Prof. Alan Volts and actor and former student John Farley bölümünün tam dökümü

00:02:56.740 --> 00:03:01.150 and they don't wear clothes. So it's a magic wish. 37 00:03:01.169 --> 00:03:03.430 You have a wish. You have something in your boot. 38 00:03:03.469 --> 00:03:04.469 You have a bootstrap. 39 00:03:04.509 --> 00:03:04.870 You have. 40 00:03:05.669 --> 00:03:08.210 Damn, the thing keeps going off. Hold on a second. 41 00:03:09.590 --> 00:03:12.789 I'm going to look at the chat today from the phone. 42 00:03:12.849 --> 00:03:16.490 That is to say, my phone, my cell phone. People 43 00:03:16.530 --> 00:03:19.330 don't call it cell phones anymore. They call it a smartphone. 44 00:03:19.370 --> 00:03:22.389 What's so smart about it? It makes you crank your 45 00:03:22.449 --> 00:03:27.669 neck down. You get headaches. You wonder why you're getting headaches. 46 00:03:28.740 --> 00:03:33.319 Probably because of your phone. So these are the ideals. 47 00:03:33.370 --> 00:03:40.469 These are the basic constructs. These are the basic footprints 48 00:03:41.189 --> 00:03:45.550 of a civilization lost, of a civilization that is not 49 00:03:45.710 --> 00:03:51.219 civilized anymore. We live in a world of moonbeams. People 50 00:03:51.280 --> 00:03:55.479 put their trust in plastic objects. Why is plastic a 51 00:03:55.479 --> 00:03:58.639 bad thing? It's a series of chemicals and things that 52 00:03:58.699 --> 00:04:00.800 come from the world of a natural world. If you're 53 00:04:00.840 --> 00:04:05.469 in a natural world, you're existing in a field of streams. 54 00:04:06.030 --> 00:04:08.289 But those are all natural because you're on the world. 55 00:04:09.030 --> 00:04:13.569 You're on top of the world. And you move the 56 00:04:13.629 --> 00:04:16.370 parts of the world as you see fit. That is 57 00:04:16.410 --> 00:04:18.720 to say, if you own a car and you try 58 00:04:18.759 --> 00:04:22.639 to drive the car out of town, you will be 59 00:04:22.740 --> 00:04:25.660 able to drive yourself out of town. But are you 60 00:04:25.699 --> 00:04:28.800 really going out of town or is your mind going 61 00:04:28.879 --> 00:04:35.529 out of town? Because we live in a world of simulation, 62 00:04:35.610 --> 00:04:42.189 but it's God's simulation. God brought you here. You could 63 00:04:42.230 --> 00:04:44.209 call it God, you could call it creator, whatever you 64 00:04:44.230 --> 00:04:47.870 want to call it, but it is created by someone 65 00:04:48.430 --> 00:04:53.560 or something or some greater force bigger than yourself. Or 66 00:04:53.620 --> 00:04:58.579 else you would have created grass both times. Why did 67 00:04:58.600 --> 00:05:01.819 I say times? That's not right. All right, let's take 68 00:05:01.870 --> 00:05:03.870 a look at our guest today. He's one of my 69 00:05:03.949 --> 00:05:06.170 former students. Let's see if he's there. He's not there yet. 70 00:05:06.970 --> 00:05:12.209 So maybe he didn't get the memo. Might I have 71 00:05:12.250 --> 00:05:17.040 an old email address? I wonder if I do. Let's 72 00:05:17.120 --> 00:05:21.060 just say if this got to him. It was sent 73 00:05:21.120 --> 00:05:26.879 to him. And it was the right address. So I 74 00:05:26.939 --> 00:05:33.439 don't know exactly what is built into this sort of system. 75 00:05:34.360 --> 00:05:36.930 Maybe he's on a different time clock. Maybe he lives 76 00:05:36.970 --> 00:05:42.990 in a different world. Maybe he's not aware of things. 77 00:05:43.230 --> 00:05:46.250 That's not to say he doesn't know things. That is 78 00:05:46.290 --> 00:05:49.730 to say he has ideas. But maybe the ideas don't 79 00:05:49.790 --> 00:05:52.100 match up with doing the show today. Perhaps he thinks 80 00:05:52.149 --> 00:05:57.600 it's tomorrow, though I know I did speak with him 81 00:05:59.639 --> 00:06:02.920 earlier today. I have his phone number. Not that we 82 00:06:02.959 --> 00:06:07.220 communicate that way. But as I go into my messages, 83 00:06:07.379 --> 00:06:11.060 and I have quite a few, and people have wished 84 00:06:11.120 --> 00:06:14.660 me a happy birthday. It is my happiest birthday, even 85 00:06:14.699 --> 00:06:17.490 though I'm as sad as I can be. My wife 86 00:06:18.290 --> 00:06:25.240 and I are no longer. We have left. We don't 87 00:06:25.500 --> 00:06:28.060 have what we wanted to do with each other. And 88 00:06:28.220 --> 00:06:32.519 I will say, I probably drink too much. I drink 89 00:06:32.560 --> 00:06:35.730 too much. Look at my hair. I drink too much. 90 00:06:36.730 --> 00:06:40.550 I smell like it. I act like it. And I 91 00:06:40.629 --> 00:06:45.470 play the fairy. I play the fairy. I play the fairy, 92 00:06:45.490 --> 00:06:48.730 but not the fairy that prances around in little outfits. 93 00:06:49.509 --> 00:06:52.970 I play the fairy that is on the water. that 94 00:06:53.370 --> 00:06:58.779 rolls down into the gust of the gulf, into the 95 00:06:58.980 --> 00:07:06.819 prairie of the Mary, et cetera, et cetera. So let's 96 00:07:06.879 --> 00:07:10.490 take a look here. I'm going to send him another message. 97 00:07:10.769 --> 00:07:15.930 I do not have control of the chat. There are 98 00:07:15.970 --> 00:07:18.610 people on the chat right now that don't even know, 99 00:07:18.629 --> 00:07:21.269 that I don't even know if they're chatting. They're probably 100 00:07:21.310 --> 00:07:21.649 chatting on. 101 00:07:24.850 --> 00:07:27.829 Let's try to send this. My guest is John Farley. 102 00:07:28.670 --> 00:07:33.069 If he comes. If he shows up. If he remembers. 103 00:07:33.990 --> 00:07:36.860 If I remember. Maybe I gave him the wrong link. 104 00:07:39.160 --> 00:07:43.100 Maybe I gave him the right link. Maybe there is 105 00:07:43.160 --> 00:07:47.000 no right link. Maybe there is no right click. Maybe 106 00:07:47.040 --> 00:07:50.319 there is no tap shoe that can tap quickity quick. 107 00:07:51.490 --> 00:07:54.709 But you don't have to be fast to outwit people. 108 00:07:54.959 --> 00:07:58.000 a fox because a fox is on the ground

and 109 00:07:58.019 --> 00:08:02.500 he runs around. And I think he sees it now. 110 00:08:02.660 --> 00:08:04.720 I think I have an old email address. I think 111 00:08:04.860 --> 00:08:08.439 maybe we talked about that last time. So we are 112 00:08:08.480 --> 00:08:15.160 trying to merely connect. And I think he'll be in 113 00:08:15.199 --> 00:08:21.470 the room soon. And Magnus Corpus Christi, that was a 114 00:08:21.870 --> 00:08:27.329 man I met in a bar. In Sislich, Sweden. And 115 00:08:27.389 --> 00:08:31.290 he had a beard. He had a beard at the time. 116 00:08:32.350 --> 00:08:36.830 His name was Greg. You see, he wanted to pretend 117 00:08:36.929 --> 00:08:45.480 he was homosexual. But he was really heterosexual. But his 118 00:08:45.580 --> 00:08:49.259 beard was a man. So there are all sorts of 119 00:08:49.279 --> 00:08:53.330 ways to exist. Some people get a dog. Some people 120 00:08:53.350 --> 00:08:58.049 get a Lhasa Apso dog. But usually people don't refer 121 00:08:58.110 --> 00:09:01.740 to a Lhasa Apso as a Lhasa Apso dog. It 122 00:09:01.799 --> 00:09:05.980 goes without saying. It has demeanor. It has wit. It 123 00:09:06.039 --> 00:09:12.370 has full scope. And people say to me all the time, 124 00:09:12.429 --> 00:09:16.149 do you use... I'll say that again, just in case 125 00:09:16.190 --> 00:09:18.929 it's a clip. People say to me all the time, 126 00:09:19.009 --> 00:09:21.860 do you use conditioners? And I say, what do you 127 00:09:21.899 --> 00:09:25.590 mean use? It seems like a mutual exchange of energies. 128 00:09:26.419 --> 00:09:29.809 I put the conditioner on my hair. If I put 129 00:09:29.870 --> 00:09:33.370 too much, it looks like I've been greasing around in 130 00:09:33.389 --> 00:09:36.750 the alley. But if I put too little, then it 131 00:09:36.950 --> 00:09:40.870 doesn't have any effect at all. So how much conditioner 132 00:09:40.950 --> 00:09:43.480 is the right amount of conditioner? I wish Cato Kaelin 133 00:09:43.500 --> 00:09:47.059 was here so we could ask him. Oh, here we go. 134 00:09:47.100 --> 00:09:58.440 Here's John. Johnny. Yes, sir? Can you turn your camera off? 135 00:10:00.769 --> 00:10:18.710 This way? No. No again. Try one more time. No. Try... E... No. 136 00:10:20.009 --> 00:10:23.570 What is it with your camera? I don't know, sir. 137 00:10:23.590 --> 00:10:27.669 Can you switch your body position? I guess we'll just... 138 00:10:28.110 --> 00:10:32.889 What kind of camera are you using? It's just the iPhone, sir. 139 00:10:34.429 --> 00:10:36.600 You don't have to call me sir anymore. You graduated 140 00:10:36.629 --> 00:10:38.980 years ago, and you've made quite a career for yourself. 141 00:10:39.580 --> 00:10:44.080 My guest is John Farley, and one of my philosophy students, 142 00:10:44.139 --> 00:10:47.820 one of my best philosophy students, because he had a certain... 