KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa (Mon, 26 Oct, 2026)

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KCAA 1050 AM.
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Jump off that exhausting hamster wheel and into balanced.
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Living with Dr. Marissa.
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Dr. Marisa, also known as the Asian Oprah. Her mission,
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to be a beneficial presence on the planet. Her purpose,
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to be your personal advocate to live, laugh, love, learn.
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Her life motto, don't die wondering. Take back your life
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with Dr. Marisa Pei.
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And welcome. You're tuned in to my podcast.
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It's not weekly anymore.
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It's daily, weekday morning show called Take My Advice.
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I'm not using it. Get balanced with Dr.
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Marissa, the morning show here on KCAA, NBC News, CNBC News,
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and NBC Sports Radio Station, AM 1050, FM 106.5, home.
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To the Asian Oprah, number one talk in the IE.
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Thank you very much. And streaming everywhere.
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iHeartRadio, Spotify, iTunes, TuneIn, Audible, Amazon Music, Tiki Live, Rumble, Podchester, Streaker, Spaker,
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and more.
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Why so many places, Dr. Marissa?
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Well, if you noticed, everywhere you tune in, you're going
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to get the headlines, you're going to get the current events,
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and they will all give you a case of the
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four A's. Angry, afraid, and anxious because it's designed that way.
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All the news that is on there, it's true, Dr.
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Marissa. Yes, it's true, but there's so much other news
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that you could pick, but if it bleeds, it leads
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so that you'll stay tuned in, riveted, shocked, uncomfortable, but
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it keeps you there listening to the commercials. There is
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one place where that is not true, and that is here,
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and so glad that you found me I've been doing
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this for 753 consecutive weeks, but who's counting?
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And I'm very happy to announce that.
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We crossed the 5.2 million impressions mark last week. And yeah,
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give myself a little love on that. Because I want
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to balance out all that bad news out there with
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good news, good topics, good people. good guests, and good series.
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And today is no exception. It is Monday, Monday, which
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means it's Mental Health Matters Mondays. It's a little bit different.
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I'm not talking here as a psychologist, although I am.
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My PhD is in organizational psychology. I am not a
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licensed psychologist by choice.
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I'm a happiness coach.
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And you get some free happiness coaching pretty much every day,
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but especially on Mondays, because I want you to take
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responsibility for your own mental health in ways that you
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have control over. But before we get to that topic,
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you know the drill. I start every weekday morning with
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breakfast with y'all.
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And what does that mean?
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It means we're going to take a bite of my
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gratitude sandwich, top of the bunch.
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We're going to look outside of ourselves and say, what
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am I grateful for?
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Bottom of the bun tonight before you go to bed,
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I want you to say, what am I grateful for
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about inside of myself? So outside of myself in the morning,
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inside myself tonight. So you're not thinking about all the
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things you forgot to do or didn't do right or
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who done you wrong, but you'll get a good night's
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sleep because you're thinking with a smile on your face,
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all those things that you are good at and all
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the things that you can say yay me for.
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All right.
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Let's start with the top of the bun, outside of yourself.
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What are you grateful for? And please play along. Love
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it when people are in my cashew gallery, my version
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of the peanut gallery. You know how I love to
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play with words. And yes, there's a new title. They're
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called DMOs, Dr. Marissa Originals. When I warp the English
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language and I make an idiot out of the idioms.
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Somebody wants me to put that in a book, actually
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a number of people. So we're going to work on
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that this year. But what I'd like you to do
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if you're not driving is to play along and put
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in the chat.
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What are you grateful for?
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It's a great life habit. Hashtag blisscipline. That's a term
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I got from my big brother, Michael Bernard Beckwith.
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And I think he's going to top the list.
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Well, actually, he'll second on the list today because the
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first thing I'm super duper grateful for is that my
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little girl, best little girl in the whole wide world,
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Sarah Wang, she is turning 27 today. Yeah, I had.
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Her when I was three.
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So we're going to, you know, Chinese. That's why I
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wore the red this morning. Chinese Chinese. culture says that
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when your child is having a birthday, the mother is celebrated.
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So we're going to follow that today. And Sarah Way,
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she's my heart. She's so sweet and beautiful and sensitive.
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And her card read that I want this year for
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her to balance out the sweet and sensitive with the
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scintillating and spectacular. so that she can experience fully all
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of who she is. And she's a self-proclaimed worrywart.
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She worries about her mom all the time. So I
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want her to stop.
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Worrying about me and not worry about herself, but really
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enjoy this year, this new year for her. So happy birthday,
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dear Sally. Happy birthday, dear Sally. To you. Happy birthday
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to my heart. I'm going to clip that and send
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that to her for her birthday.
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She'll be mortified.
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But anyways, I'm grateful that I've had front row seats
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to watch this beautiful person called my younger daughter, Sarah Way.
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Way is Mandarin for peaceful. And the reason why my father...
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who's in heaven right now, Dr.
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David Pei.
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He lost his battle to lymphoma when he was 70,
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26 years ago, but he loved, loved, he always just
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wanted grandchildren. So he was able to see Sarah Way.
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The last time he saw her, she was 23 days old,
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and then he.
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Passed like 60 days later.
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But the reason why he named her Wei for the
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middle name is because she was doing gymnastics when she
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was inside. She was pushing on my rib cage and
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doing flips and doing the bang, bang, pow on my uterus.
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And yeah, not so pleasant.
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So he's called her Sarah Wei to tell her.
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To calm down.
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And it worked because she's She's the sweetest, sweetest My
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Heart Girl, and I wish her the very, very wonderful
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27th year around the planet, the sun around her planet.
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All right, so that's the first thing I'm grateful for.
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The second thing I'm grateful for is my big brother, Dr.
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Michael Bernard Beckwith, who's the founder of Agape International Spiritual Center.
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I got to go and be there in 3D yesterday.
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I mistakenly got the... the communications about the 40th year anniversary,
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I thought it was, we were celebrating for two weekends,
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but he said, it's all right. It's a, it's, it's
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all right in time. And, and if you saw my social, uh, I, I,
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I'm celebrating early.
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What can I say? Uh, this place where I get.
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My positive roots watered and my peace of mind fertilized.
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And it was wonderful to see all my agape friends
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as well. Um, in 3D, and I had a lot
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of people ask, actually, when am I going to teach
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my next balanced Tai Chi Gong class that I used
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to offer pre-COVID through Agape, and so we're going to
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try to put that together. If you're interested at all
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in learning a moving meditation that promotes inner peace one
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breath at a time, I used to teach it at
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the New Year's meditation when we did it stateside.
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He's doing it this year again in Costa Rica.
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And I already did my one international trip this year
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with the blood clot. So I'm not going to be
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able to go. But maybe we'll do something here for
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those who aren't going to Costa Rica. So if you're
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interested in learning this moving meditation, please message me and
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I'll put you on the list and we'll coordinate a
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time and a date and figure out what we can do.
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All right.
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Let's see. What else am I grateful for? I think
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that's it for this morning.
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Oh, I'm grateful for the Newport Beach Film Festival that
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I've been able to participate in.
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As usual, this is my 11th year.
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Unfortunately, this is the first year we had a little
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hiccup with the Chinese spotlight film or the Hong Kong spotlight.
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So I won't be introducing a film this year, but
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I still get to play.
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So please come meet me.
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Especially on Wednesdays.
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Night is the big Pacific showcase.
