บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ Mila Kunis

like this. 42 00:02:10.310 --> 00:02:12.349 Also, you have your, you're leaning your chin. 43 00:02:12.370 --> 00:02:15.550 You mean to lean your chin on your fist, but 44 00:02:15.569 --> 00:02:17.439 the fist was kind of going into your mouth and 45 00:02:17.460 --> 00:02:21.080 you're on mic. So you're not changing anything at all. 46 00:02:21.099 --> 00:02:23.319 No, I'm not. Did you say this to make me 47 00:02:23.379 --> 00:02:23.819 change it? 48 00:02:24.319 --> 00:02:25.860 I was trying to give you helpful advice. 49 00:02:25.939 --> 00:02:27.310 I don't like listening to you. 50 00:02:27.379 --> 00:02:28.849 Kind of a father figure, if you will. 51 00:02:28.870 --> 00:02:30.069 Oh, God, no. 52 00:02:30.689 --> 00:02:34.449 And then also Matt Gorley. I call him Gorley. How 53 00:02:34.530 --> 00:02:35.349 are you, Matt? I'm good. 54 00:02:35.370 --> 00:02:35.729 How are you? 55 00:02:35.770 --> 00:02:36.330 Welcome back. 56 00:02:36.590 --> 00:02:37.810 Thank you. That's right. 57 00:02:37.849 --> 00:02:38.300 I was away. 58 00:02:38.319 --> 00:02:39.000 You were in Ghana. 59 00:02:39.120 --> 00:02:41.360 I was in Ghana. We shot a travel special there, 60 00:02:41.639 --> 00:02:43.460 and it was fantastic. What did you do while I 61 00:02:43.479 --> 00:02:43.840 was away? 62 00:02:44.330 --> 00:02:46.189 I just lived in peace for the first time in 63 00:02:46.210 --> 00:02:47.430 my life for a few months. 64 00:02:47.629 --> 00:02:47.930 Really? 65 00:02:47.949 --> 00:02:48.250 Yeah. 66 00:02:48.349 --> 00:02:50.000 You mean just because I was gone? 67 00:02:50.030 --> 00:02:52.259 Yeah, just like the stress load was off. 68 00:02:52.479 --> 00:02:52.800 Oh, come on. 69 00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:55.759 What are you talking about? I think you thrive on 70 00:02:55.780 --> 00:02:58.419 this connection. I make you better. I'm like a Michael 71 00:02:58.500 --> 00:03:01.699 Jordan who raises your game, but Michael Jordan now who 72 00:03:01.740 --> 00:03:03.319 hasn't played basketball in a long time. 73 00:03:03.460 --> 00:03:05.409 And wears Hanes t-shirts and a Hitler mustache. 74 00:03:05.430 --> 00:03:07.409 Wears Hanes t-shirts, yeah, and a Hitler mustache and apparently 75 00:03:07.870 --> 00:03:09.229 bets very heavily. 76 00:03:09.250 --> 00:03:11.650 Yeah. So I'm that Michael Jordan. 77 00:03:11.669 --> 00:03:13.449 No, we complete each other and don't answer that. 78 00:03:13.810 --> 00:03:14.189 Okay. 79 00:03:14.349 --> 00:03:15.250 Wait, you have a beer? 80 00:03:15.270 --> 00:03:15.610 Yeah. 81 00:03:15.650 --> 00:03:18.210 Why are you drinking a beer? It's Friday. Yeah, but 82 00:03:18.229 --> 00:03:19.909 it's not even two o'clock in the afternoon. 83 00:03:19.930 --> 00:03:20.310 I don't know. 84 00:03:20.349 --> 00:03:23.159 We finished the interview. It's, you know, Sona's like relaxing. 85 00:03:23.240 --> 00:03:23.979 I'm having a beer. 86 00:03:24.000 --> 00:03:24.699 What are you talking about? 87 00:03:24.719 --> 00:03:25.719 Probably go for a swim later. 88 00:03:26.039 --> 00:03:27.099 Yeah. Who cares? 89 00:03:27.240 --> 00:03:27.479 Yeah. 90 00:03:27.699 --> 00:03:28.819 Don't want to get with it, old man. 91 00:03:28.860 --> 00:03:29.639 Don't be a dork. 92 00:03:29.780 --> 00:03:30.199 Yeah. 93 00:03:30.500 --> 00:03:31.439 Nerd. 94 00:03:32.139 --> 00:03:32.379 Wow. 95 00:03:32.439 --> 00:03:36.360 To be taunted by you two is hysterical, especially Gourley. 96 00:03:36.830 --> 00:03:39.069 I bet you'd reach into your back pocket for a switchblade. 97 00:03:39.090 --> 00:03:44.240 It'd be a comb, a switchblade. No, no, no, it 98 00:03:44.259 --> 00:03:47.639 would be a vintage comb, an ironic vintage comb. What's 99 00:03:47.659 --> 00:03:48.639 an ironic comb? 100 00:03:48.900 --> 00:03:49.280 I don't know. 101 00:03:49.439 --> 00:03:53.180 Probably a comb with, like, no teeth in it because. 102 00:03:52.539 --> 00:03:53.340 Isn't it funny? 103 00:03:53.939 --> 00:03:56.879 And it used to belong to, like, you know, a 104 00:03:56.939 --> 00:04:01.599 secretary of state in 1902. You got it online. So, yeah, 105 00:04:01.620 --> 00:04:05.009 you're a threatening chap. Sona, seriously, get your hand away 106 00:04:05.030 --> 00:04:05.650 from your chin. No. 107 00:04:06.229 --> 00:04:06.889 Oh, God. 108 00:04:07.530 --> 00:04:09.289 Oh, I like this. It's comfortable. 109 00:04:09.469 --> 00:04:10.830 Were you like this as a teenager? 110 00:04:11.030 --> 00:04:11.550 Yes. 111 00:04:11.909 --> 00:04:12.550 Okay. 112 00:04:12.590 --> 00:04:13.069 I was. 113 00:04:13.090 --> 00:04:14.330 So you never grew out of this phase? 114 00:04:14.349 --> 00:04:16.490 No, I was always in detention because I had trouble 115 00:04:16.509 --> 00:04:17.209 with authority. 116 00:04:17.490 --> 00:04:18.329 Yeah. 117 00:04:18.430 --> 00:04:19.910 I've noticed you have trouble with authority. 118 00:04:19.930 --> 00:04:23.509 Yeah. I am the authority around here, and you and 119 00:04:23.540 --> 00:04:24.779 I always have trouble with each other. 120 00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:25.160 Mm-hmm. 121 00:04:25.639 --> 00:04:25.879 Yeah. 122 00:04:26.680 --> 00:04:26.959 Okay. 123 00:04:27.199 --> 00:04:27.579 That's cool. 124 00:04:27.600 --> 00:04:29.699 I'm sorry. Are you high? 125 00:04:30.439 --> 00:04:31.339 No, I'm not. 126 00:04:31.360 --> 00:04:32.199 Do you wish you were? 127 00:04:32.620 --> 00:04:35.720 Yeah, of course. I wish I always was at work. 128 00:04:35.939 --> 00:04:37.259 It makes it so much better. 129 00:04:37.579 --> 00:04:39.370 Am I the only one here with a work ethic? 130 00:04:39.730 --> 00:04:42.889 I guess. I'm sitting here drinking water. 131 00:04:43.310 --> 00:04:44.269 You can be un. 132 00:04:44.410 --> 00:04:47.509 And you are drinking Pacifico? 133 00:04:47.720 --> 00:04:47.980 Mm-hmm. 134 00:04:48.279 --> 00:04:48.939 Okay, beer. 135 00:04:49.240 --> 00:04:52.899 Yeah. And Sona here is pining away for a sweet 136 00:04:53.560 --> 00:04:57.430

edible drink. A sweet, chewy marijuana high. 137 00:04:57.889 --> 00:05:01.180 You can be unpleasant sometimes. 138 00:05:01.519 --> 00:05:01.879 Not true. 139 00:05:01.899 --> 00:05:03.720 So it is nice to numb it. 140 00:05:04.079 --> 00:05:04.480 Not true. 141 00:05:04.620 --> 00:05:06.379 I was at jury duty for two weeks and I 142 00:05:06.459 --> 00:05:06.839 miss it. 143 00:05:07.360 --> 00:05:08.279 You miss jury duty? 144 00:05:08.399 --> 00:05:09.620 I do. 145 00:05:09.879 --> 00:05:12.920 So wait, I was in Ghana, and Matt Gorley described 146 00:05:12.980 --> 00:05:15.360 it as the best time he's had in months while 147 00:05:15.399 --> 00:05:18.180 I was away, and you are pining for jury duty. 148 00:05:18.379 --> 00:05:20.350 I was on a trial for two weeks, and I 149 00:05:20.490 --> 00:05:20.910 miss it. 150 00:05:21.110 --> 00:05:23.490 How are you allowed to be on a jury? 151 00:05:23.610 --> 00:05:24.620 I'm a great juror. 152 00:05:25.029 --> 00:05:26.310 Yeah, but you have to be a citizen of the 153 00:05:26.329 --> 00:05:27.389 United States. 154 00:05:27.490 --> 00:05:28.529 Oh, come on. 155 00:05:29.009 --> 00:05:29.810 I am a citizen. 156 00:05:29.930 --> 00:05:30.889 Sona. 157 00:05:31.230 --> 00:05:34.009 I was born here. I'm a citizen. This bit, it 158 00:05:34.350 --> 00:05:37.970 went nowhere because it doesn't make any sense. I was 159 00:05:38.050 --> 00:05:41.910 born here. Who's on today? 160 00:05:43.069 --> 00:05:44.790 You're anxious to change the conversation. 161 00:05:45.170 --> 00:05:46.069 Who do you have? 162 00:05:46.110 --> 00:05:47.689 You're out of it. You're both out of it. Who 163 00:05:47.709 --> 00:05:48.970 are you going to make friends with today? I am 164 00:05:48.990 --> 00:05:49.529 raring to go. 165 00:05:49.569 --> 00:05:51.829 I've been to Ghana, and I've come back, and I'm 166 00:05:51.889 --> 00:05:54.439 raring to go, hitting on all cylinders. And I look 167 00:05:54.540 --> 00:05:58.839 over at you two goofballs. You're sucking on a cerveza, 168 00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:00.959 having a good time. You got a tan. 169 00:06:01.180 --> 00:06:01.839 Yeah, man. 170 00:06:01.879 --> 00:06:03.079 Where'd you get your tan, man? 171 00:06:03.180 --> 00:06:04.079 Backyard. 