บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ How Dad Can Help—On and Off the Sidelines | Mayor Amy Wiczynski | The NJ Dad Podcast Ep. 56

building stuff, yeah. 00:04:17.759 --> 00:04:24.959 It's so much it's uh the the the garden state, the garden state's gonna become a concrete, the concrete state. 00:04:25.199 --> 00:04:28.959 But your mayoral position is a is a volunteer position. 00:04:29.279 --> 00:04:30.000 You do not get paid. 00:04:30.240 --> 00:04:30.639 We do not. 00:04:30.879 --> 00:04:31.040 Okay. 00:04:31.279 --> 00:04:31.759 We do not. 00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:34.079 So this is I'm gonna give you a scenario. 00:04:34.319 --> 00:04:37.439 You tell me that this is somewhat accurate of your life. 00:04:37.680 --> 00:04:40.160 It's a Sunday night, it's about 9.20. 00:04:40.240 --> 00:04:44.240 The acme is gonna close pretty soon, but you have to get that ice cream for the family. 00:04:44.399 --> 00:04:54.560 So you throw on your sweats and you're walking down the aisle for ice cream and you see a a someone from town and they approach you and go, Listen, something's gotta be done about these deer. 00:04:54.720 --> 00:04:55.360 Does that happen? 00:04:55.600 --> 00:04:56.319 Oh my god, yeah. 00:04:56.480 --> 00:04:56.959 All the time. 00:04:57.120 --> 00:04:57.600 All the time. 00:04:57.759 --> 00:05:00.240 A lot of people, and most people are really respectful, I have to say. 00:05:00.319 --> 00:05:00.879 And I don't mind. 00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:02.000 I say, listen, it's my job. 00:05:02.079 --> 00:05:03.680 And my job is 24-7. 00:05:03.920 --> 00:05:07.120 Like I'm working on Sundays, I'm working on Saturdays, you know. 00:05:07.199 --> 00:05:08.879 It's just, you have to. 00:05:09.040 --> 00:05:13.360 But um, but a lot of people do do that, and they'll say, I don't mean to bother you, but you are. 00:05:13.600 --> 00:05:13.680 Yeah. 00:05:14.000 --> 00:05:14.720 You are Janet. 00:05:14.879 --> 00:05:15.360 Leave her alone. 00:05:15.439 --> 00:05:18.240 Let her buy her Jamal Goblin fudge and leave her alone for a minute. 00:05:18.480 --> 00:05:21.439 Yeah, no, it's uh, but like I said, most people are pretty respectful. 00:05:21.519 --> 00:05:24.959 And a lot of times I'll just say, please just email me because I don't want to forget. 00:05:25.120 --> 00:05:25.360 Sure. 00:05:25.920 --> 00:05:26.399 Yeah, of course. 00:05:26.720 --> 00:05:32.879 Because again, you you know, I think that's part of the the real the positives and the negatives. 00:05:33.040 --> 00:05:36.560 You're impacting and affecting change in the town that you live in and love. 00:05:36.639 --> 00:05:36.800 Yeah. 00:05:36.959 --> 00:05:39.439 But at the same time, it's like guys kind of get a minute. 00:05:39.680 --> 00:05:39.839 Yeah. 00:05:39.920 --> 00:05:42.240 Well, you know, I've been doing it for a while, so I'm kind of used to it. 00:05:42.480 --> 00:05:46.160 You know, I was on the council before, so I I am kind of used to it. 00:05:46.240 --> 00:05:48.560 But like I said, it's not, it's not, it's not so bad. 00:05:48.720 --> 00:05:49.680 You know, it's not so bad. 00:05:49.920 --> 00:06:02.560

Well, and I I would imagine I I know this, but you you form so many relationships and you have seen so many people, like kids get older and families grow and move on or whatever. 00:06:02.720 --> 00:06:04.720 So it's got to be interesting to see that as well. 00:06:04.879 --> 00:06:24.720 So so what you're saying, just going back to what you said about affecting change on a on a small level, I think that when you live in even someplace like uh Montclair or something like that, or Jersey City, where it's sort of a bigger place, when you live in a small town, you really can sort of do things to make that difference literally in your life on your on your front lawn. 00:06:24.800 --> 00:06:25.839 Would you say that's accurate? 