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And if you're listening live right now on my YouTube
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TV channel is still time to get tickets. If you
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want to be my date to the event, let me know.
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And I think I have one free ticket. So that's
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to go with me to It's always a spectacular time.
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It's in Newport at the Time Nightclub. And Greg, my
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friend and the executive director, Greg Frank, does an amazing
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job with his team. And shout out to Stephanie, who
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invited me to this really other great event that I'll
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be putting something up on social about the Black and
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White Soiree. And, you know, I'm really grateful of all
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the fun things that I get to do. And I
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know that you can join me in the fun things
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that I can do that I get to do as
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I continue to invite you to come and have some
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fun with me because life is way too short to
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sit and just binge shows. You know, let's participate in
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all the wonderful events that are happening in life in
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this thing called the joyride of my life. All right,
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let's go to the bottom of the bun. which is weightlifting.
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What am I grateful for inside of myself? This is
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a good life habit because a lot of us, we're
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not our best friends. We are our worst enemies, our
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worst critic. We're harder on ourselves than anyone else. And
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that is not a good thing because frankly, my dear,
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if you cannot approve of yourself, how the fork can
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you approve of anyone? anyone else or how can anyone
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else approve of you so that's why we do the
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gratitude sandwich for breakfast as well as mental health matters
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mondays because it's of utmost importance to me that you
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claim your birthright to be happy 88 of the time
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and why not 100 of the time people will ask
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me well if you're happy 100 of the time you're
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dead I don't want dead people watching or walking because
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you have to have contrast. 88% of the time is
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a good number because eight is a homophone for good
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fortune in Chinese. I know you thought I was Swedish,
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but in Mandarin, eight is a homophone for good fortune.
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And so 88, it's almost, you know, it's the majority.
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It's a good majority of the time. I want you
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to feel your birthright and claim it. to be happy.
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And that's why we do bottom of the bun. Because
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if you can't be happy with yourself, it's very difficult
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to be happy with other people. So what do you
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like about yourself? I like the fact that I can
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do a whole hour show without a guest. The guys
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at the station always laugh.
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You know, other hosts when their guests don't show up,
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or there's a hiccup or something, they're a little bit
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freaked out. And I'm like, No problem.
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Sometimes I actually prefer not having a guest because then
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I don't have to keep my mouth shut. So I
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appreciate my ability to speak and talk about things that
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matter to me and hopefully matter to you, which is
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your happiness and my happiness and how good life is
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because that's the brand.
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That's my brand.
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And it's been that way for 14 and a half years.
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And they said I wouldn't last more than a year,
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but they were wrong.
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And I'm so glad that I get to wake up
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and do this every weekday morning.
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All right.
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The other thing that I like about myself is my
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ability to do this, do that, do this, and sometimes
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end up in do do. But I do have a
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very strong, I love creating. I love achieving. I'm a
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recovering overachiever, definitely. You can take that achievement to an
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extreme that will leave you pretty.
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You'll have some dis-ease with life, I call it.
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You're not going to be happy because there's always more,
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there's always more, no matter what compliment you get. You
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could do better, and that's not a good way to
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live either. That's professionism, the dis-ease of life. So I'm
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a recovering overachiever, but I love the fact that I
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do like to accomplish. So there you go. There's the
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balance in that.
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Anybody, we have a Tizo.
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Welcome here. I don't know what language that is, but
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I'm glad that you're here listening in.
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I see eyeballs rolling in the studio and glad you're here.
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If you want to join me, With breakfast every morning,
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taking a bite of my gratitude sandwich, you are welcome.
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And hopefully you will now or later start your day
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with gratitude and end it with appreciation because I promise
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you'll sandwich your day in the most positive way.
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Thanks for joining me for breakfast.
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And now for the topic.
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Of the day.
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So it went through a couple of iterations, I have
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to be honest, the topic. And then also like, oh,
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why didn't I do a topic on daughters since it's
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my daughter's birthday today, my younger one. But it started
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as a.
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Is it or was it real or is it memorex?
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How much of how we see others, ourselves, and the
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world around us is influenced from a memory that is good, bad.
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And or ugly, all right? And then I realized, okay,
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what was I talking about?
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I was thinking about grudges and do we hold grudges
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because grudges are really something that is based on the past,
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based on a memory. And I know that I'm guilty
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of this and I'm not perfect. And I wish I
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could love everybody as purely and as fully and.
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Wholly as I am.
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Directed to do, you know, certainly, you know, love thy
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neighbor as yourself and love You know, religion's ultimate goal,
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even though it doesn't always translate that way, is to
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love others. others right um to come from love uh
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we're always uh asked to do that when we uh
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sit and and listen to the founder at agape my
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big brother michael bernard beckwith to love no to remember
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who we are which is love and i say it
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all the time we come from love that's where we're
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born from love and we go back into love when
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we die um and so you know ideally we love. Ideally,
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we love everybody. Ideally, we don't feel grudges. We don't
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feel hate or discomfort or revulsion. We don't feel the
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ick factor. We don't feel anything but pure, unconditional love.
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For everyone and everything around us. And that is simply,
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my dear, impossible.
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If you're human and you're breathing, unless you, you.
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Know, are Jesus reincarnated, I think he was able to love.
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completely and fully. God loves completely and fully. If you
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don't like using the G word, I use my UPS man,
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my universal power source who delivers every morning when I
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pray and meditate. Source, nature, Krishna, however you want to
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call that energy around us that is able to have
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unconditional love. But frankly, my dear, I don't know any
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human who can love fully and completely. My big brother,
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Michael Bernard Beckwith, is the only person I know who
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loves almost completely. And I was just talking to Amy yesterday,
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my sister at Agape, you know, I've known him for
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17 years. And, you know, it wasn't You know, he
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loves more fully now than he did when I first
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was with him because everybody, you know, grows and expands.
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I love more than I did 17 years ago for sure.
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But he still loves more unconditionally than I do for sure.
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And so the joke is, like, when I don't like someone,
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I say, I'm going to love you through Michael.
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Yeah.
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Or God's going to love through me because I can't
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do this myself because I just would rather not be
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with you. I'd rather not have to deal with you.
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I'd rather not have to converse with you because.
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You were mean to me. And so that's the topic
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of the day today. So how do we deal with.
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right, and sort of come to a balanced place around
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grudges and not liking people and having difficulty with people
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that just sort of push your buttons or get your
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goat or you know, scrape away and make the chip on.
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Your shoulder stronger. It's not chocolate chip. It's like a
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real chip.
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So that's our topic for today. And with the remaining
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10 minutes for the first half of the show, I
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just started with the reality. If you have people that
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you have difficulty with and you can be anonymous or not,
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you can say it's your friend. please do put it
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in the chat and we can dissect this one together.
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I know that I.
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Have my best mom.
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Because it is Sarah's birthday today. Mugs with my coffee.
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I was just going to take a brief little one
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with my coffee moment.
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That's there's just nothing like that. First cup of coffee
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in the morning. Um, All right, so who do you
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have a problem with? Like, based on the past, based
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on something real, right? You didn't go to MSU University
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making shiitake up university.
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That's a DMO.
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Because we've got great imagination. Somebody will walk by us and,
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you know, not smile. And I have a whole full
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story about why they're.
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Mad at me.
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When in effect they have indigestion from something they just ate.
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But let's just put those aside, those imagined things, and
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go to the real things. Someone did something, said something
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mean to you. And whenever you see them, you just,
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that's all you see, right?
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You don't see.
