TRANSKRİPT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:12.639 --> 00:00:16.879
Hello there and welcome back to the next episode of Overcome Yourself the Podcast.
00:00:17.039 --> 00:00:21.199
As you know, my name is Nicole, and I'm so excited to be here today with Jenna.
00:00:21.519 --> 00:00:24.879
Jenna has just such an incredible story of overcoming.
00:00:25.039 --> 00:00:31.759
So please take it away and tell us a little bit about who you are, Jenna, and who you help.
00:00:32.159 --> 00:00:32.719
Awesome.
00:00:32.880 --> 00:00:34.399
Thanks for having me, Nicole.
00:00:34.640 --> 00:00:51.519
Um, so I s um became diagnosed with juvenile at that time, juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, and became a manual wheelchair user by age eight, uh, back in the 19 late 1980s, so before the Americans with Disabilities Act was even a thing.
00:00:51.839 --> 00:00:56.000
Um and so, yeah, kind of more about me.
00:00:56.159 --> 00:01:12.640
Um, I fell in love with playing the trumpet, and I had an amazing eighth-grade band director who inspired me to do that same thing because she was the first person in my life who saw me as a whole person and supported me in all the different aspects of life, and we're still friends to this day.
00:01:12.879 --> 00:01:18.880
And that started my trajectory of becoming a music educator, and I had that career for 19 years.
00:01:19.120 --> 00:01:30.160
Um, the COVID pandemic unfortunately took that uh trajectory away uh because my school district came back and said they were no longer interested in work doing uh accommodating my work from home order.
00:01:30.560 --> 00:01:33.439
And so I had a huge life pivot and change.
00:01:33.520 --> 00:01:48.079
And thankfully at that time I was a 2020 Bush fellow and uh had started this cool new weird scary thing called community leadership and developing my leadership skills and doing conferences and just really becoming a sponge again.
00:01:48.160 --> 00:01:52.000
And so, you know, I am a lifelong learner and uh that was so great.
00:01:52.160 --> 00:02:05.600
Um, and in that process, um, developed a nonprofit called Above and Beyond With You, became a published author of my memoir, which is called Within My Spokes, um, and then also started leading some other uh nonprofits around Lego Robotics.
00:02:05.680 --> 00:02:09.759
I coached the Robodweebs, and everybody loves that name, so I gotta throw that out there.
00:02:10.000 --> 00:02:20.240
Um, and so, you know, anytime that I can be around youth and steal some of their extra energy, because for whatever reason, kids are always given lots of energy, and then as we age, we kind of lose it.
00:02:20.319 --> 00:02:22.879
So I like siphoning off some of theirs.
00:02:23.120 --> 00:02:30.240
Um, and really, you know, for above and beyond with you, a lot of the things, you know, come back from me learning how to be a self-advocate.
00:02:30.319 --> 00:02:36.800
And so trying to help others um learn that for themselves and also encourage folks to share their stories.
00:02:36.960 --> 00:02:45.280
So um trying to make spaces and places more accessible, more inclusive, more welcoming, more safe for a whole host of folks.
00:02:45.439 --> 00:02:49.680
So that's kind of me in a nutshell of the past and me currently.
00:02:50.560 --> 00:02:51.520
I love that.
00:02:51.920 --> 00:02:56.560
And what does overcoming yourself mean to you?
00:02:56.960 --> 00:03:14.000
Um, you know, like appreciating where you are, I guess, like doing what you can with where you are, because you know, having been in a wheelchair for so long, um, you know, you had to be like, all right, well, this is this is it, this is what we do now.
00:03:14.159 --> 00:03:17.599
So how how did you overcome yourself so young?
00:03:17.759 --> 00:03:20.480
Because that's really scary for such a little kid, right?
00:03:20.800 --> 00:03:21.360
Yeah.
00:03:21.599 --> 00:03:32.000
And like I say a lot, you know, I'm very thankful that I became disabled at such a young age because I don't it's not to say that there wasn't horrific life change for me and my family, right?
00:03:32.240 --> 00:03:41.599
Um, especially back in that day, like I said, before ADA, before accessibility, before cool new wheelchairs, adaptive sports, all the things that we currently can have access to.
00:03:41.840 --> 00:03:43.759
Doesn't mean everybody always does, right?
00:03:43.840 --> 00:03:45.840
I'm careful of wording around that.
00:03:46.240 --> 00:03:52.480
Um but yeah, it was different, and and again, like I didn't know any different.
00:03:52.560 --> 00:03:59.120
So, like when friends had pool parties at the local hotel, well, I'm rural, and so like there was steps to get into the hotel.
00:03:59.280 --> 00:04:00.560
There was steps to get in the pool.
00:04:00.640 --> 00:04:03.280
So then Jenna just didn't go, right?
