บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ Remembering Patrick Stewart

Mike Jones: All right, one of our favorite content creators and HFO contributors. She is one of the hosts of the Clone Star podcast, and her daily affirmations are getting us through it. We couldn't do this one without her. We can do this, lovelies. It's Jody Pickens. Jodi Pickens (she/her): See, that was just nice. That was just Mike Jones: Yeah. Damian: It was it was nice. Jodi Pickens (she/her): borderline, borderline sweet. Damian: And and you notice that he didn't lanita (she/her): Yeah. Damian: say Pinkins this time. Mike Jones: I didn't say pinkins because I'm I'm terrible. Jodi Pickens (she/her): I well, I'm okay with either. Damian: You are you are kinder than you need Anna Rozay: Pink or ring. Damian: to be, Jody Pickens. Jodi Pickens (she/her): I I've answered to much worse, so we're okay. Mike Jones: Ha ha Damian: Ha ha ha. Mike Jones: Welcome, welcome. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Thank you. Happy to be here. Mike Jones: Rounding out our panel, she is the mover and the shaker. Even in ordinary times, she's the one bringing us all together. But now is when we need friends like her more than ever. Just like Cisco called Cork in Emissary, she's a community leader. Welcome lanita (she/her): Hmm. Mike Jones: from the podcast Go Flocks Yourself, it's Lee Ellen. Damian: Well, we did make a little bit of a quark analogy, but we love we all love quark. Yeah. Mike Jones: We love quark. Anna Rozay: Yeah. lanita (she/her): She only got she only got mad at Vedic win, Kai Wen. Correct, see? We helped. Mm-hmm. We helped. Leigh Ellen (she/her): And then I owned it. I took it back and I owned it. Anna Rozay: But that's you was Taiwan though, right? Jodi Pickens (she/her): Yeah. Mike Jones: Right. Embrace it. Damian: Ha ha ha. Leigh Ellen (she/her): You did. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Inspiration. Leigh Ellen (she/her): Very much so. Mike Jones: Well, I wish we were all here under better circumstances. Anna Rozay: Okay. Mike Jones: but I w up top I want to say it has been a hard week for Star Trek fans. with the passing of Walter Koenig, first of first off, and now Patrick Stewart. It it is it's just been like you don't want to read the news. Well, you don't want to read the news for multiple reasons, in this election season, but Anna Rozay: Okay. Mike Jones: Yeah, it has it's it's been rough. So thank you all for taking time to come and be with us tonight. as usual, keeping up our tradition, let's start by looking at a tarot card. We have already had a card selected for us. as you might know, we start these episodes by drawing a card from the Trek Deck, which is a nineties theme sort of Berman era tarot deck created by our friend Alex Page from Deosil Designs. Alex pops up on the pod from time to time, but she didn't feel like she could really manage this one. She's a little emotional, as many of us are. But she did show us a card that she felt would be illustrative, The Emperor. And here's what she had to say about it. If we look at the Emperor, a good lesson to take from that is that leadership and fatherhood are the mantle that must be passed on with time. Anyone can assume that mantle. when the time is right. In our hurt and loss right now, We must remember those that we play the Emperor for and be strong for them. It's okay to show our love and mourning as long as we can lift up those who look up to us too. I'm sure we can all agree that Sir Patrick taught us The strength of love. Damian: That's an excellent one. And Anna Rozay: Beautiful. Damian: and it it's worth noting if if you are not listening to Anna Rose's advice and you're listening to the audio version, that the Emperor is a Captain Picard sitting in the captain's chair looking very determined, kind of illustration by Alex. yeah, so that's really lovely. Mike Jones: Yeah. lanita (she/her): I feel like we would have pulled in anyway, just the way that the universe works for us in his deck. Mike Jones: Yeah. lanita (she/her): It lit it w he would have shown himself regardless. but I'm just happy that we that there is that card in the deck and it speaks to who he is, as a character Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): but also as a person. Anna Rozay: It's so interesting that the card is called the Emperor, but it denotes such a positive leader. Mike Jones: Mm. Anna Rozay: When emperors are normally not, and I love that because that's so John Luke, that is so Picard, that is so Patrick Stewart. He was a leader in the character, on set for the other actors, etc. Like, and all the things that we have heard about him on the set and how he carries that set have always, for the most part, been very positive. And we just lost a real one, y'all. Like, we really did. Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: I I have to tell you. when I got the news, I was leaving work. It was around I literally remember the time, it was around 2:30. Was on the trade train platform and waiting for the train, and I saw it come through from my Trekkie Gate, Trekkie Group notification just showed went across, and I was I looked at it and I was like, no, no, like Mike Jones: Mm-mm. Anna Rozay: I wanted to deny it. I didn't even want to click it. Like, I was I'm not seeing that, that's not real, you know. And this is a man I never met in my life, but this is a man that has touched my life from almost the beginning of my life. I mean, I probably was a preteen. I think the first time I watched TNG, probably in reruns by that point, I'm not sure. I would isolate myself and go into my grandmother's room on Saturday nights. We would all go to my grandmother's house to hang out and visit my grandmother every weekend. Every weekend. And And it was my own personal tradition to go into her bedroom while everybody was out in the living room, the kitchen, doing whatever, watching whatever, do I would sneak off to her room. It was pitch black, and just watch TNG on her TV. Her TV. And that was how I found Star Trek. And how I realized how different I was and how lanita (she/her): Mm.

Anna Rozay: much I connected with this show. And I felt like I found someone who understood me through this show and through him. And he was the leader of that. So ugh. Yep. Mike Jones: We just call it. Jodi Pickens (she/her): I think it's been real powerful for me to see the impact and ramifications of someone's performance as a character lanita (she/her): Mm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): in this series. And it's been expressed, it it's caused this outpouring of creativity. Like the people that are drawing portraits or are scenes or the cosplaying, or they're writing about it, or they're sharing their favorite moments all across social media. And I I think that's so insanely powerful. It's it's more than just honoring the loss. It's it's honoring the man and and what that person lanita (she/her): Yeah, Jodi Pickens (she/her): gave to all of us through this one character that he portrayed in his lifetime. And I think that that speaks volumes for obviously not not just Star Trek, but for Patrick Stewart and and how I I say this over and over again, but we're a very lucky fandom with the with the lanita (she/her): Hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): quality of people and caliber of actors that we have in the franchise. And I think obviously Patrick Stewart is top tier for us. Damian: Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. I I right now at at r at r at risk of talking too much about my job, which Lenita and I are fastidious about not. I work in the theater and was in a technical rehearsal, which means you're sitting in a dark theater and the stage is lit up and you're sitting in the dark and you're on these sort of like makeshift seat tables in like, you know, amongst the amongst like the theater seating, Anna Rozay: The chairs. Damian: the chairs, yeah. Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Damian: And I happened to open up my phone and someone texted me. I actually don't remember who texted me, but I got the text at that that Patrick Stewart had died and I literally like gasped loudly. And I was sitting next to my coworker who's also my office mate, who is an awesome person. she's a lovely, lovely person. And I was like, She's like, What? Like, you know, 'cause she it was the kind of gasp that you do when like a family member dies, you know. Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Damian: And I was like, Patrick Stewart just died and she knows me well enough to know that that's important. And she immediately grabbed me, grabbed my shoulder in a way that you would like as if I had just been like, my parent just died. Or she reacted like that Anna Rozay: Yeah, well. lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Damian: with that kind of consolation. And Anna Rozay: Yes. Damian: I am clear and I clearly have been going through some mini version of the real stages of grief because my the first thing that I did when she like made contact with me is I immediately recoiled. I was like, well I didn't actually know him. I literally said that Mike Jones: Mm. Damian: right there in the in the in

