บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ Ep 119: Oceanproof

no idea. 00:04:46.720 --> 00:04:49.360 I keep like walking in and out of frame, but it's fucking. 00:04:50.800 --> 00:04:52.720 The ocean's trying to get me. 00:04:54.560 --> 00:04:56.959 Oh man, we got a lady right here looking for seashells. 00:04:57.040 --> 00:04:58.800 Oh, she just got scared of the ocean, too. 00:04:59.040 --> 00:05:00.160 Yeah, it's a little chilly. 00:05:00.240 --> 00:05:02.160 Oh, don't touch my feet, you little dipshit. 00:05:02.240 --> 00:05:04.399 Don't you fucking you get don't, don't, don't, don't. 00:05:04.480 --> 00:05:06.720 Oh, you touch my little totsies, you little fuck. 00:05:06.879 --> 00:05:08.879 You little fucking ocean freak. 00:05:09.199 --> 00:05:10.319 Should have done this on the pier. 00:05:10.480 --> 00:05:13.120 Otherwise, I'm gonna have to just keep scooting back. 00:05:14.160 --> 00:05:16.879 Scootin' back and not and wittin'. 00:05:17.839 --> 00:05:24.160 But uh, yeah, that I'm I'm just we're on the road and uh we've been having really, really fun shows. 00:05:24.319 --> 00:05:30.720 One of my favorite parts of the show is when something goes wrong, which has happened a couple times. 00:05:30.959 --> 00:05:36.079 Like one show, um Randy Feltface, their mic stopped working. 00:05:36.240 --> 00:05:38.240 So they were like, I need my backup mic. 00:05:38.399 --> 00:05:40.639 So I had to go grab their equipment and brought it up. 00:05:40.720 --> 00:05:46.879 And I made the mistake of like looking at the puppeteer, and the puppeteer was like, not me, look at him. 00:05:47.040 --> 00:05:51.519 And so I'm not great at the Australian accent, but someone told me I sound Australian the other day. 00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:59.920 But then I go on stage, and while we were doing it, I tried to like look through the thing, and then Randy like bit my tit, and the audience loved it. 00:06:00.079 --> 00:06:07.360 There's something about having like a BDSM Sesame Street character that comes to life that uh it's just really beautiful. 00:06:08.879 --> 00:06:11.680 It's really just a beauty to be alive, you know. 00:06:12.160 --> 00:06:15.839 So uh, yeah, we just had fun. 00:06:15.920 --> 00:06:20.319 Oh, and then the other day, uh, right before he goes on stage, he was like, dude, I'm so tired. 00:06:20.480 --> 00:06:21.759 I was like, I know I'm tired too. 00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:24.399 I can't imagine you get the fuck out of here. 00:06:26.240 --> 00:06:31.279 I just want to do my podcast and not scoot back the whole time. 00:06:31.519 --> 00:06:32.639 God damn it. 00:06:32.800 --> 00:06:35.680 Now I gotta go to a fucking guitar center after this to get new cables. 00:06:35.759 --> 00:06:36.160 What happened? 00:06:36.240 --> 00:06:37.519 Well, I did it in the ocean. 00:06:37.600 --> 00:06:38.879 Well, it's electronics. 00:06:39.120 --> 00:06:39.839 I know. 00:06:40.079 --> 00:06:41.759 It's gotta be working still, right? 00:06:42.800 --> 00:06:44.079 Nope, water damage. 00:06:44.160 --> 00:06:44.560 Fuck. 00:06:44.720 --> 00:06:46.959 You get the fuck back high tide. 00:06:47.519 --> 00:06:53.040 Um, but yeah, we had a show the other day where when they went on stage, Randy Felfi was like, I'm like, I'm so tired. 00:06:53.199 --> 00:06:54.079 I was like, me too. 00:06:54.319 --> 00:06:57.199 But as soon as they went on stage, I had to go and I went to go to the bathroom. 00:06:57.279 --> 00:07:04.800 And as soon as I sat on the toilet, as soon as I sat in, I heard Bobby J Cox, keep it going for Bobby, and they were clapping, keep it going. 00:07:04.879 --> 00:07:08.000 And then they go, All right, now come on stage, Bobby J. 00:07:08.240 --> 00:07:19.040 And I'm in the bathroom, so then I have to not go, pull my pants up and went on stage and almost had my dick out on stage, which I almost got a felony just because I'm trying to make sure the show's good. 00:07:19.199 --> 00:07:22.000 That's how much, dude, how much do you love your craft? 00:07:23.120 --> 00:07:25.040 So much that I don't even take a crap. 00:07:25.199 --> 00:07:26.639 I haven't said crap in a long time. 00:07:26.720 --> 00:07:28.959 I will fucking, I will lose my mind. 00:07:29.600 --> 00:07:31.199 I will lose it. 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:38.240 If you come at me one more time, the ocean, I will just I'll scoop back. 00:07:38.319 --> 00:07:39.120 I tell you what. 00:07:39.360 --> 00:07:41.279 I really hope I'm in frame. 00:07:42.959 --> 00:07:44.240 I almost did it closer. 00:07:44.319 --> 00:07:44.879 Do you know that? 00:07:45.040 --> 00:07:46.480 Do you know I almost got closer to you? 00:07:46.560 --> 00:07:49.040 Don't make me get pissed and lose my everything. 