บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ Remember TV Guide? (with Paul Brittain)

we decided what we wanted to do was basically just a condensed version of the entire movie Three Men and a Baby, and so that's what we did. So we watched the movie, which we hadn't seen probably since we were children, and it's kind of a crazy movie, like there's a whole you think, three men and a baby, and you kind of just think, oh, it's like antics with a baby and like someone's spilling milk around the house or something like that. But there's like a whole like gunman and a kidnapping, and it's very involved and a little more adult than you remember. But so we just watched the movie and we took our favorite scenes and we smashed it all into like a nine minute version in kind of a synopsis of the movie, which was real fun. So I think I played the Steve Guttenberg part. Yeah, I think that's right. And he was. He was like the least serious. He was like a cartoonist. They always give someone a job like cartoonist in a movie. He did, that's true. Let's see. Then we had Bill must have been Tom Selleck, I think, and then Rex must have been Ted Dance right, right, right right, And Ted Danson is like an actor in the movie. He's away on a movie set during a lot of the movie. Yeah, so sorry, guys, spoiler alert. What happens is like ted Danson's baby that he doesn't know that he has just gets dropped on the doorstep, and then you just got Guttenberg and Sellec trying to raise a baby all of a sudden, and Shenanigan's left and right, as you can imagine, there's a shower scene. We remember the shower because I remember like the stage had That's the thing. Maybe I remember most the stage like had a window in it, and then like one of you guys like there was actual, real working water. I feel like maybe it was just someone pouring up water. That's exactly what it was. It was us pouring if I remember correctly, it's a scene in the movie where Tom Selleck is just taking a shower with the baby and having a great time. So yeah, so I think Rex goes back there with no shirt on behind the window, and then one of us is up on a ladder just pouring water on him as he's twirling around with the baby. So all of that and whatever else, I feel like the most famous scene from that is like the three of them singing the baby to sleep. Yes, that's right, best part of your performance too. I'm singing good night, sweetheart, And it looks like I'm reading this summary there's something where they give drug dealers a can of powdered milk that they think are drugs. Did you guys tackle that scene? We must have, Like the details are fuzzy for me as well, but I think somehow the baby ends up with cocaine and it's diaper, and you know, there's a real mix up. But yeah, I think we definitely did that, and running away from the gunmen and the drug dealers and and all of it. Yeah, singing good night sweetheart. I don't want to skip over that. That was really funny and the three of you singing And what was the baby? Was it just a doll? You guys used it wasn't a real baby, but I was trying

to remember if it was like just a blanket, But I think there was a baby doll. So, Paul, is this available? People can see this anywhere or you had to be there. I think you had to be I mean, if someone in the universe has this filmed, it's possible. I have not seen it since that night in two thousand nine, my guess. I don't know. That's really interesting though, that you say, because it does feel like a lot of the comedies from this era. I don't know like Home Alone or whatever. They are really like violent and even though they're funny, there's like a lot of like, well just kind of weird elements in them that you don't really see and kind of kid friendly movies today, just like the juxtaposition of like, yeah, silly baby hijinks and then like you know, drug dealer with a gun is gonna maybe kill someone, right right. I guess they're trying to keep the parents interested. I don't know where that comes from. I guess, yeah, I don't know, Like I think just you could just throw all those things all in the same movie. I feel like with TV shows as well of the day, just like very serious stuff in a sitcom, you know the special episodes where like they're dealing with a hard hitting topic on just like a multi camp sitcom, you could just throw anything all into the same project and it was like not jarring for whatever reason. Yeah, it was not sharing, but it was like not subtle either, Like they'd be like, this is the episode that's about this serious topic and like we're gonna make it very clear that that's what this is. Yeah. I remember those like family ties, yeah, and like different Strokes. Yeah, there was one with like a you know, just real hard hitting topics like drug addiction and like someone died in a car accident and like yeah, real fun stuff, real funny stuff. I remember they do it a lot with Fresh Prince of bel Air. They'd be like, your family should all watch this one, Like the commercial for it would be like for the whole family. I don't watch enough shows like that now to know if they do that still, but I bet they don't because people are like so evolved not to burn people in the nineties or eighties, but like they're probably just like I don't know, I think there's just a lot more awareness around that stuff for more shows that integrated in like a different way where they don't have to be like let's do a drunk driving episode and just talk about it and do a p s A before it and after it. Like I think it's there's just more awareness. I don't what do you think, Paul, Yeah, it's that. And it's like these shows would have like thirty million viewers. It's like they were kind of all things to all people, like everyone from kids to you know, adults watching them, and it was just like it may have been the case that like the out growth from like some of those seventies sitcoms that were like all in the Family and stuff like that, Like they would deal with real serious topics and it must have just gotten mixed into the sitcom genre. I don't know,

Like that might be a thing I'm remembering. Also now one where this has probably been referenced a million times, but like there was a Punky Brewster episode where it was all about, like, if you find an empty refrigerator, don't go in it and close the door because you'll get stuck in it. Like, because that was like a thing that was happening too much. That's the only episode of Punky Brewster I can think of because I feel like I've heard of reference like that, and like to say, by the Bell with the drug use, like it's like where Jesse takes drugs. I'm so excited, so excited, so scared, I'm so excited, I'm so scared. Yeah, those have become some of the most memorable episodes of these shows. Yeah, because they're normally comedy skewing. I mean, I obviously like dramas. For example, I think I brought this up before, but when on Party of Five, Bailey gets in a car accident, because he's drunk drive something that you know his dad. I think maybe they reveal later that the reason their parents died was because his dad was drunk driving. I remember Jonah very a teenage Jonah very strongly being like, what does he get off for this just because he's Bailey, Like he was drunk driving, Like I don't think Bailey deserve a special treatment just because he's Bailey. True, And it was like it was hard for me because I had such a crush on Scott Wolf slash Bailey and I was like, yeah, but I don't know. He wasn't trying to hurt, you know. But Jonah, you were like, uh, Bailey or no, Bailey, this is a crime. Yeah, it's true. Paul. I wanted to change gears really quick and just ask you