Episode 5: A Conversation with Jen Schneeman about Burnout and Real Resilience

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Welcome back to Authentically Connected.
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I'm so glad you're all here and I'm so glad to welcome my friend Jen Schneeman.
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Jen, thank you so much for being here.
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It's a pleasure to be here.
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Amidst the books, the crystals, the raspberries Lyric the cat and our hot tea on this gray day, it, uh, feels quite bright.
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Hmm.
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I feel the same way.
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Thank you for, for showing up with raspberries.
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I mean, showing up in general, but showing up with raspberries and some incense that was like, soul sister, you're speaking my language.
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It really just feels so nice to be sitting in shared energy with you right now.
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That in and of itself feels very grounding.
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You've been a wonderfully grounding presence, and so I think just seeing you and being with you helps a lot.
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I keep thinking about the imagery of roots growing out of our feet into the ground, to the center of the earth.
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Yeah.
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I love that.
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It feels so soothing to my nervous system.
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Mm-hmm.
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And so I think I'm growing roots right now.
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Lovely.
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Mm-hmm.
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I welcome you to do the same.
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Oh, they're, they're there.
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They're descending.
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And, there are many constructs out there of how to really ground and root.
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And I love the additional grounding cord from the base of the spine.
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Mm-hmm.
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It's just a different purpose and just anchors us from our safety center, from the base of our spine all the way through the, through the grass, through the rock, through the soil, through the crystals, through the fire to the core.
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Mm-hmm.
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And so then the feet can do their function of drawing up that earth energy and our grounding cord can discharge the old energy.
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So it just starts to loop through.
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Mm-hmm.
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I can start to feel that now, just, um, drawing up from those little roots and flushing out the grounding cord.
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And sometimes if I'm thinking about this like a toilet, we're just getting rid of it.
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Mm-hmm.
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And other times it's just a stream, so it just kind of meets the energy of the moment.
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That feels really nice to my system.
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It is really settling of all the nervous energy, anxious energy, performative energy that can just flow right out and make space for, whatever's gonna show up for us today.
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So I wonder if we could, initiate and welcome our listeners into our relationship by helping them get to know you a little bit.
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Mm-hmm.
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I've been sharing a lot about myself in recent episodes, and I feel like hearing about you and where you came from, how you got to be, who and where you are today is such a huge question and topic, but let's just see what shows up.
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What are the highlights that are worth noting? Mm.
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Just following that impulse of what, what comes to mind? I, I think Lyric the cat being here is, is right because I feel like it was about eight and a half lives before I met you.
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Definitely solid careers that of all intersected.
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Authentically connected is such a, a striking concept to me because that's what was missing in my life.
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I had all of these connections and, developments and wisdom and purpose driven projects, and yet they were disparate from one another.
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Mm-hmm.
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And I often felt like I was living a, a duality.
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And, and I was, and I would laugh because my science side was out front and my spiritual side was in the back behind closed doors.
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And I just never saw the pathway through really to, to weave them.
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But I craved it and I know that my soul craved it.
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And, you know, the soul driven scientist really is what drives me because I believe in the power of both.
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Mm-hmm.
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And I think they both are really supportive of one another.
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Braiding the experience of many, many different lives before we met one another.
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What comes to mind? My first job was making coffee for Gloria Jean.
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So I love, 'cause we met over coffees, so that feels really relevant to say that.
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I do love processes.
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I love systems.
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I love understanding how things work and especially how our human works.
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Because where are we taught? When are we taught? We're typically taught when something is going wrong.
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But what if, uh, we flip that script and, and talk about our humanness and rehumanize, the way that we emote, the way understanding our natural processes and there's such a tendency to pathologize.
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But what about, what about just the human condition? Mm-hmm.
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And the, broad spectrum of experience.
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Yeah.
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That is certainly what you've brought into my life and open my eyes to.
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It was not accessible to me.
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I didn't know what I didn't know, what I was missing.
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And just meeting you, you were introduced to me as a meditation coach.
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Oh, meditation teacher.
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Which I loved, and I was fascinated.
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And then I have been referring to you in addition to, as my friend, as my nervous system coach.
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People are like, what does that mean? And I'm like, well, I don't know how to describe all of the wonderful things that you've taught me.
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And so that's the category I think I've put them into.
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But before that, you've done some really interesting things.
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Yeah.
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Can you talk a little bit about, um, your background with science and with, the military? Sure, sure, sure, sure.
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It feels funny to say that, uh, I was treading water, eating a sandwich and drinking a beer.
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when I received a phone call saying, Hey, would you like to work at darpa? The Defense Advance Research Projects Agency in the defense sciences office.
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And I was between that and the World Bank of my first career job living in DC.
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I graduated from undergrad in Chicago the next day, jumped in the car with a U-Haul and, and drove to DC knowing that I would get a job.
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I just, I was going there, I was focused.
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I didn't know what it was going to be or where I was gonna land.
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But again, interested in how things work.
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So, uh, trusting, trusting, but also with maybe some naivete, you know? Yes.
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it's all gonna work out.
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Uh, after all, I can go back to fine dining serving is what was the mantra in my head at that time.
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So this is in 2002, right after nine 11.
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And I said basically the, the research arm of the defense department where I had I managed a $250 million budget right off the rip.
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really it was dual use technology.
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So it was both military use and humanitarian.
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We know what was happening at that time.
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Things were getting really, confusing hot.
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The globe was, our planet was really in chaos.
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Mm-hmm.
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And looking at the world from a science perspective, it was like, how do you bring technology and tools to people who are making change.
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And that's what I, I've always done and continue to do.
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Mm-hmm.
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But managing this $250 million budget and working with Nobel Laureates, just the top tier scientists across the world, catapulted me into this realm of what was possible.
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So a lot of the work that we did was focused.
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Bio-inspired science.
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So looking at my favorite thing, nature.
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Mm-hmm.
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And looking at biology and gathering inspiration from nature, and understanding how to develop technologies that emulated nature for sensors, for prosthetics.
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A lot of that technology led to understanding neurodegenerative diseases today.
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Mm-hmm.
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there's, there's so much behind that.
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It was, it was a wild time.
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And that is also when I started, realizing my coping skills were a rather poor.
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Mm-hmm.
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And 'cause we were nonstop, we was working nonstop, uh, around the clock and very much in a critical time.
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And I realized that I was taking on a lot of other people's energy.
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I don't know that I had the words nailed at that time.
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But I, I realized that I walked outta holding a lot more energy than other people did.
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Mm-hmm.
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The sponge.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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Yes.
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And as your coping, wasn't feeling like it was keeping pace.
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Like how did you manage that? What did you do to deal with that? Really, two things.
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Um, martinis and yoga.
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That was my jam back in 2002.
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And, uh, that balance again, that duality, almost a contradiction.
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yeah.
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Like a living contradiction that felt in some ways very connecting and also in other ways disconnecting.
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So there is another podcast side story of how I left DC but I, I did, and I ended up in Dayton, Ohio.
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Working at Wright Patterson Air Force Base in the human performance wing.
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And at that time I was, again, working with this multidimensional, multidisciplinary team that all came together to answer some really important questions.
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But it was all based on looking at biology and how to utilize it for, for defense technology.
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That was the tagline.
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Mm-hmm.
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Yes.
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Um, harnessing biology for defense technology.
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Makes me wanna puke a little now when I say it, but I mean, it's also very mission driven.
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it's a little unsettling it thinking about that now in today's time, however, we did some, some really cool stuff too.
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Important things.
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and.
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How did that really come about? There was so much happening in the world of like traumatic brain injury.
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Um, PTSD, I was working in this epigenetics program that brought me to Cincinnati.
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Uh, it was a, again, a multidisciplinary program, but it was a epigenetics program looking to see how diet, nutrition, disease, injury, stress, impacted individuals differently and made them more susceptible or more resistant to future stressors.
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So it's like a real epigenetics program.
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And we are seeing this at the micro level.
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At the cellular level.
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Meanwhile, people are coming back.
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We're seeing the long-term effects at that point.
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So it's like 2009, the long-term effects of untreated PTSD, untreated TBI.
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Mm-hmm.
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And since I had a lived experience with both, I'm like what is the mechanism of action of these things that have been working for me? Of the yoga, of the meditation, of the movement of moving energy.
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Mm-hmm.
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So that's when I, because of the forces working for a narcissist and being in a toxic, uh, work environment, afforded me the ability to leave um, I ended up working, for my own business.
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I started my own company back in 2010 and I consulted back to the government at that time in biotechnology commercialization, but also complimentary alternative medicine.
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So that is what really started to braid, these two different lives.
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Yeah.
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That's fascinating.
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And when you went out on your own and you were focused on giving back to them this complimentary alternative medicine.
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What were those at the time and like how did you come to know those? Hmm, great question.
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At the time it was mostly mindfulness, mostly breath work, some meditation.
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I also was working for this Columbus based company, that we were kind of part of a tiger team where they expanded rapidly and we were just given a lot of money to go do cool stuff.
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Mm-hmm.
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And so I was looking at, just the importance of integrative medicine in general, and that was where like, okay, this is what I'm interested in.
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This is what I'm gonna put my energy.
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Yeah.
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And, how this background really opened the door for me to have conversations with important people in the right places at the va and, through my training with mindful yoga therapy and my own personal healing as a yoga instructor and then becoming a yoga therapist, pursuing somatic experiencing, relational trauma therapy, different trainings along the way.
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I'm gonna back up to mindful yoga therapy.
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I was able to bring and study because of grants, be able to study the efficacy of complimentary alternative medicine, therapeutic yoga in PTSD residential programs and TBI residential programs and look at it alongside like cognitive processing therapy and prolonged exposure.
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So that just felt right, I was in the right place.
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Totally.
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And what did you find when you were looking at the efficacy of the yoga therapy alongside those other kinds of therapy for PTSD? How did that turn out? the studies were great.
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I was able to publish 'em and, and present them rather, at International Society Traumatic Stress and American Academy Health Behavior.
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We found that that the therapies, the interventions rather, were effective at reducing perceived stress and a number of things.
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The qualitative impact was just huge.
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well, and the other thing that I found is that it was also the therapist, the workforce that was experiencing the same stress.
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And so like, okay, this is very interesting to me.
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So I pursued another grant to write the Self-Care and Resilience program.
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I was back in 2016 and study it Working with veterans, working with community-based mental health and a couple other, different organizations because the burnout was real, or burnout is real.
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The secondary trauma is real.
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This the compassion fatigue or empathy fatigue.
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We can debate what you know, which it is.
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That was interesting to me 'cause it was something that I was experiencing myself again and I was like, what the heck? I changed military emblems, you know, I was under the Department of Defense and then I was under the Air Force.
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I had changed relationships.
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got a divorce left, toxic relationships, environments behind in general.
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Mm-hmm.
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And I was still burning out like, what's up? it's not dc it's not Dayton, it's not this relationship.
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What is it? I'm living in my aligned with my purpose.
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I feel that, but why am I still being impacted? So, lo and behold, I knew something was missing from that scar program, even when I tested it.
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'cause even from that, I was still experiencing the fatigue.
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And it took me a, a bit of time, like three years, but I, I said, what's missing? And I said it out loud, like, what's missing? And then I found out, through, through my own experience of a huge break.
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It was just like, oh my gosh, what's missing? What's the energy? What I had been keeping behind closed doors, right.
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And or in small communities, like, oh, is I need to bring and weave in the energy through the wisdom of the nervous system and really talk about the energetic field from a perspective of our energy bodies, physical energy, mental energy, emotional energy, intellectual energy, spiritual energy, all of that and how it's authentically connected.
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Oh, goosebumps.
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I have 'em too.
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And energetic boundaries and how we need to really, as caregivers, as, as helping professionals, as peers, professionals, it's like our ethical duty, I believe, to tend to our energetic body to clear that residue, but also it applies to all humans, not just us working in and around trauma all day.
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Hmm.
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Here, here I wanna just acknowledge that I think because you figured out that the energy piece was missing and you opened it up, you not only probably opened channels for yourself, but that is certainly what happened to me when I did your scar course.
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Right.
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Energy was not, I'll say more.
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Yeah.
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I'll, energy was not on my radar at all.
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Um, I remember doing the course and the experience of rubbing our hands together to get the energy going and then creating a ball of energy that we could play with and getting more hands on with it helped to conceptualize it in a way that I could connect more with, but I, I do think I learned a lot about it from the course itself.
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And it gave me this foundation to con continue playing with it over time and, and now it is a huge part of my daily practice, in so many different ways.
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which I do wanna come back to.
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'cause I wanna actually maybe now how about now? Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So the foundation, kind of like back to that image we had when we were grounding, like mm-hmm.
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That foundation.
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How did it, where did it grow from there? Okay.
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Lemme sit for a moment.
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Mm-hmm.
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I wanna answer your question by starting with this wellness wheel.
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Oh yeah.
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From your scar course workbook.
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You created this wellness wheel, which has all of these different aspects of wellness.
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So nervous system, hydration, nutrition, community, spirituality, environment, mindset, breath, restoration.
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There's more.
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I don't wanna give it all away, but I also do kind of, and movement.
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But energy was not something I had ever considered before.
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I didn't understand that it was something I had been experiencing already.
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Mm-hmm.
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Picking up other people's energy, but also, then passing on that energy in ways that I didn't mean to.
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And so just being able to tune into the fact that this is a thing that matters.
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We can ignore it all we want, but it is affecting me.
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It's affecting you, it's affecting us in relationship to one another.
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So just tuning in and knowing this needs to be on my radar because I'm burning out too.
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I'm feeling completely disconnected in a lot of ways as well.
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And so it was so useful that it was a part of the wellness wheel that it was just built in to you need to at least notice, pay attention or don't, but know that that's affecting you.
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Mm.
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And that, felt like it gave me a foundational, well, what a foundation is.
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It gave me a starting point to explore more.
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And then in the, what has become my natural way now I opened it up to the universe, whoever showed up, whoever I connected with, something about energy was said, or it made me think about something and start to research.
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And all these connections happen very organically to ways to protect my energy, ways to set boundaries, and also share energy in healthy ways.
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It's sounding to me in this moment, a little amorphous, like, what do we mean? What does this actually mean? Mm-hmm.
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But.
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I don't know.
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It's a little hard to talk about it without feeling it.
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Do you? And I love that 'cause that's, the experiential you know, we can take it from awareness to cognition and knowing, and then we experience it.
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But as we sit with it and really experience it, then we embody it.
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And so I'm curious if we could go back to when you, when you talk about that you had been experiencing it, you knew it.
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Yeah.
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is there a pivotal moment that comes to mind when you realize that your energy was either being siphoned or that you were a sponge prior to this work? Uh, I can probably name a handful of pivotal periods of my life.
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My mind first went back to what it was like when I was a kid and I didn't like what was for dinner.
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I didn't have any sovereignty around my body and I felt big feelings, and I don't think those were all mine.
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Now, I would imagine now I was also just absorbing the energy that was in the space around me and didn't know what to do with it.
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And fast forward to being an adult and taking responsibility for the lives of the little ones who I helped create.
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Yeah.
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Who are my responsibility, who have big feelings too, rightfully so.
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I had to help them deal with their feelings, their discomfort in their body, while also dealing with my own.
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And it sounds like you also gave them a space to feel their feelings so they could feel them.
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They knew that was part of their experience.
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yes, that has been a very important piece.
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And they would say probably to their detriment, 'cause they're tired of hearing about feelings, emotions, and emotions that.
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Oh yes.
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Great.
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Yes.
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But what was so interesting is the other night I heard my older daughter talking about the plot of a book she was reading and her level of insight around what each one was thinking and feeling and what was going on under the surface.
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And I'm like, you know what? You clearly are able to read a room.
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Literate, emotionally literate humans.
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Yeah, right.
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That is exactly what I have been raising.
