Chris Redd

WEBVTT
1
00:00:00.830 --> 00:00:03.450
With TUI, there's more choice than you think.
2
00:00:03.890 --> 00:00:05.389
Beach days or a city break.
3
00:00:05.790 --> 00:00:06.669
Weekend in Rome?
4
00:00:06.700 --> 00:00:07.250
Booked.
5
00:00:07.719 --> 00:00:09.080
Fly from your local airport?
6
00:00:09.359 --> 00:00:09.939
Of course.
7
00:00:10.380 --> 00:00:11.160
Just a hotel?
8
00:00:11.519 --> 00:00:12.320
Got them too.
9
00:00:12.779 --> 00:00:13.500
Number of nights?
10
00:00:13.859 --> 00:00:14.519
Take your pick.
11
00:00:14.960 --> 00:00:18.019
Tailor your trip with more options and more choice.
12
00:00:18.440 --> 00:00:18.820
TUI.
13
00:00:20.940 --> 00:00:24.739
Every day you make around 35,000 choices. What to wear?
14
00:00:24.980 --> 00:00:27.859
Toast or cereal? One more episode or time for bed?
15
00:00:28.539 --> 00:00:30.359
The last thing you need is to stress over your
16
00:00:30.399 --> 00:00:33.960
car insurance. That's where Cornmarket comes in. We make choosing
17
00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:36.880
your car insurance simple. We do all the hard work
18
00:00:37.100 --> 00:00:39.450
so you don't have to spend your time comparing endless quotes.
19
00:00:39.869 --> 00:00:42.350
Call us today and save up to € 200 off your
20
00:00:42.390 --> 00:00:43.049
car insurance.
21
00:00:43.450 --> 00:00:44.109
Cornmarket.
22
00:00:44.369 --> 00:00:45.030
We compare.
23
00:00:45.250 --> 00:00:45.729
You save.
24
00:00:46.109 --> 00:00:47.649
Offer applies to new customers who take out a new
25
00:00:47.689 --> 00:00:50.710
policy by phone before 31st of December 2026. Discounts are
26
00:00:50.729 --> 00:00:52.289
up to a max 10% of the premium and are
27
00:00:52.310 --> 00:00:56.079
subject to a minimum premium of € 355. Underwriter eligibility criteria
28
00:00:56.100 --> 00:00:58.600
and T's and C's apply. Cormarker Group Financial Services Limited
29
00:00:58.659 --> 00:00:59.960
is regulated by the Central Bank of Ireland.
30
00:01:02.899 --> 00:01:09.510
Hi, what's up? My name is Chris Redd. And I
31
00:01:09.530 --> 00:01:13.650
feel lucky as a motherfucker about being Conan O'Brien's friend.
32
00:01:14.049 --> 00:01:15.870
Listen to me, there'll be no swearing on this show.
33
00:01:16.189 --> 00:01:16.909
No swearing?
34
00:01:16.969 --> 00:01:22.620
This show is for children, by children. I started swearing
35
00:01:22.760 --> 00:01:23.480
at four years old.
36
00:01:24.969 --> 00:01:26.769
At Barney. I was like, clean up. I was like,
37
00:01:26.849 --> 00:01:29.060
fuck you.
38
00:01:29.719 --> 00:01:31.859
Doc.
39
00:01:31.959 --> 00:01:33.120
Fall is here.
40
00:01:33.299 --> 00:01:34.439
Hear the yell.
41
00:01:34.519 --> 00:01:35.719
Back to school.
42
00:01:35.819 --> 00:01:39.280
Ring the bell. Brand new shoes. Walking blues.
43
00:01:39.299 --> 00:01:40.519
Climb the fence.
44
00:01:40.859 --> 00:01:41.799
Books and pens.
45
00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:45.200
I can tell that we are gonna be friends.
46
00:01:46.540 --> 00:01:48.819
Yes, I can tell that we.
47
00:01:48.829 --> 00:01:53.659
Are gonna be friends. Hey, Colonel Brian here. Welcome to
48
00:01:53.670 --> 00:01:56.819
another episode of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'd like
49
00:01:56.840 --> 00:01:59.799
to point out again that I am in New York City,
50
00:02:00.120 --> 00:02:04.840
recording studio, and my team, my posse, if you will,
51
00:02:05.549 --> 00:02:09.629
Sonoma Sessi and Matt Gourley, are comfortably in their homes. Comfortably. Well,
52
00:02:09.650 --> 00:02:13.669
you've seen, yeah, you're both wrapped in looks like caftans,
53
00:02:14.030 --> 00:02:18.419
and Gourley's wearing one of those blankets that's also kind
54
00:02:18.439 --> 00:02:21.389
of a shirt. What is it called?
55
00:02:21.629 --> 00:02:22.210
A slanket.
56
00:02:22.270 --> 00:02:23.050
You're a slanket.
57
00:02:23.069 --> 00:02:23.650
A snuggie.
58
00:02:23.750 --> 00:02:25.189
Oh. A snuggie. A snuggie. Yeah.
59
00:02:25.449 --> 00:02:25.710
Yeah.
60
00:02:25.830 --> 00:02:30.530
Yeah. You look very happy. I'm here. If you notice
61
00:02:30.610 --> 00:02:34.159
any edge to my voice, again, it's because I'm infused
62
00:02:34.199 --> 00:02:38.479
with a certain urban grit that comes from fighting your
63
00:02:38.500 --> 00:02:42.879
way through the concrete jungle in order to podcast. I'm
64
00:02:43.000 --> 00:02:48.259
here and I almost feel feral because I've been prowling
65
00:02:48.300 --> 00:02:51.729
around Manhattan for living by my wits. Yeah.
66
00:02:51.810 --> 00:02:54.389
I can see that you are wearing, you're topless with
67
00:02:54.430 --> 00:02:55.560
just a leather vest on.
68
00:02:55.590 --> 00:02:59.689
Yes. That's impressive. I was cruising. It's called cruising. Oh.
69
00:03:00.289 --> 00:03:01.650
Yeah. Okay.
70
00:03:01.830 --> 00:03:03.449
Yeah. I was told that- How did that go? I
71
00:03:03.490 --> 00:03:07.729
was told that people cruise in, that's the cool thing
72
00:03:07.750 --> 00:03:11.009
to do, go cruising sort of in Times Square. And
73
00:03:11.310 --> 00:03:15.289
I didn't realize it was, that's from like 50 years ago. Yeah.
74
00:03:15.590 --> 00:03:20.110
I made the mistake of putting on a very, I'm
75
00:03:20.719 --> 00:03:23.280
not wearing much, and what I am wearing is leather,
76
00:03:24.199 --> 00:03:27.460
and I went cruising around what I thought was a seedy,
77
00:03:28.719 --> 00:03:31.530
sort of skeevy Times Square. It turned out to be
78
00:03:32.349 --> 00:03:37.310
absolutely like Disney, like Disneyland. It's changed completely. People seemed
79
00:03:37.370 --> 00:03:41.090
very upset about what I was doing, and I guess
80
00:03:41.490 --> 00:03:42.830
I was more out of place than I thought I
81
00:03:42.849 --> 00:03:47.599
would be. But I met a guy dressed as Spider-Man. Yeah.
82
00:03:47.860 --> 00:03:50.770
And I met a guy dressed as Batman. Both of
83
00:03:50.810 --> 00:03:52.849
them had fanny packs and I took pictures with both
84
00:03:52.870 --> 00:03:53.090
of them.
85
00:03:53.889 --> 00:03:54.150
Okay.
86
00:03:54.629 --> 00:03:58.710
Yeah. And then I gave them each $ 10. Okay. That
87
00:03:58.750 --> 00:04:01.729
is my version of cruising is just getting my picture
88
00:04:01.770 --> 00:04:07.080
taken with different DC and Marvel heroes and then giving
89
00:04:07.099 --> 00:04:13.960
them $ 10. So gritty. Wow. You're so hard, Conan. You
90
00:04:13.979 --> 00:04:14.520
bet I am.
91
00:04:14.840 --> 00:04:16.899
Did you say you walked to the studio today or
92
00:04:16.920 --> 00:04:18.019
did you take the car.
93
00:04:17.839 --> 00:04:18.439
We got for you?
94
00:04:19.689 --> 00:04:20.449
Yeah, pretty gritty.
95
00:04:20.569 --> 00:04:25.629
I took a very gritty Chevy Suburban, black Chevy Suburban,
96
00:04:26.149 --> 00:04:30.470
by my own wits and through my own grit and
97
00:04:30.509 --> 00:04:33.589
kind of just fight or flight mechanism, I managed to
98
00:04:34.329 --> 00:04:36.250
get into the back seat and put on my seatbelt
99
00:04:37.329 --> 00:04:43.279
and sit pretty quietly while the car drove about five blocks. Oh,
100
00:04:43.319 --> 00:04:44.439
you're so cool.
101
00:04:44.680 --> 00:04:44.860
Yeah.
102
00:04:44.879 --> 00:04:46.639
Oh my God. How'd you survive?
103
00:04:46.779 --> 00:04:46.959
Yeah.
104
00:04:47.670 --> 00:04:50.189
Well, it was difficult, but it turns out there is
105
00:04:50.209 --> 00:04:53.389
a temperature control just for the backseat. And I was
106
00:04:53.449 --> 00:04:56.740
able to operate that. Yeah, cool. Yeah, because the driver
107
00:04:56.800 --> 00:05:01.240
wanted it to be 71. I prefer 68, so I
108
00:05:01.279 --> 00:05:04.079
was able to adjust it. And then I cracked the
109
00:05:04.100 --> 00:05:06.639
window a little bit. I was worried there wouldn't be mints,
110
00:05:07.180 --> 00:05:11.920
but there was a choice between Lifesaver, Wintergreen, and Tic-Tac.
111
00:05:12.939 --> 00:05:15.139
little Tic Tacs. And so I went with the Tic Tacs. Man,
112
00:05:15.199 --> 00:05:16.379
you ought to write a memoir.
113
00:05:16.420 --> 00:05:19.100
This is a life I can't understand.
114
00:05:19.120 --> 00:05:23.079
Your story about being out in the streets, it's inspirational.
115
00:05:23.220 --> 00:05:26.839
I just hope that my children have a better experience
116
00:05:26.860 --> 00:05:29.470
than I've had. I hope they never have to face
117
00:05:29.490 --> 00:05:33.550
what I faced today, getting to this podcast studio down
118
00:05:33.569 --> 00:05:36.250
near Bryant Park in what appears to be a very
119
00:05:36.329 --> 00:05:45.430
lovely Manhattan. Excited about our show today. My guest today
120
00:05:45.470 --> 00:05:49.089
is a cast member on Saturday Night Live and stars
121
00:05:49.230 --> 00:05:53.459
in the NBC series Kenan. I'm thrilled he's with us today.
122
00:05:58.120 --> 00:06:05.920
Chris Redd, welcome. You're the like 35th guest in a
123
00:06:05.980 --> 00:06:10.029
row to say motherfucking proud to be Conor O'Brien's friend.
124
00:06:10.129 --> 00:06:10.829
Oh, that's tight.
125
00:06:11.009 --> 00:06:16.009
Yeah, John Lithgow said it. We couldn't get him to
126
00:06:16.029 --> 00:06:19.290
stop swearing. Really? Oh my God, he's such a filthy guy.
127
00:06:20.110 --> 00:06:25.430
But I'm just so happy for your success because I
128
00:06:25.529 --> 00:06:27.529
met you, I think it's back in 2017. Yeah, so poor.
129
00:06:30.509 --> 00:06:34.470
I was poor and just telling jokes on a roof.
130
00:06:34.990 --> 00:06:37.540
And what happened was we, I was doing a week
131
00:06:37.569 --> 00:06:39.420
of shows at Comic-Con because we used to go there
132
00:06:39.779 --> 00:06:44.560
every summer. And we were looking for two really funny
133
00:06:44.600 --> 00:06:48.100
guys who could help us out and do sort of 24,
134
00:06:48.079 --> 00:06:50.259
it was almost like 24-hour coverage.
135
00:06:50.459 --> 00:06:51.480
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
136
00:06:51.639 --> 00:06:55.730
On the roof. And so J.P. Buck, he found you
137
00:06:55.930 --> 00:06:58.189
and he found a guy named Moses Storm and you
138
00:06:58.230 --> 00:07:03.069
guys were both on the roof. being really funny all
139
00:07:03.129 --> 00:07:07.959
day into the night. And I would rush up occasionally
140
00:07:08.019 --> 00:07:09.860
and join in and I would go up there and
141
00:07:09.879 --> 00:07:11.939
I'd be like, this roof is really, it's in San
142
00:07:11.959 --> 00:07:13.319
Diego in the summer.
143
00:07:13.459 --> 00:07:15.980
Oh man, it was the hottest thing I had ever
144
00:07:16.060 --> 00:07:20.750
experienced outside of just working outside for minimum wage.
145
00:07:20.990 --> 00:07:21.189
Yeah.
146
00:07:21.470 --> 00:07:24.730
And it was, but it was so tight because, I mean,
147
00:07:24.790 --> 00:07:27.829
it was me and Moses Storm who, we could talk
148
00:07:27.910 --> 00:07:30.910
shit anywhere yeah and so it was like the kind
149
00:07:30.930 --> 00:07:32.889
of the perfect person to do that with but like
150
00:07:33.389 --> 00:07:35.970
i had been in la then like i haven't been
151
00:07:36.009 --> 00:07:37.970
going back and forth for like two years and every
152
00:07:38.470 --> 00:07:41.870
person i had like watched coming up um disappointed me
153
00:07:41.889 --> 00:07:44.439
when i met him so like for you to be
154
00:07:44.500 --> 00:07:46.160
so cool and come up and i was like oh
155
00:07:46.180 --> 00:07:47.660
we're in the roof he's never up here and then
156
00:07:47.699 --> 00:07:49.720
you came up up there we're like oh my fucking
157
00:07:49.740 --> 00:07:50.660
god he's here.
158
00:07:50.439 --> 00:07:56.069
Yo he's here we're doing bits Oh, shit. He's too
159
00:07:56.110 --> 00:07:56.740
rich to do it.
160
00:07:56.910 --> 00:07:58.610
I wouldn't do that if I was him.
161
00:07:58.790 --> 00:08:05.360
Yeah, no. Well, I invested poorly. I lost all my money. Oh, man.
162
00:08:05.399 --> 00:08:08.339
I'll just tell you, theme restaurants are what killed me.
163
00:08:08.519 --> 00:08:08.860
Really?
164
00:08:08.939 --> 00:08:09.139
Yeah.
165
00:08:09.199 --> 00:08:10.949
I have a truck restaurant coming up.
166
00:08:11.170 --> 00:08:11.610
Don't do it.
167
00:08:11.610 --> 00:08:14.689
It's called Pick Me Up, Pick Me Up. You pick up,
168
00:08:14.709 --> 00:08:15.879
pick me up. It's a.
