Our Miss Brooks - "Hobbies (AFRS)" (1954)

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Principal Osgood Conklin has decreed that every member of the
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Madison High faculty must take up a hobby, and his
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own renewed interest in lifelike wax figures soon involves Connie Brooks.
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Here is Our Miss Brooks, Hobbies, AFRS episode 231, first
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broadcast January 10th, 1954. Eve Arden stars as Miss Brooks,
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with Gail Gordon as the formidable Mr. Conklin. Robert Rockwell,
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Richard Crenna, Gloria McMillan, and Jessalyn Fax are also heard.
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With Mrs.
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Davis away, her sister Angela is staying with Connie, while Mr. Boynton,
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Walter Denton, and Harriet Conklin enter the school's new hobby campaign.
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And now, the original broadcast.
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Now, it's our Miss Brooks starring Eve Harden. Quite frequently
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in the past, when her principal engaged in a project,
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he expected the members of his faculty to follow suit.
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So it was no surprise to our Miss Brooks, who
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teaches English at Madison High, when two weeks ago, Mr.
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Conklin took up an old hobby of his and then
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ordered his teachers to pursue a.
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Hobby of their own.
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At first, she was even quite happy when she was
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ordered to pursue a hobby.
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In fact, right up until Mr. Conklin informed me that Mr.
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Boynton wasn't quite what he had in mind. But it
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was Mr. Conklin's hobby rather than mine that caused most
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of the difficulty this past week. His avocation was making
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lifelike figures out of wax, which he then presented to
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his teachers and insisted that we display them prominently in
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our homes. Actually, his wax figures of animals were exceptionally good,
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and the leopard he gave me last Wednesday was extremely lifelike.
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Thursday morning, when my landlady saw it for the first time,
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her reaction was immediate.
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I mean.
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Mrs.
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Davis. Mrs.
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Davis, come out of the closet, dear. He's not alive.
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Not alive?
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You're sure he isn't, Connie?
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Of course I'm sure.
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Well, all right, then.
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This leopard is just another of Mr. Conklin's wax figures.
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Although I will admit they're quite realistic.
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They certainly are.
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I don't know what we can do about Mr. Conklin's hobby,
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but in a way it has had its good effect.
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How dear.
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Well, it's forced many of the teachers to take up
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hobbies when they'd never had one until now. For instance,
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you've never seen me doing any knitting before. Look what
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I've accomplished in the last few weeks.
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Yes, I was noticing those things on the sideboard before
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you came in this morning.
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Did you see the things I knitted for Mr. Boynton?
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Oh, I know he'll be delighted with that.
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Uh, what is that? It's a bathing suit.
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Of course, dear. I should have known it was a
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bathing suit as soon as I saw the turtleneck.
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Well, anyway, I know Mr. Boynton will be pleased with
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it when I give it to him at dinner. Well,
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as soon as I get to school, I'll ask him if... Oh,
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that's probably Walter to.
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Pick me up.
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Come on in, Walter.
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The door's open.
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I'd better see what I've got left in the kitchen
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for him. And you know how that boy eats. I'll
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be back in a minute. Hello, Walter.
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Why, Mr. Boynton.
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Good morning, Miss Brooks.
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Mr. Boynton. Mr. Boynton, come out of the closet this minute. Oh,
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it's the leopard. He's not alive, Mr. Boynton.
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He's not? You're sure?
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Oh, I get it now. It's another of Mr. Conklin's
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wax figures. Gosh, they certainly are realistic. I'll bet you'll
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never guess what he gave me for my place, Miss Brooks.
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A wolf.
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Well, are you learning anything?
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No.
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Why did you come by this morning, Mr.
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Boynton?
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Well, Walter called me a little while ago and said
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something went wrong with his car, so I decided I'd
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pick you up instead.
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Oh, I'm glad you did. And since you're here, I
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might as well give you the present I knitted for you.
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I was originally going to give it to you tonight
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at dinner. Here you are, Mr. Boynton. Shows what you
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can create when you take up a new hobby, doesn't it?
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You knitted this for me?
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Care to jump back into the closet?
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Oh, no, no. It's beautiful. Beautiful.
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It'll make a wonderful cover for my rabbit cage.
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It's a bathing suit.
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A bathing suit? With a turtleneck?
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Well, if you can't use it, just hand it to
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the nearest turtle.
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Oh, I'll use it.
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And since you've given me your gift already, I might
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as well give you the things I made for you.
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I suppose you've been wondering what's in the shoebox I've
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been carrying.
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No, I just figured it was your lunch.