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And maybe it's a little too much sometimes, but honestly they're learning from a young age that boundaries are okay.
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Mm-hmm.
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That feelings are important and natural, but also we gotta set appropriate boundaries to protect our energy.
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And I didn't know how to do that as a mom for a long time.
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As a mom, as a business owner, as a a therapist transitioning practice, there was a lot of moving parts.
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Mm-hmm.
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And, you know, you had a vision.
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I did.
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I, I had a vision to find more balance.
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Yes.
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And, you know, you introduced me to the idea of having an energy leak.
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Where are the spots in your system? Physical, emotional, energetic, where things are flowing out of you that you don't want them to.
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That was brand new and I was still in my old practice then.
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seeing many people a day, not having any energy when I came home.
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I played around with it for a while, trying to protect my energy, trying to replenish my energy throughout the day and no amount.
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Yes, yes.
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Of playing around, got me to a point where I could feel balanced when I left there at the end of the day.
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Yeah.
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And that helped me recognize that the position I was in was a part of the reason that I couldn't hold onto my energy.
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And the amount of effort to replenish, to restore, to hold it together.
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Right.
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Mm-hmm.
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I, I hear that often.
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The conferences that I present at and people that I speak with, that it's the amount of energy itself required to hold the armor or hold the boundary or to shield or whatever it is.
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Mm-hmm.
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It's enormous.
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And it's cumulative, right? So if even if we have a ritual at the end of the day, how much accumulates by the time we get home and.
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and what I hear you share is that you, you are recognizing not only the initial energy give, but the secondary energy of, to maintain all that.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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To replenish it.
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It is just, you know, who has time for that? Nobody.
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I wanted to read back a quote to you from this that I just loved.
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Okay.
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Which is real resilience is the ability to reset in the moment, recharge throughout the day, and recover appropriately at the end of the day.
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Ugh.
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I agree.
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Yeah.
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Did you write that? Yeah.
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Yes.
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Good.
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I'm glad you agree with yourself.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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It's still true.
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Still aligned.
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Yeah.
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How resilient do you feel now compared to when you first created the Scar program? Hmm.
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So interesting question.
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Haven't really reflected broadly on it, it's more day to day.
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How resilient do I feel? gosh, I mean, I moved 33 times growing up, so resilience has always been just the backbone of what I was supposed to be.
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Mm-hmm.
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Um, so in the theme, authentically connected, authentically resilient, is that I did that resilience with no feelings.
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Right? I did that.
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I just, you just bootstrapped, you just did it.
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You just showed up for the next school and over and over and over again, right? Mm-hmm.
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Seven schools in nine years.
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It's just what I did.
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I, I don't harbor any ill will towards that time.
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But I realized what was missing was emotions and, and so fast forward to me like real resilience, real human performance isn't perfection.
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It's really understanding how am I feeling myself? Like I'm gonna Reference Loretta Ross and her book calling in, like really to call ourselves in first.
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I'm like, how am I feeling? Checking with that self assessment.
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Mm-hmm.
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Especially when we have matching pictures with clients or patients, just other humans.
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What stirs what gets activated.
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And so to have that, that real time resilience of how am I feeling in this moment? Tending to it in the moment, letting that energy move through mm-hmm to continue to have this conversation where instead of leaning on those other parts, like recognizing when the parts come up right? Yes.
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And saying hello to them, recognizing where we brace, where we hold and physically, mentally, emotionally, brace and hold physically, mentally, emotionally leak energy is the real time resilience.
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And so every day in every way, I'm feeling more and more, uh, resilient, more aligned.
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some people can say I might take it too far, but everything's a learning lesson.
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You're taking not too far.
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There are no mistakes.
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I don't think that there are any mistakes.
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It's just if, we're not learning from 'em, But, yeah, just even if things don't go my way, quote unquote, I might feel a certain way about them, but I'm also moving through it as part of the experience.
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'Cause that's what's happening.
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Yeah.
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Resilience is something that was expected of you in a certain way back then.
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And now it sounds like resilience for you is more, it is whole body, whole wellness wheel.
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Every single part of it is accessible and included in that resilience.
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Yes.
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Yes.
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And I'll add that back in 2016 when, what was missing? The energy part.
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Uh, really bringing in that authentic piece of science, the nervous system and energy and weaving those together.
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I also learned a lot about myself from that time.
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I could cry right now because I was trying to hold it all together.
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So, the enormous energy to keep a facade like, everything's cool.
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I got it, I got this.
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You know, um, that, that illusion of perfection and rigidity in the nervous system that what I've welcomed the, the real resilience is the flexibility of the nervous system.
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And I, I learned that deeply in 2019 and continued to refine the scar program and open it up and have the workbooks and the programs and the, videos and just the accessible process and just put my process out there.
347
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Thank goodness you did.
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Thank you so much.
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00:26:47,338.3112265 --> 00:26:53,128.3112265
This program helped me tune into myself in ways that I didn't have access to before.
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Created the safe space to play, to try, to explore, to connect.
351
00:26:59,398.3112265 --> 00:27:03,628.3112265
Because it was this online community that you created.
352
00:27:03,628.3112265 --> 00:27:04,438.3112265
I did.
353
00:27:04,468.3112265 --> 00:27:07,401.7617474
What did open up, 'cause you, we have always loved play mm-hmm.
354
00:27:08,36.7617474 --> 00:27:17,811.7617474
Color and things, but will you share more about the energy that just flowed through how it opened up space and what you filled in that space? Yeah, absolutely.
355
00:27:17,901.7617474 --> 00:27:32,443.662789
So I was doing a lot of reflecting, through this workbook in preparation for you to come and I'm reading all the things I wrote at those times and what I'm seeing is how much judgment I had towards myself mm-hmm.
356
00:27:32,683.662789 --> 00:27:34,633.662789
For the ways that I was trying to cope.
357
00:27:34,903.662789 --> 00:27:38,743.662789
And this will not be new for my listeners 'cause this came up when I talked to RAL too.
358
00:27:38,743.662789 --> 00:27:40,33.662789
This judgment around.
359
00:27:40,738.662789 --> 00:27:43,198.662789
Um, I feel like I'm supposed to be doing this better.
360
00:27:43,708.662789 --> 00:27:52,387.1523724
I've got many, many pieces, moving parts, and I know I'm capable if just, these parts of me that, are trying to help me cope in unhealthy ways, would just get out of the way.
361
00:27:52,387.1523724 --> 00:27:58,262.1523724
And, um, I am coming back to this beautiful quote that is from you.
362
00:27:58,522.1523724 --> 00:28:03,37.1523724
And I don't know if it's from you originally, but what's in the way is the way Mm.
363
00:28:03,187.1523724 --> 00:28:05,137.1523724
Mary Oliver believe.
364
00:28:05,557.1523724 --> 00:28:07,27.1523724
Well, thanks to you.
365
00:28:07,27.1523724 --> 00:28:09,967.1523724
It's also very Jedi, right? Yes, yes.
366
00:28:10,987.1523724 --> 00:28:12,547.1523724
Yeah, it really is.
367
00:28:12,547.1523724 --> 00:28:24,787.1523724
And because every time I would feel like I wasn't doing it right, I would turn back towards, oh, look, hello, judgment, hello parts of me who think I'm supposed to be some kind of way at this point.
368
00:28:24,817.1523724 --> 00:28:24,907.1523724
Mm-hmm.
369
00:28:25,147.1523724 --> 00:28:30,277.1523724
Even though I am actively helping other people, it's do as I say, not as I do.
370
00:28:30,277.1523724 --> 00:28:31,507.1523724
Because right now I'm drowning.
371
00:28:32,287.1523724 --> 00:28:32,347.1523724
Yeah.
372
00:28:32,347.1523724 --> 00:28:34,27.1523724
I felt like I was drowning a bit.
373
00:28:34,87.1523724 --> 00:28:36,157.1523724
Not every minute of every day, but.
374
00:28:36,172.1523724 --> 00:28:40,972.1523724
Yeah, just drowning in the struggle and then not liking how I was handling the struggle.
375
00:28:40,972.1523724 --> 00:28:46,333.2591432
And so what this did was allow me to break it down, but also start to, hold space.
376
00:28:46,603.2591432 --> 00:28:55,376.944039
Even just the language you use Jen, like you, you show up in a way that, allows for whatever anyone is showing up with at any given time to be okay.
377
00:28:55,376.944039 --> 00:28:58,496.944039
And that is so soothing, I think, to my nervous system.
378
00:28:59,276.944039 --> 00:29:03,686.944039
It was something I was offering to others and I was not at all doing for myself.
379
00:29:03,836.944039 --> 00:29:03,866.944039
Ah.
380
00:29:04,76.944039 --> 00:29:10,840.1862265
And so you allowed me to take that, internalize it, Work through some of the tools that I needed.
381
00:29:11,275.1862265 --> 00:29:11,485.1862265
Right.
382
00:29:11,485.1862265 --> 00:29:16,735.1862265
If you're gonna take away things that are meant to help you cope, but maybe aren't helping as much mm-hmm.
383
00:29:16,975.1862265 --> 00:29:25,332.2139646
What are you gonna replace it with? So I have a booklet full of all these wonderful things, and obviously we try different things and some stick more, and some stick less.
384
00:29:25,332.2139646 --> 00:29:29,712.2139646
I do wanna talk at some point about some of these amazing tools.
385
00:29:29,762.2139646 --> 00:29:31,472.2139646
Could we give a, could we pause for a second? Yeah.
386
00:29:31,472.2139646 --> 00:29:43,472.2139646
'cause I think what I hear is that it's the framework for you to come forward, right? Like, 'cause I didn't come up with all of these ideas that you're about to, things that you're about to share.
387
00:29:43,472.2139646 --> 00:29:54,752.2139646
You know, but it's the framework for you to authentically put together all these pieces, all these, brilliant nodes, all these little bits and have a framework of understanding them.
388
00:29:54,787.2139646 --> 00:29:55,77.2139646
Yeah.
389
00:29:55,82.2139646 --> 00:29:55,592.2139646
Yeah.
390
00:29:55,712.2139646 --> 00:29:57,62.2139646
That's exactly what it felt like.
391
00:29:57,62.2139646 --> 00:29:57,362.2139646
Yes.
392
00:29:57,362.2139646 --> 00:29:58,772.2139646
You created the container.
393
00:29:58,982.2139646 --> 00:29:59,72.2139646
Mm-hmm.
394
00:29:59,432.2139646 --> 00:30:08,812.2139646
Not just the container, but the scaffolding within the container to be able to take stock of where I was and slowly evolve.
395
00:30:08,872.2139646 --> 00:30:12,712.2139646
'cause it was 12 weeks every Wednesday evening for this period of time.
396
00:30:12,982.2139646 --> 00:30:19,132.2139646
There was consistency in the showing up in the space in the exercises to do in the meantime.
397
00:30:19,132.2139646 --> 00:30:22,552.2139646
And just then, no matter what I showed up with, it was okay.
398
00:30:23,272.2139646 --> 00:30:37,882.2139646
And as we progressed towards the end of the program and got to the energy piece, that was when I started to tune into how I was holding energy in my body in a way that was, actually probably getting in the way of other things more than I realized.
399
00:30:38,185.5472979 --> 00:30:48,205.5472979
I already knew that sometimes I would feel anxious and it, it didn't seem to be my anxiety or I would feel jittery and it was because someone just walked into the room who had those jitters.
400
00:30:48,565.5472979 --> 00:30:48,925.5472979
Mm-hmm.
401
00:30:49,165.5472979 --> 00:30:54,595.5472979
And that I got, what I didn't understand, and I talked a little bit in the past about, but we can unpack more now.
402
00:30:54,595.5472979 --> 00:30:56,35.5472979
Is that the throat block? Yes.
403
00:30:56,545.5472979 --> 00:31:01,225.5472979
Whose throat block as it was the question you asked me because you had us ask.
404
00:31:02,95.5472979 --> 00:31:06,835.5472979
I just, I just love this exercise so much and I've, I've shared it with other people as well.
405
00:31:06,890.5472979 --> 00:31:08,90.5472979
Asking your system.
406
00:31:08,240.5472979 --> 00:31:09,890.5472979
Show me what a yes feels like.
407
00:31:09,980.5472979 --> 00:31:10,130.5472979
Mm-hmm.
408
00:31:11,0.5472979 --> 00:31:13,10.5472979
And then show me what a no feels like.
409
00:31:13,880.5472979 --> 00:31:26,810.5472979
That was brand new, but to be able to, and I was already doing parts work, but to be able to ask, not a specific part, but your whole nervous system to engage with you in a conversation like that was so cool.
410
00:31:26,810.5472979 --> 00:31:37,190.5472979
And, It opened my eyes, not only to the block that I was feeling in my throat, but the fact that I could connect more actively with my nervous system.
411
00:31:37,460.5472979 --> 00:31:39,230.5472979
I don't even act, I think active is the word.
412
00:31:39,650.5472979 --> 00:31:45,110.5472979
Um, more just to be more connected to the information.
413
00:31:45,110.5472979 --> 00:31:45,120.5472979
Mm-hmm.
414
00:31:45,230.5472979 --> 00:31:48,170.5472979
That was coming and going in there Sounds collaborative.
415
00:31:48,320.5472979 --> 00:31:48,860.5472979
Yeah.
416
00:31:48,860.5472979 --> 00:31:50,450.5472979
To collaborate Exactly.
417
00:31:50,450.5472979 --> 00:31:54,800.5472979
With my nervous system so that she can share information with me.
418
00:31:55,151.6946301 --> 00:31:58,661.6946301
That when she gives me information, I'm gonna act on it.
419
00:31:58,901.6946301 --> 00:31:59,861.6946301
I'm gonna take it in.
420
00:31:59,861.6946301 --> 00:32:01,241.6946301
I'm not going to ignore it.
421
00:32:01,661.6946301 --> 00:32:01,751.6946301
Mm.
422
00:32:01,841.6946301 --> 00:32:02,376.6946301
And that felt huge.
423
00:32:02,376.6946301 --> 00:32:03,191.6946301
That feels different.
424
00:32:03,191.6946301 --> 00:32:03,251.6946301
Yeah.
425
00:32:03,251.6946301 --> 00:32:03,611.6946301
Yeah.
426
00:32:04,121.6946301 --> 00:32:04,391.6946301
right.
427
00:32:04,421.6946301 --> 00:32:07,121.6946301
'cause if all the, those other parts, if they would just get outta the way.
428
00:32:07,181.6946301 --> 00:32:07,601.6946301
Right.
429
00:32:07,601.6946301 --> 00:32:18,251.6946301
Versus what I hear you say now, like, is that collaborating and hearing the message doesn't mean Doing exactly what, but just considering it, right? Yeah.
430
00:32:18,461.6946301 --> 00:32:19,61.6946301
Hearing it.
431
00:32:19,451.6946301 --> 00:32:20,111.6946301
Yeah.
432
00:32:20,141.6946301 --> 00:32:20,951.6946301
Including it.
433
00:32:20,951.6946301 --> 00:32:33,346.1868176
And then using your discernment, your other wisdom, your other, other intelligence centers to decide, right? we had that model, the ABCs to move through the energy awareness, back to choice and then decision.
434
00:32:34,36.1868176 --> 00:32:34,96.1868176
Yeah.
435
00:32:34,96.1868176 --> 00:32:39,466.1868176
And to move that energy, uh, where it felt like it was signaling to us.
436
00:32:39,496.1868176 --> 00:32:39,856.1868176
Yes.
437
00:32:39,856.1868176 --> 00:32:41,476.1868176
And then where it might have been stuck.
438
00:32:41,776.1868176 --> 00:32:42,556.1868176
Absolutely.
439
00:32:42,556.1868176 --> 00:32:49,906.1868176
And ABCs were actually on my list to bring up, so why don't we do that now? What does that stand for? Uh, we can flow through that.