169
00:08:17.329 --> 00:08:21.120
I'm telling you, Chris, so I would, but I met
170
00:08:21.160 --> 00:08:23.959
you up on this roof and you were really funny
171
00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:27.350
and you were terrific. And then shortly after that, I hear, hey,
172
00:08:28.439 --> 00:08:32.940
did you hear the news? Chris got signed on live
173
00:08:34.000 --> 00:08:36.769
and you clicked right away. You started killing it. You're
174
00:08:36.809 --> 00:08:37.889
so funny on the show.
175
00:08:37.909 --> 00:08:39.090
Thanks, man.
176
00:08:39.110 --> 00:08:42.950
And so I was very, I've just been delighted for you. Seriously,
177
00:08:42.970 --> 00:08:44.350
you know, so happy for you.
178
00:08:44.370 --> 00:08:47.799
That means a lot, man, because, you know- I saw
179
00:08:47.820 --> 00:08:51.419
your picture on the wall. For people who have not
180
00:08:51.460 --> 00:08:56.200
been in SNL writers room on the ninth floor in
181
00:08:56.200 --> 00:08:59.460
30 Rock, there's like pictures of all the writers whose
182
00:08:59.559 --> 00:09:00.220
soul they took.
183
00:09:02.440 --> 00:09:04.419
Well, to be fair, a soul they bought.
184
00:09:04.610 --> 00:09:05.210
Yeah, 100%.
185
00:09:05.210 --> 00:09:06.279
We all sold our souls.
186
00:09:06.299 --> 00:09:07.000
That's exactly right.
187
00:09:07.039 --> 00:09:09.789
Yes. $ 600. I have no regrets.
188
00:09:10.590 --> 00:09:15.769
And a blood oath. But it's just really, really cool to...
189
00:09:16.549 --> 00:09:18.309
to have you say that man because uh your opinion
190
00:09:18.330 --> 00:09:21.350
means a lot and um and y'all were my family
191
00:09:21.409 --> 00:09:23.809
you know what i'm saying and still are and uh
192
00:09:23.889 --> 00:09:26.250
it was like y'all and will and grace uh will
193
00:09:26.269 --> 00:09:27.809
and grace that came back and i had and i
194
00:09:28.129 --> 00:09:29.070
had just like got.
195
00:09:28.970 --> 00:09:31.460
A recurring role on that yep yep and.
196
00:09:31.580 --> 00:09:33.289
And i was like working with y'all all the time
197
00:09:33.340 --> 00:09:35.519
and then when i got that i didn't believe it
198
00:09:35.700 --> 00:09:37.039
at first and then i didn't know if i was
199
00:09:37.059 --> 00:09:39.000
gonna keep it because i was still on like disjointed
200
00:09:39.039 --> 00:09:40.639
at the time and so i didn't know if i
201
00:09:40.679 --> 00:09:42.539
could do both the shows yep and so there was
202
00:09:42.580 --> 00:09:45.019
a whole like Argument for like two weeks. So my
203
00:09:45.039 --> 00:09:47.279
first two weeks of SNL was like, I don't know
204
00:09:47.299 --> 00:09:49.220
if I'm gonna be here the whole time.
205
00:09:49.639 --> 00:09:52.950
It's not funny how you go from, it's a very
206
00:09:52.990 --> 00:09:56.149
common thing. You, you plug away at it for a
207
00:09:56.210 --> 00:10:00.600
long time and there's no opportunity. And then suddenly. there
208
00:10:00.620 --> 00:10:04.100
are three shows that want you, and there's a fight
209
00:10:04.159 --> 00:10:06.639
over where you're gonna go. Yeah. And it's just as
210
00:10:06.679 --> 00:10:08.940
you get started on that live, and you're thinking, I
211
00:10:08.980 --> 00:10:10.620
might not be able to do this, because these other
212
00:10:10.700 --> 00:10:12.379
two shows want me to do stuff.
213
00:10:12.620 --> 00:10:16.320
Yeah, it's really weird, it's like an embarrassment of riches
214
00:10:16.480 --> 00:10:19.779
in that way. But I was like, I love those
215
00:10:19.820 --> 00:10:24.639
problems more than searching around for a gig. Because, I mean, hell,
216
00:10:24.679 --> 00:10:29.460
marrying your self-tapes from Chicago to Hollywood was a hell, man.
217
00:10:29.820 --> 00:10:31.980
But everybody in Chicago has to do it, especially if
218
00:10:32.000 --> 00:10:33.610
you're on the come up and you can't afford to
219
00:10:34.179 --> 00:10:37.029
fly all the time. You're just in the musty basements
220
00:10:37.049 --> 00:10:40.629
just trying to do these characters and hope somebody on
221
00:10:40.649 --> 00:10:42.169
their lunch break will see your tape.
222
00:10:42.950 --> 00:10:46.750
So describe the process. You're making a tape. You're doing
223
00:10:46.769 --> 00:10:49.870
your characters. You're doing your comedy, probably showing your stand-up.
224
00:10:50.379 --> 00:10:51.600
And then you're mailing it?
225
00:10:52.340 --> 00:10:54.090
So you're like, well, you're emailing it.
226
00:10:54.179 --> 00:10:55.159
Oh, you're mailing it. Okay.
227
00:10:55.179 --> 00:10:57.730
But I also like to mail mine, put some weed
228
00:10:57.750 --> 00:10:58.039
in there.
229
00:11:00.299 --> 00:11:02.610
But it's like, you know, it's very hard to put
230
00:11:02.690 --> 00:11:05.370
weed into an email. Yeah, it really is.
231
00:11:05.470 --> 00:11:05.929
It really is.
232
00:11:06.070 --> 00:11:08.710
And until they have that technology, what are we really doing?
233
00:11:08.769 --> 00:11:10.649
Well, you can do a weed NFT, but you can't
234
00:11:10.710 --> 00:11:16.120
smoke that. But what made it bad is like you
235
00:11:16.220 --> 00:11:18.659
you want a reader and you're in Chicago, you're in
236
00:11:18.700 --> 00:11:21.820
a city where people have real jobs. And so only
237
00:11:21.860 --> 00:11:23.759
people who are available to read for you are other
238
00:11:24.070 --> 00:11:26.360
other actors who are up for the same role. And
239
00:11:26.389 --> 00:11:28.600
so they're just like reading, but with a little less
240
00:11:28.679 --> 00:11:30.379
energy than you really want them to give you.
241
00:11:30.419 --> 00:11:33.259
And kind of trying to screw you over. Yeah, yeah. Like, hey, man.
242
00:11:34.179 --> 00:11:37.879
Hey, could you just read it normal, B? I'm reading
243
00:11:37.919 --> 00:11:38.740
it normal.
244
00:11:38.759 --> 00:11:40.679
Yeah, coughing a lot while you're saying your line.
245
00:11:40.700 --> 00:11:41.639
Yeah.
246
00:11:42.320 --> 00:11:43.039
Oh, sorry.
247
00:11:43.059 --> 00:11:45.289
Oh, man, that was a really good take. Too bad
248
00:11:45.370 --> 00:11:47.009
I took a shit on myself.
249
00:11:49.480 --> 00:11:51.799
You know, what I didn't know about you, and this
250
00:11:51.840 --> 00:11:54.149
is something we have in common, is we both started
251
00:11:54.289 --> 00:11:55.149
out in rap.
252
00:11:55.610 --> 00:11:55.769
Yeah.
253
00:11:56.070 --> 00:11:57.169
Oh, really? Oh, yeah.
254
00:11:57.190 --> 00:12:02.429
Did you start out in rap? I didn't hear your mixtape, man.
255
00:12:02.450 --> 00:12:05.710
Yeah, yeah. I had, you know, mine was old school.
256
00:12:05.789 --> 00:12:08.269
You know, it was I'm Conan O'Brien and I'm here
257
00:12:08.309 --> 00:12:14.740
to say real white guy rap of the mid-80s. But
258
00:12:14.759 --> 00:12:17.360
that's how I broke through. I knew that was my way.
259
00:12:17.480 --> 00:12:20.840
I really liked your joint Too Big for Small Talk. Like,
260
00:12:20.899 --> 00:12:25.559
I love that song so much. It's just one line,
261
00:12:26.120 --> 00:12:28.360
and the beat just carries it for 15 minutes.
262
00:12:28.440 --> 00:12:33.179
Once I saw Jump Around, I knew that white Irish
263
00:12:33.250 --> 00:12:35.450
guys in Boston were supposed to rap.
264
00:12:35.509 --> 00:12:35.970
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
265
00:12:36.009 --> 00:12:37.970
So that's how I got into it. I love that.
266
00:12:37.990 --> 00:12:39.289
And it kept me out of trouble.
267
00:12:39.309 --> 00:12:43.129
I love that. I really want you to finish the
268
00:12:43.169 --> 00:12:47.409
Departed-themed album you're doing.
269
00:12:47.509 --> 00:12:50.230
Yeah, that's a side project I haven't told many people about,
270
00:12:50.289 --> 00:12:53.649
but I didn't think there was enough, you know, um,
271
00:12:53.850 --> 00:12:57.090
rapping in, in most, but by white guys, uh, my
272
00:12:57.210 --> 00:13:00.139
age in most movies. So I've been working hard on that.
273
00:13:00.320 --> 00:13:02.120
And I'm just glad to see you on your, on your,
274
00:13:02.179 --> 00:13:04.559
on your shit, man. Just really stretching yourself out. You
275
00:13:04.580 --> 00:13:04.960
know what I mean?
276
00:13:05.120 --> 00:13:11.929
I want justice. I want to be represented. I'm sick
277
00:13:11.970 --> 00:13:14.629
of people assuming I can't rap because of the color
278
00:13:14.669 --> 00:13:15.250
of my skin.
279
00:13:15.330 --> 00:13:19.019
Yeah, because they definitely do that.
280
00:13:19.320 --> 00:13:23.840
This is bullshit. No, I didn't know that you like
281
00:13:24.360 --> 00:13:27.990
when you were a kid and you're growing up in Missouri.
282
00:13:28.009 --> 00:13:28.490
Is that right?
283
00:13:29.230 --> 00:13:31.809
I moved around a lot, but I grew up and
284
00:13:31.850 --> 00:13:35.059
went to high school and middle school in Chicago, Chicago suburbs.
285
00:13:35.399 --> 00:13:36.500
In Naperville, right?
286
00:13:36.519 --> 00:13:36.960
Yeah, Naperville.
287
00:13:36.980 --> 00:13:39.279
That's where Bob Odenkirk's from, Naperville.
288
00:13:39.419 --> 00:13:42.940
Yeah, I think Bob Odenkirk is the only good thing
289
00:13:42.960 --> 00:13:48.009
to come out of Naperville. But besides the cocaine and heroin.
290
00:13:48.330 --> 00:13:50.750
But now there's you too, so that's great.
291
00:13:50.789 --> 00:13:52.509
Yeah, but I don't like the city at all because
292
00:13:52.529 --> 00:13:53.429
they were racist to me.
293
00:13:53.750 --> 00:13:54.230
Is that true?
294
00:13:54.309 --> 00:13:58.100
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a terrible time. And I mean,
295
00:13:58.120 --> 00:14:00.320
not every day, of course, you know, you can live
296
00:14:00.379 --> 00:14:03.120
in hell and every every every so often you're like,
297
00:14:03.159 --> 00:14:06.409
you know what? It's not cold. You know what I mean? Right.
298
00:14:07.009 --> 00:14:09.169
But I don't like the city at all. They got
299
00:14:09.389 --> 00:14:10.009
some issues.
300
00:14:10.929 --> 00:14:13.289
But how did that, I mean, manifest itself? How did
301
00:14:13.309 --> 00:14:16.799
that everybody gave you a hard time because.
302
00:14:16.620 --> 00:14:20.519
It's like your race? Well, yeah, it's that. And then also, like,
303
00:14:20.720 --> 00:14:22.580
I have a big family that we're all from Mississippi.
304
00:14:23.389 --> 00:14:26.429
From Mississippi. I put that in quotations, guys, because nobody's
305
00:14:26.480 --> 00:14:30.860
from Mississippi for real. Right. What?
306
00:14:30.919 --> 00:14:31.580
What do you mean?
307
00:14:31.600 --> 00:14:31.879
Exactly.
308
00:14:34.240 --> 00:14:36.059
Isn't that where all civilization began?
309
00:14:36.120 --> 00:14:38.779
Come on now. You know what? I was talking to somebody.
310
00:14:38.799 --> 00:14:40.220
They were like, I was in Mississippi. I don't know
311
00:14:40.259 --> 00:14:42.200
where I was at. But I was like, wow, what
312
00:14:42.259 --> 00:14:44.840
privilege that is to be in Mississippi and not know
313
00:14:44.860 --> 00:14:45.659
where you were at.
314
00:14:45.779 --> 00:14:46.980
Right, right.
315
00:14:47.059 --> 00:14:49.120
No one in my family could ever say that shit
316
00:14:49.350 --> 00:14:50.279
ever in their lives.
317
00:14:50.539 --> 00:14:50.710
Right.
318
00:14:50.750 --> 00:14:53.509
Because we're black. In Mississippi, you got to know where
319
00:14:53.529 --> 00:14:56.129
you're at at all times. I've never been down there.
320
00:14:56.149 --> 00:14:58.889
I'm like, I don't know where this is, but it's lovely.
321
00:14:59.049 --> 00:14:59.330
Yeah.
322
00:14:59.649 --> 00:15:03.169
I'm just floating around. Drifting through Mississippi.
323
00:15:03.289 --> 00:15:06.929
Just drifting through. But it was like I found myself
324
00:15:06.990 --> 00:15:09.399
like caught in the middle sometimes because I was like
325
00:15:09.580 --> 00:15:10.960
my family was in the city. There's on the west
326
00:15:10.980 --> 00:15:13.120
side and the south side of Chicago. And then we
327
00:15:13.159 --> 00:15:15.840
moved up to the suburbs. So I was like too
328
00:15:15.879 --> 00:15:18.720
suburb to be hanging out with my cousins. They were like,
329
00:15:18.740 --> 00:15:20.360
you're not hard enough to kick it with us. But
330
00:15:20.399 --> 00:15:21.759
I was always out there trying to kick it with them.
331
00:15:22.070 --> 00:15:24.070
But then I would go to school and it was like, well,
332
00:15:24.110 --> 00:15:26.330
you're not wide enough to be kicking it with us.
333
00:15:26.529 --> 00:15:27.950
So then I was kind of like stuck in the
334
00:15:27.990 --> 00:15:30.559
middle and just kind of feeling bad. I was feeling
335
00:15:30.600 --> 00:15:34.360
bad about my parents doing well. And then on top
336
00:15:34.399 --> 00:15:36.340
of that, they didn't really like care for the rap
337
00:15:36.360 --> 00:15:39.200
and shit too much. But I just pushed through anyway.
338
00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:41.470
So all that kind of manifests into who I am now.
