บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ Chasing Dreams Without Apology: Beatie Deutsch on Ambition, Setbacks & Redefining Success

the gym, or even the like, the thought of having to make it to a class on time was so scary, because I was never like, exactly my mornings were always chaotic. 59 00:04:16.336 --> 00:04:17.497 And so I'm like, you know what, 60 00:04:18.237 --> 00:04:24.119 What am I going to do that's going to be really so scary that it's going to force me to actually get out the door and train for? 61 00:04:24.199 --> 00:04:24.860 What can I do? 62 00:04:24.980 --> 00:04:26.660 And I said, I'll sign up for a marathon. 63 00:04:26.781 --> 00:04:27.761 Like, that has got to be it. 64 00:04:27.801 --> 00:04:30.382 That's like literally zero to 60 in 60 seconds. 65 00:04:30.422 --> 00:04:30.582 Wow. 66 00:04:30.602 --> 00:04:30.702 Okay. 67 00:04:31.422 --> 00:04:33.143 But I've always been a bit of an extreme person. 68 00:04:33.163 --> 00:04:38.185 I don't have a lot of, like, I don't, I'm a little bit impulsive. 69 00:04:38.745 --> 00:04:40.606 I don't think about things so thoroughly. 70 00:04:41.026 --> 00:04:43.107 And I'm not scared of big goals. 71 00:04:43.167 --> 00:04:44.668 Like, they just don't scare me that much. 72 00:04:44.708 --> 00:04:46.909 So I was like, yeah, like, let's try this, you know? 73 00:04:48.066 --> 00:04:53.407 Okay, so then what goes from my first marathon to I want to represent Israel? 74 00:04:53.668 --> 00:04:55.288 There's a lot in between there, I'm assuming. 75 00:04:55.748 --> 00:04:55.928 Yeah. 76 00:04:56.288 --> 00:05:00.269 People think, oh, right when you started running, you knew you were good, and that is not the case. 77 00:05:00.289 --> 00:05:03.290 I gave myself four months to train for that first marathon. 78 00:05:03.490 --> 00:05:07.952 I was literally running really slowly in the beginning, but I was enjoying it. 79 00:05:08.072 --> 00:05:11.252 I was enjoying every second of the process, and it was my secret. 80 00:05:11.332 --> 00:05:13.213 I didn't tell anyone that I was doing this. 81 00:05:13.753 --> 00:05:14.993 I lived in Harnoff at the time. 82 00:05:15.073 --> 00:05:16.214 It was not very... 83 00:05:17.214 --> 00:05:42.860 accepted or common for like women to be doing races or running but i was just like doing my thing fine um after i but after i ran that marathon i remember thinking and i ran a decent time for a first marathon i ran 327 but i was like do you think in a million years i could ever run a sub three hour marathon and then literally within three years i was less than three years later i was the national champion of israel and i had to run a 242 84 00:05:44.200 --> 00:05:50.552 And that race was kind of what, you know, made me realize that I could really take this to the next level. 85 00:05:50.612 --> 00:05:53.016 And, you know, Israel invited me to represent them. 86 00:05:53.096 --> 00:05:55.701 And so that was kind of where it got started. 87 00:05:57.023 --> 00:06:08.009 Do you think that your identity shifted from, okay, I just had four kids in six years and now I am going to be someone completely different? 88 00:06:08.169 --> 00:06:14.292 Was there something that like went, okay, I'm not the same person I was when I got married. 89 00:06:14.792 --> 00:06:15.913 Obviously, we all shift. 90 00:06:15.933 --> 00:06:16.533 We all grow. 91 00:06:16.553 --> 00:06:17.173 We all change. 92 00:06:17.794 --> 00:06:21.936 But do you think there was something that you're like, I need something for myself? 93 00:06:23.420 --> 00:06:24.400 Well, I did. 94 00:06:24.660 --> 00:06:26.361 Funny also, I had a baby in between. 95 00:06:26.381 --> 00:06:27.861 I ran a marathon seven months pregnant. 96 00:06:27.881 --> 00:06:29.801 So I had five kids. 97 00:06:30.742 --> 00:06:31.242 I did see that. 98 00:06:31.402 --> 00:06:32.682 Honestly, I don't. 99 00:06:33.942 --> 00:06:40.444 I think that my I don't think my identity shifted, but I do think that I did start paying attention to. 100 00:06:40.464 --> 00:06:42.224 Yes, I'm doing this for me. 101 00:06:43.265 --> 00:06:43.505 And I. 102 00:06:45.769 --> 00:06:50.292 It's something that makes me a better human and a better mother and a better wife. 103 00:06:50.352 --> 00:06:55.915 And I need to keep doing this, like to stay sane and that I don't ever want to stop doing this. 104 00:06:56.316 --> 00:07:03.220 And I also became like really curious about, you know, what is my potential and how far can I take this? 105 00:07:04.879 --> 00:07:16.632 You know, a lot of women hold ourselves back because we're afraid we're not going to be able to accomplish everything that is set out in front of us. 106 00:07:16.892 --> 00:07:23.419 Being a good mother, a good wife, someone in business, someone who's an athlete, all of these different roles that we play. 107 00:07:25.061 --> 00:07:31.690 What was one of the things that you had to sort of say to yourself in order to go, I want this at a higher level. 108 00:07:32.471 --> 00:07:35.675 I want this so that my kids can see me do this. 109 00:07:35.916 --> 00:07:38.079 I want this because I just want this. 110 00:07:39.013 --> 00:07:40.414 Yeah. 111 00:07:41.015 --> 00:07:44.417 I still think there are areas that I hold myself back in, not athletically. 112 00:07:44.617 --> 00:07:47.860 It's easy for me to set really big goals as an athlete. 113 00:07:47.920 --> 00:07:49.541 And I've also failed a bunch of times. 114 00:07:49.601 --> 00:07:53.304 I'm really not like I always want to keep pushing myself that way. 115 00:07:53.404 --> 00:08:08.335 The things that like I feel like I don't pursue as much is like, you know, building my brand, investing in becoming a bigger, you know, having a bigger platform, social media, speaking, all the things like there are big things I want to do, but I'm 116 00:08:09.500 --> 00:08:13.866 It's I I don't know if it's an excuse or a reality. 117 00:08:13.886 --> 00:08:20.274 There's always like certain limitations, like how much time in the day you have and how much time can you give to other people when you want to be

present as a mother? 118 00:08:21.395 --> 00:08:22.937 But going back to your question. 119 00:08:22.957 --> 00:08:25.340 Yeah, there is. 120 00:08:25.581 --> 00:08:26.161 I think that. 121 00:08:27.953 --> 00:08:32.835 Sometimes it does feel a little bit selfish that it's like, I want to do this for myself. 122 00:08:32.975 --> 00:08:44.439 You know, I think what you're saying is what every mother feels every day of their life, that we all feel selfish in moments. 123 00:08:44.499 --> 00:08:44.759 Right. 124 00:08:45.399 --> 00:08:47.440 Everyone says, like, self-care, we're going to do self-care. 125 00:08:47.460 --> 00:08:50.801 Like and then the reality hits and your kids need X, Y and Z. 126 00:08:50.881 --> 00:08:53.102 And you're like, what the heck is self-care at the end of the day? 127 00:08:55.190 --> 00:08:59.833 It's funny because I think that's the first time I've ever even said that out loud. 128 00:08:59.873 --> 00:09:02.154 I would never really usually admit that. 129 00:09:04.415 --> 00:09:10.859 First of all, because I think I'm generally a very positive person, so it's hard to let the doubts come up. 130 00:09:10.919 --> 00:09:12.180 I push them out of my brain. 131 00:09:12.200 --> 00:09:13.060 They don't exist, right? 132 00:09:13.841 --> 00:09:17.262 But I think saying that was helpful to say because... 133 00:09:18.839 --> 00:09:26.364 If it is selfish, like the parts of me that feel selfish is like when I make a decision, like I want to go altitude train for a month and leave my family for a month. 134 00:09:26.404 --> 00:09:28.365 That is a really hard decision to make. 135 00:09:28.405 --> 00:09:32.088 And I don't always know what if it is the right decision. 136 00:09:32.128 --> 00:09:36.430 I don't make it very often, but like it's weighing on my mind right now because I could have that opportunity. 137 00:09:36.470 --> 00:09:39.953 And it's just like, well, maybe that is really too selfish, you know? 138 00:09:40.987 --> 00:09:44.928 What is the litmus test for you when you're making these big decisions? 139 00:09:44.968 --> 00:09:47.348 Because by the way, that's a decision. 140 00:09:47.749 --> 00:09:48.709 That's a big decision. 141 00:09:49.389 --> 00:09:54.230 But there are decisions like that every single day for every person out there. 142 00:09:54.730 --> 00:10:01.772 So how do you sort of go through that process of understanding, okay, this is for me. 143 00:10:02.272 --> 00:10:03.152 It's important. 144 00:10:03.492 --> 00:10:05.273 This will achieve X, Y, and Z. 145 00:10:05.313 --> 00:10:06.993 My kids will be okay or they won't like, 146 00:10:07.753 --> 00:10:11.396 What goes through your head when making these big choices? 147 00:10:12.497 --> 00:10:14.298 I wish I could say I have this clear system. 148 00:10:16.059 --> 00:10:18.601 I said I'm not necessarily always the most thought out person. 149 00:10:18.621 --> 00:10:24.805 But no, I think it's really important for me to obviously discuss it with

