บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ S01 EP41: Matthew Crosby

then you're at the gate 85 00:03:26.129 --> 00:03:27.069 or whatever it is. 86 00:03:27.129 --> 00:03:30.389 Well, the drop-off's mental as well. It's any time, 8.35, 87 00:03:30.389 --> 00:03:31.969 they have to be there, right? 88 00:03:32.030 --> 00:03:33.129 Or it's like late, yeah? 89 00:03:33.469 --> 00:03:36.370 But any time between 8 and 8.35, you can drop 90 00:03:36.389 --> 00:03:36.669 them off. 91 00:03:37.050 --> 00:03:37.620 Lovely window. 92 00:03:37.689 --> 00:03:39.240 So what are they doing in that? What are they 93 00:03:39.259 --> 00:03:40.659 doing for that 35 minutes? 94 00:03:41.099 --> 00:03:41.719 Outside play. 95 00:03:41.740 --> 00:03:43.939 I think it's to be flexible for people working, like 96 00:03:43.960 --> 00:03:45.139 if you're getting into town or what, so it's a 97 00:03:45.159 --> 00:03:45.620 bit earlier. 98 00:03:46.460 --> 00:03:48.319 There is also like preschool clubs. 99 00:03:48.479 --> 00:03:51.330 Tell you what. 8.35 is an early start. 100 00:03:51.550 --> 00:03:54.590 Well, yeah, and then they finish at 3.20. 101 00:03:54.770 --> 00:03:57.479 Blimey, I was at 9 o'clock in high school. Was it? 102 00:03:57.759 --> 00:03:59.599 They're getting 25 minutes extra learning. 103 00:03:59.680 --> 00:04:02.180 Well, I think they just sort of stood outside playing. 104 00:04:02.240 --> 00:04:05.599 But I just would quite like to know, I think 105 00:04:05.639 --> 00:04:08.590 we should do shortest and longest school runs on it. 106 00:04:08.870 --> 00:04:12.229 Because I think a five-minute walk is short, but I'm 107 00:04:12.330 --> 00:04:13.389 sure there's people closer. 108 00:04:13.650 --> 00:04:16.129 Do you know what? You don't want to be too close, 109 00:04:16.170 --> 00:04:17.930 do you? There was someone at my school, they lived 110 00:04:18.069 --> 00:04:20.589 next door to the school. Oh. And it was a 111 00:04:20.629 --> 00:04:22.920 bit weird. What did? You know what I mean? I 112 00:04:22.980 --> 00:04:24.639 always thought it was a bit weird that they lived 113 00:04:24.720 --> 00:04:27.160 next door. So you'd see their parents like coming and 114 00:04:27.220 --> 00:04:29.279 going and like... I don't want to... When I leave 115 00:04:29.319 --> 00:04:32.449 my house... see my child over a wall when they're 116 00:04:32.480 --> 00:04:32.879 at school. 117 00:04:33.009 --> 00:04:34.579 No, you don't want to be able to see them 118 00:04:34.620 --> 00:04:37.959 from your window. No. That is too close. 119 00:04:38.000 --> 00:04:39.600 You want to pretend they don't exist. 120 00:04:39.839 --> 00:04:43.379 Yes. I had a really, really bad thought, Josh. Can 121 00:04:43.399 --> 00:04:44.850 I tell you this? I don't want you to judge me. 122 00:04:44.850 --> 00:04:46.089 I don't want our listeners to judge me. 123 00:04:46.209 --> 00:04:46.449 Okay. 124 00:04:46.750 --> 00:04:50.449 So I dropped off the four-year-old at primary school at 125 00:04:50.490 --> 00:04:53.110 like half eight, 20 past

eight, then came home, had 126 00:04:53.129 --> 00:04:54.509 a quick cup of tea, and then dropped the other 127 00:04:54.569 --> 00:04:57.839 one off at preschool at 9 a.m. And I walked back, right? 128 00:04:57.860 --> 00:05:00.779 And she's 10, 15 minute walk. So quarter past nine, 129 00:05:01.000 --> 00:05:03.079 I'm back in my house, right? Got to go anywhere 130 00:05:03.139 --> 00:05:04.939 till three o'clock. And as I was walking back, I 131 00:05:04.939 --> 00:05:06.879 was like, oh my God, it's finally happened. I've just 132 00:05:07.139 --> 00:05:09.939 got them out of the house for the day, three o'clock. 133 00:05:10.079 --> 00:05:11.959 And then I thought to myself, how do you feel 134 00:05:11.980 --> 00:05:15.860 if indoors was like a three month old baby, right? 135 00:05:16.120 --> 00:05:18.259 Like we'd gone for the third and I. 136 00:05:18.250 --> 00:05:19.110 Was nearly physically sick. 137 00:05:22.189 --> 00:05:24.029 You know that physically, like if someone shows you a 138 00:05:24.029 --> 00:05:26.490 horrible picture or someone mentioned, you know, some people don't 139 00:05:26.529 --> 00:05:29.329 like toenails being or whatever or fingers breaking. 140 00:05:29.350 --> 00:05:33.009 I was like, oh God, the thought now. I'd have 141 00:05:33.089 --> 00:05:34.379 nothing left to give, Josh. 142 00:05:34.629 --> 00:05:37.720 Nothing left in the tank. So are you saying that 143 00:05:37.819 --> 00:05:40.920 three would be almost impossible, Rob? Can I read you 144 00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:43.220 an email? Yes, please. So, you know, we were talking 145 00:05:43.259 --> 00:05:45.300 about distances between the children. 146 00:05:45.620 --> 00:05:46.240 Age gaps, yeah? 147 00:05:46.600 --> 00:05:49.269 Age gaps. Distance. 148 00:05:49.569 --> 00:05:51.329 She's downstairs. We've got quite a weird sort of living room. 149 00:05:53.050 --> 00:05:55.250 So we'll do more of these on Friday because there's 150 00:05:55.269 --> 00:05:59.949 some astonishing ones. So this is from William Radford. I 151 00:05:59.970 --> 00:06:03.129 was listening to the Joe Brand episode and thought maybe 152 00:06:03.149 --> 00:06:06.550 my mum could beat Macy Gray's kids reproduction record. I 153 00:06:06.750 --> 00:06:09.250 forgot that it's Macy Gray. Maybe we should have a 154 00:06:09.269 --> 00:06:11.600 bit of Macy Gray underneath these when we discuss them. 155 00:06:12.959 --> 00:06:16.600 I'm born on the 1st of June 1995. My brother 156 00:06:17.120 --> 00:06:22.250 was born on the 1st of June 1996. Oh To 157 00:06:22.300 --> 00:06:26.040 top this off, a year and a half older than me, 158 00:06:26.199 --> 00:06:29.600 21st December 1993, is my sister. So that is three 159 00:06:29.720 --> 00:06:31.779 kids in two and a half years. 160 00:06:32.480 --> 00:06:33.480 Oh, my Lord. 161 00:06:33.500 --> 00:06:35.459 I was listening to your podcast, and I understand why 162 00:06:35.500 --> 00:06:37.319 my parents might have been a little stressed while we 163 00:06:37.339 --> 00:06:39.399 were growing up, Will. 164 00:06:39.610 --> 00:06:40.259 Do you know what? 165 00:06:40.319 --> 00:06:43.230 I'd love the picture of the parents before the first 166 00:06:43.250 --> 00:06:46.040 one was born, and then, like, six times into the 167 00:06:46.079 --> 00:06:46.459 third one. 168 00:06:46.480 --> 00:06:48.110 It'd be like, you know when you see Tony Blair 169 00:06:48.129 --> 00:06:48.689 when he got in? 170 00:06:48.750 --> 00:06:48.970 Yeah. 171 00:06:49.069 --> 00:06:51.290 And he was like, yeah, I play the guitar. And what? 172 00:06:51.310 --> 00:06:53.129 Let's go. I want to see a sit down and shit. 173 00:06:53.149 --> 00:06:55.149 And then after that, the war in Iraq. He just, 174 00:06:55.250 --> 00:06:56.500 this big grey mess. 175 00:06:57.279 --> 00:06:59.560 Or just, or just Matt Hancock at the start and 176 00:06:59.620 --> 00:07:00.420 end of this year. 177 00:07:00.439 --> 00:07:01.819 Oh, it's just two pieces of a c * * 178 00:07:01.560 --> 00:07:02.139 t that is. 179 00:07:03.949 --> 00:07:06.439 I'm sorry. 180 00:07:06.540 --> 00:07:08.439 Sorry, we shouldn't get political on this programme, but if 181 00:07:08.480 --> 00:07:10.420 you like... No, I don't think that. 182 00:07:10.439 --> 00:07:12.180 Bleep the word you said so people can put their 183 00:07:12.259 --> 00:07:13.139 own judgement on it. 184 00:07:13.379 --> 00:07:15.180 They can decide. They can make their own mind up. 185 00:07:15.199 --> 00:07:17.660 There's people at home going, bloody hell, I agree back. 186 00:07:17.720 --> 00:07:19.279 He's a legend, mate. 187 00:07:19.519 --> 00:07:22.949 Strange, isn't it, to bleep political legend up there with Mandela? 188 00:07:22.990 --> 00:07:25.310 What a weird sentence to bleep out. 189 00:07:25.470 --> 00:07:27.490 Anyway, three kids... Oh, God, that. 190 00:07:27.389 --> 00:07:28.470 Is good going, though. 191 00:07:28.689 --> 00:07:31.509 They basically got pregnant when the baby was three months old, 192 00:07:31.509 --> 00:07:33.029 12 weeks after the birth. 193 00:07:33.490 --> 00:07:37.149 Well, we've got more from... We'll call the feature I Try, 194 00:07:37.209 --> 00:07:38.689 because that's the name of the Macy Gross. 195 00:07:38.769 --> 00:07:40.649 I mean, that must have been the first time they 196 00:07:40.689 --> 00:07:42.129 had sex after, surely. 197 00:07:42.410 --> 00:07:46.019 Well, if you think that's mad, Rob... Yeah. Wait till Friday. 198 00:07:46.319 --> 00:07:46.879 Oh, God. 199 00:07:47.600 --> 00:07:48.939 I've got some emails for you. 200 00:07:49.120 --> 00:07:51.000 Okay, all right. All right, okay. 201 00:07:51.519 --> 00:07:54.860 So, if you want to get in touch with distance to... 202 00:07:54.779 --> 00:07:56.500 Also on Friday, I'll tell you about my play date 203 00:07:56.560 --> 00:07:58.319 that I set up. Yes. 204 00:07:58.810 --> 00:07:58.949 So. 205 00:07:59.649 --> 00:08:01.550 If you want to get in touch

about the longest 206 00:08:01.589 --> 00:08:04.160 and shortest distances you take your children to school, no 207 00:08:04.199 --> 00:08:06.480 one who's like sent their children to that Scottish boarding 208 00:08:06.519 --> 00:08:08.639 school that Prince Charles went to or anything. Like you 209 00:08:08.660 --> 00:08:09.819 have to take them every day. 210 00:08:09.839 --> 00:08:18.829 Yeah, like Hong Kong. What a commute that is, 10 hours. Josh, 211 00:08:18.850 --> 00:08:21.470 I need to say this about the school thing, yeah? 212 00:08:21.589 --> 00:08:25.569 I've already seen an impact in behaviour from the four-year-old, okay? 213 00:08:25.850 --> 00:08:26.550 What, she's got better? 214 00:08:26.569 --> 00:08:29.899 She's got better, right? But just like, To the point, actually, 215 00:08:29.980 --> 00:08:33.139 almost too polite, yeah? So I was reading a bedtime 216 00:08:33.179 --> 00:08:36.600 story to the two girls, and you're normally reading, and 217 00:08:36.620 --> 00:08:38.460 they go, oh, look, the two-year-old's eyes are a dinosaur. 218 00:08:38.500 --> 00:08:41.700 Look, it's out. And then doing that, and I thought, gosh, 219 00:08:41.720 --> 00:08:43.960 she's being quiet. And then I turned around. She sat 220 00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:45.879 there on the bed with her hand in the air, 221 00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:48.120 waiting to be asked. 222 00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:51.740 And I just, I literally couldn't, it felt like someone 223 00:08:51.759 --> 00:08:53.019 had possessed my daughter. 224 00:08:53.240 --> 00:08:55.159 But this is a thing that happened. My friend, he, 225 00:08:55.659 --> 00:08:58.970 so his daughter went to nursery. And he thought, she 226 00:08:59.009 --> 00:09:00.590 was about two and a half, whatever. And he thought, 227 00:09:01.080 --> 00:09:03.220 she's so well, I'm doing such a good job with 228 00:09:03.240 --> 00:09:06.179 my daughter. And then he went to the like parents 229 00:09:06.299 --> 00:09:09.720 evening thing. And suddenly he realized that every good thing 230 00:09:09.799 --> 00:09:13.629 she did was done by nursery. He's done none of 231 00:09:13.649 --> 00:09:14.230 the job. 232 00:09:14.970 --> 00:09:18.830 But he's a facilitator. He picked that place. He's a delegator. 233 00:09:20.230 --> 00:09:22.210 So as soon as he saw how she behaved and 234 00:09:22.250 --> 00:09:24.909 how the teachers treated her, he was like, oh, that's 235 00:09:24.990 --> 00:09:26.289 why she's a nice child. 236 00:09:26.309 --> 00:09:28.950 Do you know what? I've nailed this parenting when I 237 00:09:28.970 --> 00:09:31.710 don't spend any time with them. The less I'm with them, 238 00:09:31.730 --> 00:09:32.889 the better they are as people. 239 00:09:32.970 --> 00:09:33.529 God, I'm good. 240 00:09:35.389 --> 00:09:36.330 This is how you get in touch. 241 00:09:37.909 --> 00:09:43.789 Email us hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk or tweet us at lockdownparents 242 00:09:44.210 --> 00:09:48.690 or Instagram

