TRANSKRİPT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:00.017 --> 00:00:05.037
I'm Jamie Gennaro, business coach, consultant, and founder of Practica Consulting.
00:00:05.157 --> 00:00:10.977
In today's episode, I share a powerful mindset tool rooted in cognitive behavioral
00:00:10.977 --> 00:00:14.497
therapy to help you break free from limiting beliefs.
00:00:14.737 --> 00:00:18.797
I walk you through how your thoughts drive emotions, actions,
00:00:19.097 --> 00:00:23.357
and results, and how simple awareness can help you shift patterns,
00:00:23.897 --> 00:00:27.717
overcome self-sabotage, and move closer to your goals.
00:00:28.423 --> 00:00:29.023
Enjoy.
00:00:32.483 --> 00:00:36.763
One of my key clients, one of my clients that I've been working with for more
00:00:36.763 --> 00:00:39.243
than a year didn't know about this tool.
00:00:39.483 --> 00:00:45.703
And then it made me realize I have gotten so used to using it that I kind of
00:00:45.703 --> 00:00:48.763
stopped training my clients on how to use it.
00:00:48.863 --> 00:00:55.863
And I just think it's so vital and critical to keeping our brains in the place
00:00:55.863 --> 00:01:01.563
where they're going to serve us the most so that we can get to our goals.
00:01:01.723 --> 00:01:03.863
Because our brains are really tricky.
00:01:04.123 --> 00:01:09.123
There is this thing that happens with our mind that it will play tricks on us.
00:01:09.383 --> 00:01:16.543
And if we don't look at it objectively, then we will let it keep us in patterns
00:01:16.543 --> 00:01:21.543
that are not getting us to the goals and the results that we want.
00:01:21.783 --> 00:01:30.003
Hi, welcome to another episode of Business for Humans, which is feeling so timely
00:01:30.003 --> 00:01:35.443
that I started this almost 100 episodes ago, which is crazy.
00:01:35.683 --> 00:01:39.123
But this was before chat gpt
00:01:39.123 --> 00:01:43.483
this was before all this ai mumbo
00:01:43.483 --> 00:01:46.703
jumbo and it's just fun that
00:01:46.703 --> 00:01:49.643
i named the podcast that also because i
00:01:49.643 --> 00:01:52.683
was thinking about corporate environments that don't always
00:01:52.683 --> 00:01:57.923
treat people like people they treat them like resources that was my original
00:01:57.923 --> 00:02:03.983
intention but now it's like okay this is business for humans not business for
00:02:03.983 --> 00:02:10.723
robots or robots talking to robots which is basically what happens when we use.
00:02:11.436 --> 00:02:14.636
A chatbot to write things for us.
00:02:14.836 --> 00:02:18.616
It's mining content from other chatbots. It's mining content from the internet.
00:02:18.616 --> 00:02:25.616
Maybe things that humans have written, but that's getting rarer and rarer. This is not about AI.
00:02:25.996 --> 00:02:29.056
It's just, I digress for just one second more.
00:02:29.736 --> 00:02:35.296
But yeah, so I named the podcast Business for Humans with that original intention.
00:02:35.296 --> 00:02:41.056
And now I just think it's so cool because I think this emphasis on analog and
00:02:41.056 --> 00:02:45.796
this emphasis on just people, like if you look at my content, it is so analog.
00:02:46.256 --> 00:02:54.776
Like I do not fit the mold of the highly produced, really nice Instagram accounts.
00:02:55.096 --> 00:02:58.916
Everybody I'm sure has some kind of AI tool that they're using.
00:02:59.256 --> 00:03:05.176
I'm analog and maybe I'm going to get lost in the in the crowd and in the scroll.
00:03:05.516 --> 00:03:10.256
But maybe the analog is going to be the thing that becomes cool.
00:03:10.716 --> 00:03:14.956
So the old lady becomes viable again.
