Fully Known

WEBVTT
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Are you tired of performing?
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What if you could finally lay down everything you were never meant to carry?
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This is salt and fruit.
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We're telling the truth about control, surrender, identity, and the freedom waiting on the other side when we give it all to Jesus.
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Come, sit with us.
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Welcome to Salt and Fruit.
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We're back.
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I'm Mac and this is Hillary.
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Hey, are you so excited to talk about what we get to share today?
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Yes.
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Oh my gosh.
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I'm kind of nervous, but I'm so excited.
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Yes.
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We are talking about being fully known.
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Fully known by God.
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And our man.
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Fully known by a man.
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Yes.
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Well, I hope this speaks to somebody today.
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Even if you're single out there and you are seeking your husband, you're praying for your husband.
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You're believing for your husband.
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I hope that these stories are inspiring.
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And encouraging.
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Yeah, and and also like a standard to uphold because you need to be praying specifically for your man.
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Yeah, and be ready for the the interruption because we're gonna talk about that and share a little bit today.
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Yeah what a disruption our men were in the best sense.
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I'm excited.
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Yeah, and not what I thought, not my uh plan.
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No.
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Oh my gosh.
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Okay, but first, so much better.
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Where are you at today?
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Where am I?
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How are you doing?
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Spiritually, emotionally, physically.
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I I am just so grateful.
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I'm so grateful that we get to be here.
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Um, I I'm a little tender, this this topic, you know, pr intimately with with people in real life.
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This is um very much a part of my conversation and like our testimony.
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I am so madly in love with my man.
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And if you know me, you know that.
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But to share this in a published format is um, it's new, but it but not like I've been writing about this for a while and I've been noticing just how sweet our love story is, and I'm just grateful.
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Yeah, and I want it for everybody, yes, so I as tender as it feels, um I I'm okay with the the raw and and just talking about how good God is in these places where my man has pursued me the same way that I I have felt the Lord pursue me.
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So I am tender, but I am ready.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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How about you?
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Where are you at?
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Um, what was that?
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Your emotionally, spiritually, what was that?
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What was that?
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It was all very physical intertwining.
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Very tender, very tender for sure.
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Yeah, but stoked.
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Okay, super stoked.
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Um physically, I'm a little sore.
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From my oldest daughter, we found like we have a nature path by us, and there's like these little workouts, and one of them's abs.
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And she was like, Come on, mom, let's do abs.
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And like, obviously, I do abs every day.
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Right.
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I got this with the coyotes.
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You like coyotes like walking around.
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Literally, yeah, like literally, our dog's like chasing a coyote.
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But we sit and do the ab workout, and it's not hard.
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I'm sore from it.
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It is hard, but at least I did have abs.
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I I'm proud of you.
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Yeah, so I want to keep doing that.
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She's like very motivated right now, so I'm gonna keep going with her.
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Okay.
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Um emotionally, I would say I'm a little tender too, just like bringing these conversations up.
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Um, I'm not gonna lie, like not just mom guilt, but like guilt in general.
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Like I think about this love story and just how good God has been to me with Matt.
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And just he is a stand-up husband, stand-up father, stand-up leader.
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I mean, truly, like what he carries is so great, and he does it so graceful, graciously.
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And I'm just I am so in love with him and so grateful.
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And like in those tense seasons of life, you kind of lose sight of that.
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And so, like, just remembering and writing down this story had me a little bit wapy because I'm like, he's so amazing.
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Like God has blessed me greatly with him.
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And you know what's cool is to get to sit with you and and talk about this.
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I think there is such encouragement in it that sometimes you and I shy away from because we get to enjoy the the pleasure of of being married to these men that love us in such divine ways.
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And and I think sometimes we do feel guilty, um, just just in the luck that, and it's not luck, it's but there is something we need to share because this is what this is what God has in mind for all of his daughters, like, and it doesn't mean it's perfect, it doesn't mean it's gonna be easy, but I think the the the sweat equity of time spent and and honoring one another and enjoying each other, it's really good.
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Yeah, and it's something to be praying for too if you're already married or if you're seeking that husband, like it's something to be praying for because yeah, I truly feel so blessed, but I know that that man is inside every like every man has that potential to become that.
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Right.
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And so, yeah.
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Only in and through the Lord, yeah, absolutely, yeah, yeah.
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It's a it's a fine line of like trusting the Lord and not settling and trusting the Lord and not settling.
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It's it's it's a fine line to walk for sure.
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We're gonna talk about it today.
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Yeah, and I think um what has made our marriage so sweet is like understanding God's love for me.
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And you know, I when I met Matt, I didn't I was freshly recommitting my life to Jesus and um understanding the Lord pursuing me.
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And so like I think that's step one is understanding the love that God has for us before we can accept love from another human being.
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Yeah, which could take a lifetime.
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I mean, I don't think it's like a checklist, I really don't.
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And for me, receiving has been and still is really uncomfortable.
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Yeah.
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Well, let's say what God has to say or what David has to say about God in Psalm 139.
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Oh Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.
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You know when I sit up or stand when I sit down or stand up.
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You know my thoughts, even when I'm far away.
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You see when I travel and when I rest at home.
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You know everything I do.
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You know what I'm going to say even before I say it.
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You go before me and follow me.
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You place your hand of blessing on my hand.
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Such knowledge is too wonderful, too great for me to understand.
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Oh my gosh.
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Yes, yes, same.
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So good.
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Same.
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So good.
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Same.
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So we're gonna tell stories of where the Lord has pursued us.
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Um and and ironically, they both line up with the pursuit, the pursuit of our men of our hearts, and and how we've witnessed the Lord for sure.