339
00:15:41.759 --> 00:15:44.730
And you got, you know, I have this theory. I'm
340
00:15:44.769 --> 00:15:48.830
serious about this, which is that I think sometimes if
341
00:15:48.889 --> 00:15:52.090
you grow up and you don't quite know what your
342
00:15:52.190 --> 00:15:54.730
identity is, it actually helps you.
343
00:15:54.730 --> 00:15:58.620
100%. My drive was finding who I was. And when
344
00:15:58.659 --> 00:16:01.139
I was rapping, and I still rap, but, like, when
345
00:16:01.179 --> 00:16:02.960
I was rapping and trying to build a career out
346
00:16:03.000 --> 00:16:06.539
of it, that was my identity was I rap, and
347
00:16:06.559 --> 00:16:10.080
I'm trying to find myself in that. And I think
348
00:16:10.259 --> 00:16:13.779
because you're, like, always insecure about it and, like, trying
349
00:16:13.799 --> 00:16:16.940
to figure it out, you're trying shit. So, like, I
350
00:16:16.960 --> 00:16:19.220
was trying stuff all the time. Like, I didn't have money, but, like,
351
00:16:19.720 --> 00:16:22.139
I would take my dad's old shirts, mix it with
352
00:16:22.620 --> 00:16:24.269
some jeans, and try to come up with a new style.
353
00:16:24.289 --> 00:16:27.690
I'm like, yo. So I looked ridiculous. I had, like...
354
00:16:28.450 --> 00:16:31.529
like business blazers up top, but like hood shit.
355
00:16:31.379 --> 00:16:31.860
At the bottom.
356
00:16:32.000 --> 00:16:34.100
So I was like, I was trying to match.
357
00:16:34.240 --> 00:16:36.139
I was like, see, I'm from the burbs and the streets, son.
358
00:16:36.159 --> 00:16:38.659
You can see it in my clothes. And I just
359
00:16:38.700 --> 00:16:41.659
looked like two, two incomplete motherfuckers on one person.
360
00:16:43.429 --> 00:16:45.830
So when you're sitting down, you're working for IBM, but
361
00:16:45.850 --> 00:16:47.909
when you stand up, I'm an A & R. Yeah.
362
00:16:51.710 --> 00:16:52.950
Constantly tricking people.
363
00:16:52.990 --> 00:16:53.330
Yeah.
364
00:16:53.470 --> 00:16:55.210
Oh, this is a business meeting. I'm sorry. No, I'll
365
00:16:55.230 --> 00:16:56.509
stand up. Oh, Jesus Christ.
366
00:16:57.889 --> 00:17:00.840
And it was wild. But it was like, but when
367
00:17:00.879 --> 00:17:03.240
I look back now that I do comedy, because I
368
00:17:03.279 --> 00:17:05.859
wasn't doing comedy back then, like I was into comedy
369
00:17:05.900 --> 00:17:08.500
and studying it, but only because I had like social anxiety.
370
00:17:09.059 --> 00:17:13.329
And so I was like, oh, if I'm funny around people,
371
00:17:13.349 --> 00:17:15.349
that's kind of like my way in to get comfortable.
372
00:17:15.390 --> 00:17:17.069
And then I can just like actually just relax.
373
00:17:17.549 --> 00:17:20.690
Tell me if I'm wrong, but if you're rapping, that's
374
00:17:20.789 --> 00:17:24.839
getting you on your feet and using your verbal skills.
375
00:17:24.859 --> 00:17:25.880
Yeah.
376
00:17:25.900 --> 00:17:31.230
And also there's a big, because people love to hear
377
00:17:31.250 --> 00:17:34.289
me analyze rap. Trust me, that's a huge part of
378
00:17:34.309 --> 00:17:38.849
this podcast, but there's energy, swagger. You can take on
379
00:17:38.869 --> 00:17:42.440
different personas In a weird way, it's not bad training
380
00:17:42.660 --> 00:17:44.720
to get you into stand-up, I would think.
381
00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:49.000
It's not at all. Once you really just dive in
382
00:17:49.160 --> 00:17:51.980
into stand-up. I was scared of stand-up, though, because no beat,
383
00:17:52.240 --> 00:17:55.480
nothing to hide behind. You're kind of just out there.
384
00:17:56.549 --> 00:17:58.470
But if you're doing music right, that's kind of the
385
00:17:58.509 --> 00:18:02.269
same thing. You're just packaging it up in a studio
386
00:18:02.309 --> 00:18:05.269
and then giving it to the world. But, man, I
387
00:18:05.289 --> 00:18:07.309
have a stuttering issue that I always had when I
388
00:18:07.309 --> 00:18:10.589
was a kid. And rap helped me. I learned how
389
00:18:10.630 --> 00:18:13.970
to catch up with my thoughts and slow down so
390
00:18:14.029 --> 00:18:17.750
I wouldn't stutter so much. But I wasn't my authentic self.
391
00:18:18.069 --> 00:18:21.259
So it'd be interesting to make music. Well, it is
392
00:18:21.299 --> 00:18:24.359
interesting to make music now where I'm not pre-judging it.
393
00:18:24.660 --> 00:18:27.720
When I was younger trying to make a record, I
394
00:18:27.740 --> 00:18:31.000
wasn't trying to write. I was trying to write who
395
00:18:31.019 --> 00:18:33.039
I am, but I was more trying to look at
396
00:18:33.079 --> 00:18:36.160
what was popular and try to fit in with that.
397
00:18:36.380 --> 00:18:40.410
That's what we all do on the, whatever you want
398
00:18:40.430 --> 00:18:42.349
to call it, on the way up, on the journey,
399
00:18:42.450 --> 00:18:47.049
whatever you want to say. 100%. Young people think, oh,
400
00:18:47.369 --> 00:18:49.450
you know, Chris Redd, I love him. They think you
401
00:18:49.490 --> 00:18:52.730
showed up as Chris Redd. They don't know that what
402
00:18:52.769 --> 00:18:56.210
they're seeing is years and years and years and years
403
00:18:56.309 --> 00:19:01.390
of you not knowing, not being sure, trying different things, struggling,
404
00:19:02.089 --> 00:19:05.650
And then starting to find your footing. And, you know,
405
00:19:05.690 --> 00:19:07.480
on some level, you're still going to be figuring it
406
00:19:07.599 --> 00:19:08.960
out five years from now. Yeah.
407
00:19:09.059 --> 00:19:12.519
No, it's that's so, so true. And honestly, it's one
408
00:19:12.539 --> 00:19:16.769
of the things that like bugs me sometimes because people
409
00:19:16.789 --> 00:19:19.400
will talk to me like I've always been. I've always
410
00:19:19.420 --> 00:19:22.150
been doing exactly what I want to do. And I'm like, well,
411
00:19:22.170 --> 00:19:24.609
in some instances, I'm still not doing exactly what I
412
00:19:24.630 --> 00:19:28.009
want to do. But I am. I'm on a good track. But, like,
413
00:19:28.150 --> 00:19:31.529
I was broke until I was 31 years old. That's
414
00:19:31.569 --> 00:19:35.250
a long fucking time to not have shit for yourself.
415
00:19:35.509 --> 00:19:37.910
To watch everybody in their lives look at you like
416
00:19:37.930 --> 00:19:41.269
you're fucking crazy. Because I chased two dreams. And they
417
00:19:41.309 --> 00:19:44.849
didn't pop off until I was 30. So, like, imagine
418
00:19:44.869 --> 00:19:47.799
your friends looking around at you like, yo, this rap dream.
419
00:19:49.009 --> 00:19:51.599
nothing has come of it. and then and then they're
420
00:19:51.640 --> 00:19:53.660
like so what are you gonna do I stopped rapping
421
00:19:53.700 --> 00:19:55.650
at 22 I'm like I'm done I'm gonna try to
422
00:19:55.690 --> 00:19:57.910
figure out something else And they're like, good, you can
423
00:19:57.930 --> 00:19:59.230
go back to school. And I'm like, I'm going to
424
00:19:59.250 --> 00:19:59.789
be a comedian.
425
00:19:59.809 --> 00:20:03.529
Like, what? Another one? Just fucking do something normal.
426
00:20:04.430 --> 00:20:07.130
So I just chose to be broke as fuck all
427
00:20:07.210 --> 00:20:10.869
through my 20s. And if this hadn't worked out, I
428
00:20:10.869 --> 00:20:12.670
don't know what would have happened. I mean, I would
429
00:20:12.690 --> 00:20:16.500
have figured it out. But it's like there's so much
430
00:20:16.539 --> 00:20:18.660
of who I am and so much of my story
431
00:20:18.920 --> 00:20:21.279
is the come up. And when people talk to me,
432
00:20:21.319 --> 00:20:24.980
they're like, oh, you're Like, you don't get it. You
433
00:20:25.019 --> 00:20:26.890
don't get what it's like to have... Like, one of
434
00:20:26.920 --> 00:20:29.630
my uncles... And they don't help. They can't help it.
435
00:20:29.990 --> 00:20:32.250
But I was talking to one of my cousins, and
436
00:20:32.269 --> 00:20:34.049
I was like, oh, man, they got you working on Thanksgiving?
437
00:20:34.309 --> 00:20:37.369
I hate when I had to do that. And then
438
00:20:37.509 --> 00:20:38.930
my uncle was like, huh, you got to start somewhere.
439
00:20:38.950 --> 00:20:42.440
I'm like, nigga, I started there, too. I worked at
440
00:20:42.539 --> 00:20:45.859
seven different Olive Gardens because I kept stealing stuff.
441
00:20:45.880 --> 00:20:47.059
But also, you love the food.
442
00:20:47.400 --> 00:20:49.500
I do love an Olive Garden. I'm not going to lie.
443
00:20:49.660 --> 00:20:53.150
Every time I say super salad, I'm like... We are family.
444
00:20:53.190 --> 00:20:54.690
You know what I mean?
445
00:20:54.829 --> 00:20:55.930
I love an aloe garden.
446
00:20:57.359 --> 00:20:59.559
You're going to get so much. They're going to send
447
00:20:59.599 --> 00:21:02.519
you crates of cheesy sticks.
448
00:21:02.700 --> 00:21:05.200
Of cheesy sticks and the thickest Fredo sauce.
449
00:21:05.259 --> 00:21:12.140
Yeah, exactly. No, that's probably the minute you start to
450
00:21:12.589 --> 00:21:15.589
hit and things start to gel. There's a little bit
451
00:21:15.650 --> 00:21:19.109
of a, well, you lucked out sentiment from some people.
452
00:21:19.170 --> 00:21:21.779
And you think, do you want to see... The thousands
453
00:21:21.819 --> 00:21:24.599
and thousands and thousands of hours of despair.
454
00:21:25.000 --> 00:21:30.160
Just so sad. Like, man, like I remember doing so
455
00:21:30.200 --> 00:21:32.710
many shows and then like this girl I wanted to
456
00:21:32.750 --> 00:21:35.150
take out this one time, I had no money. I
457
00:21:35.170 --> 00:21:38.990
have $ 20 and I had $ 150 worth of shit to
458
00:21:39.029 --> 00:21:41.329
do on this date. And I had did somebody show
459
00:21:41.349 --> 00:21:41.960
didn't plan it.
460
00:21:42.009 --> 00:21:42.279
Right.
461
00:21:42.690 --> 00:21:44.259
But I was like, Oh, I'm going to plan. I'm
462
00:21:44.279 --> 00:21:47.019
going to take her to this like wing bar. It's
463
00:21:47.039 --> 00:21:50.759
like this, it's like this bar out in, um, And
464
00:21:50.859 --> 00:21:53.440
out in Aurora, some suburbs I had never been to,
465
00:21:53.500 --> 00:21:54.839
but I knew it was nice. And this girl I
466
00:21:54.859 --> 00:21:56.160
had went to school with, she didn't like me in
467
00:21:56.220 --> 00:21:57.859
high school, but then now she's giving me a chance.
468
00:21:57.940 --> 00:21:59.400
And I was like, oh, shit, here we go.
469
00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:01.500
And what are you doing at this point? Are you
470
00:22:01.519 --> 00:22:02.200
a comedian at this point?
471
00:22:02.220 --> 00:22:06.099
I'm a comedian at this point, but I have no money, obviously.
472
00:22:07.440 --> 00:22:09.869
And so I take her. So we're on our way.
473
00:22:09.880 --> 00:22:13.180
And GPS is not a thing at this point. So
474
00:22:13.390 --> 00:22:17.029
I had printed out this MapQuest shit. And we get there,
475
00:22:17.130 --> 00:22:21.059
and it's a wing stop, bro. A very small one
476
00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:25.220
at that. And I was like, oh, shit. I think
477
00:22:25.240 --> 00:22:27.390
this took me to the wrong place. Let me just
478
00:22:27.630 --> 00:22:30.329
look this up real quick. So I looked it up,
479
00:22:30.930 --> 00:22:32.450
and we were an hour and a half away from
480
00:22:32.470 --> 00:22:33.329
where I wanted to take her.
481
00:22:33.529 --> 00:22:33.990
Oh, God.
482
00:22:34.579 --> 00:22:37.220
So I looked at her, and I looked at the Wingstop,
483
00:22:37.259 --> 00:22:37.619
and I was like.
484
00:22:39.569 --> 00:22:46.019
We here girl you can have anything you wanna have
485
00:22:46.059 --> 00:22:50.099
looks kinda nice and she was a trope her name
486
00:22:50.119 --> 00:22:52.980
was Ashley we're still friends to this day friends To
487
00:22:53.009 --> 00:22:53.829
this day.
488
00:22:54.109 --> 00:22:54.369
Yeah.
489
00:22:54.450 --> 00:22:56.450
But she was so sweet about it, man. She sat
490
00:22:56.470 --> 00:22:59.349
in there and ate Wingstop with me in there. Good
491
00:22:59.390 --> 00:23:01.170
for her. You know what I mean? And she's like,
492
00:23:01.210 --> 00:23:03.430
I love your blazer with your hood jeans. And I
493
00:23:03.430 --> 00:23:08.559
was like, thank you very much. I'm going for a look.
494
00:23:08.740 --> 00:23:09.579
I'm going for a look.
495
00:23:09.599 --> 00:23:12.220
But now you can take her to an even better Wingstop.
496
00:23:12.400 --> 00:23:15.039
Yeah, yeah. I could take her to where they kill
497
00:23:15.059 --> 00:23:15.700
the chickens, baby.
498
00:23:15.720 --> 00:23:15.859
Yeah.
499
00:23:19.400 --> 00:23:20.369
Right this way, Mr.
500
00:23:20.809 --> 00:23:22.349
Red. Oh!
501
00:23:22.750 --> 00:23:25.089
Oh, Mr. Red, I didn't realize it was you. Come
502
00:23:25.210 --> 00:23:25.549
on in.
503
00:23:25.569 --> 00:23:29.109
Ah, I've been twirling necks, you know. Licking lemon pepper
504
00:23:29.250 --> 00:23:29.670
all week.
