00:00:31The Rich Relationship Podcast Episode
00:11:11The Order of Commitment and Engagement
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RICH RELATIONSHIPS REFUGE
Meet: Gil & Renée
Rich Relationships Refuge podcast with Gilbert J and Renée M. Beavers is fantastic because it's the best place to explore the reality of relationships — the good, the bad, and the painful and confusing. This podcast helps to illuminate what it means to be intimate with others and what it teaches people about them. It will make you want to strive for a kinder, more fun relationship with others., This a place where love flourishes, bonds deepen, and relationships thrive. We're Gil and Renee, authors, and marriage coaches, and we're honored to walk alongside you on your journey towards a rich and fulfilling partnership.
In a world where relationships can feel like a maze, we believe in providing you with the compass and map to navigate the path of love with confidence and grace. Whether you're single and seeking, newly dating, or preparing for marriage, our app is your sanctuary—a refuge where you can find guidance, support, and inspiration every step of the way.
https://www.richrrmarriagementors.com/book-online
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WEBVTT
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Thank you, welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil and Renee, where amazing things happen.
00:00:41.780 --> 00:00:45.752
Our goal is to help build, prepare and restore healthy relationships.
00:00:45.752 --> 00:01:02.363
In our imagination are all the cameras on.
00:01:02.404 --> 00:01:08.034
Yes, ma'am, okay, so I hope you guys actually got something out of what we did.
00:01:08.034 --> 00:01:11.650
It had a little bit of technical difficulty, as they like to say.
00:01:12.001 --> 00:01:13.180
But we hope you still got something out of it.
00:01:13.180 --> 00:01:15.227
We were talking and there wasn't no sound.
00:01:15.528 --> 00:01:19.121
Yeah, yeah, and that was unfortunate, but we still got comments.
00:01:19.403 --> 00:01:25.853
Yes, we did, and we had feedback and we had questions, and, and we have feedback and we have questions, and can we start off with answering one of the questions we got from our community?
00:01:25.853 --> 00:01:33.108
Absolutely Okay, so we're going to start off answering one of the questions we got from our community, from one of the beautiful people in our TikTok community.
00:01:33.108 --> 00:01:40.173
The question was what do you do when you have started off the wrong way?
00:01:40.173 --> 00:01:43.950
What do you do when you're on the wrong track?
00:01:43.950 --> 00:01:45.640
And I thought that was a really good question.
00:01:45.640 --> 00:02:01.677
So I said I would make a video, we would talk about that, and so I just want to start off by saying we all start off doing things the wrong way, like we just talked about with the video you know, and and one of the things we're watching another video with one of my sister.
00:02:01.677 --> 00:02:04.424
We're watching it that we did when we were in Alabama.
00:02:04.424 --> 00:02:15.448
It was a message about me doing a backsplash with grout and I had all these plans of how I was going to do it and I did it wrong and I messed up and it was terrible.
00:02:15.448 --> 00:02:25.953
Gil kept encouraging me, but the thing that that taught me was and the thing that I want to encourage the person who asked that question and I'm going to go back and I'll tag her in the comments.
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But that's the purpose of grace, that's the purpose of salvation, that's the purpose of forgiveness when you do the wrong thing.
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Hi, thanks for joining us.
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When you do the wrong thing, when you start off the wrong way, you stop, you repent, you ask God to forgive you and if there's a person that's involved that you need to ask them to forgive, you go to them and say, hey, I'm sorry, I did that wrong.
00:02:55.927 --> 00:03:02.231
Now, I'm not saying that if you think somebody is mad at you, you go to them and say that that's not what it says.
00:03:02.231 --> 00:03:04.675
If you have an art against your brother, go to your brother.
00:03:04.675 --> 00:03:05.413
Not if you think, if you have an art against your brother, go to your brother.
00:03:05.413 --> 00:03:12.044
Not if you think your brother has an art against you, because sometimes we go to people with things that really are us and it has nothing to do with them.
00:03:12.044 --> 00:03:16.502
Right, and so if you have offended them, you go to them and you ask for forgiveness.
00:03:16.502 --> 00:03:19.191
So that's what you do when you're on the wrong track.