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Yeah.
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Will you tell us how you and Max came to be, please?
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Yes.
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Okay, give you some context really quickly.
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Um, one of my favorite novels, aside from Adored.
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Thank you.
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Thank you so much.
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Shout out, shout out to Max novel.
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Go get it.
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I love you.
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So, one of my favorite novels, um, that probably one of the only really books I read in high school, to be completely honest.
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It wasn't a studio scale.
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Well, you're busy.
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Oh yeah.
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So one of my favorite books is Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, and it is a novel based off of the book in the Bible, Hosea.
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Okay, so it is I read it twice because I loved it so much the first time.
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And um in the Bible, we have Hosea pursuing a prostitute, Gomer, which is mirroring God's love for Israel.
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Okay, but in the novel, there's this man named Michael, and he is pursuing also a prostitute named Angel.
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And her real name was Sarah, by the way, but her her her night name was Angel.
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So saucy.
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Oh, he loved her so well, he loved her so purely, so passionately.
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She denied him over and over and over.
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And because why?
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Uh, because she would go back to her brothel and but he his love was so good for her, and she could not accept it because she felt like he was too good for her.
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And so she would return back to her old lifestyle, her own ways.
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Um and she felt like her mistakes, her past were just too much for him to handle.
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Who she was.
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Yeah.
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Who she believed.
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She didn't believe that she was worthy of his love.
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And so she kept, I think, intentionally messing up her life or choosing that sin, choosing the brothel over true choosing the pureness of his love and running into his arms.
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Um, and then he just was persistent.
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I mean, read the book.
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He just time and time again pursues her with grace and compassion.
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So I read that in high school, okay?
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Years later, I not that many years later.
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I know, yeah.
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Yes, little baby.
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I go off, I live in LA.
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I'm living a life so far from God.
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I am literally stiff arming God in every sense of my life.
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And I'm living it up LA style.
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I will spare you the details, maybe for another time, but like just sinning on every front.
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And um crazy story.
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I end up meeting Matt.
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I get invited to church.
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I end up meeting Matt instantly, like we become best friends.
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Like we just hit it off right away.
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And then like feelings start to happen.
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But I know, like, and I'm still living this life of sin.
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Like, and I know he is about to take on this church, and he's about to become a pastor, and he's single.
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And I'm like, and I remember he was like dating someone at the time, and I was just like, I would like talk him up and be like, Yeah, you should get those shoes for her.
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Like, you should get that for her.
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Like, I just never in my wildest dreams thought I would be the girl for him because I just counted myself out from the get-go.
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Like, I'm not worthy to be a future pastor's wife.
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Could you feel the chemical though, like with him as far as I was in complete denial?
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I was like, he's my friend.
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Okay.
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And no, there wasn't instant like you could you you made that cutoff, you made that cognitive decision of like this is where I draw the line.
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Yeah.
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It was not love at first sight.
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Okay.
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No, it was like friends at first, best friends at first sight.
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I was trying to set him up with my friends.
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Dude.
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Because I was like, this guy's amazing.
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Like he's but you're like, not for me.
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Not for me, not for this harlot.
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Like he he's about to be a pastor.
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Like he needs somebody who's been holding out for him.
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Like, and I'm sure that's what his parents want too.
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And so, anyway, we we start this friendship that quickly, quickly turned into chemistry.
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And I remember like, like, I don't know where we were, but I just remember being near him and like I had butterflies for the first time.
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And I was like, Whoa, oh my gosh, this is gonna ruin our friendship.
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Like, this is the worst thing that could have ever happened.
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And I remember telling my friend and being like, I can't, like, I can't say anything.
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It all like it all escalated because we went.
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Um, our my roommate and his best, his roommate at the time too, were on the show Glee together.
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And we went to naturally right drop that in there.
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So cool.
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So we went to this event, they like shut down Universal Studios for us.
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And it was like the whole Glee cast.
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There was like the Kardashians, like all everyone who's anyone is there.
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And I'm a plus one, like I'm just there as a plus one.
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Matt's there as his roommate's plus one.
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You guys just happen to both be there?
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We were yeah, we were invitation intentionally, because they knew that like we were all friends, like we were both the plus ones, like because we all like got along and we're all friends.
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So cool.
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And so we're in this group of guys who were the warblers, and like I was flirty.
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Hold on back up.
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What's a warbler?
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A character on Glee.
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Oh, yeah.
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This is new.
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Okay, cool.
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Love, I love saying that.
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Okay, keep going.
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So there's like this group of guys that we're with, and I'm like flirty flirty with like a few of the guys.
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I have no idea that Matt has any feelings.
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Actually, he's single at this point.
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He's single, yeah.
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He's single, he's teeta.
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He's like kind of seeing this girl, but like not really at this point.
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And so then the deal breaker.
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Oh my gosh, this is so funny.
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I hope no one kills me for this story.
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But so the deal breaker is you remember those like flip books?
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Like, yeah, sure.
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And it would like make a big yeah, make a picture.
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Uh-huh.
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So his best friend slash roommate like dips and kisses me in this flip book.
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And I about saw smoke come out of Matt's ears.
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And the rest of the night, he walked in the back of the group with like pouty arms crossed.
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Like, is he mad at you?
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I'm mad at his home.
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He's mad at everybody.
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He's mad at everybody.
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He's mad at everybody.
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Are you okay?
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Like, I have no idea.
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I'm like, are you okay?
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Why are you mad?
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He's like, I'm fine.
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Like he like stays at the back of the group.
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I go on flirting, dumb as ever with everyone else.
