Finding Alignment and Embracing 'Just Enough' in Biz&Life with Amanda Laird

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Amanda Laird:
Hey there! Welcome to Inner Impact, a podcast about taking aligned action.
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Amanda Laird:
I'm your host, Giada Centofanti, coach and founder of Care2Impact.
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Amanda Laird:
On this show, you will get tools, inspiration and space to take aligned action
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Amanda Laird:
and create a business that brings joy and positive change to your lives and the world.
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Amanda Laird:
You know, taking aligned action starts with understanding your core needs and desires.
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So download the free Find Clarity toolkit to get clear on what you need and
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Amanda Laird:
plan actionable next steps.
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Amanda Laird:
Go to care2impact.com slash clarity and grab your workbook and guided visualizations today.
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Giada Centofanti:
Hey there, welcome to Inner Impact.
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Giada Centofanti:
Today's episode is going to be a special one because one,
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Giada Centofanti:
we are going to have our first ever podcast guest and two, the guest is a person
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Giada Centofanti:
whose work I admired for a while and then I became her client and admired it even more.
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Giada Centofanti:
I am talking about Amanda Laird and today we are going to explore her work philosophy
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and approach and how she takes aligned action in her business and life.
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Giada Centofanti:
But first, let me introduce her to you.
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Giada Centofanti:
Amanda Laird is a feminist marketing strategist and business advisor with almost
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Giada Centofanti:
20 years of experience, providing strategy and support to solopreneurs,
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small business owners and non-profit organizations.
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Giada Centofanti:
She is the author of Heavy Flow, Breaking the Curse on Menstruation,
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Giada Centofanti:
published by Dunder Press and nominated for the 2019 Kobo Emerging Writer Prize for Nonfiction.
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Giada Centofanti:
And she was the host of the Heavy Flow podcast from 2017 to 2020.
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Giada Centofanti:
Welcome, Amanda. I am so, so grateful to have you here today on Inner Impact.
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Amanda Laird:
Thank you. I'm so honored to be your first guest, and I can't wait to chat with you. Thank you.
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Giada Centofanti:
Yeah, I'm so glad. And as I mentioned to you, I have a few topics I would love
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to explore, and I would also love it to be a free-flowing, inspiring conversation.
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Giada Centofanti:
But I guess we start from telling more our listeners about your work and your work philosophy.
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Giada Centofanti:
So what does it mean to you to be a feminist marketing strategist and business advisor?
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Amanda Laird:
Such a good question. Thank you. And I feel like that really changes day to
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day, almost client to client and moment to moment.
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But for me, my background is in marketing and communications,
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corporate communications. That's what I went to school for.
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That's where my corporate career started.
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And so I really have a lot of experience in communications and marketing. And I'm,
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In 2018, I actually, I think it was even before that, but a long time ago,
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I discovered this concept of feminist business.
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And when I heard these two words together for the first time,
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it was like the big bang, right?
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Where suddenly all of these threads and all of these parts of my work and interests
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that I had kind of like slammed together.
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And suddenly I felt like, okay, here's a world that makes sense to me.
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And I really have to credit Madeline Shaw and Suzanne Simons,
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who are the co-founders of a business. It was called Luna Pads.
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Now it's called Aisle Period Products for really showing me what a feminist
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business is and what that means.
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Since then, I've taken Kelly Deal's feminist copywriting course.
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I've worked with Kelly Diels.
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I've taken feminist business school through Sister.
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I've studied with C.V. Harquail and just lots of conversations and self-study
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and courses around feminist business.
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And what that means in practice is really using feminist principles and this, you know,
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concept of an interceptional feminist lens and applying it to my work in business.
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And so what does that look like in practice?
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It really, like I said, it looks different client to client.
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And that alone, I think is part of the feminist business practice, right?
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I love Jennifer Armbrus' concept of the feminine economy, which really sets
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out principles for a new way of commerce,
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of economy, doing business, which is about, you know, connecting with nature.
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Looking at cycles that appear in nature and applying that to our business.
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It's leading with gratitude, empathy, really, you know, when we look at traditional capitalism,
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patriarchal white supremacist business practices, like IE everything in the world, right?
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It's really about bigger, faster, more and more and more.
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And it's like very extractive. and I feel like the fundamental question that
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I come back to in my life and in my business and when I'm talking about business
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and when I'm working with clients is what is enough?
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What is enough? And what is enough money that we need to make to be comfortable,
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to live the life that we wanna live,
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to be able to give to causes that we wanna support, to live a comfortable lifestyle, right?
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But what is also enough effort that's going to get us there as well?
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So I talk a lot about just enough marketing.
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And that is really all about, we don't have to be on the hamster,
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we all doing all the things all the time.
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What is just enough of the right activities? How can we exert just enough energy
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and attention and budget and whatever the containers are to get us where we
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want to go so that we're not extractive,
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we're not being our own worst bosses, we're not doing too much?
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Giada Centofanti:
Okay. Okay, so I would have so many follow-up questions, but I am going to focus
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and I want to ask you something.
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So it is clear to me, your philosophy is clear to me and how you apply to working with your clients.
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Giada Centofanti:
I am wondering how you apply on your own business and on your day-to-day practices
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and what you do daily in your business and life?
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Amanda Laird:
That's such a good question. And this is where I have to be really honest and
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vulnerable because I'm not actually that good at it.
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You know, it's, I'm really good at sitting down with a client and being able
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to say, okay, what is enough? But, you know, this is my work.
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And I also joke that this is like my life school work, right?
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And this fundamental question of what is enough is, that's a hard question for me.
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And so I'm very challenged by my own frameworks, which is probably why they've
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kind of emerged in my own business.
