บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ Does Carrick have a plan for Man Utd?

the game that they're playing in. Maybe they've got some shopping to get in that week, or the car needs a valet, or damn, I supposed to pick the dog shit up off the third patio at the back of the second summer house. And I didn't do it. And the the wife, yeah, I bet Erin McGuire's got a wife that knocks him about his wife. My wife's gonna go mad. She'll have gone out there in a Gucci flip-flops and she'll have squeezed, probably got a Labrador, you know, and a big old, you know, that'll have been an unpleasant experience for her. hang on a minute. I've got an average Spurs player bearing down on me. And then, I better give it to why don't Inspector Cluso want it? I don't want the fuck it, I don't want the ball. You know, and then Martinez Martinez looked stoned yesterday. Actually he's Probably one of the best descriptions I've heard of the way United played. They were just so slow at the back. They get the ball, pass it to each other, and then do nothing. Just stand on the ball. It was it was excruciatingly painful. And is that to do with the fact that nobody was moving up ahead of them? I would imagine it's got something to do with the way that Spurs set up and were and set up a little bit higher than they were expecting. So we'll get on to the later in the game. But obviously, the return of Armages today was a You know, something positive and and the introduction of Believe and we'll get to that in a bit. But obviously the ball was going across the back three, four, five, or how many people were there? And then Danny's here, say hi, I'm Danny McLaughlin. Hello, I'm Danny McLaughlin. And he just arrived back from where have you been, Danny? Just at Hot Water Comedy Club. Were you funny? I was all right. I've been funnier, but I I wasn't the worst. All right, of course. Danny, Danny, can I ask you, does it affect your perfor because you were very, very down on the group chat yesterday. Does it affect your ability to be funny in the evening if you've watched United d and been disappointed by it? No. It doesn't affect my ability to do anything in my other life, really. It just affects my ability to enjoy the football. Can you turn off afterwards, Danny? Can you just say I can separate art from life? Yeah, I can separate the art from the artist. I still there's certain songs I still listen to. He loves Wagner. Absolutely. And he loves Wagner. He loves Morrissey. And he adores Gary Glitter. He's a huge glitter man. Yeah, big glitter fan. When he walks in his house, honestly, you open the door, he goes, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Yeah, you were down in the dumpster today, Danny. I'm gonna quote from I'm gonna quote from our thing that I don't normally do. I've never felt less bothered. When you write something and somebody ru reads it back to you in r reportage, it always sounds more serious, doesn't it? I've never felt less bothered about United. Turn it off at half time. Wasn't even asked. I feel like it's so predictable. It doesn't matter. Like, even with Amarim, who I don't think is like I don't regret getting rid of Amarim. There's a lot of quote unquote Amarim sexuals that are on Twitter that are saying that we made a mistake. Is phrase? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that phrase. Getting rid of him, which we didn't. It's because I said it before on here. It's the only time I genuinely don't know where it's going wrong. Like you can try and be positive about it and say that Lissandro Martinez has cost us five goals. So without him, maybe we'd be better. Mm-hmm. Or it does seem to be individual errors. Mm-hmm. But it's only individual errors that are costing us because we're not scoring or creating at the other end. Like if we were better going forward, then the individual maybe we'd lose we'd win 3-1. Like against Ipswich. Do the individual errors Point to a malaise across the squad, the team, the club, the selection. There seems to be, and this may be very simplistic, but from my POV at OT, YD, yesterday, that they were just hesitant, sloppy, lacking ideas, that classic thing that when United don't play well, Fernandez then goes deep into his kind of Rambo phase, going all over the pitch. He's been absolutely abject this year. He yeah, he should have had the old hook at half time. Absolutely. 100%. The thing is though, is everything just seems worse and piles on and everything so for example, like I don't remember a time when managers had make substitutions before 60 minutes. It's very rare that sometimes you'll get like a mad manager who'll bring four people on at half time. Yeah. But it's very rare that even when it's really shit, managers don't normally make those changes. before sixty minutes, which is what Carrick did yesterday. 