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And at the end of the night, we get into his roommate's car who's off talking to someone, and I'm sitting in the back.
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And it was one of those, like, remember those like pony acts where you had to like this front, like not four-door, two-door, and then you had to like pull the front seat forward, like hop in the back.
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So I'm in the back.
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Yes.
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His best friend's like the driver, and then Matt's in the passenger seat in front of me.
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So I'm like stuck in the back of the car.
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And I'm like, hey, it's just us two in the car, like waiting for our driver to come on.
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Okay.
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Like, you were in such a bad mood today.
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Like, our what's going on?
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He's like, I like you.
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Oh, yeah.
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Can't you tell?
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Yeah.
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Like I had no idea.
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Like, we're best friends.
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I thought that, like, I do have something for you, but I didn't want to ruin our friendship.
00:14:59.200 --> 00:15:00.399
Like, it's just too precious to me.
00:15:00.879 --> 00:15:01.360
So good.
00:15:01.600 --> 00:15:02.720
I was like, well, I like you.
00:15:02.960 --> 00:15:04.159
And that killed me tonight.
00:15:04.480 --> 00:15:06.320
I'm like, oh my gosh.
00:15:06.639 --> 00:15:07.759
Like, so what'd you say?
00:15:08.159 --> 00:15:08.799
I like you too.
00:15:09.360 --> 00:15:09.600
Yeah.
00:15:09.759 --> 00:15:13.919
And I'm like facing it at the back of his head in your pontiac type.
00:15:14.159 --> 00:15:15.840
And then we both had blackberries.
00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:17.200
And so we like, what was it?
00:15:17.360 --> 00:15:17.759
BBM?
00:15:17.840 --> 00:15:20.480
Was it the BBM that you would do back and forth?
00:15:20.639 --> 00:15:20.799
Yeah.
00:15:21.039 --> 00:15:21.919
I didn't have a phone that big.
00:15:22.480 --> 00:15:23.360
BBM'd all night.
00:15:23.440 --> 00:15:25.039
And I would like watch it go red.
00:15:25.279 --> 00:15:26.159
Like so cute.
00:15:26.240 --> 00:15:28.720
I'm like, I I have had feelings for you this whole time.
00:15:29.039 --> 00:15:29.519
That's so cute.
00:15:29.759 --> 00:15:35.360
Anyway, he then that kind of unraveled him now pursuing me for real.
00:15:35.440 --> 00:15:37.120
And that freaked me the heck out.
00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:38.960
Cause I'm like, wait, hold on.
00:15:39.039 --> 00:15:45.279
I have to tell you everything I did like last night, like this last week, because I don't think you're gonna like me anymore.
00:15:45.360 --> 00:15:49.039
So let me just like get it out there and give you the opportunity to walk away.
00:15:49.279 --> 00:15:54.559
That's so cool that you you were close enough from the get-go to say as friends.
00:15:54.799 --> 00:15:55.039
Right.
00:15:55.120 --> 00:15:56.480
But I'm gonna share this with you.
00:15:56.639 --> 00:15:56.960
Yeah.
00:15:57.120 --> 00:15:59.519
And I literally was like doing damage control.
00:15:59.600 --> 00:16:02.240
I'm like, like, I don't want you to find this out.
00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:03.759
But but but you didn't.
00:16:03.840 --> 00:16:04.799
And then what did he say?
00:16:05.039 --> 00:16:05.840
He's like, I don't care.
00:16:05.919 --> 00:16:06.240
I don't care.
00:16:06.320 --> 00:16:08.559
And like at a certain point, he was like, I don't want to hear anymore.
00:16:08.720 --> 00:16:09.919
Like it's hurting me.
00:16:10.320 --> 00:16:13.360
And I know that you've done things and it's okay.
00:16:13.679 --> 00:16:14.879
I really like you.
00:16:15.679 --> 00:16:18.799
And he just like, oh my gosh, that man.
00:16:18.960 --> 00:16:23.039
He he pursued me like I've never been pursued in my life.
00:16:23.120 --> 00:16:25.360
He showed up just randomly.
00:16:25.440 --> 00:16:28.639
I remember I was nannying for some Lakers player at the time.
00:16:28.879 --> 00:16:32.399
And he showed up at my house and filled my room.
00:16:32.639 --> 00:16:40.159
He he like no way brought the helium take from church and like filled my room with balloons with notes inside of them.
00:16:41.440 --> 00:16:46.159
And I it was so foreign to me that I would get mad at him and I was like Yeah.
00:16:46.399 --> 00:16:47.919
Like I could not accept this love.
00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:49.440
I'm telling you, I'm angel.
00:16:49.679 --> 00:16:51.360
I'm I'm Gomer.
00:16:51.440 --> 00:16:53.279
Like I was like, I can't take this.
00:16:53.440 --> 00:16:55.919
Like this is you're too good to me, and I'm gonna hurt you.
00:16:56.080 --> 00:17:08.079
Like okay, we'll say more because like the the inability to receive, I think is something that we really women, when we know shame, it is so close, right?
00:17:08.240 --> 00:17:12.480
It's almost like we really take that on as who we are.
00:17:12.720 --> 00:17:12.960
Yeah.
00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:20.640
Like, did you did did it take just time after time of him coming after you where you finally believed him?
00:17:20.799 --> 00:17:25.519
Like, what was the point where you were like, okay, I believe what he's saying about me?
00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:43.200
Yeah, I think he continued to pursue me and he was so kind to me, and just like those extravagant expressions of his love he would do, and um there came a time where I was like, like, I can't do it anymore.
