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Speaker 1:
0:11
Hey y'all, welcome to Grid on Grace Today. On this episode we have Olivia Rebe. She is the wife of a D3 college coach at SUNY Moorsville in New York. So let's say hey to Olivia. Hi, hi, how are you? Hi, good, how are you? We are good, we are good. So let's just dive in and, you know, tell us who you are. Where are you from, how did you and your hubby meet and how did y'all get into college ball?
Speaker 2:
0:45
Okay, well, I'm Olivia. I have two kids, ages five and three, a boy and girl. I'm from Buffalo, new York, so we're close to my hometown now, which is about three hours away. My husband is from Michigan, so we met. He did two years as a GA in New York at Alford University and my best friend, my mate of honor in my wedding, was dating a coach there, a full-time coach at the time 2013. One time we went to go visit him with her and then that's how we met through my friend, oh cool. And then, well, we've been together since 2013.
Speaker 1:
1:28
Awesome, awesome, and y'all got married in 2016. Okay, cool, cool, cool, okay. And then how did he end up at SUNY Morrisville?
Speaker 2:
1:38
After he was done with his GA he couldn't find a coaching job, so he actually we moved to Detroit and he was in mortgage loaning mortgage loans for two months, okay, yeah. And then, once after we moved there, he applied to a job and he got a call and so we moved Again. So we had a break to the lease, oh my God. So we moved to Pennsylvania. Okay, so that's really when things started moving and we've been coaching ever since.
Speaker 1:
2:10
Yes, yes, okay. So when y'all moved to Detroit, did y'all have kids at that point? No, it was just us. Okay, I thought to say, wow, that is like a roller coaster the big move there and then having to turn around and move again. Oh my goodness, okay, yeah. Well, thank goodness y'all didn't have kids, but that's still tough. There's still a lot of change. Okay, so from your perspective, tell us about what it's like to be a college coach's wife.
Speaker 2:
2:37
Summer's technically off, I'd say but, he's still going to work like eight to five or like regular hours, and then come August, this camp starts usually the second week of August, okay, and my husband just stays at the school. It's easier because they get there at like six and they're there until like midnight. Okay. That's about three weeks long, so right now we have about a week left, thank God.
Speaker 1:
3:04
So y'all haven't seen him in a couple weeks.
Speaker 2:
3:06
Yeah, well, we go, I think the kids we go for dinner at the school. Oh cool, yeah, it helps because the kids sometimes are having a hard time with it. Yeah, yeah. And then September through November are the games Sometimes you can make a bowl game, and then like the playoffs, and then our on-road recruiting starts. Okay, and that's when he's gone for three weeks, I'd say At a time. We go to local schools though now, so it's easier, but he's still gone.
Speaker 4:
3:41
That's awesome that you have it local within your area, because it's what three weeks before Christmas, correct, like football ends if you don't go to a bowl game, then you're, you know, three weeks on the road recruiting, and then you've got Christmas and then recruiting again. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:
3:57
On campus recruiting. So then it's then he's super busy then, because it's like every Tuesday, thursday or something like that, and then the weekend is on the road or on campus. So then that's, and then things start to slow down in, like May, because then they do a spring ball. So like May through, I'd say mid-July is the non-busy time.
Speaker 1:
4:21
Okay, that was going to be my next question. Like, what? Like, when is that sweet spot for y'all, you know? But May through June or May through July? You said, yeah, I'd say late, may to middle of July, middle of July, awesome.
Speaker 2:
4:34
Yeah, we always want vacation the 4th of July week.
Speaker 1:
4:36
OK, ok yeah.
Speaker 5:
4:38
Have that set in stone. Where do?
Speaker 1:
4:39
y'all vacation. Just curious, like where do New Yorkers vacation Sometimes?
Speaker 2:
4:44
we go to Michigan for vacation.
Speaker 5:
4:46
OK, ok, we don't see them a lot. Ok.
Speaker 2:
4:50
Sometimes we just maybe go like three hours away camping in a cabin or something like that yeah, we haven't really gone too far with the kids.
Speaker 1:
4:58
Ok, y'all don't venture to the beach at all, not yet.
Speaker 2:
5:01
Not yet.
Speaker 1:
5:02
It's not the end of the beach. So I'm always curious about that. I'm like where do Northerners vacation? Like what does that? Because for us down south it's like when we think of vacation it's the beach, you know.