00:03:15.276 --> 00:03:21.916
So anyway, okay, I digress. What I want to talk about today is a tool that I
00:03:21.916 --> 00:03:25.316
have been using in my coaching for years.
00:03:25.576 --> 00:03:31.076
And I realized that one of my key clients, one of my clients that I've been
00:03:31.076 --> 00:03:34.496
working with for more than a year, didn't know about this tool.
00:03:34.776 --> 00:03:40.956
And then it made me realize I have gotten so used to using it that I kind of
00:03:40.956 --> 00:03:44.036
stopped training my clients on how to use it.
00:03:44.076 --> 00:03:51.696
And I just think it's so vital and critical to keeping our brains in the place where.
00:03:52.513 --> 00:03:56.833
And they're going to serve us the most so that we can get to our goals.
00:03:56.973 --> 00:03:59.113
Because our brains are really tricky.
00:03:59.433 --> 00:04:08.693
And I like to talk about the brain and my clients' brains as if they're separate from their entity.
00:04:08.993 --> 00:04:14.733
Because there is this thing that happens with our mind that it will play tricks on us.
00:04:14.733 --> 00:04:18.753
And if we don't look at it objectively then
00:04:18.753 --> 00:04:22.113
we will let it keep us in patterns
00:04:22.113 --> 00:04:24.873
that are not getting us to the
00:04:24.873 --> 00:04:28.473
goals and the results that we want and if
00:04:28.473 --> 00:04:31.673
you know me you know that i am not about pushing for
00:04:31.673 --> 00:04:36.853
a goal or that the outcome attaching yourself to the outcome is the important
00:04:36.853 --> 00:04:42.433
thing it's that you want to be evolving along the way and i think reaching for
00:04:42.433 --> 00:04:46.973
a goal helps you elevate and helps you reach out of your comfort zone.
00:04:47.113 --> 00:04:48.633
So I love goals for that reason.
00:04:48.853 --> 00:04:53.313
But I really encourage people not to attach themselves to that because that
00:04:53.313 --> 00:05:00.473
will shift the way that they're evolving through the journey because they'll
00:05:00.473 --> 00:05:02.253
just be looking at this one outcome.
00:05:02.453 --> 00:05:06.173
And if something else were to happen that maybe would even be better for them.
00:05:06.533 --> 00:05:09.733
They ignore it because they're motto-focused on a goal.
00:05:10.093 --> 00:05:15.373
So I think it's
Load full transcript
great to set a goal, but we have to be careful about our brain
00:05:15.373 --> 00:05:18.593
telling us all the reasons why it's not possible.
00:05:18.833 --> 00:05:22.093
So let me go to the foundation of this.
00:05:22.233 --> 00:05:27.833
So my coach training was based on cognitive behavioral therapy,
00:05:27.833 --> 00:05:33.993
which is basically the idea that we all have this narrative that runs through
00:05:33.993 --> 00:05:37.433
our brains that is typically pretty negative.
00:05:37.693 --> 00:05:40.633
And a lot of it is our frontal lobe,
00:05:41.287 --> 00:05:47.807
trying to keep us safe. So a lot of what our brain is doing is survival.
00:05:47.907 --> 00:05:51.547
And some of it is old,
00:05:52.087 --> 00:05:58.447
non-evolved parts of the human brain that react to this, you know,
00:05:58.567 --> 00:06:03.727
fight or flight or freeze nervous system situation, which of course,
00:06:03.907 --> 00:06:05.267
like our central nervous system.
00:06:06.127 --> 00:06:08.227
Connects to our brain, right?
00:06:08.387 --> 00:06:14.967
So these transmissions are happening from our body when we're shocked or scared.
00:06:15.127 --> 00:06:19.207
I mean, even at the most minor level, like if somebody drops something and then
00:06:19.207 --> 00:06:23.847
you're kind of, you know, you jump and then something happens to your brain, right?
