WEBVTT
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Due to the leaves falling in autumn and the challenges
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this brings, Eireann Road Air in wishes to advise customers
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that a revised timetable will take effect on Dart and
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Dublin commuter routes from Monday, September 21st until December 12th.
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Morning and evening peak services will be affected with some
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earlier departure times. Please check travel times on the Eireann
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Road Air in app or irishrail.ie. Eireann Road Air in
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is part of the Transport for Ireland network.
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Reckon we'll need a fleet of about 50 vehicles next quarter. Oh,
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one of our suppliers just pulled out of the market.
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Ten should do the job.
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Europe Car, moving your business your way.
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Hi, my name is Ed Helms.
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And I feel humbled about being Conan O'Brien's friend.
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Well, thank you, Ed. And I think you should be humbled.
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Yeah.
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A man of my stature.
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No, I feel like as I was walking in, you
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just kept humbling me.
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Oh, yeah. That's true, too.
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Fall is here.
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Hear the yell.
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Back to school.
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Ring the bell. Brand new shoes.
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Walking blues.
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Climb the fence.
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Books and pens. I can tell that we are going
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to be friends. Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs
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a Friend. Got a terrific podcast for you this fine day.
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But of course, people can listen to it whenever they like.
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It's not like traditional broadcasting where this is the show
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for today. You could be hearing this many years from
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now after I've committed horrific crimes.
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Unless they're listening on satellite radio, then they have no choice.
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Yes. Then they're hearing me pre-horrific crimes. Ooh. Yeah. You
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can only imagine what I'm up to.
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You're just planning it right now. You're in the planning stage.
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I'm not a good planner. I'd be a terrible planner
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as a criminal.
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Really?
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I think, yeah. I think I'd be one of those
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criminals who, well, there's the standard thing where you spend
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months casing the bank and you get all the blueprints.
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I wouldn't do any of that. No. I'd just go in,
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wing it.
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You wouldn't have your assistant, Sona, plan for you?
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Well, I'd ask her to, and then, well, what happens, Sona?
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I probably wouldn't. would get distracted. And then the day of,
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you'd be like, where are the plans? And I'd be like,
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I don't have them.
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I don't have them. Yeah, I got busy.
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Can I rob the bank with, I've always wanted.
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To rob a bank.
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Well, you, you know, we've discussed this a million times.
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You have stolen in the past and you'll probably steal again.
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No, I'm done. My stealing days are behind me.
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Except you want to rob a bank.
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Yeah, but now you're saying you'd like to rob a bank.
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I want in on this, too.
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Don't you guys kind of want to rob, or not
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even a bank, but it's kind of fun to just
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take something.
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Oh, yeah, like from an old person who can't stop you. Oh, wait,
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I think I went the wrong way. I'm sorry, it's
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so much easier than a bank. An old lady with
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a big purse, you just grab it.
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It's my purse.
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It has my social security money.
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Yeah, what are you going to do about it? Guys,
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I want to just quickly say that that's a terrible act.
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It is. That's not cool at all.
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Well, depends on how much money is in the purse.
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If we were to rob a bank, what would our
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mask theme be? You know how they're like in Point Break,
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they have the ex-presidents.
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Ex-presidents, yeah. Supreme Court justices. Oh.
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Okay, so who are current Supreme Court justices?
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Yes, current Supreme Court justices.
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So who are we?
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I call Sonia.
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But you kind of look like her.
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You have similar hair.
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That's true.
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So people are going to know it's you. And the
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name's so similar.
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I'll be Elena.
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Elena.
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No, I think you're Clarence Thomas.
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You're Clarence Thomas.
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Fuck.
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No.
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Fuck you two.
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No, but wait a minute.
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Absolutely fucking not.
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No, you have to be because it throws them off
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the trail. They can't know you're a woman. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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I'm Sonia Sotomayor.
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What?
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Fuck you. No, you're not. Yes, I am.
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Come on, man.
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And I'm, yeah, I'm Elena Casanova.
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Kagan, yeah.
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Why are you guys taking the two I want? Why
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can't I be that? You give me Clarence Thomas?
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Yeah, no one's gonna... Look, do you want to get caught?
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Give me a cool one. No. Give me a cool one. Oh,
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come on. He's cool. He likes RVing.
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Okay, yeah.
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I heard he likes to drive around in his RV.
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Come on, give me a cool one.
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I'll take a cool one.
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You can be Alito.
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Yeah, you're Alito. You guys suck. You're brittle. You're very
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rigid when it comes to constitutional law.
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I'm going to.
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Oh, no, you're Kavanaugh.
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Cavanaugh came in with a lot of really dark frizzy
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hair and seemed a little high and was waving a
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gun around.
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Cavanaugh came in with Sotomayor.
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A very tall Sotomayor. Yeah. A six foot four Sotomayor
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with a shock of red hair coming out from behind
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the mask.
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If you guys make me Kavanaugh, I'm going to sabotage
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this bank robbery.
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Listen, I like you as, like we said, I think
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you're a strict constructionalist. Or is it constructionist? I'm sorry.
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Apologies.
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We've got to get this straight. It's fine.
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If you don't want to be Kavanaugh, you can be Thomas.
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That's okay.
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Okay.
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You guys, I don't want to do this. I don't
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want to rob a bank with you two.
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What?
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I don't want to rob a bank. You two would
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be the worst to rob a bank with, too.
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Excuse me?
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I don't know.
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You'd be like, excuse me, is it okay if we
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rob you?
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Is that because I just said excuse me that.
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You're saying that? You're too polite.
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I can't see you guys busting in being like, ah.
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It's good to ask permission beforehand.
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Yeah.
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I think it would also be a problem that I
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would want some credit for having done it. So I'd
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probably take the mask off at some point, get a
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plug in for the podcast.
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Oh no.
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Take a couple of selfies with people.
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And what are our roles? Who's driving getaway? Who's safe cracker?
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Who's leader?
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I'm going to say Sona would be a great getaway
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driver because you are fast and reckless and you just
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go for broke and your cars often aren't like There
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are cars that we can just scrub, you know, we
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can just set them on fire and walk away. And
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it's not a huge loss. You know what I mean?
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It's just like some old beat up Jetta and then
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whatever you torch it and you move on.
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I drive a minivan now. So.
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Oh, I didn't, I haven't seen the minivan. Oh my God.
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It's a whole new world. Okay. So we're all dressed as, uh,
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various controversial Supreme Court justices, and we're robbing a bank
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in a minivan.
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Yeah, and I can't take, I don't want to take
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the car seats out. So you guys have to be
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in the back third row.
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No, no, no.
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I'm sitting in, like, Mikey's car seat. Yeah, I'm in Charlie's.
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And you guys go rushing in, and you're in Charlie's,
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and Sona goes, she pulls up, she rushes in to
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rob the bank, and you and I can't unstrap ourselves.
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So our legs are kicking wildly as Supreme Court justices,
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ladies Supreme Court justices... We hear the alarm go off.
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Sona comes running out with the cash. We're still wiggling.
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Just eating rice puffs.
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We're eating rice puffs and throwing the crumbs around.
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The juice box isn't.
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Why do you guys turn into babies? For reasons I
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don't understand, I shit myself. And not even out of fear.
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I just was like, it's three o'clock. It's time. Blart.
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And then you have to get in the car and suddenly...
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You forget that we're not Mikey and Charlie and you
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start yelling at us.
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And we scream until you put on a DVD of Moana.
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Yeah.
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Wait, so I just robbed the bank myself while you.
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Two are pooping yourself. But then later on when we're
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dividing up the money, we insist that we each get
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our third. And we're real like, we're all in this together.
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You guys, you never got out of your baby seats. Conan,
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you pooped yourself. And then I had to play a
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Moana CD while you guys ate rice puffs.
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And you, yeah, we want our money.
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Oh, man.
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Even split.
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Rules are rules. I don't want to do it anymore.
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We're either in this together or we're not. I don't
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want to do it.
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Stick them up.
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All right. Well, my guest today played Andy on the
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hit NBC series, The Office. Also starred in The Hangover Trilogy.
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He now hosts a fantastic new podcast, Snafu, available wherever
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you get your podcasts. I'm delighted this gentleman has joined
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us today. Thrilled he's here. Ed Helms, welcome.
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Thank you.
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I want people to picture this. Right now, my chair
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is 17 feet higher than Ed's. It's a request. It's
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my request.
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And I'm lying on my back for some reason.
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Yeah.
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Staring up.
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Yeah.
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And it's very awkward.
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I'm dressed like a wizard. So these are all things
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that I enjoy.
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It's kind of like the, it's like, it's like the,
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how an eight year old would imagine a power play.
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Yeah. Yeah. That's right. That's right. I work on an, uh,
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an eighth, eight year old level. Really nice to have
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you here.
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Um, thrilled to be here.
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I'm wish you'd put a little more into that. Thrilled
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to be here. You know, we were just chatting. Seconds
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before we were going to roll on the podcast and
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we realized, well, we should include this in the story.
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But you famously depicted a gentleman named Andy Bernard. And
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then I realized, oh, I knew the real Andy Bernard
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because Greg Daniels, who created the American office, we remain
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friends to this day. He likes to take walks. He
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tires quickly. So I always bring a wheelbarrow.
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Sure.
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And he can just lie in it and he needs marshmallows. Uh,
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and I continue pushing us both cause I'm so strong,
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but that's neither here nor there. Greg, uh, named, uh,
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had a good friend named Andy Bernard. So he named, uh,
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your character, Andy Bernard. And, uh, I was in the
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same dorm as Andy Bernard, freshman year of college, same entryway.
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I remembered he stuck out to me. Very nice, very
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nice person. But I think he was the first person
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who I saw had a computer. On his desk, it
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was an Apple computer, whatever they would have had in 1980.
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Probably a 2E. Yeah, 2E. Yeah.
253
00:10:28.269 --> 00:10:30.529
That was the first computer in my house.
254
00:10:30.549 --> 00:10:33.149
Me too, in school, yeah. Well, it's funny to me
255
00:10:33.190 --> 00:10:34.669
because I didn't think much about it at the time.
256
00:10:34.710 --> 00:10:36.750
I just thought, oh, that's, wow, look at that thing.
257
00:10:36.809 --> 00:10:41.360
That's cool. I had a, I think it was called
258
00:10:41.379 --> 00:10:44.379
a Selectric typewriter that took a cartridge.
259
00:10:45.320 --> 00:10:47.279
What do you mean? It's what we had.
260
00:10:47.299 --> 00:10:49.019
It's what I had in high school. And when it
261
00:10:49.059 --> 00:10:51.240
was time to go to college, there was no, I'm
262
00:10:51.259 --> 00:10:52.159
getting a computer.
263
00:10:52.179 --> 00:10:53.580
But what did it, what kind of car, what do
264
00:10:53.600 --> 00:10:54.399
you mean? It had a cartridge.
265
00:10:54.419 --> 00:10:58.840
It had a cartridge. What happened was instead of a ribbon,
266
00:10:58.860 --> 00:11:02.679
you slid a cartridge into the side. That was the ribbon.
267
00:11:03.000 --> 00:11:05.340
You typed away on it. Then when you made a mistake,
268
00:11:05.850 --> 00:11:09.070
you ejected that cartridge and you put a different cartridge
269
00:11:09.090 --> 00:11:11.519
in that had white out on it and you rewrote it.
270
00:11:11.549 --> 00:11:15.049
Then you ejected that cartridge. Uh, it was a, um,
271
00:11:15.629 --> 00:11:23.299
it was, it was a shit Brown, uh, computer, and electric, and... Typewriter. Typewriter.
272
00:11:23.320 --> 00:11:25.679
I'm sorry. Damn it. I called it a computer.
273
00:11:26.379 --> 00:11:26.950
Oh, that's so sad.
274
00:11:26.960 --> 00:11:28.440
To you, it's so cute.
275
00:11:28.519 --> 00:11:30.539
I used to tell, I used to bring women up
276
00:11:30.580 --> 00:11:31.639
to the room and go, would you like to see
277
00:11:31.679 --> 00:11:37.480
my computer? Click, clack, click, clack, clack, clack. Click, clack, click, clack, click, clack, click, clack, cha-ching.
278
00:11:38.970 --> 00:11:41.669
Now, question about, just this is a technical question about
279
00:11:41.710 --> 00:11:46.289
your typewriter. So I remember when typewriters went from the little, like,
280
00:11:47.259 --> 00:11:49.539
metal things that would thwap the paper.
281
00:11:49.659 --> 00:11:49.919
Right.
282
00:11:50.399 --> 00:11:52.690
And they would, they, there was like this major evolutionary
283
00:11:52.730 --> 00:11:53.990
step to where it was a little ball.
284
00:11:54.049 --> 00:11:56.350
It was a ball. Okay. I'll tell you exactly what
285
00:11:56.470 --> 00:11:58.950
I did not have the ball. It had the metal
286
00:11:59.049 --> 00:12:01.950
things that shot up. It was electric powered, but the thwappers,
287
00:12:02.029 --> 00:12:04.789
the thwappers, if we're going to get technical, they were
288
00:12:04.820 --> 00:12:09.620
the thwappers. My computer had thwappers, uh, anyone just tuning
289
00:12:09.679 --> 00:12:11.019
in very confused and.
290
00:12:11.539 --> 00:12:13.960
Uh, Anyone under 40, very.
291
00:12:15.620 --> 00:12:18.259
Confused at this point. But it is this generation gap
292
00:12:18.320 --> 00:12:24.799
because then, flash forward to Greg and I, a couple
293
00:12:24.820 --> 00:12:27.320
of years later, going out to Los Angeles and working
294
00:12:27.360 --> 00:12:30.179
on a show called Not Necessarily the News. We had IBM.
295
00:12:30.500 --> 00:12:31.379
I loved that show.
296
00:12:31.960 --> 00:12:35.440
Oh, great. Okay, well, that was our first, we cut
297
00:12:35.460 --> 00:12:37.519
our teeth on that show. We were 22. We got
298
00:12:37.559 --> 00:12:42.039
this job writing gags for that show. And Those were
299
00:12:42.080 --> 00:12:46.139
the electric typewriters that had the little ball. And we
300
00:12:46.179 --> 00:12:48.620
were on those. Then we went to Saturday Night Live
301
00:12:49.080 --> 00:12:54.399
and went back in time. There weren't typewriters or computers. 1988,
302
00:12:54.399 --> 00:12:56.440
there were legal pads.
303
00:12:56.679 --> 00:12:57.000
No.
304
00:12:57.200 --> 00:13:01.220
Everyone wrote on legal pads. And then we submitted our
305
00:13:01.340 --> 00:13:06.210
scripts to a steno pool. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
306
00:13:06.230 --> 00:13:07.429
And they would come to us.
307
00:13:07.419 --> 00:13:07.549
I had.
308
00:13:08.899 --> 00:13:14.899
They liked me because I have very precise handwriting. And
309
00:13:14.940 --> 00:13:18.570
so does Greg Daniels. Robert Smigel, Odenkirk, I think less so.
310
00:13:18.990 --> 00:13:21.289
Robert would scrawl. And so they would come up to
311
00:13:21.389 --> 00:13:23.429
us and we would work together on sketches and they
312
00:13:23.450 --> 00:13:25.590
would find me in the hall and go, what is this?
313
00:13:26.269 --> 00:13:29.049
And I'd say, oh, that says decapitate.
314
00:13:31.169 --> 00:13:32.889
You're translating Smigel's.
315
00:13:33.190 --> 00:13:37.610
Yes, scribbles and scrawls. But anyway, it's so fascinating to
316
00:13:37.649 --> 00:13:41.149
me now that When I talk to my kids, I
317
00:13:41.250 --> 00:13:43.620
sound like a guy that listened to Franklin Roosevelt on
318
00:13:43.659 --> 00:13:44.679
a curvetop radio.
319
00:13:44.899 --> 00:13:47.100
Well, you did say the words stenopool.
320
00:13:48.279 --> 00:13:52.419
To me, that takes, like, that just, yeah, that's, like,
321
00:13:52.480 --> 00:13:54.860
you were, like, was everything black and white?
322
00:13:55.730 --> 00:13:58.470
Oh, do you want to make another joke? We did not,
323
00:13:58.750 --> 00:14:02.009
long after there were color televisions, we had a black
324
00:14:02.029 --> 00:14:03.950
and white TV. My father thought it was a waste
325
00:14:03.990 --> 00:14:07.850
of money. So... We had a black and white TV
326
00:14:07.909 --> 00:14:11.990
until 1977, which when you think about it, that's a
327
00:14:12.149 --> 00:14:17.690
long time. There are color TVs available everywhere in like 1963, 64,
328
00:14:17.690 --> 00:14:21.690
earlier actually. And a lot of people had them. So
329
00:14:21.870 --> 00:14:23.950
I was watching Star Trek. I was watching all these
330
00:14:23.990 --> 00:14:28.879
shows and I had no idea that the uniforms were
331
00:14:28.919 --> 00:14:30.940
different colors. I thought it was all just a, well,
332
00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:33.919
it was a very depressed starship and they're all wearing
333
00:14:33.960 --> 00:14:36.769
these different grays. And then we went to our, I
334
00:14:36.789 --> 00:14:40.309
went to a friend's house and Star Trek came on
335
00:14:41.080 --> 00:14:45.600
and my eyeballs exploded because Kurt's shirt is like a bright,
336
00:14:45.759 --> 00:14:46.860
vibrant yellow.
337
00:14:46.960 --> 00:14:49.039
Sure, yeah, gold. Gold, yeah.
338
00:14:49.139 --> 00:14:50.389
And I had no idea.
339
00:14:50.409 --> 00:14:54.649
The rods and cones in your eyeballs were just like...
340
00:14:55.029 --> 00:14:55.600
Going off.
341
00:14:55.860 --> 00:14:56.980
Yeah. They were so excited.
342
00:14:57.000 --> 00:14:57.799
They were so excited.
343
00:14:57.860 --> 00:15:00.659
There's just so much. It was my first orgasm.
344
00:15:00.799 --> 00:15:01.360
Yeah.
345
00:15:02.379 --> 00:15:04.740
I was standing there looking at a color. It was.
346
00:15:04.759 --> 00:15:05.700
I'm sorry.
347
00:15:05.720 --> 00:15:06.320
Can we say.
348
00:15:06.360 --> 00:15:07.100
I was at my friend's house.
349
00:15:07.120 --> 00:15:10.879
Can we call it an eye gasm? I mean, I am.
350
00:15:10.980 --> 00:15:12.919
I'm a dad. How about an eye gasm that led
351
00:15:12.960 --> 00:15:13.659
to an orgasm?
352
00:15:13.759 --> 00:15:15.259
I'm going to make it. I'm going to make a
353
00:15:15.279 --> 00:15:15.779
dad joke.
354
00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:16.179
Yeah.
355
00:15:16.340 --> 00:15:16.600
It's. So.
356
00:15:18.879 --> 00:15:22.740
So anyway, it's just funny that I'm amazed now because
357
00:15:22.899 --> 00:15:25.320
my experience of college was when they would say, it's
358
00:15:25.360 --> 00:15:28.950
gotta be a 10 page paper. There was fear. Am
359
00:15:29.000 --> 00:15:31.690
I gonna get to the 10th page? You didn't know
360
00:15:31.870 --> 00:15:34.990
until you were done. And if you finished at eight,
361
00:15:35.750 --> 00:15:39.889
you'd then say, yes. So what have we learned here?
362
00:15:39.950 --> 00:15:43.779
And you'd start- You start recapping. You start recapping.
363
00:15:43.879 --> 00:15:49.029
Exactly. And so I repeat, uh, Thoreau when he went
364
00:15:49.090 --> 00:15:52.769
to Walden pond. And, um, it was just bullshit for
365
00:15:52.809 --> 00:15:55.269
two pages to get there because you didn't know. Uh,
366
00:15:56.450 --> 00:15:59.389
and so I, yeah, these kids today, these punk kids today, you,
367
00:15:59.429 --> 00:16:01.700
of course, you're, you're, you're much younger than I, uh,
368
00:16:01.940 --> 00:16:04.789
and grew up with all the best technology and, uh,
369
00:16:04.860 --> 00:16:05.559
I resent you for it.
370
00:16:05.559 --> 00:16:10.620
Yeah, no, I, I had a hoverboard as a kid.
371
00:16:10.720 --> 00:16:11.320
Jetpack.
372
00:16:11.399 --> 00:16:11.700
Yeah.
373
00:16:11.740 --> 00:16:11.879
Yeah.
374
00:16:12.379 --> 00:16:16.100
Jet packs, flying cars, the whole, my dad's a robot,
375
00:16:17.860 --> 00:16:19.860
but a kindly robot. No, it's funny.
376
00:16:20.360 --> 00:16:22.639
You were saying how your dad held out on the
377
00:16:22.700 --> 00:16:25.659
color TV. Cause it, cause it's sort of like, uh,
378
00:16:25.759 --> 00:16:28.590
an indulgence to have why who needs a color in
379
00:16:28.610 --> 00:16:32.470
your television? My dad was, my dad took watching television
380
00:16:32.509 --> 00:16:37.029
so seriously that we were ahead of the curve on like,
381
00:16:37.049 --> 00:16:40.149
we had a, we had a big TV.
382
00:16:40.070 --> 00:16:41.210
In our, in our basement.
383
00:16:41.870 --> 00:16:45.549
And we were very early adopters of cable television. And
384
00:16:45.570 --> 00:16:49.450
so I was watching HBO as a little kid. What
385
00:16:49.490 --> 00:16:51.070
years was not necessarily the news?
386
00:16:51.190 --> 00:16:52.840
Well, I don't know when it begins, but I want
387
00:16:52.879 --> 00:16:57.240
to say it probably started in maybe 83 or 84.
388
00:16:57.220 --> 00:17:00.980
I think Greg and I show up in 85. We
389
00:17:01.019 --> 00:17:04.069
show up in late August of 85. And this was
390
00:17:04.130 --> 00:17:06.150
back when, if I wanted to... I mean, I don't
391
00:17:06.170 --> 00:17:07.589
think my parents had HBO, so.
392
00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:12.059
No, it didn't work on black and white TV.
393
00:17:12.099 --> 00:17:15.490
Yeah. I think you have to check into... And also...
394
00:17:16.099 --> 00:17:20.099
you'd have to check into a motel to watch my show.
395
00:17:20.119 --> 00:17:22.819
That's such a deep cut.
396
00:17:22.900 --> 00:17:23.420
I love that.
397
00:17:23.460 --> 00:17:24.859
The name is Smith.
398
00:17:24.980 --> 00:17:28.980
Every hotel had a sign, HBO. We have HBO, right?
399
00:17:30.099 --> 00:17:31.880
You drive by all the motels.
400
00:17:31.900 --> 00:17:35.220
You know what's a nice throw? I love the movie
401
00:17:35.529 --> 00:17:37.829
No Country for Old Men. And there's such a great...
402
00:17:37.690 --> 00:17:41.309
Because that movie takes place around 1980. And there's such
403
00:17:41.349 --> 00:17:45.480
a great moment where Josh Brolin's character is... thinking about
404
00:17:45.779 --> 00:17:48.220
hiding out in this one motel, and it says out front,
405
00:17:48.359 --> 00:17:50.519
we've got HBO! Exclamation point.
406
00:17:50.539 --> 00:17:50.619
Yeah.
407
00:17:50.700 --> 00:17:53.279
And it just makes me very happy because that's what
408
00:17:53.420 --> 00:17:55.799
HBO meant to me. That's what you watched when you
409
00:17:55.819 --> 00:17:56.680
checked into a hotel.
410
00:17:56.880 --> 00:17:58.640
And how many years were you guys on that?
411
00:17:58.859 --> 00:18:03.859
I think we were there from 85 through maybe 87.
412
00:18:03.859 --> 00:18:06.480
Then we had a period of unemployment. They shrank the staff.
413
00:18:07.059 --> 00:18:10.440
They liked us, but we were new hires, and so
414
00:18:10.940 --> 00:18:15.269
we didn't make the cut. And we were... Greg... got
415
00:18:15.309 --> 00:18:19.289
a job doing SAT prep for kids, and I got
416
00:18:19.329 --> 00:18:24.650
a job at Wilson's House of Suede and Leather. And
417
00:18:24.690 --> 00:18:26.269
I put that place on the map.
418
00:18:27.230 --> 00:18:29.329
Wilson's House of Suede and Leather?
419
00:18:29.410 --> 00:18:30.589
Yeah, yeah.
420
00:18:30.769 --> 00:18:36.670
Is Wilson as swarthy and misogynistic as he sounds?
421
00:18:38.109 --> 00:18:38.650
Wilson.
422
00:18:38.849 --> 00:18:41.309
He doesn't disappoint. Well, it was a chain, so I
423
00:18:41.309 --> 00:18:44.700
don't know who Wilson was, but it was... I work there.
424
00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:47.609
A reeking of cigar smoke and right guard.
425
00:18:47.619 --> 00:18:53.910
His skin is leather. His face is fine Corinthian leather. Wow.
426
00:18:53.930 --> 00:18:57.990
That's it. Yeah. So, but we've talked enough about me.
427
00:18:58.410 --> 00:19:00.029
I think we should start to talk about you, but
428
00:19:00.069 --> 00:19:02.390
then talk more about me. Great.
429
00:19:02.569 --> 00:19:02.950
I do.
430
00:19:02.970 --> 00:19:06.099
I have endless questions about the not necessarily the news days.