172 00:06:04.420 --> 00:06:08.089 Oh, yeah. Backyard. I bet that's code for something, right? 173 00:06:09.170 --> 00:06:09.389 No. 174 00:06:10.029 --> 00:06:11.889 Yeah, code for the yard that's not in the front 175 00:06:11.910 --> 00:06:12.410 of my house. 176 00:06:12.490 --> 00:06:13.550 Right, in the back. 177 00:06:13.569 --> 00:06:15.290 You're in the old backyard. What about you, Sona? 178 00:06:15.310 --> 00:06:16.370 What? 179 00:06:16.649 --> 00:06:16.980 Nothing. 180 00:06:18.959 --> 00:06:21.720 What an uninspiring team. Okay. 181 00:06:22.079 --> 00:06:23.759 I want to mention something really quickly, and you're going 182 00:06:23.779 --> 00:06:24.959 to have to help me with this, Gourley, if you 183 00:06:24.980 --> 00:06:25.720 can sober up. 184 00:06:26.040 --> 00:06:29.060 Coming up, we have a real treat. A special edition. 185 00:06:29.699 --> 00:06:30.579 of this podcast. 186 00:06:30.620 --> 00:06:34.259 It's gonna be coming up called Deep Dive with Dana Carvey. 187 00:06:34.629 --> 00:06:38.269 Six episodes where Dana and I just riff and behave 188 00:06:38.310 --> 00:06:38.990 like fools. 189 00:06:39.689 --> 00:06:41.829 And man, is he funny. 190 00:06:42.029 --> 00:06:42.790 Oh, you guys are both. 191 00:06:42.870 --> 00:06:45.740 It's a- Oh, no, no, no. I'll give it to Dana. 192 00:06:45.759 --> 00:06:50.300 Okay, I'll take it. It's really Dana being absolutely hilarious. 193 00:06:50.660 --> 00:06:54.610 And you don't wanna miss these. These are slightly shorter episodes. 194 00:06:55.139 --> 00:06:59.930 but they're packed with chuckles, guffaws, laughs, and hearty har-hars, 195 00:06:59.939 --> 00:07:02.889 and that's a guarantee. Deep Dive with Dana Carvey. When 196 00:07:02.910 --> 00:07:03.569 do those roll out? 197 00:07:03.689 --> 00:07:06.089 Well, this will bridge the gap between the two seasons 198 00:07:06.370 --> 00:07:07.589 of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, so. 199 00:07:07.610 --> 00:07:10.449 I guess it's official. We're coming back. We're doing another season. 200 00:07:10.629 --> 00:07:11.649 Yeah, that's exciting. 201 00:07:11.670 --> 00:07:14.889 If you've enjoyed this, we're coming back for more. If 202 00:07:14.910 --> 00:07:20.420 you haven't enjoyed it, ha-ha. Your life's getting worse. 203 00:07:21.060 --> 00:07:25.720 So these will come out for free between the seasons 204 00:07:25.759 --> 00:07:26.660 of Conan O'Brien. 205 00:07:26.420 --> 00:07:26.939 Needs a Friend. 206 00:07:27.019 --> 00:07:29.040 But if you want them right now, you can get 207 00:07:29.079 --> 00:07:32.259 a free month of Stitcher Premium. Sign up at stitcherpremium.com 208 00:07:32.279 --> 00:07:35.800 and use promo code Conan and hear all six episodes. Otherwise, 209 00:07:35.899 --> 00:07:38.279 the free ones will be out on August 5th, and 210 00:07:38.319 --> 00:07:40.319 they'll come out once a week for six weeks and 211 00:07:40.370 --> 00:07:42.370 lead you right up to season two of Conan O'Brien 212 00:07:42.389 --> 00:07:42.870 Needs a Friend. 213 00:07:43.250 --> 00:07:43.490 Yeah. Yeah. 214 00:07:43.750 --> 00:07:46.050 And check those, the ones with, I'm really proud of 215 00:07:46.089 --> 00:07:49.509 the ones I got to do with Dana Carvey. He 216 00:07:49.569 --> 00:07:52.500 is a national treasure, and he really makes me laugh, 217 00:07:52.939 --> 00:07:56.160 and I think you'll have fun checking him out. Okay, 218 00:07:56.180 --> 00:07:59.800 so onward. Today's guest, I'm really happy. Today's guest is 219 00:07:59.860 --> 00:08:02.519 a very talented actress. I've gotten to interview many times 220 00:08:02.600 --> 00:08:05.120 over the years. You know her from That 70s Show, 221 00:08:05.180 --> 00:08:09.480 Black Swan, and

Forgetting Sarah Marshall. She's also voiced Meg 222 00:08:09.759 --> 00:08:13.579 for 17 Seasons, a family guy. I'm very excited. to 223 00:08:13.639 --> 00:08:16.699 talk to her. She's a very special person, Mila Kunis. 224 00:08:20.800 --> 00:08:26.509 Hey, Mila. Thank you so much for being here. 225 00:08:26.529 --> 00:08:28.509 Yeah, for sure. I say this quite honestly. I've loved 226 00:08:28.529 --> 00:08:30.829 you for a long time. You're just a real person, 227 00:08:30.850 --> 00:08:33.429 and I don't get to meet that many real people 228 00:08:33.509 --> 00:08:34.169 in show business. 229 00:08:34.250 --> 00:08:34.750 I mean that. 230 00:08:34.769 --> 00:08:35.190 Thank you. 231 00:08:35.200 --> 00:08:38.000 From, I think, one of the first time I met you, 232 00:08:38.620 --> 00:08:40.700 you were a kid when you came on my show. 233 00:08:40.720 --> 00:08:40.879 Mm-hmm. 234 00:08:41.419 --> 00:08:44.649 You were, and you seemed like a child to me. 235 00:08:45.049 --> 00:08:46.850 And then you started talking, and I thought, well, she's 236 00:08:46.929 --> 00:08:50.330 on this show, that 70s show, and she's an actress, 237 00:08:50.350 --> 00:08:56.029 and she's very young. So there's certain things that you 238 00:08:56.049 --> 00:08:56.529 might expect. 239 00:08:56.620 --> 00:08:59.360 I thought, there's a lot of people that live in 240 00:08:59.399 --> 00:08:59.840 a bubble. 241 00:09:00.220 --> 00:09:00.720 You know what I mean? 242 00:09:00.740 --> 00:09:05.100 They live in a bubble, and I've experienced it firsthand. 243 00:09:05.500 --> 00:09:08.179 And they don't have much life experience. And I started 244 00:09:08.220 --> 00:09:10.629 talking to you, and you had the wisdom to, Of 245 00:09:10.710 --> 00:09:14.230 like an old Ukrainian fisherman, you know? I just was 246 00:09:14.269 --> 00:09:18.750 like blown away by how street smart you were, how 247 00:09:18.929 --> 00:09:22.570 frugal you were. You told me that your parents got 248 00:09:22.629 --> 00:09:24.870 mad at you about something and they took your right 249 00:09:24.889 --> 00:09:26.700 to drive your car away. So you were taking the 250 00:09:26.820 --> 00:09:29.379 bus to tapings of that 70s show. 251 00:09:29.399 --> 00:09:29.470 Yep. 252 00:09:30.620 --> 00:09:33.580 And I thought, this is, first of all, God bless 253 00:09:33.620 --> 00:09:36.679 your parents. But second of all, this is great. 254 00:09:37.059 --> 00:09:37.240 Yeah. 255 00:09:37.259 --> 00:09:38.000 This is fantastic. 256 00:09:38.059 --> 00:09:41.679 I have really cool parents. I mean, hindsight 2020, they're awesome. 257 00:09:41.799 --> 00:09:46.000 But when you're, you know, 16, 17, well, maybe let's 258 00:09:46.039 --> 00:09:47.899 say 15, 16. And I was on 70 Show and 259 00:09:47.919 --> 00:09:50.389 I didn't have a license at the time. My mom 260 00:09:50.409 --> 00:09:52.629 had to pick me up from work. And I was 261 00:09:52.649 --> 00:09:55.450 still going to public school. And she worked at Rite 262 00:09:55.490 --> 00:09:57.909 Aid on Laurel Canyon and Victory. And so she would 263 00:09:57.929 --> 00:09:59.970 drive down to CBS and pick me up after rehearsal. 264 00:10:00.580 --> 00:10:03.080 at like 3 and then take me back to work 265 00:10:03.100 --> 00:10:05.549 with her until she closed the store at 10 p.m., 266 00:10:06.049 --> 00:10:10.149 and I had to do ice cream and do your photos. 267 00:10:10.600 --> 00:10:12.600 I had, like, a whole other job because I had 268 00:10:12.639 --> 00:10:16.220 no choice, and I was like, this is bullshit. Like, 269 00:10:16.240 --> 00:10:16.980 I work. 270 00:10:17.639 --> 00:10:18.340 What am I doing? 271 00:10:18.360 --> 00:10:21.610 So, like, I literally, like, I had no choice. But 272 00:10:21.620 --> 00:10:24.309 it's a different world. I bet today my parents would 273 00:10:24.330 --> 00:10:26.509 have been like, well, just Uber home. But that didn't exist. 