my spouse. 150 00:10:24.926 --> 00:10:28.428 And he is going to be the one to carry the brunt of the burden if I'm gone. 151 00:10:29.349 --> 00:10:33.031 And also my own Rav and mentor. 152 00:10:33.652 --> 00:10:36.234 And to kind of assess, OK, the 153 00:10:37.435 --> 00:10:41.098 how is this going to help me towards the goal I'm trying to achieve? 154 00:10:41.198 --> 00:10:43.840 And is this the right timing for my family? 155 00:10:43.880 --> 00:10:52.208 I think when people talk about, you know, balancing the work life balance or whatever, I don't necessarily feel like it's balanced all the time. 156 00:10:52.228 --> 00:10:54.330 I think that we have seasons of life and I think that there are, 157 00:10:55.746 --> 00:10:59.349 times where I'm more present with my family and pull back on my training. 158 00:10:59.449 --> 00:11:03.953 And there's times where I'm like, well, I'm all in on the training and maybe a bit less available to my kids. 159 00:11:03.993 --> 00:11:09.357 And that's, I think, how many high-powered women who are trying to create something, do it. 160 00:11:09.417 --> 00:11:20.846 And I think that kids really need quality of presence and, yes, quantity also, but you can build up a really strong relationship by being there a lot of the time. 161 00:11:20.886 --> 00:11:22.928 And if there are times when you're not there, they still... 162 00:11:23.588 --> 00:11:26.289 feel you and know that you weren't like an absentee mom, you know? 163 00:11:26.329 --> 00:11:26.549 Right. 164 00:11:26.669 --> 00:11:29.329 I think I went through this also when I was navigating. 165 00:11:29.369 --> 00:11:30.210 Do I start a podcast? 166 00:11:30.230 --> 00:11:31.050 I already have a business. 167 00:11:31.090 --> 00:11:32.030 I already am a therapist. 168 00:11:32.050 --> 00:11:33.390 I'm already doing 50 things. 169 00:11:34.191 --> 00:11:42.232 And I realized that it's important for my kids to see me want something and do it. 170 00:11:42.753 --> 00:11:43.893 Actually, okay. 171 00:11:44.113 --> 00:11:47.094 They were born into the fact that I was working as a therapist. 172 00:11:47.114 --> 00:11:51.395 They were born into the fact that I am there for them and drive them to and fro and all these things. 173 00:11:54.195 --> 00:11:56.316 And look at a goal and go, I want that. 174 00:11:56.716 --> 00:12:09.922 And you can want something new later on is a huge gift you're giving your kids because you're showing them ambition is legitimate and you don't have to hold yourself back. 175 00:12:10.607 --> 00:12:11.948 And you could still be a good parent. 176 00:12:12.648 --> 00:12:12.908 Yeah. 177 00:12:13.049 --> 00:12:18.492 And I mean, it's funny because, you know, I sometimes find it cliche, like when people say, like, you're doing it for your kids. 178 00:12:18.512 --> 00:12:20.813 But the way you phrased it really resonated with me. 179 00:12:20.833 --> 00:12:24.776 And I think, yeah, I see it happening because I see my kids are getting

older, right? 180 00:12:24.796 --> 00:12:25.997 My daughter is 16 and a half. 181 00:12:26.037 --> 00:12:27.037 And she's training now. 182 00:12:27.097 --> 00:12:29.158 And she has a lot of things that she's working towards. 183 00:12:29.178 --> 00:12:31.400 And I know that she knows that. 184 00:12:32.958 --> 00:12:39.922 She sees from me what it means to want a goal and to invest in it and go after it and pursue it and not give up and be tenacious. 185 00:12:39.983 --> 00:12:46.226 And your actions speak so much louder than any preaching you can do, right, with your kids. 186 00:12:46.246 --> 00:12:48.988 Like, whatever we model is what they will see. 187 00:12:49.068 --> 00:12:55.552 Whatever we, me doves we want them to have, whatever kind of values we want them to have, will not happen unless we live them. 188 00:12:55.773 --> 00:12:57.113 And I have seen that so clearly. 189 00:12:57.213 --> 00:13:00.696 So, yeah, to me, I'm happy that my kids see it. 190 00:13:01.579 --> 00:13:04.679 In a world where, if I'm telling you the truth, 191 00:13:06.131 --> 00:13:15.377 I sometimes feel stifled by the rules within our community where we talk about modesty. 192 00:13:16.037 --> 00:13:19.819 And I know that you run in a skirt and you cover your hair and you cover your elbows and you do all the things. 193 00:13:20.900 --> 00:13:23.321 Do you ever feel like, what am I doing? 194 00:13:24.062 --> 00:13:25.763 I am at this like elite level. 195 00:13:26.543 --> 00:13:31.206 I, I know who I am as a person, but at the same time, 196 00:13:32.335 --> 00:13:43.485 I'm not I don't fit into a world necessarily that appreciates this, but I am setting an example for on a global stage for modesty. 197 00:13:43.505 --> 00:13:45.647 Do you feel the pressure of that? 198 00:13:47.128 --> 00:13:48.569 I don't feel pressure so much. 199 00:13:48.789 --> 00:13:52.092 I feel more internal pressure to make it meaningful for myself. 200 00:13:52.112 --> 00:13:52.913 Yeah. 201 00:13:53.142 --> 00:13:57.726 because it is a choice I make for myself and my relationship with God. 202 00:13:57.746 --> 00:14:04.031 And I think that there are times where I'm just like, I don't know, it's like, does it really matter? 203 00:14:04.091 --> 00:14:11.618 And obviously I have a reputation to uphold and obviously I believe in modesty and I want to be able to encourage women. 204 00:14:11.818 --> 00:14:18.483 And there are many, I care very much about our community and the values, but then I have to really constantly relearn and re 205 00:14:20.997 --> 00:14:23.879 and ask questions for myself and reinvestigate. 206 00:14:23.899 --> 00:14:25.079 It has to be meaningful for me. 207 00:14:25.139 --> 00:14:35.125 And like that to me is the pressure that I should never just be doing it just because the world expects me to do it or that's the norms or standards of our community. 208 00:14:35.205 --> 00:14:37.206 I'm doing it because I chose it and it's meaningful. 209 00:14:38.026 --> 00:14:39.167 It's so interesting because... 210 00:14:40.851 --> 00:14:45.077 Modesty is more than just a dress code. 211 00:14:45.297 --> 00:14:50.445 And I think that people forget that within our world, that modesty is behavior. 212 00:14:51.346 --> 00:14:53.289 And on the one hand... 213 00:14:54.455 --> 00:14:59.622 I feel like sometimes we're supposed to be a little bit reserved, held back. 214 00:15:00.123 --> 00:15:01.424 And on the other hand, here you are. 215 00:15:01.444 --> 00:15:07.853 You're on a global stage showing off your capabilities and Hashem's gifts for you. 216 00:15:07.873 --> 00:15:10.516 Do you ever feel like the balance of that? 217 00:15:11.530 --> 00:15:15.573 It's hard because you're like, on one hand, I want to be this elite athlete. 218 00:15:15.653 --> 00:15:30.643 On the other hand, we're almost put in a box sometimes where we're like, OK, maybe you should just take a side where you're supposed to be made small, where, you know, we're not supposed to be a center of attention kind of thing. 219 00:15:31.358 --> 00:15:40.241 If you've ever read Miriam Cosman's book where she talks about masculine and femininity, she talks a lot about how in this generation the light of the women is going to be coming out more. 220 00:15:40.281 --> 00:15:43.943 And I see that more and more that I think that we have so much power. 