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I was on the couch on my cell phone talking to one of my closest line sisters, Kikiing, cackling, giggling, all the things as I was preparing for a date.
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Yes, that's right.
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Your girl was about to be picked up by a grown-ass man to go on a grown folks' date.
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And my line sister was telling me all the looks that she did not want me to wear that night.
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All right, cool, whatever, let's do it.
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And then out of nowhere, Zetty's physical therapist runs down the steps.
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You know how the people on Major League Baseball, if anybody's a sports fan, and the coach at third base is waving, waving, waving, come on, come on, come on.
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Or if you're playing kickball and you're trying to tell the person on your team you need to round third really fast and come and slide in because they're about to throw your ass out from the outfield.
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That kind of, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
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That's what Zeddy's physical therapist did to me.
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I kicked off my big old fuzzy slippers.
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They are the emoji slippers with the sun having the cool sunshades on.
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Because instinctually I know I can't run up these stairs in these big ass comfy slippers.
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I take the stairs three at a time, dially 911.
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Because if this healthcare professional is asking me to come to Zaddy's room, some shit has gone down.
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All right, let's go.
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Let me tell y'all what happened.
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Parenting up caregiving adventures with comedian Jay Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama.
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For over a decade, I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her, and pushing all time's awareness on anyone in anything with a heartbreak.
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Caregivers knowing OG and village members just willing to prop up with caregivers.
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You are in the right place.
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Ah, this is great.
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I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast.
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Is it okay?
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Today's supporter shout out comes from YouTube, Andrea Bailey2754.
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This is in response to the Brandon Claibon episode.
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I am a nurse practitioner who has become a caregiver within the world of dementia with my mom.
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My brother and I take turns weekly with her care.
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She goes on to say, I would love to meet Brandon Claibon in person because I watch Beyond the Gates and see now the connection with Alzheimer's disease.
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Okay, baby, I don't have nothing to do with you meeting Brandon.
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I can't help with that.
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But yo, Brandon, uh baby, maybe she's gonna get your DMs.
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Listen, okay?
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There's a lot of people that want to meet him, but but I ain't mad at you because yeah, yeah, there's a connection with the Alzheimer's.
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Thank you so very much for watching, engaging, and commenting, Andrea Bailey 2754.
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Now, if you want to receive a supporter shout out, you know what to do.
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Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or YouTube.
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Today's episode, a date, detours, and deep breaths.
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Zetti Seizure Emergency.
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As the 911 operator is saying, Hello, 911, what is your emergency?
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I lock eyes on Zetty.
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She's having a seizure.
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She is on the floor.
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Her legs are stiff like a diving board or a plank.
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Her arms are straight out as if she had cast on.
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Her mouth is open.
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She's biting her top lip on the right hand side.
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And she's her eyes are stuck up and to the left.
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She's not blinking.
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She is breathing.
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First thing I want to say is just like that, no fucking date.
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My God.
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You know what?
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Do you know how long it takes to even plan a date as a full-time caregiver?
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And I was about.
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Okay, this is not about me.
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This is about Zeddy.
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Okay.
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So I get there, the 911, it's like, what's your emergency?
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What do you need?
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First of all, I want to tell all the 911 people, don't ask us what we need.
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We probably don't know.
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Let me tell you what's happening.
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And then you decide: do I need police, the fire department, the paramedics, uh, you know, NPR, Nike representatives, whatever, Oprah.
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I don't know what I need.
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What I know is what's happening, but y'all don't want to know all damn government services.
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It's too much pressure when you say, what do you need?
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I was like,
Load full transcript
okay, I need my mama to not have a seizure.
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Bet.
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Got that?
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Can you do that?
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Can you do that?
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Can you serve that up on me, 911?
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Anyway, I digress.
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So she asked, and I said, Well, my mother's having a seizure.
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And she said, you need EMTs.
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I said, okay.
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See, first of all, y'all, I would have said, I need an ambulance.
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Which apparently was not the right answer.
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So I'm happy.
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I went with my first mind.
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Zettie was non-responsive for 30 minutes.
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Thirty minutes.
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She did not respond to me calling her name.
