บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ 107 | When Your Life Doesn’t Look Like You Thought It Would

same. I want my life to make a difference and shape it into what fits now, right? and so that morning. And grieving helps point us back towards that very thing that brings us to a place where we get to come back alive. All right. there are some losses in midlife that nobody actually sends flowers for, Because they're just not seen, right? We we can understand grief when someone passes away because you have a chance at that closure. There's a funeral people call people bring food You know, there's some type of acknowledgement that your life has now changed and shifted. and it gives you time and space to process through that. But what happens when the thing that you lost was something that never ever actually happened, right? Or maybe was never even spoken into existence? Like people don't even know it existed, right? and so you know, I know I have a lot of friends that for them. They thought they would always have children or that they would be married by now. and the thing is, is when you're pre-menopause, right? You always have this at least a chance at hope that you're gonna have a child by now, right? Or sometime soon. But you know, then your body begins to shift and change. And suddenly that door doesn't feel like it's open anymore with that menopause approaching. And and you do have to allow yourself to have that grief and that closure to that that particular dream and thought. or or or like I said, maybe you thought you'd be married at this point, you know, you've been building a life, still believing that someone would eventually build it with you. And, you know, with every birthday that comes, you may find yourself kind of like wondering, like. Is love still possible for me? Will someone find me attractive with all these wrinkles and gray hair? Did I miss my chance? You know, these are legitimate thoughts that people have. and and there's also other dreams that just haven't technically disappeared, but they start to feel different when you realize how quickly these years are moving at this age and stage of life, right? And so things like the career that you were going to pursue. maybe the trip that you kept putting off for a better time. you know, the thing that God put on your heart that you assumed you would be able to get to when life settled down. And then one time one day you just kind of look up and and you realize, wow, life never actually settled down. That that hurts, and I think sometimes we miss this because nothing actually officially happened. Right? Nothing you you can't point your finger at something tragic that happened, but you legitimately grieve it the same way, right? You grieve that future, you that silently counted on these things to happen. And so that's where midlife can become really disorienting. You know, you're living one life and while realizing like another version of you may not actually be coming, you know, and and we've been planting all these seeds. Doing all these things to try to get us to that place, right? And so this is where I just want to give you that permission to admit it hurts. You know, grief doesn't mean that you're ungrateful for the life you have now, right? it just means something mattered to you. and so this is where comparison I think can sneak in. And I wanna talk about comparison specifically because sometimes women that you're comparing yourself to, it has actually nothing to do with that woman, right? She just represents something that you wanted for yourself. And so maybe she's posting that picture of her family and it touches that tender place for you that wanted to have children. And, you know, or or the a couple who's celebrating 30 years together and you're realizing, you know, I just got divorced and I don't know that I have 30 years left. And I thought I would have a an anniversary big, event to happen too, right? and then of course career. You see women stepping into their career, getting a promotion, doing all the things, starting the business or traveling somewhere that you always wanted to go. and sometimes when this comparison happens, this reaction, it surprises us, of course, comparison for sure also shows up in our appearance when we are looking at someone and we're seeing, you know, someone who it obviously has it all together, right? and so I wanna go a little bit deeper than what we're saying though, Because let's sit let's just use the woman who, you know, age seems she seems to be hardly aging, right? You see a photo of her from high school and you're like, you haven't even aged a day. and so you it's easy to pick yourself apart. But is it really her skin or her hair that you're really upset about? Or seeing her, make you wonder whether you're still attractive. or if it's too old to start over. You know, these are the thoughts that we kind of run through our head when when we see these attractive women. And and that it has nothing to do with her. Right. It has everything to do with that dream that you had for your life. And so that's why I don't want us to immediately label all of this as jealousy and then shame ourselves for feeling an emotion that truly can be what fuels us into a better future, I want us to be able to say, why am I responding this way? Right? Why did this hit me so hard? And because that answer is what will help you see that this has little to do with that other person. And it actually has to do with that that grieving and loss. And so this is where I want to to challenge something many of us were taught growing up. we learned pretty quickly which emotions are acceptable and which ones made people uncomfortable, right? Go to your room or whatever. but you hear common themes, right? Like don't be so emotional, stop crying, don't get angry, get over it, be grateful for what you have, right? And I could keep going. I'm pretty sure that there's a long list that you could add to what I've just said. And so many of us are learning to treat our strong emotions. like proof that there's

something wrong with us, right? But feelings, they're not a weakness and they're also not always instructions to do something about it, right? You know, people I think when they see someone who's angry, they're worried that that person's gonna go do something dangerous. But that's not what these emotions really necessarily are there for, right? because I don't have to act on it. I just but I do need to feel it, right? but that these, if we look at feelings, they give us information. You know, grief tells me something mattered to me. anger can make me kind of stop and ask like, why does this bother me so much? Because that thing is what I need to address. You know, jealousy can expose a desire that we've been pretending that. We don't have anymore and even fear can reveal something that I may be afraid of losing, risking, facing, right? And then those things you can definitely go and lay them at the Lord's feet after you're able to identify what it is you're afraid of. And so instead of shutting that feeling down as quickly as possible, I want us to get curious about it. what is it trying to show me? Right. Because sometimes we spend so much energy trying to not Feel something that we never get to discover what's underneath it, And I especially want to say this to the women who who is angry, right? Because sometimes anger is the moment you