apps that became successful nowadays, they became successful just because you have access to so many people.
00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:42.079
Yeah.
00:06:42.240 --> 00:06:55.199
So you have a huge pool of potential candidates, yet we're still searching and searching, and maybe the illusion of choice um doesn't really lead many, you know, to finding the true match.
00:06:55.519 --> 00:07:01.040
Or maybe the problem is that in at the bottom of it, we don't know really what we want.
00:07:01.199 --> 00:07:07.519
So if we'll go back to candidates that on your app, do you think people actually know exactly what they want?
00:07:07.920 --> 00:07:09.040
People think they know what they want.
00:07:09.120 --> 00:07:17.519
So, like if you go on your phone and you're looking for an outfit or a pair of sunglasses or shoes, you're just gonna continue to see those things pop up in your algorithm.
00:07:18.000 --> 00:07:20.800
The same thing goes for a dating app.
00:07:21.120 --> 00:07:28.879
But think about it this way: just because you're seeing them and they're popping up on your app doesn't mean those things want you back.
00:07:29.120 --> 00:07:35.920
So it's kind of like shopping, but the person on the other end has to really want to purchase you back.
00:07:36.160 --> 00:07:43.519
It's a strange analogy, but that's why it doesn't work because you're just able to kind of order up a match, but it is it really a true match, you know what I mean?
00:07:43.759 --> 00:07:56.879
So it sound more like a dateable inventory in a sense that we approach things like love and happiness and joy uh in in in the into the checklist, right?
00:07:57.279 --> 00:08:00.240
And saying I want one, two, three in a partner.
00:08:00.399 --> 00:08:04.560
And maybe in real life you meet somebody who you fall in love that doesn't match your checklist.
00:08:04.879 --> 00:08:10.480
So, yeah, in your experience, how do you actually find matches for each other?
00:08:10.639 --> 00:08:10.800
Yeah.
00:08:11.040 --> 00:08:13.519
What questions do you ask or what criteria do you use?
00:08:13.839 --> 00:08:18.319
We always start for matchmaking with a minimum of an hour interview.
00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:22.000
The number one thing that we match on is your relationship goal.
00:08:22.160 --> 00:08:25.600
Because if you don't have the same goals, nothing else matters at all.
00:08:26.000 --> 00:08:29.839
You can have chemistry, you can be attracted, you can have things in common, you can be laughing.
00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:32.720
But what does that matter if your goals don't align?
00:08:32.960 --> 00:08:38.399
So that's the first thing, and that's exactly how our algorithm is set up on the app, anyway.
00:08:38.639 --> 00:08:42.799
And then after that, it's the top qualities and characteristics that you're really looking for.
00:08:42.879 --> 00:08:56.159
So I think when people come to match, making they've had enough experience or time, or I call it like a light bulb moment, trigger moment, if you will, where they decide this is what I want, this is what is important to me.
00:08:56.399 --> 00:09:02.960
And they're kind of in a place emotionally where they're able to let us compromise on a couple of the other things.
00:09:03.200 --> 00:09:11.519
So when we do this interview, we are focused on your goals of relationships, the qualities, the characteristics, the morals, the values, and lifestyle does come into play.
00:09:11.679 --> 00:09:23.679
Like clearly your lifestyle has to be compatible enough where you can see it working, and then everything else is like get on a first date and then see if there's chemistry, then see if there's attraction.
00:09:23.919 --> 00:09:34.240
But we do find that most people are compromising on some things that they thought on paper would be perfect for them, and then they end up with someone else.
00:09:35.120 --> 00:09:41.919
So, what are those first questions you ask them to figure out what could be the right match for the person?
00:09:42.240 --> 00:09:44.879
Um, the first one is why, why now?
00:09:44.960 --> 00:09:48.639
And like, why are they looking intentionally to date?
00:09:48.960 --> 00:09:52.639
Because I just don't think it will work unless two people are intentional.
00:09:53.120 --> 00:09:59.840
So do you think people's people's goals change since let's say first time you started working, but then maybe like a few months later?
00:10:00.159 --> 00:10:00.480
Absolutely.
00:10:00.639 --> 00:10:01.120
Oh, really?
00:10:01.279 --> 00:10:05.759
Well, if somebody has just got out of a long relationship or a marriage, they don't know what they want sometimes.
00:10:05.840 --> 00:10:10.639
They're kind of using that one long relationship as the example.
00:10:10.960 --> 00:10:19.360
And so sometimes even subconsciously, they don't know that they're doing this, but they're just like, and my ex-husband or wife was like this, so that's what I'm looking for.
00:10:19.679 --> 00:10:22.960
And so it does change, it's fine-tuning as you go.
00:10:23.200 --> 00:10:28.240
The whole point is getting out on dates and then figuring out what you like and what you don't like after you meet the person.
00:10:28.399 --> 00:10:34.799
Right now, we're just in the mindset that I don't want to meet that person, they don't fit what I'm looking for on paper, and then no one's dating anymore.
00:10:35.039 --> 00:10:35.279
Exactly.
00:10:35.519 --> 00:10:36.559
Nobody's going on date.
00:10:36.720 --> 00:10:36.960
Exactly.
00:10:37.120 --> 00:10:42.320
Whereas if you just go on a date, then you can come back and say rule number one, get out of the house.
00:10:42.480 --> 00:10:43.840
Yes, go on a date.
00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:47.360
Come back and say, Yeah, that guy sucked or that woman was awful.
00:10:47.519 --> 00:10:56.879
But go find out first because at least you know the relationship goals line up, you're looking for the same things, those qualities and characteristics that we've vetted for you.
00:10:57.120 --> 00:10:59.919
We think they're there, and then you can come back and tell us.
00:11:00.159 --> 00:11:03.759
Sometimes I feel like people who have the longest list have some personal issues.
00:11:03.919 --> 00:11:05.279
I don't know if it's just me.
00:11:05.600 --> 00:11:14.799
Usually the people who are the most demanding have some personal, you know, um unresolved trauma or things that they are the problem, right?
00:11:14.960 --> 00:11:16.240
Why they're in this situation.
00:11:16.720 --> 00:11:17.519
What do you think about that?
00:11:17.679 --> 00:11:19.279
Do you think this is the case?
00:11:19.440 --> 00:11:25.360
I know every every case is it's a loaded question because we're all human and we all have things that come to the table in a relationship.
00:11:25.519 --> 00:11:28.000
There's no such thing as a perfect match or a perfect person.
00:11:28.080 --> 00:11:32.480
It's just, are you willing to put in the work in any relationship or commitment that you're in?
00:11:32.720 --> 00:11:37.120
What we do that's really different, and I think we're the only matchmaking service that's doing this.
00:11:37.279 --> 00:11:54.559
But the reason I developed it this way is because dating is an emotional roller coaster, and especially if you have things that you have to work on, we do weekly coaching with our clients to just kind of keep them encouraged and motivated and sometimes help them with some of the things that you're doing.
00:11:54.720 --> 00:11:55.519
What is a weekly coaching?
00:11:55.600 --> 00:11:57.120
What could you possibly coach?
00:11:57.360 --> 00:11:59.519
Well, I mean, a lot of it is just staying positive.
00:11:59.679 --> 00:12:02.320
Like, you know, you want to attract the right partner.
00:12:02.720 --> 00:12:13.600
So if you're in that negative mindset or negative energy, or you know, even if it's just that you had a bad day at work and you're going on a date that night, like let's get on a quick call to you know, prep you and pump you back up.
00:12:13.840 --> 00:12:15.120
It's all comes back to you, right?
00:12:15.279 --> 00:12:15.360
Yeah.
00:12:15.679 --> 00:12:21.679
Feeling in the right space, you know, being happy, feeling fulfilled outside of or before getting into the relationship.
00:12:22.159 --> 00:12:23.679
You will attract no matter what.
00:12:23.759 --> 00:12:27.679
I think that there's some misconceptions that you'll just always attract the same kind of thing.
00:12:27.840 --> 00:12:37.440
You're just gonna attract if you're attracting, but like be have discernment, attract the right kind of positive energy, be that energy so you notice if it's outside of that.
00:12:37.840 --> 00:12:40.960
So you're like, oh, okay, this person's not on my level.
00:12:41.039 --> 00:12:46.080
And I don't mean career-wise or my, I'm saying energetically, mindset-wise.
00:12:46.399 --> 00:12:48.000
So tell us your personal story.
00:12:48.080 --> 00:12:49.919
What actually triggered you personally?
00:12:50.080 --> 00:12:53.840
I mean, you mentioned earlier that you did find, do you may ask you, do you have a partner?
00:12:54.080 --> 00:12:55.279
Not right now, not right now.
00:12:55.840 --> 00:12:59.759
But you said you had a partner that you found uh uh online, right?
00:13:00.399 --> 00:13:05.360
I did not meet, I've met three partners online, which is a lot, I think.
00:13:05.519 --> 00:13:05.840
Yeah.
00:13:06.080 --> 00:13:10.639
Well, as a matchmaker, it's a little bit easier for me to go online and find matchmakers.
00:13:11.919 --> 00:13:15.440
They have a little bit of a, you know, I'll just say I have a way to do it.
00:13:15.600 --> 00:13:21.519
Um, I think the the first person I met online was, gosh, so long ago, I I don't want to say how long, but it was a long time ago.
00:13:21.600 --> 00:13:24.720
And he was, I went on 28 dates in 30 days.
00:13:24.799 --> 00:13:26.559
Well when I first got into the dating industry.
00:13:27.679 --> 00:13:28.799
I was like, how do you date?
00:13:28.879 --> 00:13:29.679
I don't know how to date.
00:13:29.759 --> 00:13:30.879
Let me figure this out.
00:13:31.039 --> 00:13:34.720
And he was the very last date, the 28th date.
00:13:34.879 --> 00:13:37.039
And it was the one that I really didn't want to go out with.
00:13:37.200 --> 00:13:38.639
I was like, there is no way I'm gonna date this.
00:13:39.600 --> 00:13:40.559
Isn't it interesting?
