บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ Belonging While Biracial

going to be mixed race kids, biracial kids that would bridge the gap between, for my case, white communities and black communities. 00:03:01.759 --> 00:03:14.960 And whether or not he actually believes that, whether or not he even remembers that conversation, that's always stuck with me, especially as I've grown up and tried to navigate what my personal blackness looks like. 00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:25.039 And also trying to deal with and cope with the possibility of being rejected by the groups that I share common experiences with. 00:03:25.280 --> 00:03:37.520 Another great example of how this has shown up in the complexities of my experience is I remember being in college and trying to be mindful of where I placed my blackness. 00:03:37.840 --> 00:03:48.879 Sometimes it feels iffy or wishy-washy to identify as a black woman when I have a white mother to someone that's black and has two black parents. 00:03:49.439 --> 00:03:54.159 It's sometimes a gamble on how it's going to be received. 00:03:54.319 --> 00:04:01.039 And so I was explaining that to a friend, and she asked me which of my parents was the black parent. 00:04:01.360 --> 00:04:05.039 And I said, Oh, my dad, my dad's the black parent. 00:04:05.199 --> 00:04:10.000 And she said, Oh, well, because your dad is black, that means you're black too. 00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:18.720 Almost as if the biracials or multiracial individuals could not claim their blackness if it was from their mother. 00:04:18.879 --> 00:04:24.959 But almost like I was a little bit closer, a little bit more into the inner circle of blackness and black culture. 00:04:25.199 --> 00:04:28.079 I was more accepted because my dad was the black one. 00:04:28.319 --> 00:04:33.600 Before I get too deep into this episode, I'm operating from my experience. 00:04:33.839 --> 00:04:48.480 I'm telling this story, I'm giving you these examples of my life and of my experience to show how exhausting and taxing it can be to navigate the in-betweens of being biracial. 00:04:48.800 --> 00:05:05.759 And I want to be honest and truthful that I am hesitating and am not exactly sure that this is the best episode for me to record and put out because it's so difficult and because I don't want this episode to come off as poor little light-skinned girl. 00:05:05.920 --> 00:05:07.439 Her life is so difficult. 00:05:07.680 --> 00:05:25.199 And I also want to be able to feel like I can share the truth of my experience without it coming across that way or being translated or turned into an episode that sounds like I'm just being like, whoa is me, you know, like my steak too juicy, my lobster too buttery. 00:05:25.360 --> 00:05:29.759 That's not the intention of this episode, but I wanted to name that off the rip. 00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:39.839 I absolutely understand and recognize the privilege that I have, the privileges that I have, because of my proximity to whiteness. 00:05:40.079 --> 00:05:51.839 And I also wish that there were more conversations

and that we were holding more space for the difficult parts of being biracial in which I have to prove myself constantly and consistently. 00:05:52.079 --> 00:06:09.680 In a lot of ways, I think that loving v Virginia, that Supreme Court case that legalized interracial marriage, might have legalized interracial marriage, but it didn't decriminalize those relationships or the products of those relationships in any social environment. 00:06:09.920 --> 00:06:26.959 I very often still find myself being painted as not good enough or othered or separated from white spaces at the same rate and the vigorousness that I am firmly placed on the outskirts of black spaces. 00:06:27.199 --> 00:06:45.199 For example, the idea of being followed around a store and being painted as some sort of thief that needs to be watched down the aisles is not an experience that I can necessarily share with my white friends or the white community and be seen and accepted. 