something completely different. You know, you grew up Champagne Illinois the nineties. I think we've talked about this before. You're in college, are okay? I wanted to know. I think we talked about this, but like Braid Captain Jazz, like the Midwest emo scene that was like kind of a prime location. Were you into that stuff? I was not quite at the time, but I knew of Braid and the band that was like the big in Champagne at that time was Humm remember that band, like they had like who is back Together? Yes, I saw that they like recorded a new album recently, but they had like one or two songs like that would get like MTV rotation, So that was kind of a big thing. Stars. Yeah, I mean that was huge. Did you ever see how I'm back in the nineties? I saw them in Champagne definitely, because I think they were I don't know if they lived there full time still or if they were just frequently back or whatever, but yeah, I saw them then. But now, okay, correct me here if I'm wrong, Braid and is it Bob Nana Bob Nana Braid yep, Okay, yeah, and then he formed hay Meer Sades. That is correct. Hay Meercedes was like three quarters of Braid basically. So I have hung out with it, met him because he was friends with Vanessa. You'll know Brian shortall improviser in Chicago. You'll know. I think they were friends from college or something like that, and then he just had connections to various improv people over the years when living in Chicago. So yeah, I think I saw Hey Mercedes with Micha O'Brien, if I recall correctly at the Metro. Wow, yeah, that must have been a classic night. Yeah, way way back. Yeah, that was awesome. I don't know any of that. I've heard braid and I thought announcer hairstyle. But Paul, where are you from in Chicago? Where are you from? I grew up in Naperville, which is like thirty minutes from Chicago. Suburb just classic suburbia, suburban Chicago, John Hughes vibes, you know, right right, right right, Yeah, we're from a suburb of Cleveland, so we're kind of classic Cleveland. You're gonna dub yourself classic Cleveland. Yeah, ce ce classic Cleve. Okay, And just to finish up this thing about your performance of a lifetime, have you ever seen three men in a Little Lady? Great question, Vanessad. I don't know if I have. I don't know if I have, because do we know what year that would have come out? It would have been like, because I'm trying to think how old the Little Lady was. I always thought you look like our cousin Lauren. It's based on something that came out in eighty five. Trey Holmes n Coffeine. So it came out in okay, and eight seven was so the Little Lady. I feel like she would be three, but I think they played her more as like four or five. Okay, Yeah, I don't know if I've ever seen it. Maybe I have, but I might have been like, now I'm thirteen or whatever, and this three men in a little lady isn't my speed. Yeah, I'd rather go see you know, Jurassic Park, or I'd rather go shoot hoops and the cul de sec exactly exactly. What's really funny is that the plot you're right like talking about the cartoonist thing is so funny. It's like Peter and Michael continuous architect and cartoonists. So Jack is a little acting work. Yes, it does seem weird, like it's like I'm an architect and I'm a cartoonist and I'm an actor, and we all live together and hang out. These are all jobs that I guess we know people who are actors. I've never met anyone who's an architect or cartoonist in my life. I know they exist, but also they're all pretty good jobs that, like you wouldn't necessarily as an adult need a roommate, Like, that's that's true, Like the fact that the three of them are sharing rent. Tom Slick is an architect and he just lives with two other dudes. He's probably in his thirties, but he always looked like he was forty eight years old. Like yeah, but yeah, those are always the job, Like someone is always an architect in TV and movies, because I think it's thought of as like this is a very like serious professional job, but there's an element of creativity to it, so it's like kind of fun. Like Mr Brady and the Brady Bunch was an architect. He was, right, Yeah, he always had blueprints and his right right right, Like someone's always riding a bike to like get these tubes over to the company with the blueprints for the building. Yeah, that's true. That's a really good point. Yeah. I don't know, And have you ever met a

cartoons I feel like maybe cartoons were more of like in the papers and stuff that was more of a job back then. I don't know. I feel like I know of people in the comedy world who like draw cartoons and like try to get in the newspaper and maybe have, but it seems like there cannot be many people with that job in the country. Well, it seems like animators who like make movies that are animated probably used to skew closer to like cartoonists because animated stuff was so much more simple. But now I guess I don't know. Are those cartoonists people who make animated movies go see super Pets only in theaters. I don't think they would love to be called cartoonists. I guess they are. Oh Olivia says yes, our producer says yes. I don't know. To me, it seems like what they do is a lot. When I think of a cartoonist, I think of like Steve Guttenberg drawn like a smiley face and a palm tree or something. I don't know, Like they have their own comic strip in the newspaper and they're cranking them out like every day. Like there's so many yes shows and movies where that is a job that someone has yet someone at an easel kind of a thing or at a desk and they're drawing it and they're like putting little word bubbles in that are like is that my tea or yours? But in context, it's really funny that's exactly it. And then you know, apologists to kind of close this up, we did a watch through me Vanessa. There's something about Mary where there's a character who pretends to be an architect. Also, yeah, right, that's the big thing that he puts on is like, I'm an architect and everyone's impressed. Right, there's always an architect. And I think it's like, you know, if you have a job, you know, some other job in an office, or you're a lawyer or something like that, like architect sounds like, Wow, wouldn't it be great to be an architect if I somehow could do that? But yeah, yeah, it feels like a corporate job that's also creative, right, yeah, and you have to be smart to do it. Yeah, totally. Well, on that note, we're going to take a quick commercial break and when we come back with Paul Britain will get more into the world of architecture. I'm kidding. We're gonna talk about other fun stuff, not that that would be bad if we were, but okay, bye, and we're back with Paul. So, Paul, we reached out to you. You gave us some great ideas for topics. The one we landed on was TV Guide magazine and we want to augment this also with the TV Guide channel. Yes, And could you just dig into a little bit your kind of TV Guide experiences formative years as Paul Britton little kid version of you. Yeah, well, I just remember it being like we were a TV Guide subscriber family, Like we got it in the mailbox every week. I don't know if same with you guys think we did for a period of time, did we I didn't think we did. Maybe we did, but it was obviously always available right there at the checkout counter at your local supermarket. It's right there. But so just thinking about just how different things were then compared to now with just anything being on demand streaming, like anything you can imagine is available like at your fingertips. And then we not only had the TV Guy, but there was also like there'd be a section in the newspaper, like the Sunday newspaper that was