Taking Back Teaching: Finding Light in the Darkness of Teacher Burnout

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the pandemic was tough too, um, but I think by the time I got to the pandemic, I was so exhausted and hadn't released this stress in a healthy way, um, that I just literally was crawling on my hands and knees to work daily, as many teachers are, you know, and I think the problem is, or one of the problems is that that is either considered a badge of honor, it's like, okay, look what I'm doing.
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I'm exhausted, I have flu, I'm sick, I've just had a loss in my family, but I'm still in the classroom, you know, and that's what's expected of us.
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And then there's the guilt that aligns with taking any time off, even time off that's owed to you, like you know, pto.
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It's like, well, how are you going to get the class prepared for when you leave?
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And you know it's almost more difficult to be out than it is to be in at time.
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How much I miss, not knowing that we're all screwed.
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A few years ago, I started writing a fictitious story based on my time as an educator.
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It is called Taught, and the story was partially inspired out of anger and frustration fueled by burnout.
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Okay, actually, it was more than partially inspired by anger and frustration fueled by burnout Okay, actually, it was more than partially inspired by anger and frustration.
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But taught has also become a vehicle for me to tell what I thought at the time and in some ways continue to think was and is the real story of teaching.
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I now realize that my perspective is not everyone's perspective, but there are some pieces of taught that resonated with many educators perspective, but there are some pieces of taught that resonated with many educators.
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This podcast is an extension of that story and I, a former teacher, will interview other educators, asking them to share how they really feel about the current state of education.
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Why are so many teachers burnout?
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Why are so many like me leaving the field?
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We likely won't solve any problems or come up with any solutions, but we can create a community of voices that maybe begin the conversation around how educators can take back teaching.
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I'm Melissa LaFleur.
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Welcome to Taught the podcast.
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I like to be educated, but I'm so frustrated.
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Hey everybody, Today's guest comes to us with over 20 years of experience as a overwhelmed, overworked and riddled with self-doubt.
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Rediscover their purpose, reconnect with themselves and cultivate empowered relationships both inside and outside the classroom.
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That's going to be just about every teacher I know, so.
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Her motto and focus is empowering teachers to thrive, not just survive.
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Deistine Williams' journey began in 2006 as a teacher in London, where she faced a life-altering experience that shaped her commitment to resilience and teacher well-being.
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From leading schools in South Korea to navigating personal and professional challenges in the US, she has witnessed firsthand the transformative power of mindfulness, community and intentional living.
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Now she has made her life's work helping educators on the transformative journey out of burnout.
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So of course, she caught my attention.
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D'esteen, thank you so much for being here and welcome to the podcast.
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Thank you, melissa.
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That was quite the introduction.
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Thank you.
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It's always exciting to be surrounded by fellow educators and to be in community, so thank you for having me.
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I'm so glad you agreed to do it, because you've had quite a road to and from burnout.
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You're now a guide for teachers, from burnout to balance through proven wellness practices including breathwork, mindful movement, habit building strategies all of this rooted in neuroscience.
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You focus on simple but powerful shifts that help educators reclaim their time, establish healthy boundaries my goodness, where were you when I was teaching and create sustainable habits that lead to greater fulfillment in their personal and professional lives?
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I really wish I had known you back before I struggled through all that on my own, because you are, in my opinion, the leap that we all need.
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It's confusing and exhausting to try to have to figure all of this out on your own.
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So how did you do it?
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What's your burnout story?
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How'd you get where you are now?
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Okay, so my story is a complex and quite a long one, so I could start all the way from toddlehood, you know, from childhood.
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I was born in Jamaica and I'll try to make this as brief as possible, but I think it's important to know that, historically and generationally, that stuff was there right from the beginning, you know, and compounded a little bit more as I got older.
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But, yeah, I fled with my mother from Jamaica, from a domestic violence and civil violence situation in Jamaica.
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So when I was very small you know that was already there we moved to the UK, to England, and I was told or my family were told that I actually, you know, had a lot of trauma almost embedded in my body, because when I moved to the UK, um, the circumstances had led to me stopping walking.
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I literally just stopped walking, so I'd been walking.
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I was maybe two or three years old and then, um, yeah, I stopped walking and that was just as a result of the impact of, um kind of the familial and generational and circumstantial trauma that you know I experienced, my family experienced, when we were in Jamaica we continued being in quite a difficult and challenging situation, so we were moving around a lot.
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I was homeless, my family were homeless and we went through a lot of really quite acute and chronic stressful situations and moving from there, I think you build up a sense of resilience.
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You know how kids are.
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We kind of just move through and get on with it.
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And then after that, my ideal and what I really wanted was to get into teaching.
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That was something that was really important to me right from the start.
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I remember as a child really feeling that it was important for me to teach my little sister and to have all of these little lessons at home and you know my dolls and all of that and I really wanted to impart knowledge but also have this mutual experience where I felt like my curiosity was being built.
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Also, you know it was a transitional process.
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So I started off in my first teaching career at school in England and I was super excited, you know, had a great interview, was great faculty there and I was really excited.
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And then, unfortunately, one of the first or the first field trip I went on.
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So first field trip, first school experience.
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We wound up in a very, very serious accident.
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So I was taking my kids they were only kind of grade one age on a field trip to the library.
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Something really simple and out of nowhere, as we were walking to the library, a huge vehicle kind of came towards us.
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It almost felt like I was on a movie set and it felt like it was in slow motion.
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And I was there holding my kids hands seven year old little children on their way to the library, and this car careered into us, landing on top of two of my children and pressing them against the fence of my daughter's high school.
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So it was just multiple, you know, multiple situations there that were just tumultuous and chaotic and traumatizing.
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And, like I say, two of my kids were pinned down, literally.
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I turned my head around as I'm trying to take care of my other little seven year olds, at my feet and I'm injured as well.
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I, you know, injured my coccyx.
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I'd broken my arm as well.
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I'd, you know, injured my coccyx, I'd broken my arm.
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Two children across the way pinned down by this car.
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I literally could only see their heads and then just blood surrounding me and I was fraught.
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I didn't know how to manage it other than to just, you know, as we do as parents or as teachers, going to this kind of autopilot of trying to make the best in that situation and take care of these babies my kids that were around me um.
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The result of that accident was that we suffered quite severe and long-standing you know, injuries of particularly two of my students, one that was in a coma for several weeks, um, one who's uh, you know, and I don't mean to be too graphic, but it's just the reality of it is, you know, had to go on undergo several skin grafts because his skin was literally taken off his body.