00:07:49.600 --> 00:07:55.439 Um, but uh yeah, it was it's just been a great time on the road, and I've been meeting some other great comedians. 00:07:55.519 --> 00:07:57.120 That is it's just been so much fun. 00:07:57.360 --> 00:08:03.600 Emma Dollenberg and then uh Deanne Smith, and uh we've just been having a blast. 00:08:04.720 --> 00:08:08.240 Been a great time, and I know comics say that a lot, but it's like there's really no other way to describe it. 00:08:08.319 --> 00:08:09.439 It's just like it's just like a blast. 00:08:09.519 --> 00:08:11.279 It's it's like someone being like, dude, how's college? 00:08:11.360 --> 00:08:12.079 And you're like, it's awesome. 00:08:12.160 --> 00:08:13.680 You can't be like, how's college? 00:08:13.920 --> 00:08:17.759 And then say exactly how it is because it's too out of, it's you know what I mean? 00:08:18.079 --> 00:08:19.839 It's too specific to you. 00:08:20.079 --> 00:08:21.519 Get the fuck back. 00:08:22.319 --> 00:08:26.720 Um yeah, so that's that's where I've been at. 00:08:27.839 --> 00:08:32.720 And uh, oh my god, my little titsies are getting chilly. 00:08:33.679 --> 00:08:35.519 My little flat ass feet, dude. 00:08:35.600 --> 00:08:39.679 Whenever I walk and make a path, someone has to be like that guy's feet are broken. 00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:46.240 Because I

have the flattest, I have the flattest feet you've ever seen in your fucking life. 00:08:46.559 --> 00:08:48.799 Easily the flattest feet you've ever seen in your life. 00:08:48.879 --> 00:08:54.879 When I walk, it looks like Donald Duck fucking anthropomorphized and is just among us now. 00:08:56.159 --> 00:08:57.360 He's one of us. 00:08:57.519 --> 00:09:01.919 I swear to God, if I'm not in frame because of this ocean, I'm gonna redo the episode later. 00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:03.440 Oh, this one's pretty. 00:09:03.679 --> 00:09:06.080 This one looks like it used to be a geode, but it's not. 00:09:06.159 --> 00:09:11.039 It's definitely, it's definitely a fucking seashell. 00:09:11.679 --> 00:09:14.240 Oh I remember I'm trying to think. 00:09:14.320 --> 00:09:16.879 The last time I came to Myrtle Beach, I was like a kid. 00:09:17.120 --> 00:09:24.559 But I was on vacation with my parents, and it's like, so they brought their friends, and my little brother brought his friend, and I was just alone. 00:09:24.720 --> 00:09:26.320 They're like, Do you want to go play mini golf? 00:09:26.480 --> 00:09:39.759 I'm like, well, I'd actually, I'd really like to go to the beach and just see, you know, girls my age, other girls that are like, you know, you know, in seventh grade, but instead we're like, okay, we'll go play mini golf again. 00:09:39.840 --> 00:09:40.080 Okay. 00:09:40.159 --> 00:09:41.759 Oh, now you guys want to go to a bar now? 00:09:41.919 --> 00:09:42.559 Okay, cool. 00:09:42.720 --> 00:09:43.440 Can I go? 00:09:43.600 --> 00:09:44.639 No, okay. 00:09:46.399 --> 00:09:53.519 It's so weird when you're a kid and you go on vacation and there's like no one your age, because then you're like, fuck, I guess we're all going to Chuck E. 00:09:53.679 --> 00:09:55.360 Cheese for lunch. 00:09:56.080 --> 00:09:57.759 And then people have to be like, how was Myrtle Beach? 00:09:57.840 --> 00:10:03.039 And you can't be like, oh, it sucks because your parents are like, you better be fucking grateful that you didn't get to do any of the things you wanted to. 00:10:03.519 --> 00:10:05.360 We bought you those pair of sunglasses. 00:10:05.519 --> 00:10:07.039 Yeah, I know, and that little kid stole them. 00:10:07.120 --> 00:10:08.320 I go, hey, where's the sunglasses? 00:10:08.399 --> 00:10:09.440 And I know he had them. 00:10:09.679 --> 00:10:11.279 I know that little fuck had them. 00:10:11.360 --> 00:10:13.360 I know my mom's friend's son had it. 00:10:13.600 --> 00:10:20.559 But you can't get in a fight on vacation because then people are then they try to teach you a lesson about not getting mad, and then they get, what am I talking about? 00:10:25.200 --> 00:10:27.840 But I mean, it really is it's so fucking beautiful out here. 00:10:27.919 --> 00:10:28.799 You can tell springs here. 00:10:28.879 --> 00:10:36.080 The whole drive here, I saw every fucking color flower, every single color flower, and I'm sure most of them are weeds. 00:10:36.240 --> 00:10:36.879 That's what everyone tells me. 00:10:36.960 --> 00:10:37.759 I'm like, oh, it's a pretty flower. 00:10:37.840 --> 00:10:38.639 Like, well, actually, it's a weed. 00:10:38.720 --> 00:10:40.480 I'm like, well, actually, it's still pretty. 