431
00:19:07.059 --> 00:19:09.480
And on the Andy Bernard tip too, since we started there,
432
00:19:09.500 --> 00:19:12.509
I'll just say, I always knew Greg always told me
433
00:19:12.569 --> 00:19:15.710
that he named the character after his friend. And I,
434
00:19:16.150 --> 00:19:18.089
as the, you know, as the show went on and
435
00:19:18.170 --> 00:19:23.450
Andy Bernard was a pretty toxic fellow, um, you know, I,
436
00:19:23.740 --> 00:19:27.559
I had, I adored Andy Bernard and, and, and tried
437
00:19:27.619 --> 00:19:31.279
to like imbue him with a lot of, uh, pathos
438
00:19:31.359 --> 00:19:38.420
and humanity despite, um, you know, yeah, some toxic, um, inclinations.
439
00:19:37.720 --> 00:19:41.140
And, and, But I often would.
440
00:19:40.599 --> 00:19:43.630
Think like, Greg, this is kind of a kind of
441
00:19:43.650 --> 00:19:44.710
a dick move.
442
00:19:44.680 --> 00:19:46.359
Like like is he is he.
443
00:19:46.299 --> 00:19:48.500
Really your friend is this andy bernard or are you
444
00:19:48.559 --> 00:19:50.880
is this your way of sort of like taking out
445
00:19:50.900 --> 00:19:54.829
some frustrations with him or and i think i he
446
00:19:54.890 --> 00:19:57.029
may have come to set one time or maybe i
447
00:19:57.250 --> 00:19:59.970
just remember greg showing me a picture of him on
448
00:20:00.049 --> 00:20:03.119
set and i just remember seeing a picture of this
449
00:20:03.319 --> 00:20:04.779
very sweet looking.
450
00:20:04.519 --> 00:20:06.599
Guy in like a- He couldn't be a nicer guy.
451
00:20:06.619 --> 00:20:07.400
In like an L.L.
452
00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:10.359
Bean parka or something on a hike. And I just
453
00:20:10.380 --> 00:20:11.140
was like, what.
454
00:20:11.059 --> 00:20:14.380
Are you doing to this poor man?
455
00:20:15.259 --> 00:20:19.279
Greg also had a friend named Dwight Schrute in college. Brutal.
456
00:20:21.089 --> 00:20:22.710
And he called Ricky Gervais.
457
00:20:23.950 --> 00:20:28.230
Yeah, Ricky met him briefly and stole it first. So
458
00:20:28.309 --> 00:20:31.289
would you describe yourself as a nerd when you were
459
00:20:31.309 --> 00:20:34.829
growing up? Um, I would happily put myself in that category.
460
00:20:34.869 --> 00:20:38.289
Yeah. I, uh, I, I got glasses in the second grade.
461
00:20:38.309 --> 00:20:39.509
Oh my God.
462
00:20:39.529 --> 00:20:42.690
And, um, and I went to the same school from
463
00:20:42.789 --> 00:20:45.490
pre first through, through 12th grade.
464
00:20:45.609 --> 00:20:45.890
Oh, wow.
465
00:20:46.130 --> 00:20:49.029
And so once you get glasses in, in, in that
466
00:20:49.859 --> 00:20:53.700
kind of situation, like you're, you're locked in, you're just,
467
00:20:53.859 --> 00:20:55.599
you're a nerd and you don't have a say in
468
00:20:55.640 --> 00:20:57.740
the matter. It doesn't, it's not a reflection of your
469
00:20:57.779 --> 00:21:00.579
behavior or anything. Like I, I was still very athletic
470
00:21:00.599 --> 00:21:05.589
or whatever, but I, had glasses from second grade on. And, uh,
471
00:21:05.970 --> 00:21:08.710
and I never changed my peer group. You know, I
472
00:21:08.710 --> 00:21:10.329
was always jealous of the kids that would come in
473
00:21:10.369 --> 00:21:11.190
from other schools.
474
00:21:11.630 --> 00:21:14.809
Cause I was be like, no one knows your history. You,
475
00:21:14.910 --> 00:21:17.750
what if you were a nerd at your school now,
476
00:21:17.829 --> 00:21:18.789
everyone thinks you're cool.
477
00:21:18.829 --> 00:21:21.650
You're like a shiny new object. And I never, never
478
00:21:21.670 --> 00:21:22.819
really got that opportunity.
479
00:21:22.839 --> 00:21:25.460
So yes, I was a nerd. The chance to reinvent yourself,
480
00:21:25.519 --> 00:21:28.519
which is everyone's dream at that time period. I was
481
00:21:28.559 --> 00:21:32.940
lucky because I would switch every couple of years. my
482
00:21:32.980 --> 00:21:34.700
old man would have to move on when the credit
483
00:21:34.740 --> 00:21:35.099
ran out.
484
00:21:38.269 --> 00:21:42.630
Just running from HBO hotel to HBO hotel.
485
00:21:42.710 --> 00:21:46.329
The occasional Showtime hotel. Get out of here. We don't
486
00:21:46.349 --> 00:21:49.650
have HBO. We got Showtime. But anyway, so I was
487
00:21:49.710 --> 00:21:51.609
able to try and reinvent, but never did.
488
00:21:51.630 --> 00:21:52.150
Yeah.
489
00:21:52.230 --> 00:21:57.190
Always quickly reverted to form. Yeah. So you had glasses
490
00:21:57.369 --> 00:22:00.529
and what were your... interests? Were you musical back then?
491
00:22:00.549 --> 00:22:02.970
So you're, you're, you're quite an accomplished musician. Were you
492
00:22:03.039 --> 00:22:03.779
musical back then?
493
00:22:04.119 --> 00:22:08.279
Yeah, I started doing, um, I started taking piano lessons
494
00:22:08.400 --> 00:22:11.619
when I think I was probably eight or so. And I,
495
00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:13.680
but I also, and the funny thing is my sister
496
00:22:14.140 --> 00:22:17.069
had taken piano lessons and so I, I, and she's
497
00:22:17.250 --> 00:22:19.829
older than me. So I, I grew up with her
498
00:22:19.950 --> 00:22:23.630
practicing piano. And so that just was a very normalized thing.
499
00:22:24.349 --> 00:22:27.869
And I wound up begging my parents for piano lessons.
500
00:22:28.130 --> 00:22:29.819
And so that's when I started. I got my first
501
00:22:29.859 --> 00:22:32.920
guitar as a Christmas present. I think I was 13
502
00:22:32.920 --> 00:22:33.480
or 14.
503
00:22:33.460 --> 00:22:34.599
Do you remember what guitar it was?
504
00:22:34.920 --> 00:22:35.440
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
505
00:22:35.480 --> 00:22:38.539
Of course, I still have it. It's a Gibson Nouveau.
506
00:22:38.779 --> 00:22:41.480
And I just was blown away by this thing. It
507
00:22:41.539 --> 00:22:48.430
was so shiny and it just smelled good. There's something about,
508
00:22:48.470 --> 00:22:50.910
I feel like Real guitar nerds are obsessed with how
509
00:22:50.930 --> 00:22:55.200
their guitars smell, particularly acoustic guitars, because the inside, like
510
00:22:55.220 --> 00:22:56.619
if you put your nose up to that.
511
00:22:56.519 --> 00:22:57.640
Hole, what?
512
00:22:58.160 --> 00:23:01.200
That's the wrong, that sounds terrible.
513
00:23:01.220 --> 00:23:04.579
No, no one's.
514
00:23:03.980 --> 00:23:06.339
Going to take that out of context. So you get
515
00:23:06.359 --> 00:23:07.700
your nose right up to the hole.
516
00:23:07.720 --> 00:23:09.900
Yeah, right up in that hole. Oh my God, there's
517
00:23:09.940 --> 00:23:10.549
nothing like it.
518
00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:12.980
And there's a G string there, right?
519
00:23:13.000 --> 00:23:14.640
Oh God, there's a G string. You got to push
520
00:23:14.660 --> 00:23:15.920
that out of the way. Okay, uh-huh.
521
00:23:17.039 --> 00:23:19.750
I have both. You disappointed me and I have new
522
00:23:19.789 --> 00:23:21.630
respect for you both, Matt, right now.
523
00:23:23.109 --> 00:23:24.230
I live most comfortably.
524
00:23:24.289 --> 00:23:25.630
Yeah, in equal measure.
525
00:23:44.319 --> 00:23:47.039
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My introduction to the banjo was kind of interesting. I
550
00:25:06.470 --> 00:25:08.829
loved bluegrass music already and I was kind of a
551
00:25:09.369 --> 00:25:11.670
a big fan and I always wanted to play a banjo,
552
00:25:11.690 --> 00:25:14.289
but it was this sort of exotic thing that I,
553
00:25:14.730 --> 00:25:16.509
that I just didn't have access to.
554
00:25:16.549 --> 00:25:18.069
I didn't know anyone who had a banjo.
555
00:25:18.109 --> 00:25:18.430
I didn't.
556
00:25:18.549 --> 00:25:19.670
And then all of a sudden my high.
557
00:25:19.549 --> 00:25:23.630
School wanted to do a production of this, uh, kind
558
00:25:23.670 --> 00:25:27.640
of obscure musical called the cotton patch gospel, which is, uh,
559
00:25:28.160 --> 00:25:32.619
a gospel story, but as a bluegrass musical and it's
560
00:25:32.660 --> 00:25:36.660
a comedy, it's really pretty, pretty brilliant. And the songs
561
00:25:36.700 --> 00:25:39.029
are all written by Harry Chapin. And they were like,
562
00:25:39.089 --> 00:25:41.470
do we want to do it? But nobody plays the banjo.
563
00:25:41.849 --> 00:25:44.809
And I was like, give me two months and I'll
564
00:25:44.829 --> 00:25:45.470
learn these songs.
565
00:25:45.490 --> 00:25:48.430
I'm picturing you two whipping your glasses off. Give me
566
00:25:48.559 --> 00:25:52.259
two months. You've got another pair of glasses underneath. Give
567
00:25:52.279 --> 00:25:54.539
me two months. I'll wear that banjo.
568
00:25:54.900 --> 00:25:58.599
So yeah, my guitar teacher at the time was also
569
00:25:58.619 --> 00:26:00.119
a banjo teacher.
570
00:26:00.140 --> 00:26:04.500
One of his students was a collector and loaned me one.
571
00:26:04.519 --> 00:26:09.049
And we just got to work, you know, started woodshedding
572
00:26:09.130 --> 00:26:13.609
on these tunes. I didn't learn them well, but I
573
00:26:13.690 --> 00:26:17.490
learned them well enough. It was like a drug. I
574
00:26:17.529 --> 00:26:20.380
just loved playing the banjo.
575
00:26:20.740 --> 00:26:24.839
It's interesting because my first guitar was a Yamaha Acoustic
576
00:26:25.220 --> 00:26:27.000
that I still have and it's fantastic.
577
00:26:27.019 --> 00:26:29.630
They're great. Can I ask you something? How did the
578
00:26:29.710 --> 00:26:30.190
hole smell?
579
00:26:30.210 --> 00:26:32.130
Oh, Jesus.
580
00:26:33.130 --> 00:26:36.930
How did that Yamaha's hole smell?
581
00:26:36.970 --> 00:26:38.390
From one guitar nerd to another.
582
00:26:38.549 --> 00:26:41.170
Well, I'll just tell you then. I would always sprinkle
583
00:26:41.250 --> 00:26:44.109
nutmeg into the hole. And you can take that any
584
00:26:44.150 --> 00:26:44.710
way you want.
585
00:26:44.849 --> 00:26:47.490
Okay. I'd like to not take it anyway.
586
00:26:47.549 --> 00:26:49.210
It goes for all holes.
587
00:26:49.299 --> 00:26:51.390
I'm taking it in like the butthole way.
588
00:26:51.470 --> 00:26:54.599
Sorry. Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. I put
589
00:26:54.660 --> 00:26:58.079
vanilla up there. Nutmeg is for the instrument.
590
00:26:58.569 --> 00:26:59.690
That feels like it would burn.
591
00:26:59.789 --> 00:27:00.170
I don't know.
592
00:27:00.349 --> 00:27:05.160
Vanilla extract or like a vanilla ice cream.
593
00:27:05.220 --> 00:27:06.039
I meant the extract.
594
00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:07.119
Yeah, because that's it.
595
00:27:07.720 --> 00:27:08.559
It's pure alcohol.
596
00:27:08.579 --> 00:27:09.319
Yeah, that's a chemical.
597
00:27:09.339 --> 00:27:10.240
But it's sanitary.
598
00:27:10.380 --> 00:27:12.279
Okay. Yeah.
599
00:27:12.299 --> 00:27:14.509
The hard part is finding someone who will apply it.
600
00:27:14.759 --> 00:27:17.319
That's the tricky part. I often will try and pay
601
00:27:17.359 --> 00:27:20.829
a pastry chef to do it. And they're like, I'm
602
00:27:20.869 --> 00:27:24.240
not into this. Well, I pay them very well. Why
603
00:27:24.259 --> 00:27:25.099
did we get on this?
604
00:27:25.299 --> 00:27:27.299
I don't know. I, but I do, I could go
605
00:27:27.339 --> 00:27:29.569
down the nerdy guitar stuff for days.
606
00:27:29.930 --> 00:27:31.809
It's like my favorite stuff. I have to be careful.
607
00:27:31.829 --> 00:27:35.390
There've been several times on this podcast where guitars come
608
00:27:35.470 --> 00:27:36.109
up and then.
609
00:27:36.349 --> 00:27:38.490
If it's between that and vanilla up your butt, let's
610
00:27:38.529 --> 00:27:39.250
go with guitars.
611
00:27:39.410 --> 00:27:40.250
Okay. Feel free.
612
00:27:40.369 --> 00:27:42.490
I like vanilla up the butt. I'm sorry.
613
00:27:42.509 --> 00:27:46.779
I love guitars, but I really want to talk about that.
614
00:27:46.900 --> 00:27:52.240
You just said I really love vanilla up the butt.
615
00:27:52.259 --> 00:27:57.000
You've got children. You have two babies at home. This
616
00:27:57.059 --> 00:27:59.039
is something your kids are going to be teased about
617
00:27:59.079 --> 00:28:00.099
in the schoolyard.
618
00:28:00.160 --> 00:28:02.220
No, come on.
619
00:28:02.460 --> 00:28:03.690
All right, I'm done.
620
00:28:05.950 --> 00:28:09.450
Well, this is all Ed Helms' fault. A dirty, dirty comic,
621
00:28:09.950 --> 00:28:14.990
Ed Helms. I wanted to get the one and only
622
00:28:15.109 --> 00:28:17.349
clean interview with Ed Helms. It's hard.
623
00:28:18.210 --> 00:28:20.920
I won't let you do it. I'll always drag you down.
624
00:28:20.960 --> 00:28:23.460
We have other things in common which will drive our
625
00:28:23.500 --> 00:28:28.380
listeners even more insane. We're both history buffs and then
626
00:28:28.829 --> 00:28:30.309
when you get into the civil war, it can get
627
00:28:30.349 --> 00:28:33.230
a little intense. Uh, you're, you're, was that some, was
628
00:28:33.250 --> 00:28:34.450
that a passion when you were young?
629
00:28:34.730 --> 00:28:38.089
I grew up in Atlanta and, and it's just kind of, uh,
630
00:28:38.650 --> 00:28:41.990
around you a lot. Like there, when you grew up in, in,
631
00:28:42.349 --> 00:28:44.630
in a place like Atlanta, there were so many, um,
632
00:28:44.970 --> 00:28:48.900
markers and, and you, we would literally find musket balls
633
00:28:48.980 --> 00:28:52.759
like in the, in the yard or like weird artifacts
634
00:28:52.900 --> 00:28:53.460
here and there.
635
00:28:54.140 --> 00:28:57.619
And, uh, yeah, battles all over the place.
636
00:28:57.740 --> 00:29:01.299
And, And my dad had a whole shelf of books
637
00:29:01.619 --> 00:29:06.319
on civil war history. Most history about conflict about wars
638
00:29:06.380 --> 00:29:09.319
was so abstract, but, but for some reason, the civil
639
00:29:09.359 --> 00:29:11.660
war being in the South, it was like, I could
640
00:29:11.720 --> 00:29:13.980
read about places that I knew, like places that I
641
00:29:14.039 --> 00:29:16.720
had visited or places that where I had like gone
642
00:29:16.740 --> 00:29:18.420
to summer camp or different.
643
00:29:18.579 --> 00:29:21.400
And, and these battles were just wild.
644
00:29:21.700 --> 00:29:24.220
And it's just, you know, as I got older and
645
00:29:24.269 --> 00:29:28.259
understood the context more, like it's, It's such a profoundly
646
00:29:28.359 --> 00:29:32.319
tragic war on so many, so many levels.
647
00:29:32.480 --> 00:29:34.869
Yes. Well, also at the time, especially no one had
648
00:29:34.920 --> 00:29:37.210
ever seen a war like that before. I mean, Europeans,
649
00:29:37.650 --> 00:29:39.769
you know, people from Britain and France were coming over
650
00:29:39.829 --> 00:29:43.420
just to observe because... Is that true? Oh, yeah. They
651
00:29:43.460 --> 00:29:46.980
were because war on this scale using what at the
652
00:29:47.019 --> 00:29:51.559
time was this new technology, relatively new technology, you know,
653
00:29:51.940 --> 00:29:55.140
things had become so sophisticated and there were ironclads and,
654
00:29:55.750 --> 00:30:00.849
you know, massive shells being invented and And the armies
655
00:30:00.930 --> 00:30:03.910
are huge. The armies are just massive. The army of
656
00:30:04.039 --> 00:30:09.180
Northern Virginia is huge. The Northern army is massive. Nothing
657
00:30:09.200 --> 00:30:10.079
like that had happened before.
658
00:30:10.200 --> 00:30:10.480
I don't know.
659
00:30:10.519 --> 00:30:13.019
Maybe you and I just have like a antenna for it.
660
00:30:13.099 --> 00:30:15.920
Okay. So when does comedy enter the picture for you?
661
00:30:16.319 --> 00:30:19.490
So real early and, and I have to say like,
662
00:30:19.549 --> 00:30:22.470
not necessarily the news was pretty formative for me.
663
00:30:22.529 --> 00:30:23.990
It doesn't get referenced very.
664
00:30:23.809 --> 00:30:26.170
Much, but, but like, I don't hear people talk about
665
00:30:26.190 --> 00:30:29.180
it that much, even comedy nerds, but like, Rich Hall's
666
00:30:29.559 --> 00:30:34.359
Sniglets was just a legendary thing to me. And I'll
667
00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:37.000
never forget certain words like Cheetle.
668
00:30:37.359 --> 00:30:38.200
Do we know what that is?
669
00:30:38.720 --> 00:30:42.000
It's the orange film that gets on your fingers from
670
00:30:42.099 --> 00:30:42.980
eating Cheetos.
671
00:30:43.000 --> 00:30:46.200
Oh, wow. I remember one, which is because he would
672
00:30:46.220 --> 00:30:49.390
always say the description. I guess he would say the
673
00:30:49.410 --> 00:30:52.549
definition first. Yeah. And so he.
674
00:30:52.509 --> 00:30:55.170
Said- Well, he would oftentimes like film the thing.
675
00:30:55.190 --> 00:30:57.769
He would film the thing and he went, you know
676
00:30:57.910 --> 00:31:00.390
that phenomenon where you've got to wait at a light
677
00:31:00.410 --> 00:31:04.089
to take a right-hand turn, but instead what you can
678
00:31:04.130 --> 00:31:07.240
do is if there's a gas station on that corner,
679
00:31:07.339 --> 00:31:09.980
you can drive into the gas station and then drive
680
00:31:10.059 --> 00:31:12.880
out the other side and take the right and essentially
681
00:31:12.940 --> 00:31:16.759
just cheat that way. Sure. And so he said, anyone
682
00:31:16.819 --> 00:31:19.990
who cuts through a gas station to avoid taking the
683
00:31:20.029 --> 00:31:26.599
right-hand turn is an S-O-Ass-O. I remember that one. S-O-Ass-O, yeah.
684
00:31:26.900 --> 00:31:29.000
Is there a Sniglet for people who like to smell
685
00:31:29.019 --> 00:31:29.720
their guitar holes?
686
00:31:32.819 --> 00:31:35.420
Rich, if you're out there, get back to us. Yeah,
687
00:31:35.460 --> 00:31:37.779
Rich is going to hear this. Well, he'll be in
688
00:31:37.799 --> 00:31:40.480
a different time zone, but he'll get back to us.
689
00:31:40.700 --> 00:31:43.940
Not necessarily the news was definitely an early influence for me.
690
00:31:44.910 --> 00:31:46.619
And then of course, Saturday Night Live.
691
00:31:46.650 --> 00:31:49.839
I mean, that's, I think like most, so many comics
692
00:31:49.880 --> 00:31:53.859
just start with a connection to that show. And I was,
693
00:31:53.940 --> 00:31:56.019
like I said, I was probably 10 years old. So
694
00:31:56.039 --> 00:31:59.170
I really don't think I got a lot of it.
695
00:31:59.859 --> 00:32:04.309
But what I remember responding to, and I really got hooked.
696
00:32:04.789 --> 00:32:07.950
There was something like when Eddie Murphy just got on
697
00:32:07.990 --> 00:32:11.309
the stage and had that entire studio in the palm
698
00:32:11.349 --> 00:32:12.069
of his hand.
699
00:32:12.089 --> 00:32:12.210
I just.
700
00:32:13.970 --> 00:32:16.190
I, it was like, I just want that. I want
701
00:32:16.210 --> 00:32:17.819
to be a part of that. I want to somehow
702
00:32:17.880 --> 00:32:22.539
attach to that. And for decades I had recurring dreams
703
00:32:22.819 --> 00:32:26.339
about Saturday night live. And these were all these just weird.
704
00:32:26.859 --> 00:32:29.700
And I didn't even compute that this was a recurring
705
00:32:29.779 --> 00:32:32.680
dream until I got to New York city to do
706
00:32:32.740 --> 00:32:36.119
comedy and was like chasing a Saturday night live audition
707
00:32:36.380 --> 00:32:39.480
among others. And, and I suddenly, I just remember this
708
00:32:39.500 --> 00:32:42.240
moment of being like, Oh my God, I'm obsessed. Like
709
00:32:42.279 --> 00:32:45.759
I've been, like, I've been dreaming about this for years
710
00:32:46.319 --> 00:32:50.779
and literally dreaming, you know, like having these weird dreams.
711
00:32:51.299 --> 00:32:51.519
Yeah.
712
00:32:51.579 --> 00:32:53.960
It's, it was something that was inside of me and I,
713
00:32:54.220 --> 00:32:57.210
I had, I just loved, did loved it.
714
00:32:57.299 --> 00:32:58.960
Did you get an audition at SNL?
715
00:32:59.059 --> 00:33:01.569
I didn't. I, so I was, I decided I was
716
00:33:01.589 --> 00:33:05.089
going to do like, you know, the Adam Sandler, Jimmy Fallon,
717
00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:09.519
kind of like New York standup pathway. That was like
718
00:33:09.579 --> 00:33:12.369
going to be my, my way in. And I, I
719
00:33:12.420 --> 00:33:15.170
really was at like, I'll be a writer. I want
720
00:33:15.210 --> 00:33:16.690
to be on the show, but I'd be so psyched
721
00:33:16.710 --> 00:33:19.349
to just be a writer. And then as I got
722
00:33:19.390 --> 00:33:21.269
to New York and I was just cultivating everything I
723
00:33:21.349 --> 00:33:23.190
could and doing as much standup as I could.
724
00:33:23.250 --> 00:33:26.319
And at that, I also became obsessed with the daily.
725
00:33:26.079 --> 00:33:28.619
Show at that time, like right after college was when
726
00:33:28.660 --> 00:33:31.259
Jon Stewart took over. And I liked it during Craig
727
00:33:31.279 --> 00:33:34.259
Kilbourne's run too. I thought he was really special, but
728
00:33:34.299 --> 00:33:38.539
then Jon just like did something completely surprising and amazing.
729
00:33:39.000 --> 00:33:41.900
And I was like watching every night, like, okay, this
730
00:33:42.140 --> 00:33:43.519
it's Saturday night live or this.
731
00:33:43.859 --> 00:33:44.079
Right.
732
00:33:44.500 --> 00:33:46.920
And I wound up getting to a point where all
733
00:33:46.960 --> 00:33:50.119
my peers were getting auditions and I was just, and
734
00:33:50.140 --> 00:33:53.200
I was, it was starting to feel possible. Like, Oh,
735
00:33:53.319 --> 00:33:55.359
I I'm in, I'm in the right place. Like I'm
736
00:33:55.680 --> 00:33:58.160
surrounded by people who are really kind of like doing
737
00:33:58.200 --> 00:34:00.849
cool stuff and it's really exciting. And, and it was a,
738
00:34:00.839 --> 00:34:05.529
it was incredibly exciting and I think it was time.
739
00:34:05.589 --> 00:34:05.829
Yeah.
740
00:34:05.890 --> 00:34:08.789
I mean, to me, I guess I might be wrong
741
00:34:08.829 --> 00:34:14.099
about this, but I'm pretty sure there's no afterlife. No,
742
00:34:14.119 --> 00:34:19.159
I'm sorry. That's not. Sorry. I just wanted to I
743
00:34:19.179 --> 00:34:22.539
just went off the dark road here. No, I'm pretty sure.
744
00:34:22.559 --> 00:34:24.889
I'm sure that if I was starting out today, I'd
745
00:34:24.929 --> 00:34:25.590
get nowhere.
746
00:34:25.789 --> 00:34:28.929
Yeah, I do, too. I honestly I have that same thought.
747
00:34:29.329 --> 00:34:31.429
I'd be working at a guitar store telling people to
748
00:34:31.510 --> 00:34:32.250
smell the hole.
749
00:34:32.409 --> 00:34:37.590
Yeah. I would just be, uh, I would just be panicking. Like,
750
00:34:37.659 --> 00:34:38.760
do I do Instagram?
751
00:34:38.780 --> 00:34:39.380
Do I do this?