505
00:23:29.869 --> 00:23:33.470
You can help us kill the chickens. It's Chris Red, everybody.
506
00:23:33.490 --> 00:23:35.250
He's going to help us kill chickens.
507
00:23:36.490 --> 00:23:39.599
I'm going to tell you a story about a woman
508
00:23:39.619 --> 00:23:42.099
who was a womanizer when she was a child and
509
00:23:42.119 --> 00:23:44.500
came home from work. At the time, she was 15
510
00:23:44.500 --> 00:23:48.890
years old when she was 14 years old. Behind this
511
00:23:48.910 --> 00:23:52.690
family's moving day is their dream home. A new beginning
512
00:23:52.769 --> 00:23:55.509
about to house a lifetime of memories. A kitchen fitted
513
00:23:55.529 --> 00:23:56.390
for rushed mornings.
514
00:24:16.609 --> 00:24:19.819
Slow Sundays and chats that go on well after dinner.
515
00:24:20.519 --> 00:24:25.619
And behind it all is John the Builder. Volkswagen Commercial Vehicles.
516
00:24:26.059 --> 00:24:28.980
Transport you can rely on because people rely on you.
517
00:24:29.559 --> 00:24:32.380
Now with 0% finance and a 5-year warranty across the
518
00:24:32.440 --> 00:24:34.869
panel van range. Terms and conditions apply.
519
00:24:35.130 --> 00:24:37.589
Finance provided by way of higher purchase agreement from Volkswagen
520
00:24:37.630 --> 00:24:40.950
Financial Services Ireland and subject to lending criteria. Volkswagen Financial
521
00:24:40.990 --> 00:24:43.529
Services Ireland Limited is regulated by the Central Bank of Ireland.
522
00:24:43.690 --> 00:24:45.329
See VolkswagenVans.ie for more.
523
00:24:46.089 --> 00:24:49.869
Every day you make around 35,000 choices. What to wear,
524
00:24:50.150 --> 00:24:50.970
toast or cereal?
525
00:24:51.369 --> 00:24:54.230
One more episode or time for bed? The last thing
526
00:24:54.279 --> 00:24:56.680
you need is to stress over your car insurance. That's
527
00:24:56.700 --> 00:24:59.539
where Corn Market comes in. We make choosing your car
528
00:24:59.579 --> 00:25:02.460
insurance simple. We do all the hard work so you
529
00:25:02.500 --> 00:25:05.220
don't have to spend your time comparing endless quotes. Call
530
00:25:05.269 --> 00:25:08.190
us today and save up to € 200 off your car insurance.
531
00:25:08.599 --> 00:25:11.480
I love hearing these stories of you get the.
532
00:25:11.400 --> 00:25:38.789
Call to come do SNL. It's gonna sound crazy to people,
533
00:25:38.829 --> 00:25:40.769
but it's like being in the Marines or something. You
534
00:25:40.789 --> 00:25:43.210
can talk to people about it later on, and I
535
00:25:43.250 --> 00:25:44.750
can be an old Marine, and you can be a
536
00:25:44.789 --> 00:25:48.410
young Marine, but there's some stuff that's like, oh yeah,
537
00:25:48.519 --> 00:25:50.380
when the bugle blows at five and you gotta get
538
00:25:50.420 --> 00:25:52.880
up and do pushups, doesn't that suck? It sure does.
539
00:25:53.859 --> 00:25:55.059
They actually made us do pushups.
540
00:25:55.259 --> 00:25:59.339
For real, no, it's definitely that, and you feel like
541
00:25:59.799 --> 00:26:02.230
you have that camaraderie. I feel like that's what a fraternity,
542
00:26:02.250 --> 00:26:06.970
I didn't finish college, Because I knew my calling. But
543
00:26:07.269 --> 00:26:11.069
I imagine that's what a fraternity is like. You meet
544
00:26:11.109 --> 00:26:14.059
people from all walks of life. And only we can
545
00:26:14.099 --> 00:26:16.980
understand truly what it was like to be and work
546
00:26:17.000 --> 00:26:19.960
in that place. Because everybody else has that asterisk above it.
547
00:26:20.119 --> 00:26:23.210
It's still... to them it's like, it's all, and it
548
00:26:23.309 --> 00:26:26.319
is like a fucking dream job. It's like, hell yeah.
549
00:26:26.619 --> 00:26:30.259
But it's also a job and you need people that
550
00:26:30.279 --> 00:26:32.400
you can just talk shit about your job because everybody talks,
551
00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:34.339
no matter what your job is, there's going to be
552
00:26:34.359 --> 00:26:35.759
some days you're just shooting the shit.
553
00:26:35.779 --> 00:26:38.660
I've always said, I've always said that if you're the
554
00:26:39.049 --> 00:26:42.509
ice cream tester for Ben and Jerry's, there's a day
555
00:26:42.549 --> 00:26:46.190
when you come home and your wife's like, how was it? Oh,
556
00:26:48.059 --> 00:26:52.789
today there's a new triple ripple fudge and I had
557
00:26:52.829 --> 00:26:56.150
to taste it and it's fine I wasn't really you
558
00:26:56.190 --> 00:26:59.750
know like the best job in the world someone's bitching
559
00:27:00.109 --> 00:27:03.099
about I just gotta get out of this beautiful ice
560
00:27:03.130 --> 00:27:05.059
cream factory I just.
561
00:27:04.900 --> 00:27:08.579
Found out I'm lactose intolerant I've been shitting all over
562
00:27:08.640 --> 00:27:09.460
the place.
563
00:27:09.240 --> 00:27:13.160
The lactose intolerant ice cream tester for Ben and Jerry's
564
00:27:13.240 --> 00:27:16.140
please make that a character And then cut me in
565
00:27:16.200 --> 00:27:17.400
for just a piece of the merch.
566
00:27:17.529 --> 00:27:17.720
I got you.
567
00:27:17.740 --> 00:27:18.309
That's all I want.
568
00:27:18.440 --> 00:27:19.190
I got you, B.
569
00:27:19.309 --> 00:27:23.430
But that's the thing is I'm guessing you were terrified.
570
00:27:23.930 --> 00:27:27.190
We're taping here in New York City all this week
571
00:27:27.430 --> 00:27:30.009
and talking to people. And so I've been walking around
572
00:27:30.069 --> 00:27:34.180
and I keep passing the hotel where they put my
573
00:27:34.200 --> 00:27:36.980
writing partner and I up for two weeks while they
574
00:27:37.019 --> 00:27:40.400
were testing us out. So Greg Daniels and I- The Sheridan? Yeah.
575
00:27:40.960 --> 00:27:42.900
Or is it the Omni? I don't know. But I
576
00:27:42.920 --> 00:27:44.839
think it's the- I don't know what it is, but
577
00:27:44.859 --> 00:27:47.920
I see it. And the minute I see it, my
578
00:27:48.039 --> 00:27:50.359
body is flooded with anxiety.
579
00:27:50.400 --> 00:27:52.839
It's seared into your, into your mind. Like that Sheridan
580
00:27:52.920 --> 00:27:55.720
I stayed at. And then the, um, there's this other, um,
581
00:27:56.240 --> 00:27:59.359
a little small hotel that's like right across the street from,
582
00:27:59.539 --> 00:28:02.539
from 30 rock. Um, I forget the name of that joint,
583
00:28:02.559 --> 00:28:04.640
but I wasn't, I've been in those two hotels the
584
00:28:04.680 --> 00:28:07.009
most when I was first, like, like, you know, they'll
585
00:28:07.049 --> 00:28:09.269
fly you out to like do the audition. And I
586
00:28:09.309 --> 00:28:11.650
just remember sitting up there with a Jack and Coke
587
00:28:12.190 --> 00:28:15.910
waiting for, uh, Lauren to Our times were pushed back
588
00:28:15.970 --> 00:28:18.069
because he was taking a helicopter from the Hamptons. I
589
00:28:18.089 --> 00:28:19.529
was like, that's a dope ass reason.
590
00:28:20.029 --> 00:28:20.269
Yeah.
591
00:28:20.750 --> 00:28:20.930
Yeah.
592
00:28:20.990 --> 00:28:23.869
Lauren is actually, Lauren's one of the stars of Succession
593
00:28:23.930 --> 00:28:24.349
this year.
594
00:28:24.390 --> 00:28:25.009
Yeah, man.
595
00:28:25.210 --> 00:28:28.990
I've got to go into the city to see Chris Redd.
596
00:28:30.710 --> 00:28:31.880
Massive helicopter.
597
00:28:32.059 --> 00:28:34.880
It was the first time I was like, they're like, yeah,
598
00:28:35.019 --> 00:28:36.460
your audition time's pushed back two hours.
599
00:28:36.480 --> 00:28:37.400
I was like, what?
600
00:28:37.420 --> 00:28:37.599
Why?
601
00:28:39.200 --> 00:28:40.339
Not like I had nothing else to do.
602
00:28:40.380 --> 00:28:42.680
Now I have to have another Jack and Coke. What
603
00:28:42.740 --> 00:28:43.460
the fuck?
604
00:28:43.480 --> 00:28:44.279
I was like, I just want to get it out
605
00:28:44.299 --> 00:28:46.740
of the way. What could be the reason? Oh, he's
606
00:28:46.779 --> 00:28:48.759
flying from the Hamptons in a helicopter. I'm like, I've
607
00:28:48.819 --> 00:28:50.099
never heard a reason like that.
608
00:28:50.200 --> 00:28:55.380
I don't think I have enough money to even have her.
609
00:28:55.640 --> 00:28:57.900
No one's ever said it when you were hanging out
610
00:28:57.920 --> 00:29:03.140
at the wing stop. Sorry I'm late. My helicopter. Was
611
00:29:03.180 --> 00:29:06.210
having trouble. It's called rich people problems.
612
00:29:06.230 --> 00:29:08.509
Yeah, man. I want to have those problems so bad.
613
00:29:08.529 --> 00:29:10.269
I was like, oh, I would love that. I would
614
00:29:10.289 --> 00:29:12.730
love that. Oh, sorry. My helicopter got caught in the air.
615
00:29:13.089 --> 00:29:15.750
You know, what's funny is I was on, I did
616
00:29:15.769 --> 00:29:18.220
like a tour with a bunch of standup comedians and
617
00:29:18.319 --> 00:29:20.599
Moses was one of them. This is a couple like
618
00:29:21.039 --> 00:29:23.900
before COVID, but there were times where we had to
619
00:29:23.920 --> 00:29:26.460
get from one city to the other city. And the
620
00:29:26.579 --> 00:29:28.460
only way to get there really and make it in
621
00:29:28.500 --> 00:29:32.049
time was to charter like a plane. And about halfway
622
00:29:32.049 --> 00:29:34.789
through the tour, it became clear to me that all
623
00:29:34.789 --> 00:29:37.519
the other comics thought this was my plane. Oh, a
624
00:29:37.680 --> 00:29:41.269
hundred percent. And it was so funny because at one point,
625
00:29:41.400 --> 00:29:42.970
I don't know who it was, but one of the
626
00:29:43.170 --> 00:29:46.609
standups was saying, you know, so how do you, do
627
00:29:46.650 --> 00:29:48.730
you choose which kind of wood you want in your plane?
628
00:29:48.809 --> 00:29:51.680
And I said, what? And they said, did you decide
629
00:29:51.720 --> 00:29:54.339
like you wanted this kind of wood or how does
630
00:29:54.380 --> 00:29:56.170
it work? Like when you go and pick it up?
631
00:29:56.210 --> 00:29:58.109
And I said, pick what up? And they I said,
632
00:29:58.150 --> 00:29:59.789
wait a minute. And I had to stand and give
633
00:29:59.829 --> 00:30:03.150
an announcement and said, I don't have a plane. And
634
00:30:03.809 --> 00:30:07.019
they and their response was, you've been on TV our
635
00:30:07.059 --> 00:30:10.000
entire lives. So of course you have a plane. And
636
00:30:10.019 --> 00:30:13.359
I'm like, no, I don't have a plane. If I
637
00:30:13.400 --> 00:30:15.160
had a plane, I could have it for, I think,
638
00:30:15.200 --> 00:30:15.920
a couple of weeks.
639
00:30:16.009 --> 00:30:16.440
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
640
00:30:16.589 --> 00:30:18.170
And then there'd be some problems.
641
00:30:18.190 --> 00:30:19.190
Yep.
642
00:30:19.470 --> 00:30:21.910
The plane people would say, these checks are bouncing.
643
00:30:22.630 --> 00:30:23.410
The plane people.
644
00:30:23.529 --> 00:30:25.569
You don't go and buy a plane. No.
645
00:30:26.829 --> 00:30:31.829
Absolutely do not. Absolutely. But people make those assumptions all
646
00:30:31.869 --> 00:30:34.269
the time. I remember I did my first, one of
647
00:30:34.289 --> 00:30:37.470
my first roles was on Chicago PD, and I just
648
00:30:37.589 --> 00:30:41.569
played this dude on the west side who fixes some
649
00:30:41.589 --> 00:30:43.910
of the cops' cars or some shit like that. And
650
00:30:43.970 --> 00:30:48.869
it was like one day, shoot, my family saw it,
651
00:30:49.190 --> 00:30:51.890
and they're thinking I live in a mansion. They don't
652
00:30:51.970 --> 00:30:54.019
come see me. They don't actually come to visit me.
653
00:30:54.390 --> 00:30:56.680
In Chicago, they're just like, oh, you rich now, boy.
654
00:30:56.700 --> 00:30:58.980
You on TV. I'm like, no, no, no. I live
655
00:30:59.319 --> 00:31:01.740
with a bunch of college students, and I'm in this
656
00:31:01.759 --> 00:31:05.930
little cupboard room. But people just love to make those assumptions.
657
00:31:06.730 --> 00:31:09.089
That being said, the second I can buy a plane,
658
00:31:09.349 --> 00:31:13.980
I don't want to. I Uber it out, you know
659
00:31:14.000 --> 00:31:16.200
what I'm saying? So it can make its money.
660
00:31:16.380 --> 00:31:19.839
I Airbnb the plane, you know what I mean? So wait,
661
00:31:19.859 --> 00:31:21.579
you're going to Uber it out so other people can
662
00:31:21.859 --> 00:31:24.180
use the plane, but also you're going to have people
663
00:31:24.259 --> 00:31:26.319
living in the plane, right?
664
00:31:26.359 --> 00:31:28.640
Yeah, the pilots. They got to be ready to go
665
00:31:28.740 --> 00:31:31.279
at a moment's notice. I'm working all the time, they're
666
00:31:31.299 --> 00:31:32.880
working all the time.
667
00:31:33.460 --> 00:31:35.660
That plane's going to start to smell. I'm just telling you.
668
00:31:35.680 --> 00:31:37.960
You're going to come in there and they're like, no,
669
00:31:38.029 --> 00:31:41.650
we just made lunch here. We slept here last night
670
00:31:41.710 --> 00:31:43.509
and we just cooked. We just made breakfast.
