Ep. 2 - There and Back Again with Jeni Cash bölümünün tam dökümü

I don't know that we actually met on this night, but the first time I ever saw you, um, I was invited to uh so you went to a high school that was about 20 minutes or so away from where where I was uh living. 00:02:28.479 --> 00:02:36.639 And uh I was invited to attend a production, a high school production of Little Shop of Horrors, uh, which just happened to feature you. 00:02:36.800 --> 00:02:38.159 That was my first time seeing you. 00:02:38.319 --> 00:02:44.639 Um, I think we might have hung out in a larger group sometime after that, uh, was the first time that we actually hung out. 00:02:44.800 --> 00:02:52.159 Um you you have always been like a very like uh kind of just like creative and and musical kind of soul. 00:02:52.240 --> 00:02:54.080 Um so I really appreciate that about you. 00:02:54.240 --> 00:02:58.240 Uh thank you for sharing your kazoo talents with us uh to kind of kick this thing off. 00:02:58.479 --> 00:03:02.719 But yeah, so Wales, you lived in Wales for nine years. 00:03:02.879 --> 00:03:12.159 Do you like could you tell me a little bit about um just kind of what led to to you uh kind of finding yourself in in this situation where you were across the world? 00:03:12.479 --> 00:03:30.319 Well, I had been dating someone who lived in Wales for about two years, like long distance, and we would travel back and forth to see each other, and then I went through um a pretty public traumatic experience. 00:03:30.719 --> 00:03:37.759 And uh because my friends couldn't deal with that with me, they just kind of abandoned me. 00:03:37.919 --> 00:03:42.719 And so my boyfriend at the time was just like, let's just get married and get you over here. 00:03:42.960 --> 00:03:44.639 Um, so that's what I did. 00:03:44.800 --> 00:03:46.639 I got married, I went over there. 00:03:47.199 --> 00:03:51.919 Would you, uh, for our our listeners, would you suggest taking that route? 00:03:52.479 --> 00:03:53.199 No, I wouldn't. 00:03:55.120 --> 00:03:55.840 I yeah. 00:03:56.159 --> 00:04:00.000 I mean, a lot of good things came from it for myself personally. 00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:07.199 The marriage was not it, it was not a good situation, but I'm glad that I went over there. 00:04:07.280 --> 00:04:13.919 I'm glad that I met the people that I did and had the experience that I did and working for the NHS was cool. 00:04:14.080 --> 00:04:19.680 And there were plenty of things to be grateful for, but I'm glad the marriage is over. 00:04:21.120 --> 00:04:33.279 So before we we get into uh kind of just some of the the cultural shock and changes that you experienced while living in Wales, like I would like to little know a little bit more about like what you know your life before um moving to Wales. 00:04:33.360 --> 00:04:44.160 Uh like you kind of already said like a little bit about yourself and like you like music and um and all of this, but like kind of like tell me a little bit about like what your life was like prior, like leading up to uh going to Wales. 00:04:44.879 --> 00:04:50.879 Um, so I was raised in a really religious family. 00:04:51.040 --> 00:04:54.720 Like everybody is involved in church ministry in some way. 00:04:54.959 --> 00:04:59.199 My mom was a pretty public religious figure in my area. 00:04:59.360 --> 00:05:01.040 Um, and she was wonderful. 00:05:01.199 --> 00:05:07.600 I think that if all Christians were like how she was, then I wouldn't have ever had a problem with the church. 00:05:07.920 --> 00:05:10.240 But um, I never fit. 00:05:10.399 --> 00:05:11.680 I never made sense. 00:05:11.839 --> 00:05:21.600 You know, I had a very strong moral compass, but there was some baggage that came from being raised in that way. 00:05:21.920 --> 00:05:33.759 Like, um, you know, the purity culture of it all, and basically being brought up to think that women not being sexual in any way is like the entirety of your worth. 00:05:34.160 --> 00:05:35.519 I just didn't fit. 00:05:35.839 --> 00:05:57.519 And especially after coming back to the United States at this time, uh politically, it's been interesting because I'm really seeing um more people waking up to the fact that, you know, the um Christian nationalism ideas of yeah, Jesus said that, but he didn't mean it. 00:05:57.680 --> 00:06:04.240 Like you don't actually have to love these immigrants, you don't actually have to show up for the sick and the poor, you know. 00:06:04.560 --> 00:06:14.720 Um it's really it's really been surprising and refreshing to see more people waking up to the fact that that's not true. 00:06:14.879 --> 00:06:21.759 Like if you're gonna claim Jesus is the center of your life, you know, you should be loving people the way that he did. 00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:23.360 And that's not what I see. 00:06:24.240 --> 00:06:27.600 So you grew up uh in this in this religious household. 00:06:27.759 --> 00:06:35.439 Um, did you one like one of the things like I and I don't know uh where you're at with that like religiously now in your life? 00:06:35.519 --> 00:06:42.240 I'm I'm assuming at the stage that you moved to Wales, probably it's still a little bit more in uh like involved in the church at that point. 00:06:42.639 --> 00:06:59.920 Yeah, I mean, um I'm I'm musical, I'm a singer, and my mom was was a worship pastor, and so I would I would probably go to four different churches a week to sing on a worship team because they didn't have anyone that could harmonize or whatever. 00:07:00.079 --> 00:07:10.319 And I liked to show up in that way, but it it was hard for me to find a church home because um the values didn't align, you know. 00:07:10.480 --> 00:07:17.040 I wasn't seeing people practicing what they were preaching and I don't mess with that. 00:07:17.279 --> 00:07:22.319 And there are a lot of people that have a problem with me because I'm very vocal about it. 00:07:23.360 --> 00:07:27.040 But it's coming from a place of uh of accountability in love. 00:07:27.199 --> 00:07:29.839 It's not I hate you, you're

trash. 00:07:30.000 --> 00:07:32.959 It's hey, do you not see the inconsistencies here? 00:07:33.120 --> 00:07:36.160 How can you live in that cognitive dissonance? 00:07:36.639 --> 00:07:44.160 Would would you say that you found a lot of community uh in like kind of like that that that church, uh like like as far as like going and being involved in music? 00:07:44.240 --> 00:07:45.920 Like, did you make friends a lot that way? 00:07:46.000 --> 00:07:48.480 Uh, was that a a big part of like how you built your community? 00:07:48.639 --> 00:07:50.560 I know some people like that's a big thing for them. 00:07:51.120 --> 00:07:54.240 No, actually, no, definitely not. 00:07:54.399 --> 00:07:56.959 I I very much felt like an outsider. 00:07:57.120 --> 00:08:05.120 Like I was there because, you know, you're raised to feel like um you're born with certain gifts. 00:08:05.199 --> 00:08:06.399 Everybody has their own gifts. 00:08:06.560 --> 00:08:12.079 That was my gift, and that's how I was trying to help and trying to be loving to people. 00:08:12.399 --> 00:08:23.759 And it was hard to be in that environment because I I just didn't feel that uh other people had the same intention and the same motivation. 00:08:23.839 --> 00:08:26.480 Like it was a different thing. 00:08:26.800 --> 00:08:45.440 And so most of my sense of community came from the probably the community theater people that I would see that weren't, you know, church people, you know, they were theater people. 00:08:45.840 --> 00:08:47.919 It wasn't even, you know, friends from school. 00:08:48.000 --> 00:08:53.679 Because when I when I met you, it was because you were dating a friend of mine at the time from high school. 00:08:53.840 --> 00:09:00.159 And she's actually one of the few people that I still would say is my is my dear friend. 00:09:00.240 --> 00:09:01.279 She's lovely. 00:09:01.519 --> 00:09:12.960 Um, but primarily I just I would show up for people time and time again and like, you know, self-sacrifice to appease everyone else and make sure everyone else was good. 00:09:13.039 --> 00:09:15.279 And I got treated like garbage. 00:09:15.679 --> 00:09:16.960 I just got trampled. 00:09:17.279 --> 00:09:34.159 So all that to say, like a big, a big theme around this show is kind of uh, you know, coming, overcoming um like a major change in your life or a circumstance and kind of like just that that reinvention, that uh that opportunity of reinvention and rediscovery and kind of just making a new way for yourself. 00:09:34.320 --> 00:09:37.519 Um it's a big thing that I'm looking to talk about throughout this series. 00:09:37.679 --> 00:09:40.399 Um and they we're we're kind of getting into that right now. 00:09:40.559 --> 00:09:50.799 Um I the first question I like I would like to ask you about uh actually making the transition into Wales was I mean, did you did did you try uh did you try church in Wales? 00:09:50.960 --> 00:09:53.759 Like what was that like versus you know back home