finally realize I don't want to keep feeling like this. I don't want to live like this anymore, right? And that can be the very beginning of movement and change where you allow the Lord to help you move forward and get unstuck. and so this is where I think we we can mistake things spiritually, We feel the grief, the disappointment of the anger, and then it's try to make it sound more acceptable, right? Before we bring things to God. So we'll we'll s explain things away. We tell ourselves that we should what we what we should feel instead. but when you read scripture, you see people bringing God some very raw emotions, right? The Psalms are full of questions and sorrow, confusions, and frustrations. And then you've got Hannah. One of the clearest examples for me, she wanted a child so desperately, and scripture didn't make her pain sound neat or polished. I mean, people she wept, right? She couldn't eat. she went before God with such deep anguish and poured herself out in a way that people thought she was drunk. Okay. So we're talking heavy. grieving emotion, right? And so I want to be careful with her story because she did receive that child, right? And and sadly not every woman does. So I'm not trying to say here that if you let yourself have this emotion, you'll get the dream that you wanted. but the point is she didn't have to pretend that she didn't want that dream, right? Before she brought it before God. She like, and neither do you you can say, God, I wanted that, you know? I thought my life would look different. I don't understand why this has happened. I'm angry. I'm disappointed. I'm scared that it's too late. Right? That altar is a place where we stop pretending before God. Right? He already knows. So why do we try to pretend? Right. And so it is a place where we can surrender, And surrender doesn't mean you're pretending you never wanted it in the first place. Or you still don't hope for it, right? But it does mean that you get to bring that truth of what you wanted, what hurts, and what you can't control into his presence, into his throne room. And that's where I think healing can begin because now we're not fighting the feeling and fighting ourselves, right? At the same time, We get to just give up the fight and hand it over to him. And so once you've been honest about what hurts. I want you to be able to ask yourself, like, what does this grief reveal that still matters to me? if you feel angry when you see another woman starting a business and writing the book or finally doing the thing, right? Maybe there's still part of you that still wants to create something too and still can, right? That's what I'm trying to get across. Like, what did that dream mean to you? What was underneath it that made it matter so much? because you everybody has a desire to make a difference. You want to be on this earth and have an impact somewhere, right? And so when you're able to find that answer, you may discover that part of you is still very much alive, still very much has that dream. And now you've got a lot more experience and wisdom behind it that the Lord can partner with, right? And so I don't want you to go numb under that grief, right? And so I don't want you to bury that pain. That's that pain is where your passion lives, right? So, so when you say, I care about this, I want more than this, I'm I'm not finished or giving up on my dream. Now we have something to work with, right? But when you're shoving it all down and you're living numb and you're pretending like you don't have this dream anymore, you can't act on the dream. You remain stuck, right? But when you allow yourself to feel those feelings and you get passionate about it, you get angry, you get whatever, and you admit, I want this dream still, that's when you get to act, I don't know if you've ever heard the word emotion. If you take the E off, it says motion. It's what can get you into motion. And so the question is Now it's what did I want to do with the life that I have now? So I want you to think about one comparison that has gotten under your skin lately, right? It it could be something you saw online, someone you know personally, or even just an old version of yourself. Like what happened? What did you feel when you looked at that? social media post or that person or that photo of yourself. Like and then instead of stopping at I'm jealous and I feel bad about myself, I want you to say, what did this touch in my heart? Like did it remind you of something you lost, something you wanted, something you were afraid may still not happen, right? And then ask yourself the question like, what does this tell me still matters to me? Right? I just I I want you to be truthful with yourself. If you're anything like me, you spent plenty of years keeping the truth from yourself. It wasn't like you were lying. You just didn't know what the truth was because you had buried it so deep, right? But once you actually know what's underneath that comparison, you have something really real to bring before the Lord in intercession and prayer, it doesn't necessarily change what's happened in your life, but or it doesn't necessarily recover the life that you thought you would have. But you can decide whether that loss gets to keep making decisions about your life that you have now. or you can simply allow yourself to hope for something again, right? This is where all of those emotions become that turning point, where the again gets put back into making life beautiful. Again, right? You still get decide to show up for that chapter you're living right now. And that's where I want us to live. So if this has brought something up for you today, I made a a five-day comparison cleanse exactly for this kind of work where you can go deeper, right? And so it inside of it, I have a prayer every single day that you can listen to where I pray over you as you're going through that experience, You can take that pain and bring it before the Lord and let him restore you. and so if you needed that, come come and join and and do that with me. I'll make sure to leave the notes the link in the show notes. and maybe your life does look very different than you thought it would be by now. You know, that you don't have to pretend that you're okay with everything. that grieving needs to happen and it needs to be brought before the Lord, right? 'Cause there's still a life in front of you. And I don't want you to remain stuck. next week's message goes along that a little bit in that we're gonna be talking about feeling invisible when you hit midlife, right? Because sometimes what looks like a beauty problem when we're worried about the wrinkles and things that we're starting to see or the weight we're adding on, right? It actually puts a finger on something else that you're feeling. and whether you feel relevant or that you can even have fun in your own life. And so I think that you'll really enjoy that next week if you want to come join us. All right, you guys. I will see you next week. Hey beautiful! I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. If so, would you take 30 seconds and share it with a friend who wants to find a better way to live midlife!? Also, please leave a quick review for the show on Apple podcasts. It lights me up to know this podcast is helping you! Okay, time to go hang out with my grandson and live my best midlife adventure. I’ll meet you back on Saturday for another episode. Bye!