671
00:31:44.009 --> 00:31:46.089
Hey, man, as long as it smells fresh by the
672
00:31:46.109 --> 00:31:47.089
time I get on that motherfucker.
673
00:31:47.109 --> 00:31:48.609
I don't know why this is popping in my head,
674
00:31:48.650 --> 00:31:52.269
but Lorne gave me a ride in his amazing plane once.
675
00:31:52.289 --> 00:31:53.869
And this is when I was going to move out
676
00:31:53.910 --> 00:31:56.000
to L.A. after years and years and years in New York.
677
00:31:56.700 --> 00:32:00.380
And I'm talking and I'm saying, yeah, I hear you can.
678
00:32:01.259 --> 00:32:02.940
You can get like a nicer house if you live
679
00:32:02.960 --> 00:32:04.880
in the valley. You can get more land if you
680
00:32:04.920 --> 00:32:07.059
live in San Fernando Valley. And Lauren just cut me
681
00:32:07.079 --> 00:32:09.339
off and went, you're not living in the fucking valley.
682
00:32:09.359 --> 00:32:14.390
I don't know why. It was like that was the
683
00:32:14.430 --> 00:32:17.650
Yoda wisdom. You know, Yoda's just like, there is no try.
684
00:32:17.670 --> 00:32:20.069
There is only do. And then Lauren's just like, you're
685
00:32:20.089 --> 00:32:21.450
not living in the fucking valley.
686
00:32:21.509 --> 00:32:22.609
Yeah, get real.
687
00:32:23.289 --> 00:32:26.359
Get real. Then I looked around and noticed that, oh.
688
00:32:26.859 --> 00:32:30.029
They're bringing out a giant golden avocado for me to eat.
689
00:32:32.250 --> 00:32:34.230
I'm getting a massage on this private plane.
690
00:32:34.410 --> 00:32:38.009
That man has wisdom, especially when it comes to money
691
00:32:38.329 --> 00:32:40.250
and having it and knowing what to do with it.
692
00:32:40.650 --> 00:32:43.069
When I told him I was taking a break, he
693
00:32:43.250 --> 00:32:45.789
gave me some great advice, which was like, you know,
694
00:32:45.829 --> 00:32:48.990
spend a little bit more on yourself just to remind
695
00:32:49.009 --> 00:32:50.529
yourself when you get home that you got to get
696
00:32:50.750 --> 00:32:51.750
your ass back to work.
697
00:32:51.950 --> 00:32:52.910
You know what I mean?
698
00:32:53.049 --> 00:32:54.569
And I was like, I'm definitely going to do that.
699
00:32:55.210 --> 00:32:55.710
And I did it.
700
00:32:56.029 --> 00:32:56.269
Yeah.
701
00:32:56.470 --> 00:32:58.170
And that's why I'm here. Y'all paying me, right? No,
702
00:32:58.210 --> 00:32:58.759
I'm just kidding.
703
00:32:58.890 --> 00:33:01.480
Oh, yeah. The money you get for appearing on this
704
00:33:01.519 --> 00:33:05.299
podcast is going to stun you. It's going to stun you.
705
00:33:05.500 --> 00:33:06.940
It's going to change your life.
706
00:33:07.099 --> 00:33:08.400
Your children's children.
707
00:33:10.359 --> 00:33:14.769
This is ancestral money that will last forever. You know,
708
00:33:14.789 --> 00:33:18.410
it was funny. One of the things that I love
709
00:33:18.609 --> 00:33:22.400
about watching you is how much fun you're having. first
710
00:33:22.440 --> 00:33:25.240
of all, you're 110% committed to whatever you're doing.
711
00:33:25.380 --> 00:33:26.380
Yeah, gotta be.
712
00:33:26.559 --> 00:33:31.200
You have to be, yes. But like when you were Kanye,
713
00:33:31.420 --> 00:33:35.849
you know, and you had those insane eyes, you were so,
714
00:33:35.890 --> 00:33:38.170
and I also can tell you're having a lot of fun.
715
00:33:38.190 --> 00:33:40.589
And I always feel like it's not, not a lot
716
00:33:40.609 --> 00:33:42.789
of people can't do it, but what's simple is when
717
00:33:42.829 --> 00:33:45.630
you're having fun, it's really fun to watch.
718
00:33:45.950 --> 00:33:48.670
Yeah, I, I have a lot of fun, especially with
719
00:33:48.829 --> 00:33:52.059
characters like that, because I'm a fan of Ye. He's
720
00:33:52.099 --> 00:33:53.299
not a fan of my Ye.
721
00:33:53.640 --> 00:33:55.039
Now, did he see your impression?
722
00:33:55.400 --> 00:33:56.599
Oh, he's seen it, for sure.
723
00:33:56.700 --> 00:33:59.680
And did he say anything? Did it get back to you?
724
00:34:00.259 --> 00:34:03.589
No, and I've seen him a few times, and I
725
00:34:03.660 --> 00:34:06.230
feel like he don't like me that much.
726
00:34:06.910 --> 00:34:10.849
It could just be me, you know what I mean,
727
00:34:10.909 --> 00:34:11.489
my head.
728
00:34:11.989 --> 00:34:16.030
I remember we were all backstage. I forgot whose show
729
00:34:16.090 --> 00:34:19.900
it was. But I think I had just did Ye
730
00:34:19.920 --> 00:34:23.900
a few weeks after this, and Chappelle was there, and
731
00:34:23.940 --> 00:34:25.659
Rock was there, and they were all back there talking.
732
00:34:25.679 --> 00:34:27.199
So we were all talking, and then I walked off
733
00:34:27.219 --> 00:34:29.880
to get ready, and I came back over, and Ye
734
00:34:29.920 --> 00:34:32.610
was there. And they were all in the semi-circle. I
735
00:34:32.610 --> 00:34:34.329
was like, this is cold. So I said, what's up
736
00:34:34.349 --> 00:34:36.690
to everybody again? And I was like, what's up, Ye?
737
00:34:36.989 --> 00:34:42.170
And he gave me this over-the-shoulder Batman look. Didn't say
738
00:34:42.269 --> 00:34:46.039
a fucking word. And he just... And then walk back,
739
00:34:46.079 --> 00:34:48.300
I'm like, ah, yay, well, next time then.
740
00:34:48.559 --> 00:34:50.929
And then, you know.
741
00:34:51.280 --> 00:34:53.340
And we've seen each other several times, man. We got
742
00:34:53.360 --> 00:34:56.670
mutual friends. But, like, you know, I just don't think
743
00:34:56.690 --> 00:34:59.349
he rocks with it that much. But I met him
744
00:34:59.369 --> 00:35:01.190
when I was younger, too. Like, I was at the
745
00:35:01.269 --> 00:35:02.829
Austin Township. We used to go to the West Side
746
00:35:02.869 --> 00:35:06.510
on the Austin Township and, like, do, like, different programs
747
00:35:06.530 --> 00:35:09.710
for the kids. And I remember I was young. I was, like, 13.
748
00:35:09.690 --> 00:35:13.969
I made this mixtape. And Ye had just like, he
749
00:35:14.010 --> 00:35:16.050
just started getting popular. He just sold some beats to
750
00:35:16.510 --> 00:35:19.579
Jay-Z and it was like, and that shit was blowing up.
751
00:35:19.599 --> 00:35:21.320
So it was him and Common had come to talk
752
00:35:21.380 --> 00:35:24.989
to all of us. So I waited till after. It
753
00:35:25.030 --> 00:35:27.449
was over, and I had my mixtape, and I walked
754
00:35:27.510 --> 00:35:30.449
up to Ye, and I was like, Ye, this is
755
00:35:30.469 --> 00:35:32.909
my mixtape. I'm a young rapper. Would you mind listening
756
00:35:32.949 --> 00:35:34.190
to it? He's like, hell no, I ain't listening to
757
00:35:34.210 --> 00:35:37.110
that shit. And he walks up. So that was my
758
00:35:37.190 --> 00:35:40.090
first interaction with Ye as a child. It was my
759
00:35:40.130 --> 00:35:40.650
first dream.
760
00:35:40.670 --> 00:35:43.130
You're a child. What does it take to go like, sure,
761
00:35:43.150 --> 00:35:45.409
I'll give it a listen? You know, throw it away later.
762
00:35:45.769 --> 00:35:49.130
Common took it, and he listened to it. And then
763
00:35:49.449 --> 00:35:50.929
when he came on the show, because I had him
764
00:35:51.050 --> 00:35:53.409
in one of the sketches, He came on the show
765
00:35:53.429 --> 00:35:55.690
and we talked about this moment. And he was like, well,
766
00:35:55.769 --> 00:35:58.010
right then he couldn't have, you know, he couldn't have
767
00:35:58.050 --> 00:36:00.250
his like, it was in his contract. He couldn't pick
768
00:36:00.289 --> 00:36:03.170
up mixtapes. I was like, man, you're a good guy
769
00:36:03.309 --> 00:36:07.030
coming for your friend. I learned something very valuable that
770
00:36:07.050 --> 00:36:09.829
like when you meet your heroes and you meet some
771
00:36:09.949 --> 00:36:12.230
of your favorite artists, sometimes they're not going to fuck
772
00:36:12.250 --> 00:36:14.719
with you right away or ever. You know what I'm saying?
773
00:36:14.739 --> 00:36:17.059
So you got to learn to appreciate and separate the
774
00:36:17.119 --> 00:36:18.400
work and the art from the person.
775
00:36:18.659 --> 00:36:22.420
I'm in that school with you. I tried my best
776
00:36:22.460 --> 00:36:24.880
to separate. And it's gotten to be a tricky thing
777
00:36:24.920 --> 00:36:28.039
because we're in a culture now where they say if
778
00:36:28.079 --> 00:36:31.659
someone gets canceled or someone does something that's not cool,
779
00:36:32.039 --> 00:36:34.340
we're supposed to hate their work. And I don't know.
780
00:36:34.389 --> 00:36:35.860
I have a difficult time with that.
781
00:36:35.949 --> 00:36:36.389
Me too.
782
00:36:36.630 --> 00:36:40.829
Especially people in our world. They're flawed. But if they've
783
00:36:40.849 --> 00:36:42.869
done something really brilliant, I need to give it up.
784
00:36:44.679 --> 00:36:48.440
What you did was really brilliant there. You're very talented.
785
00:36:49.440 --> 00:36:52.579
And then you may also be deeply screwed up. And
786
00:36:52.619 --> 00:36:55.320
you probably owe a bunch of people an apology. But
787
00:36:56.059 --> 00:36:59.610
I try. I try to keep the– that's my take
788
00:36:59.690 --> 00:37:00.190
on it. Yeah.
789
00:37:00.230 --> 00:37:01.869
I mean, I feel like it's important because it's been
790
00:37:01.889 --> 00:37:04.230
a part of our lives literally forever. I mean, people
791
00:37:04.269 --> 00:37:06.449
talk about how terrible Hitler was, and he was. But
792
00:37:06.469 --> 00:37:09.230
there's also this conversation in classes where like, but he
793
00:37:09.250 --> 00:37:13.300
was a brilliant war strategist and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
794
00:37:13.599 --> 00:37:14.440
And it's like, all right.
795
00:37:14.460 --> 00:37:17.980
No, there really wasn't anything. Hitler was also terrible at that.
796
00:37:18.480 --> 00:37:19.320
He was terrible.
797
00:37:19.860 --> 00:37:22.380
It's like, how are y'all trying to find like.
798
00:37:22.400 --> 00:37:23.409
No, no, no. I thought you were going to say
799
00:37:23.449 --> 00:37:24.949
for a second, like Hitler talking about, people talk about
800
00:37:24.969 --> 00:37:27.550
what a bad guy Hitler was, but his early comedy
801
00:37:27.670 --> 00:37:31.389
albums- His mustache album was great. Yeah, the stuff he
802
00:37:31.409 --> 00:37:34.309
was doing in San Francisco. His scientists. In the 60s.
803
00:37:34.429 --> 00:37:38.369
The scientists that integrated into America. We took their scientists.
804
00:37:38.409 --> 00:37:40.150
We took their Nazi racist scientists.
805
00:37:42.110 --> 00:37:43.670
We took their rocket scientists, yeah.
806
00:37:43.710 --> 00:37:45.949
Yeah, and we put them into our own government.
807
00:37:46.139 --> 00:37:49.900
No, you ruined my whole point when you brought Hitler
808
00:37:49.940 --> 00:37:53.920
into it. Thanks a lot. I'm like, you know, and
809
00:37:53.940 --> 00:37:57.449
I'm trying to think of comedians that I admire, but
810
00:37:57.469 --> 00:37:59.170
then later on you find out they've done some bad stuff,
811
00:37:59.190 --> 00:38:00.469
and I think, well, I'm trying to tease that, and
812
00:38:00.489 --> 00:38:03.630
you're like, yeah, because Hitler, and I'm like, oh, great.
813
00:38:03.670 --> 00:38:06.989
Don't pull me into your Hitler bullshit. Hey, man, hey, man.
814
00:38:07.030 --> 00:38:08.519
Hitler was a sharp dresser.
815
00:38:09.769 --> 00:38:11.070
Hilla had a cold bin.
816
00:38:12.150 --> 00:38:16.090
That boy had a car. He had a car, boy,
817
00:38:16.110 --> 00:38:21.110
that car was a tank.
818
00:38:21.150 --> 00:38:22.030
Hey, man.
819
00:38:22.050 --> 00:38:24.510
Hilla was rapping for all the little motherfuckers in the world.
820
00:38:24.570 --> 00:38:27.670
I have to put out a statement now that I
821
00:38:27.750 --> 00:38:30.630
cannot go along with Chris Redd's. I'm not a fan
822
00:38:30.650 --> 00:38:33.130
of Hitler. No, no, I know. I need everybody to know.
823
00:38:33.349 --> 00:38:34.900
I'm not a fan of.
824
00:38:34.880 --> 00:38:38.260
Hitler or Adolf. Your publicist just jumped out the window.
825
00:38:38.960 --> 00:38:41.659
Whenever someone's backed into a corner of saying, look, I'm
826
00:38:41.719 --> 00:38:47.079
not a Hitler fan per se. No, I get your point.
827
00:38:47.199 --> 00:38:49.840
I get your point. Oh, shit. Yeah, he, you know,
828
00:38:50.639 --> 00:38:54.780
probably was petted a dog once. But still, you know,
829
00:38:54.800 --> 00:38:59.860
what's funny is, you know, we were talking about how lives...
830
00:39:00.280 --> 00:39:04.659
change or people's perceptions change there's no way there's no
831
00:39:04.719 --> 00:39:07.800
way now that people in your life don't think you've
832
00:39:08.179 --> 00:39:10.329
got it made and that's that adds some kind of
833
00:39:10.369 --> 00:39:10.909
pressure to.