221 00:15:44.103 --> 00:15:50.505 And when you understand your power and you hold it in the right way and you really respect yourself, then you can... 222 00:15:51.743 --> 00:15:57.051 I mean, I speak to mixed audiences, but I'm very comfortable with myself and I'm very comfortable. 223 00:15:58.373 --> 00:16:02.559 I feel that holding those two ideas is very essential. 224 00:16:02.599 --> 00:16:06.004 It's like modesty is a reflection, you know, 225 00:16:06.965 --> 00:16:07.905 In essence, humility. 226 00:16:08.025 --> 00:16:08.986 And what is humility? 227 00:16:09.426 --> 00:16:11.586 It's not saying I don't have something to offer. 228 00:16:11.706 --> 00:16:15.107 It's saying I have so much to offer, but it's all a gift from God. 229 00:16:15.227 --> 00:16:16.967 And that, to me, is exactly what it is. 230 00:16:17.007 --> 00:16:21.208 When you go and perform at the highest level, but you say, this is not me. 231 00:16:21.348 --> 00:16:22.589 This was not my hours of work. 232 00:16:22.609 --> 00:16:25.049 This was 100 percent because Hashem gave this to me. 233 00:16:25.129 --> 00:16:28.050 And then I could use this raw talent that he's given me. 234 00:16:28.810 --> 00:16:32.052 to bring more light into the world is the greatest opportunity and gift. 235 00:16:32.132 --> 00:16:41.857 And when people feel like they have to sit at home and stifle themselves and deny their talents because it's not modest, it's actually, I think, the exact opposite. 236 00:16:42.557 --> 00:16:50.521 If you have a gift, you're obligated to figure out a way to use it in the appropriate way and to bring that beauty out

into the world because Hashem gave it to you. 237 00:16:50.561 --> 00:16:52.042 And every single one of us have a gift. 238 00:16:52.342 --> 00:16:54.383 Every single one of us have something unique. 239 00:16:54.563 --> 00:16:56.564 I truly believe that, and I'm passionate about everything, 240 00:16:56.984 --> 00:17:00.327 encouraging people to find their passions and run with them. 241 00:17:00.808 --> 00:17:01.909 Literally and figuratively. 242 00:17:01.929 --> 00:17:03.090 Yeah. 243 00:17:03.350 --> 00:17:09.216 It's hard because, you know, I live in the from community. 244 00:17:09.236 --> 00:17:11.638 I love the from community. 245 00:17:12.359 --> 00:17:17.323 But obviously there's questions and it's not easy and there's so much there and 246 00:17:18.384 --> 00:17:26.426 And I think what you're saying about recognizing where our gifts come from takes those questions out of it. 247 00:17:26.866 --> 00:17:27.586 It really does. 248 00:17:27.626 --> 00:17:32.827 I think for me, I'm like, I don't really need to have the answers because I know Hashem has my back. 249 00:17:33.227 --> 00:17:41.389 Like, I know that it's whatever is supposed to be will be because that's the life I'm choosing to live. 250 00:17:41.449 --> 00:17:45.309 I'm choosing to believe that Hashem has my back, that he's giving me these talents. 251 00:17:45.329 --> 00:17:46.410 He's giving me these gifts. 252 00:17:46.930 --> 00:17:47.090 And... 253 00:17:48.090 --> 00:17:57.182 Being able to honor him by using my talents is a gift I never realized I needed to have until later on. 254 00:17:57.931 --> 00:18:07.898 Yeah, I think a lot of times it takes, you know, a journey to get to that point and to realize that you have something unique and that you want to share it with the world and that you want to develop it, you know. 255 00:18:08.339 --> 00:18:14.903 And that's why I say even as mothers, like, don't don't just because, you know, sometimes we get caught up in that hamster wheel. 256 00:18:14.943 --> 00:18:15.704 And I was in that wheel. 257 00:18:15.724 --> 00:18:16.705 I was like surviving. 258 00:18:17.465 --> 00:18:26.592 But it's sad when we lose parts of ourself to motherhood because I think that our kids deserve our fullest self, you know, and they deserve us being happy and fulfilled. 259 00:18:27.189 --> 00:18:35.455 I actually think the more time I spend doing the things that fill me up, the better mother I truly am. 260 00:18:36.416 --> 00:18:46.744 I am so much more patient and I'm more focused and want to be with my kids rather than I'm just like going through the motions of life of like, OK, from here to here, I got you carpool. 261 00:18:46.764 --> 00:18:48.185 Then we're going to take this and I have to make dinner. 262 00:18:48.625 --> 00:18:55.090 Like, I actually find that I have more time and energy to give now when I'm more busy than when I wasn't. 263 00:18:55.350 --> 00:18:56.050 What do they say? 264 00:18:56.751 --> 00:19:00.333 Like, give a

busy person a task if you want it to get done. 265 00:19:00.733 --> 00:19:00.954 Yeah. 266 00:19:00.994 --> 00:19:07.738 No, my mom, actually, interestingly, she wrote a book on helping women return to the workforce after taking off time to raise kids. 267 00:19:07.838 --> 00:19:09.019 She was Harvard MBA. 268 00:19:09.099 --> 00:19:10.240 She was high-powered career. 269 00:19:10.580 --> 00:19:15.303 She took off seven years completely, had that huge gap in her resume, and then got back into, like, recruiting. 270 00:19:15.383 --> 00:19:16.383 And she helped many women. 271 00:19:16.484 --> 00:19:19.285 And she always says the work expands to fill the time. 272 00:19:19.786 --> 00:19:22.647 And that, you know, when you're a stay-at-home mom, you will be the busiest person in the 273 00:19:23.608 --> 00:19:24.328 That's what you're doing. 274 00:19:24.408 --> 00:19:29.069 And then when you go back to work, you will find time to—you will make it work. 275 00:19:29.249 --> 00:19:31.130 And I especially agree with that point. 276 00:19:31.150 --> 00:19:37.411 When you're fulfilled and when you're filled up, you have more patience and more energy and more happiness. 277 00:19:38.112 --> 00:19:39.252 And your kids will feel it. 278 00:19:39.752 --> 00:19:41.973 Yeah, I totally agree. 279 00:19:42.913 --> 00:19:50.295 You've been through some challenges when it comes to training and qualifying for— 280 00:19:51.695 --> 00:19:57.580 the Olympics and navigating that and having Shabbos as an issue and all of these things. 281 00:19:57.600 --> 00:20:00.743 Do you ever get frustrated with Hashem and go, how? 282 00:20:00.883 --> 00:20:02.865 Like, I'm doing everything you want for me. 283 00:20:02.985 --> 00:20:05.187 And I'm like trying my best. 284 00:20:05.548 --> 00:20:06.629 Can't you throw me a bone? 285 00:20:07.149 --> 00:20:07.849 Yeah, totally. 286 00:20:07.909 --> 00:20:08.950 It's not just been Shabbos. 287 00:20:09.030 --> 00:20:13.871 It's been like a lot of like, you know, injuries and setbacks and so many challenges. 288 00:20:13.891 --> 00:20:17.133 At the end of the day, I'm like, if you made me this fast, like, can you just make me a little bit faster? 289 00:20:17.153 --> 00:20:19.133 You know, why are you making me work so hard? 290 00:20:19.173 --> 00:20:21.654 And I think I've spent like the last four years. 291 00:20:22.735 --> 00:20:26.476 Um, I just like trying to get back to the level that I was at. 292 00:20:26.556 --> 00:20:29.837 And like, I haven't set a new personal best of PR in four years. 293 00:20:29.877 --> 00:20:33.799 And that's a really, really humbling feeling. 294 00:20:34.379 --> 00:20:34.519 And. 295 00:20:36.310 --> 00:20:37.131 It is really hard. 296 00:20:37.511 --> 00:20:39.053 And I do have a deep relationship with Hashem. 297 00:20:39.093 --> 00:20:42.536 And I think that when you have a real relationship with God, you can be angry with Him. 298 00:20:42.897 --> 00:20:43.797 And sometimes I am. 299 00:20:43.857 --> 00:20:44.999 And sometimes I question it. 300 00:20:45.019 --> 00:20:46.240 But I also do feel... 301 00:20:47.503 --> 00:20:54.788 deeply that every single part of our journey is designed to help us, you know, grow into the person we're meant to be. 302 00:20:54.808 --> 00:20:56.229 And there's a reason I have to go through this. 303 00:20:56.249 --> 00:21:03.173 So it's like, this is just shaping me and developing me and helping me become stronger and teaching me things about myself that I didn't know before. 