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Um, and not only was I traumatized by the event, but I think, as a teacher, you're traumatized by the fact that you feel that you should have done something differently and it's your responsibility to make sure everyone's okay.
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And I remember, sat with those children and blood all around us and just feeling this complete guilt that I wasn't able to take care of these kids.
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And I had a supportive faculty, supportive parents who literally, you know, gave me a stand innovation as I came back to school on my crutches and thanked me for the work and the support I'd done with the kids.
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But that guilt doesn't leave and that trauma doesn't leave, and for years on, walking past that place, hearing the noises of cars screeching, would just send me into a complete frenzy.
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So that was a really kind of symbolic moment for me and I could feel it in my body.
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I could feel the trauma there as I kind of tried to pursue my career and feeling nervous about field trips and you know such like that.
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So that was the major incident at first.
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I then moved on to a school in New York where I was a founding teacher and again underwent some really severe traumatic experiences, experiences there that wasn't, you know, an acute experience, that was more chronic.
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So it was a daily toxic environment where we were demeaned and demoralized on a daily basis.
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Um, our morning meetings would start with the leader of the school telling us that we were all.
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You know he could get rid of any of us at the moment's notice.
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We were all on visas.
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You know we'd come from the UK, so that was always hanging over us.
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We worked a seven day week, so we did not have any breaks until December.
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We started in July, so we were not only teaching but we were health and safety, we furnished and decorated the building.
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We did marketing on the weekend.
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It was a school of 33 children, three teachers, and so I had a class of three grades.
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I moved classroom that year probably about five times as they tried to maneuver and manage the space and that resulted eventually in psychiatric hospital.
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I literally had a breakdown.
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We were bullied there on a regular basis.
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We had no voice, we were threatened and it was just extremely toxic.
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And when I tried to reach out to human resources and get some support and get some aid, you know I was for want of a better phrase blackballed.
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And yeah, I was.
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My visa was revoked and I was asked to leave the country and leave the school.
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So when I tried to advocate for myself and other teachers, it was a horrific situation and so, yeah, three days, in psychiatric hospital and totally burned out at that point, but still had this burning desire to continue teaching, so left there, went to a school in South Korea and very, very lucky to meet the most amazing leader there, very, very supportive, very emotionally connected um.
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However, unfortunately, um, there was kind of a takeover in my second year.
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So, although I did really well there and it was a great place to work, very, very supportive um there went.
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There was a kind of an adjustment as there was a private.
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You know it was being taken over privately and the people that were taken over had no educational experience, no background.
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It was really based on profit, I was told at that point, even though I'd been promoted to vice principal, they wanted me to step down because they were not comfortable with a black female face advertising their school.
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I was disinvited to meetings.
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I wasn't allowed to be in any of the informational brochures or you know any of that stuff.
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And again, you know I've got a big mouth.
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I was trying to advocate for people and, yeah, it was, it was frowned upon.
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So that led to then the principal, who was amazing, just so disheartened by the process that he left the school mid-year amazing, just so disheartened by the process that he left the school mid-year, leaving myself and the other assistant principal running the school, because he just couldn't bear to be.
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He was burnt out and he couldn't bear to to watch the school, you know, fall in the way that it was falling.
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Um, when he was such a caring and kind man, it was just too difficult for him.
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So then we ended up in that situation managing this school.
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It was my first position as a vice principal, so, yeah, we stayed until the end of the year to get everyone through, and I think about 80 to 90 percent of all faculty left that year.
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There was mass exodus and so they almost really had to start the school from scratch From there.
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I took a little break, a forced break, I guess, because the immigration process meant that I couldn't work.
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So I moved back to the States, was waiting for my visa to come through and then finally got back into the education system in a great school in Atlanta.
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And then the pandemic hit.
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And so it was.
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You know the pandemic hit.
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I was going through a divorce, I'd been a survivor from a gun attack, and so it was just you know the pandemic here.
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I was going through a divorce, I'd been, um, a survivor from a gun attack, and so it was just, you know, one thing after another after another, and the pandemic, really, I think, threw us completely as educators, um, and so that's when I retrained in trauma-informed yoga and meditation, mindfulness started a program called yoga for our people, which was a free program for any teachers that were teaching during the pandemic to help support them through the process.
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And then, after doing that for a few months, I left that school at the end of the year and set up my business.
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And here I am.
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So yeah, quite the journey.
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That is definitely quite the journey.
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I'm going to take us back for just a little bit for my own curiosity.
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The driver of the car was this intentional, accidental?
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It was accidental.
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He was under the influence of narcotics, alcohol.
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He also had a number of loose.
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He also had a number of loose dogs in the vehicle, which apparently that also contributed to him losing control of the vehicle.
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What was really unfortunate and I think the legal system is very different in the UK, but my students were not compensated properly for that, which was devastating One of the students that actually was the most severely injured and was in the coma when he did finally wake up.
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He was then under a really intense process legal process, um, to be deported out of the country.
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So, after just surviving that incident, his family then had to go through, um, yeah, the process of potentially being deported, which was horrific, you know, after the psychological trauma and the experience that those that they had um, and then there were some mistakes made along the way in the process.
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So, though we all wanted to be there at the court hearing, they failed to alert us of the correct date, so it went ahead without our testimonies.
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So, yeah, it was tragic.
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So after the initial trauma, there was even more that happened after that.
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Yeah, so when do you feel that you were kind of at the height of your burnout?
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I mean clearly, um, having gone through a breakdown, part of me says, should I even ask this question, because that might have been the height.
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However, you went on to continue to internalize several more events.
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So what do you think your peak was?
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Yeah, I think they all peak was yeah, I think they all had relevance.
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I think they were compounded, so it was one thing after another.
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Definitely, the hospital stay was extremely traumatizing and I wasn't sure after that whether I'd continue in education.
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Um, that was difficult for a number of reasons.
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I'm a huge believer in community, particularly in the educational space, because I think sometimes we're isolated in our classrooms and we're isolated, um, just in many different ways.
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But that felt isolating not only because I was in this space, in this hospital, that I was.
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I felt out of control and initially when I went for help, I didn't expect to for that to be made residential.
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I didn't think I thought I'd be going home that day, you know, and they wouldn't release me, and so that was really traumatizing.
