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[0:01] Welcome to Moving Forward, Divorce and Family Law with Andrew Wood.
[0:07] Welcome to Moving Forward, Divorce and Family Law with Andrew Wood.
[0:11] Andrew H. Wood is a family and matrimonial attorney based in Albany serving clients
[0:17] throughout upstate New York.
[0:18] With over 18 years of experience, he works with individuals and families, navigating divorce,
[0:24] custody, and support matters.
[0:26] With a focus on clear communication and practical well-prepared outcomes, I'm Lisa Mosbey
[0:32] and today we're talking about some of the most common mistakes people make during divorce
[0:37] and what tends to help avoid them.
[0:40] Welcome, Andrew.
[0:41] Thanks for joining me.
[0:42] Welcome.
[0:43] Thank you for having me.
[0:44] You know, Andrew, what are the most common mistakes that come up early in the divorce process?
[0:49] If children are involved, it is certainly moving out of the residents without a clear plan
[0:57] or without some type of an agreement for custody in place.
[1:02] If beyond that, parties are listening only to friends and family and other co-workers
[1:12] or maybe new partners that have gone through, whether it be a custody issue or a divorce
[1:18] issue, only listening to them and taking advice from them and not from an experienced matrimonial
[1:24] attorney, failing to seek legal advice early on in a matrimonial proceeding.
[1:35] Sometimes people see the divorcees may be coming, maybe pending, they don't want to, they're
[1:43] afraid of it, they don't want to acknowledge it, but it's better to get in front of it
[1:49] than to be towards the tail end of it.
[1:54] So you're not prepared for it.
[1:57] Failing to provide or obtain financial records early, specifically obtaining financial records
[2:03] early, you never know when that time might come that you don't have access to certain records
[2:09] and parties can, you know, hope that the banks or the credit agencies or credit card companies
[2:16] have maintained their records for a period of time, but sometimes there's very important
[2:21] documentation that you have saved in a file cabinet that is, you know, you no longer
[2:26] have access to, and maybe the other party, even if they're, you know, told they're supposed
[2:31] to provide it, doesn't provide it, so not having that.
[2:36] From a different standpoint, you know, spending recklessly or trying to hide assets, that's
[2:45] just going to, you know, potentially ruin credibility in the future, if the matter ever
[2:51] does go before a judge, but that is something to be concerned of.
[2:56] And, you know, failing to take into consideration the long-term impact for the client, for the
[3:05] person I'm representing or for a party to a divorce action, did not think about, only
[3:11] think short-term and not long-term when making sometimes rather quick decisions.
[3:18] But a decision is made too quickly, or based on emotion, rather than a clear plan, affect
[3:25] the overall process.
[3:27] Harm people in a lot of ways, sometimes what is temporary becomes permanent, so somebody,
[3:37] you know, moves out of the house without an agreement for custody, you're going to have,
[3:42] you know, potentially an issue of, well, I was supposed to have the kids every other weekend
[3:47] or I suppose I had the kids, you know, five days this week, you know, a couple days next
[3:51] week, but we're not hearing that, you know, financially not understanding the potential outcomes
[4:00] of different decisions that are made, not understanding, you know, what is marrow property,
[4:06] what is separate property.
[4:08] If you, you know, one party, for example, has $20,000 in a bank account that was accrued
[4:15] during the marriage and then uses that $20,000 to buy a vehicle, and maybe it was a $40,000
[4:22] vehicle so they have to finance the other $20,000, well, they're still responsible potentially
[4:27] for paying a portion of that $20,000 they remove from their bank account to the other side,
[4:35] which now they don't have the assets or the cash to do it with.
[4:39] So it's the short-term decisions, harsh decisions, quick rash decisions can cause a problem
[4:47] long-term, so it is, again, always good to make informed decisions even from the very
[4:57] outset of a matrimonial action.
[5:00] And you mentioned in, you know, common mistakes, things that come up, one of them was getting
[5:05] a hold of those financial documents, whether it's off of a bank website or from a file cabinet
[5:11] that you may not have access to, you know, how does a lack of preparation, financial or otherwise
[5:18] create problems as the case moves forward?
[5:21] First off, it makes the process generally take longer because those documents are generally
[5:27] going to need to be exchanged between the parties.
[5:32] To add clear financial disclosure between the parties, each one is going to want to see
[5:40] what the other side has with regard to assets and liabilities, recent pay stubs are generally
[5:46] exchanged as well.
[5:48] So that's one reason.
[5:50] And if they're not exchanged, they're going to continue to ask for it and ask for it.
[5:56] And the longer it takes to exchange that documentation, the longer the matrimonial process is going
[6:01] to take to finalize.