00:04:03.599 --> 00:04:07.840
My family's house became the whole like cog of the wheel of my life.
00:04:08.000 --> 00:04:18.159
So friends' parties would be there, my parties would be there, you know, like you know, so super thankful that my mom had the the gift of hostessing and good cooking and you know, all those things.
00:04:18.399 --> 00:04:43.840
Um, so I think just with overcoming, right, you find those strengths, and for me, especially now that I'm in midlife, um, it's acknowledging our weaknesses and not getting so at least for me, not getting hung up on the fact like, oh, that's a weakness, but then trying to understand more and and grow supports around it so it's not such a big chasm between my strength and the correlating weakness.
00:04:44.160 --> 00:04:45.920
And so it it's hard, right?
00:04:46.000 --> 00:05:05.120
It's it's hard to overcome anything in this world, it's hard to overcome our own internal stuff, and sometimes for me, uh at least currently, and in some meetings I've had recently and and other situations, it's becoming more aware to my brain at how aware I am about myself.
00:05:05.360 --> 00:05:15.600
Because when I think
Load full transcript
back, like starting at age seven, when you had, you know, multiple physical therapists and doctors anywhere from three times a week saying, Well, Jenna, what kind of pain are you in?
00:05:15.759 --> 00:05:19.120
Tell me a number, tell me a face, what kind of pain is this?
00:05:19.360 --> 00:05:19.680
Right?
00:05:19.840 --> 00:05:31.199
I've had to adapt in the medical world to give them all their information so they can better treat me, to then just being like so self-aware, and sometimes I just want to tell myself to shut up, right?
00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:40.639
Even in the process of writing my book, like I had to set it aside for like three months because I'm like, I am tired of my own story, I'm tired of my own voice, I'm tired of all these things.
00:05:40.720 --> 00:05:47.040
Like, I want to be fed by other people's stories, I want to be fed by other experiences that I'll never get to experience.
00:05:47.120 --> 00:06:00.560
And then, you know, hopping on podcasts in the last year and a half or so is like a whole nother world of like another way of feeding that connection, of feeding understanding how our world all interconnects.
00:06:01.840 --> 00:06:13.199
Yeah, that is I I can relate to that in like um what you said of you know, when you're a little kid, and so it kind of just becomes the norm.
00:06:13.439 --> 00:06:21.439
Because I got glasses when I was very little, so I don't remember not having glasses, you know, and so it just becomes a normal thing.
00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:24.319
You get up in the morning and you throw on your glasses.
00:06:24.480 --> 00:06:28.720
And um, like the other day we were watching something and somebody was like, I forgot my glasses.
00:06:28.800 --> 00:06:31.120
I'm like, I couldn't get out of my room.
00:06:32.959 --> 00:06:35.439
You know, like I can't forget my glasses.
00:06:35.519 --> 00:06:36.879
That is not something I can do.
00:06:37.040 --> 00:06:47.040
Um, I could get to the kitchen, that's not true, you know, I can like walk to the kitchen and do certain things, but you know, I wouldn't know which door to walk into if I didn't have them, you know.
00:06:47.360 --> 00:06:52.079
Um, and so it just becomes something that's just that's just the way it is, right?
00:06:52.160 --> 00:06:54.319
And you know, what can I do from here?
00:06:54.639 --> 00:07:02.639
And I remember, you know, when I'd hurt my back, and there was one week that I I couldn't get out of the bed, I couldn't even walk to the bathroom.
00:07:02.800 --> 00:07:06.560
Um, and I had to look around and be like, well, what can I do from here?
00:07:07.040 --> 00:07:08.720
You know, like what do I still have?
00:07:08.879 --> 00:07:11.280
Because I can focus and be like, oh, woe is me.
00:07:11.360 --> 00:07:15.439
I can't go to the grocery store and I can't stand in the kitchen and cook dinner.
00:07:15.759 --> 00:07:19.199
And, you know, and yeah, those things were true, but like what could I do?
00:07:19.360 --> 00:07:21.360
And that's how I ended up writing my book.
00:07:21.519 --> 00:07:26.800
Um, and so, you know, have you is that relatable to you?
00:07:26.959 --> 00:07:36.959
Do you, you know, like just to to give some um reassurance, I don't know, to help someone else who might be in a situation like that.
00:07:37.040 --> 00:07:39.280
What like what advice do you have for them?
00:07:40.000 --> 00:07:52.319
Yeah, I agree with that, you know, and I I'll also be vulnerable in this in the sense of you know, I grew up in a very Scandinavian heritage of like just pick yourself up by your bootstraps, right?
00:07:52.480 --> 00:07:56.560
Be the true American independent woman, do XYZ, right?
00:07:56.800 --> 00:08:03.280
And I'm not saying that that grit or that perseverance wasn't super needed, and I also say stubbornness, right?