00:06:45.920 --> 00:06:55.199 Not in a way that comes from a true place of understanding what it feels like to be labeled as something based solely on how you look. 00:06:55.439 --> 00:07:11.439 I've talked about on this podcast about my experience being a little black girl and the hypersexualization that happens to black bodies, and not just the hypersexualization, but the way black bodies are forced to grow up. 00:07:11.680 --> 00:07:16.000 Almost in a sense, the like parentification of black bodies. 00:07:16.240 --> 00:07:18.560 And I've experienced racism. 00:07:18.720 --> 00:07:21.680 People have said crazy things to me. 00:07:21.839 --> 00:07:31.839 And so all of those experiences are some of the ones that I feel like are part of the reason why I identify so strongly with my blackness. 00:07:32.079 --> 00:07:34.800 They are, of course, not all of the reasons. 00:07:35.040 --> 00:07:39.279 Like I also know how to play spades and I also got a lot of rhythm. 00:07:39.439 --> 00:07:51.439 Like, I don't want the essence of blackness and the essence of black culture or the commonality that I find with black culture to be rooted in struggle or to be rooted in sadness. 00:07:51.680 --> 00:07:52.959 That's not it at all. 00:07:53.279 --> 00:07:56.399 My joy, I think I have black joy. 00:07:56.560 --> 00:08:00.319 Like my joy when I experience it is a black thing. 00:08:00.480 --> 00:08:10.560 And it is hard to have all of those data points that internally and to me confirm that I am and I believe and I feel like a black woman. 00:08:10.879 --> 00:08:21.519 And then to get on Beyoncé's internet and see that there is still a othering and a pushing apart of people that look like me. 00:08:21.759 --> 00:08:29.600 I am so often set apart from the duality and the diversity of the black experience. 00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:41.600 Like 60 years of the legalization of interracial marriage and interracial couples has not been enough to change and rewrite societal norms. 00:08:41.759 --> 00:08:43.679 And of course, that's to

an extent. 00:08:43.759 --> 00:08:47.279 Like there's biracial couples everywhere. 00:08:47.919 --> 00:08:53.919 So I don't want to pretend like we haven't progressed as an American society. 00:08:54.159 --> 00:09:05.039 And I think that there is still some hesitation around the mixed race, biracial babies that I think is hard for us to navigate. 00:09:05.279 --> 00:09:10.240 I can acknowledge that there are areas that I have great privilege. 00:09:10.399 --> 00:09:21.120 Even with all of those examples, even with all of the things that come together and make me feel like a black woman inside and outside. 00:09:21.440 --> 00:09:51.519 I also have heard and have been mindful and opened my mind and my understanding to the experiences of black women with two black parents who have expressed that their opportunities for belonging, their opportunities for safety and community are threatened by white women and are threatened by biracial, mixed race, other races of women and of people as well. 00:09:51.679 --> 00:10:04.159 I can imagine that it is hard to bring in people with such proximity to whiteness as you yourself are trying to navigate systems that are designed for white people. 00:10:04.399 --> 00:10:20.080 Like I absolutely understand that we have been raised in a society that tells us there is not enough for everyone, that we have been conditioned to believe that some things are just designed for other people. 00:10:20.559 --> 00:10:43.360 And because the systems benefit white people and white men in a dominant culture, and there's already an expectation of having to work two times as hard to get half as far, why would you bring someone with that proximity to whiteness, with that proximity to the dominant culture into your circle in full? 00:10:43.679 --> 00:10:45.679 I absolutely understand that. 00:10:46.505 --> 00:10:58.985 And because there is no system that was designed or developed for black people or people of color, there are none that prioritize bodies of color. 00:10:59.546 --> 00:11:05.706 I live in a world where it is a 50 50 shot on whether or not I experience privilege. 00:11:05.865 --> 00:11:10.826 And I can't even say it's 50 sifty because I am brown. 00:11:10.985 --> 00:11:16.586 Like there is no denying that I am that there is melanin in my blood. 00:11:16.826 --> 00:11:18.505 The DNA is not lying. 00:11:18.745 --> 00:11:19.625 That is my father. 00:11:19.840 --> 00:11:20.720 You know what I'm saying? 00:11:20.879 --> 00:11:25.519 Like it's probably more like a 75-25 split. 00:11:25.679 --> 00:11:43.759 25% of the time, society and my proximity and my poor proximity to whiteness, like the little nitpicky things that have been attributed to whiteness falsely and poorly, are the tiny little areas that I might experience privilege. 00:11:43.919 --> 00:11:47.360 But the majority of them, I'm suffering from the systems too. 00:11:47.679 --> 00:11:49.840 I get put down by the systems as well. 00:11:50.080 --> 00:12:05.840 So when I