143 00:10:47.600 --> 00:10:52.450 You weren't the best student. No, sir, I was not. 144 00:10:53.539 --> 00:11:00.360 I don't know what you're filming. It looks like... I 145 00:11:00.399 --> 00:11:03.120 was just about to say how smart you are. But 146 00:11:03.279 --> 00:11:05.679 I have to hold back. I am smart, sir. No, 147 00:11:05.700 --> 00:11:08.860 I'm not saying you're not smart. But it seems right 148 00:11:08.940 --> 00:11:16.169 now you're proving the opposite of your strength. No, no... That's... 149 00:11:16.350 --> 00:11:21.330 There we are. That was the original position. I just 150 00:11:21.370 --> 00:11:32.539 so strange. Because I would love a position the other way. Horizontal, 151 00:11:32.659 --> 00:11:37.639 but with you following the path of the horizontal. Are 152 00:11:37.679 --> 00:11:41.379 you on Instagram? Oh, yeah. 153 00:11:43.779 --> 00:11:46.129 I'm going to get off and go on to your 154 00:11:46.269 --> 00:11:47.090 email these times. 155 00:11:47.230 --> 00:11:48.990 I don't need you to get off. It's not that 156 00:11:49.029 --> 00:11:52.730 type of show. Oh. 157 00:11:54.120 --> 00:11:56.590 Oh, God, that's what happened last. 158 00:11:57.500 --> 00:12:00.950 Can I talk, before you get off and come back, 159 00:12:01.289 --> 00:12:06.350 I want to talk about your voice. You have the 160 00:12:06.529 --> 00:12:12.169 type of voice that equates to someone that has done 161 00:12:12.309 --> 00:12:17.860 something wrong. We talked about this before. With your wife, 162 00:12:18.000 --> 00:12:22.490 you know how to play it. is if you, you know, 163 00:12:22.529 --> 00:12:25.929 let's say you spilled a beer on the carpet and 164 00:12:25.990 --> 00:12:27.779 you cleaned it up yourself, but you didn't clean it 165 00:12:27.820 --> 00:12:31.360 very well. And your wife says, you spilled beer on 166 00:12:31.379 --> 00:12:35.419 the carpet. You would say something like, well, no. You 167 00:12:35.539 --> 00:12:42.289 have this thing that requires no assistance. What is it 168 00:12:42.370 --> 00:12:45.870 about your psyche? And as a philosophy student of mine, 169 00:12:46.450 --> 00:12:51.419 what helped you have that strength to carry on and 170 00:12:51.500 --> 00:13:00.120 be able to decompose the philosophy that... Do you know 171 00:13:00.139 --> 00:13:02.070 what I mean? I mean, it doesn't make much sense, 172 00:13:02.350 --> 00:13:05.470 but I'm saying... No, I think I get it, yeah. 173 00:13:05.629 --> 00:13:09.370 I mean, I don't remember spilling any beer. I don't 174 00:13:09.450 --> 00:13:13.909 think it was me. If it was, I mean, I'd 175 00:13:14.009 --> 00:13:15.470 be more than happy to clean it up. 176 00:13:16.610 --> 00:13:19.230 This is the perfect... This is the essence of what 177 00:13:19.289 --> 00:13:22.690 I'm speaking of. And I don't think it matters if 178 00:13:22.730 --> 00:13:26.470 you were to go away and come back. That is 179 00:13:26.509 --> 00:13:31.070 to say, put your camera in a different position. Because 180 00:13:31.090 --> 00:13:37.009 you're using Chrome

right now. Am I wrong? Okay. That's 181 00:13:37.049 --> 00:13:43.200 a clip. That's a clip. Okay. It's a clip. That's 182 00:13:43.259 --> 00:13:43.840 another clip. 183 00:13:43.899 --> 00:13:47.919 I'm not quite sure what Chrome is, sir. I do 184 00:13:48.019 --> 00:13:51.549 know that it's a camera and it's facing me. And 185 00:13:51.940 --> 00:13:57.720 I'm talking and you're hearing me. But I went on 186 00:13:57.740 --> 00:14:00.600 the Instagram thing. I shouldn't have done that. 187 00:14:01.679 --> 00:14:05.970 Do you miss me? Are you still at that school? 188 00:14:05.990 --> 00:14:09.529 Are you still at our school? No, no, no, no, no. 189 00:14:09.970 --> 00:14:13.529 I've become basically a celibate teacher of the arts. So 190 00:14:13.809 --> 00:14:17.840 I don't do anything with or to myself in or 191 00:14:17.960 --> 00:14:22.250 in front of anyone else. I have a pickle mouse. 192 00:14:22.929 --> 00:14:25.110 A pickle mouse is a mouse that has been pickled 193 00:14:25.190 --> 00:14:30.450 and put in a vase. And here's my guidance. Here's 194 00:14:30.490 --> 00:14:33.330 my guidance. No, what you saw from me in that 195 00:14:33.389 --> 00:14:36.250 particular time at that school that we were at, which 196 00:14:36.860 --> 00:14:41.539 goes to be renamed another time, was the last glimpse 197 00:14:41.580 --> 00:14:45.259 you had of the actual philosophy that I used to teach, 198 00:14:46.240 --> 00:14:49.379 which was the philosophy of life, that you are a victor. 199 00:14:50.009 --> 00:14:54.990 You can be a victor. I am a victor. I've 200 00:14:55.110 --> 00:14:55.519 made it. 201 00:14:55.529 --> 00:14:57.090 I'm successful. 202 00:14:58.389 --> 00:15:00.049 Not by that camera angle, you're not. 203 00:15:00.070 --> 00:15:02.070 God damn it. 204 00:15:02.080 --> 00:15:05.200 I'm going this way then. I don't know. Do you 205 00:15:05.240 --> 00:15:07.799 want to go away and come back? I don't usually 206 00:15:07.860 --> 00:15:10.620 say this. Let me do it. I'll take two seconds, sir. 207 00:15:10.659 --> 00:15:14.860 Just don't worry. So that is John Farley. And you 208 00:15:14.879 --> 00:15:18.419 see the spontaneity of someone like this. Someone who can say, 209 00:15:18.450 --> 00:15:25.100 I exist. in a perpetuity, in a zild. You can 210 00:15:25.179 --> 00:15:28.399 be in a zild and not see the zild. You 211 00:15:28.419 --> 00:15:31.220 can wax and winny-wack, and people talk about waxing your 212 00:15:31.259 --> 00:15:36.419 third eye. How about waxing your crotch? It's a lot 213 00:15:36.460 --> 00:15:43.139 more painful, yet provides a greater clarity. And if a 214 00:15:43.220 --> 00:15:48.820 man wants to get his crotch waxed, etc., he can 215 00:15:49.000 --> 00:15:59.149 use a coupon If the clinic accepts a coupon. So 216 00:15:59.200 --> 00:16:02.399 there is no strength in teeth. Your teeth are as 217 00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:06.799 only strong as they are rooted into your gums. And 218 00:16:06.820 --> 00:16:13.480 we had Bert Walpack on. Oh, here we go. John, John, John. 219 00:16:15.740 --> 00:16:21.570 Let's see. So there it is. 220 00:16:22.230 --> 00:16:22.529 There. 221 00:16:22.629 --> 00:16:23.610 See how that works? 222 00:16:23.870 --> 00:16:24.629 Holy shit. 223 00:16:24.870 --> 00:16:27.769 What is happening? I feel like you're a new person. 224 00:16:28.509 --> 00:16:30.269 There we have it. Now that's much better. 225 00:16:30.289 --> 00:16:36.139 I agreed to do this, sir, because you gave me a. 226 00:16:36.179 --> 00:16:38.639 D and I was a little upset. 227 00:16:38.740 --> 00:16:40.919 I think you said, I'm not going to fail you 228 00:16:40.940 --> 00:16:43.059 because I don't want everyone to see you again. But 229 00:16:43.100 --> 00:16:46.110 I'm certainly not saying you're a success in my class. 230 00:16:46.330 --> 00:16:50.679 Was your exact quote. Right, and I always demanded to 231 00:16:50.730 --> 00:16:54.090 be quoted, especially at that time. But you must remember 232 00:16:54.110 --> 00:16:59.450 it was a D +. Thank you, I guess. Well, 233 00:17:00.350 --> 00:17:03.940 you have to see the positivity in things. You have 234 00:17:03.960 --> 00:17:06.220 to have gratitude for the things that you are close to. 235 00:17:06.480 --> 00:17:09.079 You're closer to a C than you were straight at 236 00:17:09.140 --> 00:17:12.599 a D. At a D +, you're coming around the edge. 237 00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:15.970 As they say in that nursery rhyme, they're coming around 238 00:17:15.990 --> 00:17:17.029 the mountain when they come. 239 00:17:18.140 --> 00:17:22.400 No, nobody came in your class. I didn't come in 240 00:17:22.420 --> 00:17:23.000 your class. 241 00:17:24.759 --> 00:17:27.609 Well, then you weren't doing it right. 242 00:17:28.809 --> 00:17:33.589 No, I wasn't. You had no books. Everything was your, 243 00:17:34.789 --> 00:17:38.670 you know, it was all up to you. And that class, 244 00:17:38.730 --> 00:17:42.940 you asked me for the final to come. 245 00:17:43.759 --> 00:17:46.180 And I said, you know what? 246 00:17:46.400 --> 00:17:48.839 I'll take the D. And you gave me a D 247 00:17:48.859 --> 00:17:50.779 plus because why? 248 00:17:51.680 --> 00:17:54.599 Because you are already there. You didn't need to come. 249 00:17:54.900 --> 00:17:57.359 You didn't need to go. You were already in the 250 00:17:57.440 --> 00:18:02.519 exact place you needed to be. Thank you. And we 251 00:18:02.559 --> 00:18:07.869 talk about wild endings and mysterious paths. And we talk 252 00:18:07.900 --> 00:18:10.940 about dental flaws. We talk about things you put in 253 00:18:10.960 --> 00:18:16.529 your mouth. Yeah. And you have a little bit of 254 00:18:16.630 --> 00:18:18.809 all three. I do. 255 00:18:20.910 --> 00:18:23.329 I get nervous and I have a tendency to put 256 00:18:23.349 --> 00:18:25.819 a lot of stuff in my mouth. I bit, chewed 257 00:18:25.890 --> 00:18:29.079 through pencils, remote controls. 258 00:18:29.880

