สำเนาบทสนทนา 🔗
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Hello.
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Tonight is the new moon in Virgo, and that represents health, practical routines, the body, service, and discernment.
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One of the things we want to think about is before you plant anything new, what has to be seen clearly and released first.
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So I'm gonna tell you a little story, okay?
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Recently I had a tooth that was bothering me.
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If I drank something too hot or too cold, or I ate something too sweet, it would let me know it was unhappy.
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It was uncomfortable, but not quite painful.
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I didn't need to call my dentist for an emergency appointment quite yet.
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I knew though that if it wasn't dealt with, it would likely escalate into a bigger problem.
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But because I had switched plans, insurance plans, and I hadn't been on the new plan very long, I believed my dental plan wouldn't cover the work.
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Also, I had previously had a PPO, but now I had an HMO.
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For my international friends, for simplicity, I'll say a PPO gives you a lot more freedom and flexibility than an HMO usually does, but at a higher monthly premium.
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So I kept putting off scheduling the appointment.
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I thought, I can't get this work done because my insurance won't cover it.
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I felt trapped.
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I thought, I have no choice but to wait until the probation period is up.
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I thought, I can't go to the dentist because I don't have a PPO anymore.
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You might be listening and thinking, why didn't you have a better plan?
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Or insurance sucks, that's terrible that you had to wait.
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Or you might be shaking your head, you should have called them right away.
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You can't mess with your health.
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Whatever you're thinking, you're right.
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I agree with you.
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But that's not the point of the story.
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I want to demonstrate a flaw in thinking that keeps so many of us stuck in inaction and uncertainty.
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It takes the form of I have to X because why?
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I don't have a choice.
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Sometimes this shows up as someone has to, and there's nobody else, so it has to be me.
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This could be like doing dishes or cooking or picking something up or anything like that at work, any of that.
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But when we think of things in this way, we're not able to find a solution because it's like tugging at one end of the puzzle and then that unravels the other end.
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So I want you to picture this.
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Picture two circles overlapping, like a Venn diagram where it's almost 100% one circle on top of the other.
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In that circle, think of the words, or if you're at a place where you could actually write this out, that's probably better.
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I can't go to the dentist because my insurance won't cover it.
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Now I want you to pull them apart so that they're a little bit of overlap in the center, but you can still see that they're two separate circles.
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And in one side, I want you to put the phrase, I can't go to the dentist.
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And then the other side, I want you to say, My insurance won't cover my appointment, or my insurance won't cover it.
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So now let's pull them apart even further so that they're two distinct circles.
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And then I want you to draw a squiggly line down the middle vertically, like from top to bottom, like to make like a wall between those two circles.
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Same so same words, I can't go to the dentist, my insurance won't cover it.
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So what we've just done is we've uncollapsed circles.
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We've taken one idea or one thought that we thought was one idea, and we've separated it into its two parts so that we can actually see those clauses more clearly.
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This is a collapsed circle.
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When we have this, it makes our thinking rigid and makes us feel trapped and stuck.
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When we pull them apart, then we're able to see each piece separate, and then we can decide if it's true or if it's helpful or if it's immutable.
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So we're creating space to look for solutions.
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So we're gonna do this with a few more ideas.
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Sometimes these show up in the format of I can't because that's my dentist story.
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I can't do this because of that.
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Um, often there's more than two circles, though we'll start with two.
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So for example, for nonprofits, I can't ask for a raise because we're nonprofit and money is tight.
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So in those circles, it would be I can't ask for a raise, and then the other one would be we're a nonprofit and money is tight.
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And for those of you who are a couple steps ahead of me, you might have actually seen that there's three circles here.
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I can't ask for a raise, wear a nonprofit, money is tight.
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When we examine each class
Load full transcript
separately, we can find solutions easier.
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So I can ask for a raise.
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I may or may not believe I'll receive it, they may or may not give it to me, but I can ask.
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Wear a nonprofit.
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That's simply a fact.
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It has no bearing on the other two pieces.
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Money is tight.
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Okay, spoiler alert here: money is always tight, and also money is never tight.
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Money it tight is a subjective thought.
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We have X dollars, you know, my request is a percentage of those dollars.
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Okay, now we're talking math, but tight is subjective.
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But what tight is doing in this place is it's fusing those two circles together and making it like a fixed fact that money is tight, so I can't ask for a raise.