try to find connection in that, when I have in the past tried to say, yeah, sometimes it's hard to want to go out and meet guys with my friend who is white because she is a thin, tall white woman. 00:12:06.159 --> 00:12:12.720 And to some degree, she is overarching like a societal standard of beauty. 00:12:12.960 --> 00:12:22.240 And so when it comes down to the two of us, if we are out meeting people, if it comes down to if someone's gonna approach me or her, the probability is that they're gonna approach her. 00:12:22.399 --> 00:12:34.080 So then when I go to my black female friends that I feel like will understand where I'm coming from, their rebuttal is to also push me aside and other me and say, yeah, but if you and I went out, they would approach you. 00:12:34.240 --> 00:12:36.960 And I'm like, yeah, and that that sucks. 00:12:37.200 --> 00:12:39.919 We both have experienced this othering. 00:12:40.000 --> 00:12:47.600 We why can't we be together in the othering instead of now there is a divide and a space between you and I as well. 00:12:47.840 --> 00:13:01.039 I think even in the complexities of this conversation, I have to also name that even though I am biracial, my mind has been conditioned to blackness and towards blackness. 00:13:01.279 --> 00:13:17.039 Like the number of times I still see a black man dating a white woman, and I'm like, and this is a crazy thing to say out loud, I think to myself, there goes a white woman taking another good black man, which is crazy because one, I don't know if that's a good black man. 00:13:17.200 --> 00:13:19.039 I don't know if that's a a good white woman. 00:13:19.120 --> 00:13:21.759 I don't even know, like, I don't know anything about these people. 00:13:21.919 --> 00:13:26.559 But it is also something that black women used to say to my mom. 00:13:26.720 --> 00:13:36.240 Hearing that expression, another white woman taking a good black man, is something that my mom told me people used to say to her that hurt her. 00:13:36.480 --> 00:13:42.320 And yet I still have to catch myself and be like, whoa, Nelly, calm down when I have that thought as well. 00:13:42.559 --> 00:13:50.879 And it's not just the white woman who I don't know that could be a literal representation, a symbol of my mom that's catching strays. 00:13:51.039 --> 00:13:59.840 I'm also judging the black man as well, to be like, dang, you want to be, you want your proximity to whiteness to be like that. 00:14:00.080 --> 00:14:03.200 Like, there's so much complexity in that conversation. 00:14:03.440 --> 00:14:07.840 I've never looked at my parents and been like, yikes. 00:14:08.080 --> 00:14:12.639 Kind of embarrassing that you guys chose each other and didn't stick to your own race. 00:14:12.799 --> 00:14:16.799 Like that's a that's not a real thing that I feel. 00:14:17.120 --> 00:14:31.279 And almost like in my desire and my unconscious desire to belong to blackness, to feel fully accepted in blackness, I have the most extreme thoughts about blackness. 00:14:31.519 --> 00:14:43.759 There's even the difficult experience of being on social media, being on TikTok or whatever, and hearing someone talk about something, talking about the black experience in a certain way. 00:14:43.919 --> 00:14:46.720 And you're like, gosh, yeah, I feel like that. 00:14:46.960 --> 00:14:50.240 That's such I identify with what you're saying. 00:14:50.320 --> 00:14:53.039 That's an experience that I have as a black woman. 00:14:53.279 --> 00:15:00.639 And then right at the end, you realize, oh no, I'm actively being set aside or othered in this conversation. 