TRANSKRİPT 🔗
S. S. Coulter: Hi everyone, it's SS Coulter. It's that time in our week when we're going to slow down, take a few moments, and learn how to bring some joy back into our lives. Today we're exploring how to stop running on autopilot and start creating more meaningful moments with our kids, our choices, and ourselves. And with that, let there be joy. Welcome to this week's episode of Let There Be Joy. I think a lot of us, actually I know a lot of us wake up with good intentions. We want to be present with our kids, make good and enjoy lives. But then the day starts. There's laundry, work, emails, activities, bills, dishes, responsibilities. And before we know it, another day has passed and we're not quite sure where it went. ⁓ I've realized that the things that matter most usually do not happen by accident. They happen because I have intentionally made time for them. That's one of the reasons I encourage people to do the three and three that I always talk about. In the morning, before you pick up your phone, state or write down three things you're grateful for and three things you intend to do for the day because that gets you into intention and gratitude. But that is just one tip. Our guest today is going to give us a lot more insight on slowing down. being intentional with our time and gaining peace. So it is truly my pleasure to introduce Mia Frankel. I'm going to read you her bio and then we will get right into her tips. Mia Frankel wears many hats mom, podcaster, life coach, published author, employee, volunteer, and many more. And that experience has become the foundation of her work, helping everyday women like you and me build meaningful lives and businesses between the laundry, careers, kids, and ambition. Through love, encouragement, organization, and practical wisdom, helps women create space for spiritual growth, meaningful connection, and bold action. And what I love about her work is that she helps women stop waiting for life to calm down and instead just go ahead and start becoming the woman that we want in the life we're already living right now. Welcome to the show, Mia.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: It's so to be here. It's so beautiful to hear that bio. It's a new version. ⁓ And hearing it back, it it like I really want the listeners to appreciate ⁓ it's not cliche, not salesy. It is the actual summary of my life and lived experience. I truly walk that walk every day, having walked it a different way previously ⁓ ⁓ to grow into this this way of life.
S. S. Coulter: it's so fun every time we talk because you're a coach, ⁓ but you always talk your quote unquote day job and it's very impactful to you and it's ⁓ so helpful for others to all of the real stuff that you go through, all of the daily grind, and you're still out doing your powerful ink ⁓ and women do what you're doing. have the daily grind, but then come out and be powerful and be good to their families, be there for their husbands and themselves. And I'm I'm excited to have
Load full transcript
this conversation today. And I'm also excited because Mia read the memo and she's got wonderful earrings on to match my happy brooch for her, which is a brooch of a green flower that was from my grandma. ⁓ And ⁓ wore because Mia makes me happy and obviously my grandma made me happy. And I want you all to take in how calming Mia's voice is, especially in contrast with my voice. I'm excited to be here because talking to her is calming. And she's got a great laugh. So we're gonna get right into your first tip, your first tip that you sent me was to create an anchor, a ritual with your kids.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: Yeah, I used think the hustle was the prize. ⁓ And I prioritize my children in the way that God intends us to. and so shifting that ⁓ and placing them, have a stepdaughter and a seven-year-old daughter, but placing them at the center of everything else has been ⁓ really beautiful and My little one, it's so cute actually. Both kids, the trampoline time was our time. And so it allows one for what we know will be focused one-on-one time. The kids are nine years apart, so it's slightly different in But when my older was little, ⁓ we out on the trampoline and that was our time together. ⁓ And the new one. ⁓ Is little, and that's where we spend our time. So in preparing for this, it was so obvious that something so naturally has been provided for us to have really focused time. And what's extra beautiful about the trampoline is that absolutely can't do other chores when you're out there. ⁓ You're not gonna be ⁓ bouncing and cooking supper, ⁓ you're not gonna be bouncing and folding laundry. ⁓ Right.
S. S. Coulter: Well that's true, you know Yeah, that's hilarious. And you also, I mean, like in a fun kind of way, you're getting a little bit of physical exercise, but you also can't be on your phone, really. You know, be like this in your face. That's great. So you've intentionally picked something where you can't do anything else. And I don't want people to hear that and think
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: Hundred percent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't. Yeah. Yeah. You can't.