00:03:19.191 --> 00:03:29.766
When you've done the wrong thing, you've done the human thing, you repent, you turn away, you ask forgiveness and you learn new habits and practice something you know, I think about you.
00:03:29.806 --> 00:03:39.683
Remember when you were growing up and you were either playing a game or something outside or you at school playing something or a board game or whatever.
00:03:39.683 --> 00:03:43.957
But what came to mind was you remember something called a do-over.
00:03:43.957 --> 00:03:51.060
Yeah, you know, if you are playing something or doing something you're like hold up, wait, wait, wait, I messed up, I get a do over.
00:03:51.060 --> 00:03:58.054
Yeah, well, you actually get a do over when it comes to mistakes that you may make in relationships.
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Sometimes, you know, unfortunately, sometimes people won't give you that grace or that forgiveness and give you that understanding that you need to get past it.
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But you can actually go to them and say don't say I get a do over.
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Say I made a mistake, I own it, you know, especially if it wasn't malicious or if it wasn't intentional, if you literally made a mistake.
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Say, hey, I made a mistake and I want to make it right.
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And you know, in our day and time, now that we're living in, I think sometimes people have a problem with taking ownership of when they make mistakes or they do things wrong.
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Or even if you made an intentional mistake, but guess what?
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And you, if you own it and go back on to it, go back over it.
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I think people are looking to forgive.
00:04:43.908 --> 00:04:44.983
I really believe that.
00:04:44.983 --> 00:04:51.819
If you ask them to yeah, I really believe that, because we always want to put the best or believe the best in people.
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I believe you know, in our world and our day and times that you look at, you can turn on the news or turn on television or whatever, and you can see constant negativity or negative energy or however you want, toxic behavior.
00:05:03.202 --> 00:05:05.608
However you want to describe it and see it.
00:05:05.608 --> 00:05:07.115
But guess what?
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It takes more effort and energy to do the opposite.
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You know, like forgive someone or take ownership of something that you may have made a mistake in and get over, you know, and try to make restitution or make amends or whatever.
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And sometimes you don't get that opportunity, you know, unfortunately, because sometimes people don't necessarily want to.
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What's the word I'm looking for?
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re, reconcile, reconcile they don't want to reconcile if it's beyond that, but as you still have a duty to make ownership of it.
00:05:39.903 --> 00:05:41.613
So that's something that we wanted to answer.
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That's how I see it yeah, and I think it's important that we understand that there's a difference between a mistake and a bad choice.
00:05:50.954 --> 00:05:55.656
Right, a mistake is I spilled the milk and I knocked it over.
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Unintentional Right.
00:05:58.057 --> 00:06:00.738
So a mistake is an unintentional error.
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A bad choice is you knowingly knew that you were doing the wrong thing and you still did it anyway, and I think that is something we have to be mindful of.
00:06:09.624 --> 00:06:10.125
We have to.
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We talk about living a life of fear and regret, so you want to make sure that making mistakes that's going to happen.
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You're going to knock stuff over.
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You know you're going to do things that maybe you may have said something or offended somebody that you didn't know what they didn't mean to.
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But we have to be more conscious of not willfully doing things that we know are going to hurt the people who we love and care about and the people who we're in a relationship with.
00:06:32.170 --> 00:06:34.838
Yeah, and I think it's all about motivation.
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It is.
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What was your motivation for doing, or even whether it was a mistake, or even if it was intentional, what was your motivation for whatever happened.
00:06:43.204 --> 00:06:50.074
You know and that's the part that you really have to own there's a thing called intentionality or malicious motives.
00:06:50.074 --> 00:07:02.526
When you intentionally set out to do wrong against someone, that's definitely one of those things that you have to really take a hard, look in the mirror and say why am I like this?
00:07:02.526 --> 00:07:04.016
Why am I doing this?
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Because and especially if you're looking at it from a relationship standpoint, that can be even more challenging because you're going to be prone to make those same mistakes over and over and over again.
00:07:13.262 --> 00:07:17.793
So so we appreciate you guys coming to hang out with us on this saturday.