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She could not open her eyes.
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So the actual seizure where her body was stiff as a board lasted about a minute.
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And then her eyes closed.
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She started breathing very erratically, like.
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And then her tongue was getting thick.
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And I didn't know if she was gonna swallow her tongue, but I knew I couldn't put my finger in her mouth.
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She would have, you know what I mean?
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I would be with nine, nine fingers if I had put my finger in her mouth.
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So that wasn't fucking happening.
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30 minutes where her body is kind of limp at this point.
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If you try to hold up her hand, it just flops right back down.
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Try to hold up her leg, it just drops like dead weight.
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I'm calling her Zeddy, I'm kissing on her face, I'm asking her to kiss me back.
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Nothing.
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It is so frightening to witness somebody, especially with dementia, have an episode of epilepsy.
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Apparently, if you ever have more than one seizure in your life, then you're considered epileptic.
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So there you go.
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Now you know for me, I didn't know that.
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I'm on with 911.
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Fair kind.
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My mom's physical trainer.
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He was caring for Zetty like Zeddy was a newborn child.
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If y'all could, and then this man is fine, all right?
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He is six something, and everything that Nigeria is supposed to give us in a man, they put in him.
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He's a Donnus.
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Okay?
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Wakanda forever.
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All right?
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He's a linebacker.
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He played football for fancy people.
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He's holding my mom's neck with his hands interlocked.
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You remember how we used to say, uh, here's the church, here's the steeple, open the doors and see all the people, and I'm wiggling my little fingers.
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He had her head and his hand like that, so that her back was at a perfect 45-degree angle on his thighs.
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He is kneeling on the floor with my mama.
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In that moment, I said, okay, Holy Spirit, I'm not by myself.
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That was the most powerful part of that for me, is that this man knows way more about anything medical than I will.
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And look at how tender he's been with my mom.
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So the paramedics arrive.
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Y'all.
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Zeti's physical trainer wouldn't let the paramedics put Zeti on their little wheelchair.
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He was like, uh, to where you want her to go?
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Oh, it's cool.
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It's cool.
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I got it.
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He's picking her up like they're getting married, and he's carrying her over the threshold into the honeymoon suite.
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Zeti is still not responsive.
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I called her primary care physician.
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Zeti is a part of Emery's integrated memory care clinic.
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You have to have a diagnosis of dementia to be a part of that clinic.
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And they have a 24-hour service, a hotline that you can call and you get a live person on call.
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I called them, so I'm I'm working two phones.
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Look, my personal phone and the Jay Smiles parenting up phone, I'm like, yay, what y'all doing?
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What y'all doing?
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What y'all doing?
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The paramedics are there.
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Her main guy, I we tease her.
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Me and the caregivers tease Zeddy about to saying that her um her workout guy is her boyfriend because the way she hugs and kisses on him whenever he comes around.
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I'm like, you ain't hugging and kissing on nobody else when they come in the room, but I ain't mad, you know what I mean?
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I guess she ain't forgot everything, okay?
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A fine man does deserve a hug and a kiss, and that's what he gets.
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The paramedics are there.
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He gets Zeddy on the chair, we get Zeddy into the ambulance.
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She opens her eyes.
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We're on our way to the ER because everybody agrees that since she has dementia and can't talk to us, we need to take her to get checked out.
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Okay, cool, no problem.
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Now I'm gonna back up a little bit to tell y'all about how your girl gets support even when I don't see it coming.
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Even when I don't know to ask for it.
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I ran downstairs while the parameggers were still with Zettie to get her bag of meds.
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Special point to note, I keep, yeah, Zetty has a pill minder and all that, but I keep all of her current medicines in a big plastic bag with handles so that if we have an emergency and we got to run off to the amulance, I can just grab that whole thing.
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I don't have to try to remember any because I can just show them the bottle rather than me trying to look up something on my phone or go from memory.
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I run downstairs to go get Zaddy's big plastic bag of meds.
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I come back up into Zaddy's room.
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And this is before we go down to the ambulance.
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Remember, I'm doing this a little, what you call uh retrofit in this story.