like a big TV listing thing as well, and like I remember my dad sometimes like circling, just like with a pen, circling, like here's some shows that we got a hit on Saturday at four o'clock, is this or whatever? And like you could just look through the entire week and be like, oh, this guest star on give me a break or whatever, or just like to find out because like otherwise you were just like whatever is on the TV right now is you would have no other way of knowing what it's going to be. You're at the mercy of whatever it was, is like a David Copperfield Magic special going to preempt my favorite show on third Like I want to know that, And so there was just way more like looking stuff up in advance, yeah, you know than I feel like I have done. Like it was just such a part of you know, are like so you're like making your social calendar for the week, but you're consulting the TV guide to see if there's any kind of complex basically or like yeah, how important is this show? Like maybe this one isn't that important, but this like cannot be missed. Yeah definitely. I Mean my social calendar as it was was mainly watching TV I imagined, So yes, like TV calendar exactly all that stuff, and like you know, like there could be conflicts over like I have two sisters, like older sister, younger sister. Parents, like you had to either like settle on like what everyone wants to watch or like you're not going to get you know, an episode of the eight Team or whatever this week? Right right? How many TVs did you have going in the Britain household? We had, I feel like definitely two and then maybe at some point like a small like black and white one in the kitchen as well, So two or three, like we'd have one in the basement and then one in the kitchen as well. Yeah, so sometimes you would just be spread around the house. But like I can still hear my dad saying, does anyone know where the TV guide went? Not like angry, but just like this reference book like is required for planning out, like you know what the schedule will be. I completely forgot, but I remember I think this was which will reference later. We like to talk about the local Cleveland paper, the Plane Dealer. I feel like the Plane Dealer did the same thing on Sunday where they would just list out the TV listings for like the whole week sort of and you would just like look through there and it was sort of like another resource if you didn't get TV Guide. We definitely got Rolling Stone when we were growing up, but I think we might have gotten TV Guide too, I remember I was telling Jonah we had like this like sort of side table hutch thing in our den, and I remember it had cabinets in it, and so sort of that

cabinets. It's hard to it was kind of a circular thing. It would open up up and then it had like a little thing that you could pull out. You could put a drink on it or something exactly. I forgot about that part of it. That was the best part. It was almost like a wooden version of what you'd put blueprints in. It was like a cone shape, good size for blueprints for sure. You could put so many blueprints in there anyway. But I remember opening like the cabinet slash drawer in it as like a teenager and there was like a TV guide I thought it was that could have been a rolling stone now that I'm thinking about it, but I thought it was a TV guy with like Whoopie Goldberg on the cover from when she was like in Ghost or something like. It was almost like it was like a time capsule, and it was kind of shaped like a time capsule to just to get back into that. But I remember there were like TV guides in there from like years ago. Again, they could have been Rolling Stones, but I think they were a TV guy. But I remember they were sort of like a magazine, but it sort of was like the pages were sort of newspaper. Yeah, so would you hold onto them, Paul, like or is it the weeks over? The thing's going in the trash useless? I think after a week, No, I would throw them out. Yeah, yeah, my dad would definitely, like they have a lot of like other magazine, like we got Premier magazine, like the movie magazine, and those would be in boxes and stuff like that stacked up. But no, yeah, that would just get chucked because you don't want a bunch of TV guides lying around and you're at the wrong Yeah, it's confusing. Yeah, then that David Copperfield special comes on, you're looking at the wrong week. You're in for a not so pleasant surprise unless you love Copperfield. So this is a question. I think this was possible, but I don't think we ever did it. Maybe your family did it. We were not super tech savvy. Wasn't there a way where you could like program your VCR like four days from now at this time I wanted to record something. Wasn't that a possibility? Yeah? It was did anyone do that? Definitely not in our house. Family was also like at some point when I was still a kid, I rose to the rank of most tech savvy person. So it's like it's always like a seven year old hooking up the Nintendo when we got that, and like I'm tasked with it, like as just above my mom be like, I don't know how to do this. The wires can only go into one place, like the you don't have to know that much Like it won't even go into a wrong place. It'll only go in the right place. You can't get it wrong. But yeah, like programming a VCR that was definitely above my pay grade. But we would record TV shows just like you know and go yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say. The thing that Jonah and I kind of thought of first when we were talking about TV Guide was that TV Guide channel, which maybe still exists, I don't know if it doesn't. Used to be called the Preview Network. I think we were doing some research on it, and it was such a frustrating channel because it would show all of the listings of every single station and then if you missed yours, you just had to wait for it to go through like all the like pay per view, like all the extra channels that like nobody had that you'd have to pay for, and then you get through it, and then finally you'd scroll back to the network you were looking for. Meanwhile, if you're looking away, you're gonna miss it. You got to stay on it. And it just felt so like you just sit there jumping and I were talking about kind of soothing to watch at the same time, like there's a founder link I can send a t too on YouTube. It might have played for a second. And the top comment is does anyone else remember watching this as a teen and just zoning out? And yeah, you could just put it on. Would it have like kind of soothing music? Yeah? I wonder if you can? Can you hear this? You can It's maybe it's just going my headphone, but yeah, I guess it had this kind of soothing music that was kind of like relaxing or something. But this actually sounds like this song is actually very weird. I think generally from the comments, yeah, people say like the music, people really like the music. Okay. The channel first launch in eighty one is the Electronic Program Guide Network. It was carried by Cable and some satellite television providers, And it used to feature a scrolling program guide, that's what we're talking about, and then there would be like a s green at the top of it that would show short segments featuring previews of upcoming programs and promos and short form film trailers for programs airing on various channels. So it's sort of like a commercial going on to It has since been rebranded a bunch of different ways into TV god, close up TV GUIDs. I don't know anyway right now, if you tried to watch it would be called pop and you have to pay for it. Yeah. Now, when you hit the guide button if you have cable. I don't have cable, but I think you hit that guy button, it kind of brings this whole thing up right, and you can actually like click on stuff and watch it in real time. Yeah, you can like navigate around. Yeah, So to me, it would seem weird to pay for this channel that just shows you scrolling, scrolling that you have to wait like twenty minutes to get to what you need. Devotes of the scrolling feed version. We'll pay for this for me because I have cable. Sorry to brag when I go to that channel guide, it still sort of is playing in the background whatever I'm watching, you know, whereas I think a lot of streaming networks, for example, for sure, like Netflix takes their cues a little bit from TV guide channel, where like while you're deciding what to watch, it's like plays a lot of promos for other shows. I guess it's not an exact same model because I guess you have to sort of have your cursor on the show for it to put. But the point is TV Guide has really informed Yeah, not sure. Netflix has taken a ton of business