57 minutes, I think. Yeah, not far off 60 minutes. Not far off. So I think that's fine. A lot of people were slagging it. It it it almost seems like people think that if we get rid of Carrick, it's gonna be all right. And I don't think it is. So I'm at the point now where I'm like, well, I'd rather just stick with him and be shit than bring someone else in and be shit. I just can't be arse with it now. They're talking about people talking about Conte already? Like what? God, no. No. We were discussing, Donny, before you came, Justin and I were saying about how slow and ponderous they are building up from the back. And so often yesterday, what happened was they'd build up from the back and then not get anywhere. And then it'd get passed back to Lammons, who would just hoof it upfield. And we haven't got anyone of any height whatsoever up front to be able to take it. And it would come straight back. Occasionally we're going to Ahmad, the smallest player in the northern hemisphere. Like again, like we've said, maybe everything's gonna be all right now because you're looking at a midfield of Mainu and Baliba. I just wanna do you know when you're having your tea, right? And it's like just stew and you're not that bothered about it, but you know you've got angels of

the light afterwards. Just wanna get through the gruel, then we can get to the sweetness. So let can we just pause on the Baliber? Just let us have that. right, okay. no, but As a palette cleanser. Well, I mentioned Baliba to get onto Tielemans. That's what I mean. Like it Tielemans has had the stew and the angel. So bad yesterday. Like really bad. Like worst that I I've ever seen him in any team. And I don't know whether it's United or whether they've again they've just bought a player that they bought because it looks like good business. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's on a five year contract. Yeah. You know, I'll tell you exactly what's happened here, Danny. I'll tell you exactly what's happened. He's coming. He's been mid at best in every game. Yeah. He's picked up on the vibe. And the vibe is, well, this isn't the replacement we wanted for Casemiro. So he's gone, right, I've got to go. He's looked at the wrong videos of Casemiro. He's gone and replicated what Casemiro did in the first ninety percent of his United career that everyone's conveniently forgotten about now. But I genuinely think they weren't ever trying to place replace Casemiro. They think they've tried to do a sideways step and and play a different way. Mm-hmm. Honestly, like I said, I don't know what it is. I don't know what they can change. The running thing, again, five kilometres. Slowences behind. According to Carrick, that's all measured. Like that's what it's meant. It's it's by design. I don't understand it. I don't know where it's gonna get better. I saw I saw England on Tuesday. Okay. I don't wanna yeah, sorry. Yeah. I don't wanna, you know, suddenly start ink saying but just as a matter of differential, England pressed so quickly. When the Czechs had the ball at the back, England were just on them straight away. United didn't press them at all. They just didn't Did not give the time to clear. That is very good. When you started saying then about England, I thought, here he goes, he's gonna go, it's not even England anymore, is it? Yeah, you you don't hear a bloody voice. Thank God knows he's not here today. At least we've got a proper England podcast. I I just thought that they were they just didn't press at all. And occasionally Fernandez would have a little run, but it was too late. And so they let Spurs come out at them all the time. It was just weird. There was a big hole in the middle all the time. Yeah. And I've just got to hope that again that's the Labour gonna plug that. But I do feel though, as as someone who would like it to work with Carrick, like it's getting ridiculous now where everything he does is just being jumped on. Like people are going, why does he bring Yoro off? When he was playing well and it's like, well, he evidently wanted someone to attack more. That's why he brought Dallo on. Who else came off? Tielemans and Ahmad off. He's been out for three months. Like, what are you talking about? When Xerxe came on, Xerxy actually made a difference. Yeah. That the brightest spot in the game is today was the double substitution of Baliber and Xerxes. Let's just get into the good stuff. But also, like, from what I've watched 'cause I've watched it because I've got a duty to this podcast, but Dallow looked like When he got like a few overlaps in. Yeah. I don't know his shit, but like he was doing stuff that Yoro wasn't gonna do because that's just not Yoro's game. And then you can argue all you want about like well loads of people saying, well, he should have brought Martinez or Maguire off and moved Yoro into centre off from whoever does that. No, this is all FIFA nonsense. Like no one does that mid game. Like it's just I don't again, I don't know. Cameron used to do it. Amarin always used to change his centre back. Yeah, change. Yeah, obviously we know that, don't we? That's and look where he is now, with a very successful long contract. He wouldn't put a centre back in from like right back though. He'd bring another centre back on. Of course. There's a little bit of brightness to be had. I've never expected a defensive midfielder of such tender years and limited experience to be hailed as the saviour of our