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Guess who is in Zaddy's room with Zettie, the paramedics, and Zeddy's trainer?
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I'll wait.
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Right.
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My lion sister.
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My lion sister that was on the phone with me when I ran up the stairs and hung up on her.
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I sent her a text.
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Zeddy's having a seizure.
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Next thing I know, she's in my house.
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Now, of course, she did have to live in Atlanta.
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But anyway, I happened to be talking to her.
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I looked at her and I was like, we ain't touch.
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She ain't talked, she ain't hug me, she ain't say what you need.
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She just stood there.
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And I was like, you know what?
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Fuck y'all.
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You can call it a code if you want to.
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I'm here for it.
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What I know is my line sister didn't wait for me to ask her what I needed.
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She knows good and damn well if I'm about to get ready for a date and my mama's having a seizure, you know what I need, bitch?
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You.
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I need you to come over here
and do something.
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Just look at me.
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Hold my hand.
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Help me get my mama to the hospital.
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So then my line sister drove behind the ambulance to bring my mom's caregiver, because only one of us could ride in the ambulance.
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So as nervous as I was, as upset as I was, I was like, shit, I ain't by myself.
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I'm good.
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I got this.
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I got this.
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The other thing y'all gotta know is your girl, and that means me, I am nice with my own hospital bag.
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A lot of people make a hospital bag for the person that's sick.
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Like you taking the women to go have a baby or the person who just had a heart attack.
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You like, oh Lord, let's get daddy's favorite slippers.
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Let me tell you something.
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I'm gonna be, Zetti's gonna be fine in the bed.
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They're gonna find her clothes and slippers, applesauce, janky ass turkey sandwiches.
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I'm not gonna have anything.
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So let me tell y'all about my bag.
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That is real fast that I'm gonna get this bag.
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I gotta have my satin slap cap, my sleep device, okay?
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Shout out if y'all saw that episode.
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A power bar, some water, a cell phone charger, the cell phone, and guess what else?
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The fucking keys to the house.
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Do you know how many times I have jumped into the ambulance to be with my mama, only to find out I can't get back in my house?
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All right.
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It's not funny, but it is true.
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It is very true.
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So we get to the hospital, and I want to say, full stop, Emory Main Campus, Clifton Road.
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Their ER, in my opinion, is the best ER for people with dementia.
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They understand it.
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They are caring.
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It's clean.
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It don't smell like sick and death.
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And they're not understaffed.
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So shout out, Emery, Main Campus, ER.
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They got my mom in there.
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No, okay, I ain't gonna lie.
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It was one nurse that didn't want to listen to me.
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But they quickly moved him off our case, which was great.
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I say, hey, my mom has really advanced dementia.
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Even before this seizure, she doesn't talk.
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Bruh looks right at me, pulls his dreads back.
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Now, mind you, he's looking me eye to eye.
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I'm not trying to say that don't make him not attractive, but I don't know if to pull back your dreads move is what you need to do if you're a five-two man.
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Like, bitch, just listen to me about my mama.
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He ain't, he wasn't physically dominating like my mama's um physical therapist.
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Okay?
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I said, I know so damn well you didn't just fling your damn dreads in my face while you're talking about hold on, wait a minute.
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I didn't say that out loud.
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That's what I was thinking on the inside.
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Y'all, Zeddy's eyes are closed again, but she is starting to like scratch her nose and uh pat her stomach, things that let me know that her reflexes are starting to come back.
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He says, hey, Miss Thelma, that's Zaddy's first name, that I tell everybody, don't call her that.
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She's never gonna fucking answer.
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She wouldn't have answered to that before the Alzheimer's.
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She hated that name.
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Call her Zetty.
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This motherfucker says, he holds, I'm holding my hand out, y'all, and he looks at the thing.
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He said, Well, she's listed here as Thelma's.
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You about to be listed as an ass whipping, okay, bruh?
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Go ahead, call her what you want to call it.
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So he says, Thelma.
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Zeti didn't move.
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She didn't open her eyes, she didn't turn her head.
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I said, she's not gonna answer you.
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He looked at me and said, she won't or she can't.