00:13:40.799 --> 00:13:41.039
Yeah.
00:13:41.440 --> 00:13:49.519
Like you usually a women I I brought a concept actually backstage a few uh a few episodes back, and and I want to hear your opinion on it.
00:13:49.600 --> 00:14:00.480
Yeah, the opinion was that the most happiest, fulfilling relationships are 10, 6, where the partner is a 10 and the other partner is a six, just the visually.
00:14:00.720 --> 00:14:07.519
It doesn't have to be the best looking partner in the world, but let's say uh your six, your your type six, your type 10.
00:14:07.600 --> 00:14:07.840
Yeah.
00:14:08.000 --> 00:14:12.799
So, and interesting that you mentioned because this is not the first time I'm hearing when a woman says, you know what?
00:14:12.879 --> 00:14:17.039
I actually really great chemistry with the guy that didn't want to go out on a date.
00:14:17.120 --> 00:14:18.720
Oh, I didn't really like him in the beginning.
00:14:19.039 --> 00:14:19.840
What is your opinion?
00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:20.960
Why why does it happen?
00:14:21.279 --> 00:14:29.759
I think again, just we're human, we we prejudge, we pre-qualify, we think we know, but I think the universe has other plans for overanalyze, overthings.
00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:30.559
Everything.
00:14:30.720 --> 00:14:34.000
I mean, men are more visual, and and that's fine.
00:14:34.159 --> 00:14:35.039
I think it's fine.
00:14:35.120 --> 00:14:40.799
Everybody wants to be attracted to their date, but you know, I think as women we have a different kind of list.
00:14:41.039 --> 00:14:45.519
And so this particular person that I went on a date with, he did not meet that list at all.
00:14:45.840 --> 00:14:46.799
I mean, I'll just say it he was.
00:14:46.960 --> 00:14:48.159
You mean after the first date or before?
00:14:48.320 --> 00:14:48.480
Before.
00:14:49.440 --> 00:14:51.120
He's a firefighter, he works at a bar.
00:14:51.360 --> 00:14:52.159
Not my kind of guy.
00:14:52.320 --> 00:14:52.559
Okay.
00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:53.600
Not gonna date that guy.
00:14:53.679 --> 00:14:54.799
We ended up dating for a long time.
00:14:55.039 --> 00:14:55.279
Wow.
00:14:55.360 --> 00:14:55.519
Yeah.
00:14:55.759 --> 00:14:57.919
So what made you like him when you first met him?
00:14:58.240 --> 00:15:01.840
He was charming, he was charismatic, he was confident, a lot of masculine energy.
00:15:02.000 --> 00:15:03.440
I really like masculine energy.
00:15:03.519 --> 00:15:05.600
I mean, I think hopefully not toxic, masculine.
00:15:05.919 --> 00:15:08.240
Oh, but you know, I mean, had that, but also very shovel.
00:15:08.399 --> 00:15:09.840
I mean, a firefighter that was vegan.
00:15:10.000 --> 00:15:10.799
I mean, does that exist?
00:15:11.200 --> 00:15:14.080
Okay, you know, there were just things that I was like, okay, this guy's impressive.
00:15:14.240 --> 00:15:16.080
It was a storm, it was a winter storm.
00:15:16.320 --> 00:15:17.279
I mean, a blizzard.
00:15:17.440 --> 00:15:19.840
The snow was this high, and he carried me home.
00:15:20.080 --> 00:15:20.320
Wow.
00:15:20.480 --> 00:15:20.960
Like physical.
00:15:21.440 --> 00:15:21.759
Romantic.
00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:22.240
I know.
00:15:22.320 --> 00:15:23.840
So I was like, all right, maybe he's not so bad.
00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:30.159
Right?
00:15:30.240 --> 00:15:32.240
It's a very dangerous job to have.
00:15:32.480 --> 00:15:33.120
It's very dangerous.
00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:38.159
So I mean, three relationships, and I was able to just the the second to just pick them out.
00:15:38.240 --> 00:15:41.360
And it was the only date I went on when I just so happened to be on an app.
00:15:41.440 --> 00:15:42.480
And that was many years ago.
00:15:42.559 --> 00:15:43.840
But so I know it can happen.
00:15:43.919 --> 00:15:49.039
So I think in my industry, I was the only matchmaker that I knew of that didn't really knock online dating.
00:15:49.120 --> 00:15:51.759
Because I thought, why would I knock that just because it's different?
00:15:51.919 --> 00:15:57.039
If you're able to meet someone any way, meet them, go out on dates.
00:15:57.279 --> 00:15:58.399
Don't be scared, right?
00:15:58.559 --> 00:16:00.240
Don't worry about what's gonna happen.
00:16:00.480 --> 00:16:04.000
Talk to your girlfriends about it afterwards if it sucks and laugh about it.
00:16:04.240 --> 00:16:09.919
Would you go on a second date if let's say first date was like, meh, okay, you didn't really get that chemistry with a person?
00:16:10.080 --> 00:16:11.279
Yeah, you would still go.
00:16:11.519 --> 00:16:16.000
If if so the rule is, is there an alignment?
00:16:16.720 --> 00:16:19.200
Don't worry about is he the hottest guy?
00:16:19.360 --> 00:16:20.960
Is he the most successful guy?
00:16:21.120 --> 00:16:26.399
Just is there an alignment with your values, with your morals, your goals?
00:16:26.559 --> 00:16:31.039
And some of those things do mean financially or lifestyle, because is there an alignment with those things?
00:16:31.120 --> 00:16:32.559
But do you feel aligned?
00:16:32.799 --> 00:16:37.759
And then if you do, a second date's worth it because that is sometimes when chemistry happens.
00:16:37.919 --> 00:16:39.120
You just don't know.
00:16:39.360 --> 00:16:49.440
Or even the third date, I I can tell you hundreds of couples that I've matched that if I go back and read their feedback from the first date, like one of them will say, She was amazing.
00:16:49.600 --> 00:16:55.279
I heard, you know, birds singing and bells ringing, and and the woman's like, he was okay.
00:16:55.440 --> 00:16:56.480
When's my next match?
00:16:56.799 --> 00:16:57.759
See 6'10.
00:16:58.000 --> 00:16:59.200
But then he liked them.
00:16:59.919 --> 00:17:04.000
And they ended up getting married, or they'll call you and say, Oh, I forgot to tell you.
00:17:04.319 --> 00:17:06.720
We've been dating for six months, and you're like, wait a minute.
00:17:06.880 --> 00:17:08.079
But okay, so I have a question.
00:17:08.240 --> 00:17:11.200
So on the first date, you speak about alignment, right?
00:17:11.359 --> 00:17:11.599
Yeah.
00:17:11.759 --> 00:17:14.559
And I think, isn't it too artificial, right?
00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:24.559
Because usually if you meet people in real life, right, you don't know their actual goals, you don't know the actual backstory, you don't know how they're gonna behave in the in a difficult situation in life, right?
00:17:24.640 --> 00:17:26.240
You only see them for the first time.
00:17:26.480 --> 00:17:30.720
So is it appropriate at the first date ask them, okay, what are your goals?
00:17:30.799 --> 00:17:31.839
What are you trying to achieve?
00:17:32.240 --> 00:17:35.200
The questions I hate is like, what are you looking in the relationship?
00:17:35.279 --> 00:17:35.359
Yeah.
00:17:35.599 --> 00:17:42.400
Do you think this is appropriate to ask during the first date or leave for the second, third date and just see how the chemistry goes during the first date?
00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:50.400
So again, the way that we match, you won't be meeting someone unless your goals align, like, kind of do that for you because that's the point.
00:17:50.640 --> 00:17:50.880
Okay.
00:17:51.119 --> 00:17:55.920
You want to make sure that the relationship goals line up and you know, you already walk into that date feeling confident.
00:17:56.079 --> 00:18:01.039
The person across the table, they're looking for what you're looking for, they're on the same kind of wavelength.
00:18:01.119 --> 00:18:04.640
So you don't feel uncomfortable saying, by the way, what are you looking for?
00:18:04.799 --> 00:18:05.599
You already know.
00:18:05.759 --> 00:18:08.720
I think that's also why we set up the app that same way.
00:18:09.119 --> 00:18:12.960
So even if you match with someone on the app, they have to at least kind of have those same goals.
00:18:13.200 --> 00:18:20.960
But otherwise, if you're just meeting someone on another app or out and about, yeah, I think it's totally fine to ask what your goals are in a relationship.
00:18:21.279 --> 00:18:23.680
Yeah, but see, you have to bear in mind not everybody's truthful.
00:18:23.759 --> 00:18:26.799
So let's say when you work with your candidates, right?
00:18:26.960 --> 00:18:31.759
Your humans, um, how truthful are they during that first hour of interview?
00:18:32.319 --> 00:18:38.240
Well, I mean, if they're contacting a matchmaking service, most of our clients don't have a problem dating.
00:18:38.880 --> 00:18:44.079
You know, they're really just looking for quality, substance, and they don't want to settle for anything.
00:18:44.160 --> 00:18:45.039
So that's usually why.
00:18:45.119 --> 00:18:47.200
And that's like I said, I talked about the light bulb moment.
00:18:47.279 --> 00:18:48.480
We call it the emotional trigger.
00:18:48.559 --> 00:18:52.480
There's usually something that's like, okay, I'm ready to take this more seriously.
00:18:52.640 --> 00:19:02.000
So I don't I haven't come across anyone that's lying about what they're looking for because it does take contention, it takes time, and there's an investment financially too.
00:19:02.160 --> 00:19:05.839
So I do think that that kind of weeds out some of that problem.
00:19:06.079 --> 00:19:10.480
Now, online, not so much, because online it's like free or not that expensive.
00:19:10.799 --> 00:19:14.400
So, speaking of investment, do you only work with wealthy clients?
00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:20.880
No, we are really, I think that was something that I had a problem with because I didn't grow up with money.
00:19:20.960 --> 00:19:26.559
And I think that, you know, there's all different kinds of people and walks of life, and everybody deserves love.