00:07:17.894 --> 00:07:24.959
Yeah, if you're watching now, if you're watching later, put in the comments where you're coming in from and we how you found out about us.
00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:25.622
Let us know that.
00:07:25.622 --> 00:07:27.653
We want to know that yeah, and questions comments.
00:07:27.814 --> 00:07:53.141
This is an engaged interactive thing, you know last, I think it was maybe two weeks ago or a week ago, no, two weeks ago we had people interacting and asking in the community and that was awesome, you know, because, yes, we can get up here and talk about the things, whether it's in the book of our own experience of being together for 35 years, going into 36 this month, but everybody has their own experience and you can learn from something, yeah, and we can definitely learn from you guys.
00:07:53.141 --> 00:07:56.911
As you put things in the chat and we can, we'll respond to it.
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Renee responds to the comments a lot more than I do.
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I read them, but renee is like she's on it this is my thing.
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Yes, yes, so, but what we're talking about.
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If you're just joining us over the past eight weeks or six weeks, roughly a a few weeks I'll just put it that way A while We've been going through the chapters in the singles blueprint.
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The book that we wrote last year was last year this year, this year and basically focusing on the singles and even some of the behavior and some of the things that you can hopefully empower you with some of the tools and skills that we always talk about on the Rich Relationship Refuge, whether it's the podcast or the other videos.
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We want to help empower, we want to join a community of like-minded individuals trying to get better at relationships.
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Man, I cannot believe that, steve.
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Are you really in Scotland?
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Come on, man.
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Hey, thanks for joining us in Scotland.
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Man, what time is it in Scotland.
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Boy, you are dedicated.
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I appreciate you just jumping on and looking and hanging out with us.
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Put comments in there, steve, if you have questions, things you want to know why do we do this.
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We do this because we realize that, after working with couples for 19 years, we work with engaged couples, you work with married couples but we realize why not be proactive?
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Why wait until someone is already engaged to start talking to them about marriage?
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So what we're trying to do is we're trying to be proactive and help the people in our community and the people in our world and around the world have an understanding of what a realistic understanding of what healthy, god-honoring, fulfilling relationships look like.
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And so we're right now going through the singles blueprint.
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But, as you mentioned, we have another book.
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It's called our marital code to oneness.
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We wrote it during the pandemic with 21 other couples and we created the workbook, and so we're going to go through the workbook for the couples next, and I just want to encourage you all.
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I know that right now, everybody like wants us to come in february and do love stuff and talk about relationships, but unfortunately, most couples by january if they have already struggled all year, they're getting a divorce in january.
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So we want to be proactive and encourage you that if you feel like you're at the end of your rope, please do something different.
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Join us, reach out to us, become a part of our community.
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We have over 1600 videos on youtube to kind of answer some of your questions and if it doesn't answer it, put the questions in the comments in the feed and we will answer them.
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So we're actually going to be talking about commitment or engagement.
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Which one comes first?
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Well, that's what we're going to talk about.
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Actually, when you think about what the word commitment and engagement are, sometimes people make the two synonymous.
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They make them two.
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They're exactly the same.
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But in the context of relationships you think about when you go forward towards an engagement, there's some things that should have already happened long before you got the ring and you came up with the perfect color scheme and you knew who's going to be in the wedding before you start planning it and all those things and that's what the chapter in the book is talking about is knowing the difference between the two.
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So we're going to start out talking about commitment and engagement and as you listen to these things, you tell us which one do you think comes first.
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You know, and we're already going to say well, I think commitment comes way before well, and if you think about it, it would have to, because if I engage, get engaged to someone I'm not committed to you know people do that.
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Thank you for listening.
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Thank you for your investment in time.
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Remember to subscribe to the show and hit the notification icon to be notified when new episodes are posted on the podcast platform that you're listening from, or you can always find us on our website at richrelationshipsuscom, or our YouTube channel, rich Relationships with Gil Renee.
00:12:02.248 --> 00:12:08.504
If you found this podcast helpful or you think it could help someone that you know and care about, please pass it along and share it with them.
00:00:31.914 --> 00:00:41.259
Thank you, welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil and Renee, where amazing things happen.