00:15:01.200 --> 00:15:08.639 I'm very intentionally, as a biracial woman, being cast aside, being named as unable to relate. 00:15:08.879 --> 00:15:14.080 I'm like, well, dang, I already said, can I get an amen to you preaching on this app? 00:15:14.320 --> 00:15:17.759 And now I'm not allowed to say, can I get an amen? 00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:39.039 How troubling, how troublesome it is to hear Malcolm X's quote, the most disrespected person in America is the black woman, and be unsure if I can sit in agreement with that, if I can hold that unto myself as yes, I agree and I identify with that. 00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:51.919 Because I have spent so much of my life being told that I can't possibly understand what it is to be black because I have a white mom. 00:15:52.080 --> 00:15:57.039 And on the flip side, like I mentioned, this is not intended to be a woe is me episode. 00:15:57.200 --> 00:16:05.919 I absolutely feel like because I have only ever existed in this body, I don't know what it's like to grow up with two black parents. 00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:11.120 I don't know how that changes my experiences as a biracial woman. 00:16:11.360 --> 00:16:21.919 I don't know if my otherness in this world, if my otherness in American society and culture is comparable to a black woman's experience. 00:16:22.159 --> 00:16:32.080 I don't know if it's comparable to my older sister or my younger brother's experience as to biracial people that are a lighter complexion than me. 00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:40.000 I don't know if the othering or the otherness is as much of a spectrum as we have been led to believe. 00:16:40.240 --> 00:16:44.639 There are so many contradictions and complexities in this conversation. 00:16:44.879 --> 00:16:56.480 And I want to do this episode justice and hold it with a lot of care that I have been sitting on it for months, maybe honestly, probably closer to a year. 00:16:56.720 --> 00:17:02.960 My first iteration of the podcast, I was like, I bet I don't get canceled before I even get discovered. 00:17:03.200 --> 00:17:06.720 I don't want to talk about that yet because it's so complex. 00:17:07.039 --> 00:17:10.720 And I want to express that I get it. 00:17:11.599 --> 00:17:17.119 I get why I would be kept at arm's length in black culture and in black communities. 00:17:17.359 --> 00:17:27.519 And I think that there are so many

experiences and so many instances when I notice that there is no good way to be biracial. 00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:29.599 There's no appropriate way. 00:17:29.759 --> 00:17:31.599 There's always criticism. 00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:35.039 It's never done right, it's never done well. 00:17:35.279 --> 00:17:40.559 Nobody is doing biraciality correctly. 00:17:40.799 --> 00:17:57.359 And I'm trying to, in my old age, I'm trying to, as an adult, learn and accept that I may never live up to the ever-changing criteria and the ever-changing acceptability of whiteness or blackness. 00:17:57.599 --> 00:18:10.640 I think a good example of this is a couple of years ago, Zindea spoke at the Black Woman in Hollywood conference or like gala, whatever it is, dinner, award show, whatever it is. 00:18:10.799 --> 00:18:11.680 She spoke at that. 00:18:11.839 --> 00:18:19.039 And the way that she was speaking about black women was beautiful and was well said and empowering. 00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:25.920 But the way that she spoke about it, the choice of language had the comments divided. 00:18:26.160 --> 00:18:41.200 She said something along the lines of black women are so special and valuable, and their joy brings me joy and their accomplishments, something like their accomplishments make me so proud they feel like my own. 00:18:41.599 --> 00:18:49.440 Now, if this was a black woman who did not have parents of different race, did not come from a two-race household. 00:18:49.680 --> 00:18:53.599 I don't know if the comments would have been the same way. 00:18:54.319 --> 00:19:00.880 She used all the adverbs correctly, she conjugated her nouns correctly, like the English was correct. 