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Are you trying to imply that my mama wanna make your job hard and just ignore you?
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I know you fucking lying.
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You better get out of my face.
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You better get out my whole face.
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So he tried a couple more times.
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He tapped her hand.
00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:30.559
Ma'am, ma'am, Miss Thelma, how are you feeling?
00:17:30.799 --> 00:17:32.400
Do you know where you are?
00:17:32.640 --> 00:17:34.400
Can you tell me your name?
00:17:34.720 --> 00:17:41.920
Zaddy hadn't been able to answer those questions for seven or eight or nine thousand years.
00:17:42.240 --> 00:17:43.759
Dude, you are wasting time.
00:17:43.839 --> 00:17:53.599
You better be fucking happy my mama's not having a heart attack or whatever them things are that are real-time sensitive, where you gotta get them a shot or something, because we let me tell you something.
00:17:53.839 --> 00:17:55.839
I would have MMA'd him.
00:17:56.559 --> 00:17:58.559
Okay, he would have been MMA'd.
00:17:59.359 --> 00:18:05.359
He did a couple more, and he looked at me and he said, So how can I get her to respond?
00:18:05.920 --> 00:18:11.839
You cannot, idiot, you can't get her to respond.
00:18:12.000 --> 00:18:13.440
I can't get her to respond.
00:18:13.519 --> 00:18:14.960
It ain't personal to you.
00:18:15.200 --> 00:18:19.039
The baby brain broke, and she just had a seizure.
00:18:19.200 --> 00:18:23.119
So if she could talk normally, I don't think it'd be happening right now.
00:18:23.359 --> 00:18:24.960
Her body is just responding.
00:18:25.119 --> 00:18:26.079
Nick, are you new?
00:18:26.240 --> 00:18:28.160
Are you a Robocop nurse?
00:18:28.400 --> 00:18:29.920
Where did you come from?
00:18:30.160 --> 00:18:37.200
I went and looked at my other people in the Emory, and I was like, hey, so anyway, not that dude.
00:18:37.359 --> 00:18:38.640
Love everybody else.
00:18:38.799 --> 00:18:44.880
And we had smooth sailing for the rest of Zeddy's um ER visit.
00:18:44.960 --> 00:18:46.000
I mean, it was.
00:18:49.039 --> 00:18:56.960
It was tricky because it's so hard to tell when I when Zeddy's body is presenting like that.
00:18:57.119 --> 00:18:58.319
Is it a heart attack?
00:18:58.480 --> 00:18:59.359
Is it a seizure?
00:18:59.519 --> 00:19:00.799
Is it a stroke?
00:19:02.240 --> 00:19:09.519
And each one of them requires a different kind of activity within the first half hour.
00:19:10.400 --> 00:19:13.200
That's nerve that I'll never really have an answer for.
00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:19.839
I just gotta lean to the Holy Spirit that I will instinctually and intuitively know what to do.
00:19:22.240 --> 00:19:26.240
All of Zeddy's tests came back positive, y'all.
00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:26.960
Everything.
00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:29.279
Everything, everything, everything.
00:19:29.519 --> 00:19:33.680
Her brain looked, okay, it looked normal for Zettie.
00:19:34.960 --> 00:19:44.640
But you know how, like, a crackhead walking down the street after they just got high, they got their own walk that looks normal for them, but you and I wouldn't walk like that.
00:19:44.880 --> 00:19:45.920
Zeddy's brain's like that.
00:19:46.079 --> 00:19:51.839
Zeddy's brain looks like a crackhead when it's walking, but you got to know what that baby's been through.
00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:54.559
So when you see her brain, you don't freak out.
00:19:54.720 --> 00:20:00.079
So her brain, her heart, the blood work, the she didn't have a didn't even have a UTI.
00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:00.720
I couldn't believe it.
00:20:00.799 --> 00:20:01.839
She always has UTI.
00:20:02.880 --> 00:20:09.519
So we got out of there, y'all, and got back home the
same night.
00:20:10.160 --> 00:20:11.759
How special is that?