00:00:41.780 --> 00:00:45.752
Our goal is to help build, prepare and restore healthy relationships.
00:00:45.752 --> 00:01:02.363
In our imagination are all the cameras on.
00:01:02.404 --> 00:01:08.034
Yes, ma'am, okay, so I hope you guys actually got something out of what we did.
00:01:08.034 --> 00:01:11.650
It had a little bit of technical difficulty, as they like to say.
00:01:12.001 --> 00:01:13.180
But we hope you still got something out of it.
00:01:13.180 --> 00:01:15.227
We were talking and there wasn't no sound.
00:01:15.528 --> 00:01:19.121
Yeah, yeah, and that was unfortunate, but we still got comments.
00:01:19.403 --> 00:01:25.853
Yes, we did, and we had feedback and we had questions, and, and we have feedback and we have questions, and can we start off with answering one of the questions we got from our community?
00:01:25.853 --> 00:01:33.108
Absolutely Okay, so we're going to start off answering one of the questions we got from our community, from one of the beautiful people in our TikTok community.
00:01:33.108 --> 00:01:40.173
The question was what do you do when you have started off the wrong way?
00:01:40.173 --> 00:01:43.950
What do you do when you're on the wrong track?
00:01:43.950 --> 00:01:45.640
And I thought that was a really good question.
00:01:45.640 --> 00:02:01.677
So I said I would make a video, we would talk about that, and so I just want to start off by saying we all start off doing things the wrong way, like we just talked about with the video you know, and and one of the things we're watching another video with one of my sister.
00:02:01.677 --> 00:02:04.424
We're watching it that we did when we were in Alabama.
00:02:04.424 --> 00:02:15.448
It was a message about me doing a backsplash with grout and I had all these plans of how I was going to do it and I did it wrong and I messed up and it was terrible.
00:02:15.448 --> 00:02:25.953
Gil kept encouraging me, but the thing that that taught me was and the thing that I want to encourage the person who asked that question and I'm going to go back and I'll tag her in the comments.
00:02:25.953 --> 00:02:38.247
But that's the purpose of grace, that's the purpose of salvation, that's the purpose of forgiveness when you do the wrong thing.
00:02:38.247 --> 00:02:39.506
Hi, thanks for joining us.
00:02:39.860 --> 00:02:55.927
When you do the wrong thing, when you start off the wrong way, you stop, you repent, you ask God to forgive you and if there's a person that's involved that you need to ask them to forgive, you go to them and say, hey, I'm sorry, I did that wrong.
00:02:55.927 --> 00:03:02.231
Now, I'm not saying that if you think somebody is mad at you, you go to them and say that that's not what it says.
00:03:02.231 --> 00:03:04.675
If you have an art against your brother, go to your brother.
00:03:04.675 --> 00:03:05.413
Not if you think, if you have an art against your brother, go to your brother.
00:03:05.413 --> 00:03:12.044
Not if you think your brother has an art against you, because sometimes we go to people with things that really are us and it has nothing to do with them.
00:03:12.044 --> 00:03:16.502
Right, and so if you have offended them, you go to them and you ask for forgiveness.
00:03:16.502 --> 00:03:19.191
So that's what you do when you're on the wrong track.
00:03:19.191 --> 00:03:29.766
When you've done the wrong thing, you've done the human thing, you repent, you turn away, you ask forgiveness and you learn new habits and practice something you know, I think about you.
00:03:29.806 --> 00:03:39.683
Remember when you were growing up and you were either playing a game or something outside or you at school playing something or a board game or whatever.
00:03:39.683 --> 00:03:43.957
But what came to mind was you remember something called a do-over.
00:03:43.957 --> 00:03:51.060
Yeah, you know, if you are playing something or doing something you're like hold up, wait, wait, wait, I messed up, I get a do over.
00:03:51.060 --> 00:03:58.054
Yeah, well, you actually get a do over when it comes to mistakes that you may make in relationships.
00:03:58.054 --> 00:04:06.471
Sometimes, you know, unfortunately, sometimes people won't give you that grace or that forgiveness and give you that understanding that you need to get past it.
00:04:06.471 --> 00:04:10.876
But you can actually go to them and say don't say I get a do over.