00:19:26.799 --> 00:19:28.319
Every it's free, right?
00:19:28.480 --> 00:19:29.359
Love is free.
00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:30.640
Not everywhere.
00:19:30.880 --> 00:19:32.160
But it's but you know what I mean?
00:19:32.319 --> 00:19:38.559
So, yeah, I mean, in terms of what we charge, I think it's a very high value.
00:19:38.640 --> 00:19:48.720
And yes, we have quite large packages as well for wealthy people, but then we also have accessible packages for those that are still serious about dating and want to make a reasonable.
00:19:49.200 --> 00:19:50.960
Let's speak about your male clients, right?
00:19:51.119 --> 00:19:53.599
Who are using the matchmaking services?
00:19:53.680 --> 00:19:53.920
Yeah.
00:19:54.079 --> 00:19:55.359
Let's speak about those men.
00:19:55.599 --> 00:19:55.839
Sure.
00:19:56.160 --> 00:19:57.119
I love talking about those men.
00:19:57.440 --> 00:19:59.599
Let's speak about let's speak and see who these men are.
00:19:59.759 --> 00:20:02.079
And yeah, I will I will narrow down my question.
00:20:02.240 --> 00:20:04.559
So you have experience through years.
00:20:04.799 --> 00:20:11.839
Do you think men's um desire for certain qualities in women changed throughout the years?
00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:16.799
Say before they worried about the body count, they wanted a nurturing, a woman who can cook.
00:20:16.960 --> 00:20:22.480
And nowadays, maybe some men would say, I want a woman who inspires, who has her own venture.
00:20:22.640 --> 00:20:22.799
Yeah.
00:20:23.039 --> 00:20:27.680
Can you give us a little profile for these men that you're working with?
00:20:28.799 --> 00:20:33.359
It's hard to give a generalization because I, again, I think there are different kinds of people.
00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:48.720
Um, I think in general, the busy professional men that come to us, they're at the point where they do want to meet a woman who, yes, has the feminine qualities, who's nurturing and loving and kind, but they also want them to have something going on, right?
00:20:48.799 --> 00:20:50.880
Because they can find a woman anywhere.
00:20:51.039 --> 00:20:56.079
You know, they're successful in their own right, they don't have a problem meeting women anywhere.
00:20:56.319 --> 00:20:58.960
Men unfortunately have the upper hand sometimes when it comes to that.
00:20:59.200 --> 00:20:59.920
That's what I was thinking.
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:06.480
Sorry to interrupt you, but sometimes you think if the man has to use the service of a matchmaker, something might be wrong with him.
00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:12.160
If you cannot, you know, go out there and meet a woman, you know, in real life.
00:21:12.400 --> 00:21:13.279
It's kind of the opposite.
00:21:13.519 --> 00:21:13.680
Really?
00:21:14.079 --> 00:21:16.079
Smart men don't want to waste their time.
00:21:16.319 --> 00:21:20.319
You know, their time is their largest resource and their biggest asset.
00:21:20.640 --> 00:21:24.480
A successful man, he does not want to waste his time.
00:21:24.559 --> 00:21:28.559
So if he's really looking for a substance, he's still gonna have the list of the other things.
00:21:28.799 --> 00:21:36.000
But usually he wants that woman to have their own career, profession, something going on outside of the relationship.
00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:36.799
So it's gonna be a good one.
00:21:37.200 --> 00:21:38.799
That's the majority of the men that we work with.
00:21:39.119 --> 00:21:40.559
So let's go back to the profile.
00:21:40.720 --> 00:21:44.319
So most of them are successful, I say I would say busy.
00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:46.160
Busy is a big one.
00:21:46.319 --> 00:21:49.119
Most of our clients in general, no matter women or men, are pretty busy.
00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:53.359
So is it a problem if the man is successful yet too busy for a relationship?
00:21:53.599 --> 00:21:58.559
Say when they do need their match, are they willing to compromise their lifestyle for that special person?
00:21:58.799 --> 00:21:59.759
Yeah, yeah.
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:00.799
They are, yeah.
00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:05.519
That's why they I mean, if you think about it, they're even taking time to get on a call every week with their matchmaker.
00:22:05.839 --> 00:22:11.599
So they're come, you know, they're taking that time intentionally to meet the right person to make more time.
00:22:11.759 --> 00:22:18.799
I mean, I'm trying to think of this gentleman I was talking to the other day and he was telling me how busy he is and all the places he's going and all these things to do.
00:22:18.880 --> 00:22:20.960
And I said, Wow, it doesn't really seem like you have a lot of time for him.
00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:25.759
He's like, I'm just doing these things because I don't have the woman or she can come with me.
00:22:25.839 --> 00:22:26.480
You know what I mean?
00:22:26.559 --> 00:22:28.799
So he doesn't have a woman?
00:22:29.039 --> 00:22:29.200
Yeah.
00:22:29.359 --> 00:22:34.559
So, you know, he's gonna be more busy on his own than when he has a woman.
00:22:34.880 --> 00:22:38.160
For example, he was traveling like all over the world, just everywhere.
00:22:38.240 --> 00:22:42.160
And I said, Are you sure you're even gonna be in town if I have a date for you?
00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:44.480
He's like, I'll be in town for her, she can come with me.
00:22:44.640 --> 00:22:46.960
I'm doing these things because I don't have anyone in my life.
00:22:47.200 --> 00:22:54.000
So you think they come to you because they actually determined or they are uh determined to be more committed, right?
00:22:54.079 --> 00:22:54.559
They're competing.
00:22:54.720 --> 00:22:54.960
Yeah.
00:22:55.200 --> 00:23:00.880
Because nowadays with the apps, people usually, men mostly say, you know, I'm just looking, right?
00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:04.559
I just want to see what's out there, or you know, I just want to see where it takes.
00:23:04.720 --> 00:23:11.279
But do you believe when you see and you feel your match, you actually know this is it, I'm gonna change my whole life just to be with that person?
00:23:11.839 --> 00:23:14.720
I think a man will make time for the right woman, absolutely.
00:23:14.799 --> 00:23:15.440
They do.
00:23:15.680 --> 00:23:17.200
Time and time again, we see it.
00:23:17.440 --> 00:23:18.400
Absolutely.
00:23:18.640 --> 00:23:20.640
I mean, every man's different.
00:23:20.799 --> 00:23:28.960
I'm not gonna say they're gonna quit their jobs and just open up their schedule, but I mean, if they're an app is different, so I just want to separate that.
00:23:29.039 --> 00:23:38.720
Like, there's a lot of men on apps that are just there to get a dopamine boost, an ego boost, go on a couple dates here or there, not intentional for dating.
00:23:38.880 --> 00:23:45.200
But when it comes to a man who's purchasing a matchmaking membership, there's a reason he's ready to find a partner.
00:23:45.599 --> 00:23:52.319
Do does it put more pressure on you, especially for men who are successful and they're paying high price for matchmaking service?
00:23:52.799 --> 00:23:57.039
Do they actually put the pressure on you like I paid for this, I need the results?
00:23:57.279 --> 00:23:57.599
Yes.
00:23:57.839 --> 00:24:04.000
So how do you how do you handle you manage it the best you can?
00:24:04.160 --> 00:24:13.759
I mean, I try in my my personal way is you know, I try to give them most everything that they have in their checkbox for the cur the first couple of matches.
00:24:14.000 --> 00:24:22.640
And then once they have your trust and they say, Okay, then they just trust you and they don't ask any more questions like whatever you think, you know me, you got this.
00:24:22.799 --> 00:24:26.079
So you just kind of have to earn that trust a little bit.
00:24:26.160 --> 00:24:26.480
But yeah.
00:24:26.799 --> 00:24:28.880
Did any male clients hate on you personally?
00:24:29.119 --> 00:24:30.480
Yes, most most times.
00:24:30.720 --> 00:24:32.000
How do you feel about that?
00:24:32.240 --> 00:24:33.440
I just keep it professional.
00:24:33.599 --> 00:24:35.279
I've really never I get that question a lot.
00:24:35.440 --> 00:24:38.960
I've never dated a client, I've never said, Oh yeah.
00:24:39.200 --> 00:24:45.519
I mean, just m ethically and morally, I just I don't I don't do that, but yeah, it's pretty common.
00:24:45.759 --> 00:24:50.640
So, okay, so you okay, so you're a successful woman, you have your agency, yet you don't have a partner.
00:24:50.880 --> 00:24:51.119
Yeah.
00:24:51.359 --> 00:24:56.000
So how come, you know, yeah, is it something that our standards are too high?
00:24:56.240 --> 00:24:58.160
Is it something that we know exactly what we want?
00:24:58.240 --> 00:24:58.480
What is it?
00:24:58.559 --> 00:25:03.200
Why do you think I think it's I don't like to think that there's such a thing as too high of standards?
00:25:03.359 --> 00:25:08.960
I mean, your standards should be, like I said, your morals, your values, the qualities, characteristics.
00:25:09.119 --> 00:25:11.839
I think as women, we think it's all these other things.
00:25:12.079 --> 00:25:15.200
Like, I personally don't have a long list like that.
00:25:15.440 --> 00:25:20.559
Um, because I I just have a lot of experience, so I can see what works and what really doesn't work.
00:25:20.880 --> 00:25:29.759
Um, so I think in general, some women do need to, I don't want to say lower your standards, but really think about what are those standards.
00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:32.640
Like, are those standards really your must-haves?
00:25:32.960 --> 00:25:41.519
Um, but in general, I think every we're human, we have our experiences for a reason, you know, no matter if you've been in one relationship or five or ten.
00:25:42.160 --> 00:25:48.960
I got lucky starting this journey when I was 27 and just seeing that people can find love at any age, at any time.
00:25:49.039 --> 00:25:51.359
I'm kind of like a hopeless romantic in that way.
00:25:51.599 --> 00:25:53.359
Like I've seen it happen.
00:25:53.599 --> 00:25:57.119
So I'm just so can you share with us some success stories?