season so early. Honestly, the it was like it was like the the the the pre-coming. I mean that sounds weird, doesn't it? Believe was the pre-come. Not the pre-com was last the last last year was the pre-cum. Yeah. yeah. No, that that was like and the like I feel worse than like when we used to go and watch, you know, Van Gaal. Yeah. And we'd sit there, me and you would just sit there and there'd be no shots at our end in the first half. And you'd just be like, is this what I'd s This was Van Garling. That's one for the Amar and Sexuals. I've been trying to think of one for ages along those lines. I think Baliba, when he came on, the sort of tandem aspect of him and Amenu playing, sort of like pivoting, like you know, whatever they do. And and he looked, I mean, first touch. I mean, there's great debuts, there's bad debuts, but Baliba's first moments as he came on, Wonderball. I just went, This is what we need. I've been watching this for an hour, just fucking do this. Well, it looked like someone who's like moving. It was just embarrassing it was embarrassing to watch because it made all the others look like fucking slugs when he came on. So the tail of the tape is we huffed and we puffed for a while and then we scored a a goal not against the run of play, but it was it wasn't we were it wasn't inevitable. It wasn't and they so richly deserve that one. A sort of scrappy Goal Brian and Buemo scores on seventy three minutes. I thought Matis Cooner played well in parts yesterday. He supplied the He gave the ball away too much, Justin. In parts he did, yeah. I mean in parts he played well. So so many times you you you're thinking, this looks promising. no, he's passed it to the opposition. I mean just run out. We play in red. Yeah. Just pass it to a man in red. I feel like this may be a Carrick

thing though. I don't I don't know because no one knows what Carrick's doing. Like again, like what what does he want to do? What I think they're confused because they've done that thing where they've gone, United can't play like they played last year United always dominate the ball. I don't think we ever did that under Fergie, really. I always remember us just battering teams on the break, even under Fergie. So it feels like they've been told to play a different way, but they're playing the way that they're used to playing last year. Bruno, like, is trying to just put a through ball in straight away when now he's been told to maybe be a bit more considered. And that's why they seem to be giving a ball away because half of them Are doing that when the other half aren't making the runs because it feels like they're not expecting it yet, because that's not how we're meant to play. I don't know. I'm really at a loss about what's gonna happen. There's a school thought my head that says that we are a little bit of luck away from putting together a good run and battering a couple of teams. That players come back, we've played without a centre forward, Ahmad returning. I don't understand why Rashford didn't play a bit longer yesterday, 'cause he's looked decent. I mean, has he been injured? He pulled out the England squad, I that's not In my head, as soon as they go down to ten men, Rashford has to come on. Exactly. Double the advantage. As soon as it happens, you just go, right, think about this. Anyone would do that, wouldn't he? Anyone would do that. Anyone would say, right, we've got the numerical advantage. Let's put some what we haven't got is l the legs in Ahmad because he's not got the game time, you know. And he's not as direct as Rashford can be. Stretch that play. I think that was a mistake. But we've got to trust the manager. I don't trust the hierarchy. I don't trust the system that Yeah, which yet to be proven that the way that they're organizing the football club and the team and the recruitment and everything else has worked. We haven't got any evidence of that. Carrick seems to have the air ear of the players. It just seems to be a lack of urgency. And that's reflected, it gets into the stands. And there was a couple I was saying to Jim before you arrived, Danny, there's a couple of occasions where Matthews Cooner was urging the fans to, you know, he's doing that performative stuff. And it's this is what again, one of my great it's one of my great disappointments in life that the crowd hasn't got my brain as a collective unit to reply back to him, you'll get the fucking support when you deserve it, you lazy cunt. You know, as I said the C word on the podcast. That's how grumpy I am. Instant yellow card, I think that should be. Matthias Cunter. Matthias cheeky cunt. Mateus doesn't go well with the word cunt, does it? Mateus is like Mateus. He is a bit right though. Like United are very, they're very vocal and loud. Yeah. When they're Battering teams, but I feel like they are quite disappointed when it's not going well. But don't you think don't you think, Danny, they're as confused as we are. The fans are as confused as we are. They can't work out why it's not working. They can't work out what should be done instead. Around me, and it's fairly it is fairly indicative of the sort of