00:06:23.947 --> 00:06:28.567
And so it's a mechanism for survival. So all the things we're afraid of,
00:06:29.267 --> 00:06:36.087
right, we are in this negative spin to keep ourselves safe. Great.
00:06:36.327 --> 00:06:42.207
But we're not living in an era where there are predators, okay,
00:06:42.387 --> 00:06:44.507
except for maybe like sharks and whales.
00:06:44.807 --> 00:06:53.547
But, you know, like we're not in a state where we need to constantly be in survival mode.
00:06:53.807 --> 00:06:59.167
And I say that with a grain of salt because I know that there are people living in those situations.
00:06:59.207 --> 00:07:05.167
So I give grace to that and I hope you understand that I have so much compassion for that.
00:07:05.687 --> 00:07:12.627
That's a different situation than where I think most of my listeners are sitting, right?
00:07:12.787 --> 00:07:19.447
And I think that we tend to let our brain go to the worst case scenario first,
00:07:19.447 --> 00:07:24.207
because we think that that is the reality that's going to keep us safe.
00:07:25.030 --> 00:07:28.190
And it's just this very interesting thing that our brain does.
00:07:29.030 --> 00:07:33.870
So cognitive behavioral therapy is having awareness of those thoughts.
00:07:33.910 --> 00:07:39.550
So we don't have to believe them, even if they're really deeply ingrained stories.
00:07:39.690 --> 00:07:42.610
So I will give you one from my past.
00:07:42.930 --> 00:07:44.590
Maybe you'll relate to that.
00:07:45.114 --> 00:07:50.074
I'm not good at math. Okay, like how many people do you hear say that?
00:07:50.234 --> 00:07:52.854
Like, oh, I'm not good at math. Math's not mathing.
00:07:53.094 --> 00:07:55.554
Nobody told me there'd be math, right?
00:07:55.854 --> 00:08:03.014
Like, I'm not good at math. So this was a story that I was very tied to for
00:08:03.014 --> 00:08:11.314
a very long time because I got a D on my Algebra 2 test in high school or end of junior high.
00:08:12.394 --> 00:08:14.674
And it, like, crushed me.
00:08:15.114 --> 00:08:19.974
And I remember sitting down for this test and sort of going blank.
00:08:19.974 --> 00:08:21.854
I was never a good test taker.
00:08:21.914 --> 00:08:28.914
And I just felt like my brain doesn't understand this input of information.
00:08:29.254 --> 00:08:35.034
I'm great at regurgitating history texts. I'm great at writing essays.
00:08:35.054 --> 00:08:36.574
I'm great at presenting.
00:08:36.614 --> 00:08:41.974
But when it comes to math, I am not good at it. And this was a story that I
00:08:41.974 --> 00:08:46.594
really held on to and perpetuated in my life.
00:08:46.914 --> 00:08:48.974
Not good at math means you're not good with money.
00:08:49.294 --> 00:08:53.354
And so it just spun and spun and spun.
00:08:53.554 --> 00:08:58.654
And so when you have a thought like that, what kind of a result do you think
00:08:58.654 --> 00:09:00.774
you're going to be creating in your life?
00:09:00.794 --> 00:09:05.214
Because what happens from a thought is that we have an emotion about it.
00:09:05.394 --> 00:09:11.294
And of course, when you get a D on a test and your teacher like slaps it down
00:09:11.294 --> 00:09:13.794
on your desk. I think it was even a D minus.
00:09:15.054 --> 00:09:18.854
There was shame, right? So humiliation and shame.
00:09:18.954 --> 00:09:23.814
These are two feelings that we all as humans run away from.
00:09:23.994 --> 00:09:29.434
These are two feelings that are literally some of the most painful feelings
00:09:29.434 --> 00:09:33.754
that a human could experience outside of grief.
00:09:33.774 --> 00:09:38.414
And I will say as someone who's experienced against a lot of grief.