00:08:03.439 --> 00:08:11.439
I won't tell my family that I say that I'm stubborn, but um in that it's like how do we use that for good?
00:08:11.680 --> 00:08:15.120
And then also now that I know better, I want to do better.
00:08:15.280 --> 00:08:19.199
So, like for some of that, for me, that's ableism, right?
00:08:19.360 --> 00:08:26.639
Like, come on, Jenna, you can still use you know your four limbs, your brain is still XYZ, and then it turns into that comparison, right?
00:08:27.199 --> 00:08:32.480
Which is just gross when you actually think of it in our humanity and our society of like how much we compare.
00:08:32.559 --> 00:08:34.319
Well, at least I'm better than so-and-so.
00:08:34.799 --> 00:08:38.319
Oh, my brain can compute XYZ, and it's like, what what does it matter?
00:08:38.480 --> 00:08:41.360
Like, the root of that to me is insecurity, right?
00:08:41.439 --> 00:08:51.440
I don't have enough knowledge of who I am and what my worth is, so therefore I'm gonna go and put all these pre-prescribed assumptions, whatever, whatever, right?
00:08:51.519 --> 00:08:52.960
That's a whole nother episode.
00:08:53.279 --> 00:09:06.240
But um now I'm trying to be kinder and have more grace for myself because I'm my worst critic and I have way too high of expectations for myself, which again I can trace back to some of that ableism, right?
00:09:06.320 --> 00:09:13.600
I had to prove from a very young age that I had worth and that I wasn't a life that was expendable.
00:09:15.600 --> 00:09:25.279
And for those that are listening that are finding themselves in kind of those spaces like you had shared before, I would say allow yourself to go through the grief cycle.
00:09:25.440 --> 00:09:40.480
Like investing in your mental health, whether that's through, you know, counseling or you know, support groups or connections, like what whatever that tool is that that helps you gently have that mirror in front of you, right?
00:09:40.639 --> 00:09:45.039
But like if today's the day to cry, just do it and get it all out.
00:09:45.200 --> 00:09:54.000
Like do the whole thing and find those relationships, build those relationships, be that person that you needed at one point of your life.
00:09:54.080 --> 00:09:57.759
And I think that helps me get through some of those spaces.
00:09:57.919 --> 00:09:59.840
Now, do I do it perfectly all the time?
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:00.799
Absolutely not.
00:10:01.120 --> 00:10:02.480
There's no way, right?
00:10:02.799 --> 00:10:10.320
Um, but now when I'm in some of those spots personally, I can go to my president, to my nonprofit, and be like, look, today is an off day.
00:10:10.399 --> 00:10:16.080
You don't want me doing podcasts, you don't want me talking to the public, you don't want me making these big decisions.
00:10:16.240 --> 00:10:19.919
Like, I'll go and do the little, you know, superficial things.
00:10:20.399 --> 00:10:26.000
But but then it's like, okay, I had my my one pity day or pity party of one, I used to say.
00:10:26.720 --> 00:10:30.080
Um and then it's all right, let's go on.
00:10:30.159 --> 00:11:21.360
And sometimes just having a snack, taking a nap, going outside, being in the sun, getting some fresh air, like it's amazing.
00:11:21.439 --> 00:11:26.000
Those little what seems to be little things are ginormous.
00:11:26.639 --> 00:11:26.879
Yeah.
00:11:27.279 --> 00:11:30.399
And the things that help you get back in your body, right?
00:11:30.559 --> 00:11:35.600
Because if not, you're just like, and I know it sounds kind of weird, but you're, you know, your mind is elsewhere.
00:11:35.759 --> 00:11:37.759
You're in the past, you're in the future.
00:11:38.000 --> 00:11:47.120
Um, but you bring up a really important point because one of the big things that um, you know, that I'm always talking about, one of the things that I learned was gratitude.
00:11:47.279 --> 00:11:57.360
And a lot of times I bring up gratitude, and then people will be like, oh yeah, well, I'm so grateful because other people don't have this, or because, you know, and and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.
00:11:58.000 --> 00:12:01.519
When we're practicing gratitude, it's not a comparison game.
00:12:01.600 --> 00:12:04.720
Like we're not saying, oh, I'm grateful because I have this and you don't.
00:12:04.879 --> 00:12:07.360
Um, because like you said, that's yucky.
00:12:07.759 --> 00:12:13.600
Um, but I like to look at gratitude, like I said, what what is around me?
00:12:13.840 --> 00:12:32.960
I'm grateful that the the sky looks really blue today, like it's beautiful, it's gorgeous, and it's so contrasting with the clouds, or that the green outside is so green, and we get to experience this that there's the perfect combination of atoms that we can breathe because you know, one one degree up, one percentage off, and we're done.
00:12:33.039 --> 00:12:35.519
Like our heads explode, we can't breathe anymore, right?