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It's the latest product of my wood carving hobby.
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Go ahead and open it.
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Why, Mr. Boynton, they're lovely. They're two of the most
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beautifully carved ashtrays I've ever seen.
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But they're shoes, Miss Brooks. Wooden shoes.
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Wooden shoes?
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Oh.
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I guess what fooled me was you forgot the wooden laces.
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Well, they just slip on.
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Women in Holland wear them all the time. Now, go ahead.
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See how they fit. All right.
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First, I have to get my own shoes off.
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There.
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Oh, say, this wooden shoe slips on nice and easy.
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Good. Is it the right size?
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Oh, yes. Both feet fit into it perfectly.
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Well, they may seem a little loose on your feet
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at first, but you'll find they're very comfortable around the house.
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Just try walking in them.
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All righty. Well, let's go, Mr.
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Boynton.
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I've got to see Mr. Conklin the first thing this morning.
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Well, you're not going to wear those shoes to school,
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are you, Miss Brooks?
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You said the women in Holland wear them all the time,
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didn't you?
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Oh, yes, but what's that got to do with you?
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Well, at least today I'm dressed for the part when
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I get in Dutch with Mr. Conklin. Daddy, I'm not
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just flattering you.
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This wax figure you've made of yourself is amazingly lifelike. Why,
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if I didn't know you were sitting behind that desk,
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I'd swear you were the wax figure standing beside it.
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You do believe me, don't you?
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I ought to, since the wax figure standing beside it
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happens to be me. What?
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Oh, this is wonderful. This figure behind the desk could
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fool anybody. Daddy, may I say you're a genius?
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Over and over again.
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I am rather facile with wax, aren't I?
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Oh, I should say you are.
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Oh, yes, yes. My only regret is that there isn't
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enough room for me to do my modeling at home.
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It isn't easy to flaunt school rules night after night
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working in the gymnasium. But I suppose for a true artist,
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rules are sometimes made.
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To be broken.
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Oh, I'm so glad you feel that way about rules, Daddy.
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Then could I skip homework.
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And go out with Walter tonight?
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And just when did you join the club, Miss Picasso?
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You most certainly cannot. Even if you had no homework,
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you know perfectly well Denton has a job assisting me evenings. Well, Harriet,
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I know you have a class, so if you don't mind,
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kindly get.
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Goodness, what's that?
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It sounds like the Martians have finally landed.
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Who is it?
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It's Miss Rook, sir.
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Well, I wasn't far wrong.
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Just a moment, please.
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Now, if you'll excuse me, Harriet, I'm about to make
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a little experiment to find out just how lifelike that
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wax figure behind my desk really is.
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When, Daddy?
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When I'm hidden behind that door and you are out
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of this office. Through my inner.
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Office, please.
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Oh, all right.
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Now, to get behind my office door before Miss Brooks
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comes in.
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Here we are. Come in, Miss Brooks.
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Oh, good morning, Mr. Conklin. Sir, I have a big
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favor to ask you, an enormous favor. Now, please don't
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say anything until you've heard me out. It's about tonight.
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I know I'm supposed to go over some reports with
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you at your house, but when I agreed to do it,
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I forgot that tonight Mr. Boynton and I were celebrating
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his sixth anniversary at Madison. So would it be all
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right if I went to your house tomorrow night? Would it?
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Hmm?
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Would it?
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Mr.
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Conklin, I just asked you not to say anything until
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you'd heard me out. Not to never speak again. Sir,
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I've never seen you this quiet before. Is your head
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bothering you? It's coming off. If there's anything I can
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do to help, I'd... It's coming off!
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Don't worry.
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We can always weld it back on.
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What are you doing in back of me when you're
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in front of me? Oh, oh, I see it now.
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One of you is made of wax. Oh, you certainly
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gave me an awful start, sir.
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I'm sorry if I upset you, Miss Brooks, but the
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figure is rather lifelike, isn't it?
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Well, truly, sir, it's practically impossible to tell the difference
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between you and the dummy. That is, there's a remarkable resemblance. Now,
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about the favor I was going to ask you... of you.
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I've already heard.
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You ask it, Miss Brooks, and since I intend working
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on my wax figures here at school tonight, you may have.
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The evening off.
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Oh, thank you, Mr. Conklin, thank you. Honestly, you've made
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me so happy, sir, I could kiss you.
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If you must, try the wax, Mr. Conklin. Oh!
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But in return for this favor of mine, I have
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a small favor to ask of you.
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Will you supervise this office.
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During your lunch hour since I have to go downtown
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to purchase more wax for my figure?