Speaker 4:
5:16
So what would you say are some challenges that you feel like you may face? That might be different from a high school coach's wife. I would just say that on the road recruiting.
Speaker 2:
5:28
That's when we first worked together. It was like super hard on me because I've never lived away from Buffalo. That was a rough point.
Speaker 4:
5:38
So how many times I want to ask you, how many times have you all moved? Because we always talked about it being in the coaching world. It's like, oh yeah, this is five seasons, but I've moved six times and stuff like that. So how?
Speaker 2:
5:49
So we've moved. I think it's been. We've been to four colleges, but two of them were in New York, so it's not like we've been far, but we've had to break many of leases oh yeah, how many years have you all been at SUNY, since 2017.
Speaker 1:
6:09
Ok, so that's been a good run, right, yeah? Yeah, my other than just he was the defensive coordinator first.
Speaker 2:
6:17
OK, he was the interim head coach. But then COVID happened, so he didn't really get a season. And then he
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got hired as the full-time head coach in 2021.
Speaker 1:
6:30
OK, awesome, awesome, congrats.
Speaker 2:
6:32
Yeah, we've been here. It's nice to finally have somewhere to call home.
Speaker 1:
6:36
Correct, correct.
Speaker 2:
6:38
Now that they're going to be starting school.
Speaker 1:
6:41
My husband, david. He's only ever coached high school. But that's one thing that I think would be the hardest for me is, if we ever did venture into college, just the uncertainty of how long you would be in one place and really it would be hard for me to watch my kids hop around and just having a place to call home. There's something special about that. So that's comforting to me, like just being in high school, because we don't necessarily have to move a whole state away or whatnot.
Speaker 4:
7:14
So what would you say? Since recruiting is a lot in the college world, what do you do for your kids to see your husband during recruiting periods? Is there anything that you guys specifically do that you could talk about?
Speaker 2:
7:28
Sure, During recruiting we can't release stuff, unless on the weekend we try to do stuff. He comes home on the weekend, so during recruiting, so we try to just hang out. Then During training camp we go for the dinners and then sometimes we'll go to the practices. Yeah, so that's really the only two things we do.
Speaker 1:
7:50
Face time. Maybe Face time a lot. Thank God for face time.
Speaker 4:
7:56
What has been your favorite memory so far?
Speaker 2:
7:59
being a college coach's wife, I'd say, when my husband got his first head coaching win after the COVID season. Because that was a rough one For us. Yeah, my husband only had himself and another coach on the whole staff during coach.
Speaker 1:
8:15
Oh wow, yes, OK, how did they do that?
Speaker 2:
8:19
It was hard because there was no season, ok, ok.
Speaker 1:
8:23
So yeah, there were no games. Right Mhm.
Speaker 2:
8:27
That was hard. And then the first season of being an interim head coach. That was a rough season because the team only went like one and ten, one and nine.
Speaker 1:
8:38
Oh, wow.
Speaker 2:
8:41
So I actually say this past season was my favorite because it's so well and you could just tell the huge difference. Yeah post the whole team was. It was like a family, so it was great. Oh, I love that.
Speaker 5:
8:52
Yeah, the American football coaches. Wow, the association. We know you're on the board with that. Can you explain to our listeners you know what exactly that is, what your role is and and how you became involved in it?
Speaker 2:
9:05
Yeah, so the AFC WA is the wives platform of the AFC a? Okay, it's for the coaches, wives of the any level of Football coaching. Mm-hmm, sorry, that was confusing. So I'm on the board, I'm the sponsorship chair and I do some of the social media, and I've been a member on and
off since my husband Became a football coach. Mm-hmm. They have at the AFC convention. They also do the AFC WA convention. Okay, there they have like a luncheon. They have speakers, different breakout sessions that you could learn great things. It's a great community that provides so much support, with so many other people that know what you're going through.
Speaker 5:
9:48
Sure, absolutely. Yeah, that's really wonderful that y'all have that, and is it just on the Facebook platform, or how can other wives out there be a part of this, just so they know?
Speaker 2:
10:00
we have an Instagram and say FC WA as well. Membership actually opens up tomorrow for anyone that wants to join. It's a yearly membership and it includes we have a members only Facebook page. That's provides so much support. Okay, I do divisional breakouts, mm-hmm like that. So great to be a member of it.