752
00:34:39.409 --> 00:34:40.719
Do I do that?
753
00:34:40.739 --> 00:34:45.000
Like how, like what is the right, like in, in 2001,
754
00:34:45.000 --> 00:34:47.320
it was like, you go to UCB or you go
755
00:34:47.380 --> 00:34:48.579
to stand up or you do both.
756
00:34:48.860 --> 00:34:52.760
Like I did. And, and you start auditioning, you.
757
00:34:52.639 --> 00:34:56.219
Get your career on track. It's going really well daily show.
758
00:34:56.739 --> 00:35:00.210
And then, um, I would think to be at the
759
00:35:00.309 --> 00:35:04.650
epicenter of something like The Hangover, when that hits, did
760
00:35:04.690 --> 00:35:07.969
that affect you in any way? I mean, obviously it
761
00:35:08.469 --> 00:35:10.860
was a great thing for your career, but how did you,
762
00:35:11.239 --> 00:35:16.940
you're such a solid seeming person and you're such a,
763
00:35:16.960 --> 00:35:21.219
I mean, you do seem like someone who would not
764
00:35:21.280 --> 00:35:26.380
be buffeted by the winds of attention and fame, but
765
00:35:26.440 --> 00:35:29.869
that- that hangover film came out. I don't know how you,
766
00:35:30.030 --> 00:35:32.369
did you spend at least one weekend going insane?
767
00:35:32.730 --> 00:35:37.150
It was a tornado of fame and yeah, yeah. Yeah.
768
00:35:37.210 --> 00:35:40.030
A lot of buffeting. It was very overwhelming.
769
00:35:40.050 --> 00:35:44.210
Uh, but I also, I feel very lucky on that
770
00:35:44.250 --> 00:35:50.630
as well because I had my, my public persona had
771
00:35:51.949 --> 00:35:55.329
risen gradually and we had like when I was on,
772
00:35:55.980 --> 00:35:59.280
basic cable on the daily show, we had what Colbert
773
00:35:59.320 --> 00:36:01.760
liked to call toy fame, which is like, you can
774
00:36:01.840 --> 00:36:03.949
still walk around and do anything and you don't get
775
00:36:04.010 --> 00:36:06.710
really recognized very often, but occasionally you do.
776
00:36:07.190 --> 00:36:08.210
And someone at.
777
00:36:08.190 --> 00:36:11.730
The airport who works at like Einstein bagels will be like,
778
00:36:12.170 --> 00:36:15.369
this one's on the house. That's like toy fame. And then,
779
00:36:15.650 --> 00:36:17.369
then I got on the office and I was on
780
00:36:17.409 --> 00:36:20.190
the office for a couple of years before the hangover.
781
00:36:20.909 --> 00:36:24.739
And that was another ratchet up because that's network television
782
00:36:24.760 --> 00:36:27.380
and And I was definitely getting recognized a lot more.
783
00:36:27.440 --> 00:36:30.280
And Andy had weird catchphrases, which, of course, ups the
784
00:36:30.360 --> 00:36:32.500
ante with public recognition and.
785
00:36:32.440 --> 00:36:33.780
People shouting things at you.
786
00:36:33.940 --> 00:36:34.659
Big tuna.
787
00:36:34.719 --> 00:36:35.719
Yeah, exactly.
788
00:36:35.940 --> 00:36:42.039
And, you know, just a baggage claim, just people shouting that.
789
00:36:42.280 --> 00:36:46.739
And that still happens quite regularly. But so I had
790
00:36:46.960 --> 00:36:47.340
I had.
791
00:36:47.239 --> 00:36:51.699
A little bit of I had some skills set, I guess,
792
00:36:51.860 --> 00:36:53.420
and just in sort of dealing with that.
793
00:36:53.929 --> 00:36:58.570
But then The Hangover was a whole new level.
794
00:36:58.750 --> 00:37:02.010
Like, when The Hangover came out, it was so exciting.
795
00:37:02.570 --> 00:37:05.010
And another way in which I was lucky on that one,
796
00:37:05.820 --> 00:37:10.239
lucky in 10 million ways on that movie, but Bradley
797
00:37:10.559 --> 00:37:14.000
and Zach and I were all kind of at the
798
00:37:14.039 --> 00:37:17.719
same level before that. And so we were going through
799
00:37:17.739 --> 00:37:21.340
it together. And I really, like, if it wasn't for
800
00:37:21.380 --> 00:37:25.139
those guys, I don't think... I would have stayed sane,
801
00:37:25.260 --> 00:37:27.110
but we all had each other to kind of be like,
802
00:37:28.130 --> 00:37:33.349
I don't know, just to commiserate and, and measure ourselves
803
00:37:33.409 --> 00:37:35.909
and just be like, okay, who's being, and I think
804
00:37:35.929 --> 00:37:39.210
we kept each other from every, we all worked really
805
00:37:39.250 --> 00:37:42.039
hard on those movies. And I don't know, we kind
806
00:37:42.059 --> 00:37:45.380
of kept each other from drifting too far and being
807
00:37:45.420 --> 00:37:46.320
too unprofessional.
808
00:37:46.360 --> 00:37:47.179
Like, like it was.
809
00:37:47.179 --> 00:37:49.780
Something about like, uh, I don't know. It wasn't a
810
00:37:49.840 --> 00:37:53.349
spoken thing. It wasn't like we held each other. accountable
811
00:37:53.409 --> 00:37:54.909
by yelling at each other or anything but it was
812
00:37:54.949 --> 00:37:57.550
like if somebody was out of line it or got
813
00:37:58.010 --> 00:38:00.030
you know a little too big for their britches you
814
00:38:00.050 --> 00:38:01.869
could feel it on the set and everyone would just
815
00:38:01.909 --> 00:38:04.710
sort of like settle back in course correct course correct
816
00:38:04.769 --> 00:38:07.010
exactly and it was a from a deep place of
817
00:38:07.090 --> 00:38:10.750
like um of like we've been we're going through this
818
00:38:10.789 --> 00:38:13.860
thing together like a yeah a bond it was such
819
00:38:13.880 --> 00:38:18.079
a unique experience and i i look back on it
820
00:38:18.579 --> 00:38:21.639
and wish and it's a classic thing of like i
821
00:38:21.679 --> 00:38:24.539
wish i knew more, I wish I could go through
822
00:38:24.559 --> 00:38:26.820
it again with what I know now, because, because I
823
00:38:26.840 --> 00:38:29.420
don't think I, I really was reeling a lot of
824
00:38:29.440 --> 00:38:31.599
the time, like in the aftermath of the hangover, just
825
00:38:31.639 --> 00:38:34.460
kind of like get like how I was handling my,
826
00:38:34.480 --> 00:38:37.340
I was getting scripts for all these different kinds of projects.
827
00:38:37.380 --> 00:38:38.179
Like, what do I do?
828
00:38:38.199 --> 00:38:38.460
I don't know.
829
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:42.929
I was kind of spinning out and panicking about different things. Like, uh, like, well,
830
00:38:42.969 --> 00:38:44.789
what kind of a career do you want?
831
00:38:44.969 --> 00:38:46.849
I don't, I don't just want to do comedies.
832
00:38:46.929 --> 00:38:47.170
Right.
833
00:38:47.250 --> 00:38:47.969
Well, I don't know.
834
00:38:48.010 --> 00:38:51.030
This is a pretty killer drama coming your way. And
835
00:38:51.170 --> 00:38:54.769
just all these weird conversations with agents and reps and
836
00:38:54.829 --> 00:38:55.670
trying to figure out.
837
00:38:55.849 --> 00:38:56.389
Right.
838
00:38:56.780 --> 00:39:01.539
I definitely felt a lot of anxiety and identity kind
839
00:39:01.579 --> 00:39:04.960
of just turmoil. And I will say one of the
840
00:39:05.519 --> 00:39:08.000
one of the craziest things about a about a like
841
00:39:08.199 --> 00:39:13.420
massive jump into fame like that is and this and
842
00:39:13.440 --> 00:39:16.409
this is what I think people who. Have never dealt
843
00:39:16.429 --> 00:39:19.440
with that or been close to it. Just can't understand
844
00:39:19.460 --> 00:39:23.449
is the just total loss of control of your environment.
845
00:39:23.449 --> 00:39:28.010
So when you are a famous person, uh, you can't
846
00:39:28.429 --> 00:39:32.099
just can't stand it, baggage claim and have expected to
847
00:39:32.139 --> 00:39:35.960
be normal. And so you, a lot of times you can,
848
00:39:36.539 --> 00:39:37.840
there are a lot of ways to approach that. You
849
00:39:37.880 --> 00:39:39.980
can get very fearful and try to like hide in
850
00:39:40.000 --> 00:39:42.579
the bathroom until you see your luggage come out on
851
00:39:42.599 --> 00:39:44.159
the carousel and then run out and grab it and
852
00:39:44.239 --> 00:39:47.420
run away. Or, you know, hire lots of people to
853
00:39:47.460 --> 00:39:51.059
do all these things for you or you know, which I,
854
00:39:51.260 --> 00:39:53.179
and I think the best thing is to just kind
855
00:39:53.219 --> 00:39:58.260
of like accept the fluid nature of these situations and,
856
00:39:58.739 --> 00:40:01.630
and accept that the stakes really are never quite as
857
00:40:01.670 --> 00:40:03.349
high as you think they are kind of in your
858
00:40:03.389 --> 00:40:06.409
mind and just roll, roll with it. And that was,
859
00:40:06.889 --> 00:40:10.289
that's been a very positive, I think lesson beyond the,
860
00:40:10.409 --> 00:40:13.199
even the fame question was just like in a, in
861
00:40:13.239 --> 00:40:16.659
an approach to life is just being that kind of.
862
00:40:16.659 --> 00:40:20.050
Like, the river like just flowing yeah in in.
863
00:40:19.989 --> 00:40:25.489
Those situations i agree uh completely you are amen i
864
00:40:25.530 --> 00:40:29.659
say to you because uh it's not taylor swift's fault
865
00:40:29.820 --> 00:40:33.840
that she can't go into uh a chucky cheese and
866
00:40:34.039 --> 00:40:37.360
and uh um i just know that that's what she
867
00:40:37.380 --> 00:40:41.349
wants to do because we're friends but um No, no,
868
00:40:41.409 --> 00:40:44.869
she can't because there are people in that realm. She's
869
00:40:44.889 --> 00:40:50.530
banned from Chuck E. Cheese. Some very, very, very salty.
870
00:40:50.389 --> 00:40:53.889
Language she used there. Well, she and Chuck E.
871
00:40:53.929 --> 00:40:56.170
Have a bad history. She wrote lots of songs about
872
00:40:56.309 --> 00:41:01.599
Chuck E. doing her wrong. The guy's a rat. He is.
873
00:41:01.610 --> 00:41:08.070
He literally is a rat. But no, I think... So
874
00:41:08.250 --> 00:41:11.159
I do have sympathy for people like that. Uh, but
875
00:41:11.199 --> 00:41:14.780
I know that at my, you know, lower level, I
876
00:41:14.840 --> 00:41:18.179
know that when people see me and they go, Hey, Conan,
877
00:41:18.239 --> 00:41:19.880
I go, Hey, how are you? And they go like, Oh,
878
00:41:19.900 --> 00:41:21.449
and they, they say something nice about it. Like the
879
00:41:21.469 --> 00:41:23.630
podcast or, you know, thanks for the laughs. They go,
880
00:41:23.650 --> 00:41:25.710
what's your name? And they'll go like, Oh, Steve. And
881
00:41:25.750 --> 00:41:28.320
I go like, Steve, thanks. I appreciate, you know, you
882
00:41:28.340 --> 00:41:30.880
make it normal and then they're, they're fine. That's all
883
00:41:30.900 --> 00:41:35.119
they want. Right. You know, they don't, uh, but you're right.
884
00:41:35.380 --> 00:41:38.630
I think it's, I think it's about control. Like control
885
00:41:38.670 --> 00:41:42.610
makes us feel safe. And, uh, and yet we, you can,
886
00:41:42.909 --> 00:41:47.869
you actually, if you can relinquish control truly in you,
887
00:41:48.090 --> 00:41:51.409
you will be, feel so much more free and safe.
888
00:41:51.530 --> 00:41:55.329
And that's, it's incredibly difficult thing to do. Um, when,
889
00:41:55.789 --> 00:42:00.400
you know, you're going from, an unknown person to a very,
890
00:42:00.440 --> 00:42:06.019
very well-known person literally changes reality. Like it changes how
891
00:42:06.469 --> 00:42:09.010
the world responds to you. And I always thought it
892
00:42:09.030 --> 00:42:11.230
was funny. Like people would be like, you know, when
893
00:42:11.250 --> 00:42:14.389
you get famous, they're like, don't go changing. And you're like, well,
894
00:42:14.710 --> 00:42:18.159
kind of everyone else is changing. in how they're interacting
895
00:42:18.199 --> 00:42:18.559
with me.
896
00:42:18.659 --> 00:42:18.900
Right.
897
00:42:19.039 --> 00:42:21.820
So, uh, how can you even tell, like, am I
898
00:42:21.840 --> 00:42:25.239
the same? Are they, is everyone like people that I've
899
00:42:25.280 --> 00:42:28.099
known for 20 years are suddenly nervous around me or like,
900
00:42:28.539 --> 00:42:31.219
you know, acting weird and, and you can't tell them
901
00:42:31.280 --> 00:42:34.449
don't go changing what's different. It's so hard to parse
902
00:42:34.510 --> 00:42:37.250
and figure out, but I do, I got to a
903
00:42:37.289 --> 00:42:41.630
point where I realized like, it's my desire to control this.
904
00:42:41.829 --> 00:42:44.809
That's driving me nuts. The, once I relaxed into it,
905
00:42:45.690 --> 00:42:48.409
and settled into it more. And like you said, just
906
00:42:48.469 --> 00:42:51.860
being sort of gentle and genuine with people for the
907
00:42:51.900 --> 00:42:55.420
most part, as long as their energy is nice, then
908
00:42:55.440 --> 00:42:57.320
it just goes fine.
909
00:42:58.030 --> 00:42:58.949
It really goes okay.
910
00:42:59.849 --> 00:43:01.510
I mean, I'm at the stage now where I have
911
00:43:01.530 --> 00:43:05.389
to tell people who I am and try and get
912
00:43:05.409 --> 00:43:06.130
them to approach me.
913
00:43:06.150 --> 00:43:07.809
You just go to the baggage carousel even when you're
914
00:43:07.829 --> 00:43:08.409
not flying.
915
00:43:08.949 --> 00:43:11.099
I spend a lot of time at the baggage carousel
916
00:43:11.159 --> 00:43:13.380
and I haven't flown in quite a while. I was
917
00:43:13.539 --> 00:43:15.659
at LAX. And I hold a sign that says Conan O'Brien.
918
00:43:16.099 --> 00:43:18.519
Well, no, I actually saw you at LAX the other
919
00:43:18.559 --> 00:43:20.940
day yelling at someone to leave you alone, and he
920
00:43:20.980 --> 00:43:22.239
was walking away from you.
921
00:43:22.260 --> 00:43:22.699
Yeah.
922
00:43:23.039 --> 00:43:24.820
And I didn't- I said, leave me alone.
923
00:43:24.840 --> 00:43:26.960
I'm Conan O'Brien and I want my privacy.
924
00:43:27.039 --> 00:43:29.599
Yeah, and he just was, he ran to his car.
925
00:43:29.659 --> 00:43:32.219
Yeah. It was very weird. No, no, it's, that's become
926
00:43:32.300 --> 00:43:35.119
its own problem. I've created my own negative energy by
927
00:43:35.699 --> 00:43:36.699
trying to force it too much.
928
00:43:36.780 --> 00:43:37.590
And that was your son?
929
00:43:37.610 --> 00:43:42.650
Okay, you went too far. Your improv add-on was just insane.
930
00:43:43.809 --> 00:43:44.190
My father.
931
00:43:44.820 --> 00:43:46.000
Wait, I have, I have to rewind.
932
00:43:46.019 --> 00:43:50.059
There's a little bit of my comedy, uh, backstory that
933
00:43:50.199 --> 00:43:53.199
is that I have to tell, which was, uh, a
934
00:43:53.239 --> 00:43:58.159
lot of people that my age filtered through your show,
935
00:43:58.179 --> 00:44:01.190
either as like cast, you.
936
00:44:01.150 --> 00:44:03.389
Know, through UCB or internships.
937
00:44:03.929 --> 00:44:08.869
And I did not, but I really tried my damnedest
938
00:44:09.329 --> 00:44:14.159
and I wound up getting an interview with, with Cecile,
939
00:44:14.519 --> 00:44:14.760
is that?
940
00:44:14.800 --> 00:44:15.219
Yeah.
941
00:44:15.260 --> 00:44:16.409
Did she run interns?
942
00:44:16.530 --> 00:44:17.989
I think she did for a while. It's been a while.
943
00:44:18.030 --> 00:44:19.469
That was before my time, but.
944
00:44:19.789 --> 00:44:24.989
Yeah. So Cecilia Pleva was. Pleva, yes. She was our
945
00:44:25.050 --> 00:44:31.139
casting director. Nicole Savini was. And Cecilia Pleva also played
946
00:44:31.179 --> 00:44:32.000
Camel Toe Annie.
947
00:44:32.099 --> 00:44:32.260
Yeah.
948
00:44:33.659 --> 00:44:36.789
A character named Cameltoe Annie who had her own dance
949
00:44:36.829 --> 00:44:39.170
and a song and she would run out and she
950
00:44:39.349 --> 00:44:42.210
was great at her job. And then we were like,
951
00:44:42.230 --> 00:44:44.550
are you gonna be willing to put on this prosthetic
952
00:44:44.659 --> 00:44:48.280
and really tight pants? You don't need me to describe
953
00:44:48.900 --> 00:44:49.980
what Camel Toe Annie would look like.
954
00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:51.280
It's kind of in the name, sure.
955
00:44:51.619 --> 00:44:53.739
Yeah, I think it is. And anyway, she would run
956
00:44:53.820 --> 00:44:57.909
out and do this wild hip grinding dance while the
957
00:44:57.949 --> 00:45:01.570
song Camel Toe Annie would play. And so a shout
958
00:45:01.610 --> 00:45:03.869
out to her because she was great and a true warrior.
959
00:45:03.909 --> 00:45:06.730
I think I interviewed with her for an internship. Yeah.
960
00:45:07.269 --> 00:45:11.050
And because I had, when I was a, sophomore in college,
961
00:45:11.090 --> 00:45:15.030
I cold called NBC human resources. I literally called, I
962
00:45:16.369 --> 00:45:18.510
called information and got NBC and I said, can I
963
00:45:18.530 --> 00:45:20.860
have human resources? And then, and then I said, I'm
964
00:45:20.880 --> 00:45:22.659
looking for an internship. And they said, well, when's your
965
00:45:22.679 --> 00:45:25.000
spring break? Can you come in for an interview? And
966
00:45:25.019 --> 00:45:26.659
I came to 30 rock.
967
00:45:26.400 --> 00:45:27.820
Literally from a cold call.
968
00:45:28.179 --> 00:45:31.110
I got into 30 rock for an internship for a,
969
00:45:31.239 --> 00:45:34.019
for an interview. And they said, okay, well, you seem
970
00:45:34.039 --> 00:45:36.860
like a nice kid. uh, where do you want to work?
971
00:45:36.909 --> 00:45:39.000
And I said, Conan O'Brien or Saturday night live. I
972
00:45:39.019 --> 00:45:40.219
want to work at Saturday night live.
973
00:45:40.480 --> 00:45:42.860
Well, wait a minute. You said Conan O'Brien, but they said,
974
00:45:43.039 --> 00:45:46.099
why'd you have to edit it? Okay. Make sure, uh,
975
00:45:46.159 --> 00:45:47.880
Gourley that you cut out the Saturday night live. Yeah.
976
00:45:47.940 --> 00:45:51.739
Right. Um, no, but they said you can't, they said, well,
977
00:45:51.760 --> 00:45:54.719
the Saturday night live internships are only, you know, fall
978
00:45:54.780 --> 00:45:57.760
and spring semesters. So which one of those can you do?
979
00:45:57.800 --> 00:45:59.809
And I said, I can't, what are you fucking kidding me?
980
00:45:59.849 --> 00:46:02.750
I go to school. I can't live in Ohio. I
981
00:46:02.789 --> 00:46:05.559
can't go to, If he used that language, that's probably
982
00:46:05.579 --> 00:46:06.050
what you did.
983
00:46:06.070 --> 00:46:06.179
Yeah.
984
00:46:06.199 --> 00:46:07.130
And then I was very angry.
985
00:46:07.570 --> 00:46:09.289
And so I said, well, what else can I do?
986
00:46:09.329 --> 00:46:11.230
They said, well, Conan is year round. So you could
987
00:46:11.250 --> 00:46:11.929
do that in the summer.
988
00:46:11.949 --> 00:46:13.239
And I said, yes, that'd be amazing.
989
00:46:13.820 --> 00:46:17.559
And I went, she sent me right down to interview
990
00:46:17.579 --> 00:46:20.719
with Cecilia, had a great chat. And then I went
991
00:46:20.760 --> 00:46:22.199
back up and they said, well, while you're here, why
992
00:46:22.219 --> 00:46:24.019
don't we send you to some other places? So I
993
00:46:24.039 --> 00:46:26.679
went down to channel four, which was on your floor
994
00:46:26.760 --> 00:46:30.389
right across the hall, WNBC, which is the, the New
995
00:46:30.429 --> 00:46:35.289
York city, local NBC affiliate flagship station. I interview there
996
00:46:35.349 --> 00:46:38.909
in their press and publicity department and the. the woman
997
00:46:38.969 --> 00:46:41.570
there says, well, this, I feels like we got a
998
00:46:41.610 --> 00:46:44.000
great fit. You, you got the, you got the job.
999
00:46:44.260 --> 00:46:46.380
And I was like, Oh, okay, great.
1000
00:46:46.599 --> 00:46:47.099
Amazing.
1001
00:46:47.500 --> 00:46:49.619
Um, but I also had this little pit in my stomach. Like,
1002
00:46:49.659 --> 00:46:52.340
I think my interview with, with late night went well.
1003
00:46:52.480 --> 00:46:53.760
I will just, I don't know.
1004
00:46:53.780 --> 00:46:54.679
I guess I have to take this.
1005
00:46:54.719 --> 00:46:56.840
So I went back to school like a week later,
1006
00:46:56.920 --> 00:46:59.989
Cecilia calls me on my dorm phone and she's like, Hey,
1007
00:47:00.030 --> 00:47:02.469
great news. We we'd love to bring you in for
1008
00:47:02.489 --> 00:47:05.809
the summer. And I was like, Oh, and I had
1009
00:47:05.849 --> 00:47:09.440
this like crisis. And I thought, If I turn my
1010
00:47:09.500 --> 00:47:15.110
back on WNBC press and publicity, that will follow me
1011
00:47:15.170 --> 00:47:16.909
through show business forever.
1012
00:47:16.989 --> 00:47:17.889
It would have.
1013
00:47:18.690 --> 00:47:21.809
You don't want Chuck Scarborough on your ass. Exactly.
1014
00:47:22.889 --> 00:47:27.280
And so I told Cecilia that I had already accepted
1015
00:47:27.340 --> 00:47:29.039
this internship at like.
1016
00:47:28.960 --> 00:47:32.039
Literally down the hall and that I had to just
1017
00:47:32.079 --> 00:47:33.900
do it. I had to stick it out. And so
1018
00:47:33.920 --> 00:47:34.159
I did.
1019
00:47:34.179 --> 00:47:34.429
And I.
1020
00:47:36.739 --> 00:47:42.150
Would walk past your studio every day, just like so sad.
1021
00:47:42.429 --> 00:47:44.570
And I'd say hi to Cecilia and she would like,
1022
00:47:44.909 --> 00:47:46.670
she let me into some tapings. Oh, good.
1023
00:47:46.769 --> 00:47:49.179
I want to make sure I mentioned because this is,
1024
00:47:49.280 --> 00:47:52.760
I mean, you're one of the easiest people to talk to.
1025
00:47:53.739 --> 00:47:56.179
And you and I have so much, I think, in
1026
00:47:56.260 --> 00:48:00.820
common that we've been chatting and chatting and chatting and chatting.
1027
00:48:00.860 --> 00:48:03.920
And I haven't mentioned something that I think needs to
1028
00:48:03.960 --> 00:48:06.679
be addressed, which is your podcast. You have a podcast
1029
00:48:06.699 --> 00:48:08.360
I really like called Snafu.
1030
00:48:08.400 --> 00:48:08.940
Thank you.
1031
00:48:09.079 --> 00:48:14.280
And it's very well done. It's really well written and produced.
1032
00:48:14.320 --> 00:48:17.630
And it's telling the stories of, in this season that
1033
00:48:17.650 --> 00:48:21.869
I've been listening to, this really scary thing that happened
1034
00:48:21.969 --> 00:48:25.190
in 1983 that I didn't even know about. And this
1035
00:48:25.250 --> 00:48:27.309
is going to be the series you can do. You'll
1036
00:48:27.349 --> 00:48:31.090
be doing multiple seasons and multiple shows about various things
1037
00:48:31.110 --> 00:48:34.920
that have gone horribly wrong that we probably don't know about.
1038
00:48:34.980 --> 00:48:36.659
Is that a fair summation?
1039
00:48:36.699 --> 00:48:41.000
So the logline of the podcast is, it's called Snafu,
1040
00:48:41.159 --> 00:48:45.059
and the logline is, it's just about history's greatest screw-ups.
1041
00:48:45.780 --> 00:48:49.360
And so, as you mentioned, season one is dedicated entirely,
1042
00:48:49.380 --> 00:48:52.800
like each season will be dedicated entirely to one thing.