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Oh, yes, sir. Gladly.
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Good, good.
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Well, if you don't need me anymore, I'll be on
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my way to class.
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One moment, please.
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Mall Flanders. Just where did you get those wooden shoes?
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Mr. Boynton made them for me, sir. Wood carving is
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his hobby.
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Would you come a little closer, Miss Brooks?
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Yes, sir.
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My, it's lucky this building is earthquake-proof.
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Oh, the wood carving.
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On these shoes is excellent, simply excellent.
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I've been searching for someone to assist me in my work,
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and Boynton might be just the man. Yes, I think
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he may do.
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Mr. Boynton, your assistant?
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Yes, he'll start working with me tonight on my historical figures.
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Oh, but, sir, I told you we're celebrating an anniversary tonight.
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He's supposed to have dinner with me.
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Miss Brooks, I've made up my mind.
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Tonight, Mr.
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Boynton starts with Marie Antoinette.
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Marie Antoinette? Uh, Mr. Conklin, I think I may have
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an idea that will solve both our problems.
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What's that, Miss Brooks?
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You take Marie Antoinette and we'll make it a double date. Well,
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at noon that day, while the real Mr. Conklin was downtown,
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I was sitting in front of our principal's desk, keeping
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an eye on his office, while the wax figure of Mr.
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Conklin sat in the chair opposite, keeping his eye on me. Suddenly,
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the door opened. Hi, Miss Brooks. Hello, Mr.
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Conklin.
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Oh, hello, Walter.
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Mr.
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Conklin, I have a big favor to ask you, but
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please don't say anything until you've heard what it is, okay?
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Don't worry, he won't.
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00:12:04.379 --> 00:12:06.600
Well, sir, it's about tonight. I've been planning a big
252
00:12:06.659 --> 00:12:08.480
date with a certain member of your family for.
253
00:12:08.379 --> 00:12:10.620
A week now, so could I please be excused tonight?
254
00:12:11.019 --> 00:12:13.389
After all, sir, I've stood guard outside the gym for
255
00:12:13.490 --> 00:12:16.509
five straight nights while you worked inside, so could I
256
00:12:16.570 --> 00:12:17.649
please have tonight off?
257
00:12:19.330 --> 00:12:20.049
Could I, hmm?
258
00:12:20.710 --> 00:12:21.990
Uh-huh.
259
00:12:22.009 --> 00:12:22.440
Could I.
260
00:12:24.110 --> 00:12:26.070
Mr. Conklin, I just asked you not to speak until
261
00:12:26.110 --> 00:12:28.169
I finished, not to never speak again.
262
00:12:28.190 --> 00:12:28.250
Mr.
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00:12:29.389 --> 00:12:31.740
Conklin, do you mean to say you forced this poor
264
00:12:31.779 --> 00:12:34.799
boy to stand out in the cold for five nights? Why,
265
00:12:34.879 --> 00:12:38.269
I've never heard of anything so heartless, so cruel and inhuman.
266
00:12:39.169 --> 00:12:41.970
Now stop sitting there like a wax dummy and answer me. Oh,
267
00:12:42.330 --> 00:12:46.549
holy cow! Please, Mr. Conklin, please, sir, you must forgive her.
268
00:12:46.570 --> 00:12:50.159
She's just a poor, hungry, overworked teacher who's finally snapped
269
00:12:50.200 --> 00:12:50.840
her cap.
270
00:12:50.899 --> 00:12:54.019
She'll apologize, Mr.
271
00:12:54.039 --> 00:12:57.259
Conklin, I know she will. Only think of the many long,
272
00:12:57.360 --> 00:13:01.110
faithful years of service behind her and the pitifully few
273
00:13:01.250 --> 00:13:04.269
short years ahead of her. Oh, spare her.
274
00:13:04.429 --> 00:13:07.909
Spare her right back at you. We kids need her, sir.
275
00:13:07.950 --> 00:13:09.529
She's like a mother to us.
276
00:13:10.610 --> 00:13:14.779
You'd do even better with grandmother. Walter, you can relax.
277
00:13:15.100 --> 00:13:19.559
You're only talking to a wax dummy. A wax dummy?
278
00:13:20.460 --> 00:13:21.779
That's not the real Mr.
279
00:13:21.820 --> 00:13:22.240
Conklin?
280
00:13:22.360 --> 00:13:23.139
Of course not.
281
00:13:23.820 --> 00:13:24.419
You're sure?
282
00:13:24.600 --> 00:13:25.070
Certainly.
283
00:13:26.730 --> 00:13:28.039
Now get this marble hat.