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Say I made a mistake, I own it, you know, especially if it wasn't malicious or if it wasn't intentional, if you literally made a mistake.
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Say, hey, I made a mistake and I want to make it right.
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And you know, in our day and time, now that we're living in, I think sometimes people have a problem with taking ownership of when they make mistakes or they do things wrong.
00:04:33.360 --> 00:04:37.004
Or even if you made an intentional mistake, but guess what?
00:04:37.004 --> 00:04:41.031
And you, if you own it and go back on to it, go back over it.
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I think people are looking to forgive.
00:04:43.908 --> 00:04:44.983
I really believe that.
00:04:44.983 --> 00:04:51.819
If you ask them to yeah, I really believe that, because we always want to put the best or believe the best in people.
00:04:51.819 --> 00:05:03.202
I believe you know, in our world and our day and times that you look at, you can turn on the news or turn on television or whatever, and you can see constant negativity or negative energy or however you want, toxic behavior.
00:05:03.202 --> 00:05:05.608
However you want to describe it and see it.
00:05:05.608 --> 00:05:07.115
But guess what?
00:05:07.115 --> 00:05:09.790
It takes more effort and energy to do the opposite.
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You know, like forgive someone or take ownership of something that you may have made a mistake in and get over, you know, and try to make restitution or make amends or whatever.
00:05:21.565 --> 00:05:28.843
And sometimes you don't get that opportunity, you know, unfortunately, because sometimes people don't necessarily want to.
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What's the word I'm looking for?
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re, reconcile, reconcile they don't want to reconcile if it's beyond that, but as you still have a duty to make ownership of it.
00:05:39.903 --> 00:05:41.613
So that's something that we wanted to answer.
00:05:41.935 --> 00:05:50.954
That's how I see it yeah, and I think it's important that we understand that there's a difference between a mistake and a bad choice.
00:05:50.954 --> 00:05:55.656
Right, a mistake is I spilled the milk and I knocked it over.
00:05:56.317 --> 00:05:57.497
Unintentional Right.
00:05:58.057 --> 00:06:00.738
So a mistake is an unintentional error.
00:06:00.738 --> 00:06:09.624
A bad choice is you knowingly knew that you were doing the wrong thing and you still did it anyway, and I think that is something we have to be mindful of.
00:06:09.624 --> 00:06:10.125
We have to.
00:06:10.125 --> 00:06:14.947
We talk about living a life of fear and regret, so you want to make sure that making mistakes that's going to happen.
00:06:14.947 --> 00:06:16.007
You're going to knock stuff over.
00:06:16.007 --> 00:06:22.442
You know you're going to do things that maybe you may have said something or offended somebody that you didn't know what they didn't mean to.
00:06:22.442 --> 00:06:31.884
But we have to be more conscious of not willfully doing things that we know are going to hurt the people who we love and care about and the people who we're in a relationship with.
00:06:32.170 --> 00:06:34.838
Yeah, and I think it's all about motivation.
00:06:35.059 --> 00:06:35.379
It is.
00:06:35.490 --> 00:06:43.204
What was your motivation for doing, or even whether it was a mistake, or even if it was intentional, what was your motivation for whatever happened.
00:06:43.204 --> 00:06:50.074
You know and that's the part that you really have to own there's a thing called intentionality or malicious motives.
00:06:50.074 --> 00:07:02.526
When you intentionally set out to do wrong against someone, that's definitely one of those things that you have to really take a hard, look in the mirror and say why am I like this?
00:07:02.526 --> 00:07:04.016
Why am I doing this?
00:07:04.016 --> 00:07:13.262
Because and especially if you're looking at it from a relationship standpoint, that can be even more challenging because you're going to be prone to make those same mistakes over and over and over again.
00:07:13.262 --> 00:07:17.793
So so we appreciate you guys coming to hang out with us on this saturday.
00:07:17.894 --> 00:07:24.959
Yeah, if you're watching now, if you're watching later, put in the comments where you're coming in from and we how you found out about us.
00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:25.622
Let us know that.
00:07:25.622 --> 00:07:27.653
We want to know that yeah, and questions comments.