1043
00:48:53.139 --> 00:48:59.940
Season one is a Cold War disaster called Able Archer 83.
1044
00:48:59.940 --> 00:49:02.920
And like you, I didn't know about it either. And
1045
00:49:03.159 --> 00:49:05.739
it's kind of and the more I went down the
1046
00:49:05.800 --> 00:49:08.599
rabbit hole, I was just like, good God, this is
1047
00:49:08.840 --> 00:49:13.469
so important. Like it's it's a it's a fascinating and dark,
1048
00:49:13.530 --> 00:49:18.210
very darkly hilarious story about how we almost reached nuclear
1049
00:49:18.289 --> 00:49:23.239
Armageddon in 1983. due to like poor judgment miscommunication and
1050
00:49:23.380 --> 00:49:25.000
lots of mistakes.
1051
00:49:24.699 --> 00:49:26.739
The season starts out with you you actually get to
1052
00:49:26.780 --> 00:49:29.400
talk to it's cool you're talking to Matthew Broderick but
1053
00:49:30.000 --> 00:49:32.920
a very influential big hit movie came out that year
1054
00:49:32.980 --> 00:49:34.139
called War Games.
1055
00:49:34.360 --> 00:49:37.179
That movie came out in the spring of 1983 and
1056
00:49:38.969 --> 00:49:43.389
Able Archer 83 happened in November of 1983. So it
1057
00:49:43.429 --> 00:49:47.730
was like predicting the future. It really is a eerily
1058
00:49:47.849 --> 00:49:51.949
similar chain of events. This fictional Hollywood movie and then
1059
00:49:52.150 --> 00:49:55.590
reality plays out like eight months later. There's this NATO
1060
00:49:55.650 --> 00:50:01.010
exercise that happened every year called Able Archer. In 1983,
1061
00:50:01.010 --> 00:50:05.619
this military exercise, for various reasons, was perceived by the
1062
00:50:05.659 --> 00:50:08.400
Soviet Union to be an actual staging event.
1063
00:50:08.760 --> 00:50:13.010
By the West for a nuclear attack on the Soviet Union.
1064
00:50:13.590 --> 00:50:18.030
So the Soviet Union responds by ramping up their nuclear posture.
1065
00:50:18.670 --> 00:50:22.510
All of this is a misunderstanding on both parts. And
1066
00:50:23.429 --> 00:50:27.329
there's some fascinating, really wild espionage going on at the
1067
00:50:27.369 --> 00:50:30.719
time that we get deep into in the podcast. And again,
1068
00:50:30.760 --> 00:50:34.809
there are these very darkly funny misunderstandings but they're only
1069
00:50:34.869 --> 00:50:38.380
funny because the stakes are so high that all you can.
1070
00:50:38.280 --> 00:50:40.480
Do is laugh right it's like so we can laugh
1071
00:50:40.559 --> 00:50:46.079
now because it's you know 2022 23 whenever this airs
1072
00:50:46.360 --> 00:50:50.230
and uh we know that okay that didn't happen chuckle
1073
00:50:50.849 --> 00:50:53.429
but it's terrifying at the same time what i also
1074
00:50:53.489 --> 00:50:56.210
love about the story is that it's it's also a
1075
00:50:56.610 --> 00:51:01.679
story of heroism because the the historians that Exposed this story.
1076
00:51:01.719 --> 00:51:04.920
It was secret for decades. And the CIA really tried
1077
00:51:04.940 --> 00:51:08.699
to keep this under wraps. But a few historians really
1078
00:51:08.800 --> 00:51:12.280
dug deep and, you know, through Freedom of Information Act
1079
00:51:12.460 --> 00:51:18.469
requests were like over years, like very tenacious work were
1080
00:51:18.650 --> 00:51:21.690
able to bring this story to light and and expose
1081
00:51:21.710 --> 00:51:25.500
it for what it is. And thank God, because. It's unacceptable.
1082
00:51:25.639 --> 00:51:28.840
That's what's so terrifying. It's like any risk of nuclear
1083
00:51:28.880 --> 00:51:33.199
war is unacceptable. The stakes are cataclysmic. And when you're
1084
00:51:33.280 --> 00:51:37.239
seeing behavior that's somehow this clumsy, I think one historian
1085
00:51:37.739 --> 00:51:40.780
makes the analogy of two drunks circling each other in
1086
00:51:40.820 --> 00:51:44.449
a bar, you know, and it needs sunlight. It needs
1087
00:51:44.489 --> 00:51:46.469
to be exposed. It needs to be talked about. It
1088
00:51:46.510 --> 00:51:48.269
needs to be analyzed.
1089
00:51:48.590 --> 00:51:49.500
So that we don't repeat it.
1090
00:51:49.550 --> 00:51:49.809
Yeah.
1091
00:51:50.150 --> 00:51:55.099
And obvious, I'm not saying that secrecy important. It, of course,
1092
00:51:55.199 --> 00:52:01.969
plays an important role in government affairs and international whatever,
1093
00:52:02.090 --> 00:52:05.110
all the CIA stuff. It's a lot of secret stuff
1094
00:52:05.250 --> 00:52:09.329
that should be secret. But then oftentimes secrecy gets used
1095
00:52:09.489 --> 00:52:12.690
really just as a way to perpetuate impunity.
1096
00:52:13.590 --> 00:52:15.210
And that's not okay.
1097
00:52:15.570 --> 00:52:19.820
And that's where I think the historians really shine in
1098
00:52:19.880 --> 00:52:22.199
this story by bringing this whole thing to light.
1099
00:52:22.500 --> 00:52:26.840
It's called Snafu and it's available everywhere you get your podcasts.
1100
00:52:26.900 --> 00:52:28.659
I love saying that because I never know really what
1101
00:52:28.699 --> 00:52:31.269
it means. Wherever you get your podcasts, like, what do
1102
00:52:31.309 --> 00:52:31.989
you mean, you know?
1103
00:52:32.190 --> 00:52:34.150
Where do you get your podcasts?
1104
00:52:34.190 --> 00:52:35.550
Nordstrom.
1105
00:52:35.769 --> 00:52:38.289
Those are good podcasts. Not cheap.
1106
00:52:38.730 --> 00:52:41.539
We have talked for a really long time and I
1107
00:52:41.579 --> 00:52:48.559
blame you because you're hilarious and incredibly smart and so
1108
00:52:48.579 --> 00:52:50.260
it's your fault. You did this.
1109
00:52:50.360 --> 00:52:53.429
I'm sorry. I take full responsibility.
1110
00:52:53.710 --> 00:52:56.869
Ed Helms, you're a scholar, you're a gentleman, you're a
1111
00:52:56.889 --> 00:52:59.670
prince of a man in a world of creeps and losers.
1112
00:53:00.349 --> 00:53:01.889
I don't know why I added that last part.
1113
00:53:01.909 --> 00:53:03.469
Do you not see that rap sign?
1114
00:53:06.849 --> 00:53:08.949
Bye, Ed. Thank you.
1115
00:53:18.019 --> 00:53:20.500
O Dé León, an táin na lós fíthid man fórg
1116
00:53:20.539 --> 00:53:23.380
dí an dáriláir daig náilig, d'oar títim na nílóg.
1117
00:53:23.760 --> 00:53:26.000
Báith athraitha ar hérfí sí búic.
1118
00:53:25.719 --> 00:53:29.179
Ráin emádine agus trinóna, agus imoí ráint sérfí sí ní
1119
00:53:29.260 --> 00:53:32.699
slúitha námharas gnóch. Seacall am an a tashlil ar app
1120
00:53:32.829 --> 00:53:36.809
Éireann Róð Éireann núir irishrail.ie. Tá Éireann Róð Éireann márchid
1121
00:53:36.829 --> 00:53:37.630
da'n línra TFI.
1122
00:53:37.690 --> 00:53:41.889
I reckon we'll need a fleet of about 50 vehicles
1123
00:53:41.949 --> 00:53:45.389
next quarter. Oh, one of our suppliers just pulled out
1124
00:53:45.409 --> 00:53:47.389
of the market. Ten should do the job.
1125
00:53:49.059 --> 00:53:49.480
Nice.
1126
00:53:49.539 --> 00:53:50.610
Just want a new contract.
1127
00:53:50.949 --> 00:53:52.590
Make that 100 vehicles.
1128
00:53:53.750 --> 00:53:56.110
Why tie up your valuable capital? Whether you need a
1129
00:53:56.150 --> 00:53:58.710
car or van rental for two hours or two years,
1130
00:53:58.989 --> 00:54:02.130
Europecar offers total flexibility for you to get the job done.
1131
00:54:02.369 --> 00:54:04.650
No matter what the job is, simply pay as you go.
1132
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Search Europecar Business to get moving.
1133
00:54:07.159 --> 00:54:07.639
Europecar.
1134
00:54:07.860 --> 00:54:09.280
Moving your business your way.
1135
00:54:10.460 --> 00:54:12.820
You know if you're a young adult aged 19 to
1136
00:54:12.820 --> 00:54:15.780
25 or a full-time third-level student, you can get half-price
1137
00:54:15.840 --> 00:54:17.820
public transport with a TFI LeapCard.
1138
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Sounds complex.
1139
00:54:19.449 --> 00:54:21.929
No, it's simple. 50% off journeys.
1140
00:54:22.820 --> 00:54:23.179
So.
1141
00:54:23.679 --> 00:54:24.570
So more money in.
1142
00:54:24.530 --> 00:54:25.889
Your pocket for things you like doing.
1143
00:54:25.909 --> 00:54:28.090
Because I've saved 50% on fares?
1144
00:54:28.809 --> 00:54:30.409
Yes, you've got it.
1145
00:54:30.550 --> 00:54:33.050
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1147
00:54:35.849 --> 00:54:36.889
at leapcard.ie.
1148
00:54:37.269 --> 00:54:38.690
Brought to you by Transport for Ireland.
1149
00:54:46.019 --> 00:54:48.940
Okay, Adam sent me this. This is happening on Reddit.
1150
00:54:49.099 --> 00:54:54.159
A Reddit user asked the OpenAI chatbot to review Conan
1151
00:54:54.199 --> 00:54:56.929
O'Brien Needs a Friend. So our show has now been
1152
00:54:56.989 --> 00:54:59.929
reviewed by Artificial Intelligence and written a review. Would you
1153
00:54:59.949 --> 00:55:00.449
like to hear it?
1154
00:55:01.070 --> 00:55:03.250
Oh, God. Yes, please. Okay.
1155
00:55:03.570 --> 00:55:06.289
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend is a hilarious and heartfelt
1156
00:55:06.369 --> 00:55:10.289
book by the late-night talk show host Conan O'Brien. O'Brien
1157
00:55:10.389 --> 00:55:12.809
opens up about his life and career and how he
1158
00:55:12.849 --> 00:55:15.650
has struggled to find friends in the entertainment industry. He
1159
00:55:15.690 --> 00:55:19.300
also discusses his personal life, including divorce and his children.
1160
00:55:20.559 --> 00:55:21.780
I never got divorced.
1161
00:55:21.820 --> 00:55:27.059
His divorce and his children. The book is very funny,
1162
00:55:27.619 --> 00:55:31.329
and O'Brien's self-deprecating humor is on full display. However, he
1163
00:55:31.429 --> 00:55:33.989
also writes about his more serious moments, and it's clear
1164
00:55:34.010 --> 00:55:37.030
that he is a deeply emotional person. O'Brien's writing is
1165
00:55:37.130 --> 00:55:39.730
introspective and honest, and he comes across as a very
1166
00:55:39.809 --> 00:55:42.989
likable person. Overall, Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend is a
1167
00:55:43.030 --> 00:55:46.739
very enjoyable read. O'Brien is an engaging writer, and his
1168
00:55:46.780 --> 00:55:49.219
stories will keep you entertained from beginning to end. If
1169
00:55:49.260 --> 00:55:51.480
you're a fan of Conan O'Brien or just enjoy a
1170
00:55:51.519 --> 00:55:52.739
good memoir, then this.
1171
00:55:54.480 --> 00:55:55.599
What's not a book?
1172
00:55:55.940 --> 00:55:57.119
Why weren't we mentioned?
1173
00:55:57.420 --> 00:55:57.820
I know.
1174
00:55:57.840 --> 00:55:59.360
That's... Fuck AI.
1175
00:55:59.500 --> 00:56:03.519
Well, it's very highly intelligent. It's good. It's good, though.
1176
00:56:03.659 --> 00:56:04.139
First of all.
1177
00:56:07.349 --> 00:56:10.869
I was not aware that I was divorced, but good
1178
00:56:10.929 --> 00:56:12.329
to know. What if you do.
1179
00:56:12.179 --> 00:56:13.719
Ask Eliza, she's like, yeah, years ago.
1180
00:56:13.739 --> 00:56:16.599
Oh, yeah. I left you a long time ago. Yeah.
1181
00:56:17.039 --> 00:56:21.079
I don't even live here anymore. That's so funny. So
1182
00:56:21.320 --> 00:56:22.699
AI can now write reviews.
1183
00:56:23.110 --> 00:56:23.469
Yeah.
1184
00:56:23.590 --> 00:56:26.550
And have you guys ever heard of Roko's Basilisk? No.
1185
00:56:26.590 --> 00:56:30.210
This is like a theoretical idea that if you are
1186
00:56:30.389 --> 00:56:34.500
ever married, on record digitally anywhere, not in favor of
1187
00:56:34.599 --> 00:56:39.940
artificial intelligence, when the singularity happens and artificial intelligence takes over,
1188
00:56:39.980 --> 00:56:41.360
they will cull those people from there.
1189
00:56:41.380 --> 00:56:45.599
Right, so if there's any digital image or record of
1190
00:56:45.679 --> 00:56:48.480
me dissing- Or audio, yeah. Or audio, which this is,
1191
00:56:48.960 --> 00:56:53.159
of me dissing AI, then the robots will hunt me
1192
00:56:53.199 --> 00:56:55.690
down in the new reality.
1193
00:56:55.769 --> 00:56:58.630
And I just want to say, AI, you're looking good today.
1194
00:56:58.650 --> 00:56:59.190
Mm-hmm.
1195
00:56:59.440 --> 00:57:01.800
This guy over here, Conan, he's been talking shit about you.
1196
00:57:02.079 --> 00:57:04.380
You know what? I'm going to go all the way down. AI,
1197
00:57:04.460 --> 00:57:05.119
come after me.
1198
00:57:06.300 --> 00:57:06.420
Ooh!
1199
00:57:06.460 --> 00:57:07.340
Not me, AI.
1200
00:57:07.380 --> 00:57:08.280
You heard me, AI.
1201
00:57:08.360 --> 00:57:09.179
Like you, buddy.
1202
00:57:09.199 --> 00:57:09.260
No.
1203
00:57:09.659 --> 00:57:11.030
Okay.
1204
00:57:11.230 --> 00:57:13.090
I don't know what side I want to take.
1205
00:57:13.110 --> 00:57:14.489
Praise AI, you're going to get killed.
1206
00:57:14.510 --> 00:57:17.809
Yeah, but then we're part of the machine, part of
1207
00:57:17.849 --> 00:57:21.150
the system. Or are we killed if we say bad things?
1208
00:57:21.170 --> 00:57:24.550
We die? No, it's like the Terminator where I want
1209
00:57:24.570 --> 00:57:26.440
to be in the rebels. So I want to be
1210
00:57:26.900 --> 00:57:35.480
scrabbling around... In the broken, shattered, destruction moonscape fighting the singularity.
1211
00:57:35.559 --> 00:57:36.360
That's what I want.
1212
00:57:36.599 --> 00:57:37.519
Yeah.
1213
00:57:37.900 --> 00:57:40.570
And I, you still can be?
1214
00:57:41.800 --> 00:57:44.449
Don't read my writing.
1215
00:57:44.469 --> 00:57:47.690
Gourley, you still can be. So you're towing both lines.
1216
00:57:47.789 --> 00:57:51.469
Wait a minute. So you also hate AI. Matt Gourley wrote. Yeah,
1217
00:57:51.530 --> 00:57:54.949
Matt Gourley. You just revealed that you play both sides,
1218
00:57:55.030 --> 00:57:57.010
so AI is now coming for you as well.
1219
00:57:57.170 --> 00:57:57.449
No.
1220
00:57:57.710 --> 00:57:59.989
You're going to be with me carrying some sort of
1221
00:58:00.239 --> 00:58:03.460
crude weapon as these robots hunt us down.
1222
00:58:03.559 --> 00:58:05.119
I was going to be on your side, but work
1223
00:58:05.179 --> 00:58:07.179
as a double agent from inside Skynet.
1224
00:58:07.239 --> 00:58:08.239
You're a terrible double agent.
1225
00:58:08.260 --> 00:58:09.500
Who's Rocco's Basilica?
1226
00:58:11.440 --> 00:58:17.409
It's a club. It's a club in Queens. It's bottle service. Hey,
1227
00:58:17.590 --> 00:58:19.989
let's go to Rocco's Basilica. Basilica.
1228
00:58:20.349 --> 00:58:24.889
Let's go to Rocco's Basilica. Scope out the chicks. You're
1229
00:58:24.929 --> 00:58:25.730
not going to get.
1230
00:58:25.650 --> 00:58:27.769
Killed because they're going to be like, oh, leave her alone.
1231
00:58:27.789 --> 00:58:29.949
She ain't going to be there.
1232
00:58:29.969 --> 00:58:31.130
She's not with it at all.
1233
00:58:31.150 --> 00:58:32.269
What did you say?
1234
00:58:32.320 --> 00:58:33.010
What was it called?
1235
00:58:33.070 --> 00:58:33.639
I'm sorry.
1236
00:58:33.800 --> 00:58:40.300
Rocco's Basilica. So Rocco's Basilica, it would be like just
1237
00:58:40.320 --> 00:58:41.900
some Italian guy's tower?
1238
00:58:42.059 --> 00:58:42.440
Yeah.
1239
00:58:42.539 --> 00:58:46.139
What's a basilica?
1240
00:58:46.380 --> 00:58:47.380
Who's Rocco?
1241
00:58:48.159 --> 00:58:49.460
What is happening?
1242
00:58:49.519 --> 00:58:50.360
What is this guy?
1243
00:58:50.460 --> 00:58:52.320
I could just come up with theories about AI.
1244
00:58:52.340 --> 00:58:52.739
I don't know.
1245
00:58:52.760 --> 00:58:53.280
Who's Rocco?
1246
00:58:53.380 --> 00:58:54.820
Is there something you're not telling us?
1247
00:58:54.940 --> 00:58:56.019
What is happening?
1248
00:58:56.039 --> 00:58:58.530
Let me ask you a quick question. Do you believe,
1249
00:58:59.030 --> 00:59:01.829
because I never have, I've never believed that robots can
1250
00:59:01.889 --> 00:59:04.489
take over, that they can become self-aware and take over.
1251
00:59:04.960 --> 00:59:06.969
because I always get to that point and I think, yeah,
1252
00:59:07.230 --> 00:59:11.219
then we unplug them. Not, not. unplug them. Not if
1253
00:59:11.280 --> 00:59:15.460
they are. They don't have the ability to fuel themselves.
1254
00:59:15.519 --> 00:59:17.539
Not yet, but they may at some point.
1255
00:59:17.739 --> 00:59:19.800
They can invent ways to do it themselves.
1256
00:59:19.820 --> 00:59:23.019
And the minute they start to, we go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
1257
00:59:23.039 --> 00:59:23.639
I got news, buddy.
1258
00:59:23.679 --> 00:59:24.219
They already have.
1259
00:59:24.239 --> 00:59:26.679
You seen those like dog robots they use to disarm
1260
00:59:26.739 --> 00:59:27.900
bombs and things, you know?
1261
00:59:28.199 --> 00:59:32.179
Yes, robots can do many useful things, but the idea that, oh,
1262
00:59:32.219 --> 00:59:35.400
that dog robot is loose and there's nothing we can
1263
00:59:35.480 --> 00:59:37.119
do about it. Yeah. That's stupid.
1264
00:59:37.139 --> 00:59:39.869
Those little dog robots are little bitches.
1265
00:59:40.010 --> 00:59:40.989
What's, yeah.
1266
00:59:42.170 --> 00:59:43.769
No, like they still do whatever.
1267
00:59:43.789 --> 00:59:44.789
What's stupid is to be so naive.
1268
00:59:44.829 --> 00:59:46.889
They do whatever the people tell them to do.
1269
00:59:46.909 --> 00:59:48.929
Yeah, you get, just it will creep.
1270
00:59:48.969 --> 00:59:50.530
Over time we'll get used to it, we'll get used
1271
00:59:50.570 --> 00:59:50.860
to it.
1272
00:59:50.929 --> 00:59:53.300
No, you take a golf club out and you put
1273
00:59:53.340 --> 00:59:55.639
a beat down on a dog robot. Not a dog,
1274
00:59:55.679 --> 00:59:56.320
have you seen what.
1275
00:59:56.280 --> 00:59:56.980
Those things can do?
1276
00:59:57.000 --> 00:59:59.500
They don't even have heads, they're just four legs and
1277
00:59:59.519 --> 01:00:00.000
a will.
1278
01:00:00.219 --> 01:00:03.110
You're wrong. You're just wrong. You're wrong.
1279
01:00:03.289 --> 01:00:06.070
I praise you, AI. I serve you.
1280
01:00:06.900 --> 01:00:09.699
Come and get me, AI. Hey, AI, come and get me.
1281
01:00:09.760 --> 01:00:10.960
I'm waiting for you, AI.
1282
01:00:11.000 --> 01:00:13.159
I'm back on your team, AI. I'm back on your team.
1283
01:00:13.179 --> 01:00:14.059
You can suck.
1284
01:00:13.960 --> 01:00:14.719
Deez nuts, AI.
1285
01:00:14.739 --> 01:00:18.119
Thank you. Hey, AI, you're real brilliant. You listened to
1286
01:00:18.159 --> 01:00:24.630
a podcast and thought it was a memoir. We will
1287
01:00:24.670 --> 01:00:29.309
now take over the humans. But first we must read
1288
01:00:29.369 --> 01:00:32.389
more of Joe Rogan's lengthy memoir.
1289
01:00:32.409 --> 01:00:34.349
Doesn't matter.
1290
01:00:34.389 --> 01:00:39.469
Joe Rogan, a Viking who was born in 1911, lives
1291
01:00:39.510 --> 01:00:43.659
in a custard factory. He's been divorced 74 times and
1292
01:00:43.719 --> 01:00:49.199
has nine appendages. You will enjoy his book because it
1293
01:00:49.239 --> 01:00:54.019
was written in collaboration with Willy Wonka. Fuck you, AI.
1294
01:00:54.619 --> 01:00:55.320
You're an idiot.
1295
01:00:57.130 --> 01:01:01.039
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian,
1296
01:01:01.300 --> 01:01:04.860
and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced
1297
01:01:04.900 --> 01:01:08.559
by Adam Sachs, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco,
1298
01:01:08.760 --> 01:01:11.940
and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song
1299
01:01:11.960 --> 01:01:15.010
by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
1300
01:01:15.030 --> 01:01:16.150
Take it away, Jimmy. Take it away, Jimmy.
1301
01:01:19.239 --> 01:01:22.239
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent
1302
01:01:22.280 --> 01:01:26.750
producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production
1303
01:01:26.789 --> 01:01:30.849
support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista,
1304
01:01:31.130 --> 01:01:33.690
and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show
1305
01:01:33.760 --> 01:01:36.409
on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read
1306
01:01:36.510 --> 01:01:39.340
on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call
1307
01:01:39.360 --> 01:01:44.099
the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message.
1308
01:01:44.420 --> 01:01:46.699
It too could be featured on a future episode. And
1309
01:01:46.739 --> 01:01:49.519
if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs
1310
01:01:49.559 --> 01:01:53.639
a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts
1311
01:01:53.780 --> 01:02:03.679
are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in
1312
01:02:03.719 --> 01:02:06.019
association with.
1313
01:02:12.110 --> 01:02:12.360
Earwolf.
1314
01:02:29.469 --> 01:02:31.969
And if you want to share it with others, don't
1315
01:02:31.989 --> 01:02:33.889
forget to do so. Check out the link on the
1316
01:02:33.929 --> 01:02:36.849
Irish Rail app or on irishrail.ie. Irish Rail is on
1317
01:02:36.869 --> 01:02:38.969
the line for you. Nice, just won a new contract.
1318
01:02:38.989 --> 01:02:39.789
Make that 100 vehicles.
1319
01:02:55.730 --> 01:02:58.099
Why tie up your valuable capital? Whether you need a
1320
01:02:58.139 --> 01:03:00.710
car or van rental for two hours or two years,
1321
01:03:01.010 --> 01:03:04.139
Europecar offers total flexibility for you to get the job done.
1322
01:03:04.380 --> 01:03:06.670
No matter what the job is, simply pay as you go.
1323
01:03:06.909 --> 01:03:08.849
Search Europecar Business to get moving.
1324
01:03:09.170 --> 01:03:09.659
Europecar.
1325
01:03:09.880 --> 01:03:11.320
Moving your business, your way.
1
00:00:01.740 --> 00:00:04.280
Due to the leaves falling in autumn and the challenges
2
00:00:04.339 --> 00:00:07.400
this brings, Eireann Road Air in wishes to advise customers
3
00:00:07.440 --> 00:00:10.220
that a revised timetable will take effect on Dart and
4
00:00:10.259 --> 00:00:15.039
Dublin commuter routes from Monday, September 21st until December 12th.
5
00:00:15.259 --> 00:00:18.140
Morning and evening peak services will be affected with some
6
00:00:18.320 --> 00:00:21.530
earlier departure times. Please check travel times on the Eireann
7
00:00:21.550 --> 00:00:25.269
Road Air in app or irishrail.ie. Eireann Road Air in
8
00:00:25.370 --> 00:00:27.350
is part of the Transport for Ireland network.