00:10:41.120 --> 00:10:44.399 And actually, I love weeds, so who gives a flying shit? 00:10:46.960 --> 00:10:48.080 Who really gives it? 00:10:48.159 --> 00:10:49.200 Who cares? 00:10:50.240 --> 00:10:56.080 But it was raining earlier, and I'm glad that it's not now. 00:10:56.159 --> 00:10:57.600 And I do feel like it's overcast. 00:10:57.679 --> 00:11:04.559 And if it starts raining, I think I'm just gonna keep doing the podcast until everything fries out, including myself. 00:11:04.879 --> 00:11:06.320 Because I am getting a little fried. 00:11:06.399 --> 00:11:09.759 Like I am driving, and I'm starting to be like, what state am I in? 00:11:10.000 --> 00:11:14.000 Not mentally, but like physically, like physically, am I in South Carolina? 00:11:14.240 --> 00:11:15.360 Am I in Virginia? 00:11:15.600 --> 00:11:19.200 Because everything looks the same until it says like their state model that I don't know. 00:11:19.279 --> 00:11:22.399 It's like South Carolina, welcome to freedom or whatever. 00:11:23.200 --> 00:11:26.240 North Carolina, don't get too much gumbo or whatever. 00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:27.919 It that everyone has their own stupid thing. 00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:29.600 Oh, mine's Missouri. 00:11:30.159 --> 00:11:38.879 Ours is the show me state, which we always thought it was like show me Missouri, but apparently we were so stupid in Missouri when we would go other places looking for work, they'd be like, all right, can you do this? 00:11:38.960 --> 00:11:40.399 And we're like, no, show me. 00:11:41.120 --> 00:11:45.519 Which I don't know if that's true, but I don't what I wasn't around back when they were making that up. 00:11:47.600 --> 00:11:49.919 Land of the free home of Missouri. 00:11:52.799 --> 00:12:01.919 I would walk five hundred miles and I would uh walk five hundred miles just to pee on a girl to somebody. 00:12:04.320 --> 00:15:15.679 No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no okay we're scooting back then we're scootin' back scootin' back and go scootin' give it to me bob for sure for sure give it to me Bobby for sure for sure give it to me Bobby for sure for sure and all the bobby so I'm pretty fly for a bobby bow down now down now and now back from work from our sponsors you got the ocean trying to fucking beat your ass buy a damn buy a damn for your podcast Bobby you could just get a studio you could just get a fucking studio the world is my studio and the world is gonna fucking re- I swear to god if you don't back your ass up you have you have the entire Atlantic Ocean you have the entire Atlantic Ocean to take up and you gotta fuck up my podcast I'm gonna litter in you later I'm gonna take a piss and litter in you and I

would shit but I've heard that it's not easy to do in water you got a guy walking by I swear to god if he fucking if he gets my stuff wet I'm gonna lose it god this ocean's pissing me off you know the Pacific's hotter than you right did you know that the Pacific is way hotter than you the Pacific looks better than you the golf honestly the golf looks better than you and it's not even an ocean how's it going cool millennium falcon shirt hell yeah may the fourth be with you yeah may the fourth be with you brother it's coming may the fourth be with you and also with you and also with your spirit may the fourth be with you so cool it's not even the fourth you could have just said may the fourth be with you could have just said the power of Christ compels you and it would have had the same um effect oh my god hey cool millennium falcon shirt hey thanks man i also don't have a father wait what's up and a twin I don't know about I think I just met fucking Luke Skywalker on the beach well if you can can you for can you use the force to keep this ocean back can you use the force to fucking push this can you and make sure this ocean doesn't fuck up my entire podcast thank you thank you for doing that what else I feel like I always feel like there's something I want to tell you guys and then I'll like remember it later because I don't like to plan ah it would be insane if I had planned this podcast this is how it is and I plan it but I do I feel like there was something I wanted to tell you guys but I forgot. 00:15:16.320 --> 00:15:27.759 Let me think I mean I went to a hotel recently and dude I don't know okay so I because a lot of times I'll sleep in my car because I prefer that sometimes even the hotel experience sucks. 00:15:27.840 --> 00:15:31.279 Like you go to check in it's like you can't even check in until like fucking two to four. 00:15:31.600 --> 00:15:36.799 So it's like you got it you're gonna do that and then go get dinner and then come back and go to sleep if you're any age above mine. 00:15:39.600 --> 00:15:46.159 So then if you're gonna do that you're gonna go to sleep you waste the night and then you got to wake up and then you're like is it 11? 