00:17:43.279 --> 00:17:47.759
And I remember I broke up with him in my kitchen and I was like, I can't do it anymore.
00:17:47.839 --> 00:17:49.680
Like, I need space.
00:17:50.400 --> 00:18:04.319
And um, I think we were in a time fasting and praying in our church, and I just prayed and I'm like, Lord, give me, give me confirmation through like this overwhelming, like, I gotta be with this guy or nothing.
00:18:04.480 --> 00:18:11.440
Like, let me know, like, give me this desire to be with him and only him, and like you gotta let me know.
00:18:11.599 --> 00:18:21.440
And then literally, like, I was like, I want you to give me like a passion for him that continues to grow my entire life, and that has like the Lord is still answering that prayer to this day.
00:18:21.519 --> 00:18:26.079
Like, I love him more and more every single day, and like our love only grows stronger.
00:18:26.319 --> 00:18:28.880
Yeah, that's what it does, that's how it's supposed to be.
00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:32.880
So it was the Lord that confirmed it for sure, like with in time away.
00:18:33.279 --> 00:18:36.160
Um, but like I it was so hard for me to receive that love.
00:18:36.319 --> 00:18:46.160
And did you feel like the Lord spoke over you where you were finally in agreement with him rather than what you'd believed about yourself up until that point?
00:18:46.319 --> 00:18:46.799
Or did you think that's a good idea?
00:18:46.960 --> 00:18:54.960
Yeah, I think I still struggled with yeah, that took a long time and then like into our marriage, like definitely had to like work through insecurities with like intimacy and stuff.
00:18:55.519 --> 00:19:00.960
Um, because yeah, Matt was a virgin and I was not, and so I like I now it was just tough.
00:19:01.039 --> 00:19:02.160
It was a tough dynamic.
00:19:02.480 --> 00:19:06.799
Being seen is is that piece of intimacy that we underestimate, I think.
00:19:07.039 --> 00:19:07.359
Yeah.
00:19:07.519 --> 00:19:22.319
And to be fully known in that place, I think I think of just what the Lord does with that tenderness and the vulnerability of allowing our man to see us completely laid bare.
00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:22.799
Yeah.
00:19:23.039 --> 00:19:25.119
It's really, really scary.
00:19:25.279 --> 00:19:25.599
Yeah.
00:19:26.079 --> 00:19:35.839
But when we do that and we receive their love and affection and that complete knowing, there is nothing greater.
00:19:36.319 --> 00:19:39.759
It is, it is, it is a miracle.
00:19:39.920 --> 00:19:40.160
Yeah.
00:19:40.319 --> 00:19:50.559
And I really, I know that it is a glimpse of heaven because the Lord sees all of it and still it's so good.
00:19:51.359 --> 00:19:51.759
Yeah.
00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:57.920
I think that was like the turning point for me for sure, is just like laying it all out there of everything that I had done.
00:19:58.079 --> 00:19:58.240
Right.
00:19:58.559 --> 00:20:05.279
And Matt still accepting me and like pursuing me regardless was a beautiful picture of how the Lord loves us.
00:20:05.599 --> 00:20:08.160
And Matt's like, I don't see you like that.
00:20:08.319 --> 00:20:09.279
Like, I see you.
00:20:09.680 --> 00:20:11.839
He immediately disagreed with how you saw yourself.
00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:12.240
Yeah.
00:20:12.640 --> 00:20:15.759
Because he knew he could see you more clearly.
00:20:15.920 --> 00:20:16.160
Yeah.
00:20:16.400 --> 00:20:20.400
Which is one of those like beautiful mercies of marriage, right?
00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:26.720
Yeah, and with the Lord, like he, because of what he did on the cross, like he sees us righteous.
00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:27.279
Right.
00:20:27.519 --> 00:20:28.559
Without blemish.
00:20:28.880 --> 00:20:30.160
Which makes no sense.
00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:30.559
Yeah.
00:20:30.640 --> 00:20:40.799
So when Matt did that for me, I was like, if there's a man loving me like this, how much more does my heavenly father love me?
00:20:40.880 --> 00:20:47.839
And how much more does like how does your sin is as far as from the east to the west, like he doesn't see me that way.
00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:50.400
Like he doesn't, he doesn't see me as Gomer.
00:20:50.880 --> 00:20:56.240
He sees he sees my future and like what's to come.
00:20:56.400 --> 00:20:56.880
Yes.
00:20:57.200 --> 00:21:02.640
And so that was like the most that was the most humbling time of my life.
00:21:02.880 --> 00:21:13.039
And that was when I like truly just repented to the Lord and was like repented and got up and was like, that's not me anymore.
00:21:13.279 --> 00:21:14.960
And I'm gonna walk out this new life.
00:21:15.039 --> 00:21:18.000
And I and it was weird too for those who had known me.
00:21:18.160 --> 00:21:21.599
Like sure, everyone saw the change in me immediately.
00:21:21.759 --> 00:21:24.400
Like it was a I was a walking testimony.
00:21:24.480 --> 00:21:39.680
I remember like going on vacation with my family that year that I I had brought Matt on vacation the year before, and then I go on this vacation the year after, and my aunt and uncle are like, Hill, you look different, like you look right different, like your face is shining.
00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:43.759
I'm like, that's God that's Jesus shining his face on me.
00:21:44.000 --> 00:21:47.039
Right, and they knew it, like they're believers, they knew it.
00:21:47.119 --> 00:21:57.119
Yeah, but like you gotta see, like before you are seen by a man, you have to be know that you are seen by God.
00:21:57.359 --> 00:21:59.680
And I'm a slow learner, I'm a visible.