S. S. Coulter: ⁓ you don't have enough willpower. None of us do. ⁓ our phones, all the stuff around us ⁓ is ⁓ making it so that we feel like we constantly have be answering emails, answering the phone, sending text back. And if we don't do that, then somehow we're not keeping up or even listening to a podcast while we're doing something else. I've talked about that before. So this is really cool because you've created a space where it's just you and your children.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And and so for us, the the trampoline naturally presented itself and the kids ⁓ love it. it is 100% exercise too. But the anchor ⁓ is ⁓ some of where you're not distracted where you're present. ⁓ And other things that like that in our life ⁓ is picnic in the yard with books and snacks, maybe going for a walk. ⁓ I'm trying to get my little one to ride her bike. She
needs to learn how to ride a bike at seven. I teach bike riding, so it's kind of important to me. going to the library too is really nice. She likes to play with the magnetic tiles while I watch or browse books. So just doing something that is protected from ⁓ the elements ⁓ of adult brain. of trying to do many things and and this could even be cooking supper together or washing dishes together right and allowing it to be ⁓ messy and not perfect and slower ⁓ so just somewhere I have a friend it's baking for her and her stepson finding somewhere to incorporate more present time together where if you must do another task you're doing it with your child. ⁓ Right, but your child is the priority while the other things are put on hold. ⁓ Once a week, however it works. Sometimes we bounce for minutes, sometimes we bounce forty-five. It's not ⁓ the length, the intention ⁓ and the love, right? Like just really being there together.
S. S. Coulter: The other thing that I really loved about that, you said you can cook and for a friend of yours it's baking. I almost find you're gonna learn more about your kids that way too, because they might suggest something that you would never have thought of. Because when you said baking, I immediately thought it was gonna be a a daughter, but it's a stepson. I mean, that is awesome.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
S. S. Coulter: And I'm sure when you're on the trampoline you're learning stuff because it's like when you drive in a car with your kids, you have the best conversations. Yeah.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: Yes. Well, like your the child just wants your attention. And we are often so distracted because I've lived this. I'm so distracted. know, leaving my phone alone more at bedtime has been really wonderful. And the cuddles in the morning wake up and at bedtime sleep. Georgia tells all kinds of hilarious and wonderful things. ⁓ She's and she has mommy's attention.
S. S. Coulter: Mm-hmm.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: So she is going to capitalize on that. And then my heart just continuously grows bigger with love. And I'm I'm drawn in and I'm more and more focused. So it it shifts my inner energy and increases my desire to really appreciate her. I'm 44, she's seven. She's growing up every minute, every day. And I'm not gonna get this time back. Once we're adults, that's it. We're adults forever, and there's other adventures. But childhood is exquisite and it is sacred because it is the shortest time of that kind of relationship between you and your kid.
S. S. Coulter: we have bring back that calming influence, the love to child because because kids are growing up too fast, ⁓ and giving your your child that one on one attention and having them feel love, they'll remember that for the rest of their lives. ⁓ And the other that I I love about the bedtime thing that you just said is I've been interviewing a lot of people about your nervous system.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: Mm-hmm.
S. S. Coulter: Which is
a new thing to me, but you brought it up because they're calming down and it's calming you down. And what a beautiful thing for you to do together. And it probably helps her sleep because she goes to bed with that calming inner peace, knowing mommy loves me. I mean, that's beautiful on so many different levels.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: yeah. I mean I could go on, I could go deeper with that, but maybe we should move to tip two, which will tie in.
S. S. Coulter: Well well Okay, so we will move to tip two. lead your values.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: so if we use bedtime as an example, I used to, I now do. I used to try and get rid of my kid at bedtime so I could go back to the computer or go back to chores or go back to whatever I had to do. She's seven, she'll be eight in the fall, ⁓ it took until late last year sometime for me to completely surrender it all and just Be there and bedtime takes as long as it takes, and that's the last thing I do in the day. And that's it. And so that means that I'm now in alignment with my values rather than I'm so done with work stress, adult stress, relationship stress, now bedtime's grading on me. I healed that dynamic and improved our entire routine by coming back to my values. Love, levity. Honesty, integrity. You know, there's 500 million different ways you can identify some of your core values. Spend five minutes ⁓ and find out what they are, ⁓ and then let them ⁓ guide you. At bedtime, I'm struggling as a parent, is aligned with my values want to run away from my child because she's driving me nuts? ⁓ No. ⁓ Is it aligned with my values to give myself grace and maybe say, kiddo,
S. S. Coulter: So
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: just need a minute? ⁓ Hold, hold on, and pause and breathe and come back and finish. And what's over time is I've shifted completely and created this whole new beautiful dynamic. She falls asleep faster, still late, but faster. She's much happier. She's self-regulating, like you said. ⁓ I'm self-regulating. And I'm concluding my day. The the work can wait for another day, and that's it. I get done what I can because God's got other plans and then we move on. So if we're leading from our values, you to what they are, can work on that together, or can just use the good old Google and find a way to kind identify those ⁓ then write them down. ⁓ And post them somewhere you see often, maybe even on the back of your phone. And when something's coming up that's challenging, pause and check that list. How do I respond based on these values of my identity and of my moral character? at work, I'm challenged with conflict entitlement.
