BẢN CHÉP ÂM THANH 🔗
WEBVTT
1
00:00:00.191 --> 00:00:05.357
In this lessons episode, discover why learning to say no can protect time, energy, and focus.
2
00:00:05.617 --> 00:00:16.310
Understand how clear filters and boundaries help entrepreneurs choose where to invest their attention, explore how visibility can deepen customer connection, and uncover why confronting fear repeatedly builds resilience and confidence.
3
00:00:23.935 --> 00:00:27.868
You know, you've said before that a no is free.
4
00:00:28.349 --> 00:00:30.576
So what's the best no that you've ever got?
5
00:00:31.592 --> 00:00:38.036
I think that the best no we've ever gotten was we wanted to do a show that was open to the public.
6
00:00:38.616 --> 00:00:40.917
This was in 2015, I believe.
7
00:00:43.018 --> 00:00:46.140
No one was opening their fashion weeks to the public.
8
00:00:46.320 --> 00:00:54.105
We wanted to cast influencers, which they had been accepted as content creators, but no one would dare put them in a fashion show.
9
00:00:55.365 --> 00:01:07.612
Um, and we had to appeal to the, not only to the city of New York, but the, like the Soho district, which was full of people who were like, I'm an actress.
10
00:01:07.632 --> 00:01:13.115
I have to run my lines and I can't have the crowds there distracting me.
11
00:01:13.655 --> 00:01:16.797
So we literally went into a little college classroom.
12
00:01:16.817 --> 00:01:18.118
We pitched to these people.
13
00:01:18.458 --> 00:01:24.261
We'd hear all the reasons why, like, I need to be able to walk my dog in the morning and you're going to be setting up to the actress.
14
00:01:25.678 --> 00:01:32.810
And they were so happy, like unanimously, no, you cannot close down this one block of the street for a day to do your thing.
15
00:01:33.744 --> 00:01:36.146
We had a store on the street, which is why we could even get that meeting.
16
00:01:36.666 --> 00:01:39.468
And I just remember being like, yeah, we're not done.
17
00:01:39.808 --> 00:01:40.949
We know people in the city.
18
00:01:41.649 --> 00:01:48.494
And so we were able to get, you know, someone above this like group of angry tenants, Soho tenants to like bypass and approve.
19
00:01:48.574 --> 00:01:53.237
And the hurdles to do that show were obnoxiously overwhelming.
20
00:01:53.297 --> 00:01:55.479
But when we did the show, um...
21
00:01:56.933 --> 00:02:14.830
Just breaking so many barriers and boundaries, having 5,000 people show up was just this feeling I wish you could bottle that really felt like we'd pushed through every single hurdle that had been thrown at us from government to city to parking to whatever it was and made it happen.
22
00:02:15.050 --> 00:02:15.651
It was really cool.
23
00:02:16.309 --> 00:02:16.749
I love that.
24
00:02:17.130 --> 00:02:21.313
But on the flip side of that, same idea of no.
25
00:02:21.333 --> 00:02:22.694
Those were no's that you overcame.
26
00:02:23.574 --> 00:02:24.695
And that's such a good feeling.
27
00:02:25.215 --> 00:02:31.520
But also as an entrepreneur, saying no is sometimes very important to respect your time and your energy and whatnot.
28
00:02:31.960 --> 00:02:37.344
So how do you decide what's your framework for saying yes, saying no, saying no?
29
00:02:37.912 --> 00:02:42.676
I mean, you must have one because people hit you up all the time, new ideas, new concepts.
30
00:02:43.116 --> 00:02:46.519
And I think that this sort of plays back into that shiny object syndrome.
31
00:02:47.080 --> 00:02:50.162
So it's useful to a point, but then it's not.
32
00:02:50.923 --> 00:02:52.644
So how do you think through these problems?
33
00:02:53.645 --> 00:02:58.889
I think many of my no's are tied up in boundaries, but it's also tied up on how much research have you done?