00:25:57.279 --> 00:25:58.720
Like your personal favorites one?
00:25:59.519 --> 00:26:01.680
Well, I was gonna tell you about my grandma, but she's not one of my successors.
00:26:01.759 --> 00:26:06.000
So my grandma got married again at 84, and she's been married for another alive and kicking.
00:26:06.160 --> 00:26:06.880
She's 95, I think.
00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:07.599
She'll kill me.
00:26:07.759 --> 00:26:08.400
She's not persistence.
00:26:08.720 --> 00:26:09.359
She didn't give up.
00:26:09.599 --> 00:26:10.319
Never give up.
00:26:10.480 --> 00:26:11.119
84.
00:26:11.440 --> 00:26:12.640
No, you just cannot.
00:26:12.799 --> 00:26:15.759
But I've had a few really fun success stories.
00:26:15.920 --> 00:26:19.440
Um, so has my team, because my team is all really experienced too.
00:26:19.519 --> 00:26:22.640
But one of my favorites was this woman, and I won't say her name.
00:26:22.880 --> 00:26:25.839
Matchmaking is confidential, by the way, so we never give out last names or whatever.
00:26:26.079 --> 00:26:27.039
We're gonna call her Jessica.
00:26:27.200 --> 00:26:32.000
Yeah, she was a radio host, she did all these like radio ads for the company I was working for.
00:26:32.160 --> 00:26:37.359
So she would be the person that would do the voice of the commercial and say, call this number and blah blah blah.
00:26:38.000 --> 00:26:43.279
And then one day she contacted personally to get matchmaking.
00:26:43.440 --> 00:26:49.359
And she just said to me, I was married for 20 years, I've never been in love, don't believe in it, but I want to meet someone.
00:26:49.519 --> 00:26:51.680
And I said, Okay, and it kind of made me sad.
00:26:51.839 --> 00:26:56.319
It always makes me sad when nobody's ever felt butterflies or had that feeling.
00:26:56.559 --> 00:26:58.000
Because I think we deserve it all.
00:26:58.559 --> 00:27:03.200
Long story short, I set her up first date actually with this gentleman.
00:27:03.519 --> 00:27:04.960
Oh, yeah, I forgot to say this part.
00:27:05.119 --> 00:27:07.519
She purchased a house like outside of a big city.
00:27:07.759 --> 00:27:14.240
She said, I just bought this house, I'm not moving into the city, I'm not gonna change my lifestyle for anyone.
00:27:15.759 --> 00:27:23.759
And maybe like three months later, she called me and I didn't even recognize her voice because she said, Oh my gosh, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:24.000 --> 00:27:24.960
I forgot to tell you.
00:27:25.119 --> 00:27:28.319
I you know, the guy that you, yeah, you know, the guy that you set me up with.
00:27:28.480 --> 00:27:31.519
I just sold my house, we're moving in, we're getting engaged.
00:27:32.079 --> 00:27:37.519
And the cutest thing she said, she goes, I felt butterflies for the first time in my whole school life.
00:27:37.680 --> 00:27:39.920
And I said, Oh, and it's just that's why I do it.
00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:45.920
It's just beautiful to see that, you know, because she was happily married for so long and never felt that feeling.
00:27:46.160 --> 00:27:47.599
So I have so many like that.
00:27:47.680 --> 00:27:51.279
And again, almost everything was outside of her box that she was looking for.
00:27:51.519 --> 00:27:57.519
So you must have some kind of, I don't know if it's obviously your experience, but do you have any specific skill set?
00:27:57.599 --> 00:28:02.880
Because every time I'm trying to personally match somebody, I'm like, oh my god, they're gonna be so perfect.
00:28:03.119 --> 00:28:06.079
Somehow they see each other and they both say, we hated each other.
00:28:06.240 --> 00:28:09.359
We hate and I asked, and I and it's so many times I feel miserable.
00:28:09.519 --> 00:28:13.279
I'm like, oh my god, this you guys are gonna be perfect and they hate each other.
00:28:13.519 --> 00:28:16.079
So I know it sounds easy, but it's actually very difficult.
00:28:17.759 --> 00:28:19.759
Yeah, how is a specific skill set to do that?
00:28:19.920 --> 00:28:20.720
I think it's intuition.
00:28:20.799 --> 00:28:28.880
I know that sounds really weird, but like, I mean, my co-founder Marielle, she's matched some people too, just she just has, and it's intuitive.
00:28:29.119 --> 00:28:31.440
Like my first year, I was awful at it.
00:28:31.519 --> 00:28:36.720
I remember my first year, I had no success stories, no relationships.
00:28:36.880 --> 00:28:41.359
I had a woman show up in my office screaming, like I had to call security on her.
00:28:41.519 --> 00:28:41.839
Oh, wow.
00:28:42.079 --> 00:28:46.400
She was so mad because she hated her first date, and I was like, This is what am I doing?
00:28:46.480 --> 00:28:47.519
I don't know what I'm doing.
00:28:47.759 --> 00:28:57.200
My second year, I had seven marriages and 13 out of 14 people I matched on a first date, and it was all outside of what they were looking for, and it was all a feeling I had.
00:28:57.599 --> 00:29:07.759
So if you have to observe that common pattern, yeah, uh, based on those, let's say, seven successful marriages, and you mentioned they weren't at each other's like type, really, right?
00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:09.279
So, what what was it?
00:29:09.519 --> 00:29:11.519
I just I wish I could say it's it's intuitive.
00:29:11.599 --> 00:29:15.920
Like you you listen to when you do an interview with someone, they might say something.
00:29:16.160 --> 00:29:24.000
It could be a quote, it could be a phrase, it could be it's usually something really personal that they might say to you and you just remember it.
00:29:24.319 --> 00:29:29.200
You just remember it, and then you're on this other interview with another call with someone else, and you're like, uh-huh.
00:29:29.920 --> 00:29:33.680
Sometimes they're saying the exact same thing, like in the same order.
00:29:33.759 --> 00:29:36.240
There's sequences, and I'm like, this has to be something else.
00:29:36.640 --> 00:29:44.240
Wait, so when you experience, do the people who match, do they have the same personalities, likes, and you know, things they like to do?
00:29:44.480 --> 00:29:49.200
Uh so, like you say, they said the same thing, or you or you believe in opposites attract?
00:29:49.359 --> 00:29:51.039
I think there's a lot of opposites attract.
00:29:51.519 --> 00:29:54.720
Um, I don't I think lifestyle, some things must be compatible.
00:29:54.880 --> 00:29:56.160
Hobbies and interests, who cares?
00:29:56.240 --> 00:29:57.039
Let him go play golf.
00:29:57.279 --> 00:29:59.839
You can go to your brunch with your girlfriends, like you do not.
00:30:00.160 --> 00:30:02.960
Not need to have everything in common with someone that is silly.
00:30:03.359 --> 00:30:05.599
You know, I mean some things, yes.
00:30:06.000 --> 00:30:09.759
Um, but what it really is is it goes back to personalities.
00:30:10.319 --> 00:30:12.240
Like, do your personalities match?
00:30:12.640 --> 00:30:21.200
Like sense of humor, like if he's got a really dry sense of humor and someone else doesn't get that, I'm probably not gonna think you're a good match.
00:30:21.519 --> 00:30:33.279
Um, but when it comes to what you're looking for, the values in someone, like those things line up for a reason, you know, and so if someone's really honest and really wants someone honest, I'm gonna think of that first.
00:30:33.680 --> 00:30:40.160
Um, but I when I say things that they say, it could be just like, oh, my favorite island and I did this or that, and then someone else says the same thing.
00:30:40.319 --> 00:30:45.680
It could just be something small, but they also have to still fit, like I said, the relationship goals.
00:30:45.920 --> 00:30:48.720
I have to think you're gonna be attracted physically to each other.
00:30:48.960 --> 00:30:53.440
Um, but personality-wise, I do find that opposites do attract often.
00:30:53.839 --> 00:30:57.920
So to summarize, you pretty much saying, Okay, the goals have to align, right?
00:30:58.480 --> 00:31:00.319
They have to be in the same stage of their life.
00:31:00.480 --> 00:31:04.480
Hey, I want to get married or want to have a family or just looking for a serious relationship.
00:31:04.880 --> 00:31:07.039
And then you look at the character qualities, right?
00:31:07.279 --> 00:31:11.440
So what are those qualities that they both looking in each other, right?
00:31:11.680 --> 00:31:20.960
And then some of the things that we try to tweak are okay, I know you said you only wanted blondes, or I know you said you only wanted someone this height, or I know you said you only wanted this age.
00:31:21.200 --> 00:31:24.400
Those are the things that we match or try to match outside of.
00:31:24.480 --> 00:31:26.240
So those are the things sometimes we compromise on.
00:31:26.799 --> 00:31:33.440
You don't know exactly what color hair or eyes or height or age even that your person is.
00:31:33.759 --> 00:31:37.119
So do so speaking of that, do you believe in visualization?
00:31:37.279 --> 00:31:55.839
Say if you're looking for somebody, you should just write down every single uh, you know, visual characteristic, uh personal um characteristic, you know, every little detail about what they do, what they like, and then you think they will have more chances to find a partner, or just you know, be free, just flow, you know, go with the flow.
00:31:56.160 --> 00:31:59.119
I think it's important to manifest for sure and visualize.
00:31:59.680 --> 00:32:04.000
But I when it comes to what someone looks like, I don't know about that.
00:32:04.160 --> 00:32:06.799
I think that's kind of where it can get a little gray.
00:32:07.119 --> 00:32:08.480
So it looks a secondary.
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:09.039
Yeah.
00:32:09.200 --> 00:32:12.160
I mean, maybe that's the problem, especially welcome to California.
00:32:12.319 --> 00:32:14.559
I think everything is like loops based story.
00:32:14.640 --> 00:32:16.240
I don't know if it's the same in New York, right?
00:32:16.400 --> 00:32:19.680
People are obviously, I know guys are very visual, but women are too, right?