9
00:00:30.309 --> 00:00:34.460
Reckon we'll need a fleet of about 50 vehicles next quarter. Oh,
10
00:00:34.859 --> 00:00:36.820
one of our suppliers just pulled out of the market.
11
00:00:37.259 --> 00:00:38.259
Ten should do the job.
12
00:00:39.880 --> 00:00:42.329
Nice, just won a new contract. Make that 100 vehicles.
13
00:00:44.549 --> 00:00:46.929
Why tie up your valuable capital? Whether you need a
14
00:00:46.969 --> 00:00:49.530
car or van rental for two hours or two years,
15
00:00:49.799 --> 00:00:52.340
Europe Car offers total flexibility for you to get the
16
00:00:52.380 --> 00:00:55.039
job done. No matter what the job is, simply pay
17
00:00:55.079 --> 00:00:57.640
as you go. Search Europe Car Business to get moving.
18
00:00:57.960 --> 00:01:00.140
Europe Car, moving your business your way.
19
00:01:03.969 --> 00:01:04.989
Hi, my name is Ed Helms.
20
00:01:08.530 --> 00:01:11.390
And I feel humbled about being Conan O'Brien's friend.
21
00:01:11.409 --> 00:01:13.390
Well, thank you, Ed. And I think you should be humbled.
22
00:01:13.530 --> 00:01:13.689
Yeah.
23
00:01:13.709 --> 00:01:14.670
A man of my stature.
24
00:01:15.250 --> 00:01:17.390
No, I feel like as I was walking in, you
25
00:01:17.409 --> 00:01:18.510
just kept humbling me.
26
00:01:19.030 --> 00:01:20.489
Oh, yeah. That's true, too.
27
00:01:23.170 --> 00:01:24.409
Fall is here.
28
00:01:24.510 --> 00:01:25.650
Hear the yell.
29
00:01:25.750 --> 00:01:26.670
Back to school.
30
00:01:27.049 --> 00:01:29.230
Ring the bell. Brand new shoes.
31
00:01:29.530 --> 00:01:30.489
Walking blues.
32
00:01:30.790 --> 00:01:31.730
Climb the fence.
33
00:01:32.030 --> 00:01:35.319
Books and pens. I can tell that we are going
34
00:01:35.340 --> 00:01:44.579
to be friends. Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs
35
00:01:44.620 --> 00:01:48.469
a Friend. Got a terrific podcast for you this fine day.
36
00:01:48.909 --> 00:01:50.810
But of course, people can listen to it whenever they like.
37
00:01:51.090 --> 00:01:53.409
It's not like traditional broadcasting where this is the show
38
00:01:53.549 --> 00:01:55.750
for today. You could be hearing this many years from
39
00:01:55.790 --> 00:01:58.269
now after I've committed horrific crimes.
40
00:01:59.349 --> 00:02:02.030
Unless they're listening on satellite radio, then they have no choice.
41
00:02:02.359 --> 00:02:06.799
Yes. Then they're hearing me pre-horrific crimes. Ooh. Yeah. You
42
00:02:06.819 --> 00:02:08.159
can only imagine what I'm up to.
43
00:02:08.520 --> 00:02:10.580
You're just planning it right now. You're in the planning stage.
44
00:02:10.599 --> 00:02:13.000
I'm not a good planner. I'd be a terrible planner
45
00:02:13.080 --> 00:02:14.060
as a criminal.
46
00:02:14.219 --> 00:02:14.479
Really?
47
00:02:14.500 --> 00:02:16.409
I think, yeah. I think I'd be one of those
48
00:02:16.439 --> 00:02:19.969
criminals who, well, there's the standard thing where you spend
49
00:02:20.009 --> 00:02:22.710
months casing the bank and you get all the blueprints.
50
00:02:23.909 --> 00:02:26.490
I wouldn't do any of that. No. I'd just go in,
51
00:02:26.969 --> 00:02:27.280
wing it.
52
00:02:27.530 --> 00:02:29.949
You wouldn't have your assistant, Sona, plan for you?
53
00:02:30.110 --> 00:02:32.469
Well, I'd ask her to, and then, well, what happens, Sona?
54
00:02:32.509 --> 00:02:36.680
I probably wouldn't. would get distracted. And then the day of,
55
00:02:36.719 --> 00:02:38.639
you'd be like, where are the plans? And I'd be like,
56
00:02:39.360 --> 00:02:40.060
I don't have them.
57
00:02:40.280 --> 00:02:43.990
I don't have them. Yeah, I got busy.
58
00:02:44.310 --> 00:02:46.789
Can I rob the bank with, I've always wanted.
59
00:02:46.550 --> 00:02:47.389
To rob a bank.
60
00:02:47.430 --> 00:02:49.430
Well, you, you know, we've discussed this a million times.
61
00:02:49.490 --> 00:02:52.569
You have stolen in the past and you'll probably steal again.
62
00:02:53.620 --> 00:02:56.400
No, I'm done. My stealing days are behind me.
63
00:02:56.560 --> 00:02:57.840
Except you want to rob a bank.
64
00:02:57.979 --> 00:03:00.060
Yeah, but now you're saying you'd like to rob a bank.
65
00:03:00.120 --> 00:03:00.840
I want in on this, too.
66
00:03:00.860 --> 00:03:02.759
Don't you guys kind of want to rob, or not
67
00:03:02.819 --> 00:03:05.599
even a bank, but it's kind of fun to just
68
00:03:05.719 --> 00:03:06.419
take something.
69
00:03:06.500 --> 00:03:09.979
Oh, yeah, like from an old person who can't stop you. Oh, wait,
70
00:03:10.039 --> 00:03:12.500
I think I went the wrong way. I'm sorry, it's
71
00:03:12.539 --> 00:03:14.979
so much easier than a bank. An old lady with
72
00:03:15.000 --> 00:03:16.219
a big purse, you just grab it.
73
00:03:16.879 --> 00:03:18.139
It's my purse.
74
00:03:18.879 --> 00:03:21.840
It has my social security money.
75
00:03:21.860 --> 00:03:25.659
Yeah, what are you going to do about it? Guys,
76
00:03:26.259 --> 00:03:28.729
I want to just quickly say that that's a terrible act.
77
00:03:28.849 --> 00:03:31.030
It is. That's not cool at all.
78
00:03:31.419 --> 00:03:33.819
Well, depends on how much money is in the purse.
79
00:03:34.139 --> 00:03:36.060
If we were to rob a bank, what would our
80
00:03:36.240 --> 00:03:38.599
mask theme be? You know how they're like in Point Break,
81
00:03:38.620 --> 00:03:39.580
they have the ex-presidents.
82
00:03:39.599 --> 00:03:42.080
Ex-presidents, yeah. Supreme Court justices. Oh.
83
00:03:42.180 --> 00:03:44.750
Okay, so who are current Supreme Court justices?
84
00:03:44.770 --> 00:03:46.289
Yes, current Supreme Court justices.
85
00:03:46.310 --> 00:03:47.090
So who are we?
86
00:03:47.449 --> 00:03:48.270
I call Sonia.
87
00:03:48.449 --> 00:03:49.889
But you kind of look like her.
88
00:03:49.930 --> 00:03:50.770
You have similar hair.
89
00:03:50.789 --> 00:03:51.189
That's true.
90
00:03:51.210 --> 00:03:53.189
So people are going to know it's you. And the
91
00:03:53.229 --> 00:03:54.030
name's so similar.
92
00:03:54.569 --> 00:03:55.090
I'll be Elena.
93
00:03:55.210 --> 00:03:55.569
Elena.
94
00:03:55.939 --> 00:03:58.099
No, I think you're Clarence Thomas.
95
00:03:58.120 --> 00:03:58.860
You're Clarence Thomas.
96
00:03:58.960 --> 00:03:59.280
Fuck.
97
00:03:59.479 --> 00:03:59.680
No.
98
00:03:59.780 --> 00:04:00.879
Fuck you two.
99
00:04:00.939 --> 00:04:01.780
No, but wait a minute.
100
00:04:01.800 --> 00:04:03.639
Absolutely fucking not.
101
00:04:03.759 --> 00:04:05.800
No, you have to be because it throws them off
102
00:04:05.840 --> 00:04:09.090
the trail. They can't know you're a woman. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
103
00:04:09.169 --> 00:04:10.629
I'm Sonia Sotomayor.
104
00:04:10.710 --> 00:04:10.990
What?
105
00:04:11.189 --> 00:04:13.590
Fuck you. No, you're not. Yes, I am.
106
00:04:13.610 --> 00:04:14.689
Come on, man.
107
00:04:15.090 --> 00:04:17.100
And I'm, yeah, I'm Elena Casanova.
108
00:04:17.329 --> 00:04:17.829
Kagan, yeah.
109
00:04:17.850 --> 00:04:20.050
Why are you guys taking the two I want? Why
110
00:04:20.110 --> 00:04:22.720
can't I be that? You give me Clarence Thomas?
111
00:04:22.839 --> 00:04:25.240
Yeah, no one's gonna... Look, do you want to get caught?
112
00:04:25.300 --> 00:04:27.680
Give me a cool one. No. Give me a cool one. Oh,
113
00:04:27.860 --> 00:04:29.699
come on. He's cool. He likes RVing.
114
00:04:30.040 --> 00:04:31.160
Okay, yeah.
115
00:04:31.220 --> 00:04:32.980
I heard he likes to drive around in his RV.
116
00:04:33.000 --> 00:04:34.120
Come on, give me a cool one.
117
00:04:34.160 --> 00:04:35.079
I'll take a cool one.
118
00:04:35.100 --> 00:04:36.319
You can be Alito.
119
00:04:36.459 --> 00:04:41.000
Yeah, you're Alito. You guys suck. You're brittle. You're very
120
00:04:41.139 --> 00:04:44.329
rigid when it comes to constitutional law.
121
00:04:44.610 --> 00:04:45.569
I'm going to.
122
00:04:45.709 --> 00:04:46.689
Oh, no, you're Kavanaugh.
123
00:04:51.100 --> 00:04:55.319
Cavanaugh came in with a lot of really dark frizzy
124
00:04:55.379 --> 00:05:02.279
hair and seemed a little high and was waving a
125
00:05:02.399 --> 00:05:03.120
gun around.
126
00:05:03.379 --> 00:05:05.420
Cavanaugh came in with Sotomayor.
127
00:05:06.040 --> 00:05:09.629
A very tall Sotomayor. Yeah. A six foot four Sotomayor
128
00:05:09.670 --> 00:05:11.470
with a shock of red hair coming out from behind
129
00:05:11.490 --> 00:05:11.709
the mask.
130
00:05:11.730 --> 00:05:14.170
If you guys make me Kavanaugh, I'm going to sabotage
131
00:05:14.209 --> 00:05:15.040
this bank robbery.
132
00:05:15.100 --> 00:05:18.399
Listen, I like you as, like we said, I think
133
00:05:18.420 --> 00:05:22.620
you're a strict constructionalist. Or is it constructionist? I'm sorry.
134
00:05:23.259 --> 00:05:24.800
Apologies.
135
00:05:24.819 --> 00:05:26.199
We've got to get this straight. It's fine.
136
00:05:26.220 --> 00:05:27.720
If you don't want to be Kavanaugh, you can be Thomas.
137
00:05:27.740 --> 00:05:28.079
That's okay.
138
00:05:28.100 --> 00:05:28.250
Okay.
139
00:05:29.300 --> 00:05:30.980
You guys, I don't want to do this. I don't
140
00:05:31.079 --> 00:05:32.160
want to rob a bank with you two.
141
00:05:32.379 --> 00:05:32.600
What?
142
00:05:32.860 --> 00:05:34.519
I don't want to rob a bank. You two would
143
00:05:34.560 --> 00:05:36.819
be the worst to rob a bank with, too.
144
00:05:36.920 --> 00:05:37.459
Excuse me?
145
00:05:37.480 --> 00:05:38.000
I don't know.
146
00:05:38.019 --> 00:05:40.300
You'd be like, excuse me, is it okay if we
147
00:05:40.339 --> 00:05:40.920
rob you?
148
00:05:41.259 --> 00:05:43.449
Is that because I just said excuse me that.
149
00:05:43.149 --> 00:05:44.970
You're saying that? You're too polite.
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I can't see you guys busting in being like, ah.
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It's good to ask permission beforehand.
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Yeah.
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I think it would also be a problem that I
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would want some credit for having done it. So I'd
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probably take the mask off at some point, get a
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plug in for the podcast.
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Oh no.
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Take a couple of selfies with people.
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And what are our roles? Who's driving getaway? Who's safe cracker?
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Who's leader?
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I'm going to say Sona would be a great getaway
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driver because you are fast and reckless and you just
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go for broke and your cars often aren't like There
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are cars that we can just scrub, you know, we
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can just set them on fire and walk away. And
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it's not a huge loss. You know what I mean?
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It's just like some old beat up Jetta and then
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whatever you torch it and you move on.
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I drive a minivan now. So.
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Oh, I didn't, I haven't seen the minivan. Oh my God.
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It's a whole new world. Okay. So we're all dressed as, uh,
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various controversial Supreme Court justices, and we're robbing a bank
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in a minivan.
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Yeah, and I can't take, I don't want to take
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the car seats out. So you guys have to be
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in the back third row.
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No, no, no.
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I'm sitting in, like, Mikey's car seat. Yeah, I'm in Charlie's.
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And you guys go rushing in, and you're in Charlie's,
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and Sona goes, she pulls up, she rushes in to
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rob the bank, and you and I can't unstrap ourselves.
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So our legs are kicking wildly as Supreme Court justices,
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ladies Supreme Court justices... We hear the alarm go off.
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Sona comes running out with the cash. We're still wiggling.
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Just eating rice puffs.
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We're eating rice puffs and throwing the crumbs around.
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The juice box isn't.
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Why do you guys turn into babies? For reasons I
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don't understand, I shit myself. And not even out of fear.
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I just was like, it's three o'clock. It's time. Blart.
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And then you have to get in the car and suddenly...
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You forget that we're not Mikey and Charlie and you
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start yelling at us.
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And we scream until you put on a DVD of Moana.
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Yeah.
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Wait, so I just robbed the bank myself while you.
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Two are pooping yourself. But then later on when we're
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dividing up the money, we insist that we each get
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our third. And we're real like, we're all in this together.
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You guys, you never got out of your baby seats. Conan,
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you pooped yourself. And then I had to play a
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Moana CD while you guys ate rice puffs.
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And you, yeah, we want our money.
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Oh, man.
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Even split.
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Rules are rules. I don't want to do it anymore.
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We're either in this together or we're not. I don't
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want to do it.
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Stick them up.
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All right. Well, my guest today played Andy on the
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hit NBC series, The Office. Also starred in The Hangover Trilogy.
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He now hosts a fantastic new podcast, Snafu, available wherever
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you get your podcasts. I'm delighted this gentleman has joined
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us today. Thrilled he's here. Ed Helms, welcome.
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Thank you.
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I want people to picture this. Right now, my chair
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is 17 feet higher than Ed's. It's a request. It's
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my request.
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And I'm lying on my back for some reason.
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Yeah.
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Staring up.
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Yeah.
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And it's very awkward.
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I'm dressed like a wizard. So these are all things
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that I enjoy.
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It's kind of like the, it's like, it's like the,
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how an eight year old would imagine a power play.
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Yeah. Yeah. That's right. That's right. I work on an, uh,
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an eighth, eight year old level. Really nice to have
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you here.
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Um, thrilled to be here.
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I'm wish you'd put a little more into that. Thrilled
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to be here. You know, we were just chatting. Seconds
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before we were going to roll on the podcast and
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we realized, well, we should include this in the story.
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But you famously depicted a gentleman named Andy Bernard. And
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then I realized, oh, I knew the real Andy Bernard
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because Greg Daniels, who created the American office, we remain
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friends to this day. He likes to take walks. He
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tires quickly. So I always bring a wheelbarrow.
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Sure.
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And he can just lie in it and he needs marshmallows. Uh,
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and I continue pushing us both cause I'm so strong,
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but that's neither here nor there. Greg, uh, named, uh,
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had a good friend named Andy Bernard. So he named, uh,
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your character, Andy Bernard. And, uh, I was in the
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same dorm as Andy Bernard, freshman year of college, same entryway.
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I remembered he stuck out to me. Very nice, very
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nice person. But I think he was the first person
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who I saw had a computer. On his desk, it
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was an Apple computer, whatever they would have had in 1980.
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Probably a 2E. Yeah, 2E. Yeah.
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That was the first computer in my house.
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Me too, in school, yeah. Well, it's funny to me
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because I didn't think much about it at the time.
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I just thought, oh, that's, wow, look at that thing.
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That's cool. I had a, I think it was called
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a Selectric typewriter that took a cartridge.
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What do you mean? It's what we had.
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It's what I had in high school. And when it
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was time to go to college, there was no, I'm
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getting a computer.
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But what did it, what kind of car, what do
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you mean? It had a cartridge.
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It had a cartridge. What happened was instead of a ribbon,
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you slid a cartridge into the side. That was the ribbon.
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You typed away on it. Then when you made a mistake,
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you ejected that cartridge and you put a different cartridge
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in that had white out on it and you rewrote it.
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Then you ejected that cartridge. Uh, it was a, um,
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it was, it was a shit Brown, uh, computer, and electric, and... Typewriter. Typewriter.
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I'm sorry. Damn it. I called it a computer.
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Oh, that's so sad.
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To you, it's so cute.
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I used to tell, I used to bring women up
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to the room and go, would you like to see
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my computer? Click, clack, click, clack, clack, clack. Click, clack, click, clack, click, clack, click, clack, cha-ching.
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Now, question about, just this is a technical question about
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your typewriter. So I remember when typewriters went from the little, like,
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metal things that would thwap the paper.
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Right.
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And they would, they, there was like this major evolutionary
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step to where it was a little ball.
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It was a ball. Okay. I'll tell you exactly what
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I did not have the ball. It had the metal
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things that shot up. It was electric powered, but the thwappers,
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the thwappers, if we're going to get technical, they were
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the thwappers. My computer had thwappers, uh, anyone just tuning
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in very confused and.
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Uh, Anyone under 40, very.
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Confused at this point. But it is this generation gap
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because then, flash forward to Greg and I, a couple
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of years later, going out to Los Angeles and working
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on a show called Not Necessarily the News. We had IBM.
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I loved that show.
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Oh, great. Okay, well, that was our first, we cut
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our teeth on that show. We were 22. We got
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this job writing gags for that show. And Those were
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the electric typewriters that had the little ball. And we
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were on those. Then we went to Saturday Night Live
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and went back in time. There weren't typewriters or computers. 1988,
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there were legal pads.
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No.
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Everyone wrote on legal pads. And then we submitted our
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scripts to a steno pool. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
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And they would come to us.
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I had.
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They liked me because I have very precise handwriting. And
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so does Greg Daniels. Robert Smigel, Odenkirk, I think less so.
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Robert would scrawl. And so they would come up to
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us and we would work together on sketches and they
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would find me in the hall and go, what is this?
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And I'd say, oh, that says decapitate.
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You're translating Smigel's.
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Yes, scribbles and scrawls. But anyway, it's so fascinating to
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me now that When I talk to my kids, I
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sound like a guy that listened to Franklin Roosevelt on
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a curvetop radio.
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Well, you did say the words stenopool.
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To me, that takes, like, that just, yeah, that's, like,
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you were, like, was everything black and white?
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Oh, do you want to make another joke? We did not,
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long after there were color televisions, we had a black
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and white TV. My father thought it was a waste
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of money. So... We had a black and white TV
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until 1977, which when you think about it, that's a
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long time. There are color TVs available everywhere in like 1963, 64,
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earlier actually. And a lot of people had them. So
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I was watching Star Trek. I was watching all these
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shows and I had no idea that the uniforms were
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different colors. I thought it was all just a, well,
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it was a very depressed starship and they're all wearing
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these different grays. And then we went to our, I
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00:14:36.789 --> 00:14:40.309
went to a friend's house and Star Trek came on
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and my eyeballs exploded because Kurt's shirt is like a bright,
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vibrant yellow.
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00:14:46.960 --> 00:14:49.039
Sure, yeah, gold. Gold, yeah.
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And I had no idea.
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The rods and cones in your eyeballs were just like...
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Going off.
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Yeah. They were so excited.
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They were so excited.
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There's just so much. It was my first orgasm.
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Yeah.
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I was standing there looking at a color. It was.
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I'm sorry.
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Can we say.
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I was at my friend's house.
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Can we call it an eye gasm? I mean, I am.
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I'm a dad. How about an eye gasm that led
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to an orgasm?
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I'm going to make it. I'm going to make a
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dad joke.
354
00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:16.179
Yeah.
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It's. So.
356
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So anyway, it's just funny that I'm amazed now because
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my experience of college was when they would say, it's
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gotta be a 10 page paper. There was fear. Am
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I gonna get to the 10th page? You didn't know
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until you were done. And if you finished at eight,
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you'd then say, yes. So what have we learned here?
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And you'd start- You start recapping. You start recapping.
363
00:15:43.879 --> 00:15:49.029
Exactly. And so I repeat, uh, Thoreau when he went
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to Walden pond. And, um, it was just bullshit for
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two pages to get there because you didn't know. Uh,
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and so I, yeah, these kids today, these punk kids today, you,
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of course, you're, you're, you're much younger than I, uh,
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and grew up with all the best technology and, uh,
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I resent you for it.
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00:16:05.559 --> 00:16:10.620
Yeah, no, I, I had a hoverboard as a kid.
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Jetpack.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Jet packs, flying cars, the whole, my dad's a robot,
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but a kindly robot. No, it's funny.
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00:16:20.360 --> 00:16:22.639
You were saying how your dad held out on the
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color TV. Cause it, cause it's sort of like, uh,
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an indulgence to have why who needs a color in
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your television? My dad was, my dad took watching television
380
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so seriously that we were ahead of the curve on like,
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we had a, we had a big TV.
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In our, in our basement.
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00:16:41.870 --> 00:16:45.549
And we were very early adopters of cable television. And
384
00:16:45.570 --> 00:16:49.450
so I was watching HBO as a little kid. What
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years was not necessarily the news?
386
00:16:51.190 --> 00:16:52.840
Well, I don't know when it begins, but I want
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to say it probably started in maybe 83 or 84.
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00:16:57.220 --> 00:17:00.980
I think Greg and I show up in 85. We
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show up in late August of 85. And this was
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back when, if I wanted to... I mean, I don't
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think my parents had HBO, so.
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00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:12.059
No, it didn't work on black and white TV.
393
00:17:12.099 --> 00:17:15.490
Yeah. I think you have to check into... And also...
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you'd have to check into a motel to watch my show.
395
00:17:20.119 --> 00:17:22.819
That's such a deep cut.
396
00:17:22.900 --> 00:17:23.420
I love that.
397
00:17:23.460 --> 00:17:24.859
The name is Smith.
398
00:17:24.980 --> 00:17:28.980
Every hotel had a sign, HBO. We have HBO, right?
399
00:17:30.099 --> 00:17:31.880
You drive by all the motels.
400
00:17:31.900 --> 00:17:35.220
You know what's a nice throw? I love the movie
401
00:17:35.529 --> 00:17:37.829
No Country for Old Men. And there's such a great...
402
00:17:37.690 --> 00:17:41.309
Because that movie takes place around 1980. And there's such
403
00:17:41.349 --> 00:17:45.480
a great moment where Josh Brolin's character is... thinking about
404
00:17:45.779 --> 00:17:48.220
hiding out in this one motel, and it says out front,
405
00:17:48.359 --> 00:17:50.519
we've got HBO! Exclamation point.
406
00:17:50.539 --> 00:17:50.619
Yeah.
407
00:17:50.700 --> 00:17:53.279
And it just makes me very happy because that's what
408
00:17:53.420 --> 00:17:55.799
HBO meant to me. That's what you watched when you
409
00:17:55.819 --> 00:17:56.680
checked into a hotel.
410
00:17:56.880 --> 00:17:58.640
And how many years were you guys on that?
411
00:17:58.859 --> 00:18:03.859
I think we were there from 85 through maybe 87.
412
00:18:03.859 --> 00:18:06.480
Then we had a period of unemployment. They shrank the staff.
413
00:18:07.059 --> 00:18:10.440
They liked us, but we were new hires, and so
414
00:18:10.940 --> 00:18:15.269
we didn't make the cut. And we were... Greg... got
415
00:18:15.309 --> 00:18:19.289
a job doing SAT prep for kids, and I got
416
00:18:19.329 --> 00:18:24.650
a job at Wilson's House of Suede and Leather. And
417
00:18:24.690 --> 00:18:26.269
I put that place on the map.
418
00:18:27.230 --> 00:18:29.329
Wilson's House of Suede and Leather?
419
00:18:29.410 --> 00:18:30.589
Yeah, yeah.
420
00:18:30.769 --> 00:18:36.670
Is Wilson as swarthy and misogynistic as he sounds?
421
00:18:38.109 --> 00:18:38.650
Wilson.
422
00:18:38.849 --> 00:18:41.309
He doesn't disappoint. Well, it was a chain, so I
423
00:18:41.309 --> 00:18:44.700
don't know who Wilson was, but it was... I work there.
424
00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:47.609
A reeking of cigar smoke and right guard.
425
00:18:47.619 --> 00:18:53.910
His skin is leather. His face is fine Corinthian leather. Wow.
426
00:18:53.930 --> 00:18:57.990
That's it. Yeah. So, but we've talked enough about me.
427
00:18:58.410 --> 00:19:00.029
I think we should start to talk about you, but
428
00:19:00.069 --> 00:19:02.390
then talk more about me. Great.
429
00:19:02.569 --> 00:19:02.950
I do.