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:00.400
Learn it.
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:04.640
Thank God He blessed me with that story to be able to like I got both at once.
00:22:05.039 --> 00:22:06.400
I feel so blessed.
00:22:06.720 --> 00:22:15.440
See, I feel like I know that the right order, I understand the orderedness of that we would we would understand how the Lord sees us and right.
00:22:15.759 --> 00:22:23.039
I yeah, I I definitely it has been through Jay that I've learned how to receive that for sure.
00:22:23.200 --> 00:22:31.359
And the physicality of that, like we talked about, but then also like what you're saying, the the joy of the Lord is so visible physically.
00:22:31.519 --> 00:22:32.880
I think we underestimate that.
00:22:33.039 --> 00:22:34.000
Yeah, for sure.
00:22:34.160 --> 00:22:35.359
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:36.640
Yeah, okay.
00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:37.200
Tell your story.
00:22:37.279 --> 00:22:38.000
I'm excited.
00:22:38.319 --> 00:22:44.079
Well, wait, both of our, I feel like the the beautiful timing of it, it's it's Ecclesiastes 3.11.
00:22:44.240 --> 00:22:44.559
Yes.
00:22:44.799 --> 00:22:47.119
That he makes all things beautiful in its time.
00:22:47.680 --> 00:22:57.039
And so allowing things to marinate and transform, there's patience that that's required there, but then there's trust, right?
00:22:57.359 --> 00:23:04.480
And similarly, Jay completely disrupted the the time I was trying to have.
00:23:04.960 --> 00:23:07.359
I tried to move to the south.
00:23:07.599 --> 00:23:09.759
I was, I feel like running away.
00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:10.880
Where were you trying to move?
00:23:11.039 --> 00:23:13.680
I went to UGA for art.
00:23:14.400 --> 00:23:15.839
And I in Georgia.
00:23:16.160 --> 00:23:16.480
Georgia.
00:23:16.640 --> 00:23:17.279
Yeah.
00:23:18.000 --> 00:23:18.400
Yeah.
00:23:18.480 --> 00:23:20.079
I was supposed to go to school in LA.
00:23:20.240 --> 00:23:23.200
I had a complete Menti B and then failed.
00:23:23.599 --> 00:23:24.480
Mental prick.
00:23:25.119 --> 00:23:25.599
I did.
00:23:25.680 --> 00:23:28.400
I was supposed to study business and I was like all planned out.
00:23:28.480 --> 00:23:30.400
And then I went to my dad and I was like, there was no way.
00:23:30.640 --> 00:23:31.200
Oh my God.
00:23:31.359 --> 00:23:31.920
Yeah, pivoted.
00:23:32.079 --> 00:23:32.960
I was like, no, I'm supposed to be.
00:23:33.519 --> 00:23:34.480
What did Paul say?
00:23:34.720 --> 00:23:36.799
He was so kind and generous.
00:23:37.359 --> 00:23:40.079
He my mom totally knew, saw it coming.
00:23:40.319 --> 00:23:44.720
My dad met me with Grace and said, Okay, let's go.
00:23:45.200 --> 00:23:53.519
And anyways, Jay actually, my husband grew up in Reno, Nevada, but he's best friends with my cousin.
00:23:53.839 --> 00:23:55.759
And um, yeah.
00:23:55.839 --> 00:23:58.079
So they would they're a little bit older than me, too.
00:23:58.319 --> 00:23:59.119
Okay, yes, yes, yes.
00:23:59.440 --> 00:23:59.759
Yeah.
00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:04.799
So they would come down and spend summers with my grandparents, like in Newport and Laguna.
00:24:04.880 --> 00:24:05.279
They go back.
00:24:05.519 --> 00:24:06.480
How old are you at that time?
00:24:06.640 --> 00:24:08.160
Oh, I was a child.
00:24:08.319 --> 00:24:11.920
Like I was like in a crib and he was out swinging golf clubs.
00:24:12.160 --> 00:24:12.480
Stop.
00:24:12.720 --> 00:24:13.839
Yeah, for sure.
00:24:14.079 --> 00:24:21.200
But then, so, so then my grandfather passes away when I'm 18, and I meet his mom and his stepdad at the funeral.
00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:21.759
Oh, wow.
00:24:21.920 --> 00:24:25.519
And they're like, Oh, you know, you're gonna meet our sons at your cousin's wedding.
00:24:25.680 --> 00:24:27.680
Six months later, we're there.
00:24:28.000 --> 00:24:31.920
Um, and Jay is the best man at at my cousin's wedding.
00:24:32.240 --> 00:24:41.599
So my cousin technically said that my sister and I were off limits to his roomsman, Jay included.
00:24:42.000 --> 00:24:43.759
That um that didn't happen.
00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:45.519
That did not happen.
00:24:46.319 --> 00:24:47.519
It was game off.
00:24:47.759 --> 00:24:49.519
Well, you're well, Jay's from Reno.
00:24:49.759 --> 00:24:49.920
Yeah.
00:24:50.160 --> 00:24:51.440
So there's no rules.
00:24:51.680 --> 00:24:53.200
There are no rules in Nevada.
00:24:53.519 --> 00:24:54.160
I've learned that.
00:24:54.319 --> 00:24:54.480
Yeah.
00:24:54.559 --> 00:24:55.279
It really, yeah.
00:24:55.359 --> 00:25:00.799
He was he was trying to be super respectful, but I was I I don't know.
00:25:00.960 --> 00:25:07.599
There was just something like as soon as we met, I write about this in the book, like fiction, of course, but it's all true.