average where I where I sit. It's very average where I am. That's why I picked those seats. I wanted it plain vanilla. Average. Yeah, I just wanted it, yeah. Nothing spot They're very, very angry very quickly within moments of things going wrong. You know, angrier than they were in the past. This season, yeah. Because there was a false, there's been a false dawn, hasn't there? So that that's that's what it is. I mean, people are spending a lot of money to go to Watch United. It's a lot of money. There's there's a family that's sitting front of me. There's four of them. The little girl, she don't want to go. I feel sorry for her. She sits under a blanket and they go 15 minutes before the end because clearly they've got to get home because they live miles away. Four people, four, a family of four, it's 300 pound day out, innit? It's a lot of money. And times are are really hard for a lot of people. No one's got loads of spare money. Especially when you've got huge crowds like we've got, you're relying on a huge swathe of all the demographics, aren't you? And I genuinely think we are losing our core support. And I and I think our support has become more fiddle, more fractured. Do you think that's more to do with like the season ticket stuff and all that and the the owner stuff? Yeah. I think it's to do with season tickets, it's to do the cost of it. I think it's to do with the the United have been marketing themselves for years now as a day out, you know, come to the theatre of dreams. There's no like us against the world, is there? There's no come on. It's like the ballet, innit? Like no one's a ballet fan. No. People go the people go to the ballet. we're going the ballet. Listen to ballet, you know the people you paint to watch have got balls that you can see see Yeah. But it feels like that. It's like the opera. Go the opera. Go to the go to United. Yeah, it is almost like that. That then the people that are booing and they're kind of doing it a bit are doing it in a kind of way that this is my day out. This is my dream. Let's look forward a little bit. I don't think we're gonna change anything. It was a disappointment. I'd like to know, and and I don't know how much is being communicated to the players, what carrick ball is. What is he trying to do? I can't work it out. I can't see what it is. I've still borrowed a bit of your optimism, Danny. I've probably taken too much for optimism, that's why you haven't got very much left. I think they are they're in a low ebb confidence wise, and I think it might all change. They need an away day. They need to go to like the peak district and do make rafts

and bond and then go for yes. Yeah, some SAS stuff. The thing is though, I would think that if it was like seven new players. Yeah. Some of these players played under Mourinho. Like Luke Shaw played under Mourinho. Played under Van Gaal. Luke Shaw played under Walter Crickmer. So McGuire's been there how long? Like, I do feel that like because I was very much like all in on Carrick. Mm-hmm. And I don't know as much as Carrick. But I can't see how Martinez starts every game now. Like it feels like if if he'd have had an Argentina shirt on yesterday, he'd he'd have jumped over Solanke and and headed it straight to Messi. So back to front, Laman's fine, absolutely not a problem. Your own bedding in, I'm kind of happy with that. His confidence is waning though now. Lamin's because they're because they're kicking it out. Do you see him yesterday apparently he said yesterday, I don't want it. Yeah, we no, we talked about he said I don't fucking want it. Fucking want it. And he's right, because there's no outball. So why why are they continuing to do that in every single phase? Every time it happens. They give it back to Lomens, who just boots it up because there's nothing else to do. There's no option. He's tried passing it short and they've done nothing with it. Jim, so what is his option there? He gets the ball back off the centre half. And and and there's two options, isn't there? It either goes to a f sorry, the three options. It either goes to either of the fullbacks if they come for it or they go long for it and he knocks it over the the the the press or whatever. That's one way that teams get out of this situation a lot. Or you give it to your centre half, who then you're depending on them to be good on the half turn, which Maguire is not, especially in front of goal. He is up front, ironically, when he gets to the box, he's good at that. Martinez has got a mistake in him all the time. But I think that's why he's playing. Because of that, he's the only one who can pass the ball from the back. And he's playing and then that's bite yeah. And then that's biting us on the arse the other end when he can't win an header. Is he playing that because of that reason, or is he playing because of because Matthias Delitt is out? Because Aiden Heaven's not ready. Yeah, but I just feel like one of them could be read. Like you can always play one, I think. I think the issue is when you start playing Yoro and Heaven together, which is when they got their ass bitten. One of those players should be able to play with Maguire. Otherwise, why have you bought them? I think both Euro and Heaven, when they have played alongside Maguire, are quite good at taking the ball forward and pushing forward. And and Martinez can pass forward, but he's been just stuck on his heels recently. In answer to your question, Justin, you get it out wide into the space for Ahmad to run into. From Lammonds, that's the that's a big ask that to get that there. So he was going to go a diagonal