00:15:46.240 --> 00:15:46.559 Is it 12? 00:15:46.720 --> 00:15:51.919 And they're like we might even just walk in at 10 without telling you okay thank you. 00:15:52.159 --> 00:15:54.240 And so you got to deal with that shit. 00:15:54.639 --> 00:15:56.159 So there's times where I don't even like it. 00:15:56.240 --> 00:16:08.559 Like I walked in the other day and we had actually called ahead because there was an accident so we were like we're gonna get there late blah blah blah and so we call and we're like hey just so you know we're gonna be late and then we get there and the guy questioned me like I was in the accident. 00:16:08.720 --> 00:16:11.679 Like I was like yeah we had to turn on the highway like what part do you turn around on? 00:16:11.759 --> 00:16:39.519 I was like do you know the highway and then at the next hotel I go hey I want to check in like you can't check in till four and I go can you please calm down sir and just check the notes and he checks and he's like oh yeah it does say you know what I'm really sorry and I'm like everyone just can't wait to be mad at somebody including me I'm not I'm not out on this like there are so many times where I'm just like you know what I mean like I'll call the bank and they got an automated thing like tell me why you want to talk to I'm not telling you shit. 00:16:39.600 --> 00:16:51.679 You get me to the person if I wanted to tell you why you know what I mean that you ever have someone be like hey tell your mom this and you can't be like why bitch you have to just go okay I'll tell my mom you're like mom she started being grapes on Thursday. 00:16:51.759 --> 00:16:55.759 You can't just be like what kind of what are these grapes for what kind of grapes do you want? 00:16:55.840 --> 00:16:59.919 You just tell them the thing and that's what they're supposed to do. 00:17:00.159 --> 00:17:14.079 It's just the AI is supposed to just pass you along and then you get an agent and then I'm like hey can you help me with this and like actually sorry I'm gonna take 25 bucks out of your account just for thinking we can help you I'm like yeah I'm gonna get I'm gonna get you one of these days and your little dog too I'm gonna s I'm gonna sick the ocean on you. 00:17:14.160 --> 00:18:26.240 Go get him go get him girl you think the Atlantic's a woman I feel like the ocean's non-binary I do that's a fact you know what I mean because like high tides low tides there's a lot of different emotions they're not sure who they are yet trying to touch me don't even know if they like it backing away not really sure of themselves just letting anyone in dude just the Atlantic just anyone step in you don't even have to know them letting people piss in you're disgusting the Atlantic Ocean and if you don't fucking back off I swear to God I'm gonna call the cops um yeah I don't know man I really I don't know I am uh I'm kind of uh like every day is like a full day I keep being like you know what tomorrow is a day when I'm gonna pa or whatever and then I go to do it and it's like okay it's drive you know then I gotta like do an audition which I have to like find a place to do an audition and then I'll be like don't do the audition outside I'm like you then you you let me live at your house. 00:18:26.480 --> 00:18:37.039 So then you do the audition I'm like a homeless guy doing an audition which there's nothing like being homeless like seeing other home like homeless people they'll be can you give me money? 00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:43.359 I'm like actually man I'm living in your car I'm like but I got an uncrustable for you and they're like what flavor I'm like and it's fucking whatever flavor I'm handing you. 00:18:45.359 --> 00:18:47.119 Is it a menthol uncrustable? 00:18:47.200 --> 00:19:05.920 No it's a fucking

it's a it's a it's one of those fucking honey and peanut butter ocean oh do you need money too do you want an uncrustable because I'm about to take an uncrusted shit and you're fucking I'm okay I'm getting a little mad for just literally no reason. 00:19:06.000 --> 00:19:50.960 Oh my god look at this cool corgi hi corgi hi oh my god hi come here oh my god that corgi is so cute you guys think I'm lying probably but there is actually a dog that keeps running around here and maybe it's not a corgi maybe that's why it got mad that I said that and these kids are just trying to dodge after their dog yeah get out of here dog got their whole family with them and they're like who is this hooded videotaping man trying to trying to see our little legged dog oh what a cute oh and they're getting their photo taken there's a there's someone like taking their photo well you guys should have dressed up you guys kind of dress like dweebs what am I talking about? 