284
00:13:28.110 --> 00:13:29.149
I'm taking all I'm going to.
285
00:13:29.129 --> 00:13:29.970
Take from you.
286
00:13:30.049 --> 00:13:31.830
I've all thrown that one under.
287
00:13:31.889 --> 00:13:33.750
See, from now on, Harry's goes out with me every
288
00:13:33.769 --> 00:13:35.309
night of the week. And if you give me any
289
00:13:35.330 --> 00:13:36.750
more lip as to what time I'm going to bring
290
00:13:36.789 --> 00:13:41.769
her home, I'll bounce one off your pointed marble head. Boy,
291
00:13:41.809 --> 00:13:44.970
I had no idea Christmas would come again so soon.
292
00:13:45.289 --> 00:13:50.710
It isn't like Christmas again, isn't it? Oh, I'm afraid
293
00:13:50.750 --> 00:13:53.870
that rings in the new year. Walter, please don't fool
294
00:13:53.889 --> 00:13:59.100
with that wax figure. It's fragile. Hello, Wax Museum. Madison
295
00:13:59.139 --> 00:14:00.700
High School. Miss Brooks speaking.
296
00:14:00.720 --> 00:14:02.980
Oh, hello, Miss Brooks. This is Mr. Stone. Could I
297
00:14:03.059 --> 00:14:03.659
speak to Mr.
298
00:14:03.720 --> 00:14:04.570
Conklin, please?
299
00:14:04.659 --> 00:14:05.950
He isn't here right now, sir.
300
00:14:06.429 --> 00:14:08.769
Tell Mr. Conklin I passed by the school last night
301
00:14:08.850 --> 00:14:11.690
and I saw a light burning in the gymnasium. Now, Mr.
302
00:14:11.730 --> 00:14:15.049
Conklin knows how strict we are about using school facilities
303
00:14:15.210 --> 00:14:18.389
after hours. You just tell Mr. Conklin I'm coming over
304
00:14:18.409 --> 00:14:21.159
tonight to find out for myself who is using the
305
00:14:21.179 --> 00:14:23.379
gymnasium after school hours.
306
00:14:23.539 --> 00:14:25.779
I'll give Mr. Conklin your message as soon as I
307
00:14:25.820 --> 00:14:26.840
see him, Mr. Stone.
308
00:14:27.139 --> 00:14:27.950
Very well. Goodbye.
309
00:14:28.000 --> 00:14:30.169
Goodbye, sir. You're going to give Mr.
310
00:14:30.210 --> 00:14:31.669
Conklin what message, Miss Brooks?
311
00:14:31.990 --> 00:14:34.909
That Mr. Stone's coming over tonight to investigate the light
312
00:14:34.960 --> 00:14:35.799
in the gymnasium.
313
00:14:36.000 --> 00:14:37.879
But, Miss Brooks, why do that?
314
00:14:38.340 --> 00:14:38.740
If Mr.
315
00:14:38.779 --> 00:14:39.679
Stone discovers Mr.
316
00:14:39.720 --> 00:14:42.769
Cochran here tonight, he'll make him quit his hobby, thus
317
00:14:42.870 --> 00:14:46.509
releasing Mr. Boynton and me for active duty on other battlefields.
318
00:14:47.269 --> 00:14:51.419
I'm getting to feel more like no man's land every day. Walter,
319
00:14:51.500 --> 00:14:53.919
I told Mr. Stone I'd give Mr. Conklin the message
320
00:14:53.980 --> 00:14:56.620
when I saw him, and that's exactly what I intend
321
00:14:56.659 --> 00:15:02.029
to do. You do? Yes, but I didn't say which Mr. Conklin. Okay, Waxy,
322
00:15:02.169 --> 00:15:03.149
open up your ears.
323
00:15:12.909 --> 00:15:14.429
It's almost nine o'clock, Mr.
324
00:15:14.450 --> 00:15:14.850
Conklin.
325
00:15:14.870 --> 00:15:17.230
I have a date tonight. Perhaps we should come back
326
00:15:17.250 --> 00:15:18.570
to these figures tomorrow night.
327
00:15:18.590 --> 00:15:19.049
No, no, no.
328
00:15:19.450 --> 00:15:20.509
I can't stop, Boynton.
329
00:15:20.570 --> 00:15:25.820
I must work. I guess I've got wax in my blood. Where, oh,
330
00:15:25.950 --> 00:15:30.070
where did I get this heaven-sent talent? Did Julius Caesar
331
00:15:30.129 --> 00:15:33.649
ever look more dominating? And look at my Napoleon, Boynton.