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The nice things they said before that. You don't think
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of the nice things they did before that. All you
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can see is what they did to you that was
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not nice, that was mean. It was mean-hearted. It was cruel.
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It was unwarranted. I'm known to say, you know, if
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I do something to you, that is not nice, then
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you have every reason to come back at me and
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say or do something that is not nice.
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And I.
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Deserve it. And so I have nowhere to go.
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I have nothing to say. I don't have a leg
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to stand on, as.
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They say, because I did it. I deserved it. So
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we're not talking about that. I'm talking about the people
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who who should, that S word, that SH word, who
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should be nice to you, who should not be mean
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to you, who say that they love you, who say
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that they care about you, they say or they should
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care about you, your insignificant, I mean significant other, or
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your friend, or your family, or.
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Your whoever it is, and.
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And usually it's more than once. They've, you know, the
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straw that broke the camel's back is how I call it.
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Like all the things that I was told by this
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certain person, you know, week in and week out, I
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would see her, you know, once or twice a week.
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And I was just bracing for, you know, the mean
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thing she was going to say next. And I have
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collected a litany of things that she has said publicly.
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In front of other people. And it's a long list
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and it weighs on me. And my way of dealing
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with it is I don't have anything to do with her. I.
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You know, I don't go to.
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The things that she invites me to.
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I don't, you know, I've unfollowed her.
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I have, you know, we don't move in the same
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circles anymore, which is good. So I don't have to
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see her.
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And it's something from the past. It was real. It
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was not Memorex.
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Yeah.
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Although, okay, I forgot to say millennials and Gen Zs,
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you're going to have to look that up.
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Google that.
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Use my assistant Google to look that up. Memorex is
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like the tape. It's a brand name of a tape
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that used to record. So, you know, assuming your recordings
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are accurate, that's another huge advantage. thing to to put
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into the mix which is how accurate is your memory
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like when I think of all the bad things that
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that person said to me and I can get on
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a roll with embellishing them and you know talking about
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the it was where where it was and how many
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people were there and exactly what words like am I
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exaggerating I don't even know sometimes I'll tell people like
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I've been telling the story and I I think it's
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100% accurate, but hey, I'm a storyteller. So take it
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00:25:30.670 --> 00:25:33.009
with a grain of salt. Maybe I'm not getting all
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of the particulars and the details 100% accurately. Like I've
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told the story so many times, I don't even know
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if it was real or not, which is something that
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happened to normal people.
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But So that's one thing to even consider. Like, did
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this even happen?
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Now, the example I'm thinking of, it absolutely happened. And
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I can go back because I can bring back the
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memories and that horrible feeling that I had of complete humiliation, complete...
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um hurt complete disbelief complete and and and these are
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feelings that i think anybody can relate to speaking of
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00:26:19.740 --> 00:26:24.920
which today since it's mental health monday i almost forgot
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00:26:25.400 --> 00:26:28.430
uh you get a free audiobook copy of this book
415
00:26:28.470 --> 00:26:32.430
baby of mine that had went national bestseller and number
416
00:26:32.549 --> 00:26:36.579
one amazon And you get a free audiobook copy worth
417
00:26:36.579 --> 00:26:37.400
$ 25 if you.
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00:26:37.339 --> 00:26:39.000
Go to my website, which is on there.
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00:26:39.720 --> 00:26:42.039
And put in your email and I'll send you the
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00:26:42.119 --> 00:26:47.730
promo codes for the Asian Oprah giveaway. But the reason
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00:26:47.769 --> 00:26:51.490
why I remembered is because in front of every chapter
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00:26:52.529 --> 00:26:53.750
is a checklist.
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Do you feel?
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Think of a time when you were in fear. Think
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of a time when you were in loneliness. Think of
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a time where you were in heartbreak. Think of a
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00:27:03.039 --> 00:27:03.460
time when.
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when you were in loss. And then I go through.
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00:27:07.609 --> 00:27:11.970
A whole checklist of feelings that you may have had
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that everybody can relate to because everybody's been in one
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moment of loneliness or more. Everybody's been in one moment
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of betrayal or heartache.
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And those are all the things that keep us from
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being happy.
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And so I want you to, for two more minutes,
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just be real about the grudges that you hold about
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the people who you really know for sure they did
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00:27:45.839 --> 00:27:50.589
you wrong. It's difficult to forgive. It's difficult to get over.
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00:27:50.690 --> 00:27:55.930
It's difficult to not. I can easily bring back those
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feelings just remembering. I can close my eyes and put
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myself back into those situations and get those same.
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00:28:03.819 --> 00:28:08.660
Feelings that I had when I was humiliated. And that's
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not a good thing.
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That is, it definitely is not, helping me be happier.
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It is helping me be unhappier. And so I'm going
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to be real about that.
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00:28:22.420 --> 00:28:25.650
Putting the moose on the table, my Canadian version of
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00:28:25.730 --> 00:28:30.230
talking about the elephant in the room. This one's got
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00:28:30.289 --> 00:28:34.450
the parachutes. Parachute comes out second half of the show.
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But I'm hoping that I have convinced you that you're
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human and that grudges are normal and Unfortunately, the good.
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00:28:45.680 --> 00:28:47.460
News is everybody has them.
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The bad news is everybody has them and they are
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part of life unless you're perfect and no one's perfect.
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And so there's it's it's OK in the sense that
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00:29:00.650 --> 00:29:08.099
grudges are part of being alive. So don't feel like
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00:29:08.940 --> 00:29:09.960
horrible if.
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00:29:09.960 --> 00:29:13.579
You have grudges. We're not saints. We're not trying to
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00:29:13.619 --> 00:29:14.200
be saints.
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00:29:15.420 --> 00:29:17.799
But when we come back from break, we're going to
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00:29:17.859 --> 00:29:23.259
talk about the price of grudges and if we have
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any choices when it comes to grudges and claiming our
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birthright to be happy 88% of the time.
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Hint, hint, hint.
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How's that?
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And this is just as much for me as it
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00:29:35.509 --> 00:29:36.069
is for others.
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During the break, enjoy.
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00:29:38.569 --> 00:29:41.660
We've been talking about about my moving meditation. I'll put
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00:29:41.700 --> 00:29:41.980
that on.
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We're going to have to pause for news, weather, traffic
472
00:29:44.559 --> 00:29:49.700
on the KCAA, NBC News, radio side. But if you're
473
00:29:49.720 --> 00:29:52.079
wondering what's going on in the studio today, this is
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00:29:52.160 --> 00:29:53.079
Take My Advice.
475
00:29:53.119 --> 00:29:55.339
I'm not using it. Get balanced with Dr. Marissa, The
476
00:29:55.380 --> 00:29:58.019
Morning Show. We'll be right back after break. Don't go away.
477
00:29:58.099 --> 00:30:01.099
We'll be back in two and two. Peace it, peace out.
478
00:30:02.539 --> 00:30:07.869
Welcome to Balance Tai Chi Gong. My name is Dr.
479
00:30:08.119 --> 00:30:09.089
Marisa Pei.
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For the next 28 minutes, we will be slow dancing
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00:30:14.670 --> 00:30:16.369
with the universe.
