文字稿 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:27.219 --> 00:00:30.099
Hi guys and welcome to Conscious Unbottling.
00:00:30.339 --> 00:00:32.739
I'm Meg and I am your host.
00:00:33.140 --> 00:00:39.939
So today I wanted to talk about the top 10 things I've learned since quitting drinking.
00:00:40.179 --> 00:00:43.379
Number one, you don't have to hit rock bottom.
00:00:43.619 --> 00:00:53.299
I think the stigma around stopping alcohol has been, might continue to be that if you stop drinking, you have a drinking problem.
00:00:53.459 --> 00:00:58.340
It's it's got gotten really bad and possibly something really bad happened.
00:00:58.420 --> 00:01:06.819
Uh rock bottom, like a DUI, failed marriage, health crisis, or injury, whatever it might be, loss of a job.
00:01:07.219 --> 00:01:12.099
But really, you do not have to hit rock bottom to stop drinking.
00:01:12.420 --> 00:01:23.379
I find that most women that I coach haven't hit that rock bottom and they just know that this doesn't feel right and they want a better life.
00:01:23.700 --> 00:01:33.059
For me, I certainly had moments that were pretty dodgy, but ultimately I gave up drinking because I wanted a better life.
00:01:33.379 --> 00:01:36.899
I could have kept drinking, but I chose not to.
00:01:37.140 --> 00:01:41.939
Ultimately, I knew that if I did keep drinking, then surely a rock bottom was coming.
00:01:42.339 --> 00:01:48.339
Number two, you don't actually know how much alcohol is affecting you until you stop.
00:01:49.059 --> 00:01:50.979
This is an interesting one.
00:01:51.219 --> 00:02:03.859
So things like anxiety, poor sleep, irritability, low motivation, brain fog, and feeling disconnected from yourself can become so normal that you don't realize alcohol is contributing.
00:02:04.099 --> 00:02:10.979
Like I had anxiety disorders since I was 17, and I hadn't had alcohol at that point.
00:02:11.219 --> 00:02:14.099
So for me, anxiety was part of my life.
00:02:14.180 --> 00:02:17.939
So it was easy for me to say alcohol wasn't causing it.
00:02:18.180 --> 00:02:28.580
But actually, when I gave up drinking at the end of 2021, even after a week, my anxiety was so much better.
00:02:28.900 --> 00:02:32.979
Alcohol had contributed to it in such a big way.
00:02:33.300 --> 00:02:34.820
So that was interesting.
00:02:35.060 --> 00:02:44.900
And also when I stopped drinking, I realized that I had um restless leg syndrome, so really, really painful as well.
00:02:45.219 --> 00:02:55.219
And in fact, I could hardly walk for you know a couple of months, like no more than five or 10 minutes, because I wanted to get back into walking.
00:02:55.379 --> 00:02:59.379
And I walked in the past 50 kilometers, 55 Ks in a day.
00:02:59.540 --> 00:03:01.140
I couldn't even do five minutes.
00:03:01.379 --> 00:03:04.260
I didn't realize that until I stopped drinking.
00:03:04.500 --> 00:03:11.300
The other thing was that I didn't realize was that um my teeth, my gums were getting really sore.
00:03:11.460 --> 00:03:14.580
So when
Load full transcript
I stopped drinking, it became very apparent.
00:03:14.820 --> 00:03:17.860
And I went to the dentist, got a little fixed up.
00:03:17.939 --> 00:03:20.420
It was it was fixable, which was good.
00:03:20.580 --> 00:03:24.180
But I didn't realize any of these because I just drank through pain.
00:03:24.420 --> 00:03:29.060
So any signal my body was giving me was being numbed out.
00:03:29.620 --> 00:03:37.060
So that was been quite an eye-opener, and I've been very grateful to be able to work on my health since then.
00:03:37.300 --> 00:03:44.580
Number three, the first few weeks when you give up alcohol aren't necessarily a preview of your new life.
00:03:44.820 --> 00:03:48.980
So you might feel uncomfortable, emotional, bored, or unsure.