00:06:26.079 --> 00:06:27.120 Yeah, no, a hundred percent. 00:06:27.279 --> 00:06:30.399 You can you can definitely see the change, you can see the fruit of your labor. 00:06:30.480 --> 00:06:33.199 And I have to say, in a small town too, we're so efficient. 00:06:33.360 --> 00:06:39.680 Like the fraud and the extra spending that you see in Jersey City and all these other cities, we're we're lean. 00:06:39.839 --> 00:06:41.680 Like you can actually really control the budget. 00:06:41.839 --> 00:06:53.680 You can really, you know, I mean, I know all of our employees, every single one of them, and we have department head meetings, and we try to always just think of ways to collaborate and make things you know better and efficient, you know, for all of us. 00:06:53.839 --> 00:06:56.160 So we we really do make a difference. 00:06:56.319 --> 00:06:59.439 And I do think in a small town it's it can be run really efficiently. 00:06:59.600 --> 00:06:59.839 Yeah. 00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:04.720 I mean, you do have to try to work with shared services a little bit too to kind of help with the cost of and things. 00:07:05.040 --> 00:07:05.680 And what does that mean? 00:07:05.759 --> 00:07:07.439 Just because I'm a half a dope shared service. 00:07:07.680 --> 00:07:16.079 So, yeah, so it's uh it's when you know you buy a sweeper truck and another town next door doesn't have one, and then you know, we they pay part of it. 00:07:16.160 --> 00:07:17.120 Like we do that with a lot of things. 00:07:17.199 --> 00:07:24.879 We did it with like our lightning detection system, so we'll have the base in our town, or somebody else will have the base, and we we split the cost, split the maintenance. 00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:26.480 So things like that that make sense. 00:07:26.879 --> 00:07:29.600 Generally, I'm you know, I'm not really the political type. 00:07:29.680 --> 00:07:32.079 I'm more of a guy who's gonna lean in as a ret coach. 00:07:32.160 --> 00:07:36.560 I'm gonna try my hand as a first grade girl soccer coach and fail at it terribly. 00:07:36.800 --> 00:07:37.680 Don't make the girls cry. 00:07:37.839 --> 00:07:38.240 I'm running. 00:07:38.399 --> 00:07:39.120 No, no, no. 00:07:39.199 --> 00:07:41.279 I I I know way too much about coaching. 00:07:41.360 --> 00:07:44.480 I would never, I take my my foot is well off the gas pedal. 00:07:44.720 --> 00:07:46.959 Like, you know, like we're gonna have snacks in five minutes. 00:07:47.040 --> 00:07:47.680 It's gonna be fine. 00:07:47.839 --> 00:07:48.720 You're gonna be just fine. 00:07:48.879 --> 00:07:50.959 Some of these girls are good and they're aggressive. 00:07:51.279 --> 00:07:51.920 I can't believe it. 00:07:52.160 --> 00:07:54.079 Yeah, they start early in sports, yeah. 00:07:54.480 --> 00:07:55.360 And that's a thing. 00:07:55.519 --> 00:07:56.160 Right, right. 00:07:56.480 --> 00:08:01.360 My my first grader is uh I'm her biggest fan. 00:08:01.839 --> 00:08:04.639 I I don't know if she has it for soccer. 00:08:04.879 --> 00:08:08.959 She's so she's more creative, yeah, and she's more performative and things like that. 00:08:09.120 --> 00:08:12.639 So she'd be good at falling down and pretending to be hurt as they do in FIFA. 00:08:13.279 --> 00:08:13.920 I digress. 00:08:14.160 --> 00:08:22.240 But uh, so someone take someone exactly like me, a couple little children, wants to get involved somehow. 00:08:22.399 --> 00:08:25.920 What's a good way to just start generally in any town USA? 00:08:26.480 --> 00:08:35.840 Well, actually, I mean, coaching is always I think a great way, especially if you're new to the town, because you meet so many people, so automatically you're gonna have like 25 friends from everybody on the team. 00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:37.360 So that's always really great. 