304 00:21:03.193 --> 00:21:04.614 And, um, 305 00:21:06.775 --> 00:21:16.704 It's not I sometimes say like, you know, if you had told me at the beginning of my elite career how hard I would have to struggle, I probably would have said this is not for me. 306 00:21:16.944 --> 00:21:17.144 Right. 307 00:21:17.164 --> 00:21:18.846 Like, I don't want to go down this path. 308 00:21:18.886 --> 00:21:22.469 I don't want to put myself again and again in these painful situations. 309 00:21:22.769 --> 00:21:28.434 And when you want something so badly and then, you know, come up short so many times, it's really hard. 310 00:21:30.696 --> 00:21:34.638 But there's a lot of beauty, I think, in a journey of struggle. 311 00:21:34.758 --> 00:21:42.601 And I know, you know, I've come also to really appreciate the impact that I'm making regardless of results. 312 00:21:42.641 --> 00:21:55.106 And I think that in itself was such a huge lesson that I needed to internalize as a human because, you know, throughout high school, I was a straight A valedictorian type A girl who always succeeded in everything she did. 313 00:21:55.246 --> 00:21:59.508 And I think I measured myself so much by my accomplishments and without 314 00:22:00.348 --> 00:22:02.209 realizing it because, you know, I was always fine. 315 00:22:02.229 --> 00:22:02.930 Everything's always great. 316 00:22:02.950 --> 00:22:06.452 Like, but yes, like these things mattered a lot to me. 317 00:22:06.592 --> 00:22:10.854 And when you're in the elite world at the end of the day, it's all about your times. 318 00:22:10.954 --> 00:22:11.915 Every second matters. 319 00:22:12.115 --> 00:22:13.496 And either you hit the time or you don't. 320 00:22:13.616 --> 00:22:19.840 And I had to step back from that and say that I embrace myself wholeheartedly as a person. 321 00:22:21.387 --> 00:22:22.148 no matter what. 322 00:22:22.769 --> 00:22:35.246 And that takes a lot of, you know, internal work and just a lot of, I've been humbled, but I also feel like, 323 00:22:36.395 --> 00:22:40.917 Once I released myself from that, I can really enjoy the journey even more. 324 00:22:41.237 --> 00:22:51.941 One of the things that initially stopped me from starting the podcast was how demanding editing and figuring out what exactly to post. 325 00:22:52.282 --> 00:22:59.465 Luckily for me, I found Shortform Media, and they took all of the questions out of the process. 326 00:23:00.025 --> 00:23:00.305

So... 327 00:23:00.985 --> 00:23:09.146 If you're looking for someone to help you edit or make you go viral, don't forget short form media. 328 00:23:10.167 --> 00:23:13.387 You know, I think everybody goes through struggles. 329 00:23:14.087 --> 00:23:17.088 You're doing it on a pretty public page. 330 00:23:17.268 --> 00:23:19.368 I've also done it on a pretty public page. 331 00:23:20.248 --> 00:23:21.749 Lots of struggle, lots of fun. 332 00:23:22.829 --> 00:23:29.010 There's beauty in sharing and there's fear and scary things that come out. 333 00:23:30.010 --> 00:23:40.084 What are some of the things that you feel like, I know I'm sharing for a purpose, but at the same time, like, what if I don't do as well? 334 00:23:40.144 --> 00:23:43.429 What if I don't hit my PRs in four years or all these things? 335 00:23:43.489 --> 00:23:46.994 What goes through your head when you're going, do I even post this? 336 00:23:48.064 --> 00:23:50.505 Well, I think also the first time you do is a lot scarier. 337 00:23:50.685 --> 00:23:56.407 And then as like, I remember the first time I shared that, and I didn't realize I was kind of naive. 338 00:23:56.427 --> 00:23:59.928 I was like speaking to a journalist and I kind of shared that I have this dream to be in the Olympics. 339 00:23:59.948 --> 00:24:08.450 And then the next day I saw it plastered on the cover of the weekend edition of that news in Israel, like, Biti Deutsch, Chalom Liot be Olimpiada. 340 00:24:08.470 --> 00:24:10.411 And I was like, oh my gosh, I just shared this dream with the whole world. 341 00:24:10.431 --> 00:24:11.451 This is so freaking scary. 342 00:24:11.811 --> 00:24:12.552 So it is scary. 343 00:24:12.772 --> 00:24:15.873 But then the more I've done it, the more I also realized that, 344 00:24:17.613 --> 00:24:22.620 it's empowering for so many people when you put your dreams out there because you know what? 345 00:24:22.840 --> 00:24:24.302 Who cares the most about your success? 346 00:24:24.382 --> 00:24:24.623 You. 347 00:24:25.203 --> 00:24:30.871 No one's really going to judge you if you don't make it or not because no one really even understands what you've had to go through. 348 00:24:31.051 --> 00:24:31.131 And 349 00:24:32.111 --> 00:24:34.473 We, at the end of the day, care more than anyone else cares. 350 00:24:35.153 --> 00:24:46.922 So if you can release yourself from caring, from defining yourself by hitting the goal and realizing that the most beautiful thing in life is to try. 351 00:24:47.662 --> 00:24:49.563 And if you never, if you don't try, you'll never know. 352 00:24:49.603 --> 00:24:59.771 And if you want to truly live and love to the fullest, you have to be willing to like put yourself out there and try hard and invest and care and care deeply. 353 00:24:59.831 --> 00:25:08.197 The thing that I really, I don't, I think it's a problem when people say, oh, you know, like I tried, but like, oh, I didn't really care that much. 354 00:25:08.397 --> 00:25:11.779 No, like wear your emotions on your sleeve. 355 00:25:11.799 --> 00:25:13.360 Like you cared and that's okay. 356 00:25:13.520 --> 00:25:14.401 And it's good to care. 357 00:25:14.421 --> 00:25:15.662 It's so beautiful to care. 358 00:25:16.704 --> 00:25:26.750 it's like a lot of times we put up this armor in front of ourselves where we're like, in order to protect ourselves, I'm gonna say, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care. 359 00:25:27.270 --> 00:25:28.611 We all care. 360 00:25:28.971 --> 00:25:30.692 We all care what people think. 361 00:25:30.732 --> 00:25:33.213 We all care about being successful. 362 00:25:33.253 --> 00:25:35.594 We all care about being all of these things. 363 00:25:37.161 --> 00:25:47.552 But at the end of the day, if we start being open about saying, I do care and I want you to like me and I want to not feel judged and I want to be the best and I want to do these things. 364 00:25:48.113 --> 00:25:49.934 Hashem helped me get there. 365 00:25:50.695 --> 00:25:52.797 That's very different than I don't care. 366 00:25:53.038 --> 00:25:53.498 I don't care. 367 00:25:53.678 --> 00:25:54.039 I don't care. 368 00:25:54.099 --> 00:25:57.122 And it changes your outlook completely when you're able to. 369 00:25:58.223 --> 00:26:01.565 connect to another human being and say, I really want this. 370 00:26:02.125 --> 00:26:07.488 Putting that goal out there, having that plastered, it gives you a finish line. 371 00:26:07.848 --> 00:26:08.848 You're a marathon runner. 372 00:26:08.888 --> 00:26:09.729 It gives you a finish line. 373 00:26:09.929 --> 00:26:12.070 If you didn't have a finish line, you'd just be running in circles. 374 00:26:13.178 --> 00:26:13.298 Yeah. 375 00:26:13.338 --> 00:26:15.179 And I think that desire is really beautiful. 376 00:26:15.199 --> 00:26:21.742 You know, like I always say, which like, there's nothing that stands in the way of your willpower. 377 00:26:21.822 --> 00:26:23.883 Ratzon is your will, it's your desire. 378 00:26:24.384 --> 00:26:31.687 And your desire, if the deeper, the greater it is, the more power it has to create and build something, you know? 379 00:26:32.167 --> 00:26:33.308 So I think that's beautiful. 380 00:26:34.165 --> 00:26:35.588 You know, there is a... 381 00:26:36.149 --> 00:26:38.854 I was a high school athlete. 382 00:26:39.074 --> 00:26:39.735 I love... 383 00:26:40.136 --> 00:26:41.719 I still coach boys basketball. 384 00:26:41.739 --> 00:26:42.721 Like, I love... 385 00:26:44.385 --> 00:26:55.073 Sports and that aspect of my life is still really big because my kids are working towards being elite ballplayers. 386 00:26:55.434 --> 00:26:59.156 And we are on many teams and doing all these things. 387 00:26:59.677 --> 00:27:00.998 What's something amazing? 388 00:27:01.018 --> 00:27:02.519 Yeah, it's a lot of investment on the parents. 389 00:27:02.539 --> 00:27:05.241 So much money and so much time. 390 00:27:05.281 --> 00:27:07.683 And in America,