--> 00:18:35.059 Phones, cords. I put a lot of stuff in there. 259 00:18:35.019 --> 00:18:39.589 To try and, because I get confused by your class. 260 00:18:39.640 --> 00:18:40.769 I got very confused. 261 00:18:41.529 --> 00:18:44.690 And so everyone else seemed to be just fine and 262 00:18:44.730 --> 00:18:45.789 dandy with it, except me. 263 00:18:47.250 --> 00:18:51.309 Well, you should have understood very simply and very plainly 264 00:18:51.390 --> 00:18:55.799 that it was a class in confusion. And because confusion 265 00:18:55.839 --> 00:18:59.220 was spelled in the old grammatical sense of the old 266 00:18:59.299 --> 00:19:04.220 time gnomon, Ruzel's, that these particular set of ideals, these 267 00:19:04.259 --> 00:19:09.099 particular set of structures that you're coming through, your anxiety 268 00:19:09.240 --> 00:19:13.940 as a man, your anxiety as a woman, your anxiety 269 00:19:14.140 --> 00:19:19.779 as an animal, is anxiety at the root. All different circumstances, 270 00:19:19.920 --> 00:19:23.640 but rooted in reality. Do you still have a great 271 00:19:23.660 --> 00:19:24.589 deal of anxiety? 272 00:19:24.609 --> 00:19:26.589 Yes, sir. 273 00:19:27.690 --> 00:19:30.809 Professor, sir. Are you a professor? You can call me Alan. 274 00:19:31.970 --> 00:19:39.259 Alan. That's right, Alan. You had everyone call you Alan. Yeah, Alan, 275 00:19:39.319 --> 00:19:40.599 I do have a little anxiety. 276 00:19:42.259 --> 00:19:44.079 And what do you feel it is based in? 277 00:19:47.109 --> 00:19:50.789 Let's say I guess it would be the fact that 278 00:19:51.069 --> 00:19:53.089 I might not be the smartest. 279 00:19:52.789 --> 00:19:56.539 One in the room. I know you play that. The 280 00:19:56.599 --> 00:20:00.160 smartest people say they're not smart. And I feel that's 281 00:20:00.200 --> 00:20:03.940 a smart move because it makes you root for you. 282 00:20:04.819 --> 00:20:06.460 But not root vegetable. Well, you. 283 00:20:09.269 --> 00:20:13.369 You just said confusion was the root of your class. Right. 284 00:20:14.910 --> 00:20:21.880 Right. But not a root vegetable. No. You're right. Right. 285 00:20:23.079 --> 00:20:27.019 You know, because I've been advised to take a paleo 286 00:20:27.059 --> 00:20:30.200 diet because they say I have bloating in my face. 287 00:20:31.589 --> 00:20:34.789 They say that I have girth in my gamut. 288 00:20:37.210 --> 00:20:41.809 That would probably, yeah, go toward your heart. What do 289 00:20:41.829 --> 00:20:42.869 you got there, sir? 290 00:20:43.049 --> 00:20:47.579 What are you drinking? Just a little moonshine. That is 291 00:20:47.680 --> 00:20:52.859 homemade liquor. You made homemade liquor? Well, my wife is 292 00:20:52.940 --> 00:20:56.460 no longer my wife, and she made a great deal 293 00:20:56.500 --> 00:20:59.670 of moonshine that I was able to capture because I 294 00:20:59.750 --> 00:21:02.250 replaced the lock on the cellar door with another lock. 295 00:21:03.230 --> 00:21:08.220 And now I am on my own quite... willingly, I believe. 296 00:21:09.480 --> 00:21:14.380 And here I go through mustard. It's not mustard gas. 297 00:21:14.460 --> 00:21:16.799 It's mustard. Do you like mustard? 298 00:21:18.099 --> 00:21:21.480 Mustard gives me a little heartburn. But sure, I guess there's, 299 00:21:22.099 --> 00:21:26.400 you know, stone, ground. You are talking about the stuff 300 00:21:26.440 --> 00:21:29.119 you put on bratwurst and hot dogs, right? 301 00:21:29.960 --> 00:21:32.220 Yes. If you're on a paleo diet, you can have 302 00:21:32.259 --> 00:21:32.960 all those things. 303 00:21:35.420 --> 00:21:38.240 Paleo? Is that just meat? What does paleo mean? 304 00:21:39.680 --> 00:21:42.019 I don't really know. I was just told I need 305 00:21:42.039 --> 00:21:44.890 to get on it, but I don't. This has to 306 00:21:44.930 --> 00:21:49.210 do with meat. I think it has to do with beans. 307 00:21:49.910 --> 00:21:53.730 I think you can have cheese. I think you can have... 308 00:21:54.029 --> 00:22:00.009 I don't know what else. Wow. So, okay. Okay. But 309 00:22:00.069 --> 00:22:02.450 what is it with you? You have a sense of, 310 00:22:02.839 --> 00:22:05.059 you're saying you got a D plus in my, first 311 00:22:05.099 --> 00:22:07.279 you're saying you got a D in my class, really 312 00:22:07.299 --> 00:22:10.180 you got a D plus, but you learned nothing from 313 00:22:10.220 --> 00:22:13.549 my class? I did, definitely. 314 00:22:13.569 --> 00:22:17.730 I learned to really, really look at your electives, you know, 315 00:22:17.769 --> 00:22:23.359 the classes that you can take to expand your education. 316 00:22:24.319 --> 00:22:27.519 And choose one that's, you know, it was either rock 317 00:22:27.579 --> 00:22:30.259 climbing or philosophy. And I said, okay, you know what? 318 00:22:30.960 --> 00:22:32.920 I'm not going to do rock climbing. I'd rather do 319 00:22:32.940 --> 00:22:37.420 philosophy and see what that's like. And mother fuck did 320 00:22:37.480 --> 00:22:38.269 I choose wrong. 321 00:22:41.190 --> 00:22:45.470 Well, I am taken aback. But my question to you is, 322 00:22:45.809 --> 00:22:49.589 what is the difference between rock climbing and philosophy? There 323 00:22:49.609 --> 00:22:52.509 really is no difference. If you see the extension of 324 00:22:52.609 --> 00:22:55.750 life as a persistence of now, don't you see a 325 00:22:55.829 --> 00:22:59.130 rock as something that's not necessarily in your way, but 326 00:22:59.190 --> 00:23:02.190 something that's underneath your foot, which is an illusion? 327 00:23:05.490 --> 00:23:08.660 No, I'm not quite sure that is an illusion, sir. 328 00:23:08.720 --> 00:23:09.940 That's actual rocks. 329 00:23:10.400 --> 00:23:10.980 Okay, sir. 330 00:23:13.019 --> 00:23:16.099 I think you climb. That's why you're climbing rocks. It's 331 00:23:16.160 --> 00:23:19.440 not a pebble. It's a giant rock. 332 00:23:19.740 --> 00:23:24.160 Yes, perhaps

you're climbing, but perhaps you're just moving in 333 00:23:24.180 --> 00:23:28.569 the air. If you're in an ice sculpture and it 334 00:23:28.609 --> 00:23:31.970 started to melt on you, would you say, oh, the 335 00:23:32.029 --> 00:23:35.329 sculpture is melting? Or would you say life is getting 336 00:23:35.390 --> 00:23:42.410 a little more liquid? I'd say I'm on something and 337 00:23:43.650 --> 00:23:51.839 I think something's melting. I don't think it's... Okay, let 338 00:23:51.859 --> 00:23:54.119 me give you an example. Let's say this is six 339 00:23:54.160 --> 00:23:57.420 months ago. You're at a party. You're at a party 340 00:23:58.140 --> 00:24:01.140 and you're an ice sculptor and you're climbing an ice sculptor. 341 00:24:01.180 --> 00:24:04.210 That was your job. Somebody hired you to climb an ice... 342 00:24:04.509 --> 00:24:08.390 It happens at these rich parties. Yeah, sure. Would you 343 00:24:08.470 --> 00:24:13.690 think back To the future, if you could see the present, 344 00:24:14.009 --> 00:24:18.170 and it was in a certain bite-sized thing, that is 345 00:24:18.230 --> 00:24:21.950 to say, if you had an idea about an ice sculpture, 346 00:24:22.630 --> 00:24:25.009 then you went to the party, and you climbed the 347 00:24:25.130 --> 00:24:27.769 ice sculpture, and then you left the party, wouldn't you 348 00:24:27.809 --> 00:24:33.450 assume that the ice sculpture had melted? Yes, I would. 349 00:24:34.630 --> 00:24:39.509 It's melted, for sure, because it's outside. It's not refrigerated. 350 00:24:39.980 --> 00:24:44.700 Wrong! Because when you left that house, perhaps they put 351 00:24:44.759 --> 00:24:49.109 that into a freezer, the remaining bits of the ice sculpture, 352 00:24:49.130 --> 00:24:53.750 especially if it was spring water. People like to regurgitate 353 00:24:53.829 --> 00:24:58.009 such activities, and they would like to make another ice sculpture. 354 00:24:58.029 --> 00:25:00.490 So they start with something that's a brick. But see, 355 00:25:00.529 --> 00:25:03.059 you don't know a lot about ice sculptures, do you? 356 00:25:03.079 --> 00:25:06.519 No, but it does bring me on to kind of 357 00:25:06.559 --> 00:25:10.579 a sore subject. Do you? If you remember back in 358 00:25:10.619 --> 00:25:14.319 your class, your very first class, your question to the 359 00:25:14.380 --> 00:25:18.380 class was, if a tree falls in the woods, does 360 00:25:18.460 --> 00:25:21.670 anyone hear it? And then for the next four weeks, 361 00:25:22.430 --> 00:25:25.089 we didn't say a goddamn thing in the class, and 362 00:25:25.130 --> 00:25:28.450 we just tried to listen for a tree falling. And 363 00:25:28.549 --> 00:25:33.670 we were in Manhattan, I think. I didn't hear anything. 