[6:04] Also not sharing the information can certainly hurt a party in a lot of ways, if, you know,
[6:12] I think of credit card credit cards, for example, if somebody doesn't provide their credit card
[6:17] statements, which the other side may be responsible for a portion of or for, you know, so they get
[6:23] reimbursement or there's an offset and Apple distribution.
[6:28] If one side fails to disclose those credit card statements, the entirety of that debt is
[6:33] on then.
[6:35] So it does play, it has effects in many different ways by not disclosing the necessary financial
[6:44] information.
[6:45] And longer times always means more cost, so it's great
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to be prepared.
[6:49] You know, in alignment with preparation, what communication issues tend to make situations
[6:56] more difficult or escalate conflict between spouses?
[7:00] Oftentimes it's the, you know, immediate lack of communication.
[7:06] Somebody comes and says, oh, you know, I've blocked them for my email and I'm not, you know,
[7:11] I blocked them for my cell phone, you know, so they can't contact me.
[7:15] You know, lawyers are there for a purpose, but certainly if children are involved, the parties
[7:19] need to have some open line of communication.
[7:23] And there are parenting apps that people use if text message and email or telephone are
[7:29] not available.
[7:31] But that is one main breakdown in the beginning, also disparaging remarks to one another.
[7:41] That doesn't benefit anybody.
[7:44] You know, it only makes the case just spiral and now you're just, you're fighting a fight
[7:50] that doesn't need to be fought.
[7:52] Either through attorneys or through each other, you know, it's sometimes it is difficult
[7:57] to be respectful to the other party when going through a divorce.
[8:01] I understand that, but make sure that when, you know, I recommend a client when they're
[8:07] sending a text message or an email to the other party realize that everyone's going to read
[8:13] it, including potentially the judge that's deciding your case.
[8:17] So do you want that to, you know, be seen?
[8:20] Is that something that you would feel comfortable with everybody else seeing?
[8:25] How do informal agreements or verbal understandings between spouses end up creating issues later
[8:31] on?
[8:32] If they're not in here too, they create problems.
[8:36] And it's not something that anybody should rely on.
[8:41] The problem is a verbal agreement.
[8:46] People have different understandings of what that a verbal agreement was, you know, their
[8:49] memory of the conversation is different than what the verbal agreement was.
[8:55] So, you know, if somebody says, oh, he told me he was going to pay me this amount of money,
[9:00] you know, every month, but he doesn't.
[9:02] Well, you know, he says, no, I never agreed to that.
[9:06] What are the Greek precautions?
[9:08] So same thing when it comes to custody arrangements.
[9:11] I moved out because she said I could, you know, my wife said that I could see the kids every
[9:17] other weekend and two days and one's days, okay, she's not allowing me to do that.
[9:23] She said she never told you to do that, you know, she would never allow you to do that.
[9:26] So those are the problems.
[9:27] It's just the misunderstanding, the not clear communication that is automatic in a verbal agreement
[9:37] with spouses that are going through a divorce process.
[9:41] And Andrew, I don't mean to be beating the problems, you know, to death here and bringing
[9:46] him up continuously, but these are the things that arise.
[9:49] So what problems arise when someone tries to handle parts of this process without fully
[9:55] understanding their legal position?
[9:57] They can give up.
[9:58] There's a lot of things that, you know, whether it be rights in a lot of different ways,
[10:06] a lot of different matters, issues, the parties are giving up, that they don't even realize.
[10:11] And they may think, oh, you know, my spouse said we can just figure this out.
[10:15] Your spouse maybe also talking to an attorney that says, why don't you try and negotiate
[10:19] this, see if they'll agree to, you know, that and then let's get that written down.
[10:26] You just, you don't necessarily know what rights you have, what liabilities, what you're expected
[10:33] to pay, maybe.
[10:35] So by going at it on your own, sometimes you're just, you're giving up much more than you
[10:45] need to, or you're not acquiring, you know, out of the mayor of state, your fair share.
[10:51] So those are things that people need to take into consideration when doing this, you know,
[10:56] it's the old adage, you don't know what you don't know.
[11:00] And that's really speaks true in matrimonial actions.
[11:05] Back on that communication topic, how does social media or other public communication affect
[11:12] diverse cases in ways that people don't always expect?
[11:15] And they're surprised when it happens.
[11:18] Social media is actually something that comes up quite often in both matrimonial and family
[11:23] court cases.
[11:25] And it's preventable in most, if not all situations.
[11:33] I recommend to my clients that it's okay to have a Facebook account for an Instagram account
[11:38] or a TikTok account.
[11:40] Don't post anything negative.
[11:42] And don't post anything that could even be construed as being negative against the other party
[11:47] because it will only come back to hurt you.
[11:52] These are all, all the posts are discoverable.
[11:56] We will find them out.