332
00:15:33.909 --> 00:15:36.909
Did you ever see such a Napoleon? Whenever I look
333
00:15:36.950 --> 00:15:40.330
at it, I want to follow the man into battle. Well,
334
00:15:40.450 --> 00:15:41.549
it's rather good, sir.
335
00:15:42.779 --> 00:15:46.919
Thank you. And what do you think of this wax
336
00:15:47.000 --> 00:15:48.029
figure of Miss Brooks?
337
00:15:48.330 --> 00:15:49.409
Now, tell the truth, Boynton.
338
00:15:49.470 --> 00:15:53.990
I respect honest criticism. Well, personally, I don't think the
339
00:15:54.169 --> 00:15:57.230
arms are quite right, because... Boynton, when I want your opinion,
340
00:15:57.350 --> 00:15:58.309
I'll ask for it.
341
00:16:01.159 --> 00:16:03.840
And what, pray, Mr. Boynton, do you find wrong with
342
00:16:03.879 --> 00:16:04.820
Miss Brooks' arms?
343
00:16:05.419 --> 00:16:08.500
Well, sir, I speak as one who's spent countless evenings
344
00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:11.120
in Miss Brooks' company. Boyden, I am in no mood
345
00:16:11.179 --> 00:16:15.860
to hear your true confessions. Exactly how would you have
346
00:16:15.899 --> 00:16:18.919
treated the arm? Well, a little fuller.
347
00:16:19.279 --> 00:16:20.710
Fiddle-faddle. Mr.
348
00:16:20.750 --> 00:16:22.990
Conklin, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. All I
349
00:16:23.029 --> 00:16:24.309
really meant was... Quiet, quiet.
350
00:16:25.269 --> 00:16:25.889
I hear footsteps.
351
00:16:28.169 --> 00:16:28.289
Mr.
352
00:16:28.330 --> 00:16:30.049
Conklin, there's a couple of people coming, and I think
353
00:16:30.110 --> 00:16:30.620
one of them is Mr.
354
00:16:30.629 --> 00:16:31.330
Stone. Mr.
355
00:16:31.370 --> 00:16:31.769
Stone?
356
00:16:32.190 --> 00:16:33.730
Good heavens, we've been ambushed.
357
00:16:35.750 --> 00:16:37.610
What are we going to do, sir? There's no way out.
358
00:16:37.830 --> 00:16:38.750
They're coming toward us.
359
00:16:38.710 --> 00:16:39.850
Through the only open door.
360
00:16:39.870 --> 00:16:41.110
Boyden, stop making.
361
00:16:40.830 --> 00:16:43.409
This sound like the ninth episode of The Perils of Pauline.
362
00:16:43.950 --> 00:16:44.870
Now we must be calm.
363
00:16:44.889 --> 00:16:45.350
That's it.
364
00:16:45.389 --> 00:16:45.690
Calm.
365
00:16:45.950 --> 00:16:46.250
Calm.
366
00:16:46.330 --> 00:16:46.649
And think.
367
00:16:47.169 --> 00:16:50.490
Think. I've got it.
368
00:16:50.509 --> 00:16:51.409
You hide in the workshop.
369
00:16:51.470 --> 00:16:55.659
Yes, sir. Yeah, but what about us, sir? There's no alternative, Boynton.
370
00:16:55.980 --> 00:16:56.740
Freeze!
371
00:16:56.980 --> 00:16:58.750
Freeze? Yes. If we remain.
372
00:16:58.639 --> 00:17:01.450
Absolutely motionless beside these wax figures, Mr.
373
00:17:01.490 --> 00:17:02.889
Stone could never tell us apart.
374
00:17:03.250 --> 00:17:05.490
Now, put out the light, Boynton. Sit over there between
375
00:17:05.589 --> 00:17:07.269
Marie Antoinette and Josephine.
376
00:17:07.289 --> 00:17:08.910
Between Marie Antoinette and Josephine.
377
00:17:08.950 --> 00:17:10.150
Oh, Boynton, relax.
378
00:17:10.259 --> 00:17:14.440
If Marie Antoinette makes a move toward you, I personally.
379
00:17:13.900 --> 00:17:15.819
Will see that she's guillotined again.
380
00:17:26.079 --> 00:17:28.759
As he approached the gymnasium from the outside, Mr. Stone
381
00:17:28.779 --> 00:17:30.269
was surprised at something he saw.
382
00:17:31.349 --> 00:17:35.190
Miss Brooks, didn't the light just go out in the gymnasium?