ball like that to get that out to Ahmad, who isn't always in position for that ball. He doesn't come for it. He wants it over the top, doesn't he? All the time. Yeah. I mean, knocking it up to I'm going to use the phrase wrongly, but our false number nine. And when I say false number nine, Because they're not a number nine, they're not playing in a false number nine position. Like he's a false centre forward. We haven't got a centre forward playing in the in the squad. Yeah. So why are we continuing to play in that system? If you want to play that system, you're better off having Harring Maguire up front. Rash I mean we could play Rashford there, you could. Yeah, but even even so, Rashford's not gonna play with his back to goal, ball coming out of the air and win it against the centre back, is it? But who is? This is the weird thing, is that we d we're playing this kind of modern the way that everybody plays football now. But then we do that thing at the end. I'm almost expecting Lamons to get the ball, bounce it three times, and then do the do the big Peter Benetti up the pitch. That's how it's that's how it seems to be sometimes. He he's not a great passer. That's it. He's he's been great at short stopping positioning. We haven't seen a a range of passing from Lamons yet, have we? No. Maybe when we bring like we add an armor there to do that. Yeah, but this is the thing. We add him and then we were like, we need someone to save the ball. It feels like no one's on the same page. That's what it's We should have two keepers. We should have two keepers. Flying goalies. The the passing keeper and swap them around. Yeah, yeah. What yeah. Once it's safe and one's specialists. I just don't know how it works. Like it's not even you've got that passion, passion with an H. Like that's what you normally say is like, well, they're shy, but at least they're running. Yeah. What worries me is the Michael Carrick comments after the game where he says, and I'm I'll quote him here, When things aren't quite going to plan, I understand the reaction at times. Obviously it hurts, it hurts a lot. It's not nice to go through, but sometimes you have to go through it. That's how it is. I care as much as anybody about this place. So sometimes you could say too much because then it overspills, but it's coming from a good place, really. And he understand it. He's not saying we've what what we've done wrong, he's just saying it just wasn't quite right. And then then they say this thing. Then they always say this thing. It's not like everyone walks off into the distance tonight like everything's fine and it's left on me. It's not the players care for sure. I think you can see that even the way the game developed. Well you couldn't. Do you think they're not playing they're not doing what he wants or he hasn't told them what to do? Well, there was a moment at the end where he just stood on the touchline shaking his head. Which does suggest you're you're not doing what I told you to do, does it? And also there's a lot of people, there's a lot of discourse with like, look, he just he's like a wet fish, he doesn't not everyone jumping up and down. I'm not bothered about that as well. Like and I won there was there was people slagging him off 'cause he didn't didn't slam Man City for what like, why is he asked about that? He wants to win football matches for United. He shouldn't I'm not I I don't need I don't need Michael Carrick to to be demonstrative to be because I I He he was never like that as a player. He was calm and he's collected. He's got a good team round him. Maybe things haven't quite clicked. We are certain players out. I don't think I don't think he's ever played this season his first choice eleven. My worry is though, he's not gonna get those pl they s they all feel like long term injuries. Like it feels like this is the team now till Christmas. Mm-hmm. I genuinely think you'll never see the lit again, by the way. he played the other day, didn't Yeah, he played a against Lausanne. Sorry. Lausanne, yeah. But where why isn't he near the bench or like I just I don't understand it. St don't know what's going on. This is why I think he is gonna get the sat, because it feels like that's the easiest way to make people care again. Mm-hmm. And I don't think it's the wrong idea. It's just repeating the cycle that they've been doing since twenty thirteen. They're just relying on new manager bounce to get us in the Champions League. They need the Champions League. Yeah. Apparently everything's fixed with him. Fixed. Like physically. But he he's now at not he's not match fit. He's not match fit, yeah. That's why he's not in the squad. Well, how's he