364 00:25:34.170 --> 00:25:37.240 Why? What was the four weeks for? I don't get it. 365 00:25:37.319 --> 00:25:42.150 And then I don't know what, I don't know. What 366 00:25:42.190 --> 00:25:44.569 you don't know is what you said in your own 367 00:25:44.650 --> 00:25:49.569 speaking just now. You said to yourself, and I heard this. Okay. 368 00:25:51.150 --> 00:25:55.880 I think it was Manhattan. I think. Why would you, 369 00:25:57.519 --> 00:26:00.900 you were in the class. Wouldn't you remember where it was? 370 00:26:01.299 --> 00:26:04.819 And the fact that you said in Manhattan, as if 371 00:26:04.960 --> 00:26:09.509 to say a New York tree is not possible. Do 372 00:26:09.569 --> 00:26:13.329 not feel there's no possibility to get a tree in 373 00:26:13.390 --> 00:26:14.130 New York City. 374 00:26:16.750 --> 00:26:17.069 Okay. 375 00:26:17.549 --> 00:26:22.250 It's sort of like being a Korean dancer. Yes. And 376 00:26:22.289 --> 00:26:27.859 you get relocated to Sweden or something. And you say, 377 00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:34.240 I'm so glad to be in Sweden. Right. But he 378 00:26:34.279 --> 00:26:37.619 has no idea how many trees are in Manhattan if 379 00:26:37.660 --> 00:26:41.349 he's located in Sweden. So don't you think there's a 380 00:26:41.390 --> 00:26:46.730 juxtaposition between living and thinking and breathing and just sitting 381 00:26:46.890 --> 00:27:00.160 on a pile of groceries? Yes. And? Trees in New York. See, 382 00:27:00.180 --> 00:27:01.980 this is why you got a D +, and I 383 00:27:02.019 --> 00:27:03.960 probably should have given you a D. 384 00:27:05.019 --> 00:27:05.220 Yeah. 385 00:27:05.609 --> 00:27:08.930 And you swear. I'm sorry. I know. 386 00:27:08.950 --> 00:27:16.039 I do swear because I don't understand philosophy. I'm not 387 00:27:16.140 --> 00:27:17.539 a book guy. 388 00:27:18.039 --> 00:27:23.059 There's nothing to understand. It's all bullshit. You see, I'm bullshitting. 389 00:27:23.180 --> 00:27:26.160 I say, oh, get on the path of least resistance. Well, 390 00:27:26.180 --> 00:27:28.240 what's that mean? Well, it's a path that doesn't have 391 00:27:28.259 --> 00:27:30.920 any rocks on it. Well, it's just something. I start 392 00:27:30.940 --> 00:27:33.660 to say something that sounds okay, and then I just 393 00:27:33.700 --> 00:27:36.529 keep talking. I didn't know what I mean. I didn't 394 00:27:36.549 --> 00:27:38.230 know what I was saying. I didn't know what I think. 395 00:27:38.930 --> 00:27:39.450 Wait a minute. 396 00:27:39.470 --> 00:27:41.650 So you're saying your whole class was bullshit? 397 00:27:42.769 --> 00:27:43.710 Absolutely. 398 00:27:43.750 --> 00:27:48.779 Like I was fighting for a D? I fought myself 399 00:27:48.859 --> 00:27:51.319 into a D when I could have just let it 400 00:27:51.400 --> 00:27:55.430 go and got an A? 401 00:27:55.640 --> 00:27:57.069 You were fighting for your life. 402 00:27:57.980 --> 00:28:01.230 Yes. At one point, you had brought a gun to class. 403 00:28:02.890 --> 00:28:06.019 And you said, is it loaded? Isn't it loaded? We 404 00:28:06.039 --> 00:28:09.579 didn't know. I didn't know. And I ran away. And 405 00:28:09.619 --> 00:28:12.299 then I come to find out

it was a Nerf. 406 00:28:13.380 --> 00:28:18.240 It was a Nerf gun. No, I said later that 407 00:28:18.259 --> 00:28:20.779 it was a Nerf gun because I didn't want everyone 408 00:28:20.819 --> 00:28:22.680 to say something. But it actually was. 409 00:28:22.700 --> 00:28:23.769 I wasn't there for that. 410 00:28:23.910 --> 00:28:26.589 I ran. Well, you would have realized it was a 411 00:28:26.630 --> 00:28:29.089 real gun. So you made the right choice. You could 412 00:28:29.130 --> 00:28:36.140 be a philosophy prospect now. I could be a professor, 413 00:28:36.200 --> 00:28:38.140 you said? You are a professor. 414 00:28:38.160 --> 00:28:40.569 Of philosophy? 415 00:28:40.589 --> 00:28:44.269 Of whatever you want. All you have to do is 416 00:28:44.349 --> 00:28:48.390 keep talking. There is no rhyme. There is no rules. 417 00:28:50.269 --> 00:28:54.170 There is a vague background, and you can put whatever 418 00:28:55.750 --> 00:29:01.650 you want on it. Now, you are a successful actor, comedian. 419 00:29:01.670 --> 00:29:01.829 Yes, sir. 420 00:29:02.630 --> 00:29:05.299 I do all right. Improviser. You've done a lot of things. 421 00:29:05.359 --> 00:29:07.740 You've just done these State Farm commercials I keep seeing, 422 00:29:08.400 --> 00:29:13.900 which are great. Amazon. But yeah, they were pretty good. 423 00:29:13.940 --> 00:29:18.950 They're good commercials. And Dr. Pepper. I love that doctor. 424 00:29:19.630 --> 00:29:19.869 Yes. 425 00:29:19.890 --> 00:29:22.529 I don't think he's a real doctor. But if you 426 00:29:22.569 --> 00:29:25.789 were to go to a doctor named Dr. Pepper, what 427 00:29:25.829 --> 00:29:29.660 would you say to him? I would say. 428 00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:33.980 I'm a pepper, you're a pepper. Wouldn't you like to 429 00:29:34.009 --> 00:29:34.990 be a pepper too? 430 00:29:35.069 --> 00:29:35.769 Be a pepper. 431 00:29:35.849 --> 00:29:37.710 I don't know what I'd say. I'd say, hey, I've 432 00:29:37.750 --> 00:29:40.769 got spots on my dick. and don't know if they're 433 00:29:40.789 --> 00:29:44.940 from whacking off too much or if they're from some 434 00:29:45.000 --> 00:29:46.539 sort of a bad night. 435 00:29:47.940 --> 00:29:51.660 Is that wrong? Is that that kind of a doctor? No, no, 436 00:29:51.700 --> 00:29:58.940 that's perfectly permissible. Okay. And perfectly pissable if it still works. 437 00:30:00.289 --> 00:30:03.470 Yeah, you know, you got to, you know, grunt it 438 00:30:03.569 --> 00:30:04.549 out and she'll work. 439 00:30:05.910 --> 00:30:09.359 So what is it about your life that is so confusing? 440 00:30:09.470 --> 00:30:11.920 You took a class on confusion. You're going to get 441 00:30:11.980 --> 00:30:12.900 more confused. 442 00:30:13.579 --> 00:30:15.059 I did get more confused. 443 00:30:15.099 --> 00:30:19.539 That's sort of the point of it there. It is, yes. 444 00:30:21.000 --> 00:30:24.940 But you look great. You have a great disposition. You 445 00:30:24.980 --> 00:30:30.190 have cars, house... I assume you have at least one house. 446 00:30:31.329 --> 00:30:35.549 And with the house, you get the mouse. Do you 447 00:30:35.589 --> 00:30:37.609 know who the mouse is in your house? 448 00:30:39.549 --> 00:30:44.190 Is that a pickled mouse? I don't have any mice 449 00:30:44.250 --> 00:30:47.599 in my house, I don't think. There's a cat that 450 00:30:47.690 --> 00:30:48.799 roams around outside. 451 00:30:48.819 --> 00:30:51.940 I'm allergic to cats. I'm not asking if you have 452 00:30:52.059 --> 00:30:54.539 mice in your house. I'm asking if you have a 453 00:30:54.740 --> 00:31:08.980 mouse in your house. Yeah. Yes. Of course. Of course. Fuck. No, no, 454 00:31:09.059 --> 00:31:12.140 I don't have a mouse in my house. Because I'm 455 00:31:12.160 --> 00:31:14.720 not supposed to have mice in your house. They're supposed 456 00:31:14.769 --> 00:31:19.170 to be out in the barn. Keep going. And with 457 00:31:19.230 --> 00:31:22.309 that barn, there's hay. And who gives a hay? 458 00:31:22.990 --> 00:31:25.910 If the mouse is in the house, you got to say, 459 00:31:25.930 --> 00:31:27.609 Amps Gray. 460 00:31:27.630 --> 00:31:30.750 Okay. Or something like that. Or you could say ashtray. 461 00:31:31.190 --> 00:31:33.859 I had an improv teacher once. At the end of 462 00:31:33.940 --> 00:31:36.900 each scene, we would do a scene and they would say, well, 463 00:31:37.000 --> 00:31:38.980 you could have gone on about the hot dog. You 464 00:31:39.019 --> 00:31:41.400 could have talked about how the hot dog broke into 465 00:31:41.440 --> 00:31:44.380 little pieces and then became a little whatever. They would 466 00:31:44.440 --> 00:31:50.819 always say that we did well, but then change what 467 00:31:50.859 --> 00:31:55.089 we made fun of or change the discourse. Yeah. Do 468 00:31:55.140 --> 00:31:59.069 you think that would be interesting... In a place like Costco? Yes. 469 00:32:00.920 --> 00:32:09.930 It's an ordinary place that something extraordinary happens in someone's 470 00:32:10.369 --> 00:32:11.089 everyday life. 471 00:32:11.829 --> 00:32:12.269 Keep going. 472 00:32:13.250 --> 00:32:17.890 And therefore, in Costco, if you had a hot dog 473 00:32:18.069 --> 00:32:21.250 that was chopped up into little hot dogs and you 474 00:32:21.269 --> 00:32:25.609 were serving them in Costco, then you would be a 475 00:32:27.009 --> 00:32:31.140 cart dog. guy that sells hot dogs, peddles hot dogs 476 00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:36.829 at Costco. Therefore, you're not in Korea, you're in Australia. 477 00:32:37.950 --> 00:32:42.109 You went a little too far. We didn't need the Korea, Australia. 478 00:32:42.170 --> 00:32:44.210 You were saying I was a Korean actor and I 479 00:32:44.410 --> 00:32:47.420 somehow went to Australia or somewhere, Sydney. 480 00:32:47.880 --> 00:32:50.980 Life doesn't have to be a series of callbacks. You 481 00:32:51.039 --> 00:32:53.460 can come up with something, which you think