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And the fact that I was in New York without my family and my you know, my close network of friends, that made it really difficult too.
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And I think it was also compounded by the fact that I was working really, really hard, as we all were in that school.
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We all, as all teachers understand, have multiple roles.
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Like I explained, we were marketing at the weekends, you know.
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We had numbers of parents come in and we had to respond to them and answer questions on a Saturday or Sunday.
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We were moving furniture and painting classrooms in the evenings, you know.
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So it was really difficult, a really difficult environment.
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And then that was the peak of it.
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And I think for me because I'm quite, you know, I'm a very big advocate and I think voice is super important, and because I've been held down and I wasn't allowed to speak and I was threatened, my voice was threatened, my, you know, my experiences were threatened and undermined.
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That was really hard for me, you know, that was really really hard for me.
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So the hospital was definitely probably a peak.
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The pandemic was tough too.
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But I think by the time I'd got to the pandemic, I was so exhausted and hadn't released this stress in a healthy way, that I just literally was crawling on my hands and knees to work daily.
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Yeah, as many teachers are, you know, and I think the problem is, or one of the problems is, that that is either considered a badge of honor, it's like, ok, look what I'm doing, I'm exhausted, I have flu, I'm sick, I've just had a loss in my family, but I'm still in the classroom, you know, and that's what's expected of us.
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And then there's the guilt that aligns with taking any time off, even time off that's owed to you.
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Like you know, pto it's like, well, how are you going to get the class prepared for when you leave?
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And you know it's almost more difficult to be out than it is to be in at times.
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So I think it was a accumulation of so many things happening.
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That was definitely a breaking moment for me.
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I was blessed to go to South Korea with a wonderful team, but then, yeah, I think I was just South Korea with a wonderful team, but then, yeah, I think I was.
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Just by the time it got to the pandemic, I was on empty, I was totally on empty.
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Yeah, which is very common for burnout right and usually empty, feels a lot like apathy and depression and anxiety, all gift wrapped in a gift basket so we don't always know how to parcel out what's what, and that makes it hard.
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I'm really appreciating that you said, because I did the same.
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I do feel like educators often wear these things that contribute to our burnout as badges of honor.
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I used to take great pride in the fact that I oftentimes got to school before even the custodian did, and this meant I was waking up at 4am, I was getting to school at 5.30am.
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You know he didn't have to be there until six and I would brag and say, yes, but this is my quiet time to get all of my work done.
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School didn't start until nine, so I was coming in and I was working for an additional four hours you know three and a half hours every morning and I wasn't leaving on time and that's definitely not time I was spending with my family either.
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But amongst my teacher friends I felt proud, yeah, that I was doing that, even though it was at the detriment of my own health and the health of my family own health and the health of my family.
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You know us as a unit.
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I totally agree, and there's many teachers, and myself included, that started off their career, that are continuing to work like that, and you've done half a day's work before the students even arrive at their desks, and you know there's just so many things wrong with that.
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But it's true.
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Like I said, I think we're made to feel as if burning out and going above and beyond is just expected of us and we should be proud of doing that, and that has to change.
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It's a horrible way to live our lives.
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It's unhealthy in every way that you can imagine.
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It embeds itself in your very cells and it takes so long to recover afterwards.
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And I think because recovery for teachers again, is something that we normalize.
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You know, we think that it's normal to have to recover from our jobs.
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Even saying that aloud is ridiculous.
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You know why do we feel that this job we have to recover from and if we're not recovering, we're not doing it right.
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That's almost how we feel.
00:23:07.959 --> 00:23:14.238
Um, yeah, and then the weekends and the holidays just become that, their recovery.
00:23:14.238 --> 00:23:32.301
So we don't even have, um, well, don't let me get started on people that say we have six weeks holidays but, yeah, we don't have um real valuable switched off, disconnected, disassociated, um boundary to time.
00:23:32.301 --> 00:23:37.218
One of the teachers I interviewed recently said I said what word describes teaching to you?
00:23:37.218 --> 00:23:38.921
And she said unboundar.
00:23:38.921 --> 00:23:40.564
And that word just says it all.
00:23:40.564 --> 00:23:43.977
It's just there's, there's, it's just it's too gray.
00:23:43.977 --> 00:23:49.909
What we do is so gray, it's not distinct, um, and it needs to change.
00:23:50.915 --> 00:23:51.616
It really does.
00:23:51.616 --> 00:23:54.241
You know, for the longest time teacher.
00:23:54.241 --> 00:24:07.539
In some places they're still called this, they were called public servants, and I always felt like that was a pretty accurate description that we are expected to be servants to the public.
00:24:07.539 --> 00:24:27.358
And there's also, calling us public servants really removes us from the professionals that we are, because there's a skill set and a talent that goes into teaching that does not get acknowledged, is pretty much viewed that anybody can teach, and we know this isn't true.
00:24:27.358 --> 00:24:32.669
So the profession gets devalued quite frequently in many ways.
00:24:32.669 --> 00:24:37.018
So I'm curious so you, you get into the pandemic.
00:24:37.018 --> 00:24:44.643
You are a shell at this point when did the turnaround happen for you?
00:24:44.762 --> 00:24:50.887
What kind of was your process in becoming the vital human being that's here with us today?
00:24:52.669 --> 00:24:53.809
it was a number of things.
00:24:53.809 --> 00:25:01.537
I was getting tired of walking around my school and consoling teachers that were in tears.
00:25:01.537 --> 00:25:18.395
I was tired of it being normal that when I moved from one space to another, I was likely to be faced with a teacher who was huddled over and crying and feeling desperate and trying to get themselves together to go back and perform in the classroom.
00:25:18.395 --> 00:25:22.906
That really just sent me crazy.
00:25:22.906 --> 00:25:37.300
I was like it's just not normal to be feeling this way and to see your co-workers just feeling challenged and desperate and demeaned and empty and broken on a daily basis.
00:25:38.463 --> 00:25:55.517
For me myself, I was going through at the time a divorce which was really contentious and challenging and I was wiped out and I suddenly just thought there has to be something different or this is going to be my path, this has been my path for years.
00:25:55.517 --> 00:25:57.921
When is this not going to be my path?
00:25:57.921 --> 00:26:02.308
And I was reading a book, or I was listening to a book on Audible.
00:26:02.308 --> 00:26:10.759
I'm going for a walk and there was something that in that book I think I don't know if I'm allowed to swear, but on, of course you are.