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And, you know, when I named this business Slow and Steady, that was as much
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a aspirational vision statement for myself.
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As it was for any of my clients that I was working with.
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So all of that to say, sometimes I'm better at it than others.
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But for me, in my day-to-day business,
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applying those lenses, it really comes back to my own energy and trying to follow
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my own energy as well and trying to recognize what I have the capacity for.
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And also trying to really discern what is real and what is made up and manufactured, right?
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You know, I'm thinking something that stuck with me for a long time is a long
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time ago, I was working in an organization.
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I was freelancing and doing my own thing at the time and I was working with
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this one client And one of my jobs was to do the,
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I don't remember if it was weekly or bi-weekly, but I was in charge of the newsletter,
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writing the newsletter and putting it out.
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And I don't remember anymore what was going on.
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But for some reason, I was like working on this newsletter at like 1130 at night.
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And I was so tired.
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And it was like one of those times where I'm like sitting at
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the computer like typing the newsletter and I've
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just got like tears streaming down my face because
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I don't want to be here I don't want to be doing this I just want to be in bed
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it had been a hard day whatever had come up in the day but I'm like but I have
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to do this because the newsletter has to go out tomorrow at such and such a time.
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And spoiler alert, that was not my best work.
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And there was something like something was broken.
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There's like broken links or typos or something was wrong.
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I made a big mistake. And when I was speaking with my client,
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who is the founder of this organization, like she said to me, like, who cares?
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The newsletter going out at 8am on a Friday morning. That's not real.
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That is like a made up deadline.
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You said it, it was your deadline.
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And so you were like, totally overexerting yourself, put yourself to the limit.
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And the quality of the work showed.
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And she's like, next time, just go to bed.
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We're not like doing brain surgery here. The newsletter can go out two hours
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later or it can go out the next day.
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Like that's not a real deadline. And that's really stuck in my head because, and for me,
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it's always like a fine balance of having just enough structure,
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but also giving myself to really permission to like really follow that energy.
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So if I have a to-do list that has 13 things on it that I really want to get
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done today and lots of ideas, like what is actually real, what actually has to get done today,
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what is actually possible in my capacity, and letting enough be enough.
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Again, I'm not good at this, which is why it's my life's work.
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Some days I'm better at it than others.
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Giada Centofanti:
Thank you for sharing it with such honesty and transparency,
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because I think this is, you know, you and I talked about the toxic view on mindset.
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And I think that sharing our, we're you know that we're not perfect helps people
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feel heard and not wrong right.
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Amanda Laird:
Yeah and you know i'm thinking about in my corporate job back you know a decade
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ago when being an entrepreneur doing my own thing um
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building my own business, doing creative projects was still just a dream.
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And like I literally worked at a bank at this time. So it was like the complete
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opposite of all of those things.
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And I remember listening to a couple of podcasts at the time where they would
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have people come on who were like building their businesses and talking about
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all these cool things that they were doing.
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And I had a lot of shame and I felt like I was doing something wrong because
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I couldn't just like quit my job and make it happen overnight.
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And I remember finding out like years later, one of these podcasts that I listened
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to a lot, it was like Thursday morning, the podcast dropped,
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I listened to it all the time.
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I listened to every episode. I really loved it. It was really inspiring.
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And I remember finding out years later that the host of that podcast had a secret
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job where she worked part-time in a retail store in addition to doing this creative
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work and doing these projects.
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And when I found that out, I was like, wow, I really wish I'd known that.
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I really wish I had known that a
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long time ago because I felt so much shame that I couldn't make my creative
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projects or I couldn't make my tiny fledgling business into like a full-time thing right away.
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And I really had it in my head that like everybody else was and could.
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And, you know, I don't know if that was something that, you know,
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she was intentionally holding back or maybe it just never came up. I don't know. Yeah.
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Now, as a business owner and as I'm, you know,
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Have a somewhat, you know,
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part of marketing when you are a marketing and small business advisor is doing
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podcast interviews like this or doing workshops or I have this kind of public
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persona that's part of my brand.
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Blah or my
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personal brand and I think
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it's really important to be really honest about what
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actually happens because I
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I would hate for somebody to look
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at me and be like oh she's got it all
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together she's doing it when that's
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like just so not true on the other side
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so I just try to be super honest and talk about what it's really like to try
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and build a business not following the template and to try and figure it out in a way that is aligned.
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And because it's not easy. It's really not easy. And I know how brains work.
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And when we look at other people, we can it's so easy to fall into comparing
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despair and think she's got it all together they've got it all together and
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I don't I'm not doing it I'm not doing it right
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What's wrong with me. And I've certainly been there myself. So I completely understand.
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Giada Centofanti:
Yeah, I totally get it. And I think we need to be mindful,
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careful, and caring with what we say or write or publish, because we are probably
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shaping someone else's measure of success.
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Giada Centofanti:
Or even though if we're not actually shaping them, we are influencing them.
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Giada Centofanti:
And having misaligned measures of success means we have misaligned expectation
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Giada Centofanti:
from ourselves, as you mentioned before, and it hurts.
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Giada Centofanti:
It's not good for our overall well-being. And it is also something you,
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Giada Centofanti:
at least you didn't mention it actually, but it made me think about that.
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Giada Centofanti:
I was preparing for our interview and I was listening to the Slowpreneur podcast
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Giada Centofanti:
hosted by Stephanie Pellett.
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Giada Centofanti:
And you mentioned that at some point in your life, you were,
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Giada Centofanti:
you know, having all the words, all the promotion, the money,
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Giada Centofanti:
a house, all the traditional measures of success.
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Giada Centofanti:
And you felt miserable.
