สำเนาบทสนทนา 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:01.280 --> 00:00:08.800
Welcome to the Lucidas podcast where I explore everything because everything is connected to everything else.
00:00:08.960 --> 00:00:12.160
So if you touch one thing, you get to touch them all.
00:00:12.560 --> 00:00:15.599
Um, I want to talk about trees today.
00:00:15.839 --> 00:00:18.320
A quick little bitty about them.
00:00:18.640 --> 00:00:26.480
So it came about because I'm about to complete a chapter in my book that has a good bit to do with trees.
00:00:26.640 --> 00:00:41.600
And then in a totally unrelated or seemingly unrelated event, I was talking to my sister, and all of a sudden I talked started talking about trees and a tree and this lesson that I learned from a tree.
00:00:42.719 --> 00:00:45.439
And I stopped.
00:00:46.560 --> 00:00:52.320
And I wanted to acknowledge all of the many teachers in our world.
00:00:53.280 --> 00:00:55.200
We have human teachers.
00:00:55.679 --> 00:01:09.040
Um, I happen to have more than human teachers: the wind, the water, the sun, the earth, the trees, the butterflies, the flowers, the insects.
00:01:09.200 --> 00:01:10.480
I never quite know.
00:01:11.040 --> 00:01:16.079
And this story I'm about to tell you today comes from a tree.
00:01:16.879 --> 00:01:28.560
It's about two and a half, three years ago, it doesn't matter a few years ago, hiking in the forest, and there had just been some real unraveling happening in relationships.
00:01:28.640 --> 00:01:32.000
And of course, in hindsight, I can see that it needed to happen.
00:01:32.239 --> 00:01:38.079
At the time, it seemed like a just a was a terrible disaster.
00:01:38.879 --> 00:01:46.159
Um, I today I'm so much better at trusting the unraveling of relationships.
00:01:46.319 --> 00:01:50.959
Sometimes it's forever, they unravel never to come back together again.
00:01:51.120 --> 00:01:54.879
I would say meant maybe half the time.
00:01:55.120 --> 00:02:04.000
Um they come back in a similar form, you know, but revised, and then sometimes they come back in a completely new form.
00:02:04.560 --> 00:02:08.319
So there are some relationships that are route unraveling in my life.
00:02:08.479 --> 00:02:10.560
They are very near and dear to me.
00:02:10.639 --> 00:02:11.840
It's very difficult.
00:02:12.000 --> 00:02:15.599
I'm up in the mountains, I'm hiking way back in the mountains.
00:02:15.919 --> 00:02:20.319
And as I'm going along, I suddenly stop.
00:02:20.400 --> 00:02:31.039
I'm kind of in this grove of trees, and it's a place where I had always felt um a kinship, so to speak, but nothing, you know, nothing more than that.
00:02:31.360 --> 00:02:36.159
And I stop and I am suddenly studying the bark of a tree.
00:02:36.479 --> 00:02:39.039
And as I'm studying it, I don't know why.
00:02:39.199 --> 00:02:50.240
I'm just like suddenly stopped and studying it, and then I look down at my hand, and I I look at the palm of my hand, and I look back at the bark, and I kind of look back and forth for a moment.
00:02:50.719 --> 00:02:59.439
And it's almost as like in that moment, like my the lines on my hand became like, you know, the the furrows on the bark.
00:02:59.680 --> 00:03:01.439
Like they were the same.
00:03:01.759 --> 00:03:18.479
And something in me, and then I put both hands in front of me, and it was like these words came, and they were like, you know, this is your life, like your hands are your life, meaning, you know, what you have done with your hands, sort of what you have done in your life is your life.
00:03:18.639 --> 00:03:19.520
Here's your life.
00:03:19.680 --> 00:03:28.800
And I was just kind of noticing the lines on my hands and the lines on the tree bark, and it seemed as though the tree was kind of talking to me.
00:03:29.039 --> 00:03:35.199
Um, but it, you know, also just sort of, or I would say the grove, or just the presence, or who knows what.
00:03:36.719 --> 00:03:53.520
And you know, this is your so I'm just kind of having these thoughts like, oh, this is your life, and just noticing the lines and really kind of noticing the beauty of the palm of the hand and the different lines, and of course, they're unique to each of us, and noticing the beautiful lines on the bark of the tree.