00:08:37.600 --> 00:08:54.080 If people are interested to be um on the council, I try to like suggest that they go on boards first, whether it's the library board, a land use board, because then you can kind of see the inner workings of how it works because it were it's different, like municipalities and municipal governing is just different than the real world. 00:08:54.480 --> 00:08:58.080 So to know that there's all these different rules and stuff is really it's really important. 00:08:58.399 --> 00:08:58.720 Okay. 00:08:58.879 --> 00:09:01.919 Um, so that is kind of like that transition, but Rex the best. 00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:02.480 I love Rex. 00:09:02.799 --> 00:09:03.600 Start start there. 00:09:03.759 --> 00:09:04.240 I think so. 00:09:04.320 --> 00:09:04.799 I love it, yeah. 00:09:05.120 --> 00:09:06.159 Easy, ease in a little bit. 00:09:06.639 --> 00:09:07.519 I mean, absolutely. 00:09:07.600 --> 00:09:12.240 Even in, you know, in some of the boards, you have to take like a course, like set, say, for example, the land use board. 00:09:12.320 --> 00:09:18.159 You have to go through, you have to know the ordinance, you have to make sure that you keep yourself, you know, separate and in your lane. 00:09:18.240 --> 00:09:22.480 You know, you can't some people get a little involved and they want to pick up people's curtains, type, you know. 00:09:22.559 --> 00:09:24.960 So it's like you gotta, you know, this is what our job is. 00:09:25.200

--> 00:09:27.200 And it is, it's very important to know that. 00:09:27.360 --> 00:09:31.679 It's important to know the town and the ordinances and before you, you know, jump into it. 00:09:31.759 --> 00:09:37.759 I think it's I was on the council, and even going from the council as long as I had to mayor was a huge jump. 00:09:38.080 --> 00:09:38.720 Huge jump. 00:09:38.879 --> 00:09:40.399 Because you have to know everything about everything. 00:09:40.559 --> 00:09:40.799 Yeah. 00:09:41.039 --> 00:09:45.360 So, you know, we all work collaboratively, but I'm on I sit on every single committee. 00:09:45.519 --> 00:09:47.120 And then from there, I'll like I do research. 00:09:47.200 --> 00:09:48.720 I have to go to mayor's meetings and all that. 00:09:48.799 --> 00:09:53.360 So I, you know, gather kind of all the information and then you know, we meet in our separate committees. 00:09:53.679 --> 00:09:59.600 And you from what I understand, you work in in leadership as well, as as a as your career, as your job. 00:09:59.919 --> 00:10:01.360 Yeah, so I'm a leadership coach. 00:10:01.440 --> 00:10:02.639 Um, I facilitate meetings. 00:10:02.720 --> 00:10:10.159 I was just actually in Dallas doing um high performing teams and change management, and it's actually helped tremendously with with the borough. 00:10:10.399 --> 00:10:25.600 We've got um all different personalities, um, and just organis organizational design, just making it work more efficiently, having some some of the uh positions combined, you know, to make it more efficient. 00:10:25.679 --> 00:10:27.120 So it has it has worked really well. 00:10:27.360 --> 00:10:28.240 Yeah, yeah. 00:10:28.399 --> 00:10:30.480 I uh I have a story about that. 00:10:30.639 --> 00:10:36.480 I used to work for a learning and development company many years ago, and it didn't work out. 00:10:36.559 --> 00:10:37.279 Let's just say that. 00:10:37.600 --> 00:10:38.879 It wasn't it wasn't for me. 00:10:38.960 --> 00:10:39.919 I'll tell you why. 00:10:40.080 --> 00:10:44.639 Uh I, since I'm a little boy, I have a really hard time sitting still. 