00:19:51.039 --> 00:20:22.880 I'm making fun of a family come on no I am in I'm in such good spirits and one thing I've been doing to keep my spirits up is instead of like remaining happy when I'm not happy like I say it out loud like the other day I was like digging in my car because like I had dropped my lighter and so I was going to find it and while I was in there someone like walked by and they saw my door was open in the parking lot and they're like oh we saw some guy from Texas doesn't know how to shut his door and I was like thank you get fucked. 00:20:23.039 --> 00:20:27.359 And so like there's something about like telling someone to get fucked off that also kind of keeps your happiness. 00:20:27.440 --> 00:20:45.200 Because if you just absorb everyone's shittiness then I you kind of just feel like shit you know and then you start hitting the vape too much which I'm I am trying to quit and then I will quit and I'll even hit it and I'll be like this one is the one that makes me be like oh it's like it feels different. 00:20:45.440 --> 00:20:47.119 And then I do I'm like it does feel different. 00:20:47.200 --> 00:20:49.759 It feels like I have a five pound weight in my diaphragm. 00:20:49.839 --> 00:22:00.799 It feels like I hit it and then I just have this weight that sits here and then I just go down and I sit down to shit I'm like do I just shit I'm like no I don't do shit and then I try to burp and I'm like do I have to burp I'm like and it's just kind of like light throw up it feels like throw up but it doesn't go all the way you know when you do like one of those those like hammer things but you're weak you go like at the carnival you go dink and it goes up well my throw up it's like it's like a weak guy hitting that goes like that's how you you know get the fuck back if I wouldn't have if I if I have to move up one more goddamn time then I'm pretty sure the podcast would be over by then let me see let me just see yeah the podcast will be over by the time or maybe you'll go back but and I do

have a lot of shows coming up so I am very uh I don't like to use the word grateful but I think that's I guess that's the word that fits you son of a bitch son of a fucking son of a bitch it you have so much room dude you fuck you have so much room I swear to god I know you have Room back there. 00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:04.640 You don't need to be you don't need to be just taking my podcast. 00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:09.279 But please don't take my pod. 00:22:09.680 --> 00:22:15.839 Bobby's daddy was taking him fishing and he was eight years old. 00:22:16.480 --> 00:22:22.400 But don't let that podcast get taken by the swirl. 00:22:26.559 --> 00:22:28.160 Oh my god, look at this seagull. 00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:34.000 I wish it would land on my hand. 00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:38.720 God, I gotta get back on the road. 00:22:38.799 --> 00:22:39.759 We have so much more dry. 00:22:39.839 --> 00:22:40.640 I have so much more dry. 00:22:40.720 --> 00:22:42.960 I keep saying we because I have like the show with me. 00:22:43.119 --> 00:22:46.640 That is, this thing is getting drastically close. 00:22:47.440 --> 00:22:49.039 Bobby, then just scoot way farther back. 00:22:49.119 --> 00:22:49.440 You know what? 00:22:49.519 --> 00:22:50.000 I don't want to. 00:22:50.079 --> 00:22:51.359 I like to just be. 00:22:51.759 --> 00:22:54.319 I suffer, I suffer fools because I am one. 00:22:54.400 --> 00:22:58.240 If I didn't, I try not to suffer myself, but I'm fucking full of suffering. 00:23:00.880 --> 00:23:04.319 And then you try not to be, and you're like, dude, maybe people are good, and then you find another person. 00:23:04.400 --> 00:23:06.319 You're like, oh, you are bad. 00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:09.599 Oh, you are a bad, bad person. 00:23:10.960 --> 00:23:12.400 Bobby, maybe you're a bad person. 00:23:12.480 --> 00:23:12.960 Uh-uh. 00:23:13.519 --> 00:23:15.200 Would a bad person do this? 00:23:17.200 --> 00:23:18.640 And sleep in their car? 00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:23.759 I don't know the I don't even know how those are correlated, but I'm just gonna go with that. 00:23:25.759 --> 00:23:27.440 Oh, dude, and then this is okay. 00:23:27.519 --> 00:23:29.680 I was this is something that I was thinking about the other day. 00:23:29.759 --> 00:23:44.559 I was like, dude, I'm so lucky to not only be where I'm at that like I'm in a point where like Nikki Glazer is a friend of mine, but also like it's so cool to be like to see someone, and I've seen their ascension like the entire time, if that like makes sense. 00:23:44.720 --> 00:23:51.599 Like when I started, they were already like getting to be on what was they had like Last Comic Standing, which is like American Idol for stand-up. 00:23:53.759 --> 00:23:58.480 And her, Tommy Jon again, and there was like a bunch of comics that were like on that show. 00:23:59.440 --> 00:24:04.079 And like I would be coming to the funny bone, you would like watch them like prepare for that show. 00:24:04.880 --> 00:24:22.160 And they