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Amanda Laird:
Yeah, I was thinking about this this morning because I know you had mentioned
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Amanda Laird:
that was a question. And, you know, that was a real turning point in my life for a lot of reasons.
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Amanda Laird:
And yeah, I was about 30 years old at the time I was working in a PR agency,
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Amanda Laird:
which when you're working in an agency model, you know,
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Amanda Laird:
It doesn't matter if it's PR or marketing or advertising or whatever. Agencies are toxic.
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Amanda Laird:
Toxic workplaces.
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Amanda Laird:
And this was a really super toxic workplace on top.
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Amanda Laird:
And I just worked so much.
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Amanda Laird:
And I just felt like shit. Oh, is that okay to say?
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Amanda Laird:
I felt like shit all the time
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Amanda Laird:
like physically mentally I was
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Amanda Laird:
just like overloaded and it's funny
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Amanda Laird:
to reflect on that and talk about it now
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Amanda Laird:
because you know more than a decade
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Amanda Laird:
later 12 years later when
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Amanda Laird:
I'm thinking about that time I can see things
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Amanda Laird:
in such clarity and I can
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see how yeah of course I was so
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Amanda Laird:
miserable because I was so misaligned with
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Amanda Laird:
myself right and I never
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Amanda Laird:
thought I was good enough and so I was
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Amanda Laird:
constantly trying to make up for what I imagined were deficits right and now
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Amanda Laird:
like and at the time I would have just said oh well I just don't I just don't feel good.
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Amanda Laird:
I'm burnt out. I'm not taking care of myself.
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Amanda Laird:
And I just need to relax more.
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Amanda Laird:
And so it's really not surprising that around that time, I really fell into the trap of wellness.
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Amanda Laird:
And this was 2012.
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Amanda Laird:
Wow, that's a long time ago. This was 2012.
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Amanda Laird:
In 2013. So this was really when Goop was on the upswing, you know?
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Amanda Laird:
Oh, yeah. Gwyneth Paltrow is kind of building Goop. It's just kind of becoming a thing.
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Amanda Laird:
Online business is just starting to become a thing.
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Amanda Laird:
Holistic nutritionists and health coaches and wellness coaches.
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Amanda Laird:
It was really just a fledgling
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Amanda Laird:
kind of business you know like i started
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Amanda Laird:
at this time because i thought
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Amanda Laird:
i could solve all my own problems and that this was really
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Amanda Laird:
a me problem and then i could solve it
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Amanda Laird:
by buying things you know
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Amanda Laird:
i worked with a holistic nutritionist at the time
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Amanda Laird:
who i had followed online but like I went
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Amanda Laird:
to an office to see her in person
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Amanda Laird:
because she rented office space
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Amanda Laird:
which is so funny to think of now because like
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Amanda Laird:
a holistic nutritionist like you would never have
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Amanda Laird:
an office space what a waste of money you can
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Amanda Laird:
just meet your clients in the zoom room and And so I really fell into wellness
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Amanda Laird:
and I was so miserable and I was so unhappy in the machine.
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Amanda Laird:
Go to work early, work all day, get your billable hours in, networking at night,
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Amanda Laird:
coming home late, drinking too much, not eating right, never seeing the sun.
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Amanda Laird:
I should say not eating in a nutritious way, never seeing the sun and just like
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Amanda Laird:
waking up and doing it all again the next day and the next day and the next day.
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Amanda Laird:
And there was this part of me that was like, I have to get out of this.
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Amanda Laird:
I have to get out of this. and for
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Amanda Laird:
many reasons I thought
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Amanda Laird:
that the answer was like I need
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Amanda Laird:
to like blow up my life entirely so I never want to do PR I never want to do
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Amanda Laird:
comms or marketing I hate this this is the source of my problems I hate having
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Amanda Laird:
a boss I want to be my own boss I want to feel like I'm actually doing something good in the world.
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Amanda Laird:
Mm-hmm. Elder millennial woman reporting for duty. I am such a stereotype.
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Amanda Laird:
And...
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Amanda Laird:
And I want to be my own boss. And at the time, I shared an office with a woman, good friend of mine.
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Amanda Laird:
We'd worked together for many years in different places.
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Amanda Laird:
And we shared an office. And at the time, she had two little kids.
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Amanda Laird:
And I could see how on top of all of this that I was dealing with,
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Amanda Laird:
that added responsibility and stress of like picking your kids up from daycare
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Amanda Laird:
and dropping them off and dealing
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Amanda Laird:
with the little kids was like amplifying everything I felt by 20 million.
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Amanda Laird:
And I was like, well, I think I might want to have kids someday.
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Amanda Laird:
And I definitely don't want that.
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Amanda Laird:
So I'm going to go back to school.
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Amanda Laird:
I'm going to become a holistic nutritionist. I'm going to be able to build my
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Amanda Laird:
own business, work my own hours.
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Amanda Laird:
The four-hour work week was like the Bible at the time.
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Amanda Laird:
I'm going to work a four-hour work week and make a six-figure business,
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Amanda Laird:
and then I will be happy. being older and wiser now.
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Amanda Laird:
And I mean, like I did that. I took that path. I tried to do those things. Right.
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Amanda Laird:
But interestingly, when I was, you know, I graduated school,
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Amanda Laird:
I graduated from holistic nutrition school.
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Amanda Laird:
I tried to build that business. And interestingly,
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Amanda Laird:
I was just as miserable if not more because now I had a toddler on top of it
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Amanda Laird:
all and undiagnosed postpartum anxiety on top of it all and I was still feeling
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Amanda Laird:
those way I was still feeling that way so it wasn't
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Amanda Laird:
Like, I know it's such a cliche to say, wherever you go, there you are. But it's true.