274 00:10:26.529 --> 00:10:27.830 But that's not even the point. 275 00:10:27.870 --> 00:10:32.190 The point to me is more– Most kids your age, 276 00:10:32.289 --> 00:10:35.750 when they land at a major sitcom job, you know 277 00:10:35.769 --> 00:10:39.480 what I mean, role, it's a matter of weeks before 278 00:10:39.519 --> 00:10:43.159 they're online ordering like a Bentley, you know, or something 279 00:10:43.179 --> 00:10:43.919 they can't afford. 280 00:10:44.379 --> 00:10:45.139 No, you know what I mean. 281 00:10:45.159 --> 00:10:46.539 I mean, if you're an immigrant, you have a very 282 00:10:46.600 --> 00:10:49.909 different mentality. I really do attest to the fact that, like, 283 00:10:50.090 --> 00:10:52.929 I'm not first generation. My kids are first generation. Right. 284 00:10:52.950 --> 00:10:56.740 So because I am an immigrant, I think that that– 285 00:10:57.490 --> 00:11:00.169 creates a different perspective on what the value of a 286 00:11:00.190 --> 00:11:02.570 dollar is and what hard work is. I really do, from, like, 287 00:11:02.690 --> 00:11:03.330 you know, ground up. 288 00:11:03.850 --> 00:11:08.269 I think– I mean, you've talked about that, Sona. You've 289 00:11:08.320 --> 00:11:10.720 talked about how– Yes, yeah. I'm always convincing people that 290 00:11:10.740 --> 00:11:11.480 you are an immigrant. 291 00:11:12.580 --> 00:11:12.899 I'm not. 292 00:11:12.960 --> 00:11:14.779 My parents are, and I know exactly– So you're first generation. 293 00:11:14.799 --> 00:11:15.580 I am first generation. 294 00:11:15.620 --> 00:11:16.080 So I'm your parents. 295 00:11:16.259 --> 00:11:18.159 Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. 296 00:11:18.179 --> 00:11:18.840 I totally get that. 297 00:11:18.879 --> 00:11:22.490 And you always had jobs, and you're extremely practical, and 298 00:11:22.509 --> 00:11:24.909 you're always– Your brother's always giving you a hard time 299 00:11:24.970 --> 00:11:26.190 if you spend like an– Sure. 300 00:11:26.210 --> 00:11:27.370 To a fault almost. 301

00:11:27.389 --> 00:11:30.309 Like there's a happy medium. And it took me– like 302 00:11:30.409 --> 00:11:33.250 I say this. Yes, there's extremes to both situations. But 303 00:11:33.269 --> 00:11:35.370 I was such an extreme like I'm going to be 304 00:11:35.409 --> 00:11:38.710 broke tomorrow. I'm not going to have a job. I 305 00:11:38.750 --> 00:11:44.210 was always living my life so much so cautiously. That 306 00:11:44.250 --> 00:11:46.470 it took me the longest time. And it didn't happen 307 00:11:46.490 --> 00:11:48.190 until I married my husband that he was like, we're 308 00:11:48.230 --> 00:11:50.990 going to be okay. And I was like, but we 309 00:11:51.009 --> 00:11:53.070 can't buy this house. And he was like, what are 310 00:11:53.090 --> 00:11:55.750 you talking about? He's like, I promise you we can 311 00:11:55.789 --> 00:11:57.919 do this. And I, to this day, have this weird 312 00:11:58.600 --> 00:12:01.620 sense of like. Well, you don't need to buy that 313 00:12:01.639 --> 00:12:03.970 plastic bottle. We have plenty of water in the sink, 314 00:12:04.000 --> 00:12:06.490 and we paid very good money to have it clean. 315 00:12:06.529 --> 00:12:09.529 So get a glass bottle, and you're fine. It's just 316 00:12:09.549 --> 00:12:11.870 the way that– and it's not necessarily healthy. So I 317 00:12:11.889 --> 00:12:14.549 think there's a balance to it that I'm finding. 318 00:12:14.649 --> 00:12:17.230 There's a kind of neuroses that comes with– Possibly. You know, 319 00:12:17.250 --> 00:12:19.379 it's interesting because– Of wastefulness. 320 00:12:19.409 --> 00:12:21.379 It has to do with being not wasteful. I think 321 00:12:21.419 --> 00:12:24.340 if you pinpoint it, I've had a very hard time 322 00:12:24.899 --> 00:12:31.659 being wasteful, whether it's with food or– not to get woo, 323 00:12:31.720 --> 00:12:34.740 but like, you know, earth. Like I'm like, why, what. 324 00:12:34.700 --> 00:12:35.179 Are we doing? 325 00:12:35.200 --> 00:12:37.779 We're such wasteful humans. Like we don't need to do 326 00:12:37.820 --> 00:12:38.500 this to ourselves. 327 00:12:38.559 --> 00:12:41.240 But that's admirable. I, I do, I really do think, 328 00:12:41.259 --> 00:12:42.720 I know you're saying there's a happy medium. I do 329 00:12:42.779 --> 00:12:46.340 think there's definitely something that comes from not being a 330 00:12:46.399 --> 00:12:49.620 citizen of the United States when you're born coming here 331 00:12:50.460 --> 00:12:54.970 and you have, you have a different perspective, famously Bob Hope, 332 00:12:55.350 --> 00:12:58.929 you know, like the, sort of master of ceremonies comedian 333 00:12:58.950 --> 00:13:03.730 of the 20th century, he was incredibly frugal and he 334 00:13:03.750 --> 00:13:08.009 was the richest landowner in California. But when he was 335 00:13:08.049 --> 00:13:11.950 in his late 80s, I know from people firsthand who 336 00:13:12.149 --> 00:13:14.169 were in his life would say, oh, I was with 337 00:13:14.210 --> 00:13:16.720 him at a Carl's Jr. today and he had his, 338 00:13:16.740 --> 00:13:19.769 I took him there and he had his certificates to 339 00:13:19.820 --> 00:13:21.740 get 20% off his Carl's Jr. 340 00:13:21.759 --> 00:13:22.019 Burger. 341 00:13:22.740 --> 00:13:24.820 He's one of the richest men in the history of 342 00:13:24.840 --> 00:13:25.500 American entertainment. 343 00:13:25.519 --> 00:13:28.320 Yeah. And he's got his coupon, and he's 88 years old, 344 00:13:29.379 --> 00:13:32.600 and you want to say, Bob Hope, what's the issue? 345 00:13:33.200 --> 00:13:34.299 Well, anyone who's done– you. 346 00:13:35.799 --> 00:13:37.659 Know, when I started reading up about Bob Hope, he 347 00:13:37.700 --> 00:13:42.009 was born to a very poor stonecutter's family in Wales. 348 00:13:42.409 --> 00:13:42.590 Yeah. 349 00:13:42.730 --> 00:13:45.009 He didn't come from the United States. They moved here, 350 00:13:45.049 --> 00:13:46.730 and he was desperately poor when he was a kid. 351 00:13:46.769 --> 00:13:49.929 He never forgot that. It was always, yeah, okay, I 352 00:13:49.950 --> 00:13:53.240 have a billion dollars, and I own most of California, 353 00:13:53.279 --> 00:13:54.690 but– I've got this. 354 00:13:54.929 --> 00:13:55.169 Yes. 355 00:13:55.429 --> 00:13:57.799 I can get 20% off my Carl's Jr. burger, and 356 00:13:57.840 --> 00:13:59.000 I'm not going to screw with that. 357 00:13:59.179 --> 00:14:02.659 I'm a big supporter of Groupon. I have walked into 358 00:14:02.700 --> 00:14:03.700 restaurants with a Groupon. 359 00:14:03.879 --> 00:14:04.120 Right. 360 00:14:06.019 --> 00:14:06.820 I use it all the time. 361 00:14:06.840 --> 00:14:10.080 Do you ever get any attitude? Because obviously they know you. 362 00:14:10.100 --> 00:14:12.789 All the time. Why is Mila Kunis using it? 363 00:14:12.789 --> 00:14:14.809 They're like, really? And I was like, yes. So if 364 00:14:14.850 --> 00:14:16.840 I check in, do I still get my 10% off 365 00:14:16.889 --> 00:14:22.720 on this bikini wax? Absolutely. I love shopping online because 366 00:14:22.759 --> 00:14:24.860 I don't get out very much. So I love, I'm 367 00:14:24.879 --> 00:14:29.120 a very good online shopper. I'm also a really great 368 00:14:29.179 --> 00:14:34.590 promo coder. I will find promo codes for everything. We're 369 00:14:34.610 --> 00:14:35.490 building a house right now. 370 00:14:35.509 --> 00:14:35.889 Right. 371 00:14:37.559 --> 00:14:40.419 But I will sometimes, like, our designer will send me, like, 372 00:14:41.019 --> 00:14:42.299 these are the chairs that we need. And I was like, 373 00:14:42.320 --> 00:14:44.820 but do we really? Because these seem a little overpriced. 374 00:14:45.179 --> 00:14:46.740 And I will then go online at, like, 2 in 375 00:14:46.779 --> 00:14:50.500 the morning and find, like, coupon codes for similar-looking chairs 376 00:14:50.559 --> 00:14:52.350 and send it back and be like, but what about these?