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00:30:30.400 --> 00:30:34.109
In a moving meditation that promotes inner peace, one breath
483
00:30:34.529 --> 00:30:37.470
at a time. Just follow the sound of my voice
484
00:30:37.970 --> 00:30:40.529
and move with me as I guide you through this
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00:30:40.730 --> 00:30:45.450
ancient wisdom through new thought practice. As a corporate psychologist,
486
00:30:45.569 --> 00:30:49.779
I created this practice in response to my life and
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00:30:49.819 --> 00:30:55.480
those of my clients. We were professional, high-achievement-oriented, multitasking control
488
00:30:55.539 --> 00:31:01.230
freaks and exhausted. No matter how many successes, it was
489
00:31:01.349 --> 00:31:06.809
never enough. That, coupled with a painful life experience, led
490
00:31:06.869 --> 00:31:09.690
me on a quest to find another way to live
491
00:31:10.490 --> 00:31:12.240
and back to my Chinese roots.
492
00:31:13.059 --> 00:31:15.500
If you practice regularly, I.
493
00:31:15.519 --> 00:31:23.299
Can promise you that it will impact all health vortexes, body, mind, spirit, soul.
494
00:31:23.819 --> 00:31:26.970
You will be in a place of balance, and inner
495
00:31:27.049 --> 00:31:30.029
peace the way we were created.
496
00:31:31.450 --> 00:31:37.109
Xie xie. Be my partner, dance with me.
497
00:31:37.910 --> 00:31:46.569
Take back your life with Dr. Marisha Paye.
498
00:31:59.029 --> 00:32:00.529
And welcome back.
499
00:32:00.569 --> 00:32:03.529
You're tuned in to Take My Advice. I'm not using it.
500
00:32:03.970 --> 00:32:08.109
Get balanced with Dr. Marissa, the morning show here on KCAA.
501
00:32:08.730 --> 00:32:11.869
Home to the Asian Oprah, number one talk in the IE.
502
00:32:11.910 --> 00:32:12.809
Thank you very much.
503
00:32:13.029 --> 00:32:18.009
AM 1050, FM.
504
00:32:15.970 --> 00:32:22.880
106.5, NBC News Radio and streaming on iHeartRadio, Spotify, and
505
00:32:22.920 --> 00:32:29.349
of course, my show Central on my YouTube TV channel. 500,
506
00:32:29.349 --> 00:32:35.799
oh sorry, 573 consecutive weeks now with a user impression
507
00:32:35.880 --> 00:32:39.500
number of 5.1 million. And I'm so grateful for that.
508
00:32:39.579 --> 00:32:44.380
Grateful for you that you're tuned in. It is Monday, Monday,
509
00:32:44.559 --> 00:32:46.440
Mental Health Matters Mondays.
510
00:32:47.279 --> 00:32:49.119
And the topic today is.
511
00:32:53.250 --> 00:32:54.670
Grudges.
512
00:32:55.609 --> 00:32:56.829
Are you holding grudges?
513
00:32:56.849 --> 00:32:56.920
Yes.
514
00:32:57.980 --> 00:33:05.069
Are you living in memorex, the memory of something bad
515
00:33:05.089 --> 00:33:11.660
that happened between you and somebody else? Or are you
516
00:33:11.700 --> 00:33:15.079
living in reality or the present day, which is a gift?
517
00:33:16.519 --> 00:33:21.990
Or is that memory, is that grudge impacting your ability
518
00:33:22.069 --> 00:33:26.210
to be happy 88% of the time? And it's not
519
00:33:26.269 --> 00:33:32.279
a trick question. I had intimate, intimated?
520
00:33:32.400 --> 00:33:32.640
No.
521
00:33:34.819 --> 00:33:40.220
What is that word? I'm thinking of intubating, which is
522
00:33:40.259 --> 00:33:47.759
definitely not. I was inferring about it. Oh, it is Monday.
523
00:33:51.529 --> 00:33:53.730
That's going to bother me now. We'll have to think
524
00:33:53.769 --> 00:33:55.579
that I'm going to have a grudge against that word.
525
00:33:56.079 --> 00:34:02.720
But grudges that you are holding close to your identity. Now,
526
00:34:02.819 --> 00:34:06.859
if you never think about that person, then it's not
527
00:34:06.920 --> 00:34:11.619
an issue. But we as humans, we've got good memories.
528
00:34:11.980 --> 00:34:15.510
And this is a gender difference as well. This is
529
00:34:15.550 --> 00:34:20.750
not a stereotype. You know, they've done studies of retention
530
00:34:20.769 --> 00:34:23.659
and And it does appear not all women, but many,
531
00:34:23.719 --> 00:34:27.460
many women seem to be better at remembering things from
532
00:34:27.480 --> 00:34:32.260
the past, especially negative things than positive. And men get
533
00:34:32.340 --> 00:34:36.699
over things much quicker than women do. And I know
534
00:34:36.739 --> 00:34:41.170
that as an organizational psychologist, there's a study looking at,
535
00:34:41.610 --> 00:34:44.510
you know, men at work and women at work and
536
00:34:44.630 --> 00:34:47.710
they're in a meeting and men can like argue and,
537
00:34:48.369 --> 00:34:52.329
you know, get heated about in a disagreement to the
538
00:34:52.369 --> 00:34:53.909
point of where you think they're going to.
539
00:34:54.469 --> 00:34:55.210
Fight each other.
540
00:34:55.670 --> 00:34:58.889
And then after the decision's made, they arm around each other,
541
00:34:58.929 --> 00:35:01.489
where are we going to lunch? And two women in
542
00:35:01.530 --> 00:35:04.869
a meeting, high level and doing the same thing and
543
00:35:05.289 --> 00:35:07.989
decisions made. And they probably won't talk to each other
544
00:35:08.050 --> 00:35:09.730
for the rest of the.
545
00:35:09.670 --> 00:35:11.949
Year or maybe for their entire career.
546
00:35:12.010 --> 00:35:16.650
So there are gender differences there. with holding grudges and
547
00:35:16.949 --> 00:35:22.380
remembering the past. But it is something that everybody can
548
00:35:22.429 --> 00:35:25.539
relate to and identify with. And so we're in solution
549
00:35:25.559 --> 00:35:28.260
time now, the second half of the show. If you
550
00:35:28.320 --> 00:35:33.889
have grudges that you would like to... Get rid of,
551
00:35:34.409 --> 00:35:38.659
if you know that you're dwelling in grudges, more than
552
00:35:38.659 --> 00:35:39.900
12% of the time.
553
00:35:39.960 --> 00:35:43.300
So here's my caveat. I do have grudges.
554
00:35:43.559 --> 00:35:48.139
I can think on, let's see, without their names, maybe
555
00:35:48.159 --> 00:35:54.789
their initials. What's interesting is now that I think of it,
556
00:35:54.869 --> 00:35:58.980
they're women. So let's see, are M.
557
00:36:01.849 --> 00:36:08.090
Let's see. A, uh, okay. So that's it. So three
558
00:36:08.449 --> 00:36:13.969
women that I find, um, not easy to, to, uh,
559
00:36:17.329 --> 00:36:21.650
have fond memories of because I remember whenever I think
560
00:36:21.710 --> 00:36:25.610
of them, I start with one thing that they did
561
00:36:25.650 --> 00:36:28.510
to me that was not nice. And if I continue
562
00:36:28.530 --> 00:36:31.829
to think about it, it'll add a second thing and
563
00:36:31.869 --> 00:36:35.190
a third thing and a fourth thing. And if I
564
00:36:35.250 --> 00:36:37.769
keep at that, it's going to be way more than
565
00:36:37.769 --> 00:36:41.699
12% of the time. It becomes the majority of my time.