00:32:19.839 --> 00:32:28.319
And I think most of the people who are trying to match, they look at the I mean, obviously appearance is important, but they look only at the looks and the chemistry, which is not enough, right?
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:29.920
Do you know what the craziest thing is?
00:32:30.400 --> 00:32:33.359
I have done so many interviews in person, like in real life.
00:32:33.440 --> 00:32:34.880
I've done over 10,000 interviews.
00:32:35.119 --> 00:32:35.440
Oh, wow.
00:32:35.680 --> 00:32:35.839
Total.
00:32:36.160 --> 00:32:41.680
But in real life, nine times out of ten, people do not look like their photos.
00:32:41.920 --> 00:32:47.440
So when you're looking on an app and you're like, not attractive, not for me, you don't even really know what that person looks like.
00:32:47.759 --> 00:32:49.200
Oh, you're 65, you're 35.
00:32:49.599 --> 00:32:52.000
Men look way better in person than in photos.
00:32:52.160 --> 00:32:54.400
Men, sorry, you're terrible at taking photos.
00:32:54.559 --> 00:32:56.559
They don't know how to do it, they don't know what photos to pick.
00:32:56.640 --> 00:32:57.200
They do selfies.
00:32:58.079 --> 00:33:00.799
We don't, men should not do selfies, gym photos, bathroom photos.
00:33:00.880 --> 00:33:01.279
Enough of that.
00:33:01.440 --> 00:33:03.119
Like, stop doing it, please.
00:33:03.440 --> 00:33:04.319
Do it professionally.
00:33:04.480 --> 00:33:06.240
And they come in and I'm like, we gotta go take.
00:33:06.480 --> 00:33:08.640
I will just take out my cell phone and take pictures of them.
00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:10.880
I bought, I'm not a photographer.
00:33:10.960 --> 00:33:16.240
I bought a professional camera so that way when I meet with clients, I'm like, we're gonna go fix what you're doing online.
00:33:16.720 --> 00:33:22.240
So it's just silly to to think visually it has to look like this and swipe someone on an app when you just don't really know what they look like.
00:33:22.480 --> 00:33:24.319
Have you ever done like blind blind dates?
00:33:24.799 --> 00:33:26.400
Yeah, my first year was blind dating.
00:33:26.559 --> 00:33:26.799
Uh-huh.
00:33:26.960 --> 00:33:27.759
Your personal one.
00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:30.000
Like when I said, Oh, have I been on a blind date?
00:33:30.160 --> 00:33:31.440
No, I'm just saying in general with your clients.
00:33:31.680 --> 00:33:37.200
When you've done like let's say they haven't seen what their potential date looks like, but just based on your recommendation.
00:33:37.519 --> 00:33:37.759
Yep.
00:33:38.000 --> 00:33:38.240
Yeah.
00:33:38.480 --> 00:33:39.680
So how how did it end up?
00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:41.759
Is it the girl who came screaming?
00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:43.119
Yeah, that was a blind.
00:33:43.200 --> 00:33:45.119
She didn't really care, believe it or not, what he looked like.
00:33:45.200 --> 00:33:47.680
She just had some other qualifications she made.
00:33:48.319 --> 00:33:51.119
But um, yeah, my first year was all blind dates.
00:33:51.200 --> 00:33:53.839
And but I met them in person, so I was able to describe pretty well.
00:33:54.000 --> 00:33:54.160
Okay.
00:33:54.400 --> 00:33:59.680
But again, it it really does work because you're not able to pre-judge and pre-qualify.
00:34:00.319 --> 00:34:09.679
It kind of prevents you from doing what we do as humans, is saying, oh, not attractive enough for me, doesn't fit this visualization that I have for my person.
00:34:10.000 --> 00:34:12.800
So they come with no expectations pretty much on the Friday.
00:34:13.039 --> 00:34:16.239
So it takes off the pressure, yeah, right, to like to get some.
00:34:16.960 --> 00:34:22.079
We show photos now and I do believe in that, but I also we we work with photographers to take clients' dating photos.
00:34:22.159 --> 00:34:24.320
Like, we won't present someone unless they have good photos.
00:34:24.480 --> 00:34:25.679
I don't care who you are.
00:34:25.920 --> 00:34:30.400
If you don't have good dating photos, we're not gonna present you to someone else because it's just gonna do you a disservice.
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:37.199
So I do believe in sending photos, but I also believe that if you're gonna decline someone based on a photo, you're really missing out.
00:34:37.599 --> 00:34:40.000
Because they may look way better in person.
00:34:40.239 --> 00:34:44.159
Or you might think that person in the photo looks amazing, and then you see them in real life and you're like, eh.
00:34:44.719 --> 00:34:47.199
Probably the best guys are those who are not good with technology.
00:34:47.440 --> 00:34:48.960
Yeah, they don't know what to do.
00:34:49.280 --> 00:34:49.599
Yeah.
00:34:49.760 --> 00:34:53.920
I'm telling you, it's they're more connected to themselves, to the nature, right?
00:34:54.079 --> 00:34:54.320
Yeah.
00:34:54.480 --> 00:34:55.679
And they're they're not that kind of guy.
00:34:55.760 --> 00:34:58.239
They're like, what am I gonna ask my buddies to take a photo of me?
00:34:58.880 --> 00:35:01.599
No, they're not like, hey, take a picture of me to this car.
00:35:01.920 --> 00:35:04.400
Especially be careful of the guys who spend more time in front of the mirror.
00:35:04.559 --> 00:35:05.440
Yeah, exactly.
00:35:05.760 --> 00:35:06.960
Spending time on you, right?
00:35:07.119 --> 00:35:08.719
Nobody really wants that guy anyway.
00:35:08.880 --> 00:35:10.880
You know, did you have clients like that?
00:35:11.039 --> 00:35:12.880
Yeah, too much into themselves, right?
00:35:13.199 --> 00:35:13.920
Ego sense.
00:35:14.239 --> 00:35:16.639
But that's why the coaching helps weekly because it does humble you.
00:35:16.800 --> 00:35:17.920
Dating humbles anyone.
00:35:18.079 --> 00:35:18.559
Oh, I see.
00:35:18.719 --> 00:35:22.639
You know, you get so we get feedback from uh the clients.
00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:25.280
Oh, and we also share feedback we get about them.
00:35:25.599 --> 00:35:26.000
Interesting.
00:35:26.079 --> 00:35:26.960
How do they take it?
00:35:27.039 --> 00:35:30.480
Do they take it really personally or are they actually willing to change?
00:35:30.719 --> 00:35:31.679
Every person's different.
00:35:32.400 --> 00:35:33.280
Some clients love it.
00:35:34.320 --> 00:35:35.760
Some clients do not like it.
00:35:35.840 --> 00:35:36.320
And that's fine.
00:35:36.400 --> 00:35:39.280
We don't have to share feedback, but it's because ideally you don't want to change, right?
00:35:39.440 --> 00:35:40.079
For the other person.
00:35:40.159 --> 00:35:42.639
You want to find your true match that will accept you as you are, right?
00:35:42.960 --> 00:35:43.840
The alignment needs to be there.
00:35:44.079 --> 00:35:49.039
So it's like feedback is it's always constructive because it's really not about what did you do right or wrong.
00:35:49.199 --> 00:35:51.280
It's about is this person right for you?
00:35:51.599 --> 00:35:51.920
Right?
00:35:52.079 --> 00:35:55.280
And so, I mean, sometimes you did do something wrong on the date.
00:35:55.440 --> 00:35:56.480
Like, were you mean to the waiter?
00:35:56.800 --> 00:35:57.840
And nobody's there to tell you, right?
00:35:58.079 --> 00:36:04.079
Yeah, or like, you know, sometimes just simple tips that people need for dating, especially just getting out there after a long relationship or marriage.
00:36:04.320 --> 00:36:05.920
You don't know how to date anymore.
00:36:06.239 --> 00:36:09.280
Okay, we do have free access to you today, just for this one hour.
00:36:09.679 --> 00:36:17.280
What is the free three tips you can give to a couple or two people who are about to go to their first date?
00:36:17.440 --> 00:36:17.760
Yeah.
00:36:18.239 --> 00:36:25.039
I think the first one is what I've been saying is just make sure you go in with the mindset that this is not about am I good enough?
00:36:25.199 --> 00:36:26.559
Is this person gonna like me?
00:36:26.719 --> 00:36:28.000
Am I gonna get a second date?
00:36:28.159 --> 00:36:28.960
Am I attractive?
00:36:29.119 --> 00:36:32.400
Like, don't even worry about any of that stuff at all.
00:36:32.800 --> 00:36:40.639
Just go in with the mindset that I'm here to see if this is my match, and I'll know because I'm gonna feel that alignment.
00:36:40.800 --> 00:36:43.280
And I don't say chemistry because chemistry is tricky.
00:36:43.599 --> 00:36:47.519
We might be like, oh my gosh, it was so much chemistry, but that doesn't matter two months later.
00:36:48.000 --> 00:36:51.920
Yeah, just stay focused on what you're there for and what really is important to you.
00:36:52.480 --> 00:36:53.679
You know, that's the first thing.
00:36:53.840 --> 00:36:55.039
I think that's really important.
00:36:55.199 --> 00:36:56.960
The second thing is just have fun.
00:36:57.199 --> 00:37:02.639
Like, honestly, just have fun, talk about things that are really fun, don't make it heavy conversation.
00:37:03.039 --> 00:37:05.039
How week is you wanna have, what gonna be the next?
00:37:05.679 --> 00:37:09.679
The one that really gets that's the hard you just literally said the one thing.
00:37:09.760 --> 00:37:11.679
Like, if you want children, they already know that.
00:37:11.760 --> 00:37:14.079
Please don't ask, when do you want children?
00:37:14.559 --> 00:37:15.280
How soon?
00:37:15.599 --> 00:37:16.639
That's why I'm single.
00:37:16.800 --> 00:37:17.199
Yeah.