377 00:14:52.500 --> 00:14:55.230 And she was like, no, no, we're not. So I'm 378 00:14:55.309 --> 00:14:56.929 still doing this. 379 00:14:57.149 --> 00:14:57.809 It's like a. 380 00:14:58.669 --> 00:15:01.610 Those are made of tinfoil. We don't know who made 381 00:15:01.629 --> 00:15:04.490 them in Taiwan. They won't support your weight. You know, 382 00:15:04.529 --> 00:15:08.559 you told me this story once about how when... You 383 00:15:09.759 --> 00:15:13.250 had all these money-making schemes when you were a kid. 384 00:15:13.649 --> 00:15:16.690 And while you were on The 70s Show, you were 385 00:15:16.769 --> 00:15:18.850 still up to some of your money-making schemes. 386 00:15:18.870 --> 00:15:19.009 Yes. 387 00:15:19.289 --> 00:15:23.539 One of them involved T-shirts, and it was hilarious. I 388 00:15:23.820 --> 00:15:26.139 remember it to this day. Yeah, tell me about that. 389 00:15:26.720 --> 00:15:26.919 Okay. 390 00:15:27.889 --> 00:15:29.250 Well, there's an end to that story because I think 391 00:15:29.309 --> 00:15:30.909 I talked about it on your show. 392 00:15:30.929 --> 00:15:31.129 Yeah. 393 00:15:31.169 --> 00:15:33.450 And then I got a video message from the Backstreet 394 00:15:33.470 --> 00:15:37.330 Boys of wanting their 10% off of the t-shirts. 395 00:15:37.450 --> 00:15:39.509 Let's take it back from the beginning because let's just 396 00:15:39.570 --> 00:15:41.570 assume that no one saw that episode. 397 00:15:41.649 --> 00:15:43.129 Okay. Take it from the beginning. 398 00:15:43.240 --> 00:15:46.659 Okay. So I grew up in L.A. So there's a 399 00:15:46.669 --> 00:15:48.559 reason for this. I'm not a transplant, right? I came 400 00:15:48.600 --> 00:15:50.080 here when I was like 7, 8, and I've lived 401 00:15:50.100 --> 00:15:52.120 here my whole life. So my girlfriends, who are still 402 00:15:52.139 --> 00:15:54.519 my friends to this day, I met when I was 403 00:15:54.559 --> 00:15:58.799 in second grade and so forth. Um, I have a friend, 404 00:15:58.840 --> 00:16:01.220 her name is Julie. She's still my girlfriend and we're 405 00:16:01.259 --> 00:16:03.960 super close. And we've been friends since we were like 406 00:16:04.000 --> 00:16:07.200 eight or nine. And she's like, she's, if there's Lucy 407 00:16:07.220 --> 00:16:10.240 and Ethel, she's, she's Lucy and I'm Ethel. Like she 408 00:16:10.360 --> 00:16:12.539 gets me into trouble all the time. Like she has 409 00:16:12.559 --> 00:16:14.679 these schemes where I'm like, all right, I guess I'm 410 00:16:14.700 --> 00:16:18.019 along for the ride. So when we were in, um, 411 00:16:18.659 --> 00:16:19.980 you know, I mean, there were so many things, I 412 00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:21.220 guess I can talk about it now. It doesn't matter. 413 00:16:21.299 --> 00:16:22.879 But okay. So there used to be a mall called 414 00:16:22.919 --> 00:16:23.500 Beverly Center. 415 00:16:23.519 --> 00:16:23.820 Mm-hmm. 416 00:16:24.409 --> 00:16:25.970 And she used to be the manager at a store 417 00:16:25.990 --> 00:16:27.950 called Natural Wonder. It's out of business is the only 418 00:16:27.970 --> 00:16:31.559 reason I can talk about it. And it's a real store. 419 00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:33.980 And she would make me come in because she didn't 420 00:16:34.000 --> 00:16:36.059 want to be there by herself on like Christmas, like 421 00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:38.980 that three weeks of like Christmas shoppers. and make me, quote, 422 00:16:39.080 --> 00:16:41.179 work there so that she would have a friend. So 423 00:16:41.200 --> 00:16:42.919 I would put on, like, a brown apron and stand 424 00:16:42.940 --> 00:16:43.899 in the front of the store and be like, would 425 00:16:43.919 --> 00:16:45.000 you guys like the moon rocks? 426 00:16:45.639 --> 00:16:46.039 Totally. 427 00:16:46.259 --> 00:16:47.460 Everything's illegal about this. 428 00:16:47.480 --> 00:16:49.740 Yeah, you're not an employee. 429 00:16:49.799 --> 00:16:51.139 Nope, nope, nope. 430 00:16:51.320 --> 00:16:53.340 And I would, like, ring the register and, like, bum 431 00:16:53.360 --> 00:16:56.470 around the store. That's my friend. So prior to her 432 00:16:56.519 --> 00:16:58.590 having the job in Actual Wonder, or it might have 433 00:16:58.610 --> 00:17:03.129 been during, is when eBay popped up. Like, eBay became 434 00:17:03.190 --> 00:17:05.329 kind of what it just started out becoming. Like, wait, 435 00:17:05.369 --> 00:17:06.609 you can sell items on eBay? 436 00:17:06.630 --> 00:17:06.730 Yeah. 437 00:17:09.049 --> 00:17:11.529 And so we would go to downtown LA and buy, 438 00:17:12.089 --> 00:17:16.039 you know, whatever, for $ 2, like stacks of white t-shirts, 439 00:17:16.059 --> 00:17:20.680 white beaters, and print out on iron paper what was 440 00:17:20.720 --> 00:17:22.799 popular back then, which was Backstreet Boys, which was the 441 00:17:22.839 --> 00:17:25.559 number one selling t-shirt. Or like if it was Christmas, 442 00:17:25.579 --> 00:17:28.559 we'll do any logo for you or NSYNC or whatever 443 00:17:28.599 --> 00:17:31.140 was pop culture relevant or anything that you wanted for 444 00:17:31.180 --> 00:17:33.450 us to print out on Iron-ons. 445 00:17:33.680 --> 00:17:33.839 Right. 446 00:17:33.940 --> 00:17:36.039 And we would iron that on and send it off 447 00:17:36.059 --> 00:17:38.400 through eBay. And we became really popular. 448 00:17:38.420 --> 00:17:42.759 So wait, you had no approval. Zero. And you had 449 00:17:42.839 --> 00:17:44.759 no legal right. 450 00:17:45.140 --> 00:17:46.609 All of this is illegal. Yes. 451 00:17:46.700 --> 00:17:47.670 All of this was illegal. 452 00:17:47.670 --> 00:17:47.809 100%. 453 00:17:47.809 --> 00:17:51.430 Like this, nothing about this was okay. And mind you, 454 00:17:51.450 --> 00:17:54.750 we didn't do drugs. So we were just sober, having fun, 455 00:17:54.789 --> 00:17:56.759 little girls giggling, like iron things on. 456 00:17:56.769 --> 00:17:56.990 What? 457

00:17:57.069 --> 00:17:58.390 While I was on 70 Show. 458 00:17:58.430 --> 00:17:59.619 Yes, that's the point. 459 00:18:00.039 --> 00:18:07.119 You are a major, you're an actress in like this 460 00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:09.539 big hit sitcom, this ensemble sitcom. 461 00:18:09.559 --> 00:18:09.779 Correct. 462 00:18:10.339 --> 00:18:15.240 And at the same time, you are making illegal bootleg 463 00:18:15.779 --> 00:18:19.329 Backstreet Boys and NSYNC t-shirts and selling them through the mail. 464 00:18:19.450 --> 00:18:22.150 Put a dog on it. You know, we didn't judge. 465 00:18:22.289 --> 00:18:24.690 This is mail fraud. This is every kind of fraud. 466 00:18:24.710 --> 00:18:24.779 Yes. 467 00:18:25.190 --> 00:18:28.170 Yes and yes it was this was so bad like 468 00:18:28.549 --> 00:18:32.079 but we at 14 15 your moral compass is like 469 00:18:32.099 --> 00:18:34.039 you're like i don't know this is not very illegal 470 00:18:34.599 --> 00:18:37.539 it's very illegal yeah um but then after i talked 471 00:18:37.559 --> 00:18:43.190 about it on your show um aj from backstreet boys 472 00:18:43.869 --> 00:18:46.349 uh goes to school his daughter goes to school with 473 00:18:46.390 --> 00:18:48.549 my best friend's little girl and so one led to 474 00:18:48.569 --> 00:18:49.769 another and all of a sudden i had a video 475 00:18:49.809 --> 00:18:51.859 of like Give me my money. 476 00:18:52.140 --> 00:18:53.920 Which was very funny. AJ wants his money back. 477 00:18:53.960 --> 00:18:55.140 And I was like, oh, thank God they have a 478 00:18:55.140 --> 00:18:57.619 sense of humor. 479 00:18:57.640 --> 00:18:59.000 I think there's... I. 480 00:19:00.700 --> 00:19:03.029 Mean, we were so stupid. Conan, I can't even tell 481 00:19:03.069 --> 00:19:04.349 you the dumb things that we did. 482 00:19:04.529 --> 00:19:05.730 They were all fine. Well, I think you should. I 483 00:19:05.789 --> 00:19:06.609 think you should tell us more. 484 00:19:06.650 --> 00:19:08.750 Well, because you're a bored kid. You're bored. And we 485 00:19:08.789 --> 00:19:11.970 were so safely bored. Like, we were those kids that were... 486 00:19:11.759 --> 00:19:14.200 We weren't self-destructive. Do you know what I mean? Like, 487 00:19:14.220 --> 00:19:17.299 we were 16, but we were still, like, Like nice, 488 00:19:17.339 --> 00:19:21.279 happy-go-lucky girls. At one point, Julie had a car. Well, 489 00:19:21.299 --> 00:19:23.839 so I had a Ford Explorer. It was my first car. 490 00:19:24.700 --> 00:19:27.970 And Julie had a, oh my God, it was like 491 00:19:27.970 --> 00:19:30.369 100 years old. It was like a Toyota CRV, but 492 00:19:30.390 --> 00:19:32.289 I swear it wasn't. It was some version of that, 493 00:19:32.349 --> 00:19:34.750 but also had like 250,000 miles on it. 494 00:19:34.769 --> 00:19:35.549 It was really beat up. 495 00:19:35.890 --> 00:19:40.869 Like so bad. And so we decided we were, this 496 00:19:40.890 --> 00:19:42.390 is not even that funny to