566
00:36:42.090 --> 00:36:46.429
Because law of attraction kicks in. And if you are
567
00:36:46.469 --> 00:36:50.110
thinking about something that does not make you feel good,
568
00:36:50.989 --> 00:36:53.869
and you continue to write about it, think about it,
569
00:36:53.920 --> 00:36:59.199
talk about it, blog about it, call someone to tell
570
00:36:59.239 --> 00:37:04.980
them about it. That's why I'm very strict about when
571
00:37:05.019 --> 00:37:07.119
something bad happens, I tell.
572
00:37:07.059 --> 00:37:08.730
Two people two times and that's it.
573
00:37:09.010 --> 00:37:12.230
Because I don't want to continue in that energy. In fact,
574
00:37:12.329 --> 00:37:14.510
my goal is to not think about it or talk
575
00:37:14.550 --> 00:37:19.150
about it for more than 16 seconds, Abraham Hicksers, Abrahamers.
576
00:37:20.110 --> 00:37:25.789
You know what I'm talking about. So life is not perfect,
577
00:37:25.909 --> 00:37:27.889
and people are not going to treat you the way
578
00:37:27.949 --> 00:37:31.409
they want to treat you. So that's the first fundamental
579
00:37:31.469 --> 00:37:36.909
point is Don Miguel Ruiz, beautiful man, friend, past guest,
580
00:37:37.969 --> 00:37:40.469
says in his book called The Mastery of Love, not
581
00:37:40.489 --> 00:37:42.530
The Four Agreements, but The Mastery of Love. He says,
582
00:37:43.449 --> 00:37:47.530
all of us are the main characters in our own play.
583
00:37:47.750 --> 00:37:51.239
And the biggest assumption that hurts us is that everybody
584
00:37:51.300 --> 00:37:53.880
else in our life are supporting actors, and they're not.
585
00:37:54.719 --> 00:37:57.159
They are the main actors in their own play. We're
586
00:37:57.199 --> 00:38:00.280
not supporting actors in their play, and they're not in ours.
587
00:38:00.360 --> 00:38:04.829
It's not their job to make us feel good. And
588
00:38:05.349 --> 00:38:08.489
that's a hard lesson because if you grew up like
589
00:38:08.630 --> 00:38:11.750
I did, I was told by my mom that I,
590
00:38:11.889 --> 00:38:14.309
you know, if I did this, I'd make her happy.
591
00:38:14.349 --> 00:38:16.679
If I didn't do this, I would make her angry.
592
00:38:16.880 --> 00:38:19.219
If I did do this, I would make her proud.
593
00:38:19.300 --> 00:38:22.119
If I didn't do this, I would make her, you know,
594
00:38:22.139 --> 00:38:26.559
that I was to blame for her hitting me because
595
00:38:26.780 --> 00:38:29.389
I made her do it. And so we grow up
596
00:38:29.510 --> 00:38:35.809
thinking we are in control of other's actions and thoughts
597
00:38:35.949 --> 00:38:39.449
about us, which is absolutely not true. And so for
598
00:38:39.510 --> 00:38:44.650
whatever reason, that person did what they did or said
599
00:38:44.710 --> 00:38:49.250
what they said to you, that is, it wasn't their,
600
00:38:49.369 --> 00:38:51.769
it's not their job to make you feel good. I
601
00:38:51.829 --> 00:38:56.110
hate this as I'm saying this, because I'm talking to myself.
602
00:38:56.739 --> 00:39:00.920
I would love to think that, you know, it's your,
603
00:39:01.320 --> 00:39:04.170
it's your job To be nice to be.
604
00:39:04.590 --> 00:39:05.730
It's your job to.
605
00:39:08.469 --> 00:39:11.550
Oh, great, I have a question. It's your job to
606
00:39:12.880 --> 00:39:16.019
make me feel good, especially if I'm married to you,
607
00:39:16.099 --> 00:39:19.739
especially if you're my parent or child. We grow up
608
00:39:19.880 --> 00:39:22.300
thinking that, and it's one of the things that gets
609
00:39:22.360 --> 00:39:25.250
us into trouble because it is not their job to
610
00:39:25.309 --> 00:39:25.989
make you happy.
611
00:39:26.329 --> 00:39:28.409
It is my job to make me happy.
612
00:39:29.130 --> 00:39:33.570
And so... that's like the fundamental thing around grudges is
613
00:39:33.630 --> 00:39:38.760
that you're blaming someone for your feeling bad when I
614
00:39:39.739 --> 00:39:41.900
can't control what you say and do about me, but
615
00:39:41.960 --> 00:39:43.860
I can control how I react to that.
616
00:39:44.800 --> 00:39:47.980
So that's the fundamental. Let's take a look at this question.
617
00:39:48.320 --> 00:39:49.119
LinkedIn user.
618
00:39:49.659 --> 00:39:53.519
Welcome to the show. How do you distinguish between someone
619
00:39:53.960 --> 00:39:57.280
you just don't get along with and they irritate you
620
00:39:57.760 --> 00:40:02.510
as opposed to someone you may like, but just disagree? Great,
621
00:40:02.800 --> 00:40:08.230
great question. Because for a lot of us, myself included, um,
622
00:40:10.739 --> 00:40:14.769
that's one in the same, right? I like people who
623
00:40:14.829 --> 00:40:20.989
agree with me. I don't like people who disagree with me.
624
00:40:21.510 --> 00:40:23.530
I'm human, right? It's silly.
625
00:40:23.849 --> 00:40:26.269
It's silly to think that way because.
626
00:40:27.489 --> 00:40:30.110
Who's going to, you can't, you can't find one person
627
00:40:30.139 --> 00:40:33.039
that's going to agree with you all the time.
628
00:40:33.510 --> 00:40:36.449
Maybe your children when they're young because they know the consequences.
629
00:40:36.889 --> 00:40:37.949
But that's not life.
630
00:40:38.050 --> 00:40:41.690
Life is diversity, right? There's not one snowflake that's like
631
00:40:41.730 --> 00:40:43.960
the other. There's not one blade of grass that's like
632
00:40:44.000 --> 00:40:47.539
the other. That's how nature is. So we are all,
633
00:40:47.760 --> 00:40:52.099
a billion of us now, all different, right? So if
634
00:40:52.139 --> 00:40:57.650
you're looking for harmony with everyone that agrees with you...
635
00:41:00.110 --> 00:41:01.849
you are going to have to go live on a
636
00:41:01.889 --> 00:41:06.190
desert island, right? Because that's just not going to happen.
637
00:41:06.550 --> 00:41:14.880
But let me try to answer this with more clarity.
638
00:41:14.980 --> 00:41:19.619
Okay, so I don't know about you, but when I.
639
00:41:19.599 --> 00:41:24.239
Meet someone, it's the weirdest thing. I can have a
640
00:41:24.360 --> 00:41:28.639
good feeling about them, And I can have a repulsing
641
00:41:28.900 --> 00:41:31.239
thing about them. They don't have to say a word.
642
00:41:32.260 --> 00:41:39.239
And it's not even what they're wearing, what their race is,
643
00:41:39.320 --> 00:41:42.840
which are the first three things that you see. People
644
00:41:42.860 --> 00:41:46.610
who say they're colorblind, it's not possible, right? There are
645
00:41:46.630 --> 00:41:51.070
three things that you automatically see when you meet people. Age, gender,
646
00:41:51.730 --> 00:41:54.010
and race or ethnicity.