00:12:35.679 --> 00:12:44.879
And so finding those little things in the moment that are not related to our worth, that are not related to comparing ourselves to other people.
00:12:45.120 --> 00:12:49.519
And so I want to
ask you to talk a little bit on that.
00:12:49.679 --> 00:12:58.000
Like, you know, what what role has gratitude played in your journey when we look at it from that perspective versus you know, comparing or anything?
00:12:58.159 --> 00:13:00.080
Just pure gratitude.
00:13:00.159 --> 00:13:03.279
How how can I just enjoy the moment?
00:13:04.000 --> 00:13:05.919
Yeah, great question.
00:13:06.240 --> 00:13:11.519
Um, and the one thing in your examples, too, I would encourage listeners to say it out loud.
00:13:11.679 --> 00:13:17.840
Like it's one thing if you just think a fleeting thought in your head of like, oh, it's really sunshiny today, I like that.
00:13:18.080 --> 00:13:21.919
But like, say it out loud of like, wow, I really love the sun today.
00:13:22.000 --> 00:13:38.399
And whether it's to another person, whether it's just yourself, whether it's, you know, if you have um, you know, a different spirituality about things like whoever you're just speaking to, it doesn't matter, but there's power in our ears and our brain hearing our voice say those things.
00:13:38.639 --> 00:13:58.879
Um and so it's actually kind of funny that you ask about gratitude because I have a necklace I typically wear, and uh a very, very dear friend of mine who actually started as one of my physical therapists um gave me a gift many, many years ago for Christmas time, and it says it's just a little, you know, rectangle and it says live with gratitude.
00:13:59.120 --> 00:14:14.399
And I remember getting it, and just being honest, I've never shared the story before, so sorry, Lisa, if you're listening, but um I remember kind of getting irate in my in my spirit of like who do you think you are telling me to live with this thing called gratitude?
00:14:14.960 --> 00:14:15.360
Right?
00:14:15.600 --> 00:14:25.279
And it was like, oh my gosh, okay, it was probably like ten years ago now, and I still wear it every single day, and sometimes I chuckle when I think of like that innate story, right?
00:14:25.600 --> 00:14:32.240
Um, but it's just so true because life can be so much more full and so much more real.
00:14:33.360 --> 00:14:37.759
And it can also help us connect to others, I think, right?
00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:46.799
If I am so stuck in my own story, my own hurts, my own um unmet expectations, my own dot dot dot, right?
00:14:46.960 --> 00:14:52.879
Like I miss connecting to somebody today who maybe is having a great day and they're trying to share their gratitude with me.
00:14:53.039 --> 00:14:57.679
Or maybe I'm missing out on somebody who's having a much more horrible day than I.
00:14:58.000 --> 00:15:07.519
And by me just saying hello or asking how they're doing or saying, It's a beautiful sunshiny day, we should get outside, you know, like just those little things.
00:15:07.759 --> 00:15:12.720
Um The other day I was in the next larger town doing medical, and I just made a point.
00:15:12.879 --> 00:15:17.919
And it wasn't like I had this conscious thought of like, I'm gonna be intentional and say hello to everybody today.
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:28.159
I just noticed that I was doing that, and then I felt like that weird commercial that's out there, like, you know, the um I think it's an insurance commercial of like you're turning into your parents or something, right?
00:15:29.039 --> 00:15:34.159
And I was like, am I that weird creepy chick in a chair rolling along saying hi to everybody?
00:15:34.399 --> 00:15:41.519
But it was fantastic when my brain finally realized who I was saying hello to.
00:15:41.919 --> 00:15:53.120
And a lot of times it was uh the older generation with downcast eyes, because they were using a wheelchair or they were using a walker, because again, I was in a m primarily a medical setting.
00:15:53.759 --> 00:15:56.319
And they just looked at me like, Who are you?
00:15:56.480 --> 00:16:18.559
But then by the time we would finally pass each other, you could tell there was like a smile or like a facial change, and that was like, Oh, that is amazing, and again, that wasn't a premeditated thought in my head, but it was a cool retro thought, you know, and it was just like that is awesome.
00:16:18.639 --> 00:16:22.080
And why as a society do we not even greet each other anymore?
00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:23.679
Why do we not share smiles?
00:16:23.759 --> 00:16:28.240
Why is it like, oh, we shouldn't look, we shouldn't talk, we shouldn't.
00:16:28.720 --> 00:16:35.360
So yeah, I I I really um I love that and I can relate to that.
00:16:35.519 --> 00:16:39.120
Um, I try to make a point to acknowledge people.
00:16:39.279 --> 00:16:47.759
If if I'm walking right past you, um, I wasn't good about this before, but it's something that you know I I try to be intentional about.
00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:49.519
Um say hi.
00:16:49.679 --> 00:16:50.639
Hi, how are you?