00:26:10.859 --> 00:26:12.083
Okay, it was.
00:26:12.083 --> 00:26:18.895
I think it was unfuck yourself I was listening to and it's never.
00:26:18.895 --> 00:26:21.101
There's never a right time to make a change, or, you know, I had all of these things in my mind.
00:26:21.101 --> 00:26:35.737
Well, you can't, you know, change your life right now because you're going through a divorce and you were not around your family, in your community and you can't afford to make a shift, um, and you have, you know all of these things, but there's never a perfect time, right.
00:26:35.737 --> 00:26:38.461
So I was like you're exhausted, you're all of these things, but there's never a perfect time, right.
00:26:38.461 --> 00:26:49.326
So I was like you're exhausted, you're seeing your school, family and community around you broken and exhausted, and there has to be a different way to feel like yourself again.
00:26:49.326 --> 00:26:51.210
I don't know, I didn't know.
00:26:51.210 --> 00:26:53.181
The last time I felt like myself again.
00:26:53.181 --> 00:26:54.704
I didn't know who I was anymore.
00:26:54.704 --> 00:27:02.627
At that point I was literally rolling my suitcase because I was trying to get out of my domestic situation.
00:27:02.627 --> 00:27:17.445
So I was rolling my suitcase of clothes because, on a daily basis, I didn't know where I was sleeping, and I was rolling that into school during the pandemic, teaching, exhausted and seeing my co-workers broken, and that's the other thing.
00:27:17.506 --> 00:27:20.671
I think that and it's not just in teaching, I guess.
00:27:20.671 --> 00:27:29.546
I think as a society we tend to kind of isolate and separate our emotions and our experiences.
00:27:29.546 --> 00:27:44.028
But everybody's going through stuff and if we can't figure out how to be healthy and how to make good choices, then everything else is just superimposed on that.
00:27:44.028 --> 00:27:50.184
You know in your life, at home, with your family and going through a divorce and financial.
00:27:50.184 --> 00:27:52.872
You know challenges or whatever it is.
00:27:52.872 --> 00:28:10.165
If you're not healthy and resilient and know the tools that you need to um, create space for yourself and really understand where you're at and how to figure out moving forward, then everything else that life just throws at you just becomes 10 times heavier.
00:28:10.165 --> 00:28:11.855
You know, and we can't afford it.
00:28:11.855 --> 00:28:12.477
We have one life.
00:28:12.477 --> 00:28:13.740
We can't afford to live like that.
00:28:14.201 --> 00:28:45.855
We just can't right so yeah, I promised myself, I set myself this little goal and I was doing a little bit of yoga at the time and I said, okay, if you can commit to six weeks of yoga I think it was every day then you can take some money that you've earned and you can pay for a training course that I couldn't really afford and then move forward with trying to help yourself and others in this situation find sustainable, authentic ways to manage stress and avoid burnout.
00:28:45.855 --> 00:28:47.678
Why yoga?
00:28:47.678 --> 00:28:51.506
So I'd done a little yoga when I was in.
00:28:51.506 --> 00:29:00.222
It's interesting because when I had the accident in the UK, I was told not to do yoga because of the injuries that I sustained and I was told I should only do Pilates.
00:29:00.222 --> 00:29:07.656
And I listened to them for months, but it was something that was calling me to yoga for a long time, and so when I got to New York, I was like, okay, I'm going to try this out.
00:29:07.836 --> 00:29:22.686
And I went to an amazing course run by an amazing yogi and I remember just the commitment this yogi had to rolling his mat up and that kind of astounded me that he took so much time getting his space ready.
00:29:22.686 --> 00:29:30.779
And you know, when you compare that to a teacher moving frantically around their space without time to pause or reflect.
00:29:30.779 --> 00:29:34.429
You know, it was just it's chalk and cheese, it's opposite.
00:29:34.429 --> 00:29:50.174
And I felt that something that allowed us and instilled this need to pause, to reflect, to take care of yourself and your space with real intricacy, as well as being holistically for your body.
00:29:50.174 --> 00:30:02.030
So, you know, moving your body in a way that helped you stretch, that helped you loosen up, that helped you be still and be quiet, just really appealed to me.
00:30:02.030 --> 00:30:12.683
So I first trained in vinyasa and then I was more interested in the trauma-informed kind of style and so I moved into that directly afterwards.
00:30:14.815 --> 00:30:16.221
And so you did your six weeks.
00:30:16.221 --> 00:30:19.968
How did that end?
00:30:19.968 --> 00:30:24.382
Or, or you know what was that process like for you six weeks of yoga, that was your commitment.
00:30:24.603 --> 00:30:25.545
It was beautiful.
00:30:25.545 --> 00:30:28.077
I would come home after work every day.
00:30:28.077 --> 00:30:29.160
It was during the pandemic.
00:30:29.160 --> 00:30:37.223
We stayed open pretty much and we worked in the school predominantly, and then we did a hybrid model.
00:30:37.223 --> 00:30:50.980
Um, so I would come home from work and I would force myself, because you know how it is when you come back from school all you want to do is well, I did was eat sugar and starch and wrap myself in bed and watch Netflix, so I would force myself to do this routine.
00:30:51.701 --> 00:31:12.599
Um, I started with yoga with Adrienne, which most people do when they first start yoga on YouTube, and then I learned and, you know, found other people that you know really resonated with me, and I just made sure that I did a movement practice and a meditation practice and a breathwork practice every day for six weeks and I just saw the impact pretty much after about a week.
00:31:12.599 --> 00:31:23.840
You know, just allowing yourself the space, giving yourself something that is really just for you and doing it in a way that's conscious.
00:31:23.840 --> 00:31:26.366
I really believe in conscious, thoughtful yoga.
00:31:26.366 --> 00:31:29.099
I'm a big advocate that everybody is a yoga body.
00:31:29.099 --> 00:31:31.084
That was my first kind of tagline.
00:31:31.084 --> 00:31:38.353
Um, you know, it doesn't matter what your abilities are or your experience or your level or your time commitments.
00:31:38.373 --> 00:31:44.875
Everybody can do yoga from breathing to you know a really heavy hot vinyasa class and everything in between.
00:31:44.875 --> 00:32:05.965
So, um, for me it was about creating and developing something that meant that everybody felt welcome in this space and could use this as one of their tools or modalities for for self-care so you did your six weeks of yoga and then that encouraged you.