the immediate moment. And it is Anna Rozay: Yeah. Damian: that like which and that has been part of my struggle these past few days of being like real Anna Rozay: Do you deserve to feel the grief? Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. But you do. Damian: Do I deserve to feel your grief? He's not my family. I don't know him. yeah. lanita (she/her): You do, but of course it's so Anna Rozay: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. lanita (she/her): so, but it doesn't matter because it that goes to show you how someone impacted you, how they Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): touched you. Damian: huh. lanita (she/her): You know, we think of that cheesy quote: it doesn't matter, you know, what do, it's how you make them feel, and it's Damian: Yeah. lanita (she/her): cheesy in all of the the best ways, but it's true, like never met him. Was like, in a way, was like, what just happened? Anna Rozay: Yep. lanita (she/her): in in my brain, and and someone posted online saying that we as the fandom had an order by which we were prepared to lose people, right? You start losing people from Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): TLS. Damian: Yes. lanita (she/her): You're not wishing anybody to an early, but it's like this franchise goes first, Damian: There is a weird logic to what you're saying. lanita (she/her): and and then this franchise Mike Jones: Absolutely. lanita (she/her): goes next, and then this franchise goes next. So it's out of order, right? Anna Rozay: Yep. Yep. Yeah. lanita (she/her): And and not Mike Jones: Yes. lanita (she/her): in a way where you're like, I don't. I don't need anybody else from Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): TOS to go, but they were supposed to go before him. Right. He's he's nowhere near timed, Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. lanita (she/her): but but then you remember he is. He he was an old old man. He old man. He was a grandpa. Like he's in its correct, but to us, he didn't seem that old. You know, it's Anna Rozay: Older actor. He was old. He was he was 40 when he started TNG. Right. Mike Jones: Yeah, yeah. Late forties. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-mm. lanita (she/her): like, he was, you know, in his 30s. Like in your mind, you're like, he's 30. And you're like, now you're like, he's just 60. He's just 70, not realizing Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): how time passes. And I think that it showcases a life well lived because yes, Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): he was Captain Picard. Yes, he was a, you know, Perfector Anna Rozay: Professor Eric. lanita (she/her): X. Like also people know him from the stage, from Shakespeare, from the Covina Mike Jones: Yeah, mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): times when he was just reading sonnets, like how people Anna Rozay: no. lanita (she/her): have a different connection to him. And it's like there Anna Rozay: Interaction. Yeah. lanita (she/her): are people who are like, I love Shakespeare, and that's how I know him. I love Marvel, that's how I know him. I love Trek, that's how I know him. And then there are people like, he also advocated for bully breeds. He also advocated for domestic violence because he was a child of a like he touched so many people in so many different ways that I think that it's okay when someone that you revere, someone that you have watched, someone who you have studied passes. And you fall apart because they are a part of your family, because they are integral to who you are as a person. You can think about him as Captain Picard and say, what are the life lessons that I learned of how I want to be? How I want to be in leadership, how I don't want to be in a in a community space, how I want to approach a new person that I've never met before. These are all valuable tenets and lessons. That's why you feel the way that you do when especially him, just just to keep it a buck, Anna Rozay: Yeah. lanita (she/her): And he was fucking funny. And he was like Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm. Mike Jones: Yeah. lanita (she/her): like when like when people get older, like, I want you to be my grandpa. Like, I wanna come over and have a cup of tea and have a scon or a biscuit and sit down and talk about I mean, Damian: Scone. Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): he's British, like, you know what I mean? Like it is what Damian: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): it I mean, I'm just saying, like, that's what you want. And you th and he gave off the air that that's what he if you actually said, Can I come have a cup of tea with you? he'd be like Sure. Come sit down, let's talk about something. Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: Yeah. Mike Jones: Yeah. Jodi Pickens (she/her): I think it what No, go ahead. Leigh Ellen (she/her): I think something that the I I think something that also made it hit a little closer to home for me was that I was not aware I don't think any of us were that he was battling with Alzheimer's and seeing Anna Rozay: Mm mm. No one was. lanita (she/her): No. Leigh Ellen (she/her): that in the announcement it was actually Jody was Jody, sorry, you were the one that broke the news to me, but also thank you. I think I I text back and just said no. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: Yeah. No. Leigh Ellen (she/her): Like I just I was just like no lanita (she/her): In the group chat you're like. Jodi Pickens (she/her): no. Leigh Ellen (she/her): But my my grandmother passed after a really long, difficult, horrible battle with Alzheimer's. And so finding out that I mean, I've I've had a lot of conversations this weekend about Alzheimer's and you know, he was just filming Marvel stuff like about a year ago. So it's either Anna Rozay: Yeah. Leigh Ellen (she/her): gotta be that they've made some advancements to this point that maybe they caught lanita (she/her): Mm. Leigh Ellen (she/her): it early enough and were able to get him meditated. medicine to hold off the dementia or maybe Mike Jones: Mm. Leigh Ellen

(she/her): just the fact that, Disney and Marvel were creating an environment where he was able to do what he loved to towards the end of his days in an in a place where he was safe and and health like not healthy, but just like, you know. Yeah. Anna Rozay: Looked after lanita (she/her): as healthy as possible to do that. Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): they talk about they started the early day. Frank's talked about the fact that when he films, like he gets the morning shift. He get Anna Rozay: Yeah. Mike Jones: Yeah. lanita (she/her): he gets the AM shift and then he's out and then Anna Rozay: And get some out. lanita (she/her): and then everybody else Mike Jones: And then he's done. lanita (she/her): comes. So it's that type of accommodation and consideration. Consideration's a better word for Anna Rozay: Consideration. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mike Jones: Yeah, yeah. lanita (she/her): someone of his caliber to be like, okay, you are an older actor. You will start sundowning. I mean we all do it. Anna Rozay: Yeah, yeah. Girl. lanita (she/her): To be s you Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): know, to be 7580 and still being able to be like Anna Rozay: No. lanita (she/her): not have cue cards. No one has ever said that that man didn't show up on time Anna Rozay: And do his job. Mike Jones: Mm and ready. Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): prepared. Anna Rozay: this so this hit the same amount of weight for me that Nichelle Nichols did. And I think Mike Jones: Yes. Anna Rozay: Nelle especially hit hard for me, but this also hit hard for me because like Liellen and her grandmother, my mom is still battling Alzheimer's and I'm still dealing with that with her. And to see that the d deterioration go through a person that you love and to see that he was going through that And to see how sharp he was up until Picard season three and beyond and then that just sprung on him is so disheartening because it's like to lose your sense of self is such a heartbreaking experience for the person and also the people around them. It is it's rough. It's not it's it's not something I would wish on my like greatest enemy. I would never wish that on them. and you know, Robin Williams He was going through that. And we thought that he did the the exit because he was just depressed. No, it was because he had Louis body dementia. That was the truth of it. Mike Jones: Yeah. Anna Rozay: and you know, I I am all here for somebody being like, These are my terms. I gotta go. I don't wanna live like this. I support that. I don't know if that if that's what happened with him, but I'm happy that he was able to live the life that he lived and impact all of us in such a way. Like I have To owe this man so much of my moral compass and lanita (she/her): Mm. Anna Rozay: who I am today. It sounds ridiculous, but this show touched me at a pivotal point in my development in my ear, like preteen to teenage years. I was watching TG. That was the first Star Trek I ever saw on Channel 50, UP in

Chicago. That was the lanita (she/her): Yeah. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Ha ha ha. Anna Rozay: first piece of Star Trek I ever saw. Like I knew Kirk and that was. it is I was aware that it existed but this was something I actually watched every Saturday night at 8 p.m it was on and I cannot tell you how much of who I am today is because it is is of him and the lessons that he taught through this show and through Professor X Xavier. Something eerie because at my job we were all fans of him pretty much. And people were hugging me and checking in on me and texting Mike Jones: Yeah. Anna Rozay: me and saying like I like you know I know this person was so important to you at are you okay and it was it's just it was an outpouring of love like my phone was blowing up on the day that he passed but when I got Damian: Yeah, yeah, same. Anna Rozay: to work one of my coworkers And I had came to the same conclusion. It was very eerie that Picard passed of space dementia. And also, if you know the X-Men movies in Logan, Professor Xavier is Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: suffering from dementia as well. And his powers are all out of way. And it was just such a eerie. lanita (she/her): Mm. Anna Rozay: Kismic, cosmic thing that his two notable characters dealt with this issue. And this is an issue that we need to address in the medical research, in the science field, there's not enough being done to address Alzheimer's, to address dementia, to help Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: people come back from this brink. I think if we put more of the money that is going to these bonds and these wars into Research for dementia Mike Jones: Mm. Anna Rozay: and Alzheimer's, we can help a lot of people because it's something that we don't know. Any of us could progress into that stage, and it is terrifying because lanita (she/her): Mm. Mike Jones: Yeah. Anna Rozay: it doesn't need to be the case. If we Leigh Ellen (she/her): does make me wonder how how how much he knew, how long he's known, Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Leigh Ellen (she/her): and maybe he purposefully put those Anna Rozay: Get it. Leigh Ellen (she/her): storylines in Logan and in Picard because he wanted conversations to be happening about this. And, Anna Rozay: Yes. Leigh Ellen (she/her): you know, I Mike Jones: Maybe. Leigh Ellen (she/her): I have to imagine that they've gotten so many donations from, you know, his requests to donate to the Alzheimer's Foundation instead of sending flowers. And lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: Yes. Leigh Ellen (she/her): I just I have Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Mike Jones: Yeah. Jodi Pickens (she/her): It was the Trek Geeks put out a thing that they were asking people to donate seventeen dollars and one cent to the foundation, which I thought was great and people were really rallying around that. And I know Anna Rozay: I need to do that right now. Jodi Pickens (she/her): yeah, it's it was I think Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): it was good and it was a poignant way for people