383
00:17:35.509 --> 00:17:37.690
Oh, I'm not sure, Mr. Stone.
384
00:17:37.710 --> 00:17:41.609
I'm glad I bumped into you. We can investigate this
385
00:17:41.690 --> 00:17:45.470
mystery together. I'll switch on the light.
386
00:17:46.900 --> 00:17:48.400
Oh, for heaven's sakes, where did they go?
387
00:17:48.859 --> 00:17:50.279
Where did who go, Miss Brooks?
388
00:17:51.180 --> 00:17:52.549
Whoever was here, I mean.
389
00:17:52.569 --> 00:17:56.809
My, these must be the wax figures Mr. Conklin's been
390
00:17:56.849 --> 00:18:01.309
working on. They're amazingly lifelike, aren't they?
391
00:18:01.690 --> 00:18:04.970
Well, the Napoleon and the Caesar are, but that new
392
00:18:05.069 --> 00:18:08.710
one of Mr. Conklin wouldn't fool anyone. No living man
393
00:18:08.809 --> 00:18:09.710
ever looked like that.
394
00:18:11.309 --> 00:18:15.250
That would be like Osgood placing his figure between Napoleon
395
00:18:15.309 --> 00:18:16.109
and Caesar.
396
00:18:16.710 --> 00:18:20.680
He does seem to give them an inferiority complex, doesn't he?
397
00:18:20.690 --> 00:18:24.029
And that one sitting over there between Marie Antoinette and Josephine,
398
00:18:24.069 --> 00:18:24.950
I believe, is Mr.
399
00:18:25.049 --> 00:18:25.890
Boynton, huh?
400
00:18:26.190 --> 00:18:29.009
Hmm. Very good. Good.
401
00:18:29.069 --> 00:18:33.690
He's gorgeous. It is good, isn't it, sir?
402
00:18:34.049 --> 00:18:36.769
But this figure of Conklin needs the most work. For
403
00:18:36.869 --> 00:18:40.069
one thing, the eyes are wrong. They're too close together.
404
00:18:42.420 --> 00:18:51.049
That's true, sir, and they lack that certain weasel-like quality. Oh, yes,
405
00:18:51.089 --> 00:18:52.009
they're not right, sir.
406
00:18:52.269 --> 00:18:54.910
And somehow there's something wrong with those jaws.
407
00:18:55.190 --> 00:18:56.470
Oh, the jaws are all wrong.
408
00:18:56.490 --> 00:18:56.549
Mr.
409
00:18:56.970 --> 00:19:00.880
Conklin has the heavy, beefy jowls of a baby rhinoceros.
410
00:19:00.900 --> 00:19:01.019
Oh?
411
00:19:03.140 --> 00:19:07.920
Miss Brooks, where does Mr. Conklin keep his art supplies?
412
00:19:08.220 --> 00:19:10.680
Oh, in that little workshop over there. You see it, sir?
413
00:19:11.180 --> 00:19:11.859
Why do you ask?
414
00:19:12.259 --> 00:19:15.210
Frankly, I think I can improve this Conklin figure myself.
415
00:19:15.509 --> 00:19:18.109
Just by adding a little paint here, a dash of
416
00:19:18.470 --> 00:19:22.369
hot wax there, and moving that left eye over about
417
00:19:22.490 --> 00:19:23.250
two inches.
418
00:19:23.269 --> 00:19:23.670
Okay.
419
00:19:28.529 --> 00:19:29.869
What was that, Miss Brooks?
420
00:19:30.329 --> 00:19:30.890
What was what?
421
00:19:31.329 --> 00:19:33.849
Well, I thought I... Oh, never mind. I'll be right
422
00:19:33.890 --> 00:19:34.789
back with the materials.
423
00:19:36.599 --> 00:19:39.900
Hmm. Maybe I could move that eye over while.
424
00:19:39.960 --> 00:19:43.920
No one is moving my left eye over.
425
00:19:44.200 --> 00:19:46.359
It's you.
426
00:19:46.420 --> 00:19:50.769
Yes, Miss Brooks, it is indeed I. So my eyes
427
00:19:50.849 --> 00:19:53.930
lack that certain weasel-like quality.
428
00:19:54.559 --> 00:19:56.640
Oh, no, sir, they're very weasel-like.
429
00:19:56.779 --> 00:20:00.759
I have the heavy, beefy jowls of a baby.
430
00:20:00.619 --> 00:20:04.099
Rhinoceros, do I? Oh! Oh, that was all in fun, sir.
431
00:20:04.359 --> 00:20:07.630
No living man could look like I do.