in the States? 00:09:53.919 --> 00:09:56.639 Like how how did was religion treated differently there? 00:09:56.799 --> 00:10:02.480 Like, I mean uh that that's probably like the biggest, like first like biggest cultural change that you experienced. 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:09.600 Um, yeah, actually, um just down the road from me was this beautiful church called St. 00:10:09.840 --> 00:10:21.200 Michael's, very uh cathedral-esque, but they weren't Catholic, they were uh Church of Wales, as opposed to, you know, some people might have heard that of the Church of England. 00:10:21.360 --> 00:10:22.879 This was Church of Wales. 00:10:23.039 --> 00:10:47.200 And I showed up one day, and because not many people in the UK are very religious, you know, instantly the um the vicar, which you know, we would probably call them a pastor, but the vicar was a woman and she saw I was a new face, and she stayed after and she talked to me for two hours because she was like, Hey, who are you? 00:10:47.360 --> 00:10:48.320 What are you looking for? 00:10:48.480 --> 00:10:49.279 Why are you here? 00:10:49.600 --> 00:10:50.559 Why are you here? 00:10:50.799 --> 00:10:51.200 Yeah. 00:10:51.440 --> 00:10:57.600 And I was like, Well, I I came from America, you know, I grew up really religious, I've got a lot of questions. 00:10:57.759 --> 00:11:02.159 I've seen I'm seeing a lot of things that, you know, are harmful in the church. 00:11:02.320 --> 00:11:10.320 And I, you know, before I commit to going anywhere, I would like to speak to you and, you know, see where you guys stand on certain things. 00:11:10.399 --> 00:11:16.960 And we talked about homophobia and women's rights and, you know, the patriarchy and all kinds of stuff. 00:11:17.200 --> 00:11:45.120 And um, she sat there for two hours and talked through everything with me, and they very much aligned with myself in being um open and loving to people of all walks of life and not judging and you know, showing up in the community, um, not in a judgmental preachy way, but in a I'm here just because you need love and I've got love to give you. 00:11:45.360 --> 00:11:57.039 So um, so that was great, but I I didn't stay um a weekly attender, but I did speak to the vicar pretty frequently. 00:11:57.519 --> 00:12:09.360 And I I I've always been of the mindset that like I I'm not a religious person, but I've I've dipped my toes in and out, and I've you know, like I've been in relationships and had family who are religious people. 00:12:09.519 --> 00:12:15.600 Um, and it one thing that I I see is kind of important to them is like you like everyone worships in their own way. 00:12:15.679 --> 00:12:22.159 Like just because you do or don't go to to church every Sunday, like that doesn't mean that you aren't worshiping in in your own way. 00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:33.919 And it sounds like you were kind of able to, um, not even from a a like a spiritual perspective, but even just uh kind of like your own like morals and everything, you kind of like had these conversations with the vicar. 00:12:34.080 --> 00:12:36.000 Um that's a that's a fun word to say. 00:12:36.240 --> 00:12:45.519 Yeah but you you kind of like you found this, uh in a way, kind of started finding this community uh by just having these conversations with her uh outside of the actual attending of church. 00:12:45.759 --> 00:12:46.080 Yeah. 00:12:46.320 --> 00:13:03.759 I guess I would say uh did you find that being um kind of one of the one of the the comforts or or things like as you went over there that kind of like helped you feel at ease being in a in a foreign land, uh surrounded by people you don't know, by customs that you're not familiar with. 00:13:03.919 --> 00:13:06.960 Um was that was that one of the comforts that you found? 00:13:07.679 --> 00:13:12.399 Honestly, I think being separated from all of my comforts was the comfort. 00:13:12.559 --> 00:13:14.320 Oh that makes sense. 00:13:14.960 --> 00:13:23.519 Because um, you know, you go to a new place, all of the expectations that have been put on you by the people in your life, you know, they're not there. 00:13:23.919 --> 00:13:36.159 So you get to you get to evolve into who you actually are without these expectations and without these, you know, consequences from people who are just judging you for not being who they expect you to be. 00:13:36.399 --> 00:13:53.360 Um and I very much in my, you know, poor relationship at the time started pouring into myself and doing a lot of self-exploration and finding a spirituality that makes sense for me. 00:13:53.600 --> 00:14:05.600 So while I have left organized religion, I'm a deeply spiritual person and I've learned a lot and I feel very grounded and centered and connected in my own way. 00:14:06.559 --> 00:14:15.519 So it it sounds like you you're an odd duck and you you found comfort in not having that comfort, um, which is like that's a strange thing. 00:14:15.600 --> 00:14:17.919 Like that honestly, that scares the shit out of me. 00:14:18.080 --> 00:14:35.679 Um, one thing I would I would love to ask you is like in in that kind of buildup to moving to Wales, like once you had decided like that that's what you were gonna do and you were like kind of getting ready to go, like what is something that you were most excited about and what is something that you were terrified about moving to another country? 00:14:36.320 --> 00:14:40.000 I mean, obviously I was excited to like see the landscape. 00:14:40.080 --> 00:14:43.200 You know, there are random castle ruins everywhere. 00:14:43.360 --> 00:14:48.320 Like there are castle ruins in like the parking lot of the grocery store. 00:14:48.480 --> 00:14:50.320 Like it's just random. 00:14:50.480 --> 00:14:54.559 There's just history everywhere, and I find that fascinating. 00:14:54.639 --> 00:15:00.799 And it's beautiful with the rolling hills and all the green and you know, sheep on sheep on sheep. 00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:06.799 It was great, but um, I was

probably the most scared about not fitting in. 00:15:06.960 --> 00:15:08.879 What if his family hates me? 00:15:09.120 --> 00:15:12.639 You know, what if I can't find my people, you know. 00:15:13.039 --> 00:15:17.759 But also, I have I've had to start over so many times. 00:15:17.919 --> 00:15:22.320 It's just like, well, I wonder what adventure is gonna happen this time, you know. 00:15:22.720 --> 00:15:28.159 Were you able to to talk to or meet any of his family prior to to going over there? 00:15:28.639 --> 00:15:30.879 Yeah, I had met his family. 00:15:31.279 --> 00:15:39.679 They were mostly polite, but I was seeing more than they thought that they were showing. 00:15:39.840 --> 00:15:44.639 Um, you know, I'm autistic in ADHD and the pattern recognition is real. 00:15:44.799 --> 00:15:49.759 I also have some spiritual gifts and sometimes I just note things. 00:15:50.000 --> 00:16:00.639 Um and I saw glimpses, but then once I was married, I was like, I'm gonna have to be careful here. 00:16:01.519 --> 00:16:07.759 I don't I don't know if this is is this weird to ask like about your your diagnosis as ADHD and like with autism. 00:16:07.919 --> 00:16:09.679 Um were you aware of that? 00:16:09.840 --> 00:16:18.000 Like uh going into like a situ like into like going to Wales and everything, like was that something that you were aware of like earlier in your adult life or no, I didn't. 00:16:18.159 --> 00:16:18.960 I didn't know. 00:16:19.120 --> 00:16:20.559 Um I knew it was different. 00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:26.879 I knew like uh finding people that I felt comfortable around was very difficult. 00:16:27.120 --> 00:16:31.279 Now I know it's because the people that get along with me are also neurodivergent. 00:16:31.919 --> 00:16:34.720 Um so no, at the time I didn't know that. 00:16:34.879 --> 00:16:40.240 I was aware of my spiritual gifts because that's just been a thing since I was a kid. 00:16:40.559 --> 00:16:56.879 But after being in my marriage for a while and starting to focus more on like my healing and my growth and less attention on making sure he was good and you know, trying to fix his issues for him, which can't be done. 00:16:56.960 --> 00:16:58.000 You gotta fix your own stuff. 00:16:58.240 --> 00:17:13.519 I started pouring into myself and I started learning more, and I started seeing more things about autism and ADHD and how it presents in women specifically, and I thought this sounds a lot like me. 00:17:14.319 --> 00:17:26.000 But prior to that, I had no idea because my oldest brother is very ADHD, like he wouldn't be fooling anybody. 00:17:26.079 --> 00:17:30.799 Um, and because I didn't present in that way, I thought, that's not me, that can't be me. 00:17:31.359 --> 00:17:45.039 And I mean, everybody has their own kind of like quirks and symptoms, and it's it's it's kind of hard to make it's kind of hard to make a judgment on yourself based off of what you see in somebody else because you it might be completely different. 00:17:45.279 --> 00:18:04.720 Um so all of that to say, like I it's I yeah, I was just curious if um if if that played uh a big part in like kind of some of the anxiety of of moving uh kind of like moving across the world, like if that was uh you know something that you struggled with uh in in that situation, and maybe you did struggle with it, but you just didn't know at the time that that's why you were struggling with it. 00:18:04.799 --> 00:18:06.000 Like that could very well be. 00:18:06.160 --> 00:18:21.279 But one thing I I I I really I I really want to like kind of like get into with you is is there a moment um that it really hit you, like a first moment where it really hit you that you like you live here now, like this is like this is the place that you're from. 00:18:21.519 --> 00:18:35.359 Because it's one thing like when you visit somewhere or like when you first move, you don't feel like you belong there, but like it was there a point in nine years, I'm assuming at some point you started thinking, like, hey, I'm from I'm from this country, like this is where I live. 00:18:35.680 --> 00:18:43.599 I would say probably like about a year in, um, because I started making some friends of my own. 00:18:43.759 --> 00:19:07.359 I joined a choir and um I made two very, very wonderful friends, and both of them speak Welsh, and both of them are very involved in the community, um and a little bit political here, but um so England has control over the entire UK. 00:19:07.519 --> 00:19:09.200 Everything is run out of London. 00:19:09.359 --> 00:19:24.319 Um, and so my one of my best friends, Alad, um, started a chapter in our tiny village that was dedicated to promoting a campaign for independence for Wales. 00:19:24.720 --> 00:19:33.440 And I got involved in that and started uh learning Welsh hymns to sing at these events. 00:19:33.759 --> 00:19:39.839 And people actually thought that I was fluent and they'd try to talk to me afterward, and I'd be like, I'm so sorry, I'm not there yet. 00:19:40.160 --> 00:19:49.200 So curious, is is Welsh as a language, like, is it actually pretty common, like commonly spoken, especially in some of these smaller villages, I would assume, like, but not like I I don't know. 00:19:49.279 --> 00:19:54.559 Like I just assume like if I'm going to somewhere like Cardiff, like a larger city, like they're probably mostly English speaking. 00:19:54.640 --> 00:20:00.720 Like you're not gonna run into a lot of people that are speaking Welsh, but like I could see that happening more in like some some of these smaller, older villages. 00:20:01.039 --> 00:20:08.240 Yeah, well, I was in the South, uh, I was in South Wales, uh, probably like 40 minutes from Cardiff. 00:20:08.400 --> 00:20:10.720 So it was primarily English speaking. 00:20:10.799 --> 00:20:21.920 Um, but you get pockets of people who, you know, dove into learning the language or their parents put them in Welsh school uh because it was important to them.