would do like special shows like at the funny bone, like in the jazz room, just to like prepare for the next time, like the next round of that show, and being able to see that, and you're like, wow, this is incredible, and then they see their next spot where they're like at clubs all the time, and then you go to these clubs and you see their picture up, and then you're in Times Square and you're like, Holy shit, there's advertising. 00:24:22.319 --> 00:24:24.079 It's like you just keep seeing them climb. 00:24:24.160 --> 00:24:38.240 And I feel like it's like to still know that person while they're like taking off in a rocket ship is insane because, like, through that, like through all of their like blast off, like them helping you out, it's kind of like you kind of get caught like in their jet stream, which is nice. 00:24:38.319 --> 00:24:40.559 Like, I the amount of people that'll be like, dude, what's Nikki Glazer? 00:24:40.720 --> 00:24:43.440 Like, I'm like, dude, way nicer than you would even imagine. 00:24:43.839 --> 00:24:45.519 And it's just cool to be at that point. 00:24:45.599 --> 00:24:47.920 And there's other comedians that like take care of their comics. 00:24:48.079 --> 00:24:50.720 Like, dude, you'll see like you'll see a commercial. 00:24:50.799 --> 00:25:00.319 Like, dude, I saw like fucking John Del Callo in a commercial because Shane Gillis put him in it, and it's like so nice to see like I don't know, just like how many of us are helped out by other comedians. 00:25:00.400 --> 00:25:10.319 And then Nikki's the same way, like, she's doing these co-lining, co-headlining shows with um um, oh my god, I can't think of his name. 00:25:10.799 --> 00:25:11.680 David Spade. 00:25:12.240 --> 00:25:14.960 And so it's like, yeah, it's just it's a never-ending thing. 00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:17.359 And um, yeah, I don't know. 00:25:17.440 --> 00:25:19.279 I just feel I feel very lucky. 00:25:19.519 --> 00:25:25.839 Not right now with this fucking ocean, but I just feel lucky to like be where I'm at, to be like going places and like to see Nikki's face. 00:25:25.920 --> 00:25:27.920 Like, dude, I was getting off of an airplane. 00:25:28.079 --> 00:25:29.759 I feel like it was, it might have been St. 00:25:29.920 --> 00:25:31.359 Louis, but I feel like it was somewhere else. 00:25:31.440 --> 00:25:33.920 Maybe, and I just like there was like an advertisement for Nikki. 00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:36.400 I'm like, dude, you're at the fucking, you're at the airport. 00:25:36.799 --> 00:25:38.079 That's crazy, dude. 00:25:38.240 --> 00:25:38.799 Oh my god. 00:25:38.880 --> 00:25:43.039 Yeah, I don't even know if these are in frame, but there are some beautiful, I'll call them cranes, and I know they're not. 00:25:43.759 --> 00:25:45.599 They're probably chickagulls. 00:25:47.519 --> 00:25:55.680 But yeah, I'm just I feel like I'm at like uh yeah, like a really good point in my life where I've been doing comedy long enough to where someone will be like, oh, this is like a comic I love. 00:25:55.759 --> 00:25:57.359 I'm like, I know them, they're a great person. 00:25:57.519 --> 00:25:59.200 Like someone was talking about Marcelo Hernandez. 00:25:59.279 --> 00:26:01.839 I'm like, dude, I knew him like when he started in Cleveland. 00:26:02.000 --> 00:26:05.359 Funny then, funny now, like all these people, it does work out. 00:26:05.519 --> 00:26:07.119 Like eventually it is beautiful. 00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:08.240 So I don't know. 00:26:08.400 --> 00:26:09.279 I just feel lucky. 00:26:09.440 --> 00:26:14.000 I just feel lucky that I have this life because I'm glad I'm not like starting to chase it now. 00:26:14.160 --> 00:26:18.960 Not like it's a bad thing to do later in life, but I'm glad I got like all the hard shit out of the way when I was younger. 00:26:19.119 --> 00:26:20.960 Because it's like life is already hard anyway. 00:26:21.119 --> 00:26:23.279 So I'm glad it wasn't like hard, and then I'm like, I'll do standup. 