00:09:39.280 --> 00:09:46.160
I do think that grief is a very productive emotion. We don't want it, but we can't control it.
00:09:46.360 --> 00:09:52.500
There's no way for us to control it, but we think we can control humiliation and shame.
00:09:52.560 --> 00:09:56.760
So we step away from those two feelings.
00:09:57.060 --> 00:10:01.500
Sometimes it doesn't mean we change our behavior, but we like run away from
00:10:01.500 --> 00:10:05.860
wanting to face it, wanting to face the situation that created shame.
00:10:07.070 --> 00:10:10.910
Thoughts are creating this emotional situation.
00:10:11.250 --> 00:10:17.770
So if we're talking about this exercise of how you can kind of coach yourself
00:10:17.770 --> 00:10:24.110
through these old stories, first you want to have awareness of the thought.
00:10:24.290 --> 00:10:29.530
Is there a thought that is perpetuating some kind of result that you've had
00:10:29.530 --> 00:10:34.130
in your life? So it's very easy to connect a thought like, I'm not good at math,
00:10:34.310 --> 00:10:38.250
I'm not good with money, to, oh, I don't have enough money, right?
00:10:38.370 --> 00:10:43.950
So the result of that is I am left scrambling for money.
00:10:44.470 --> 00:10:51.370
It's easy to connect that thought with that result. But on the way to the result
00:10:51.370 --> 00:10:56.490
from this thought, I'm not good at math, there's an emotion and then there's
00:10:56.490 --> 00:10:58.690
usually an action or an inaction.
00:10:59.190 --> 00:11:02.990
So if you were to write this down on a piece of paper to be able to coach yourself,
00:11:02.990 --> 00:11:07.570
this is a model that I learned from my coach certification, which is called,
00:11:07.690 --> 00:11:09.430
it was the Life Coach School.
00:11:09.830 --> 00:11:13.010
There are many ways at this.
00:11:13.070 --> 00:11:17.110
So if you go and do research on cognitive behavioral therapy,
00:11:17.110 --> 00:11:23.730
or you really look at any therapy that is related to thought work,
00:11:23.910 --> 00:11:26.770
you're going to find some version of this model.
00:11:26.930 --> 00:11:30.070
So you can pick and choose what resonates with you.
00:11:30.190 --> 00:11:34.650
But the one that I learned is basically if you write on a piece of paper these
00:11:34.650 --> 00:11:42.850
letters in a line, C, and the C stands for circumstance, T stands for thought,
00:11:43.830 --> 00:11:45.670
F stands for feeling.
00:11:46.710 --> 00:11:50.550
A stands for action, and R stands for results.
00:11:50.930 --> 00:11:53.350
So it's not going to work.
00:11:53.981 --> 00:11:58.281
For every single situation that you're in, but it's a really good foundational
00:11:58.281 --> 00:12:03.081
way to really objectively look at your thoughts and see what's happening from them.
00:12:03.261 --> 00:12:10.221
The reason there's a circumstance at the top of this is because the circumstance is unchangeable.
00:12:10.341 --> 00:12:15.661
So when I work with clients on burnout, I don't want to change their situation.
00:12:15.661 --> 00:12:17.641
I don't want to change their circumstance.
00:12:17.841 --> 00:12:20.721
I want to walk them through this whole
00:12:20.721 --> 00:12:23.561
line of like their thoughts and their emotions and the
00:12:23.561 --> 00:12:26.841
results that they're creating so they understand that
00:12:26.841 --> 00:12:29.901
the power is within them to change the
00:12:29.901 --> 00:12:33.041
result and it has nothing to do with the circumstance
00:12:33.041 --> 00:12:35.961
or the situation or the job or the people
00:12:35.961 --> 00:12:41.661
that are around them and what i love about this is that it really makes you
00:12:41.661 --> 00:12:46.981
the driver of your life so you stop getting in the situation where you're like
00:12:46.981 --> 00:12:52.201
but this situation is why things are effed up And this person is why things
00:12:52.201 --> 00:12:54.881
are effed up. And my house is why things are effed up.