ideas from TV guy. I think Netflix has kind of got to cover it. Sounds like they might have wanted to because they're a little not doing right. When you mentioned TV guide channel, I wasn't thinking of this thing because I remember it before was called TV guide, especially just the thing that we're talking about, the scrolling previews where it's like I just missed the channel I wanted to now it's going to be two more minutes before. But so it must have been the case that that was on your cable provider, like yes, you know, whatever company owned the scrolling TV listing channel, and then like TV guide is just like, screw these people, we should own this thing. Like the behind the scenes negotiating for TV Guide to take that over would be a fascinating history to learn. I suppose were an incredible dramatic TV series. Yeah, it's like a secession type thing where they're sitting around with the magazines and they're like, what is it gonna take. We need the channel, we need every aspect covered. What do you think, Paul, Yeah, I desperately want to watch this made for TV movie, just like the Scrolling Channel comes in and just eats, you know, TV guides lunch and they're over a TV Guide corporate. They're just livid, trying to figure out how we can take this over and get back in the game. I would watch the crud out of that. There's so many shows about making TV shows. I'm I'm guilty having one, but like, it does seem like that would be a real thing that they'd be. Like when TV got got mad at Scrolling Channel, what went down? It does seem like at different times that Scrolling Guide channel was TV Guide branded and not TV It seems like they had like a bit of a back and forth with actual TV guy. Now Paul got a pretty important question for you. Have you ever heard of TV weekly? This is also a publication called TV weekly. TV Weekly? Yeah, have you ever heard of TV weekly? Um, because you might be talking to someone right now who's been on the cover. Oh my, I must have heard of TV weekly And it's such a I bet you haven't, no brainer, correct, Like, if it didn't exist, I would assume that a publication called that exists. Yeah, so it exists. Vanessa was on the cover of the May one through May seventh issue and when we were me and my parents were in l A for the premiere for TV show. We tried which I think this coincided with, we tried to find a copy of a magazine stand. I had a lot of magazines, and the guy kept being like TV Guide and We're like, no, actually, we're looking for TV Weekly. And then I was like yeah, that and someone had like taken off the cover and given it to our mom, so our parents have one. Now. It's one of those things where like, I don't think anyone told me that I was on the cover, which is always like a little I didn't do a photo shoot for it, it is. It's a photo that was taken from our marketing shoot for my show, so it's like it is like a new photo. But I was surprised to be a cover girl. I'm not trying to sound ungrateful, but no, and neither of mine. By the way, it's a weird move taking the cover off and being like, oh, I know this person who's daughters on the cover, but I really need this actual content in TV weekly. I'm just gonna give them the cover and hold on to It's like, why don't just wait till the end of the just give them the whole thing. I don't remember who gave it to her, but I do think that that is something from their generation, because they're like, guess what was in there? All the listings, probably for the coming week, and she was probably like, for I'm happy to give up this cover to my friend whose daughter is on it. But at the same time, I gotta know I'm going to circle my favorite programs. Yeah, I don't know what time Modern Families. By looking at the cover, I don't need this. Yeah, well it's in reruns now, Jonah, did you know that? Yeah, but it's still on at a specific time, right, I mean, that's true. It's a lot of indication that's there you know, does TV Guide the channel? Does that still exist? Do you know the magazine still is weekly? You can subscribe Paul. Do you get TV Guide magazine? I do not. I have not since I was a kid. Maybe we should buy Paul a subscribe. You can get it for the first year. I think we saw for like fifteen dollars cheap, but then it's like a hundred and twenty dollars a year after that. Jonah, did you say it's like gets it's pretty pricey. They kind of get you with the first year and you're like, I can't live without this, and then they're bumping up the price. I hope you forget to cancel. Yeah. I was saying, if TV Guide channels still existed, it would be great for them to do an original movie about them taking over the scrolling channel, like a TV Guide original movie. Like I think we're going to come out of this with everybody got a soft pitch to network now, I want to say that. Okay. After CBS Corporation bought Steaks and TV Guides properties in March two thousand thirteen, TV Guide Network was rebranded under the abbreviated name t v g N. That April to two d emphasize its ties to TV Guide magazine as part of a transition into general entertainment format, while the channel gradually decommissioned its scrolling listing SCRID then What's It for? The network was relaunched as Pop on January four, two thousand fifteen, with its programming focus shifting towards shows about pop culture and fandom. So now you've got Pop again. I don't know, it's got nothing to do with TV Guide. Is this different than the channel? If you go to a hotel or something, they have like all the ch So Jonah was saying, when you go into a hotel them and you turn on the TV and Mario Lopez is talking about what I have to tell this story really quickly. One time, Kate McKinnon and I were doing this movie called Office Christmas Party, and we had to do some reshoots and it was like we were in the middle of filming U S and L So somehow they flew us, like in the middle of the next like they flew us like during a work week or something, and we