[11:57] I am sure in most, if not all situations, opposing council will have copies of negative posts that
[12:06] a client may have made about a client.
[12:10] So it's necessary to, it's okay if you want to review and look at social media, see what's
[12:18] going on.
[12:19] But I recommend especially during a matrimonial action or even a family court matter to not
[12:25] post anything on social media.
[12:27] Sometimes even a picture of your child will cause an issue with the other party.
[12:34] So it's good to, it's fine to review it, but realize anything that you say is out there
[12:44] for the entire world to see and in particular a divorce action or a family court matter, a
[12:50] judge to see and that, you know, can go against your credibility.
[12:53] We don't know how someone else is going to interpret it, understand it, review it.
[12:57] We just don't know.
[12:58] And why take the risk?
[12:59] It's never worth it.
[13:01] And I will use the word never in that case, Andrew.
[13:04] So what financial or asset related mistakes tend to have
the most significant long term
[13:10] consequences?
[13:11] My experience, the biggest consequences when somebody wants to stay, for example, in the
[13:19] marital recess, they want to keep the home and they want to continue to live there, maybe
[13:26] raise their children there, even depending on the parenting plan, but they don't understand
[13:31] the forability of the house or, you know, in maintaining it, what the mortgage may look
[13:37] like, if they have to refinance any equity in the house to buy out the other side, what
[13:43] their monthly payments are going to look like in terms of maintaining a house.
[13:47] That's one major issue that comes up a lot in matrimonial actions.
[13:55] So people sometimes agreeing to an unrealistic support obligation just to get the action done
[14:04] with.
[14:05] They want to be divorced and they will pay anything to get the matrimonial action finalized.
[14:11] But in doing so, they've now hurt themselves in a perspective that they can't afford to
[14:19] maintain, you know, and sometimes even an apartment or a house for themselves, you
[14:25] know, find, I've had circumstances where clients are, you know, unfortunately, have to move
[14:30] back in with their families or family members, parents, whatever it might be, friends because
[14:38] they're paying so much to the other side, they didn't realize how it was going to affect
[14:42] them financially.
[14:44] The last one would be failing to refinance joint debt.
[14:51] Parties don't realize that, you know, okay, we can sign an agreement and, you know, let's
[14:57] say one party will agree to pay off a vehicle that's in their name, but it's in their name,
[15:05] but there's a joint liability or a joint loan on that vehicle.
[15:11] The other party does not pay that loan.
[15:15] The other party is still responsible for payment on that in that loan also shows up on their
[15:20] credit report.
[15:21] So if they want to move forward and rent an apartment or buy a house, when the lending agency looks
[15:28] at their credit report, they're going to still see an outstanding liability for whether
[15:33] be, you know, in this case, a vehicle, whatever that amount might be, and that's counted against
[15:41] them.
[15:41] So it's good to make sure that the other side does refinance whoever's going to take over
[15:47] an asset or take over a debt that might be a joint debt, even if they agree to pay that
[15:52] joint debt that they refinance that joint debt into their name alone so that there is no
[15:58] more further future liability for the non-reports party.
[16:04] All really valid points, Andrew.
[16:06] Here's where I want to wrap it up today.
[16:08] How do parties stay focused and make more effective decisions as the process moves forward?
[16:18] What advice do you have for folks for that?
[16:21] In that situation, I try to break all the issues out independently at the outset, even though
[16:29] there is an overlay, say, in a matrimonial divorce action, there's an overlay of the different
[16:35] issues. It really comes down how can we divide things up, move things around so that it works for
[16:44] all of the parties, but depending on the case, maintenance may be an issue. There will be
[16:51] equitable distribution, even if it's just household personal items, there will also be potentially
[16:59] custody and child support.
[17:01] If we break all those issues down separately and try to address them separately, one at a
[17:07] time, sometimes I find that easier for clients to stay focused and move more effectively towards
[17:17] a resolution towards whether it be setting out a settlement proposal or drafting a settlement
[17:22] agreement, you want to stay focused to the issues and not saying, well, I'm not going to give
[17:27] him this if he's going to do that.
[17:31] Vice versa. Those are the things just staying focused on particular issues. I find is most
[17:38] effective to move the matrimonial case forward.
[17:42] Great advice. Thank you for your guidance through this today. We appreciate your time.
[17:46] Thank you, Lisa.
[17:47] That's it for today's episode of Moving Forward, Divorce and Family Law with Andrew Wood.
[17:53] If you're an upstate New York and want clear, practical guidance to help you avoid costly
[17:58] mistakes during a divorce, visit awoodesq.com to learn more.
[18:04] Thank you so much for listening. Don't forget to like, subscribe and leave us a review. We'll
[18:09] see you next time. Come on back.