440
00:32:49,906.1868176 --> 00:32:53,926.1868176
I'm also curious about the energy that's been flowing through your creativity.
441
00:32:53,926.1868176 --> 00:32:57,616.1868176
So I would love to just Keep that as a, possibility.
442
00:32:57,616.1868176 --> 00:32:58,336.1868176
Duly noted.
443
00:32:58,336.1868176 --> 00:33:02,896.1868176
Okay, because we have three days for this podcast, right? Yeah.
444
00:33:02,896.1868176 --> 00:33:03,916.1868176
We're gonna be here a while.
445
00:33:05,866.1868176 --> 00:33:06,976.1868176
Uh, yeah.
446
00:33:06,976.1868176 --> 00:33:15,406.1868176
So the ABCs, it's, it's a model that I first created when I was working with pre-deployment and post-deployment troops.
447
00:33:15,916.1868176 --> 00:33:19,666.1868176
Brought it to the NFL teams that I was working with.
448
00:33:20,357.6972342 --> 00:33:22,577.6972342
It's to anchor ourselves, awareness.
449
00:33:22,577.6972342 --> 00:33:24,857.6972342
So something has changed in the energy.
450
00:33:24,887.6972342 --> 00:33:29,837.6972342
Something, something about this has changed, whether it's pleasant or unpleasant, just something's changed.
451
00:33:29,897.6972342 --> 00:33:29,987.6972342
Mm-hmm.
452
00:33:30,287.6972342 --> 00:33:31,637.6972342
Could be us walking into a new room.
453
00:33:31,637.6972342 --> 00:33:32,987.6972342
Could be we're sending a new email.
454
00:33:32,987.6972342 --> 00:33:34,997.6972342
Could be so many things, right? Yeah.
455
00:33:35,27.6972342 --> 00:33:36,107.6972342
But something's new here.
456
00:33:36,107.6972342 --> 00:33:37,457.6972342
There's new information.
457
00:33:37,797.6972342 --> 00:33:38,697.6972342
New potential.
458
00:33:39,702.6972342 --> 00:33:46,602.6972342
And how do we ground ourselves through the five anchors, body, base, breath, brain, and boundary.
459
00:33:46,902.6972342 --> 00:33:46,992.6972342
Mm-hmm.
460
00:33:47,442.6972342 --> 00:33:50,202.6972342
We always have that first signal.
461
00:33:50,202.6972342 --> 00:33:52,362.6972342
Maybe it's an indicator.
462
00:33:52,367.6972342 --> 00:33:55,452.6972342
I go, oh, I can just breathe again.
463
00:33:55,452.6972342 --> 00:33:58,212.6972342
Or maybe it's, I'm breathing shallow, I've been holding my breath.
464
00:33:58,212.6972342 --> 00:34:01,662.6972342
You know, we talk about that one often just holding our breath, if that becomes the clue.
465
00:34:01,662.6972342 --> 00:34:08,562.6972342
And so maybe it's just the awareness there is enough to move us back to choice of, do I wanna hold my breath? Because you can.
466
00:34:08,622.6972342 --> 00:34:09,72.6972342
Right.
467
00:34:09,72.6972342 --> 00:34:11,502.6972342
You, you can keep on holding your breath if you want to.
468
00:34:11,922.6972342 --> 00:34:21,732.6972342
Uh, so it's the choice that autonomy, the agency of, yeah, I'm gonna breathe again, or I'm gonna take that deep breath without overriding it, without overriding that signal.
469
00:34:22,152.6972342 --> 00:34:31,392.6972342
Um, or do I need more support? What happens? Maybe it's, I notice myself talk first, and then I realize that I've lost my feet, I've lost my ground.
470
00:34:31,392.6972342 --> 00:34:31,482.6972342
Mm-hmm.
471
00:34:31,482.6972342 --> 00:34:37,917.6972342
So it's a cue, a clue in to where we're experiencing the energy.
472
00:34:38,277.6972342 --> 00:34:42,537.6972342
And also the tools to support the energy to move through.
473
00:34:43,227.6972342 --> 00:34:48,807.6972342
And what I love about this model that's helped me the most is that it is, it's dual purpose.
474
00:34:49,347.6972342 --> 00:34:58,917.6972342
Back to that dual use technology, it's like it helps us to stay anchored during times of stress, strain and discomfort.
475
00:34:58,917.6972342 --> 00:34:59,7.6972342
Mm-hmm.
476
00:34:59,877.6972342 --> 00:35:12,260.6920259
And it's also the same tools to flip, you know, other side of the coin, to be anchored, to really be present during times of joy, to really soak it up and let those pathways also be known.
477
00:35:12,260.6920259 --> 00:35:18,140.6920259
So like tending to our triggers and also building up our resilience at the same time, science supports that.
478
00:35:18,140.6920259 --> 00:35:18,470.6920259
Right.
479
00:35:18,520.6920259 --> 00:35:23,380.6920259
We know now more than ever, how important it is to both tend to the triggers.
480
00:35:23,380.6920259 --> 00:35:25,780.6920259
And as Deb Dana says, the glimmers.
481
00:35:25,825.6920259 --> 00:35:27,175.6920259
The glimmers.
482
00:35:27,180.6920259 --> 00:35:27,390.6920259
Yes.
483
00:35:27,395.6920259 --> 00:35:28,105.6920259
Yes.
484
00:35:28,105.6920259 --> 00:35:30,565.6920259
I've been doing a deep dive on Deb Dana lately.
485
00:35:31,405.6920259 --> 00:35:31,435.6920259
Ooh.
486
00:35:31,435.6920259 --> 00:35:31,525.6920259
Yes.
487
00:35:31,525.6920259 --> 00:35:34,315.6920259
Um, all things nervous system and polyvagal theory.
488
00:35:34,315.6920259 --> 00:35:35,395.6920259
I love what you just said.
489
00:35:35,395.6920259 --> 00:35:39,145.6920259
Tending to the triggers while also building up resilience Right.
490
00:35:39,205.6920259 --> 00:35:40,255.6920259
At the same time.
491
00:35:40,255.6920259 --> 00:35:53,95.6920259
And that, that is, that, that's such a wonderful way to describe what it felt like I was doing when I was actively in the program and, bringing 'em with me since using some of these tools to be able to use those ABCs of presence.
492
00:35:53,275.6920259 --> 00:35:56,995.6920259
Awareness is much higher for me now than it used to be.
493
00:35:57,85.6920259 --> 00:36:05,965.6920259
I tune into small shifts in my nervous system, little, not just aches and pains, but also a jump in my heart.
494
00:36:06,115.6920259 --> 00:36:06,205.6920259
Mm-hmm.
495
00:36:06,445.6920259 --> 00:36:07,855.6920259
Or a, a shift in my belly.
496
00:36:07,885.6920259 --> 00:36:12,775.6920259
'cause that tells me just tune in and then I get to choose which of the B's.
497
00:36:13,75.6920259 --> 00:36:13,135.6920259
Yeah.
498
00:36:13,255.6920259 --> 00:36:17,575.6920259
Body based breath, breath is so often, naturally what I go to now.
499
00:36:17,605.6920259 --> 00:36:20,275.6920259
That was not how it was Hmm in the past.
500
00:36:20,375.6920259 --> 00:36:25,295.6920259
It has felt so nurturing for parts of me that they just automatically reach for it.
501
00:36:25,295.6920259 --> 00:36:30,215.6920259
Now, I don't have to try all the time like I did before.
502
00:36:30,215.6920259 --> 00:36:32,615.6920259
So it's just nice to know that, oh, you don't have to try as hard.
503
00:36:32,675.6920259 --> 00:36:32,915.6920259
Yeah.
504
00:36:33,30.6920259 --> 00:36:33,250.6920259
Yes.
505
00:36:33,630.6920259 --> 00:36:33,850.6920259
Wow.
506
00:36:33,850.6920259 --> 00:36:38,675.6920259
Yeah, it just happens now and then getting back to that choice, I have a choice here.
507
00:36:38,675.6920259 --> 00:36:40,205.6920259
The breath, I have choice.
508
00:36:40,205.6920259 --> 00:36:41,50.6920259
Oh my gosh.
509
00:36:41,440.6920259 --> 00:36:41,730.6920259
Yeah.
510
00:36:41,885.6920259 --> 00:36:42,755.6920259
I have choice.
511
00:36:42,905.6920259 --> 00:36:43,895.6920259
I have choice.
512
00:36:43,925.6920259 --> 00:36:44,75.6920259
Mm-hmm.
513
00:36:44,345.6920259 --> 00:36:49,535.6920259
Because so much is feeling, especially this day and age, so much feels like it's not up to us.
514
00:36:49,535.6920259 --> 00:36:54,5.6920259
So coming back to, actually, there's lots up to me right now.
515
00:36:54,35.6920259 --> 00:37:00,129.0253592
In fact, I can choose anything from this menu and so it's just really nice to feel that, autonomy.
516
00:37:00,489.0253592 --> 00:37:00,849.0253592
Hmm.
517
00:37:01,239.0253592 --> 00:37:02,649.0253592
agency, that's the word.
518
00:37:02,679.0253592 --> 00:37:02,829.0253592
Mm-hmm.
519
00:37:02,919.0253592 --> 00:37:07,179.0253592
I have a sense of agency that I didn't have before, so thank you for explaining the ABCs.
520
00:37:07,209.0253592 --> 00:37:17,319.0253592
Do you wanna ground that anymore? Um, I just have this impulse to ask about, um, I don't know why, but motherhood comes to mind, but asking like how that shows up in even mothering.
521
00:37:17,349.0253592 --> 00:37:20,769.0253592
'cause I know I, it's everyday thing over here, so.
522
00:37:20,924.0253592 --> 00:37:21,74.0253592
Mm-hmm.
523
00:37:22,124.0253592 --> 00:37:22,474.0253592
Ditto.
524
00:37:22,854.0253592 --> 00:37:30,969.0253592
How about for you? Yeah, when you just said, mothering my whole system, like, like clenched a little, which tells me that's where we should go.
525
00:37:31,89.0253592 --> 00:37:31,509.0253592
Alright.
526
00:37:31,929.0253592 --> 00:37:33,519.0253592
I don't, I don't shy away from that.
527
00:37:33,519.0253592 --> 00:37:37,449.0253592
I actually lean into it because it feels hard lately.
528
00:37:37,539.0253592 --> 00:38:03,699.0253592
There's some really beautiful moments that I try to savor and some glimmers of progress in terms of shifting away from dysregulation in my, myself and my kids and my households, and trying to shift into a space of tuning in, uh, helping them tune, tune in, helping me ground myself to use those ABCs to be able to recognize when I am reactive.
529
00:38:03,699.0253592 --> 00:38:11,194.0253592
Because my child came home from Girl Scouts the other night full of energy, and it was good energy, but then it turned into other energy, right? Mm-hmm.
530
00:38:11,274.0253592 --> 00:38:14,709.0253592
So that is then mine to help her through.
531
00:38:14,709.0253592 --> 00:38:33,939.0253592
And in the past, before I understood about nervous systems, and I knew it was my job to stay calm as the adult, but actually understanding that at a nervous system level allowed me to shift away from why the hell can't I stay calm? Why can't I get myself into a regulation? What's wrong with me? That I can't, oh, that's, that was my words.
532
00:38:33,969.0253592 --> 00:38:34,479.0253592
Yeah.
533
00:38:34,479.0253592 --> 00:38:35,79.0253592
Yeah.
534
00:38:35,139.0253592 --> 00:38:36,819.0253592
I'm the adult, it's my job.
535
00:38:36,819.0253592 --> 00:38:37,479.0253592
Right? Yep.
536
00:38:37,869.0253592 --> 00:38:41,799.0253592
And if I can't, how is she supposed to? And that added extra pressure.
537
00:38:41,799.0253592 --> 00:38:45,9.0253592
And how am I feeling? What's happening? Oh, you know, how are they gonna turn out? Yeah.
538
00:38:45,99.0253592 --> 00:38:45,189.0253592
Mm-hmm.
539
00:38:45,819.0253592 --> 00:38:46,779.0253592
Goes off fast.
540
00:38:46,809.0253592 --> 00:38:47,529.0253592
Oh yeah.
541
00:38:48,99.0253592 --> 00:38:51,459.0253592
And all of that will be because I couldn't keep myself calm.
542
00:38:51,459.0253592 --> 00:38:51,519.0253592
Yeah.
543
00:38:51,519.0253592 --> 00:38:52,359.0253592
A lot of pressure.
544
00:38:52,359.0253592 --> 00:38:53,169.0253592
So be perfect.
545
00:38:53,229.0253592 --> 00:38:53,319.0253592
Mm-hmm.
546
00:38:53,709.0253592 --> 00:38:54,159.0253592
Yeah.
547
00:38:54,189.0253592 --> 00:38:56,259.0253592
Oh, there's that perfectionism theme again.
548
00:38:56,409.0253592 --> 00:38:56,799.0253592
Hello.
549
00:38:56,889.0253592 --> 00:38:57,129.0253592
Yeah.
550
00:38:59,79.0253592 --> 00:39:11,738.7389009
So now because of the ABCs and because I've been at this for a while, there are moments that are just a loss and, I can make the repair later, but the moment has passed for me to regulate myself.
551
00:39:11,738.7389009 --> 00:39:15,968.7389009
We just all need to kinda go our separate ways for a few minutes.
552
00:39:15,968.7389009 --> 00:39:16,568.7389009
Space.
553
00:39:16,598.7389009 --> 00:39:16,928.7389009
Yeah.
554
00:39:17,168.7389009 --> 00:39:18,398.7389009
Space, exactly.
555
00:39:18,398.7389009 --> 00:39:21,38.7389009
Which stands for ah, the way we use it.
556
00:39:21,43.7389009 --> 00:39:21,518.7389009
Yes, yes.
557
00:39:21,518.7389009 --> 00:39:27,284.7576615
I love space for you, you know, harken Harken, back to the government days, the good acronym as spaces.
558
00:39:27,284.7576615 --> 00:39:36,764.7576615
We, we co-create space, we create space, we understand our space and safety, predictability and control of our environment, our inner environment, and our external environment.
559
00:39:36,764.7576615 --> 00:39:36,774.7576615
Mm-hmm.
560
00:39:37,454.7576615 --> 00:39:39,589.7576615
And do we recognize when we have it.
561
00:39:39,981.749849 --> 00:39:42,381.749849
And what we can do to create it.
562
00:39:42,591.749849 --> 00:39:58,461.749849
Yeah, yeah, I have more space inside than I used to have because my parts make space and there is a spaciousness, but taking literal space away from one another in order to create more safety, predictability, and control so that we can calm ourselves, come back together.
563
00:39:58,521.749849 --> 00:39:58,731.749849
Yeah.
564
00:39:59,1.749849 --> 00:40:01,521.749849
My whole family does that more readily now.
565
00:40:01,551.749849 --> 00:40:03,111.749849
'cause we've been practicing.
566
00:40:03,111.749849 --> 00:40:06,531.749849
We've been practicing regulating, practicing making repairs.
567
00:40:06,531.749849 --> 00:40:14,481.749849
When we engage from a dysregulated state, which happens multiple times every single day, that is our normal, it's real life.
568
00:40:14,541.749849 --> 00:40:15,51.749849
Yeah.
569
00:40:15,261.749849 --> 00:40:15,471.749849
Yep.
570
00:40:15,591.749849 --> 00:40:15,951.749849
Yeah.
571
00:40:16,11.749849 --> 00:40:17,381.3236654
Not the perfect nervous system.
572
00:40:17,381.3236654 --> 00:40:18,461.3236654
It's the flexible one.
573
00:40:18,671.3236654 --> 00:40:20,51.3236654
And that repair that I love.
574
00:40:20,51.3236654 --> 00:40:21,521.3236654
You said that you make space for repair.