got to our hotel at like three in the morning or something, and they were like, Okay, we've got some pretty nice rooms. For you, they cared a lot more about They were like they cared more about Kate. They sort of were ignoring me, and I was like, hey, guys, I'm in the movie too. But anyways, so they took us to our rooms and each of us were in these huge suites. Keep in mind, we're really only there for like we're sleeping for like three hours and we're filming. Then we're going back to New York. So anyways, we both were talking about we've gotten to our rooms and every single light was on, every TV was on, and Mario Lopez was talking on every TV about what movies they had in like that you could buy on the TV. And literally each of us had to spend like twenty minutes just like turning all the lights off and turning all the Mario Lopez is off. I'll never forget it because it was like they were trying to be nice, but it's also like guys were getting here because you know how Also I find side note a lot of times in hotels, it's really hard to figure out how to turn the lights off. But the more modern the hotel, the more insane their light fixture set up. Is like the lights are way too advance, but the TV is still stuck in the nineties, like you've got this strolling yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. But yeah. So Mario Lopez he's gotten some kind of sweet deal where any time you go to a hotel he's on the Guide channel, which is I don't know if it's associated with TV Guide or not. I mean in our movie, it can be slash made for TV. This could be secret. We could get him to be in the actual movie too. Oh. I think I mean no burned to him, but I think he'd love to be part of something that this trio is creating. But he like says, like here's the movies you can watch, Like does he do sort of a light pitch of like act an adventure and a dog that just learned how to do trick or something like does he introduce I can't remember, but he like sort of throws two trailers, right, I have the memories of this in my brain, Like here's what's playing? Yeah, yeah, I bet he has some some fancy little set up dialogue. Yeah, and then like Mario acts surprised and a dog who can shoot a gun. Ye check it out. Who knew that? Mario Lopez? By the way, would turn into a TV personality. Yeah, like a ubiquitous TV host. Yeah. Yeah. He's never been in like a drama or he's never had any outside side of the Bell. He's never had any big, like acting roles. He kind of really just transitioned into like the hosting thing. Is that true. I don't know. I can't think of anything he did. I would bet he must have. You must have done some stuff in the early days after was the College Saved by the Bell for sure? Okay? Yeah, yeah, he continued through the franchises. Now, somebody told me. I believe it was early on in my time living in Chicago, so I'm probably somebody told me that he was Jennifer Lopez's brother, and I went on to spread this room her like wildfire. I'd be like, did you know his sister is Jennifer Lopez? And people would be like what, and I'd be like, I know, It's great. The amount of people I told before. Just by that time the internet did exist. I could have looked, but I had no interest. I had my hands on a hot scoop and I was going to spread it around. I'm gonna blow everybody's mind at the bar. What was the context. There were people like, hey, Vanessa, how are you, and You're like, well, actually, it would just be like someone. It would just be someone talking about one or the other, and I'd be like, man, I listened to the new j Lo. Do you know her brother is Mario Lopez? And they go, what a talented family. I mean, I'm wondering if like the person who told you, if they actually thought that, or if they were like the kind of person who's like, I'm gonna lie in the mess up the youngster. I have no recollection of who told it to me? Isn't that funny? Do you think there's a chance that you told it to yourself? I was just thinking that I don't think so. I think somebody told me And I was so, you know when you have like a fun fact and you're like, this fact rules, nobody knows what this fact is. I'm going to tell them. Their mind is going to be blown. They're going to tell their friends. It feels so exciting and fun to be like the person who like knows this thing that you're like just sitting on for whenever you want to use it. And look again, I met most of the people who I told it to have since you know, also like myself, you know, debunked it as it were, but I really thought they were. Can you remember when you used to tell this fun fact to the point where you realized, I better not this is not true. I've learned it's not true. I would say, I think I found out probably early years in Chicago is when I heard it and then spread it around. I mean, it's possible I learned it in college too, That's actually probably where I learned it. And then I would say by the time I was leaving Chicago, I'd like to think I knew. So it's just several years of you telling people yeah, yeah, yeah, Because I feel like, you know, j Lo never hosted when we were at sn L, But I feel like I never thought like, oh, if she hosts, maybe she can get her brother to come in into like a where it's like stuff like that would cross my mind a lot, Like I'd be like, if Clari Dance comes, then she can get Jared Letter to come, then we can get Wilson Crews who lives here, to come, and we'll just re enact myself called life in this guy. Like that kind of thinking was always in my mind. Again, someone who has no control over who the hosts are just but anyways, a TV guy also Mario Lopez. I mean, how much do we think he gets paid to just be in hotels all the time. I mean that's marketing, huge gig. Good for him, you know, right. I mean he's just universally you know, well loved, and so that's who you want, is the face of your TV talking at you in your hotel? Exactly? Yeah, with all the time he spends a hotel is more like saved by the bell hop? You know? Wow,

Jonah, how long were you sitting on that? Actually not that long? But then I was like, am I using this term right? I'm not sure if what a bell hop is, but I think it is. He's a hotel porter. I just looked it up. So that's that's great. I'm pretty proud of that one. I love it. Thank you. Wow, coming from two pros, I appreciate. I mean, Vanessa, you seemed you were kind of dismissive, like shaking your head at that. I would think that was right. You're right, I didn't give it enough respect. Here's the thing, what I was gonna say, I don't know if you've been on Jona's Twitter lately, but I started trolling him on Twitter, so whenever he makes a joke like that, I come on and I kind of make fun of it in a gentle way. And I think I was disappointed just now because I was thinking, Man, if he had tweeted that, I really could have gone after it in like a recorded way as opposed too, well, I guess this is recorded this? Yeah, I guess it is. Yeah. What do you mean when you say go you would record something and then posted on Twitter as what you would do? No, I just mean like people could go back and read it. Oh, I see recorded that way? Yes, Vanessa would post a comment that's like I guess my brother is a hotel expert now or something like that. I like to refer to Jonah as my brother, which he is, and say like, Wow, my brother is now into this. It's really so condescending, and I think it's because Jonah he's sort of like shy. I don't know if you're shy Jonah, but like he's just like very kind and sweet. I feel like it's a little vulnerable for him to make these like jokes kind of publicly. I don't know, vulnerables maybe too strong word. But then it's just fun to make fun of him and then you just like put the spotlight on it. Yeah, and it's cool because Vanessa just has like a way bigger audience. That's a cool part of the dynamicals. Like you would be like so proud of my brother who's really into hotels. Now, there's something really fun about because he knows I mean it with love, you know. But also I think I think when he puts that stuff out, there's a knowledge that, like you know, it's a friendly and fun free for all. Yeah. Yeah, Paul, feel free to throw me online. You can. Yeah, well, I'm going to look for opportunities. Please do alright, please be looking forward to it, and we'll be back after