00:12:55.201 --> 00:12:58.641
This, you know, like we can just make so many excuses.
00:12:58.841 --> 00:13:03.161
But what's really interesting is that there's usually this old story,
00:13:03.481 --> 00:13:08.361
this old pattern that's driving us into the result. So I'm not good at math.
00:13:08.881 --> 00:13:12.901
I'm not good with money. Okay, so let's pick one. I'm not good with money.
00:13:13.061 --> 00:13:15.641
It's kind of an easy one to run through. I'm not good with money.
00:13:16.081 --> 00:13:20.181
Creates shame. Like, oh my God, Everyone else has money, right?
00:13:20.321 --> 00:13:24.741
So we can write down all the thoughts around this, which is really helpful also
00:13:24.741 --> 00:13:29.421
just for the objection, what am I trying to say?
00:13:29.981 --> 00:13:34.201
Being objective of these thoughts, right? So the more you can find,
00:13:34.221 --> 00:13:39.341
the more you can take a step back from them and see them as thoughts,
00:13:39.641 --> 00:13:44.041
stories, patterns, and detach yourself a little bit from them.
00:13:44.041 --> 00:13:46.841
So it's really helpful if you're like, okay, I don't believe it.
00:13:46.961 --> 00:13:48.201
I don't believe the story.
00:13:48.501 --> 00:13:51.161
The only fact here is that I...
00:13:52.019 --> 00:13:57.119
Work for myself. I live in the Netherlands. You know, there are certain facts
00:13:57.119 --> 00:14:01.779
about my situation, but none of them equal, I'm not good at math, right?
00:14:01.899 --> 00:14:04.279
Like those two things don't really go together.
00:14:04.479 --> 00:14:09.239
Like I work for myself. I'm not good at math. Like, no, I work for myself,
00:14:09.239 --> 00:14:12.479
but lots of people work for themselves and lots of people are good at math.
00:14:12.519 --> 00:14:15.239
So it's not like a one for one, if that
00:14:15.239 --> 00:14:18.039
makes sense right or or you know I
00:14:18.039 --> 00:14:20.779
have a job and this is
00:14:20.779 --> 00:14:23.699
the worst job I've ever had well you have
00:14:23.699 --> 00:14:26.379
a job other people have the same job and it's not the
00:14:26.379 --> 00:14:29.879
worst job they've ever had right so two people can have different thoughts about
00:14:29.879 --> 00:14:34.099
the same exact situation that's just kind of the point I'm trying to make of
00:14:34.099 --> 00:14:38.619
like how it's so different between your situation and the thought you have about
00:14:38.619 --> 00:14:40.619
the situation because your thought could
00:14:40.619 --> 00:14:45.239
easily change like I moved to the Netherlands When I first lived here,
00:14:45.439 --> 00:14:49.039
I felt really uncomfortable and I didn't like it.
00:14:49.539 --> 00:14:53.899
And when I got into coaching, I was like, I can just choose to like it.
00:14:54.419 --> 00:14:58.419
You know what I mean? Like other people live here, other people like it.
00:14:58.879 --> 00:15:03.819
Why am I so set on not liking it and then creating a situation for myself and
00:15:03.819 --> 00:15:09.059
a result for myself that's so sad and unhappy? What if I just choose to like it?
00:15:09.259 --> 00:15:13.179
Okay, so let's go back to the emotion that comes from that thought.
00:15:14.210 --> 00:15:18.010
I'm not good at math. Shame. I don't like this place.
00:15:18.570 --> 00:15:24.650
Sadness. This is not about going for the happy thought all the time. It's about awareness.
00:15:25.070 --> 00:15:28.130
So I'm not feeling great about my situation.