it does, 482 00:32:53.880 --> 00:32:58.009 but imagine your marriage is having callbacks all the time. 483 00:32:58.069 --> 00:33:02.049 It would irritate your wife. You know, you keep saying 484 00:33:02.089 --> 00:33:06.329 the same thing. It's her place to have callbacks if 485 00:33:06.390 --> 00:33:10.299 she wants them. And they're not always terribly entertaining, but 486 00:33:10.339 --> 00:33:12.460 they're her choice. 487 00:33:14.779 --> 00:33:15.799 She likes comebacks. 488 00:33:17.059 --> 00:33:22.500 Because you're coming her back. That's good. That's a vibrant marriage. 489 00:33:22.799 --> 00:33:26.809 That's people that are engaged with each other. And married 490 00:33:26.869 --> 00:33:32.950 with each other. And stuck together like glue. Yes. No mice. 491 00:33:33.390 --> 00:33:37.289 No mouse. Just jizz. Jizz. 492 00:33:38.309 --> 00:33:41.299 Or, you know, there's a mouse probably in the barn. 493 00:33:42.400 --> 00:33:46.200 If I had a barn, I'd have a garage. Detached. 494 00:33:47.119 --> 00:33:51.079 Detachable penis. That was the song. Yes, it was. So 495 00:33:51.160 --> 00:33:56.359 you could be in a barn, see zero jizz. Yes, 496 00:33:56.599 --> 00:34:00.539 go on. But know that you are in a barn. Yeah. 497 00:34:01.680 --> 00:34:02.819 You know, this sort of thing. 498 00:34:02.880 --> 00:34:06.160 That's the lyrics to old Back Door Annie, I believe, 499 00:34:07.119 --> 00:34:10.000 which she liked it in the fanny. But we don't 500 00:34:10.019 --> 00:34:11.239 want to talk about that part. 501 00:34:11.380 --> 00:34:14.530 No, but if you were to build on that, Back 502 00:34:14.550 --> 00:34:18.909 Door Fanny liked it in the fanny. Annie, Back Door 503 00:34:18.989 --> 00:34:25.639 Annie liked it in the fanny. And then what? Then she... 504 00:34:25.119 --> 00:34:26.949 Drove her home? Yep. 505 00:34:27.260 --> 00:34:32.070 Gathered around, gathered around. My brother's in town. And he 506 00:34:32.110 --> 00:34:36.409 likes the back door, Annie. He likes to go visit her. 507 00:34:36.889 --> 00:34:38.809 You never heard that song. It's an old one from 508 00:34:38.829 --> 00:34:39.409 the 20s. 509 00:34:39.489 --> 00:34:41.190 No, I know it. I know it very well. 510 00:34:41.210 --> 00:34:43.710 Yep. I used to sing it when Babe Ruth got 511 00:34:43.769 --> 00:34:45.789 up to bat. That was his walkout song. 512 00:34:46.670 --> 00:34:50.059 I love that Babe Ruth was called Babe. The last 513 00:34:50.159 --> 00:34:53.289 guy to be handsome was Babe Ruth. I mean, he 514 00:34:53.309 --> 00:34:57.000 had a basketball head. Yes. And he was a great 515 00:34:57.039 --> 00:34:59.699 home run hitter, but they called him Babe because people 516 00:34:59.739 --> 00:35:04.320 become more attractive the more successful they are. You know, like, 517 00:35:04.400 --> 00:35:08.320 look at, remember Steve Winwood? You know? Yeah. I mean, 518 00:35:08.360 --> 00:35:13.429 these are the sort of juxtapositions that are juxtaposed, that 519 00:35:13.489 --> 00:35:16.150 are stuck to a wall, that are falling down in 520 00:35:16.190 --> 00:35:21.519 your head, that have led you understand and see a 521 00:35:21.619 --> 00:35:26.219 simulation that is not really there. If an alien was 522 00:35:27.360 --> 00:35:30.969 composed of cat embryo, that is to say, you saw 523 00:35:30.989 --> 00:35:34.409 a kitty cat and it was an alien. Think about 524 00:35:34.429 --> 00:35:36.929 the eyes. They slit. They go back and forth. They're long. 525 00:35:37.269 --> 00:35:42.849 They're long. But they also go... So this is something 526 00:35:42.869 --> 00:35:46.429 that could be a phenomenon. I've gotten very into conspiratorials 527 00:35:46.510 --> 00:35:48.679 through chills. Do you like those? 528 00:35:50.860 --> 00:35:52.519 I don't know what you just said there, sir. 529 00:35:52.920 --> 00:35:57.889 Exactly. Experimental chills? Exactly. Exactly. 530 00:35:58.849 --> 00:36:03.150 Oh, I love... I've never experienced one. 531 00:36:03.289 --> 00:36:03.949 Keep going. 532 00:36:04.929 --> 00:36:12.460 But I am open to philosophy of chills. 533 00:36:14.019 --> 00:36:16.360 Get back to the first thing. I've got a mouse 534 00:36:16.420 --> 00:36:19.760 in my house. I've got ants in my pants. I've 535 00:36:19.800 --> 00:36:23.760 got the cat on top of a zebra. That's not mine. 536 00:36:25.059 --> 00:36:27.349 I don't own the cat. I don't own the zebra. 537 00:36:27.670 --> 00:36:30.750 But I see this not as a figment of my imagination, 538 00:36:31.130 --> 00:36:35.329 but as something that could be extraterrestrial and extra sweet. 539 00:36:38.300 --> 00:36:41.420 Think about when saccharin came out. But people were jumping 540 00:36:41.440 --> 00:36:42.440 through the roof over it. 541 00:36:42.460 --> 00:36:46.139 They loved it. Yeah, that's the artificial sweetener. 542 00:36:47.880 --> 00:36:51.400 It's not the only one, though. No, of course not. 543 00:36:51.460 --> 00:36:55.960 There's plenty. Splenda, you know, the green one, the pink one, 544 00:36:56.000 --> 00:37:00.019 the yellow one. Whatever you want to choose. And then 545 00:37:00.179 --> 00:37:02.519 you go down that rabbit hole of, hey, I'm going 546 00:37:02.539 --> 00:37:03.960 to be a pink guy for the rest of my 547 00:37:03.980 --> 00:37:06.340 life or I'll be the yellow one or the green one. 548 00:37:06.360 --> 00:37:08.699 Or the white. 549 00:37:09.489 --> 00:37:12.090 What if you just wanted to go plain and stay 550 00:37:12.130 --> 00:37:15.510 away from the saccharine? And you said no. And then 551 00:37:15.550 --> 00:37:18.539 there's the weirdos that go for the brown. And then 552 00:37:18.579 --> 00:37:20.860 you're like, whoa, you like that coarse stuff. 553 00:37:21.039 --> 00:37:23.789 You like it rough. And they're like, yes, I do. 554 00:37:23.809 --> 00:37:25.630 I don't like saccharin. 555 00:37:26.849 --> 00:37:27.590 Sam, I am. 556 00:37:28.050 --> 00:37:31.710 And I'm going

to go with the coarse, brown. What 557 00:37:31.730 --> 00:37:35.690 are you going with? And I say, I'm white. I 558 00:37:35.730 --> 00:37:40.869 go with the white, the norm, the old-fashioned kind. And 559 00:37:40.989 --> 00:37:44.840 they say, well, you look like a green. You're a 560 00:37:44.960 --> 00:37:49.360 green or a yellow. And that's when I get upset. 561 00:37:49.380 --> 00:37:52.139 And that's when the ants in the pants get a 562 00:37:52.219 --> 00:37:52.960 little angry. 563 00:37:55.460 --> 00:37:57.900 What about the mouse in the house? Fuck. 564 00:37:58.639 --> 00:38:02.719 That's right, there's mice. Sorry, there's mice in my house 565 00:38:02.860 --> 00:38:03.659 and then there's. 566 00:38:03.480 --> 00:38:05.650 A cat on the apple. No, no, no, no, no, no. 567 00:38:05.699 --> 00:38:07.320 It goes back to the first thing. This is why 568 00:38:07.340 --> 00:38:09.800 you got a D plus in my class. Oh, dang it. 569 00:38:10.420 --> 00:38:14.389 Because you go from... You might as well say lice 570 00:38:14.429 --> 00:38:18.750 in the mice, you know, because... A mouse most likely 571 00:38:18.809 --> 00:38:22.340 has some sort of lice or some sort of tiny 572 00:38:22.420 --> 00:38:27.519 parasitic bug. But I mean mouse in the house, not 573 00:38:27.679 --> 00:38:33.050 mice in the house. Because it's how many, I think 574 00:38:33.190 --> 00:38:37.510 you must think in terms of one mouse to one house. 575 00:38:37.530 --> 00:38:42.230 Does that make sense? It does. Yes, totally. 576 00:38:42.429 --> 00:38:43.570 God, what was I thinking? 577 00:38:43.690 --> 00:38:46.610 It shouldn't make sense. You're off track again. All of 578 00:38:46.670 --> 00:38:47.909 these things make no sense. 579 00:38:47.929 --> 00:38:49.730 I didn't think it made sense at all. I was 580 00:38:49.849 --> 00:38:52.889 completely lost. I have no idea what you're saying. 581 00:38:53.269 --> 00:38:53.769 You know what? 582 00:38:53.809 --> 00:38:55.590 To be honest with you, I cheated off the girl 583 00:38:55.630 --> 00:38:58.969 next to me and I think she was crazy or 584 00:38:59.050 --> 00:39:03.170 didn't speak English or was in the wrong class. And 585 00:39:03.230 --> 00:39:05.070 I said, hey, can I see what you got on 586 00:39:05.110 --> 00:39:09.449 that test? And she said, here. handed me a picture 587 00:39:09.489 --> 00:39:14.989 of a tugboat that was making love with a flamingo, 588 00:39:15.480 --> 00:39:15.940 I think. 589 00:39:16.059 --> 00:39:20.980 I like that. I like the flamingo thing. But define tugboat. 590 00:39:21.480 --> 00:39:24.239 That's what you have to do. When people hear words, 591 00:39:24.280 --> 00:39:26.769 especially two words next to each other that mean one thing, 592 00:39:27.170 --> 00:39:29.409 you've got to be able to separate them and define 593 00:39:29.429 --> 00:39:30.739 them separately. and as one. 594 00:39:31.940 --> 00:39:33.800 Well, I was looking at the picture and it certainly 595 00:39:33.820 --> 00:39:36.579 looked like a tugboat to me. And I said, hey, 596 00:39:38.030 --> 00:39:40.889 you drew a tugboat and a flamingo. And she said, yes. 597 00:39:42.090 --> 00:39:45.480 And I go, oh, you do speak. Thanks. I don't 598 00:39:45.500 --> 00:39:47.880 know what you were doing at the time, but I 599 00:39:47.920 --> 00:39:51.349 could have full sentences talking in your class, in your texts, 600 00:39:51.429 --> 00:39:52.130 in your tests. 