this break. And we're back now, Paul. We're gonna play a pretty fun game with you that we call Legit Moan or Unnecessary Grown Legit Necessary Grown. And we kind of came up with this game because our local paper, which I referenced earlier in the pot, the Cleveland Plain Dealer, used to have this section called Monday Moaning where people would write in with complaints and they're really funny. They stopped doing it about ten years ago, but we've gone into the archives and found some of our favorite complaints from you know, the early two thousand tens, the late two thousand's. And what we're gonna do in this game is we're going to read you three of the Monday moaning moans that got into the Cleveland Plane Dealer, and we're going to decide whether each one is a legit moan or an unnecessary grown Are you ready? I'm ready. Yeah, I'll start us out. So keep in mind, Paul, all of these were actually we're printed in the newspaper. This one's a little long, but it's worth every second of it. This one's from Avon Lake, Ohio, and it says, and I just want to reiterate I always said this, but this was printed an actual national newspaper. Well local but local, but big local, major local newspaper, a major newspaper and a major city. Okay, here this shopping Hynez produce in Avon, Colon. Woman and husband huddled over the lettuce and leaks. I see her arms moving fin le she backs up. I look in her hand. She has leaks with all the tops taken off. Me Colin, did you just break the tops off the leaks? Woman? Yes, me, why, woman, I don't use them. I looked at her and said, what are heinen is supposed to do with them? She says, they can throw them away? Sure enough, she had stuff the tops behind the rest of the leaks. I went to a produce person and told him. He said, I can't do anything about it. If I say anything to her, I will get in trouble with my manager. No wonder why the cost of produce is so high. Wow, that's amazing. So, Paul, what do you think. Do you think this is a legit complaint about this person seeing the woman take the heads off the leaks, or do you think this is a little unnecessary? I mean, my gut reaction is that's a legit moment. Legit like thinking about like a leak the top referring to the green part. I assume is that what we would think or would we think of the white part as the top? I think leaks are kind of a weird vegetable. I think you eat the opposite part that you think you would. Maybe right, So maybe she's just taking the white or light yellow I think maybe, yeah. And then presumably like now, it weighs a lot less, so she's paying less for it. Yeah, I guess you're right. And then she's stuffing the part she doesn't want, kind of back behind the thing the top of it. If it's like the green parts are probably pretty like probably the part she's paying for is the heaviest part, right, But it's the smallest part that's the most of it is the green part, And she's not your right. And then in the thinking of you know, of this monor the supermarket you know is losing out on money from the leak husks, and so then they're raising the prices on produce, like that's their theory of the case. It seems like, yeah, if you're chucking back like more than half of the leak, then the store is going to raise prices on every thing because they're losing money on this. So I mean, if that is really happening, I think it's a legit moan. Also, I think it's just a crazy thing, Like you can't just go in and just start ripping up produce like ye, then the surprising thing the employee would get in trouble for mentioning it to her. Yeah, is she an important person, Like she's allowed to do this? It's against

policy, but she can do it. As someone who hasn't been to the High Ends in Avon, I will say from being at Other Hyghenans, which is a chain of grocery stores in Cleveland, I could see them being like, the customer comes first, like, don't mess with the customer. So whereas one customer is complaining the other, it's like, don't confront this customer who's buying stuff. I don't know, I'm not defending it. I'm just saying where I think that employee maybe remember there was a thing a couple of years ago where like kids are going to grocery stores and like licking the ice cream and like filming themselves, and then they were getting in all this trouble. Like I think this is a not as bad as that, but I think, yeah, not nearly is bad. But I do think this is a legitimate also. And here's what I like about this. A lot of times these people right into the paper like in this passive aggressive way, and they don't do anything during the actual situation. They're like, oh, I'm going to write a letter to the plane dealer. This guy confronts the woman about it, asked her what she's doing, gets that then after that's still not happy, goes to an employee, tells the employee, and then just as a third thing, rights into the paper. And I gotta respect that. I mean, personally, I don't think I could do it. I think I would be too shy. Also, this doesn't really affect me. I think the connection between this incident and higher overall produced prices, that part I'm not sure about. But I like the fact that they take action then they write the letter. In my opinion, this person has literally gone above and beyond anything they could do for the situation. It's time to move on. Yeah, yeah, I agree, Yeah, I agree with you. Like the amount of this is raising prices on everything is probably minuscule. In that argument is kind of silly. But yeah, I would never do it, but I would wish that I would, at least if I saw someone doing this, be like, can I ask you a question? What are you doing? I want to learn? Like, what's the thought process here, Vanessa? What are your thoughts? Well, I was going to say, I agree with you, guys. I mean, I think everybody could have handled this better. I'll start with the person who was doing it, the person who was taking the tops off the leaks. That's a shitty move. Don't do that. This is a legit moan. That's a weird thing to do. Also, it's like no one's going to buy just the leaves. It's sort of like fucking with the market. I think what you're saying, Paul, like, and I don't mean the market like the price of produce, I mean like the supermarket. And I guess the person was doing it because they just didn't want to like have waste, and also the vegetables would be lighter. But I think, just like by the whole thing, be a human. Now, the employee getting the complaint and then saying like I can't do anything, I'll get in trouble. At the very least, what the employee could do is go over there and clear the leaves, because no one's going to buy those, and those are just leaves that have been sort of man handled, you know, like at least like for the other customers, like clean things up a little bit, as opposed to just being like my hands are trying to can't do anything. And the other thing is why didn't that employee, if they were worried about getting in trouble with their manager, why didn't they take it to their manager, and or why didn't this person say can I talk to your manager? I don't know about that. I mean this person has already done a lot of later. Yeah, the person I think the least step fault, which is why I still think it's a legitman. However, I think ending on no wonder the cost of protests is so high kind of weekends their point because they've actually been very proactive and trying to fix this. But then their takeaway being no wonder, the cost of protest is so high. Honestly, you guys giving this person credit. This might be a joke he was making, he or she. I guess we have no it might be a joke this person is making. Like after all this, like, I'm