Speaker 1:
10:20
Mm-hmm. So is there somebody on the board from each division?
Speaker 2:
10:24
Yeah, there's like a bunch, there's a bunch. Okay, yeah, there's high school, it's all it's from high school all the way up to the NFL.
Speaker 1:
10:31
Oh, wow, okay, Okay. What kind of NFL lives do we have? Can you, can you, share that information? Brittany Mahomes yeah, yeah, is, she is. She is our girl Britt on there. I Love it. I love it, okay, cool. Well, we know that you are a stay-at-home mama, so when you had kids, you made the decision to stay at home. Okay, so tell us, how do you manage the balancing act between, you know, supporting your coach and his commitments and also fulfilling that role at home to your kids?
Speaker 2:
11:14
It's hard, it's very hard. I. Just come in the realization that if I'm like to burnt out, Mm-hmm I can't make the drive with the kids to the game. Yeah and he understands that. He knows I support him no matter what. Sometimes so it's so chaotic bringing them to the games, especially if we're driving three hours. Mm-hmm and I learned that I just need to. It's okay to say no right, right and because I'm with the kids 24 seven. It's just like sometimes it's too hard so I just have to just say no.
Speaker 1:
11:48
Yeah, yeah, my kids are in school and Even with them being gone During the day because our games are on Fridays, you know, even sometimes picking them up in the afternoon and having to make that decision, like, are we all mentally prepared to make this football game? You know, so I can't even imagine, you know, being at home with them all day and then having to go and and be at a game with them. You know which that sounds terrible. Saying yeah.
Speaker 4:
12:19
I've driven to a game with both of my boys, loaded them up and everything like that. Driven to the game and was like no, we're not doing this, turn around and went back home and just text. It was like you know, love you, watching you on the TV, but I cannot mentally do it today.
Speaker 5:
12:35
And even as they get older, like being in school and everything. We just had a Thursday night scrimmage last week and there was a point where, like Aubrey and I looked at each other like it's getting late and like my kids are in school. So I was like, oh my gosh, they have school tomorrow. They're gonna be like so tired.
Speaker 4:
12:51
Oh yeah, oh yeah, and that was the worst part. Try taking a four and a three-year-old away from a football game when you've told them they get to see their dad at the end. But it's now 10, 30 and they go to bed at 7, 30 and you're like oh no, we're going home. No, it did not work, we did not go home.
Speaker 1:
13:04
Yeah, y'all were super moms, I was not. I made the decision to say no. I was like there's no way my kids are gonna wake up in a good mood for school the next morning. So I was. I told David. I was like, love you, can I watch it? He was like no, not the scrimmage. We don't film the scrimmage. And I'm like, all right, well, we were probably the smart one yeah so anyway, so we didn't make it, but um Anyway yeah, so with managing all that.
Speaker 5:
13:32
So what are some of the things at home, or just managing your day-to-day With the kids that you do just to make things easier for y'all, just the routine of the day.
Speaker 2:
13:42
We have like a my daughter goes to pre-k, so we have was really strict routine from like long shot. Mm-hmm and we always make sure to eat dinner together. That's like super important Mm-hmm myself and my husband, since it's a really the time of day that we really are all together during the season. Yeah, so it's really. We just love a routine here.
Speaker 4:
14:03
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm routines like just make the world Go round.
Speaker 2:
14:08
Yes.
Speaker 4:
14:09
It's especially in college and even in high school too. I mean, you just got to have that. We, this is what we've decided, this is what we're gonna do, and you've got to stick to it. So, in saying all of this, have you found a support network among other coaches, wives or, you know, stay-at-home moms in the area that help you kind of navigate the challenges?
Speaker 2:
14:28
Oh yeah, like the, a fcwa is where I've met a bunch of coaches, wives, and Our daughter does many of activities, so I've met a few moms that are stable moms there. So it's, I'm still making my way around trying to make friends. I'm not really good at it. I have like a group of friends from high school that were all still really close right. So I'm still learning Friends at 31 it's hard.
Speaker 1:
14:56
It is hard to make friends the older you get. Yeah, we, we moved to a new little town which is just like right across the river from where we were, so like maybe like 20, 25 minutes and you wouldn't think that that would make a difference. But we got here and I was like gosh, I don't know any of these mamas. And it's intimidating, you know, cuz it's like am I gonna be welcomed or are they
gonna be nice? You know, and luckily for me, you know they were, they were very welcoming and stuff like that. But yeah, it's not any less intimidating the older you get trying to make a new friend or fit in with a mama group or something.