575
00:40:21,521.3236654 --> 00:40:26,141.3236654
It sounds like offering each other permission to be real authentic.
576
00:40:27,56.3236654 --> 00:40:29,156.3236654
Yeah, exactly.
577
00:40:29,486.3236654 --> 00:40:34,616.3236654
My children will grow up having heard an adult apologize to them many, many, many times.
578
00:40:34,796.3236654 --> 00:40:35,336.3236654
Oh, gold.
579
00:40:35,516.3236654 --> 00:40:41,156.3236654
But I don't want it to become like, oh, well she can just apologize so she can say and do whatever she wants, right? Mm-hmm.
580
00:40:41,396.3236654 --> 00:40:50,156.3236654
I do, I put a lot of effort into taking responsibility for the things that I am not doing well, can do better, while also holding boundaries.
581
00:40:50,246.3236654 --> 00:41:02,276.3236654
And I think sometimes it can be hard because from the outside it may look like boundaries are not being held when I am doing this boundary setting in an an emotionally and nervous system attuned way.
582
00:41:02,516.3236654 --> 00:41:04,466.3236654
For example, last night, yeah, please.
583
00:41:04,556.3236654 --> 00:41:09,796.3236654
Um, there was a lot of dysregulation going on at bedtime, and it was escalating.
584
00:41:09,856.3236654 --> 00:41:10,126.3236654
Mm-hmm.
585
00:41:10,756.3236654 --> 00:41:11,716.3236654
And I was escalating.
586
00:41:12,16.3236654 --> 00:41:12,946.3236654
You're joining in with it.
587
00:41:12,946.3236654 --> 00:41:13,456.3236654
Oh yeah.
588
00:41:13,456.3236654 --> 00:41:14,986.3236654
It's been there uhhuh.
589
00:41:15,226.3236654 --> 00:41:20,236.3236654
And once I calmed down and I was able to get back into a, a space where I felt safe.
590
00:41:20,596.3236654 --> 00:41:22,336.3236654
And I felt open to connecting.
591
00:41:22,666.3236654 --> 00:41:25,906.3236654
Then I was able to stay present for what was needed.
592
00:41:25,906.3236654 --> 00:41:32,596.3236654
And what'd you do for you last night? What did you do for yourself? What was, what was the, what was the medicine? Mm-hmm.
593
00:41:32,926.3236654 --> 00:41:34,606.3236654
Last night I took some space.
594
00:41:34,606.3236654 --> 00:41:34,696.3236654
Mm-hmm.
595
00:41:35,626.3236654 --> 00:41:46,996.3236654
Uh, I breathed, I put on binaural beats nice for her because changing the energy in the room was needed.
596
00:41:48,46.3236654 --> 00:41:54,646.3236654
And then when I felt calmer, I was able to connect in with compassion.
597
00:41:54,646.3236654 --> 00:41:55,636.3236654
For how hard? Yeah.
598
00:41:55,666.3236654 --> 00:41:56,746.3236654
She was struggling in that moment.
599
00:41:56,746.3236654 --> 00:41:59,771.3236654
I didn't have access to compassion when she was screaming at me at the top of her lungs.
600
00:41:59,791.3236654 --> 00:42:00,191.3236654
We can't see it.
601
00:42:00,191.3236654 --> 00:42:00,671.3236654
No Uhuh.
602
00:42:01,156.3236654 --> 00:42:07,846.3236654
But once I could remove myself from that space, feel the compassion, and then I could go and just hold space.
603
00:42:08,26.3236654 --> 00:42:10,936.3236654
She didn't want me to touch her, but I could just be near her.
604
00:42:11,446.3236654 --> 00:42:11,566.3236654
Yeah.
605
00:42:11,596.3236654 --> 00:42:12,676.3236654
Until she was ready.
606
00:42:12,676.3236654 --> 00:42:20,102.990332
But she was still struggling with the the feelings, the emotions and, and once she was ready to come to me, I could tell that that was soothing.
607
00:42:20,402.990332 --> 00:42:24,182.990332
But her nervous system was so far gone at that point.
608
00:42:24,332.990332 --> 00:42:25,112.990332
She needed more.
609
00:42:25,112.990332 --> 00:42:26,522.990332
So I went and got a tuning fork.
610
00:42:27,152.990332 --> 00:42:28,292.990332
Oh, fun.
611
00:42:28,292.990332 --> 00:42:36,932.990332
I hit the tuning fork a couple times, held it next to her ear for the vibration, held it on the top of her head for the vibration and on her chest, and that was it.
612
00:42:37,442.990332 --> 00:42:41,852.990332
That was, I think, the last piece that helped her nervous system shift into a safer space.
613
00:42:41,852.990332 --> 00:42:42,722.990332
And that was it.
614
00:42:42,722.990332 --> 00:42:44,192.990332
No more dysregulation.
615
00:42:44,522.990332 --> 00:42:51,362.990332
I'm not saying that fixed it, but the combination, I think of these external, the tuning fork, the binaural beats.
616
00:42:51,362.990332 --> 00:42:52,592.990332
Mom wasn't yelling anymore.
617
00:42:52,592.990332 --> 00:42:54,452.990332
In fact, mom felt calm and safe.
618
00:42:55,322.990332 --> 00:42:58,742.990332
That all helped her come back to regulation and fall asleep.
619
00:42:59,132.990332 --> 00:43:09,32.990332
Can I pull on like this little thread of wisdom I hear too, please? Is that it doesn't sound like you went to the binaural beats, went to the tuning fork to fix it.
620
00:43:09,452.990332 --> 00:43:12,812.990332
You know, you mentioned like, that it wasn't X, Y, or Z that fixed it.
621
00:43:13,412.990332 --> 00:43:21,332.990332
But I feel like this in the spaciousness of just holding the space, just being there, the letting her borrow your nervous system.
622
00:43:22,72.990332 --> 00:43:25,882.990332
Go check yourself, you know, come back, let her borrow your nervous system.
623
00:43:25,882.990332 --> 00:43:28,222.990332
But it's not like we're doing those things to fix it.
624
00:43:28,222.990332 --> 00:43:31,372.990332
It's just that you also have some tools.
625
00:43:31,372.990332 --> 00:43:33,712.990332
You can, you can be there to hold the space.
626
00:43:33,772.990332 --> 00:43:40,492.990332
And knowing, being attuned with her of when it was really appropriate and what was appropriate.
627
00:43:40,492.990332 --> 00:43:41,722.990332
That discernment mm-hmm.
628
00:43:42,52.990332 --> 00:43:46,292.990332
To shift the energy it wasn't such a wild shift.
629
00:43:46,322.990332 --> 00:43:49,322.990332
It wasn't, um, the word aggressive comes to mind.
630
00:43:49,322.990332 --> 00:43:50,792.990332
It wasn't aggressive shift.
631
00:43:50,822.990332 --> 00:43:51,482.990332
Yeah.
632
00:43:51,532.990332 --> 00:43:54,292.990332
How does that resonate with you? that was just my.
633
00:43:54,292.990332 --> 00:43:55,132.990332
And I'm feeling through this.
634
00:43:55,342.990332 --> 00:43:55,822.990332
Yeah.
635
00:43:55,822.990332 --> 00:43:57,532.990332
I appreciate you reflecting that back.
636
00:43:57,582.990332 --> 00:44:07,782.990332
That's incredibly helpful to pull on that thread because as you were saying that, that felt really true and it reminded me of how many years I spent reaching for these tools to fix.
637
00:44:08,172.990332 --> 00:44:08,262.990332
Mm-hmm.
638
00:44:08,742.990332 --> 00:44:20,592.990332
This is newer for me and for us to be able to practice this in a way that is about holding space, attuning to, and letting her borrow my nervous system.
639
00:44:21,972.990332 --> 00:44:35,52.990332
Because before it was just all about, I'm, I'm thinking back to when my youngest was younger and there was a lot of tantrums and, and honestly screaming.
640
00:44:35,82.990332 --> 00:44:35,172.990332
Mm-hmm.
641
00:44:35,412.990332 --> 00:44:41,352.990332
She was picking up all of our energy, or especially during COVID and, and it, that was how it was manifesting.
642
00:44:41,352.990332 --> 00:44:48,212.990332
And then the whole family was extra dysregulated because her dysregulation, like we couldn't join.
643
00:44:48,212.990332 --> 00:44:50,237.990332
And so it was, how do we get it to stop? Yeah.
644
00:44:50,267.990332 --> 00:44:52,607.990332
How do we get the screaming to stop to stop this? Yes.
645
00:44:52,607.990332 --> 00:44:52,617.990332
Yes.
646
00:44:52,672.990332 --> 00:44:53,627.990332
Anything Stop the chaos.
647
00:44:53,632.990332 --> 00:44:53,872.990332
Yeah.
648
00:44:53,877.990332 --> 00:44:54,107.990332
Yeah.
649
00:44:54,107.990332 --> 00:44:56,27.990332
Anything to protect our nervous systems.
650
00:44:56,57.990332 --> 00:44:56,147.990332
Mm-hmm.
651
00:44:56,627.990332 --> 00:45:09,557.990332
I can see now that, because I was using those tools then as uh, ways to fix, but I wasn't getting at the root or fully even understanding the root of what was happening.
652
00:45:10,130.6596029 --> 00:45:15,20.6596029
Of course they didn't feel effective or it worked this time, but why not that time? Right.
653
00:45:15,533.5111654 --> 00:45:17,243.5111654
Oh, that I'm glad you brought that up.
654
00:45:17,243.5111654 --> 00:45:21,833.5111654
'cause I think that that's so important in talking about these nervous system tools.
655
00:45:21,833.5111654 --> 00:45:22,943.5111654
It's like a missing piece.
656
00:45:22,943.5111654 --> 00:45:27,503.1856445
And breath work has forever been my go-to since I was a little girl.
657
00:45:28,193.1856445 --> 00:45:28,253.1856445
Hmm.
658
00:45:28,253.1856445 --> 00:45:30,53.1856445
And it's just something I naturally did.
659
00:45:31,553.1856445 --> 00:45:36,173.1856445
In the bathtub when I took my space and I would stay there and do these practices.
660
00:45:36,173.1856445 --> 00:45:43,733.1856445
I was like seven, eight years old doing these what I know now to be advanced breath practices and vagal toning.
661
00:45:43,733.1856445 --> 00:45:43,823.1856445
Yes.
662
00:45:43,853.1856445 --> 00:45:46,493.1856445
And it's just, we have that wisdom, right? Yeah.
663
00:45:46,543.1856445 --> 00:45:53,713.1856445
We have that wisdom in us and I have the knowledge now of what I was doing then and just find it really sweet.
664
00:45:53,773.1856445 --> 00:45:58,573.1856445
Uh, at the same time always been tuned into breath work and being a breath coach.
665
00:45:58,573.1856445 --> 00:46:09,363.1856445
I remember training this one, uh, NFL team and coming into the room with, you know, 200 people and, and using my breath to override the feels.
666
00:46:09,763.1856445 --> 00:46:18,373.1856445
Right? And so that was my experience in, I think it was like 20 14, 20 15 of realizing I was actually doing secondary, more damage to my nervous system.
667
00:46:19,63.1856445 --> 00:46:19,993.1856445
I was just trying to fix it.
668
00:46:19,993.1856445 --> 00:46:20,53.1856445
Mm.
669
00:46:21,13.1856445 --> 00:46:24,613.1856445
I didn't really give us a time that paused to be with it.
670
00:46:24,613.1856445 --> 00:46:27,873.1856445
I was just trying to get it to be cool.
671
00:46:28,273.1856445 --> 00:46:28,513.1856445
Yeah.
672
00:46:28,933.1856445 --> 00:46:31,198.1856445
Be cool, be cool, Jen, come on.
673
00:46:32,38.1856445 --> 00:46:36,58.1856445
you gotta, you gotta take the floor and command these, 250 men.
674
00:46:36,58.1856445 --> 00:46:36,778.1856445
Be cool.
675
00:46:36,783.1856445 --> 00:46:36,953.1856445
Mm-hmm.
676
00:46:37,138.1856445 --> 00:46:39,148.1856445
You know, uh, keep it together.
677
00:46:39,178.1856445 --> 00:46:39,598.1856445
Right.
678
00:46:39,598.1856445 --> 00:46:45,118.1856445
And show that, uh, you're not phased, but really it, and, and it went fine.
679
00:46:45,118.1856445 --> 00:46:45,298.1856445
Right.
680
00:46:45,298.1856445 --> 00:46:45,808.1856445
It went great.
681
00:46:46,18.1856445 --> 00:46:51,868.1856445
And at the same time I realized the secondary effects of overriding the nervous system with this breath work.
682
00:46:51,868.1856445 --> 00:46:54,868.1856445
And so now it's kind of like a soapbox that I like to stand on.
683
00:46:54,928.1856445 --> 00:46:54,988.1856445
Yeah.
684
00:46:55,378.1856445 --> 00:47:03,628.1856445
And at trauma informed conferences, or just conferences in general? A therapist, a breath work is, so it's indicated and contraindicated.
685
00:47:03,838.1856445 --> 00:47:06,448.1856445
These tools are indicated and contraindicated.
686
00:47:06,448.1856445 --> 00:47:06,833.1856445
Like what is the.
687
00:47:07,603.1856445 --> 00:47:11,863.1856445
What is the nuance? Um, there's a lot of nuance, so, oh, I'll just pause there.
688
00:47:11,923.1856445 --> 00:47:12,343.1856445
Yeah.
689
00:47:12,403.1856445 --> 00:47:15,673.1856445
Oh, I really appreciate you naming that because the same thing, you're right.
690
00:47:15,673.1856445 --> 00:47:19,633.1856445
The same thing that can help us in some ways can really cause harm.
691
00:47:19,633.1856445 --> 00:47:25,963.1856445
And so it's so cool that you were doing that as a little girl, just so naturally it came through you.
692
00:47:26,263.1856445 --> 00:47:37,963.1856445
And also if you've spent years using breath in that way to to bypass or to not connect in, but just to survive, then it has an impact.
693
00:47:37,963.1856445 --> 00:47:42,343.1856445
But then, yeah, so breath as a tool, just understanding it better.
694
00:47:42,343.1856445 --> 00:47:42,823.1856445
So important.
695
00:47:42,883.1856445 --> 00:47:42,973.1856445
Mm-hmm.
696
00:47:43,213.1856445 --> 00:47:47,53.1856445
Where did you get your breath work training? Like how did that become a thing? Oh gosh.
697
00:47:47,173.1856445 --> 00:47:49,873.1856445
Um, I mean from a past life.
698
00:47:49,873.1856445 --> 00:47:50,323.1856445
I'm just kidding.
699
00:47:51,883.1856445 --> 00:47:54,913.1856445
Um, so yeah, it was there when you got here.
700
00:47:54,973.1856445 --> 00:47:55,423.1856445
Yes.
701
00:47:55,423.1856445 --> 00:47:55,903.1856445
Right.
702
00:47:55,963.1856445 --> 00:48:04,633.1856445
Uh, as I really did pursue it first through yoga teacher training, then yoga therapy training.
703
00:48:04,798.1856445 --> 00:48:11,328.1856445
Okay then, trauma-informed therapeutic breath work, uh, through yoga on high up in Columbus.
704
00:48:11,328.1856445 --> 00:48:11,703.1856445
And Awesome.
705
00:48:12,228.1856445 --> 00:48:26,669.7500286
And just continuing to add, my awareness my own personal understanding what was energizing, what was more restorative, what was sympathetic, what was parasympathetic, and depending on where we are in our nervous system in the first place.
706
00:48:27,389.7500286 --> 00:48:30,809.7500286
That this soothing breath actually might be agitating.
707
00:48:31,49.7500286 --> 00:48:31,139.7500286
Mm-hmm.