S. S. Coulter: So I want to repeat something you said first
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: On a daily basis. in order to respond from my values, I have to overcome the emotional frustration ⁓ go back to what's in integrity, what's in fairness, what's just. And that creates a lot of spiritual freedom because now you're not fighting against yourself. So when it comes children, when it comes to priorities, family plans, that sort of thing, ⁓ it just dissolve conflict with self, like if you're trying to be a square peg in a round hole. or you know, when we lose it on our kids and then we feel horrible after, it's like before it gets to that moment.
S. S. Coulter: I wanted to say something that really struck me that you shared with us, ⁓ because I want to make sure people hear it. The work can wait. I know that's not the the main focus of this tip, but that was very impactful because so many people work through the night and y you ⁓ why? Why we doing that?
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: Mm.
S. S. Coulter: We need time to rest and I know we're gonna get into that too, but I really want people to hear the work can wait and just let that sink in. ⁓ other thing, Mia, that you had said, so I wanna go back to it is if you ⁓ to figure out your values, how people do that? I you had written down that there's a values exercise. Can you just summarize it a little bit for us or just give us a little bit of an idea of how to do that and then maybe people can come to you to do more. But I just wanted more information about how someone could do a values exercise just to get this going.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: ⁓ so I'll offer two ways. One I just generated with Claude AI. ⁓ a quiz and gives you scenarios that then tally your scoring and and then proposes some based on your behavioral response to something. so are you a just person? Are you a community-minded person? Are you a love and nurturing inclined person? So that's one way of doing it if it's too daunting to the other way, which would be to ask Google for a ⁓ values where 30 values are listed. ⁓ And like the life wheel exercise, if you're familiar, you have to quick respond, And score. So ⁓ you get this value sheet with 30 Give yourself 30 seconds to glance over it and highlight circle. three to five, that really scream alignment to you. ⁓ like if I ⁓ anger ⁓ is not a ⁓ a right? ⁓ Selfishness, generally a value. But love, ambition, levity. Levity is humor and fun, ⁓ creativity, fairness, morality, these these character defining things. So those are two options, this this quiz that I'll probably continue to fine-tune a little bit, ⁓ and to share a link, maybe even through this podcast, right? or a value sheet, which I could find one and also provide. And now you know a bit more about yourself, and now you have a foundation from which to yourself. And again, it's a practice. It takes time and repetition. But it becomes where does this choice or reaction align with myself? The working late, ⁓ I ⁓ I ⁓ used to work until 11, 12 o'clock at night, but ⁓ I found that then I'm tired, the never anyway, always chasing it. So ⁓ I would much rather organize life, take a little longer to build the dreams. Патвени.
S. S. Coulter: Yes, enjoy. Enjoy. I enjoy. Yes. I wanna ask one more question here. And it might be obvious to some, but I just want to hear what you say. What are some
signs we're we're living out of alignment with what matters most?
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: Yeah. Enjoy. Yeah. ⁓ What I'm learning about that is how are you feeling? How are you feeling in the day-to-day? Are you feeling calm and peaceful ⁓ and capable? ⁓ Or are finding you're in conflict and angst? So if you're square pegging a round hole, what I'm just learning about myself, Shannon, is ⁓ I've been trying to fit into a that just doesn't fit. And it doesn't make it right or wrong. It just makes it misaligned. And so, there's times we're trying so hard for something to work. And now, ⁓ it's out of with my values. That's why I'm having such a hard time.
S. S. Coulter: Interesting. to me, it's the feeling of ⁓ Your body's going up and it's uncomfortable. And I like to say something's coming from ground and making me go up, or something's from up and making me calm down. And so if it's making me calm down and it's coming from the light above me, that's where I want to be. Yeah.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. That's right.
S. S. Coulter: So we're gonna take a quick break and we will be right back. Welcome back to the show, everybody. We are here with Mia, and we are gonna get into her third which amazing. ⁓ Spend time. Doing nothing.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: Okay, Shannon, when you hear that, do you feel safe or do you feel like you're all of a sudden in survival mode?