00:37:17.440 --> 00:37:21.760
Don't you if at least with matchmaking, we're only gonna match you with someone that already wants children.
00:37:21.840 --> 00:37:22.960
So just you don't need to say when.
00:37:23.199 --> 00:37:24.960
Tell me when, because then he's gonna get scared.
00:37:25.039 --> 00:37:26.480
That's just how men are, that's their nature.
00:37:26.559 --> 00:37:27.679
Sorry, it's how it goes.
00:37:27.920 --> 00:37:29.039
But have fun, you know?
00:37:29.440 --> 00:37:32.559
Try to talk about things that you might have in common, you know.
00:37:32.719 --> 00:37:40.400
Just men are really attracted to women who are optimistic and happy and easygoing.
00:37:40.719 --> 00:37:43.679
Even if you're not really like that, just try for the first days.
00:37:44.079 --> 00:37:47.760
Try, put on a mask, just try, just you know, just have fun and be yourself.
00:37:47.840 --> 00:37:49.679
That's the that's really the second tip.
00:37:50.000 --> 00:38:04.480
And then if you do have nerves and you're nervous or you're getting anxiety, which I think men have too, by the way, like everyone has, especially if you're dating intentionally, you're gonna have a different level of expectation.
00:38:05.679 --> 00:38:12.639
I know this is so silly, but just take 10 deep breaths, breathe, remind yourself like it's just a first date.
00:38:12.960 --> 00:38:16.800
If this is not my husband, if this is not my wife, if this is not whoever, it's okay.
00:38:16.960 --> 00:38:17.920
It's just a date.
00:38:18.239 --> 00:38:22.880
And that's why again, if you have a bad date, which hopefully you won't, but it can happen.
00:38:23.039 --> 00:38:28.719
Dating is dating, you can just laugh about it with your matchmaker, you can laugh about it with your girlfriends, but it's just a date, you know.
00:38:28.880 --> 00:38:33.679
So just calm yourself, whatever you have to do, take a walk, have a glass of water, have a glass of wine.
00:38:34.000 --> 00:38:34.159
Whatever.
00:38:34.639 --> 00:38:36.079
Before whatever.
00:38:36.559 --> 00:38:37.440
Not too much, only one.
00:38:37.679 --> 00:38:38.400
Just the one, yeah.
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:42.639
I think two dates, uh two drinks is like a good first date rule.
00:38:43.039 --> 00:38:45.599
Just I don't think you should drink more than that on a first date.
00:38:46.079 --> 00:38:52.320
Well, I don't drink at all, so definitely, you know, I'm good, but girls who are drinking, just one glass enough.
00:38:52.719 --> 00:38:55.519
So and also look, I mean, I hate to say this, but you have to look your best too.
00:38:55.679 --> 00:38:56.400
You have to be comfortable.
00:38:56.480 --> 00:39:05.039
So if you're trying to like show up the way that you normally wouldn't, like you're like really overdoing it or you're really underdressed, just try.
00:39:05.119 --> 00:39:07.840
You want to look your best to and feel confident.
00:39:07.920 --> 00:39:08.480
That's really important.
00:39:08.719 --> 00:39:10.000
See, I wanted to talk about that.
00:39:10.320 --> 00:39:14.480
So, do you think when women put too much effort to look perfect?
00:39:14.559 --> 00:39:17.519
Yeah, they put too much pressure on themselves to keep up that look.
00:39:17.760 --> 00:39:21.199
And say when you start dating and being with somebody, they will never see you at your perfect.
00:39:21.280 --> 00:39:24.639
They may see you in the pajamas and your no makeup on.
00:39:24.800 --> 00:39:29.440
Do you think maybe some women should try a strategy to come at your worst?
00:39:29.760 --> 00:39:32.320
At your first day saying, hey, this is what you're gonna get.
00:39:32.559 --> 00:39:34.079
No, I don't think that.
00:39:34.239 --> 00:39:36.639
But I do think that you can look more natural.
00:39:37.039 --> 00:39:38.320
No, don't come at your worst.
00:39:38.400 --> 00:39:40.880
Please don't show up in like jeans and a t-shirt and flip-flops.
00:39:41.199 --> 00:39:45.199
You want to look good, but men actually prefer more natural.
00:39:46.000 --> 00:39:46.639
I don't care.
00:39:46.719 --> 00:39:48.719
I work with thousands of men.
00:39:49.039 --> 00:39:59.039
They, if you look too done up, like too much makeup, how you know, you just put a that's they want to see your natural beauty, they want to see who you are.
00:39:59.280 --> 00:40:03.599
So do that, but still put like some effort into your appearance for sure.
00:40:03.840 --> 00:40:04.639
Dress nice.
00:40:04.800 --> 00:40:06.000
I think you should just do that anyway.
00:40:06.079 --> 00:40:07.199
In LA, you have no problem.
00:40:07.280 --> 00:40:11.599
Everybody is wearing like I mean try to change and shift the strategy.
00:40:11.679 --> 00:40:12.880
You know, something doesn't work.
00:40:13.119 --> 00:40:14.159
We need to experiment.
00:40:14.639 --> 00:40:21.039
One of my previous guests on the past episodes, um, Tara Um Kennis Tracy, yeah, uh really, really cool female comedian.
00:40:21.119 --> 00:40:23.119
She said she met her future husband at the bar.
00:40:23.199 --> 00:40:24.239
She didn't expect anything.
00:40:24.320 --> 00:40:28.000
She actually wasn't done at her best, she didn't have makeup on, and he came up to her.
00:40:28.079 --> 00:40:32.000
Yeah, you know, and which makes me actually bring me brings me to my next question.
00:40:32.159 --> 00:40:34.239
Do you think every guy has a type?
00:40:34.480 --> 00:40:40.480
So, say when you do online dating, the guy just swipes maybe like because they're bored or because they truly want to find somebody.
00:40:40.639 --> 00:40:44.559
Yeah, and they may swipe swipe accidentally on the woman they just think is attractive.
00:40:44.719 --> 00:40:49.760
Yeah, but in real life, if let's say you're in the bar, you will only come to the woman that is your type.
00:40:49.920 --> 00:40:51.519
Do you think every guy has a type?
00:40:51.840 --> 00:40:52.639
Oh gosh.
00:40:52.880 --> 00:40:54.960
On the apps, I hate to say this.
00:40:55.119 --> 00:40:57.360
I've heard a lot of men do this and I've seen them do this.
00:40:57.440 --> 00:40:59.039
They just swipe on everyone and then just see.
00:40:59.119 --> 00:41:00.400
It's like the biggest net.
00:41:00.559 --> 00:41:02.159
And they just see who matches back.
00:41:02.320 --> 00:41:02.800
That's it.
00:41:02.880 --> 00:41:04.559
That's just they just try all some of them.
00:41:04.960 --> 00:41:05.519
As fast as possible.
00:41:05.760 --> 00:41:08.079
I'm not saying all, but I've heard it enough.
00:41:08.239 --> 00:41:14.480
Um, because men don't want to do work, and that's a lot of work to sit there and read the profile and like go through it.
00:41:14.719 --> 00:41:15.039
Okay.
00:41:15.199 --> 00:41:16.559
They didn't read your profile.
00:41:16.800 --> 00:41:17.280
They didn't.
00:41:17.440 --> 00:41:20.320
They just swiped and it's matched.
00:41:20.559 --> 00:41:22.960
And then and then they look through a little bit more.
00:41:23.199 --> 00:41:24.159
I'm not saying all men.
00:41:24.239 --> 00:41:25.360
Well, saying in general.
00:41:25.599 --> 00:41:25.679
Right.
00:41:26.000 --> 00:41:28.239
So online dating, it's hard to say, do you have a type online?
00:41:28.320 --> 00:41:29.599
Now, in real life, yes.
00:41:29.760 --> 00:41:30.639
Yes, I think men are.
00:41:30.960 --> 00:41:32.960
Which again brings me to my next point.
00:41:33.280 --> 00:41:37.119
Okay, so they you're your type, right?
00:41:37.199 --> 00:41:39.519
And you said men don't like to do too much work.
00:41:39.679 --> 00:41:43.840
So then does it mean when a man is really interested, he does have to put work, right?
00:41:44.320 --> 00:41:45.039
He wants to put work in.
00:41:45.199 --> 00:41:45.840
He wants to put work in.
00:41:45.920 --> 00:41:46.159
Oh, absolutely.
00:41:46.239 --> 00:41:46.719
They love the chase.
00:41:46.880 --> 00:41:47.679
He loves every challenge of the game.
00:41:48.719 --> 00:41:48.880
Yeah.
00:41:49.119 --> 00:41:49.280
Yeah.
00:41:49.440 --> 00:41:50.480
They love to put work in.
00:41:50.559 --> 00:41:51.760
Trust me, men love it.
00:41:51.840 --> 00:41:54.320
Give them a job, give them something to work for.
00:41:54.559 --> 00:42:00.079
So what happens for women, if they do like the guy, do they have to play this game like Chase Me game?
00:42:00.239 --> 00:42:00.400
Yeah.
00:42:00.559 --> 00:42:03.760
Uh, because the thing is, if you do give in too easily, yeah, you lose.
00:42:04.000 --> 00:42:06.079
If you wait too long, you play games, right?
00:42:06.320 --> 00:42:07.440
So what is the right thing?
00:42:07.519 --> 00:42:11.119
I know there's no right way, but with the right person, you don't have to play any games.
00:42:11.280 --> 00:42:11.599
Right.
00:42:11.760 --> 00:42:12.800
Okay, so just know that.
00:42:13.039 --> 00:42:14.000
Okay, it just comes back to the game.
00:42:14.719 --> 00:42:16.559
It's gonna naturally come, you're gonna know.
00:42:16.719 --> 00:42:23.440
But also, you shouldn't also just give and give and give and just assume that every person that you start dating, I'm just gonna, you know, no.
00:42:23.679 --> 00:42:23.920
Right.
00:42:24.079 --> 00:42:25.199
Like, don't give too much.
00:42:25.360 --> 00:42:27.119
Men like this is just how men are.