708
00:48:31,339.7500286 --> 00:48:35,119.7500286
This energizing breath might actually be too much.
709
00:48:35,299.7500286 --> 00:48:35,389.7500286
Mm-hmm.
710
00:48:35,629.7500286 --> 00:48:41,614.7500286
And so just that discernment of where am I at tool, what do I need? Mm-hmm.
711
00:48:41,794.7500286 --> 00:48:46,454.7500286
Um, am I cool as I, as I am? Or would anything be supportive? Yeah.
712
00:48:47,269.7500286 --> 00:48:47,719.7500286
Yeah.
713
00:48:48,139.7500286 --> 00:49:01,689.7500286
I really like how you named that because As I've been doing this deep dive into polyvagal theory lately, I have been so much more tuned into my own nervous system and where I am on my hierarchy, my autonomic hierarchy and the ladder at any given time.
714
00:49:01,689.7500286 --> 00:49:11,149.7500286
And I've been paying attention to like, all right, I'm taking a deep breath right now, but I'm in shutdown mode and this kind of deep breath may not feel good in the s dorsal vagal collapse.
715
00:49:11,149.7500286 --> 00:49:17,149.7500286
I may need a different kind of breath, right, in order to move back up my ladder to activate, but not overly activate.
716
00:49:17,179.7500286 --> 00:49:27,559.7500286
cause my goal is to get back to the top of the ladder, to that ventral vagal connection and then behave, act, navigate my life from that space.
717
00:49:27,619.7500286 --> 00:49:32,209.7500286
Easier said than done, but certainly knowing which kinds of tools, tools just practice, right? Yeah.
718
00:49:32,509.7500286 --> 00:49:35,749.7500286
Which kinds of tools to use when, um, is so important.
719
00:49:36,469.7500286 --> 00:49:40,819.7500286
So What's that new learning been like for you? What's it done for you? Just to.
720
00:49:42,589.7500286 --> 00:49:44,539.7500286
To go another layer deeper.
721
00:49:45,388.3978063 --> 00:49:48,508.3978063
It has been eye-opening in a lot of ways.
722
00:49:48,508.3978063 --> 00:49:54,178.3978063
I had a conversation the other day that left me feeling not so great.
723
00:49:54,478.3978063 --> 00:49:54,598.3978063
Hmm.
724
00:49:54,598.3978063 --> 00:49:57,268.3978063
Um, just like a brief in passing thing right.
725
00:49:57,268.3978063 --> 00:49:59,338.3978063
As my kids needed 27 things from me.
726
00:49:59,788.3978063 --> 00:50:10,138.3978063
So I had the feeling from the conversation, then my kids started bombarding me and I had a big reaction to them, which I knew in that moment had nothing to do with them.
727
00:50:10,138.3978063 --> 00:50:10,228.3978063
Mm-hmm.
728
00:50:10,443.3978063 --> 00:50:18,868.3978063
And then I felt this little, like, like a switch turned off inside me and something went, ah, like a balloon deflating.
729
00:50:19,168.3978063 --> 00:50:21,478.3978063
And it turned off and it was like, okay, we're done.
730
00:50:21,733.3978063 --> 00:50:22,648.3978063
It's too much.
731
00:50:22,708.3978063 --> 00:50:23,698.3978063
We're done Too much.
732
00:50:23,698.3978063 --> 00:50:23,788.3978063
Yep.
733
00:50:24,88.3978063 --> 00:50:24,838.3978063
I wanna go get in bed.
734
00:50:24,898.3978063 --> 00:50:26,548.3978063
I'm not going to, but I wanna go get in bed.
735
00:50:27,658.3978063 --> 00:50:28,978.3978063
And I was like, oh.
736
00:50:28,978.3978063 --> 00:50:32,848.3978063
I had just been reading about it and I was like, that's the, oh, that's dorsal vagal collapse.
737
00:50:33,538.3978063 --> 00:50:34,258.3978063
I feel you.
738
00:50:34,738.3978063 --> 00:50:35,8.3978063
Oh.
739
00:50:35,428.3978063 --> 00:50:41,608.3978063
And I know that now's not a good time to collapse, but also, I actually think I know what I can do.
740
00:50:41,638.3978063 --> 00:50:43,888.3978063
'cause mobilization is what helps us out to collapse.
741
00:50:43,888.3978063 --> 00:50:44,128.3978063
Yes.
742
00:50:44,398.3978063 --> 00:50:48,88.3978063
So as I stood there with my children engaging, I started doing squats.
743
00:50:48,538.3978063 --> 00:50:49,288.3978063
Solid.
744
00:50:49,318.3978063 --> 00:50:49,558.3978063
Yeah.
745
00:50:49,558.3978063 --> 00:50:50,218.3978063
They're used to this.
746
00:50:50,218.3978063 --> 00:50:50,698.3978063
Moving a little.
747
00:50:50,698.3978063 --> 00:50:51,28.3978063
Yeah.
748
00:50:51,268.3978063 --> 00:50:52,468.3978063
Whatever, whatever mom's doing.
749
00:50:52,468.3978063 --> 00:50:53,278.3978063
It's weird but fine.
750
00:50:54,418.3978063 --> 00:50:59,908.3978063
And I started doing squats and within a moment I felt it come back online.
751
00:50:59,998.3978063 --> 00:51:01,168.3978063
You felt what come back online.
752
00:51:01,498.3978063 --> 00:51:04,468.3978063
I felt the energy pick back up.
753
00:51:04,558.3978063 --> 00:51:04,678.3978063
Yes.
754
00:51:04,738.3978063 --> 00:51:14,548.3978063
And I felt, um, I shifted from a very closed off protective space into a maybe I don't need to protect myself so much.
755
00:51:14,548.3978063 --> 00:51:22,948.3978063
A little bit more openness to connecting with my family and to saying, you know what, this doesn't have to be the start of a deep dive into dorsal vagal shutdown.
756
00:51:23,848.3978063 --> 00:51:28,348.3978063
That was a dip into that space, into the bottom of the ladder.
757
00:51:28,648.3978063 --> 00:51:33,408.501973
And I can feel my, my nervous system coming back online and great.
758
00:51:33,468.501973 --> 00:51:34,788.501973
I didn't get stuck this time.
759
00:51:36,854.6453261 --> 00:51:37,484.6453261
What freedom.
760
00:51:37,694.6453261 --> 00:51:38,204.6453261
Mm-hmm.
761
00:51:38,864.6453261 --> 00:51:39,284.6453261
It is.
762
00:51:40,184.6453261 --> 00:51:40,514.6453261
Yeah.
763
00:51:40,544.6453261 --> 00:51:44,234.6453261
It was because the rest of that night would've gone very differently with my kids.
764
00:51:44,294.6453261 --> 00:51:44,354.6453261
Yeah.
765
00:51:45,14.6453261 --> 00:51:46,244.6453261
With, with my whole family.
766
00:51:46,244.6453261 --> 00:51:52,574.6453261
If I had stayed in that shutdown space and everyone might have been left wondering what happened.
767
00:51:52,579.6453261 --> 00:51:52,779.6453261
Mm-hmm.
768
00:51:52,934.6453261 --> 00:51:54,614.6453261
And there was also space for repair.
769
00:51:54,734.6453261 --> 00:51:55,94.6453261
Mm.
770
00:51:55,124.6453261 --> 00:51:55,424.6453261
Right.
771
00:51:55,424.6453261 --> 00:51:59,774.6453261
Because what had started it to begin with wasn't meant to be negative, it's just the way I took it.
772
00:51:59,774.6453261 --> 00:51:59,984.6453261
Yeah.
773
00:52:00,434.6453261 --> 00:52:01,454.6453261
And that matters.
774
00:52:01,454.6453261 --> 00:52:05,654.6453261
And so I would've engaged very differently from that shutdown space.
775
00:52:05,714.6453261 --> 00:52:06,434.6453261
Oh my gosh.
776
00:52:06,434.6453261 --> 00:52:06,764.6453261
Right.
777
00:52:06,764.6453261 --> 00:52:07,514.6453261
In all ways.
778
00:52:07,514.6453261 --> 00:52:08,504.6453261
If you engaged at all.
779
00:52:09,134.6453261 --> 00:52:11,84.6453261
True that, if I had engaged at all.
780
00:52:11,89.6453261 --> 00:52:11,219.6453261
Mm-hmm.
781
00:52:11,299.6453261 --> 00:52:17,144.6453261
So, because I noticed and was tuned in and did something about it proactively in that moment, that felt accessible to me.
782
00:52:17,144.6453261 --> 00:52:20,804.6453261
It changed the course of the evening for not just me, but my whole family.
783
00:52:20,804.6453261 --> 00:52:21,794.6453261
And that was really cool.
784
00:52:21,794.6453261 --> 00:52:25,454.6453261
And I I have very realistic expectations for myself at this point.
785
00:52:25,454.6453261 --> 00:52:29,894.6453261
Sometimes I tune in and notice, and sometimes I catch it after the fact looking back.
786
00:52:29,984.6453261 --> 00:52:37,94.6453261
And one of the things that has changed hugely from our time working together is I don't hold judgment about that process anymore.
787
00:52:38,406.4812636 --> 00:52:39,996.4812636
That is so huge.
788
00:52:40,206.4812636 --> 00:52:41,376.4812636
Do well, don't do well.
789
00:52:41,376.4812636 --> 00:52:42,966.4812636
Struggle, thrive.
790
00:52:43,356.4812636 --> 00:52:44,481.4812636
It's all okay.
791
00:52:44,481.4812636 --> 00:52:45,996.4812636
It's all just a part of the journey.
792
00:52:46,446.4812636 --> 00:52:46,506.4812636
Mm.
793
00:52:46,626.4812636 --> 00:52:47,646.4812636
Because that's what's happening.
794
00:52:47,676.4812636 --> 00:52:47,856.4812636
Mm-hmm.
795
00:52:48,186.4812636 --> 00:52:48,516.4812636
Yeah.
796
00:52:49,26.4812636 --> 00:52:49,759.814597
It's what is.
797
00:52:51,570.9867483 --> 00:52:54,570.9867483
I'm remembering right now that you had planted the seed around creativity.
798
00:52:54,600.9867483 --> 00:52:55,80.9867483
Yes.
799
00:52:55,140.9867483 --> 00:53:02,970.9867483
That's the other piece that I think has been so huge, setting down all the judgment as I tune in and recognize what is, but that lets creativity flow.
800
00:53:02,970.9867483 --> 00:53:07,500.9867483
And as I've said in past episodes, I didn't think I was a creative person.
801
00:53:07,560.9867483 --> 00:53:10,410.9867483
I remember you saying that when we met for coffee.
802
00:53:10,410.9867483 --> 00:53:10,860.9867483
Yeah.
803
00:53:11,405.9867483 --> 00:53:12,145.9867483
I'm not creative.
804
00:53:12,205.9867483 --> 00:53:12,625.9867483
Mm-hmm.
805
00:53:12,705.9867483 --> 00:53:12,865.9867483
Okay.
806
00:53:13,15.9867483 --> 00:53:18,210.9867483
Well, as it turns out, I'm sitting with your blanket crocheted on top of my lap and it's quite cozy, so thanks.
807
00:53:18,570.9867483 --> 00:53:18,750.9867483
Thank you.
808
00:53:18,840.9867483 --> 00:53:19,560.9867483
You're welcome.
809
00:53:19,950.9867483 --> 00:53:23,190.9867483
Working with the fabric arts, I've realized is a kind of play for me.
810
00:53:23,370.9867483 --> 00:53:23,520.9867483
Mm-hmm.
811
00:53:24,180.9867483 --> 00:53:25,500.9867483
Uh, creative tactile too.
812
00:53:25,500.9867483 --> 00:53:25,920.9867483
Yes.
813
00:53:25,925.9867483 --> 00:53:26,550.9867483
Oh yeah.
814
00:53:26,550.9867483 --> 00:53:29,760.9867483
I love the tactile stuff, making pottery.
815
00:53:30,227.452821 --> 00:53:34,857.452821
but you know what's really cool is the creative flow in, in sessions and work with people.
816
00:53:34,857.452821 --> 00:53:34,887.452821
Oh.
817
00:53:35,427.452821 --> 00:53:40,47.452821
That was there and I didn't recognize it as creativity, so it's always been there.
818
00:53:40,107.452821 --> 00:53:40,227.452821
Mm-hmm.
819
00:53:40,947.452821 --> 00:53:49,707.452821
What, uh, what's different about it now then? Is it the same or has it changed a little? Oh, the evolution has been huge.
820
00:53:49,707.452821 --> 00:53:52,737.452821
I don't know how much of it is mine and how much of it flows through me.
821
00:53:53,337.452821 --> 00:53:53,787.452821
Hmm, same.
822
00:53:53,787.452821 --> 00:53:53,797.452821
Same.
823
00:53:54,597.452821 --> 00:53:55,137.452821
Oh, I like that.
824
00:53:55,587.452821 --> 00:53:55,827.452821
Okay.
825
00:53:55,827.452821 --> 00:53:56,457.452821
Same, same.
826
00:53:56,997.452821 --> 00:54:07,77.452821
So my parts that were really burdened and really focused on the things they were burdened by needed to release those burdens in order to make space for creativity, for play.
827
00:54:07,827.452821 --> 00:54:14,187.452821
And so the work that I've been doing has opened up space, but I didn't set out to be more creative.
828
00:54:14,187.452821 --> 00:54:16,827.452821
I just started saying, crochet sounds interesting.
829
00:54:16,827.452821 --> 00:54:17,817.452821
I'd like to try that.
830
00:54:18,327.452821 --> 00:54:19,587.452821
Pottery sounds interesting.
831
00:54:19,827.452821 --> 00:54:20,967.452821
I'm gonna give that a go.
832
00:54:21,327.452821 --> 00:54:29,937.452821
I just started opening up to experiences that have allowed me to have more mediums for creativity, which is so fun.
833
00:54:30,747.452821 --> 00:54:34,197.452821
When we make space it always gets filled by something.
834
00:54:34,857.452821 --> 00:54:37,677.452821
And it sounds like you are super intentional about.
835
00:54:38,547.452821 --> 00:54:41,307.452821
Just listening to little whispers of your, what do I like? Mm-hmm.
836
00:54:41,937.452821 --> 00:54:44,937.452821
What do I like when I'm not, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
837
00:54:45,57.452821 --> 00:54:45,447.452821
Yes.
838
00:54:45,447.452821 --> 00:54:52,977.452821
What has been filling the space has been not only like that form of creativity, but this podcast, right.
839
00:54:52,977.452821 --> 00:54:58,977.452821
And making videos, trying to share and create community around, stuff that feels real.
840
00:55:00,177.452821 --> 00:55:00,267.452821
Mm-hmm.
841
00:55:00,507.452821 --> 00:55:00,957.452821
And true.
842
00:55:01,7.452821 --> 00:55:01,337.452821
Okay.
843
00:55:01,337.452821 --> 00:55:03,647.452821
I'm thinking back to when I was younger.
844
00:55:03,647.452821 --> 00:55:07,67.452821
I used to watch Oprah a lot, like a lot like every day.
845
00:55:07,427.452821 --> 00:55:08,702.452821
Um, that she's on every day.
846
00:55:08,702.452821 --> 00:55:09,107.452821
That's great.
847
00:55:09,107.452821 --> 00:55:09,347.452821
Yeah.
848
00:55:09,352.452821 --> 00:55:09,382.452821
Yeah.
849
00:55:09,387.452821 --> 00:55:12,497.452821
I would DVR when I was at work, uh, or in class or whatever.
850
00:55:12,527.452821 --> 00:55:15,437.452821
She has a lot of topics, so much to catch.
851
00:55:15,677.452821 --> 00:55:16,367.452821
Yeah.
852
00:55:16,367.452821 --> 00:55:16,847.452821
I'm sure.