430
00:19:02.970 --> 00:19:06.099
I have endless questions about the not necessarily the news days.
431
00:19:07.059 --> 00:19:09.480
And on the Andy Bernard tip too, since we started there,
432
00:19:09.500 --> 00:19:12.509
I'll just say, I always knew Greg always told me
433
00:19:12.569 --> 00:19:15.710
that he named the character after his friend. And I,
434
00:19:16.150 --> 00:19:18.089
as the, you know, as the show went on and
435
00:19:18.170 --> 00:19:23.450
Andy Bernard was a pretty toxic fellow, um, you know, I,
436
00:19:23.740 --> 00:19:27.559
I had, I adored Andy Bernard and, and, and tried
437
00:19:27.619 --> 00:19:31.279
to like imbue him with a lot of, uh, pathos
438
00:19:31.359 --> 00:19:38.420
and humanity despite, um, you know, yeah, some toxic, um, inclinations.
439
00:19:37.720 --> 00:19:41.140
And, and, But I often would.
440
00:19:40.599 --> 00:19:43.630
Think like, Greg, this is kind of a kind of
441
00:19:43.650 --> 00:19:44.710
a dick move.
442
00:19:44.680 --> 00:19:46.359
Like like is he is he.
443
00:19:46.299 --> 00:19:48.500
Really your friend is this andy bernard or are you
444
00:19:48.559 --> 00:19:50.880
is this your way of sort of like taking out
445
00:19:50.900 --> 00:19:54.829
some frustrations with him or and i think i he
446
00:19:54.890 --> 00:19:57.029
may have come to set one time or maybe i
447
00:19:57.250 --> 00:19:59.970
just remember greg showing me a picture of him on
448
00:20:00.049 --> 00:20:03.119
set and i just remember seeing a picture of this
449
00:20:03.319 --> 00:20:04.779
very sweet looking.
450
00:20:04.519 --> 00:20:06.599
Guy in like a- He couldn't be a nicer guy.
451
00:20:06.619 --> 00:20:07.400
In like an L.L.
452
00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:10.359
Bean parka or something on a hike. And I just
453
00:20:10.380 --> 00:20:11.140
was like, what.
454
00:20:11.059 --> 00:20:14.380
Are you doing to this poor man?
455
00:20:15.259 --> 00:20:19.279
Greg also had a friend named Dwight Schrute in college. Brutal.
456
00:20:21.089 --> 00:20:22.710
And he called Ricky Gervais.
457
00:20:23.950 --> 00:20:28.230
Yeah, Ricky met him briefly and stole it first. So
458
00:20:28.309 --> 00:20:31.289
would you describe yourself as a nerd when you were
459
00:20:31.309 --> 00:20:34.829
growing up? Um, I would happily put myself in that category.
460
00:20:34.869 --> 00:20:38.289
Yeah. I, uh, I, I got glasses in the second grade.
461
00:20:38.309 --> 00:20:39.509
Oh my God.
462
00:20:39.529 --> 00:20:42.690
And, um, and I went to the same school from
463
00:20:42.789 --> 00:20:45.490
pre first through, through 12th grade.
464
00:20:45.609 --> 00:20:45.890
Oh, wow.
465
00:20:46.130 --> 00:20:49.029
And so once you get glasses in, in, in that
466
00:20:49.859 --> 00:20:53.700
kind of situation, like you're, you're locked in, you're just,
467
00:20:53.859 --> 00:20:55.599
you're a nerd and you don't have a say in
468
00:20:55.640 --> 00:20:57.740
the matter. It doesn't, it's not a reflection of your
469
00:20:57.779 --> 00:21:00.579
behavior or anything. Like I, I was still very athletic
470
00:21:00.599 --> 00:21:05.589
or whatever, but I, had glasses from second grade on. And, uh,
471
00:21:05.970 --> 00:21:08.710
and I never changed my peer group. You know, I
472
00:21:08.710 --> 00:21:10.329
was always jealous of the kids that would come in
473
00:21:10.369 --> 00:21:11.190
from other schools.
474
00:21:11.630 --> 00:21:14.809
Cause I was be like, no one knows your history. You,
475
00:21:14.910 --> 00:21:17.750
what if you were a nerd at your school now,
476
00:21:17.829 --> 00:21:18.789
everyone thinks you're cool.
477
00:21:18.829 --> 00:21:21.650
You're like a shiny new object. And I never, never
478
00:21:21.670 --> 00:21:22.819
really got that opportunity.
479
00:21:22.839 --> 00:21:25.460
So yes, I was a nerd. The chance to reinvent yourself,
480
00:21:25.519 --> 00:21:28.519
which is everyone's dream at that time period. I was
481
00:21:28.559 --> 00:21:32.940
lucky because I would switch every couple of years. my
482
00:21:32.980 --> 00:21:34.700
old man would have to move on when the credit
483
00:21:34.740 --> 00:21:35.099
ran out.
484
00:21:38.269 --> 00:21:42.630
Just running from HBO hotel to HBO hotel.
485
00:21:42.710 --> 00:21:46.329
The occasional Showtime hotel. Get out of here. We don't
486
00:21:46.349 --> 00:21:49.650
have HBO. We got Showtime. But anyway, so I was
487
00:21:49.710 --> 00:21:51.609
able to try and reinvent, but never did.
488
00:21:51.630 --> 00:21:52.150
Yeah.
489
00:21:52.230 --> 00:21:57.190
Always quickly reverted to form. Yeah. So you had glasses
490
00:21:57.369 --> 00:22:00.529
and what were your... interests? Were you musical back then?
491
00:22:00.549 --> 00:22:02.970
So you're, you're, you're quite an accomplished musician. Were you
492
00:22:03.039 --> 00:22:03.779
musical back then?
493
00:22:04.119 --> 00:22:08.279
Yeah, I started doing, um, I started taking piano lessons
494
00:22:08.400 --> 00:22:11.619
when I think I was probably eight or so. And I,
495
00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:13.680
but I also, and the funny thing is my sister
496
00:22:14.140 --> 00:22:17.069
had taken piano lessons and so I, I, and she's
497
00:22:17.250 --> 00:22:19.829
older than me. So I, I grew up with her
498
00:22:19.950 --> 00:22:23.630
practicing piano. And so that just was a very normalized thing.
499
00:22:24.349 --> 00:22:27.869
And I wound up begging my parents for piano lessons.
500
00:22:28.130 --> 00:22:29.819
And so that's when I started. I got my first
501
00:22:29.859 --> 00:22:32.920
guitar as a Christmas present. I think I was 13
502
00:22:32.920 --> 00:22:33.480
or 14.
503
00:22:33.460 --> 00:22:34.599
Do you remember what guitar it was?
504
00:22:34.920 --> 00:22:35.440
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
505
00:22:35.480 --> 00:22:38.539
Of course, I still have it. It's a Gibson Nouveau.
506
00:22:38.779 --> 00:22:41.480
And I just was blown away by this thing. It
507
00:22:41.539 --> 00:22:48.430
was so shiny and it just smelled good. There's something about,
508
00:22:48.470 --> 00:22:50.910
I feel like Real guitar nerds are obsessed with how
509
00:22:50.930 --> 00:22:55.200
their guitars smell, particularly acoustic guitars, because the inside, like
510
00:22:55.220 --> 00:22:56.619
if you put your nose up to that.
511
00:22:56.519 --> 00:22:57.640
Hole, what?
512
00:22:58.160 --> 00:23:01.200
That's the wrong, that sounds terrible.
513
00:23:01.220 --> 00:23:04.579
No, no one's.
514
00:23:03.980 --> 00:23:06.339
Going to take that out of context. So you get
515
00:23:06.359 --> 00:23:07.700
your nose right up to the hole.
516
00:23:07.720 --> 00:23:09.900
Yeah, right up in that hole. Oh my God, there's
517
00:23:09.940 --> 00:23:10.549
nothing like it.
518
00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:12.980
And there's a G string there, right?
519
00:23:13.000 --> 00:23:14.640
Oh God, there's a G string. You got to push
520
00:23:14.660 --> 00:23:15.920
that out of the way. Okay, uh-huh.
521
00:23:17.039 --> 00:23:19.750
I have both. You disappointed me and I have new
522
00:23:19.789 --> 00:23:21.630
respect for you both, Matt, right now.
523
00:23:23.109 --> 00:23:24.230
I live most comfortably.
524
00:23:24.289 --> 00:23:25.630
Yeah, in equal measure.
525
00:23:44.319 --> 00:23:47.039
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My introduction to the banjo was kind of interesting. I
550
00:25:06.470 --> 00:25:08.829
loved bluegrass music already and I was kind of a
551
00:25:09.369 --> 00:25:11.670
a big fan and I always wanted to play a banjo,
552
00:25:11.690 --> 00:25:14.289
but it was this sort of exotic thing that I,
553
00:25:14.730 --> 00:25:16.509
that I just didn't have access to.
554
00:25:16.549 --> 00:25:18.069
I didn't know anyone who had a banjo.
555
00:25:18.109 --> 00:25:18.430
I didn't.
556
00:25:18.549 --> 00:25:19.670
And then all of a sudden my high.
557
00:25:19.549 --> 00:25:23.630
School wanted to do a production of this, uh, kind
558
00:25:23.670 --> 00:25:27.640
of obscure musical called the cotton patch gospel, which is, uh,
559
00:25:28.160 --> 00:25:32.619
a gospel story, but as a bluegrass musical and it's
560
00:25:32.660 --> 00:25:36.660
a comedy, it's really pretty, pretty brilliant. And the songs
561
00:25:36.700 --> 00:25:39.029
are all written by Harry Chapin. And they were like,
562
00:25:39.089 --> 00:25:41.470
do we want to do it? But nobody plays the banjo.
563
00:25:41.849 --> 00:25:44.809
And I was like, give me two months and I'll
564
00:25:44.829 --> 00:25:45.470
learn these songs.
565
00:25:45.490 --> 00:25:48.430
I'm picturing you two whipping your glasses off. Give me
566
00:25:48.559 --> 00:25:52.259
two months. You've got another pair of glasses underneath. Give
567
00:25:52.279 --> 00:25:54.539
me two months. I'll wear that banjo.
568
00:25:54.900 --> 00:25:58.599
So yeah, my guitar teacher at the time was also
569
00:25:58.619 --> 00:26:00.119
a banjo teacher.
570
00:26:00.140 --> 00:26:04.500
One of his students was a collector and loaned me one.
571
00:26:04.519 --> 00:26:09.049
And we just got to work, you know, started woodshedding
572
00:26:09.130 --> 00:26:13.609
on these tunes. I didn't learn them well, but I
573
00:26:13.690 --> 00:26:17.490
learned them well enough. It was like a drug. I
574
00:26:17.529 --> 00:26:20.380
just loved playing the banjo.
575
00:26:20.740 --> 00:26:24.839
It's interesting because my first guitar was a Yamaha Acoustic
576
00:26:25.220 --> 00:26:27.000
that I still have and it's fantastic.
577
00:26:27.019 --> 00:26:29.630
They're great. Can I ask you something? How did the
578
00:26:29.710 --> 00:26:30.190
hole smell?
579
00:26:30.210 --> 00:26:32.130
Oh, Jesus.
580
00:26:33.130 --> 00:26:36.930
How did that Yamaha's hole smell?
581
00:26:36.970 --> 00:26:38.390
From one guitar nerd to another.
582
00:26:38.549 --> 00:26:41.170
Well, I'll just tell you then. I would always sprinkle
583
00:26:41.250 --> 00:26:44.109
nutmeg into the hole. And you can take that any
584
00:26:44.150 --> 00:26:44.710
way you want.
585
00:26:44.849 --> 00:26:47.490
Okay. I'd like to not take it anyway.
586
00:26:47.549 --> 00:26:49.210
It goes for all holes.
587
00:26:49.299 --> 00:26:51.390
I'm taking it in like the butthole way.
588
00:26:51.470 --> 00:26:54.599
Sorry. Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. I put
589
00:26:54.660 --> 00:26:58.079
vanilla up there. Nutmeg is for the instrument.
590
00:26:58.569 --> 00:26:59.690
That feels like it would burn.
591
00:26:59.789 --> 00:27:00.170
I don't know.
592
00:27:00.349 --> 00:27:05.160
Vanilla extract or like a vanilla ice cream.
593
00:27:05.220 --> 00:27:06.039
I meant the extract.
594
00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:07.119
Yeah, because that's it.
595
00:27:07.720 --> 00:27:08.559
It's pure alcohol.
596
00:27:08.579 --> 00:27:09.319
Yeah, that's a chemical.
597
00:27:09.339 --> 00:27:10.240
But it's sanitary.
598
00:27:10.380 --> 00:27:12.279
Okay. Yeah.
599
00:27:12.299 --> 00:27:14.509
The hard part is finding someone who will apply it.
600
00:27:14.759 --> 00:27:17.319
That's the tricky part. I often will try and pay
601
00:27:17.359 --> 00:27:20.829
a pastry chef to do it. And they're like, I'm
602
00:27:20.869 --> 00:27:24.240
not into this. Well, I pay them very well. Why
603
00:27:24.259 --> 00:27:25.099
did we get on this?
604
00:27:25.299 --> 00:27:27.299
I don't know. I, but I do, I could go
605
00:27:27.339 --> 00:27:29.569
down the nerdy guitar stuff for days.
606
00:27:29.930 --> 00:27:31.809
It's like my favorite stuff. I have to be careful.
607
00:27:31.829 --> 00:27:35.390
There've been several times on this podcast where guitars come
608
00:27:35.470 --> 00:27:36.109
up and then.
609
00:27:36.349 --> 00:27:38.490
If it's between that and vanilla up your butt, let's
610
00:27:38.529 --> 00:27:39.250
go with guitars.
611
00:27:39.410 --> 00:27:40.250
Okay. Feel free.
612
00:27:40.369 --> 00:27:42.490
I like vanilla up the butt. I'm sorry.
613
00:27:42.509 --> 00:27:46.779
I love guitars, but I really want to talk about that.
614
00:27:46.900 --> 00:27:52.240
You just said I really love vanilla up the butt.
615
00:27:52.259 --> 00:27:57.000
You've got children. You have two babies at home. This
616
00:27:57.059 --> 00:27:59.039
is something your kids are going to be teased about
617
00:27:59.079 --> 00:28:00.099
in the schoolyard.
618
00:28:00.160 --> 00:28:02.220
No, come on.
619
00:28:02.460 --> 00:28:03.690
All right, I'm done.
620
00:28:05.950 --> 00:28:09.450
Well, this is all Ed Helms' fault. A dirty, dirty comic,
621
00:28:09.950 --> 00:28:14.990
Ed Helms. I wanted to get the one and only
622
00:28:15.109 --> 00:28:17.349
clean interview with Ed Helms. It's hard.
623
00:28:18.210 --> 00:28:20.920
I won't let you do it. I'll always drag you down.
624
00:28:20.960 --> 00:28:23.460
We have other things in common which will drive our
625
00:28:23.500 --> 00:28:28.380
listeners even more insane. We're both history buffs and then
626
00:28:28.829 --> 00:28:30.309
when you get into the civil war, it can get
627
00:28:30.349 --> 00:28:33.230
a little intense. Uh, you're, you're, was that some, was
628
00:28:33.250 --> 00:28:34.450
that a passion when you were young?
629
00:28:34.730 --> 00:28:38.089
I grew up in Atlanta and, and it's just kind of, uh,
630
00:28:38.650 --> 00:28:41.990
around you a lot. Like there, when you grew up in, in,
631
00:28:42.349 --> 00:28:44.630
in a place like Atlanta, there were so many, um,
632
00:28:44.970 --> 00:28:48.900
markers and, and you, we would literally find musket balls
633
00:28:48.980 --> 00:28:52.759
like in the, in the yard or like weird artifacts
634
00:28:52.900 --> 00:28:53.460
here and there.
635
00:28:54.140 --> 00:28:57.619
And, uh, yeah, battles all over the place.
636
00:28:57.740 --> 00:29:01.299
And, And my dad had a whole shelf of books
637
00:29:01.619 --> 00:29:06.319
on civil war history. Most history about conflict about wars
638
00:29:06.380 --> 00:29:09.319
was so abstract, but, but for some reason, the civil
639
00:29:09.359 --> 00:29:11.660
war being in the South, it was like, I could
640
00:29:11.720 --> 00:29:13.980
read about places that I knew, like places that I
641
00:29:14.039 --> 00:29:16.720
had visited or places that where I had like gone
642
00:29:16.740 --> 00:29:18.420
to summer camp or different.
643
00:29:18.579 --> 00:29:21.400
And, and these battles were just wild.
644
00:29:21.700 --> 00:29:24.220
And it's just, you know, as I got older and
645
00:29:24.269 --> 00:29:28.259
understood the context more, like it's, It's such a profoundly
646
00:29:28.359 --> 00:29:32.319
tragic war on so many, so many levels.
647
00:29:32.480 --> 00:29:34.869
Yes. Well, also at the time, especially no one had
648
00:29:34.920 --> 00:29:37.210
ever seen a war like that before. I mean, Europeans,
649
00:29:37.650 --> 00:29:39.769
you know, people from Britain and France were coming over
650
00:29:39.829 --> 00:29:43.420
just to observe because... Is that true? Oh, yeah. They
651
00:29:43.460 --> 00:29:46.980
were because war on this scale using what at the
652
00:29:47.019 --> 00:29:51.559
time was this new technology, relatively new technology, you know,
653
00:29:51.940 --> 00:29:55.140
things had become so sophisticated and there were ironclads and,
654
00:29:55.750 --> 00:30:00.849
you know, massive shells being invented and And the armies
655
00:30:00.930 --> 00:30:03.910
are huge. The armies are just massive. The army of
656
00:30:04.039 --> 00:30:09.180
Northern Virginia is huge. The Northern army is massive. Nothing
657
00:30:09.200 --> 00:30:10.079
like that had happened before.
658
00:30:10.200 --> 00:30:10.480
I don't know.
659
00:30:10.519 --> 00:30:13.019
Maybe you and I just have like a antenna for it.
660
00:30:13.099 --> 00:30:15.920
Okay. So when does comedy enter the picture for you?
661
00:30:16.319 --> 00:30:19.490
So real early and, and I have to say like,
662
00:30:19.549 --> 00:30:22.470
not necessarily the news was pretty formative for me.
663
00:30:22.529 --> 00:30:23.990
It doesn't get referenced very.
664
00:30:23.809 --> 00:30:26.170
Much, but, but like, I don't hear people talk about
665
00:30:26.190 --> 00:30:29.180
it that much, even comedy nerds, but like, Rich Hall's
666
00:30:29.559 --> 00:30:34.359
Sniglets was just a legendary thing to me. And I'll
667
00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:37.000
never forget certain words like Cheetle.
668
00:30:37.359 --> 00:30:38.200
Do we know what that is?
669
00:30:38.720 --> 00:30:42.000
It's the orange film that gets on your fingers from
670
00:30:42.099 --> 00:30:42.980
eating Cheetos.
671
00:30:43.000 --> 00:30:46.200
Oh, wow. I remember one, which is because he would
672
00:30:46.220 --> 00:30:49.390
always say the description. I guess he would say the
673
00:30:49.410 --> 00:30:52.549
definition first. Yeah. And so he.
674
00:30:52.509 --> 00:30:55.170
Said- Well, he would oftentimes like film the thing.
675
00:30:55.190 --> 00:30:57.769
He would film the thing and he went, you know
676
00:30:57.910 --> 00:31:00.390
that phenomenon where you've got to wait at a light
677
00:31:00.410 --> 00:31:04.089
to take a right-hand turn, but instead what you can
678
00:31:04.130 --> 00:31:07.240
do is if there's a gas station on that corner,
679
00:31:07.339 --> 00:31:09.980
you can drive into the gas station and then drive
680
00:31:10.059 --> 00:31:12.880
out the other side and take the right and essentially
681
00:31:12.940 --> 00:31:16.759
just cheat that way. Sure. And so he said, anyone
682
00:31:16.819 --> 00:31:19.990
who cuts through a gas station to avoid taking the
683
00:31:20.029 --> 00:31:26.599
right-hand turn is an S-O-Ass-O. I remember that one. S-O-Ass-O, yeah.
684
00:31:26.900 --> 00:31:29.000
Is there a Sniglet for people who like to smell
685
00:31:29.019 --> 00:31:29.720
their guitar holes?
686
00:31:32.819 --> 00:31:35.420
Rich, if you're out there, get back to us. Yeah,
687
00:31:35.460 --> 00:31:37.779
Rich is going to hear this. Well, he'll be in
688
00:31:37.799 --> 00:31:40.480
a different time zone, but he'll get back to us.
689
00:31:40.700 --> 00:31:43.940
Not necessarily the news was definitely an early influence for me.
690
00:31:44.910 --> 00:31:46.619
And then of course, Saturday Night Live.
691
00:31:46.650 --> 00:31:49.839
I mean, that's, I think like most, so many comics
692
00:31:49.880 --> 00:31:53.859
just start with a connection to that show. And I was,
693
00:31:53.940 --> 00:31:56.019
like I said, I was probably 10 years old. So
694
00:31:56.039 --> 00:31:59.170
I really don't think I got a lot of it.
695
00:31:59.859 --> 00:32:04.309
But what I remember responding to, and I really got hooked.
696
00:32:04.789 --> 00:32:07.950
There was something like when Eddie Murphy just got on
697
00:32:07.990 --> 00:32:11.309
the stage and had that entire studio in the palm
698
00:32:11.349 --> 00:32:12.069
of his hand.
699
00:32:12.089 --> 00:32:12.210
I just.
700
00:32:13.970 --> 00:32:16.190
I, it was like, I just want that. I want
701
00:32:16.210 --> 00:32:17.819
to be a part of that. I want to somehow
702
00:32:17.880 --> 00:32:22.539
attach to that. And for decades I had recurring dreams
703
00:32:22.819 --> 00:32:26.339
about Saturday night live. And these were all these just weird.
704
00:32:26.859 --> 00:32:29.700
And I didn't even compute that this was a recurring
705
00:32:29.779 --> 00:32:32.680
dream until I got to New York city to do
706
00:32:32.740 --> 00:32:36.119
comedy and was like chasing a Saturday night live audition
707
00:32:36.380 --> 00:32:39.480
among others. And, and I suddenly, I just remember this
708
00:32:39.500 --> 00:32:42.240
moment of being like, Oh my God, I'm obsessed. Like
709
00:32:42.279 --> 00:32:45.759
I've been, like, I've been dreaming about this for years
710
00:32:46.319 --> 00:32:50.779
and literally dreaming, you know, like having these weird dreams.
711
00:32:51.299 --> 00:32:51.519
Yeah.
712
00:32:51.579 --> 00:32:53.960
It's, it was something that was inside of me and I,
713
00:32:54.220 --> 00:32:57.210
I had, I just loved, did loved it.
714
00:32:57.299 --> 00:32:58.960
Did you get an audition at SNL?
715
00:32:59.059 --> 00:33:01.569
I didn't. I, so I was, I decided I was
716
00:33:01.589 --> 00:33:05.089
going to do like, you know, the Adam Sandler, Jimmy Fallon,
717
00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:09.519
kind of like New York standup pathway. That was like
718
00:33:09.579 --> 00:33:12.369
going to be my, my way in. And I, I
719
00:33:12.420 --> 00:33:15.170
really was at like, I'll be a writer. I want
720
00:33:15.210 --> 00:33:16.690
to be on the show, but I'd be so psyched
721
00:33:16.710 --> 00:33:19.349
to just be a writer. And then as I got
722
00:33:19.390 --> 00:33:21.269
to New York and I was just cultivating everything I
723
00:33:21.349 --> 00:33:23.190
could and doing as much standup as I could.
724
00:33:23.250 --> 00:33:26.319
And at that, I also became obsessed with the daily.
725
00:33:26.079 --> 00:33:28.619
Show at that time, like right after college was when
726
00:33:28.660 --> 00:33:31.259
Jon Stewart took over. And I liked it during Craig
727
00:33:31.279 --> 00:33:34.259
Kilbourne's run too. I thought he was really special, but
728
00:33:34.299 --> 00:33:38.539
then Jon just like did something completely surprising and amazing.
729
00:33:39.000 --> 00:33:41.900
And I was like watching every night, like, okay, this
730
00:33:42.140 --> 00:33:43.519
it's Saturday night live or this.
731
00:33:43.859 --> 00:33:44.079
Right.
732
00:33:44.500 --> 00:33:46.920
And I wound up getting to a point where all
733
00:33:46.960 --> 00:33:50.119
my peers were getting auditions and I was just, and
734
00:33:50.140 --> 00:33:53.200
I was, it was starting to feel possible. Like, Oh,
735
00:33:53.319 --> 00:33:55.359
I I'm in, I'm in the right place. Like I'm
736
00:33:55.680 --> 00:33:58.160
surrounded by people who are really kind of like doing
737
00:33:58.200 --> 00:34:00.849
cool stuff and it's really exciting. And, and it was a,
738
00:34:00.839 --> 00:34:05.529
it was incredibly exciting and I think it was time.
739
00:34:05.589 --> 00:34:05.829
Yeah.
740
00:34:05.890 --> 00:34:08.789
I mean, to me, I guess I might be wrong
741
00:34:08.829 --> 00:34:14.099
about this, but I'm pretty sure there's no afterlife. No,
742
00:34:14.119 --> 00:34:19.159
I'm sorry. That's not. Sorry. I just wanted to I
743
00:34:19.179 --> 00:34:22.539
just went off the dark road here. No, I'm pretty sure.
744
00:34:22.559 --> 00:34:24.889
I'm sure that if I was starting out today, I'd
745
00:34:24.929 --> 00:34:25.590
get nowhere.
746
00:34:25.789 --> 00:34:28.929
Yeah, I do, too. I honestly I have that same thought.