to get involved and and to feel s connected, which I think is what the fandom is really looking for right now. And kind Anna Rozay: Yes. Jodi Pickens (she/her): of like to your point, Damien, I i this is This is not just a man that impacted generations. It was a show that has impacted and continues to impact generations. And, you know, like Anna was saying, there's there's a moral compass that we all received from Trek in general, but particularly out of Jean-Luc Picard, that was kind of his what am I saying I it was his character arc was to explore that area and you know to say that lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): that that show and that character raised children, it absolut they did. They absolutely did. And I think yeah, he's like, yeah, it was me. And and and so it's okay to lanita (she/her): Stamien raises his hand. Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): grieve that and lose that because Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): when, you know, I think Will Wheaton has been so fantastic about what he's posted and shared online. But, you know, he he flat out said like he he was a father figure to me at a time that he Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): needed it most. And and I that resonated with so many people in the fandom and and and Will was there on set with him on a regular basis. And yet people through their screens have that same connection. And we lanita (she/her): It's Mike Jones: Yeah. Jodi Pickens (she/her): don't ever want to lose anyone to of we don't want to lose anyone to the disease. Alzheimer's dementia is is a horrible, horrible Anna Rozay: That's rough. Jodi Pickens (she/her): thing. but I'm so glad that. I feel this was handled on Patrick Stewart's terms. You're right. He lanita (she/her): Correct. Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Damian: Yeah. Jodi Pickens (she/her): he wants to be remembered for the legacy of the body of work he left us. Mike Jones: Yeah. lanita (she/her): Yep. Jodi Pickens (she/her): And and a huge part of that is Star Trek. And and he loved that job. He didn't he really did. I think he didn't ever expect to do love the job. Anna Rozay: Mm. He really did. He and Damian: Yeah. I don't think he expected to love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Anna Rozay: No. I th I I think I think one of my favorite things, about how much he loved this job was him going to Kate Mogrew and telling her I think Damian: Yes. Anna Rozay: was like the first week she was doing it lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: and she was run down and he's like giving her the pep talk of like if you really put yourself into this you will not regret these seven years. You will lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Yep. Anna Rozay: appreciate the body of work that you create because you gave it your all. And him, yes. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Isn't that powerful though to think that him coming after TOS like this showed nobody wanted TNG, right? Nobody wanted this. lanita (she/her): Yes. Mm-hmm.

Anna Rozay: Right. Mike Jones: Yeah. Jodi Pickens (she/her): How dare they bring another trek out, right? And here we are. Anna Rozay: But that's the that's the that's the usual the Exactly. Nobody nobody nobody wants something new. I I I will go on record, I love cadet school. But you're so right Damian: We didn't want Academy. Sure didn't. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Yes. We didn't want it. We didn't want we never want it. lanita (she/her): Yes. I want a cadet school. I want I always want new. Give me more. Leigh Ellen (she/her): Ha ha ha. Damian: See that. Leigh Ellen (she/her): Yeah. Damian: Same. Anna Rozay: that like it's Mike Jones: yeah. Anna Rozay: always a issue, the next generation. Live no pun no n well you know what I'm saying. But like but yes. lanita (she/her): Yep. Correct. Pun intended. Exactly. But yeah, but but seriously, Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. No, take the pun. Take the pun. Yeah. lanita (she/her): coming back and saying to somebody like, listen, I Jodi Pickens (she/her): Yeah. lanita (she/her): know where you are. Like and Anna Rozay: Yeah. lanita (she/her): and and it's I think it takes a lot of not hu not hubris, it takes a lot of humility to Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): be able to say to someone, it's not a competition. Like look at the next cabinet, like, this isn't a competition. Like Your captain is not my captain. Your story won't be my story. I'm not in competition with you. We are now like a family in this Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Yep. lanita (she/her): world of Star Trek. And I want you to be the absolute best captain that you can be to join the ranks of captain, Captain Hood. Yeah. You Anna Rozay: Captain Hood. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Yeah. Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): know, and you when you talk about like moral compass, I keep like I decided like here I am rewatching TNG again. And again, I can't fall asleep to because I want to watch it. But I finally, Damian: Yeah. lanita (she/her): I like six days later, finally finished the the first pilot episode of TNG. And I was just like, when you say moral compass, like it seems like they really struck the right chord. The way I say that TOS, the first episode is that is the perfect intro pilot, I think for TNG, Farpoint is the perfect pilot. Because you see exactly who he is as a captain. You see his shortcomings, the fact that he says he is uncomfortable around children. I need you to help me. I'm asking you, a person I've just met, first Anna Rozay: Mm. lanita (she/her): officer, to help me be better around this group of people that I'm not really good with. Can you do that? Two, you see his leadership style in delegating to different folks in his crew. Off jump. You see him testing his first officer in a way to help elevate him in the crew because he's brand new coming on. It wasn't to fail, it wasn't a test for failure. It was a test to showcase the fact that he knows what he's doing. This is why he has this position. If anybody felt like, I should

be sitting in that seat, it's like, but can you do this? Can you manually hook these two pieces back together? Damian: I have never thought of that moment that way. That is absolutely right though. Mm-hmm. Mike Jones: Mm. lanita (she/her): Do you under like it's I think that he and it's and it's calculated in the best way. It's being very measured and and very tactful about what he's asking people to do. And then on top of it, fighting this interstellar being who's like, you all are shit. Humans ain't done nothing good, never. Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): You should all die. And to Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): show, even in the face of someone screaming at you, look, you always want to bomb them. You're always trying to do this. No, Anna Rozay: Ha! lanita (she/her): we have a code. I'm like, I'm listening to these other people. I'm listening to my counselor say to me, this is what I was feeling. These are the two things. This is what it is. This is how we can help these beings that we've never seen. We don't know. It was a ship. Now it's a octopus in the sky. Like, what are we talking about? Like, I mean, I just, I just, I truly Anna Rozay: That's our track. lanita (she/her): think that it's the perfect intro pilot episode to show you. The people, but to show you who this captain is and how he Anna Rozay: Yeah. lanita (she/her): is going to run his crew, Anna Rozay: This ship. lanita (she/her): his ship that is different from the way Kirk did, but yet and still it's it's got gravitas, but humanity. Anna Rozay: Yeah. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Mike Jones: Yeah, gravitas. Jodi Pickens (she/her): It's really it's so important for us to go back and watch the pilot episodes of any series, at least in my opinion, because Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): I do think we see the foundations of the characters we learn and grow with across the series. But I agree with you, Lenita, that I mean Picard from a get-go in TNG gave us someone that you could admire, but also recognize that they were innately human. And and and that that from jump, from lanita (she/her): From jump. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Moment one, and I think the fact that he reveled in those two characteristics throughout T and G and even, my gosh, even in the three seasons of Picard, that it tells you the commitment he had to the character. And and that that's more than the writing, that's more than the scripts and the stories he was given. This is a man who cared very much about words and Mike Jones: Yeah. Jodi Pickens (she/her): not just what they read, but how they were spoken and delivered. And and and I feel that that's a bit beyond acting. I think that goes up there with all the great orators of our time. you think of Maya Angelou or even James Earl Jones had a way of speaking and delivering things to us. But also at the same time, I mean, anyone can read a speech by Martin Luther King Jr., but it's it's that that persona, that Anna Rozay: The weight. Jodi Pickens (she/her): s the weight of it. And and I feel like even in Even if you look at the the s the episode of The Naked Now, he still is having fun in that episode. And he is Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Damian: Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): delivering those lines as if Picard was having fun. And I think what I love about that is that that that's the Patrick Stewart, the person. He could be lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): the serious actor, you know, delivering Shakespeare like none other. And then at the same time, he can play Jeffrey from 1995 movie, play Sterling from Yeah, right. Anna Rozay: my god. Live. Mike Jones: Yes. Damian: Yeah. Leigh Ellen (she/her): Got my new favorite movie. I watched it for the first time this weekend. I cannot believe I've never seen it. It was so good. so good. Jodi Pickens (she/her): It's he that's classic, yeah. Mike Jones: So great. Really? Anna Rozay: It's so good. Did you the first time? It's so good. He's amazing in it. Mike Jones: So good. Jodi Pickens (she/her): But that's that's the ability of a of a man who knew how to have fun and also knew how Anna Rozay: Yes. Jodi Pickens (she/her): to to explore the weight of words. And I lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): love that he brought that to Picard because Anna Rozay: Yes. Jodi Pickens (she/her): we we need this is this was a captain like none other we'd seen before at that time. But he Anna Rozay: Yes. Jodi Pickens (she/her): he made it unique and I love the fact that he had that, you know, Patrick Stewart had those words of advice to give Kate Mulgrew. But then she Anna Rozay: Yes. Jodi Pickens (she/her): also had his, you know, his efforts so far to lean on and to look toward, you Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): know, like, what kind of captain do I want Janeway to be? And and how you know what I mean? And I think lanita (she/her): Yes. Yeah. Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): there's a there's a history of that. If we look at our our captains are, you know, across the series with Voyager and DS9 and and on into this new era, they're all influenced by those actors that came before, right? Anna Rozay: I am. I am, yeah. Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Yeah. And I I think it's It's powerful and and we lose sight of that. Anna Rozay: But yes. It's very true. I've I I I don't know if y'all knew about this scene. I just discovered it. The delete scene in Best of Both Worlds where Riker is looking out the wing Okay. Damian: I just watched it today, yeah. Mike Jones: Yeah, me too. Anna Rozay: I figured y'all would have seen it by now because it's been making the rounds. It's the delete a scene where Riker it's best of both worlds looking out the window and he goes into this conversation with Deanna, checking in on the ship, the crew, etc. But before that I think he talks to himself about how Picard was his father figure. And that was what he was for us, the