601 00:39:53.269 --> 00:39:56.050 No, but life is best led in a state of play. 602 00:39:57.070 --> 00:40:01.869 You have a series of juggernauts. Bo Jackson ran a 603 00:40:01.889 --> 00:40:05.940 4-1 in the 40. He could hit baseballs. He did 604 00:40:05.960 --> 00:40:09.460 all these things, but now he's got chronic hiccups because 605 00:40:09.539 --> 00:40:12.639 life will play interesting games on you. Don't say cruel. 606 00:40:13.099 --> 00:40:18.000 Say interesting. If you can find something is interesting, not evil, 607 00:40:18.079 --> 00:40:23.659 not transparent, not ne'er-do-well, but something that is particularly interesting, 608 00:40:24.019 --> 00:40:28.059 then you are like, hmm, that's interesting. You see how 609 00:40:28.139 --> 00:40:30.670 it's a sort of an equilibrium when I say that. 610 00:40:31.090 --> 00:40:36.849 It's a strange set of circumstances, but they are interesting. 611 00:40:39.230 --> 00:40:40.309 You got something there. 612 00:40:41.170 --> 00:40:42.590 You know what? You should write a book. 613 00:40:44.929 --> 00:40:45.969 Don't tell me what to do. 614 00:40:46.030 --> 00:40:48.170 Don't tell me what to do. You should never tell 615 00:40:48.190 --> 00:40:51.090 people what to do. No, of course not. You didn't 616 00:40:51.309 --> 00:40:58.489 define tugboat. I think she wanted to tug on my wiener. Oh, 617 00:40:58.510 --> 00:41:01.400 my God. I'm not sure. I think that's what it was. 618 00:41:01.519 --> 00:41:03.019 How do you not know? And the pink. 619 00:41:02.960 --> 00:41:08.420 Flamingo was her vagina. Or maybe she was coming on 620 00:41:08.460 --> 00:41:08.699 to me. 621 00:41:08.880 --> 00:41:09.679 I'm not sure. 622 00:41:10.019 --> 00:41:15.800 She didn't have use of her hands. And she wrote 623 00:41:15.820 --> 00:41:18.519 with her mouth with a pen. And so maybe she 624 00:41:18.559 --> 00:41:23.039 wasn't trying to draw a tugboat. I thought she was 625 00:41:23.099 --> 00:41:25.260 really smart because she looked like Stephen Hawking. 626 00:41:25.659 --> 00:41:29.360 And then she gets an A and I get a 627 00:41:29.400 --> 00:41:32.719 D plus. So you were attracted to her because she 628 00:41:32.760 --> 00:41:35.639 looked like Stephen Hawking. Yet you don't know how to 629 00:41:35.699 --> 00:41:38.860 define what a tugboat is. You see how this misses? 630 00:41:39.159 --> 00:41:42.760 This leaps over the electricity that it could be otherwise 631 00:41:42.900 --> 00:41:44.840 used in a different sort of... And I see how 632

00:41:44.880 --> 00:41:48.760 you readjust. I see how you readjust. I see how 633 00:41:48.800 --> 00:41:51.280 you readjust. Let's get into your... I want to talk 634 00:41:51.320 --> 00:41:54.550 about your film career. I want to talk about your commercials. 635 00:41:54.929 --> 00:41:56.949 I want to talk about what it is like to 636 00:41:56.989 --> 00:42:02.170 be John Farley. To come out of bed and into 637 00:42:02.210 --> 00:42:06.289 the world. Do you have dreams? Do you have dreams? 638 00:42:07.030 --> 00:42:08.650 I have dreams. I dream a lot. 639 00:42:08.829 --> 00:42:12.679 I just finished a movie in Louisville, Kentucky, and I 640 00:42:12.719 --> 00:42:15.880 wanted to tell you that I went to the Louisville 641 00:42:15.900 --> 00:42:18.760 Slugger Hall of Fame bat place, and they had a 642 00:42:18.800 --> 00:42:21.360 life-size mannequin of Babe Ruth. 643 00:42:21.920 --> 00:42:25.780 He wasn't fat. He was strong like an ox. He 644 00:42:25.800 --> 00:42:28.860 was a big kid. Well, he wore very large underwear, 645 00:42:29.360 --> 00:42:31.820 and so anytime you do such a thing, it will 646 00:42:32.510 --> 00:42:37.119 bolster the other positions of your body. Oh. All right. Well, 647 00:42:37.360 --> 00:42:38.679 he certainly was bolstered. 648 00:42:41.500 --> 00:42:46.750 He was wearing a very wool almost uniform. No wonder 649 00:42:46.769 --> 00:42:49.389 they got drunk all the time because it was probably, 650 00:42:49.869 --> 00:42:53.510 imagine playing baseball in 110 degree heat with a wool outfit. 651 00:42:53.889 --> 00:43:01.750 How about going to an island with moccasins and whiskey? Yeah. 652 00:43:01.829 --> 00:43:06.789 Firing machine guns. We talk about firing machine guns. We did. 653 00:43:07.050 --> 00:43:10.570 We did do that. I was with you. I know. 654 00:43:10.650 --> 00:43:11.230 I remember. 655 00:43:11.269 --> 00:43:16.409 And I ran because you pulled out the Nerf machine 656 00:43:16.449 --> 00:43:21.019 gun thing and didn't realize it was a Nerf. That 657 00:43:21.079 --> 00:43:24.659 was a crazy class. But yeah, I don't think I've 658 00:43:25.039 --> 00:43:28.179 seen anyone in moccasins with a machine gun on an island. 659 00:43:28.199 --> 00:43:32.989 That sounds like they'd have a makeshift spear or maybe 660 00:43:33.050 --> 00:43:38.239 an old gun that they... took off a seafaring pirate. 661 00:43:39.469 --> 00:43:41.280 Why did they say seafaring? 662 00:43:42.389 --> 00:43:48.429 Because they, I guess you could pirate video, but I 663 00:43:48.469 --> 00:43:50.670 think they're usually at the high seas. I don't know 664 00:43:50.690 --> 00:43:55.309 what the high seas are, but they're seas that are. 665 00:43:56.750 --> 00:44:00.190 Seafaring. They're above. But they're not. 666 00:44:00.429 --> 00:44:03.090 Why do they say, hey, that town's at sea level? 667 00:44:04.429 --> 00:44:07.389 Because that's the lowest point on Earth. Well, the C 668 00:44:07.469 --> 00:44:08.929 minus level

is lower. 669 00:44:11.489 --> 00:44:13.050 No, deep loss is lowest. 670 00:44:13.389 --> 00:44:17.940 Yes, but in terms of a C. Yeah. Let's take 671 00:44:17.960 --> 00:44:21.260 a look. You know, what's interesting is we're going through this. 672 00:44:21.320 --> 00:44:23.840 I couldn't get this to work and get the chart going. 673 00:44:23.900 --> 00:44:27.869 So we're just going to take a little look. And... 674 00:44:32.059 --> 00:44:33.250 You know, I'm not able to do it. 675 00:44:33.480 --> 00:44:36.000 I don't know how to do it. Did you get 676 00:44:36.039 --> 00:44:39.019 hair extensions, Professor, or Alan? 677 00:44:39.179 --> 00:44:45.010 No, I've always had them. Wow. I've always had hair extensions. 678 00:44:45.030 --> 00:44:48.929 They were grandfathered in from my mother's side of the family. 679 00:44:49.710 --> 00:44:53.349 They've had them before. They invented hair extensions before Tina 680 00:44:53.389 --> 00:44:57.750 Turner was alive. So they've been passed through the years, 681 00:44:57.849 --> 00:45:01.059 passed through the time. Passed through the snow of the 682 00:45:01.099 --> 00:45:05.699 wind chime chime. And yeah, it fits me like a glove. 683 00:45:05.820 --> 00:45:08.980 This is Mac Lamar, not Mac Lamar. Who's the other guy? 684 00:45:09.059 --> 00:45:16.239 Ed Sheeran. This is the Ed Sheeran style. I like it. Again, 685 00:45:16.300 --> 00:45:19.119 before Tina Turner. What do you got? 686 00:45:20.380 --> 00:45:26.159 I just started taking some pills called Minoxidil. And I 687 00:45:26.340 --> 00:45:26.989 think it's working. 688 00:45:28.880 --> 00:45:31.039 Are you serious? I did. 689 00:45:31.059 --> 00:45:33.079 It's something with an F. 690 00:45:33.360 --> 00:45:34.119 I don't know what they are. 691 00:45:34.139 --> 00:45:36.119 A couple pills the doctor gave me. He said, try 692 00:45:36.159 --> 00:45:37.460 these for a year and come back. 693 00:45:38.099 --> 00:45:38.780 I go, all right. 694 00:45:38.800 --> 00:45:42.019 He said my wiener wouldn't work as well, but it does. 695 00:45:43.460 --> 00:45:50.840 You seem to be allocated to your penis. Do you 696 00:45:50.860 --> 00:45:54.690 feel a responsibility because it's attached to you, or do 697 00:45:54.710 --> 00:45:57.699 you feel like If it wasn't there, you wouldn't care. 698 00:45:57.780 --> 00:45:59.239 Just like grass on the knoll. 699 00:45:59.260 --> 00:46:03.619 I was just trying to, you know, bond with you 700 00:46:03.719 --> 00:46:07.510 considering you made the entire class come. 701 00:46:11.570 --> 00:46:18.150 Except me. You're not coming now? I did. 702 00:46:18.550 --> 00:46:19.909 No, not now. 703 00:46:19.929 --> 00:46:22.630 You're not doing it right. You're not doing it right. 704 00:46:23.570 --> 00:46:24.690 Are you coming right now? 705 00:46:25.170 --> 00:46:30.719 I'm here. I've been here. We're here. We're out here. Yes, 706 00:46:30.780 --> 00:46:34.139 we are. We're here. I guess I did came. I 707 00:46:34.179