00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:38.000 Um, we had a local Welsh school, but if if you want to find places where they're primarily speaking Welsh and finding English speakers is, you know, more rare, you'll go to the west side of Wales or the North. 00:20:38.400 --> 00:20:47.440 I don't know that I can distinguish like if I were to hear uh Welsh spoken, I don't know that I would be able to like to identify that as Welsh. 00:20:47.759 --> 00:20:50.160 Do you have a phrase or anything that you could say? 00:20:50.559 --> 00:20:55.759 Um you can say like Hware Tag, which is fair play, like oh fair play. 00:20:56.000 --> 00:20:58.960 Um happy birthday is Pemblay Dapis. 00:20:59.359 --> 00:21:02.079 Merry Christmas is Nedoliklauen. 00:21:02.720 --> 00:21:07.440 So it it actually it it sounds a lot closer to like I would say like Gaelic or something like that. 00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:09.119 Yeah, it's a Celtic language. 00:21:09.440 --> 00:21:11.359 Okay, so that that makes perfect sense. 00:21:11.440 --> 00:21:16.319 If I if I were to hear that, I would not be able to uh discern that from Gaelic. 00:21:16.480 --> 00:21:23.200 Um, but it's it's a cool language, and I feel like it's one of those ones that's gotta be hard to actually speak. 00:21:23.759 --> 00:21:27.839 So kudos to you for at least learning the hymns. 00:21:28.480 --> 00:21:43.279 Well, I had a patient, my very first patient um in Wales was 102, and she would teach me uh phrases and words and like the days of the week or my colors and my numbers. 00:21:43.440 --> 00:21:47.359 It was really cute because I I'd be doing her care and she'd be giving me lessons. 00:21:47.680 --> 00:21:57.680 Um, and our favorite phrase together was um no sta d duaspendichio, which means good night and God bless. 00:21:57.839 --> 00:21:59.440 And we would say that every night. 00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:00.880 Oh, that's cute. 00:22:01.039 --> 00:22:01.920 102. 00:22:02.480 --> 00:22:06.160 Uh that's that's a byproduct of that universal healthcare. 00:22:06.400 --> 00:22:06.559 Yeah. 00:22:07.200 --> 00:22:07.519 I'm sure. 00:22:08.079 --> 00:22:08.319 Yeah. 00:22:08.559 --> 00:22:11.119 I I don't see that happening as much over here in the States. 00:22:11.279 --> 00:22:14.079 I don't think I I I don't think I'm gonna be able to afford to live past 80. 00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:15.680 So let's let's be real. 00:22:15.839 --> 00:22:19.920 Um I my my body will start falling apart and I won't be able to afford to keep it together. 00:22:20.079 --> 00:22:21.039 It's gonna happen. 00:22:21.359 --> 00:22:36.319 So uh the next thing I want to kind of ask you about was like, what was like the the biggest cultural shock for you moving to Wales versus you know growing up in small rural Indiana uh where we did have ruins in our gas, our grocery store parking lots, by the way. 00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:40.640 It's just the ruins of old gas stations and other buildings that are all over all around. 00:22:40.960 --> 00:22:50.319 One of the funny things was when I first got there, I would just walk around town trying to get my bearings and stuff and you know, just see what's around. 00:22:50.400 --> 00:22:51.920 And I'd just be walking. 00:22:52.240 --> 00:22:59.440 And uh the way they greet people, they don't say hello, they say, All right, all right, all right. 00:22:59.519 --> 00:23:02.960 So I'm walking down the street and every person I pass is looking at me, going, all right. 00:23:03.039 --> 00:23:04.880 And I'm like, do I have something on my face? 00:23:05.039 --> 00:23:07.599 Why is everybody asking me if I'm all right? 00:23:09.119 --> 00:23:11.119 That yeah, that that's a funny one. 00:23:11.279 --> 00:23:18.480 I I can imagine some circumstances in which like you're just kind of walking around and being like said that to you over and over again, and you're like, what the hell? 00:23:18.559 --> 00:23:20.559 Like it's I'm getting paranoid now. 00:23:21.759 --> 00:23:29.759 Can you identify anything that like you thought was gonna be really hard about about moving to another country that actually ended up being fairly easy? 00:23:30.640 --> 00:23:41.839 Um understanding the accent, it was tricky at first, but pretty quickly you catch on and you just you just decipher everything without thinking. 00:23:42.160 --> 00:24:01.440 But when I when I very first got there, um I landed in the airport, went straight to a concert in Cardiff, and met my partner at the time's friends, and they were talking to each other and they were talking so quick with their thick ask accents that I was like, Are you speaking Welsh? 00:24:01.599 --> 00:24:02.799 And they all laughed at me. 00:24:02.960 --> 00:24:03.839 They're like, No. 00:24:05.200 --> 00:24:07.039 He was like, Don't worry, we'll slow down. 00:24:07.119 --> 00:24:17.119 Oh my god, to be fair, I can get overwhelmed listening to large groups of people when they are English, like like American, like American accent, Midwest accent. 00:24:17.200 --> 00:24:21.359 Like, if you get enough people around me talking at the same time, like I struggle with that too. 00:24:21.440 --> 00:24:40.079 So I can imagine being in like I I don't know, like I I find myself anytime I I watch like a show, like a British show or a Scottish or Irish, like any kind of like television, I always have to have the subtitles on because otherwise, like I know, even though they're speaking English, like I will get lost and I'm not gonna follow along as well as I would like to. 00:24:40.240 --> 00:24:50.319 And um, I I can't imagine kind of like being thrown into the deep end in a in a concert setting at that uh first thing and just feeling like what what is happening here? 00:24:50.480 --> 00:24:51.759 What was the concert? 00:24:52.160 --> 00:24:56.319 Oh gosh, I can't remember, I can't remember the name. 00:24:56.480 --> 00:25:00.079 I want to say it was like Save Your Breath. 00:25:00.480 --> 00:25:15.599 Um might have been Kids in Glass Houses, um, but there was

a a tiny club in Cardiff called Club Ive Bach, and um they would have like a lot of alt rock bands there. 00:25:16.079 --> 00:25:23.039 So pretty typical to like a kind of a smaller venue that we would have here that like some of the like rock bands and stuff like that kind of come through. 00:25:23.279 --> 00:25:36.079 Um so to kind of flip that conversation a little bit, like what is something that you thought was gonna be easy, but it actually ended up being like just really like difficult, like maybe even by the time you you moved away from Wales, like you still were not used to it. 00:25:36.559 --> 00:25:40.319 Well, I didn't even think about food being an issue. 00:25:40.799 --> 00:25:46.160 I thought they they speak English, we speak English, you know, tomato, potato, it's all gonna be the same. 00:25:46.319 --> 00:25:47.279 Not a big deal. 00:25:47.440 --> 00:25:52.559 Um, and when I went there, I was like, I don't know what to order, I don't know what to eat. 00:25:52.799 --> 00:25:58.559 Like I asked for a lemonade at a restaurant, they brought me Sprite. 00:25:58.720 --> 00:26:00.160 And I was like, Oh, I'm so sorry. 00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:03.359 I I asked for lemonade, and they're like, That is lemonade, what are you talking about? 00:26:03.519 --> 00:26:07.680 They don't have lemonade, like at all. 00:26:08.000 --> 00:26:12.079 Yeah, it'll say lemonade on the menu, but what they mean is Sprite. 00:26:12.319 --> 00:26:15.920 Like, yeah, this is uh this is a lemon lime soda drink. 00:26:16.160 --> 00:26:16.400 Yeah. 00:26:16.720 --> 00:26:20.400 Like not lemon juice with sugar and water and ice. 00:26:20.640 --> 00:26:21.119 And more sugar. 00:26:21.599 --> 00:26:22.559 And more sugar. 00:26:23.039 --> 00:26:25.440 Uh, I can't imagine like that's one of those things for me. 00:26:25.519 --> 00:26:28.160 Like, lemonade is one of those things I have to be specifically craving. 00:26:28.240 --> 00:26:34.720 I'm not like a daily lemonade drinker, but that would be kind of hard to like be in a situation like where you're craving it and you go to order. 00:26:34.799 --> 00:26:37.759 Cause like, I mean, I'll I'll do that at restaurants now, like when I'm craving it. 00:26:37.839 --> 00:26:48.079 Like, I every once in a while it happens, but you go to ask for it and they just give you Sprite and like the disappointment of taking a drink, expecting like the sour lemonade, and it's just no. 00:26:48.720 --> 00:26:53.839 Yeah, well, and I'm not a pop drinker, which is why I went for the lemonade. 00:26:54.079 --> 00:26:57.279 Surprise, surprise, it's soda. 00:26:58.079 --> 00:27:00.160 So this is actually a great segue. 00:27:00.240 --> 00:27:07.519 Um, the this whole this the whole idea of this episode actually stemmed from you and I having a conversation about snacks. 