00:32:06.046 --> 00:32:10.058
You got to reward yourself by taking some courses yeah.
00:32:10.058 --> 00:32:16.848
And so what was the you know kind of lead us to where you got, where you're at right now?
00:32:26.835 --> 00:32:26.914
Yeah.
00:32:26.934 --> 00:32:36.682
So I did a few courses, which were awesome, but I also felt, you know, with some of the work that I did and the training I did, first of all, I was really one of maybe only one to 2% of people of color in that training space, so was significant to me.
00:32:36.682 --> 00:32:52.671
Two, it felt still quite a competitive sport in some regards, um, and I just wanted to move that into a space that made everybody feel welcome, and that was not competition, it was really about getting to know your body.
00:32:52.671 --> 00:32:54.997
And so then I started my business.
00:32:54.997 --> 00:33:03.348
I started yoga kinship, first of all because I really predominantly wanted to be it to be yoga focused um, and then started to.
00:33:03.348 --> 00:33:11.000
And also, after I came out of school, I wanted to offer teachers this program on the side, but I wanted my main business to be away from education.
00:33:11.000 --> 00:33:12.606
To be honest, I felt like I was done.
00:33:12.606 --> 00:33:16.459
You know, I worked with Spotify, I worked with some legal teams and I was like I'm done.
00:33:16.459 --> 00:33:20.806
I don't ever want to see a classroom again, I'm not interested, I can't do this anymore.
00:33:20.806 --> 00:33:26.385
And you know it's in our heart as educators, we can't stop so very quickly.
00:33:26.385 --> 00:33:33.945
Kind of, we came back around, we came back around um, and then started building program and supporting educators.
00:33:33.986 --> 00:33:51.787
I went back into schools with students as well which, um, you know, is kind of my love language too and developing social, emotional learning programs and really creating a program that felt holistic and that felt like it was, you know, led by teacher voice.
00:33:51.787 --> 00:34:09.751
So I did a lot of interviews with teachers and found out exactly what they needed, what worked, what didn't work, um, and then, yeah, yoga kinship transformed into kinship education because I felt I had to be back with educators and teachers and students, um, and so that's what I do now.
00:34:09.751 --> 00:34:15.282
I design programs, um, I work, you know, on both levels.
00:34:15.282 --> 00:34:18.068
I I write curriculum, but I also teach daily.
00:34:18.068 --> 00:34:47.362
So I work at a school for refugee children Monday to Friday, 8 to 11, with 180 kids, um, and of course that's a very trauma fueled environment, um, so I do a lot of work there on on, you know, developing capacity and understanding what our emotions are and how we feel those in our body and how we can kind of interrupt the stress cycle using things like yoga and breath work, and I do that with students and with educators.
00:34:47.884 --> 00:35:02.668
I then became involved with a, an organization called whole school mindfulness and, after a very rigorous year of interview and process and I was granted some funding from them to do some mindfulness work at the school and other places.
00:35:02.668 --> 00:35:05.358
So I'm also the mindfulness director at that school too.
00:35:05.358 --> 00:35:09.005
And yeah, so I'm just trying.
00:35:09.005 --> 00:35:45.068
Trying because it's, you know, it's ongoing and I don't think we ever completely recover, maybe, and I think that we have to be prepared there's this phrase to rise, ride the oscillating waves and to think that we have to be prepared there's this phrase to rise, ride the oscillating waves and to know that we're, you know, at a peak right now, and then we might come down and things feel good, but life is going to throw something at you and we need to be able to ride those waves successfully, which is why, you know, I develop these programs that aren't just on the map but that are, hopefully, tools that you can take with you throughout the day and throughout your weeks and in moments when you really need them.
00:35:50.481 --> 00:35:52.704
They become applicable and useful.
00:35:52.704 --> 00:36:04.262
Many times we think that we can cure burnout or we can cure trauma, and really neither of them can be cured.
00:36:04.262 --> 00:36:16.565
Burnout is something that we have to keep at bay if we experience stress, and trauma is something that we have to to manage.
00:36:16.565 --> 00:36:32.797
It's not course nobody wants to be in a traumatic situation, but once you have experienced one trauma, let alone multiple ones, maintenance has to be done on the soul from that point on, because the damage is already done.
00:36:32.797 --> 00:36:41.603
But that doesn't mean that we can't love ourselves and stay on that maintenance road where we're.
00:36:41.603 --> 00:36:43.103
We need to.
00:36:43.103 --> 00:36:52.949
We need to love ourselves, maybe a little extra you know all this.
00:36:53.028 --> 00:37:01.378
I think that oftentimes teachers do not feel psychologically, mentally, emotionally safe in their environments either.
00:37:01.378 --> 00:37:12.128
That's because they don't feel that they can speak out, they can't advocate for themselves, their roles, um, are so skewed almost.
00:37:12.128 --> 00:37:36.150
And, yes, um, you know, it's very, very difficult to feel safe in an environment like that, even if it isn't, you know, an acute, massive kind of trauma or situation that happens, just that daily sense of being in drudgery and not being heard and feeling uncomfortable to speak out and stand up for yourself and to create boundaries.
00:37:36.150 --> 00:37:43.485
And stand up for yourself and to create boundaries.
00:37:43.485 --> 00:38:01.179
You know they're all traumatizing, ongoing issues and they lead to burnout as much as you know a huge, you know my car accident or going into hospital, you know those daily, ongoing issues contribute just as much, I think, to your personal safety and health and well-being and knowing what you can do.
00:38:01.900 --> 00:38:15.786
I think one of the beautiful things about yoga is you start to learn who you are, you start to know why your body's responding in the way that it does, and I start each class with my kids, after they've done their breath work, by saying how do you feel?
00:38:16.409 --> 00:38:19.297
And I think we move so quickly we don't even know how we feel.
00:38:19.297 --> 00:38:20.740
So how are we supposed to respond to it?
00:38:20.740 --> 00:38:28.360
Like I don't know that I'm sad right now, I don't know that this is making me feel anxious right now, I don't know that I feel super frustrated or tired.
00:38:28.360 --> 00:38:30.447
And then the next step is okay.
00:38:30.447 --> 00:38:39.760
Now you know what that is like building tools that respond to those things, that when you're feeling that way, you don't have to rely on anybody else to fix you.
00:38:39.760 --> 00:38:41.846
You can figure that out yourself.