lockdown underscore parenting and you can also send 243 00:09:48.750 --> 00:09:54.559 us stuff PO Box 76748, London E99DW. 244 00:09:56.509 --> 00:09:57.690 Right, Rob, who have we got today? 245 00:09:57.870 --> 00:09:59.929 We have got Matthew Crosby. 246 00:10:00.500 --> 00:10:03.980 A comedian member of sketch group Pappies. 247 00:10:03.519 --> 00:10:05.980 Got Radio X show with Ed Gamble. 248 00:10:05.500 --> 00:10:09.820 Yep comedy writer he writes on loads of comedy shows he's. 249 00:10:09.740 --> 00:10:12.240 A good man as well Matt Crosby He's a good man. 250 00:10:12.259 --> 00:10:14.230 South London. South London, isn't he? 251 00:10:14.289 --> 00:10:18.250 He's South London massive. Southeast London massive. He's a new dad. 252 00:10:18.710 --> 00:10:21.139 You'll find out what is through this. It was a 253 00:10:21.179 --> 00:10:21.840 great chat. 254 00:10:22.000 --> 00:10:23.720 Very positive. Very positive man. 255 00:10:24.019 --> 00:10:24.759 Very positive. 256 00:10:24.779 --> 00:10:28.299 In what is a very sort of Semi-difficult working situation 257 00:10:28.340 --> 00:10:29.940 at home, isn't it? Which you'll find out in that 258 00:10:30.019 --> 00:10:32.340 one bed flat of a kid and his wife. 259 00:10:32.720 --> 00:10:34.759 And at the end, we come up with what I 260 00:10:34.799 --> 00:10:37.259 think is going to be the biggest feature we ever 261 00:10:37.299 --> 00:10:39.120 do on the show. So that is something to look 262 00:10:39.159 --> 00:10:39.610 forward to. 263 00:10:39.639 --> 00:10:41.539 I mean, he basically invented a feature for us, didn't. 264 00:10:41.419 --> 00:10:43.120 He, really? He invented a feature for us. 265 00:10:43.159 --> 00:10:43.620 What a man. 266 00:10:44.080 --> 00:10:44.519 Enjoy. 267 00:10:44.539 --> 00:10:45.600 This is Matthew Crosby. 268 00:10:48.299 --> 00:10:49.259 Hello, Crosby. 269 00:10:49.500 --> 00:10:50.320 All right. How's it going? 270 00:10:50.720 --> 00:10:51.480 Good. How are you? 271 00:10:51.940 --> 00:10:53.649 I'm really well, thanks very much. Thanks for having me 272 00:10:53.659 --> 00:10:54.110 on the show. 273 00:10:54.330 --> 00:10:56.730 Now, you were just telling us that there's a, There's 274 00:10:56.750 --> 00:10:58.649 a certain reason why you're very excited to be on this. Well, 275 00:10:58.669 --> 00:10:59.950 you didn't say you were very excited, actually. 276 00:10:59.970 --> 00:11:01.340 No, I never said that at all. You put those 277 00:11:01.360 --> 00:11:02.159 words into my mouth. 278 00:11:02.679 --> 00:11:06.059 I mean, Crosby, it's assumed. We're doing numbers, Gruff. We're 279 00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:06.639 doing numbers. 280 00:11:06.919 --> 00:11:09.899 This is a real Frost-Nixon type scenario. You've painted me 281 00:11:09.940 --> 00:11:13.659 into a corner here where I said a thing before 282 00:11:13.679 --> 00:11:15.399 we started recording. You went, oh, let's talk about that. 283 00:11:15.419 --> 00:11:17.909 And now you've said, oh, Crosby's really excited to be 284 00:11:17.929 --> 00:11:18.710 on the podcast. 285 00:11:18.909 --> 00:11:20.210 I've never said any such thing. 286 00:11:20.269 --> 00:11:24.230 I'll be honest. I've absolutely, yeah. I'm hoping that it 287 00:11:24.269 --> 00:11:25.970 wasn't recording when you said the thing so that we 288 00:11:25.990 --> 00:11:28.509 can't trace it back and see quite how badly I misquoted. 289 00:11:28.750 --> 00:11:30.809 I don't think anyone's ever been excited to do this podcast, 290 00:11:30.830 --> 00:11:32.529 but I think at the end they go, Joe, that 291 00:11:32.549 --> 00:11:33.070 was all right. 292 00:11:33.929 --> 00:11:36.220 That's what I'm hoping for. Yeah. 293 00:11:37.000 --> 00:11:39.059 To walk away going, I didn't completely waste my time. 294 00:11:40.659 --> 00:11:44.139 I think the feeling of doing a podcast really is neutral, 295 00:11:44.600 --> 00:11:47.980 followed by thinking, would I prefer to watch TV? And 296 00:11:48.139 --> 00:11:50.360 I suppose we'll see how that comes out, Crosby. We'll 297 00:11:50.399 --> 00:11:51.840 ask at the end. Ask me at the end. Yeah. 298 00:11:51.860 --> 00:11:55.620 I was going to say, you did say your wife, Charlie, 299 00:11:55.879 --> 00:11:57.100 and mother of your child? 300 00:11:57.460 --> 00:11:59.539 Correct. Let's get that all sorted. Is a big fan 301 00:11:59.580 --> 00:12:02.820 of the show, you said. Huge fan. Huge fan. Yeah, yeah. 302 00:12:02.960 --> 00:12:04.220 Never misses an episode. Loves it. 303 00:12:04.820 --> 00:12:06.279 So if you hadn't been on this, would you have 304 00:12:06.299 --> 00:12:07.879 been sat there while she listened to it? Is that 305 00:12:07.919 --> 00:12:08.779 basically the. 306 00:12:09.000 --> 00:12:13.360 Well, if one of us is in the kitchen, then... 307 00:12:14.139 --> 00:12:15.580 yeah so if she was if she was in the 308 00:12:15.600 --> 00:12:16.879 kitchen i was gonna say if she was in the 309 00:12:16.899 --> 00:12:19.200 kitchen cooking which makes it seem like i just sit 310 00:12:19.240 --> 00:12:21.320 there not in the kitchen while she does all the 311 00:12:21.340 --> 00:12:22.720 cooking which is not the case at all i do 312 00:12:22.759 --> 00:12:25.299 lots of the cooking in the house but it's uh 313 00:12:25.399 --> 00:12:26.970 yeah i definitely hear it while i was sort of 314 00:12:26.990 --> 00:12:29.409 tidying up the other room or whatever so but i 315 00:12:29.450 --> 00:12:31.570 have listened to you know i've listened to some episodes 316 00:12:31.629 --> 00:12:33.629 but i'm not i'm not leaping for joy out the 317 00:12:33.669 --> 00:12:35.269 window to you know to be on. 318 00:12:35.210 --> 00:12:36.830 The podcast i'm very delighted. 319 00:12:38.470 --> 00:12:41.289 I'm very delighted does rose listen to the podcast still. 320 00:12:41.659 --> 00:12:43.240 Yeah, Rose does listen to the podcast. 321 00:12:43.279 --> 00:12:44.080 Lou's tapped out. 322 00:12:44.559 --> 00:12:46.240

Has she tapped out? 323 00:12:46.299 --> 00:12:49.179 Episode four. 324 00:12:49.200 --> 00:12:54.200 Four episodes. I mean, that's barely at all, is it? Oh, no, nothing. 325 00:12:54.480 --> 00:12:55.139 Hardly anything. 326 00:12:55.480 --> 00:12:57.980 I think last time Rose watched The Last Leg, it 327 00:12:58.019 --> 00:12:59.860 was still the 2012 Paralympics. 328 00:13:00.200 --> 00:13:02.919 That's most of the country, though, Josh, to be fair. 329 00:13:03.500 --> 00:13:05.759 She's also tapped out of my 90s football podcast, which 330 00:13:05.830 --> 00:13:06.750 I find hard to believe. 331 00:13:07.830 --> 00:13:09.169 I can tell you now I've not even listened to 332 00:13:09.190 --> 00:13:12.590 the episode I was on of your 90s football podcast. 333 00:13:12.610 --> 00:13:16.110 Crosby, do you feel like the pressure's on though now? 334 00:13:16.169 --> 00:13:19.190 Because obviously, can we talk about your child? And will 335 00:13:19.649 --> 00:13:22.029 your wife have questions for you and pull you up 336 00:13:22.090 --> 00:13:23.769 on stuff? Are you worried that what you're going to 337 00:13:23.809 --> 00:13:25.629 say may be back into your face? 338 00:13:25.970 --> 00:13:28.809 Yeah, you know, you said you're very excited. I'm actually, 339 00:13:28.889 --> 00:13:32.870 I'm shitting myself about being on this podcast. I'm the 340 00:13:32.889 --> 00:13:35.529 same way. You know, I do a radio show with 341 00:13:35.889 --> 00:13:38.490 Ed Gamble. And Charlie used to listen to the podcast 342 00:13:38.529 --> 00:13:41.450 of that. But, I mean, that sort of fell away 343 00:13:41.470 --> 00:13:44.460 during breastfeeding. Once she stopped breastfeeding, I think a lot 344 00:13:44.480 --> 00:13:46.879 of people must feel this when you stop breastfeeding. The 345 00:13:46.899 --> 00:13:49.379 amount of podcasts you listen to goes right off, you know, 346 00:13:51.019 --> 00:13:53.259 just disappears and it just falls off a cliff. So 347 00:13:53.480 --> 00:13:55.220 she now just listens to like the first bit of 348 00:13:55.240 --> 00:13:55.879 the radio show. 349 00:13:55.919 --> 00:13:56.940 So not all of it. 350 00:13:57.659 --> 00:13:59.539 And it's only a matter of time before, you know, 351 00:13:59.620 --> 00:14:02.049 she's tuning into Radio 2 on a Sunday morning. 352 00:14:02.090 --> 00:14:04.110 It really is. Um, Crosby, do you want to give 353 00:14:04.149 --> 00:14:07.269 us your situation then? What your parenting situation is? 354 00:14:07.649 --> 00:14:12.039 So parenting situation is, um, well, we have a 13 355 00:14:12.039 --> 00:14:13.419 and a half month old daughter. 356 00:14:13.440 --> 00:14:17.519 Oh, you're going the half month? Yeah. She's 13 and 357 00:14:17.559 --> 00:14:18.259 a half months. 358 00:14:18.340 --> 00:14:18.639 Yeah. 359 00:14:18.700 --> 00:14:20.779 Wow. I would have gone for about a year, but 360 00:14:20.820 --> 00:14:22.379 that's impressive. She's 30. 361 00:14:22.379 --> 00:14:25.269 Well, yeah, it's her, it's her birthday on the 12th. 362 00:14:25.889 --> 00:14:27.409 so what are we now we're on the first so 363 00:14:27.429 --> 00:14:30.129 yes and a half yeah yeah i mean why not 364 00:14:30.149 --> 00:14:32.389 disputing it no no i'm just i'm just making sure 365 00:14:32.409 --> 00:14:35.889 i was getting it right but um yeah um i 366 00:14:35.929 --> 00:14:38.629 will tell you now before this is this is amazing 367 00:14:38.649 --> 00:14:41.309 just before i was giving her a bath and charlie 368 00:14:41.330 --> 00:14:44.330 did come in and go by the way don't forget 369 00:14:44.950 --> 00:14:47.149 eight months at the start of lockdown 13 and a 370 00:14:47.169 --> 00:14:49.850 half months now so she's she's prepped me for this 371 00:14:53.759 --> 00:14:56.679 I'm not just pulling these figures out of my back pocket. 372 00:14:57.240 --> 00:14:58.720 Charlie sat me down and gone, right, you're going on 373 00:14:58.740 --> 00:14:59.740 my favourite podcast. 374 00:15:00.470 --> 00:15:01.590 I want accuracy. 375 00:15:02.129 --> 00:15:04.610 So she's like a kind of Alistair Campbell figure to 376 00:15:04.629 --> 00:15:06.970 your Tony Blair, kind of feeding you the info. 377 00:15:07.169 --> 00:15:08.669 I'm not going to lie to you, I'm wearing an earpiece. 378 00:15:12.259 --> 00:15:14.840 But, Matt, across me, that would imply to me that 379 00:15:14.980 --> 00:15:19.279 either your child is very advanced or very behind, because 380 00:15:19.299 --> 00:15:21.080 that's the kind of thing a parent says if they're like, 381 00:15:21.299 --> 00:15:23.220 she's 13 and a half months and she's, like, cooking 382 00:15:23.240 --> 00:15:25.919 dinner and doing, like, a handstand or something, or is 383 00:15:25.960 --> 00:15:27.679 still just, like, throwing one ball in the corner. 384 00:15:27.710 --> 00:15:29.789 Do you know what I mean? So, like, I'm not 385 00:15:29.850 --> 00:15:31.090 sure what side we're falling on. 386 00:15:31.149 --> 00:15:33.490 You never, I mean, you don't want to be the 387 00:15:33.529 --> 00:15:37.230 kind of parent that goes, actually, nursery says she's advanced, 388 00:15:37.629 --> 00:15:39.549 but nursery have said she's advanced. 389 00:15:39.950 --> 00:15:46.500 LAUGHTER I am that kind of parent. I knew it. 390 00:15:46.580 --> 00:15:49.389 Of course you did. Of course you could smell the 391 00:15:49.429 --> 00:15:50.519 blood in the water there, couldn't you? 392 00:15:50.529 --> 00:15:55.169 You could tell. I can tell something's up. Something's up here. 393 00:15:55.450 --> 00:15:58.730 This kid is counting to 15 already and Matt Crosby 394 00:15:58.750 --> 00:16:00.350 wants people to know about it. 395 00:16:00.350 --> 00:16:00.970 13 and a half months. 396 00:16:01.090 --> 00:16:05.570 Actually, you can count higher months than her age. She's advanced. Oh, 397 00:16:05.590 --> 00:16:07.750 that's good though. It's nice to have an advanced child. 398 00:16:07.769 -->