00:26:23.440 --> 00:26:27.839 I'm like, I'm glad I'm doing stand-up and it's hard, and I'll just learn how to juggle both of these things. 00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:32.559 And now so much that like whenever I don't have stand-up, I'm like, I almost don't know what to do. 00:26:33.759 --> 00:26:38.400 You know, and then if I have like too much stand-up, I almost don't know like what to how to adjust to like keep my life. 00:26:38.480 --> 00:26:58.079 So it's like you have to like figure out those two worlds, and there's like a real um, I don't know, there is like just like a fucking real beauty to like trying to like figure out your own thing because there is no like like if when you play sports when you're a kid, it's just keep becomes obvious if you're gonna like stay in it, but comedy is not like that, it just keeps changing. 00:26:58.480 --> 00:27:00.079 The tides keep changing. 00:27:00.240 --> 00:27:08.319 Oh my god, everything's a metaphor, and if this metaphor ruins my fucking equipment, I'm gonna lose stay. 00:27:09.039 --> 00:27:15.599 Sit Sit No stay sit. 00:27:16.319 --> 00:27:19.200 Sit also all this foam that's gotta be piss, right? 00:27:19.279 --> 00:27:21.839 If that's piss on my feet, I'm gonna be fucking so mad. 00:27:24.319 --> 00:27:32.559 But and it is like just a little too cold to get in. 00:27:32.720 --> 00:27:42.079 Like I would get in, but being cold by yourself and then walking with your shoes like this to your car, just fucking hunched over, fucking slow walking, like that doesn't feel good. 00:27:42.160 --> 00:27:46.400 Also, I was doing that, and there's an old lady walking by, and I hope no one thought I was just making fun of them. 00:27:46.480 --> 00:27:47.279 I really, really do. 00:27:47.359 --> 00:27:50.400 I was making fun of being in the water getting out, but no one knows that. 00:27:50.640 --> 00:27:52.240 Well, that's great. 00:27:55.039 --> 00:27:56.720 Dude, I keep putting my foot in my mouth. 00:27:56.799 --> 00:28:02.240 I was

talking to someone the other day and I tried to say something funny, and I don't think I could have said anything in their world ruder. 00:28:02.480 --> 00:28:05.599 And I don't want to say what it was because I why did I even bring who gives? 00:28:05.680 --> 00:28:11.680 You know, sometimes things are just meant to be deleted that I am not gonna edit out, but I'll just move on to the next thing. 00:28:12.160 --> 00:28:13.839 And then get back on the road. 00:28:14.160 --> 00:28:16.720 Cuckoo Choo, I find my way back to the big old boy. 00:28:16.799 --> 00:28:18.559 Oh, this guy's trying to body surf. 00:28:20.880 --> 00:28:22.400 Oh yeah, dude. 00:28:24.480 --> 00:28:27.519 Yeah, dude, take your glamour muscles and body surf. 00:28:29.119 --> 00:28:34.559 I know I'm not as in shape as other guys, but when I see a guy with like abs, I want to be like, let's see who can pick up more lumber. 00:28:34.799 --> 00:28:38.240 Because I might not have abs, but I swear to god, my core is like none other. 00:28:38.480 --> 00:28:39.519 Oh, you back off? 00:28:39.599 --> 00:28:41.279 Nope, back off ocean. 00:28:41.519 --> 00:28:42.160 Back off. 00:28:42.480 --> 00:28:43.839 Getting pretty close. 00:28:44.400 --> 00:28:46.319 And I'm I'm so serious. 00:28:46.400 --> 00:28:49.200 I'm I know my head's gonna be probably cut out of most of this, and that sucks. 00:28:49.359 --> 00:28:50.880 Dude, this is okay, hold on. 00:28:51.039 --> 00:28:53.039 Five, four, three, two, one. 00:28:53.279 --> 00:28:54.640 Nope, we're still good. 00:28:57.680 --> 00:28:58.720 What else? 00:28:59.039 --> 00:29:00.079 What else? 00:29:01.680 --> 00:29:02.319 I don't know. 00:29:02.400 --> 00:29:13.440 I mean, I am fortunate that I am like homeless, like an outside of my and also I'm not homeless all the time because, like, like I said, Randy Feltface is getting me like, you know, a room to stay, and I'm taking the show like in my car. 00:29:13.920 --> 00:29:15.519 Learning a lot about being on the road. 00:29:15.599 --> 00:29:18.400 I'm selling his merch too, which I'm learning a lot about that game. 00:29:18.480 --> 00:29:19.279 There's so much different. 00:29:19.359 --> 00:29:20.799 And then I also got to help him out. 00:29:20.960 --> 00:29:24.319 Like there, they ran out of merch, and I was like, Well, why don't you let me call around? 00:29:24.400 --> 00:29:30.319 And so we found a place, and then he made the order, and I went and picked up the order and we got it done, and they were like, we usually can't do it in this quick time frame. 00:29:30.480 --> 00:29:33.759 We're like, well, if we can get it, maybe buy one more day or whatever. 