00:19:01.200 --> 00:19:13.519 She would refer to the symbol, the population of black women as them or they, but people in the comments were saying, why is she talking about black women like she isn't one? 00:19:13.759 --> 00:19:16.640 Why is she othering herself from black women? 00:19:16.880 --> 00:19:19.359 Why is she distancing herself? 00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:26.240 And then other comments were like, she recognizes and identifies as a biracial woman. 00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:38.960 And so she does not want to take on all of the powerful and beautiful and positive and joyous and so many other good adjectives. 00:19:39.359 --> 00:19:46.640 She didn't want to take on those labels as a biracial woman when they belong to black women. 00:19:46.880 --> 00:19:59.039 So even the comments of one clip of Zendaya talking about in correct language, black women and their accomplishments and their joy and their power, there was a divide. 00:19:59.200 --> 00:20:02.720 My blackness is never going to be correct. 00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:18.720 And I'm trying to sit with the fact that as long as whiteness remains the dominant culture, and as long as systems prevail that were designed and tailored for whiteness, I'm never going to fit into whiteness either. 00:20:19.039 --> 00:20:21.279 I will never win. 00:20:22.000 --> 00:20:40.799 And even in this conversation, even sitting in and trying to find or come to peace with the fact that I will never fit as a biracial woman and as someone who in my day-to-day life identifies as a black woman, I think to myself, and why should I fit? 00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:45.119 Again, I understand why the othering happens. 00:20:45.440 --> 00:20:46.880 I absolutely get it. 00:20:47.200 --> 00:20:51.839 And being on the receiving side of that othering is hard. 00:20:52.160 --> 00:20:58.880 This is for the people that live in the big, gray, messy, both and area. 00:20:59.119 --> 00:21:17.119 I think this is for anyone that is hoping to get to a place where their experience does not have to be weighed or measured or compared to or competed against someone else's experience of oppression and oppressive systems. 00:21:17.279 --> 00:21:33.119 How do we get to a place where I'm seen in the full range of my trauma and hardship as a biracial woman without it needing to be a comparison or a competition with someone else's blackness? 00:21:33.440 --> 00:21:43.279 Like it can just be hard for me to be dating and to be perceived as a biracial or black woman without it having to be harder for you. 00:21:43.759 --> 00:21:46.079 We can just both be having a hard time. 00:21:46.240 --> 00:21:54.319 And then when it comes to white people, because I feel the need to represent both, because y'all won't let me be who I want to be. 00:21:54.640 --> 00:21:59.759 When it comes to white people, I can't think of how the gap is bridged. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:02.000 Between white people and biracial people. 00:22:02.160 --> 00:22:05.200 I'm curious if you guys have thoughts or opinions on that. 00:22:05.279 --> 00:22:18.640 I don't know how, as a demographic as a whole, without the disruption of these systems, that I can be fully seen as equal in white spaces. 00:22:18.880 --> 00:22:25.440 And this is speaking very plainly about white people in white spaces as a monolith. 00:22:25.680 --> 00:22:27.839 It's very intentionally speaking like that. 00:22:28.079 --> 00:22:31.599 And black people in black spaces as a monolith as well. 00:22:31.920 --> 00:22:50.160 I mentioned the diversity and the range of experiences, the ups and downs that I'm sure both races experience that I know black people in black culture encapsulates, but I want to make sure that you're not listening to this episode and being like, dang, Gabby thinks all white people are racist. 00:22:50.319 --> 00:22:52.079 That's not what I'm trying to get at either. 00:22:52.319 --> 00:23:28.000 But as someone who has always been othered from whiteness because very specifically racism and the color of my skin, whether consciously or subconsciously, I don't know how that gap is bridged between being biracial and finding belonging with white people in the same way that it is generally a little bit easier to find belonging with black people without the systems that have consciously or