00:16:08.269 Well done. 399 00:16:08.289 --> 00:16:10.320 She's so advanced that when Charlie came in and said 400 00:16:10.360 --> 00:16:12.700 eight months at the start of lockdown, your daughter corrected 401 00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:13.779 her and said it was seven and a half. 402 00:16:16.600 --> 00:16:19.809 Is she walking yet, Crosby? Well, here's the thing. Oh, 403 00:16:19.850 --> 00:16:22.409 not that. One of them clever sitters. One of them 404 00:16:22.470 --> 00:16:24.259 clever ones. But you know what? Here's the thing. 405 00:16:24.279 --> 00:16:28.340 I think with walking, you get to a certain level 406 00:16:28.679 --> 00:16:30.120 and you stick with it, right? 407 00:16:30.440 --> 00:16:30.659 Yeah. 408 00:16:31.639 --> 00:16:34.330 With talking, you can get better and better and better, 409 00:16:34.370 --> 00:16:35.730 you know? Yeah, yeah. 410 00:16:35.750 --> 00:16:37.710 You could become, you know, she could become a great orator. 411 00:16:38.269 --> 00:16:41.000 But no one's going to pay money to watch someone 412 00:16:41.039 --> 00:16:42.820 just walk around a stage. 413 00:16:43.580 --> 00:16:50.200 They come to my shows. Fair enough. I get what 414 00:16:50.220 --> 00:16:52.559 you're saying, though. I think there's sometimes people in a 415 00:16:52.580 --> 00:16:54.970 rush for their kids to walk. I reckon by the 416 00:16:55.009 --> 00:17:00.519 time you get to seven, eight. you've got walking down, right? 417 00:17:00.940 --> 00:17:02.779 That's as good as you're ever going to get at walking. 418 00:17:03.039 --> 00:17:05.220 Unless you become a pro athlete and one of those 419 00:17:05.259 --> 00:17:06.359 sort of speed walkers or something. 420 00:17:06.380 --> 00:17:08.190 She could be one of those speed walkers. So you're 421 00:17:08.210 --> 00:17:10.490 already giving up on her dream of being a speed walker. 422 00:17:10.529 --> 00:17:13.390 That's the first profession that you've crossed off. 423 00:17:13.410 --> 00:17:15.670 I think unless you're walking by 10 months, you're never 424 00:17:15.690 --> 00:17:16.559 becoming a speed walker. 425 00:17:16.579 --> 00:17:17.240 No. 426 00:17:19.769 --> 00:17:23.289 Speed roller, maybe. Speed crawler, certainly, but never a speed walker. 427 00:17:23.910 --> 00:17:26.289 I mean, you won't, Cosby, because I know you despise 428 00:17:26.329 --> 00:17:28.269 football and all of its things, but you'll see footage 429 00:17:28.309 --> 00:17:31.210 of Lionel Messi at two and he's amazing. Do you 430 00:17:31.250 --> 00:17:35.650 think there's little kids walking at pace up and down 431 00:17:35.690 --> 00:17:38.349 the kitchen? Who then go on to be Olympic walkers. 432 00:17:38.589 --> 00:17:40.789 I think, I just don't, you know, as well, we 433 00:17:40.809 --> 00:17:42.509 don't have the floor space. Oh, that's the other thing 434 00:17:42.529 --> 00:17:44.869 I should say about my situation is we are in a, 435 00:17:45.329 --> 00:17:47.769 because we were just about

to move. Basically, we sold 436 00:17:47.809 --> 00:17:50.960 our flat just before lockdown. Lockdown happened. We didn't have 437 00:17:51.000 --> 00:17:53.299 another place to move into. So we've been in our 438 00:17:53.339 --> 00:17:58.119 flat since. We're in a one bedroom flat. So that is, yeah, 439 00:17:58.240 --> 00:17:58.980 it's tough. 440 00:17:59.339 --> 00:18:00.119 All in the same room. 441 00:18:00.180 --> 00:18:02.500 All in the same room at 13 and a half months. 442 00:18:02.579 --> 00:18:06.549 Yeah. Yeah. I'll tell you what. And how is that? 443 00:18:06.829 --> 00:18:08.250 I suppose you don't know any different. 444 00:18:08.549 --> 00:18:11.009 Yeah, but I do because 30 and a half months ago, 445 00:18:11.029 --> 00:18:11.650 I didn't have a baby. 446 00:18:14.829 --> 00:18:17.160 So I do know slightly different. Yeah. 447 00:18:17.279 --> 00:18:19.019 I don't want to be that guy, but can I 448 00:18:19.240 --> 00:18:20.660 tell you when my kids started walking? 449 00:18:20.680 --> 00:18:22.779 I don't have to turn this into Top Trumps. No, 450 00:18:22.799 --> 00:18:23.200 go on. 451 00:18:23.559 --> 00:18:26.599 I think it feeds into your thought process about the 452 00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:30.140 smaller space. because our eldest started walking at 10 months, 453 00:18:30.519 --> 00:18:33.019 which is quite early. We moved in a smaller flat, 454 00:18:33.039 --> 00:18:35.039 and then we moved to a bigger house with a garden. 455 00:18:35.339 --> 00:18:37.740 The second one started walking at nine months. 456 00:18:38.180 --> 00:18:38.599 Right. 457 00:18:38.839 --> 00:18:41.380 So is that science? I think that's an experiment there. 458 00:18:42.400 --> 00:18:44.079 It's certainly a small sample size. 459 00:18:46.200 --> 00:18:48.440 What that also suggests, Rob, is that even in your 460 00:18:48.460 --> 00:18:50.200 small flat, you're still in a bigger flat than me. 461 00:18:51.700 --> 00:18:54.430 Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's come out a bit braggy. 462 00:18:54.470 --> 00:18:55.849 I know you're doing all right. I know you're doing 463 00:18:55.869 --> 00:18:58.079 all right. Look, I don't want to show off, but 464 00:18:58.140 --> 00:19:00.859 I had a two-bedroom flat once. I've never had a 465 00:19:00.880 --> 00:19:03.400 two-bedroom flat. That was just part of my life, okay? 466 00:19:03.420 --> 00:19:08.240 It was a downstairs two-bedroom flat. Sorry. It's all right. 467 00:19:08.680 --> 00:19:10.250 So what's the plan with moving now then? 468 00:19:10.470 --> 00:19:13.589 Well, we've bought a place now and we're just going 469 00:19:13.609 --> 00:19:16.190 through the nightmare of talking to solicitors and all that 470 00:19:16.230 --> 00:19:20.750 kind of stuff. So hopefully within the month, we're going 471 00:19:20.789 --> 00:19:22.849 to be moved out. So we've got all that to 472 00:19:22.869 --> 00:19:24.890 look forward to. It kind of would have been like, 473 00:19:27.269 --> 00:19:29.890 I sort of wish we'd kind of done some work 474 00:19:29.950 --> 00:19:32.640 on boxing up the flat during lockdown, but we just 475 00:19:32.720 --> 00:19:34.299 didn't know what we were going to do. So now, 476 00:19:34.579 --> 00:19:36.900 you know, obviously work's come back. So Charlie and I 477 00:19:36.900 --> 00:19:39.240 are now kind of pretty much both working full time. 478 00:19:39.680 --> 00:19:41.440 And it looks like we're going to move in about 479 00:19:41.700 --> 00:19:45.269 a fortnight. And so that's something to look forward to. 480 00:19:45.410 --> 00:19:47.769 I'm going to say it, Matthew. The best money I've 481 00:19:47.890 --> 00:19:50.049 ever spent is you could get people to do that whole... 482 00:19:50.240 --> 00:19:52.359 thing for you for 300 pounds. 483 00:19:52.119 --> 00:19:54.920 Oh we yeah we called the company today 300 pounds 484 00:19:54.960 --> 00:19:57.089 you say yeah because we in fact this is bad 485 00:19:57.109 --> 00:19:58.970 but we had a chat today my wife and i 486 00:19:59.349 --> 00:20:01.329 as to we asked for a quote and they're going 487 00:20:01.349 --> 00:20:02.450 to come around have a look and give us a 488 00:20:02.490 --> 00:20:05.309 quote we were basically saying any amount of money we're 489 00:20:05.329 --> 00:20:05.710 going to say. 490 00:20:05.630 --> 00:20:10.589 Yes Whatever the quote is. 491 00:20:10.950 --> 00:20:12.890 At one point, I was saying, I can't think of 492 00:20:12.910 --> 00:20:15.369 a cutoff point. And Charlie went, what about two grand? 493 00:20:15.549 --> 00:20:17.849 And we both looked at each other and went, yeah, 494 00:20:17.869 --> 00:20:21.250 we'd still spend two grand. To go to a cafe 495 00:20:21.450 --> 00:20:25.660 for three hours on our own while Cleo's with her grandma. 496 00:20:26.039 --> 00:20:28.539 And the flat gets completely cleared out. Especially with a kid. 497 00:20:28.700 --> 00:20:30.859 I totally agree. You've got to just get something. 498 00:20:31.099 --> 00:20:33.680 I don't think it would be physically possible with a baby. 499 00:20:33.700 --> 00:20:36.539 I mean, whether it's, you know, got the ability to 500 00:20:36.579 --> 00:20:38.250 walk or not, but certainly she. 501 00:20:38.269 --> 00:20:39.210 Well, it won't be able to carry. 502 00:20:39.349 --> 00:20:40.170 That's all you need, isn't it? 503 00:20:40.190 --> 00:20:42.250 The baby will be sat in the corner giving instructions 504 00:20:42.289 --> 00:20:44.349 on how to pack, judging by her advancement. 505 00:20:45.630 --> 00:20:47.450 She can label the boxes, all right? She can label 506 00:20:47.470 --> 00:20:51.119 the boxes. Just don't expect her to carry anything. 507 00:20:53.259 --> 00:20:55.839 How's the sleeping going though uh crosby obviously you're all 508 00:20:55.920 --> 00:20:57.319 is she is she waking up a lot in the 509 00:20:57.380 --> 00:20:59.779 night is it difficult to be honest she's actually sleeping 510 00:20:59.900 --> 00:21:03.259 pretty well through

the night but she's just she's just 511 00:21:03.339 --> 00:21:06.119 slowly coming out of a phase of waking up way 512 00:21:06.160 --> 00:21:08.599 too early so like you know she goes to bed 513 00:21:08.740 --> 00:21:10.579 you know she goes to bed about 7 7 30 514 00:21:10.579 --> 00:21:14.039 she falls asleep really quickly she's great like that um. 515 00:21:14.140 --> 00:21:16.339 Reads a few chapters of ulysses before bed. 516 00:21:16.609 --> 00:21:21.920 Absolutely yeah spits on the treadmill absolutely yeah but she 517 00:21:21.940 --> 00:21:25.109 started waking up uh around the kind of you know 518 00:21:25.119 --> 00:21:27.910 it would usually begin with a five and that's no 519 00:21:27.930 --> 00:21:32.289 good that's no good yeah um yeah it's in fact 520 00:21:32.450 --> 00:21:35.569 it's the other day i was chatting to um ellis 521 00:21:35.609 --> 00:21:40.799 james yeah absolutely very much so oh i was texting 522 00:21:40.920 --> 00:21:43.119 all the time when this was happening yeah what time 523 00:21:43.160 --> 00:21:44.559 is it for you this morning he'd be like oh 524 00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:46.359 4 16 i'm like well fuck that that's fine. 525 00:21:46.180 --> 00:21:49.630 Yeah He's great as a benchmark. He's really, yeah. 526 00:21:50.109 --> 00:21:51.890 You know he'll be up. You know he'll be up 527 00:21:51.930 --> 00:21:52.450 to text. 528 00:21:52.619 --> 00:21:52.880 Yeah. 529 00:21:54.019 --> 00:21:57.819 The one before Ellis is Andrew's ashes. That's the one before. 530 00:21:57.859 --> 00:22:00.920 It's tougher. He has to read that to make himself 531 00:22:00.940 --> 00:22:04.140 feel better. But I was chatting to Ellis. 532 00:22:05.049 --> 00:22:08.130 He came on the show, actually, and I said, what 533 00:22:08.150 --> 00:22:11.750 time did Steph wake up this morning? He said 6.20. 534 00:22:11.750 --> 00:22:15.779 And I went, oh, my God, that's fantastic, 6.20. And Ed, 535 00:22:15.799 --> 00:22:18.440 who obviously doesn't have kids, went, no, thank you. And 536 00:22:18.460 --> 00:22:22.779 you realise how the goalposts move of going, 6.20 is 537 00:22:22.819 --> 00:22:25.680 a dream. I will take 6.20 any day of the week. 538 00:22:26.039 --> 00:22:28.730 I remember back in the day, before I had kids, 539 00:22:29.150 --> 00:22:31.450 you know, if I had to get into work, you know, 540 00:22:31.470 --> 00:22:33.869 and most media starts quite late, I had to get 541 00:22:33.890 --> 00:22:34.809 into work for 10 o'clock. 542 00:22:34.869 --> 00:22:35.970 I think, how am I going to do this? 543 00:22:38.230 --> 00:22:41.140 I'm going to have to mainline coffee on the entire journey. 544 00:22:41.160 --> 00:22:44.940 If I have to start work at 10.15. 545 00:22:44.950 --> 00:22:46.029 How am i gonna do that. 546 00:22:47.829 --> 00:22:50.769 It's mad isn't it it's it's mad how much your 547 00:22:51.009 --> 00:22:53.750 views change i i think the most galling thing is 548 00:22:53.789 --> 00:22:55.990 when you