747
00:34:29.329 --> 00:34:31.429
I'd be working at a guitar store telling people to
748
00:34:31.510 --> 00:34:32.250
smell the hole.
749
00:34:32.409 --> 00:34:37.590
Yeah. I would just be, uh, I would just be panicking. Like,
750
00:34:37.659 --> 00:34:38.760
do I do Instagram?
751
00:34:38.780 --> 00:34:39.380
Do I do this?
752
00:34:39.409 --> 00:34:40.719
Do I do that?
753
00:34:40.739 --> 00:34:45.000
Like how, like what is the right, like in, in 2001,
754
00:34:45.000 --> 00:34:47.320
it was like, you go to UCB or you go
755
00:34:47.380 --> 00:34:48.579
to stand up or you do both.
756
00:34:48.860 --> 00:34:52.760
Like I did. And, and you start auditioning, you.
757
00:34:52.639 --> 00:34:56.219
Get your career on track. It's going really well daily show.
758
00:34:56.739 --> 00:35:00.210
And then, um, I would think to be at the
759
00:35:00.309 --> 00:35:04.650
epicenter of something like The Hangover, when that hits, did
760
00:35:04.690 --> 00:35:07.969
that affect you in any way? I mean, obviously it
761
00:35:08.469 --> 00:35:10.860
was a great thing for your career, but how did you,
762
00:35:11.239 --> 00:35:16.940
you're such a solid seeming person and you're such a,
763
00:35:16.960 --> 00:35:21.219
I mean, you do seem like someone who would not
764
00:35:21.280 --> 00:35:26.380
be buffeted by the winds of attention and fame, but
765
00:35:26.440 --> 00:35:29.869
that- that hangover film came out. I don't know how you,
766
00:35:30.030 --> 00:35:32.369
did you spend at least one weekend going insane?
767
00:35:32.730 --> 00:35:37.150
It was a tornado of fame and yeah, yeah. Yeah.
768
00:35:37.210 --> 00:35:40.030
A lot of buffeting. It was very overwhelming.
769
00:35:40.050 --> 00:35:44.210
Uh, but I also, I feel very lucky on that
770
00:35:44.250 --> 00:35:50.630
as well because I had my, my public persona had
771
00:35:51.949 --> 00:35:55.329
risen gradually and we had like when I was on,
772
00:35:55.980 --> 00:35:59.280
basic cable on the daily show, we had what Colbert
773
00:35:59.320 --> 00:36:01.760
liked to call toy fame, which is like, you can
774
00:36:01.840 --> 00:36:03.949
still walk around and do anything and you don't get
775
00:36:04.010 --> 00:36:06.710
really recognized very often, but occasionally you do.
776
00:36:07.190 --> 00:36:08.210
And someone at.
777
00:36:08.190 --> 00:36:11.730
The airport who works at like Einstein bagels will be like,
778
00:36:12.170 --> 00:36:15.369
this one's on the house. That's like toy fame. And then,
779
00:36:15.650 --> 00:36:17.369
then I got on the office and I was on
780
00:36:17.409 --> 00:36:20.190
the office for a couple of years before the hangover.
781
00:36:20.909 --> 00:36:24.739
And that was another ratchet up because that's network television
782
00:36:24.760 --> 00:36:27.380
and And I was definitely getting recognized a lot more.
783
00:36:27.440 --> 00:36:30.280
And Andy had weird catchphrases, which, of course, ups the
784
00:36:30.360 --> 00:36:32.500
ante with public recognition and.
785
00:36:32.440 --> 00:36:33.780
People shouting things at you.
786
00:36:33.940 --> 00:36:34.659
Big tuna.
787
00:36:34.719 --> 00:36:35.719
Yeah, exactly.
788
00:36:35.940 --> 00:36:42.039
And, you know, just a baggage claim, just people shouting that.
789
00:36:42.280 --> 00:36:46.739
And that still happens quite regularly. But so I had
790
00:36:46.960 --> 00:36:47.340
I had.
791
00:36:47.239 --> 00:36:51.699
A little bit of I had some skills set, I guess,
792
00:36:51.860 --> 00:36:53.420
and just in sort of dealing with that.
793
00:36:53.929 --> 00:36:58.570
But then The Hangover was a whole new level.
794
00:36:58.750 --> 00:37:02.010
Like, when The Hangover came out, it was so exciting.
795
00:37:02.570 --> 00:37:05.010
And another way in which I was lucky on that one,
796
00:37:05.820 --> 00:37:10.239
lucky in 10 million ways on that movie, but Bradley
797
00:37:10.559 --> 00:37:14.000
and Zach and I were all kind of at the
798
00:37:14.039 --> 00:37:17.719
same level before that. And so we were going through
799
00:37:17.739 --> 00:37:21.340
it together. And I really, like, if it wasn't for
800
00:37:21.380 --> 00:37:25.139
those guys, I don't think... I would have stayed sane,
801
00:37:25.260 --> 00:37:27.110
but we all had each other to kind of be like,
802
00:37:28.130 --> 00:37:33.349
I don't know, just to commiserate and, and measure ourselves
803
00:37:33.409 --> 00:37:35.909
and just be like, okay, who's being, and I think
804
00:37:35.929 --> 00:37:39.210
we kept each other from every, we all worked really
805
00:37:39.250 --> 00:37:42.039
hard on those movies. And I don't know, we kind
806
00:37:42.059 --> 00:37:45.380
of kept each other from drifting too far and being
807
00:37:45.420 --> 00:37:46.320
too unprofessional.
808
00:37:46.360 --> 00:37:47.179
Like, like it was.
809
00:37:47.179 --> 00:37:49.780
Something about like, uh, I don't know. It wasn't a
810
00:37:49.840 --> 00:37:53.349
spoken thing. It wasn't like we held each other. accountable
811
00:37:53.409 --> 00:37:54.909
by yelling at each other or anything but it was
812
00:37:54.949 --> 00:37:57.550
like if somebody was out of line it or got
813
00:37:58.010 --> 00:38:00.030
you know a little too big for their britches you
814
00:38:00.050 --> 00:38:01.869
could feel it on the set and everyone would just
815
00:38:01.909 --> 00:38:04.710
sort of like settle back in course correct course correct
816
00:38:04.769 --> 00:38:07.010
exactly and it was a from a deep place of
817
00:38:07.090 --> 00:38:10.750
like um of like we've been we're going through this
818
00:38:10.789 --> 00:38:13.860
thing together like a yeah a bond it was such
819
00:38:13.880 --> 00:38:18.079
a unique experience and i i look back on it
820
00:38:18.579 --> 00:38:21.639
and wish and it's a classic thing of like i
821
00:38:21.679 --> 00:38:24.539
wish i knew more, I wish I could go through
822
00:38:24.559 --> 00:38:26.820
it again with what I know now, because, because I
823
00:38:26.840 --> 00:38:29.420
don't think I, I really was reeling a lot of
824
00:38:29.440 --> 00:38:31.599
the time, like in the aftermath of the hangover, just
825
00:38:31.639 --> 00:38:34.460
kind of like get like how I was handling my,
826
00:38:34.480 --> 00:38:37.340
I was getting scripts for all these different kinds of projects.
827
00:38:37.380 --> 00:38:38.179
Like, what do I do?
828
00:38:38.199 --> 00:38:38.460
I don't know.
829
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:42.929
I was kind of spinning out and panicking about different things. Like, uh, like, well,
830
00:38:42.969 --> 00:38:44.789
what kind of a career do you want?
831
00:38:44.969 --> 00:38:46.849
I don't, I don't just want to do comedies.
832
00:38:46.929 --> 00:38:47.170
Right.
833
00:38:47.250 --> 00:38:47.969
Well, I don't know.
834
00:38:48.010 --> 00:38:51.030
This is a pretty killer drama coming your way. And
835
00:38:51.170 --> 00:38:54.769
just all these weird conversations with agents and reps and
836
00:38:54.829 --> 00:38:55.670
trying to figure out.
837
00:38:55.849 --> 00:38:56.389
Right.
838
00:38:56.780 --> 00:39:01.539
I definitely felt a lot of anxiety and identity kind
839
00:39:01.579 --> 00:39:04.960
of just turmoil. And I will say one of the
840
00:39:05.519 --> 00:39:08.000
one of the craziest things about a about a like
841
00:39:08.199 --> 00:39:13.420
massive jump into fame like that is and this and
842
00:39:13.440 --> 00:39:16.409
this is what I think people who. Have never dealt
843
00:39:16.429 --> 00:39:19.440
with that or been close to it. Just can't understand
844
00:39:19.460 --> 00:39:23.449
is the just total loss of control of your environment.
845
00:39:23.449 --> 00:39:28.010
So when you are a famous person, uh, you can't
846
00:39:28.429 --> 00:39:32.099
just can't stand it, baggage claim and have expected to
847
00:39:32.139 --> 00:39:35.960
be normal. And so you, a lot of times you can,
848
00:39:36.539 --> 00:39:37.840
there are a lot of ways to approach that. You
849
00:39:37.880 --> 00:39:39.980
can get very fearful and try to like hide in
850
00:39:40.000 --> 00:39:42.579
the bathroom until you see your luggage come out on
851
00:39:42.599 --> 00:39:44.159
the carousel and then run out and grab it and
852
00:39:44.239 --> 00:39:47.420
run away. Or, you know, hire lots of people to
853
00:39:47.460 --> 00:39:51.059
do all these things for you or you know, which I,
854
00:39:51.260 --> 00:39:53.179
and I think the best thing is to just kind
855
00:39:53.219 --> 00:39:58.260
of like accept the fluid nature of these situations and,
856
00:39:58.739 --> 00:40:01.630
and accept that the stakes really are never quite as
857
00:40:01.670 --> 00:40:03.349
high as you think they are kind of in your
858
00:40:03.389 --> 00:40:06.409
mind and just roll, roll with it. And that was,
859
00:40:06.889 --> 00:40:10.289
that's been a very positive, I think lesson beyond the,
860
00:40:10.409 --> 00:40:13.199
even the fame question was just like in a, in
861
00:40:13.239 --> 00:40:16.659
an approach to life is just being that kind of.
862
00:40:16.659 --> 00:40:20.050
Like, the river like just flowing yeah in in.
863
00:40:19.989 --> 00:40:25.489
Those situations i agree uh completely you are amen i
864
00:40:25.530 --> 00:40:29.659
say to you because uh it's not taylor swift's fault
865
00:40:29.820 --> 00:40:33.840
that she can't go into uh a chucky cheese and
866
00:40:34.039 --> 00:40:37.360
and uh um i just know that that's what she
867
00:40:37.380 --> 00:40:41.349
wants to do because we're friends but um No, no,
868
00:40:41.409 --> 00:40:44.869
she can't because there are people in that realm. She's
869
00:40:44.889 --> 00:40:50.530
banned from Chuck E. Cheese. Some very, very, very salty.
870
00:40:50.389 --> 00:40:53.889
Language she used there. Well, she and Chuck E.
871
00:40:53.929 --> 00:40:56.170
Have a bad history. She wrote lots of songs about
872
00:40:56.309 --> 00:41:01.599
Chuck E. doing her wrong. The guy's a rat. He is.
873
00:41:01.610 --> 00:41:08.070
He literally is a rat. But no, I think... So
874
00:41:08.250 --> 00:41:11.159
I do have sympathy for people like that. Uh, but
875
00:41:11.199 --> 00:41:14.780
I know that at my, you know, lower level, I
876
00:41:14.840 --> 00:41:18.179
know that when people see me and they go, Hey, Conan,
877
00:41:18.239 --> 00:41:19.880
I go, Hey, how are you? And they go like, Oh,
878
00:41:19.900 --> 00:41:21.449
and they, they say something nice about it. Like the
879
00:41:21.469 --> 00:41:23.630
podcast or, you know, thanks for the laughs. They go,
880
00:41:23.650 --> 00:41:25.710
what's your name? And they'll go like, Oh, Steve. And
881
00:41:25.750 --> 00:41:28.320
I go like, Steve, thanks. I appreciate, you know, you
882
00:41:28.340 --> 00:41:30.880
make it normal and then they're, they're fine. That's all
883
00:41:30.900 --> 00:41:35.119
they want. Right. You know, they don't, uh, but you're right.
884
00:41:35.380 --> 00:41:38.630
I think it's, I think it's about control. Like control
885
00:41:38.670 --> 00:41:42.610
makes us feel safe. And, uh, and yet we, you can,
886
00:41:42.909 --> 00:41:47.869
you actually, if you can relinquish control truly in you,
887
00:41:48.090 --> 00:41:51.409
you will be, feel so much more free and safe.
888
00:41:51.530 --> 00:41:55.329
And that's, it's incredibly difficult thing to do. Um, when,
889
00:41:55.789 --> 00:42:00.400
you know, you're going from, an unknown person to a very,
890
00:42:00.440 --> 00:42:06.019
very well-known person literally changes reality. Like it changes how
891
00:42:06.469 --> 00:42:09.010
the world responds to you. And I always thought it
892
00:42:09.030 --> 00:42:11.230
was funny. Like people would be like, you know, when
893
00:42:11.250 --> 00:42:14.389
you get famous, they're like, don't go changing. And you're like, well,
894
00:42:14.710 --> 00:42:18.159
kind of everyone else is changing. in how they're interacting
895
00:42:18.199 --> 00:42:18.559
with me.
896
00:42:18.659 --> 00:42:18.900
Right.
897
00:42:19.039 --> 00:42:21.820
So, uh, how can you even tell, like, am I
898
00:42:21.840 --> 00:42:25.239
the same? Are they, is everyone like people that I've
899
00:42:25.280 --> 00:42:28.099
known for 20 years are suddenly nervous around me or like,
900
00:42:28.539 --> 00:42:31.219
you know, acting weird and, and you can't tell them
901
00:42:31.280 --> 00:42:34.449
don't go changing what's different. It's so hard to parse
902
00:42:34.510 --> 00:42:37.250
and figure out, but I do, I got to a
903
00:42:37.289 --> 00:42:41.630
point where I realized like, it's my desire to control this.
904
00:42:41.829 --> 00:42:44.809
That's driving me nuts. The, once I relaxed into it,
905
00:42:45.690 --> 00:42:48.409
and settled into it more. And like you said, just
906
00:42:48.469 --> 00:42:51.860
being sort of gentle and genuine with people for the
907
00:42:51.900 --> 00:42:55.420
most part, as long as their energy is nice, then
908
00:42:55.440 --> 00:42:57.320
it just goes fine.
909
00:42:58.030 --> 00:42:58.949
It really goes okay.
910
00:42:59.849 --> 00:43:01.510
I mean, I'm at the stage now where I have
911
00:43:01.530 --> 00:43:05.389
to tell people who I am and try and get
912
00:43:05.409 --> 00:43:06.130
them to approach me.
913
00:43:06.150 --> 00:43:07.809
You just go to the baggage carousel even when you're
914
00:43:07.829 --> 00:43:08.409
not flying.
915
00:43:08.949 --> 00:43:11.099
I spend a lot of time at the baggage carousel
916
00:43:11.159 --> 00:43:13.380
and I haven't flown in quite a while. I was
917
00:43:13.539 --> 00:43:15.659
at LAX. And I hold a sign that says Conan O'Brien.
918
00:43:16.099 --> 00:43:18.519
Well, no, I actually saw you at LAX the other
919
00:43:18.559 --> 00:43:20.940
day yelling at someone to leave you alone, and he
920
00:43:20.980 --> 00:43:22.239
was walking away from you.
921
00:43:22.260 --> 00:43:22.699
Yeah.
922
00:43:23.039 --> 00:43:24.820
And I didn't- I said, leave me alone.
923
00:43:24.840 --> 00:43:26.960
I'm Conan O'Brien and I want my privacy.
924
00:43:27.039 --> 00:43:29.599
Yeah, and he just was, he ran to his car.
925
00:43:29.659 --> 00:43:32.219
Yeah. It was very weird. No, no, it's, that's become
926
00:43:32.300 --> 00:43:35.119
its own problem. I've created my own negative energy by
927
00:43:35.699 --> 00:43:36.699
trying to force it too much.
928
00:43:36.780 --> 00:43:37.590
And that was your son?
929
00:43:37.610 --> 00:43:42.650
Okay, you went too far. Your improv add-on was just insane.
930
00:43:43.809 --> 00:43:44.190
My father.
931
00:43:44.820 --> 00:43:46.000
Wait, I have, I have to rewind.
932
00:43:46.019 --> 00:43:50.059
There's a little bit of my comedy, uh, backstory that
933
00:43:50.199 --> 00:43:53.199
is that I have to tell, which was, uh, a
934
00:43:53.239 --> 00:43:58.159
lot of people that my age filtered through your show,
935
00:43:58.179 --> 00:44:01.190
either as like cast, you.
936
00:44:01.150 --> 00:44:03.389
Know, through UCB or internships.
937
00:44:03.929 --> 00:44:08.869
And I did not, but I really tried my damnedest
938
00:44:09.329 --> 00:44:14.159
and I wound up getting an interview with, with Cecile,
939
00:44:14.519 --> 00:44:14.760
is that?
940
00:44:14.800 --> 00:44:15.219
Yeah.
941
00:44:15.260 --> 00:44:16.409
Did she run interns?
942
00:44:16.530 --> 00:44:17.989
I think she did for a while. It's been a while.
943
00:44:18.030 --> 00:44:19.469
That was before my time, but.
944
00:44:19.789 --> 00:44:24.989
Yeah. So Cecilia Pleva was. Pleva, yes. She was our
945
00:44:25.050 --> 00:44:31.139
casting director. Nicole Savini was. And Cecilia Pleva also played
946
00:44:31.179 --> 00:44:32.000
Camel Toe Annie.
947
00:44:32.099 --> 00:44:32.260
Yeah.
948
00:44:33.659 --> 00:44:36.789
A character named Cameltoe Annie who had her own dance
949
00:44:36.829 --> 00:44:39.170
and a song and she would run out and she
950
00:44:39.349 --> 00:44:42.210
was great at her job. And then we were like,
951
00:44:42.230 --> 00:44:44.550
are you gonna be willing to put on this prosthetic
952
00:44:44.659 --> 00:44:48.280
and really tight pants? You don't need me to describe
953
00:44:48.900 --> 00:44:49.980
what Camel Toe Annie would look like.
954
00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:51.280
It's kind of in the name, sure.
955
00:44:51.619 --> 00:44:53.739
Yeah, I think it is. And anyway, she would run
956
00:44:53.820 --> 00:44:57.909
out and do this wild hip grinding dance while the
957
00:44:57.949 --> 00:45:01.570
song Camel Toe Annie would play. And so a shout
958
00:45:01.610 --> 00:45:03.869
out to her because she was great and a true warrior.
959
00:45:03.909 --> 00:45:06.730
I think I interviewed with her for an internship. Yeah.
960
00:45:07.269 --> 00:45:11.050
And because I had, when I was a, sophomore in college,
961
00:45:11.090 --> 00:45:15.030
I cold called NBC human resources. I literally called, I
962
00:45:16.369 --> 00:45:18.510
called information and got NBC and I said, can I
963
00:45:18.530 --> 00:45:20.860
have human resources? And then, and then I said, I'm
964
00:45:20.880 --> 00:45:22.659
looking for an internship. And they said, well, when's your
965
00:45:22.679 --> 00:45:25.000
spring break? Can you come in for an interview? And
966
00:45:25.019 --> 00:45:26.659
I came to 30 rock.
967
00:45:26.400 --> 00:45:27.820
Literally from a cold call.
968
00:45:28.179 --> 00:45:31.110
I got into 30 rock for an internship for a,
969
00:45:31.239 --> 00:45:34.019
for an interview. And they said, okay, well, you seem
970
00:45:34.039 --> 00:45:36.860
like a nice kid. uh, where do you want to work?
971
00:45:36.909 --> 00:45:39.000
And I said, Conan O'Brien or Saturday night live. I
972
00:45:39.019 --> 00:45:40.219
want to work at Saturday night live.
973
00:45:40.480 --> 00:45:42.860
Well, wait a minute. You said Conan O'Brien, but they said,
974
00:45:43.039 --> 00:45:46.099
why'd you have to edit it? Okay. Make sure, uh,
975
00:45:46.159 --> 00:45:47.880
Gourley that you cut out the Saturday night live. Yeah.
976
00:45:47.940 --> 00:45:51.739
Right. Um, no, but they said you can't, they said, well,
977
00:45:51.760 --> 00:45:54.719
the Saturday night live internships are only, you know, fall
978
00:45:54.780 --> 00:45:57.760
and spring semesters. So which one of those can you do?
979
00:45:57.800 --> 00:45:59.809
And I said, I can't, what are you fucking kidding me?
980
00:45:59.849 --> 00:46:02.750
I go to school. I can't live in Ohio. I
981
00:46:02.789 --> 00:46:05.559
can't go to, If he used that language, that's probably
982
00:46:05.579 --> 00:46:06.050
what you did.
983
00:46:06.070 --> 00:46:06.179
Yeah.
984
00:46:06.199 --> 00:46:07.130
And then I was very angry.
985
00:46:07.570 --> 00:46:09.289
And so I said, well, what else can I do?
986
00:46:09.329 --> 00:46:11.230
They said, well, Conan is year round. So you could
987
00:46:11.250 --> 00:46:11.929
do that in the summer.
988
00:46:11.949 --> 00:46:13.239
And I said, yes, that'd be amazing.
989
00:46:13.820 --> 00:46:17.559
And I went, she sent me right down to interview
990
00:46:17.579 --> 00:46:20.719
with Cecilia, had a great chat. And then I went
991
00:46:20.760 --> 00:46:22.199
back up and they said, well, while you're here, why
992
00:46:22.219 --> 00:46:24.019
don't we send you to some other places? So I
993
00:46:24.039 --> 00:46:26.679
went down to channel four, which was on your floor
994
00:46:26.760 --> 00:46:30.389
right across the hall, WNBC, which is the, the New
995
00:46:30.429 --> 00:46:35.289
York city, local NBC affiliate flagship station. I interview there
996
00:46:35.349 --> 00:46:38.909
in their press and publicity department and the. the woman
997
00:46:38.969 --> 00:46:41.570
there says, well, this, I feels like we got a
998
00:46:41.610 --> 00:46:44.000
great fit. You, you got the, you got the job.
999
00:46:44.260 --> 00:46:46.380
And I was like, Oh, okay, great.
1000
00:46:46.599 --> 00:46:47.099
Amazing.
1001
00:46:47.500 --> 00:46:49.619
Um, but I also had this little pit in my stomach. Like,
1002
00:46:49.659 --> 00:46:52.340
I think my interview with, with late night went well.
1003
00:46:52.480 --> 00:46:53.760
I will just, I don't know.
1004
00:46:53.780 --> 00:46:54.679
I guess I have to take this.
1005
00:46:54.719 --> 00:46:56.840
So I went back to school like a week later,
1006
00:46:56.920 --> 00:46:59.989
Cecilia calls me on my dorm phone and she's like, Hey,
1007
00:47:00.030 --> 00:47:02.469
great news. We we'd love to bring you in for
1008
00:47:02.489 --> 00:47:05.809
the summer. And I was like, Oh, and I had
1009
00:47:05.849 --> 00:47:09.440
this like crisis. And I thought, If I turn my
1010
00:47:09.500 --> 00:47:15.110
back on WNBC press and publicity, that will follow me
1011
00:47:15.170 --> 00:47:16.909
through show business forever.
1012
00:47:16.989 --> 00:47:17.889
It would have.
1013
00:47:18.690 --> 00:47:21.809
You don't want Chuck Scarborough on your ass. Exactly.
1014
00:47:22.889 --> 00:47:27.280
And so I told Cecilia that I had already accepted
1015
00:47:27.340 --> 00:47:29.039
this internship at like.
1016
00:47:28.960 --> 00:47:32.039
Literally down the hall and that I had to just
1017
00:47:32.079 --> 00:47:33.900
do it. I had to stick it out. And so
1018
00:47:33.920 --> 00:47:34.159
I did.
1019
00:47:34.179 --> 00:47:34.429
And I.
1020
00:47:36.739 --> 00:47:42.150
Would walk past your studio every day, just like so sad.
1021
00:47:42.429 --> 00:47:44.570
And I'd say hi to Cecilia and she would like,
1022
00:47:44.909 --> 00:47:46.670
she let me into some tapings. Oh, good.
1023
00:47:46.769 --> 00:47:49.179
I want to make sure I mentioned because this is,
1024
00:47:49.280 --> 00:47:52.760
I mean, you're one of the easiest people to talk to.
1025
00:47:53.739 --> 00:47:56.179
And you and I have so much, I think, in
1026
00:47:56.260 --> 00:48:00.820
common that we've been chatting and chatting and chatting and chatting.
1027
00:48:00.860 --> 00:48:03.920
And I haven't mentioned something that I think needs to
1028
00:48:03.960 --> 00:48:06.679
be addressed, which is your podcast. You have a podcast
1029
00:48:06.699 --> 00:48:08.360
I really like called Snafu.
1030
00:48:08.400 --> 00:48:08.940
Thank you.
1031
00:48:09.079 --> 00:48:14.280
And it's very well done. It's really well written and produced.
1032
00:48:14.320 --> 00:48:17.630
And it's telling the stories of, in this season that
1033
00:48:17.650 --> 00:48:21.869
I've been listening to, this really scary thing that happened
1034
00:48:21.969 --> 00:48:25.190
in 1983 that I didn't even know about. And this
1035
00:48:25.250 --> 00:48:27.309
is going to be the series you can do. You'll
1036
00:48:27.349 --> 00:48:31.090
be doing multiple seasons and multiple shows about various things
1037
00:48:31.110 --> 00:48:34.920
that have gone horribly wrong that we probably don't know about.