subconsciously labeled me as less than or other being dismantled or disrupted. 00:23:28.160 --> 00:23:33.119 In my mind, I'm like, why won't black people accept me? 00:23:33.519 --> 00:24:23.519 Why won't black people take me into their loving arms so we can join forces against the white people monolith system I was just talking about, because I understand what it's like and because you understand what it's like, but I don't know how this works or how that piece works and the bridging of the gap when it comes specifically to white women, especially because my experience and my perception or interpretation of white people, the character, white people, the system, or excuse me, white women, the system, is that though they might experience oppressive systems based off of their womanhood, their proximity to whiteness prevails. 00:24:23.680 --> 00:24:29.839 And their whiteness puts them to a place of privilege in more systems. 00:24:30.079 --> 00:24:35.680 Like their split is probably 75-25 on whether or not they are going to experience privilege. 00:24:36.000 --> 00:24:39.119 And 75% of the time, it is a yes. 00:24:39.440 --> 00:24:44.559 Like absolutely there is misogyny and there is a gender wage gap. 00:24:44.799 --> 00:24:46.079 I will give as an example. 00:24:46.240 --> 00:24:58.799 Like obviously those things still exist, but there feels like there are less systems of oppression for gender than there are for race. 00:24:59.519 --> 00:25:00.559 If that makes sense. 00:25:00.720 --> 00:25:01.920 Hopefully that makes sense. 00:25:02.160 --> 00:25:07.359 I don't know what I'm asking anybody listening to this episode to notice. 00:25:07.519 --> 00:25:15.759 I don't know what I'm asking people who are biracial and can truly sit in and identify with the experience I'm speaking of. 00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:19.519 I don't know, yeah, I don't know what I'm asking. 00:25:19.599 --> 00:25:24.720 I don't know what I'm encouraging you to notice beyond this experience. 00:25:24.960 --> 00:25:39.039 I think regardless of if it sometimes feels like a thankless job, the inside of me, the black woman side of me on the inside is thinking, why do black women need to thank biracial anybody? 00:25:39.119 --> 00:25:39.759 That's crazy. 00:25:39.920 --> 00:25:41.039 Why would they need to do that? 00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:42.720 Why would I need to do that? 00:25:42.960 --> 00:26:11.200 But even if it is a thankless job and you don't reap the friendship or the community or the togetherness of celebrating black people, I still think it's important to do it and still important to name and express love and care for those communities, for that community, for my community, even if you are still pushed to the outskirts of like, oh yeah, that's nice, biracial girl. 00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:15.039 In my mind almost said white girl, but like, uh, the duality. 00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:17.039 My innards are fighting. 00:26:17.119 --> 00:26:18.559 They're fighting, they're arguing. 00:26:18.640 --> 00:26:19.839 I'm so confused. 00:26:20.079 --> 00:26:24.400 I think an example of this is when I first moved to LA, I met a girl. 00:26:24.559 --> 00:26:27.839 I can't remember where I met her, but she was a black woman. 00:26:28.079 --> 00:26:34.960 And she invited me to an event that she was throwing that was going to be a vision board making party. 00:26:35.200 --> 00:26:39.119 I she said, you know, invite your friends, invite whoever, whatever. 00:26:39.440 --> 00:26:42.079 And I invited my clear friend. 00:26:42.240 --> 00:26:43.759 I invited my white friend. 00:26:44.079 --> 00:26:51.359 And when we got there, there was only black women, not a single clear friend in sight. 00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:52.799 It was all black women. 00:26:52.960 --> 00:26:57.920 And when we walked in, my friend went, Oh my God, I should not be here. 00:26:58.160 --> 00:27:01.759 And I, my immediate thought was, shit, me either. 