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Amanda Laird:
Like, give me a different job. Give me a different whatever.
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Amanda Laird:
Like, if you don't have that, if things are still out of alignment inside,
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Amanda Laird:
and if your self worth is still coming from an external source where it's like, about the job,
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Amanda Laird:
or it's about the accolades, or it's about the things,
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Amanda Laird:
the stuff, the house, the whatever, then you're just stuck in this loop, right?
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Amanda Laird:
Where you're, it's going to feel good for a little bit, but eventually at some
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Amanda Laird:
point you're going to bump into yourself.
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Giada Centofanti:
Yeah. So of course I want to explore with you the concept of alignment because
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Giada Centofanti:
I mean, it's the topic overarching topic of the podcast, but also I want to
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Giada Centofanti:
share with you an observation,
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Giada Centofanti:
the word enough came up a few times here and there with a negative and positive flavor to it, right?
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Giada Centofanti:
And I love how somehow you were able over time, of course, to use it to create
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Giada Centofanti:
something positive for yourself and your clients and the word.
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Giada Centofanti:
So turning that, it's not enough to let's do just enough and that's gonna be okay yeah well.
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Amanda Laird:
Like I said, this is not stuff that comes naturally to me, you know,
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Amanda Laird:
like I have to teach this for myself.
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Amanda Laird:
And, you know, I started saying just enough years and years and years ago back
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Amanda Laird:
in like 2020, 2020 and 2021.
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Amanda Laird:
And at the time I was
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Amanda Laird:
managing quite a large team and we
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Amanda Laird:
were fully remote we were in and out of lockdown and
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Amanda Laird:
we're navigating a global
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Amanda Laird:
pandemic we're navigating racial reckoning
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Amanda Laird:
in after the murder of george floyd and it just seemed like the news cycle was
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Amanda Laird:
relentless and just you know racially motivated violence gender violence in
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Amanda Laird:
the news like being a human was terrible.
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Amanda Laird:
And during this time as well, here in Canada, these like mass graves of Indigenous
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Amanda Laird:
children were being found from residential schools.
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Amanda Laird:
This was like our new cycle. And I was managing a team of 20-somethings at the
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Amanda Laird:
start of their careers, fully remote.
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Amanda Laird:
They were still quite junior employees, most of them women, many of them racialized,
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Amanda Laird:
Queer, and this is the backdrop.
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Amanda Laird:
And we were working in diversity and inclusion as well.
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Amanda Laird:
And on top of all, on top of being a human in the world...
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Amanda Laird:
People are coming to work. They're having babies. Their parents were sick.
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Amanda Laird:
They were sick. You know, like they were moving, buying houses,
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Amanda Laird:
moving into new apartments. Like we were still trying to like live life.
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Amanda Laird:
And so our mantra became, let's just do enough, right?
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Amanda Laird:
And in my relationship as a manager,
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Amanda Laird:
I saw myself in so many of these particularly young women who were trying to
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Amanda Laird:
do 150% because they're trying to prove themselves,
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Amanda Laird:
they're trying to make their way,
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Amanda Laird:
they want all the things.
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Amanda Laird:
And I could see how they were sacrificing themselves.
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Amanda Laird:
And so our mantra became, let's do just enough. We don't have to give 150%. Like a solid 80 is gold.
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Amanda Laird:
That's still an A. 80% is still an A.
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Amanda Laird:
And that became our mantra.
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Amanda Laird:
And then when I left that job in 2022 and I started building slow and steady
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Amanda Laird:
and I started working with clients and we started talking about, you know,
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Amanda Laird:
building out communications and marketing plans, I found myself saying the same
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Amanda Laird:
thing where it was like, okay, what is just enough, right?
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Amanda Laird:
What is just enough? And that doesn't mean like we're trying to phone it in, right?
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Amanda Laird:
Like I'm always clarifying that when I talk about just enough,
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Amanda Laird:
it's not about doing the bare, it's not the bare minimum.
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Amanda Laird:
That's not what I'm talking about, right? But especially if you've been socialized
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Amanda Laird:
as a woman, and particularly if you are a millennial, and if you're in my generation,
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Amanda Laird:
really, there was this expectation that we're going above 100.
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Amanda Laird:
And you got to push, and you got to give more and more and more, right?
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Amanda Laird:
Like that was what was happening to me in the PR agency, right?
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Amanda Laird:
Where I'm working seven to seven every day.
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Amanda Laird:
And like, for what?
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Amanda Laird:
For what I got paid the same as my male counterpart who came in at nine and
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Amanda Laird:
left at five and took an hour lunch every single day.
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Amanda Laird:
So let's pull it back, do a good job, but you don't have to 150 when 100 is amazing.
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Amanda Laird:
80 is probably going to be better. And it's so important because I want But
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Amanda Laird:
for myself and for my clients and like literally for everybody in the world,
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Amanda Laird:
I want there to be enough left over that at the end of the day,
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Amanda Laird:
I can like meet my kid when she comes home from school and.
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Amanda Laird:
And actually enjoy her company instead of like yelling at her because I'm totally
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Amanda Laird:
frazzled or to go and work out or take a walk or go out with my friends, right?
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Amanda Laird:
Like I want to do just enough work so that I can live my life.
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Giada Centofanti:
Yeah, I love that. And also your perspective on Just Enough makes me think about
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Giada Centofanti:
something we studied in my neuroscience,
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Giada Centofanti:
applied to coaching, training, of course, not a neuroscientist yet.
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Giada Centofanti:
So there's this thing we used to
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Giada Centofanti:
call the goldilocks curve of stress which is
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Giada Centofanti:
about how surprisingly too much stress and too little stress can hinder in the
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Giada Centofanti:
same exact way your executive functions so it is all about to find the just
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Giada Centofanti:
right spot for your stress level and of course,
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Giada Centofanti:
it can be different every day.