00:27:07.680 --> 00:27:13.039 Um and you kind of started talking about like, you know, snacks that you miss from the UK. 00:27:13.279 --> 00:27:25.920 And I was I hadn't really like thought about like, you know, like when you move to a foreign country, like you're there's so many things that you don't have available to you anymore, especially like um not to date us, but like this was a few years back. 00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:42.559 Like it's not you didn't have as many of the modern conveniences of like, all right, I'm gonna order this on Amazon, it's gonna be delivered to me the next day, or um like, and there wasn't as many like kind of international markets in an online setting where you could order snacks and foods from other countries to be like delivered to you. 00:27:42.799 --> 00:27:49.440 Um, what were like what were some of the things that you left at home that you weren't able to get over there that you really missed? 00:27:50.160 --> 00:27:53.440 What were snacks from America that I couldn't have in Wales? 00:27:53.920 --> 00:27:55.359 Snacks from America that you left. 00:27:55.440 --> 00:28:01.599 Like, so what what were the things that like when you got over there you you would have cravings for and you could not get? 00:28:02.079 --> 00:28:04.160 Honestly, I don't think there were any. 00:28:04.319 --> 00:28:09.359 Like you can get you can get Cheez-Its, you can get Pop-Tarts, you can get like all kinds of things. 00:28:09.440 --> 00:28:11.680 They have Pringles, they have stuff like that. 00:28:11.920 --> 00:28:18.720 Um and you know, I wasn't huge into snack foods at the time. 00:28:18.880 --> 00:28:24.720 I had a harder time leaving the snacks in Wales when I came back to America. 00:28:25.039 --> 00:28:28.319 Do would you say, I mean, so you you had all of these snacks available? 00:28:28.480 --> 00:28:40.640 Um, from what my understanding is in in a lot of uh countries outside of the United States, like even though they'll have the same branded snacks, like a lot of times the ingredients are actually different and there's a a hell of a lot less sugar used in these products. 00:28:40.799 --> 00:28:42.720 Um, like how is adapting to that? 00:28:42.799 --> 00:28:47.920 Like, did it ever like feel off to you uh eating some of these snacks and like it just like wasn't quite right? 00:28:48.000 --> 00:28:49.039 Like, do you get used to it? 00:28:49.200 --> 00:28:50.559 Was it better in the end? 00:28:50.880 --> 00:28:51.680 It was better. 00:28:51.920 --> 00:29:02.160 I actually didn't think I liked chocolate until I moved to Wales, and the chocolate is something else entirely, and now I'm a chocolate fiend. 00:29:02.640 --> 00:29:06.319 But it has to be the right chocolate, not not what you're having here in the States. 00:29:06.559 --> 00:29:12.000 Um you can get a Kit Kat in America and get a Kit Kat in the UK, and it will taste completely different. 00:29:12.880 --> 00:29:25.599 And they call they I mean they they kind of mix up names like um, I think it's a Milky Way in the UK is actually a three musketeers here. 00:29:26.079 --> 00:29:29.519 And like what we would call a Milky Way, they call a Mars

bar. 00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:36.480 So there's some weird stuff like that, but the quality of the food is better over there. 00:29:36.720 --> 00:29:50.720 Like they use they they uh have stricter health regulations when it comes to like food products, and so you would think, oh, it's not gonna have as much flavor, it's not gonna be as tasty, but it might be healthier for you. 00:29:51.039 --> 00:29:53.920 It is healthier and it tastes better. 00:29:54.240 --> 00:30:01.519 And like you could be on a junk food diet here and then be on a junk food diet over there, and you would still lose weight. 00:30:01.920 --> 00:30:06.799 Plus, you got that universal healthcare coming into just it's coming in clutch every time. 00:30:06.880 --> 00:30:07.920 It's gonna save you. 00:30:08.160 --> 00:30:09.920 Uh man, I I don't know. 00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:14.319 You're you're you're making like anywhere but here sound pretty damn appealing. 00:30:14.559 --> 00:30:18.720 Okay, so yeah, so there weren't a lot of snacks that you didn't have available to you. 00:30:18.799 --> 00:30:22.319 Um that you, I mean you could still get, might have tasted a little different. 00:30:22.480 --> 00:30:25.680 Um, but what about like the so like the flip side of that coming back to the States? 00:30:25.759 --> 00:30:28.000 Like, what are some things that you really missed from Wales? 00:30:28.319 --> 00:30:29.680 Most of it's chocolate. 00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:36.799 So there's a candy bar called a double decker, which I don't even know how to describe it. 00:30:36.960 --> 00:30:53.759 One layer of it is nougat, the other layer is like little tiny malt balls, but it's all like encased in chocolate, and it's like it it's in a chocolate bar form, and it's just like heaven, textural dream. 00:30:54.319 --> 00:30:55.039 I love it. 00:30:55.200 --> 00:31:09.440 And then there's uh Toffee Crisp, which is very popular, um which is kind of like kind of like a caramel bar with like a crunch bar on the outside of it. 00:31:10.079 --> 00:31:15.599 And then there's um one of my favorites is it's called a crunchy. 00:31:15.759 --> 00:31:21.200 So it's like honeycomb, not the cereal, but like like actual honey. 00:31:21.599 --> 00:31:22.559 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:31:22.799 --> 00:31:28.480 It's like honeycomb dipped in chocolate, and it's the best thing ever. 00:31:29.039 --> 00:31:34.799 I'm like trying to picture in my in my head like what that would first off, what that would look like, but like what that would taste like. 00:31:34.880 --> 00:31:36.160 That that sounds delicious. 00:31:36.480 --> 00:31:36.720 Yeah. 00:31:36.799 --> 00:31:40.880 So like, I mean, that's that's uh that's actually something like I've been getting into a lot more in the last year. 00:31:40.960 --> 00:31:44.319 As I I love honey, like like real raw honey. 00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:54.079 I I've been like in the like last summer, which I'm gonna have to start going again uh this summer, but I I I would go to like local farmer uh farmers markets and just get a lot of honey products. 00:31:54.240 --> 00:31:57.599 Um so like that with some chocolate mixed into it. 00:31:57.759 --> 00:31:58.720 Oh yeah. 00:31:58.960 --> 00:31:59.519 Oh yeah. 00:31:59.920 --> 00:32:00.720 It's so good. 00:32:00.799 --> 00:32:05.279 It's like you can bite into it and it's crunchy, but if you let it sit in your mouth, it just melts. 00:32:05.359 --> 00:32:06.400 It's magic. 00:32:06.559 --> 00:32:07.599 It's so good. 00:32:08.319 --> 00:32:20.160 So outside of like food and snacks, like what are some other uh kind of just everyday differences that um you know, like most most Americans wouldn't really think of like think of when they think about like living in the in the UK? 00:32:20.480 --> 00:32:23.119 I should have predicted you were going to ask this question. 00:32:23.200 --> 00:32:33.279 I should have written some statements down because nothing's coming to me like off the top of my head, but they use different sayings and different phrases and they mean totally different things. 00:32:33.359 --> 00:32:37.519 And you're talking to them and they say something to you like, I'm sorry, but I don't know what that means. 00:32:37.759 --> 00:32:47.920 And actually, I've had a few arguments with people that ended up being diffused because I had to stop them and say, I don't know if you're insulting me. 00:32:48.000 --> 00:32:50.799 I don't know if you're trying to be nice because I don't know what that means. 00:32:50.880 --> 00:32:54.079 And they'd be like, Oh, well, when somebody says this, it means that. 00:32:54.160 --> 00:32:55.359 And I'm like, okay, thank you. 00:32:55.519 --> 00:32:55.920 Continue. 00:32:56.160 --> 00:33:01.440 Were they usually I'm gonna say, like, were they usually pretty good about kind of explaining the phrase and and clearing it up for you? 00:33:01.680 --> 00:33:02.480 Okay, well, that's good. 00:33:02.559 --> 00:33:07.920 At least they're not kind of uh, you know, like, oh, I'm not gonna tell this American what I actually mean. 00:33:08.240 --> 00:33:13.680 Yeah, they they would be in my face saying something, and I'd be like, I'm so sorry, but what does that mean? 00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:15.440 Should I be insulted right now? 00:33:15.680 --> 00:33:26.880 Yeah, they would back off right away and put on their teacher hat and start like giving me a little lesson, and then by the time they were done with that, everything was diffused and we could just talk it out. 00:33:27.039 --> 00:33:27.839 It was fine. 00:33:28.160 --> 00:33:39.200 What is one thing that you would say, and this doesn't have to be like uh Wales in general, all right, like in general, but like just like what is one thing that you would say the British do better than Americans? 00:33:39.440 --> 00:33:40.240 Period. 00:33:40.880 --> 00:33:43.200 I'm gonna make so many people mad. 00:33:43.519 --> 00:33:45.119 You're you're setting me up here. 00:33:45.359 --> 00:33:46.240 Oh yeah.