00:15:28.790 --> 00:15:32.850
What am I thinking about my situation that might be creating that feeling?
00:15:33.390 --> 00:15:38.550
And we're not going to jump from I hate this place to I love this place.
00:15:38.750 --> 00:15:42.270
Like there's no way that those two things are going to be able to go,
00:15:42.610 --> 00:15:44.930
you know, you can't convince yourself of that immediately.
00:15:45.050 --> 00:15:49.830
It's, it's a bridge, right? We have to start with awareness and then we build
00:15:49.830 --> 00:15:54.650
a bridge to a potential new way of thinking about it. That's coaching.
00:15:55.010 --> 00:15:59.470
Coaching is that bridge. Trust me, it is really hard to cross that bridge alone.
00:16:00.070 --> 00:16:03.170
I mean, you might have friends and support systems, but I will tell you like
00:16:03.170 --> 00:16:04.610
coaching is that bridge.
00:16:04.750 --> 00:16:07.770
It's bridging you from what is the depth
00:16:07.770 --> 00:16:10.830
of the situation you're in now what's the situation you want
00:16:10.830 --> 00:16:13.850
and how do we draw that bridge
00:16:13.850 --> 00:16:19.290
and it's totally personal to you ai is not gonna get you across that bridge
00:16:19.290 --> 00:16:24.950
to bring it back full circle okay now we have the thought now we have the emotion
00:16:24.950 --> 00:16:31.030
let's go back to math shame what kind of action do you think you take from shame.
00:16:31.935 --> 00:16:36.635
Well, there's probably a lot of eating, a lot of drinking, a lot of running
00:16:36.635 --> 00:16:39.515
away from the shame, all the ways people run away from shame.
00:16:39.955 --> 00:16:47.435
Maybe people are smoking crack, right? Like for real. There are so many ways people run from shame.
00:16:47.975 --> 00:16:56.255
So this is the tool. And if you want a worksheet to help you figure out how
00:16:56.255 --> 00:17:02.655
to do, how to use this tool on your own, you can, what's the best way that you can get the worksheet.
00:17:03.035 --> 00:17:08.515
You know what? For now, let's just keep it simple. You can email me and the
00:17:08.515 --> 00:17:11.295
information on how to email me will be in the show notes.
00:17:11.455 --> 00:17:18.075
So just email me and in the subject line, just say self-coaching. Let's call it that.
00:17:18.535 --> 00:17:24.695
Making it up on the fly, people. You can run yourself through this process and
00:17:24.695 --> 00:17:26.895
trust me, it is powerful.
00:17:27.255 --> 00:17:33.575
This is the first step, right this is the awareness step that first side of
00:17:33.575 --> 00:17:38.175
the bridge the left side of the bridge before you cross it you can do a lot
00:17:38.175 --> 00:17:41.175
of that work yourself and trust me it's gonna be powerful,
00:17:42.324 --> 00:17:46.364
So I'm going to leave it at that for today, and I will talk to you next week.
00:17:50.344 --> 00:17:57.624
We are gearing up for summer, and this is the perfect time to start realigning
00:17:57.624 --> 00:18:01.984
to the things that you might want or the things that you might be able to change at work.
00:18:02.064 --> 00:18:08.924
So I am running a six-session program. It's called the Power Reset.
00:18:09.084 --> 00:18:17.224
This is for high-achieving women, people in senior roles who are over-performing,
00:18:17.724 --> 00:18:22.284
pushing, proving themselves all the time, and exhausted.
00:18:22.284 --> 00:18:24.144
I want to keep you in your job.
00:18:24.184 --> 00:18:29.344
I want to keep you high level, but I want to remove the pain. I've been there.
00:18:29.504 --> 00:18:31.944
I know the pain. It affects your sleep.
00:18:32.144 --> 00:18:36.684
It makes you gain weight. It makes you take time away from your family.
00:18:36.684 --> 00:18:38.004
I want to help you with this.