00:38:41.846 --> 00:39:06.757
You know, um, and that's super important for me from an educator standpoint and really important for me as tools to give my, my students, particularly these, these students who are already coming from kind of traumatized backgrounds and you know situations and the current um chaos that's going on around kind of immigration and refugee children.
00:39:06.757 --> 00:39:08.099
We need these tools.
00:39:08.960 --> 00:39:27.530
They're vital, they're life changing you know, and I think to your point, oftentimes people who are surviving trauma become so used to how that feels that they don't know how to feel anything else.
00:39:27.530 --> 00:39:29.201
I mean, that's their norm.
00:39:29.201 --> 00:39:40.422
So if someone is in the throes of burnout, what would be your advice?
00:39:43.956 --> 00:39:49.007
I think, first of all, it's really about acknowledgement.
00:39:49.007 --> 00:39:57.264
I think it's really hard to accept that or say, like you say, like we talked about earlier, it's kind of a badge of honor and it's normalized.
00:39:57.264 --> 00:40:12.826
So I think it's really important to acknowledge, realize and accept and understand that you're going through something really, really difficult and it's not just okay because you're a teacher and it's not okay because it's an expectation for us.
00:40:12.826 --> 00:40:14.130
It's not okay.
00:40:14.130 --> 00:40:16.579
So the first thing I think really is acknowledging.
00:40:16.579 --> 00:40:20.052
I think what we also need to do is build community.
00:40:20.052 --> 00:40:28.516
That is one of the most fundamental things we can do for our sanity and for our health is to make sure that you have people that you are checking in with and that you're checking in on.
00:40:28.516 --> 00:40:46.596
So making sure that you have friendships, whether in the school or outside of the school, and relationships that allow you to explore how you're feeling, be a space to vent and to talk and express what's going on, and look for resources within the community.
00:40:46.596 --> 00:41:00.134
So, whether it's yoga classes or it's somebody that you follow on Instagram or LinkedIn, that provide kind of resources and tools for you, get out into the community and figure out ways that you can connect with other people that can support and help you and understand why you are.
00:41:01.527 --> 00:41:09.106
One of the biggest practical tools I would say to anybody is add movement and breath work to your daily life, please.
00:41:09.106 --> 00:41:13.376
There's three minute YouTube videos that you can place and you can put on.
00:41:13.376 --> 00:41:15.668
I put them on for my kids every day.
00:41:15.668 --> 00:41:20.358
That allows you to just do simple diaphragmatic belly breathing.
00:41:20.358 --> 00:41:21.927
That's where I'd say everybody should start.
00:41:21.927 --> 00:41:30.342
So belly breathing is literally place your hands on your belly, breathe in for a count of four or five seconds and then exhale for the same count.
00:41:30.342 --> 00:41:44.054
That's just, you know, belly breath that will radically change your outlook and your ability to be present, which then allows you to really understand how you're feeling and know what to do about it.
00:41:44.054 --> 00:41:47.931
Move in whatever way feels comfortable and natural to you.
00:41:47.931 --> 00:41:51.153
If that means like putting music on and dancing for a few minutes, do that.
00:41:51.153 --> 00:41:54.188
That's one way to kind of interrupt the stress cycle.
00:41:54.188 --> 00:41:56.695
To move through yoga, to walk.
00:41:56.695 --> 00:42:02.112
I know we don't get breaks at schools, but if you do, when you do get a break, move to a new environment.
00:42:02.112 --> 00:42:02.434
You know.
00:42:02.434 --> 00:42:10.335
Get out of your classroom, take a walk, preferably outside if you can get your feet on the ground and take your shoes off, that's awesome too.
00:42:10.335 --> 00:42:26.717
There's something called the psychological breath which we can do when we're really, really stressed out, which is to breathe in for a count of like three or four and when you get to the top of your breath, breathe in again for another one or two seconds and then slowly exhale of your breath.
00:42:26.717 --> 00:42:29.184
Breathe in again for another one or two seconds and then slowly exhale.
00:42:29.184 --> 00:42:38.605
You know, use that to kind of counter any immediate kind of feelings of being stressed and overwhelmed.
00:42:40.746 --> 00:42:41.628
Seek support of therapy, counseling.
00:42:41.628 --> 00:42:43.952
You know that's nothing to be shunned or nothing to be embarrassed about or scared about.
00:42:43.952 --> 00:42:45.576
If you have that available to you, seek that out.
00:42:45.576 --> 00:42:47.728
That's going to give you some more tools and modalities.
00:42:48.550 --> 00:43:02.369
Um, sleeping is hard has always been an issue for me, but I would suggest teachers use yoga, nidra or body scans at the end of the night to really allow their nervous system to rebalance and to be able to shut off.
00:43:02.369 --> 00:43:08.918
What I hear and and it was, you know, I do the same thing as a teacher is because our brains are moving so fast and so quickly.
00:43:08.918 --> 00:43:12.704
Um, we almost find it uncomfortable to be in silence.
00:43:12.704 --> 00:43:15.672
At the end of the day, we place, you know, we put the TV on.
00:43:15.672 --> 00:43:17.717
We put music on, which is fine at times.
00:43:17.717 --> 00:43:27.668
Um, we, you know we do things to keep because it's very, very difficult from an agitated mental state to come down, and that's where body scans are really helpful.
00:43:27.668 --> 00:43:36.052
I have one that you can get on my LinkedIn page and there are many that you can just YouTube, like yoga, nidra body scans 10-15 minutes long.
00:43:36.052 --> 00:43:38.858
What else am I thinking?
00:43:38.858 --> 00:43:47.688
Advocate for yourself If there's something going on in the school that you're uncomfortable or that you don't like like and you firstly advocate for yourself.
00:43:47.688 --> 00:43:50.280
Speak up if you can and I totally understand if you can't.
00:43:50.280 --> 00:43:57.246
I've been in that situation to record things that are going on, keep a record and keep a track of information and stuff that's happened.
00:43:57.246 --> 00:44:04.711
That was to my detriment in one of the situations that I was in because I didn't have the evidence accessible to me that I should have had.
00:44:04.711 --> 00:44:15.197
So keep copies of things, record stuff and prepare yourself for your exit if that's what it comes to.
00:44:15.277 --> 00:44:16.639
Your health is super important.
00:44:16.639 --> 00:44:24.690
If that means you need to take three months to gather your stuff together and start saving and having conversations with your family and looking elsewhere.
00:44:24.690 --> 00:44:26.394
Sometimes it's really difficult.