853
00:55:16,847.452821 --> 00:55:20,747.452821
I didn't see all of them, but I liked how I felt when I watched her.
854
00:55:20,837.452821 --> 00:55:21,677.452821
Oh, wow.
855
00:55:21,737.452821 --> 00:55:25,127.452821
She shared so openly of herself.
856
00:55:25,127.452821 --> 00:55:30,587.452821
She was so, free flowing with tears, with meaningful connections.
857
00:55:30,587.452821 --> 00:55:30,677.452821
Mm-hmm.
858
00:55:30,917.452821 --> 00:55:33,377.452821
Like when something touched her, she said it.
859
00:55:33,857.452821 --> 00:55:37,547.452821
And I loved being a part of that community.
860
00:55:37,547.452821 --> 00:55:38,717.452821
It felt safe.
861
00:55:38,837.452821 --> 00:55:58,127.452821
It just felt so good, and I've realized just in recent days as I've been thinking about this podcast and what I'm creating here and where I'm headed with it, that that's what I've been trying to do without realizing it, to create community that feels safe, that feels connected, that feels real and true, and open to whatever is.
862
00:55:58,909.6533418 --> 00:56:00,259.6533418
That's where I've been lately.
863
00:56:00,766.3769938 --> 00:56:00,976.3769938
Hmm.
864
00:56:01,216.3769938 --> 00:56:02,626.3769938
Thank you for letting me name that.
865
00:56:02,991.8705599 --> 00:56:22,261.8705599
Anything else you wanna say about that community that you're creating? I know what it feels like to be in a space of disconnection, of overwhelm, where all I'm, I'm seeking is something that I can put on or expose myself to that soothes my soul, that makes my nervous system feel safe.
866
00:56:22,726.8705599 --> 00:56:24,76.8705599
And like, things are gonna be okay.
867
00:56:24,106.8705599 --> 00:56:27,286.8705599
Even if I'm not like getting better in the moment.
868
00:56:27,856.8705599 --> 00:56:29,926.8705599
I just need that nurturing sometimes.
869
00:56:30,346.8705599 --> 00:56:42,6.8705599
And I love the idea of being able to put a body of work, of connection out there where other people can do the same thing where they can come and tune in when they're feeling like they're in struggle.
870
00:56:42,996.8705599 --> 00:56:44,226.8705599
They just don't know what's wrong.
871
00:56:44,226.8705599 --> 00:56:45,246.8705599
Or they do know what's wrong.
872
00:56:45,246.8705599 --> 00:56:46,386.8705599
They don't know how to fix it.
873
00:56:46,716.8705599 --> 00:56:49,596.8705599
They can just come and have it be okay for a little bit.
874
00:56:49,656.8705599 --> 00:56:49,956.8705599
Yeah.
875
00:56:50,706.8705599 --> 00:56:51,486.8705599
A refuge.
876
00:56:51,516.8705599 --> 00:56:52,236.8705599
What a gift.
877
00:56:52,806.8705599 --> 00:56:53,226.8705599
Yeah.
878
00:56:53,346.8705599 --> 00:56:54,6.8705599
What a gift.
879
00:56:54,246.8705599 --> 00:56:54,516.8705599
Yeah.
880
00:56:55,446.8705599 --> 00:56:58,296.8705599
Thank you for helping me create this, this space.
881
00:56:58,326.8705599 --> 00:56:58,956.8705599
Oh, oh my gosh.
882
00:56:58,956.8705599 --> 00:57:00,831.8705599
We're just on this journey together, huh? Yes.
883
00:57:00,836.8705599 --> 00:57:01,431.8705599
Yes we are.
884
00:57:02,496.8705599 --> 00:57:03,396.8705599
Yes we are.
885
00:57:03,856.8705599 --> 00:57:10,111.8705599
I'm glad I I called this a conversation and not an interview because the interviewing is mostly being done by you, and I love it.
886
00:57:10,171.8705599 --> 00:57:13,441.8705599
I love talking to you, and I so appreciate the questions you're asking.
887
00:57:13,831.8705599 --> 00:57:14,521.8705599
Oh, gosh.
888
00:57:14,521.8705599 --> 00:57:31,21.8705599
That's, uh, I think when we were first setting up, uh, with our tea and our raspberries and the rocks and our grounding practice that, uh, we have similar parts in similar matching pictures of wanting to get it right and mm-hmm and really deliver a quality product.
889
00:57:31,21.8705599 --> 00:57:39,661.8705599
And so just letting, that settle to the background and, and just be with one another is, it just feels, it feels easy.
890
00:57:39,751.8705599 --> 00:57:43,971.8705599
And that's one of those key indicators of I'm just showing up.
891
00:57:43,971.8705599 --> 00:57:45,831.8705599
So, thanks for holding the space.
892
00:57:45,891.8705599 --> 00:57:46,881.8705599
Oh, you're so welcome.
893
00:57:46,881.8705599 --> 00:57:47,961.8705599
And I'm not done with you yet.
894
00:57:48,231.8705599 --> 00:57:49,851.8705599
Got a few more questions I'm gonna ask.
895
00:57:50,91.8705599 --> 00:57:51,51.8705599
Is that okay with you? Yeah.
896
00:57:51,81.8705599 --> 00:57:51,231.8705599
Yeah.
897
00:57:53,347.2585844 --> 00:57:59,387.2585844
I know it felt like it was naturally coming to an end, but you just, you put so much incredibleness Mm.
898
00:57:59,387.2585844 --> 00:58:06,527.2585844
Into this space and I, I think people really benefit from having specific tools that they can use.
899
00:58:06,527.2585844 --> 00:58:09,587.2585844
And so I wanted to name some that were just so useful.
900
00:58:09,587.2585844 --> 00:58:11,57.2585844
First of all, skin boundary.
901
00:58:11,837.2585844 --> 00:58:13,367.2585844
I love the skin boundary.
902
00:58:13,367.2585844 --> 00:58:13,937.2585844
Yes.
903
00:58:14,27.2585844 --> 00:58:14,237.2585844
Mm-hmm.
904
00:58:14,477.2585844 --> 00:58:26,567.2585844
Can you say a little bit about that and what that is? Well, without disparaging any constructs, I'll say that in 2020, I started Somatic experiencing training, the weekend of the lockdown.
905
00:58:26,717.2585844 --> 00:58:26,927.2585844
Mm-hmm.
906
00:58:27,587.2585844 --> 00:58:34,997.2585844
So that was just a very interesting time and I, I got a lot of value out of that whole experience.
907
00:58:35,683.7299386 --> 00:58:39,43.7299386
what was put in the syllabus and then what was the experience? So yeah, both.
908
00:58:39,528.8601469 --> 00:58:49,638.8601469
and I was also left dissatisfied by approach to low energy states because it's what I had seen in the va.
909
00:58:50,238.8601469 --> 00:58:52,428.8601469
It's what I had experienced in myself.
910
00:58:53,58.8601469 --> 00:59:00,442.1934803
I was raised in a family, uh, I mean, hardworking strong work ethic doers.
911
00:59:00,512.1934803 --> 00:59:03,92.1934803
We pivot and pivot and pivot again, right? Mm-hmm.
912
00:59:03,332.1934803 --> 00:59:11,47.1934803
This is just part of our mantra and honoring rest was just, is so important.
913
00:59:11,569.4851469 --> 00:59:12,979.4851469
There's so much about that right now.
914
00:59:12,979.4851469 --> 00:59:13,39.4851469
Yeah.
915
00:59:13,459.4851469 --> 00:59:20,479.4851469
How I experienced it was just the low energy states of shutting down where I could be highly productive.
916
00:59:20,509.4851469 --> 00:59:22,219.4851469
Go, go, go, go.
917
00:59:22,219.4851469 --> 00:59:22,669.4851469
And then.
918
00:59:23,254.4851469 --> 00:59:23,974.4851469
Collapse.
919
00:59:23,974.4851469 --> 00:59:24,34.4851469
Yeah.
920
00:59:24,514.4851469 --> 00:59:32,324.4851469
And then what happened in, well, I know now is the dorsal vagal, was just, I really lost my sense of self.
921
00:59:32,329.4851469 --> 00:59:32,649.4851469
Mm-hmm.
922
00:59:32,834.4851469 --> 00:59:39,284.4851469
And to understand how disconnected from I, from ego mm-hmm.
923
00:59:39,344.4851469 --> 00:59:41,714.4851469
From self, like the perception of self.
924
00:59:41,714.4851469 --> 00:59:44,624.4851469
It was that it was deathly terrifying.
925
00:59:45,164.4851469 --> 00:59:45,194.4851469
Mm.
926
00:59:45,254.4851469 --> 00:59:49,364.4851469
Um, and how people can feel that in a spectrum, of experiences.
927
00:59:49,364.4851469 --> 01:00:05,114.4851469
But how I experienced it personally was that I was in that shame spiral and that I was like, out of a canon, and then that's when I'm gonna go clean the house, do a project, you know, lay down six hours of work.
928
01:00:05,144.4851469 --> 01:00:07,724.4851469
You know, just, it was like out of a canon.
929
01:00:07,784.4851469 --> 01:00:19,634.4851469
And that cycle, the polarization between high sympathetic, low parasympathetic, and just that, that polarization between the two created secondary exhaustion and.
930
01:00:20,69.4851469 --> 01:00:21,719.4851469
Wondering what's wrong with me.
931
01:00:21,719.4851469 --> 01:00:22,739.4851469
So, yeah.
932
01:00:22,829.4851469 --> 01:00:39,869.4851469
relational trauma therapy training, um, Marita, Broberg and Varda, it's a team out of Scandinavia, and so I trained with them for four years, understanding the hypo state, hypo state in general, hypo responsiveness, hypo arousal.
933
01:00:40,199.4851469 --> 01:00:49,229.4851469
Then we got into disgust, which I realized was my main emotion and didn't really realize it.
934
01:00:49,529.4851469 --> 01:00:57,539.4851469
And then another year, really understanding both the dual parasympathetic and sympathetic aspects of shame.
935
01:00:57,719.4851469 --> 01:00:57,839.4851469
Hmm.
936
01:00:58,409.4851469 --> 01:01:03,329.4851469
So he asked about the skin boundary, but it really comes back to when we're in that dorsal vagal.
937
01:01:04,394.4851469 --> 01:01:05,624.4851469
That you did the squats.
938
01:01:05,774.4851469 --> 01:01:05,924.4851469
Mm-hmm.
939
01:01:06,164.4851469 --> 01:01:06,494.4851469
Brilliant.
940
01:01:06,494.4851469 --> 01:01:07,784.4851469
Just bring up the energy a little bit.
941
01:01:08,204.4851469 --> 01:01:16,514.4851469
And when I was in that experience of dorsal vagal, just to create a boundary mm-hmm.
942
01:01:16,814.4851469 --> 01:01:25,34.4851469
Just to remember that I have a container, I have a defined space, brought me back to my sense of self.
943
01:01:25,64.4851469 --> 01:01:27,224.4851469
My ego could be back online.
944
01:01:27,224.4851469 --> 01:01:27,284.4851469
Yeah.
945
01:01:27,314.4851469 --> 01:01:31,334.4851469
My, my thoughts could be back very contained.
946
01:01:31,754.4851469 --> 01:01:31,844.4851469
Mm-hmm.
947
01:01:32,204.4851469 --> 01:01:36,494.4851469
And give a sense of, yeah, give a sense of self rather than undifferentiated.
948
01:01:36,494.4851469 --> 01:01:38,714.4851469
And that, that's too much.
949
01:01:38,744.4851469 --> 01:01:39,734.4851469
That's too much.
950
01:01:39,974.4851469 --> 01:01:41,567.8184803
Uh, so that was the first boundary.
951
01:01:41,957.8184803 --> 01:01:43,697.8184803
Oh, that makes so much sense to me.
952
01:01:43,697.8184803 --> 01:01:45,857.8184803
I, appreciate you laying it out in that way.
953
01:01:45,857.8184803 --> 01:01:51,377.8184803
Because skin boundary literally is, you take your hands and you run them along your skin.
954
01:01:51,437.8184803 --> 01:01:51,527.8184803
Mm-hmm.
955
01:01:51,767.8184803 --> 01:01:55,217.8184803
Every part of your skin, almost like you're washing yourself in the shower.
956
01:01:55,217.8184803 --> 01:01:55,307.8184803
Yes.
957
01:01:55,307.8184803 --> 01:01:56,717.8184803
But just with your hands.
958
01:01:56,717.8184803 --> 01:02:00,827.8184803
So running over your arms, your legs, the bottom of your feet, your face.
959
01:02:01,547.8184803 --> 01:02:03,377.8184803
All of it in your hair, your scalp.
960
01:02:03,377.8184803 --> 01:02:04,417.8184803
Oh, gotta move the wig.
961
01:02:04,447.8184803 --> 01:02:04,537.8184803
Yeah.
962
01:02:04,627.8184803 --> 01:02:13,107.8184803
You know, and that's the lymph system, the electricity, the fascia, the oxygen, I mean, just giving ourselves a sense of a container mm-hmm.
963
01:02:13,347.8184803 --> 01:02:17,637.8184803
Then the emotions can move through the, the thoughts can land.
964
01:02:17,967.8184803 --> 01:02:18,57.8184803
Mm-hmm.
965
01:02:18,417.8184803 --> 01:02:21,897.8184803
And just have a sense of, I that's healthy.
966
01:02:23,127.8184803 --> 01:02:23,217.8184803
Yes.
967
01:02:23,787.8184803 --> 01:02:24,237.8184803
Right.
968
01:02:24,777.8184803 --> 01:02:24,867.8184803
Yeah.
969
01:02:24,867.8184803 --> 01:02:26,967.8184803
It's not, it's not too big and it's also not missing.
970
01:02:27,27.8184803 --> 01:02:27,657.8184803
Um, yeah.
971
01:02:27,657.8184803 --> 01:02:30,237.8184803
But just to, to bring up the energy slowly mm-hmm.
972
01:02:30,477.8184803 --> 01:02:32,757.8184803
Has been profound for me and I needed to share it.
973
01:02:32,997.8184803 --> 01:02:34,557.8184803
Thank you for sharing that.
974
01:02:34,557.8184803 --> 01:02:35,817.8184803
That is, it's huge.
975
01:02:35,817.8184803 --> 01:02:41,217.8184803
I'm in the process of creating a list of things that you can do when your end dorsal vagal shutdown come out.
976
01:02:41,217.8184803 --> 01:02:43,827.8184803
Things you can do in sympathetic to come out of it.
977
01:02:44,97.8184803 --> 01:02:48,184.4851469
But I'm, I'm curious if you could talk a little more about just the idea of creating vagal tone.
978
01:02:48,701.2946485 --> 01:02:56,481.2946485
so the vagus nerve, the sole nerve is attuned to both things that are stressful and exuberant, right? Mm-hmm.
979
01:02:56,886.2946485 --> 01:03:04,21.2946485
res, medicum talks about in his book, my grandmother's hands, like, when the spirit sores, that's the sole nerve, that's vagus nerve.
980
01:03:04,321.2946485 --> 01:03:08,461.2946485
When you get, my words now, um, you get gut punched.
981
01:03:08,794.6279819 --> 01:03:12,451.2946485
Um, sucker punched that, also, vagus.
982
01:03:12,451.2946485 --> 01:03:13,591.2946485
Mm-hmm.
983
01:03:13,592.2946485 --> 01:03:18,181.2946485
And the vagal break is the ability to slow down.
984
01:03:18,281.2946485 --> 01:03:33,371.2946485
The part that I find so fascinating about that slowing down is we really are back to energy, energy conservationists and understanding that backup on my soapbox mm-hmm.
985
01:03:33,371.2946485 --> 01:03:36,251.2946485
That there's no amount of bootstrapping that can pull us out.