834
00:39:10.889 --> 00:39:14.869
You oh well it's it's like yeah.
835
00:39:14.650 --> 00:39:17.650
Yeah or your family or there's no way that people
836
00:39:17.690 --> 00:39:21.769
don't think oh you know you're just you have no problems.
837
00:39:21.469 --> 00:39:25.050
Anymore 100 it's that and it's like nah nah man
838
00:39:25.150 --> 00:39:27.449
you still have problems and you got all this other
839
00:39:27.469 --> 00:39:29.730
stuff to do but it's like i'd rather i'd rather
840
00:39:29.769 --> 00:39:31.940
do all the problems now than uh dealing with all
841
00:39:31.960 --> 00:39:35.139
the problems uh yeah yeah without having resources to uh
842
00:39:35.360 --> 00:39:37.900
to handle any of them damn problems yeah just ignoring
843
00:39:37.940 --> 00:39:39.780
it i i just i mean it took me a
844
00:39:39.800 --> 00:39:42.699
long time just to like like stop thinking any number
845
00:39:42.719 --> 00:39:45.239
that i didn't know calling me was some somebody i
846
00:39:45.400 --> 00:39:47.360
owed you know what i mean because i just i
847
00:39:47.380 --> 00:39:50.190
call it like um There's PTSD and then there's, like,
848
00:39:50.409 --> 00:39:52.449
broke memory where you, like, wake up sometimes and just
849
00:39:52.469 --> 00:39:54.329
check your account to make sure, like, you're not in
850
00:39:54.349 --> 00:39:56.469
the red. I still do this shit to this day.
851
00:39:56.530 --> 00:40:01.059
But that's because I was literally broke for so long
852
00:40:01.599 --> 00:40:05.199
that people don't really put the math together. Like, I
853
00:40:05.260 --> 00:40:09.119
was unsuccessful for way longer than I was successful. So
854
00:40:09.820 --> 00:40:12.719
I remember that way more than I know this. I'm
855
00:40:12.739 --> 00:40:15.199
still learning how to... You know, there are these stories about.
856
00:40:16.320 --> 00:40:21.519
Bob Hope, like the huge comedian of the 30s, 40s, 50s, like,
857
00:40:21.739 --> 00:40:28.099
you know, he was incredibly wealthy. So early on, like
858
00:40:28.119 --> 00:40:30.489
in the 1940s, he starts buying up all the land
859
00:40:30.750 --> 00:40:33.610
in the valley where Lauren will never go. But he
860
00:40:33.630 --> 00:40:36.369
starts buying it all up with his friends. And so he,
861
00:40:36.389 --> 00:40:39.949
you know, by the time 1970s, 80s, he's one of
862
00:40:39.969 --> 00:40:42.679
the richest entertainers of all time.
863
00:40:42.719 --> 00:40:42.820
Crazy.
864
00:40:42.980 --> 00:40:46.579
Crazy money. And I know for a fact that late
865
00:40:46.599 --> 00:40:49.119
in his life, when he was, you know, he lived
866
00:40:49.159 --> 00:40:52.880
to be 97 or something. He lived a really long time.
867
00:40:53.599 --> 00:40:55.760
When he was really old, he would have people drive
868
00:40:55.800 --> 00:40:59.760
him in with coupons to like a, you know, to
869
00:40:59.800 --> 00:41:04.150
a Carl's Jr., you know, or a fast food place.
870
00:41:04.630 --> 00:41:08.789
And he would use the coupons to get his hamburger
871
00:41:09.510 --> 00:41:16.070
because he had been desperately poor, desperately poor. We're talking
872
00:41:16.090 --> 00:41:18.710
now like 100 years ago, but he was desperately poor
873
00:41:18.769 --> 00:41:21.860
back then and he never forgot it. And that's the
874
00:41:21.880 --> 00:41:25.980
kind of thing that when people have spent time without–
875
00:41:27.909 --> 00:41:30.420
often never, ever, ever, ever forget it.
876
00:41:30.530 --> 00:41:32.059
Especially if you were broke in the 30s.
877
00:41:32.230 --> 00:41:33.570
Right, exactly.
878
00:41:33.590 --> 00:41:34.329
Jesus Christ.
879
00:41:34.429 --> 00:41:36.590
That was a different kind of broke. Yeah, that was
880
00:41:36.650 --> 00:41:41.780
tough for white people. The 30s was the last time
881
00:41:41.880 --> 00:41:44.760
white people had a difficult... I mean, we definitely had
882
00:41:44.820 --> 00:41:47.420
it bad. Hey, you guys had it... Yeah, yeah. I'm
883
00:41:47.440 --> 00:41:49.719
not saying you didn't. I'm just saying, yeah, you're right.
884
00:41:49.780 --> 00:41:51.239
When I see pictures of white people in the 30s,
885
00:41:51.239 --> 00:41:54.110
they got soot on their face. They're not even trying
886
00:41:54.170 --> 00:41:55.570
to have black face. They just work hard.
887
00:41:57.710 --> 00:41:58.230
Shit's up.
888
00:41:58.429 --> 00:42:00.829
Yeah, yeah. I like that. I like your take on
889
00:42:00.849 --> 00:42:02.389
the 30s. The last time.
890
00:42:02.409 --> 00:42:03.769
I got hot takes on the 30s.
891
00:42:03.869 --> 00:42:10.449
Wait, wait. Well, you heard it here. Officially, the last
892
00:42:10.489 --> 00:42:14.280
time white people had anything legitimate to complain about, we've
893
00:42:14.340 --> 00:42:19.179
nailed down the date. It was 1937. March 5th. And
894
00:42:19.199 --> 00:42:21.900
then after that, they needed to shut up.
895
00:42:21.960 --> 00:42:22.320
Yeah.
896
00:42:22.760 --> 00:42:24.800
And now y'all just have to explain January 6th for
897
00:42:24.840 --> 00:42:25.760
about five years.
898
00:42:25.840 --> 00:42:26.190
Yes.
899
00:42:26.670 --> 00:42:27.190
Oh, my God.
900
00:42:27.210 --> 00:42:29.150
That was crazy. That was tight.
901
00:42:29.610 --> 00:42:33.309
Yeah. What were you doing when January 6th happened? I
902
00:42:34.030 --> 00:42:39.380
was supposed to do, I think, a podcast or something.
903
00:42:39.420 --> 00:42:42.320
And it was during COVID. So I was supposed to
904
00:42:42.360 --> 00:42:45.219
record it from home. And the TV's out in the background.
905
00:42:45.239 --> 00:42:49.670
And I literally... you know, the technician and everyone is on,
906
00:42:49.929 --> 00:42:53.269
everyone's online telling me, okay, let's get ready to do this.
907
00:42:53.409 --> 00:42:56.750
And in the background, I'm watching our country start to
908
00:42:56.789 --> 00:42:59.489
come apart at the seams.
909
00:42:59.510 --> 00:42:59.590
Yeah.
910
00:42:59.610 --> 00:43:03.010
And finally just called, I think I called Adam Sachs,
911
00:43:03.030 --> 00:43:07.150
who's sitting with us today, who's, you know, in charge
912
00:43:07.170 --> 00:43:10.489
of all the, the world of our podcast. And I said,
913
00:43:10.949 --> 00:43:13.269
I don't think we're doing a podcast right now because I,
914
00:43:13.849 --> 00:43:17.489
I think the American experiment is ending right now on
915
00:43:17.590 --> 00:43:20.590
CNN live. For real. And so I don't know where
916
00:43:20.610 --> 00:43:22.880
you were, but that was insanity.
917
00:43:23.059 --> 00:43:24.880
I was in New York. We were doing the show.
918
00:43:24.900 --> 00:43:27.199
Actually, you were there. I saw you in the footage.
919
00:43:27.260 --> 00:43:28.940
Yeah, I was. I was letting people in the back.
920
00:43:34.530 --> 00:43:36.230
Wait, some people are coming in the back and it
921
00:43:36.489 --> 00:43:40.000
looks like, yes, Saturday Night Live's Chris Redd is holding
922
00:43:40.039 --> 00:43:40.920
the door for them.
923
00:43:41.000 --> 00:43:43.280
They told me it was a barbecue. I didn't know
924
00:43:43.340 --> 00:43:48.260
what the plan was. I should have known. I should
925
00:43:48.679 --> 00:43:49.409
have known.
926
00:43:49.489 --> 00:43:51.150
At what point did you figure out this is not
927
00:43:51.190 --> 00:43:52.050
a social occasion?
928
00:43:52.389 --> 00:43:55.150
Oh, when I saw too many woodland jackets.
929
00:43:55.190 --> 00:43:58.050
Too many jackets with wood chips on them.
930
00:43:58.210 --> 00:44:01.210
I'm like, please, this is not a barbecue. I don't
931
00:44:01.309 --> 00:44:04.960
want to be it. I mean, bro, there's a lot
932
00:44:04.980 --> 00:44:06.980
of things I thought about it. You know what I mean? Yeah.
933
00:44:07.699 --> 00:44:10.340
The first thought was how musty it must have smelled.
934
00:44:10.579 --> 00:44:10.760
Right.
935
00:44:10.780 --> 00:44:13.139
Because, oh, man, there's too many teeth missing for that
936
00:44:13.159 --> 00:44:19.860
shit to smell great. The motherfucker stank, man.
937
00:44:19.929 --> 00:44:23.690
Yeah. That guy dressed up as a buffalo. You know
938
00:44:23.730 --> 00:44:24.969
he didn't. He hadn't showered.
939
00:44:25.050 --> 00:44:27.579
Hell no. He's just that spray on axe.
940
00:44:27.590 --> 00:44:27.829
Yeah.
941
00:44:27.869 --> 00:44:30.179
And he doesn't like. Hit the skin. He just sprays
942
00:44:30.239 --> 00:44:30.690
around it.
943
00:44:32.960 --> 00:44:34.659
He has a friend spray a little ax and then
944
00:44:34.699 --> 00:44:35.340
he walks through it.
945
00:44:35.340 --> 00:44:37.880
He walks through it, yeah. It doesn't work that way. Yeah, yeah.
946
00:44:37.980 --> 00:44:42.219
And then he says, why did the spin doctors break up?
947
00:44:42.699 --> 00:44:45.219
He has to live with that footage forever, man. I
948
00:44:45.239 --> 00:44:46.719
think he had kids, too.
949
00:44:47.090 --> 00:44:47.340
Yeah.
950
00:44:47.550 --> 00:44:50.250
The guy with the buffalo. Yeah, he's dressed. He's wearing
951
00:44:50.289 --> 00:44:53.449
like buffalo horns and he's all painted. And you know that.
952
00:44:54.070 --> 00:44:56.050
Five years from now, he's going to pass the bar
953
00:44:56.090 --> 00:44:58.550
somewhere and be like a legitimate lawyer. Yeah. And people
954
00:44:58.570 --> 00:44:59.730
are going to be bringing that up. And he's going
955
00:44:59.750 --> 00:45:00.889
to go, you know, that's not me anymore.
956
00:45:00.929 --> 00:45:01.389
Yeah, man.
957
00:45:01.429 --> 00:45:02.010
No, dude.
958
00:45:02.130 --> 00:45:03.989
I was just like, I was an animal back then.
959
00:45:04.010 --> 00:45:05.300
It was a weird time.
960
00:45:05.320 --> 00:45:07.599
It was a weird time. We were all just really like,
961
00:45:07.699 --> 00:45:09.639
we were just stressed out.
962
00:45:09.719 --> 00:45:10.159
Yeah.
963
00:45:10.360 --> 00:45:12.980
And that's what you, when you're stressed, you try and
964
00:45:14.079 --> 00:45:19.500
undo a 220 year constitutional experiment. That's what we all
965
00:45:19.539 --> 00:45:20.460
do when we're stressed.
966
00:45:20.480 --> 00:45:26.030
They were trying to steal the constitution. And then do what, though, man? Like,
967
00:45:26.150 --> 00:45:28.329
read it? Half the people can't read.
968
00:45:30.530 --> 00:45:32.530
I found it. Here it is. Oh, all right. I
969
00:45:32.550 --> 00:45:32.900
got it.
970
00:45:33.250 --> 00:45:33.829
All right, now.
971
00:45:33.869 --> 00:45:34.989
What we going? All right, so.
972
00:45:35.349 --> 00:45:38.590
All right, we got it now. What's it say?
973
00:45:40.789 --> 00:45:43.150
It's like, it's not voodoo, dog. You can't change it
974
00:45:43.210 --> 00:45:46.030
and then things happen. It's very weird to me.
975
00:45:46.090 --> 00:45:48.570
I think they weren't quite sure what they were doing,
976
00:45:48.630 --> 00:45:50.170
by the way. I don't think.
977
00:45:50.190 --> 00:45:51.409
You don't think they were planning?
978
00:45:51.489 --> 00:45:53.659
I don't think they had a good thought out plan.
979
00:45:53.739 --> 00:45:56.500
That's just me. And I've tried to put this out
980
00:45:56.519 --> 00:45:59.739
there before and. People say you're crazy, Conan, but that's
981
00:45:59.780 --> 00:46:00.480
just my bet.
982
00:46:00.840 --> 00:46:03.719
Yeah, it's just the equivalent of like, you know, if like, yo,
983
00:46:03.739 --> 00:46:05.539
let's go rob a bank. No, no, let's go rob
984
00:46:05.559 --> 00:46:10.679
a library, bro. Take all the encyclopedias.
985
00:46:10.699 --> 00:46:11.900
So then we'll have all the words.
986
00:46:12.039 --> 00:46:15.159
And nobody will have words because we got the words.
987
00:46:15.219 --> 00:46:16.079
We got the words.
988
00:46:17.099 --> 00:46:20.199
That's a plan. Actually... Now get your buffalo costume on.
989
00:46:20.570 --> 00:46:23.429
You still got that? Uh, hold on. It's in the attic,
990
00:46:23.550 --> 00:46:24.050
I think.
991
00:46:24.110 --> 00:46:24.489
Honey!
992
00:46:25.329 --> 00:46:26.630
Where's the buffalo head?
993
00:46:26.829 --> 00:46:27.570
This again?
994
00:46:27.789 --> 00:46:31.409
We're gonna... Shut up! This is me doing me. We
995
00:46:31.449 --> 00:46:34.539
gotta go steal the words from the library. Where is the...
996
00:46:34.980 --> 00:46:38.659
Where is the... No, the buffalo head that I wear.
997
00:46:39.079 --> 00:46:41.380
It's in the attic. I locked it up with the guns.
998
00:46:44.559 --> 00:46:47.280
This is verbatim conversation from one of their households.
999
00:46:47.420 --> 00:46:50.719
Yeah, we actually got a transcript. We're just performing it.