34
00:02:59.070 --> 00:03:02.552
If you're going to stand in front of me and meet me and go, how did you get your start?
35
00:03:02.713 --> 00:03:02.993
Like...
36
00:03:04.150 --> 00:03:06.212
No, like that's online, right?
37
00:03:06.532 --> 00:03:11.997
Like ask me something that I, that's actionable that I can do for you in an email or an intro or whatever.
38
00:03:12.017 --> 00:03:14.499
And I'll tell that to a lot of people.
39
00:03:15.981 --> 00:03:19.424
And then sometimes I just have to get more information.
40
00:03:19.464 --> 00:03:21.245
You know, I'm pitched all the time to invest.
41
00:03:22.046 --> 00:03:26.430
And, and my thesis now is if I can, and this is no, like,
42
00:03:27.821 --> 00:03:30.745
no shade to any anyone, man or woman asking for money.
43
00:03:30.805 --> 00:03:34.890
Like I am in a season of spending money on my four children right now.
44
00:03:35.831 --> 00:03:42.579
And, you know, I'm really not investing because these people are really expensive humans that I brought into the world.
45
00:03:43.079 --> 00:03:44.161
And so it's kind of like,
46
00:03:45.570 --> 00:03:47.671
Is that the best use of my funds right now?
47
00:03:47.871 --> 00:03:50.271
I need an ROI in one year, not 10.
48
00:03:50.951 --> 00:03:56.713
And unless it's something wildly crazy that everyone has to get in on.
49
00:03:56.753 --> 00:04:00.974
So I just think I run it through my own filters depending on what the ask is.
50
00:04:01.494 --> 00:04:03.394
But you have filters and that's the most important.
51
00:04:03.414 --> 00:04:05.595
You have filters and you set these.
52
00:04:05.975 --> 00:04:06.155
Yeah.
53
00:04:06.753 --> 00:04:19.883
Yeah, and one of the things that we started with Female Founder Collective, we call it the North, is we believe that women who are in positions who have made it should get paid for their time to mentor and advise other women.
54
00:04:19.983 --> 00:04:25.247
So we've set up a marketplace of women, incredible accomplished women.
55
00:04:25.407 --> 00:04:27.289
It's findyournorth.co.
56
00:04:27.329 --> 00:04:29.971
But, you know, now I'm just like, you want time with me?
57
00:04:30.051 --> 00:04:30.732
Here's my link.
58
00:04:30.992
Load full transcript
--> 00:04:34.534
You know, like I'm giving back till I'm blue in the face.
59
00:04:35.443 --> 00:04:44.691
with our nonprofit and, and, you know, there needs to be a little bit of a, like, again, a filter or a boundary to like, I can't just let you pick my brain.
60
00:04:44.831 --> 00:04:47.974
I don't have 15 minutes for you to pick my brain as much as I would love that.
61
00:04:48.074 --> 00:04:50.917
Come to one of my events, listen to my podcast, you know what I mean?
62
00:04:50.937 --> 00:04:51.958
Like it's out there.
63
00:04:52.484 --> 00:04:54.005
Yeah, I think that's very important.
64
00:04:54.045 --> 00:05:05.354
And I think that that keeps you saying, like you say yes, and when you're in a season of building, and I'm sure there's like different quotes around this, but you know, maybe like 20 to 25, maybe late 20s, say yes to everything.
65
00:05:05.374 --> 00:05:15.222
But then when you start to make it, when you start to have success, it is important to set boundaries because also just to sort of inject a different perspective, you know,
66
00:05:15.764 --> 00:05:27.011
If you aren't happy with the work that you're doing, if you're jumping on a Zoom call to give someone some advice and you're just dreading it because you're burnt out because you're saying yes to everything, you're also not showing up in your best self and you're also not helping them.
67
00:05:27.671 --> 00:05:34.135
So I think it's very important to set those boundaries as an entrepreneur because you get so much.
68
00:05:34.155 --> 00:05:35.496
You get so much thrown at you.