we all think like our kids are going to the NBA. 391 00:27:07.863 --> 00:27:08.363 No, they're not. 392 00:27:08.744 --> 00:27:10.044 My kid is not going to the NBA. 393 00:27:10.124 --> 00:27:10.584 I know that. 394 00:27:10.965 --> 00:27:15.007 But I do also understand that it's good for their brains. 395 00:27:15.227 --> 00:27:19.369 It's good for them to have a goal, for them to feel confident. 396 00:27:19.989 --> 00:27:29.814 What are some things that you feel imparting to the next generation that you've lived through when it comes to athleticism? 397 00:27:31.935 --> 00:27:33.776 One bad performance doesn't define you. 398 00:27:34.456 --> 00:27:36.998 And I know it can really be mentally tough to get back up. 399 00:27:37.799 --> 00:27:40.942 after a bad race or, you know, a bad pass in a game. 400 00:27:40.962 --> 00:27:47.167 But I think that you become so much more resilient when you learn how to move past it. 401 00:27:47.567 --> 00:27:54.132 And I think also that there's something so powerful about doing hard things. 402 00:27:55.367 --> 00:28:02.352 And when you are willing to, you know, whatever it is, do what it takes, get up early, go to that workout you didn't want to do. 403 00:28:02.812 --> 00:28:11.278 But when every day when you choose to push yourself a little bit past that breaking point, that is the most incredible feeling. 404 00:28:11.398 --> 00:28:15.120 And you have to train yourself sometimes to appreciate it. 405 00:28:16.081 --> 00:28:24.623 And every time I know for myself, like every time I get I have to get back in shape after, you know, I have a little break or whatever and the paces feel so hard and my brain is like, I just want to quit now. 406 00:28:24.683 --> 00:28:25.843 It's like it just doesn't feel comfortable. 407 00:28:26.243 --> 00:28:27.824 And I can stretch myself a little bit longer. 408 00:28:27.924 --> 00:28:33.245 Like at the end, I am beaming because there is nothing better in the world than knowing that you didn't give in. 409 00:28:33.445 --> 00:28:34.985 And those moments are defining moments. 410 00:28:35.005 --> 00:28:36.106 They're character building moments. 411 00:28:36.146 --> 00:28:38.646 They will come with you for the rest of your life. 412 00:28:38.666 --> 00:28:45.188 So there is so much power in sport and the workouts and the training that can really help you become a better human being. 413 00:28:46.008 --> 00:28:49.091 I said that you have to learn how to lose. 414 00:28:49.752 --> 00:28:51.773 That's also part of all of this. 415 00:28:52.094 --> 00:28:52.454 Yeah. 416 00:28:52.794 --> 00:29:01.782 That there's a skill in losing to that being gracious, understanding that your body didn't fail you. 417 00:29:02.763 --> 00:29:12.612 You are more than your medals or trophies and you are blessed because you have this talent and it's 418 00:29:13.452 --> 00:29:16.433 Literally, my kids will come to me like, we've learned how to lose, Mom. 419 00:29:16.533 --> 00:29:18.934 We do like to win, but we know how to lose. 420 00:29:19.014 --> 00:29:19.455 I promise. 421 00:29:19.555 --> 00:29:20.495 I totally agree with you. 422 00:29:20.555 --> 00:29:21.876 It's a very important skill. 423 00:29:22.196 --> 00:29:23.136 And it's hard. 424 00:29:23.236 --> 00:29:27.738 You see kids like stomp off courts and be down on themselves. 425 00:29:28.078 --> 00:29:28.518 It's normal. 426 00:29:28.678 --> 00:29:29.919 You're allowed to feel disappointed. 427 00:29:29.959 --> 00:29:30.999 You're allowed to feel sad. 428 00:29:31.019 --> 00:29:31.860 You're allowed to feel hurt. 429 00:29:32.300 --> 00:29:35.901 But you're also allowed to feel like, wow, I did finish the game. 430 00:29:36.381 --> 00:29:37.102 Wow, I made... 431 00:29:37.942 --> 00:29:41.245 X amount of shots or I ran the marathon or I did whatever. 432 00:29:41.745 --> 00:29:42.766 Maybe it wasn't my best game. 433 00:29:42.966 --> 00:29:43.967 And we all have off days. 434 00:29:44.607 --> 00:29:44.787 Right. 435 00:29:45.147 --> 00:29:48.230 And yes, that skill of learning to forgive ourselves. 436 00:29:48.750 --> 00:29:49.450 It's so important. 437 00:29:49.771 --> 00:29:50.831 So important. 438 00:29:52.558 --> 00:30:03.384 One of the things that I really wanted to talk to you about, which I am going to give a trigger warning to our listeners and viewers, is a discussion about body image. 439 00:30:04.424 --> 00:30:10.447 I actually recorded a solo podcast on this exact topic and I never released it. 440 00:30:11.088 --> 00:30:11.348 Why? 441 00:30:11.768 --> 00:30:14.429 I never released it because I wasn't ready to... 442 00:30:16.191 --> 00:30:25.277 say the things out loud that I have to tell you more people struggle with than we even remotely know. 443 00:30:26.980 --> 00:30:40.274 As somebody who has struggled with disordered eating myself, I really feel that because we're scared to talk about it, it's a silent epidemic. 444 00:30:41.475 --> 00:30:45.880 There are so many women within our community, and men actually... 445 00:30:46.600 --> 00:30:48.501 who struggle with body image. 446 00:30:48.561 --> 00:30:51.322 I fluctuated weight because I was unhealthy. 447 00:30:51.342 --> 00:30:55.183 I had medical issues between 250 pounds to 120 pounds. 448 00:30:55.203 --> 00:31:01.465 And I actually said that I felt more confident at 250 pounds than I did at 120 because I let go of what was the norm. 449 00:31:01.545 --> 00:31:01.745 And I, 450 00:31:14.525 --> 00:31:27.011 I think that you're in a completely different place where your weight and how you look at yourself is so ingrained in the training. 451 00:31:27.031 --> 00:31:27.691 100%. 452 00:31:27.871 --> 00:31:32.253 That this is an extreme level. 453 00:31:32.353 --> 00:31:40.937 Not because your eating is extreme, but because there's a lot of pressure to maintain a certain physique in order to compete at a certain level. 454 00:31:41.158 --> 00:31:41.718 Absolutely. 455 00:31:41.918 --> 00:31:42.118

Yeah. 456 00:31:44.300 --> 00:31:55.455 When you are dealing with training while also knowing that you suffer from disordered eating, how do we balance that? 457 00:31:55.976 --> 00:31:57.257 How are you navigating this? 458 00:31:57.278 --> 00:31:57.378 Yeah. 459 00:31:59.065 --> 00:32:07.510 Okay, so yeah, I think that really, if I had to, you know, I struggled a little bit with anorexia, eating disorder, disordered eating in high school. 460 00:32:07.850 --> 00:32:08.811 It wasn't extreme. 461 00:32:09.532 --> 00:32:13.334 I don't think I processed it 100%, but like somehow miraculously it lifted. 462 00:32:13.454 --> 00:32:14.214 I got married. 463 00:32:14.294 --> 00:32:14.975 I had kids. 464 00:32:15.015 --> 00:32:15.875 Everything's good. 465 00:32:15.955 --> 00:32:18.597 I'm never, no thoughts crossing my mind. 466 00:32:18.657 --> 00:32:19.438 It's all behind me. 467 00:32:20.843 --> 00:32:23.844 Um, then I started, you know, running. 468 00:32:24.424 --> 00:32:28.445 I, I, I, yeah, and I, I started running because I wanted to lose a little bit of the baby weight. 469 00:32:28.465 --> 00:32:29.506 I wanted to get in shape, whatever. 470 00:32:29.526 --> 00:32:32.586 I wasn't very focused on what I was eating, but it happened so naturally. 471 00:32:32.646 --> 00:32:33.507 And I was getting compliments. 472 00:32:33.587 --> 00:32:33.847 Wow. 473 00:32:33.867 --> 00:32:34.407 You look amazing. 474 00:32:34.467 --> 00:32:41.169 I was not, I wouldn't say I was, I really wasn't fat to begin with, but then I was like really skinny because when you start running, you just lose the weight. 475 00:32:41.249 --> 00:32:43.009 And then I got even more serious, you know? 476 00:32:43.149 --> 00:32:46.230 And I remember my, my husband who was always really supportive. 