exasperated, No wonder the cost of produce is so high. But I don't think they realize It reads as though this is like the person's takeaway, and that weakens their point. But I agree legit moan, I think we all and to the next. Okay, this is from someone from Lakewood and we didn't tell you this pal. But they don't write their names at the bottom. They just say wearing Cleveland they're from. And sometimes they don't even do that, Okay, Lakewood. My complaint is about the severe storm warnings on TV. All you hear is the loud warning sound slash beep throughout the program. When it comes to the commercials, all you hear is the loud commercial. Why don't they have the storm warning interrupting them? With all these bad storms these days? The advertisers and the money they make, they should be the ones to worry the worst. Okay, sorry, So this person is saying they're complaint is those storm warnings play like the loud sounds and beeps throughout the program you're watching, but then the commercial you only hear the commercial. And they're saying advertisers are so rich, they should be the ones again, as this person puts it, to worry the worst. But I think what they're trying to say is they should be the ones who have to also like bear the burden of the loud beeps and sounds. This person also says that commercials are loud, so they're already mad at how loud the commercials are. Yeah, they go. It goes from the beeping program to the loud commercials, so they already have it out for commercials and advertisers. What do you think? What do you think of this one? Okay, so make sure I've got the facts correct here. It's like storm warning or tornado or whatever emergency, whether the beeping is going off, the TV is running in the audio has dropped out, and you've just got like loud warnings, and then when it goes to a commercial, the warnings have completely disappeared, and it's just commercial unfettered, is what's happening? Okay,

at least from an audio perspective, right, I don't know where to come down on this, Like, on one hand, I think we can preempt the commercial. I think everyone would be happy if we did. But I don't know if it's such a big deal that we need to write a letter about it. So I'm really on the fence here. I can tell you're really trying to weigh both sides of this. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna say it's not a legit moan, it's a groan what's the term for them? Unnecessary? I'm going to give it an unnecessary because you already heard the beeps and you know that there's a storm warning or whatever, and so you've been informed. So it's not a big deal. It's not big enough of a deal. Yeah, all right, now, I would say, and I'm not trying to defend you know, big brother, big business, you know, Father Business or whatever. But I think what this person doesn't know is that the reason they're able to watch this show for free is because of the commercials. Okay, or at whatever rate they're watching it at, I guess they have to pay for but you know what I'm saying, the reason it's not premium is because of commercials. And so there's some kind of a business happenings going on here, probably where there probably is like something scrolling across the screen even during the commercials about this storm warning but just the noise. I think the reason it's not happening then is because there's some kind of business deal from Father Business where they have to like be playing the commercial audio or else like they don't get like the money that the advertisers are providing. Also, the other issue that I have with this is the person isn't saying I guess the person is trying to say, but they don't really make this clear. The beeping should happen during the commercials because they're saying, again to quote with all these bad storms these days. The advertisers and the money they make, they should be the ones to worry the worst. So I think what they're trying to say by that is the commercial should have to bear the beeps and not the show. It's called business, and I think, like, that's not how it works. Like I think you were saying it before. The advertiser would probably come back and say, like, there was a storm warning during the commercials, so we don't have to pay for that time. Yeah, Like that's how it would go down. Yeah, and then it's going this person's got to pay for it, you know what I mean. The other thing is like people zone out a lot during commercials, and from just a safety perspective, it probably is more noticeable if the beeping happens during the program and not during the commercials when maybe people have the TV muted they're going up for a bathroom break or to get a snack. Jonah, what do you think? Yeah, I gotta say you know something that that I don't think we've really hit on as much as I think this person has a bias. You know, they're talking about how a lot of the commercials are This person I think just doesn't like commercials, and I get it. Yeah, And I

do remember during this era sometimes you will be watching a show and then the commercial was insanely loud, like so much louder than the show. So I at it. But I also feel like it's hard for them maybe to take that out of the equation. They're already looking for things to critique about commercials and they see this thing, and so to me, this is more about this person's personal issues with commercials that it is about the actual storm warnings. It's my take, So I'm going to say this is an unnecessary I mean, I feel like, maybe be on their side if just their entire moan was just don't make the commercials louder than the show, Like, if it was just that, I'd be like, yeah, I agree, I agree. I hate when it's way too loud all of a sudden, we don't need to rope in the storm warning, safety warning. I think we're all calling this an unnecessary Want to read this last one? Yeah, I'll read the last one. This is a short but sweet. I'm so sad to see that the Cleveland Indians players that go to businesses charged twenty dollars for their autographs to the kids. Let's get real here. Having a little bit of a grammatical issue with this one. Sometimes these are hard to read out loud because I'm like, oh am I reading this song like no, this is the way these are phrased. Are very confusing anyways. So basically, this person is saying Cleveland Indians players are doing these autograph signings or charging kids for an autograph. Paul, I don't know if you're you know, a White Sox or a Cubs fan or yeah, no, White Sox. Okay, got it. So what do you think about baseball players charging bucks to sign a kid's pat one? I think this sounds like they must be referring to like an event like at a place like at a mall or something where you can go there. Yeah, that go to businesses. Yeah, if you go to the baseball game, you can go down before the game and players will signed stuff hats and baseballs and stuff like that, and they're not charging you then if you're a kid at the game. But if they're doing this other event like at a mall or something, I don't have any problem with them charging money for the autograph. Do you also have, like, you know, people who are then selling the merchant, you know, selling memorabilia. They're making money off that is. Well, so the players don't have to do these events. I mean they probably do other stuff that's like charity that might be in this realm. But if they're just like come on down and meet you know, Jim Tomy, former Cleveland Indians now the Cleveland Guardians, of course he's doing an event. If you don't want to pay five dollars, you don't have to go. Like so you know what you're getting into, I'm gonna say unnecessary. All