69
00:05:37.317 --> 00:05:50.905
The last thing I am super curious to understand, because you've done this successfully and you will have to continue doing this successfully, is putting yourself out in the public and having just eyes looking at you and what you're building.
70
00:05:50.965 --> 00:05:53.506
And that was sort of like the initial...
71
00:05:54.927 --> 00:06:17.432
moment that brought you into the public spotlight so this is not new for you but then even with Real Housewives how how do you leverage that how do you harness it how do you help it with your own goals and and it's not like a perfect process we don't pretend that it's not going to be a little bit chaotic especially with again Bravo fans and and and and how crazy they are sometimes but yeah
72
00:06:17.932 --> 00:06:21.375
There has to be some thought process you went through when you went on this show.
73
00:06:21.395 --> 00:06:24.818
And it's like, this is going to be a net positive in my life for X reason.
74
00:06:25.438 --> 00:06:27.820
And that's at the extreme level.
75
00:06:27.960 --> 00:06:34.626
But also entrepreneurs that speak on stage, put themselves out there on a micro level, they can take some lessons from this as well.
76
00:06:35.397 --> 00:06:43.240
I think depending on what it is you want to accomplish, some founders can just be behind the scenes and you never know or hear from them.
77
00:06:43.260 --> 00:06:45.581
And I think that's phenomenal.
78
00:06:45.701 --> 00:06:51.043
In my case, I am here of my customer because of her.
79
00:06:52.564 --> 00:06:54.445
She looks to me for...
80
00:06:55.825 --> 00:06:58.626
you know, that personal connection that we started with.
81
00:06:58.786 --> 00:07:04.828
And that means showing up visually and audio and on TV.
82
00:07:05.349 --> 00:07:07.329
And so, you know, I'll never forget.
83
00:07:07.349 --> 00:07:14.852
I think it was 2018, maybe 2017, where my brother was like, we're turning the camera to you.
84
00:07:15.092 --> 00:07:19.774
And I was like, no, I just want to be the designer in my like, yeah, I'll talk to her every once in a while.
85
00:07:19.814 --> 00:07:20.874
She'll see me at trunk shows.
86
00:07:20.894 --> 00:07:23.015
But like, I don't want it to be this.
87
00:07:24.228 --> 00:07:25.629
And he was like, it's time.
88
00:07:25.949 --> 00:07:29.851
And I was like, oh, my God, I can't believe what I have to do.
89
00:07:29.931 --> 00:07:35.733
And the first many times I had to do the selfie, I was like, one to throw up.
90
00:07:35.993 --> 00:07:37.234
Now it's like second nature.
91
00:07:38.261 --> 00:07:41.863
And I think the decision to go on Housewives was we're about to celebrate 20 years.
92
00:07:44.024 --> 00:07:52.547
To be able to have my age demo customer see me in their homes once a week, see another side of me.
93
00:07:52.647 --> 00:07:57.650
You get a lot of sides of me on our brand, on my podcast, from my book, from my speaking.
94
00:07:57.990 --> 00:07:58.850
There's another side.
95
00:07:59.250 --> 00:08:01.251
Does that forge an even deeper connection?
96
00:08:02.032 --> 00:08:04.773
And again, I was like, why wouldn't I do this?
97
00:08:05.513 --> 00:08:09.594
And I don't have to approach it with, I'm hungry and starving, and this is my one thing.
98
00:08:09.614 --> 00:08:11.735
And if it goes away, I don't have it.
99
00:08:11.795 --> 00:08:16.196
And I don't feel that most of the women approached being on the show because of that either.
100
00:08:16.216 --> 00:08:19.117
They're all great entrepreneurs and have their own businesses.
101
00:08:19.757 --> 00:08:21.058
But I just thought, you know what?
102
00:08:21.338 --> 00:08:32.461
As long as I know that I was me the whole time and I didn't become someone that disappoints someone else or is not who they think of me as, then I know that I gave it.