S. S. Coulter: That that pushes somebody into survival mode. Yes, but it shouldn't. We're gonna shit on people. We're gonna shit on people. Yeah.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: Right? You should spend time doing nothing. Exactly. It is alarming think about how uncomfortable we are just being. Just chill. Just chill. You know, I know this is a big part of what you enjoy and and are passionate about is allowing for ourselves to get bored so that we can get into creativity. ⁓ So last night I at my friend's house with her two kids and my one kid. We were pushing them to go outside so that her and I could have a minute by ourselves. And it was just so beautiful out. She's got an amazing backyard. Her son is saying, No, no, no, I don't want to go outside. I wanna watch TV. And she held the boundary. He did go outside, and guess what happened? Couldn't get him back in. ⁓ And ⁓ it's not like there was anything. ⁓
S. S. Coulter: Yes.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: extremely entertaining out there. There wasn't a clown or Mickey Mouse or a Ferris wheel. It was just the backyard.
S. S. Coulter: Just their brains doing what kids' brains do.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: The relaxation that we get from shifting our stimulation ⁓ is the ⁓ spending time doing So let's see I can get this out. If we're gonna think about the nervous system, the nervous system is a machine, okay? Our body is literally like a piece of equipment ⁓ designed to react, catalog, and respond. ⁓ To so-called danger or data. And science indicates that we process like 60 billion pieces of data a day. It's an extremely large number, incomprehensible to think of that. But I look around my environment right now, I can at least 7,000 things. ⁓ It's not a blue wall like yours, but there's like a lot going on. Right? So if our brain is constantly made to respond to assess danger threats, the doing nothing actually allows for the body feel safe, which then allows spirit a little bit more room to stretch and and come alive ⁓ because it's not being constricted. ⁓ by like your example of the ground sucking up or the light pushing down. this is where spending time doing nothing, not meditation, ⁓ ⁓ this prayer, but just ⁓ a minute and chill.
S. S. Coulter: I love that we're told to walk by faith, not by sight. And what I am finding ⁓ with all of the information we're learning about you're talking about to just sit there is you're moving your flesh out of the way, as you said, so your spirit can take over. Because it is so interesting when you don't realize that your body is doing the weirdest stuff because somewhere in you it thinks it's protecting you from something. if you can slow down for a moment and realize you're safe, like you said, that pain sometimes goes away, that weird ⁓ ache that you have because your like, ⁓ I'm okay. And then you can actually relax and enjoy things more. And I think that's what you're saying.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: it's it's restorative in a way that ⁓ the a retreat, even ⁓ example of sort of self-care doesn't reach. It's soul rest. ⁓ And a weird awesome practice that I've started ⁓ is talking to brain and talking to my body. I'm a spiritual being. I am a soul. I am a light energy living in this body and using this body to experience the two or three-dimensional world. And my brain is kind of a jerk. ⁓ And it likes to just ⁓ run full speed ahead like wildfire, destroying everything. And after so many years now I'm kind of starting to get handle. Tame the dragon sometimes a is like a coaching term or industry term taming taming the the evil thoughts that are running rampant and off leash in you so in talking to my brain like I wake up ⁓ and before the stimulus starts my brain's like ⁓ we're wait danger danger fight fight solve solve solve ⁓ spirit says good wow you're crazy I'm not ready for that that's just calm down ⁓ Let's just wake up and just feel the bed and just be here and not be seven years ahead into the future, having had 10 million conversations between now and then. ⁓ And with the body, particularly at night. hand on chest. You can do this with me now, Shannon. Hand on chest and hand on stomach. And a breath. ⁓ And just hey, we're safe. We're good. We're here. ⁓ Okay. I really like the caress of a hand on cheek. I find that one really ⁓ endearing loving. And you practice, practice one to start, work up to two, three, four, and then ⁓ your ⁓ starts ⁓ shift go, ⁓ we're not in constant danger all the time. We're not always having to respond or solve every problem that's not even necessarily a problem to begin with.
And if we are ⁓ Constantly stimulating ourselves with a phone, a book, a journal, a drawing, a movement, we're not allowing more room for that stillness to really settle. Maybe an example is a jar with water and sand, and you pick it up and you shake it and you put it down. And how long does it take to settle? Maybe has settled or it's this close to settling, and then you bump it ⁓ and you start the process up again. Right. So maybe that's the visualization to picture spending time doing nothing, letting that water get clearer. That water is your spirit, and the sand at the bottom is just your body. Your body needs time to not feel under threat so that you have more vitality, you have more clarity, and you bring forth more creativity as a result, decluttering all the additional noise.