00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:16.000 She was like, if I knew that this was going to be a space for black women, I would not have agreed to come because I don't want to be in spaces where I am taking away the safety that black people deserve to have in their own community. 00:27:16.240 --> 00:27:22.400 And I was like, yeah, one, I wouldn't invite, I wouldn't have invited you if I knew, because obviously I agree with that. 00:27:22.559 --> 00:27:24.559 And also, shit, I don't know. 00:27:24.720 --> 00:27:26.000 Can I be here? 00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:28.640 Am I allowed to be here too? 00:27:28.880 --> 00:27:49.920 And I think that's such an example of how I have experienced life being othered from so many spaces and being othered from black spaces, from black experiences, my blackness so constantly and consistently being questioned that I have to ask myself, am I intruding on black spaces as well? 00:27:50.480 --> 00:28:16.319 And it's a question I want to ask myself because as much as it would be devastating and gut-wrenching to find out, it would be the ultimate, like the most painful othering I have ever experienced to find out that though I identify as a black woman, my proximity to whiteness, my proximity to having a white mom threatens the safety of black spaces. 00:28:16.799 --> 00:28:21.039 Even the thought of that is ripping my heart into pieces. 00:28:21.279 --> 00:28:22.720 I would be devastated. 00:28:22.880 --> 00:28:25.920 And I care enough to ask that question. 00:28:26.160 --> 00:28:39.519 Even in my fear of what the answer could be, I care enough to not only ask that question, but to also know that I would remove myself from those spaces if that was the truth of the matter. 00:28:39.839 --> 00:28:42.000 I would remove myself from those spaces. 00:28:42.319 --> 00:28:47.440 To white people listening to this episode, I don't know what you're gonna get from this. 00:28:47.599 --> 00:28:48.720 Shout out to you, Queen. 00:28:48.799 --> 00:28:49.599 Thank you for the download. 00:28:49.680 --> 00:28:50.799 Thank you for

the listen. 00:28:51.119 --> 00:29:10.079 Share with your black and biracial friends, keep them close, love them, hold them tight at night, and show up and continue to fight the systems that you benefit from that cause a divide between us based solely on the color of our skin, black people. 00:29:10.240 --> 00:29:12.480 Like, can we just be friends? 00:29:12.960 --> 00:29:20.079 Let's storm the Capitol on February 6th instead of January 6th. 00:29:20.240 --> 00:29:22.240 Let's say it's for Black History Month. 00:29:22.400 --> 00:29:29.039 And I'm telling you, if you just let our little biracial bodies in the group, we want to be friends so bad. 00:29:29.279 --> 00:29:31.359 We want to be accepted so bad. 00:29:31.599 --> 00:29:35.519 I speak for myself, but just let me be your friend. 00:29:35.839 --> 00:29:47.200 My biracial guilt that you have seen showing up in raging this war inside of me this entire episode, I would be a such a good front lineman. 00:29:47.359 --> 00:29:55.119 Like, I you want me to put my biracial body in front of your black body and and and take the take the beating for you? 00:29:55.920 --> 00:29:56.559 I would. 00:29:56.880 --> 00:30:00.160 Because that's how bad I want you to love me and accept me. 00:30:00.559 --> 00:30:06.079 And that says so much about my experience being biracial. 00:30:06.319 --> 00:30:09.920 That says so much about my experience being othered. 00:30:10.319 --> 00:30:19.119 All we want, all anybody on this planet wants is to feel a sense of belonging, to find where they belong. 00:30:19.359 --> 00:30:31.119 And the fact that I'm like, if we storm the Capitol, black people, I'm talking to you, PSA, if we storm the Capitol, I would take a bullet for you is saying something. 00:30:31.519 --> 00:30:34.400 I don't know what, but it is saying something. 00:30:34.960 --> 00:30:39.599 There are contradictions all up and through this episode. 00:30:39.839 --> 00:30:50.640 I believe preferences can just be preferences, but I absolutely get irritated when I see a black man, my type, dating a white woman. 00:30:50.880 --> 00:30:51.920 Contradiction. 00:30:52.240 --> 00:31:01.200 I want my experience and the experience of black women and black people to not be a competition or a comparison. 