00:42:27.199 --> 00:42:31.840
They like to chase, they want to say, that's it, that's the kind of woman I want to date.
00:42:32.000 --> 00:42:33.280
Give me that challenge.
00:42:33.440 --> 00:42:34.559
Let me earn that.
00:42:34.800 --> 00:42:38.719
So don't be like, whatever day this week, I'm available every night.
00:42:38.880 --> 00:42:43.199
You know, if he texts you at four o'clock on a Tuesday and said, What are you doing tonight?
00:42:43.280 --> 00:42:44.000
You're busy.
00:42:44.239 --> 00:42:45.280
That's not a game.
00:42:45.440 --> 00:42:47.360
It's like, no, literally, it's four o'clock.
00:42:47.519 --> 00:42:49.679
Yeah, because you do have your own life, right?
00:42:49.920 --> 00:42:51.920
You do have activities outside of the relationship.
00:42:52.239 --> 00:42:55.360
Say, hey, you know, I'd really love for you to make a plan for me later this week.
00:42:55.519 --> 00:42:57.519
Let me know when you're free and I'll see if that lines up.
00:42:57.599 --> 00:42:58.480
And then he will.
00:42:58.960 --> 00:43:01.679
Also, you can tell men what to do and they will do it, like in a nice way.
00:43:01.760 --> 00:43:05.760
Like, give them a little bit of a roadmap, but then they have to show up and do it.
00:43:06.079 --> 00:43:11.599
So, how much initiative a woman should take in a guy she genuinely likes, let's say after first, second date?
00:43:11.920 --> 00:43:13.039
I think it depends on the guy.
00:43:13.119 --> 00:43:13.920
I mean, men are different.
00:43:14.000 --> 00:43:16.880
Some men are really more proactive.
00:43:17.039 --> 00:43:17.280
Like him.
00:43:17.519 --> 00:43:20.400
Yeah, it's assertive.
00:43:20.719 --> 00:43:28.719
You know, if it's a nice guy who's a little bit more shy, a little bit more timid, and you can tell as a total sweetheart, it's okay to take a little initiative with that guy.
00:43:29.039 --> 00:43:29.360
Really?
00:43:29.840 --> 00:43:30.960
Is that gonna put him off?
00:43:31.199 --> 00:43:31.360
No.
00:43:31.519 --> 00:43:41.440
If it's a like again, I'm talking about, I don't want to give examples, but kind of like, you know, a nice engineer or like a nice, you know, guy who isn't really like you know what kind of guys I'm talking about.
00:43:41.599 --> 00:43:44.159
There's the kind of guy that can date anyone and he's dating all over.
00:43:44.400 --> 00:43:45.599
He needs to do the work.
00:43:46.000 --> 00:43:50.639
But another guy that's kind of a little bit more shy and maybe he's punching a little bit above his belt.
00:43:52.079 --> 00:43:53.840
It's okay to give him a little bit of help.
00:43:54.079 --> 00:43:54.960
You know, that's okay.
00:43:55.280 --> 00:43:58.320
So it's okay for a woman to call first and text first?
00:43:59.039 --> 00:44:00.559
Again, depending on the guy.
00:44:00.719 --> 00:44:03.840
I wouldn't pick up the phone and call a guy first personally.
00:44:04.480 --> 00:44:10.079
But when you say first, if he's approached you somewhere out and about, he's probably gonna call you first.
00:44:10.239 --> 00:44:12.159
I wouldn't call him if I exchange numbers first.
00:44:12.320 --> 00:44:13.840
No, I think that a man should always do that.
00:44:14.000 --> 00:44:15.920
But after that, after that's okay.
00:44:16.000 --> 00:44:16.159
Yeah.
00:44:16.239 --> 00:44:26.000
So let's say if you had a first date, yeah, how long should it take for a guy to text you back after the first date to let you know that okay, he's interested?
00:44:26.400 --> 00:44:30.719
Well, if he really likes you, he's probably texting you that same night, very next day.
00:44:31.039 --> 00:44:37.039
So if the guy didn't text you the same night or even the day after, yeah, it means he's not interested.
00:44:37.280 --> 00:44:40.159
No, I mean he could be very busy, but I again I don't care.
00:44:40.239 --> 00:44:45.599
It takes what, like nine seconds to take a say say in a voice email, hi, I had a really great date with you.
00:44:45.679 --> 00:44:48.960
I'm really busy at work, but I'll check in with you later.
00:44:49.920 --> 00:44:51.599
Literally, how many seconds was that?
00:44:51.679 --> 00:44:52.000
Five seconds?
00:44:52.960 --> 00:44:56.320
The thing is, I think it's so normal for women to find excuses, right?
00:44:56.480 --> 00:45:01.840
They they find excuses why because they put everything you know up front, they like the guys.
00:45:02.000 --> 00:45:08.639
So maybe women should be more cautious in saying, you know what, I'm giving you a chance, but I'm also taking a step step back for you to do a little bit more work.
00:45:08.800 --> 00:45:11.360
So then I know you invested in this relationship.
00:45:11.840 --> 00:45:19.679
Do not chase, do not again, if he's a really nice, nerdy guy that doesn't have a lot of experience, just be like, I really like getting a phone call.
00:45:19.840 --> 00:45:24.239
I really like getting a text or a voice memo to check in during the day.
00:45:24.320 --> 00:45:28.320
And if he doesn't do that, all right, you told him what to do, but don't doesn't mean you do it.
00:45:28.639 --> 00:45:29.280
You know what I mean?
00:45:29.519 --> 00:45:31.920
So he still needs to be obviously in his masculine.
00:45:32.320 --> 00:45:38.880
But you can give him a little bit of like what you like and how you like for a man to show up and how you like for a man to communicate.
00:45:39.039 --> 00:45:40.159
That's totally fine.
00:45:40.239 --> 00:45:43.199
And a lot of men need that, they don't know what to do anymore.
00:45:43.519 --> 00:45:44.800
Men are having a crisis.
00:45:44.960 --> 00:45:51.119
I feel like do you think men are kind of divided into very specific tribes, right?
00:45:51.280 --> 00:45:51.440
Yeah.
00:45:51.679 --> 00:45:57.599
The tribe who's like this labeled toxic masculinity, alpha, bad narcissist, whatever guy.
00:45:57.920 --> 00:46:01.119
Then you have super shy guys who've been beaten to death.
00:46:01.199 --> 00:46:07.440
They're so scared, they're scared to approach you because they're scared of sexual harassment, uh, lawsuit on them, things like that.
00:46:07.519 --> 00:46:12.400
And there's guys who like lost and don't know what they want themselves for their life, right?
00:46:12.639 --> 00:46:16.079
Where they're going career-wise, what do they want ambition-wise, right?
00:46:16.239 --> 00:46:21.679
They just kind of don't know anything about themselves, not about even thinking about a relationship and going forward.
00:46:22.159 --> 00:46:28.320
There's, I always say, I I know this is like a theory that was on sex in this city, but it's like the cab light, the man, the cab light that's on.
00:46:28.480 --> 00:46:36.480
But I've always noticed that like when I've done an interview with men who they're telling me what they're looking for, they're like, oh, this is exactly what I want in a woman.
00:46:36.559 --> 00:46:39.280
And I'm like, that sounds exactly like the last woman you dated.
00:46:39.360 --> 00:46:40.239
I'm so confused.
00:46:40.480 --> 00:46:44.960
Didn't you say you just sit dated a woman who had all those qualities and she said it perfect?
00:46:45.119 --> 00:46:46.239
Why didn't you just end up with her?
00:46:46.320 --> 00:46:47.760
Oh, well, I wasn't ready.
00:46:48.480 --> 00:46:56.880
I wasn't ready then because I was still trying to make partner at my firm, or I was still trying to, you know, do XYZ goal because men are very different.
00:46:57.039 --> 00:47:00.559
Like, we as women, we can do everything all at once.
00:47:00.880 --> 00:47:17.599
We can work, we can play, we can have babies, we can buy a home, and look for the love of our lives and date men really like they'll date until they've reached whatever goal that in their mind they have set to hit, and then the cab light goes on the light.
00:47:18.000 --> 00:47:18.960
At some point, oh my god.
00:47:19.119 --> 00:47:19.519
Yeah.
00:47:19.840 --> 00:47:26.960
The thing is, at some point, listen, what do you believe about the expression men will never marry the love of their lives?
00:47:27.119 --> 00:47:31.599
Yeah, men always will marry whoever whenever they're ready.
00:47:32.000 --> 00:47:40.880
I mean, I have to look at Marielle because Marielle married my co-founder, she married the love of her life, and he he did chase her, and like I think he he worked hard to to get her.
00:47:40.960 --> 00:47:43.119
So, and they've been married for what 20 years, 18 years?
00:47:43.280 --> 00:47:46.000
So, anyway, I'm trying to think of the yeah, 18 years.
00:47:46.159 --> 00:47:51.840
So I think that on they will there is some truth to that.
00:47:52.159 --> 00:48:04.800
Because sadly, I've seen it, but that doesn't mean that does not mean that that man, like you might meet someone amazing, and he will do all those things even if he's not ready if you're the right person for him.
00:48:04.880 --> 00:48:07.119
It's not every man, it's not.
00:48:07.360 --> 00:48:09.199
Well, I have a lot of men friends, right?
00:48:09.280 --> 00:48:20.000
They're they're friends and successful, handsome guys, and let's say one guy, right, that I know, he would say, I want to have to have kids, I want to have a family, right?
00:48:20.079 --> 00:48:20.960
He's ready right now.
00:48:21.039 --> 00:48:21.199
Yeah.
00:48:21.360 --> 00:48:27.199
So if any woman that matches approximately his you know um requirements, he will marry her.
00:48:27.280 --> 00:48:27.519
Yeah.
00:48:27.679 --> 00:48:31.920
Yet he could be with an amazing, beautiful, loving woman when he wasn't ready.
00:48:32.000 --> 00:48:37.039
Yeah, he would find so many excuses that he's not ready, or you know, he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life.