--> 00:46:40.489 wish you are present. I like to say that. If 708 00:46:40.610 --> 00:46:45.349 I've had any kind of a situation with a woman, 709 00:46:45.369 --> 00:46:49.610 I need to give my evaluation of the experience. I 710 00:46:49.630 --> 00:46:53.710 just say I'm present. Here and accounted for. I'm not 711 00:46:53.769 --> 00:46:56.469 an accountant, but I am accounted for. 712 00:46:58.949 --> 00:47:01.289 But in a way, you're kind of an accountant because 713 00:47:01.329 --> 00:47:04.230 you're counting that you're here. 714 00:47:07.239 --> 00:47:11.619 Kind of, yes. So in a way, we're all accountants. 715 00:47:11.980 --> 00:47:15.059 In a way, we're all accountants and we're all God's creatures. 716 00:47:15.099 --> 00:47:19.760 We live in an assimilation. We live in a virtual 717 00:47:19.900 --> 00:47:23.619 simulation where we are, you know, just like you pick 718 00:47:23.679 --> 00:47:25.369 up a handful of grass and you say, where did 719 00:47:25.409 --> 00:47:28.840 this come from? What is the sun doing? Why is 720 00:47:28.900 --> 00:47:32.880 it beating down on my head? Is it beating down 721 00:47:32.960 --> 00:47:35.519 on my head or beating down on my head? I 722 00:47:35.599 --> 00:47:37.800 still don't know how to say it. And I don't 723 00:47:37.860 --> 00:47:39.880 want to know because I want the mystery of life 724 00:47:40.219 --> 00:47:44.059 to continue forward. Well, you don't want to look dumb. 725 00:47:45.820 --> 00:47:52.480 Says who? Says the guy with a D +. D 726 00:47:52.500 --> 00:47:56.260 plus what? D plus... D plus. 727 00:47:58.610 --> 00:48:04.630 C plus pickled mice in the jar. You know, if 728 00:48:04.690 --> 00:48:06.550 you had said that in my class, I would have 729 00:48:06.570 --> 00:48:11.250 given you an A. You perfectly put it together. Although 730 00:48:11.289 --> 00:48:15.719 you made one fatal mistake. You used the word mice 731 00:48:15.820 --> 00:48:20.440 instead of mouse. And it's like putting an apple down 732 00:48:20.559 --> 00:48:23.619 on the teacher's desk when really what they want is 733 00:48:23.659 --> 00:48:26.079 some nice pasta from Italy. 734 00:48:27.260 --> 00:48:29.780 Well, as Cher said, you can't turn back time. 735 00:48:33.800 --> 00:48:38.219 That's a clip. It is. You know what? 736 00:48:38.619 --> 00:48:40.949 It's been a while since you said something like that. 737 00:48:41.269 --> 00:48:46.590 It's been a while. I was a little self-conscious that 738 00:48:46.670 --> 00:48:48.829 I haven't heard that phrase in a while. 739 00:48:49.690 --> 00:48:52.289 Well, you could say phrase or you could say Frasier. 740 00:48:53.050 --> 00:48:55.260 What's the difference? Well, one's a TV show, one's not 741 00:48:55.340 --> 00:48:55.909 a TV show. 742 00:48:57.489 --> 00:49:00.469 We used to have an officer, Frazier, in the Maple 743 00:49:00.489 --> 00:49:04.039 Bluff police force that I grew up in Madison, Wisconsin. 744 00:49:04.659 --> 00:49:11.840 And old

Al Frazier, Chief Frazier, he wouldn't give you 745 00:49:11.860 --> 00:49:13.159 a DUI or anything. 746 00:49:13.199 --> 00:49:15.679 He'd just send you home. That was nice of him. 747 00:49:15.860 --> 00:49:19.050 Those are the old days when you really could drive drunk. 748 00:49:20.250 --> 00:49:23.030 I wasn't driving at the time. I was only 16, 749 00:49:23.030 --> 00:49:28.449 but it was before my time. But all the old 750 00:49:28.610 --> 00:49:33.849 folks that were driving home in their giant Lincoln cars 751 00:49:33.889 --> 00:49:36.929 would smash into trees and they'd be like, just reverse 752 00:49:37.010 --> 00:49:37.590 it and go home. 753 00:49:38.219 --> 00:49:41.099 That's nice of him. That's nice. But who's going to 754 00:49:41.179 --> 00:49:44.119 stick up for the trees? In a situation like that, 755 00:49:44.159 --> 00:49:48.079 where there is a victim, such as a tree, who says, 756 00:49:48.219 --> 00:49:51.320 what is the collateral damage of such an animal? Well, 757 00:49:51.340 --> 00:49:52.980 they say, what is an animal? I said, a tree 758 00:49:53.000 --> 00:49:56.429 is a living thing because there's different levels of living. 759 00:49:56.489 --> 00:50:00.710 You've got inanimate objects that are alive, but it's small 760 00:50:01.010 --> 00:50:04.730 vibrational force. Then you've got one step forward, but you've 761 00:50:04.750 --> 00:50:08.349 got animals. You've got cats, horses, things like that. then 762 00:50:08.389 --> 00:50:10.449 you've got the human being at three, and then you've 763 00:50:10.469 --> 00:50:15.179 got hell at four. You said, well, why wouldn't hell 764 00:50:15.219 --> 00:50:18.469 be at eight or nine? It's very close to the 765 00:50:18.510 --> 00:50:19.079 human life. 766 00:50:19.940 --> 00:50:25.280 Are you saying babies are three-year-old kids? Are you talking about, 767 00:50:25.300 --> 00:50:27.039 are you numbering here? 768 00:50:27.420 --> 00:50:30.539 No, I'm simply saying that a human being can grow 769 00:50:30.599 --> 00:50:35.860 horns if you are in that particular sect. If you 770 00:50:35.900 --> 00:50:39.889 are predisposed to life, That is saying you are alive, 771 00:50:40.010 --> 00:50:45.280 you're living, or you are left astray, like a stray cat, 772 00:50:45.900 --> 00:50:51.719 level two. Oh, level. Level two. It's the second branch 773 00:50:51.800 --> 00:50:52.360 of the olive. 774 00:50:54.840 --> 00:50:57.519 My brother hit a bunny once, and then we got 775 00:50:57.559 --> 00:50:59.849 out of the car, and we had to kill it 776 00:50:59.869 --> 00:51:00.530 with a shovel. 777 00:51:02.409 --> 00:51:03.090 Which brother? 778 00:51:03.590 --> 00:51:06.530 That would be the one older than Kevin. 779 00:51:06.550 --> 00:51:07.170 That was Chris. 780 00:51:07.929 --> 00:51:09.909 And I was in the back seat, and then we 781 00:51:09.929 --> 00:51:11.809 happened to have a shovel in the trunk of my 782 00:51:11.849 --> 00:51:16.949 mom's car. And as he was crying, he was smashing. 783 00:51:16.449 --> 00:51:20.389 It with a shovel. Are you serious? No, yeah. 784 00:51:20.449 --> 00:51:23.940 He wasn't trying to kill the bunny, and then he 785 00:51:24.019 --> 00:51:25.940 just ran out in front of the car. But it 786 00:51:25.980 --> 00:51:26.659 wasn't dead. 787 00:51:26.780 --> 00:51:29.119 So he was trying to put the bunny down. 788 00:51:29.800 --> 00:51:32.500 But if somebody drove by, they would see two, three 789 00:51:32.559 --> 00:51:36.590 Farley kids with a shovel Killing a bunny. 790 00:51:36.809 --> 00:51:37.110 Crying. 791 00:51:37.130 --> 00:51:40.530 They wouldn't realize that we accidentally hit the bunny, and 792 00:51:40.550 --> 00:51:42.769 they accidentally had to put it out of its misery. 793 00:51:44.110 --> 00:51:47.429 And like Misery, the movie, we took a shovel to 794 00:51:47.489 --> 00:51:48.739 it and killed it. 795 00:51:50.349 --> 00:51:50.730 Keep going. 796 00:51:51.530 --> 00:51:54.429 And then two weeks later, I was in the car 797 00:51:54.469 --> 00:51:57.039 with my brother Kevin, and a duck flew in front 798 00:51:57.079 --> 00:52:00.719 of us. Very close call. Happened to have a mate 799 00:52:00.880 --> 00:52:04.099 flying behind it, and we hit that. But that was 800 00:52:04.139 --> 00:52:05.260 in front of a bunch of people. 801 00:52:05.500 --> 00:52:08.300 And they all went, oh. And he just kept driving. 802 00:52:09.840 --> 00:52:16.550 Because he had to focus on the road? Yeah. Okay. No, 803 00:52:16.610 --> 00:52:22.869 I'm asking. No, I know. And I'm responding, shh, yes. Okay. 804 00:52:24.590 --> 00:52:26.889 You know, sometimes when I talk with you, it's like 805 00:52:26.909 --> 00:52:29.079 you're talking to someone else. Why is that? 806 00:52:30.079 --> 00:52:33.860 Well, I just don't want to be looked at like a... Like, 807 00:52:34.219 --> 00:52:37.329 we didn't stop for the duck. But we didn't stop 808 00:52:37.369 --> 00:52:39.989 for the duck because we were confused at first. By 809 00:52:40.030 --> 00:52:42.289 the time we realized it was a duck that we hit, 810 00:52:43.590 --> 00:52:45.010 we were a good mile away. 811 00:52:46.570 --> 00:52:49.090 Or half a mile. We were a ways away. Too 812 00:52:49.150 --> 00:52:53.909 far away to turn around. That's a great book. I've 813 00:52:53.949 --> 00:52:56.829 read that book, Too Far to Turn Around. Too Far 814 00:52:56.869 --> 00:52:59.199 to Turn Around. Gone Too Far to Turn Around Now. 815 00:52:59.719 --> 00:53:01.800 That's another song. That's a song. Gone Too Far to 816 00:53:01.820 --> 00:53:04.909 Turn Around Now. That's a great song. Yeah. Patti LaBelle. 817 00:53:04.949 --> 00:53:08.070 As opposed to your dad when he says, I'll turn 818 00:53:08.110 --> 00:53:10.829 this goddamn car around if you don't settle down back there. 819 00:53:11.190 --> 00:53:14.340 Now, your dad, he would get very, you know, he 820 00:53:14.360 --> 00:53:20.900 would get volsterous and intense. But was