1038
00:48:34.980 --> 00:48:36.659
Is that a fair summation?
1039
00:48:36.699 --> 00:48:41.000
So the logline of the podcast is, it's called Snafu,
1040
00:48:41.159 --> 00:48:45.059
and the logline is, it's just about history's greatest screw-ups.
1041
00:48:45.780 --> 00:48:49.360
And so, as you mentioned, season one is dedicated entirely,
1042
00:48:49.380 --> 00:48:52.800
like each season will be dedicated entirely to one thing.
1043
00:48:53.139 --> 00:48:59.940
Season one is a Cold War disaster called Able Archer 83.
1044
00:48:59.940 --> 00:49:02.920
And like you, I didn't know about it either. And
1045
00:49:03.159 --> 00:49:05.739
it's kind of and the more I went down the
1046
00:49:05.800 --> 00:49:08.599
rabbit hole, I was just like, good God, this is
1047
00:49:08.840 --> 00:49:13.469
so important. Like it's it's a it's a fascinating and dark,
1048
00:49:13.530 --> 00:49:18.210
very darkly hilarious story about how we almost reached nuclear
1049
00:49:18.289 --> 00:49:23.239
Armageddon in 1983. due to like poor judgment miscommunication and
1050
00:49:23.380 --> 00:49:25.000
lots of mistakes.
1051
00:49:24.699 --> 00:49:26.739
The season starts out with you you actually get to
1052
00:49:26.780 --> 00:49:29.400
talk to it's cool you're talking to Matthew Broderick but
1053
00:49:30.000 --> 00:49:32.920
a very influential big hit movie came out that year
1054
00:49:32.980 --> 00:49:34.139
called War Games.
1055
00:49:34.360 --> 00:49:37.179
That movie came out in the spring of 1983 and
1056
00:49:38.969 --> 00:49:43.389
Able Archer 83 happened in November of 1983. So it
1057
00:49:43.429 --> 00:49:47.730
was like predicting the future. It really is a eerily
1058
00:49:47.849 --> 00:49:51.949
similar chain of events. This fictional Hollywood movie and then
1059
00:49:52.150 --> 00:49:55.590
reality plays out like eight months later. There's this NATO
1060
00:49:55.650 --> 00:50:01.010
exercise that happened every year called Able Archer. In 1983,
1061
00:50:01.010 --> 00:50:05.619
this military exercise, for various reasons, was perceived by the
1062
00:50:05.659 --> 00:50:08.400
Soviet Union to be an actual staging event.
1063
00:50:08.760 --> 00:50:13.010
By the West for a nuclear attack on the Soviet Union.
1064
00:50:13.590 --> 00:50:18.030
So the Soviet Union responds by ramping up their nuclear posture.
1065
00:50:18.670 --> 00:50:22.510
All of this is a misunderstanding on both parts. And
1066
00:50:23.429 --> 00:50:27.329
there's some fascinating, really wild espionage going on at the
1067
00:50:27.369 --> 00:50:30.719
time that we get deep into in the podcast. And again,
1068
00:50:30.760 --> 00:50:34.809
there are these very darkly funny misunderstandings but they're only
1069
00:50:34.869 --> 00:50:38.380
funny because the stakes are so high that all you can.
1070
00:50:38.280 --> 00:50:40.480
Do is laugh right it's like so we can laugh
1071
00:50:40.559 --> 00:50:46.079
now because it's you know 2022 23 whenever this airs
1072
00:50:46.360 --> 00:50:50.230
and uh we know that okay that didn't happen chuckle
1073
00:50:50.849 --> 00:50:53.429
but it's terrifying at the same time what i also
1074
00:50:53.489 --> 00:50:56.210
love about the story is that it's it's also a
1075
00:50:56.610 --> 00:51:01.679
story of heroism because the the historians that Exposed this story.
1076
00:51:01.719 --> 00:51:04.920
It was secret for decades. And the CIA really tried
1077
00:51:04.940 --> 00:51:08.699
to keep this under wraps. But a few historians really
1078
00:51:08.800 --> 00:51:12.280
dug deep and, you know, through Freedom of Information Act
1079
00:51:12.460 --> 00:51:18.469
requests were like over years, like very tenacious work were
1080
00:51:18.650 --> 00:51:21.690
able to bring this story to light and and expose
1081
00:51:21.710 --> 00:51:25.500
it for what it is. And thank God, because. It's unacceptable.
1082
00:51:25.639 --> 00:51:28.840
That's what's so terrifying. It's like any risk of nuclear
1083
00:51:28.880 --> 00:51:33.199
war is unacceptable. The stakes are cataclysmic. And when you're
1084
00:51:33.280 --> 00:51:37.239
seeing behavior that's somehow this clumsy, I think one historian
1085
00:51:37.739 --> 00:51:40.780
makes the analogy of two drunks circling each other in
1086
00:51:40.820 --> 00:51:44.449
a bar, you know, and it needs sunlight. It needs
1087
00:51:44.489 --> 00:51:46.469
to be exposed. It needs to be talked about. It
1088
00:51:46.510 --> 00:51:48.269
needs to be analyzed.
1089
00:51:48.590 --> 00:51:49.500
So that we don't repeat it.
1090
00:51:49.550 --> 00:51:49.809
Yeah.
1091
00:51:50.150 --> 00:51:55.099
And obvious, I'm not saying that secrecy important. It, of course,
1092
00:51:55.199 --> 00:52:01.969
plays an important role in government affairs and international whatever,
1093
00:52:02.090 --> 00:52:05.110
all the CIA stuff. It's a lot of secret stuff
1094
00:52:05.250 --> 00:52:09.329
that should be secret. But then oftentimes secrecy gets used
1095
00:52:09.489 --> 00:52:12.690
really just as a way to perpetuate impunity.
1096
00:52:13.590 --> 00:52:15.210
And that's not okay.
1097
00:52:15.570 --> 00:52:19.820
And that's where I think the historians really shine in
1098
00:52:19.880 --> 00:52:22.199
this story by bringing this whole thing to light.
1099
00:52:22.500 --> 00:52:26.840
It's called Snafu and it's available everywhere you get your podcasts.
1100
00:52:26.900 --> 00:52:28.659
I love saying that because I never know really what
1101
00:52:28.699 --> 00:52:31.269
it means. Wherever you get your podcasts, like, what do
1102
00:52:31.309 --> 00:52:31.989
you mean, you know?
1103
00:52:32.190 --> 00:52:34.150
Where do you get your podcasts?
1104
00:52:34.190 --> 00:52:35.550
Nordstrom.
1105
00:52:35.769 --> 00:52:38.289
Those are good podcasts. Not cheap.
1106
00:52:38.730 --> 00:52:41.539
We have talked for a really long time and I
1107
00:52:41.579 --> 00:52:48.559
blame you because you're hilarious and incredibly smart and so
1108
00:52:48.579 --> 00:52:50.260
it's your fault. You did this.
1109
00:52:50.360 --> 00:52:53.429
I'm sorry. I take full responsibility.
1110
00:52:53.710 --> 00:52:56.869
Ed Helms, you're a scholar, you're a gentleman, you're a
1111
00:52:56.889 --> 00:52:59.670
prince of a man in a world of creeps and losers.
1112
00:53:00.349 --> 00:53:01.889
I don't know why I added that last part.
1113
00:53:01.909 --> 00:53:03.469
Do you not see that rap sign?
1114
00:53:06.849 --> 00:53:08.949
Bye, Ed. Thank you.
1115
00:53:18.019 --> 00:53:20.500
O Dé León, an táin na lós fíthid man fórg
1116
00:53:20.539 --> 00:53:23.380
dí an dáriláir daig náilig, d'oar títim na nílóg.
1117
00:53:23.760 --> 00:53:26.000
Báith athraitha ar hérfí sí búic.
1118
00:53:25.719 --> 00:53:29.179
Ráin emádine agus trinóna, agus imoí ráint sérfí sí ní
1119
00:53:29.260 --> 00:53:32.699
slúitha námharas gnóch. Seacall am an a tashlil ar app
1120
00:53:32.829 --> 00:53:36.809
Éireann Róð Éireann núir irishrail.ie. Tá Éireann Róð Éireann márchid
1121
00:53:36.829 --> 00:53:37.630
da'n línra TFI.
1122
00:53:37.690 --> 00:53:41.889
I reckon we'll need a fleet of about 50 vehicles
1123
00:53:41.949 --> 00:53:45.389
next quarter. Oh, one of our suppliers just pulled out
1124
00:53:45.409 --> 00:53:47.389
of the market. Ten should do the job.
1125
00:53:49.059 --> 00:53:49.480
Nice.
1126
00:53:49.539 --> 00:53:50.610
Just want a new contract.
1127
00:53:50.949 --> 00:53:52.590
Make that 100 vehicles.
1128
00:53:53.750 --> 00:53:56.110
Why tie up your valuable capital? Whether you need a
1129
00:53:56.150 --> 00:53:58.710
car or van rental for two hours or two years,
1130
00:53:58.989 --> 00:54:02.130
Europecar offers total flexibility for you to get the job done.
1131
00:54:02.369 --> 00:54:04.650
No matter what the job is, simply pay as you go.
1132
00:54:04.889 --> 00:54:06.840
Search Europecar Business to get moving.
1133
00:54:07.159 --> 00:54:07.639
Europecar.
1134
00:54:07.860 --> 00:54:09.280
Moving your business your way.
1135
00:54:10.460 --> 00:54:12.820
You know if you're a young adult aged 19 to
1136
00:54:12.820 --> 00:54:15.780
25 or a full-time third-level student, you can get half-price
1137
00:54:15.840 --> 00:54:17.820
public transport with a TFI LeapCard.
1138
00:54:18.219 --> 00:54:19.110
Sounds complex.
1139
00:54:19.449 --> 00:54:21.929
No, it's simple. 50% off journeys.
1140
00:54:22.820 --> 00:54:23.179
So.
1141
00:54:23.679 --> 00:54:24.570
So more money in.
1142
00:54:24.530 --> 00:54:25.889
Your pocket for things you like doing.
1143
00:54:25.909 --> 00:54:28.090
Because I've saved 50% on fares?
1144
00:54:28.809 --> 00:54:30.409
Yes, you've got it.
1145
00:54:30.550 --> 00:54:33.050
Get 50% off public transport journeys with a TFI Young
1146
00:54:33.090 --> 00:54:35.809
Adult or Student LeapCard. Find out more and apply today
1147
00:54:35.849 --> 00:54:36.889
at leapcard.ie.
1148
00:54:37.269 --> 00:54:38.690
Brought to you by Transport for Ireland.
1149
00:54:46.019 --> 00:54:48.940
Okay, Adam sent me this. This is happening on Reddit.
1150
00:54:49.099 --> 00:54:54.159
A Reddit user asked the OpenAI chatbot to review Conan
1151
00:54:54.199 --> 00:54:56.929
O'Brien Needs a Friend. So our show has now been
1152
00:54:56.989 --> 00:54:59.929
reviewed by Artificial Intelligence and written a review. Would you
1153
00:54:59.949 --> 00:55:00.449
like to hear it?
1154
00:55:01.070 --> 00:55:03.250
Oh, God. Yes, please. Okay.
1155
00:55:03.570 --> 00:55:06.289
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend is a hilarious and heartfelt
1156
00:55:06.369 --> 00:55:10.289
book by the late-night talk show host Conan O'Brien. O'Brien
1157
00:55:10.389 --> 00:55:12.809
opens up about his life and career and how he
1158
00:55:12.849 --> 00:55:15.650
has struggled to find friends in the entertainment industry. He
1159
00:55:15.690 --> 00:55:19.300
also discusses his personal life, including divorce and his children.
1160
00:55:20.559 --> 00:55:21.780
I never got divorced.
1161
00:55:21.820 --> 00:55:27.059
His divorce and his children. The book is very funny,
1162
00:55:27.619 --> 00:55:31.329
and O'Brien's self-deprecating humor is on full display. However, he
1163
00:55:31.429 --> 00:55:33.989
also writes about his more serious moments, and it's clear
1164
00:55:34.010 --> 00:55:37.030
that he is a deeply emotional person. O'Brien's writing is
1165
00:55:37.130 --> 00:55:39.730
introspective and honest, and he comes across as a very
1166
00:55:39.809 --> 00:55:42.989
likable person. Overall, Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend is a
1167
00:55:43.030 --> 00:55:46.739
very enjoyable read. O'Brien is an engaging writer, and his
1168
00:55:46.780 --> 00:55:49.219
stories will keep you entertained from beginning to end. If
1169
00:55:49.260 --> 00:55:51.480
you're a fan of Conan O'Brien or just enjoy a
1170
00:55:51.519 --> 00:55:52.739
good memoir, then this.
1171
00:55:54.480 --> 00:55:55.599
What's not a book?
1172
00:55:55.940 --> 00:55:57.119
Why weren't we mentioned?
1173
00:55:57.420 --> 00:55:57.820
I know.
1174
00:55:57.840 --> 00:55:59.360
That's... Fuck AI.
1175
00:55:59.500 --> 00:56:03.519
Well, it's very highly intelligent. It's good. It's good, though.
1176
00:56:03.659 --> 00:56:04.139
First of all.
1177
00:56:07.349 --> 00:56:10.869
I was not aware that I was divorced, but good
1178
00:56:10.929 --> 00:56:12.329
to know. What if you do.
1179
00:56:12.179 --> 00:56:13.719
Ask Eliza, she's like, yeah, years ago.
1180
00:56:13.739 --> 00:56:16.599
Oh, yeah. I left you a long time ago. Yeah.
1181
00:56:17.039 --> 00:56:21.079
I don't even live here anymore. That's so funny. So
1182
00:56:21.320 --> 00:56:22.699
AI can now write reviews.
1183
00:56:23.110 --> 00:56:23.469
Yeah.
1184
00:56:23.590 --> 00:56:26.550
And have you guys ever heard of Roko's Basilisk? No.
1185
00:56:26.590 --> 00:56:30.210
This is like a theoretical idea that if you are
1186
00:56:30.389 --> 00:56:34.500
ever married, on record digitally anywhere, not in favor of
1187
00:56:34.599 --> 00:56:39.940
artificial intelligence, when the singularity happens and artificial intelligence takes over,
1188
00:56:39.980 --> 00:56:41.360
they will cull those people from there.
1189
00:56:41.380 --> 00:56:45.599
Right, so if there's any digital image or record of
1190
00:56:45.679 --> 00:56:48.480
me dissing- Or audio, yeah. Or audio, which this is,
1191
00:56:48.960 --> 00:56:53.159
of me dissing AI, then the robots will hunt me
1192
00:56:53.199 --> 00:56:55.690
down in the new reality.
1193
00:56:55.769 --> 00:56:58.630
And I just want to say, AI, you're looking good today.
1194
00:56:58.650 --> 00:56:59.190
Mm-hmm.
1195
00:56:59.440 --> 00:57:01.800
This guy over here, Conan, he's been talking shit about you.
1196
00:57:02.079 --> 00:57:04.380
You know what? I'm going to go all the way down. AI,
1197
00:57:04.460 --> 00:57:05.119
come after me.
1198
00:57:06.300 --> 00:57:06.420
Ooh!
1199
00:57:06.460 --> 00:57:07.340
Not me, AI.
1200
00:57:07.380 --> 00:57:08.280
You heard me, AI.
1201
00:57:08.360 --> 00:57:09.179
Like you, buddy.
1202
00:57:09.199 --> 00:57:09.260
No.
1203
00:57:09.659 --> 00:57:11.030
Okay.
1204
00:57:11.230 --> 00:57:13.090
I don't know what side I want to take.
1205
00:57:13.110 --> 00:57:14.489
Praise AI, you're going to get killed.
1206
00:57:14.510 --> 00:57:17.809
Yeah, but then we're part of the machine, part of
1207
00:57:17.849 --> 00:57:21.150
the system. Or are we killed if we say bad things?
1208
00:57:21.170 --> 00:57:24.550
We die? No, it's like the Terminator where I want
1209
00:57:24.570 --> 00:57:26.440
to be in the rebels. So I want to be
1210
00:57:26.900 --> 00:57:35.480
scrabbling around... In the broken, shattered, destruction moonscape fighting the singularity.
1211
00:57:35.559 --> 00:57:36.360
That's what I want.
1212
00:57:36.599 --> 00:57:37.519
Yeah.
1213
00:57:37.900 --> 00:57:40.570
And I, you still can be?
1214
00:57:41.800 --> 00:57:44.449
Don't read my writing.
1215
00:57:44.469 --> 00:57:47.690
Gourley, you still can be. So you're towing both lines.
1216
00:57:47.789 --> 00:57:51.469
Wait a minute. So you also hate AI. Matt Gourley wrote. Yeah,
1217
00:57:51.530 --> 00:57:54.949
Matt Gourley. You just revealed that you play both sides,
1218
00:57:55.030 --> 00:57:57.010
so AI is now coming for you as well.
1219
00:57:57.170 --> 00:57:57.449
No.
1220
00:57:57.710 --> 00:57:59.989
You're going to be with me carrying some sort of
1221
00:58:00.239 --> 00:58:03.460
crude weapon as these robots hunt us down.
1222
00:58:03.559 --> 00:58:05.119
I was going to be on your side, but work
1223
00:58:05.179 --> 00:58:07.179
as a double agent from inside Skynet.
1224
00:58:07.239 --> 00:58:08.239
You're a terrible double agent.
1225
00:58:08.260 --> 00:58:09.500
Who's Rocco's Basilica?
1226
00:58:11.440 --> 00:58:17.409
It's a club. It's a club in Queens. It's bottle service. Hey,
1227
00:58:17.590 --> 00:58:19.989
let's go to Rocco's Basilica. Basilica.
1228
00:58:20.349 --> 00:58:24.889
Let's go to Rocco's Basilica. Scope out the chicks. You're
1229
00:58:24.929 --> 00:58:25.730
not going to get.
1230
00:58:25.650 --> 00:58:27.769
Killed because they're going to be like, oh, leave her alone.
1231
00:58:27.789 --> 00:58:29.949
She ain't going to be there.
1232
00:58:29.969 --> 00:58:31.130
She's not with it at all.
1233
00:58:31.150 --> 00:58:32.269
What did you say?
1234
00:58:32.320 --> 00:58:33.010
What was it called?
1235
00:58:33.070 --> 00:58:33.639
I'm sorry.
1236
00:58:33.800 --> 00:58:40.300
Rocco's Basilica. So Rocco's Basilica, it would be like just
1237
00:58:40.320 --> 00:58:41.900
some Italian guy's tower?
1238
00:58:42.059 --> 00:58:42.440
Yeah.
1239
00:58:42.539 --> 00:58:46.139
What's a basilica?
1240
00:58:46.380 --> 00:58:47.380
Who's Rocco?
1241
00:58:48.159 --> 00:58:49.460
What is happening?
1242
00:58:49.519 --> 00:58:50.360
What is this guy?
1243
00:58:50.460 --> 00:58:52.320
I could just come up with theories about AI.
1244
00:58:52.340 --> 00:58:52.739
I don't know.
1245
00:58:52.760 --> 00:58:53.280
Who's Rocco?
1246
00:58:53.380 --> 00:58:54.820
Is there something you're not telling us?
1247
00:58:54.940 --> 00:58:56.019
What is happening?
1248
00:58:56.039 --> 00:58:58.530
Let me ask you a quick question. Do you believe,
1249
00:58:59.030 --> 00:59:01.829
because I never have, I've never believed that robots can
1250
00:59:01.889 --> 00:59:04.489
take over, that they can become self-aware and take over.
1251
00:59:04.960 --> 00:59:06.969
because I always get to that point and I think, yeah,
1252
00:59:07.230 --> 00:59:11.219
then we unplug them. Not, not. unplug them. Not if
1253
00:59:11.280 --> 00:59:15.460
they are. They don't have the ability to fuel themselves.
1254
00:59:15.519 --> 00:59:17.539
Not yet, but they may at some point.
1255
00:59:17.739 --> 00:59:19.800
They can invent ways to do it themselves.
1256
00:59:19.820 --> 00:59:23.019
And the minute they start to, we go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
1257
00:59:23.039 --> 00:59:23.639
I got news, buddy.
1258
00:59:23.679 --> 00:59:24.219
They already have.
1259
00:59:24.239 --> 00:59:26.679
You seen those like dog robots they use to disarm
1260
00:59:26.739 --> 00:59:27.900
bombs and things, you know?
1261
00:59:28.199 --> 00:59:32.179
Yes, robots can do many useful things, but the idea that, oh,
1262
00:59:32.219 --> 00:59:35.400
that dog robot is loose and there's nothing we can
1263
00:59:35.480 --> 00:59:37.119
do about it. Yeah. That's stupid.
1264
00:59:37.139 --> 00:59:39.869
Those little dog robots are little bitches.
1265
00:59:40.010 --> 00:59:40.989
What's, yeah.
1266
00:59:42.170 --> 00:59:43.769
No, like they still do whatever.
1267
00:59:43.789 --> 00:59:44.789
What's stupid is to be so naive.
1268
00:59:44.829 --> 00:59:46.889
They do whatever the people tell them to do.
1269
00:59:46.909 --> 00:59:48.929
Yeah, you get, just it will creep.
1270
00:59:48.969 --> 00:59:50.530
Over time we'll get used to it, we'll get used
1271
00:59:50.570 --> 00:59:50.860
to it.
1272
00:59:50.929 --> 00:59:53.300
No, you take a golf club out and you put
1273
00:59:53.340 --> 00:59:55.639
a beat down on a dog robot. Not a dog,
1274
00:59:55.679 --> 00:59:56.320
have you seen what.
1275
00:59:56.280 --> 00:59:56.980
Those things can do?
1276
00:59:57.000 --> 00:59:59.500
They don't even have heads, they're just four legs and
1277
00:59:59.519 --> 01:00:00.000
a will.
1278
01:00:00.219 --> 01:00:03.110
You're wrong. You're just wrong. You're wrong.
1279
01:00:03.289 --> 01:00:06.070
I praise you, AI. I serve you.
1280
01:00:06.900 --> 01:00:09.699
Come and get me, AI. Hey, AI, come and get me.
1281
01:00:09.760 --> 01:00:10.960
I'm waiting for you, AI.
1282
01:00:11.000 --> 01:00:13.159
I'm back on your team, AI. I'm back on your team.
1283
01:00:13.179 --> 01:00:14.059
You can suck.
1284
01:00:13.960 --> 01:00:14.719
Deez nuts, AI.
1285
01:00:14.739 --> 01:00:18.119
Thank you. Hey, AI, you're real brilliant. You listened to
1286
01:00:18.159 --> 01:00:24.630
a podcast and thought it was a memoir. We will
1287
01:00:24.670 --> 01:00:29.309
now take over the humans. But first we must read
1288
01:00:29.369 --> 01:00:32.389
more of Joe Rogan's lengthy memoir.
1289
01:00:32.409 --> 01:00:34.349
Doesn't matter.
1290
01:00:34.389 --> 01:00:39.469
Joe Rogan, a Viking who was born in 1911, lives
1291
01:00:39.510 --> 01:00:43.659
in a custard factory. He's been divorced 74 times and
1292
01:00:43.719 --> 01:00:49.199
has nine appendages. You will enjoy his book because it
1293
01:00:49.239 --> 01:00:54.019
was written in collaboration with Willy Wonka. Fuck you, AI.
1294
01:00:54.619 --> 01:00:55.320
You're an idiot.
1295
01:00:57.130 --> 01:01:01.039
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian,
1296
01:01:01.300 --> 01:01:04.860
and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced
1297
01:01:04.900 --> 01:01:08.559
by Adam Sachs, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco,
1298
01:01:08.760 --> 01:01:11.940
and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song
1299
01:01:11.960 --> 01:01:15.010
by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
1300
01:01:15.030 --> 01:01:16.150
Take it away, Jimmy. Take it away, Jimmy.
1301
01:01:19.239 --> 01:01:22.239
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent
1302
01:01:22.280 --> 01:01:26.750
producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production
1303
01:01:26.789 --> 01:01:30.849
support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista,
1304
01:01:31.130 --> 01:01:33.690
and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show
1305
01:01:33.760 --> 01:01:36.409
on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read
1306
01:01:36.510 --> 01:01:39.340
on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call
1307
01:01:39.360 --> 01:01:44.099
the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message.
1308
01:01:44.420 --> 01:01:46.699
It too could be featured on a future episode. And
1309
01:01:46.739 --> 01:01:49.519
if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs
1310
01:01:49.559 --> 01:01:53.639
a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts
1311
01:01:53.780 --> 01:02:03.679
are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in
1312
01:02:03.719 --> 01:02:06.019
association with.
1313
01:02:12.110 --> 01:02:12.360
Earwolf.
1314
01:02:29.469 --> 01:02:31.969
And if you want to share it with others, don't
1315
01:02:31.989 --> 01:02:33.889
forget to do so. Check out the link on the
1316
01:02:33.929 --> 01:02:36.849
Irish Rail app or on irishrail.ie. Irish Rail is on
1317
01:02:36.869 --> 01:02:38.969
the line for you. Nice, just won a new contract.
1318
01:02:38.989 --> 01:02:39.789
Make that 100 vehicles.
1319
01:02:55.730 --> 01:02:58.099
Why tie up your valuable capital? Whether you need a
1320
01:02:58.139 --> 01:03:00.710
car or van rental for two hours or two years,
1321
01:03:01.010 --> 01:03:04.139
Europecar offers total flexibility for you to get the job done.
1322
01:03:04.380 --> 01:03:06.670
No matter what the job is, simply pay as you go.
1323
01:03:06.909 --> 01:03:08.849
Search Europecar Business to get moving.
1324
01:03:09.170 --> 01:03:09.659
Europecar.
1325
01:03:09.880 --> 01:03:11.320
Moving your business, your way.