00:20:12.160 --> 00:20:21.359
I don't know if y'all know about this, but when you go to the ER on a fucking Friday night, you could be there overnight and haven't seen a doctor yet.
00:20:21.680 --> 00:20:23.440
In Atlanta, get out of here.
00:20:23.759 --> 00:20:27.920
They took good care of us, and on the way home.
00:20:30.720 --> 00:20:34.480
Hello, my name is Jay Smiles, and I'm an emotional eater.
00:20:35.279 --> 00:20:39.599
I told my lion sister, oh, get this.
00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:46.799
Since my lion sister drove the caregiver, and I rode in the ambulance, because who knew she would get out that soon?
00:20:46.960 --> 00:20:50.319
When Zetty is about to be released, we don't have a car.
00:20:50.799 --> 00:20:52.319
We don't have a ride.
00:20:52.720 --> 00:20:55.279
Chase Mads, Round Chicago, ooh, round your car lift.
00:20:55.519 --> 00:21:00.160
Zeti can't get in those cars.
00:21:01.599 --> 00:21:09.759
Some of them, half of them, are trash, but whenever I ask for a black car, they go on, they automatically send me an SUV.
00:21:09.839 --> 00:21:11.440
Like they like, ooh, we're gonna upgrade you.
00:21:11.599 --> 00:21:12.640
Don't upgrade me.
00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:13.599
Downgrade me.
00:21:13.759 --> 00:21:17.440
Zetty can't, she can't hop up into an SUV.
00:21:17.839 --> 00:21:21.119
And after a seizure, that baby needs to just plop down.
00:21:21.279 --> 00:21:23.920
I called my line sister and I was like, yo, I don't know what we're gonna do.
00:21:24.079 --> 00:21:24.960
We don't have a car.
00:21:25.119 --> 00:21:26.480
I gotta try to figure it out.
00:21:26.640 --> 00:21:32.160
She said, and I quote, you don't have to figure out anything.
00:21:32.480 --> 00:21:33.759
You got me.
00:21:34.160 --> 00:21:37.359
Don't make me cry on these on here, on y'all, on this episode.
00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:40.319
Anyway, she came and got us.
00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:44.640
She lived at least 40 minutes from that hospital.
00:21:44.799 --> 00:21:51.200
And I need you to know she was outside in the dark, in the cold at 4:30, 5 a.m.
00:21:52.000 --> 00:21:58.640
And she got there before the people came with the wheelchair to take Zeta to her car.
00:21:58.799 --> 00:21:59.759
That's how fast.
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:00.880
She did.
00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:02.000
So we get in the car.
00:22:02.079 --> 00:22:04.559
It's me, it's Zeti, her caregiver.
00:22:05.839 --> 00:22:07.599
Zettie can't even stand.
00:22:08.559 --> 00:22:16.720
They had to get two orderlies to come, big dudes, and lift Zettie into the car.
00:22:16.960 --> 00:22:19.359
She didn't even have the strength to stand.
00:22:19.519 --> 00:22:21.759
And they were like, maybe y'all should stay.
00:22:22.480 --> 00:22:23.920
Do you think y'all should stay overnight?
00:22:24.079 --> 00:22:25.279
She don't have no strength.
00:22:25.519 --> 00:22:38.400
In my mind, I was thinking, as soon as if we could just get her back home where we're in charge, now that you told me nothing fancy went on, or real, real jacked up with the seizure, we're gonna be good.
00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:40.319
So back to what I was saying.
00:22:40.559 --> 00:22:44.000
Hi, my name is Jay Smiles, and I'm an emotional eater.
00:22:44.799 --> 00:22:45.920
So it's 5 a.m.
00:22:46.160 --> 00:22:46.880
We're driving.
00:22:47.039 --> 00:22:50.720
I was like, mm, anybody want pancakes?
00:22:52.880 --> 00:23:14.319
Shout out IHOP for being open 24-7 and DoorDash for bringing us a Thanksgiving feast of bacon and eggs and syrup and fruit and compote and pancakes.
00:23:14.559 --> 00:23:20.079
I'm sure my cholesterol suffered, but my soul was satisfied.
00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:24.400
The snuggle up.