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Giada Centofanti:
So it resonates with me what you were saying about let's find what it means
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Giada Centofanti:
just enough for you now, this month, in this quarter, right?
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Giada Centofanti:
Okay, so I wanted to explore alignment.
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Giada Centofanti:
We talked about many things in your career and things that happen throughout
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Giada Centofanti:
your life and how also feminism has shaped your values and how at some point
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Giada Centofanti:
you were able to create something,
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Giada Centofanti:
this new solopreneur business, which is more and more aligned to you, your core self. So,
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Giada Centofanti:
Year after that, you know, 2012, how does alignment and taking aligned action to look like for you?
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Amanda Laird:
I mean, it was a process and a journey.
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Amanda Laird:
And like I said, in the beginning, in the beginning, I thought it was like having a perfect diet.
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Amanda Laird:
And I went to nutrition school, right? So like everything was through this lens
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Amanda Laird:
of like food is medicine and it can, you know, add to your health or take it away.
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Amanda Laird:
I don't believe this. The best thing I got in nutrition school was an eating disorder.
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00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,840
Amanda Laird:
Like, let's be clear. Let's be clear. and
372
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:10,240
Amanda Laird:
so it really changed because
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00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:13,300
Amanda Laird:
in the beginning it really was
374
00:33:13,300 --> 00:33:16,060
Amanda Laird:
I thought I could kind of like buy my way
375
00:33:16,060 --> 00:33:21,400
Amanda Laird:
out of it it's if I could just eat the right organic food or take the right
376
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:31,060
Amanda Laird:
supplements or go to the gym enough or have the right crystals like it was really
377
00:33:31,060 --> 00:33:34,480
Amanda Laird:
about like what I could buy And, you know,
378
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:42,700
Amanda Laird:
I don't want to talk about the silver lining of a pandemic, a global pandemic,
379
00:33:42,700 --> 00:33:45,300
Amanda Laird:
because it was horrific.
380
00:33:45,900 --> 00:33:52,040
Amanda Laird:
It's not over yet. And we are continuing to last with those effects.
381
00:33:52,300 --> 00:33:55,100
Amanda Laird:
But, you know, at some point.
382
00:33:56,100 --> 00:34:02,760
Amanda Laird:
If it was either like during the pandemic where I like ripped my glasses off
383
00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:07,400
Amanda Laird:
my face, threw them at the wall, and I screamed, I can't take it anymore.
384
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:14,320
Amanda Laird:
I just had reached this breaking point and like I broke my glasses.
385
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:20,460
Amanda Laird:
I broke my glasses and I didn't have any contact lenses left.
386
00:34:21,380 --> 00:34:26,720
Amanda Laird:
And I couldn't go to the store. I couldn't just go to the store because we were
387
00:34:26,720 --> 00:34:32,100
Amanda Laird:
in lockdown and I couldn't just go and fix my glasses.
388
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:38,560
Amanda Laird:
I just couldn't go and buy the thing that was going to fix my glasses or make me see again.
389
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:43,280
Amanda Laird:
Like I had to just sit with those feelings.
390
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:49,560
Amanda Laird:
And since June of 2020, I have done a lot of therapy.
391
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:57,440
Amanda Laird:
Like a lot, a lot, a lot of therapy, crazy amounts of therapy.
392
00:34:57,740 --> 00:35:02,300
Amanda Laird:
Like there were times where I was going two times a week to therapy,
393
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:10,640
Amanda Laird:
individual therapy, couples therapy, like just so much therapy to learn about
394
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:13,120
Amanda Laird:
myself and how I relate to other people.
395
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:20,420
Amanda Laird:
And now like what I have learned like four and a half years into,
396
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:24,280
Amanda Laird:
and I've done therapy on and off many times, but
397
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:27,540
Amanda Laird:
I think it was being ready to really
398
00:35:27,540 --> 00:35:35,820
Amanda Laird:
dive deep and confront things and having a really good therapist and who had
399
00:35:35,820 --> 00:35:40,560
Amanda Laird:
really good frameworks and who I have a really safe and trusting relationship
400
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:45,640
Amanda Laird:
with really allowed me to learn that,
401
00:35:46,620 --> 00:35:49,400
Amanda Laird:
Oh, I am enough. I have enough.
402
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:54,200
Amanda Laird:
And everything that I need is available to me.
403
00:35:54,340 --> 00:35:58,400
Amanda Laird:
And actually it comes inside. It comes from inside.
404
00:35:58,700 --> 00:36:06,880
Amanda Laird:
And for me in lockdown, So many things in my life changed simply by taking away
405
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:11,200
Amanda Laird:
so much like there's nowhere to go.
406
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,340
Amanda Laird:
There's nowhere to numb out.
407
00:36:15,530 --> 00:36:22,050
Amanda Laird:
To just get caught up in doing all kinds of things that you don't want to do,
408
00:36:22,170 --> 00:36:26,210
Amanda Laird:
but you're doing them anyways, because these are the things we're supposed to do on a Saturday,
409
00:36:26,370 --> 00:36:30,670
Amanda Laird:
go to the mall, go grocery shopping, visit with people maybe you don't like
410
00:36:30,670 --> 00:36:34,570
Amanda Laird:
that much, or don't make you feel good.
411
00:36:34,570 --> 00:36:38,450
Amanda Laird:
And taking that away and spending,
412
00:36:39,150 --> 00:36:44,710
Amanda Laird:
like, and I, like, I don't want to sound like I'm painting a rosy picture of,
413
00:36:44,850 --> 00:36:51,330
Amanda Laird:
like, pandemic lockdown because I recognize how truly horrific it was.
