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Hot people get herpes. So why can a diagnosis make you feel like nobody will want you?
Courtney Brame remembers worrying that his sex life was over. In this episode, he joins sex therapist Michelle Fischler to talk about what happened after his diagnosis, the support that helped him, and learning to feel desirable again.
Courtney is the founder of Something Positive for Positive People, a nonprofit supporting people navigating herpes stigma and helping partners and healthcare providers talk about sex.
Michelle and Courtney get into the words that add shame, including “clean” and “dirty,” and why a diagnosis can feel like a verdict on who you are. They also try a second-date role-play: how do you bring up sexual health, find out whether someone is ready to talk, and hold a boundary without apologizing for existing?
They talk about what healthcare providers can say that helps, what can leave someone feeling dismissed, and why telling one person you trust can be a place to start.
If you’ve wondered how to tell someone, how to respond, or whether sex and dating can still feel good after a diagnosis, this conversation is for you.
Key Topics & Timestamps
00:00 First symptoms
00:39 Introducing Courtney Brame
03:21 Life before the diagnosis
06:37 Diagnosis and family support
11:21 Telling the next partner
12:33 Inheriting herpes stigma
16:17 Challenging “my sex life is over”
18:42 The body as an apartment complex
22:59 Retiring stigmatizing language
26:47 Feeling desirable again
27:58 Second-date role-play: talking about sexual health
32:25 More than your diagnosis
35:09 Responding to disclosure
37:15 Stigma-informed healthcare
40:13 One thing to do after a diagnosis
41:44 Where to find Courtney
42:57 Credits
Find Courtney Brame:
Instagram: @CourtneyBrame
Something Positive for Positive People Podcast
Resources from Courtney:
Herpes Support Group
How to Disclose
Stigma-Informed Training
Explore Michelle’s book, Coming Soon: The Unshaming Guide to Early Ejaculation and Lasting Longer: comingsoonbook.ca.
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