00:25:07.839 --> 00:25:08.960
It was immediate.
00:25:09.200 --> 00:25:10.079
Love at first sight.
00:25:10.240 --> 00:25:10.480
Yeah.
00:25:10.720 --> 00:25:10.960
Wow.
00:25:11.200 --> 00:25:11.440
Yeah.
00:25:11.599 --> 00:25:13.039
He was just such a man.
00:25:13.759 --> 00:25:14.079
Yeah.
00:25:14.559 --> 00:25:15.200
You're 18.
00:25:15.359 --> 00:25:15.920
I was 18.
00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:16.799
He was 28.
00:25:17.039 --> 00:25:18.640
Everyone's a man to an 18 year old.
00:25:19.039 --> 00:25:21.119
Listen, pal, I like a molder.
00:25:21.440 --> 00:25:21.759
Okay.
00:25:22.480 --> 00:25:27.519
It just, yeah, I need someone a little bit ahead of us, you know, to actually teach me something.
00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:28.079
Yeah.
00:25:28.319 --> 00:25:28.640
Yeah.
00:25:28.799 --> 00:25:29.599
We were apart.
00:25:29.759 --> 00:25:36.160
So I moved to Georgia and he shows up for a Georgia football game out of nowhere.
00:25:36.319 --> 00:25:39.119
And he like said, Hey, I'm coming into town.
00:25:39.359 --> 00:25:43.839
Um, and then eventually admitted he was there to see me.
00:25:44.079 --> 00:25:46.640
And then from that point on, we were inseparable.
00:25:46.880 --> 00:25:48.240
We spoke every day.
00:25:48.480 --> 00:25:49.359
We would meet up.
00:25:49.440 --> 00:25:52.240
We met up in San Francisco for New Year's Eve.
00:25:52.480 --> 00:25:59.039
He eventually came down to Orange County, met me here on a, you know, holiday weekend to reintroduce himself to mom and dad.
00:25:59.200 --> 00:25:59.920
Oh my gosh.
00:26:00.319 --> 00:26:05.680
Um and he at every point just tried to meet me.
00:26:05.839 --> 00:26:08.640
At that trip, he ended up taking me.
00:26:08.799 --> 00:26:12.000
I took him actually to King's, to the King's Fish House.
00:26:12.160 --> 00:26:14.960
And I thought we were just gonna have Bloody Marys and Oysters.
00:26:15.200 --> 00:26:19.599
And he's like, listen, I am falling for you.
00:26:20.079 --> 00:26:25.359
And if you aren't, we can't do this because you'll break my heart.
00:26:25.519 --> 00:26:26.079
Yeah.
00:26:26.319 --> 00:26:28.240
And it was like done.
00:26:28.480 --> 00:26:31.359
I already, I knew, like my whole self knew.
00:26:31.519 --> 00:26:35.599
Like he put it all out there and it was done.
00:26:35.680 --> 00:26:38.960
I said, okay, you can't propose till I'm done with this degree.
00:26:39.200 --> 00:26:42.640
I moved back across the country to be with him in Nevada.
00:26:42.880 --> 00:26:44.720
And three years later I graduated.
00:26:44.880 --> 00:26:46.319
We got married a month later.
00:26:46.640 --> 00:26:47.279
Wow.
00:26:47.759 --> 00:26:48.960
Yeah, it's good.
00:26:49.200 --> 00:26:50.079
That's beautiful.
00:26:50.319 --> 00:26:50.559
Yeah.
00:26:50.799 --> 00:26:58.400
And he, I mean, there's all these just sweet moments of him helping me find a new school.
00:26:58.559 --> 00:27:00.559
Like I thought, oh, I'm gonna go to San Francisco.
00:27:00.640 --> 00:27:03.519
And he's like, hey, can I show you my school in my hometown?
00:27:03.759 --> 00:27:05.680
And I was like, Yeah, sure.
00:27:05.920 --> 00:27:10.079
You know, and the whole time it's all waiting for you.
00:27:10.480 --> 00:27:12.319
Like God writes these things.
00:27:12.480 --> 00:27:21.359
If you if you trust him to write your story, yeah, he will make it so much better than anything you had in mind.
00:27:21.519 --> 00:27:21.920
Yep.
00:27:22.319 --> 00:27:23.279
Every turn.
00:27:23.839 --> 00:27:25.759
Matthew 6, 33.
00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:26.160
Yes.
00:27:26.480 --> 00:27:30.799
Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
00:27:31.119 --> 00:27:32.559
Dude, break it down.
00:27:32.960 --> 00:27:37.839
Like seeking, there it goes so far past desire, right?
00:27:38.160 --> 00:27:42.079
There's this trust in knowing who you're going after.
00:27:42.240 --> 00:27:42.640
Yep.
00:27:42.880 --> 00:27:45.119
And I didn't fully understand that, you know.
00:27:45.279 --> 00:27:50.079
I mean, it still took time, but I do think we can sense things.
00:27:50.559 --> 00:27:55.599
Um, the the closer we get to the Lord, the stronger that sense is.
00:27:55.839 --> 00:27:56.079
Yeah.
00:27:56.240 --> 00:28:07.759
I mean, I was a baby Christian, but because my church was doing a season of prayer and fasting and like holding our hand through it, I was able to join in on that.
00:28:07.920 --> 00:28:13.839
Yeah, wholeheartedly, even though I didn't fully understand what it was, but like that's seeking.
00:28:14.000 --> 00:28:17.599
Like if you're in a season of like, I don't know, like pray and fast.
00:28:18.160 --> 00:28:18.720
Jump in.