00:33:46.720 --> 00:33:51.920 I would say uh tolerance and music. 00:33:52.720 --> 00:33:58.160 Is in like producing music, like writing, performing, yeah, like just all of it. 00:33:58.640 --> 00:34:02.319 The music scene in general in Wales is insane. 00:34:02.480 --> 00:34:06.480 Like you know how a million amazing bands came out of New Jersey. 00:34:06.880 --> 00:34:13.119 Wales is New Jersey for for the UK or for just the world in general, Wales is. 00:34:13.519 --> 00:34:21.440 I think for the world in general, there okay, so a lot of people aren't fully aware of Wales' existence. 00:34:22.079 --> 00:34:30.880 Um, but if I start lift listing off like bands or actors that are from Wales, people would be like, no way, no way. 00:34:31.599 --> 00:34:35.280 And I I feel like that's that's the case for a lot of English bands too. 00:34:35.440 --> 00:34:43.599 Like there's like there's so many, like sometimes you don't really when you're listening to music and it transcends like like the accents and like the just some of the cultural differences. 00:34:43.760 --> 00:34:46.800 Like it sometimes it's hard to like you kind of have to listen to it for a second. 00:34:46.880 --> 00:34:49.519 Like, wait, is this are uh is this a British band? 00:34:49.599 --> 00:34:51.440 Is this like what is happening here? 00:34:51.679 --> 00:34:54.000 Um, and like I I I get it. 00:34:54.079 --> 00:34:58.320 Like there's there's some great, great, great music that has come out of that area. 00:34:58.480 --> 00:35:04.719 I can't imagine like I'm assuming that you probably like to this day like still listen to a lot of the music that you discovered while you were over there. 00:35:04.960 --> 00:35:06.079 Yeah, I do. 00:35:06.239 --> 00:35:09.840 Um, I went to a lot of festivals over there. 00:35:10.320 --> 00:35:15.599 Um, I've been to some festivals over here, but it's it's a different vibe. 00:35:15.760 --> 00:35:18.320 Like in Wales, everybody sings. 00:35:18.480 --> 00:35:23.840 Everybody sings from the soul, like the music is like in the place, like every fiber of your being. 00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:37.039 You go to a you go to a football game or soccer, whatever you want to call it, and it's a stadium full of grown men singing, and it's the most beautiful thing, and you feel it, you know. 00:35:37.519 --> 00:35:39.119 I love a good arena ballad. 00:35:39.440 --> 00:35:48.000 Um it's it's crazy because like I do think that that is starting to catch on a little bit more, especially as like MLS is kind of taking off more in the United States. 00:35:48.239 --> 00:35:55.119 Um, like you're starting to see crowds like do the chants, do like do the sing song, like do all of these things like a lot more. 00:35:55.280 --> 00:36:11.599 Um, I I I am I am that's like one thing that like I've got on my bucket list is like going to a like a football match, like in another country, like just experiencing like that crowd energy because like I feel like it's nothing like anything

that I've experienced going to any kind of American sporting event. 00:36:11.920 --> 00:36:13.519 Yeah, yeah, I mean you should do it. 00:36:13.599 --> 00:36:14.400 Just go. 00:36:15.440 --> 00:36:17.039 All right, I'm packing my bags up. 00:36:18.159 --> 00:36:19.519 Yeah, get a passport. 00:36:19.679 --> 00:36:22.239 Once I'm back over there, you can just fly over. 00:36:22.320 --> 00:36:23.440 We'll we'll go to a game. 00:36:23.519 --> 00:36:24.159 Why not? 00:36:24.400 --> 00:36:25.199 There we go. 00:36:25.519 --> 00:36:26.159 Funny story. 00:36:26.239 --> 00:36:28.159 So, like, uh not not funny story. 00:36:28.239 --> 00:36:35.199 I'm actually, I was supposed to have been leaving for Scotland uh a couple days from now, actually. 00:36:35.360 --> 00:36:38.880 Um that was a a trip that I had booked. 00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:40.320 Uh, it was supposed to happen. 00:36:40.400 --> 00:36:44.239 It was actually my third time rebooking a trip to the UK. 00:36:44.480 --> 00:36:49.599 Um, life just keeps happening and it keeps kind of keeping me away from going to the UK. 00:36:49.679 --> 00:36:58.079 So hopefully the next time I I book and I I plan a little adventure out to the UK, um, hopefully I'm able to kind of follow through and actually go this time. 00:36:58.239 --> 00:36:59.679 So I'm looking forward to it. 00:36:59.920 --> 00:37:07.199 One thing I I I'm kind of curious about is like we so we did talk about like what was that first moment that you felt like that really was like where you belong. 00:37:07.440 --> 00:37:13.360 But like how how long do you say would you say that it took you to kind of feel like Wales was your home? 00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:22.960 Honestly, probably after I left my husband, because my husband was very like controlling. 00:37:23.440 --> 00:37:28.559 Um, he decided who I was allowed to talk to, when I was allowed to talk to them, you know. 00:37:28.719 --> 00:37:32.480 He had a he had a lot of say in who I was and what I did. 00:37:32.639 --> 00:37:36.480 And so it was hard to like have deep ties. 00:37:36.639 --> 00:37:39.280 I had my two friends and they were the only ones. 00:37:39.519 --> 00:37:48.400 Once I left that relationship, I was able to be out and about and like really lay down roots. 00:37:48.480 --> 00:37:56.079 And I realized, you know, every time I would come back to visit my family in America, I would just be like, man, I miss home. 00:37:56.400 --> 00:37:57.599 I just miss home. 00:37:57.840 --> 00:38:01.519 Like that's those are my people, you know, that's my place. 00:38:01.599 --> 00:38:06.480 That's I feel I feel like I fit for the first time in my life. 00:38:06.880 --> 00:38:11.280 And um, yeah, it's hard, it's hard not being there. 00:38:11.760 --> 00:38:13.440 I and I I completely get that. 00:38:13.679 --> 00:38:25.679 I mean, you spend whether you're from that place or not, you spend enough time there, even in a situation that didn't really allow you to experience it fully, or you you would you would kind of put down ties there. 00:38:25.760 --> 00:38:29.519 You would put down like I I I could see that being a problem coming back. 00:38:29.599 --> 00:38:40.159 And um, I don't know if you really want to get into this, but uh I I I I know obviously you weren't with your your partner the entire time uh that you were were living in Wales. 00:38:40.239 --> 00:38:44.880 I don't know like how how long did you get to experience uh kind of being on your own over there? 00:38:45.599 --> 00:38:55.280 So I left him I would say just shy of being married for seven years. 00:38:55.679 --> 00:38:58.400 And then I got my own house. 00:38:58.559 --> 00:39:11.199 Um, so it's probably like another two and a half years, two and a half, three years after that that I was really able to do my own thing, but it didn't take long. 00:39:12.159 --> 00:39:14.639 How's the house buying experience over there? 00:39:15.039 --> 00:39:17.119 Nightmare, absolute nightmare. 00:39:17.360 --> 00:39:18.559 Takes forever. 00:39:19.280 --> 00:39:20.400 Why is that? 00:39:21.039 --> 00:39:23.119 I don't know, to be honest. 00:39:23.280 --> 00:39:27.599 Um because I had listed my house uh for a year. 00:39:27.760 --> 00:39:31.360 Buying it was way easier than selling it, which was strange. 00:39:32.079 --> 00:39:53.119 Um so it took me six months to buy my first house, and then when I had to come back to America, I had to sell it, and it was on the market for over a year, and then someone finally wanted to buy the house, and it took like almost another year for the paperwork to go through. 00:39:53.440 --> 00:39:54.480 Oh, that's awful. 00:39:55.039 --> 00:39:56.480 Such a pain. 00:39:56.800 --> 00:40:02.800 Like we've got like a 30-day underwriting experience here in the States, and like then you close and you're pretty much you're good. 00:40:03.119 --> 00:40:05.760 That sounds miserable, like so much red tape. 00:40:06.000 --> 00:40:16.559 So that's the that's the trade-off, is like some of the bureaucracies that you experience in other areas when you have your universal health care and like you have all of these other benefits, but like other areas they might kind of not be so great. 00:40:16.880 --> 00:40:23.039 Well, then when I had to come back to America, it was like the job market is impossible. 00:40:23.199 --> 00:40:34.800 I was applying to like several hundreds of jobs a week and didn't get a bite until like nine months, and all of my money was tied up in the house that I couldn't sell. 00:40:34.960 --> 00:40:39.679 And so that was that was tough, but it all worked out in the end. 00:40:40.000 --> 00:40:48.480 Looking back, uh, just kind of at who you were before going to Wales and who you were when you left Wales to come back to the States. 00:40:48.639 --> 00:40:58.719 Um, would you say that you were a different person leaving than you were coming in and kind of talk about like what some of those changes were, uh, for the the better or the worst?