00:16:50.879 --> 00:16:54.319
And the, you know, like even it doesn't matter who it is.
00:16:54.399 --> 00:17:05.840
Like if you're in a restaurant, I'm not talking about like the other patrons, I'm talking about the person cleaning the bathroom or the person sweeping up the floor or you know, the janitor pushing the trash can.
00:17:06.160 --> 00:17:07.279
Just say hi.
00:17:07.360 --> 00:17:10.400
Like they're people too, like they're there, they're people.
00:17:10.880 --> 00:17:24.960
And it is a beautiful thing when people who are not used to being acknowledged, who are not used to being seen, just like you're talking about, like they feel you know, you feel so other because people walk past you and then you're like an object.
00:17:25.039 --> 00:17:29.680
They don't say hello, nope, they don't they don't smile, they don't tip their hat, so to speak.
00:17:29.840 --> 00:17:40.160
And so doing something as simple that you didn't have to buy anything, you didn't have to spend any money, you didn't have to spend a bunch of time going out of your way and being uh annoyed.
00:17:40.400 --> 00:17:43.360
You just
literally, hello, hi, how are you?
00:17:43.600 --> 00:17:46.160
Um, and it it really can make someone's day.
00:17:46.400 --> 00:17:57.279
And and yeah, like I said, it's not necessarily right, the you're not looking to talk to like the you know, the the super gregarious people, right?
00:17:57.360 --> 00:17:59.519
My sister's like, oh, you're such an extrovert.
00:17:59.680 --> 00:18:02.559
Like they're already talking to people, leave them alone, right?
00:18:04.000 --> 00:18:11.839
You know, um, but yeah, it's just a beautiful thing to acknowledge each other as people, you know, and just you know, we're all in this together, right?
00:18:11.920 --> 00:18:12.799
I like to say that a lot.
00:18:12.879 --> 00:18:15.759
I have to remind myself, we're in traffic, we're all in this together.
00:18:15.920 --> 00:18:20.160
Like, stop trying to skip people, like we're all here stuck at the same time.
00:18:20.319 --> 00:18:28.480
Um, you know, and so it's just a beautiful thing to to slow down and just to make some eye contact, smile.
00:18:28.799 --> 00:18:30.480
Um, yeah, I love that.
00:18:30.720 --> 00:18:37.359
And you know, one of the things that um you had said something that got me thinking about overflow, right?
00:18:37.519 --> 00:18:46.319
Because what's in you, you you said um you're talking about someone else, and then it's you know, what's in you pours out.
00:18:47.039 --> 00:18:54.559
So when you are talking about, you know, facing those things, going through the emotions.
00:18:55.119 --> 00:18:58.480
When we're you know, when we're going through stuff, we have to mourn.
00:18:58.720 --> 00:19:03.920
You know, if there's a if we're entering a new phase, like even happy phases, right?
00:19:04.079 --> 00:19:10.640
Marriage, new houses, kids, you still have to mourn whatever you're leaving behind, right?
00:19:10.720 --> 00:19:14.879
Because like if you're getting married, you you're gonna end up mourning your your single life.
00:19:15.039 --> 00:19:23.599
There are things that you can't do anymore, you know, or when a child is born and then you start thinking, oh, well, I can't just up and go to the club.
00:19:23.680 --> 00:19:28.640
Uh, you know, I don't do that, but I can't just go, you know, get up at at midnight and go to McDonald's, you know.
00:19:28.799 --> 00:19:29.200
I don't know.
00:19:29.279 --> 00:19:31.519
I don't, I'm saying all these things that I don't do.
00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:40.720
You know, but like all these random things that you might do, and then suddenly you're like, oh, I can't just go surfing for, you know, 12 hours in a day anymore.
00:19:40.879 --> 00:19:49.519
Um, that was thinking of Futurama, but um, you know, you mourn those things, but we have to face them.
00:19:49.759 --> 00:19:55.680
Um, because you know what what I thought of before when you had said that was the only way out is through.
00:19:55.839 --> 00:20:01.759
If we don't face those things, if we don't deal with them, and it's sometimes
like you said, it's just crying.
00:20:02.000 --> 00:20:04.000
Sometimes your body just needs to let it out.
00:20:04.160 --> 00:20:09.119
You just need to cry and go through the whole process and then you'll be okay.
00:20:09.599 --> 00:20:13.839
Um, you know, because you can reframe, you can, but you know, but we have to let those things out.
00:20:14.079 --> 00:20:24.960
Um, so what you know, what are your thoughts on overflow, on you know, the impact that we're having on others as we're just well rolling around, I guess, like you had mentioned in your story.
00:20:25.440 --> 00:20:26.000
Right.
00:20:26.640 --> 00:20:28.400
Yeah, I mean it's so true.
00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:36.720
And I think whatever we are so tightly holding on to, that's the very things that's making us stock, right?