audience. You know, like he I Damian: Absolutely. Anna Rozay: didn't have gr growing up, you know, I didn't have the father f father figure that I wanted. So growing up, Picard kind of became that father figure. And it's kind of ironic as he was so child averse. And when you look at Picard season one through three He was Elnor's father figure. He was almost the father figure to Rios. He was the father figure to Rafi. Like he was everybody's father figure. You know what I Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: mean? Seven even. So like they all kind of like went under his wing and just became like this family. Like this man just sheltered so many people, so many characters, so many actors, so many audience members. us you know this this this man was genuinely just so wonderful I think about like lanita (she/her): A joy. Anna Rozay: him being on SNL when he's like salt and pepper like things like that like you know he like he would oscillate from like Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Mike Jones: Yes. Leigh Ellen (she/her): Bah. Damian: Yeah He knew what he was doing, he Jodi Pickens (she/her): The most proper yes, Damian: knew the joke. Jodi Pickens (she/her): yes. Anna Rozay: Yes, Mike Jones: Right. Anna Rozay: he will oscillate from being very regal and serious to having the time of his life and making a making a joke of himself. I adore this man. Like, and to lose him so abruptly was just like what the like okay, Damian: Yeah. Anna Rozay: I I need to I need to make a message to Death. Death, you are fucking up. You are you are you you you need to be written up at the next work meeting because I don't know what you're doing. lanita (she/her): Yes, we've we've we've already we've established, yes, just taking the wrong fe has has been has been Mike Jones: Mm mm, mm mm. Too much. Yes. Damian: There's some people still with us. Got no business with it. Yeah. Anna Rozay: You are taking the wrong people, honey. Mike Jones: Right. Amen. Anna Rozay: You're taking the wrong people. I if I need to send you a motherfucking telegram, lanita (she/her): Ha ha ha ha. Anna Rozay: what do you need? A wire, a wire transfer? Hello. You know who to get. Mike Jones: Right. Yep. lanita (she/her): Ha ha ha. Anna Rozay: You know who to get, and you're not getting them. Okay? Dolly Parton, Watza Kane. We got Patrick Stewart. Leigh Ellen (she/her): Yeah. Mm mm. Not Tim Curry. lanita (she/her): It's so true. Mike Jones: Right. Not Dolly Parton. Not Tim Curry. Right. Damian: my god. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm. Anna Rozay: Like, what is going on? Damian: Walter Koenig. lanita (she/her): But you want to know what's yeah. Anna Rozay: What is going on? You can take out Steven Miller, you can take out Trump, you can take out all of these motherfuckers. Look, they already outside. I shot them with my BB gun. Don't play with me. I'll shoot them with eyeshadow. lanita (she/her): But you wanna know what's interesting. No, wait, wait. listen, don't have the Secret Service come to your house. Let's let's that that is that is true. That is that is very true. You know what Mike Jones: yeah, name and names. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): you know what's so interesting when you said like it's abrupt? Yes, like so this is where I think That he remained the main character in his story. Like there are certain people who want to bring you along the journey with them of their decline. Like a Michael J. Fox is being diagnosed very early. And we've watched every stage of him on Anna Rozay: Right. Right. lanita (she/her): meds, Damian: Mm. Mike Jones: Brave. lanita (she/her): meds not working, right? Anna Rozay: Right. lanita (she/her): Like all of Damian: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): that out front. Eric, Anna Rozay: Yeah. lanita (she/her): Eric Dane, like Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm. lanita (she/her): Jesus, that was the quickest, that was the quickest decline. Anna Rozay: my god, that was so sad. lanita (she/her): But what did he do? He stayed out in front. He wanted you to see it. I feel like knowing shit from Shinola, don't know you from Adam. I feel like he, as in Sir Patrick Stewart, understood the weight or the gravitas or the the star that he was in every genre that he worked, and he wanted to leave the fandom. Maybe I'm being overthinking it, but leave the fandom with. The view that he wanted, the best version of himself, right? Anna Rozay: The best version. Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): there is a picture of him with who was it? someone he's sitting in like a little wheelchair. He looks a little older. I don't can't remember who it was who posted something. And I was like, now I don't think he approved that picture. He probably was like, I don't need anybody see me in a wheelchair. But you know, he just looked like a little frail grandpa. But I don't think that he wanted us to see him in the throes of his disease. I think he wanted each. person who connected with him to remember him the way the best version of the self of himself that we knew. Do you know what I mean? there are gonna people be like Damian: Yeah. lanita (she/her): Professor X is who who I know, Picard is who I know, you know, TNG Picard is who I know. Sorry, go ahead, Mike Jones. You've been very quiet. Mike Jones: I was just gonna w we've watched other heroes from our childhoods decline in a sad way. I think of Stan Lee, lanita (she/her): Yes. Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm. Mike Jones: and even Nelle Nichols had a lot of controversy in the last couple years of her life with people who were in charge of her fighting, and their a accusations of elder abuse. I don't know what was true, but Patrick Stewart avoided all of that. however however it happened, I think that he was he went out on his terms, I think. You know what I mean? Yeah. lanita (she/her): Yeah, he's the author of he was the truly the main number one on the call sheet for main so period right till the end. Mike Jones: Right. Right. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): And

I would hope, listen, th the old lady, we already have a plan, like the you know, funerals planned, and also like her mother, my grandmother, you know, died of dementia, all that business. So I know sort of what's ahead, possibly. Nothing's written in stone, Anna Rozay: Right. lanita (she/her): but the old ladies. probably gonna go crazy. I'm probably gonna have to be telling her things 17 times, all the things. But she was like, listen, the moment that I don't know any of this, we're going to that state that allows the things. I said, absolutely, lady, we're gonna smoke a doobie. We're gonna do some Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): ayahuasca, whatever you want to do before Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Yep. lanita (she/her): you go out this place. Like, you know what I mean? We're gonna smoke a big fat one. And then we're gonna watch the sun, we're gonna watch the sunset and it'll be the last sunset you see. And that's gonna be that. Anna Rozay: Just yep, yep, Mike Jones: Yeah. When you're done you're gone. Anna Rozay: yep, yep. Mike Jones: Yeah. Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): And that's gonna be that. And then we go through a big Mike Jones: That's true. lanita (she/her): ass party and play Love Shack and people can't wear black and Anna Rozay: And yeah. lanita (she/her): you can't cry. There's a twenty minute timer for crying and then let's fucking go party. Like that's just what it is. Anna Rozay: I think that's I think that's how I feel. You know? But not trying to get into too too to too much of my personal Mike Jones: Yeah, me too. lanita (she/her): I it's like no Anna Rozay: shit, but like that's like if it was to come on me suddenly in my old age, I'm like, girl, I didn't Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: play in wigs, I didn't play in gender, I done done the things, I've been on stage, I've worked behind the stage. I've seen things, I've done things. Girl, shut it down. Shut it down. Shut it down. Time it up. lanita (she/her): Time to go. Time to go. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Shut it down. Damian: I I think it's interesting, Anna, what you're talking about about feeling like how many people were raised by that you felt like you were raised by Picard in a lot of ways. Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Damian: And that Mike Jones: Yeah. Damian: I feel very much the same way. And I think there's some aspect of this and I'm only sort of coming, you know, as we're doing this podcast, as we're talking to so many like queer adults who were raised on next generation, you know, I definitely that that sort of like male role model for me as a young gay boy was so important because I don't I didn't really understand what was going on or how I was different, but I knew that I was. And I knew that I was not different in the same way that like mm gay men that I was aware of at the time weren't, you know, and even still I kinda feel that way. But like but that, you know, I was so lucky in like navigating those things that I I I and I did have a good dad and was I had a I feel I feel like I had a trifecta of men in my life. you know, I was raised in martial arts, which weirdly as an adult I look back on that and it feels very similar to Star Trek, this like ragtag. Anna Rozay: Wait, can you do karate and shit? Damian: I grew up in t I I was raised in Taekwondo, yeah. I can't do anything, I'm too old now. But I was like but as like from the ages of like ten eight lanita (she/her): Taekwondo. He can't do anything now. Don't he can't But he has a black belt. Mike Jones: Taekwondo. Damian: eight to twenty something. Anna Rozay: Okay, Power Ranger. lanita (she/her): Ha ha ha. Damian: Yeah. And it was it Jodi Pickens (she/her): Power Ranger. So Damian: was it was a you know, it's like a a ragtag crew of people of all ages, shapes and sizes. And, you know, you leave your outside world hierarchy at the door and you come inside and you embrace a new one. And you know, I was fourteen years old being called yes sir by the chief of police who was a yellow belt. You know, it was like so it was like so that was a very Star Trek like thing in my Mike Jones: That's Damian: My I saw my Taiwanose doctor in retrospect. He has, of course, since passed away, Tom Hernandez. He Anna Rozay: Chao. Damian: yeah, okay, Tom. He was had a lot in common with Picard, and I realize now, as did my dad. My dad was Anna Rozay: Mm. Damian: an a scientist, an environmental Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Damian: warrior who had his own you know, he started his own environmental group, and it was a ragtag crew of weirdos, and like no No shade. There were some real weird Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Damian: people. And he'd ranted out of our house. And he felt like a real sense of responsibility for these people. And there's a things in my dad that I recognize now and watching Star Trek. I was like, that was the burden of leadership. Like that was like you felt Mike Jones: Mm. Damian: responsible for all these, for like putting dinner on the table for all these people who worked for you. And that like c felt and that manifested itself as distance sometimes. And things that were like that you could like, you know, watch Picard and the way that he deals with his crew, and you're like, like that is so my dad. You know, like all of these Mike Jones: Okay. Damian: things are like all intertwined, and you start to like really read into it and you're like, my god, like how much of who I am is because of like these men in a certain era of my life that, you know, bore a certain similarity to one another, you know? So it's Jodi Pickens (she/her): I keep coming back to Wheaton, but it's so it that's so powerful what you're talking about, Damon, because c imagine being Will Wheaton, who we know wasn't in a great situation or time in his personal life as a young teenager in acting. But he's surrounded by s Patrick Stewart, you've got Frakes, you've got Michael Dorn, you've got LeVar Burton. I mean, Brent's they're all there. surrounding this young person Anna Rozay: Yeah. Jodi Pickens