00:28:18.880 --> 00:28:28.640
If you think like if if there's a sense of like you need to lay it down like more, put more skin in the game and you don't know how to do that, it just just try.
00:28:28.799 --> 00:28:29.119
Yeah.
00:28:29.359 --> 00:28:30.960
Fasting and praying is one of those things.
00:28:31.599 --> 00:28:32.000
First.
00:28:32.240 --> 00:28:34.000
First first, seek first.
00:28:34.240 --> 00:28:47.680
And so often we go self-help first or go gosh, call and there's nothing wrong with like calling a friend, but like you can't that can't be your foundation.
00:28:47.920 --> 00:28:52.559
Your foundation first needs to be seeking the Lord and whatever he has.
00:28:52.720 --> 00:28:55.680
Because when I met Matt, everyone thought I was crazy.
00:28:55.920 --> 00:28:57.680
I'm like 19.
00:28:58.400 --> 00:29:01.759
I'm pursuing acting in LA and this disruption.
00:29:02.160 --> 00:29:02.880
The disruption.
00:29:03.039 --> 00:29:04.000
Right, right, right, right.
00:29:04.160 --> 00:29:06.640
And they're like, wait, she's she's in acting school.
00:29:06.720 --> 00:29:07.440
Like, she's pursuing her.
00:29:07.839 --> 00:29:08.319
Isn't that things?
00:29:08.640 --> 00:29:10.960
Like, yeah, why would she date a pastor?
00:29:11.039 --> 00:29:14.559
He's just gonna like tie her up and hold her back.
00:29:15.119 --> 00:29:20.319
And yet, and yet my life has never been more full.
00:29:20.640 --> 00:29:21.119
Right.
00:29:21.519 --> 00:29:22.720
It's interesting too.
00:29:22.799 --> 00:29:31.279
I think, I think our proximity to the Lord, you you can make those bold decisions in him trusting that with full confidence.
00:29:31.440 --> 00:29:31.599
Right.
00:29:31.759 --> 00:29:34.400
I'm a baby Christian at that point.
00:29:34.559 --> 00:29:41.200
And I'm like, no, I know that I know that this is the man for me and this is the life for me.
00:29:41.359 --> 00:29:41.839
Yes.
00:29:42.079 --> 00:29:50.240
And I'm I spent my entire life to get to where I'm at in this acting school and to do these things and to be around these people in LA.
00:29:50.559 --> 00:29:53.680
And yet it doesn't matter.
00:29:53.839 --> 00:29:55.519
The Lord is calling me out.
00:29:55.599 --> 00:29:55.680
Right.
00:29:55.920 --> 00:29:57.519
He's calling me elsewhere.
00:29:57.839 --> 00:29:58.160
Yeah.
00:29:58.319 --> 00:29:59.839
And it will humble you.
00:30:00.079 --> 00:30:05.599
There's that season of like when you when you I do believe that your mate will disrupt you.
00:30:05.680 --> 00:30:06.000
Yeah.
00:30:06.160 --> 00:30:09.279
And it will throw you off in the best sense.
00:30:09.519 --> 00:30:16.160
And you will have to not give a rip about what the people around you are saying.
00:30:16.400 --> 00:30:20.720
If they don't, if they aren't close to the Lord, it's not gonna make sense.
00:30:20.960 --> 00:30:21.119
No.
00:30:21.279 --> 00:30:22.319
But isn't it interesting?
00:30:22.480 --> 00:30:26.559
Those who are, they're like full send, yes, go.
00:30:26.799 --> 00:30:28.079
Like trust him.
00:30:28.319 --> 00:30:28.640
Yeah.
00:30:28.880 --> 00:30:34.000
Because they know it's not just a good time, but he has all these things in store for us.
00:30:34.319 --> 00:30:34.880
For sure.
00:30:35.119 --> 00:30:35.440
Okay.
00:30:35.680 --> 00:30:55.119
Also, his righteousness, I will tell you, like in that season of my life, I was so nervous coming back to church, coming back to the Lord, because in my own strength through seasons of my life, I had come in and out of the church so many times and done it on my own strength and then fallen back into a life of sin.
00:30:55.279 --> 00:30:57.359
And I was like, I don't want to do that again.
00:30:57.440 --> 00:30:59.599
I don't want to like be fake Christian again.
00:30:59.759 --> 00:31:02.400
And then everyone's like, oh, she's out again.
00:31:02.559 --> 00:31:04.079
She's in again, out again.
00:31:04.240 --> 00:31:07.039
And I'm like, this time I want it to be real.
00:31:07.279 --> 00:31:09.039
I want it to be lifelong.
00:31:09.279 --> 00:31:18.880
And I know there's so many people that like have that fear of coming back to the Lord or have that fear of stepping into church and being like, I think it's the fear of man.
00:31:19.039 --> 00:31:19.599
For sure.
00:31:19.920 --> 00:31:22.000
It has nothing to do with what's real.
00:31:22.720 --> 00:31:25.839
Even if it is, okay, fine, the judgment might be real.
00:31:26.480 --> 00:31:27.920
You have to keep going.
00:31:28.079 --> 00:31:28.400
Yeah.
00:31:28.640 --> 00:31:29.759
You're missing out.
00:31:29.920 --> 00:31:30.559
Yeah.
00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:32.880
It it honestly has nothing to do with you.
00:31:33.039 --> 00:31:33.279
Yeah.
00:31:33.440 --> 00:31:36.079
You might have made those choices in the past.
00:31:36.319 --> 00:31:37.359
God does not care.
00:31:37.599 --> 00:31:43.519
I think at that point in my life, I was so full send relying on the Holy Spirit.