986
01:03:36,881.2946485 --> 01:03:43,861.2946485
Uh, there's no amount of vacuuming the house or tending to 30 more emails or any of that gets us out.
987
01:03:43,961.2946485 --> 01:03:48,41.2946485
It's not the doing that gets us out of that collapse, it's just the connection.
988
01:03:48,326.2946485 --> 01:03:48,616.2946485
Yeah.
989
01:03:48,933.130586 --> 01:03:50,13.130586
That makes so much sense.
990
01:03:50,703.130586 --> 01:03:57,33.130586
I have written here, resourced and ready, that is something I also got from you.
991
01:03:57,153.130586 --> 01:04:07,781.9196485
The idea of, I guess I'm connecting it back to the vagal tone, just in allowing our whole nervous system and our vagus nerve to be resourced but not overly resourced.
992
01:04:07,781.9196485 --> 01:04:08,21.9196485
Right.
993
01:04:08,21.9196485 --> 01:04:13,751.9196485
Tuning into what is and what it needs so that we can slow down or speed up Yes.
994
01:04:13,751.9196485 --> 01:04:14,591.9196485
Accordingly.
995
01:04:14,711.9196485 --> 01:04:15,551.9196485
Oh, yes.
996
01:04:15,551.9196485 --> 01:04:15,911.9196485
Yeah.
997
01:04:15,971.9196485 --> 01:04:18,41.9196485
In a flexible way without getting stuck.
998
01:04:18,41.9196485 --> 01:04:18,221.9196485
Yeah.
999
01:04:18,221.9196485 --> 01:04:19,91.9196485
And I.
1000
01:04:20,141.9196485 --> 01:04:21,971.9196485
Uh, I don't think I'm getting stuck.
1001
01:04:21,971.9196485 --> 01:04:28,915.2529819
I think I'm not staying in my ventral vagal state lately at the top of the ladder, but I'm not getting stuck anywhere else.
1002
01:04:28,915.2529819 --> 01:04:32,425.2529819
And when I noticed like, like I had so much energy before you got here.
1003
01:04:32,455.2529819 --> 01:04:40,255.2529819
'cause I was very excited and we obviously grounded before we started, but I was also working on honoring the parts of me that were so excited.
1004
01:04:40,255.2529819 --> 01:04:44,875.2529819
And also a little nervous, but also saying, Hey, you got a little more energy than you need.
1005
01:04:44,875.2529819 --> 01:04:50,425.2529819
Like, how would you like for me to express this out of me? And just tuning into the parts.
1006
01:04:50,485.2529819 --> 01:05:01,588.5863152
What'd you get? Anything else come through? Um, I got an email done and my mom called, so I didn't actually get to do anything with what the parts suggested, but I've got a vibration board over there.
1007
01:05:01,778.5863152 --> 01:05:02,918.5863152
I just got it.
1008
01:05:02,918.5863152 --> 01:05:04,778.5863152
It is my new favorite tool.
1009
01:05:04,868.5863152 --> 01:05:05,48.5863152
Mm-hmm.
1010
01:05:05,288.5863152 --> 01:05:15,428.5863152
Man, what a difference it makes to just be able to step onto something that shakes your whole body, activates muscles, but also helps the lymphatic system drain and takes this energy and moves it out.
1011
01:05:16,808.5863152 --> 01:05:17,258.5863152
Love it.
1012
01:05:17,318.5863152 --> 01:05:18,278.5863152
Yeah, me too.
1013
01:05:18,638.5863152 --> 01:05:28,285.2529819
Have you, incorporated it into a particular part of the day or you just kind of go with the flow? Really the question is how have you incorporated it with your other tools? Hmm.
1014
01:05:30,55.2529819 --> 01:05:36,505.2529819
You know, I'm realizing as you're saying that, that I don't have a lot of routine to my tools lately.
1015
01:05:36,655.2529819 --> 01:05:38,605.2529819
So I see it and then I use it.
1016
01:05:38,605.2529819 --> 01:05:38,965.2529819
Yeah.
1017
01:05:39,65.2529819 --> 01:05:48,455.2529819
And I'm happy to use it, but maybe having a little more structure, a little more routine might allow for a little more vagal tone lately.
1018
01:05:48,515.2529819 --> 01:05:51,421.9196485
More balanced, but I don't know.
1019
01:05:51,841.9196485 --> 01:05:51,991.9196485
Yeah.
1020
01:05:51,991.9196485 --> 01:05:52,891.9196485
Such a good question.
1021
01:05:52,981.9196485 --> 01:05:56,881.9196485
I hear that curiosity around routine and also the space to be with what is.
1022
01:05:56,881.9196485 --> 01:06:00,91.9196485
'cause let's face it, there's a lot happening in the world right now.
1023
01:06:00,181.9196485 --> 01:06:00,271.9196485
Mm-hmm.
1024
01:06:01,771.9196485 --> 01:06:04,351.9196485
lot vying for our attention that it is.
1025
01:06:04,351.9196485 --> 01:06:04,561.9196485
Yeah.
1026
01:06:04,713.5623501 --> 01:06:09,183.5623501
And, with that in mind, I realize we've been at this for a while and you may be tiring.
1027
01:06:09,268.5623501 --> 01:06:09,528.5623501
I know I am.
1028
01:06:10,683.5623501 --> 01:06:11,823.5623501
There is one more.
1029
01:06:11,823.5623501 --> 01:06:16,861.1710357
Um, I really like the IUI statement.
1030
01:06:17,431.1710357 --> 01:06:17,551.1710357
Mm-hmm.
1031
01:06:18,391.1710357 --> 01:06:26,581.1710357
and you mentioned in here about the neuroscience behind it, about speaking to ourselves in the first person and then the third person and then the first person.
1032
01:06:26,581.1710357 --> 01:06:30,781.1710357
Is that fresh in your mind at all to talk about or is that It is now.
1033
01:06:30,931.1710357 --> 01:06:31,261.1710357
Thank you.
1034
01:06:31,351.1710357 --> 01:06:31,621.1710357
You're welcome.
1035
01:06:34,353.9880292 --> 01:06:38,703.9880292
So you're speaking to mantras, right? You're speaking to our self-talk.
1036
01:06:38,853.9880292 --> 01:06:38,943.9880292
Mm-hmm.
1037
01:06:39,183.9880292 --> 01:06:44,973.9880292
Specifically in the Scar program, one of the ways we harness that mental energy is through mantra.
1038
01:06:45,453.9880292 --> 01:06:49,323.9880292
And some people use affirmations, mantras, and some people don't.
1039
01:06:49,323.9880292 --> 01:06:50,433.9880292
Some people say they don't work.
1040
01:06:50,493.9880292 --> 01:06:58,683.9880292
And I offer an embodied approach and a neuroscience fact approach to mantras that we gotta meet ourselves in the moment.
1041
01:06:58,683.9880292 --> 01:07:02,313.9880292
We can't be like listening to an influencer's mantra.
1042
01:07:02,313.9880292 --> 01:07:04,263.9880292
I'm like, yes, I am amazing.
1043
01:07:04,263.9880292 --> 01:07:05,313.9880292
He's like, yes, you are.
1044
01:07:05,553.9880292 --> 01:07:08,703.9880292
However, does it fit? Like does it match your energies that meet your energy today? Mm-hmm.
1045
01:07:09,333.9880292 --> 01:07:16,406.5780261
And so I, I like to use that bridging, like mental health, mad lib of pulling from our conscious mind.
1046
01:07:16,781.5780261 --> 01:07:21,914.9113595
Sourcing from our subconscious bridging between the conscious and subconscious and just seeing what flows through.
1047
01:07:22,64.9113595 --> 01:07:22,154.9113595
Mm-hmm.
1048
01:07:22,604.9113595 --> 01:07:31,424.9113595
And when we do that, we use that mental health mad lib to, until now I've been feeling X and I'm ready to blank.
1049
01:07:31,424.9113595 --> 01:07:33,194.9113595
And when I do, I feel blank.
1050
01:07:33,199.9113595 --> 01:07:33,309.9113595
Yeah.
1051
01:07:33,644.9113595 --> 01:07:39,854.9113595
And then that next drip of wisdom just sourced from the really the unconscious mind.
1052
01:07:39,944.9113595 --> 01:07:45,224.9113595
Um, some would say subconscious mind, some would say that spirit, you know what? Whatever.
1053
01:07:45,554.9113595 --> 01:07:50,264.9113595
It's just that next wisdom is we're not cogitating on it, right? Yeah.
1054
01:07:50,444.9113595 --> 01:07:52,724.9113595
It's just blah, here it is, the nugget.
1055
01:07:53,324.9113595 --> 01:08:03,434.9113595
Now what I think is super cool is the neuroscience supports that we're so pro-social in our, in our self-talk, in our brain, that when we come up with the mantra.
1056
01:08:04,544.9113595 --> 01:08:11,654.9113595
yesterday since I took that national board exam, my mantra is that came out when I was med ball slamming in this hit class.
1057
01:08:11,654.9113595 --> 01:08:17,114.9113595
The mantra that came out was just, I take tests and I pass 'em.
1058
01:08:17,294.9113595 --> 01:08:18,74.9113595
Yeah.
1059
01:08:18,164.9113595 --> 01:08:20,84.9113595
Um, I know shit and I share it.
1060
01:08:20,114.9113595 --> 01:08:22,214.9113595
I didn't try, it just came out right.
1061
01:08:22,634.9113595 --> 01:08:28,644.9113595
And then I said, Jen, you take tests and you pass 'em.
1062
01:08:28,944.9113595 --> 01:08:37,224.9113595
And I was like, I take tests and I pass 'em, and I just, the, the endorphins, the feelings, those neurochemicals just met the energy, the mental energy.
1063
01:08:37,524.9113595 --> 01:08:49,794.9113595
And so I feel like, Pete Walker, and, and many other therapists talk about, the cognitive aspect and the somatic aspect together is just really that magic, it's like that's what we've been doing.
1064
01:08:49,794.9113595 --> 01:08:51,24.9113595
Like Oh, right, right.
1065
01:08:51,24.9113595 --> 01:08:57,534.9113595
So that, that is the magic of meeting the cognitive pathway with a somatic pathway and linking them.
1066
01:08:57,534.9113595 --> 01:09:01,494.9113595
Bridging them so that we believe our own stuff.
1067
01:09:01,884.9113595 --> 01:09:01,944.9113595
Yeah.
1068
01:09:02,274.9113595 --> 01:09:05,424.9113595
And then, um, could I take it a step further please.
1069
01:09:05,484.9113595 --> 01:09:05,934.9113595
Awesome.
1070
01:09:07,194.9113595 --> 01:09:11,364.9113595
So when we say our mantra, um, I take tests and I pass 'em.
1071
01:09:11,364.9113595 --> 01:09:14,184.9113595
Right? And say, you take tests and you pass.
1072
01:09:14,184.9113595 --> 01:09:16,494.9113595
I do, I do take tests and I pass 'em.
1073
01:09:16,924.9113595 --> 01:09:29,464.9113595
If we're in a position where it feels accessible to feel into any discord, any dissonance that isn't quite aligned with what we just connected to, that becomes the next wisdom piece.
1074
01:09:29,494.9113595 --> 01:09:29,524.9113595
Mm.
1075
01:09:30,34.9113595 --> 01:09:34,449.9113595
And for some that could be too much, but I know that's what we've been.
1076
01:09:35,42.4894845 --> 01:09:37,217.4894845
we are looking for that part, right? Mm-hmm.
1077
01:09:37,297.4894845 --> 01:09:43,292.4894845
We're lovingly looking for that part that isn't quite yet aligned with what's been unearthed.
1078
01:09:43,472.4894845 --> 01:09:43,562.4894845
Mm-hmm.
1079
01:09:43,802.4894845 --> 01:09:45,962.4894845
And then we just say hello to it and we feel it.
1080
01:09:45,967.4894845 --> 01:09:46,257.4894845
Yeah.
1081
01:09:46,262.4894845 --> 01:09:56,342.4894845
And maybe, you know, we would then use our ABCs again to tend to, and, resource that place we don't, uh, we don't tell it to shut up and get in line.
1082
01:09:57,272.4894845 --> 01:09:57,632.4894845
Right.
1083
01:09:57,632.4894845 --> 01:09:58,112.4894845
Yeah.
1084
01:09:58,112.4894845 --> 01:10:02,552.4894845
And we also don't say it doesn't work because part of me says they don't believe it.
1085
01:10:02,582.4894845 --> 01:10:02,942.4894845
Yeah.
1086
01:10:03,287.4894845 --> 01:10:03,577.4894845
Yeah.
1087
01:10:03,582.4894845 --> 01:10:03,932.4894845
Yeah.
1088
01:10:03,992.4894845 --> 01:10:06,152.4894845
And because I the fake it till you make it.
1089
01:10:07,202.4894845 --> 01:10:14,552.4894845
That's, I feel like what if we just include the part that isn't quite aligned yet and say, oh yeah, I hear you.
1090
01:10:14,852.4894845 --> 01:10:15,272.4894845
Yeah.
1091
01:10:15,332.4894845 --> 01:10:16,682.4894845
That's where the trail head is.
1092
01:10:16,802.4894845 --> 01:10:17,402.4894845
Mm-hmm.
1093
01:10:17,672.4894845 --> 01:10:18,897.4894845
The opportunity to mm-hmm.
1094
01:10:18,977.4894845 --> 01:10:23,162.4894845
To head back to whatever that's about and welcome it into the fold.
1095
01:10:23,192.4894845 --> 01:10:23,522.4894845
Right.
1096
01:10:23,942.4894845 --> 01:10:24,452.4894845
Yeah.
1097
01:10:24,482.4894845 --> 01:10:25,562.4894845
There's space for you here.
1098
01:10:25,622.4894845 --> 01:10:26,432.4894845
There sure is.
1099
01:10:26,432.4894845 --> 01:10:39,502.4894845
And I, it definitely feels different to say these things that are attuned to wherever we are at any given time, but not just to say I to say, Rachel, you and I.
1100
01:10:40,55.8228178 --> 01:10:45,625.8228178
How's it been different for you? Because I know my experience and I see it kind of unfold, but I'd love to hear a difference for you.
1101
01:10:45,865.8228178 --> 01:10:46,435.8228178
Yeah.
1102
01:10:46,765.8228178 --> 01:11:00,960.8228178
I don't know if it's because of the neuroscience, and I know that talking to myself or anyone talking to themselves in the third person has this powerful effect because we are pro-social beings, but it just feels like it carries more weight, like Mm.
1103
01:11:00,960.8228178 --> 01:11:06,450.8228178
It's not just me saying it to myself, but it is me having it said to me, even though it's by me.
1104
01:11:06,660.8228178 --> 01:11:06,990.8228178
I don't know.
1105
01:11:06,990.8228178 --> 01:11:09,30.8228178
It's very meta, but Right.
1106
01:11:09,910.8228178 --> 01:11:12,257.4894845
it carries more weight There's more gravity.
1107
01:11:12,347.4894845 --> 01:11:12,467.4894845
Yeah.
1108
01:11:12,467.4894845 --> 01:11:13,877.4894845
It carries more weight there.
1109
01:11:13,937.4894845 --> 01:11:15,917.4894845
There's something really there, isn't it? Yeah.
1110
01:11:16,187.4894845 --> 01:11:26,747.4894845
So I'm gonna give an example and I'll just, because at peace is how I'm feeling right now, which is very much at odds with how I was feeling at the beginning, but I am at peace.
1111
01:11:27,437.4894845 --> 01:11:29,627.4894845
Rachel, you are at peace.
1112
01:11:30,617.4894845 --> 01:11:32,627.4894845
I am at peace.
1113
01:11:34,97.4894845 --> 01:11:35,177.4894845
That feels good.