00:03:49.460 --> 00:03:52.580
You might have more anxiety initially.
00:03:52.820 --> 00:03:55.300
That doesn't mean sobriety isn't working.
00:03:55.460 --> 00:03:59.060
Your brain and your routines are just adjusting.
00:03:59.540 --> 00:04:19.060
Also, I did um I did a few things that I didn't want to carry on doing, but things like instead of watching TV at night in those first few weeks, because that's when I would have grabbed a wine, I went for a walk or I went to do a yoga class.
00:04:19.300 --> 00:04:23.219
I didn't really want to keep doing that at night and I didn't have to.
00:04:23.459 --> 00:04:26.899
So it was just initially in those first few weeks.
00:04:26.980 --> 00:04:29.699
Um, or I might have gone to see a movie with a friend.
00:04:29.860 --> 00:04:33.620
Whatever it took, I wanted to give myself the best chance.
00:04:33.779 --> 00:04:40.579
Um, the other things in the first few weeks, I the first few days my anxiety got so much worse.
00:04:40.740 --> 00:04:47.460
So I did have a few panic attacks, felt quite miserable, um, but that lifted pretty quickly.
00:04:47.780 --> 00:05:03.780
And yeah, other than that, the first few weeks were really just day to day working out, you know, what what I could do for that day to keep my mind busy, to keep on track, basically.
00:05:04.019 --> 00:05:06.900
Um, and I generally I felt pretty good.
00:05:06.980 --> 00:05:14.579
But if you're someone that feels not so good in the first few weeks, just remember it's not how your life is going to continue.
00:05:15.300 --> 00:05:19.540
Number four, you will have to learn what you're actually feeling.
00:05:19.860 --> 00:05:29.300
So this is a tricky one for us big drinkers because alcohol has helped us avoid, suppress, and numb emotions.
00:05:29.540 --> 00:05:33.620
And once you remove it, feelings can become much more noticeable.
00:05:34.019 --> 00:05:37.220
I found it really hard to sit with feelings at first.
00:05:37.460 --> 00:05:40.740
What I learned was that I just had to practice.
00:05:40.980 --> 00:05:52.420
So I literally started by setting a timer and focusing on my feelings for about five minutes, where I could feel them in my body, what I was saying to myself.
00:05:52.579 --> 00:05:56.579
And I just started to breathe through those five minutes.
00:05:56.819 --> 00:06:12.019
And it became a tool I used going forward that when big feelings came up, I visualized as I breathed into the area, usually in my chest, I'd visualize some light going into that area.
00:06:12.259 --> 00:06:15.220
And when I breathed out, I'd say release.
00:06:15.379 --> 00:06:19.540
And it was so effective in getting me through feelings.
00:06:19.620 --> 00:06:28.180
And then the other thing I did was write about the feelings, um, you know, work on the things that were coming up with those feelings.
00:06:28.420 --> 00:06:31.860
It is something we have to relearn, but it's very doable.
00:06:32.259 --> 00:06:44.340
And once you do, you also get back the good feelings because we're not only numbing bad feelings, we're numbing the good, the joy, all of the positive emotions.
00:06:44.579 --> 00:06:47.780
So actually getting to feel them fully again.
00:06:47.860 --> 00:06:54.100
And that that took probably quite a few months until I could feel excited again, feel really joyful.
00:06:54.259 --> 00:06:57.699
But once I did, I mean, that was incredible.
00:06:57.939 --> 00:07:00.900
Number five, you might grieve alcohol.
00:07:01.060 --> 00:07:09.780
Even when you know it's not serving you, you can still miss the ritual, the reward, the social aspect of and the fantasy of what alcohol represented.
00:07:10.019 --> 00:07:14.819
And for some people, you know, loneliness for me meant that alcohol was like a friend.
00:07:14.980 --> 00:07:17.220
So it's totally normal to grieve alcohol.
00:07:17.379 --> 00:07:20.980
Allow yourself the space and the time to do that.
00:07:21.139 --> 00:07:25.939
Um, that's perfectly normal and and it's just part of the journey.
