บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ Encore Performance: Plan B

guilty!  Now I got even more trouble! SFX: [Glass Shatter] [Glass Debris] [Eerie Sharp Scary Logo]  G: Yaaaaaaaaah! Another stinkin’ ghost! That other one—the one wearin’ them festive holiday underpants on his head—he said I was only gonna be visited by one stinkin’ ghost! Said there wasn’t no budget for more of ’em. So, who in Saint Bogelthorpe’s name are yooou? GHOST 2: My name is Plan B. Your other ghost, Mister Underpants Head, had an emergency, so he sent me in his place. Sorry to scare ya.  G: Ya look jus’ like meee except you’re wearin’ a lousy terlit plunger on your head, wit’ sparkly purple Grimace tinsel streamin’ out of its wooden handle!  G2: I look like you because I’m a reflection of you and all that you refuse to take responsibility for.  G: What is the purpoopose of your visit?  G2: I won’t be here long. I just wanted to tell you something about that sophisticated electronic device issued to your best friend, your fellow canine-humanoid, Fleaglossitty Floppinsplodge, y’know, Sooperflea, when he graduated from the superhero academy. G: Yeah. So, what about it? G2: The silver pin-like transmitting-receiving device was faulty. Defective encryption. Easily hacked. G: Stinkin’ yeah. Evoovidently. Not my fault! G2: I hate to bring you this news, but you do bear responsibility here…. G: Meee? How do I bear any stinkin’ responsiboobability? I’m the lousy victim here! G2: Are you not Grate Gizzygalumpaggis of Perswayssick County? Are you not county Quality of Life Commissioner? Do you not, as leader of Perswayssick County, make all of its decisions and laws?  G: Stinkin’ yeah to all of that. I am the leader! I rule everything around here!  G2: Well, to cut expenses, you ordered the cheapest possible electronic devices for the Perswayssick Superhero Academy’s graduates! You nixed providing them with the more expensive but better-quality devices in favor of the cheaper, lower-quality ones manufactured in Booolabeeezia by BlunderBuxxComm.  G: Heh, heh….I mighta done that…but still, it all ain’t my fault! G2: You must learn to take responsibility for your actions.  G: I am puttin’ underpants on my head now. My Stummix Bank underpants—y’know, the ones dotted wit’ dimes that Stummix Bank gave me for bein’ such a good customer! An’ I am gonna fly out this stinkin’ window an’ find that first ghost an’ give him a piece of my dopey mind!  G2: You will not. G: I stinkin’ will not not! SFX: [Door Open] [Sneakers Squeaking] F: Zig! N: Diroctor Gneeecey! F: There he is, jus’ like my superhero ESP indicated, back at my place! Wearin’ underpants on his head! N: And talking to himself. G: I am not talkin’ to myself, youse two Iggleheimers? Don’cha see the ghost there? The one wearin’ a lousy terlit plunger on his head, wit’ purpoople sparkly Grimace streamers stickin’ out of the wood handle?  N: No. F: No, Zig, we do not. G2: I must go now. There is hope for you, Diroctor Zig Gneeecey. That’s why we bothered to visit you. Us ghosts are very busy, especially at this time of year. Goodbye! SFX: [Closing] [Glass Shatter] [Glass Debris]  G: Looky! Didn’t ya hear him say goodbye? Didn’t ya jus’ see him fly out this closed window? Didn’t ya hear the glass shatter? N: No. F: No, Zig, we did not hear or see any of that. An’ why are ya wearin’ underpants on your head?  G: I don’t have none of them fancy, stylish briefs decorated wit’ them beaudiful Grimace holiday designs—y’know, purple rubber wallets an’ glitter-sprayed dead rubber chickens—like that first ghost had. But these Stummix Bank underpants of mine will permit me to fly out this lousy window an’ go find that first ghost an’ give him a piece of my mind! I’m gonna go catch that second ghost, too! The one who said I was cheap an’ totally at fault for your stooopid sophistiphoosticated electronical device bein’ defective an’ causin’ all them recordin’s of my embarrassin’ moments to be made! He must be scared of me—he jus’ flew out the window! F: Zig, the window ain’t broken. It’s jus’ your faulty perceptions…. Please, Zig, don’t look at me like that—you’re scarin’ me! N: And you’re not jumping out of any windows to go looking for anybody, either! G: An’ what are youse two Iggleheimers doin’ here after I banished youse? I got lotsa big problems now! Besides bein’ blackmailed ’cause of these dopey recordings, I jus’ been informed that a Rasputin’s Revenge Restaurant is openin’ up right across the street from my stinkin’ Gneeezle’s Restaurant! Right on stinkin’ Murgatroyd Avenue! I don’t know what I’m gonna do! SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying] Now, what are youse two Iggleheimers doin’ here on my propooperty? N: Diroctor Gneeecey, we—we came here to apologize to you. F: Yeah, Zig, to say we are so sorry. It’s our fault that these recordings exist an’— G: I know, Fleaglossitty. The first ghost, the one wearin’ them festive holiday underpants, me an’ him flew to your apartment on Veggie Burger Avenue—not ’cause I wanted to. An’ we heard an’ saw youse two Iggleheimers discoverin’ that your sophistiphoosticated electronical device that receives an’ transmits signals, the one ya got when ya graduated from our Perswayssick superhero academy, it fell into the Ig’s lousy handbag an’ then paired up wit’ her stooopid, sophistiphoosticated electronical watch an’ then your device’s dopey signal got hacked… an’… an’…. F: An’ what, Zig? SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying] G: An’ I’m really kinda responsibooble for my own misery here ’cause I’m the Iggleheimer. To cut expenses, I ordered the cheapest possible electronic devices for youse Perswayssick Superhero Academy graduates! Instead of the good-quality ones, I ordered the cheaper, low-quality ones made in Booolabeeezia… y’know, by BlunderBuxxComm. To save mon-ney! SFX: [Cartoon Character Annoyed Crying] F: Oh, Zig…. N: Oh, gee, Diroctor Gneeecey…. Well, it did take courage for you to tell us the truth just now. G: Thanks, Ig…. N: Uh, that would be Nicki. Now, the three of us are like family. F: The three of us are family! G: Youse guys are right. We are family. I want youse guys to come back home to my mansion. An’ Ig, I unfire ya. From my GAS Broadcast Network an’ your part-time job at my Gneeezle’s Restaurant. Guess I kinda learned that I ain’t always not not wrong…. N & F [in unison]: Thanks! N: Now, Diroctor Gneeecey, none of us are ever always right or always wrong. And we’re here for you—we’re here for each other—no matter what comes our way in this new year! F: We’ll deal wit’ whatever comes our way together! Always! G: Thanks, guys! I’ll drink to that, over some nice hot fermented Slog wit’ extra pulp! F: Got some right here! We brought it, to go along wit’ our apology! N: To family! F: To family! G: To family! SFX: [Auld Lang Syne] [Magic Spell] We hope you enjoyed this week’s episode! We thank Marysol Rodriguez, Sal Solá, Sandi Solá, Marcellina Ramirez, Rick “El Molestoso” Rivera, Diane L., Brunie Cariño, Toni Aponte, and Aileen Bean for being generous supporting members through BuyMeACoffee.com.  And thank you for tuning in to “Perswayssick Radio: Unearthly Comedy.” We hope you enjoyed traveling to this loopy dimension with us and that you’ll come along again! Our new episodes drop every Tuesday morning! Please make sure to tell a friend! And keep on laughing!  Frank: It’s a Gneeecey thing! [SFX: Door Slam] ###