00:44:26.394 --> 00:44:34.054
I hear so many teachers say I'm so unhappy and burned out in this place, but I don't have the energy to look for something else, you know.
00:44:34.054 --> 00:44:40.313
So we have to kind of prioritize that, remove things and instead of a to-do list, have a to-don't list.
00:44:40.313 --> 00:44:41.876
What are you not going to do today?
00:44:41.876 --> 00:44:45.012
What are you going to exchange for something that you would do?
00:44:45.012 --> 00:44:50.755
And also the school and the kids and everyone is going to be fine.
00:44:50.755 --> 00:45:06.789
If you don't do something perfectly that day, if your lesson goes to shit or hell in a handbasket, if you need to spend some time just breathing with your kids, talking to them, do that.
00:45:06.789 --> 00:45:07.608
You know.
00:45:07.608 --> 00:45:14.554
Find a way during your week where we're teaching our students to be this way as well.
00:45:29.684 --> 00:45:41.817
So if we can teach them how to shut off for a bit by us modeling that, everybody wins, absolutely so we are fortunate enough that you have put together a program.
00:45:42.306 --> 00:45:51.251
So anybody out there that is listening and is thinking this lady's got my number I mean, that would have been me and I did.
00:45:51.251 --> 00:45:58.813
Part of your advice was I thought this is this is always going to be too much for me and I.
00:45:58.813 --> 00:46:00.898
I came up with an exit strategy.
00:46:00.898 --> 00:46:12.050
Not everybody can do that and I I understand that, but tell us a little bit about your program because I think that it's.
00:46:12.050 --> 00:46:24.219
It's very beneficial for the people who are using it and you know, hopefully somebody out there listening will say, hey, this is me and I need D'Esteen.
00:46:24.239 --> 00:46:26.784
Thank you, um, so you know one of the things that I like to do and I need D'Esteen, thank you.
00:46:26.784 --> 00:46:32.954
So you know, one of the things that I like to do and I want to put that out there first is just, I have a lot of free resources anyway.
00:46:32.954 --> 00:46:40.594
So I have boundary scripts and I have kind of breath work and yoga, nidra, and I also run some classes for free during the year.
00:46:40.594 --> 00:46:43.568
So please check me out and I'll give you all of my information later.
00:46:43.568 --> 00:46:50.447
But if it's something that you know, you just want to grab something quick, there's resources that I build and have available to you guys.
00:46:50.447 --> 00:46:52.512
So please take advantage of those.
00:46:52.831 --> 00:47:18.231
The program I'm really excited for because I have been working on this and developing it in this form for months and months and months, interviewing so many teachers and figuring out what they need, what's worked for them, what doesn't work for them, because the last thing I wanted to do as an educator is something that's done to us a lot of times is to have this top-down approach and we're told what's best for us, and I really wanted to create something that was best for teachers, you know.
00:47:18.231 --> 00:47:22.108
So what came out of that really was that community is really important.
00:47:22.108 --> 00:47:28.405
Coaching and support and mentorship is really important, really important.
00:47:28.405 --> 00:47:30.389
Coaching and support and mentorship is really important.
00:47:30.389 --> 00:47:44.688
Simple, like science-backed um tools is really really important that we can use quickly, in like 15 minutes time um and creating a space to talk about our experiences and be supported by like-minded people who know what's going on.
00:47:44.688 --> 00:47:51.597
So I've tried to put all of that together and it's a kind of online coaching slash well-being program.
00:47:51.597 --> 00:47:53.331
It includes breath work.
00:47:53.331 --> 00:48:02.315
It includes body work, so somatic practices, just like body scans, but also stretching and gentle, restorative yoga.
00:48:03.065 --> 00:48:19.938
But predominantly it's about creating long term sustainable tools that we can use for the rest of our lives, whatever space we're in, to ensure that we can acknowledge and notice when we're not feeling great and do something about it.
00:48:19.938 --> 00:48:31.519
So some of the things it's going to include we're going to learn about what burnout actually is, what trauma is, and kind of put some theory behind that and science behind that, so that we really understand and can recognize when we're in that space.
00:48:31.519 --> 00:48:35.353
We're going to be doing a lot of work on the nervous system.
00:48:35.353 --> 00:49:05.717
So, as you know, our nervous systems are really out of whack and imbalanced, which leads to like chronic stress, lack of sleep, apathy, disconnection with the people that we love and all of these things, and so we're going to be working on rebalancing our nervous system and what that looks like in terms of reprogramming the way that we are and knowing when we're in fight or flight and how to reduce that and get back to a space of kind of safety and clarity.
00:49:05.717 --> 00:49:12.304
We're going to be looking at self-doubt and self-criticism, because that's something that came up time and time and time again.
00:49:12.766 --> 00:49:31.041
Teachers are perfectionists and we are never, ever doing it well enough, and I think that, um, you know, all I kept hearing from teachers is I just want to feel like I'm doing enough and that I'm good enough, and it doesn't matter how many times we're told that.
00:49:31.041 --> 00:49:32.987
I think it's almost ingrained in us.
00:49:32.987 --> 00:49:39.606
I don't know what the the training um process is for teachers in the us, but I know it's a.
00:49:39.606 --> 00:49:48.599
The fundamental kind of rock stone for teacher training in the UK is self-reflective practices.
00:49:48.599 --> 00:49:53.817
Basically, all that means is someone to keep telling you that you could do it better.
00:49:53.817 --> 00:49:56.592
You know you're constantly like how could that planning have been better?
00:49:56.592 --> 00:49:58.489
How could my behavior management be better?
00:49:58.489 --> 00:50:00.173
How could I reach that child a little bit better?
00:50:00.173 --> 00:50:01.885
How could I have responded to that?
00:50:01.885 --> 00:50:04.391
You know, how could I have managed my time better.
00:50:04.391 --> 00:50:04.710
How could?
00:50:04.710 --> 00:50:19.177
So we're always being told we're not good enough and then that you know we wonder why we're constantly criticizing ourselves and feeling like what we are doing isn't working or isn't good enough.
00:50:19.177 --> 00:50:29.996
You know, and that's all the way, from newly qualified teachers who've just stepped in the classroom to teachers I know that have been teaching for 35, 40 years that still feel they have not got it right and they're not doing enough.