S. S. Coulter: that is so good. And I I wanted to ⁓ add to this You said it's not meditation. It isn't. And if you're listening to us and you say, well, I can't possibly do that, just concentrate on the parts of your body. Wiggle your toes. ⁓ Like Mia said, put your hands on yourself. spend the time concentrating on your body. See what parts are tense and what parts are loose and what parts feel good. That's what's been helping me because then it's just me taking care of my body. it's but don't s hurt as much as you think you do. And ⁓ the other thing I wanted to add that I've learning in my walk of faith is most of the stuff the devil does to you is in your brain. he is after your brain. So if you can take control the way we're saying, he will flee. Give your spirit time to submit to God, resist the devil, and he must flee. And that is how you're gonna get your flesh out of the way so you can take control with your spirit. And it is so, so good and so powerful. And then the rest of the day is yours. Because you're walking by faith. Mm. Yes. ⁓
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And it that's an important note. Like there there's different ways to start creating that safety with yourself and with your body. And you do have to just experiment, it could be washing the dishes and not hurrying. Not like it's not a race and you don't have to wash them before the world implodes. Get that last clean dish and the drying rack before the earth ends. Like speaking from experience, this is how I used to walk around.
S. S. Coulter: ⁓ What do I gotta do next? No.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: Dude, calm down.
S. S. Coulter: And you know, everybody we're laughing, but we're laughing because we've both done it. We know you've done it. We're just going, What in the world? Yeah.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: so this is the thing, right? And then ⁓ that tiny practice starts showing up in different places, like at work conflict, more regulated, more unaffected ⁓ by other people's trauma and issues, More peace ⁓ more groundedness. Now this doesn't mean always perfect and calm and ⁓ all the time. It means I have more capacity to handle different issues challenges.
S.
S. Coulter: I like that, Mia, because ⁓ before started recording, we were talking about your your day job ⁓ and you saying that you have that capacity because you have to be there to handle some pretty stressful things. And this helps you be able to there and it also helps you, be the Bible that people are reading because they're seeing this is a calm, loving soul who's taking care of me while I'm just Let's just say being a jerk. And she just took it ⁓ and me down because you're calm and you're walking with Christ. So I just think it's ⁓ beautiful very helpful. ⁓ So gonna go ahead and do my best to recap ⁓ all of tips that Mia gave us today. So she started with tip number one: create an anchor or ritual with your kids. Prioritize your kids, put them in the center. They are going to grow up fast and you don't want to miss this. And one of the most important that is create it in a protected time where you're not going to be distracted as we so easily get distracted. She said it could be the library, a picnic in the backyard, a walk, the trampoline, cooking, doing the dishes. So one of these things and you will have amazing conversations with your kids and get to know them so well and calm down yourself, Which leads into tip two, lead from your values. And she is going to provide us with a link to a quiz ⁓ and a Google Sheet where can do a values exercise. And then what you wanna do is put those values up. So when are out of alignment, when you're feeling chaotic. You can look at those and bring yourself to that. Am I acting on my values? No. Okay, I'm going to switch back to that. And then tip three, spend time doing nothing. And that just means sitting with yourself, not going to a spa, sitting with yourself and letting yourself feel your body, calm it down so that you have more capacity for yourself and for everybody else around you. So absolutely wonderful. Mia, where can people find you if they want to work with you, listen to your podcast, all of the different things?
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: All of my tags are powerful ink, P O ⁓ W H E R F L L I N C. I like Facebook the most, ⁓ and then I have my recurring called Startup Stories on all podcast players, a special feature called the Everyday Women's Summit series, kind of dives deeper and ⁓ very aligned with the kind of conversations that you're having on your podcast, women's stories about building something bigger in our day-to-day. So can go to my website, powerfullink.com or come and find me on socials under that same moniker and links to all the things are there.
S. S. Coulter: Wonderful. a recap of Mia's tips and insights, you can find today's joy PDF at SSculter.com slash joy. If this episode gave you something to about, if you try one of these things and they work for you, if it sparked an idea, I would love to hear about it. So please send a voice memo on Telegram to SSculter. And if you've ever ended a day wondering where the time went, if you've ever been out of alignment, go ahead and like, subscribe, and share this podcast with someone else who could use a little more joy in their day. gonna come back to Mia first off, thank you so much for being here. I'm literally calmer than I was at the beginning of the episode. So look at that. I just wanted to ask some final words of wisdom from you ⁓ that people can use to bring more joy their day.
Mia Frankl, Powherfull Inc: to be morbid, but when you die, ⁓ do you want to look back on and feel about your life? And think about think about your whole story from the end and live live it forward with peace and joy. Life's not that serious. Nobody gets out alive. So chill out and have fun along the way while doing something meaningful.
S. S. Coulter: And I'm gonna repeat, the work can wait. The work can wait. ⁓ So as close today, everybody, I just want you to remember that you are so loved. You have an absolutely amazing purpose in this life. And this is the day the Lord has made. So let us rejoice and be glad in it. Let there be joy. Bye for now.