00:07:26.180 --> 00:07:28.340
But I let myself do that.
00:07:28.900 --> 00:07:36.019
I certainly do not have any feelings for it anymore, and I don't miss it, but I did allow myself to feel what came up.
00:07:36.259 --> 00:07:41.780
Number six, you don't just remove alcohol, you have to replace what it was doing for you.
00:07:42.019 --> 00:07:50.740
So if if wine was a way of relaxing, celebrating, coping with loneliness or switching off, you need new ways of meeting those needs.
00:07:50.900 --> 00:07:55.139
They were the things I looked at in the first few weeks and months.
00:07:55.300 --> 00:08:08.019
I tried different things, I practiced for, you know, at the end of the day, coming home, I made sure that I did have that um mental off-switch that I was going from working to relaxing.
00:08:08.340 --> 00:08:22.340
I went for a walk, I um watered the garden, I had a mocktail or a bath, whatever it was, it became a new habit, and that was a way I switched off.
00:08:22.579 --> 00:08:34.980
Loneliness was a big one, so I really, when I got to that time in the evening when I drink and um usually drunk text, but it numbed my feelings around it.
00:08:35.139 --> 00:08:37.539
Instead of that, I reached out to friends.
00:08:37.699 --> 00:08:41.059
I'd make a phone call, you know, I'd have a good chat with someone.
00:08:41.299 --> 00:08:44.100
You don't want to be caught out at 6 p.m.
00:08:44.419 --> 00:08:47.460
going, oh my god, I have nothing in place.
00:08:47.860 --> 00:08:50.179
Uh, do I just sit and watch Netflix with nothing?
00:08:50.340 --> 00:08:51.699
That's going to be too hard.
00:08:51.939 --> 00:08:54.659
So a plan is always helpful.
00:08:55.059 --> 00:08:58.980
Number seven, your relationships with people may change.
00:08:59.299 --> 00:09:09.940
Some people will completely support you, others might feel uncomfortable with your change, and you may discover that relationships you had, some of them were built around drinking.
00:09:10.100 --> 00:09:17.620
Um but I think this was a big fear going into alcohol freedom for me, and I certainly hear it from other people.
00:09:17.700 --> 00:09:26.980
They're afraid of losing friendships, um, relationships because alcohol really, the bottom line is alcohol is a big part of it.
00:09:27.220 --> 00:09:34.180
The people who really matter in your life and where the connection is deeper than alcohol, they'll remain.
00:09:34.740 --> 00:09:40.340
You know, I've I've pretty much kept most of my friendships and family relationships.
00:09:40.580 --> 00:09:48.899
The ones where who I'm not friends with anymore or where things changed, it usually was that we connected with alcohol.
00:09:49.060 --> 00:09:52.100
And um, and that was there's nothing wrong with that.
00:09:52.259 --> 00:09:56.019
It just means that we're not aligning as friends anymore.
00:09:56.180 --> 00:10:03.620
So they've been quite natural friendships that have dissolved, but it was nothing to be scared of.
00:10:03.779 --> 00:10:07.139
Um in on reflection, it's it's been amazing.
00:10:07.299 --> 00:10:17.779
And with that, I've also made friends and connected with so many other people that are more aligned to my journey now.
00:10:17.940 --> 00:10:19.700
And that's been amazing.
00:10:19.860 --> 00:10:24.580
I didn't really think about new friendships that I'd I'd strike up.
00:10:24.659 --> 00:10:28.100
So that's been a a real um joy to experience.
00:10:29.060 --> 00:10:33.299
Number eight, you may discover that alcohol wasn't the whole problem.
00:10:33.539 --> 00:10:38.899
Well, I definitely discovered that, and you might hear me saying alcohol wasn't the problem.
00:10:39.220 --> 00:10:40.659
It certainly became a problem.
00:10:40.899 --> 00:10:43.139
Don't get me wrong, it became a problem.
00:10:43.700 --> 00:10:59.620
But the reason I drank from the very first drink I had was to numb the other problems, the deeper problems, the core beliefs about myself, the, you know, believing that I wasn't lovable, not worthy, those things.
