From Compartments to Integration: A Personal Reflection from Lola bölümünün tam dökümü

WEBVTT 00:00:04.160 --> 00:00:08.080 Welcome to Unapologetically Whole. 00:00:08.080 --> 00:00:16.239 I'm Lola Dada-Olley, attorney, advocate, storyteller, and lifetime caregiver. 00:00:16.239 --> 00:00:27.280 This is a space for anyone navigating identity, caregiving, leadership, or the quiet work of becoming. 00:00:27.280 --> 00:00:38.079 Here, we tell the truth, the beautiful parts, the complicated parts, and the parts we're still learning how to name. 00:00:38.079 --> 00:00:44.159 Some episodes are intimate reflections. 00:00:44.159 --> 00:00:54.159 Others are conversations with people whose stories expand our understanding of resilience and wholeness. 00:00:54.159 --> 00:01:00.560 No matter the format, the heart of this show is the same. 00:01:00.560 --> 00:01:12.159 To remind you that your story matters, your voice matters, and you are allowed to be whole without apology. 00:01:12.159 --> 00:01:15.760 Let's begin. 00:01:15.760 --> 00:01:31.280 There can come a time in a person's life when you realize that the version of yourself you've been performing is too small for the life you're meant to live. 00:01:31.280 --> 00:01:35.599 For me, that moment didn't arrive all at once. 00:01:35.599 --> 00:01:37.599 It came in pieces. 00:01:37.599 --> 00:02:04.079 In the early mornings when my daughter woke up before dawn, in the long drives to therapy appointments, in the quiet moments after IEP meetings, in the memories of my parents navigating Kunle's childhood with limited resources and limited services. 00:02:04.079 --> 00:02:08.319 For years, I lived in compartments. 00:02:08.319 --> 00:02:16.159 There was the professional me, the attorney, the leader, the woman who knew how to show up polished and prepared. 00:02:16.159 --> 00:02:27.680 There was the caregiver me, the mother who could anticipate a meltdown before it happened, who could translate a world that wasn't built for her children. 00:02:27.680 --> 00:02:41.919 There was the daughter and sister me, full of obligation, shaped by a multi generational story of disability, stigma, resilience, and hope. 00:02:41.919 --> 00:02:57.280 And then there was the private me, the woman who sometimes carried guilt, joy, and gratitude, along with the grief associated with mourning the death of her previous expectations. 00:02:57.280 --> 00:03:02.319 And sometimes they all lived inside of her in equal measure. 00:03:02.319 --> 00:03:10.719 I kept those parts of me separate because I thought that was what strength required. 00:03:10.719 --> 00:03:17.599 I thought compartmentalization was the price of survival. 00:03:17.599 --> 00:03:23.439 I thought wholeness was a luxury I couldn't afford. 00:03:23.439 --> 00:03:28.159 But life has a way of calling you into integration. 00:03:28.159 --> 00:03:58.560 For me, that call came slowly in the nightmares that forced me to confront the trauma of my daughter's birth, in the exhaustion that made me question the pace I was keeping, in the advocacy work that reminded me that my voice had power, in the moments of joy that showed me my children were thriving, not because I was perfect, but because I was present. 00:03:58.560 --> 00:04:05.439 And somewhere along the way I realized something that changed everything. 00:04:05.439 --> 00:04:10.560 The life I was now living required all of me. 00:04:10.560 --> 00:04:19.439 Not the curated parts, not the acceptable parts, not the parts that made sense to other people, but all of me. 00:04:19.439 --> 00:04:37.519 The caregiver, the attorney, the advocate, the storyteller, the daughter, the sister, the mother, the woman who had survived more than she ever admitted. 00:04:37.519 --> 00:04:50.319 The woman who was learning to rest, the woman who was learning to receive, the woman who was learning to be whole. 00:04:50.319 --> 00:04:54.399 Wholeness is not a destination. 00:04:54.399 --> 00:04:58.240 It is a decision, a daily one. 00:04:58.240 --> 00:05:03.040 It is the courage to stop performing and start becoming. 00:05:03.040 --> 00:05:13.600 Not because it is perfect, but because it is true. 00:05:13.600 --> 00:05:20.720 It is the understanding that your life has been preparing you for something bigger than the roles you've been assigned. 00:05:20.720 --> 00:05:24.879 I should say you've assigned to yourself. 00:05:24.879 --> 00:05:28.000 And that's what this season feels like for me. 00:05:28.000 --> 00:05:46.720 A season of integration, a season of alignment, a season of stepping into the fullness of who I am, not just as a caregiver or as a professional or as a storyteller, but as a whole person. 00:05:46.720 --> 00:06:37.120 As we move towards the launch of my book, Unapologetically Whole, a memoir about autism, caregiving, and owning your story, I've been reflecting on what it means to share a story that spans generations, a story shaped by my parents' sacrifices and sometimes inaction, shaped by Kunle's resilience, shaped by my children's tenacity, shaped by the laws and movements that made our lives possible in the current generation, shaped by the quiet daily acts of leadership that happened inside homes like mine. 00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:39.839 This book is not just a memoir. 00:06:39.839 --> 00:06:49.600 It is a mirror, a reminder that your story with all its complexity is worthy of being told. 00:06:49.600 --> 00:06:56.800 A reminder that you don't have to shrink to fit someone else's definition of success. 00:06:56.800 --> 00:07:01.920 A reminder that you are allowed to be whole. 00:07:01.920 --> 00:07:26.720 So if you're listening today and you've been living in compartments, if you've been performing a version of yourself that no longer fits, if you've been waiting for permission to step into the life your story has been preparing you for, consider this your invitation. 00:07:28.079 --> 00:07:30.319 You are allowed to integrate. 00:07:30.319 --> 00:07:36.639 You are allowed to become. 00:07:36.639 --> 00:07:38.399 Not someday. 00:07:38.399 --> 00:07:41.120 Not when everything settles. 00:07:41.120 --> 00:07:44.639 Not when the world understands you. 00:07:45.759 --> 00:07:55.519 Now right now, in this moment, because the world needs you whole so that the healing journey can begin. 00:07:55.519 --> 00:08:02.480 Not perfect, not polished, not compartmentalized, but whole. 00:08:02.480 --> 00:08:12.879 If today's message resonated with you, or if you're feeling the pull towards your own integration, I'd love for you to stay connected. 00:08:12.879 --> 00:08:29.519 Each month I send a note, part reflection, part behind the scenes, part roadmap for anyone navigating caregiving identity, or the slow intentional work of becoming whole. 00:08:29.519 --> 00:08:42.080 You can join that community through my newsletter where you'll also receive updates as we move towards the launch, the release of Unapologetically Whole. 00:08:42.080 --> 00:08:49.840 Until next time, I'm Lola Dada- Olley, and this is Unapologetically Whole. 00:08:49.840 --> 00:08:56.080 Thank you for joining me on Unapologetically Whole. 00:08:56.080 --> 00:09:06.879 My hope is that something you heard today offered you some space to breathe, reflect, and feel seen. 00:09:06.879 --> 00:09:15.840 If this episode resonated with you, please take a moment to rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. 00:09:15.840 --> 00:09:18.399 It helps this community grow. 00:09:18.399 --> 00:09:45.519 And if you want to stay connected, visit loladadaali.com, l-ol e y dot com to sign up for my monthly newsletter, purchase my upcoming book, Unapologetically Whole, or learn how to bring me to your next event as a speaker. 00:09:45.519 --> 00:09:53.759 Until next time, I'm Lola Dada-Olley, and this is Unapologetically Whole.