(she/her): and and work not only just working with them but helping to shape that person. And I think I think it's more powerful to us when the people playing the characters we love and adore are also wonderful people in humans in real life. And I I I lanita (she/her): Hm. Mike Jones: And yeah. Anna Rozay: In real life. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Damian: Yeah. lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Mike Jones: Yeah. Jodi Pickens (she/her): think that that speaks a lot to the quality and character of these human beings that we love and adore. Mike Jones: it reminds us of the passage of time and makes us miss a simpler lanita (she/her): Hmm. Mike Jones: time. It's like when Mr. Rogers died. I don't know if you guys grew up watching Mr. Rogers, but I mean he was a little old man when he died. Damian: Yes. I I put on my at work sweater when I get to work. lanita (she/her): Yes. Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): Hello, why do you think I Mike Jones: Nice. lanita (she/her): have one sitting at my Mike Jones: Ha ha. lanita (she/her): desk? I tuck into that thing, I change my shoes and I put Damian: To the binder clip right here. Mike Jones: Right. lanita (she/her): on my my binder clip. Right, that's right, my little purple sweater. Absolutely. Mike Jones: That's amazing. And we you know, when we see the news that these these they seem larger than life, people like lanita (she/her): Yes. Mike Jones: Patrick Stewart, like Mr. Rogers, like, you know, lanita (she/her): Live forever. Mike Jones: yeah. And and they when they pass, it at least for me, it makes me miss like, you know, sitting in my parents' living room watching, lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Mike Jones: you know, Star Trek while Coloring and lanita (she/her): Yep. Mike Jones: dad's reading the newspaper. You know what I mean? And like the world made sense then in a way that it exactly like as an adult, lanita (she/her): Because you didn't have any responsibilities. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Damian: Yeah. Mike Jones: there's so much more happening. Like the the crap dad was reading in that newspaper was probably terrifying. But I that wasn't my world, you know what I mean? lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Yep. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Right. Mike Jones: and I mean I I I don't mean to minimize Patrick Stewart at all, but Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-mm. Mike Jones: it I think that part of it is is an acknowledgement of the passage of time and and that, that just makes me sad. Anna Rozay: Yeah. lanita (she/her): It no, it Jodi Pickens (she/her): Yeah. lanita (she/her): also the fact that you you you say you think back to simpler times, not even simpler, it's like why do we go back and watch the shows that we watched when we were younger? Because Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): for mo mm for a lot of folks, not all, they made you feel something, maybe safe, maybe. Your home life was turbulent. So this was a comfort to make you feel like you were enveloped in something. Maybe your home life was great and it just amplified

and showcased that the the lessons that I'm being taught from these people that I live with are mirrored. they must be amazing because this crew is following this person who is showcasing the same morals and skills that my dad, my uncle, my mom, my aunt have. Damian: Yeah. lanita (she/her): Like there's something about nostalgia, something about the thing that you watched, even not even just young, young. yes, I came to Star Trek older, but it still speaks to me in a s in a similar way. I can look at Captain Picard and be like, yeah, that's how my dad was with his students, like those juvenile delinquents in that juvenile correctional facility, teaching them about life. Like Teaching them about life. He didn't, it wasn't just math and social studies, like I'm giving you life skills. And I feel like Picard was giving each person on that ship life skills, figuring Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): out what they needed, how they needed to be taught, spoken to, addressed, and did that. And each character by the end of that seven-year series was changed for the better, period point blank. Like Jodi Pickens (she/her): Yeah. lanita (she/her): you can't tell me that there isn't a person who worked under him. in in the ship, except person who maybe got, phasered off or Armis took them, they Anna Rozay: Okay. Damian: Or couldn't do a georty role under the engineering door, lanita (she/her): they weren't you know what I mean? Like unfortunately Anna Rozay: Your safe. Oops. lanita (she/her): you didn't get that skill, but you know what I mean? Like they were all for the better. And that is why again, the first episode and the last episode of that series are two of the best hours two hours of television you'll ever watch because I weep every time when that man goes and sits at that table and plays cards with them and is like, you know, well, I, you know, I would love to be here. He's like, you were always invited, but he could not do it because he had to be the captain. And as you said, to keep yourself separate, Damien, like you are responsible for all of these people and trying to get them home. Like Jane Way always talked about the amount of souls on her ship. I want to get them all home. Anna Rozay: Mm. lanita (she/her): I don't want to lose anybody. And so that is the that is the weight of being the leader. And I also Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): think that him as a person, he carried that weight as well. And Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): he did it with grace. And it in every avenue that he traveled, he was like, here's the weight. I got it. Now let me show you how you can be better in your life, each one of us. Anna Rozay: For me Jodi Pickens (she/her): Hit no, I was just gonna say his memoir is worth get the audiobook, listen to the man read his story, because it it ties into exactly what you were saying, Ladita, that there was weight to his life and and not just in existing as a young person and growing up in a difficult home and under difficult circumstances, but in how he became an actor and We know, I as a musician, a former musician anyways, and anybody that is in the arts, th there's a struggle that's attached to that at some point in in time, or a lot of it, for all of it maybe. But he talks about that and he talks about it with such detail that you understand what shaped him. And and I think you know, it it's a very detailed memoir. He doesn't even talk a lot about Trek in it, to be honest, but it's it's so worth the listen because you really understand the man more in that moment. And I I honestly I'm just a fan of anything he did that we can listen to. You know, his his Shakespeare sonnets are out there at available Mike Jones: Yeah. Jodi Pickens (she/her): too. And I just think it's important to honor that because he I not just his work and Trek, but his work and and his life were We're powerful and and we should lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): we should celebrate that in in his memory at all if anything. Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. I was gonna say, the episode that I gravitated to after his passing, after I was able to calm down and be like, okay, I need to look at my grandpa on the screen and have some interface time. I directly went to family. I I Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Anna Rozay: wanted to see Picard at his most human. lanita (she/her): Mm. Anna Rozay: I wanted to see Picard at a point in his life where like nothing was going right for him and he had to reconnect with his base self. his family, his his humanity, and center himself again and like really get that emotional catharsis out about what had happened to him. And Jody and I and Artie had just recorded a episode talking about first contact and really focusing on the Bor Queen. But also through that discussion we talked a lot about what that experience experience meant for Picard as a character going through that trauma and then I just thought it was really interesting timing that he passed shortly thereafter we recorded that and all of that reflection that we the three of us did really rang true retrospectively because I was like, now it's it like he has passed and I'm really thinking about them the man, the character, all of that and how and how Star Trek and the X-Men have really mirrored him in a lot of ways because you know some of these actors they play these characters and they really don't live up to them. He lanita (she/her): Hmm. Anna Rozay: f as far as I'm concerned, I don't know him every day of his life. I don't know him on a personal level, but for what he presented, his morals, his politics, he lived up to his character. And that is rare. That is rare for any actor, that is rare for any franchise to live up to the standards that your character presents. And I just really had a catharsis watching that episode of Family. Like I I feel like it allowed me to grieve him, it allowed me to to cry, to see him in a vulnerable