414
00:36:51,330 --> 00:36:58,330
Amanda Laird:
And like yes I spent hours on my phone doom scrolling right like I did all of
415
00:36:58,330 --> 00:37:06,410
Amanda Laird:
the things and I like went for a walk in the forest for the first time in like 10 years right
416
00:37:08,530 --> 00:37:17,130
Amanda Laird:
In 2020 and it was like those things where I was like wait a second going for a walk outside
417
00:37:18,150 --> 00:37:26,350
Amanda Laird:
with my little family like these are the things that are aligning right I was thinking
418
00:37:27,190 --> 00:37:32,490
Amanda Laird:
about this question because you'd sent me the notes and when I was reflecting
419
00:37:32,490 --> 00:37:38,550
Amanda Laird:
on this time of my life like I talked about when I was 30 when I had this pivot
420
00:37:38,550 --> 00:37:42,170
Amanda Laird:
point when I was working in the PR agency when I had all of the things.
421
00:37:42,510 --> 00:37:51,130
Amanda Laird:
And even I would say in the first iteration of my business, even when I was, you know,
422
00:37:51,390 --> 00:37:58,830
Amanda Laird:
publishing Heavy Flow, the book and the podcast, I really had this understanding
423
00:37:58,830 --> 00:38:08,470
Amanda Laird:
that like happiness was or like success or whatever it was, was like over here.
424
00:38:09,610 --> 00:38:14,930
Amanda Laird:
This is a podcast. So I'm like holding my arm at arm's length, right?
425
00:38:15,330 --> 00:38:20,890
Amanda Laird:
Like if I just get this new job, if we just buy a bigger house,
426
00:38:21,150 --> 00:38:30,610
Amanda Laird:
if we just, if we just, if we just, if we just, When I get 10 clients,
427
00:38:31,050 --> 00:38:35,390
Amanda Laird:
when I make $50,000, when I make six figures,
428
00:38:35,950 --> 00:38:40,170
Amanda Laird:
when I work with this brand, whatever it is,
429
00:38:40,710 --> 00:38:52,930
Amanda Laird:
then I will be, if I just lose weight, if I just do whatever, then I will be in search.
430
00:38:54,220 --> 00:38:58,500
Amanda Laird:
Happy, rich, hot, smart, whatever.
431
00:38:58,900 --> 00:39:03,160
Amanda Laird:
And I think the biggest shift for me, I'm looking,
432
00:39:03,620 --> 00:39:08,180
Amanda Laird:
keep looking off camera here because I have this sticky note that has been up
433
00:39:08,180 --> 00:39:12,960
Amanda Laird:
on my wall for like two years that says everything that you need and everything
434
00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:15,060
Amanda Laird:
that you want is available to you.
435
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:20,920
Amanda Laird:
And I can see how that might get like twisted and turned into like a toxic positivity.
436
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:24,440
Amanda Laird:
But for me it's
437
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:27,300
Amanda Laird:
really like I was all those years that
438
00:39:27,300 --> 00:39:30,760
Amanda Laird:
I spent looking outside and looking afar what
439
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:34,140
Amanda Laird:
I have learned over the past four
440
00:39:34,140 --> 00:39:37,320
Amanda Laird:
and a half years thanks to therapy thanks to
441
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:42,160
Amanda Laird:
parts work thanks to Zoloft all
442
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:45,200
Amanda Laird:
these things like if I actually look at
443
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:48,240
Amanda Laird:
what I have if I actually look
444
00:39:48,240 --> 00:39:51,420
Amanda Laird:
around if i actually tune in
445
00:39:51,420 --> 00:39:54,400
Amanda Laird:
and drop into myself i can
446
00:39:54,400 --> 00:40:00,480
Amanda Laird:
hear myself and if for people who are familiar with internal family systems
447
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:06,760
Amanda Laird:
or parts work like i'm talking about self like with a capital s and i can see
448
00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:11,580
Amanda Laird:
that things are kind of good here yeah
449
00:40:11,580 --> 00:40:19,900
Giada Centofanti:
Yeah so i am wondering probably one of your tools is that sticky note.
450
00:40:20,180 --> 00:40:28,000
Giada Centofanti:
But do you have any other kind of practice of something that you do to actually
451
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:31,580
Giada Centofanti:
tune in and reconnect with yourself,
452
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:38,840
Giada Centofanti:
recenter when you have noticed you are maybe not acting in alignment with yourself?
453
00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:43,020
Amanda Laird:
Interesting because I feel like my tools are changing right now.
454
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:48,180
Amanda Laird:
So this is kind of an interesting place to be.
455
00:40:48,580 --> 00:40:54,580
Amanda Laird:
I am first and foremost, of all my job titles, I am a writer.
456
00:40:54,580 --> 00:41:02,320
Amanda Laird:
That is how I process, it's how I think, it's how I express myself, how I communicate.
457
00:41:02,780 --> 00:41:10,500
Amanda Laird:
And so Morning Pages has been so instrumental and being able to
458
00:41:11,670 --> 00:41:17,430
Amanda Laird:
clear out the gunk, you know, to be able to just get off of that surface level
459
00:41:17,430 --> 00:41:20,650
Amanda Laird:
of, oh, I didn't sleep well last night. I have a headache.
460
00:41:20,990 --> 00:41:24,530
Amanda Laird:
And then like eventually getting to that nugget of like, oh,
461
00:41:24,610 --> 00:41:31,850
Amanda Laird:
I'm really scared about the world or what's happening in my business or for
462
00:41:31,850 --> 00:41:34,010
Amanda Laird:
my daughter, whatever it might be.