00:40:59.199 --> 00:41:02.239 I feel like I've been several different people. 00:41:02.400 --> 00:41:29.280 Like I've lived several different lives since first leaving America and going over there because there was the phase of realizing, you know, the situation I had married into, figuring out how to safely get out of that situation while not like losing myself and then rebuilding after that because the way things ended, you know, it could have been a very scary thing for me. 00:41:29.360 --> 00:41:37.920 But by that time it it did, I was so ready to just be out that I didn't care what I had to deal with, anything was gonna be better than that. 00:41:38.159 --> 00:41:46.320 I got into nursing school, you know, I moved in with my best friend, and then she passed away, and then I had some health concerns. 00:41:46.480 --> 00:41:57.199 Like there was like a lot of things happening all at once, and I had to unlock a new aspect of myself at every single one of those turns. 00:41:57.519 --> 00:42:14.880 But I am grateful for the people who supported me and the choices that I made because I'm really proud of who I am in this moment, and I'm excited to see what the next adventure is and what I'm gonna learn from that. 00:42:15.679 --> 00:42:18.239 And that's that's one thing that, like, you know what, that's very true. 00:42:18.400 --> 00:42:22.320 Like, you you do kind of live multiple lives over the course of your life. 00:42:22.480 --> 00:42:37.280 Um, even like, so like our friendship, like we have been friends through different stages or different lifetimes, I would say, um, starting off kind of like in high school and then like into like early adulthood and and now like years later. 00:42:37.440 --> 00:42:46.239 Um, it it is crazy like how how much people stay the same, but also how much they they can change going from like one life transition into the other. 00:42:46.400 --> 00:43:00.079 Um, and again, this this this podcast, refill, like this whole thing is about like kind of that that reinventing and rediscovery of yourself and you know, like going through a major life change and kind of pushing yourself like into the next iteration. 00:43:00.320 --> 00:43:12.559 Um, so yeah, that that that would I feel like that's that's one of those those things, like moving to a foreign country, being there for as long as you were, and then and then moving back, like you go through some pretty life-altering changes. 00:43:12.639 --> 00:43:14.320 That's uh that's a metamorphosis. 00:43:14.400 --> 00:43:18.079 Uh so like I I thank you for for sharing that journey with me. 00:43:18.400 --> 00:43:26.880 So you mentioned uh, I mean, coming back was was was hard because you've kind of like found this community in in life there uh that you that you really missed. 00:43:26.960 --> 00:43:36.079 Like I was wondering, uh, would you mind opening up about uh what it was that that made you make that decision to to come back to the United States after that time? 00:43:36.559 --> 00:43:59.760 Um, it was a combination of things, but basically what happened was uh my mom passed away unexpectedly on Christmas Eve, and um so I came back for the funeral on Christmas Day, you know, flight halfway across the world. 00:44:00.559 --> 00:44:02.719 In one hell of a state. 00:44:03.039 --> 00:44:05.599 And um I wasn't well. 00:44:05.679 --> 00:44:15.199 I I was having health problems as well and grieving heavily because she was, you know, the most incredible person and my best friend. 00:44:15.519 --> 00:44:18.800 Um, I feel very lucky that she was my mom. 00:44:19.760 --> 00:44:24.639 Um, but I was concerned about who's gonna show up for my dad. 00:44:24.880 --> 00:44:32.000 I have two older brothers, they're five and seven years older than me, but they've got wives and kids of their own, and they don't live locally. 00:44:32.079 --> 00:44:37.360 Um, they don't live as far as I did, but you know, an hour and a half, two and a half hours away. 00:44:37.599 --> 00:44:40.880 And I just thought, who's who's gonna be there for him? 00:44:41.039 --> 00:44:47.920 And then he moved his mom into the house who coincidentally is also about to be 102 in September. 00:44:48.320 --> 00:44:53.760 Hey, well, that's not using the universal healthcare, so I I don't know, maybe it's something in the water. 00:44:54.079 --> 00:44:55.199 Yeah, I don't know. 00:44:55.440 --> 00:44:56.800 Good genetics, I guess. 00:44:57.039 --> 00:45:09.440 But um so she's she's here with dad as well, and um he he couldn't do some of the things that she needs, and so you know, I'm here, I'm here to help. 00:45:09.760 --> 00:45:23.599 But there comes a point where it's like I've done everything I can, I'm willing to put in the work to put things in place to make sure that you know everyone's taken care of, but it can't all rest on me all the time. 00:45:24.159 --> 00:45:28.880 And so my goal is to go back to Wales. 00:45:29.599 --> 00:45:31.119 Do you have a timeline for that? 00:45:31.440 --> 00:45:35.039 Or just at some point you're gonna go back to Wales? 00:45:35.599 --> 00:45:37.519 I'm trying by September. 00:45:37.840 --> 00:45:39.119 That's ambitious. 00:45:39.760 --> 00:45:41.039 Have you met me? 00:45:42.239 --> 00:45:44.639 I I if anybody can do it, it's you. 00:45:44.880 --> 00:45:51.760 Um what so like what are some of the things that you're you're trying to to I guess get taken care of in order to make that happen? 00:45:52.239 --> 00:45:59.519 Well, technically I still have indefinite leave to remain status, which is like the one step below citizenship. 00:46:00.159 --> 00:46:08.880 Basically, the only right that I don't have is um the right to vote in, you know, national elections. 00:46:09.039 --> 00:46:12.000 I can vote locally, but I can't vote in national elections. 00:46:12.239 --> 00:46:17.360 Um and also there's a time limit on how long you can be out of the country. 00:46:17.679 --> 00:46:19.679 So are you coming up on that on that

deadline? 00:46:20.000 --> 00:46:20.719 In September. 00:46:20.960 --> 00:46:24.480 So Okay, so that's that that puts the pressure on. 00:46:24.559 --> 00:46:27.760 Like that really is that kind of like, all right, it's either now or never. 00:46:28.239 --> 00:46:35.840 But I have been back to the UK to visit twice since I left, which I think helps that timeline a little bit. 00:46:36.079 --> 00:46:44.880 And um, I've been talking to an immigration lawyer just to make sure that I'm doing everything above board, because the last thing you need is problems with immigration. 00:46:45.039 --> 00:46:51.119 So Oh, I I'm sure a lot of people out there can can really resonate with that. 00:46:51.360 --> 00:46:57.679 Um, it's it's interesting to like kind of see it from like another country's perspective and like how they're dealing with with immigration, though. 00:46:57.760 --> 00:47:03.360 I'm sure it's probably not quite as uh as awful as as what we're seeing here in the United States. 00:47:03.599 --> 00:47:14.239 But um, you know, it definitely like making sure that you're everything's above board and and you're good to go so that you don't run into any uh any walls um once you do get over there. 00:47:14.320 --> 00:47:16.400 So September is like that's that's ambitious. 00:47:16.480 --> 00:47:17.760 That's just a few months down the line. 00:47:17.920 --> 00:47:19.199 That's the summer. 00:47:19.679 --> 00:47:22.400 You really you've got the summer to to to figure this out. 00:47:22.639 --> 00:47:23.920 You're making me sweat. 00:47:24.159 --> 00:47:24.960 Oh yeah. 00:47:25.280 --> 00:47:30.320 So kind of um if I if I could uh just take a step back uh for just a moment. 00:47:30.400 --> 00:47:32.559 Um, you know, you were you were talking about your mom. 00:47:32.639 --> 00:47:36.079 I I know that you've you've always been very close with your with your mom. 00:47:36.239 --> 00:47:39.679 Um was she able ever able to to visit you in Wales? 00:47:39.760 --> 00:47:42.239 I wasn't sure if she ever got a chance to to make it out there. 00:47:42.400 --> 00:47:44.800 And what I what was that like for her? 00:47:45.199 --> 00:47:46.239 Oh, she loved it. 00:47:46.400 --> 00:47:50.000 It was, you know, she was a thrill seeker, like way more than I am. 00:47:50.079 --> 00:47:56.880 I'm I like new experiences, but I'm very cautious and I like to over-plan and over-prepare. 00:47:57.199 --> 00:47:59.760 She she just wanted to get up and go. 00:48:00.000 --> 00:48:01.119 And she did. 00:48:01.280 --> 00:48:02.239 She loved it. 00:48:02.400 --> 00:48:10.400 Um, I think my my photo on Facebook is actually a photo of me and her on the mountain in my village in Wales. 00:48:10.719 --> 00:48:19.360 Yeah, also, she's allergic to everything, so she could never have pets, but she's like the most lovey person in existence. 00:48:19.679 --> 00:48:26.079 And I had a cockpoo, which is of course hypoallergenic, and she was obsessed. 