00:20:37.680 --> 00:20:40.960
And you know, especially for mammals with a type 2 diabetic.
00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:57.200
And so it's like there are some mornings when I have staph here or whatever, and I'm like, I just need to have breakfast because I'm gonna eat something that I shouldn't, meaning somebody's feelings or somebody's, you know, like there are just different things, right?
00:20:57.440 --> 00:21:12.160
So, you know, knowing where we're at in our hormone cycles, knowing where we're at in our eating cycle, knowing where we're at in all those things, because uh really it's like I have a good friend, and she's like, if it's something that's going on in my world, why am I gonna pass it off to someone else?
00:21:12.240 --> 00:21:15.200
It's not their bag, and then why do I want them to have to carry it?
00:21:15.920 --> 00:21:29.119
And it's like, oh, and you know, for me, uh I started doing counseling, I don't know, probably like eight years ago now, and I'm so glad that that's not as much of a taboo topic as it used to be, but there's still discomfort in those spaces and with those words.
00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:39.519
Um, but what I really love about for me, you know, uh conversation, talk counseling, whatever, is like now I don't need to burden my friends with half of this crap.
00:21:39.759 --> 00:21:43.519
Like I can go and I can say whatever I want, but nobody ever gets to know about it.
00:21:44.319 --> 00:21:45.839
And then it's just done.
00:21:46.480 --> 00:21:46.799
Right?
00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:48.879
And maybe it's not done done, right?
00:21:49.279 --> 00:21:55.440
But um, for me that's been freeing, and I think that's also been freeing for some of my relationships and friendships.
00:21:55.680 --> 00:21:59.599
But then also it's like figuring out that balance too, right?
00:21:59.680 --> 00:22:02.720
Like there are still things that family members, loved ones, etc.
00:22:02.879 --> 00:22:07.039
need to know about our current conditions, the things we're going through, all of that.
00:22:07.839 --> 00:22:10.480
Um yeah, but it's not constant.
00:22:10.799 --> 00:22:12.160
Because I can relate to what you're saying.
00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:15.279
It's not constant that that's all you talk about, because right.
00:22:15.759 --> 00:22:19.519
Yeah, because if you if you find yourself annoying, imagine everybody else.
00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:22.160
Exactly.
00:22:22.240 --> 00:22:25.119
Like just flip to the other chair for a moment, Utenberg.
00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:29.920
Like Yeah, if I'm tired of spewing it, they've got to be tired of receiving it.
00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:30.559
Yeah.
00:22:30.799 --> 00:22:49.839
You know, so and I have another good a good friend, and she's always so funny because again, you know, type A doing 20 million things, all the things, and so many times in her kitchen she's like, All right, Jenna, this is like the fifth time we've seen each other in the year, and every time you tell me how busy you are, and so I'm just gonna say it out loud.
00:22:50.960 --> 00:22:54.960
I think you like that because you haven't done anything to change that chaos.
00:22:55.119 --> 00:23:02.400
So you keep Talking about it, but then you're not doing anything, and it's like, oh, and she's so funny, she's like, I don't ever remember saying that.
00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:05.359
I'm like, Oh, yep, you've said it multiple times.
00:23:05.759 --> 00:23:07.440
And it's like, but it's good, right?
00:23:07.519 --> 00:23:17.599
We need those trusted relationships to be able to tell us those trends or those patterns or those cycles, and then go, oh, got it.
00:23:17.759 --> 00:23:30.640
But then it's up to me to not harbor the bitterness or the rejection or whatever of those maybe negative feelings that could potentially come from that interaction or those words, right?
00:23:30.960 --> 00:23:35.680
So um, yeah, I mean it it's tricky, right?
00:23:35.759 --> 00:23:40.799
And we just all need a ton of grace and a ton of patience for ourselves and for those around us.
00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:47.759
And communication is a hundred percent usually the issue at the root of it, and so it's all about those.
00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:48.960
We're really bad at that.
00:23:49.440 --> 00:23:51.119
Oh, for sure.
00:23:51.440 --> 00:23:53.359
And then judgments too, right?
00:23:53.519 --> 00:24:10.720
Like um, when you're talking earlier about, you know, saying hi to everybody and all the things, and I was like, yep, and then also I had to learn, like, oh, well, that person could be in a depressive state, could be having some mental illness, mental health challenges.
00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:15.200
So don't push it and pretend that I'm an extrovert because I'm truly an introvert, right?
00:24:15.359 --> 00:24:21.119
But so it's like it's that reading the fine lines, the nuance of how we connect with each other, right?
00:24:21.279 --> 00:24:23.200
Um, it could be a cultural thing where I live.
00:24:23.279 --> 00:24:27.759
There's um lots of anashinabe, Ojibwe, um, indigenous folks.