state, you know? It it it it just kind of encapsulated everything. Jodi Pickens (she/her): He really in that Damian: Anywh anyone else drawn to a particular Mike Jones: That's great choice. Damian: episode? I'm so curious. It like in this time of lanita (she/her): I told you. I just encountered far point. I just had to go back to the beginning. I truly and I've and I was folding clothes, just put it back on, watch it and just let it keep going. Skip code of honor. Don't really need to see that one again. But you know, just I was like, I can't do this right now. But but truly like the first like even in the naked now, you know, it just him him being serious and and needing to get a job done and then getting infected and just the playfulness in literally the next episode, you seeing the playfulness of this person. he does have dimension. He's not just going to be straight and narrow. He's not gonna be hardlined. that's fun. It just I was just like, okay, here we go. Back to a rewatch. Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): You know, Jodi Pickens (she/her): Yeah. lanita (she/her): it it it it's necessary. Mike Jones: The episode I went to was sorry, it was the episode I went to was the inner light. Damian: Mm-hmm. Mike Jones: because you s you i it it I mean he you see him live this whole life and become like a grandfather and and and lanita (she/her): that one, yeah. Mike Jones: it it's just yeah, I don't know, that one made me feel warm and fuzzy. lanita (she/her): No, you have to. No, this is no, but this is the thing. That's why you watch the way that Anna Mike Jones: Tarsus. lanita (she/her): watched family and ha you have to it's like it's Damian: I have a crack. lanita (she/her): it it's it's like it's like closing, not closing, it's like allowing yourself to fully Anna Rozay: To feel the feelings. lanita (she/her): to fully feel Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): the feelings. I mean like just because you have to like it's a loss, like it's a it's a great loss of to the world. Humanity, I know that he he's a human, but he touched more people than we probably even know. People Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): who will not out loud say, Yes, I fucking watched Star Trek. People who will not say, Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): Yes, I started reading Shakespeare because it popped up on my feed one day that he was reading sonnets, who won't say, I got into Marvel, you know, because of Seeing a clip of him pla like there are people who will still not to this day admit the things that they love that he was the impetus for them to to to get into. So watch the episode, feel the feels, and have a moment of celebration of what he put out there that could make you feel that. It just you you have to you have to like go through it as you know, the stages of reach, you're gonna keep crying about it. you just are. It's just gonna Anna Rozay: Yeah. lanita (she/her): be what it's gonna be. I hear his voice. I literally watch Ian McKellen talk about their friendship. And I love that. I love that he was like, This is my best fucking friend. He's a homo and I love him. And I Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): like just the love. You want someone to look at you the way that he looked at his best friend. They looked at each like they were in love with each other, platonically in love with each other. And Damian: Yeah. Anna Rozay: It was beautiful. Yes. Yes. They loved each other. Mike Jones: Yes. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): And just to see that, to witness that, i it shouldn't be, but it is. And with you know what I mean? Anna Rozay: It's unique. It's it's so unique. It shouldn't be. But like but yes, it is it is beautiful to behold and I think we Jodi Pickens (she/her): Okay. Anna Rozay: were all aware of that and like when Ian McKellen th did post his message, it just I so I lost a best friend and I can I can only underst like fathom what Ian is going through. When you lose your best friend, it is it's like somebody cut you your arm off. you go to talk to that person, they're not there no more. They're Mike Jones: Yeah. Anna Rozay: not gonna respond anymore. And you get the Facebook notifications about memories that that person had with you. And it's just another reminder, a daily reminder that they're gone. lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: But it's also in a way, if I look at it this way, that that person is technologically saying, Hey, I I I'm still here. lanita (she/her): Here. Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): You can Anna Rozay: I'm still with you, even though I'm not physically with you. lanita (she/her): Yep. Anna Rozay: And it when I look at those memories, when they come up, it brings me joy. And I hope that Ian has Mike Jones: Good. Anna Rozay: that in some shape or form that Mike Jones: Yeah. Anna Rozay: like he can look back at photos, Facebook memories, whatever the case may be, and have that remembrance of the joy that they share. And it's just it just like y'all said before, it really does nail down the fact that we all are mortal. and time Damian: Yeah. Anna Rozay: is passing, whether we wanted to or not. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: And we have to really hold on to each other. And this is for everybody, this the what is it, six us six of us and beyond that are the Haling Frequencies podcast family, hold on to each other, talk to each other, check in on each other, and make sure that we tell each other how much we care for each other, we love each other, because there's gonna come a time where we're not gonna be here. You know? Mike Jones: Yeah. Anna Rozay: So we have to really that is lanita (she/her): I'm living forever, Anna. I'm gonna be here forever. I'm gonna haunt you. What that is correct. But it's true. Anna Rozay: Lenita is gonna be the vampire. That is Damian: We we are we are gonna cancel that hair episode if you make me cry on this podcast, Anna Rose. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Ha ha.

Anna Rozay: I'm trying to get y'all to Emmy. I'm trying to get y'all. What is the podcast, Emmy? But but but truly, we really, Jodi Pickens (she/her): Yeah. Anna Rozay: we really do have to cherish each other while we are lanita (she/her): Yeah. Anna Rozay: here, while we are in front of each other. We have to cherish lanita (she/her): Yep. Anna Rozay: each other. If this is not the lesson that we learn from this, then we should. Because lanita (she/her): Correct. Damian: Yeah. Anna Rozay: at the end of the day, We don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow. We don't. Mike Jones: Okay. lanita (she/her): Nope. Anna Rozay: We didn't we didn't expire we didn't expect a world where Patrick Stewart was not in it. We thought that motherfucker was gonna live till a thousand. Mike Jones: No. Right. Anna Rozay: We really did. We really did. so when he when he when lanita (she/her): It's true though, it it's really true. Where was he going? Jodi Pickens (she/her): True. Damian: Well, Mike Jones: Yeah. Anna Rozay: he said goodbye, I was like, hold on. Hold on. No. So Mike Jones: Right. Damian: we all there are so many people who talk about how Star Trek is all about optimism for the future and is all all about, and it is all these things. But the the thing that to me that it is so much more is family and it is chosen Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Damian: family and it is finding family with people who are different from you and it is and that all of the all of the the you know, it's this we feel the same when D Space Nine Voyager and we see those families form in those shows and that's what draws us in. But the thing about next generation that I think is so powerful that we see at the end of Pac Barry at Barry End of Picard is that those seven and eight, if you include Will, eight, that they are a family, that they have formed their own dysfunction. And you hear about the way they talk, you hear when they tell insulting stories about Patrick being lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Damian: terrible occasionally. Do you know what I mean? It it's the it is the same way that I complain about my siblings or that I complain, you know, ab about my about my mom. Or like about, you know, it is familial. And we feel that I think that is part of why this hits so hard is that the the the family vibe with those actors is so strong and so palpable that you feel their loss. And so you feel the loss of Picard, but you look at all of them. we all I think we all watched Marina crying into the camera about it, and it was like Mike Jones: Right. Damian: dagger to the chest. it was so she was and the crazy thing was well, lanita (she/her): Daggers. She was like, I can't. She was like, What am I doing Damian: and also it's just as fascinating, the obligation now as we all live public lives, lanita (she/her): Yeah. Damian: to she said the first thing that she says, I probably should have said something yesterday. Like she was in the Mike Jones: Ugh lanita (she/her): But Anna Rozay: Yeah. lanita (she/her): I but she was like, But at least Damian: deepest, earliest stages of Mike Jones: girl. Damian: grief, there was no Mike Jones: No. Damian: i everything. And she was like she felt guilty for not having, you know, done it twenty four hours sooner. Yeah. But Anna Rozay: Said it fast enough. Yeah. Mike Jones: Yeah. Damian: it was like it is we are seeing all of these other people grieve too. And like I think that's one of the hardest things to look at because, you know, like you said, we think about our own friends and our own familial networks and the the bonds that we form with at how how many people affect us that way. And Anna Rozay: Mm. Damian: Yeah. Mike Jones: Yeah. Anna Rozay: No, it's real. You gotta you gotta cherish the people why you got here. Because if this is anything to teach us, cherish them. Cherish them while they're here because they will be they will be gone before you lanita (she/her): Gone one day. Anna Rozay: yeah, they will be gone in an instant and you will not be prepared. It's it's unfortunate, it's sad, it's but it's real, it's human. lanita (she/her): Mm. Anna Rozay: It's human. It is the most human experience, and that's what Star Trek teaches us, is that like Mike Jones: Absolutely. lanita (she/her): Yes. Anna Rozay: people leave us. Kirk Spock. Look at that. Look at that relationship. But unfortunate reality of our existence is unlike Star Trek, they don't get to come back. So cherish the people that you love while they are here. Be kind to them and show them that you love them for who they are and why they exist in your life. And Patrick taught us that. Cherished what is it? Time Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: is what did he say at the end of generations? Somebody has the quote. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Damian: Time is a fire in which we burn. Mike Jones: Well it in yes. In Anna Rozay: Time is like a companion that goes on the journey with us. Damian: Yes. Mike Jones: in the inner light he says l live in the now, make now the most important time. Anna Rozay: Yes, make now the most important time. So Don't always be stressing about we all got stressors, right? And especially in this world. We all got stressors. But sometimes Mike Jones: Mm, mm, amen. Anna Rozay: you have to unhook from those stressors and be like, you know what? Let me hug my husband. Let me hug my wife. Let me hug my partner. Whoever that is. Let me hug my friend. Let me you let me reach out. Like, hey girl, are you okay? What's going on? Can I help you? You like, you know, like reach out to the motherfuckers. Like You gotta reach out to your peoples. And that's what Pakari taught us. be a good human. lanita (she/her): Be a good human. Damian: I gotta say the episode that I that I I lately even prior to this that I keep going back to is Nepenthe. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: Mmm. there you go, maybe why's not Damian: Is P P Pizza Riker and Troy s something about that episode is I Mike Jones: Mm. Damian:

mean I even before this happened, that's an episode that makes me kinda cry when I watch it. Anna Rozay: It's got Damian: but it is Also weirdly, I'm in the the phase of my life where where my favorite character is Riker in a lot of ways, which I can't necessarily explain, but that is I think I think because I I think because my latency period stretched too long. Anna Rozay: I was in the phase of my life as a kid and he was my favorite lanita (she/her): Ha ha ha Jodi Pickens (she/her): Hay Mike Jones: Whoo Damian: I was like too asexual for too long to like really appreciate Riker in those key years that like lanita (she/her): Yeah. Mike Jones: Ha Damian: my adult self is coming back to it. Yeah. Yeah, Anna Rozay: Your adult self is like, I'm horny and ready. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Yeah. Damian: but lanita (she/her): Ready. Mike Jones: Ready for that Riker maneuver? Damian: But also it is Anna Rozay: Look, I had action figures of Riker as a kid, baby. With a with the phaser rifle and he would you would push a button and he would go shh and shoot the tor shoot the phaser beam out. Baby, I love Riker since the good old days. Damian: Yeah, no, I lanita (she/her): Yeah yeah. Mike Jones: Yeah. Damian: I no I like I I I like a Riker. But I but to me the the it g that episode gets me right at the beginning because Jodi Pickens (she/her): Right. Damian: it's like what 'cause he surprises them. He doesn't he's shows up unannounced and first you see Troy Troy obviously sees on knows he's there first, like she can send him, right? And that Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Damian: and the look like Riker is like, you know, working in the kitchen or whatever, and the look on his face when he goes from unaware to aware just is the like just the love between those two men that is like immediately apparent and is and I'll and we talked Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Yes. Damian: about this I we talked about this about this with Jody I'm not so brave as I used to be from Deanna just just sh still shatters me. But but yeah just I think it there's just something about the the the length of these relationships. And of course we get it much later on in season three which is all about that but that That nugget of it and that episode is so powerful to me that that that these that these experiences are so formative for these people that they will never let go of each other. that they will always be that. Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. Yeah, they are so father and son coded. And then Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: and then that delete Mike Jones: Yeah. Anna Rozay: scene, Riker even says he's a father that I wish my father would have been, or something to that effect. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Yes. Anna Rozay: he was a better Damian: Well Anna Rozay: father than my father was. Damian: Yeah, no, it's true. And I think we see a lot of that in Star Trek. And I think that it it it's funny. I as you know, one of the things that I had suggested for tonight was to like sort of bring your favorite Picard speech. And mine, it's to this day, the one that always gets me from next generation is from the first duty. It is the dressing down that he gives Wesley. And it's funny and I and Anna Rozay: To Wesley. That's my that's mine. Damian: it's literally I literally was just on Instagram today and who posted it as their favorite speech? Derek Tyler Attico, friend of the pod, who I love. So I was I felt I felt Anna Rozay: No. Damian: vindicated with that. But but but lanita (she/her): Ha ha ha. Damian: even that s that speech is, you know, it was sort of a motivational, inspirational, you know, garden variety and inspirational speech. But then when I look at it as an adult, you know, and go this actually goes back to Mike saying things felt so much simpler back then. And I think it was like, I think I was simpler because as an adult I look at that now and I'm like, there are so many things happening and that are layered into that scene that are about that are about Picard is in love with his mother. P that Picard is carries the guilt of the death of his father. He resents Wesley for needing a father and being unable to be a father. He resents Wesley because he wants Mike Jones: Mm. Damian: to be his father but somehow feels like he can't. And Wesley, come to find out, probably resents him too, because all he ever wanted was to make him proud and it has led him down this Starfleet path that was not for him. that Mike Jones: That was not his path. Damian: it was not his path, but he Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Damian: put himself on this path because he wanted more than anything to make Picard proud. And it was like Anna Rozay: Yeah. Damian: there's so many things happening in that one scene, Anna Rozay: So yeah, Damian: and that it was not and and and he was disappointed in him and he was angry at him and he was But he had faith that he could, step up in the moment and do the hard thing and yes, it's a great speech and Patrick Stewart is impeccable and so powerful in the way that he delivers it, but so much of that is just like the tangled up characters that maybe felt simple at the time, but when you really think them through, we're not at all. Anna Rozay: Mm. Damian: how we doing? How is everyone? lanita (she/her): Mike Jones, so Mike Jones is so pensive. I've never heard him this quiet. He it is disconcerting. That was the he Anna Rozay: Right? I think we all need a shot. Damian: Mike Jones. Leigh Ellen (she/her): Well, I was trying to figure out who I could hear breathing and then I like, it's Mike Mike Jones: It's Mike O no. Damian: It's liter I I think it's everyone Jodi Pickens (she/her): Ha ha. lanita (she/her): is he's sitting in it. No, not at all. No, it's it's sad, heavy breathing. It's I am I am I am Mike Jones: It's not like fat guy breathing, is it? It's not like Leigh Ellen (she/her): Yeah. It's Damian: Ha Leigh Ellen (she/her): sad breathing. Yeah. lanita (she/her): So overc it's sad breathing, Mike Jones. Jodi