00:10:59.860 --> 00:11:04.419
It was to stop my shaking with my anxiety disorder.
00:11:04.659 --> 00:11:10.980
You know, the problems were all the things, all the reasons that I was drinking to
numb.
00:11:11.299 --> 00:11:18.820
When you stop drinking, you will probably need to do some work around what the actual issues were.
00:11:19.139 --> 00:11:22.019
For me, it has been really amazing to work on them.
00:11:22.180 --> 00:11:33.379
You know, self-worth, boundaries, grief, relationships, identity, purpose, all of these things that I've been able to work on have absolutely changed my life for the better.
00:11:34.100 --> 00:11:38.180
Number nine, you don't suddenly become a completely different person.
00:11:38.419 --> 00:11:40.740
You start finding yourself again.
00:11:40.980 --> 00:11:46.580
What I have found since giving up alcohol is that I have reconnected with my authentic self.
00:11:46.899 --> 00:11:50.180
I am absolutely not a completely different person.
00:11:50.340 --> 00:11:51.779
I'm more of me.
00:11:52.259 --> 00:11:57.299
So I'm more of the parts that I really loved about myself.
00:11:58.180 --> 00:12:03.220
I'm more sure of who I want to be, I have clearer values.
00:12:03.539 --> 00:12:10.980
It's it's been a journey to feeling safe being myself, and that's that's been amazing.
00:12:11.139 --> 00:12:18.259
So I don't want anyone to fear that stopping alcohol means that you have to become someone totally different.
00:12:18.500 --> 00:12:25.060
What also happened when I stopped drinking is that the parts of myself that I didn't really like, they dropped away.
00:12:25.620 --> 00:12:30.659
The alcohol made me not a nice person some of the time.
00:12:30.820 --> 00:12:35.700
Um, it made me do and say things that I never would have done when I was sober.
00:12:36.180 --> 00:12:45.620
So dropping the alcohol has meant coming back to who I am, who I want to be, finding that self-love and self-acceptance.
00:12:45.779 --> 00:12:46.820
That has been amazing.
00:12:47.700 --> 00:12:51.700
Number 10, your life does not have to become boring.
00:12:52.500 --> 00:12:56.259
And perhaps this is the biggest misconception about stopping drinking.
00:12:56.500 --> 00:13:01.220
But you don't lose your fun, your personality, your spontaneity, or your social life.
00:13:01.460 --> 00:13:06.659
You actually discover that alcohol was taking more from your life than it was giving you.
00:13:06.899 --> 00:13:13.220
I absolutely thought alcohol made me more fun, made me more spontaneous, and gave me a better social life.
00:13:13.460 --> 00:13:18.820
But since stopping drinking, I've realized that was not true in any way.
00:13:18.980 --> 00:13:20.100
It just wasn't true.
00:13:20.259 --> 00:13:27.220
Um, it certainly made me more stupid, careless, uh, more prone to taking risks that weren't safe.
00:13:27.460 --> 00:13:31.700
Um, you know, that didn't make me fun and spontaneous.
00:13:32.019 --> 00:13:33.620
It made me someone I'm not.
00:13:33.940 --> 00:13:38.980
So with getting rid of alcohol, I have got my real personality back.
00:13:39.139 --> 00:13:44.659
Um, if you're nervous about socializing without alcohol, it's a practice
thing.
00:13:44.820 --> 00:13:49.779
Um, I have certainly fully embraced socializing without alcohol now.
00:13:49.860 --> 00:13:51.220
It has taken time.
00:13:52.019 --> 00:13:58.820
But I go home from social events, from lunches, dinners, catch-ups, and I feel fulfilled.
00:13:58.980 --> 00:14:01.379
Something that I never felt when I was drinking.
00:14:01.620 --> 00:14:10.340
If you are worried that you'll become boring or that not drinking is boring, I can tell you from this side, there is nothing boring about my life.
00:14:10.500 --> 00:14:16.740
I do more, I see more, I connect more, and I am more fulfilled.