right, Well, I actually did a little research on this and this is still happening, and there's actually an event coming up September six at the Winking Lizard on Miles Road, where me and Vanessa have been many times, and Mike Hargrove, the Indians former manager and player, is doing as signing. You get autographs, photo ops, dinner in a Q, and a fifty nine bucks bucks for kids tenant under. And to me, it's like, okay, let's make it free for kids Tenant Under. I mean, you know what I mean. It feels to me like charge the adults. They have jobs, they have money. Some kid wants an autograph of a baseball player. You know, it's a little kid ten years the older younger. I mean, these kids, they're not working, they probably love baseball. They really look up to the logic is that the money comes from the parents, not from the kids. Like I'm just saying that, Like, as a baseball I know the kids out like I opened to checking account to come here. But I feel like as a player, you know, I would be like, yeah, you know, and another adult wants to give me money for this collectible, that's fine, but yeah I'm not going to take money from like a five year old kid. That to me just feels here's the issue. Jonah. Yeah, what if it's like a dad or a mom goes in there with like three kids and it's like you get this sign, you get this signed, you get this signed, and then she's like I'm not getting anything signed. Like it's like, well, the problem with my example to this event also includes a dinner, so yeah, maybe this is is a fair price for dinner. I guess this person is more complaining just about the autograph. Was your example thing that they were referring to in it? Or you just looked up this example because this example is from like twelve years ago. I mean this article, this column was discontinued over ten years ago, but this Mike Hargrove event is like present day. Yeah, and in case you're interesting going, tickets are on sale now, Paul, you can still go, Jonah, should we go? Maybe we should go? Maybe we should go. I feel like I remember my car Grove a little bit. I remember him a little bit, but I didn't know he was a player. Actually, I guess I'm picturing like more of a traditional not a dinner, but like autograph at a game. I don't know. I guess I just feel like you shouldn't charge kids for your autograph. I don't care if you're a baseball player, you're a musician. I know Vanessa thinks people can gain the system, but like, at the end of the day, what takes you three seconds to sign something? You know? Well, it's a slippery slope, Jonah. And I think again, this person could have done a better job of explaining what they mean by saying Cleveland Indian players that go to businesses charge, because what I'm saying is like kind of to Paul's point, if there's a business, a k A mid old man that's making money off of this. Then it's like, if their option is to go to the game early and get your autograph for free, great, But if it's like you're at like a business event where they're like to get in, you have to pay twenty five dollars to get an audit, Like, I don't know. I feel like if the free option is there, then it's like you're just choosing sort of the easier way to go. I don't know. I feel mixed on it. I wish this person had clarified more what

they meant, sometimes saying it's kind of rude of the Plane Dealer because they could correct some of the like grammar and stuff in these, or they could just like not print them. Like sometimes it feels like they're sort of making fun of people by like printing, but maybe that's just us making fun of them. I don't think the Plane Dealer should charge subscribers who are ten years or younger either. Well, Jonah, if they're younger than ten years old, they probably can't read that well. Their parents are going to be the ones reading. Again. There's always you know, it's tough. I'm calling this an unnecessary grown because if this person had such a problem with the I want them to explain when, where, and what they mean. And if any little kids want vanessas autographs, you send a check. Okay, Jonah, I'm happy to send my autographed to kids for free. You know they're gonna have to pay for the shipping or parents. I'm not paying for postage j K L O L. But like I'm betting if you see the player at a restaurant and then you're a kid and you're like Mr Hargrove Lea signed my cap, I think the player is going to sign it for free. But if they're doing one of these autograph events, then they're not going to do the entire thing for like hundreds of people for free. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. So it sounds like we're not all in agreement. It sounds like Paul and I actually I want to edit my answer. I think I've come around to your side. I think context is everything. I'm not afraid to change my mind. I think, yeah, I think if you're going to an event where the event is paying money and get an autograph, then you can't complain about people charge the money. I think that's fair. And look, I'll say this, I know that Monday Moaning is a long gone column. But if the Plain Dealer were ever to bring it back, and I don't think they will, but if they were to, I think they should have someone on the beat who follows up with people and says things like, can you clarify your moan? As written? It's pretty unclear what you're complaining about. Could that person be you, Vanessa? Did you have that job? I think that you have made the only person. Yeah, for the ones that they're going to print, I mean not for every single moment. These must have been emailed in at the end. By two thousand and ten, these were probably being emailed in, probably emailed in. It's so easy to email back and just say give me some context, please, or say to these people up front, if you're going to send us a moan and you're not going to give us context, you're not going to get printed. Hon. Don't say, Hon, that's rasping or it's not, you know, but in a less condescending way, give us some context. And by the way, again, the Plain Dealer, unless they're picking from scraps, like why are they printing this stuff? But I do think part of the reason is probably they were getting less and less of these every year, and hence they folded and it's been great for the podcast. So who are we to complain? And one day we'll do a podcast where we read the short lived column Thankful Thursdays and we'll decide whether they should really be thankful for those things or not. Well, I mean, let's just hope that what happened was not enough. People were moaning anymore and people were just thankful, so we had to get rid of the Monday moment. Must be. Yeah, that's a great way to look at it, Paul. I appreciate that positive note to go out on. Yes, Paul, where can people learn more about you, your comedy, you're acting, your projects. You can find me on social media on Twitter at Paul Brittain three. So it's p A U L b R I T t A I N three. When I signed up for Twitter, someone who has never used Twitter got the original handle. It's really annoying, man, that is annoying. That's where I am most. On Instagram, I'm less frequently active, but that's I think. I'm just Paul Britain on Instagram. It's my hand. Yeah, it is so yeah, Well, thank you so much for joining us today, Paul. That was really fun. Thanks to everyone for listening. If you enjoyed that, please subscribe to the pod and keep an eye out for next week's episode of How Did We Get Weird, where we'll discuss more stories from our childhood and cultural touchstones like TV Guide. Wow, Pal, you've really done it, and we thank you and thank you. There was a whale of a time. I have to say, thanks so much.