get when you because obviously i'll get up 549 00:22:56.009 --> 00:22:58.509 i'll listen to the radio it's when you get to 550 00:22:58.549 --> 00:23:00.450 the breakfast show and you feel like you've had the 551 00:23:00.470 --> 00:23:03.210 morning there'll be people matthew that listen to your 8am 552 00:23:03.230 --> 00:23:06.079 show on xfm and that'll be like hour three of 553 00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:10.039 their morning yeah oh And there'll be other people that 554 00:23:10.099 --> 00:23:12.569 catch the last hour of it who haven't got kids. 555 00:23:12.890 --> 00:23:15.829 Who are just rolling out of bed hungover. Yeah. Or 556 00:23:16.589 --> 00:23:17.559 getting in from a night out. 557 00:23:17.589 --> 00:23:18.029 Getting in. 558 00:23:18.049 --> 00:23:18.710 Yeah. 559 00:23:18.990 --> 00:23:21.170 That's the thing is when I'm, when I'm, because obviously 560 00:23:21.509 --> 00:23:24.480 I drive in on a Sunday and it's such a delightful, 561 00:23:24.660 --> 00:23:26.680 it's such a delightful drive, you know, especially in lockdown. 562 00:23:26.700 --> 00:23:28.079 Cause I was doing it all the way through lockdown. 563 00:23:28.099 --> 00:23:29.759 It was the only time I wasn't in. 564 00:23:29.700 --> 00:23:31.940 The flat basically. I loved it. 565 00:23:32.539 --> 00:23:35.940 But when lockdown started to ease and, And you'd see 566 00:23:36.000 --> 00:23:38.900 people wandering down the streets with like still with a 567 00:23:38.960 --> 00:23:42.200 plastic pint pot with like half a pint in at 6am. 568 00:23:42.220 --> 00:23:44.200 And it was a real mix of like, how do 569 00:23:44.240 --> 00:23:48.049 I feel about those people? Do I pity them or 570 00:23:48.069 --> 00:23:50.970 do I hugely envy them? I still haven't quite worked 571 00:23:51.029 --> 00:23:51.529 out in my head. 572 00:23:54.410 --> 00:23:58.650 I was out two weeks ago and, uh, You were 573 00:23:58.690 --> 00:24:00.009 getting up for your X of M show, but I 574 00:24:00.009 --> 00:24:02.369 was out with your wife, with other people as well, 575 00:24:02.390 --> 00:24:04.619 just to be clear. She really loves the podcast. 576 00:24:04.640 --> 00:24:06.660 There's a reason I brought you on the show. What 577 00:24:06.980 --> 00:24:09.019 a scoop. This is terrible, but great for us. 578 00:24:09.079 --> 00:24:12.779 Imagine all the podcasts we could do, Charlie and Josh's 579 00:24:12.839 --> 00:24:15.529 new life in the box room. 580 00:24:15.589 --> 00:24:17.829 It turns out I am staying in that one-bedroom flat, aren't. 581 00:24:20.829 --> 00:24:24.160 I? Anyway, so... She was, she was out when I 582 00:24:24.200 --> 00:24:26.240 went home at two, she was still there and she 583 00:24:26.279 --> 00:24:28.779 was doing the morning. Cause you had XFM. How did 584 00:24:28.799 --> 00:24:31.880 that go for? Cause I remember leaving thinking she's in 585 00:24:31.920 --> 00:24:34.700 some serious trouble here. Not with you. I mean, with. 586 00:24:35.279 --> 00:24:39.109 Oh, with you, Josh, Josh on the prowl. She's in 587 00:24:39.130 --> 00:24:44.789 some trouble. No, the, I mean, that's, that's fine, isn't it? 588 00:24:44.809 --> 00:24:48.849 Because in that instance, I wake up at five, five 55, 589 00:24:48.829 --> 00:24:52.190 something like that. I, I have a shower, I get 590 00:24:52.230 --> 00:24:54.150 in the car, I leave. I think on that day, 591 00:24:54.269 --> 00:24:56.750 Cleo hadn't woken up by the time, she was just 592 00:24:56.789 --> 00:24:57.309 waking up as. 593 00:24:57.289 --> 00:24:57.910 I was leaving. 594 00:24:58.450 --> 00:25:00.670 Right. And so Charlie's got, you know, Charlie's got a 595 00:25:00.730 --> 00:25:04.529 whole morning of hungover parenting. So that's the trade, isn't it? 596 00:25:04.650 --> 00:25:04.950 Yeah. 597 00:25:05.230 --> 00:25:08.410 If you go out on a Saturday night, then you're 598 00:25:08.549 --> 00:25:11.710 going to have to do some solo parenting, strangely hungover. 599 00:25:12.190 --> 00:25:15.099 You used to be quite a party animal, Matthew. 600 00:25:15.220 --> 00:25:17.640 I used to be an it boy, yes, that's right. Yeah. 601 00:25:23.710 --> 00:25:29.490 I was always getting turfed out the hippodrome with Dean 602 00:25:29.529 --> 00:25:31.089 Gaffney of course I was yeah. 603 00:25:30.930 --> 00:25:36.950 What I would say have you heard from Paul Dinan recently. 604 00:25:35.549 --> 00:25:39.569 Dangerous Dinan of course me Callum I was the fourth 605 00:25:39.609 --> 00:25:41.609 member of Callum Fran and Dangerous Dinan that they don't 606 00:25:41.650 --> 00:25:44.349 talk about Always got cropped out of photos. 607 00:25:45.109 --> 00:25:47.490 So have you had to ease off going out? And 608 00:25:47.750 --> 00:25:49.700 how are you dealing with the hangovers when you, I mean, 609 00:25:50.079 --> 00:25:51.839 I don't think you go out any more than me 610 00:25:51.880 --> 00:25:53.150 or Rob did, but I just, you know. 611 00:25:53.390 --> 00:25:55.579 No, well, obviously we have had to ease off, but 612 00:25:55.619 --> 00:25:58.119 also lockdown has sort of corresponded with that easing off. 613 00:25:58.140 --> 00:26:00.500 So I haven't really been to pubs that much anyway. 614 00:26:00.819 --> 00:26:02.299 In fact, the one time I did go to the pub, 615 00:26:02.539 --> 00:26:07.000 I went to meet a friend and obviously we put 616 00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:08.799 Cleo to bed. So it sort of wasn't really an issue, 617 00:26:08.960 --> 00:26:10.039 you know, and I was only going to go for 618 00:26:10.059 --> 00:26:12.940 a couple of drinks, but the cat escaped. 619 00:26:14.039 --> 00:26:17.829 You've got a cat in this tiny flat as well? Yeah. 620 00:26:17.920 --> 00:26:18.609 Oh, my God. 621 00:26:18.619 --> 00:26:20.789 She's doing the lion's share of the babysitting. You've got 622 00:26:20.990 --> 00:26:22.869 a house cat in a flat? 623 00:26:22.910 --> 00:26:23.769 I know. 624 00:26:24.190 --> 00:26:25.730 We got the cat first,

didn't we, as practice? 625 00:26:25.750 --> 00:26:26.450 Where does the cat sleep? 626 00:26:27.230 --> 00:26:31.769 Just wherever she likes, really. Sometimes at the foot of 627 00:26:31.789 --> 00:26:34.569 the bed. So sometimes there's four of us in. 628 00:26:34.750 --> 00:26:36.609 The bedroom, all breathing the same air. 629 00:26:36.890 --> 00:26:37.329 It's bad. 630 00:26:37.630 --> 00:26:40.130 So the night I got a night off, the cat 631 00:26:40.150 --> 00:26:43.829 escaped and I had to come home and find it. But, yeah, 632 00:26:44.369 --> 00:26:48.210 in fact, I was, yeah, I'm sort of, I think 633 00:26:48.230 --> 00:26:51.250 I was probably in lockdown, early lockdown, I was probably 634 00:26:51.319 --> 00:26:54.910 drinking just enough at home. You know, I was probably 635 00:26:54.940 --> 00:26:58.740 going through a bottle of wine most nights. Because just 636 00:26:58.759 --> 00:27:01.119 before lockdown, I had a, I turned 40 and got 637 00:27:01.140 --> 00:27:02.539 lots of, you know, what do you give to a 638 00:27:02.559 --> 00:27:04.539 person who's turning 40? A bottle of red wine. So 639 00:27:04.559 --> 00:27:07.000 I had about, you know, 15, 20 bottles of red 640 00:27:07.039 --> 00:27:09.160 wine in the house. And as soon as lockdown started, 641 00:27:09.180 --> 00:27:10.539 I just kind of polished them all off in about 642 00:27:10.559 --> 00:27:11.019 a fortnight. 643 00:27:11.119 --> 00:27:16.619 Oh. The text saying how bad a time the partner 644 00:27:16.660 --> 00:27:20.109 who has the baby is having, which you are completely 645 00:27:20.269 --> 00:27:23.410 helpless to do anything about when you're at work, I'd 646 00:27:23.450 --> 00:27:26.049 say is one of the most, obviously it's very stressful 647 00:27:26.069 --> 00:27:27.910 being the partner, but it's also one of the most 648 00:27:27.930 --> 00:27:29.990 stressful things you can receive on a phone. 649 00:27:30.109 --> 00:27:32.529 Yeah, I found going back to work, I found it 650 00:27:32.670 --> 00:27:34.809 harder than I expected to. I thought I was going 651 00:27:34.829 --> 00:27:37.369 to just, you know, get straight back into it. And 652 00:27:37.549 --> 00:27:39.190 sort of almost be glad of the time, but I 653 00:27:39.230 --> 00:27:41.650 felt like I was, you know, still, you know, 50% 654 00:27:41.650 --> 00:27:44.809 of my brain was still at home sort of wanting 655 00:27:44.869 --> 00:27:48.319 to help out. And the other 50% was, you know, 656 00:27:48.599 --> 00:27:50.839 sort of trying to work, but feeling a bit out 657 00:27:50.859 --> 00:27:54.400 of practice through lack of sleep. But yeah, anytime you 658 00:27:54.420 --> 00:27:56.119 got a text, you just thought, well, there's absolutely nothing 659 00:27:56.140 --> 00:27:56.559 I can do. 660 00:27:56.579 --> 00:27:57.880 I'm miles away. 661 00:27:58.200 --> 00:28:01.700 And it's really hard to work out those one or 662 00:28:01.759 --> 00:28:04.049 two words that don't seem like you're brushing somebody off. 663 00:28:04.779 --> 00:28:05.279 Yeah. 664 00:28:05.539 --> 00:28:07.079 I can think of two words that would feel like 665 00:28:07.099 --> 00:28:09.809 you're brushing it off. 666 00:28:09.839 --> 00:28:13.009 It's weird, though, because you feel like you're quite powerless 667 00:28:13.029 --> 00:28:15.470 to do anything. I remember when our first one was born, 668 00:28:15.549 --> 00:28:18.529 I went back to work because I was filming Taskmaster 669 00:28:18.589 --> 00:28:21.410 and it was minus three degrees in the middle of December. 670 00:28:21.730 --> 00:28:24.680 And I was on this, if anyone's a fan of it, 671 00:28:24.690 --> 00:28:27.299 it was one where I had to get to this 672 00:28:27.460 --> 00:28:31.619 microwave without walking. So I just rolled on the floor, 673 00:28:32.279 --> 00:28:35.849 covered in goose shit. And then I jumped over this 674 00:28:35.910 --> 00:28:39.009 fence and was really sick. And then I remember getting 675 00:28:39.049 --> 00:28:41.029 a text off Luke going, oh, I'm really struggling today. 676 00:28:41.049 --> 00:28:44.890 And I was like, fucking same here. I'm running into bullshit. 677 00:28:45.039 --> 00:28:46.759 I'm no help. I don't know what to do either. 678 00:28:46.859 --> 00:28:48.759 I'm struggling. I've got no idea. I can't even look 679 00:28:48.859 --> 00:28:50.200 after myself. 680 00:28:50.279 --> 00:28:57.759 Obviously, you're on a trendy radio station, Matthew. We spoke 681 00:28:57.779 --> 00:29:02.880 to Chris Stark, who is arguably on a youthier radio station. 682 00:29:03.660 --> 00:29:05.500 But the first time he had a kid, he didn't 683 00:29:05.519 --> 00:29:08.119 really address it on the radio and he didn't really 684 00:29:08.200 --> 00:29:08.839 talk about it. 685 00:29:09.039 --> 00:29:11.599 Well, I've got fuck all else to talk about. That's 686 00:29:12.039 --> 00:29:12.279 the thing. 687 00:29:14.259 --> 00:29:18.400 And my worry is that you like hearing about parenting 688 00:29:18.440 --> 00:29:22.809 in general, but specific stories about your kids are interesting 689 00:29:23.470 --> 00:29:26.470 only to you. That's sort of the case, isn't it? 690 00:29:26.829 --> 00:29:29.369 And so I never know if I'm about to start. 691 00:29:29.390 --> 00:29:31.069 I mean, the good thing is Ed will. 692 00:29:30.950 --> 00:29:31.710 Tell me immediately. 693 00:29:31.750 --> 00:29:34.670 If it's a boring story that's good but you never 694 00:29:34.690 --> 00:29:38.180 know because it's always seemed so delightful um i'm now 695 00:29:38.200 --> 00:29:41.380 going to tell you a story uh when um why 696 00:29:41.460 --> 00:29:43.660 i've said i've set it up um when she was 697 00:29:43.680 --> 00:29:46.920 learning different animals um she's. 698 00:29:46.640 --> 00:29:49.720 Learned them all by now that's advanced. 699 00:29:49.420 --> 00:29:51.720 Isn't it for 13 and a half months she's she's 700 00:29:51.769 --> 00:29:53.650 taken over from

attenborough she's ready to do it um. 701 00:29:57.269 --> 00:29:59.750 She's always like, turn off Mr. Tumble, stick on Blue Planet. 702 00:29:59.789 --> 00:30:00.170 Come on. 703 00:30:01.309 --> 00:30:04.910 Something I could sink my teeth into here. But we 704 00:30:04.950 --> 00:30:06.809 were learning goat. We had a little puzzle of like, 705 00:30:06.829 --> 00:30:08.730 you know, this is a sheep and this is a goat. 706 00:30:09.230 --> 00:30:12.950 And she started singing row, row, row your boat because 707 00:30:12.970 --> 00:30:15.279 it's like row, row, row your goat. And I was like, oh, 708 00:30:15.299 --> 00:30:19.240 that's a fun little pun. And I said to, I 709 00:30:19.559 --> 00:30:21.279 actually told my brother, I said, do you think this 710 00:30:21.359 --> 00:30:23.059 is a fun enough story for the radio? 711 00:30:23.079 --> 00:30:23.650 And he's like, no. 712 00:30:27.789 --> 00:30:29.130 Well, that's the only thing that's, that's the only thing 713 00:30:29.150 --> 00:30:30.769 that's happened to me in the week is that she 714 00:30:30.789 --> 00:30:31.950 sung row, row, row your goats. 715 00:30:32.549 --> 00:30:36.089 You've mentioned Mr. Tumble, Matthew. You're, I know you're a big, 716 00:30:36.450 --> 00:30:39.210 you're a huge Mr. Tumble fan, aren't you? Yeah. 717 00:30:39.269 --> 00:30:43.009 My wife and I are big, big tumbleheads. We love him. 718 00:30:43.569 --> 00:30:46.970 Justin's house as well? Justin's house. Do you know what? 719 00:30:47.019 --> 00:30:50.599 Justin's house we like, but something special. 720 00:30:50.619 --> 00:30:51.240 We're all friends. 721 00:30:52.009 --> 00:30:54.529 Is the key show for me. 722 00:30:55.400 --> 00:30:57.279 Justin's house is a bit roomy for you, isn't it? 723 00:30:58.410 --> 00:31:00.630 Yeah, I don't want to show Cleo what she's missing. 724 00:31:01.549 --> 00:31:03.690 He's got a robot in there. Look at that. 725 00:31:03.710 --> 00:31:08.019 He's got a robot on an upstairs. But no, I, yeah, 726 00:31:08.039 --> 00:31:09.380 we love, love something special. 727 00:31:09.680 --> 00:31:11.240 What about his sketch show one? He's got like a 728 00:31:11.279 --> 00:31:12.420 sketch show. Yeah, Giggle Biz. 729 00:31:12.460 --> 00:31:14.559 We've, we've, we watched an episode of that the other day. 730 00:31:14.579 --> 00:31:17.819 It's a little bit, I mean, basically there's not enough Mr. 731 00:31:17.839 --> 00:31:19.920 Tumble here. It's a bit sophisticated for Cleo. It's not 732 00:31:19.940 --> 00:31:20.240 enough Tumble. 733 00:31:20.259 --> 00:31:22.029 It's like he wanted to leave to do a proper 734 00:31:22.069 --> 00:31:24.650 sketch show and the CBBs were like, look, we've got 735 00:31:24.670 --> 00:31:26.809 to give him something or he's going to take something special. 736 00:31:26.849 --> 00:31:28.869 That's exactly, that's a Exactly how I felt. 737 00:31:28.890 --> 00:31:31.250 It's like Arsenal signing Mustafi to go with Ozil. Do 738 00:31:31.430 -->