00:10:44.879 --> 00:10:45.200 Okay. 00:10:45.440 --> 00:10:54.399 And this place, I thought it was like a a wake for a millennial kid because the whole place was full of young people and no one said or did anything. 00:10:54.559 --> 00:10:55.759 They didn't want to talk to you. 00:10:55.840 --> 00:10:57.679 And then me, I come in like a smacked ass. 00:10:57.840 --> 00:10:58.799 I'm like, guys, let's do something. 00:10:58.879 --> 00:10:59.840 Do you want to go to happy hour? 00:10:59.919 --> 00:11:00.320 What are we doing? 00:11:00.960 --> 00:11:01.360 Let's get it. 00:11:01.440 --> 00:11:03.759 I'm on the phone rolling calls, like out loud. 00:11:04.000 --> 00:11:06.720 You know, I don't know if they're trying to think I'm imitating Vince Vaughn. 00:11:06.799 --> 00:11:08.240 I don't know what they thought I was doing. 00:11:08.480 --> 00:11:16.000 Needless to say, I did learn a lot, but after about a year, I said, okay, I have to go do something something else where I can move around a little bit. 00:11:16.159 --> 00:11:16.559 Yeah, yeah. 00:11:16.720 --> 00:11:19.600 Well, my my uh facilitation is not like that. 00:11:19.679 --> 00:11:20.720 We're called experiential. 00:11:20.879 --> 00:11:23.440 I get everybody up, we've got speakers all over the place. 00:11:23.679 --> 00:11:28.080 We we play games, we no, we really do with these like high-level executives. 00:11:28.320 --> 00:11:28.720 That sounds more. 00:11:29.360 --> 00:11:29.919 It's kind of fun. 00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:30.559 Yeah, it is fun. 00:11:31.120 --> 00:11:36.559 Well, see, here I that's funny because I was like a project manager, so I would set that stuff up. 00:11:36.639 --> 00:11:38.720 I would send you to go to the place. 00:11:39.039 --> 00:11:39.200 Okay. 00:11:39.360 --> 00:11:42.960 But I probably, if I had any credibility, I should probably be the one that's a good idea. 00:11:43.200 --> 00:11:45.200 I can see you totally being a good facilitator. 00:11:45.279 --> 00:11:45.440 Yeah. 00:11:45.600 --> 00:11:46.000 You know, yeah. 00:11:46.159 --> 00:11:46.639 That are selling. 00:11:47.039 --> 00:11:49.360 You have to have high energy when you're up there in front of the room. 00:11:50.159 --> 00:11:50.480 You have to. 00:11:51.039 --> 00:11:51.679 It's not easy. 00:11:52.000 --> 00:11:55.279 It's all day, you know, you're with this, these, you know, people all day long. 00:11:55.679 --> 00:12:01.679 Now, you have a a real ease of communication, and you're obviously not scared to get up and speak in front of people. 00:12:01.840 --> 00:12:03.279 Was that always like that in your life? 00:12:03.440 --> 00:12:04.879 Did you always have that propensity? 00:12:05.200 --> 00:12:06.080 I would say definitely no. 00:12:06.320 --> 00:12:06.879 Yeah, not. 00:12:06.960 --> 00:12:09.440 No, it takes it takes time, it takes practice, you know. 00:12:09.519 --> 00:12:11.840 Um, in the beginning I'd practice a lot, I'd have speeches. 00:12:11.919 --> 00:12:14.240 Now I'm pretty, you know, comfortable just ad-living. 00:12:14.879 --> 00:12:15.120 All right. 00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:20.320 Just because I know the you know material, if you will, so well, you know, so it's it's just easy. 00:12:20.399 --> 00:12:21.039 And you know what? 00:12:21.120 --> 00:12:21.759 I love it. 00:12:21.919 --> 00:12:22.720 I'm passionate about it. 00:12:22.960 --> 00:12:26.480 When you're passionate about something, it just it just you know comes out a lot easier. 00:12:26.639 --> 00:12:27.360 And reps too. 00:12:27.440 --> 00:12:29.440 I I talk about reps constantly on the show. 00:12:29.679 --> 00:12:35.919 You whatever the thing is you're doing, even if you go back to my first show, this is gonna be maybe 56 or 57 when it comes out. 00:12:36.159 --> 00:12:38.480 And my first one, it's like, I'm gonna humma, humma. 00:12:39.039 --> 00:12:41.120 Now now you can't get me to