647
00:41:55.130 --> 00:41:55.309
Okay.
648
00:41:55.329 --> 00:41:55.409
Okay.
649
00:41:55.980 --> 00:41:59.460
I know they're different, but for the sake of this discussion.
650
00:41:59.760 --> 00:42:02.630
So you see the difference. I'm not even talking about that.
651
00:42:02.769 --> 00:42:05.250
I'm talking energetically. I don't know.
652
00:42:05.929 --> 00:42:10.309
Some people, like I'll just, I don't know if their.
653
00:42:09.849 --> 00:42:13.260
Energy doesn't match mine as like a magnet repelling thing.
654
00:42:13.809 --> 00:42:16.090
Or they'll say something, the first thing out of their
655
00:42:16.110 --> 00:42:22.550
mouth is just like, really? Okay, that's, for me, irritation, right? That's,
656
00:42:22.670 --> 00:42:25.809
for me, or.
657
00:42:25.719 --> 00:42:30.039
They have done something or the way they're acting or.
658
00:42:30.019 --> 00:42:35.650
Whatever, that irritates me, okay? And I'm human.
659
00:42:36.590 --> 00:42:40.269
As I started the show with, we should love everybody
660
00:42:40.409 --> 00:42:44.389
and treat them equally. And, you know, the golden rule,
661
00:42:45.090 --> 00:42:46.880
he who has the most gold rules.
662
00:42:47.260 --> 00:42:50.599
Just kidding. You know, treat everyone the way you want
663
00:42:50.639 --> 00:42:51.019
to be treated.
664
00:42:51.059 --> 00:42:52.940
But the problem with that is we all.
665
00:42:52.840 --> 00:42:54.619
Don't want to be treated the same way.
666
00:42:54.639 --> 00:42:57.739
Hello. I used to say the platinum rule, but platinum
667
00:42:57.960 --> 00:43:00.400
is not as much as gold anymore. So maybe the
668
00:43:00.440 --> 00:43:03.239
diamond rule, you know, treat others the way they want
669
00:43:03.280 --> 00:43:06.699
to be treated. but I'm getting away from the question.
670
00:43:06.760 --> 00:43:11.780
I apologize. This is a huge topic. So yes, there
671
00:43:11.900 --> 00:43:17.989
is a difference between someone who, for whatever reason, and
672
00:43:18.150 --> 00:43:21.750
I don't think we're supposed to mesh with 100% of
673
00:43:21.769 --> 00:43:22.150
the people.
674
00:43:22.210 --> 00:43:23.369
We have preferences.
675
00:43:23.750 --> 00:43:27.650
We have things that connect us and there's nothing wrong
676
00:43:27.710 --> 00:43:32.610
with that. I think stereotypes get a bad rap because
677
00:43:32.679 --> 00:43:37.829
they talk about group differences that do exist. I want
678
00:43:37.969 --> 00:43:41.650
to hang out with people who have similar preferences as
679
00:43:41.969 --> 00:43:43.110
I do, right?
680
00:43:43.449 --> 00:43:46.190
I love good Chinese food, right?
681
00:43:46.210 --> 00:43:50.780
I happen to be Chinese too. And there are other
682
00:43:50.840 --> 00:43:55.219
races that enjoy Chinese food, but real, you know, solid,
683
00:43:55.320 --> 00:43:59.840
like Doujiang, Xian Doujiang and You Tiao, like not all,
684
00:44:00.019 --> 00:44:02.579
you know, races will, they didn't grow up with that.
685
00:44:03.230 --> 00:44:03.550
Okay.
686
00:44:03.909 --> 00:44:14.630
So, so I, I want to distinguish between preferences. Okay.
687
00:44:15.150 --> 00:44:20.039
And if you have similar preferences, yeah, you're going to
688
00:44:20.820 --> 00:44:22.960
naturally get along with them better.
689
00:44:23.480 --> 00:44:26.440
Okay. I don't think I'm answering your question, but this
690
00:44:26.500 --> 00:44:28.179
is what's coming to my head. I apologize.
691
00:44:28.199 --> 00:44:34.840
Um, And if someone doesn't have that preference, will they
692
00:44:35.119 --> 00:44:37.210
irritate me? No.
693
00:44:38.030 --> 00:44:42.730
Like, you cannot like the food that I like, and.
694
00:44:42.809 --> 00:44:44.230
You have every right to do that.
695
00:44:44.389 --> 00:44:47.989
I just won't go out and eat with you. That's all, right?
696
00:44:48.409 --> 00:44:52.949
Now, let's go to what I think you're getting at
697
00:44:53.030 --> 00:44:56.389
with the question, is if I sit down with someone
698
00:44:57.389 --> 00:45:02.690
and they tell me, that they really like someone that
699
00:45:03.170 --> 00:45:06.889
I don't like, right? Someone in the news, right?
700
00:45:06.929 --> 00:45:08.269
Someone in politics, whatever it is.
701
00:45:09.190 --> 00:45:14.269
And they really don't like that person. And sorry, they
702
00:45:14.309 --> 00:45:17.010
really like that person. I really don't like that person.
703
00:45:17.849 --> 00:45:22.760
I don't want to spend my time trying to convince
704
00:45:22.840 --> 00:45:25.960
them why they should not.
705
00:45:25.820 --> 00:45:33.030
Like that person. I don't want to get in that debate.
706
00:45:33.110 --> 00:45:37.750
Because you have every right to like that person and
707
00:45:38.030 --> 00:45:41.019
I have every right to not like that person.
708
00:45:41.599 --> 00:45:45.980
So they.
709
00:45:46.579 --> 00:45:52.659
Yes, they irritate me, right? Because I can't imagine why
710
00:45:52.719 --> 00:45:53.860
they would like that person.
711
00:45:54.320 --> 00:45:57.150
Y'all know what I'm talking about, right? And they.
712
00:45:57.699 --> 00:46:02.380
can't imagine why I have such a problem with that person. Okay.
713
00:46:02.780 --> 00:46:07.559
Now I have, I have a couple of choices. I
714
00:46:07.619 --> 00:46:14.960
can try to convince them that they don't know enough
715
00:46:15.019 --> 00:46:16.300
facts about that person.
716
00:46:16.460 --> 00:46:18.010
And that's why they think they're good.
717
00:46:18.489 --> 00:46:22.230
Right. And try to change their mind. And they can
718
00:46:22.269 --> 00:46:25.010
do the same thing to me. They can give me
719
00:46:25.590 --> 00:46:32.119
why they are a good person. That kind of debate, right,
720
00:46:32.719 --> 00:46:38.820
that kind of time spent to me is I want
721
00:46:38.860 --> 00:46:42.500
nothing to do with that. Because if someone believes as
722
00:46:42.559 --> 00:46:44.699
they do, I don't have the right to change it
723
00:46:44.949 --> 00:46:46.530
and they don't have the right to change mine.
724
00:46:46.550 --> 00:46:48.690
Again.
725
00:46:48.710 --> 00:46:54.630
Again. You, that's our, you know, we're not supposed to
726
00:46:54.690 --> 00:46:57.710
like the same things. We're not supposed to always agree
727
00:46:57.849 --> 00:47:04.489
on everything. Now, that's why we have votes, right? I
728
00:47:04.610 --> 00:47:08.510
wanted to get away from that example. Okay, but the
729
00:47:08.570 --> 00:47:11.210
ones I was talking about, those three women that I
730
00:47:11.289 --> 00:47:14.550
mentioned earlier, there's plenty of people who love them, and
731
00:47:14.590 --> 00:47:17.760
that's great, right? Right. I just don't want to spend
732
00:47:17.820 --> 00:47:21.159
time with someone that I, you know, I.