00:03:53.759 --> 00:03:58.319
And then all of a sudden, from nowhere, this word comes, and it's scapegoat.
00:03:58.960 --> 00:04:02.879
And I was like, Oh, that's that's inter scapegoat.
00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:07.120
Like, where why are we what suddenly this you know, word?
00:04:07.680 --> 00:04:14.719
And I just kind of go, um, and then it was like the palms of my hand became readable, so to speak.
00:04:14.960 --> 00:04:29.680
Um, and I could it was like I could see this line through my life where I had been the scapegoat, and it suddenly hit me that I had been many people's scapegoat.
00:04:31.040 --> 00:04:43.120
And in that moment, it was like this fury arose in me, and it just said I didn't even say it aloud, it just said, I will no longer be anyone's scapegoat.
00:04:44.879 --> 00:05:06.720
And I just thought, my God, what have I been caring all my life for so many people who have said that I am their problem, I am the reason for their problem, I am their problem, I am the soul, I am the reason that they feel the way they feel, and I'm responsible for how they feel, and I am the problem.
00:05:07.519 --> 00:05:13.600
And as I stood there, I thought, okay, first of all, I'm done with that, like done with that storyline.
00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:19.279
You know, I'm looking at my hand, I'm like, yeah, we're we're not, we're done with that, done with that, so tired of that.
00:05:19.519 --> 00:05:24.639
But then I thought, but but why, like, why have I been the scapegoat?
00:05:24.879 --> 00:05:28.560
And the first answer that came up was, because you believe it.
00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:32.560
I was willing to believe that I was other people's problem.
00:05:32.800 --> 00:05:35.519
I was willing to believe that I was responsible
Load full transcript
for them.
00:05:35.680 --> 00:05:42.800
I was willing to believe that if I certain if I just behaved a certain way, then they wouldn't have a problem.
00:05:43.040 --> 00:05:44.160
Like it's my fault.
00:05:44.319 --> 00:05:47.600
It's my responsibility that you feel that way about me.
00:05:47.839 --> 00:05:50.720
Or it's my responsibility that you feel, period.
00:05:50.879 --> 00:05:52.560
Like it's it's my responsibility.
00:05:52.720 --> 00:05:56.000
Of course, you can scapegoat me because it's my fault.
00:05:56.480 --> 00:05:59.040
It's my fault, I'm responsible.
00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:04.639
So I believed, I had spent my life believing it's my fault, I'm responsible.
00:06:04.800 --> 00:06:07.120
I'm responsible for you, I'm responsible for everything.
00:06:07.199 --> 00:06:09.120
I'm responsible for anyone's problem.
00:06:09.519 --> 00:06:10.800
It must be my fault.
00:06:10.959 --> 00:06:12.399
It is my fault.
00:06:13.120 --> 00:06:22.800
And then the second thing I thought about, because I I had I know someone in my life who also had been scapegoated a lot, and they are the kindest person I know.
00:06:23.199 --> 00:06:24.800
Kindest person I know.
00:06:24.959 --> 00:06:26.399
I learned so much from them.
00:06:26.560 --> 00:06:31.920
I I respect them immensely, and it it has broken my heart to see the way they've been scapegoated.
00:06:32.160 --> 00:06:35.759
And I just want to shake them and go, don't believe it.
00:06:36.000 --> 00:06:36.879
It's lies.
00:06:37.040 --> 00:06:41.519
And it's like it's like your gentleness and your kindness make you a scapegoat.
00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:46.720
And I thought, well, I'm gonna imagine that I'm probably also a gentle, kind-hearted person.
00:06:47.199 --> 00:06:54.319
And that is also a reason why it can be easy to scapegoat me because I do want people to be okay.
00:06:54.480 --> 00:06:58.079
I I want to be okay, I want people to be okay, I want things to be okay.
00:06:58.240 --> 00:07:00.639
Like I do care, I am concerned.
00:07:00.959 --> 00:07:04.000
But there are moments when it goes too far.
00:07:04.720 --> 00:07:09.759
And so in that moment, I looked at the tree and I looked at the forest and I said, thank you.