shut the hell up. 00:12:41.360 --> 00:12:43.759 So um it's it's yeah, that muscle. 00:12:44.000 --> 00:12:44.639 Yes, exactly. 00:12:44.799 --> 00:12:46.720 Yeah, it's your muscle memory with all that. 00:12:46.879 --> 00:12:47.279 I agree. 00:12:47.440 --> 00:12:47.759 I agree. 00:12:48.080 --> 00:12:56.080 But still, it's like people, it's so funny that people's one of their biggest fear fears is to uh get up in front of people and speak. 00:12:56.639 --> 00:13:01.600 And I've never rats, rats, I don't like rats, but getting in front of people, I don't care. 00:13:01.840 --> 00:13:01.919 Yeah. 00:13:02.720 --> 00:13:02.879 Yeah. 00:13:03.039 --> 00:13:04.720 So, anyways, it's just one of those things. 00:13:04.799 --> 00:13:08.960 It's interesting, but it it's it's a tool because it like and it can be learned, you know. 00:13:09.039 --> 00:13:10.080 So that's the thing it can be learned. 00:13:10.399 --> 00:13:11.840 And say it so you don't have to. 00:13:12.320 --> 00:13:16.000 But people in general, and you know who you are, are pains in the ass. 00:13:17.039 --> 00:13:23.679 When they're your neighbors and people you see often and they're hard to please, how do you navigate that? 00:13:23.759 --> 00:13:29.200 Uh because you're a human being, you have sensitivity and and and there are conflicting feelings and relationships. 00:13:29.759 --> 00:13:35.759 What's something that you sort of really stick to when you're dealing with a tough situation like that? 00:13:36.159 --> 00:13:49.840 Well, first of all, thank you for saying I'm a human being because I do feel that um sometimes on Facebook people forget that, you know, that you're a human and with feelings, and you know, I've always just try to do the best that I can, you know, for Allendale. 00:13:50.159 --> 00:13:52.240 And you're not gonna please everybody, and I totally get that. 00:13:52.399 --> 00:14:01.039 But when you see something in black and white when they're talking about you when you're, you know, just really trying to do the best or something that's not true, that does that does get a little bit. 00:14:01.279 --> 00:14:10.639 Um, but I think at this point in my life, um, I'm pretty confident without sounding like egotistical that I'm that I'm doing a really good job for Allendale. 00:14:10.799 --> 00:14:13.759 I mean, I I've been doing it um for a while. 00:14:13.840 --> 00:14:21.759 I go to every mayor's meeting and I I see what other mayors do, and I'm I definitely do, you know, a lot because like I said, I I I do love it. 00:14:22.000 --> 00:14:25.440 Um but most people, it's interesting, they don't really kind of say it to your face. 00:14:25.600 --> 00:14:28.159 It's always kind of behind the keyboard. 00:14:28.399 --> 00:14:30.080 But um I'm I'm okay. 00:14:30.240 --> 00:14:30.879 I'm okay with it. 00:14:30.960 --> 00:14:33.120 You know, I'm I can I can kind of navigate. 00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:35.360 It might have like a bad day for a little while, but I get out of it. 00:14:35.679 --> 00:14:36.960 Yeah, it's hard to I get out of it. 00:14:37.039 --> 00:14:37.840 I don't let it get me down. 00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:39.279 I don't go down, I don't spiral at all. 00:14:39.600 --> 00:14:40.000 That's good. 00:14:40.080 --> 00:14:42.399 I I I spiral bad heavy. 00:14:42.960 --> 00:14:49.919 Meanwhile, it's some guy in Ohio sitting on the toilet saying that I look like I should be in Goodfellas, which yeah, I wish I were in Goodfellows, by the way. 00:14:50.320 --> 00:14:54.879 But you know, people don't realize, and I do get comment, I get nasty comments. 