00:48:37.199 --> 00:48:38.239
It will never happen, right?
00:48:38.400 --> 00:48:39.760
For women is maybe different, right?
00:48:39.840 --> 00:48:39.920
Yeah.
00:48:40.079 --> 00:48:40.800
We are more sensual.
00:48:41.360 --> 00:48:44.559
We are always looking for the love of our lives, you know, every single day.
00:48:44.719 --> 00:48:45.360
Where is it?
00:48:46.159 --> 00:48:50.079
It's true, but I I mean I've seen it happen both ways, is what I'm trying to say.
00:48:50.320 --> 00:48:52.480
So we I know we talked about your male clients.
00:48:52.639 --> 00:48:55.360
Let's talk for a few seconds about your female clients.
00:48:55.599 --> 00:49:01.440
And what I'm interested mostly in women who are successful, yeah, who are not just looking like for sugar daddies, right?
00:49:01.519 --> 00:49:06.480
Who are not looking just for somebody to take care of them, women who have their own ambitions, have their own businesses.
00:49:06.719 --> 00:49:12.800
Through your experience through the years, how do you think women's um requirements towards men change?
00:49:12.880 --> 00:49:13.039
Yeah.
00:49:13.199 --> 00:49:21.199
And what can you recommend and advise for this women to find the true match, still being who they are, not changing their personality or goals in life?
00:49:21.599 --> 00:49:29.280
I think like for a while, um, maybe before COVID, um, it was a lot more difficult for women to date.
00:49:29.360 --> 00:49:31.119
It's a little bit easier now, believe it or not.
00:49:31.280 --> 00:49:44.320
I have just seen, I think in general, both men and women, but especially women, have been when I talk to them on the phone, they've learned to like lean more into their feminine energy again and try to be more soft and nurturing.
00:49:44.400 --> 00:49:47.119
And I think that's really helped them with dating and matchmaking.
00:49:47.360 --> 00:49:51.119
You know, to be honest with you, I hate when they say lean towards your feminine energy.
00:49:51.199 --> 00:49:52.480
Okay, because what does it mean, right?
00:49:52.639 --> 00:49:57.360
Because nowadays when you're a single woman, yeah, you have no choice the way the society is formed right now.
00:49:57.679 --> 00:49:58.480
No, it's tough, right?
00:49:58.559 --> 00:50:03.199
Like we do not have special finances to help women to take care of their livelihood, right?
00:50:03.280 --> 00:50:06.159
They need to work to, you know, to provide for themselves.
00:50:06.400 --> 00:50:10.159
If they live by themselves, if if that shelf is broken, they need to fix it, right?
00:50:10.320 --> 00:50:12.079
Yeah, they need to take the trash can out.
00:50:12.239 --> 00:50:13.840
She has to go and take it out, right?
00:50:14.000 --> 00:50:18.079
So all these little things we kind of forced by the society or circumstances to do.
00:50:19.599 --> 00:50:21.199
It's like, so how do you lean?
00:50:21.360 --> 00:50:23.519
Well, I mean, how do you mean it's the thing?
00:50:23.599 --> 00:50:25.199
Take away from like the financial stuff.
00:50:25.360 --> 00:50:29.519
Like you have to work, you have to have a job, you have to have your independence, you want to buy what you want to buy.
00:50:29.599 --> 00:50:30.719
Like, forget about that stuff.
00:50:30.880 --> 00:50:33.920
It's more about your energy when you're showing up dating.
00:50:34.559 --> 00:50:37.039
You don't have to be like, I'll split the check with you.
00:50:37.599 --> 00:50:38.960
Don't do that.
00:50:39.199 --> 00:50:41.119
Don't ever split the check.
00:50:41.360 --> 00:50:42.800
Take your hand anywhere near the check.
00:50:43.199 --> 00:50:43.760
Okay, let me ask you.
00:50:44.239 --> 00:50:46.000
Sorry to interrupt, it's a very important topic.
00:50:46.320 --> 00:50:50.079
So we know that you do not split the check on the first date.
00:50:50.159 --> 00:50:50.239
Yeah.
00:50:50.400 --> 00:50:52.880
What about date five, six, seven, and eight?
00:50:53.280 --> 00:50:58.239
If you're dating someone and again, I don't know how much money he makes, that's all dependent.
00:50:58.480 --> 00:51:01.760
I personally, this is just me, and I'm not saying this is right for everyone.
00:51:01.920 --> 00:51:03.280
I don't split the check.
00:51:03.599 --> 00:51:04.800
But ever.
00:51:04.960 --> 00:51:05.920
But again, why?
00:51:06.079 --> 00:51:11.119
Well, well, sometimes you know, I'll buy dessert or I'll get this or whatever because I'm giving more in other ways.
00:51:11.360 --> 00:51:15.440
So I think that as women, like we do give a lot to men.
00:51:15.679 --> 00:51:24.079
And when I say your feminine energy, I do mean your softness, your nurturing, your care, your support, your encouragement, your love, all of that stuff.
00:51:24.239 --> 00:51:25.760
They can't get anywhere else.
00:51:25.920 --> 00:51:26.800
You're giving it to them.
00:51:26.880 --> 00:51:29.679
And and I think that's very high value.
00:51:30.079 --> 00:51:34.239
So as a man, he's more wired to want to protect and provide.
00:51:34.320 --> 00:51:38.000
And providing is buying that drink you're or that dinner you're having.
00:51:38.159 --> 00:51:39.519
Like, it's really not that hard.
00:51:39.679 --> 00:51:47.119
So I think when I say lean into that, like you don't have to go into the date and say, Let me tell you all these amazing accomplishments I've had with my career and talk about your job the whole time.
00:51:47.360 --> 00:51:51.119
Maybe instead just have a good time, have fun, talk about your passions.
00:51:51.280 --> 00:51:55.519
Maybe you're interested in art or a certain book that you're reading, those kinds of things.
00:51:55.679 --> 00:51:59.360
If you have kids, talk about your children and what you know, that kind of stuff.
00:51:59.679 --> 00:52:05.599
That's what I mean by leaning into your feminine energy because what is a man not gonna get at work or with his buddies?
00:52:05.840 --> 00:52:10.880
That plus don't forget men are the ones who are deciding what type of activities you take.
00:52:10.960 --> 00:52:13.519
So never take a woman to a place that you cannot afford, right?
00:52:13.679 --> 00:52:23.360
Yeah, you can be creative, you can find other ways to entertain or you know, to spend time with you know with your partner outside of taking them to the most you know expensive restaurant in town.
00:52:23.760 --> 00:52:24.239
A picnic.
00:52:24.480 --> 00:52:42.159
I mean I'm in New York, so I'm like picnic in Central Park with a nice bottle of champagne, or just like you know, one of the the firefighters that I dated, I remember I was really busy at work and he brought me a picnic basket to the office and he made everything like these sandwiches, dessert.
00:52:42.239 --> 00:52:44.400
I was like, wow, this is really creative.
00:52:45.039 --> 00:52:49.039
The effort also and attention that he put into you know wowing you.
00:52:49.199 --> 00:52:49.519
Yeah.
00:52:49.679 --> 00:52:50.480
And it worked.
00:52:50.719 --> 00:52:52.639
Yeah, and I'm like, wow, this is really nice.
00:52:52.719 --> 00:52:53.679
This is a nice thing to do.
00:52:53.760 --> 00:52:55.679
So um it's about digesture, right?
00:52:56.159 --> 00:53:01.599
So feminine energy doesn't mean don't be independent, don't be strong, do all those things.
00:53:01.920 --> 00:53:03.039
That's for you anyway.
00:53:03.440 --> 00:53:05.599
Like you never want to rely on anyone for anything.
00:53:05.760 --> 00:53:12.159
I think as a woman, it's very important to have your own financial means, your own job, your own passions.
00:53:12.320 --> 00:53:14.880
And that stuff is what men are still looking for, like I said now.
00:53:14.960 --> 00:53:21.840
They want you to have that, but at the same time, on the date, try to be you know, just try to be in that energy as best.
00:53:22.239 --> 00:53:23.519
I guess it's more for relaxed, right?
00:53:23.679 --> 00:53:28.159
Then you feel confident when you're a man and relaxed, so you can just lean back and just feel comfortable with your own.
00:53:28.400 --> 00:53:29.519
And the right man's gonna make you feel that way.
00:53:29.599 --> 00:53:31.760
He's gonna make you feel comfortable and safe and calm.
00:53:32.079 --> 00:53:33.039
Calm, very important.
00:53:33.280 --> 00:53:38.239
Yeah, you're not gonna feel like anxious and stressed in the wrong place and the right wrong time with the wrong person.
00:53:38.480 --> 00:53:38.639
Yeah.
00:53:38.719 --> 00:53:40.079
And if you do, leave the date.
00:53:40.400 --> 00:53:42.000
Well, I love all these tips.
00:53:42.159 --> 00:53:47.679
You know, I hope our viewers and um uh our listeners enjoy this conversation.
00:53:47.920 --> 00:53:51.360
Obviously, I could have asked you a hundred more questions because it's very precedented.
00:53:51.760 --> 00:53:52.400
We can still talk later.
00:53:52.800 --> 00:53:57.599
For women and for women for men, so maybe we should have uh one day part two.
00:53:57.920 --> 00:54:01.920
But today on the basic show, we had Sandra Hayton from When We First.
00:54:02.159 --> 00:54:05.039
Check out her matchmaking agency and the app, by the way.
00:54:05.119 --> 00:54:06.800
Uh, where can uh people find you?
00:54:07.119 --> 00:54:14.079
Yeah, so the app is downloadable on Google and iOS, and then our website, which is just when we first.com.
00:54:14.480 --> 00:54:14.719
All right.
00:54:14.800 --> 00:54:18.559
Well, thank you uh for being on the basic show, and that's the rest of my career.
00:54:18.880 --> 00:54:19.119
Thank you.
00:54:19.280 --> 00:54:19.760
Bye.