733
00:47:22.639 --> 00:47:26.610
Remember the things that they and who knows, they might
734
00:47:26.699 --> 00:47:29.349
say it again. And this is and this is where
735
00:47:29.690 --> 00:47:34.469
I may I may need to shift this myself. But
736
00:47:34.829 --> 00:47:38.789
I use the statement, I go where the love is.
737
00:47:41.900 --> 00:47:45.159
And I'll come back to that.
738
00:47:46.199 --> 00:47:48.179
I don't know if I've answered your question. I love
739
00:47:48.199 --> 00:47:53.909
it when I get questions. Oh, okay. Nice to see you, too.
740
00:47:54.090 --> 00:47:56.289
I can't tell who you are, though, because it's just
741
00:47:56.309 --> 00:48:00.230
saying LinkedIn, so I apologize. But that sounds like I
742
00:48:00.289 --> 00:48:06.869
sort of addressed your question. But here's stuff to think
743
00:48:06.929 --> 00:48:10.889
about when it comes to grudges. I use, for better
744
00:48:10.909 --> 00:48:15.460
or for worse, go where the love is. There are
745
00:48:16.039 --> 00:48:23.219
so many people on the planet that I can relate to,
746
00:48:23.340 --> 00:48:26.099
be with, enjoy my time with. Those are the ones
747
00:48:26.159 --> 00:48:29.260
that I'm going to spend time with instead of going
748
00:48:29.300 --> 00:48:33.159
to the tractor for milk. If I've had more than
749
00:48:33.500 --> 00:48:38.699
one negative interaction with someone, that just means for me
750
00:48:38.880 --> 00:48:44.989
we're not a match, okay? I try, I try. to
751
00:48:45.050 --> 00:48:49.329
not see them as irritants. I try to see them
752
00:48:49.630 --> 00:48:54.070
as we just don't match, okay? But I'm human and
753
00:48:54.389 --> 00:49:00.320
I remember the things that they said. That's the Memorex, right?
754
00:49:01.070 --> 00:49:05.380
And I remember the way I was treated and I
755
00:49:05.500 --> 00:49:12.780
try not to live in that definition of insanity, right?
756
00:49:14.559 --> 00:49:18.150
going back and doing the same thing, hoping for different results.
757
00:49:18.690 --> 00:49:19.829
Like I joke.
758
00:49:20.199 --> 00:49:25.440
Naturally mesh with these women. And I have to accept
759
00:49:26.099 --> 00:49:33.250
that that's true. And I love myself enough to not
760
00:49:33.489 --> 00:49:39.690
to continue to put myself in those situations where it's possible.
761
00:49:40.119 --> 00:49:45.190
that I might get stabbed again. Now, when I'm in
762
00:49:45.250 --> 00:49:53.869
a saintly, more angelic, loving place, and this is my work, right?
763
00:49:54.269 --> 00:49:58.190
Because law of attraction says, when I'm not feeling good
764
00:49:58.250 --> 00:50:00.710
about a person, that just means I'm not seeing them
765
00:50:00.730 --> 00:50:01.429
the way.
766
00:50:01.409 --> 00:50:04.940
That source or love or God sees them. And I
767
00:50:05.380 --> 00:50:09.300
absolutely get that. And I agree with that. And at
768
00:50:09.360 --> 00:50:14.699
the same time, 12% of the time, I just can't
769
00:50:15.659 --> 00:50:16.260
go there.
770
00:50:17.159 --> 00:50:18.300
It's difficult.
771
00:50:18.340 --> 00:50:19.820
I try, I try, I try, I try.
772
00:50:20.510 --> 00:50:26.690
And I also, I'm pretty real on this, I would
773
00:50:26.769 --> 00:50:29.969
say that I am not a big fan of conflict,
774
00:50:31.489 --> 00:50:34.949
even though I consult in it and I get people
775
00:50:35.030 --> 00:50:38.550
at work to get along. Why can't we just get along?
776
00:50:38.570 --> 00:50:41.849
Because it's not natural. We have to work at it.
777
00:50:41.929 --> 00:50:45.099
And I encourage and I teach and I train and I,
778
00:50:45.639 --> 00:50:49.219
you know, develop leaders to do so.
779
00:50:50.380 --> 00:50:52.940
You know, that's why the name of my show is
780
00:50:52.980 --> 00:50:54.719
Take My Advice. I'm not using it.
781
00:50:54.960 --> 00:50:57.929
This is the one area that is very.
782
00:50:58.869 --> 00:51:02.789
You know, I have a friend, Reverend Arlene, who calls
783
00:51:02.829 --> 00:51:03.869
it carefrontation.
784
00:51:03.909 --> 00:51:07.730
To have a carefrontation with someone And then, you know,
785
00:51:08.289 --> 00:51:10.949
I feel statements that my co-host on Wednesdays, Dr.
786
00:51:10.989 --> 00:51:14.309
Tiffany Tate, always talks about doesn't work for me.
787
00:51:15.789 --> 00:51:17.010
This is my 12 percent.
788
00:51:17.750 --> 00:51:22.070
I want to be able to do that.
789
00:51:22.300 --> 00:51:26.030
And I have heard and I've had a few, but
790
00:51:26.090 --> 00:51:29.719
not many examples of when you actually address conflict and
791
00:51:29.760 --> 00:51:33.159
you work through it. It's stronger after that conflict than
792
00:51:33.199 --> 00:51:34.820
it was. Yeah.
793
00:51:36.110 --> 00:51:40.630
I have to be honest. I don't know if that's true.
794
00:51:40.730 --> 00:51:43.869
It's not been true for me for the majority of
795
00:51:43.929 --> 00:51:47.989
the time. When I've tried to do that, it comes
796
00:51:48.090 --> 00:51:51.530
back biting me in the assets one more time. And
797
00:51:51.590 --> 00:51:54.389
then I start beating myself up saying, why did I
798
00:51:54.449 --> 00:51:55.989
try to go for the tractor for milk?
799
00:51:56.110 --> 00:51:57.469
I have to understand that.
800
00:51:57.940 --> 00:52:01.119
That that is just what I bring out in them
801
00:52:01.360 --> 00:52:03.199
or that's just the way they are.
802
00:52:03.539 --> 00:52:06.400
And it's just better that we, I love.
803
00:52:06.219 --> 00:52:09.480
Them from afar. So that's the tool that I use.
804
00:52:09.679 --> 00:52:13.340
One is go where the love is. And two is
805
00:52:13.360 --> 00:52:18.619
I can love them from afar, right? Going back to
806
00:52:18.679 --> 00:52:27.280
that question again, I can, I can judge myself for
807
00:52:27.969 --> 00:52:31.449
feeling irritated, but I don't, that I don't think is
808
00:52:31.489 --> 00:52:36.960
very helpful. Um, irritation is just human, right? So if
809
00:52:37.019 --> 00:52:45.559
your irritation is unfounded, right, is, is because you, you
810
00:52:45.659 --> 00:52:47.840
haven't taken care of yourself. Okay.
811
00:52:47.860 --> 00:52:49.570
So, so here's the distinction.