00:48:26.320 --> 00:48:32.239 Like she would almost like push me out of the house and tell me to go make plans because she wanted to hang out with the dog. 00:48:33.599 --> 00:48:36.000 Oh it's it it it's it's great. 00:48:36.079 --> 00:48:45.760 Like it sucks when you have those kind of allergies and like you you want to be like all up in a dog, like just and it it's just not that's not a thing that can happen. 00:48:46.000 --> 00:48:49.039 You get pretty, pretty itchy, pretty miserable. 00:48:49.199 --> 00:48:52.480 Um, I I've got a yeah, well, audience, you can't see this. 00:48:52.559 --> 00:48:59.840 I've got uh a a little a little doodle sitting sitting behind me, and he's hypoallergenic as well, but that still like does bother me to an extent. 00:48:59.920 --> 00:49:09.039 I don't think there's anything such there's such a thing as like a fully hypoallergenic dog, but I'll tell you, like, I've had dogs that weren't doodles before, and I couldn't snuggle them the same way. 00:49:09.119 --> 00:49:10.719 Like it just it kills you. 00:49:10.880 --> 00:49:14.000 So that's that's cool that she got like she fell in love with this dog. 00:49:14.159 --> 00:49:25.039 Um uh so like I mean what what were like what were some of the things like when you would have somebody come from uh like the states to visit you, what were some of the like the biggest things that you loved showing them and taking them to do? 00:49:25.360 --> 00:49:32.800 So we I would take them to do like basic things, like I'll take them to a Greg's and you can get like a chicken bake pasty or something like that. 00:49:32.960 --> 00:49:33.920 What is a Greg's? 00:49:34.320 --> 00:49:39.119 It's like a like a bakery, it's like a little tiny shop. 00:49:39.280 --> 00:49:43.199 You go in, you can get like a sausage roll or a pasty or like one slice of beef. 00:49:43.280 --> 00:49:49.840 It's like like the kind of stuff you get at a gas station, food-wise, as far as hot food, and like coffee. 00:49:50.239 --> 00:49:54.880 Um, that's what a Greg's is, but it's it's a staple in the UK. 00:49:55.679 --> 00:50:00.079 Um, and then other than that, I would always take them to a football game. 00:50:00.320 --> 00:50:02.880 I would take them to uh St. 00:50:03.119 --> 00:50:07.039 Fagin's, which is uh I don't think you can say that on air. 00:50:07.679 --> 00:50:08.320 You can. 00:50:08.559 --> 00:50:08.719 Okay. 00:50:09.360 --> 00:50:14.000 It's a name, it's F-A-G-A-N, but it's pronounced Fagin. 00:50:14.480 --> 00:50:35.760 So it's like a historical park where they have actually like lifted entire historical homes and created this place where like you can visit these different styles, homes from different eras and like get a history lesson on the entire Welsh history, which is great. 00:50:36.000 --> 00:50:48.639 Um, and then there's also Cardiff Castle because you can go there and like visit the whole castle and the manor houses and everything, but you can also go to concerts there. 00:50:49.119 --> 00:50:50.559 Oh, that would

be so cool. 00:50:50.719 --> 00:50:53.519 I am I'm a huge collector of concert venues. 00:50:53.599 --> 00:51:01.599 Like I will travel uh to different cities for specific venues, even if I it's not so much the band itself that I'm I'm really looking forward to. 00:51:01.679 --> 00:51:12.639 And sometimes it turns out to be a uh an amazing, like kind of just surprise, like, oh shit, I really love this band, on top of the fact that I got to see them in this really cool venue that I've always wanted to go to. 00:51:12.719 --> 00:51:16.400 So like I can imagine like seeing a concert in a castle. 00:51:16.800 --> 00:51:17.920 It's pretty acidic. 00:51:18.000 --> 00:51:21.760 I've been um I have you ever heard of the band Fools? 00:51:22.000 --> 00:51:22.320 Mm-mm. 00:51:22.639 --> 00:51:25.119 Well, they're pretty pretty popular in some circles. 00:51:25.199 --> 00:51:27.760 Um, and I saw them at Cardiff Castle. 00:51:28.159 --> 00:51:31.199 We're gonna start kind of winding this down uh just a little bit. 00:51:31.280 --> 00:51:40.559 Uh, but before we do, um, you know, like people talk a lot about like we and we have talked a lot about the cultural shock of going from the United States to living in another country. 00:51:40.800 --> 00:51:42.159 What about returning home? 00:51:42.320 --> 00:51:47.760 Like were there c were there shocks to like when you came back to the US after living away for so long? 00:51:47.840 --> 00:51:50.800 Like what were the biggest things that were like just different? 00:51:50.880 --> 00:51:55.840 And you you had forgotten how certain things were and like trying to readapt to that. 00:51:56.400 --> 00:52:20.320 Um, I would say like on a national scale, like it's kind of scary being back because of the political climate and everything is so divided, and you know, there's scary things happening with immigration and ice, and you know, um, so that's upsetting, but I will say on a more local level, I was very pleased to come back to my hometown and see diversity. 00:52:20.960 --> 00:52:28.880 I had never seen diversity in this town, and when it was especially in a a a tiny ass little rural Indiana town. 00:52:28.960 --> 00:52:32.159 Like it's like listeners, it's it's bad. 00:52:32.320 --> 00:52:34.000 It's yeah, it's bad. 00:52:34.400 --> 00:52:38.880 Yeah, but like I was seeing diversity and they looked happy. 00:52:39.119 --> 00:52:51.039 And like I could I could talk to the I complimented an outfit, I was which you know, it was fire, so but like, you know, and they were like, oh, thank you, you know, like no big deal. 00:52:51.199 --> 00:53:00.800 Whereas before it was very us versus them mentality, which you know never never worked for me. 00:53:00.960 --> 00:53:08.559 I I was um yeah, I was very vocal, got bullied a lot for that, but good luck bullying me because uh I'm not that successful. 00:53:08.880 --> 00:53:14.239 No, no, good on good on you for for doing the right thing and trying to help your your community grow. 00:53:14.480 --> 00:53:15.679 I would love to see more than that. 00:53:15.920 --> 00:53:17.199 Whether you like it or not, yeah. 00:53:17.920 --> 00:53:19.760 We're gonna go through this change. 00:53:20.800 --> 00:53:23.920 I would I would love to see more small communities kind of go through that. 00:53:24.000 --> 00:53:28.880 Like I live in a small town in Ohio myself now, and like it's it's just it's slow to change. 00:53:29.039 --> 00:53:43.360 And even though like we are growing pretty rapidly and we have a pretty uh pretty diverse um population here, um, you just see like my kids are in the school systems, like you hear a lot of just really, really sad stories about like how kids are treated. 00:53:43.519 --> 00:53:47.360 And I you know, like it's it's 2026, y'all. 00:53:47.440 --> 00:53:49.760 Let's let's let's do the right thing here. 00:53:50.000 --> 00:53:50.239 Yeah. 00:53:50.400 --> 00:54:02.800 Um, so yeah, uh kind of winding this down then, um the last like real question I have for you is is also around like you know, like you, you, you did this move, you came back. 00:54:03.039 --> 00:54:14.559 Obviously, the home that you came back to was very different from the home that you left, uh, not just in your community, but um, you know, not having your mom there anymore and uh some of these other changes that you went through. 00:54:14.719 --> 00:54:22.400 Um as you're sitting here, like we you know, you were talking about wanting to to to move back to Wales again and make that transition yet again. 00:54:22.559 --> 00:54:25.920 Um, you know, like how do you find define home now? 00:54:26.079 --> 00:54:28.239 Like how what what is home for you now? 00:54:29.039 --> 00:54:32.159 Home, like I know people always say like home is where the heart is. 00:54:32.320 --> 00:54:35.840 My heart was always with my mom, but my home is where my peace was. 00:54:36.480 --> 00:54:40.880 And no, no other person can be your peace. 00:54:41.199 --> 00:54:53.599 So um for me, it was existing in a place where the only expectations I had to live up to are mine and being true to myself and living in that authenticity. 00:54:53.840 --> 00:54:57.440 And um that's where I found my peace. 00:54:57.519 --> 00:55:00.960 That's where I found myself, that's where I found my community and my people. 00:55:01.360 --> 00:55:07.360 Um, because even moving back to the States, I have struggled to make friends. 00:55:07.599 --> 00:55:21.039 Um, not because I can't talk to people or I'm hard to approach, but because I've been through so much in my life that I'm at a point now where it's like if you threaten my peace, you will not be here. 00:55:21.280 --> 00:55:26.719 So finding people that align in that way and are safe people is it's been difficult. 00:55:27.599 --> 00:55:34.800 What advice would you give to someone who is considering a major life change, such as moving across the world? 00:55:34.960 --> 00:55:37.039 Um, but maybe they're afraid to take that leap.