432
00:20:07.650 --> 00:20:09.910
Oh, it should have been no living woman could hold
433
00:20:09.950 --> 00:20:11.150
the job I'm losing.
434
00:20:12.690 --> 00:20:13.170
Miss Brooks.
435
00:20:16.049 --> 00:20:16.250
Mr.
436
00:20:16.309 --> 00:20:18.670
Boynton. I'm alive, too, Miss Brooks.
437
00:20:19.029 --> 00:20:19.529
Want a bet?
438
00:20:22.789 --> 00:20:25.109
Miss Brooks, this is no time for meaningless talk.
439
00:20:25.210 --> 00:20:26.109
I want you to get Mr.
440
00:20:26.130 --> 00:20:27.849
Stone out of here as soon as possible.
441
00:20:27.930 --> 00:20:30.670
But, sir, Mr. Stone insists on doing you over.
442
00:20:31.410 --> 00:20:34.450
Get rid of him, Miss Brooks, or come tomorrow morning,
443
00:20:34.509 --> 00:20:37.799
a certain teacher may find herself pounding a beat in
444
00:20:37.880 --> 00:20:39.140
some kindergarten.
445
00:20:39.759 --> 00:20:41.559
Well, all right, sir. I'll try.
446
00:20:41.779 --> 00:20:43.980
See that you do, because... Here he comes.
447
00:20:44.700 --> 00:20:48.359
Hey, it's amazing, Miss Brooks. Mr. Conklin's got wax figures
448
00:20:48.400 --> 00:20:50.670
all over the place. There's even one of Walter.
449
00:20:50.430 --> 00:20:51.369
Denton in the workshop.
450
00:20:52.670 --> 00:20:55.289
Well, now to get to work on Osgood.
451
00:20:55.329 --> 00:20:57.109
Mr. Stone, don't you think it's rather late?
452
00:20:57.190 --> 00:20:59.710
Oh, nonsense, Miss Brooks. I haven't had so much fun
453
00:20:59.750 --> 00:21:03.299
in ages. Now, first a touch of red paint on Mr.
454
00:21:03.339 --> 00:21:04.819
Conklin's cheeks.
455
00:21:05.960 --> 00:21:06.559
There.
456
00:21:07.839 --> 00:21:09.799
Notice how it brings out the eyes, Miss Brooks?
457
00:21:10.059 --> 00:21:13.799
Yes, they do look like they're about to pop, don't they?
458
00:21:13.819 --> 00:21:13.980
Mr.
459
00:21:14.140 --> 00:21:15.660
Stone, I don't think we should.
460
00:21:15.680 --> 00:21:19.630
No, we build up that chin with a little hot wax, so.
461
00:21:24.289 --> 00:21:26.349
And now the coup de grace.
462
00:21:26.769 --> 00:21:27.089
Mr.
463
00:21:27.170 --> 00:21:29.720
Stone, what are you going to do with that saw?
464
00:21:29.740 --> 00:21:32.700
Well, frankly, that left ear of Conklin's has disturbed me
465
00:21:32.740 --> 00:21:34.450
from the moment I first set eyes on it.
466
00:21:34.500 --> 00:21:39.940
It's got to go.
467
00:21:39.980 --> 00:21:49.809
That's it. Now, one, two... Go! I was wondering when
468
00:21:49.849 --> 00:21:52.230
you decide to give up, Conklin.
469
00:21:53.549 --> 00:21:55.380
You knew it was me all the time, sir.
470
00:21:55.519 --> 00:21:57.720
From the moment I took that first look at you
471
00:21:57.799 --> 00:21:59.519
and you crossed your eyes.
472
00:22:03.440 --> 00:22:06.480
Now, if your left eye had been moved over two inches, you...
473
00:22:06.940 --> 00:22:08.759
That was a dead giveaway, wasn't it?
474
00:22:09.460 --> 00:22:11.640
I knew Boynton was alive from the moment I mentioned
475
00:22:11.660 --> 00:22:14.779
that he was sitting between Marie Antoinette and Josephine and
476
00:22:14.819 --> 00:22:15.869
he began to blush.
477
00:22:20.079 --> 00:22:25.500
He'd blush if he was sitting between two female frogs.
478
00:22:25.519 --> 00:22:28.000
I don't mind telling you I consider this infringement of
479
00:22:28.039 --> 00:22:30.059
school rules a disgrace.
480
00:22:30.200 --> 00:22:31.539
But, sir, if you'll let me explain.