00:31:31.990 you know what I mean? 739 00:31:32.009 --> 00:31:33.309 They didn't want him to go, so they got him 740 00:31:33.369 --> 00:31:35.519 in to keep him happy. It's a children's answer to 741 00:31:35.539 --> 00:31:38.400 the fast show. Not my words, the words of Justin Fletcher, 742 00:31:38.420 --> 00:31:42.380 because I have watched interviews of Justin Fletcher. 743 00:31:42.500 --> 00:31:44.819 Do you know what makes me really annoyed? Is when 744 00:31:44.839 --> 00:31:47.180 he watches himself as Mr. 745 00:31:47.220 --> 00:31:47.940 Tumble, right? 746 00:31:47.980 --> 00:31:51.059 And he's being Justin, he goes, oh, wasn't that funny? 747 00:31:51.279 --> 00:31:51.539 Mr. 748 00:31:51.579 --> 00:31:52.900 Tumble is funny. 749 00:31:52.960 --> 00:31:55.220 Yeah, you've got to do that. He's like NLP. 750 00:31:55.460 --> 00:31:57.819 I'll be the judge of that. Yeah, I know that's you. 751 00:31:58.099 --> 00:32:01.259 Don't tell me you're being funny there. I'll make up 752 00:32:01.299 --> 00:32:01.700 my mind. 753 00:32:01.900 --> 00:32:03.160 You can't come on in the second half of a 754 00:32:03.180 --> 00:32:04.960 tour show and go, that first boat was brilliant, wasn't it? 755 00:32:09.740 --> 00:32:12.230 do you know what that's that's true he does do 756 00:32:12.269 --> 00:32:14.710 that that's that's like one of the only sticking points 757 00:32:14.750 --> 00:32:16.630 i have with mr tumble the rest of it i. 758 00:32:16.609 --> 00:32:18.190 Absolutely love there's some you know and. 759 00:32:19.730 --> 00:32:21.470 We just we plow through it but i do feel 760 00:32:21.750 --> 00:32:23.910 i do feel bad because sometimes i'll just stick you 761 00:32:23.950 --> 00:32:26.559 know i'll stick it on the iplayer and just sort 762 00:32:26.599 --> 00:32:29.480 of let it let it play on the telly three 763 00:32:29.539 --> 00:32:32.680 you know three episodes on the bounce and you know 764 00:32:32.700 --> 00:32:34.079 it's and i while i get with a little bit 765 00:32:34.099 --> 00:32:36.180 of work or something I mean, I say that, I'm 766 00:32:36.200 --> 00:32:40.440 watching the episodes myself. There was a point in lockdown 767 00:32:40.589 --> 00:32:43.089 when we were watching an episode of Something Special, the 768 00:32:43.109 --> 00:32:47.650 three of us, and Charlie said, do you think lots 769 00:32:47.710 --> 00:32:50.809 of mums in lockdown are sort of developing sort of 770 00:32:50.869 --> 00:32:52.529 like a real crush on Mr. 771 00:32:52.549 --> 00:32:52.950 Tumble? 772 00:32:53.049 --> 00:32:54.509 And I was like, does that mean you've got a 773 00:32:54.509 --> 00:32:55.430 crush on Mr. Tumble? 774 00:32:55.789 --> 00:33:00.579 LAUGHTER I don't think Tumble. Andy in the Odd Socks. 775 00:33:01.099 --> 00:33:02.299 Andy's a hunk, isn't he? 776 00:33:02.359 --> 00:33:04.839 Is he the adventure guy? Yeah, yeah. He's a good 777 00:33:04.859 --> 00:33:05.160 looking guy. 778 00:33:05.500 --> 00:33:07.049 I do sometimes watch those presentations. 779 00:33:07.069 --> 00:33:08.529 You know, they have like a couple in the house, 780 00:33:08.609 --> 00:33:11.990 like introducing all the programs and showing up pictures. 781 00:33:12.009 --> 00:33:13.069 And I just look at them and I. 782 00:33:13.029 --> 00:33:15.170 Think, you're all smiles now, but I bet you've done 783 00:33:15.210 --> 00:33:17.230 some awful stuff in East London on your nights off, 784 00:33:17.250 --> 00:33:17.480 haven't you? 785 00:33:19.170 --> 00:33:21.890 I bet you've lived a life. Yeah, it's all fun now, 786 00:33:21.910 --> 00:33:22.190 isn't it? 787 00:33:22.369 --> 00:33:22.930 I can tell. 788 00:33:23.250 --> 00:33:25.690 I don't think that's true of Tumble, though. No, not 789 00:33:25.829 --> 00:33:28.119 of Tumble. I think Tumble walks it like he talks it. 790 00:33:28.569 --> 00:33:28.970 Do you? 791 00:33:29.069 --> 00:33:32.630 Yeah, I genuinely think he does. I don't think he's got... How. 792 00:33:32.410 --> 00:33:35.359 Many interviews have you watched with him? 793 00:33:35.539 --> 00:33:37.819 I've watched a handful. He's a lovey. He hasn't got kids, 794 00:33:37.839 --> 00:33:38.920 has he? He's a lovey. 795 00:33:39.559 --> 00:33:43.000 No, he's not got kids, but he's thespy. 796 00:33:43.019 --> 00:33:44.200 He cares about the craft. 797 00:33:44.579 --> 00:33:46.799 He talks about who he trained, you know, who he 798 00:33:46.839 --> 00:33:49.799 trained under at sort of drama school and stuff. 799 00:33:51.740 --> 00:33:52.799 I think he. 800 00:33:53.160 --> 00:33:55.099 Thinks that he'll make a move into Ant and Dec 801 00:33:55.140 --> 00:33:57.700 world from kids TV or that's where he is forever 802 00:33:57.740 --> 00:33:58.599 and he's happy with it. 803 00:33:58.660 --> 00:34:01.529 That ship has sailed, hasn't it? He's 50 and he's 804 00:34:01.549 --> 00:34:03.349 got an MBE. Yeah, exactly. 805 00:34:03.890 --> 00:34:04.109 Yeah. 806 00:34:04.609 --> 00:34:05.970 As himself with Mr. Tumble. 807 00:34:06.230 --> 00:34:08.409 He's in Shung the Sheep as well. This guy is 808 00:34:08.449 --> 00:34:11.309 absolutely minted. He does Wembley Arena shows. 809 00:34:11.630 --> 00:34:16.489 Yeah, he's... I think if Mr. Tumble announced a live show, 810 00:34:17.010 --> 00:34:19.349 I'd definitely get tickets. Again, it would be like moving house. 811 00:34:19.570 --> 00:34:21.230 No amount of money would be too much to get 812 00:34:21.250 --> 00:34:21.829 tickets to see Mr. 813 00:34:21.849 --> 00:34:23.909 Tumble. And I think I would obviously be way more 814 00:34:23.929 --> 00:34:25.429 excited than any kid there. 815 00:34:25.989 --> 00:34:27.469 Yeah. 816 00:34:27.690 --> 00:34:29.070 I just think he's a genius. 817 00:34:29.489 --> 00:34:29.889 Do you? 818 00:34:29.989 --> 00:34:33.329 I think he's the greatest comic working on British television. 819 00:34:34.030 --> 00:34:35.230 No offense to the two of you guys. 820 00:34:36.110 --> 00:34:36.690

Can I ask you. 821 00:34:36.769 --> 00:34:39.150 I've been on television since the pandemic. Right, still working 822 00:34:39.449 --> 00:34:40.190 on television. 823 00:34:40.210 --> 00:34:41.250 Can I ask you a question on Tumble? 824 00:34:41.269 --> 00:34:42.210 Yeah, of course, of course. 825 00:34:42.369 --> 00:34:46.079 So, you know the... Friends, friends. 826 00:34:46.440 --> 00:34:48.400 What can you do with friends? Yeah, of course. 827 00:34:48.840 --> 00:34:52.019 So, there's a line and I don't understand what it says. 828 00:34:52.659 --> 00:34:54.179 And it sounds like balance-y. 829 00:34:54.860 --> 00:34:55.599 Paddle in the sea. 830 00:34:55.989 --> 00:34:57.010 Is it paddle in the sea? Yeah. 831 00:34:57.030 --> 00:34:57.420 Paddle in the sea. 832 00:34:57.769 --> 00:35:01.630 Yeah, it's, is it ride a horse, paddle in the sea? 833 00:35:02.010 --> 00:35:04.449 Maybe you could come and play with me. 834 00:35:04.789 --> 00:35:05.730 He's awful. 835 00:35:05.750 --> 00:35:07.829 We have to pay him for this episode. 836 00:35:08.190 --> 00:35:09.739 He's absolutely cleaning up. 837 00:35:09.780 --> 00:35:11.860 He's got enough money already. You know what? 838 00:35:11.880 --> 00:35:15.059 I love the opening song as well. I've learned all 839 00:35:15.079 --> 00:35:17.320 the signs to it because we've learned a few, a 840 00:35:17.599 --> 00:35:21.940 bit of baby sign language as well. And I just 841 00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:24.340 love singing along to the song and learning all the 842 00:35:24.389 --> 00:35:25.610 Makaton signs and stuff. 843 00:35:25.949 --> 00:35:26.670 It's great. I like it. 844 00:35:27.639 --> 00:35:28.920 Cleo loves it. Yeah, yeah. 845 00:35:28.980 --> 00:35:29.980 Right, just checking. 846 00:35:30.099 --> 00:35:31.980 She can't turn it over, can she? She's not there. 847 00:35:32.159 --> 00:35:35.460 She's not seen any other television. Well, that's the thing. 848 00:35:35.539 --> 00:35:37.539 Once they get into Netflix. 849 00:35:37.579 --> 00:35:41.519 With my first one, they literally just watched CBeebies until 850 00:35:41.559 --> 00:35:42.980 she was about two and a half. 851 00:35:43.030 --> 00:35:44.639 And they're like, yeah, it's the best one. 852 00:35:44.949 --> 00:35:48.210 It's the purest one. There's no adverts. Now, my two-year-old 853 00:35:48.250 --> 00:35:49.329 walks in with an iPad and goes. 854 00:35:49.429 --> 00:35:52.150 Netflix, Netflix. And what's she watching on Netflix? 855 00:35:52.190 --> 00:35:52.489 All sorts, mate. 856 00:35:55.659 --> 00:35:56.469 Make it a murderer. 857 00:35:59.789 --> 00:36:01.760 She wanders in and goes, do you think Scottie Pippen 858 00:36:01.780 --> 00:36:04.500 was paid enough? Because I just don't think he was. 859 00:36:05.940 --> 00:36:11.320 Do you reckon Carole Baskin killed her? No, they sort 860 00:36:11.340 --> 00:36:14.289 of watch loads of... Baby Bum, they quite. 861 00:36:14.090 --> 00:36:16.449 Like, which is... Oh, yeah, we've watched Baby Bum as well. Yeah, 862 00:36:16.550 --> 00:36:18.789 they love that. And Mother Goose, do you watch Mother Goose? Yeah, 863 00:36:18.809 --> 00:36:21.010 they've watched all that. What do you. 864 00:36:20.949 --> 00:36:22.849 Think of The Baby Club? I think that was the 865 00:36:22.909 --> 00:36:24.070 one that used to annoy me the most. 866 00:36:24.210 --> 00:36:27.750 Baby Club, I really got into The Baby Club first 867 00:36:27.809 --> 00:36:28.510 half of lockdown. 868 00:36:28.869 --> 00:36:30.389 The Baby Club, yeah. 869 00:36:30.690 --> 00:36:31.510 The Baby Club. 870 00:36:31.789 --> 00:36:32.429 Who's your favourite? 871 00:36:32.449 --> 00:36:34.650 Did you like Nigel or did you like Giovanna? 872 00:36:35.130 --> 00:36:37.489 Well, the one that turned out she was married to 873 00:36:37.530 --> 00:36:38.309 one of them at Fly. 874 00:36:38.389 --> 00:36:39.250 That's right, yeah, yeah. 875 00:36:39.269 --> 00:36:39.630 Yeah. 876 00:36:40.179 --> 00:36:43.019 What are your feelings on Bing, though? Because Bing's... We've 877 00:36:43.059 --> 00:36:43.719 discussed Bing. 878 00:36:43.780 --> 00:36:45.420 I can't stand the kid. Have we talked too much 879 00:36:45.480 --> 00:36:45.900 about Bing? 880 00:36:46.340 --> 00:36:48.349 No, I'd love to hear your opinion on Bing. 881 00:36:48.369 --> 00:36:51.409 Well, it blew my mind that Mark Rylance tapped out 882 00:36:51.489 --> 00:36:52.119 after Series 1. 883 00:36:52.110 --> 00:36:52.269 Yeah. 884 00:36:53.449 --> 00:36:56.230 And then they got David Thewlis to do an impression 885 00:36:56.250 --> 00:36:58.769 of Mark Rylance for series two. So now you watch 886 00:36:58.809 --> 00:37:00.469 it and you go, well, this isn't real Bing. It's 887 00:37:00.489 --> 00:37:02.670 not real Rylance, is it? This isn't RSC. 888 00:37:03.110 --> 00:37:04.829 So why is he tapped out and they've done an 889 00:37:04.869 --> 00:37:05.550 impression of him? 890 00:37:05.739 --> 00:37:06.599 I've got no idea. 891 00:37:06.920 --> 00:37:09.139 I guess in an animated thing, you don't have to 892 00:37:09.900 --> 00:37:11.760 write out the characters, do you? You just get somebody 893 00:37:11.820 --> 00:37:15.280 new to do the voice. But I think Rylance brings 894 00:37:15.340 --> 00:37:20.190 a real empathy to Flop. I think there's more tenderness 895 00:37:20.210 --> 00:37:24.360 in him. I feel like Fulis' flop is a little 896 00:37:24.380 --> 00:37:26.699 bit more, it's a bit pass-ag. 897 00:37:28.630 --> 00:37:33.889 What's pass-ag mean? Passive-aggressive. Oh, pass-ag. I've never heard pass-ag. 898 00:37:34.409 --> 00:37:35.630 Have you not heard pass-ag? 899 00:37:35.869 --> 00:37:38.809 I've never heard pass-ag. There's no passive from where I 900 00:37:38.849 --> 00:37:40.510 grew up. Everyone just shouts it. 901 00:37:40.530 --> 00:37:43.030 It's just pure rag. Yeah, it's just pure rag. 902 00:37:43.739 --> 00:37:46.449 Four g's ag but i can't work out when he 903 00:37:46.469 -->