he... Explosive. Explosive, 821 00:53:20.940 --> 00:53:27.519 but mostly in language? No, never language. Never language. 822 00:53:27.579 --> 00:53:36.760 Just temperament. His temperament would change. And because we were, 823 00:53:37.730 --> 00:53:42.050 you know, four boys, that we wouldn't get in the 824 00:53:42.110 --> 00:53:47.050 car fast enough. Or this was back before remote controls. 825 00:53:47.550 --> 00:53:51.090 We wouldn't change the channel quick enough. And we'd get 826 00:53:51.150 --> 00:53:53.820 a scotch-laced ice cube thrown at the back of our head. 827 00:53:54.429 --> 00:53:56.380 And we'd say, turn it to channel four. 828 00:53:59.039 --> 00:54:00.900 So he had a good arm. He had an accurate 829 00:54:01.039 --> 00:54:02.539 arm to hit you in the back of the head. Yeah, yeah. 830 00:54:03.449 --> 00:54:06.619 Fish that ice cube out of a scotch-laced bottle and go, 831 00:54:07.280 --> 00:54:09.500 out of a lowball glass and chuck it right in 832 00:54:09.519 --> 00:54:09.900 your head. 833 00:54:12.260 --> 00:54:16.900 And how did he know? First off, let's go back. 834 00:54:17.420 --> 00:54:21.690 You lived in a time, you were alive, when there 835 00:54:21.730 --> 00:54:24.389 were no remote controls. I remember a time when they 836 00:54:24.409 --> 00:54:27.690 called them clickers, but you were around before clickers. Clickers, yeah. 837 00:54:28.289 --> 00:54:31.210 Yeah, we didn't have a clicker. We still call them clickers. 838 00:54:31.489 --> 00:54:34.329 We didn't have a... No, there was a time we 839 00:54:34.349 --> 00:54:40.230 didn't have a clicker. And yeah, we were the remote control. 840 00:54:40.429 --> 00:54:42.679 The kid sitting in front in the Indian style in 841 00:54:42.699 --> 00:54:45.239 front of the, or do you say cross-legged? In front 842 00:54:45.260 --> 00:54:48.840 of the television. Because we couldn't see. We all have 843 00:54:48.860 --> 00:54:51.420 glasses now because we were all staring at the TV. 844 00:54:52.019 --> 00:54:55.789 And then we'd turn the channel for him. And they 845 00:54:55.829 --> 00:54:58.789 were back when those big TVs that were like, you know... 846 00:54:59.489 --> 00:55:02.510 They looked like those portable fireplaces, those giant ones that 847 00:55:02.530 --> 00:55:05.800 were inside. And then there was speakers on the side 848 00:55:05.840 --> 00:55:10.280 of it. She was a Trinitron, a nice one, you know. 849 00:55:11.460 --> 00:55:14.900 But it was still one of those big old school ones. 850 00:55:16.280 --> 00:55:19.909 Now you say old school, you mean like an ancient 851 00:55:20.309 --> 00:55:24.550 university or just in terms of this is something that 852 00:55:24.670 --> 00:55:26.969 happened a while back. It doesn't happen now. Let me 853 00:55:27.010 --> 00:55:31.920 preface it with such and such. And you had meals. 854 00:55:31.940 --> 00:55:34.539 Your mother cooked all the meals. Did you eat fast 855 00:55:34.599 --> 00:55:35.650 food when

you were growing up? 856 00:55:38.780 --> 00:55:41.940 We did. I don't think my dad ever had pizza. 857 00:55:44.159 --> 00:55:46.239 We had pizza night when he'd go on the road 858 00:55:46.929 --> 00:55:49.550 to do his work, and then we'd get pizza night. 859 00:55:50.110 --> 00:55:53.750 But, no, we had.... 860 00:55:54.110 --> 00:55:56.070 My favorite meal would be the. 861 00:55:57.250 --> 00:55:58.349 Spinach.... 862 00:55:59.079 --> 00:56:06.559 Linguine with a, what's called a horse collar bologna. You know, 863 00:56:06.599 --> 00:56:08.780 those horse collars that go around your, you know, those things. 864 00:56:09.519 --> 00:56:12.000 And it was a ring of bologna that my mom 865 00:56:12.019 --> 00:56:14.500 would make and cut it up. And then we'd have that, 866 00:56:14.639 --> 00:56:18.260 those green noodles, they, that was soaking in butter. 867 00:56:18.929 --> 00:56:20.469 And then we'd have that for dinner. That was a 868 00:56:20.489 --> 00:56:23.849 good one. And you're saying, because you kind of threw 869 00:56:23.889 --> 00:56:26.050 me for a second. You said something about a horse, 870 00:56:26.510 --> 00:56:29.500 a horse collar. But there was no horse involved. 871 00:56:30.360 --> 00:56:33.380 No, the ring, the baloney ring looked like a horse collar. 872 00:56:33.780 --> 00:56:38.840 It looked like a, it looked like a, it looked 873 00:56:38.900 --> 00:56:42.250 like a, it looked like a, help me out. 874 00:56:42.269 --> 00:56:45.150 It looked, looked like a, do I say it like that? 875 00:56:45.190 --> 00:56:48.670 Do I say look like a horse collar? It looked 876 00:56:48.730 --> 00:56:52.570 like a horse collar. But in fact, it was baloney 877 00:56:53.030 --> 00:56:56.579 inside and out. With a hard, like crispy shell that 878 00:56:56.639 --> 00:56:58.320 snapped when you broke it. 879 00:56:58.360 --> 00:56:59.940 Oh, I love it. A bit of a crisp to it. 880 00:57:00.480 --> 00:57:02.099 Something that's got a bit of a crisp to it. 881 00:57:03.420 --> 00:57:07.159 Very good. And so we had that. I thought there 882 00:57:07.179 --> 00:57:10.789 were five brothers. There's four brothers. There's four boys and 883 00:57:10.889 --> 00:57:13.710 one girl that we turned into a boy. Not really. 884 00:57:13.769 --> 00:57:16.789 She was the oldest and she's a bit blind, but 885 00:57:16.849 --> 00:57:20.510 she whistles like a songbird. 886 00:57:21.739 --> 00:57:26.570 I guess my family's home. okay well listen it was 887 00:57:26.670 --> 00:57:29.710 great having you anything you want to plug or tell 888 00:57:29.750 --> 00:57:31.130 about anything like that. 889 00:57:31.809 --> 00:57:34.670 Well the movie I did in Louisville was called Mini 890 00:57:34.710 --> 00:57:38.349 War it's with Nick Swartzen you know him he wrote 891 00:57:38.389 --> 00:57:45.179 it and it's with Owen Wilson and Vanessa Hutchinson and 892 00:57:45.219 --> 00:57:49.679 we had you know Brett Gelman was in it you 893 00:57:49.739 --> 00:57:54.969 had me you had Nick you had A few other folk. 894 00:57:55.250 --> 00:57:55.769 That were in there. 895 00:57:55.789 --> 00:57:56.690 Kevin Chamberlain. 896 00:57:56.989 --> 00:57:57.409 I don't know. 897 00:57:58.210 --> 00:58:00.190 And so that's going to be a fun one. And 898 00:58:00.230 --> 00:58:02.510 then you can see me as Coach Tate on those Dr. 899 00:58:02.530 --> 00:58:07.760 Pepper commercials. And, of course, Amazon commercials when the holidays 900 00:58:07.820 --> 00:58:08.280 come around. 901 00:58:09.639 --> 00:58:12.400 John, absolute pleasure. I love to see what you've grown 902 00:58:12.460 --> 00:58:16.019 into your life, your disposition. I've grown into it. You 903 00:58:16.059 --> 00:58:19.539 turn out so well. And it really is a great 904 00:58:19.579 --> 00:58:23.719 pleasure to see you. Thank you, sir. 905 00:58:25.360 --> 00:58:29.219 You were, uh, you were great as a professor and 906 00:58:29.269 --> 00:58:33.309 I'm really happy that you're coming along and becoming your 907 00:58:33.349 --> 00:58:37.090 own man that you don't have to be, um, employed 908 00:58:37.130 --> 00:58:41.039 by the establishment like a university or anything. You can 909 00:58:41.079 --> 00:58:47.059 just go out there with no, no, uh, restraints and 910 00:58:47.440 --> 00:58:51.110 you can just be you and it's good that you're 911 00:58:51.139 --> 00:58:57.860 not teaching, uh, you know, standards and it's, you can, yeah, 912 00:58:57.940 --> 00:59:01.420 you're just, you're your own man and people can come 913 00:59:01.440 --> 00:59:05.570 to you instead of you, people forced to go to you. 914 00:59:07.289 --> 00:59:09.949 You walk into a classroom and you teach. It's simultaneously 915 00:59:10.210 --> 00:59:12.070 as that. You don't have to have a background. You 916 00:59:12.090 --> 00:59:14.369 don't have to read books. You just have to go 917 00:59:14.550 --> 00:59:17.570 in there with the confidence and juxtaposition that you will 918 00:59:17.659 --> 00:59:20.500 take control of that room and let people think what 919 00:59:20.519 --> 00:59:22.400 they want. So you didn't get a D +. You 920 00:59:22.440 --> 00:59:24.159 didn't even get a grade because I'm not even a 921 00:59:24.179 --> 00:59:26.340 real teacher. How does that make you feel? 922 00:59:27.570 --> 00:59:31.869 Pretty shitty because it went on my transcript. And you 923 00:59:31.969 --> 00:59:35.280 actually are, you were back then a real teacher and 924 00:59:35.340 --> 00:59:41.440 you did really give me a D +. So I 925 00:59:41.460 --> 00:59:43.639 didn't get, I couldn't go into the corporate world. I 926 00:59:43.639 --> 00:59:44.820 had to go into the acting world. 927 00:59:46.460 --> 00:59:49.380 And some say that's a virtue. So go enjoy your family. 928 00:59:49.639 --> 00:59:54.000 Enjoy being a part of this. I'm Professor Alan Volz. 929 00:59:54.099 --> 00:59:58.829 This is a lecture series with John Farley. For more, 930 00:59:58.849 --> 01:00:02.449 go to patreon.com slash the Jeff Richards Show to see 931 01:00:02.489 --> 01:00:05.889 the entire episode. Thank you very much. I love it. Oh, 932 01:00:05.929 --> 01:00:13.539 who's Jeff Richards? No, it's just a Freudian slip. Freudian. 933 01:00:13.960 --> 01:00:14.900 That's hilarious. 934 01:00:15.659 --> 01:00:16.659 You love Freud. 935 01:00:17.340 --> 01:00:18.380 You love.... 936 01:00:19.559 --> 01:00:21.380 Freud, wasn't that the guy that had sex with his 937 01:00:21.420 --> 01:00:23.199 mom and killed his dad or something? 938 01:00:23.570 --> 01:00:29.550 Gotta go. Bye. Gotta go. Good day. Good day, everyone. Goodbye.