00:55:37.440 --> 00:55:44.800 I would say just do it, just Nike that sucker, because i if you don't do it, you're you're always gonna wonder. 00:55:45.280 --> 00:55:48.400 And you never know where it's gonna take you. 00:55:48.639 --> 00:56:00.880 Like, think of if you get out of your everyday normal routine and what you've always known, imagine what opportunities will come to you when you step out of that bubble and you get to see more of the world. 00:56:00.960 --> 00:56:03.760 You get to see how other people experience life. 00:56:03.920 --> 00:56:10.639 It it makes you a more empathetic person if you're doing it right. 00:56:10.880 --> 00:56:12.639 It makes you a more empathetic person. 00:56:12.800 --> 00:56:18.320 You're uh more aware of how things can be, how things maybe should be. 00:56:18.480 --> 00:56:24.719 Even though you've always held a certain belief, you will come across things that challenge that belief. 00:56:24.800 --> 00:56:28.639 And then you get to see where you really stand once you've been on the other side. 00:56:29.199 --> 00:56:37.280 You know, especially in the circumstance of you know, somebody moving to another country or something like that. 00:56:37.440 --> 00:56:50.639 Um, do your research before you go, you know, consume the media, um hear how they talk, cultural things that are important, like what's polite over there, do's and don'ts. 00:56:50.719 --> 00:56:53.599 Like Google's full of lists, it's not that hard. 00:56:54.000 --> 00:56:56.320 It's uh, but it that's a big thing. 00:56:56.480 --> 00:57:05.679 Because there's, you know, even moving to an English speaking country, there were a lot of cultural differences that I didn't expect. 00:57:06.079 --> 00:57:21.280 One thing one thing I I I do want to kind of like ask, uh it and it sounds like, you know, as you're prepping up, uh like prepping to to to potentially move back, you're already kind of doing this, but like what what is something that like you know, like you're you're kind of like refilling your life with now? 00:57:21.440 --> 00:57:29.920 Um like what like what are what are some things that you're focused on uh out maybe outside of this this potential move back to another country? 00:57:30.079 --> 00:57:32.159 Like what like what are you focused on right now? 00:57:32.559 --> 00:57:42.079 Honestly, I have been neglecting certain things that like sort of like feed my soul um because I've been so busy. 00:57:42.239 --> 00:57:50.480 I I got a job, but shortly after I got a promotion, I'm learning new skills, I'm working overtime, I'm taking care of grandma, you know, there's a lot going on. 00:57:50.800 --> 00:57:55.840 But um I haven't sung in a very, very long time. 00:57:56.320 --> 00:58:05.119 So I've started driving to Ohio just to sing in my car, and that has been fantastic. 00:58:05.440 --> 00:58:11.599 Listeners, I I I will say for like I think from where you're at, um, you're maybe like a half an hour away from Ohio. 00:58:11.679 --> 00:58:17.920 It's not like a super long drive across state lines, but that's that's well, it's 15 minutes where I'm going. 00:58:18.000 --> 00:58:19.039 It's 50 minutes. 00:58:19.920 --> 00:58:28.239 Yeah, I wasn't I wasn't sure like what direction you're headed in, but like it's it's it's it's it's northeast, like central east Indiana. 00:58:28.400 --> 00:58:30.960 Um it's not it's not super duper far. 00:58:31.119 --> 00:58:39.119 I I I will say like I know uh going to college in Indiana, um at that time you could not purchase alcohol on Sundays in the state of Indiana. 00:58:39.280 --> 00:58:48.159 So we would drive across state lines to get beer for like football Sunday, like all the like that's that's just what you do, like because you can't buy it on Sundays. 00:58:48.239 --> 00:58:51.199 And if you forgot to buy it more on Saturday, then you're kind of screwed. 00:58:51.280 --> 00:58:57.360 So not a super long drive, but um, I I can get behind like taking drives just to get in the car and sing. 00:58:57.519 --> 00:59:01.280 Like that's that's something that like you know I haven't done in a long time too. 00:59:01.519 --> 00:59:10.079 And it it's kind of like it's it's one of those other than the shower, it's like one of those places where you just feel like empowered to like, I'm gonna really belt this out. 00:59:10.239 --> 00:59:11.679 Nobody's here to judge me. 00:59:11.920 --> 00:59:14.000 Um, and you sound great in the car. 00:59:14.159 --> 00:59:17.360 I mean, if I recorded myself, I'm sure I probably wouldn't think so. 00:59:17.440 --> 00:59:21.039 But like you feel like you sound great in the car and you just feel cool doing it. 00:59:21.360 --> 00:59:26.719 It's that's my that's my one thing, my self-care thing that I love to do. 00:59:27.039 --> 00:59:29.920 That's that's a great, a fantastic self-care thing. 00:59:30.000 --> 00:59:37.360 It's a really good way of refilling your cup when you know, like life, which you know it it happens to us all, but like life can drain. 00:59:37.519 --> 00:59:42.320 Uh and the the more the more little like holes you get in the bottom of your cup. 00:59:42.480 --> 00:59:48.159 I don't know why I'm going so hard into this metaphor right now, but uh the more holes you get in the bottom of the cup, the faster it drains. 00:59:48.239 --> 00:59:53.519 And you've gotta you've gotta really like do what you gotta do to to keep that to keep that that water line up. 00:59:53.760 --> 00:59:55.599 So yeah, musical band-aids. 00:59:56.000 --> 00:59:57.199 Yeah, there you go. 00:59:57.360 --> 01:00:00.239 Um, you have a favorite song that you like to sing in the car? 01:00:00.639 --> 01:00:02.159 Oh, put me on the spot. 01:00:02.320 --> 01:00:05.920 At the moment, it's actually Newborn by Muse. 01:00:06.880 --> 01:00:10.239 You know, I um I hadn't listened to Muse in a while. 01:00:10.480 --> 01:00:25.599 There was a song that popped up yesterday on my like um Friday like new release uh playlist, and I was like, this is actually pretty like it reminded me of like I don't know, like some like old Muse, and like it was just very like very progressive. 01:00:25.760 --> 01:00:28.159 And I was like, this is I'm I'm really digging this. 01:00:28.239 --> 01:00:30.400 I can't remember what the song was off the top of my head. 01:00:30.559 --> 01:00:39.760 Um, but I'm I'm I think I'm gonna like I've been kind of in a mood to jump back in and listen to more muse just because like that song like had me so like oh yeah, like this is doing something for me. 01:00:40.000 --> 01:00:42.159 Yeah, listen to newborn. 01:00:42.480 --> 01:00:55.280 Well, I I appreciate you taking the time to to talk with me uh and kind of opening up, like not just about like the snacks and all of those fun little things, but kind of just opening up around um, you know, like what brought you to Wales in the first place? 01:00:55.440 --> 01:01:06.719 Like, like that's that's you know a big thing that I I would love to focus on is just like these life circumstances that do kind of push people into change, uh into to kind of finding new versions of themselves. 01:01:06.880 --> 01:01:11.679 Um it's a huge, it's a huge focus for me right now, and it's really what this whole podcast is about. 01:01:11.760 --> 01:01:13.920 So thank you so much for for sharing that. 01:01:14.079 --> 01:01:18.320 Um, before we go, is there anything that you would like to to plug or shout out? 01:01:18.960 --> 01:01:21.679 No, I just, you know, thank you so much for having me. 01:01:21.760 --> 01:01:22.880 I really appreciate it. 01:01:22.960 --> 01:01:26.960 It's it's been great to uh have a chat with an old friend. 01:01:27.039 --> 01:01:28.000 So thank you. 01:01:28.320 --> 01:01:28.639 All right. 01:01:28.719 --> 01:01:34.079 Well, listeners, thank you so much for tuning in to Jenny and I's Midlife Crisis. 01:01:34.480 --> 01:01:37.039 We we've got more episodes coming up. 01:01:37.199 --> 01:01:39.119 Oh man, I'm really bad at intros and outros. 01:01:39.360 --> 01:01:40.559 You're finding this out about me. 01:01:40.639 --> 01:01:43.039 I'm not even gonna cut this, I'm just gonna keep rambling. 01:01:43.119 --> 01:01:45.280 Uh, thank you for listening to the refill podcast. 01:01:45.360 --> 01:01:47.920 Uh, this has been Ginny Cash with Justin Tyler. 01:01:48.320 --> 01:01:49.360 See you on the next one. 01:01:49.519 --> 01:01:50.559 I don't know why I just said that. 01:01:50.639 --> 01:01:51.760 I've never said that in my life. 01:01:51.920 --> 01:01:52.480 Bye.