00:37:49.789 squeezed bing in before or after bridge of spies it's quite. 904 00:37:49.610 --> 00:37:52.210 A big um character jump isn't. 905 00:37:52.050 --> 00:37:55.530 It do you think um would you like to get 906 00:37:55.590 --> 00:37:57.260 into children's television. 907 00:37:56.760 --> 00:37:59.480 Matthew i've actually i've googled who does all the writing 908 00:37:59.519 --> 00:38:02.139 for um for something special because i'd love to i 909 00:38:02.159 --> 00:38:03.960 mean that would be a great job to have writing 910 00:38:03.980 --> 00:38:06.679 the mr tumble sketches i'd love that are. 911 00:38:06.300 --> 00:38:08.320 They written i just presume that was what mr tumble 912 00:38:08.340 --> 00:38:10.309 they just put him in a situation he just riffs. 913 00:38:10.789 --> 00:38:13.000 Like jazz It's just an obdoc, isn't it? It's just a, 914 00:38:13.010 --> 00:38:16.070 it's just a fixed rig obdoc. They just put, set 915 00:38:16.110 --> 00:38:17.769 those cameras up and just say, off you go, Mr. 916 00:38:17.789 --> 00:38:20.719 Tumble, go about your day. Today you're giving Tumble Ted 917 00:38:20.760 --> 00:38:21.099 a bath. 918 00:38:21.139 --> 00:38:21.619 That's fine. 919 00:38:21.719 --> 00:38:22.820 Great. We'll, we'll, we'll watch that. 920 00:38:22.860 --> 00:38:26.380 We'll chop it up. What I like to do, I'd 921 00:38:26.420 --> 00:38:28.980 love to, I'd love to write one of those shows. 922 00:38:29.179 --> 00:38:31.420 The great, I think the great thing about it, I mean, yes, 923 00:38:31.440 --> 00:38:35.610 you've got to write 57 episodes a series, but they 924 00:38:35.639 --> 00:38:37.530 get show. I mean, there's, you know, most of them, 925 00:38:37.849 --> 00:38:41.050 what's Bing seven or eight minutes long. And it just 926 00:38:41.070 --> 00:38:42.449 gets shown. They've done two series of it. It just 927 00:38:42.469 --> 00:38:44.889 gets shown over and over again. It's just wall to wall. 928 00:38:44.929 --> 00:38:47.230 It's being on every single day. The repeat fees must 929 00:38:47.250 --> 00:38:47.909 be amazing. 930 00:38:48.250 --> 00:38:50.670 So you're in it purely for the money. I mean, 931 00:38:50.690 --> 00:38:51.590 it's totally acceptable. 932 00:38:52.139 --> 00:38:53.030 What do you do this for? 933 00:38:53.050 --> 00:39:00.980 It's a very good point. So how have all your 934 00:39:01.000 --> 00:39:03.139 conversations become about being a parent? 935 00:39:04.719 --> 00:39:06.360 That's a really good question, actually. Yeah. 936 00:39:06.840 --> 00:39:09.530 Because we haven't really had a lot of time when 937 00:39:09.570 --> 00:39:11.369 we don't feel like we're being parents. 938 00:39:12.269 --> 00:39:12.489 Yeah. 939 00:39:12.630 --> 00:39:14.809 In fact, actually, a lot of our conversations are about 940 00:39:15.329 --> 00:39:16.579 parenting or about work. 941 00:39:16.980 --> 00:39:17.579 It's quite hard. 942 00:39:17.599 --> 00:39:19.980 You know, we had a night out. 943 00:39:19.900 --> 00:39:20.320 The other night. 944 00:39:21.079 --> 00:39:23.559 And in fact, we obviously went to meet you guys. 945 00:39:24.059 --> 00:39:28.250 And before that, we went for drinks. And you've got 946 00:39:28.269 --> 00:39:29.380 to really force yourself, haven't you? 947 00:39:29.389 --> 00:39:29.469 Yeah. 948 00:39:30.019 --> 00:39:32.320 Force yourself to not talk about it and then you 949 00:39:32.340 --> 00:39:36.500 go well what else do we have in common we 950 00:39:36.539 --> 00:39:38.449 talk you know we talk about holidays we went on 951 00:39:38.510 --> 00:39:38.900 before she. 952 00:39:38.840 --> 00:39:41.510 Was born yeah that's uh that's a good one. 953 00:39:43.119 --> 00:39:48.030 If the iPhone throws up one of those memories, watch 954 00:39:48.050 --> 00:39:50.070 one of those of what we used to do. 955 00:39:50.090 --> 00:39:53.090 I get them and go, oh, is there some sort 956 00:39:53.110 --> 00:39:54.940 of skinny filter on that? No, I'm just a fat 957 00:39:54.980 --> 00:39:57.539 prick now. That's what's happened. 958 00:39:57.579 --> 00:39:58.780 Do you both work full time? 959 00:39:59.980 --> 00:40:03.070 We're both now going into pretty much full-time work yeah 960 00:40:03.250 --> 00:40:05.849 yeah so how do you share the responsibilities do you 961 00:40:05.909 --> 00:40:08.269 have someone come in to help or does your daughter 962 00:40:08.309 --> 00:40:10.429 go to a nurse or anything or are you just 963 00:40:10.449 --> 00:40:13.110 sort of divvying up the stuff in between clever enough 964 00:40:13.150 --> 00:40:15.380 to look after herself yeah yeah she just goes down 965 00:40:15.389 --> 00:40:19.460 the British Library hangs out for a day hops on 966 00:40:19.480 --> 00:40:22.840 the tube comes back no she she goes to nursery 967 00:40:22.920 --> 00:40:26.000 Monday Tuesday which is great so we just all day 968 00:40:26.019 --> 00:40:28.389 is that yeah that's all day all day at nursery 969 00:40:29.019 --> 00:40:32.960 About 8.30 and pick her up at about 5.00. So 970 00:40:33.019 --> 00:40:35.610 that's a pretty good day at nursery. It was going 971 00:40:35.619 --> 00:40:40.050 to be one set of grandparents on the Wednesday, one 972 00:40:40.070 --> 00:40:43.789 set of grandparents on the Thursday. But both sets of 973 00:40:44.309 --> 00:40:48.190 parents have managed to get ill recently. So they're out 974 00:40:48.230 --> 00:40:48.670 the picture. 975 00:40:48.690 --> 00:40:50.590 Oh, no. Not out of the picture. 976 00:40:55.190 --> 00:40:58.650 So what we've, we've done a few days where it's 977 00:40:58.690 --> 00:41:02.610 been both trying to do full-time work and trying to 978 00:41:02.639 --> 00:41:05.099 look after her. And that's when, that's when Mr. Tumble 979 00:41:05.119 --> 00:41:08.380 takes over. That's when, you know, you, you know, you 980 00:41:08.400 --> 00:41:09.940 give her, give her a bit of fruit, stick her 981 00:41:10.079 --> 00:41:12.099 in front of the telly

and sort of try and 982 00:41:12.139 --> 00:41:13.079 work at the same time. 983 00:41:14.119 --> 00:41:15.119 I've never managed that. 984 00:41:15.590 --> 00:41:16.130 Because that's it as well. 985 00:41:16.150 --> 00:41:17.989 We don't have an office as well. So we don't 986 00:41:18.030 --> 00:41:20.480 have an office space. So the way it'll work is 987 00:41:20.739 --> 00:41:22.480 I'll start in the bedroom. She'll play in the front room. 988 00:41:22.519 --> 00:41:25.300 Then I'll go to the front room. She'll go into 989 00:41:25.320 --> 00:41:27.519 the bedroom and have a nap. then, you know, so 990 00:41:27.539 --> 00:41:30.800 it's just, it's constantly moving around. Charlie will be in 991 00:41:30.820 --> 00:41:31.820 the little room. 992 00:41:31.699 --> 00:41:33.699 By the kitchen. It's like, it's tricky. 993 00:41:33.739 --> 00:41:35.280 It's lots of sort of working out who's going to 994 00:41:35.300 --> 00:41:36.440 be in what room. 995 00:41:36.480 --> 00:41:38.119 The little room by the kitchen is the toilet, isn't it? 996 00:41:38.630 --> 00:41:40.670 Yeah, that's right. She's zooming from the toilet. What is 997 00:41:40.710 --> 00:41:42.789 the little room by the toilet? What is that room? 998 00:41:43.110 --> 00:41:45.309 Well, it's sort of like a dining room, except it's 999 00:41:45.369 --> 00:41:48.610 not sort of big enough to... have people in, but 1000 00:41:48.639 --> 00:41:51.719 it's like, it's like another, it's like another living space basically, 1001 00:41:51.739 --> 00:41:54.880 but it's not, it's not, it's not an office. So yeah, 1002 00:41:54.900 --> 00:41:57.500 it's just kind of, it's just sort of moving around from, 1003 00:41:58.000 --> 00:41:59.460 from room to room and trying to work it out. 1004 00:41:59.559 --> 00:42:01.500 And then obviously you then put her to bed and 1005 00:42:01.539 --> 00:42:04.460 just carry on working after that. So that's, that's a 1006 00:42:04.960 --> 00:42:06.159 bit of a, a bit of a nightmare. 1007 00:42:06.179 --> 00:42:08.219 How are you so chirpy? This sounds really hard. 1008 00:42:09.199 --> 00:42:11.429 Because it's not every day, you know, it's not every day. 1009 00:42:11.449 --> 00:42:12.769 And also. Monday and Tuesdays. 1010 00:42:13.190 --> 00:42:15.690 Yeah, it's Monday and Tuesdays. And also it's still, you know, 1011 00:42:16.599 --> 00:42:18.820 it's just, it's writing jokes, isn't it? You know, I'm 1012 00:42:18.860 --> 00:42:20.960 not doing a proper job. I'm still, I'm still able 1013 00:42:20.980 --> 00:42:23.409 to do it from home and I'm still, and it 1014 00:42:23.630 --> 00:42:24.969 is the sort of job where if I need to 1015 00:42:25.010 --> 00:42:26.989 take half an hour out of the day to look 1016 00:42:27.050 --> 00:42:29.309 after and actually sort of spend some proper time with her, that's, 1017 00:42:29.389 --> 00:42:29.949 that's doable. 1018 00:42:30.230 --> 00:42:30.389 Yeah. 1019 00:42:30.409 --> 00:42:32.510 And as long as you've got all your stuff together 1020 00:42:32.550 --> 00:42:34.760 to like submit by the end of the day, it's fine. 1021 00:42:34.780 --> 00:42:36.960 It doesn't have to be done by a certain point. 1022 00:42:36.980 --> 00:42:38.059 Do you know what I mean? It's like, you can 1023 00:42:38.119 --> 00:42:39.000 choose your hours. 1024 00:42:38.800 --> 00:42:39.119 A bit more. 1025 00:42:39.420 --> 00:42:39.920 Exactly. 1026 00:42:39.980 --> 00:42:42.260 It's not air traffic control or anything, you know, it's fine. 1027 00:42:42.300 --> 00:42:42.699 I can. 1028 00:42:44.360 --> 00:42:45.500 Just loop it over it. 1029 00:42:45.639 --> 00:42:49.340 Yeah. Have you guys got, I mean, you're quite a 1030 00:42:49.440 --> 00:42:52.610 chilled out guy. Charlie's quite chilled out. That sounds like 1031 00:42:52.630 --> 00:42:54.309 a situation which could get fraught. 1032 00:42:55.690 --> 00:42:59.409 I mean, yeah. But I think, you know what? 1033 00:42:59.429 --> 00:43:00.190 This is not the podcast. 1034 00:43:00.230 --> 00:43:05.559 No, this is the only podcast. Charlie can come and 1035 00:43:05.639 --> 00:43:07.699 talk and give her side as well. She can have 1036 00:43:07.719 --> 00:43:10.940 her right to reply. Just unload. This is what we're 1037 00:43:10.960 --> 00:43:12.719 here for. Get it off your chest and then Charlie 1038 00:43:12.739 --> 00:43:13.320 can come on later. 1039 00:43:13.849 --> 00:43:17.969 The thing is, I'm not very good necessarily at going, 1040 00:43:18.489 --> 00:43:20.059 this is the thing that's bothering me, so I'm going 1041 00:43:20.079 --> 00:43:22.860 to dress this head on. I'll fixate on a thing 1042 00:43:22.880 --> 00:43:27.760 that's completely not the thing. So, for example, right at 1043 00:43:27.780 --> 00:43:30.719 the start of lockdown, a few weeks into it, what 1044 00:43:30.739 --> 00:43:32.059 didn't seem like the start of lockdown, it seemed like 1045 00:43:32.079 --> 00:43:33.360 we were right in the middle of it, but what 1046 00:43:33.380 --> 00:43:36.760 I now realise was the start of lockdown. We saved 1047 00:43:36.840 --> 00:43:41.210 up the TV show Quiz to watch about the Major 1048 00:43:41.230 --> 00:43:43.889 Charles Ingram scandal. So we saved it up to watch 1049 00:43:44.860 --> 00:43:47.130 and we're going to watch it over three nights. It's 1050 00:43:47.150 --> 00:43:48.969 the three-parter over three nights. So this is going to 1051 00:43:48.989 --> 00:43:53.550 be fantastic. On the first night, load up the ITV player, 1052 00:43:54.150 --> 00:43:59.949 start watching the first episode. And Charlie says, well, they're 1053 00:43:59.969 --> 00:44:03.039 going in pretty sort of immediately into the story, aren't they? 1054 00:44:03.059 --> 00:44:04.260 Sort of dropping you in it. They're not giving you 1055 00:44:04.280 --> 00:44:05.860 a lot of backstory. They're not sort of walking you 1056 00:44:05.900 --> 00:44:08.590 up to it. And me being a bit of a 1057 00:44:08.679 --> 00:44:10.679