00:24:27.920 --> 00:24:39.599
And so learning as a public educator, like a sign of respect in in that specific
situation for me was like, oh, this young man is gonna show me more respect not looking at me.
00:24:39.759 --> 00:24:45.200
But I had to learn what that culture was like and what their norms were like, right?
00:24:45.279 --> 00:24:52.559
And so again, it's just like not making those assumptions of like, oh, I said hello to Jen on them all the other day, and she did not respond kindly.
00:24:52.640 --> 00:25:01.119
And it's like I might not have even heard you, but now you go off thinking like oh she's such a hmm-mm-mm-mm-mm, because she didn't smile and say hi back.
00:25:01.359 --> 00:25:11.680
So, you know, it's it's also just trying to think the best of folks, and you know, just just move on with your day as best you can, no matter what that interaction may or may have been.
00:25:11.920 --> 00:25:15.200
Oh no, my job, my job is to just to acknowledge you.
00:25:15.519 --> 00:25:19.519
Whatever you do with that, whether you give it back, that's that's got nothing to do with me.
00:25:19.759 --> 00:25:20.879
Yeah, love that.
00:25:21.119 --> 00:25:23.200
You know, um, you know, that's fine.
00:25:23.279 --> 00:25:24.720
If you want to give it back, that's cool.
00:25:24.879 --> 00:25:25.680
Okay, cool.
00:25:25.920 --> 00:25:27.440
But if not, you know what, right?
00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:29.200
Like we can only control us.
00:25:29.680 --> 00:25:31.599
So we can't control their reaction.
00:25:31.680 --> 00:25:35.039
So, you know, we just yeah, and like you said, no judgment.
00:25:35.119 --> 00:25:38.960
Like you're not here to judge what they say or how they react to you.
00:25:39.200 --> 00:25:41.839
We're literally just acknowledging.
00:25:43.039 --> 00:25:45.839
And many times we're not gonna see that ripple effect, right?
00:25:45.920 --> 00:25:48.640
Especially like when I think of my years of educating.
00:25:48.960 --> 00:25:56.319
You know, students very rarely come back, and but when the few do, it's like, wow, that was good or bad, right?
00:25:56.480 --> 00:26:02.400
Like we need feedback in both both ways, but it's like, oh, that that that took a little bit, got it.
00:26:02.480 --> 00:26:04.319
But then I think about the same way for me, right?
00:26:04.480 --> 00:26:06.079
Because I once was a K-12 student.
00:26:06.240 --> 00:26:10.079
How many of my teachers have I gone back to to say X, Y, Z?
00:26:10.400 --> 00:26:11.680
So, yeah.
00:26:11.920 --> 00:26:13.279
But I love the fact that, yeah.
00:26:13.359 --> 00:26:18.720
And it took me a long time to to realize, like, I'm only accountable to my actions.
00:26:18.879 --> 00:26:21.680
And I'm only I think that was the right word.
00:26:21.839 --> 00:26:22.079
Yeah.
00:26:22.160 --> 00:26:30.319
So, you know, like you said, like, I'm not accountable to anything I say to you, except for the fact that that's where it ends.
00:26:30.400 --> 00:26:34.799
And now it's up to you, Nicole, in your reaction to be accountable to that, right?
00:26:34.960 --> 00:26:40.240
So that was a
really like mind bend in my late 20s, early 30s.
00:26:40.319 --> 00:26:41.920
But nobody talks about those things either.
00:26:42.000 --> 00:26:45.279
So it's just like kind of like that like, am I doing these things?
00:26:45.440 --> 00:26:46.000
Is this right?
00:26:46.160 --> 00:26:46.879
Is this weird?
00:26:47.039 --> 00:26:48.799
Am I too old for my age?
00:26:49.440 --> 00:26:51.440
Yeah, no, no, no, it makes sense though.
00:26:51.599 --> 00:26:58.480
Because, like, when you know, when you give a gift, a gift implies that it's given freely.
00:26:58.640 --> 00:27:03.039
So I shouldn't even I don't need to expect even a thank you.
00:27:03.119 --> 00:27:07.759
Like, you don't even owe me a thank you because then I'm expecting something from you.
00:27:07.839 --> 00:27:10.960
So it doesn't count, it's not a gift, it's it's an exchange, right?
00:27:11.119 --> 00:27:15.279
Um, and so once I put set that rule, I a gift I give freely.
00:27:15.359 --> 00:27:18.879
So you don't owe me a thank you, you don't owe me a gift back, you don't owe me anything.
00:27:19.039 --> 00:27:22.879
Um, then you give freely, and then if you get something back, it's just extra bonus, you know.
00:27:22.960 --> 00:27:24.400
You're like, oh, it's wonderful.
00:27:24.640 --> 00:27:31.440
But if you have the expectation, like, oh, they have to give me a gift because I gave them a gift, like, how miserable are you gonna be?