00:14:55.120 --> 00:14:57.120 Do you oh social media and the show? 00:14:57.200 --> 00:14:57.519 Oh my god. 00:14:58.960 --> 00:14:59.200 Oh yeah. 00:14:59.519 --> 00:14:59.759 Why? 00:14:59.840 --> 00:15:00.720 This is all fun. 00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:06.000 It's all but it is, but uh, it's very easy to just do that. 00:15:06.159 --> 00:15:18.399 I also think that I also think that a big part of what you're saying, but I I think the comment section, the Facebook overreaction, I think it's the land of the disenfranchised. 00:15:18.720 --> 00:15:26.960 I think the comment section, and that I've said it before, is the land of the disenfranchised and frustrated because people often feel powerless. 00:15:27.440 --> 00:15:37.759 And I think another reason why I wanted to chat with you today was to see how you can grab some of that control at least of your own palace, if you will. 00:15:38.000 --> 00:15:40.639 You do want I especially want to talk to the people who are upset. 00:15:40.799 --> 00:15:42.879 I'm like, tell me why you're upset. 00:15:42.960 --> 00:15:43.600 I'm happy to talk. 00:15:43.840 --> 00:15:48.320 But but that I think that's what bugs me as well is this is people in general. 00:15:48.559 --> 00:15:55.919 They lose the they they go, eh, they were pissed off for two seconds, they fire off an email, they feel better. 00:15:56.159 --> 00:15:57.279 I draft emails. 00:15:57.360 --> 00:15:58.480 Have you ever done that before? 00:15:58.639 --> 00:16:01.440 Like I draft emails and I actually it lets out. 00:16:02.559 --> 00:16:03.120 Yeah, yeah, exactly. 00:16:03.360 --> 00:16:06.159 Actually, uh when I'm coaching, I tell people if they have that to actually write it. 00:16:06.240 --> 00:16:09.440 Yeah, write it all out, don't even look at it, write it, and just take it and burn it or throw it away. 00:16:13.039 --> 00:16:13.519 It releases it. 00:16:13.679 --> 00:16:14.639 We're gonna see like a fire now. 00:16:14.879 --> 00:16:15.519 Where did that fire from? 00:16:16.480 --> 00:16:17.200 What is this lantern? 00:16:17.440 --> 00:16:18.399 What the hell is going on? 00:16:18.639 --> 00:16:24.080 Uh but it it it I I also think that we we get sometimes we get bogged down. 00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:32.879 We unfortunately you have to answer to the the minority of people that make the biggest noise. 00:16:33.120 --> 00:16:33.919 Yeah, and I do, yeah. 00:16:34.159

--> 00:16:38.080 You know, yeah, all of us do this in every industry, in every everything. 00:16:38.240 --> 00:16:47.840 Like I said, I'm I'm still thinking about a comment some schmuck in uh you know Dallas sent me four weeks ago about whatever the hell I did on on Instagram. 00:16:48.080 --> 00:16:51.519 Follow me on Instagram, NJ Dadandrew, and subscribe on YouTube. 00:16:51.919 --> 00:16:57.600 What do people underestimate about what you do day to day? 00:16:58.000 --> 00:17:00.320 I don't think people realize the amount of time I put in. 00:17:00.399 --> 00:17:03.120 I mean, sometimes I'm working ten hours for the borough. 00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:07.279 Um I go to 7 30 meetings, I travel for meetings. 00:17:07.359 --> 00:17:09.920 I don't I'm literally out every single night. 00:17:10.319 --> 00:17:14.960 Um you know, my kids are out of the house, so it, you know, that can happen, but it but it's a lot. 00:17:15.039 --> 00:17:17.279 I think I don't think people realize the amount of time I put in. 00:17:17.359 --> 00:17:20.720 And then when they re see it, they're like, oh my gosh, you know, what are you doing? 00:17:20.880 --> 00:17:28.480 And um, you know, because you don't get paid, but it's obviously not for them, it's not about the money for me, or else I probably wouldn't be doing it if it was about the money. 00:17:28.799 --> 00:17:30.000 Amy, we're we're alone here. 00:17:30.079 --> 00:17:31.279 No one listens to this podcast. 