477 00:32:46.250 --> 00:32:49.111 He's like, you know, like elite athletes, like if you want to get even, you know, 478 00:32:49.651 --> 00:32:58.001 more, if you want to get even more serious, like you focus a little bit on what you're eating, because like the less you weigh, the faster you run. 479 00:32:58.021 --> 00:33:00.323 Like he was very well intentioned in saying that. 480 00:33:00.343 --> 00:33:02.646 And I wasn't really thinking too deeply in it. 481 00:33:02.746 --> 00:33:05.910 And I was such a busy mom, I literally did not have time to fuel myself. 482 00:33:05.950 --> 00:33:09.814 So again, like the first big marathon, the first fast marathon I ran the 242, like, 483 00:33:10.755 --> 00:33:12.176 I was at the lowest weight I've ever been. 484 00:33:12.456 --> 00:33:14.898 And I just, but it happened so naturally. 485 00:33:14.918 --> 00:33:15.639 I didn't think about it. 486 00:33:15.739 --> 00:33:17.721 And then I was getting, I was training. 487 00:33:17.961 --> 00:33:18.961 Now I'm an elite athlete. 488 00:33:19.001 --> 00:33:20.042 I'm sponsored by Israel. 489 00:33:20.343 --> 00:33:27.388 And I start, and you know, the more you run actually, the less of a like stimulus that is to your body. 490 00:33:27.448 --> 00:33:29.550 So you're actually burning less calories, right? 491 00:33:29.570 --> 00:33:32.492 So at this point, I, my body's more efficient than it used to be. 492 00:33:32.552 --> 00:33:37.256 So it was like, I was really hyper-focused on everything I'm eating to be doing the right thing. 493 00:33:37.316 --> 00:33:39.517 And then it just creeps into your head all the time. 494 00:33:40.598 --> 00:33:44.903 And then it became this like, okay, but I'm hungry and I can't really eat what I want to eat. 495 00:33:44.923 --> 00:33:46.465 And I can never eat the things I crave. 496 00:33:46.505 --> 00:33:49.349 And I want, I love chocolate and sugar and I just want to eat it all the time. 497 00:33:49.429 --> 00:33:57.298 And it would like, it spiraled into, you know, real disordered eating and obsessive thoughts and addictive habits that I just couldn't break. 498 00:33:57.379 --> 00:33:59.501 And I think I spent four years. 499 00:34:01.409 --> 00:34:08.779 Seesawing back and forth, you know, and always believing, like, always wanting to really get out of it, but then also being really scared. 500 00:34:09.139 --> 00:34:13.104 Like, if I let go of this, then I won't be able to, like, be the weight I need to be. 501 00:34:13.144 --> 00:34:17.870 And I did, you know, I worked with a nutritionist that really had a negative effect on me because... 502 00:34:18.711 --> 00:34:21.312 He, you know, he accomplished what he wanted to accomplish. 503 00:34:21.332 --> 00:34:30.314 I wanted to lose two kilo in a month and I did that, but it was so extreme that and when you restrict yourself so much, you end up craving even more. 504 00:34:31.234 --> 00:34:33.395 And I didn't believe that, but it's really true. 505 00:34:34.275 --> 00:34:35.775 And, you know, it triggered a lot. 506 00:34:37.256 --> 00:34:40.977 So I had to find the right nutritionist who was so 507 00:34:42.097 --> 00:35:05.172 supportive and just so understanding and like I feel like she's my food therapist she's a nutritionist and she's 100 not a therapist but she really helped me in that regard of like really reminding me that you don't need to be a specific weight like that's not holding me back in my training right now and it was my coach also constant reassurance from my coach that like it's not my weight that is holding me back in my training and I happen to be an athlete that's 508 00:35:06.060 --> 00:35:07.562 more built than your typical runner. 509 00:35:07.622 --> 00:35:09.004 I build muscle like that. 510 00:35:09.064 --> 00:35:13.149 Like, yes, I have insane muscles everywhere. 511 00:35:13.209 --> 00:35:15.772 And it's just like I do I do way more than I am. 512 00:35:15.792 --> 00:35:16.192 I'm short. 513 00:35:16.813 --> 00:35:18.475 So it weighed on my mind. 514 00:35:18.535 --> 00:35:23.421 But then I think, you know, realizing at a certain point that like, 515 00:35:25.112 --> 00:35:27.253 I don't want this to be defining

my life. 516 00:35:27.553 --> 00:35:35.076 And I worked with my nutritionist and I worked with a somatic coach and I did work with a therapist for a year and that was great. 517 00:35:35.096 --> 00:35:36.457 But also I think at a certain point, like... 518 00:35:37.512 --> 00:35:40.374 I can you can talk yourself through everything, but like you need to feel it. 519 00:35:40.674 --> 00:35:41.594 And I'm not a feeler. 520 00:35:41.775 --> 00:35:42.935 I'm a thinker. 521 00:35:43.135 --> 00:35:43.756 It's funny. 522 00:35:43.816 --> 00:35:50.680 I do therapy and I do coaching because I always say that therapy asks the right questions to get you to the right answers. 523 00:35:50.980 --> 00:35:58.525 Coaching helps you put a plan in place, because if you don't have a plan in place, like it's just thoughts ruminating again. 524 00:35:58.945 --> 00:36:03.568 And especially for somebody who's suffering from disordered eating or an eating disorder, 525 00:36:04.508 --> 00:36:08.169 There's already ruminating thoughts over and over and over again. 526 00:36:08.389 --> 00:36:13.550 And this idea, somebody who's dealt with it and still dealing. 527 00:36:13.770 --> 00:36:15.651 Honestly, I'm still dealing with it. 528 00:36:16.211 --> 00:36:18.392 You're it never fully turns off. 529 00:36:18.572 --> 00:36:23.713 And I think that that's something important to say out loud that. 530 00:36:24.870 --> 00:36:26.411 Your brain doesn't turn off. 531 00:36:26.471 --> 00:36:28.953 Those habits that you had don't turn off. 532 00:36:28.993 --> 00:36:31.155 You just know how to control them better. 533 00:36:31.175 --> 00:36:38.300 And you know the difference between what is good for you and what is not as good for you. 534 00:36:39.841 --> 00:36:42.243 But that doesn't calm the voices. 535 00:36:42.883 --> 00:36:48.491 Honestly, I really do feel like certain things turned off for me, which is an amazing feeling. 536 00:36:48.611 --> 00:36:53.438 I mean, it's never—I would say you never know and whatever. 537 00:36:53.538 --> 00:36:55.722 There could be triggers, but I feel so— 538 00:36:58.241 --> 00:37:02.045 Just in a different mindset, like a different headspace, like a different person. 539 00:37:02.265 --> 00:37:02.625 Okay. 540 00:37:02.645 --> 00:37:04.887 So I'm going to, I would push back a little bit. 541 00:37:05.267 --> 00:37:07.630 I mean, like, that's so beautiful and so wonderful. 542 00:37:07.730 --> 00:37:11.733 And I hope this continues for the rest of your life, Amir Tashem. 543 00:37:12.774 --> 00:37:17.919 But in reality, any type of addictive personality, there's relapses. 544 00:37:18.379 --> 00:37:19.120 That's how it works. 545 00:37:19.160 --> 00:37:19.821 That's life. 546 00:37:19.841 --> 00:37:21.242 It's true. 547 00:37:21.402 --> 00:37:22.183 I would believe you that. 548 00:37:22.903 --> 00:37:25.905 And we work really hard to shift the mindset. 549 00:37:25.925 --> 00:37:31.307 And the fact that you already have that is a bracha, like really so amazing. 550 00:37:31.427 --> 00:37:33.728 And I'm so impressed and inspired. 551 00:37:35.469 --> 00:37:42.853 If you were looking back at yourself when suffering during that time period, what would you tell yourself now? 552 00:37:43.977 --> 00:37:54.647 I felt so much shame, which is why it was so important for me to sometimes speak about it because I could see so many people living in their own shame. 553 00:37:54.727 --> 00:37:58.910 And I think I felt so much shame because it was like I held myself to a certain extent. 554 00:37:58.970 --> 00:38:00.692 Everyone assumes you're so disciplined. 555 00:38:01.112 --> 00:38:02.814 You do everything you're supposed to do running. 556 00:38:02.934 --> 00:38:04.495 Why can't you just get a grip on this? 557 00:38:04.715 --> 00:38:05.957 Why can't you just get over it? 558 00:38:06.997 --> 00:38:08.559 Like how come you're not disciplined and you're eating? 559 00:38:08.899 --> 00:38:10.360 All this judgment to myself. 560 00:38:11.345 --> 00:38:19.034 So the thing I would say is that, you know, you're beautiful the way you are. 561 00:38:19.054 --> 00:38:20.816 And humans aren't perfect. 