103
00:08:32.481 --> 00:08:34.902
I did it with integrity, I guess.
104
00:08:35.470 --> 00:08:35.951
I love that.
105
00:08:37.032 --> 00:08:39.955
And then the last thing, you know, you have a book called Fearless.
106
00:08:40.115 --> 00:08:42.638
Everyone's scared of something, obviously.
107
00:08:43.258 --> 00:08:46.702
What does fearless mean for you and how do you turn fear into a strength?
108
00:08:47.322 --> 00:08:53.128
You turn fear into a strength by doing the thing that scares you, doing the thing that holds you back.
109
00:08:54.271 --> 00:08:57.978
Um, and I think I, I talk about it as a muscle.
110
00:08:58.138 --> 00:09:01.084
You learn to use it and get stronger and stronger at it.
111
00:09:01.284 --> 00:09:05.673
And again, 75% of the time it might end up in failure.
112
00:09:07.160 --> 00:09:08.601
But it's do you get back up?
113
00:09:09.041 --> 00:09:10.321
Do you not wallow in it?
114
00:09:10.441 --> 00:09:13.463
Does your wallowing time shorten?
115
00:09:14.043 --> 00:09:18.765
You know, the things that I'm scared of today are very different than the things I was scared of 10 years ago.
116
00:09:18.805 --> 00:09:19.465
And that shifts.
117
00:09:19.565 --> 00:09:27.388
You know, today I'm aghast as a mother with all the crazy stuff that...
118
00:09:28.268 --> 00:09:32.209
trafficking of children or, you know, shooting up in schools.
119
00:09:32.249 --> 00:09:33.129
Those are my fears.
120
00:09:33.229 --> 00:09:34.749
You know, I don't have business fears.
121
00:09:34.829 --> 00:09:44.831
I don't have risks that we take in the company that scare me anymore, because I think we've tried so many things that I'm like, what's the worst that can happen?
122
00:09:44.851 --> 00:09:46.431
You know, my business almost went out of business.
123
00:09:46.451 --> 00:09:50.532
I think when you confront that, like what else could possibly go wrong?
124
00:09:50.612 --> 00:09:51.492
It's pretty much it.
125
00:09:51.952 --> 00:09:55.793
And then you realize, like, even if that happens, well, I'm going to wake up tomorrow.
126
00:09:56.332 --> 00:10:02.114
All right, I'm going to wake up and I'll start something else or I'll, you know, go get a job.
127
00:10:02.934 --> 00:10:08.296
So I think that for me, having faced the worst case scenario of like, okay, this isn't going to last.
128
00:10:08.976 --> 00:10:12.237
Like now the fears are just normal, I guess, mom fears.
129
00:10:13.163 --> 00:10:14.123
I love that.
130
00:10:14.503 --> 00:10:15.624
And those are good fears to have.
131
00:10:15.884 --> 00:10:19.305
Those are good fears that should never, those fears will never, ever go away.
132
00:10:19.585 --> 00:10:20.705
They're not like business fears.
133
00:10:21.485 --> 00:10:23.946
I know with my mom, I still think she stresses out.
134
00:10:24.966 --> 00:10:26.307
My mom is still stressing out.
135
00:10:26.347 --> 00:10:30.628
She's like, you need to build you a fence and you don't have curtains yet.
136
00:10:30.988 --> 00:10:34.509
And they're going to be taking the paparazzi are coming into your home.
137
00:10:34.569 --> 00:10:35.609
I'm like, no, they're not.
138
00:10:35.649 --> 00:10:36.330
Just chill out.
139
00:10:36.370 --> 00:10:37.230
No one knows where I live.
140
00:10:38.044 --> 00:10:38.925
Thanks for tuning in.
141
00:10:39.026 --> 00:10:43.432
If you found this valuable, don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode.
142
00:10:43.492 --> 00:10:49.041
And if you want to dive deeper into this conversation, check out the links in the description to watch the full episode.
143
00:10:49.181 --> 00:10:50.143
See you in the next one.