anyone other than me 497 00:19:42.450 --> 00:19:45.170 reimagining it. Okay, so we're on Hollywood Boulevard. So you 498 00:19:45.190 --> 00:19:47.400 can imagine Hollywood. And this is where she used to 499 00:19:47.440 --> 00:19:51.880 live is like Hollywood and, um, and, like Fuller. And 500 00:19:51.900 --> 00:19:53.039 we looked at each other and we're like, what do 501 00:19:53.059 --> 00:19:54.619 you want to do this afternoon? I don't know, what 502 00:19:54.640 --> 00:19:56.400 do you want to do? Well, let's just run our 503 00:19:56.440 --> 00:19:57.980 cars into each other and see what happens. 504 00:20:00.549 --> 00:20:03.390 Wait, wait. That is funny. 505 00:20:03.890 --> 00:20:04.549 Wait. 506 00:20:04.609 --> 00:20:05.289 No, no, this isn't. 507 00:20:05.609 --> 00:20:07.529 I know that you had us all prepared like, well, 508 00:20:07.569 --> 00:20:08.970 this is probably only funny to me. 509 00:20:10.029 --> 00:20:15.470 No, no, no, this isn't just funny, it's terrifying and wrong. 510 00:20:15.509 --> 00:20:17.289 Stupid, I've never talked about this. So you took both 511 00:20:17.309 --> 00:20:20.250 of your cars. So she's in her car, you're in 512 00:20:20.269 --> 00:20:24.210 your car. Wait, uh-oh, there's more. Wait a minute, I'm getting, 513 00:20:24.450 --> 00:20:26.079 you're laughing too hard, you can't speak. 514 00:20:27.000 --> 00:20:29.180 We were both in my car. We decided just to 515 00:20:29.220 --> 00:20:30.279 take my car first. 516 00:20:30.579 --> 00:20:33.380 She's in. 517 00:20:37.880 --> 00:20:38.619 Her car. 518 00:20:39.670 --> 00:20:40.890 So, her car's parked. 519 00:20:41.339 --> 00:20:42.059 She's crying. 520 00:20:42.140 --> 00:20:45.140 She's crying. Your Mila Kunis is crying and can't control herself. 521 00:20:45.160 --> 00:20:46.559 Because this is so stupid. 522 00:20:46.819 --> 00:20:47.140 I know. 523 00:20:47.160 --> 00:20:49.259 I would never do that today. 524 00:20:49.539 --> 00:20:51.180 Oh, you don't think? You don't think you would? 525 00:20:51.220 --> 00:20:53.099 Hey, kids. 526 00:20:53.119 --> 00:20:55.059 Let me strap the kids into the safety seats, and 527 00:20:55.599 --> 00:20:57.329 then we'll go smashing into some cars. 528 00:20:58.730 --> 00:21:02.069 Mommy, why? Oh, come on. I did this when I 529 00:21:02.109 --> 00:21:03.609 was a kid, and you'll do it when you're older. 530 00:21:03.670 --> 00:21:04.329 Oh, my God. 531 00:21:05.789 --> 00:21:08.569 So wait, so her car's parked and you're both in 532 00:21:08.630 --> 00:21:11.099 your car. What kind of, how many miles per hour 533 00:21:11.119 --> 00:21:11.700 are we talking? 534 00:21:12.859 --> 00:21:14.519 Not that fast. 535 00:21:14.519 --> 00:21:15.319 10, 15 miles an hour? 536 00:21:15.359 --> 00:21:16.099 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 537 00:21:16.140 --> 00:21:18.089 Okay. Like under, 10, 15 under. 538 00:21:18.269 --> 00:21:18.670 Okay. 539 00:21:18.849 --> 00:21:20.109 And then so I hit her car. 540 00:21:20.950 --> 00:21:28.250 And then we're like, her mascara's running down. 541 00:21:28.269 --> 00:21:31.849 Mascara's running, your tears are coming down. I'm not lying, right? 542 00:21:31.869 --> 00:21:35.019 It seems like she's recounting a tragedy right now. 543 00:21:35.039 --> 00:21:36.480 I feel like everyone's crying. 544 00:21:38.400 --> 00:21:41.960 Okay, then she took her car. And reversed it into 545 00:21:42.059 --> 00:21:42.799 my car. 546 00:21:44.920 --> 00:21:46.039 For no reason. 547 00:21:46.859 --> 00:21:49.279 I'll never understand why we did this, guys. It'll never 548 00:21:49.339 --> 00:21:50.339 make any sense to me. 549 00:21:51.180 --> 00:21:51.799 Okay. 550 00:21:52.079 --> 00:21:54.309 I love how, first of all, correct me if I'm wrong, 551 00:21:54.329 --> 00:21:56.369 but you said, now look, we're, you know, we didn't 552 00:21:56.410 --> 00:22:00.130 do drugs, so it was innocent kind of fun. No, no, 553 00:22:00.150 --> 00:22:02.750 this story only makes sense if you're on drugs. 554 00:22:02.829 --> 00:22:03.950 I know, I'm telling you. 555 00:22:04.049 --> 00:22:05.789 And you went out of your way to tell us no. 556 00:22:05.809 --> 00:22:07.609 We were super sober. 557 00:22:07.630 --> 00:22:10.700 This is like, We didn't do, oh my God, I know. 558 00:22:10.940 --> 00:22:13.000 So stupid. I wish Julie was here because she would 559 00:22:13.019 --> 00:22:16.900 be dying. Mind you, she's really respected, has a PhD. 560 00:22:16.980 --> 00:22:19.180 Yeah, in physics. 561 00:22:20.099 --> 00:22:23.369 That inspired her to become, when an object, when an 562 00:22:23.490 --> 00:22:26.470 object strikes another object at 15 miles an hour. 563 00:22:26.490 --> 00:22:27.490 This is the problem. 564 00:22:27.630 --> 00:22:28.769 She's a, like a. 565 00:22:28.789 --> 00:22:30.329 She has a PhD from UCLA. 566 00:22:30.369 --> 00:22:31.190 Yeah. 567 00:22:35.359 --> 00:22:38.920 Oh my God, that's the greatest thing. This is the 568 00:22:38.960 --> 00:22:41.599 greatest moment. I mean, we've had a lot of great moments. 569 00:22:41.720 --> 00:22:43.880 How many of these podcasts have we done now? 570 00:22:43.900 --> 00:22:45.119 This is 33. 571 00:22:45.119 --> 00:22:47.460 Okay, I might have to give this one the award 572 00:22:47.680 --> 00:22:49.519 for just absolute greatest moment. 573 00:22:50.680 --> 00:22:51.359 My God. 574 00:22:51.799 --> 00:22:53.160 Wow. 575 00:22:53.240 --> 00:22:54.299 That's fantastic. 576 00:22:54.500 --> 00:22:56.859 So ridiculous. Stupid. 577 00:22:56.880 --> 00:22:57.579 Okay. 578 00:22:57.700 --> 00:23:00.140 Anyways, I can think of so many of them, but. 579 00:23:00.039 --> 00:23:01.240 Let's move on. Okay. 580 00:23:01.279 --> 00:23:03.279 If another one occurs to you, I want you to 581 00:23:03.319 --> 00:23:05.480 tell it because I think these are therapeutic for you 582 00:23:05.500 --> 00:23:07.880 and they're solid gold for me. 583 00:23:07.900 --> 00:23:09.920 So what happens when you grow

up in LA, you're 584 00:23:09.940 --> 00:23:11.690 just like, No. 585 00:23:12.029 --> 00:23:12.230 No? 586 00:23:12.410 --> 00:23:12.710 No. 587 00:23:12.750 --> 00:23:15.890 Yeah, I grew up in L.A. Yeah, no, no. 588 00:23:16.250 --> 00:23:19.799 Many people have grown up in L.A. and don't have 589 00:23:19.859 --> 00:23:21.099 stories like this. 590 00:23:21.380 --> 00:23:25.839 So stupid. On Hollywood, not off in a small street, guys, 591 00:23:25.859 --> 00:23:27.900 on a very busy street. 592 00:23:28.059 --> 00:23:28.339 Sure. 593 00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:29.599 Why? 594 00:23:29.759 --> 00:23:32.220 Why? I don't know. I don't know. 595 00:23:32.279 --> 00:23:34.900 If anyone knows why out there, please contact us. I 596 00:23:34.920 --> 00:23:36.339 think that's a fair question to ask people. 597 00:23:36.359 --> 00:23:37.180 If anyone understands. 598 00:23:37.200 --> 00:23:38.660 I was just supposed to call in. And then people 599 00:23:38.680 --> 00:23:39.569 just call in. 600 00:23:39.609 --> 00:23:42.069 Well, people will contact us. And also, what happened? 601 00:23:42.130 --> 00:23:43.670 Like, are the cars, were they okay? Oh, I'll tell 602 00:23:43.769 --> 00:23:44.390 you what happened. 603 00:23:44.650 --> 00:23:48.250 So nothing happened to mine, but her license plate fell off. 604 00:23:48.329 --> 00:23:49.730 And then we had to be like, well, how do we, 605 00:23:49.769 --> 00:23:51.789 what do we say about this? So we had to 606 00:23:51.809 --> 00:23:53.950 throw it in the trunk. And then her mom was like, well, 607 00:23:53.970 --> 00:23:55.359 what happened to your license plate? And Julia goes, I 608 00:23:55.380 --> 00:23:56.539 don't know. Someone hit me. 609 00:23:57.359 --> 00:23:57.710 That was it. 610 00:23:57.720 --> 00:23:59.839 We haven't talked about it again. So that would be 611 00:23:59.880 --> 00:24:00.799 insurance fraud. 612 00:24:02.059 --> 00:24:05.599 Let's take a quick break because we're going to do 613 00:24:05.619 --> 00:24:06.019 some ads. 614 00:24:06.299 --> 00:24:07.240 But we'll be right back. 615 00:24:07.420 --> 00:24:07.619 Oh, yeah. 616 00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:09.920 Ads are important because ads, you know, give you money. 617 00:24:10.140 --> 00:24:14.440 Yeah. And also, we have a bunch of people. And 618 00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:16.039 you know what? There are promo codes with each. 619 00:24:16.259 --> 00:24:17.740 Oh, that's what I like. 620 00:24:18.019 --> 00:24:19.869 So pay attention. Pay attention. 621 00:24:20.029 --> 00:24:22.349 Like write Conan in the promo code. 622 00:24:22.269 --> 00:24:24.089 And you get 20% off. It's always Conan. 623 00:24:24.150 --> 00:24:26.990 And if you ever want to have a picture of 624 00:24:27.049 --> 00:24:31.089 yours printed on glass instead of paper, I've got the 625 00:24:31.170 --> 00:24:34.910 company for you. It's called Fracture, and I can get 626 00:24:34.930 --> 00:24:36.529 you 20% off a Fracture print. 627 00:24:36.549 --> 00:24:37.670 When's the last time you get 20% off? 628 00:24:38.049 --> 00:24:39.970 Oh, you have come to the right guy. 629 00:24:40.470 --> 00:24:45.519 Let's say Ashton wants to manscape, and that's not my business, 630 00:24:45.839 --> 00:24:47.779 but I said I have observed you guys from afar 631 00:24:47.799 --> 00:24:49.160 with a very powerful lens. 632 00:24:50.119 --> 00:24:52.240 And he could do some cleaning up down there. What 633 00:24:52.259 --> 00:24:56.480 company is this? Oh, what company is that? Gorley? Manscaped? 634 00:24:56.549 --> 00:24:56.809 Yeah. 635 00:24:57.160 --> 00:24:58.640 I think it's just called Manscaped. 636 00:24:58.849 --> 00:24:59.380 There you go. 637 00:24:59.400 --> 00:25:01.109 I just wanted to make sure you were still paying attention. 638 00:25:01.529 --> 00:25:02.089 Manscaped. 639 00:25:02.130 --> 00:25:02.750 Manscaped. 