00:50:30.577 --> 00:50:48.126
So a lot of the work we're going to be doing is coaching around self-critical talk and how we kind of disparage that and how we move to reframing our mindsets so that we're not in this kind of critical space, which is super damaging for our brain and and it almost well does rewire us for really negative talk.
00:50:48.126 --> 00:50:59.387
And we're going to be doing a lot on time and energy management, which is really about creating boundaries and knowing what we need to prioritize and things that we can let go and let slip.
00:50:59.387 --> 00:51:13.199
Like I said before, the to don't lists and the ways that we need to kind of close down our time and make more time for the things that we love and that make us who we are, you know, with our families and just bringing joy back into our lives.
00:51:13.199 --> 00:51:26.737
We're going to be thinking about rituals and so how we actually keep the wellness practices sustainable in small bursts throughout the day and through the week so that we can kind of build on this routine of wellness and self-care.
00:51:26.737 --> 00:51:36.795
And we're going to be looking into restorative practices, so what we do when we're completely out and exhausted and how we kind of pick ourselves back up.
00:51:36.795 --> 00:51:40.490
So it's the process is going to be over six to eight weeks.
00:51:40.530 --> 00:51:44.186
It's all online, it's a combination of all of those things.
00:51:44.186 --> 00:51:50.251
Um, it's also teacher-led and teacher-driven, so we'll figure out as we go along what might be helpful for the cohort.
00:51:50.251 --> 00:51:57.706
Um, it's the beta program coming up in March or maybe April, so it's only going to be 10 of us this time as we work these things out together.
00:51:57.706 --> 00:52:00.028
Um, and I'm really, really excited for it.
00:52:00.028 --> 00:52:01.652
I'm really really excited for it.
00:52:01.652 --> 00:52:03.293
I'm really really excited for it.
00:52:03.293 --> 00:52:05.217
I think that you know it.
00:52:05.217 --> 00:52:19.304
I've done things like this on a smaller scale and I've done wellness programs for teachers and it's always been really well received and feels like it's making you know real changes and that's what I want to do.
00:52:19.304 --> 00:52:21.286
So this is kind of an expanded version of that.
00:52:22.567 --> 00:52:23.768
I think this is amazing.
00:52:23.768 --> 00:52:55.894
All of D'Esteen's information and links are going to be in today's show notes and I will update as you get stuff finished up too, so that anybody that comes and listens to this knows how to get hooked up with what you're doing, because I think the people that are listening they're the people who either have overcome burnout themselves or they are people who are still there, so any resources are good at this point.
00:52:56.304 --> 00:52:58.266
I'd love to send you everything and I'm on.
00:52:58.266 --> 00:53:00.655
Linkedin is my kind of social media of choice.
00:53:00.655 --> 00:53:08.293
Dsd Williams on there and I put out tools every day on there and share some resources on there.
00:53:08.293 --> 00:53:23.068
I do free discovery calls, so you can just email me or send me a message and we can talk about what might work for me, all the way from the program to just some kind of free resources that I might be able to share with you, or just I've had teachers just contact me and say that they just need to scream and vent for 20 minutes, and that's cool too.
00:53:24.311 --> 00:53:26.114
So yeah, free therapy yeah.
00:53:26.155 --> 00:53:33.547
Yeah, so yeah, I'd love to build community and for anyone out there that feels that this resonates wants to connect with me.
00:53:33.547 --> 00:53:35.393
I would be excited to talk to you.
00:53:37.226 --> 00:53:39.972
I so appreciate you coming on the podcast.
00:53:39.972 --> 00:53:43.887
Is there anything else you'd like to share before we end today?
00:53:45.811 --> 00:53:48.597
No, I think we've covered a lot, right, we?
00:53:48.597 --> 00:53:50.932
Did and as you will see, I have no filter.
00:53:50.932 --> 00:53:51.726
This is why I've been.
00:53:51.726 --> 00:53:57.286
Yeah, this is why I was removed from my school in New York and ended up in South Korea, but yeah.
00:53:57.347 --> 00:53:57.867
I like to.
00:53:57.887 --> 00:53:59.692
I'm a very you know.
00:53:59.692 --> 00:54:12.313
My story for me is important because I think many of us feel that we are alone in our experiences and when we realize that we're not, that's life-changing too.
00:54:13.596 --> 00:54:15.358
And you know it's okay to be a boat rocker.
00:54:15.358 --> 00:54:20.213
It is, I can't do anything, but, and that's okay.
00:54:20.213 --> 00:54:22.277
We need some people to rock these boats.
00:54:22.277 --> 00:54:25.056
I tend to be one myself.
00:54:25.056 --> 00:54:26.264
I think we find each other.
00:54:26.364 --> 00:54:30.456
I had a feeling, yeah, I had a feeling we were kindred spirits in that way.
00:54:30.536 --> 00:54:34.353
So, yeah, Thank you so much for being here today.
00:54:35.284 --> 00:54:35.766
You're welcome.
00:54:35.766 --> 00:54:36.971
Thank you so much for having me.
00:54:36.971 --> 00:54:37.534
This has been great.
00:54:44.846 --> 00:54:47.534
Today's episode was produced and edited by me.
00:54:47.534 --> 00:54:51.835
The theme music is by Otis McDonald featuring Joni Ines.
00:54:51.835 --> 00:55:00.275
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00:55:13.237 --> 00:55:17.585
Perhaps you or someone you know will be inspired to talk about teacher burnout.
00:55:17.585 --> 00:55:24.110
If you would like to get your voice on my podcast, contact me via the link on my webpage taughtbuzzsproutcom.
00:55:24.110 --> 00:55:25.710
Contact me via the link on my webpage taughtbuzzsproutcom.
00:55:26.632 --> 00:55:33.617
Coach speaker and author Rashid Ogunlaro said it may take many voices for people to hear the same message.
00:55:33.617 --> 00:55:39.420
Join me in being one of the many voices rising up to get the message out around educator burnout.
00:55:39.420 --> 00:55:41.061
This is Melissa LaFleur.
00:55:41.061 --> 00:55:53.161
Thank you for listening to taught the podcast.
00:55:53.161 --> 00:55:57.974
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00:55:57.974 --> 00:56:11.474
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed by the hosts and guests on this podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any other agency, organization, employer or company.
00:56:11.474 --> 00:56:20.568
Content provided on this podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and should not be taken as professional advice.
00:56:20.568 --> 00:56:30.217
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00:56:30.217 --> 00:56:42.065
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00:56:42.065 --> 00:56:43.570
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