00:17:31.440 --> 00:17:34.400 It's about the free coffees that Angie gives you at Duncan's, right? 00:17:35.119 --> 00:17:40.960 Actually, I make my own coffee because I get up at five o'clock in the morning and uh I was just kidding, I don't want to bust her. 00:17:41.359 --> 00:17:42.480 That is good coffee over there. 00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:42.720 Yeah. 00:17:42.880 --> 00:17:44.720 Um they're great over there, actually. 00:17:45.039 --> 00:17:53.920 Now I I this is a question that I uh ask guests, and it if you you can do it a couple different ways. 00:17:54.160 --> 00:18:07.119 My old man used to say, so it's a piece of advice maybe your dad gave you, maybe somebody else, or something that just sustains you that you stick with through the years, and it's sort of a way I usually wrap the show up. 00:18:08.799 --> 00:18:17.680 If you do get bogged down by you know by somebody, like I like I always say this to my husband actually when he's like having like road rage, I'm like, Oh, I know that person, you know, they their mother just died. 00:18:17.759 --> 00:18:18.720 He goes, Oh my god, they did. 00:18:18.799 --> 00:18:20.240 I'm like, no, but what if they did? 00:18:20.799 --> 00:18:25.519 So you always kind of don't real you always try to think about what the other person's going through. 00:18:25.599 --> 00:18:25.759 Yeah. 00:18:25.920 --> 00:18:40.720 So especially for the people that are just kind of shooting things out there, you don't know if they they're sick or somebody else is sick, and you just kind of always maybe put that in your head and give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe they're just going through something really horrible and you just don't know, and they're just lashing out and they don't really mean it. 00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:41.200 Yeah. 00:18:41.440 --> 00:18:44.079 That's kind of what I think about a lot. 00:18:44.319 --> 00:18:46.640 Yeah, hurt people, hurt people, that that kind of thing. 00:18:46.720 --> 00:18:47.119 Yeah, right. 00:18:47.599 --> 00:18:50.880 Empathy is actually one of the biggest traits of leaders, you know. 00:18:50.960 --> 00:19:00.559 Um, a lot of leaders think it's just all tactical, like top down, but like the empathy and bringing that in and emotional intelligence is what really separates the kind of regular leaders to the best leaders. 00:19:00.960 --> 00:19:10.799 That's interesting because I uh you know, that sounds that's almost sounds counterintuitive because the old school approach would be no, you need to be callous and cutthroat and da-da-da. 00:19:11.039 --> 00:19:14.640 But it's not people want to be again treated as a human. 00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:18.000 And I think that's oftentimes what's lacking. 00:19:18.160 --> 00:19:19.759 But you just can't please everybody. 00:19:20.319 --> 00:19:23.200 No, you you can't, you can't, but um, but I do. 00:19:23.279 --> 00:19:38.079 I think if you kind of like live by that mantra and you know, it is the the the leaders of the companies that you know sometimes that I, you know, work with the ones that really do have the empathy and they they want to get like to that next level, even though they might be a CEO and but they want to just make themselves that much better. 00:19:38.319 --> 00:19:45.039 Okay, you know, are the ones that that have the empathy and they have the emotional intelligence to you know draw from. 00:19:45.440 --> 00:19:49.519 Too, you know, it's all different departments and they all have their you know their their different things. 