gonna get match fit if he doesn't get minutes in his legs? Do you think he'll see Christmas? Carrick. Carrick? I Matthew's still in how bad is his injury. He's got four months. Yeah, I think so. I don't think they're gonna sack him. I don't think they're gonna sack him this season. I don't think they would do that. They wouldn't do that. There was a a moment you said. Not unless they've got a proper plan B that's there's no plan B. I'd rather have I'd rather have the The the artist plan B. There is a plan B, I think. I wasn't worried about it. What is it? I think it's Nagelsman. I think that's who Vivelle wanted all along. I think, and I don't know whether this is a good thing or not. Carrick goes, Wilcox goes, Vivelle becomes Wilcox, and Nagelsmann comes in. There's a couple of things in that that I don't I don't think That's a big prediction, Danny. Big it's a big prediction. I mean Carrick has not done anything, you know, he's it with with six games in. We're not a million miles off. You can discount City's position. So we're a bit we're a p place higher than we we think we are. At the moment, Justin, whatever what you know, there's there's plenty of reasons and and and confidence and so on. But we ain't gonna get in the Champions League playing like this, are we? And

as Danny said, financially that's what they need. We might win it. That's how we'll get in it. We might win it. Let's just park this game now and let's just move forward because we can What better game? To go to in in in less than three days to see us take on Atletico Madrid away. It might be though. It might be a better game unless they get a man sent off. Yeah, but then we're in trouble. That would be so Simeone, wouldn't it? To like say to his to his to his boy Get sent off. That's our way to win. We'll do that. Well, that'll be great. how are they doing in the league? You know, it doesn't matter because we've played better or Carrick's played better about with against better teams. Yeah. On the second, they've won they've won six draw and one lost one. They're flying. And they beat a team with ten men yesterday. And you're gonna get the ultimate manager who is a touchline presence. yeah. Signione. Yeah, he's horrible, isn't he? The ultimate. The contrast between the two between the two technical areas is gonna be Insane tomorrow. He played Alavaz yesterday. They had 70% possession. Yeah, that suits us. that's good. 18 shots, 10 on target. The pass accuracy was 93%. Caught offside twice. He won 10 corners compared to none. They only won 2-1, though. So I mean, you know, took him to the 87th minute with Christian Romero popping up with a winner. He'll get sent off then. If you're looking for a man to get sent off, they've got the man there. Yeah, but give them the tactical advantage against United, get Romero sent off. So listen, we've got we've we've got this game on Tuesday. I'm not excited about it. I'm kind of worried about it. I'm a bit frightened about the whole United thing as as we go forward. I'd like us to just this is like I'm in church now, isn't it? I'd like us before we give our money to God, just to take a moment at all. I'm I'm talking to you two guys now listening to this and to the wider listening public to take a moment just to see what Carrick really means to us all. I've actually just felt it come in from elsewhere. I've read Nozz's message from the WhatsApp group yesterday. Carrick and his whole coaching team have had a terrible season. Nothing is proactive. Nothing is even reactive. It's like they're frozen with indecision. You can blame this player or that player, but really it's just bad coaching and really bad selections. Whether he goes now or later, I can't see Carrick turning this around. Because if the international break is at the most opportune time for some introspection and a reset, when is he's sleepwalking to the sack. How has it never worked in your game? I'll never know. And if Carrick goes, Will Cox must go too. How much failure can one man oversee? Thought for the day, by nose. Reasons to be cheerful, Jim. Let's leave it on that. Let's have a reason to be cheerful, mate. Carlos Belaber. Yes. That is the reason to be cheerful. I'm a believer. You're a believer. Yeah. We're all a believer. Danny, give me a reason to be cheerful. At least we haven't cheated. Mine is Euro fullback. I thought he played great yesterday. He's a good tackler, innit? He's a good footballer. And what a week he he almost had the perfect week, didn't he? You know, full debut for the France squad. Nineteen, getting in that France team. If they think he's a decent player, then you know, we might be we might have got a bit luckier, you know. If you're looking for some positivity, if you're looking for some inspiration, if you're looking for a sign that things can get good, let's all be a bit more Darren Dutton. He could not wait to high five Baliber when he came on yesterday. He absolutely loved it. As he high-fived him, I expected him in Portuguese and said something to him and gone. This is what I do. I'm the high-five guy. That's how he speaks, Diego Dallo. Let's come on, United. Let's fucking do it.