562 00:38:20.896 --> 00:38:23.078 We're complex emotional beings. 563 00:38:23.559 --> 00:38:27.203 And if you're feeling something, let yourself feel something. 564 00:38:27.223 --> 00:38:27.583 Yeah. 565 00:38:27.963 --> 00:38:33.946 Do you think I used to think that emotional eating was like I never I'm like, I don't have emotional eating because like I didn't picture myself. 566 00:38:33.966 --> 00:38:39.709 I'm not the type of person that goes and sits down with a bag of chips when they're feeling sadder, buys a carton of ice cream and eats out of control. 567 00:38:39.769 --> 00:38:40.549 No, that's not me. 568 00:38:41.350 --> 00:38:42.450 But I did have emotional. 569 00:38:42.470 --> 00:38:48.533 I did struggle with emotional eating because why was I resorting to chewing and spitting out chocolate all the time? 570 00:38:48.713 --> 00:38:52.275 Because I was clearly holding in emotions that I wasn't feeling. 571 00:38:52.295 --> 00:38:55.496 And it's just now like I also feel so much less. 572 00:38:57.765 --> 00:39:07.432 what's the word like tension around these type of foods are like, I think it's just like, if I want to have a piece of chocolate, enjoy it. 573 00:39:07.552 --> 00:39:07.932 I don't know. 574 00:39:08.153 --> 00:39:09.033 I'm not scared of it. 575 00:39:09.514 --> 00:39:11.155 You know, I hear that. 576 00:39:11.595 --> 00:39:16.819 And sometimes it does come back to like, well, maybe you're not, then it will haunt me the voice like, well, you're not being serious enough in your training. 577 00:39:17.479 --> 00:39:21.402 Buckle down now and put on the put on that, you know, plan, you know, 578 00:39:22.720 --> 00:39:30.084 For me, I really believe that we control a lot of our outcome based on our mind. 579 00:39:30.744 --> 00:39:31.025 Right. 580 00:39:31.965 -->

00:39:39.129 So when you say to yourself, I changed my mindset, so now I can overcome it. 581 00:39:39.589 --> 00:39:42.491 I think our mind is stronger than any physical part of our body. 582 00:39:43.351 --> 00:39:46.593 So if you are convincing yourself that. 583 00:39:46.893 --> 00:40:08.101 on on either end of the spectrum you're able to do it meaning if i want to convince myself that eating six does six donuts alone in my car which is something i have done okay yeah i think that's i would do that too right like i can convince myself that that's okay and that's normal but then the other voice in my head will come in and go oh 584 00:40:08.821 --> 00:40:11.385 Julia, like we know that's not the right thing to do. 585 00:40:12.707 --> 00:40:14.110 But what is the right thing to do? 586 00:40:14.711 --> 00:40:18.236 It's so hard to manage those emotions when you're in it. 587 00:40:18.777 --> 00:40:18.977 Yeah. 588 00:40:19.521 --> 00:40:26.444 When you're out of it, when you're not having these ruminating thoughts and you're not, you're able to go, oh, this makes sense. 589 00:40:26.464 --> 00:40:29.125 Like I can have one donut and not have six. 590 00:40:29.885 --> 00:40:30.505 That's normal. 591 00:40:30.525 --> 00:40:32.286 Like I'm like, I love a good donut. 592 00:40:32.526 --> 00:40:36.868 But now I don't binge six of them in one sitting. 593 00:40:37.348 --> 00:40:40.649 I can space them out, which is a beautiful thing. 594 00:40:40.709 --> 00:40:42.450 But it takes time and training. 595 00:40:43.186 --> 00:40:56.114 I think the most validating thing for me in my journey was seeing that it was actually possible to get to like no longer, like people would always say, if you stop restricting yourself, you won't crave as much. 596 00:40:56.194 --> 00:41:00.537 And seeing that happen was so wild because I really didn't believe it. 597 00:41:00.557 --> 00:41:02.278 I thought I would always be craving. 598 00:41:02.358 --> 00:41:02.779 And it's like. 599 00:41:03.739 --> 00:41:32.029 I'm not I don't know I could eat a piece of dessert I might not even want it most of the time I will want it but then I won't also feel like well now I need to have like more or like it wasn't enough I just want more it's like I don't know there's way less shifts energy around it right it shifts off the like almost this like devil on the shoulder kind of person who's like no eat more of this or don't eat more of this because you're like oh okay I had it now move on with my day it's not a constant focal point in your life 600 00:41:32.369 --> 00:41:33.529 And that is so freeing. 601 00:41:33.809 --> 00:41:47.154 And I wish that to every single person who might be struggling with obsessive, addictive thoughts that you'd be able to release it and experience true freedom and healing in your life. 602 00:41:48.434 --> 00:41:58.757 I mean, I mean, because really there is nothing like now, even when the voices come and they do come, trust me, they come for me, at least. 603 00:42:00.338 --> 00:42:01.518 I'm just not interested. 604 00:42:02.279 --> 00:42:07.804 And it's such a weird thing to say, like, that you can say you're not interested in something that's a mental health issue. 605 00:42:07.864 --> 00:42:08.244 It's not. 606 00:42:09.565 --> 00:42:13.128 But it doesn't define me where it once did. 607 00:42:13.389 --> 00:42:14.510 Yeah. 608 00:42:14.590 --> 00:42:15.070 I get that. 609 00:42:15.531 --> 00:42:16.952 I'm just like, you know what? 610 00:42:17.372 --> 00:42:17.873 It's okay. 611 00:42:17.893 --> 00:42:22.477 And I've been through more things than I wish on anybody ever in their life. 612 00:42:23.057 --> 00:42:28.342 And I think that mind over matter is a real, real thing. 613 00:42:28.622 --> 00:42:29.503 It's – I can – 614 00:42:31.025 --> 00:42:36.348 When you're getting to your 20 something mile, what are you telling yourself at that point? 615 00:42:36.868 --> 00:42:49.055 Cause that's what you're in right now when you're dealing with- Yeah, I mean, I've always been a mind over matter person, but in those miles, I have a lot of mantras and it's like, I will do anything it takes to get to the finish line. 616 00:42:50.516 --> 00:42:52.957 You know, I just say it's it's just pain. 617 00:42:52.997 --> 00:42:55.037 It's just a figment of my imagination. 618 00:42:55.657 --> 00:42:58.018 Like it's not really it's what you tell yourself. 619 00:42:58.038 --> 00:43:01.359 And I'm not going to let you trick me into thinking I need to stop right now because I don't. 620 00:43:01.559 --> 00:43:02.019 I'm fine. 621 00:43:02.339 --> 00:43:04.439 So it's the same thing when it comes to the eating. 622 00:43:05.160 --> 00:43:12.421 I'm not going to let you trick me into thinking that I I won't be as elite if I don't if I eat this. 623 00:43:12.861 --> 00:43:13.221 Right. 624 00:43:13.622 --> 00:43:15.122 It's the same idea. 625 00:43:15.902 --> 00:43:30.010 I think that I think the one thing that I see like that really saddens me is how much pressure there is in our community to look a certain way, to be a certain size, to have a certain body. 626 00:43:30.030 --> 00:43:32.331 It's just like, aren't we supposed to be better than that? 627 00:43:32.531 --> 00:43:35.412 Why has it all come down to this extreme superficialness? 628 00:43:35.573 --> 00:43:37.814 And I think social media is not helping. 629 00:43:38.814 --> 00:43:39.455 And I. 630 00:43:40.536 --> 00:43:41.497 It's hard for me to see that. 631 00:43:41.577 --> 00:43:47.266 I don't think that that was what my struggle was about because, like I said, it's very connected to the elite performance. 632 00:43:47.326 --> 00:43:48.147 And I know it's a lot. 633 00:43:48.187 --> 00:43:49.149 It's very common for athletes. 634 00:43:49.169 --> 00:43:52.113 But I see that so many young women are suffering from that. 635 00:43:52.273 --> 00:43:53.095 And it's sad. 636 00:43:53.682 --> 00:43:53.882 Right. 637 00:43:53.902 --> 00:44:00.048 Well,