481
00:22:31.559 --> 00:22:35.140
No explanation is acceptable when a principal violates school rules
482
00:22:35.160 --> 00:22:38.059
to the extent of using its facilities after hours without
483
00:22:38.099 --> 00:22:43.690
the express consent of the board. Well, however, I shall
484
00:22:43.809 --> 00:22:45.009
overlook the affair this time.
485
00:22:45.210 --> 00:22:46.450
Oh, thank you, sir.
486
00:22:46.650 --> 00:22:47.470
Thank you.
487
00:22:47.529 --> 00:22:50.319
But hereafter, I shall expect you to pursue your hobby
488
00:22:50.440 --> 00:22:50.819
at home.
489
00:22:51.180 --> 00:22:52.339
Or find a different hobby.
490
00:22:52.380 --> 00:22:53.740
Yes, or find a different hobby.
491
00:22:53.859 --> 00:22:55.140
Something without Mr. Boynton.
492
00:22:55.160 --> 00:23:00.650
Yes, something without Miss Brooks. Will you permit me the
493
00:23:00.670 --> 00:23:03.269
luxury of expressing my own thoughts in my own native language?
494
00:23:04.309 --> 00:23:07.509
I'm sorry, sir. Well, Mr. Boynton, if we hurry, we
495
00:23:07.529 --> 00:23:10.589
can still catch a movie. Oh, just a moment, please.
496
00:23:11.210 --> 00:23:14.170
Conklin, who made that chair Boynton is sitting on?
497
00:23:14.410 --> 00:23:14.819
That one?
498
00:23:14.839 --> 00:23:15.240
Yes.
499
00:23:15.400 --> 00:23:17.359
Why, Boynton made it himself, Mr. Stone.
500
00:23:17.680 --> 00:23:18.900
His hobby is woodcraft.
501
00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:21.079
Oh, it's excellent, beautiful work.
502
00:23:21.220 --> 00:23:23.160
You know, Boynton, I took up woodwork a few weeks
503
00:23:23.220 --> 00:23:25.740
ago myself, and I find it fascinating.
504
00:23:25.980 --> 00:23:27.380
Oh, it is, sir. Um.
505
00:23:28.150 --> 00:23:30.329
I wonder if you can drop over sometime and give
506
00:23:30.349 --> 00:23:31.470
me a few pointers.
507
00:23:31.589 --> 00:23:32.970
Well, any time you say, Mr.
508
00:23:32.990 --> 00:23:33.369
Stone.
509
00:23:33.390 --> 00:23:34.529
I'd be very happy to.
510
00:23:34.549 --> 00:23:35.849
How about tonight?
511
00:23:36.150 --> 00:23:36.650
Oh, no.
512
00:23:36.779 --> 00:23:38.559
Tonight's impossible, Mr. Stone.
513
00:23:38.859 --> 00:23:39.079
Mr.
514
00:23:39.099 --> 00:23:41.839
Boynton has already promised to help me out with my hobby.
515
00:23:42.160 --> 00:23:44.700
You see, I'm a knitter. Well, how could Mr.
516
00:23:44.740 --> 00:23:46.500
Boynton help you out with that hobby?
517
00:23:46.740 --> 00:23:49.569
Well, my cat's away and someone's got to get all
518
00:23:49.609 --> 00:23:52.150
tangled up in the wool. Come on, Mr. Boynton.
519
00:24:04.450 --> 00:24:06.779
And now here's the star of our show, Eve Arden.
520
00:24:07.200 --> 00:24:10.690
Mr. Conklin's wax dummies of Marie Antoinette and Josephine were
521
00:24:10.789 --> 00:24:14.410
really lifelike. But he just didn't do right by their complexion.
522
00:24:22.440 --> 00:24:23.660
Directed by Larry Burns.
523
00:24:23.819 --> 00:24:26.089
Written by Arthur Oldsburg and Lou Derman. With the music
524
00:24:26.130 --> 00:24:26.829
of Lud Gluskin.
525
00:24:27.210 --> 00:24:27.430
Mr.
526
00:24:27.450 --> 00:24:30.430
Conklin was played by Gail Gordon. Others in tonight's cast
527
00:24:30.450 --> 00:24:33.529
were Jane Morgan, Dick Crenna, Bob Rockwell, Gloria McMillan.
528
00:24:33.579 --> 00:24:34.460
And Joseph Kearns.
529
00:24:44.140 --> 00:24:47.250
This has been our Miss Brooks Hobbies. We'll return with
530
00:24:47.309 --> 00:24:51.759
another comedy program from radio's great broadcasting years. Good night.
531
00:24:52.279 --> 00:24:56.410
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