640 00:25:03.049 --> 00:25:04.210 Manscaped. Oh, Manscaped. 641 00:25:04.230 --> 00:25:05.170 It's past tense. 642 00:25:05.509 --> 00:25:07.369 And they wax your balls? No, no, no, no. 643 00:25:07.670 --> 00:25:12.069 Well, please, let's keep this clean. This is primarily a 644 00:25:12.130 --> 00:25:14.109 podcast for children. They shave your balls. 645 00:25:14.289 --> 00:25:14.589 No, no. 646 00:25:15.569 --> 00:25:16.009 Excuse me. 647 00:25:16.069 --> 00:25:16.539 No, no. 648 00:25:16.789 --> 00:25:19.369 No, no, that's not right either. They send you the 649 00:25:19.430 --> 00:25:21.069 equipment so you do it yourself. 650 00:25:21.349 --> 00:25:22.210 Do what yourself? 651 00:25:22.410 --> 00:25:24.650 You manicure things down below. 652 00:25:24.670 --> 00:25:26.150 You shave your balls yourself. 653 00:25:26.289 --> 00:25:28.470 But why do you need equipment? What do you need, 654 00:25:28.730 --> 00:25:32.480 like a saw? What's down there for you, Conan, that 655 00:25:32.519 --> 00:25:33.259 you need equipment? 656 00:25:33.380 --> 00:25:36.059 Oh, you don't want to get into, mine is a thick, 657 00:25:36.200 --> 00:25:37.660 dense carpet. 658 00:25:38.200 --> 00:25:40.279 Well, excuse me. Hello. 659 00:25:40.460 --> 00:25:45.529 Imagine copper, a copper Brillo brush with tinges of gray. 660 00:25:46.730 --> 00:25:49.210 Oh, did we go too far? Okay. We're back from commercial, 661 00:25:49.230 --> 00:25:51.460 aren't we? Oh, we didn't even go yet. And we're gone. 662 00:25:51.720 --> 00:25:53.819 Not every day you meet an Irish legend. 663 00:25:53.980 --> 00:25:55.319 I know what you mean, Coo Column. 664 00:25:55.500 --> 00:25:58.589 Leaping vast distances, holding off armies. 665 00:25:58.740 --> 00:26:00.869 Eating tons of fresh grass. 666 00:26:01.029 --> 00:26:01.349 What? 667 00:26:01.450 --> 00:26:02.750 Not you or cows. 668 00:26:03.029 --> 00:26:05.890 That's one of the reasons Irish milk is so good. 669 00:26:06.130 --> 00:26:08.250 It's famous all over the world. 670 00:26:08.549 --> 00:26:10.150 Legendary. 671 00:26:10.619 --> 00:26:13.980 Ireland's grass and our

farmers' commitment to more sustainable actions... 672 00:26:13.960 --> 00:26:17.500 Help make Irish dairy a true Irish legend. Always look 673 00:26:17.539 --> 00:26:21.539 for the National Dairy Council guarantee. Learn more at ndc.ie. 674 00:26:21.799 --> 00:26:23.700 Did you hear about the Murphys down the road? 675 00:26:24.019 --> 00:26:26.839 I did. And with the Walshes too, of all people. 676 00:26:27.160 --> 00:26:28.740 I heard the Flins were at it as well. 677 00:26:29.000 --> 00:26:29.319 No. 678 00:26:29.519 --> 00:26:30.779 Switchers, the lot of them. 679 00:26:31.140 --> 00:26:33.599 You know, it might not be a bad idea. 680 00:26:34.019 --> 00:26:34.319 Really? 681 00:26:34.339 --> 00:26:37.109 I heard they all got a brilliant deal and saved 682 00:26:37.160 --> 00:26:41.349 hundreds of euros switching their energy with switcher.ie. Happy days. 683 00:26:42.009 --> 00:26:42.990 Maybe we should join them. 684 00:26:43.450 --> 00:26:43.549 Hmm. 685 00:26:44.140 --> 00:26:47.660 See if you can save on your energy at switcher.ie. 686 00:26:48.099 --> 00:26:48.440 Switch. 687 00:26:48.980 --> 00:26:49.400 Save. 688 00:26:49.880 --> 00:26:50.640 Happy days. 689 00:26:51.400 --> 00:26:55.170 Every day you make around 35,000 choices. What to wear? 690 00:26:55.470 --> 00:26:58.390 Toast or cereal? One more episode or time for bed? 691 00:26:59.009 --> 00:27:00.829 The last thing you need is to stress over your 692 00:27:00.869 --> 00:27:04.109 car insurance. That's where Corn Market comes in. We make 693 00:27:04.150 --> 00:27:07.150 choosing your car insurance simple. We do all the hard 694 00:27:07.190 --> 00:27:09.180 work so you don't have to spend your time comparing 695 00:27:09.279 --> 00:27:12.980 endless quotes. Call us today and save up to € 200 696 00:27:12.619 --> 00:27:13.500 off your car insurance. 697 00:27:13.890 --> 00:27:14.549 Corn Market. 698 00:27:14.809 --> 00:27:16.200 We compare, you save. 699 00:27:36.130 --> 00:27:36.990 And we're back. 700 00:27:38.089 --> 00:27:39.750 I'm glad we got out of there because I think 701 00:27:39.769 --> 00:27:43.970 when we left off, I was describing a copper Brillo 702 00:27:44.009 --> 00:27:47.690 pad in my nether regions. Let's move on to better 703 00:27:47.769 --> 00:27:50.779 areas because I want better for you, for your children. 704 00:27:50.799 --> 00:27:52.160 Okay. 705 00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:56.130 You worked with Ashton for... A long time. And you 706 00:27:56.150 --> 00:27:57.190 were platonic friends. 707 00:27:57.329 --> 00:27:58.289 Super platonic friends. 708 00:27:58.349 --> 00:27:59.529 Like super platonic. 709 00:27:59.569 --> 00:27:59.750 Yeah. 710 00:27:59.869 --> 00:28:01.470 It never occurred to you, oh, this will be the 711 00:28:01.490 --> 00:28:02.269 person I marry. 712 00:28:02.609 --> 00:28:08.039 No. The opposite. I love biology, but I hated chemistry. 713 00:28:09.140 --> 00:28:12.019 Ashton was a chemistry major. So he did my chemistry 714 00:28:12.039 --> 00:28:13.000 homework for me half the time. 715 00:28:13.400 --> 00:28:13.680 Really? 716 00:28:13.700 --> 00:28:16.809 So that's literally our relationship was so brother and sister. 717 00:28:17.289 --> 00:28:17.470 Yeah. 718 00:28:17.890 --> 00:28:22.859 Because when you're 14 and 19, it's such a large 719 00:28:23.000 --> 00:28:25.859 age gap. It really is. 14, 19, you're like, that's 720 00:28:25.900 --> 00:28:29.480 a grown-up. Like, that's gross on both levels. It was 721 00:28:29.519 --> 00:28:31.720 not even a plausible thought. 722 00:28:31.940 --> 00:28:32.140 Right. 723 00:28:32.339 --> 00:28:36.769 So when we reconnected when I was, you know, 27, 26, 27. 724 00:28:36.769 --> 00:28:38.759 Was he 26, 27? 725 00:28:38.730 --> 00:28:39.049 Right. 726 00:28:40.630 --> 00:28:43.730 And 34 at the time, it was totally fine. 727 00:28:43.809 --> 00:28:44.230 Right, right. 728 00:28:44.250 --> 00:28:45.910 Very different reconnection. So you see each other in a 729 00:28:45.910 --> 00:28:47.490 different light. But going back to when I was younger, no. 730 00:28:47.529 --> 00:28:47.869 Not at all. 731 00:28:48.190 --> 00:28:48.450 Yeah. 732 00:28:48.750 --> 00:28:49.430 Not in the slightest. 733 00:28:49.960 --> 00:28:52.559 You know, I've noticed we were talking about what people 734 00:28:52.579 --> 00:28:54.660 are like as parents. What I've observed is that you 735 00:28:54.680 --> 00:28:57.880 guys are– like he's a real physical dad. 736 00:28:58.000 --> 00:28:58.519 Yeah. 737 00:28:58.619 --> 00:29:00.180 And, you know, a lot of people– we now have 738 00:29:00.460 --> 00:29:06.170 science will allow people to have children. The male– and 739 00:29:06.190 --> 00:29:07.829 that's not even so much science, but women can have 740 00:29:07.950 --> 00:29:12.049 children later. But there's a lot of men that will 741 00:29:12.069 --> 00:29:15.200 become a new dad at like 65, and that's part 742 00:29:15.220 --> 00:29:15.660 of the culture. 743 00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:18.180 And I think, you know what? We're kind of meant– 744 00:29:18.440 --> 00:29:19.779 The one thing they don't take into account is we're 745 00:29:19.799 --> 00:29:22.599 meant to throw our kids around, especially the guys. We 746 00:29:22.640 --> 00:29:25.200 are meant to pick up our kids and toss them 747 00:29:25.240 --> 00:29:27.839 in the air and catch them. And one of the 748 00:29:27.880 --> 00:29:30.769 times I was hanging out with you guys, Ashton was 749 00:29:30.809 --> 00:29:34.450 in the background just throwing your children up into the 750 00:29:34.650 --> 00:29:36.630 air and then they'd go up like 10 feet and 751 00:29:36.650 --> 00:29:38.589 then he would catch them. There was a lot of 752 00:29:38.690 --> 00:29:40.660 rough and tumble and I'm that way. way. I like 753 00:29:40.680 --> 00:29:41.119 to do that. 754 00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:45.400 And it's like the one reason that I motivate myself 755 00:29:46.079 --> 00:29:48.400 to try and work