00:27:32.240 --> 00:27:37.119
And how much energy are you wasting in the tit for tattoo, right?
00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:42.960
Yeah, unmet expectations or unknown expectations, that's a huge another.
00:27:45.680 --> 00:27:47.359
Yes, definitely.
00:27:47.599 --> 00:27:50.400
Um but that's a whole nother conversation.
00:27:50.559 --> 00:27:54.480
So talk to me about how we can stay in touch with you.
00:27:54.799 --> 00:28:01.039
Yeah, best way is uh our website, Above and Beyond With You, the letter U, not Y O U.
00:28:02.319 --> 00:28:04.559
And uh you can find us on socials.
00:28:04.640 --> 00:28:09.839
Uh, we are on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.
00:28:10.480 --> 00:28:18.799
And on our website is the link to where you can buy uh my book within my spokes, which is you can get on Amazon or anywhere where you buy your books.
00:28:18.879 --> 00:28:23.920
Um, and the new audio version should be out by the time this is released, so yay on that.
00:28:24.160 --> 00:28:29.279
Um, and then um the biggest thing is that we also have a contact form on our website.
00:28:29.359 --> 00:28:42.160
So we love to be connected with folks because above and beyond stands for the fact that you can go above and beyond the ADA code, and that the with you means that we're not just doing uh, you know, one-time consultations or trainings.
00:28:42.240 --> 00:28:44.480
We have all those different services on our website as well.
00:28:44.559 --> 00:28:58.799
Um, but we want to really make organic and authentic connections and partnerships, and then the you is a nod to my music uh world because nobody can say Udenberg, let alone little kindergartners, so that's why it's above and beyond with the letter U.
00:28:59.039 --> 00:29:01.519
Um, so kind of a double meaning there.
00:29:02.160 --> 00:29:03.039
I love it.
00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:04.559
That is so cute.
00:29:04.879 --> 00:29:06.319
Um awesome.
00:29:06.480 --> 00:29:11.039
And then before we sign off, we like to share one final tip.
00:29:11.119 --> 00:29:17.039
So, based on everything we've talked about today, what's that big tip that's just gonna change everybody's life?
00:29:17.839 --> 00:29:24.240
Wow, one tip be kind to yourself so you can be kind to others.
00:29:24.960 --> 00:29:25.599
Yeah.
00:29:26.879 --> 00:29:28.240
It starts with you, right?
00:29:28.640 --> 00:29:29.039
Yep.
00:29:29.359 --> 00:29:32.799
And sometimes it's the hardest person to be kind to is ourselves.
00:29:33.519 --> 00:29:34.079
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:29:35.599 --> 00:29:43.200
That is that is a hard lesson to learn, and it takes a lot of reprogramming, but it is very important.
00:29:43.839 --> 00:29:47.519
Um, yeah, I'm much nicer to myself now than when I started.
00:29:47.680 --> 00:29:47.920
Yeah.
00:29:48.160 --> 00:29:48.559
You know what?
00:29:48.640 --> 00:29:50.240
I hadn't thought of that, but you're right.
00:29:50.480 --> 00:29:52.079
I'm much nicer now.
00:29:52.640 --> 00:29:59.519
Yeah, and for folks that maybe come from my heritage background or similar, is like that's not being selfish.
00:29:59.680 --> 00:30:04.319
Like old Jenna, like that would have been like, ooh, taking care of self, that's selfish.
00:30:04.480 --> 00:30:07.519
And it's like, no, be kind.
00:30:08.960 --> 00:30:13.440
And you can only give out of what you have too, going back to that outflow, right?
00:30:13.920 --> 00:30:18.720
So and in emergency situations, we have to put on our mask.
00:30:19.119 --> 00:30:25.200
We need oxygen before we help others, because if not, we run out of resources and then we can't help anybody.
00:30:25.440 --> 00:30:30.799
And so, how you know, being kind to ourselves is actually the most selfless thing we can do.
00:30:31.119 --> 00:30:35.920
Yeah, it's the best gift you can give your other, you know, your community, your loved ones, all the things.
00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:40.319
So taking care of your golden goose, because you are the golden goose.
00:30:41.839 --> 00:30:43.119
I like that.
00:30:44.079 --> 00:30:46.000
Oh my gosh, this has been wonderful.
00:30:46.160 --> 00:30:48.559
Thank you so much for joining us today, Jenna.
00:30:48.720 --> 00:30:52.879
You are an absolute gem, and it's great to have you here with us today.
00:30:53.200 --> 00:30:54.240
Thank you so much.
00:30:54.480 --> 00:30:55.599
Yes, of course.
00:30:55.759 --> 00:30:59.759
And we will catch you guys next time on the next episode of Overcome Yourself the Podcast.
00:30:59.920 --> 00:31:00.319
Bye.