00:31:43.599 --> 00:31:48.799
I was so all in, just like, Lord, this makes no sense.
00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:52.079
But I I'm gonna, it's all you or nothing.
00:31:52.400 --> 00:31:54.799
Like I'm going all in for you.
00:31:55.359 --> 00:31:56.559
And that's the only way.
00:31:56.880 --> 00:31:59.119
So I I owned his righteousness.
00:31:59.200 --> 00:32:04.400
Like I owned his calling for my life because I'm like, this is crazy.
00:32:04.559 --> 00:32:04.960
Yeah.
00:32:05.119 --> 00:32:06.000
So let's go.
00:32:06.160 --> 00:32:06.720
Yeah.
00:32:06.960 --> 00:32:09.200
Because it it it appears that way.
00:32:09.440 --> 00:32:10.960
Unless you're really close to him.
00:32:11.119 --> 00:32:11.359
Yeah.
00:32:11.519 --> 00:32:17.200
And you just have that that full send confidence that's not doesn't belong to you for sure.
00:32:17.519 --> 00:32:18.319
It's the best.
00:32:18.480 --> 00:32:18.960
Yep.
00:32:19.200 --> 00:32:20.880
Everything else will be added.
00:32:22.000 --> 00:32:22.640
So good.
00:32:22.880 --> 00:32:25.680
So I'm curious where people are at today.
00:32:25.920 --> 00:32:34.640
Are you are you knowing that that scripture, Ecclesiastes 3.11, he has made everything beautiful in its time.
00:32:34.799 --> 00:32:37.039
He has also set eternity in the human heart.
00:32:37.119 --> 00:32:41.599
Yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
00:32:43.440 --> 00:32:52.799
We have to know that we know that he's gonna cause all things together to work for his good.
00:32:54.079 --> 00:33:07.680
I would I do wonder, I think if if you are in a place where you're not sure and you're not sure if you're trustworthy to keep going, he is.
00:33:08.160 --> 00:33:22.400
And I would encourage anyone to get as close as possible and to read his his words so that you can discern his voice over your life because ours get muddied and confusing, and he is not.
00:33:39.359 --> 00:33:42.799
And the encouragement that that overflows to your husband.
00:33:42.880 --> 00:33:43.839
Yeah, right.
00:33:43.920 --> 00:33:48.240
I I I the only way to become is to know who he says you are.
00:33:48.640 --> 00:33:52.960
And the only way you can do that is to be able to discern his voice and to read his word.
00:33:54.720 --> 00:33:57.119
That's the only the only way we have a chance.
00:33:57.359 --> 00:33:57.680
Yeah.
00:33:58.400 --> 00:33:58.880
That's good.
00:33:59.200 --> 00:34:07.680
He loves you, he chose you, he formed you, he had a plan for you before you were even in your mother's womb.
00:34:08.800 --> 00:34:10.639
He sent his son to die for you.
00:34:11.599 --> 00:34:13.679
He'll continue to choose you no matter what.
00:34:14.320 --> 00:34:15.199
That's so good.
00:34:16.159 --> 00:34:17.119
Will you pray for us?
00:34:17.840 --> 00:34:18.480
Yes.
00:34:22.159 --> 00:34:30.400
Lord Jesus, help us to know today that you love us, that you chose us, Lord, that you have a great plan for our lives.
00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:41.679
Lord, there's so many, so many of us that go through seasons of just wandering and stiff arming you.
00:34:42.559 --> 00:34:52.480
And Lord, today we just surrendered to you and your plan and your ways, and we uh rebuke the enemy's lies over us, telling us who we were or the mistakes that we made.
00:34:52.559 --> 00:34:53.679
That doesn't define us.
00:34:54.239 --> 00:34:54.480
Thank you.
00:34:54.800 --> 00:34:58.559
Your word defines us, who you say we are defines us.
00:34:58.800 --> 00:35:12.639
Our identity is found in you and you alone, not our mistakes, not our past life, not our circumstances, not where we came from, but you and your word alone.
00:35:12.960 --> 00:35:15.280
Thank you, Lord, that we have that promise.
00:35:15.519 --> 00:35:19.440
Thank you, Lord, that you pursue us and that you have been.
00:35:19.920 --> 00:35:39.599
And I pray for anyone who is out there that is longing to be pursued by a man that right now, by the power of your Holy Spirit, would know that they have a heavenly father pursuing them, knocking on their door, and all we have to do is put you first, God, seek you first.
00:35:40.719 --> 00:35:43.039
Everything else will fall into place.
00:35:43.360 --> 00:35:47.599
God, you have a perfect husband out there for the women who are longing for that.
00:35:47.840 --> 00:36:01.199
And maybe even women who are already married, Lord, I just pray that they would be encouraged and be praying for their men and be encouraging them by the love that they're being that they're receiving from their Heavenly Father.
00:36:01.840 --> 00:36:05.199
Lord, we thank you for that love and we cling on to it today.
00:36:05.280 --> 00:36:06.559
And we love you in Jesus' name.
00:36:06.639 --> 00:36:06.960
Amen.
00:36:07.199 --> 00:36:07.840
Amen.
00:36:08.320 --> 00:36:09.440
Thanks, babe.
00:36:09.840 --> 00:36:10.559
Thank you.
00:36:10.719 --> 00:36:11.760
Thank you very much.
00:36:12.079 --> 00:36:12.559
Thank you.
00:36:12.800 --> 00:36:15.679
Thanks for joining us in all of the tenderness.
00:36:15.840 --> 00:36:17.199
We hope to see you next time.