out every day is I want 756 00:29:48.440 --> 00:29:51.369 to be able to tackle my children, even. 757 00:29:51.230 --> 00:29:53.779 When they're 100%. Even when they're grown adults. 758 00:29:53.859 --> 00:29:54.660 Yes, of course you do. 759 00:29:54.720 --> 00:29:56.680 And writers on the show. Like, I'm not even kidding. 760 00:29:56.720 --> 00:29:58.900 I want to be able to tackle people and be 761 00:29:58.920 --> 00:30:00.140 a physical, goofy guy. 762 00:30:00.180 --> 00:30:00.369 Yes. 763 00:30:00.829 --> 00:30:03.130 He's the same. I mean, not to take away from 764 00:30:03.190 --> 00:30:04.829 if you do have children at a later age, I 765 00:30:04.869 --> 00:30:07.309 think all great. But I do think that the greatest 766 00:30:07.369 --> 00:30:11.069 benefit of having a kid at an age where you're 767 00:30:11.130 --> 00:30:15.279 able to be physical is important. it's, I'm not, like, 768 00:30:15.359 --> 00:30:17.700 I'm the same size as my children. Like, you know, 769 00:30:17.799 --> 00:30:18.259 it's not like. 770 00:30:18.279 --> 00:30:20.059 Yeah, I saw him tossing you around a little too. 771 00:30:20.119 --> 00:30:21.619 I think he got confused. 772 00:30:21.660 --> 00:30:25.069 He was like, child, no, wife. I love, I mean, 773 00:30:25.750 --> 00:30:28.210 I play with my kids. We just play differently. Like, 774 00:30:28.289 --> 00:30:29.890 I play pretend with my kids. Not to say that 775 00:30:29.910 --> 00:30:31.430 my husband doesn't, but I play pretend and we're on 776 00:30:31.450 --> 00:30:33.109 the floor and we're playing with trucks and we, you know, 777 00:30:33.470 --> 00:30:35.190 hide and go seek and do all these things. And then, 778 00:30:35.829 --> 00:30:38.309 you know, he comes home and it's a, it's a 779 00:30:38.630 --> 00:30:41.170 fucking jungle gym. Like, it's the greatest thing that can happen. Also, 780 00:30:41.190 --> 00:30:43.230 you get like your piss and vinegar out, like go 781 00:30:43.250 --> 00:30:45.950 play with dad. And you go outside and they, you know, just, 782 00:30:46.210 --> 00:30:48.769 they're crazy. And it's the best thing that could ever happen. 783 00:30:49.069 --> 00:30:50.950 Here's where I get in trouble. I get in trouble, 784 00:30:51.309 --> 00:30:52.450 and I used to get in trouble a lot more 785 00:30:52.470 --> 00:30:55.480 when they were younger, but it would be getting close 786 00:30:55.519 --> 00:30:56.180 to bedtime. 787 00:30:56.259 --> 00:30:57.740 Oh, yes, this happens all the time. 788 00:30:57.819 --> 00:31:01.039 I would come home from doing my late night show, 789 00:31:01.559 --> 00:31:03.059 whichever late night show I was doing at the time, 790 00:31:03.099 --> 00:31:05.619 and I would come home and it was, I'm all 791 00:31:05.720 --> 00:31:07.579 amped up from doing the show and I'm amped up 792 00:31:07.619 --> 00:31:10.250 all the time anyway. And I would come home and 793 00:31:10.329 --> 00:31:11.910 I would chase my kids around. 794 00:31:11.930 -->

00:31:12.549 Right before bedtime. 795 00:31:12.569 --> 00:31:16.519 They'd be shrieking. They'd be punching me. I'd be pretending 796 00:31:16.539 --> 00:31:19.619 to fall down. I'd be getting up, becoming a zombie, 797 00:31:19.920 --> 00:31:21.529 throwing pillows at them. They're throwing pillows at me. And 798 00:31:21.549 --> 00:31:22.750 my wife would be like, what? 799 00:31:23.359 --> 00:31:24.160 Knock it off. 800 00:31:24.400 --> 00:31:25.920 This is me a lot of times. 801 00:31:26.039 --> 00:31:27.839 And they're supposed to be in bed 10 minutes ago 802 00:31:27.880 --> 00:31:30.529 and their heart rates are both at 180, you know? 803 00:31:30.829 --> 00:31:32.180 And, and it was true. 804 00:31:32.240 --> 00:31:34.470 I was being a total, I just couldn't help it. 805 00:31:34.509 --> 00:31:36.170 It was like my crack cocaine. 806 00:31:36.569 --> 00:31:38.970 I learned to be okay with it. The first kid, 807 00:31:39.009 --> 00:31:41.029 I was like, but I, but, but I set the 808 00:31:41.089 --> 00:31:43.049 lights and the tone and the thing and everybody's ready 809 00:31:43.069 --> 00:31:45.109 for a second kid. I really very much. So it 810 00:31:45.130 --> 00:31:47.390 was like, what am I, whatever. Enjoy your kids. Like 811 00:31:47.430 --> 00:31:49.690 it is what it is. And you have 20 minutes go, 812 00:31:49.809 --> 00:31:50.029 you know? 813 00:31:50.170 --> 00:31:50.349 Right. 814 00:31:50.579 --> 00:31:52.440 Because when he was doing his show, he would come 815 00:31:52.480 --> 00:31:55.769 home from pre-shoots at like, if our bedtime was 6.37, 816 00:31:55.769 --> 00:31:57.529 he would come home at 6.15. And I was like, 817 00:31:57.619 --> 00:31:59.650 oh my God. It was either you come home at 818 00:31:59.730 --> 00:32:01.549 five or come home at eight, but do not come 819 00:32:01.609 --> 00:32:02.349 home in between. 820 00:32:02.369 --> 00:32:07.029 In this special hour when children are being put. 821 00:32:06.230 --> 00:32:07.130 Down to sleep. 822 00:32:07.250 --> 00:32:09.650 I know, but now I don't care. Now I genuinely 823 00:32:09.910 --> 00:32:12.549 do not care. I think it's great. I really think 824 00:32:12.569 --> 00:32:15.430 it's so important. It's so important for them to have that. 825 00:32:15.450 --> 00:32:17.619 Because as much as I can do that, It's not 826 00:32:17.660 --> 00:32:20.460 the same. It's just I have different energy. I just do. 827 00:32:20.500 --> 00:32:22.500 Like if they get a– if they hurt themselves, they 828 00:32:22.660 --> 00:32:25.240 naturally run to me. And if they want to go 829 00:32:25.279 --> 00:32:28.190 and play and go ape shit and pretend to be 830 00:32:28.210 --> 00:32:30.569 a zombie or a fish or a dinosaur or whatever, 831 00:32:31.029 --> 00:32:32.769 they definitely go towards him. You know what I mean? 832 00:32:32.809 --> 00:32:33.950 And it's just different play. 833 00:32:34.730 --> 00:32:37.099 Now, there's this thing I want to talk about that– 834 00:32:37.269 --> 00:32:39.390 it's a little bit of a thread I'm finding out 835 00:32:39.430 --> 00:32:42.140 that's running through this podcast, which started as a lark. 836 00:32:42.240 --> 00:32:44.119 And it's turned into this thing that I really love 837 00:32:44.140 --> 00:32:48.930 to do. And that is– this business that we're in, 838 00:32:49.509 --> 00:32:52.869 which fascinates me. And I'm pretty sure you're gonna know 839 00:32:52.890 --> 00:32:56.450 what I'm talking about, but it's a business that attracts 840 00:32:56.490 --> 00:33:00.220 a certain kind of person who very much wants validation 841 00:33:00.720 --> 00:33:04.160 in this very public way. And they want their happiness 842 00:33:04.200 --> 00:33:07.180 to come in this very public forum and they want 843 00:33:07.200 --> 00:33:09.359 it to come, you know, they want the awards, the 844 00:33:09.400 --> 00:33:11.119 things that all of us can get sucked into. 845 00:33:12.079 --> 00:33:13.900 And it's very. 846 00:33:13.740 --> 00:33:17.359 Interesting to me when I'm talking to someone, you in particular, 847 00:33:18.000 --> 00:33:23.019 who's had an incredible amount of success, but I sense, 848 00:33:23.440 --> 00:33:26.059 and I know I'm right, that that's not where you 849 00:33:26.099 --> 00:33:27.119 get your validation from. 850 00:33:27.720 --> 00:33:28.269 Is that correct? 851 00:33:28.349 --> 00:33:28.490 Yeah. 852 00:33:28.509 --> 00:33:34.069 Like that's not what makes you happy or fulfilled. You're proud, 853 00:33:34.089 --> 00:33:36.809 I'm sure, of the stuff that you've accomplished. 854 00:33:36.450 --> 00:33:37.029 And what you've done. 855 00:33:37.029 --> 00:33:39.269 100%, yes. And I work hard at it. 856 00:33:39.349 --> 00:33:39.589 Yes. 857 00:33:39.730 --> 00:33:42.660 So I'm definitely proud and I have, I think, a 858 00:33:42.700 --> 00:33:43.990 healthy amount of ownership over it. 859 00:33:44.259 --> 00:33:44.440 Right. 860 00:33:44.599 --> 00:33:44.779 Yeah. 861 00:33:45.000 --> 00:33:45.579 But then what you. 862 00:33:47.319 --> 00:33:50.160 You seem to be someone who's figured out the thing 863 00:33:50.200 --> 00:33:52.400 that I'm going to say eludes a lot. 864 00:33:52.180 --> 00:33:54.480 Of people in entertainment. 865 00:33:54.740 --> 00:33:57.920 I don't even think people who consume entertainment don't know 866 00:33:57.940 --> 00:34:02.519 how truly unhappy some people are that work in this business. 867 00:34:03.529 --> 00:34:07.119 Because we have such– we have a culture that worships 868 00:34:07.950 --> 00:34:11.030 anyone who's in People magazine and is smiling and wearing 869 00:34:11.349 --> 00:34:12.650 leggings that are selling. 870 00:34:14.750 --> 00:34:15.210 No, you know what I mean? 871 00:34:15.230 --> 00:34:17.510 They're always walking down the street, like holding a coffee, 872 00:34:17.550 --> 00:34:20.449 and it's like rocking these new silver leggings that are 873 00:34:20.469 --> 00:34:22.590 from the JoJo

Jajaba collection. 874 00:34:23.250 --> 00:34:27.530 And, you know, we're talking about, and. 875 00:34:27.090 --> 00:34:29.409 We live in this culture where, well, that person is 876 00:34:29.449 --> 00:34:32.679 to be idolized, whereas you and I have known plenty 877 00:34:32.699 --> 00:34:34.260 of these people. We know a lot of them personally, 878 00:34:34.280 --> 00:34:37.820 and we've worked with them, who are absolutely fucking miserable. 879 00:34:37.840 --> 00:34:39.500 Correct. Depressed. 880 00:34:40.300 --> 00:34:40.760 Depressed. 881 00:34:40.880 --> 00:34:41.039 Yes. 882 00:34:41.579 --> 00:34:45.429 And I almost wanted to, I don't know, like sort 883 00:34:45.449 --> 00:34:47.719 of just shed a light on how– I can't tell 884 00:34:47.739 --> 00:34:50.340 you how many times I drive around this town, Los Angeles, 885 00:34:50.820 --> 00:34:57.599 and see billboards of people beaming happiness. And it says like, 886 00:34:57.679 --> 00:35:01.940 check out blank in their new show or their sitcom 887 00:35:01.960 --> 00:35:03.880 or whatever. And they're giving you that big smile. And 888 00:35:03.900 --> 00:35:06.860 I think, I know that person. And that's not that person. 889 00:35:07.280 --> 00:35:11.119 They're selling you something that's completely wrong about themselves. Yes. 890 00:35:11.530 --> 00:35:11.849 I don't know. 891 00:35:12.449 --> 00:35:14.590 I know. It's a weird thing that I've always talked 892 00:35:14.630 --> 00:35:16.610 about because I think it's always been fascinating for other 893 00:35:16.650 --> 00:35:19.050 people as to why I'm not fucked up. And I 894 00:35:19.150 --> 00:35:24.010 don't know where, what, when. Like, I don't know where 895 00:35:24.030 --> 00:35:26.150 the trajectory went this way. And I clearly went in 896 00:35:26.190 --> 00:35:28.349 this one route and not this route because my friends 897 00:35:28.409 --> 00:35:29.230 did go in this route. 898 00:35:29.469 --> 00:35:31.800 You had friends that got into it. 899 00:35:31.789 --> 00:35:32.050 100%. 900 00:35:32.050 --> 00:35:35.150 Yeah, I've been doing this since I was nine. So 901 00:35:35.190 --> 00:35:37.250 I've had so many of my friends that, especially that 902 00:35:37.289 --> 00:35:39.449 were doing this at a younger age where you're a 903 00:35:39.449 --> 00:35:40.449 little bit more susceptible. 904 00:35:40.800 --> 00:35:43.559 Well, yeah, you know, it's interesting, but there are other 905 00:35:43.619 --> 00:35:47.659 people like you. I've had the privilege of chatting a 906 00:35:47.699 --> 00:35:52.260 couple of times with Jodie Foster, and she is one 907 00:35:52.280 --> 00:35:56.150 of the smartest people I've ever talked to and completely 908 00:35:57.170 --> 00:36:00.909 seemingly unaffected by being Jodie Foster. And she started as 909 00:36:00.949 --> 00:36:04.130 a kid. And you think, how did you get through 910 00:36:04.190 --> 00:36:07.460 that maze? Because so many, you know, to go through 911 00:36:07.480 -->