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Instead of separating them out, money being tight doesn't mean you're not allowed to petition for an increase.
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On a different episode, we'll tackle money mindsets, but for now I simply want you to see how these ideas, how those clauses are actual separate ideas inside of one thought.
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So here's a more sophisticated set of collapsed circles.
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I have to stay late because they need me at work, but I have to go home because the kids need dinner.
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I can't leave work early because they need me to stay, I can't stay at work late because they need me at home.
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So in this case, you lose either way.
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The need for you to be in each place feels like a trap, you can't escape.
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You either feel pulled in two directions, home and work, they're in opposition.
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So, but if we separate these circles, the first would be I can't leave work early, and the second is they need me to stay at work.
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And then for the second clause, the first is I can't stay at work late, and the second is they need me at home.
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When you split them in this way, you can see the all or nothing thinking here.
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You can see the either or.
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And then you can go to work solving the equation.
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I can stay an hour later, and then I will leave to honor my home obligation.
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Or I will order food delivered and ask someone else to pick it up, or I will work from home.
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Like we don't know what the solutions are, that's up to you to decide.
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But when you take those clauses apart, you can see that I'm addressing each clause as a separate puzzle
piece rather than trying to do the whole thing at once.
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These collapsed circles often show up when we're ready to expand or up level, and our brain wants to keep us right where we are because that seems safer.
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When you're wanting a new job, for example.
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I have a great job, so I shouldn't want to leave.
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And this may even take a more shaming tone.
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This is a really good job.
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It would be stupid of me to leave.
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Know how great job and shouldn't want to leave yet treated as one idea.
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But if you separate it, then you can see gratitude and appreciation in one circle and wanting something more or different are separate circles and separate ideas.
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Whenever we want to create change in our health and our money and our situations, we can often see these same collapse circles.
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And we stop realizing that they were actually two separate ideas.
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We think that they're just one married idea, and it doesn't give us any leeway to find change or solutions.
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Another common shape that the collapse circles take are if-then statements.
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So if I don't do the dishes, then my partner will be mad at me.
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If I quit my job, then I won't be able to pay my bills.
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So these are still thoughts, right?
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The idea of then, if something, then something is like mind reading or future casting, predicting the future.
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We don't really know what's happening, it's only what we think is gonna happen.
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And then it feels so convincing and so true.
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But if we separate it out, then we can decide what we want to think about each piece and if that serves us or not.
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And we can decide who we want to be inside of that conversation.
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So, for an example, um, I may quit my job, and if I do, how will I create revenue exchange or barter or some other arrangement to pay the bills?
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When the dish is one, we could decide I just don't do dishes, and my partner's gonna be mad or he's not gonna be mad, or we're gonna have a conversation or we're gonna find an alternative solution to the dishes getting done.
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Or we might decide, okay, I'm gonna do the dishes because I want to, because I want to be somebody who does dishes, but it isn't because I don't have a choice.
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That's really the point of separating these circles out, is to give us agency.
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So Virgo season is about health and practical routines, and sometimes when we're eager to make a change, we create those routines such as habit stacking or doing habit trackers, which are great practices.
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Yeah, if we don't examine the premise that the routine is built on, we can miss considering variables.
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So then it's two unconfirmed thoughts fused into one with the added problem of missing ingredients and missing information.
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So let's use this one.
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If I work out, then I will lose weight.
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Let's use that as an example.
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But then if you think that and you work out and you don't lose weight, now you're stuck.
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Why?
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Because there are pieces missing.
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What are you eating?
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How much stress is in your daily life?
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How much exertion do the workouts actually require?
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How often and for how long are you moving?
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Those are two separate thoughts.
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I work out, I lose weight.
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We look at those pieces separately.
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Conversely, we can believe the opposite is true.
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If I weigh too much, then it's because I'm not disciplined enough.
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Okay, this one's a double whammy because first, do you see the collapsed circle?
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We think it's cause and effect, yet there's so many pieces to this equation.
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The first is, well, okay, well, the first is who decides what too much is and not enough is, but in order to give your mind space to see this, we just need to separate the circles.
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I weigh too much.
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Is that true?
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What does that mean?
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Is weight the actual metric you want to measure?
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Or would you prefer to measure health, strength, stamina, flexibility?
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Would you enjoy checking in with yourself to see if you feel good or unwell?
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And then beyond that, the second clause, I'm not disciplined enough, that doesn't serve you at all.