00:14:16.820 --> 00:14:18.419
And you can be too.
00:14:18.740 --> 00:14:35.460
Now that's the 10 important things I've learned since quitting drinking, but I have a bonus one, and this is really, really important, and it's a big lesson to me, and that is that being ready is not a feeling, it's a decision.
00:14:36.419 --> 00:14:42.500
I would have never stopped drinking alcohol if I had waited until I was ready.
00:14:42.899 --> 00:14:50.100
It was something that one day, after a lot of time, you know, three and a half years for me, sort of stopping and starting.
00:14:50.340 --> 00:14:52.820
One day my brain said, This is it.
00:14:53.139 --> 00:15:00.820
And I dived into alcohol freedom, and it's been over four and a half years now, and that's all because I made a decision.
00:15:00.980 --> 00:15:06.259
So please do not wait to feel ready because in so many things in life, we're not going to feel ready.
00:15:06.500 --> 00:15:11.700
I can tell you with this podcast, I didn't feel ready to go out on my own, but I'm doing it.
00:15:11.860 --> 00:15:12.980
It's not perfect.
00:15:13.139 --> 00:15:17.060
Um, I'm doing it because I know I'll never be ready if I don't.
00:15:17.220 --> 00:15:27.220
And I just want to reach out to people who might learn something from me and my journey and my mistakes, and also to let people know they're not alone.
00:15:27.700 --> 00:15:29.220
And I'm not ready.
00:15:29.379 --> 00:15:33.139
I'm not ready, believe me, but I'm doing it, and you can too.
00:15:33.379 --> 00:15:36.019
So stop waiting to feel ready.
00:15:36.180 --> 00:15:40.180
If that's how you're feeling around alcohol, please just do it.
00:15:40.340 --> 00:15:42.740
Your brain, everything will catch up to you.
00:15:42.820 --> 00:15:45.060
Just start taking the steps, start doing it.
00:15:45.220 --> 00:15:49.860
And I promise that um you'll get to a point and go, I cannot believe I did it.
00:15:50.019 --> 00:15:56.419
I can't believe, you know, for me how long I've been alcohol free, but I'm just so glad I made that decision.
00:15:56.740 --> 00:16:00.419
Because if I hadn't, I I dread to think where I'd be now.
00:16:01.060 --> 00:16:06.500
So that's my episode on the 10 important things I've learned since quitting alcohol.
00:16:06.580 --> 00:16:14.100
I'd love to hear from you and hear what have been, you know, the things you've learned since quitting or the things you're afraid of before quitting.
00:16:14.259 --> 00:16:15.299
Please reach out.
00:16:15.460 --> 00:16:23.539
You can contact me through the show notes or at my website, meganweb.com.au, and please subscribe and review.
00:16:23.700 --> 00:16:27.379
Your support would mean so much in that, helping me get my podcast out.
00:16:27.620 --> 00:16:31.379
And on a final note, I am launching a brand new course.
00:16:31.539 --> 00:16:34.580
It's a 12-week program for women.
00:16:34.659 --> 00:16:37.299
It's called The Reclaimed Woman.
00:16:37.620 --> 00:16:48.100
We will work through all things alcohol, but also beyond that, healing our wounds, looking toward the future, planning a future where you have purpose and passion.
00:16:48.500 --> 00:16:55.779
So if you would like to find out more about that, please book a discovery call on my website.
00:16:55.940 --> 00:17:02.500
There is a link, it gives you a half-hour free call, and just book in and we can talk about the course if you're interested.
00:17:02.740 --> 00:17:04.259
I'm so excited about it.
00:17:04.419 --> 00:17:14.500
It's another thing where I am absolutely didn't feel ready and I am stepping out of my comfort zone big time, but I think it's going to help a lot of people.
00:17:14.659 --> 00:17:17.059
So please get in touch if you're interested.
00:17:17.299 --> 00:17:22.500
Thanks everyone for listening, and I will see you on the next episode of Conscious Unbottling.
00:17:22.980 --> 00:17:23.619
Bye.