prick goes, well, actually, you probably just don't remember the 1058 00:44:10.699 --> 00:44:12.280 story from the time. And I sort of talked her 1059 00:44:12.300 --> 00:44:16.079 through what was happening and we watched the episode. And 1060 00:44:16.880 --> 00:44:19.079 we got to the end of the episode and they 1061 00:44:19.099 --> 00:44:21.840 started showing real footage of Major Charles Ingram and his wife. 1062 00:44:22.380 --> 00:44:27.380 And I realized that we'd watched episode three first and 1063 00:44:27.420 --> 00:44:29.860 not episode one. And then looking back on it, I 1064 00:44:29.860 --> 00:44:32.829 was like, of course they're going to start with him 1065 00:44:32.869 --> 00:44:34.409 actually going on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. They're 1066 00:44:34.429 --> 00:44:36.809 not going to start with him getting his dog, you know, 1067 00:44:36.849 --> 00:44:40.739 his dog getting shot. That's not how you start the show. 1068 00:44:42.159 --> 00:44:45.639 But I just went into such a sort of rage 1069 00:44:45.699 --> 00:44:51.199 about it. And I was so with myself, and Charlie 1070 00:44:51.219 --> 00:44:53.460 had to leave the room, and I was like, right, well, right, 1071 00:44:53.480 --> 00:44:55.519 that's brilliant, isn't it? Because I was looking forward to that. 1072 00:44:55.539 --> 00:44:57.440 I was looking forward to watching that. And now I've 1073 00:44:57.460 --> 00:44:59.059 watched episode three. Right, here's what we're doing. 1074 00:44:59.099 --> 00:44:59.780 Charlie, come back in. 1075 00:44:59.800 --> 00:45:04.079 Here's what we're doing, right? We're going to watch episode one, two, 1076 00:45:04.239 --> 00:45:06.639 and three back-to-back tomorrow night. We're going to watch three again, 1077 00:45:06.659 --> 00:45:12.230 all right? And then, like, maybe a week or two later, 1078 00:45:12.250 --> 00:45:19.570 I went, it wasn't about quiz. LAUGHTER This wasn't about this. 1079 00:45:19.590 --> 00:45:22.949 You had other stuff going on. You're in a one-bedroom 1080 00:45:23.010 --> 00:45:28.039 flat with a nine-month-old baby. You're not annoyed about some 1081 00:45:28.079 --> 00:45:29.179 Michael Sheen drama. 1082 00:45:29.199 --> 00:45:33.219 It's not about quiz. 1083 00:45:33.579 --> 00:45:34.360 That's what I'm like. 1084 00:45:34.380 --> 00:45:37.639 The thought of Charlie having to go to that weird 1085 00:45:37.659 --> 00:45:39.139 little room by the kitchen. 1086 00:45:38.780 --> 00:45:42.719 While you had a meltdown, just waiting. Stood there, touching 1087 00:45:42.760 --> 00:45:44.440 both walls. Yeah, poor old Charlie. 1088 00:45:44.460 --> 00:45:45.699 Was that, would you say, I mean, I don't know 1089 00:45:45.719 --> 00:45:47.280 if you listened to, Charlie will listen to the Shappie 1090 00:45:47.300 --> 00:45:49.480 Corsandi episode when she had a milk tray moment where 1091 00:45:49.519 --> 00:45:52.320 she just lost it in lockdown. I imagine quiz was 1092 00:45:52.340 --> 00:45:54.400 your moment where it just, it all blew up for you. 1093 00:45:54.619 --> 00:45:56.460 It was definitely, yeah, yeah, definitely. 1094 00:45:56.480 --> 00:45:59.150 And also as well, because you're like, now we're trying 1095 00:45:59.170 --> 00:46:00.789 to sort out getting a mortgage and all that kind 1096 00:46:00.829 --> 00:46:02.550 of stuff. So there's loads of, it's like, you know, 1097 00:46:02.710 --> 00:46:06.050 they always say that's a stressful time. You know, it's 1098 00:46:06.070 --> 00:46:07.269 one of the most stressful things you can do is 1099 00:46:07.309 --> 00:46:11.730 move house. So all of that is building up. The 1100 00:46:11.769 --> 00:46:15.409 other day, oh, this is bad as well. This is 1101 00:46:15.429 --> 00:46:15.670 going to. 1102 00:46:15.630 --> 00:46:16.590 Paint me in an awful light. 1103 00:46:16.949 --> 00:46:19.909 But the other day I thought she'd gone to bed 1104 00:46:20.880 --> 00:46:24.739 and I was just silently sort of just like feeling 1105 00:46:24.820 --> 00:46:27.360 loads of stress. You know when you can sort of, 1106 00:46:27.440 --> 00:46:29.440 it's like in your stomach and it's in your chest 1107 00:46:29.480 --> 00:46:30.800 and you're like, right, I've. 1108 00:46:31.059 --> 00:46:32.239 Got to let this out somewhere. 1109 00:46:32.480 --> 00:46:33.079 Really angry. 1110 00:46:33.099 --> 00:46:35.670 I'm just sort of like, oh. But it's not even anger, 1111 00:46:35.710 --> 00:46:35.849 is it? 1112 00:46:35.849 --> 00:46:39.190 It's just like a combination of anxiety and stress and 1113 00:46:39.210 --> 00:46:39.570 everything else. 1114 00:46:40.170 --> 00:46:42.710 And so I'm like, right. I'm just going to, without 1115 00:46:42.730 --> 00:46:44.519 even realizing I was, I didn't even think about it. 1116 00:46:44.889 --> 00:46:46.429 I just sort of, I just sort of. 1117 00:46:47.690 --> 00:46:49.949 Took my fist and like slam them really hard down 1118 00:46:49.969 --> 00:46:53.409 on like a kitchen surface. What I didn't realize was 1119 00:46:53.659 --> 00:46:55.519 they like, I'd actually slam them down on like a 1120 00:46:55.559 --> 00:46:57.820 chopping board. So it made way more noise than I 1121 00:46:57.820 --> 00:47:03.559 was expecting it to make. So it's like, like just 1122 00:47:03.619 --> 00:47:06.500 suddenly this noise came from the kitchen and not only 1123 00:47:06.519 --> 00:47:07.980 had Charlie not gone to bed, so she wasn't sort 1124 00:47:08.000 --> 00:47:08.900 of miles away from the kitchen. 1125 00:47:09.179 --> 00:47:10.239 She was sat reading a book. 1126 00:47:10.699 --> 00:47:12.170 And so just, Just came in and was like, is 1127 00:47:12.190 --> 00:47:18.219 everything okay? I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1128 00:47:19.159 --> 00:47:22.099 We're just a bit anxious about the house moving and 1129 00:47:22.119 --> 00:47:24.019 all that. You know, it's fine. And she's like, okay. 1130 00:47:25.570 --> 00:47:27.170 She's there hiding all the knives. 1131

00:47:27.269 --> 00:47:29.409 Oh, I thought you were going to say you got 1132 00:47:29.429 --> 00:47:30.650 caught having a wank. 1133 00:47:31.789 --> 00:47:34.889 I went in the kitchen and just slammed it all 1134 00:47:34.929 --> 00:47:36.829 over the chopping board. Do you know what I really 1135 00:47:36.849 --> 00:47:38.670 should have done? But it's hard. 1136 00:47:38.710 --> 00:47:41.280 You're cooped up in that room. When I was a kid, 1137 00:47:41.300 --> 00:47:43.079 I used to have to scream into a pillow to 1138 00:47:43.119 --> 00:47:43.639 release energy. 1139 00:47:43.659 --> 00:47:45.880 Have you ever done that? That helps. 1140 00:47:45.900 --> 00:47:47.239 I can't do that because the pillows are in the 1141 00:47:47.280 --> 00:47:53.480 room where she's napping. It's not good when Charlie goes, 1142 00:47:53.500 --> 00:47:54.969 why are you taking that pillow out to the garden? 1143 00:47:57.909 --> 00:47:59.449 Matthew, it's been an absolute pleasure. 1144 00:47:59.849 --> 00:48:01.849 Oh my God. It's been such a delight. 1145 00:48:01.869 --> 00:48:04.949 Do you feel like your wife, who is a fan 1146 00:48:04.989 --> 00:48:08.500 of the show, will feel like you've done a um 1147 00:48:08.860 --> 00:48:12.039 a service to you know summed up the situation do 1148 00:48:12.059 --> 00:48:13.219 you think you've been fair. 1149 00:48:13.199 --> 00:48:15.389 Yeah i think so i think so she like she 1150 00:48:15.469 --> 00:48:18.849 she did say just make it make it clear that 1151 00:48:18.929 --> 00:48:22.269 i'm lots of fun and um i don't think at 1152 00:48:22.349 --> 00:48:24.369 any point have i suggested that she's not lots of 1153 00:48:24.389 --> 00:48:26.760 fun i've suggested i'm a bit of a fucking nutcase 1154 00:48:26.780 --> 00:48:29.980 at the times you know especially if i can't operate 1155 00:48:30.039 --> 00:48:33.500 itv hub properly but um but i you know we 1156 00:48:33.559 --> 00:48:37.599 and we did the thing is at the Ultimately, it's brilliant. 1157 00:48:37.619 --> 00:48:41.860 I think the privilege I've had of being able to 1158 00:48:41.900 --> 00:48:44.659 watch her go from eight months when she couldn't do anything. 1159 00:48:44.719 --> 00:48:45.380 She literally couldn't. 1160 00:48:45.800 --> 00:48:49.679 She started crawling. This is mad. The first time she 1161 00:48:49.719 --> 00:48:51.900 crawled was on the day of the first daily briefing. 1162 00:48:52.219 --> 00:48:57.940 She genuinely crawled away from the television while Boris Johnson 1163 00:48:57.960 --> 00:48:59.510 was giving the first daily briefing. That was the first 1164 00:48:59.530 --> 00:49:01.510 time she'd ever crawled. I've seen all of that. I've 1165 00:49:01.530 --> 00:49:04.829 seen her learning words. I've seen her learning signs. I've 1166 00:49:04.849 --> 00:49:06.980 been there for all of that and it's been an 1167 00:49:07.000 --> 00:49:10.460 absolute joy. And, you know, yes, occasionally I snap a 1168 00:49:10.579 --> 00:49:13.780 chopping board in half, but small price to pay to 1169 00:49:13.880 --> 00:49:15.690 get them to be there with your kids, isn't it? 1170 00:49:15.869 --> 00:49:18.309 Now that you know Charlie's listening to this, is there 1171 00:49:18.349 --> 00:49:20.480 anything you'd like to say to her through this? podcast 1172 00:49:20.500 --> 00:49:24.079 that you may not, you know, be able to say face-to-face, Matt? 1173 00:49:24.099 --> 00:49:25.380 Is there anything you want to get off your chest 1174 00:49:25.639 --> 00:49:26.639 now about being cool? 1175 00:49:27.039 --> 00:49:32.570 Charlie writes, the all-over bibs that Cleo wears, you can't 1176 00:49:32.750 --> 00:49:34.389 hang them on the taps to dry. 1177 00:49:34.409 --> 00:49:39.699 For their very nature. The taps are wet. 1178 00:49:40.280 --> 00:49:42.219 If I turn the tap on, they run water out 1179 00:49:42.239 --> 00:49:44.400 of them, going back all over the all-over bibs. We 1180 00:49:44.420 --> 00:49:47.760 hang them on the oven door. That's where they dry. No, 1181 00:49:47.800 --> 00:49:49.679 it's not going to drip on the floor. And even 1182 00:49:49.719 --> 00:49:53.809 if it does, it's water. We've got a carpeted. 1183 00:49:53.409 --> 00:49:58.789 Floor in our kitchen. Amazing! That's a hill I'm prepared 1184 00:49:58.829 --> 00:50:01.349 to die on. I think that's a fair comment. 1185 00:50:01.610 --> 00:50:03.219 And I think it's best that you get it out 1186 00:50:03.260 --> 00:50:03.880 the open now. 1187 00:50:03.889 --> 00:50:05.820 I think that could be a new feature. 1188 00:50:05.840 --> 00:50:07.800 Yeah, that could be a really good end, new feature 1189 00:50:07.840 --> 00:50:08.400 to each one. 1190 00:50:08.679 --> 00:50:10.880 Please send in, you know, we'll think of a name, 1191 00:50:10.900 --> 00:50:13.880 but is there something that's annoying you about your partner 1192 00:50:14.139 --> 00:50:17.159 and the way they're parenting? Please send us in an 1193 00:50:17.340 --> 00:50:20.550 email or a voice memo and we will get it 1194 00:50:20.699 --> 00:50:22.010 aired so that you can clear it up. 1195 00:50:22.210 --> 00:50:25.289 Well, I'm privileged to be part of the first parenting amnesty. 1196 00:50:26.909 --> 00:50:34.579 Yeah i think yeah crosby's amnesty crosby's law yeah where 1197 00:50:34.599 --> 00:50:37.260 you're allowed to just say what's bothering you and no 1198 00:50:37.300 --> 00:50:38.260 one could be judged for it. 1199 00:50:38.380 --> 00:50:40.820 Crosby's law is final yeah cheers guys. 1200 00:50:40.619 --> 00:50:43.760 Thanks so much thanks matthew thanks mate cheers bye. 1201 00:50:45.800 --> 00:50:48.619 Matthew crosby there um i think um we will come 1202 00:50:48.659 --> 00:50:52.860 to uh A, how much it's a pleasure for Charlie 1203 00:50:52.880 --> 00:50:56.059 Crosby to be a fan of the podcast. But we 1204 00:50:56.079 --> 00:50:59.179 should talk about our new feature there that we've stumbled across, Rob. 1205