1000
00:46:50.929 --> 00:46:55.130
This is NPR. This is legitimate news. So tell me
1001
00:46:55.170 --> 00:46:57.909
about your day today, because I know this is, I'm
1002
00:46:57.929 --> 00:47:00.150
catching you in a work week. You got a Saturday
1003
00:47:00.170 --> 00:47:03.030
Night Live this week. So I know that yesterday was
1004
00:47:03.110 --> 00:47:05.590
read through. So you kind of know what the show
1005
00:47:05.650 --> 00:47:06.170
is going to be.
1006
00:47:06.820 --> 00:47:07.139
Yeah.
1007
00:47:07.219 --> 00:47:08.579
You have an idea of what it's going to be
1008
00:47:08.619 --> 00:47:11.639
so far. How late in the process can you come
1009
00:47:11.719 --> 00:47:15.039
up with something new? If you had a really funny idea,
1010
00:47:15.079 --> 00:47:17.989
maybe for update late in the week or something.
1011
00:47:18.110 --> 00:47:18.690
Yeah.
1012
00:47:18.710 --> 00:47:21.829
Or someone had pitched you something. How late? Because I
1013
00:47:21.889 --> 00:47:26.889
remember it was things were pretty set by Thursday. I mean,
1014
00:47:26.909 --> 00:47:27.670
they had to be.
1015
00:47:27.750 --> 00:47:30.690
Well, update is like a code open is definitely like
1016
00:47:31.210 --> 00:47:33.289
not that I come up with ideas for code open.
1017
00:47:33.369 --> 00:47:37.050
I never think about that. But like. And Kodama, the script,
1018
00:47:37.210 --> 00:47:40.050
we'll first see it Friday night or even Saturdays now.
1019
00:47:40.530 --> 00:47:43.429
And then update, you know, Friday. I didn't know I
1020
00:47:43.449 --> 00:47:46.000
was doing Kanye until Friday evening.
1021
00:47:46.159 --> 00:47:46.679
Oh, really?
1022
00:47:46.840 --> 00:47:47.119
Yeah.
1023
00:47:47.260 --> 00:47:49.019
And I was like, oh, shit. OK. And so then
1024
00:47:49.059 --> 00:47:51.960
I was on set. My music videos, me and Pete
1025
00:47:51.980 --> 00:47:54.099
were shooting trees at the time.
1026
00:47:54.139 --> 00:47:54.760
Yeah.
1027
00:47:54.889 --> 00:47:57.210
And so in between takes, I was like trying to
1028
00:47:57.230 --> 00:47:59.380
get my Kanye down. for that next day because I
1029
00:47:59.420 --> 00:48:00.860
was like, oh, this is my first time in the
1030
00:48:00.900 --> 00:48:03.519
cold open for real and, like, doing a character and
1031
00:48:03.559 --> 00:48:06.800
I ain't never really done Kanye. Like, I don't.
1032
00:48:06.940 --> 00:48:07.639
Oh, you hadn't?
1033
00:48:07.880 --> 00:48:08.260
I hadn't.
1034
00:48:08.340 --> 00:48:10.159
It was so funny. It was so good.
1035
00:48:10.300 --> 00:48:13.059
I appreciate it, man. Like, I try to, like, I
1036
00:48:13.079 --> 00:48:16.110
love doing characters, obviously, but I don't, like, I didn't
1037
00:48:16.130 --> 00:48:18.630
fancy myself an impressionist. I'm like, people I can have
1038
00:48:18.710 --> 00:48:21.090
fun with. And that's one of my favorite things to
1039
00:48:21.110 --> 00:48:24.739
watch is, like, watching, like, a Kate, uh like an
1040
00:48:24.820 --> 00:48:27.980
andy sandberg like do do impressions where some some are
1041
00:48:28.019 --> 00:48:30.400
like oh shit that's like that's them and then some
1042
00:48:30.420 --> 00:48:33.000
they're just having so much fun like you're like oh
1043
00:48:33.039 --> 00:48:36.280
they're they're they're bringing something new to this person that
1044
00:48:36.570 --> 00:48:38.989
really didn't give them much to start with right and
1045
00:48:39.010 --> 00:48:40.889
they're just having a and then you have people like
1046
00:48:40.949 --> 00:48:44.050
james uh austin johnson who can be spot on yes
1047
00:48:44.110 --> 00:48:46.409
and do both yes and it's like both or like
1048
00:48:46.429 --> 00:48:49.280
a jay farrell you're like oh fuck that's amazing you
1049
00:48:49.300 --> 00:48:51.239
know what i mean yeah or Chloe or, I mean,
1050
00:48:51.260 --> 00:48:53.280
there's plenty of people. I'm not gonna name a whole cast.
1051
00:48:53.440 --> 00:48:54.099
I love you.
1052
00:48:56.059 --> 00:48:56.400
Guys.
1053
00:48:56.500 --> 00:49:00.619
And now the people you didn't mention. No, but I
1054
00:49:00.679 --> 00:49:02.400
know that, you know, back in my day when Dana
1055
00:49:02.440 --> 00:49:07.320
Carvey would do Bush, he just kept stretching it out
1056
00:49:07.360 --> 00:49:09.809
and making it, you know, we're not gonna do it.
1057
00:49:10.000 --> 00:49:13.110
Just became, now I got that. Big Bush became, ga, ga, ga.
1058
00:49:13.489 --> 00:49:15.489
And it was, he was stretching it so far out
1059
00:49:15.550 --> 00:49:17.989
that it almost had, it started to have nothing to
1060
00:49:18.030 --> 00:49:24.230
do with George Bush Sr., but it was hilarious and fantastic.
1061
00:49:24.269 --> 00:49:26.510
And I thought, oh, that's, those are the impressions I
1062
00:49:26.550 --> 00:49:30.989
really love is when someone You know, your Kanye a
1063
00:49:31.030 --> 00:49:33.659
year from now might be quite different. You know what
1064
00:49:33.679 --> 00:49:36.639
I mean? Your Cory Booker might, you might find stuff
1065
00:49:36.699 --> 00:49:39.260
and it starts to drift away from the actual person,
1066
00:49:39.280 --> 00:49:40.840
but in a way become even more fun.
1067
00:49:41.039 --> 00:49:41.300
Yeah.
1068
00:49:41.469 --> 00:49:43.510
Especially Cory Booker. Cause he doesn't like, he's a, he's
1069
00:49:43.530 --> 00:49:47.590
just like very well put together dude. Pretty, pretty just like,
1070
00:49:47.610 --> 00:49:51.070
you know, passionate about things and caring. And that's, Pretty
1071
00:49:51.110 --> 00:49:54.280
boring stuff when it comes to, like, a comedian who's
1072
00:49:54.579 --> 00:49:57.139
looking for shit to make fun of. So, like, I
1073
00:49:57.260 --> 00:50:00.380
accentuate the things that I notice. But I notice face
1074
00:50:00.400 --> 00:50:06.309
shit first. Like, I love facial expressions. And it was
1075
00:50:06.349 --> 00:50:09.130
so fun, especially with Corey, because Corey doesn't like the
1076
00:50:09.690 --> 00:50:10.389
impression that much.
1077
00:50:10.869 --> 00:50:12.230
Is that true? It got back to you?
1078
00:50:12.530 --> 00:50:17.940
Yeah, because some people that work for him, they were like,
1079
00:50:17.960 --> 00:50:20.920
we love it. So I'm like, he doesn't. Yep, yep.
1080
00:50:20.960 --> 00:50:21.860
That's usually how it works.
1081
00:50:21.880 --> 00:50:23.699
Because you're not hearing from him. Yeah, yeah.
1082
00:50:23.820 --> 00:50:29.969
And then Rosario Dawson did an interview, I think, with TMZ.
1083
00:50:30.030 --> 00:50:32.250
And she was like, I want to give Esten Allen
1084
00:50:32.309 --> 00:50:35.349
and Chris Redd some pointers. That's not her voice. Like
1085
00:50:35.389 --> 00:50:37.489
I said, I'm not an impressionist. But she's like, I
1086
00:50:37.489 --> 00:50:39.449
want to give him some pointers on how to do
1087
00:50:39.489 --> 00:50:43.269
Cory Booker. I'm like, nah. Nah, I love Rosario Dawson.
1088
00:50:43.289 --> 00:50:46.599
I think she's incredible at everything but giving me advice.
1089
00:50:47.289 --> 00:50:51.690
But you don't need tips. You got this. I'm good.
1090
00:50:52.570 --> 00:50:55.070
And Cory Booker fans are like, his eyes don't do that.
1091
00:50:55.090 --> 00:50:59.130
I'm like, are y'all not looking at this man? Anytime
1092
00:50:59.170 --> 00:51:01.309
he's intense, his eyes get big.
1093
00:51:01.369 --> 00:51:01.969
Yeah, yeah.
1094
00:51:02.090 --> 00:51:02.929
Just like that.
1095
00:51:03.030 --> 00:51:04.139
Yeah, yeah.
1096
00:51:04.159 --> 00:51:07.219
But I love that. I love finding a little something
1097
00:51:07.260 --> 00:51:09.039
and having fun with it. I mean, that's what all
1098
00:51:09.079 --> 00:51:12.769
this shit is about. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, it's fun.
1099
00:51:13.150 --> 00:51:15.630
Her tips, by the way, were like, he's caring. He
1100
00:51:15.690 --> 00:51:16.869
cares about a whole lot of things.
1101
00:51:16.889 --> 00:51:22.739
Oh, that's so funny. That's hilarious. Hilarious.
1102
00:51:22.780 --> 00:51:24.280
You know who else is funny? My pastor.
1103
00:51:24.300 --> 00:51:29.900
What are we talking about, bro? Jesus Christ. He's passionate.
1104
00:51:29.960 --> 00:51:31.639
He picks up puppies.
1105
00:51:31.739 --> 00:51:35.139
Cool, man. That's great. That's going to have them howling
1106
00:51:35.179 --> 00:51:35.880
in the aisles.
1107
00:51:36.079 --> 00:51:39.210
I still love you, Luke Cage, though. You're super dope.
1108
00:51:39.489 --> 00:51:41.150
You know, I don't want to keep you because you've
1109
00:51:41.170 --> 00:51:44.530
got to get to work. Yeah, it's a light week.
1110
00:51:44.570 --> 00:51:51.739
We're good. You know, I'm coming in. Right now, Lauren
1111
00:51:51.800 --> 00:51:56.489
is at SNL going like, where's Chris Redd? Oh, fuck.
1112
00:51:56.929 --> 00:52:00.809
Where's my pop? What's happening? He's doing a thing with Conan.
1113
00:52:01.170 --> 00:52:04.739
Is he still? It's a pop.
1114
00:52:04.800 --> 00:52:05.539
Oh, podcast.
1115
00:52:05.619 --> 00:52:09.340
Oh, that's sad. Why isn't Conan turning the sketch yet?
1116
00:52:12.610 --> 00:52:16.170
I love Lorne. Yeah, Lorne, Conan left Saturday Night Live
1117
00:52:16.170 --> 00:52:19.070
72 years ago. Oh.
1118
00:52:19.670 --> 00:52:20.849
You never really leave.
1119
00:52:22.530 --> 00:52:25.889
Why hasn't Conan turned in a sketch? I love that take.
1120
00:52:26.630 --> 00:52:29.409
I don't see Conan much around this week. Yeah, yeah,
1121
00:52:29.449 --> 00:52:32.900
he left in 1942. to go fight Hitler.
1122
00:52:34.119 --> 00:52:36.340
And he won and got the car as a.
1123
00:52:36.460 --> 00:52:38.800
Yeah, man, he had a good car. He had a
1124
00:52:38.820 --> 00:52:42.739
nice car. Hey, Chris, I am just really happy that
1125
00:52:42.780 --> 00:52:45.110
you could come in and do this. Oh, man. So-
1126
00:52:46.340 --> 00:52:52.059
So happy for you, and you are brilliantly talented, but also,
1127
00:52:52.800 --> 00:52:55.639
and I know this for a fact because I stood
1128
00:52:55.780 --> 00:52:58.570
on a roof with you in San Diego. You haven't
1129
00:52:58.610 --> 00:53:01.349
changed at all. You've got all this success. You were
1130
00:53:01.429 --> 00:53:06.250
a really nice, honest, real person then. You're that guy now,
1131
00:53:06.730 --> 00:53:07.650
and I'm just delighted.
1132
00:53:07.929 --> 00:53:10.219
Thank you so much, man. It means a lot. I
1133
00:53:10.239 --> 00:53:13.389
will never change. Well, I have better clothes now. You
1134
00:53:13.409 --> 00:53:14.409
have much better clothes now.
1135
00:53:14.550 --> 00:53:19.869
Oh, God. You were wearing towels. When I knew you,
1136
00:53:19.929 --> 00:53:23.969
you had safety pins, and you had taken hotel towels
1137
00:53:24.130 --> 00:53:25.289
and made yourself a suit.
1138
00:53:25.429 --> 00:53:28.360
They were 300 count, to be very honest with you.
1139
00:53:28.440 --> 00:53:32.559
They were very plush.
1140
00:53:33.539 --> 00:53:37.980
But literally, man, I love you, Cody, man. I've always
1141
00:53:38.000 --> 00:53:41.170
been a fan, and you're one of my favorites. Favorite
1142
00:53:41.210 --> 00:53:43.949
comics and late night hosts and now podcasters.
1143
00:53:44.650 --> 00:53:48.440
And soon furniture salesman. I love that.
1144
00:53:48.519 --> 00:53:49.659
I need 50 couchers.
1145
00:53:49.679 --> 00:53:50.880
I will take care of you.
1146
00:53:51.920 --> 00:53:55.619
But you're like, meeting you and the way you've looked
1147
00:53:55.679 --> 00:53:59.300
out for me, man, is the way you want every
1148
00:53:59.500 --> 00:54:01.380
person that you look up to in this business to
1149
00:54:01.420 --> 00:54:03.599
be like when you meet them. That's nice. And it's
1150
00:54:03.659 --> 00:54:06.159
not that way. So it's really special when it is.
1151
00:54:06.860 --> 00:54:08.480
And I really appreciate you, dude.
1152
00:54:09.170 --> 00:54:11.760
Just never impersonate me, because then I will shut you down.
1153
00:54:11.880 --> 00:54:13.320
Man, they'll give that to Mikey.
1154
00:54:14.619 --> 00:54:16.739
You don't think they're going to give it to you?
1155
00:54:16.760 --> 00:54:19.619
Yeah, I'll be like, I got this dope Conan O'Brien.
1156
00:54:19.730 --> 00:54:22.590
Oh, cool, man.
1157
00:54:22.769 --> 00:54:22.909
Okay.
1158
00:54:23.030 --> 00:54:26.989
Really? You ever thought about somebody else? No, no, it's
1159
00:54:27.030 --> 00:54:29.309
got to be Conan. It's got to be this week.
1160
00:54:29.389 --> 00:54:30.250
It's got to be this week.
1161
00:54:30.269 --> 00:54:31.329
It's got to be this week, and it's got to
1162
00:54:31.369 --> 00:54:32.070
be Conan.