00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:37.039 And so just like doing shit like that on the road does feel good. 00:29:37.200 --> 00:29:49.680 It makes me feel like I, yeah, I don't know, like I have a place because sometimes if you're not, I don't know, if you're not getting to accomplish stuff, it's not like you can't enjoy that moment, but sometimes it just feels better when you're trying to accomplish stuff. 00:29:49.759 --> 00:29:52.000 Like that's why it's called an accomplishment. 00:29:52.160 --> 00:29:54.000 So when you do it, you're like, fuck yeah, I feel good. 00:29:54.160 --> 00:29:59.200 And sometimes I feel bad for feeling good because I'm like, I don't know, maybe I shouldn't, but then I realize how poor I am. 00:29:59.279 --> 00:30:02.799 I'm like, I can I'm at least allowed to feel proud of my fucking self. 00:30:03.279 --> 00:30:04.720 Right, Ocean. 00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:10.240 Isn't it crazy we came out of this bitch? 00:30:10.400 --> 00:30:26.000 Like it just kind of rolled up one day, and then we they say we climbed out of the primordial soup, and I always kind of assumed that was like a liquid, so I feel like we were just in the ocean one day, and we're just like which how the fuck do you switch from gills to outside? 00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:27.839 And then people are like, well, you kind of learned to breathe in both. 00:30:28.000 --> 00:30:31.680 I'm like, how do you hybrid your lungs? 00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:39.599 Because I'll tell you this you ever get in like slightly water in your mouth, it does not feel like we used to be from the ocean. 00:30:40.160 --> 00:30:46.559 If anything, it feels like we were farther away from the water than we than we were than we should ever be now. 00:30:47.599 --> 00:30:50.720 If you're like, yeah, we actually came, we actually came out from the water. 00:30:51.039 --> 00:30:54.240 I don't know if you know whales used to be hippos and then they went back into the water. 00:30:54.319 --> 00:30:56.960 It's like, who would go back into this shit? 00:30:57.440 --> 00:31:04.559 Once you get out of the water, that's like like once you move out of a bad area, you don't get back into the water. 00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:08.079 You talk about it, you're like, man, I'm never going back to the ocean again. 00:31:08.240 --> 00:31:13.200 There needs to be like a really hard rapper that does say that they're like, I'm never going back to the ocean. 00:31:13.519 --> 00:31:16.720 You can't fuck it, you can't get me back in the ocean. 00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:22.319 Some badass like punk band that's like, we ain't never going back into the water. 00:31:22.480 --> 00:31:24.559 We ain't never going back into the H2O. 00:31:26.480 --> 00:31:33.359 It's unbelievably easier to not walk in front of my podcast, but I guess this guy's like, I gotta, I have to feel the ocean on my feet. 00:31:34.240 --> 00:31:39.680 And then he's gonna have to go home and search every podcast in America to try to find himself walking by. 00:31:40.000 --> 00:31:40.640 Just like me. 00:31:40.720 --> 00:31:42.960 If I was at a Cardinals game back in the day, I'm like, did you guys see me? 00:31:43.039 --> 00:31:44.799 They're like, Yeah, we were watching the game for you, Bobby. 00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:47.279 I'm like, sick, dude, fucking sick. 00:31:51.119 --> 00:31:52.000 That's it, right? 00:31:52.160 --> 00:31:53.200 Yeah, that's probably the pod. 00:31:53.279 --> 00:31:54.000 That's the pod. 00:31:54.160 --> 00:31:54.799 Final thoughts. 00:31:54.960 --> 00:31:56.640 Thank you guys for listening. 00:31:56.880 --> 00:32:01.200 Um, it is harder to do the episodes because I am on the road, so it's harder to find times to upload. 00:32:01.279 --> 00:32:03.279 It takes hours because my computer sucks. 00:32:03.359 --> 00:32:11.519 So please donate, send money, support the Patreon, go to the beach, live your life. 00:32:14.799 --> 00:32:15.519 That's it. 00:32:15.680 --> 00:32:19.039 I'm gonna enjoy the ocean with you guys for a second, then we're gonna get the fuck out of here. 00:32:21.279 --> 00:32:24.000 No, no, okay, fine, then we're out of here. 00:32:24.160 --> 00:32:24.400 Fine. 00:32:24.480 --> 00:32:26.000 If you don't want me to ocean, then we're out of here. 00:32:26.079 --> 00:32:27.519 Yeah, wash my cord off. 00:32:28.960 --> 00:32:29.359 Sand. 00:32:30.400 --> 00:32:31.200 Damn it. 00:32:34.799 --> 00:32:35.359 Alright. 00:32:35.839 --> 00:32:36.799 That's the pod. 00:32:36.960 --> 00:32:37.920 Thank you, kisses. 00:32:38.079 --> 00:32:38.319 Bye.