Pickens (she/her): Well. Damian: Also, Mike Jones: Yeah. Damian: by the Anna Rozay: shit, I became disconnected. Damian: way, by the way, before so we don't neglect because people do you know, I listen to us on the train. people do listen to the audio version. It is worth noting that Anna Rose, Lee Ellen and I are in uniform. Jody has a lanita (she/her): Yes. Damian: classic next generation tea, and Mike Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): Yes. Damian: Mike Jones is representing the sour mead. lanita (she/her): Yes. Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: Sour meave, shadow record. Mike Jones: Shut up. Damian: And Deanna Jodi Pickens (she/her): Shuttle. Damian: Detroit, Linita is wearing whatever she damn well pleases. Anna Rozay: And she out of uniform with her boobs out. So you gotta go watch the YouTube to see Lanita's boobs. lanita (she/her): That is correct. Listen, I listen, listen, I said, I Mike Jones: Hell yeah. lanita (she/her): I said a nice look, there are probably so many places you can see that. I would decided to wear a nice cardigan. You know, it's got a little sheep Anna Rozay: Now wait a minute. Mike Jones: Nice. lanita (she/her): on it's got a little black sheep on it, I figure, you know, his pastoral, his pastoral beginnings vineyard, you know, you know, I I came, I came in theme. Mike Jones: Uh-huh. Anna Rozay: Yeah. They g I th they got sheep on the vineyard. They got Leigh Ellen (she/her): I also specifically I specifically Mike Jones: No, it's comfortable. lanita (she/her): Ha ha. Leigh Ellen (she/her): chose my Rainbow Delta badge Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Mike Jones: Yes. Damian: Yes. Leigh Ellen (she/her): for my uniform Anna Rozay: As you're a little guy. lanita (she/her): Yes. Leigh Ellen (she/her): because of his advocacy for the queer community. lanita (she/her): That is correct. Leigh Ellen (she/her): Yeah. Anna Rozay: I love that Damian: I do want to say Anna Rozay: man. Damian: also, I I mentioned this beforehand to Anna that that I did second guess my decision to come in uniform because you know the backstory is that I definitely shaded Anna Rose for not coming in drag on a previous appearance. lanita (she/her): Correct. Damian: Yes. And Anna Rozay: I'm here. Damian: so then she announced that she was coming in uniform, and then I said, Me too. And and then I had lanita (she/her): Yes, you did. Mike Jones: me too. Damian: a Jodi Pickens (she/her): Need to. Damian: Definite flashback to the Mike Jones: Yeah. Damian: time that Patrick Stewart walked out of Good Morning America because Spencer Christensen, the weather lanita (she/her): Yeah. Damian: guy, showed up in uniform and Patrick Stewart lanita (she/her): Hehehehehe Damian: was offended and walked out. Yes. Yes. And you know Mike Jones: In his uniform. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Damian: what? You know what? Like in the we think of that as like a diva moment from like a haughty actor. But you know what that was? He was talking to us. He was saying, I will not let Anna Rozay: Uh-huh. He was talking to the fans. lanita (she/her): Yes. Mike Jones: Yeah. Damian: this. This dude does not understand Star Trek. He does not understand what he's doing. He's making Anna Rozay: Clown us. Yes. Mike Jones: Yes. lanita (she/her): Nope. Nope. Damian: fun of us all. And that was Anna Rozay: Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): Mm-hmm. Mike Jones: Yes. Damian: Patrick Seward defending the six of us. Yes. Anna Rozay: the franchise and and the dignity lanita (she/her): Yep. Mike Jones: Yes. Anna Rozay: of the fans. Because it's like Mike Jones: That's why he was so r reluctant to go see Galaxy Quest, because he thought it was making fun of the fans and and Anna Rozay: A clown here. Yeah. Mike Jones: Frakes was like, No, it's great, you gotta go. And it is, it's great. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. It's great. Mm-hmm. lanita (she/her): It's great. It's great. Anna Rozay: No. No. I no, Damian: Yeah. Yeah. Anna Rozay: for Galaxy Quest is a is amazing. Leigh Ellen (she/her): But I will say lanita (she/her): It's great. Leigh Ellen (she/her): It was Halloween Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Leigh Ellen (she/her): weekend, so it's not that weird to be wearing any of this. But we had a costume contest at my work, which I don't know if I wasn't trying to wear my good, like expensive or handmade cosplay, at my restaurant job. But Anna Rozay: She said, We're gonna do the shitty cosplay. Leigh Ellen (she/her): and I wasn't even gonna lanita (she/her): Yeah. Leigh Ellen (she/her): wear it every not shitty. Well, I mean, it doesn't fit anymore. S she's too big. But I Mike Jones: Humble brag. Leigh Ellen (she/her): I wasn't humble brag, yeah, right. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Mike Jones: Ha ha Leigh Ellen (she/her): I wasn't trying to win the costume contest and I wasn't even gonna wear it both lanita (she/her): It's just too big. Anna Rozay: Just that I lost weight, honey. Leigh Ellen (she/her): days, but I wore it on Damian: She's like, I literally already won Trek Long Island. What do I care about? I was gonna name your restaurant, but Jodi Pickens (she/her): Yes. Leigh Ellen (she/her): I love I lanita (she/her): Hmm. Anna Rozay: yeah. Leigh Ellen (she/her): love prizes. I like free stuff, you know what I mean? But but I Anna Rozay: Girl, okay. lanita (she/her): Yeah. Leigh Ellen (she/her): did I wore this both days and on on Friday I had a table that started talking to me because they saw me in the uniform. And Lawrence, who runs the cosplay cabaret, he was hosting a kind of memorial for both Walter and for Sir Patrick, that evening in Midtown close to where I work. And so I just mentioned like once they told me they had been on the cruise, I was like, you guys are real Star Trek fans, like you're actual Trekys. You're not like making fun of me or or gonna say beam me up Scotty 'cause I'm wearing this, you know. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Yeah. Leigh Ellen (she/her): And I invited them out to the event and I didn't think they

were gonna come. And they showed up to this memorial event at this bar later that evening and it was really, Damian: my god. Leigh Ellen (she/her): really sweet. And something that was lanita (she/her): So cool. Leigh Ellen (she/her): super special was that they had also talked to me about they were like, you're a parody singer. Do you know that con the musical, the Star Trek musical? And I was like, well, actually, one of the actors from the original cast is over here at the party. You should go talk to him. And they got to talk to him. It was the cutest thing. And it was just really nice. I love wearing Star Trek stuff in public. Yes. lanita (she/her): Look at that. Star Trek bringing people together. Mike Jones: Yeah. Amen. Damian: You are the mover and the shaker, or you're a community leader. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: Yeah, community leader, yes. Yes, we love a community leader. lanita (she/her): Yeah. Leigh Ellen (she/her): I guess that's true. I guess that's true. Mike Jones: Ha ha ha ha. Damian: Community leader. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Ha ha. Leigh Ellen (she/her): But it was also really nice to have that event on Friday night to just gather. It was a lot of Trekies from the NYC away team meetup group and people from different aspects of Trekkiedom and just all getting together and we played clips of Patrick and Walter and like other things they'd been in as well. And it was just it was really sweet. And then Everybody got a little take home of a little bottle of vodka and a little packet of Earl Grey tea, which was sweet. Yeah. Mike Jones: I saw that picture you posted, yeah. That's really sweet. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Nice. Anna Rozay: that I will I will say I know this is mostly for Patrick but I will say that I love Walter in Battlestar not Battlestar what Mike Jones: yeah. Anna Rozay: is it Babylon 5 Babylon 5 Leigh Ellen (she/her): In Babylon five, yeah. Mike Jones: Pablon five. Mm-hmm. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Babylon. Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: I've been trying to get through that. It's it's it's once you get into it, you get into it. But it's hard, I will say. But Walter, when he shows up, I'm like, you better work, bitch. Because he cause he's low-key a villain. lanita (she/her): Yeah. Anna Rozay: And you're like, okay, Walter, you better work, bitch. He's all in black and very session 31. He's got psychic powers. It's very cunty. I live for it. Mike Jones: Mm-hmm. Anna Rozay: I highly recommend. Yeah. Jodi Pickens (she/her): It's good. Yeah, it's good. Anna Rozay: Yeah, as soon as it finishes, but it's good. Damian: Right then. Mike Jones: Yeah. well this has been a really touching evening. and really what I needed more more I didn't even realize how much I needed it. so I thank you all for being a part of this, for being part of Hailing Frequencies Open, for sharing your memories of of Patrick Stewart, of our captain. and I think I'll just keep it simple and thank You the listener for listening and grieving with us, please reach out and let us know what you think and and share your memories and thoughts on our our captain. You can find us at hailing freak open or at hailing frequencies open dot com. and with that I will say hailing frequencies closed. Damian: Okay, was that my city internet, or did Taj's voice sound really weird right now? Anna Rozay: I think that was your internet. Mike Jones: It was your internet. Jodi Pickens (she/her): The internet. lanita (she/her): It was your shitty Damian: Okay, lanita (she/her): internet. Damian: okay. Mike Jones: Yeah, Damian: 'Cause it was do it Mike Jones: you're really blurry too. Anna Rozay: 'Cause I'm only about to cry. lanita (she/her): And I was like I was like Leigh Ellen (she/her): Yeah, I was about to cry Mike Jones: I was like, I was like, I was thinking Leigh Ellen (she/her): again. Mike Jones: this is the most, this is the first time this ending has been very touching and poignant. And then I see blurry Damien going like, Anna Rozay: Really poignant? Yes. lanita (she/her): V yes, yeah. Leigh Ellen (she/her): Yeah. Damian: No, because it turned into this weird Alvin and the Chipmunks it was literally out of Alvin and the Chipmunks. And like, What happening? Who was what are you doing, Mike? Mike Jones: Like, what is happening? lanita (she/her): It just no, it was just you. It was just you. It Jodi Pickens (she/her): No. Anna Rozay: That is something like Avenue to Chipmost that's crazy. Damian: It literally lanita (she/her): No Mike, you're correct. You're correct. That that was the first time that it actually it actually sounded. Mm-hmm. Damian: was It was so weird. It was so weird, you guys. Jodi Pickens (she/her): Ha ha ha. Anna Rozay: God I wish I could have heard what you heard. Jodi Pickens (she/her): that's good stuff. Anna Rozay: That's hilarious. Mike Jones: God. Damian: my god. Anna Rozay: my God. I'm