00:50:59.519 --> 00:51:01.539 Also, I think we didn't really mention, Charlie's a producer 1206 00:51:01.579 --> 00:51:04.409 of TV shows, including Game Face with Regine Connery. 1207 00:51:04.429 --> 00:51:04.949 Is that correct? 1208 00:51:04.989 --> 00:51:06.250 Yeah, that is correct. 1209 00:51:06.329 --> 00:51:07.389 I didn't want to bring it up, but I did 1210 00:51:07.409 --> 00:51:10.550 have an audition for that with her, and she didn't 1211 00:51:10.570 --> 00:51:11.170 give me the part. 1212 00:51:11.210 --> 00:51:13.489 But I'm over it now. It's fine. But just so 1213 00:51:13.510 --> 00:51:15.030 we know the full story. 1214 00:51:15.690 --> 00:51:18.030 Um it was to play rashin's brother i mean i've 1215 00:51:18.110 --> 00:51:20.469 met i'm born for that part aren't i josh. 1216 00:51:20.289 --> 00:51:22.949 You're born for it you're absolutely born. 1217 00:51:22.750 --> 00:51:25.050 For it apart from being able to act who got 1218 00:51:25.070 --> 00:51:26.610 it in the end oh fuck no do you think 1219 00:51:26.630 --> 00:51:28.809 i'll watch that after getting turned down um no i 1220 00:51:28.829 --> 00:51:31.090 have actually it's really funny um but i can't remember 1221 00:51:31.110 --> 00:51:33.650 the person's name we've got the job and they were 1222 00:51:33.710 --> 00:51:34.690 great sure. 1223 00:51:34.510 --> 00:51:37.469 Yeah they matthew sent us a text which is charlie's 1224 00:51:37.510 --> 00:51:40.760 phone and when he walks back into the room and 1225 00:51:40.820 --> 00:51:44.030 it is uh She was 19 minutes into listening to 1226 00:51:44.050 --> 00:51:47.369 the Joe Brand episode of this podcast. She's a proper fan, Rob. 1227 00:51:47.670 --> 00:51:49.869 She's a massive fan. She's a mega fan. 1228 00:51:50.170 --> 00:51:52.969 I mean, her phone's also on 6%. She does need 1229 00:51:52.989 --> 00:51:53.929 to do something about that. 1230 00:51:53.929 --> 00:51:56.630 6% is insane to start a podcast on. 1231 00:51:56.710 --> 00:51:57.949 Is it not plugged in? 1232 00:51:58.110 --> 00:52:00.489 No, not from the picture. I couldn't live like that. 1233 00:52:00.510 --> 00:52:03.349 They're like three-wheeling hippies, this family. They're in one little house, 1234 00:52:03.670 --> 00:52:07.369 rolling on 6%. It's like she's gone camping. I'm more 1235 00:52:07.409 --> 00:52:09.690 than that. I've got a bloody car battery. 1236 00:52:11.000 --> 00:52:12.440 So, our new feature, Rob. 1237 00:52:12.800 --> 00:52:15.960 Yes. Crosby's Law. Crosby's Law sounds a bit dark, though, 1238 00:52:16.000 --> 00:52:16.300 doesn't it? 1239 00:52:16.340 --> 00:52:19.719 Yeah, it does. It does. Let's not call it Crosby's Law. 1240 00:52:19.880 --> 00:52:22.699 But do send them in. If your partner listens to 1241 00:52:22.739 --> 00:52:26.119 this and you want to pass on a message to them, 1242 00:52:26.139 --> 00:52:28.429 you want us to do it, and we will pass 1243 00:52:28.570 --> 00:52:32.789 on what they are doing wrong about their parenting. Yes. Okay, Rob, 1244 00:52:32.809 --> 00:52:34.750 have you... Have you got one off the top of 1245 00:52:34.789 --> 00:52:35.210 your head? 1246 00:52:35.469 --> 00:52:36.230 Yeah, I've got one. 1247 00:52:36.309 --> 00:52:37.989 I want to just clear the air with him. Luckily, 1248 00:52:38.010 --> 00:52:40.469 he doesn't listen. So she won't hear this. And of course, 1249 00:52:40.489 --> 00:52:42.550 what will happen is this will sort of sit on 1250 00:52:42.590 --> 00:52:45.429 the Internet for three weeks. And then normally her mum's 1251 00:52:45.570 --> 00:52:48.449 mate listens and then tells her mum. And then Lou 1252 00:52:48.489 --> 00:52:50.360 gets a text and she goes to me in four 1253 00:52:50.389 --> 00:52:50.860 months time. 1254 00:52:51.059 --> 00:52:53.079 Did you say that? I don't know. It was four 1255 00:52:53.119 --> 00:52:55.019 months ago. But yes, I did. 1256 00:52:55.360 --> 00:52:58.090 What I'd like to say is I. In our house, 1257 00:52:58.329 --> 00:53:00.739 sometimes as a parent, your house can get messy, can't it? 1258 00:53:00.869 --> 00:53:02.409 It can just get a bit messy, a bit crazy. 1259 00:53:02.710 --> 00:53:04.510 And it's sort of like an unspoken thing of like, 1260 00:53:04.530 --> 00:53:06.460 let's not tidy it now or tidy it later or whatever. 1261 00:53:06.780 --> 00:53:08.320 But what annoys me is, I don't know if this... 1262 00:53:08.860 --> 00:53:13.340 It's when Lou decides it should be tidy immediately, but 1263 00:53:13.380 --> 00:53:15.820 I've not been brought into the conversation. So it's been 1264 00:53:15.860 --> 00:53:17.409 a shithole for three days. 1265 00:53:17.510 --> 00:53:17.949 I'm Lou. 1266 00:53:18.199 --> 00:53:20.070 And all of a sudden it's like, oh, well, that's everywhere. 1267 00:53:20.090 --> 00:53:23.230 I'm like, whoa, whoa. I thought we were just happy 1268 00:53:23.269 --> 00:53:24.190 living in shit for a bit. 1269 00:53:24.210 --> 00:53:24.710 That's fine. 1270 00:53:24.769 --> 00:53:25.050 Okay. 1271 00:53:25.110 --> 00:53:28.190 I'm happy to tidy, but at least give me forewarning. 1272 00:53:28.550 --> 00:53:29.150 I'm Lou. 1273 00:53:29.210 --> 00:53:30.309 I've realised. 1274 00:53:30.880 --> 00:53:34.420 I'm sorry, Rob, that I do that. I absolutely do that. 1275 00:53:34.559 --> 00:53:36.900 Do you know what? You've shown a mirror to me 1276 00:53:36.940 --> 00:53:39.019 and I realised I'm wrong. So I'd like to apologise 1277 00:53:39.039 --> 00:53:41.000 to Rose for that, but then have a go at 1278 00:53:41.039 --> 00:53:41.539 her for this. 1279 00:53:41.800 --> 00:53:45.449 Go on. Give if and take if away. 1280 00:53:46.090 --> 00:53:48.630 If I go to get something out of the fridge 1281 00:53:49.329 --> 00:53:52.760 and she tells me, oh no, no, that's out of date, right? 1282 00:53:53.280 --> 00:53:55.039 If she knows it's out of date, why is it 1283 00:53:55.059 --> 00:53:56.159 still in the fucking fridge? 1284 00:53:56.179 -->

00:53:56.280 Oh. 1285 00:53:57.079 --> 00:53:59.889 Josh, I'm so with you, I'm next to you, this 1286 00:53:59.929 --> 00:54:04.130 is fucking Sparta, and I'm willing to die for this. 1287 00:54:04.309 --> 00:54:05.170 Yes, please. 1288 00:54:05.329 --> 00:54:07.110 How is it in the fridge if you know it's 1289 00:54:07.190 --> 00:54:07.789 out of date? 1290 00:54:07.869 --> 00:54:11.440 You've seen it, because you know. 1291 00:54:11.480 --> 00:54:13.619 You've seen me, you know it's there. 1292 00:54:14.059 --> 00:54:16.119 There's fucking mould on that tomato, right? 1293 00:54:17.260 --> 00:54:18.940 They were the ones we had for the pizza oven 1294 00:54:18.960 --> 00:54:20.449 that we haven't used, aren't they? 1295 00:54:22.480 --> 00:54:25.179 Oh, yeah. Put it away. Why wasn't it thrown away 1296 00:54:25.199 --> 00:54:27.030 when you found out? Oh, John. 1297 00:54:27.050 --> 00:54:30.269 Actually, I think that's my new one. Can I get 1298 00:54:30.289 --> 00:54:32.989 my tiny time and take that one as well? By 1299 00:54:33.090 --> 00:54:35.230 the way, immediately, nothing to do with kids. 1300 00:54:35.510 --> 00:54:37.349 Just probably. Yeah. 1301 00:54:37.969 --> 00:54:41.969 So this has been going on eight years. Eight years. 1302 00:54:41.989 --> 00:54:43.670 Actually, it's out of date now. It's been going on 1303 00:54:43.690 --> 00:54:46.090 for so long. Just before. 1304 00:54:46.969 --> 00:54:49.150 So, yeah. Well, we'll see how that plays out when 1305 00:54:49.190 --> 00:54:50.210 this episode goes out. Yeah. 1306 00:54:50.469 --> 00:54:52.190 Yeah, email them in or send them... It'll be quite 1307 00:54:52.230 --> 00:54:53.750 nice to hear a voice note, I think. 1308 00:54:53.809 --> 00:54:54.110 Yeah. 1309 00:54:54.230 --> 00:54:56.389 If you can send those... Yeah, if you just. 1310 00:54:56.409 --> 00:54:57.610 I don't know what the best way to do it is, 1311 00:54:57.610 --> 00:54:58.849 but you can record it on your phone and just 1312 00:54:58.869 --> 00:55:01.309 pop it in an email and do it that way. 1313 00:55:01.469 --> 00:55:03.510 Yep, perfect. Or, yeah, do it that way. 1314 00:55:03.550 --> 00:55:05.300 However you want, but that is a lovely new way 1315 00:55:05.340 --> 00:55:06.900 to add multimedia to the podcast. 1316 00:55:06.980 --> 00:55:08.539 Yeah, I love a bit of multimedia, don't you? 1317 00:55:08.880 --> 00:55:09.719 Absolutely love it. 1318 00:55:09.780 --> 00:55:10.739 What's your favourite multimedia? 1319 00:55:12.039 --> 00:55:13.579 Probably GIFs. 1320 00:55:14.260 --> 00:55:17.099 I tell you what, you cannot beat the humble JPEG. 1321 00:55:18.380 --> 00:55:22.139 Never gets enough respect. Everyone's worried about videos and GIFs 1322 00:55:22.179 --> 00:55:22.940 and boomerangs. 1323 00:55:23.280 --> 00:55:25.019 What about pictures, man? Lovely pictures. 1324 00:55:25.360 --> 00:55:27.760 What about pictures? What about the old pen and paper? 1325 00:55:27.780 --> 00:55:33.010 That's the original GIF. 1326 00:55:33.090 --> 00:55:38.010 The HB? The king of pencil rankings, isn't it? The HB. 1327 00:55:38.269 --> 00:55:40.320 Everything starts with a HB. HB, isn't it? 1328 00:55:40.570 --> 00:55:42.670 Well, HB's the right one, and then all the others 1329 00:55:42.730 --> 00:55:43.570 are the wrong ones. 1330 00:55:43.809 --> 00:55:45.590 Mad bastard ones, when you've got too much time on 1331 00:55:45.610 --> 00:55:45.909 your hands. 1332 00:55:45.929 --> 00:55:48.389 The soft ones, where you'd write, and then your hand 1333 00:55:48.409 --> 00:55:50.409 would get it on, and it would smite. Fuck that. 1334 00:55:50.489 --> 00:55:52.300 Coal in a tube? Leave it out, mate. Well, yeah, 1335 00:55:52.320 --> 00:55:53.920 give me the HB. I'll do something neat. 1336 00:55:54.500 --> 00:55:57.340 We'll be back with more of this. Great. Absolutely. 1337 00:55:57.360 --> 00:55:59.269 Oh, I've got loads on pens, mate. Whenever you need me, 1338 00:55:59.300 --> 00:55:59.960 I'm ready to go. 1339 00:56:00.159 --> 00:56:01.440 Well, how about Friday? 1340 00:56:01.599 --> 00:56:04.820 Ink cartridges at a school, the playground. Oh, it was 1341 00:56:04.840 --> 00:56:05.639 like paintball. 1342 00:56:06.059 --> 00:56:06.679 See you on Friday. 1343 00:56:07.119 --> 00:56:08.460 No. No, we're not doing that. 1344 00:56:08.920 --> 00:56:09.559 Friday? Friday? 1345 00:56:10.289 --> 00:56:10.940 See you on Friday