00:31:01.440 --> 00:31:10.720 And I still wonder if Malcolm X's favorite quote about black women being the most disrespected people in America even applies to me. 00:31:11.599 --> 00:31:13.039 Contradiction. 00:31:13.279 --> 00:31:21.759 I won't sit here and pretend that my experience with my proximity to whiteness is the same as the experience of black women. 00:31:22.240 --> 00:31:28.319 And I'm asking that my experience be accepted and seen in its full range. 00:31:28.640 --> 00:31:37.680 I told my white friend I would not have invited her to that vision board making party in the same moment that I was questioning whether I should be there either. 00:31:37.920 --> 00:31:43.440 My dad's version and hope for my experience

was that I would be a bridge. 00:31:43.759 --> 00:31:49.759 And my hope for my experience is that I wouldn't need to be a bridge. 00:31:50.400 --> 00:31:53.440 I would just get to be singularly me. 00:31:54.079 --> 00:32:04.799 And that my belonging and my experience was enough for me to fit wherever I wanted to, wherever I feel most called and related to. 00:32:04.960 --> 00:32:09.680 Wherever I felt like I had the most commonality is where I could just exist. 00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:17.759 And my heritage wasn't constantly questioned, wasn't constantly drawn out or emphasized. 00:32:18.000 --> 00:32:18.880 I just was. 00:32:19.119 --> 00:32:25.519 What I hope black listeners walk away from this episode thinking is not, oh, poor little rich kid. 00:32:25.759 --> 00:32:47.759 I hope that there is maybe a little more understanding given to the experience of being biracial, not in comparison, not in competition to anything, just understanding and maybe the same level of understanding that the biracial people in their lives give to their black experience. 00:32:47.920 --> 00:32:59.920 If you have biracial people in your life that do not understand or do not understand how little they understand about your black experience and don't care to, I mean, maybe give them that energy back. 00:33:00.079 --> 00:33:00.720 I don't know. 00:33:00.960 --> 00:33:10.720 But I hope that people listening to this episode can meet the mixed race or biracial people in their life with the understanding and compassion that we're all trying to figure this shit out. 00:33:10.880 --> 00:33:26.720 Maybe not the empathy, maybe not the sympathy, but like, oh, when you talk about your experience as a biracial person, it is not in threat or in comparison or in competition with my experience as a black person. 00:33:26.960 --> 00:33:29.279 It just is and it just exists. 00:33:29.519 --> 00:33:35.279 And your experience through life doesn't have to be labeled as black or white. 00:33:35.440 --> 00:33:36.480 It can just be. 00:33:36.720 --> 00:33:39.519 Thank you so much for listening to this episode. 00:33:39.759 --> 00:33:44.079 If you are watching on YouTube, please feel free to like and subscribe. 00:33:44.160 --> 00:33:49.359 And if you are listening to any other platforms, send this to everybody you know. 00:33:49.519 --> 00:33:53.440 Send it to the biracial people that you're like, dang, is this really what it's like? 00:33:53.680 --> 00:33:58.400 Maybe you don't understand, and maybe you want a biracial person in your life to feel seen. 00:33:58.640 --> 00:33:59.839 Send them this episode. 00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:02.160 Maybe you're white, send it to your white friends. 00:34:02.319 --> 00:34:05.519 Do something for a black person for once in your life. 00:34:05.920 --> 00:34:08.400 All right, we're getting a little carried away at the end here. 00:34:08.719 --> 00:34:11.119 If you're a black person, listen. 00:34:11.440 --> 00:34:12.239 Chew on it. 00:34:12.400 --> 00:34:14.400 See what you think, see if it fits. 00:34:14.480 --> 00:34:16.000 If it doesn't, I don't know. 00:34:16.079 --> 00:34:18.800 I feel crazy telling you or asking you to do anything. 00:34:18.880 --> 00:34:22.559 Even as a black woman myself, we talked about that the entire episode. 00:34:22.800 --> 00:34:27.440 Thank you so much for listening, and I will catch you next week for another episode. 00:34:27.679 --> 00:34:28.320 Bye.