you're not getting read to the right boys if you don't look a certain way or you don't like we do have. 638 00:44:00.929 --> 00:44:02.570 Think about a resume, right? 639 00:44:03.231 --> 00:44:05.653 The first thing somebody asks is, what do they look like? 640 00:44:05.993 --> 00:44:06.834 And let's be honest. 641 00:44:07.114 --> 00:44:07.815 That's normal. 642 00:44:08.175 --> 00:44:08.936 It is normal. 643 00:44:09.156 --> 00:44:10.057 Think about a dating app. 644 00:44:10.117 --> 00:44:13.940 If the person doesn't have a picture on their dating app, like I'm not. 645 00:44:14.080 --> 00:44:14.901 I wouldn't go out with them. 646 00:44:15.081 --> 00:44:18.084 Now, I haven't been on a dating app because I've been married for so long. 647 00:44:18.104 --> 00:44:19.045 They didn't have dating apps. 648 00:44:19.505 --> 00:44:19.666 But. 649 00:44:20.346 --> 00:44:21.787 Those are normal things. 650 00:44:21.987 --> 00:44:29.190 And we do look at people differently based on how they look, how they dress, all of these things. 651 00:44:29.750 --> 00:44:33.452 But I do think that it's hyper-focused within our community. 652 00:44:33.552 --> 00:44:36.273 I think the obsession over weight is a bit out of control. 653 00:44:36.874 --> 00:44:38.896 Yeah, it's 100% about community. 654 00:44:39.016 --> 00:44:45.423 And the interesting thing, this is the thing that really gets me, is that it's worse in the more from community. 655 00:44:45.923 --> 00:44:53.911 And I'm like, the girls, and I see this so much when you have seminary girls and you host them, and you have all the girls from the community. 656 00:44:54.532 --> 00:44:59.475 Very Basiaco schools are so worried about what they're eating and they're like so careful not to take too much. 657 00:44:59.515 --> 00:45:01.036 And also they have no personality. 658 00:45:01.056 --> 00:45:03.757 Sorry, I just made a huge generalization, but they're so quiet. 659 00:45:03.817 --> 00:45:05.178 And I don't know. 660 00:45:05.278 --> 00:45:06.959 They don't know how to express themselves necessarily. 661 00:45:06.979 --> 00:45:08.840 And they all want to do the same cookie cutter thing. 662 00:45:08.960 --> 00:45:13.002 And I went to very Basiaco seminary, so I'm not trying to say anything negative. 663 00:45:13.022 --> 00:45:14.563 It's just generally this is what I see. 664 00:45:14.603 --> 00:45:16.644 And then I'll have the girls from more— 665 00:45:17.144 --> 00:45:30.917 modern Orthodox seminaries, and they're just colorful, and they have personality, and they're enjoying themselves, and they're living their best life because they're not worried about who they're going to get to the next year, which is like, why are we rushing girls to get married so quickly? 666 00:45:31.177 --> 00:45:32.318 Not that I didn't get married at 19. 667 00:45:32.338 --> 00:45:36.202 This is a very side rant that I've never said, and I hate saying rants, but... 668 00:45:36.882 --> 00:45:38.443 Well, I think it's an important one, actually. 669 00:45:38.463 --> 00:45:38.963 It's true. 670 00:45:39.764 --> 00:45:46.967 Listen, I am in the modern Orthodox world, but a lot of my family is in the Bayside-Aquiv world, and we were just discussing seminaries, actually. 671 00:45:47.768 --> 00:45:52.590 And they're like, well, if I want my husband to be like this, I need to go to this type of seminary. 672 00:45:53.110 --> 00:46:00.094 And I looked at this person who's really a child at this time, and I said, yeah, but what do you want to be? 673 00:46:00.434 --> 00:46:01.795 Not who do you want to marry. 674 00:46:02.415 --> 00:46:02.955 Exactly. 675 00:46:02.975 --> 00:46:05.356 The girls haven't thought about it. 676 00:46:05.496 --> 00:46:09.136 No, because remember, we're still in our formative years. 677 00:46:09.316 --> 00:46:11.517 Our frontal lobe hasn't even formed when we get married. 678 00:46:11.537 --> 00:46:14.197 I got married at 20 and we didn't I didn't know. 679 00:46:14.277 --> 00:46:15.538 And yes, I grew with my husband. 680 00:46:15.558 --> 00:46:16.658 And by the way, it worked out. 681 00:46:16.698 --> 00:46:17.358 Thank God. 682 00:46:17.898 --> 00:46:22.779 But we need to be focusing in on who we are as people. 683 00:46:23.139 --> 00:46:26.500 And the more confident we are, the more colorful we can be. 684 00:46:27.080 --> 00:46:27.681 Absolutely. 685 00:46:27.961 --> 00:46:35.206 And the more honest we are about maybe the pitfalls within our community, there are, there's beauty. 686 00:46:35.366 --> 00:46:44.873 There's so much beauty and so much amazing things that we have, but there are issues and there are things that hold us back. 687 00:46:45.573 --> 00:46:52.899 So I think that if anybody is coming and listening to this podcast to remember that you are perfect, 688 00:46:54.401 --> 00:47:00.929 You might make mistakes and you might look at yourself in a way that isn't perfect. 689 00:47:01.930 --> 00:47:06.516 But come back to the fact that Hashem made you in his image and he is perfect. 690 00:47:07.288 --> 00:47:09.189 That's what I told my daughter before Yom Kippur. 691 00:47:09.229 --> 00:47:11.571 I said, when she was asking me, give a Devar Torah on Yom Kippur. 692 00:47:11.591 --> 00:47:17.396 I said, Yom Kippur is the day that you get to connect to your purest, truest essence. 693 00:47:17.456 --> 00:47:19.217 And it's so pure and it's so holy. 694 00:47:19.677 --> 00:47:21.198 And it's what you want to be every single day. 695 00:47:21.218 --> 00:47:23.780 It just gets covered up and distracted. 696 00:47:23.820 --> 00:47:25.722 And I'm like, it's the washing machine for your soul. 697 00:47:25.742 --> 00:47:29.825 And you're going back to that and hold on to it and cling to it and realize that that's the true you. 698 00:47:30.305 --> 00:47:30.946 I love that. 699 00:47:31.366 --> 00:47:33.187 Can we do a little rapid fire to end this? 700 00:47:33.208 --> 00:47:34.048 Yeah, of course. 701 00:47:34.068 --> 00:47:34.629 Okay. 702 00:47:34.829 --> 00:47:36.150 Running alone or running with someone? 703 00:47:37.352 --> 00:47:37.712 Someone. 704 00:47:38.653 --> 00:47:39.714 Morning run or evening run? 705 00:47:40.494 --> 00:47:40.854 Morning. 706 00:47:43.156 --> 00:47:44.677 The mile you hate the most. 707 00:47:45.713 --> 00:47:47.114 Like 18 is pretty bad. 708 00:47:47.695 --> 00:47:49.797 The best feelings, starting line or finish line? 709 00:47:50.577 --> 00:47:51.178 Finish line. 710 00:47:52.139 --> 00:47:53.760 Music, podcast, or silence? 711 00:47:54.260 --> 00:47:54.761 Silence. 712 00:47:55.381 --> 00:47:55.882 Really? 713 00:47:55.902 --> 00:47:57.103 Yeah, I spent a lot of time. 714 00:47:57.123 --> 00:48:01.106 I said running with someone because I spent most of my time running by myself in silence. 715 00:48:01.487 --> 00:48:03.148 But I like a good run with someone. 716 00:48:03.749 --> 00:48:04.569 Oh, my God. 717 00:48:04.669 --> 00:48:05.570 That is a lot of thoughts. 718 00:48:05.590 --> 00:48:07.171 Yeah, I like my thoughts. 719 00:48:07.592 --> 00:48:09.614 Most overrated thing runners obsess about? 720 00:48:11.197 --> 00:48:12.118 I don't know everything. 721 00:48:12.218 --> 00:48:14.279 I'm not one of those, but they obsess about everything. 722 00:48:14.299 --> 00:48:14.980 It's ridiculous. 723 00:48:15.620 --> 00:48:17.121 One thing your kids make fun of you for. 724 00:48:17.141 --> 00:48:22.205 I think they just make fun of me for being on Instagram. 725 00:48:22.965 --> 00:48:24.706 Oh, I've been there all the time. 726 00:48:24.907 --> 00:48:25.207 Yeah. 727 00:48:25.527 --> 00:48:28.029 Who's tougher, marathon runners or Jewish mothers? 728 00:48:28.589 --> 00:48:29.250 Jewish mothers. 729 00:48:30.290 --> 00:48:33.413 If you could never race again, who would you be? 730 00:48:34.493 --> 00:48:36.695 If I could never race again, who would I be? 731 00:48:37.894 --> 00:48:44.603 Um, a passionate, um, you know, change maker for the Jewish people. 732 00:48:46.406 --> 00:48:53.576 I used to think I couldn't, but now I know I can public speak in Hebrew. 733 00:48:55.574 --> 00:48:56.236 insane. 734 00:48:56.658 --> 00:48:57.300 Good for you. 735 00:48:58.583 --> 00:49:00.730 You've accomplished something honestly incredible. 736 00:49:00.870 --> 00:49:05.585 And I am so grateful that you've shared your gift with the world, but also that you came here to share it with me. 737 00:49:06.006 --> 00:49:07.330 So thank you, Beattie, for coming. 738 00:49:07.370 --> 00:49:08.433 I really appreciate it. 739 00:49:08.554 --> 00:49:08.975 Thank you.