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It paints the whole if-then as a losing battle.
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There's not a way to feel complete about it because your brain is going to go to work looking for proof that you aren't disciplined.
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It will also look for proof that your weight is not what it should be.
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You trap yourself into a never-ending chase, the outcome of which is often feeling unnecessary shame or guilt.
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Instead, let's
separate the circles.
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I weigh too much becomes I am strengthening, feeling, resting my body.
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I weigh X.
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I eat Y.
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I get X number of hours of sleep.
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These are concrete, measurable outcomes.
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Then the discipline clause gets examined also.
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Rather than I'm not disciplined, we can choose more helpful phrases such as I'm learning to listen to what my body needs rather than operate on autopilot.
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I'm practicing a protocol, I'm noticing what occurred when I did not follow that plan.
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We're information gathering.
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There's no judgment in that piece, you see?
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I personally don't have an opinion on your health goals or plans for the record.
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Those are for you to decide.
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I'm only using this as an example because it's one that's familiar to most people.
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The point here is that an if then can feel true and still be missing half its inputs.
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So now you try it.
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Here's a few sentences clients tell me frequently.
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So in sustainability, I often hear, I can't get a job in sustainability because I don't have enough credentials on my resume.
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Or another one, it's impossible to get building owners to build green because they only care about saving money.
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Or in my nonprofit clients, I hear, if I don't post every week, then no one will sign up for my program.
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I'm not asking you to decide if you agree with those statements or not.
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I'm asking you to see how that they are two separate ideas into one sentence, and I'm asking you to uncollapse those circles.
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So think of something that's been sitting heavy or feeling stuck for you.
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Is there something that you feel like you don't have flexibility around?
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Say that out loud, and then, or write it down if you can, into like one circle.
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And then draw two circles overlapping and put one half of the sentence in one circle and the other half in the other circle.
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Then draw two circles completely separate with the vertical line from top to bottom and put those same clauses in each two separate circle so that your brain can actually see them as separate ideas.
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We want your eyeballs to see them or your imagination to see them somehow, so that your brain can process them as separate pieces of the puzzle.
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And then once you have
done that, you can look at each clause and examine it.
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Is this true?
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Does this serve me?
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Is this a thought or a fact?
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Is this who I want to be?
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Is this important to me to pursue?
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Is it a priority?
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But you look at each piece separate.
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We build routines around our physical bodies, our health, our fitness, our rest, time in nature, the sun, movement.
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Those routines often get built on top of collapsed circles, so they're assumptions that we never checked.
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And a routine built on a shaky assumption has a shaky foundation, no matter how disciplined the routine itself is.
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This goes for like the homes we live in, our belongings, our workplaces, our cars, where we spend our physical lives.
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Sustainability habits can include things like recycling, water conservation, mindful consumption or reuse items.
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We want to do the mind-body connection too.
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We want to pay attention to how we're feeling.
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Do we listen to what the body is telling us about our physical health and about our emotions?
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Do we override it with a routine that we didn't question because we have an if-then statement?
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An I can't because statement.
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A collapsed circle can be felt in the body.
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If you have tension or fatigue, resistance to a routine, if you feel trapped or stuck, often that's a signal.
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That's a signal to look and see if you've got if-then statements that are collapsed circles that you can take apart.
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So before we create something new, it's helpful to see where we've collapsed those circles into immovable truths.
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And for the new moon in Virgo, take one collapsed circle and reopen it into two separate thoughts.
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Then decide if those thoughts are true, helpful, and if they have all the information.
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Then choose a solution for each half of the equation.
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And as we're entering the new moon in Virgo, I felt it was the perfect tool to give you for the next few weeks.
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I would love to know how you use this in your life.
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If you have questions about it, if you're finding it helpful, please reach out to me at Instagram at ZetaRose or LinkedIn at Zeta Rose Ibanas.
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I love sharing these tools with you.
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If you're enjoying them and you want more of them, I'm excited to tell you that I'm opening a community called the Grove.
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And if you want to join the wait list, it's community.zetarose Ibanas.com backslash waitlist.
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You want to be in this room.
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It's curated space for sustainability professionals, nonprofit leaders, and social impact advocates where restoration, strategy, and honest peer connection happen alongside your mission.
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I cannot wait.
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It's gonna it's coming soon.
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I'll give you more details soon, but join the wait list.
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You want to be in this room.
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All right.
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I will talk to you soon, and until then, keep going.