463
00:41:34,390 --> 00:41:39,870
Amanda Laird:
And so morning pages is something that I come back to again and again.
464
00:41:40,450 --> 00:41:46,830
Amanda Laird:
Interestingly, I would say in the last six months, my morning pages and my journaling
465
00:41:46,830 --> 00:41:52,650
Amanda Laird:
has really dropped off because I've gotten kind of skilled.
466
00:41:52,730 --> 00:41:59,950
Amanda Laird:
And now I'm able to recognize when I'm feeling dysregulated,
467
00:41:59,950 --> 00:42:06,910
Amanda Laird:
when I feel off, and to say, like, wait a second, something doesn't feel right.
468
00:42:07,210 --> 00:42:12,110
Amanda Laird:
I feel noisy. I feel crowded and
469
00:42:12,110 --> 00:42:15,770
Amanda Laird:
I have a lot of parts and they
470
00:42:15,770 --> 00:42:21,570
Amanda Laird:
can get me very noisy and you know maybe six months ago I would be like okay
471
00:42:21,570 --> 00:42:26,130
Amanda Laird:
I'm gonna sit down with my journal and I'm gonna journal through it and I'm
472
00:42:26,130 --> 00:42:33,110
Amanda Laird:
gonna figure it out and now I'm able to just sit with it in a way that I'm just
473
00:42:33,110 --> 00:42:35,190
Amanda Laird:
kind of learning how to do it.
474
00:42:35,690 --> 00:42:42,630
Amanda Laird:
And so I'm a big fan. Also, an important tool for me is meditation.
475
00:42:42,990 --> 00:42:47,550
Amanda Laird:
I do not have a regular practice.
476
00:42:47,590 --> 00:42:54,050
Amanda Laird:
I do not practice a certain type of meditation. I don't know that I'm good at meditation.
477
00:42:54,190 --> 00:43:00,790
Amanda Laird:
But that being able to sit still has been instrumental.
478
00:43:01,310 --> 00:43:09,170
Amanda Laird:
And I really enjoy on Insight Timer, there's this one particular meditation
479
00:43:09,170 --> 00:43:14,850
Amanda Laird:
teacher, I think her name is Julie Donovan, and she does a lot of parts work meditations.
480
00:43:15,830 --> 00:43:20,190
Amanda Laird:
And so she does this meditation that's called the morning huddle,
481
00:43:20,770 --> 00:43:25,610
Amanda Laird:
a morning parts huddle, and it's about inviting all the different parts of yourself
482
00:43:25,610 --> 00:43:30,870
Amanda Laird:
together and to see how parts, maybe are feeling if they have anything that
483
00:43:30,870 --> 00:43:33,210
Amanda Laird:
they want to say, if they need tending to.
484
00:43:34,330 --> 00:43:39,710
Amanda Laird:
And that has been really helpful. And so I really like to do that.
485
00:43:39,850 --> 00:43:46,690
Amanda Laird:
And when I'm starting to feel scattered or dysregulated, and also this like,
486
00:43:46,890 --> 00:43:51,270
Amanda Laird:
when I'm talking about this, like, sometimes this can happen like three times
487
00:43:51,270 --> 00:43:53,770
Amanda Laird:
a day, like, like, let's just be real, right?
488
00:43:54,110 --> 00:44:00,670
Amanda Laird:
Like, maybe this is happening once a week once every couple of weeks but there
489
00:44:00,670 --> 00:44:02,150
Amanda Laird:
are times where it's like
490
00:44:02,660 --> 00:44:05,340
Amanda Laird:
I have to recenter and reset like three times a day.
491
00:44:05,580 --> 00:44:10,840
Amanda Laird:
Being able to really come to the present.
492
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:17,820
Amanda Laird:
So one thing I didn't mention as well was somatics was also really helpful.
493
00:44:18,020 --> 00:44:25,380
Amanda Laird:
And I don't know, I don't want to say her name because I don't know what her
494
00:44:25,380 --> 00:44:30,120
Amanda Laird:
vibes are these days, but I took an online course about somatics.
495
00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:36,280
Amanda Laird:
And that really taught me how to feel and to like look around the room and to
496
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:41,400
Amanda Laird:
get out of myself and to be able to turn my eyes outside.
497
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:47,340
Amanda Laird:
And sometimes when I'm at my best, I will do this on purpose.
498
00:44:47,340 --> 00:44:52,400
Amanda Laird:
Like first thing in the morning, after all my people leave, I'll go out to my
499
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:55,920
Amanda Laird:
garden. I have a rooftop garden or if it's too chilly for that.
500
00:44:55,920 --> 00:45:00,940
Amanda Laird:
And when I say too chilly, it has to be like snow on the ground minus.
501
00:45:01,340 --> 00:45:03,240
Amanda Laird:
Like it's seven degrees today.
502
00:45:03,720 --> 00:45:08,900
Amanda Laird:
I can go outside when it's seven degrees and do this and just sit.
503
00:45:09,240 --> 00:45:14,300
Amanda Laird:
And I think this is a practice that I learned from Ziva meditation where it
504
00:45:14,300 --> 00:45:20,180
Amanda Laird:
was like, find what's the loudest, closest noise that you can hear.
505
00:45:20,460 --> 00:45:22,060
Amanda Laird:
What's the furthest away?
506
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:25,560
Amanda Laird:
What's the like most prominent thing that you
507
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:28,820
Amanda Laird:
can taste in your mouth and what is just like the wisp
508
00:45:28,820 --> 00:45:32,180
Amanda Laird:
like what can you feel right and
509
00:45:32,180 --> 00:45:38,440
Amanda Laird:
just going through all your senses and I find it really grounding and once you
510
00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:44,660
Amanda Laird:
like call in what you can hear what you can see through your closed eyes what
511
00:45:44,660 --> 00:45:50,600
Amanda Laird:
you can feel on your skin the breeze the chair that you're sitting on the ground under your feet.