00:07:27.814 --> 00:07:53.141
This is an engaged interactive thing, you know last, I think it was maybe two weeks ago or a week ago, no, two weeks ago we had people interacting and asking in the community and that was awesome, you know, because, yes, we can get up here and talk about the things, whether it's in the book of our own experience of being together for 35 years, going into 36 this month, but everybody has their own experience and you can learn from something, yeah, and we can definitely learn from you guys.
00:07:53.141 --> 00:07:56.911
As you put things in the chat and we can, we'll respond to it.
00:07:56.911 --> 00:07:59.257
Renee responds to the comments a lot more than I do.
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I read them, but renee is like she's on it this is my thing.
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Yes, yes, so, but what we're talking about.
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If you're just joining us over the past eight weeks or six weeks, roughly a a few weeks I'll just put it that way A while We've been going through the chapters in the singles blueprint.
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The book that we wrote last year was last year this year, this year and basically focusing on the singles and even some of the behavior and some of the things that you can hopefully empower you with some of the tools and skills that we always talk about on the Rich Relationship Refuge, whether it's the podcast or the other videos.
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We want to help empower, we want to join a community of like-minded individuals trying to get better at relationships.
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Man, I cannot believe that, steve.
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Are you really in Scotland?
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Come on, man.
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Hey, thanks for joining us in Scotland.
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Man, what time is it in Scotland.
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Boy, you are dedicated.
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I appreciate you just jumping on and looking and hanging out with us.
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Put comments in there, steve, if you have questions, things you want to know why do we do this.
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We do this because we realize that, after working with couples for 19 years, we work with engaged couples, you work with married couples but we realize why not be proactive?
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Why wait until someone is already engaged to start talking to them about marriage?
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So what we're trying to do is we're trying to be proactive and help the people in our community and the people in our world and around the world have an understanding of what a realistic understanding of what healthy, god-honoring, fulfilling relationships look like.
00:09:40.250 --> 00:09:43.038
And so we're right now going through the singles blueprint.
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But, as you mentioned, we have another book.
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It's called our marital code to oneness.
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We wrote it during the pandemic with 21 other couples and we created the workbook, and so we're going to go through the workbook for the couples next, and I just want to encourage you all.
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I know that right now, everybody like wants us to come in february and do love stuff and talk about relationships, but unfortunately, most couples by january if they have already struggled all year, they're getting a divorce in january.
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So we want to be proactive and encourage you that if you feel like you're at the end of your rope, please do something different.
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Join us, reach out to us, become a part of our community.
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We have over 1600 videos on youtube to kind of answer some of your questions and if it doesn't answer it, put the questions in the comments in the feed and we will answer them.
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So we're actually going to be talking about commitment or engagement.
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Which one comes first?
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Well, that's what we're going to talk about.
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Actually, when you think about what the word commitment and engagement are, sometimes people make the two synonymous.
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They make them two.
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They're exactly the same.
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But in the context of relationships you think about when you go forward towards an engagement, there's some things that should have already happened long before you got the ring and you came up with the perfect color scheme and you knew who's going to be in the wedding before you start planning it and all those things and that's what the chapter in the book is talking about is knowing the difference between the two.
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So we're going to start out talking about commitment and engagement and as you listen to these things, you tell us which one do you think comes first.
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You know, and we're already going to say well, I think commitment comes way before well, and if you think about it, it would have to, because if I engage, get engaged to someone I'm not committed to you know people do that.
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Thank you for listening.
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Thank you for your investment in time.
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Remember to subscribe to the show and hit the notification icon to be notified when new episodes are posted on the podcast platform that you're listening from, or you can always find us on our website at richrelationshipsuscom, or our YouTube channel, rich Relationships with Gil Renee.
00:12:02.248 --> 00:12:08.504
If you found this podcast helpful or you think it could help someone that you know and care about, please pass it along and share it with them.
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إخلاء المسؤولية: البودكاست والأعمال الفنية المضمنة في هذه الصفحة مأخوذة من Gilbert J & Renée M. Beavers ، وهي مملوكة لمالكها وليست تابعة لشركة Listen Notes, Inc أو معتمدة منها.
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