1163
00:54:32.780 --> 00:54:36.579
Hey, Chris Redd, thank you so much, and I'm just
1164
00:54:36.599 --> 00:54:38.659
going to bug you all the time now. Come on, man,
1165
00:54:38.699 --> 00:54:40.380
hit me up. I got a mixtape I want you
1166
00:54:40.400 --> 00:54:40.619
to hear.
1167
00:54:40.639 --> 00:54:44.340
Dude, hey, I'm with it. I'm with it. I am
1168
00:54:44.360 --> 00:54:46.860
with it. And this man gave me my special, man,
1169
00:54:46.920 --> 00:54:48.639
so I'm going to finish that joint soon.
1170
00:54:48.920 --> 00:54:49.579
Okay, yeah, yeah, good.
1171
00:54:49.599 --> 00:54:50.360
I'm going to finish that shit.
1172
00:54:50.440 --> 00:54:51.300
Yeah, you finish that.
1173
00:54:51.420 --> 00:54:52.079
I'm going to finish that shit.
1174
00:54:52.099 --> 00:54:54.440
Because we gave you the money, and you— You immediately
1175
00:54:54.480 --> 00:54:54.920
spent it.
1176
00:54:55.139 --> 00:54:55.760
On a plane.
1177
00:54:57.920 --> 00:54:59.300
We didn't give you that much.
1178
00:54:59.320 --> 00:54:59.500
Nope.
1179
00:54:59.659 --> 00:55:01.000
That is one shitty plane.
1180
00:55:01.019 --> 00:55:01.480
It is.
1181
00:55:01.519 --> 00:55:02.840
I am not getting in that plane.
1182
00:55:02.880 --> 00:55:07.699
It's called Uberplane. One of the wings aren't on it,
1183
00:55:07.969 --> 00:55:08.909
but it does fly.
1184
00:55:09.010 --> 00:55:10.769
I do not want to get yelled at by Lauren,
1185
00:55:10.809 --> 00:55:12.349
so please go and have a great show.
1186
00:55:12.730 --> 00:55:14.110
Oh, man. Thank you, man. I appreciate you.
1187
00:55:23.199 --> 00:55:26.980
Behind this family's moving day is their dream home. A
1188
00:55:27.239 --> 00:55:30.579
new beginning about to house a lifetime of memories.
1189
00:55:53.250 --> 00:55:57.269
A kitchen fitted for rushed mornings, slow Sundays, and chats
1190
00:55:57.309 --> 00:56:00.260
that go on well after dinner. And behind it all
1191
00:56:00.659 --> 00:56:05.679
is John the Builder. Volkswagen Commercial Vehicles. Transport you can
1192
00:56:05.719 --> 00:56:09.380
rely on, because people rely on you. Now with 0%
1193
00:56:09.380 --> 00:56:12.159
finance and a 5-year warranty across the panel van range.
1194
00:56:12.699 --> 00:56:13.739
Terms and conditions apply.
1195
00:56:14.019 --> 00:56:16.480
Finance provided by way of higher purchase agreement from Volkswagen
1196
00:56:16.519 --> 00:56:19.820
Financial Services Ireland and subject to lending criteria. Volkswagen Financial
1197
00:56:19.840 --> 00:56:22.429
Services Ireland Limited is regulated by the Central Bank of Ireland.
1198
00:56:22.590 --> 00:56:24.269
See VolkswagenVans.ie for more.
1199
00:56:24.989 --> 00:56:28.750
Every day you make around 35,000 choices. What to wear?
1200
00:56:29.030 --> 00:56:31.969
Toast or cereal? One more episode or time for bed?
1201
00:56:32.570 --> 00:56:34.409
The last thing you need is to stress over your
1202
00:56:34.429 --> 00:56:38.010
car insurance. That's where Cornmarket comes in. We make choosing
1203
00:56:38.030 --> 00:56:40.929
your car insurance simple. We do all the hard work
1204
00:56:41.150 --> 00:56:43.489
so you don't have to spend your time comparing endless quotes.
1205
00:56:43.909 --> 00:56:46.389
Call us today and save up to € 200 off your
1206
00:56:46.429 --> 00:56:49.050
car insurance. Let's do a little Review the Reviewers where
1207
00:56:49.070 --> 00:56:50.650
I read a review from Apple Podcasts.
1208
00:56:50.690 --> 00:56:51.059
We discuss it.
1209
00:56:51.070 --> 00:56:51.230
Okay.
1210
00:56:51.250 --> 00:56:51.349
Okay.
1211
00:57:16.210 --> 00:57:19.309
I will gird myself. You know what that means? Gird yourself?
1212
00:57:19.690 --> 00:57:19.909
Yeah.
1213
00:57:20.199 --> 00:57:21.550
Like you gird your loins?
1214
00:57:21.719 --> 00:57:24.019
Yeah, you sort of tense up a little bit. You
1215
00:57:24.039 --> 00:57:27.260
prepare yourself. You get ready. That's how I feel whenever
1216
00:57:27.320 --> 00:57:29.639
someone says, oh, Conan, I heard this comment about you.
1217
00:57:29.780 --> 00:57:33.619
I then gird myself. I prepare myself for potential pain.
1218
00:57:33.719 --> 00:57:37.150
Well, un-gird yourself because- No.
1219
00:57:37.090 --> 00:57:40.630
One said that in a long time. Un-gird yourself, old friend.
1220
00:57:41.639 --> 00:57:45.340
The title of this review is Conan's Miracle Voice. It's
1221
00:57:45.380 --> 00:57:48.099
a five-star review, and it comes to us from Jim
1222
00:57:48.179 --> 00:57:52.059
Jim Binks, assuming that's Jar Jar's brother. I listen to
1223
00:57:52.079 --> 00:57:54.780
this podcast with my nine-year-old daughter in the car every week.
1224
00:57:55.159 --> 00:57:56.130
A little bit of background.
1225
00:57:56.349 --> 00:57:58.590
She is nonverbal, and when she was four, I was
1226
00:57:58.630 --> 00:58:01.710
told she would likely never talk. Today, when driving with
1227
00:58:01.750 --> 00:58:04.130
my daughter while listening to the show, as Conan was
1228
00:58:04.190 --> 00:58:09.449
talking about pens, my daughter loudly said, off, Conan, demanding
1229
00:58:09.530 --> 00:58:10.489
I turn the show off.
1230
00:58:10.570 --> 00:58:10.719
Whoa.
1231
00:58:12.860 --> 00:58:16.159
So the combined power of Sona, Matt, Conan, and Shaquille
1232
00:58:16.199 --> 00:58:20.239
O'Neal gave voice to a once voiceless child. Since that moment,
1233
00:58:20.360 --> 00:58:22.860
she has said more and more words. I am forever
1234
00:58:22.920 --> 00:58:25.420
indebted to this podcast and its hosts for being so
1235
00:58:25.460 --> 00:58:27.909
grating to my daughter's ears that she figured out how
1236
00:58:27.929 --> 00:58:30.590
to use her vocal cords specifically to tell me to
1237
00:58:30.650 --> 00:58:31.489
turn it off.
1238
00:58:31.510 --> 00:58:33.030
This is real? This is real?
1239
00:58:33.530 --> 00:58:35.949
I'm assuming. I mean, it could be fake, but it
1240
00:58:36.030 --> 00:58:36.849
seems sincere.
1241
00:58:36.909 --> 00:58:37.550
That's insane.
1242
00:58:39.460 --> 00:58:40.059
Isn't that sweet?
1243
00:58:40.079 --> 00:58:44.809
I mean, first of all, I am legitimately happy that
1244
00:58:45.389 --> 00:58:49.409
this child is making progress. And if we're any small
1245
00:58:49.449 --> 00:58:52.469
part of that, that's great. I wish it was in
1246
00:58:52.489 --> 00:58:58.300
a slightly nicer context. But I have to say, that
1247
00:58:58.460 --> 00:58:59.559
sounds like a miracle.
1248
00:58:59.579 --> 00:59:01.519
Yeah, Conan's miracle voice.
1249
00:59:01.980 --> 00:59:06.000
Well, yeah, but the negative power of my voice. I mean,
1250
00:59:06.300 --> 00:59:11.400
you have to admit, it was... the sheer impulse to
1251
00:59:11.539 --> 00:59:13.099
get me to shut up.
1252
00:59:13.800 --> 00:59:14.280
I don't know.
1253
00:59:14.300 --> 00:59:15.260
That's amazing.
1254
00:59:15.739 --> 00:59:18.409
I feel like if it was during the pen conversation,
1255
00:59:18.449 --> 00:59:21.289
she was probably like, he's being unreasonable.
1256
00:59:21.369 --> 00:59:25.050
Turn him off. I think she wasn't- Let's bring people
1257
00:59:25.090 --> 00:59:26.789
up to date on what the pen conversation was. Do
1258
00:59:26.829 --> 00:59:30.130
you guys know how to summarize it briefly? Yeah.
1259
00:59:30.530 --> 00:59:32.469
Sona, you say, because you had ordered him a bunch
1260
00:59:32.489 --> 00:59:33.369
of pens, right?
1261
00:59:33.429 --> 00:59:36.280
Well, okay. All right. I didn't order him pens. I
1262
00:59:36.300 --> 00:59:38.920
sent- We have.
1263
00:59:40.079 --> 00:59:42.400
A young man who helps us out and he bought
1264
00:59:42.440 --> 00:59:45.539
Conan some pens when Conan wanted them. Then a year
1265
00:59:45.579 --> 00:59:49.179
and a half later, Conan opened up the bag of
1266
00:59:49.239 --> 00:59:51.619
pens we got and found out they were fine tip
1267
00:59:51.659 --> 00:59:57.130
instead of bold. And Conan texted me in such a
1268
00:59:57.570 --> 01:00:00.449
aggressive manner that we ended up talking about it on
1269
01:00:00.469 --> 01:00:03.829
the podcast. And I can see why she would want
1270
01:00:03.909 --> 01:00:04.550
to turn that.
1271
01:00:04.590 --> 01:00:07.610
Off because she was like, oh. I really got into
1272
01:00:07.630 --> 01:00:11.829
the weeds about the differences between the fine point and
1273
01:00:11.849 --> 01:00:15.889
the bold point of this pen. Yeah. And I could
1274
01:00:16.090 --> 01:00:20.099
see that anyone who had to listen to that would think,
1275
01:00:20.420 --> 01:00:23.340
what a madhouse. This is a madman and these people
1276
01:00:23.500 --> 01:00:27.280
are enabling this madman. We now have proof that I'm
1277
01:00:27.340 --> 01:00:30.599
insane and that I went way too far with those
1278
01:00:30.659 --> 01:00:35.340
pens because this child summoned the ability to speak out
1279
01:00:35.360 --> 01:00:38.440
of the ether to get me to stop talking about
1280
01:00:38.460 --> 01:00:39.460
the goddamn pens.
1281
01:00:40.239 --> 01:00:42.079
Even when you guys were setting this up, I wanted
1282
01:00:42.119 --> 01:00:42.500
to scream.
1283
01:00:42.860 --> 01:00:49.099
Off Conan. Well, I bet even recapping it, if that
1284
01:00:49.179 --> 01:00:52.570
child hears the recap- The child's going to make, you know,
1285
01:00:52.730 --> 01:00:55.510
seven more, seven times the progress instantly.
1286
01:00:55.650 --> 01:00:58.239
Oh, she's going to do like Hamlet's salute.
1287
01:00:58.340 --> 01:01:04.820
Please Conan, silence your wretched tongue. I cannot stand this
1288
01:01:04.840 --> 01:01:10.429
clithering and plathering about pens. There are much larger issues
1289
01:01:10.469 --> 01:01:13.239
in life you should be concerned with. To be or
1290
01:01:13.300 --> 01:01:16.380
not to be, that is the question. Whether it is
1291
01:01:16.460 --> 01:01:20.079
nobler in the mind to suffer the stings of animals.
1292
01:01:20.099 --> 01:01:26.590
To be unreasonable. Once more, dear friends, unto the breach.
1293
01:01:27.429 --> 01:01:28.230
Oh, no.
1294
01:01:28.510 --> 01:01:34.110
Wow. Well, I mean, all joking aside, that's lovely if
1295
01:01:34.230 --> 01:01:39.409
that's the case. It is. and is sincerely very, very
1296
01:01:39.469 --> 01:01:43.460
happy that this child is making such great progress, and
1297
01:01:43.480 --> 01:01:46.719
also good to know that in my own backwards way,
1298
01:01:46.739 --> 01:01:53.760
I have powers. I could go to one of those
1299
01:01:53.800 --> 01:01:56.179
revival tents where they bring people up who have crutches,
1300
01:01:56.780 --> 01:01:59.570
and I'll start going on about these pens, and the
1301
01:01:59.610 --> 01:02:02.349
people will throw their crutches away, say I can walk,
1302
01:02:02.469 --> 01:02:07.619
and then they will run out of the tent. People
1303
01:02:07.659 --> 01:02:12.570
will come from miles around. I haven't been able to
1304
01:02:13.829 --> 01:02:18.570
see since childhood. Well, I can tell you about these pens. Suddenly,
1305
01:02:18.590 --> 01:02:24.940
eyesight returns so they can see the exit and dash out.
1306
01:02:26.199 --> 01:02:27.119
It's a miracle.
1307
01:02:30.039 --> 01:02:33.929
Conan O'Brien needs a friend. with Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian,
1308
01:02:34.190 --> 01:02:37.769
and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced
1309
01:02:37.809 --> 01:02:41.469
by Adam Sachs, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco,
1310
01:02:41.670 --> 01:02:44.840
and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song
1311
01:02:44.880 --> 01:02:48.039
by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
1312
01:02:48.360 --> 01:02:49.059
Take it away, Jimmy.
1313
01:02:52.480 --> 01:02:55.480
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent
1314
01:02:55.500 --> 01:02:59.570
producer is Jennifer Sampos. Engineering by Will Beckton. talent booking
1315
01:02:59.590 --> 01:03:03.190
by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brit Kahn. You can
1316
01:03:03.269 --> 01:03:05.639
rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you
1317
01:03:05.679 --> 01:03:08.539
might find your review read on a future episode. Got
1318
01:03:08.559 --> 01:03:12.739
a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at
1319
01:03:12.760 --> 01:03:15.940
323-451-2821 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured
1320
01:03:15.980 --> 01:03:18.539
on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please
1321
01:03:18.559 --> 01:03:22.320
subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher,
1322
01:03:22.619 --> 01:03:33.750
or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a
1323
01:03:33.829 --> 01:03:38.199
Team Coco production in association with.
1324
01:03:44.239 --> 01:03:44.500
Earwolf.
1325
01:04:01.610 --> 01:04:04.690
And if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask them.
1326
01:04:05.070 --> 01:04:09.010
Check out the chat on the Irish Rail app or
1327
01:04:09.110 --> 01:04:11.880
on irishrail.ie. Irish Rail is available on all platforms.