Speaker 5:
15:33
Get flashbacks of high school right Like all over again but I love how we use our kids to find new friends. I feel like a lot of my my close knit friends are those that we have kids together and our kids do a lot of activities on like the same teams and stuff like that, and that's really good to have, because that's where the majority of your time is outside the home is either with your, you know, going to the games for your husband or going to the games for your kids, so you kind of want to like the the parents you're around.
Speaker 1:
15:59
Yes, exactly exactly what. What activities does your pre-care do? Oh gosh, you're a dance mom.
Speaker 2:
16:10
Ages like three to five. The classes together come, it's Everything's together. Now she's moved up so it's like separate. So we let her pick two classes this year, okay what is she?
Speaker 1:
16:21
Is she a? Hip hopper.
Speaker 2:
16:23
She's doing hip hop the first time in acro. She loves acro. She gets to move up to the Level two acro oh cool, yeah, she's. She's a dancer, she's a good sis?
Speaker 1:
16:35
She's not.
Speaker 5:
16:38
Okay, so I don't have a lot of dance experience. What is acro?
Speaker 2:
16:42
It's like the Tumbling kind of, I'd say okay, so like that.
Speaker 1:
16:47
It's like a mix of dance and tumbling. That's really cool, oh my daughter?
Speaker 5:
16:50
Yeah, that, I haven't heard of that add another to the list no. I won't bring it up.
Speaker 2:
16:58
Only three, so there's not much we've done. Basketball before.
Speaker 1:
17:02
But oh god, at three. Yeah, probably a lot like t-ball, and soccer is just like a cluster of kids falling on each other Trying to get the ball.
Speaker 2:
17:13
Yeah, but you know he's a wild boy, so he likes to run.
Speaker 1:
17:16
Hey, it's just all about getting that energy out, oh yeah.
Speaker 4:
17:20
Yeah, we're starting kickball on Tuesday and it's like from a four and three year old I'm like you know what if all you do is run and chase the ball, and that is totally fine with me.
Speaker 1:
17:29
You're tired? Yes, I'm tired after and you know, goal accomplished, okay. So go back just a little bit and I want to talk more about the traditions that Y'all created as a family. I know you mentioned you know, with him being gone so much that y'all really prioritized dinner together as a family. Is there anything else that you can think of that Y'all make sure to do as a family that just kind of get y'all connected?
Speaker 2:
18:00
I weak by weak. When we have the weekend off, we try to do like an activity. Always, it's usually in October. So For the past few years we've always gone pumpkin picking Okay cool.
Speaker 1:
18:12
Yeah, we just try to make those, I would say those are to the two of the main ones. Okay, what about, like, after the games, can y'all go on the field and like see daddy, or we always go on the field once. Okay, games over, yeah, and celebrate that win I love it.
Speaker 5:
18:30
I love it yes, and I love y'all's dinner tradition. That's something that we've talked about doing a lot of times. We, the kids, eat at the island, and zack and I just stand around and there have been times that we actually sat down at the actual dinner table and we're like man, this is really nice right like we should do this more yeah, I love that. So that's so good that y'all are starting that so early, because sometimes our kids are like what are we doing here?
Speaker 3:
18:53
you know, when I was younger, my dad always picked at us because my mom worked a lot.
Speaker 5:
18:58
Not a lot, but she was working mom, and a lot of times he would joke and tell everybody that. When my kids heard, okay, it's time for dinner, we all ran to the car because we were used to eating not a lot. That is funny. My mom does cook. It was just a joke hey, mama, we only said that that is too funny um, but we know that you know being a stay-at-home mom, being home with the kids and the the hours that your husband puts in, you know how do you emotionally handle that. What are some of your go-tos to just help, you know, remain positive? And in those times of stress and you know the long hours of you know, hey, when's daddy coming home? And and all that. So what's some of the stuff that you do to help keep yourself?
Speaker 2:
19:47
level with that my mom comes and visits a lot, yeah, um, so when she's about to get out of the house for a few hours, go go to target or go get my nails done, but it's hard to get time when everyone's so far away and my husband's busy. So I'm trying. I'm still learning ways.