00:19:49.839 --> 00:19:51.119 And I know them all. 00:19:51.200 --> 00:19:53.920 Like, you know, a lot of mayors have no idea like who all the staff is. 00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:58.720 I know every single person in our DPW and our police, in our admin, in our land use. 00:19:58.799 --> 00:19:59.839 I know every single person. 00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:02.960 Yeah, and people honestly, people like to hear their own names. 00:20:03.119 --> 00:20:08.400 People want to be singled out, they want to feel made special because we're we're we were stuck with this meat suit. 00:20:08.559 --> 00:20:16.400 So when someone in a position of power, whatever a mayor of a town, a CEO, when they single you out, it does, it makes you feel special. 00:20:17.039 --> 00:20:17.440 Yeah, I guess. 00:20:17.599 --> 00:20:18.079 So yeah. 00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:19.599 I'm gonna ask you one more question. 00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:22.880 I want to ask you a question uh about Jersey. 00:20:23.039 --> 00:20:27.599 What does it mean to you to be living in and from New Jersey? 00:20:27.839 --> 00:20:29.039 I love New Jersey. 00:20:29.119 --> 00:20:34.400 That's why I'm so like obsessed with all the overdevelopment because it's not going to be New Jersey in 10 years. 00:20:34.480 --> 00:20:36.000 I keep saying that to everybody. 00:20:36.240 --> 00:20:38.079 We have to stop the overdevelopment. 00:20:38.240 --> 00:20:44.000 Um, I always say we because everyone would like I traveled a lot for work and you say you're from New Jersey, and they're like, oh my God. 00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:45.200 I'm like, you don't understand. 00:20:45.359 --> 00:20:51.200 We're right outside New York City, we're right outside the Jersey Shore, and we've got mountains to ski. 00:20:51.359 --> 00:20:53.599 Like it's the best, you know, area to live in. 00:20:53.680 --> 00:20:55.920 We just have to take care of it a little bit better. 00:20:56.160 --> 00:20:57.279 Yeah, I I would agree. 00:20:57.440 --> 00:20:57.920 I would agree. 00:20:58.000 --> 00:21:06.400 It is a beautiful place to live, and um it's just getting a little bit unaffordable for a lot of people, and the overdevelopment is we're already seeing it. 00:21:06.880 --> 00:21:09.680 Even though it's not in our town, yeah, we're seeing the effects of it. 00:21:10.960 --> 00:21:12.880 Oh, there's a lot of work to be done. 00:21:13.599 --> 00:21:15.680 But you're gonna you're gonna gotta be a watchdog out there. 00:21:15.920 --> 00:21:16.640 You'd be a watchdog. 00:21:17.200 --> 00:21:18.720 It was nice of you to come back to the shed. 00:21:18.960 --> 00:21:19.440 This is great. 00:21:19.759 --> 00:21:20.319 This is fun. 00:21:20.559 --> 00:21:20.799 Thank you. 00:21:21.119 --> 00:21:21.599 Thank you very much. 00:21:21.759 --> 00:21:23.680 And it was I appreciate you sticking around for that episode. 00:21:23.759 --> 00:21:25.599 I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. 00:21:25.920 --> 00:21:32.000 Amy offered a lot of great information of how you can get involved, even on a very small level, small scale. 00:21:32.079 --> 00:21:40.079 You don't have to be the mayor of a small town or wherever the hell you are, but you can get involved and make a big difference just by doing small things. 00:21:40.799 --> 00:21:50.720 And I'm gonna continue coaching, coaching my first grader soccer team that I I know nothing about the sport, but boy, do I get up and down that field gracefully. 00:21:50.880 --> 00:21:56.480 And I enjoy doing it, and she enjoys spending the time with me, so I'm gonna keep doing that, and that's my little contribution. 00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:59.119 But wherever you are, you can get involved in how you want to. 00:21:59.599 --> 00:22:03.680 And until next time, this is the NJ Dead Podcast.