512
00:45:50,820 --> 00:45:55,900
Amanda Laird:
Like I just find that practice to be so grounding and
513
00:45:56,500 --> 00:46:02,960
Amanda Laird:
And so where maybe six months or a year ago, I would be like furiously writing
514
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:06,360
Amanda Laird:
in my journal to try and like figure out what I'm feeling.
515
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:13,240
Amanda Laird:
Now, if I can just pause, ground down, tune in with my parts,
516
00:46:13,720 --> 00:46:17,040
Amanda Laird:
then generally I can kind of get there.
517
00:46:18,720 --> 00:46:23,720
Giada Centofanti:
Okay, thank you. So to recap, you mentioned the morning pages,
518
00:46:24,220 --> 00:46:29,560
Giada Centofanti:
journaling, and then over time you practice and practice and you became able
519
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:34,760
Giada Centofanti:
to notice what is happening to you and to just, just quote unquote,
520
00:46:35,240 --> 00:46:44,560
Giada Centofanti:
sit with your feelings and your emotions and the people, as you said before,
521
00:46:44,780 --> 00:46:50,280
Giada Centofanti:
you know, your parts and made them have a chat and conversate with them.
522
00:46:50,540 --> 00:46:59,140
Giada Centofanti:
And also highly effective and important tuning into your body as a way to get grounded and present.
523
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:09,160
Giada Centofanti:
So I wanted to recap the tools for our listeners because they can be highly helpful to them.
524
00:47:09,620 --> 00:47:14,160
Amanda Laird:
Yes. And I would say, I think what I'm referring to there too,
525
00:47:14,380 --> 00:47:18,020
Amanda Laird:
like the meditation is the vehicle, but I
526
00:47:18,020 --> 00:47:21,640
Amanda Laird:
think the framework of internal family systems I love
527
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:27,600
Amanda Laird:
the book No Bad Parts which is a great introduction to internal family systems
528
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:33,580
Amanda Laird:
finding that framework using that framework in therapy learning about it for
529
00:47:33,580 --> 00:47:40,060
Amanda Laird:
myself working with a business advisor who understands parts Kate Smalley,
530
00:47:40,340 --> 00:47:43,180
Amanda Laird:
that was also a key.
531
00:47:43,560 --> 00:47:49,800
Amanda Laird:
And so that framework has really been a great foundation for me.
532
00:47:50,940 --> 00:47:57,100
Giada Centofanti:
Okay, and we're going to put all the links and all the resources Amanda mentioned in the show notes.
533
00:47:57,260 --> 00:48:04,420
Giada Centofanti:
But first, I want to ask you, what's the next aligned action that you're planning to take?
534
00:48:04,420 --> 00:48:07,960
Amanda Laird:
Like after we get off this call, I actually,
535
00:48:08,260 --> 00:48:15,180
Amanda Laird:
you know, what I have to say is I actually think I want to go outside and sit
536
00:48:15,180 --> 00:48:19,480
Amanda Laird:
and feel the cold air and listen to the sounds of my neighborhood.
537
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:22,640
Amanda Laird:
I haven't been outside today.
538
00:48:23,340 --> 00:48:28,500
Amanda Laird:
So that actually feels really good.
539
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:37,880
Giada Centofanti:
Okay. Okay, so before we conclude this, I want to ask you, what's the best way
540
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:41,240
Giada Centofanti:
for people to connect with you? Where can they find you?
541
00:48:42,140 --> 00:48:48,380
Amanda Laird:
Yes, they can go to my website, which is slowandsteady.studio.
542
00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:53,060
Amanda Laird:
Sign up for my newsletter. The links down at the bottom are in the main menu.
543
00:48:53,300 --> 00:48:58,460
Amanda Laird:
I send a newsletter every Friday about marketing, growing a slow and steady
544
00:48:58,460 --> 00:49:04,000
Amanda Laird:
business. and I also host Just Enough sessions once a month where you can come.
545
00:49:04,220 --> 00:49:09,060
Amanda Laird:
We have topics for discussion, answer your questions. You can get to know me,
546
00:49:09,700 --> 00:49:13,980
Amanda Laird:
get to know the Slow and Steady community and we can connect there.
547
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:19,600
Giada Centofanti:
Yeah, and I highly recommend the Just Enough sessions because there are more
548
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:24,500
Giada Centofanti:
than enough actually in terms of inspiration.
549
00:49:24,960 --> 00:49:31,480
Giada Centofanti:
Okay, before we part ways, First of all, thank you so much for being here and
550
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:34,620
Giada Centofanti:
for being my first podcast guest.
551
00:49:34,850 --> 00:49:40,280
Giada Centofanti:
And I want to invite you listeners, and maybe you too, Amanda,
552
00:49:40,580 --> 00:49:42,540
Giada Centofanti:
to reflect on two questions.
553
00:49:42,820 --> 00:49:47,060
Giada Centofanti:
First, what are your main takeaways and insights from this conversation?
554
00:49:47,340 --> 00:49:52,300
Giada Centofanti:
And how can you apply them to take aligned action this week?
555
00:49:53,030 --> 00:49:58,400
Giada Centofanti:
And that's it for today. You can find the show notes, all the links and the
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Giada Centofanti:
transcript at care2impact.com slash podcast.
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Giada Centofanti:
And while you're there, don't forget to download your free Find Clarity toolkit.
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Giada Centofanti:
So thanks for listening. Bye for now. And keep sparking your inner impact.