Speaker 1:
20:08
Yeah, it's hard yes, we're, we're always learning. Have you found like any sitters or any? Do y'all do sitters? Yeah, we did have unburkey graduated, so okay, okay, so y'all lost her. We usually we try to use like a student. Yeah, don't you hate whenever they have to go get their own life. That's, that's what I tell my girls. I'm like I just feel so betrayed like y'all are going live your own life. How do, how could you do this to me?
Speaker 4:
20:34
yeah, when we moved from russia and I was like okay, so all of you guys are moving with us, right? Yeah, we're gonna get you guys, you know, enrolled in lshu or whatever, and y'all are gonna follow us, because you know we can't make it without you guys well, you know, when you find somebody that you trust with your babies, you know you you hate to to see them go so, um, is there any advice that you could, you know, offer to other stay-at-home moms, um who are also coaches? wives on, you know how
to find joy and fulfillment in the role during football season my advice would be to make sure you reach out when you need it.
Speaker 2:
21:12
It's hard to be around with the kids. It's hard to take care of them by yourself. It's hard to do everything alone mostly everything alone during the season. Make sure you reach out when you need it, no matter if you feel embarrassed. It's important to reach out for sure.
Speaker 1:
21:28
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm has there ever been a time where you got to a bad place and was like help me?
Speaker 2:
21:37
I would just say when, the, when, um, we didn't have any kids, I would say when I went through my first season of recruiting mm-hmm, that was not, was really hard I went home. I went home to buffalo, mm-hmm. So that's probably the hardest point of our coaching relationship was that?
Speaker 1:
21:55
mm-hmm mm-hmm, yeah, makes sense because you obvi. You said before the first season was the hardest yes, I mean the definitely.
Speaker 4:
22:01
The first season, I think, absolutely is the hardest. And then recruiting what it was years ago is not the same as what it is now. Um, you know, because with the transfer portal and you know other things like that, you've got to recruit the kids that are also on your team as well. But you know my husband, what was it? Before we left tech, he recruited california, flew to atlanta, georgia, flew to louisiana and then got back on a plane and flew back to california. So it was literally all over the state and you're not seeing them. You know, and that's where it comes in, where you've got to have such a community. And I remember starting out, just like you and I refuse to ask for help, to the point where, like anthony was texting a coach's wife and was like Aubrey needs help, but she refuses to text you. So she's probably going to be embarrassed that I've texted you, but can you go let our little dog out, because at that time we had a little puppy in. You know, I'm like, I'm not asking anybody to go, let him out. That's ridiculous. And he was like, no, absolutely not Like. And so like, he definitely, you know, encouraged me to do that. But yes, absolutely the first year and recruiting in general all across the board. No matter if you've been in it for five years, 10 years, 15 years, going through that it's still hard.
Speaker 5:
23:16
Yeah, because sounds challenging, for sure.
Speaker 1:
23:19
Okay, okay. Well, before we end this, why don't you tell everyone again, like, where you could find the American Football Coaches Wives Association on Facebook and Instagram? What are the handles?
Speaker 2:
23:36
Yeah, we have two Facebook pages the members only and then the regular one. It's called the American Football Wives Association Forum. That one you do not have to be in, Okay, you can join that, as long as you're a Coaches wife or girlfriend, obviously. And then Instagram is at AFC WA.
Speaker 1:
23:53
Okay, and then you can always join tomorrow, starting tomorrow. Okay, remember Okay, and they can find the link to that on both of those pages.
Speaker 2:
24:02
Yeah, and the website is worth changing a few things, so the website will be live in a few days.
Speaker 1:
24:07
Okay, cool. And what is what's the name of the website? No, it's okay, AFCWAorg. Okay, cool, cool, cool. All right, well, y'all check it. Y'all go and check that out?
Speaker 4:
24:15
Yeah, do you have the dates for convention yet, or where you guys are holding it this year?
Speaker 2:
24:20
I believe it's January 7th through 10th.
Speaker 4:
24:23
It's in Nashville. It's in Nashville.
Speaker 1:
24:26
Oh, we love Nashville All three of us just went to Nashville this summer, back in June, and had a blast. We need to repeat yeah, I get my back to ride in Nashville. We had a lot of fun. Oh yeah, it's a very fun place. Yeah, you could get into some trouble there. I love it. I love it. All right, olivia. Well, thank you so much for joining us today. Thanks for having me.