812
00:52:49.989 --> 00:52:54.110
If someone irritates you because your expectation is that they
813
00:52:54.389 --> 00:52:59.280
are supposed to unconditionally love you, That is an unrealistic
814
00:52:59.440 --> 00:53:04.079
expectation and that's on you, right? But if they irritate
815
00:53:04.159 --> 00:53:07.739
you because they're constantly doing things, like they know what
816
00:53:07.760 --> 00:53:10.780
your buttons are and they're pushing them because they want
817
00:53:10.800 --> 00:53:13.309
to irritate you, love from afar.
818
00:53:14.349 --> 00:53:15.489
Definitely, right?
819
00:53:16.230 --> 00:53:19.889
If they, if you are agreeing and disagreeing, if you
820
00:53:19.949 --> 00:53:22.530
can agree to disagree, that's like.
821
00:53:22.210 --> 00:53:26.719
A lost art form in my mind. And I have
822
00:53:26.800 --> 00:53:27.739
a co-host that.
823
00:53:27.659 --> 00:53:31.420
I love, love, love. And we do not agree on
824
00:53:31.460 --> 00:53:34.380
a lot of things when it comes to things that
825
00:53:34.420 --> 00:53:35.719
we don't talk about on the show.
826
00:53:35.739 --> 00:53:37.639
I don't talk about religion and politics.
827
00:53:38.260 --> 00:53:41.869
And I've learned from my co-host that I can agree
828
00:53:42.050 --> 00:53:46.489
to disagree. And I love that. I love the fact
829
00:53:46.550 --> 00:53:51.050
that I am able to do that with both of
830
00:53:51.170 --> 00:53:54.960
my co-hosts, actually. One, I don't agree on religion. The
831
00:53:54.980 --> 00:53:57.449
other one, I don't agree on politics. And I love
832
00:53:57.530 --> 00:54:03.710
them both. So it is possible to love people and
833
00:54:04.010 --> 00:54:07.769
not be irritated because I'm focusing on the things.
834
00:54:07.829 --> 00:54:09.269
That we do agree on.
835
00:54:09.570 --> 00:54:11.829
So there's the third and last tool I'm going to
836
00:54:11.869 --> 00:54:16.780
cover today, which is, you know, can you focus on
837
00:54:17.639 --> 00:54:21.179
the things that don't irritate you about that person? And
838
00:54:21.360 --> 00:54:25.880
if you can... then, you know, that's a green light there.
839
00:54:26.320 --> 00:54:28.900
But if you can't, and you have to be honest
840
00:54:28.940 --> 00:54:32.360
with yourself, I can't. I don't have the energy to
841
00:54:32.429 --> 00:54:36.869
do it with the people that I'm thinking of. I
842
00:54:36.929 --> 00:54:41.429
just don't have that energy to go back in there.
843
00:54:42.409 --> 00:54:45.780
So I love them from afar. And I do. I,
844
00:54:45.909 --> 00:54:46.179
you know.
845
00:54:47.510 --> 00:54:48.320
Love through me.
846
00:54:49.059 --> 00:54:53.380
I can't find it myself, but I love them from afar.
847
00:54:53.559 --> 00:54:58.239
I respect and I try to focus on the times
848
00:54:58.320 --> 00:55:02.969
when things were better, but it's crowded out by the
849
00:55:03.050 --> 00:55:05.789
things that were not. And that's okay.
850
00:55:05.989 --> 00:55:06.690
I'm human.
851
00:55:07.030 --> 00:55:09.130
I cannot....
852
00:55:11.030 --> 00:55:12.219
I cannot....
853
00:55:13.530 --> 00:55:17.570
Be in front of them and still love them. I
854
00:55:17.630 --> 00:55:19.940
can love them from afar, but I can't do that
855
00:55:20.000 --> 00:55:23.280
because I'm either afraid of another thing they're going to
856
00:55:23.320 --> 00:55:26.840
do to me, which is, you know, I'm human. right?
857
00:55:27.079 --> 00:55:29.639
I should have no fear, but I do. I don't
858
00:55:29.719 --> 00:55:35.429
like the feeling of being ridiculed or humiliated. That's human.
859
00:55:35.909 --> 00:55:38.210
And so I'm not going to put myself in that situation.
860
00:55:38.250 --> 00:55:42.010
And in that sense, I do love myself more than
861
00:55:42.090 --> 00:55:44.420
I used to when I would just keep going to
862
00:55:44.460 --> 00:55:47.539
the tractor for milk, looking for something that they're just
863
00:55:47.639 --> 00:55:50.199
not going to be able to give me. So hopefully
864
00:55:51.139 --> 00:55:56.760
those three things have allowed you to look at grudges
865
00:55:56.780 --> 00:56:01.860
um a little differently maybe uh i i am always
866
00:56:01.920 --> 00:56:06.550
going to try to make myself feel better in my
867
00:56:06.610 --> 00:56:10.550
humanity uh and encourage you to do so as well
868
00:56:10.929 --> 00:56:14.949
again the key thing is that 12 if you're feeling
869
00:56:15.010 --> 00:56:19.570
grudges more than 12 of the time then deal with
870
00:56:19.670 --> 00:56:23.449
it but if it's 12 mine is You know, if
871
00:56:23.510 --> 00:56:26.590
I don't see the person, if I don't think about
872
00:56:26.630 --> 00:56:28.369
the person, which is most of the time.
873
00:56:30.010 --> 00:56:30.949
Then I'm good.
874
00:56:31.329 --> 00:56:34.809
And that's, you know, I did have to change some
875
00:56:34.849 --> 00:56:39.440
of my activities in order to make that happen. But,
876
00:56:40.719 --> 00:56:43.840
you know, 88% of the time I'm good.
877
00:56:44.340 --> 00:56:46.380
And that's the formula.
878
00:56:46.400 --> 00:56:50.380
So hopefully this has made some sense to you.
879
00:56:50.539 --> 00:56:58.500
Please do. Get your free Asian Oprah giveaway today. This $ 25.
880
00:56:56.780 --> 00:56:59.820
Value audio book that I'm happy to send you a
881
00:56:59.860 --> 00:57:02.369
free copy of if you go to my website or
882
00:57:02.409 --> 00:57:04.929
to my social and just put in Mental Health Matters
883
00:57:04.969 --> 00:57:09.289
Mondays and I'll get that to you. Alrighty, that's it
884
00:57:09.369 --> 00:57:17.699
for today on Mental Health Matters Mondays. Monday, Monday. Rainy
885
00:57:17.739 --> 00:57:25.840
days and Mondays always get me up. Hashtag UP. Unlimited possibilities.
886
00:57:25.889 --> 00:57:28.730
Because remember, it's all about balance. Peace in, peace out,
887
00:57:28.809 --> 00:57:33.869
world peace through inner peace. Now go and have the
888
00:57:34.030 --> 00:57:37.309
best day ever.
889
00:57:39.130 --> 00:57:41.849
I will see you tomorrow.
890
00:57:43.079 --> 00:57:44.260
I love my life.
891
00:57:45.139 --> 00:57:47.019
Oh, don't forget to vote for me.
892
00:57:47.840 --> 00:57:52.590
I'm still in the top host Ryan Seacrest competition. Thanks
893
00:57:52.610 --> 00:57:52.969
so much.
894
00:58:10.889 --> 00:58:16.699
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And now, the voices of KCAA with an exciting announcement.
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This is KCAA.
924
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You're listening to the Tehebo Tea Club radio show, hosted by.