00:07:10.399 --> 00:07:22.959
I had no idea that that part of my part of my lifeline, so to speak, part of my life story was being a scapegoat, allowing other people to scapegoat me for their problems.
00:07:23.279 --> 00:07:25.279
Yes, of course, I must be the problem.
00:07:25.360 --> 00:07:26.560
Yes, I am your problem.
00:07:26.720 --> 00:07:28.079
Yes, it is my fault.
00:07:28.319 --> 00:07:31.040
And I just said, no more, no more.
00:07:32.240 --> 00:07:42.079
So when I was talking to my sister today, it was coming up again where it was, it was uh something happened in the last few days, and I just realized, oh my gosh.
00:07:43.199 --> 00:07:47.439
I it it it it didn't, I wasn't being scapegoated again.
00:07:47.519 --> 00:07:49.519
It was something that just dissolved.
00:07:49.600 --> 00:07:50.240
It's hard to explain.
00:07:50.319 --> 00:07:51.199
I'm not gonna get into it.
00:07:51.279 --> 00:08:00.399
There's too many, there's too much, too many other people that are personally involved, and I try to keep this um not about others.
00:08:00.560 --> 00:08:15.120
So it was just that moment where I hadn't taken it, and I was so glad I hadn't, but I could feel like decades of being someone's scapegoat, just washing away, and I was like, oh my god, I'm so glad I don't carry that anymore.
00:08:15.199 --> 00:08:25.759
And I am not their responsibility, and they are not my responsibility, and the way they feel and think are not my responsibility, and I am so glad I'm not their scapegoat any longer.
00:08:27.040 --> 00:08:45.200
And so just is huge relief, and then all of a sudden, today, as I'm finishing this chapter, so much about trees, and I thought there are so many amazing teachers in life, and I really wanted to recognize the trees.
00:08:45.440 --> 00:08:47.759
This is not the first lesson I've gotten from them.
00:08:47.919 --> 00:08:53.519
My mother actually taught me a lesson once from them, and it was so beautiful.
00:08:54.159 --> 00:09:04.799
Um, I'm not gonna even show that because it was honestly one of the most sacred and precious memories I have with her, and she is just she's just an angel for me.
00:09:08.879 --> 00:09:11.759
So, also one of my great teachers.
00:09:13.279 --> 00:09:23.759
So, appreciating all of our teachers today, also appreciating when we learn a lesson to the point where it can just wash over us.
00:09:24.559 --> 00:09:28.720
And we go, oh yes, this is this is what it is.
00:09:29.120 --> 00:09:32.720
This is what it is, and I no longer need to feel the fury.
00:09:33.039 --> 00:09:36.399
And this is something I wasn't gonna speak about, but now I am.
00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:45.679
I have found that anger is so important, and it often, when it when that initial anger comes up, it's often bringing me clarity.
00:09:45.759 --> 00:09:52.720
It's like fire burning away the old, you know, whatever's keeping me from seeing clearly.
00:09:52.799 --> 00:09:54.080
And so I just let it come.
00:09:54.159 --> 00:10:01.120
And I'm like, okay, if I stand here in my anger and fury, what can I see from here with these bright hot eyes?
00:10:01.279 --> 00:10:06.559
And I could see that I had been a scapegoat and I could see why and how, and I could see that I was done.
00:10:06.799 --> 00:10:32.159
So in this moment, a few years later, as you know, as I as I see it, I don't need the rage, I don't need the fury, I don't need the anger, because I already have learned the lesson, and I can say, oh yeah, that isn't mine, you're not my problem, I'm not your problem, and I'm not your scapegoat, you need to find another one, and it can just wash away with great appreciation.
00:10:32.480 --> 00:10:34.320
So that's all.
00:10:34.480 --> 00:10:36.480
I just needed to share that before I move on.
00:10:36.639 --> 00:10:39.279
It felt like important to put that out there.
00:10:42.960 --> 00:10:44.240
So grateful.
00:10:44.639 --> 00:10:45.919
So grateful.
00:10:46.639 --> 00:10:48.240
So blessed.
00:10:48.960 --> 00:10:50.159
Take care, everyone.