1114
01:11:35,387.4894845 --> 01:11:36,797.4894845
Yeah, really good.
1115
01:11:37,457.4894845 --> 01:11:40,457.4894845
Thank you for helping me get here and for coming and sharing.
1116
01:11:40,457.4894845 --> 01:11:41,687.4894845
This has been incredible.
1117
01:11:41,747.4894845 --> 01:11:51,317.4894845
Do you wanna share any words about how you experience that sense of peace and your layers of energies to bring it full circle? Yeah.
1118
01:11:53,993.6483386 --> 01:12:06,293.6483386
it felt true before I said it, and then in the process of saying it, my energy picked up a little, and then after I finished saying it, it, it feels like it's settled.
1119
01:12:06,983.6483386 --> 01:12:10,718.6483386
Like nestled down into my cells and you're kind of, and you're kind of shimmying.
1120
01:12:10,718.6483386 --> 01:12:10,878.6483386
Yeah.
1121
01:12:10,908.6483386 --> 01:12:12,398.6483386
There's a shim going on.
1122
01:12:12,398.6483386 --> 01:12:15,233.6483386
So it's kind of like this landing deep, it seems.
1123
01:12:15,293.6483386 --> 01:12:16,673.6483386
Yeah, exactly what you said.
1124
01:12:16,673.6483386 --> 01:12:26,513.6483386
The, the cognitive, the thought piece and the somatic, the body coming together and having a felt sense of this thing that already felt true, but now feels even more true.
1125
01:12:26,603.6483386 --> 01:12:27,53.6483386
Yes.
1126
01:12:27,113.6483386 --> 01:12:30,713.6483386
Like I welcomed it in and I integrated it into my body and my system.
1127
01:12:31,343.6483386 --> 01:12:32,453.6483386
Just with my words.
1128
01:12:32,513.6483386 --> 01:12:33,533.6483386
Just with that wisdom.
1129
01:12:33,538.6483386 --> 01:12:33,718.6483386
Mm-hmm.
1130
01:12:33,798.6483386 --> 01:12:34,673.6483386
Connecting the wisdom.
1131
01:12:35,573.6483386 --> 01:12:40,613.6483386
So this is what I share in private practice with my individual clients.
1132
01:12:40,613.6483386 --> 01:12:44,573.6483386
Coaching clients has a holistic mental health nervous system coach.
1133
01:12:45,443.6483386 --> 01:13:05,698.6483386
And this is what I share with my therapeutic clients in dual diagnosis, organizations, clinics, and also what I share when I'm training or guiding experiential, transformative, experiential presentations at conferences.
1134
01:13:05,728.6483386 --> 01:13:09,388.6483386
It's, I just believe in it so completely.
1135
01:13:09,838.6483386 --> 01:13:12,748.6483386
'cause there is something complete about it.
1136
01:13:12,808.6483386 --> 01:13:12,988.6483386
Yeah.
1137
01:13:13,318.6483386 --> 01:13:25,861.1132972
Um, that I feel in what I see happen in the room and that just evokes a sense of it's, the energy is just flowing, it's aligned physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, just aligned.
1138
01:13:25,951.1132972 --> 01:13:32,241.1132972
And that, the more that we can do that together, I feel like in general, there has something medicinal about it.
1139
01:13:32,271.1132972 --> 01:13:34,221.1132972
Just doing this in community mm-hmm.
1140
01:13:34,461.1132972 --> 01:13:38,871.1132972
And continuing to shift that truth, that vibration together.
1141
01:13:39,681.1132972 --> 01:13:41,626.1132972
Um, what's the alternative? Right? Yeah.
1142
01:13:43,131.1132972 --> 01:13:44,271.1132972
Oh, that's beautiful.
1143
01:13:44,271.1132972 --> 01:13:44,661.1132972
And I.
1144
01:13:44,661.1132972 --> 01:14:06,891.1132972
I know from my own experience working with you that you know, the clients you work with, the people you train, they all get to feel this energy that I'm feeling right now with you, this shared space of, authentic truth but also more realization or recognition of, who we are and how to take care of ourselves.
1145
01:14:06,891.1132972 --> 01:14:18,861.1132972
I know that I've definitely gotten from you and I'm wondering if, people wanna work with you are, are you open to taking clients at this point and how do they find you? If you are, thanks for asking that.
1146
01:14:18,921.1132972 --> 01:14:25,431.1132972
I am open to receiving invitations for speaking, for training.
1147
01:14:26,91.1132972 --> 01:14:44,419.0679865
My clients that I work with in the, the coaching side, almost all of them have, There's a readiness, right? There's a readiness to, to know themselves deeper, to work through those, those triggers also build up their glimmers to to have a framework for their experience to have words.
1148
01:14:44,419.0679865 --> 01:14:53,179.0679865
Right? And I, as you know, I often just share our community and refer people to trauma therapists.
1149
01:14:53,179.0679865 --> 01:14:54,829.0679865
So I love to collaborate for care.
1150
01:14:54,889.0679865 --> 01:14:54,949.0679865
Yeah.
1151
01:14:55,9.0679865 --> 01:15:00,349.0679865
Um, it's one of the things, I just think that I don't do this work alone, right? Yeah.
1152
01:15:00,379.0679865 --> 01:15:03,499.0679865
The work works through me and, and also I don't do it alone.
1153
01:15:04,219.0679865 --> 01:15:13,789.0679865
So just to have that community build, I love collaborating for care and also appreciate and enjoy the continuing education.
1154
01:15:13,789.0679865 --> 01:15:24,417.4013198
So the trauma-informed lens that I bring is recognized by the state of Ohio and, other avenues to bring that training to to individuals, and to groups.
1155
01:15:25,197.4013198 --> 01:15:29,547.4013198
A main thing that I love is to present to groups.
1156
01:15:29,547.4013198 --> 01:15:36,657.4013198
Just for people to have that experience of this nervous system work, this energy work, but in a real concrete way.
1157
01:15:36,657.4013198 --> 01:15:36,717.4013198
Yeah.
1158
01:15:36,777.4013198 --> 01:15:38,997.4013198
So I also work with corporations.
1159
01:15:39,147.4013198 --> 01:15:39,297.4013198
Mm-hmm.
1160
01:15:39,747.4013198 --> 01:15:42,747.4013198
And like I did on Monday and we create space.
1161
01:15:42,747.4013198 --> 01:15:53,367.4013198
And now to hear that this group of strong women that have the mental load and that they are also able to share it with their people and their teams.
1162
01:15:53,367.4013198 --> 01:16:01,377.4013198
The women leaders, I mean, they are a team of 10 and each have a team of 50 under them, plus their mothers and have aging parents, you know? Yeah.
1163
01:16:01,377.4013198 --> 01:16:03,87.4013198
It just, they're bad asses.
1164
01:16:03,357.4013198 --> 01:16:03,417.4013198
Okay.
1165
01:16:03,477.4013198 --> 01:16:14,667.4013198
And to hear so quickly that they had created a cohesive culture of trust, that they cue one another, that they come back to the ABCs and they check their nervous system for deescalation.
1166
01:16:14,727.4013198 --> 01:16:15,507.4013198
Oh my gosh.
1167
01:16:15,507.4013198 --> 01:16:20,169.4065282
It was just, I, I was moved by their readiness and their adoption.
1168
01:16:20,169.4065282 --> 01:16:23,949.4065282
So even in the corporate setting, it's just, we're just humans.
1169
01:16:23,949.4065282 --> 01:16:24,429.4065282
Right? Yeah.
1170
01:16:24,429.4065282 --> 01:16:29,919.4065282
And it's, it's easier when we understand how we work and have tools to work it.
1171
01:16:30,964.4065282 --> 01:16:31,454.4065282
Totally.
1172
01:16:32,349.4065282 --> 01:16:33,789.4065282
That's, that's part of why I'm doing this.
1173
01:16:33,789.4065282 --> 01:16:46,591.1643407
I want everybody to have this information because, uh, imagine if we lived in a world where everybody understood their nervous systems and and were engaging accordingly.
1174
01:16:46,741.1643407 --> 01:16:47,11.1643407
Yes.
1175
01:16:47,11.1643407 --> 01:16:48,91.1643407
It would be a different world.
1176
01:16:48,961.1643407 --> 01:16:50,221.1643407
Uh, well, a different world.
1177
01:16:50,221.1643407 --> 01:16:54,1.1643407
Speaking of a different world, I'm really leaning into the energetic boundaries.
1178
01:16:54,1.1643407 --> 01:17:13,923.6903824
So as I work with peers and professionals and executives, but really on the peer and professional level, talking about energetic boundaries, I've been leaning into my boldness of just bringing the science, but also the energy of specifically why energetic boundaries matter.
1179
01:17:14,403.6903824 --> 01:17:21,393.6903824
How it's part of our, ethical duty to check our resonance check our residue.
1180
01:17:21,633.6903824 --> 01:17:21,723.6903824
Mm-hmm.
1181
01:17:21,963.6903824 --> 01:17:34,683.6903824
And before we come home, before we're, you know, cooking dinner with our family and then, you know, cooking those thoughts right into the stew, that we can clear that we don't have to carry that forward.
1182
01:17:34,803.6903824 --> 01:17:40,833.6903824
Um, but it's much more than putting it in a locked drawer, box in a vault and setting it aside.
1183
01:17:40,863.6903823 --> 01:17:46,503.6903824
Actually we can clear the energy so that we have more space to do whatever you want.
1184
01:17:46,858.6903824 --> 01:17:47,78.6903824
Yes.
1185
01:17:47,378.6903824 --> 01:17:48,878.6903824
To show up and live this life.
1186
01:17:49,178.6903824 --> 01:17:49,398.6903824
Yes.
1187
01:17:49,778.6903823 --> 01:17:50,198.6903823
Be human.
1188
01:17:50,418.6903824 --> 01:17:50,638.6903824
Yes.
1189
01:17:50,698.6903823 --> 01:17:51,798.6903824
In whatever way you wanna be.
1190
01:17:51,848.6903824 --> 01:17:52,198.6903823
Human.
1191
01:17:52,338.6903824 --> 01:17:52,558.6903824
Yes.
1192
01:17:52,953.6903824 --> 01:17:55,23.6903824
Cat, your tail, your face.
1193
01:17:55,23.6903824 --> 01:17:56,883.6903824
She's, she's loving being here with us.
1194
01:17:56,883.6903824 --> 01:17:57,633.6903824
I love you being here.
1195
01:17:57,723.6903824 --> 01:17:59,133.6903824
She likes the energy.
1196
01:17:59,133.6903824 --> 01:17:59,253.6903824
Mm-hmm.
1197
01:18:00,663.6903824 --> 01:18:02,583.6903824
so do you have a website? I do.
1198
01:18:02,673.6903824 --> 01:18:05,913.6903824
Uh, real human performance.com.
1199
01:18:05,913.6903824 --> 01:18:06,33.6903823
Mm-hmm.
1200
01:18:06,513.6903823 --> 01:18:09,783.6903823
Uh, real humans are not perfect, but we are resilient.
1201
01:18:09,783.6903823 --> 01:18:11,943.6903823
So that's what you'll see on the front page.
1202
01:18:11,943.6903823 --> 01:18:13,113.6903823
Real human performance.com
1203
01:18:13,293.6903824 --> 01:18:14,733.6903823
and specifically the program.
1204
01:18:14,733.6903823 --> 01:18:23,733.6903823
The Scar program is listed on there and also has its own landing page at self-care and resilience.com.
1205
01:18:23,763.6903823 --> 01:18:25,773.6903823
All one word, self-care and resilience.com,
1206
01:18:25,773.6903823 --> 01:18:27,753.6903824
but also through you.
1207
01:18:28,428.6903824 --> 01:18:30,258.6903824
Finding you people can find me too.
1208
01:18:30,288.6903824 --> 01:18:30,618.6903824
Yes.
1209
01:18:30,618.6903824 --> 01:18:31,128.6903824
Yes they can.
1210
01:18:31,698.6903824 --> 01:18:32,178.6903824
Absolutely.
1211
01:18:32,178.6903824 --> 01:18:34,338.6903824
And I'll put all of that in the show notes as well.
1212
01:18:34,368.6903824 --> 01:18:34,638.6903824
Fun.
1213
01:18:34,698.6903824 --> 01:18:43,154.2251046
Is there anything else that you feel called to share before we wind down? Checking in? I have a real sense of completion.
1214
01:18:43,742.3110421 --> 01:18:47,852.3110421
so I'm not gonna force it and just have that sense of completion.
1215
01:18:47,852.3110421 --> 01:18:50,942.3110421
How about for you? I feel that too.
1216
01:18:50,942.3110421 --> 01:18:59,333.8180805
I, feel a profound sense of gratitude to you, to us for creating this, but also to you for coming into my life and helping me in all of these ways.
1217
01:18:59,573.8180805 --> 01:19:07,453.8180805
connecting with me and allowing me to connect, you know? With myself and with the world in ways that I didn't have access to before I met you.
1218
01:19:07,453.8180805 --> 01:19:11,383.8180805
So I wanted to thank you for that, and thank you for your time here today.
1219
01:19:11,383.8180805 --> 01:19:12,763.8180805
It, it means the world to me.
1220
01:19:13,303.8180805 --> 01:19:15,973.8180805
I can't imagine being any other place.
1221
01:19:16,3.8180805 --> 01:19:22,243.8180805
Just sharing this journey and then the gift of being able to reflect on it has been really deeply meaningful to me.
1222
01:19:22,243.8180805 --> 01:19:22,873.8180805
So thank you.
1223
01:19:23,508.8180805 --> 01:19:24,378.8180805
Thank you, Jen.
1224
01:19:24,488.8180805 --> 01:19:25,378.8180805
Yeah, thank you.
1225
01:19:26,323.8180805 --> 01:19:27,523.8180805
This has been hard for me.
1226
01:19:27,523.8180805 --> 01:19:33,458.8180805
I have not once asked listeners to like, follow, subscribe, let's do it.
1227
01:19:33,458.8180805 --> 01:19:33,488.8180805
Any of that.
1228
01:19:33,488.8180805 --> 01:19:33,673.8180805
Let's do it.
1229
01:19:33,703.8180805 --> 01:19:35,983.8180805
But I was told I can do it in a loving way.
1230
01:19:35,983.8180805 --> 01:19:36,43.8180805
Yeah.
1231
01:19:36,43.8180805 --> 01:19:40,993.8180805
Where it's not about selling, it's just about creating more space for connections.
1232
01:19:41,113.8180805 --> 01:19:41,833.8180805
I'll just, yeah.
1233
01:19:41,923.8180805 --> 01:19:42,463.8180805
Talk to me.
1234
01:19:42,463.8180805 --> 01:19:42,473.8180805
Okay.
1235
01:19:42,473.8180805 --> 01:19:52,753.8180805
Tell me, tell me what, what, how are you gonna say it? I am going to invite everyone who is listening to lovingly in whatever way feels right to you, if you feel called to.
1236
01:19:52,933.8180805 --> 01:19:53,233.8180805
Mm-hmm.
1237
01:19:53,593.8180805 --> 01:20:03,583.8180805
Please like, follow, subscribe, share so that people in your life, in the world who might benefit from this community we're creating together can find us.
1238
01:20:04,33.8180805 --> 01:20:04,693.8180805
That's the goal.
1239
01:20:06,703.8180805 --> 01:20:07,363.8180805
That's the goal.
1240
01:20:07,483.8180805 --> 01:20:08,323.8180805
That's the goal.
1241
01:20:08,533.8180805 --> 01:20:08,953.8180805
Thank you.
1242
01:20:08,953.8180805 --> 01:20:09,13.8180805
Yeah.
1243
01:20:10,333.8180805 --> 01:20:10,933.8180805
I'm here for it.
1244
01:20:11,833.8180805 --> 01:20:12,433.8180805
Me too.