00:23:25.920 --> 00:23:30.000
It was scary, but I've been there before.
00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:37.440
Perhaps some of you have never had an emergency medical event with your carry.
00:23:39.279 --> 00:23:40.799
And yay for you.
00:23:42.640 --> 00:23:50.000
Or perhaps you have had to get your person to the hospital, but not in an ambulance.
00:23:50.400 --> 00:23:51.039
All right.
00:23:51.440 --> 00:23:56.880
As many times as this has happened with Teddy, it's just as scary every time.
00:23:57.039 --> 00:24:02.400
Like, is she about to die on me right now?
00:24:02.720 --> 00:24:10.880
I know I can't answer that question, but that's what is in my brain first, in my soul first.
00:24:11.519 --> 00:24:13.359
Oh Lord, is this it?
00:24:14.079 --> 00:24:17.119
And if it is, who should I call?
00:24:17.920 --> 00:24:19.680
Who should I text?
00:24:20.319 --> 00:24:21.680
Zeddy had a seizure.
00:24:21.839 --> 00:24:23.200
We're on the way to the hospital.
00:24:23.359 --> 00:24:23.839
Who?
00:24:24.079 --> 00:24:28.720
My neighbors, my family, my closest friends, her doctors.
00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:31.119
That's a lot to manage in your head.
00:24:31.279 --> 00:24:42.720
And I gotta tell you, intuition tells me to text different people at different times depending on, I guess, whatever the Holy Spirit wants me to do.
00:24:43.039 --> 00:24:50.400
My biggest snuggle up in that particular episode, haha, I don't mean podcast episode.
00:24:50.480 --> 00:24:52.000
I mean Zaddy having a seizure.
00:24:52.079 --> 00:24:53.279
They call those episodes too.
00:24:53.440 --> 00:24:59.680
But um punk ching is that I gotta stay flexible.
00:25:00.480 --> 00:25:02.480
I gotta be able to pivot.
00:25:04.319 --> 00:25:07.599
I was in a great space about to go on a date.
00:25:07.839 --> 00:25:12.400
And now maybe my mama's dying in a matter of seconds.
00:25:13.119 --> 00:25:19.119
That is a huge jolt of stress and adrenaline that can take my body through way too much.
00:25:19.359 --> 00:25:34.160
Which is why, like I'll talk about in the other episode, this aura ring and my deep breaths, because my lifestyle will never be without stress, but how do I manage it?
00:25:34.559 --> 00:25:38.720
The Holy Spirit had people there to help me through it.
00:25:39.119 --> 00:25:42.480
The person who helped me through it the most was Zetty.
00:25:43.519 --> 00:25:53.200
She stayed strong, she stayed resilient, and her energy helped me want to keep fighting.
00:25:53.519 --> 00:26:06.880
But I firmly believe all of it was possible, family, because I have been trying really hard to surrender, to let go of control, to pivot and be flexible.
00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:09.200
So, bitch, ain't no date.
00:26:09.440 --> 00:26:14.880
Get in the ambulance, get some pancakes, get into bed.
00:26:16.000 --> 00:26:17.279
It's fine.
00:26:18.079 --> 00:26:19.519
Let's see you tomorrow.
00:26:19.759 --> 00:26:20.960
Next day up.
00:26:22.400 --> 00:26:23.440
Love y'all.
00:26:23.680 --> 00:26:25.200
Thank you for tuning in.
00:26:25.359 --> 00:26:29.599
I mean, really, really, really thank you so very much for tuning in.
00:26:29.839 --> 00:26:37.839
Whether you're watching this on YouTube or if you're listening on your favorite podcast audio platform.
00:26:38.079 --> 00:26:41.119
Either way, wherever you are, subscribe.
00:26:41.359 --> 00:26:42.079
Come back.
00:26:42.240 --> 00:26:45.359
That's the way you're gonna know when we do something next.
00:26:45.599 --> 00:26:46.400
Y'all know how it is.
00:26:46.480 --> 00:26:47.519
I'm Jason Miles.
00:26:47.599 --> 00:26:50.799
I might just drop something hot in the middle of the night.