00:36:10.190 everything that That she's been through in that level of 912 00:36:10.250 --> 00:36:11.070 fame and- Yeah. 913 00:36:11.110 --> 00:36:13.170 And hers has also so many other baggages. 914 00:36:13.210 --> 00:36:13.969 I mean, she has- Yeah. 915 00:36:13.989 --> 00:36:14.510 You know what I mean? 916 00:36:14.590 --> 00:36:14.789 Yeah. 917 00:36:14.829 --> 00:36:16.769 She was at the height of the hype, but I 918 00:36:16.789 --> 00:36:17.070 don't know. 919 00:36:17.369 --> 00:36:21.239 Yeah. And I think, but it's rare. 920 00:36:21.260 --> 00:36:21.340 Yeah. 921 00:36:21.780 --> 00:36:25.000 It's really rare. And so it's- It's more. 922 00:36:24.840 --> 00:36:27.820 Rare now that I've allowed, like I don't make friends easily. 923 00:36:27.840 --> 00:36:30.760 I have like my group of friends. I'm perfectly happy 924 00:36:30.800 --> 00:36:33.269 with my little group of friends and- I've had what 925 00:36:33.309 --> 00:36:34.630 I used to coin as like the flavor of the 926 00:36:34.670 --> 00:36:36.230 month where like a new friend would come in for 927 00:36:36.269 --> 00:36:38.010 like a minute and I was like, that's my new friend. 928 00:36:38.050 --> 00:36:39.730 But it really wasn't. Right. 929 00:36:39.750 --> 00:36:42.429 Who tells them it's over? Does someone come in the 930 00:36:42.449 --> 00:36:43.349 room and go, it's over? 931 00:36:43.449 --> 00:36:43.809 It's done. 932 00:36:44.139 --> 00:36:48.239 Your next flavor. I stop like responding. 933 00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:50.300 You leave the room on a happy note and then 934 00:36:50.360 --> 00:36:52.679 someone else comes in the room and says it's over. 935 00:36:52.699 --> 00:36:54.380 Wait, no, she said she was going to get us 936 00:36:54.500 --> 00:36:57.139 ice cream. No, no, no. Just sign this and you're done. 937 00:36:58.340 --> 00:36:59.800 But recently I've been like, you know what? I'm going 938 00:36:59.820 --> 00:37:02.139 to venture out. We're going to like make new friends, whatever. 939 00:37:02.159 --> 00:37:02.320 Cool. 940 00:37:03.110 --> 00:37:05.360 And I've learned that people in this industry and I 941 00:37:05.760 --> 00:37:06.780 have very little in common. 942 00:37:07.340 --> 00:37:07.559 Yeah. 943 00:37:08.719 --> 00:37:11.219 And I don't mean this in a negative way or 944 00:37:12.019 --> 00:37:14.559 in a judgmental way, but just things that I want 945 00:37:14.579 --> 00:37:17.989 to talk about versus things that are of interest to 946 00:37:18.590 --> 00:37:22.409 most people in this industry are very different. But that's 947 00:37:22.429 --> 00:37:24.030 not bad or good. It's just something that I've just 948 00:37:24.070 --> 00:37:24.809 recently realized. 949 00:37:25.070 --> 00:37:29.309 What I realized a long time ago is that– If 950 00:37:29.329 --> 00:37:31.489 you're in this business, and it just doesn't have to 951 00:37:31.530 --> 00:37:34.409 be show business because there's other businesses where this happens too, 952 00:37:34.909 --> 00:37:38.440 but if you tie your self-worth to something that oscillates, 953 00:37:38.460 --> 00:37:43.039 that goes up and down naturally, you're going to be 954 00:37:43.099 --> 00:37:44.360 miserable your entire life. 955 00:37:44.360 --> 00:37:45.139 100%. 956 00:37:45.139 --> 00:37:48.000 So if you're a stockbroker, same thing. 957 00:37:48.420 --> 00:37:52.400 If you're in this business and you make a deal 958 00:37:52.460 --> 00:37:57.780 that I'm going to be totally thrilled– With myself and 959 00:37:57.820 --> 00:38:02.349 my life and my reality, as long as I'm on 960 00:38:02.369 --> 00:38:05.489 the cover of the magazine, but the minute someone else 961 00:38:05.530 --> 00:38:08.809 is on the cover and I'm on page seven, I'm 962 00:38:08.849 --> 00:38:10.590 going to be in the depths of despair. 963 00:38:11.050 --> 00:38:11.530 You're fucked. 964 00:38:11.809 --> 00:38:12.050 Totally. 965 00:38:12.070 --> 00:38:12.949 There's no way out of that. 966 00:38:12.969 --> 00:38:13.190 Nope. 967 00:38:13.550 --> 00:38:15.869 And the whole industry is opinion based. So it's not 968 00:38:15.909 --> 00:38:17.510 even how good your work is. It's just what the 969 00:38:17.530 --> 00:38:18.510 guy next door thinks of it. 970 00:38:18.889 --> 00:38:19.090 Right. 971 00:38:19.550 --> 00:38:22.909 So why make yourself be worth upon some douchebag? Like, 972 00:38:23.090 --> 00:38:25.409 I don't need people I don't know telling me right 973 00:38:25.429 --> 00:38:25.769 from wrong. 974 00:38:26.210 --> 00:38:26.409 Right. 975 00:38:26.880 --> 00:38:27.880 I get enough of it at home. 976 00:38:28.440 --> 00:38:28.579 Yeah. 977 00:38:28.599 --> 00:38:30.840 You know what I mean? Like, I'm cool in that regard. 978 00:38:31.079 --> 00:38:33.139 But I think that that also helps, that I'm not 979 00:38:33.219 --> 00:38:35.739 on social media. So I don't have a constant reminder 980 00:38:35.760 --> 00:38:37.199 of how many likes I have in my life. 981 00:38:37.380 --> 00:38:37.599 Yeah. 982 00:38:38.199 --> 00:38:39.090 Which is very healthy. 983 00:38:39.159 --> 00:38:41.760 Which is really healthy. Now, okay, here's the situation. Now 984 00:38:41.780 --> 00:38:44.030 you're raising these children. Yep. 985 00:38:44.110 --> 00:38:48.349 And their parents are these two, you know, successful, really 986 00:38:48.389 --> 00:38:53.130 successful actors and people in the business. How do you– 987 00:38:53.510 --> 00:38:55.550 convince them to like, no, you're going to churn butter 988 00:38:55.590 --> 00:38:57.599 for a living or you're going to, what are the, 989 00:38:57.909 --> 00:39:00.010 what are the, we probably already started to think about it. 990 00:39:00.030 --> 00:39:01.719 Like you're going to have a job when you're 11. 991 00:39:01.699 --> 00:39:03.320 You're going to, we're going to get, you're going to 992 00:39:03.360 --> 00:39:04.480 work in a stone mill. 993 00:39:04.519 --> 00:39:06.500 She knows exactly what our job's

going to be. We 994 00:39:06.539 --> 00:39:09.599 go to this little deli in LA on Sunday mornings. 995 00:39:09.820 --> 00:39:12.900 There's like diner deli on Sunday mornings for breakfast. And 996 00:39:12.920 --> 00:39:14.579 she's gone there since both the kids have gone to 997 00:39:14.639 --> 00:39:16.639 their little And so she wants to work there with 998 00:39:16.659 --> 00:39:18.360 the waitress. Her name's Gloria. And she was like, I'm 999 00:39:18.380 --> 00:39:19.760 going to come in and work with you here. And 1000 00:39:20.179 --> 00:39:21.719 Gloria's like, great. When you're like nine years old. And 1001 00:39:21.739 --> 00:39:22.929 she's like, okay, I'm going to come here on the weekends. 1002 00:39:22.969 --> 00:39:27.929 We have it all planned out. But, you know, there's 1003 00:39:27.969 --> 00:39:30.199 a funny situation that happened at school. We haven't told 1004 00:39:30.409 --> 00:39:32.719 my kids or we haven't told our kids what we do, 1005 00:39:33.320 --> 00:39:36.179 how it relates to life. I was driving them to 1006 00:39:36.219 --> 00:39:38.239 school one day and there was a billboard with my 1007 00:39:38.300 --> 00:39:42.380 face on it for a movie. And my daughter went, oh, mom. 1008 00:39:43.340 --> 00:39:44.960 And I went, yep. 1009 00:39:45.889 --> 00:39:48.280 Had no, didn't comment, didn't elaborate. And I drove home 1010 00:39:48.300 --> 00:39:49.599 and I was like, I think that at one point 1011 00:39:49.619 --> 00:39:51.219 we're going to have to figure out how to talk 1012 00:39:51.280 --> 00:39:53.380 about this. Because she knows we play pretend for a 1013 00:39:53.420 --> 00:39:55.119 living and that's kind of how we've explained it all 1014 00:39:55.199 --> 00:39:57.989 on like sets and whatnot. So the other day she 1015 00:39:58.010 --> 00:40:00.570 was at preschool and one of the little boys, her 1016 00:40:00.610 --> 00:40:02.590 little friend, walked up to her and goes, I saw 1017 00:40:02.650 --> 00:40:04.750 your mommy and daddy on the cover of the magazine 1018 00:40:04.769 --> 00:40:07.179 when I was at the doctor's office. And I was like, no, 1019 00:40:07.199 --> 00:40:10.550 you didn't. Our daughter. And the little boy was like, yes, 1020 00:40:10.610 --> 00:40:11.929 I did. I saw your mom and dad on the 1021 00:40:11.949 --> 00:40:14.110 cover of the magazine. And so she pushed him and 1022 00:40:14.150 --> 00:40:17.559 was like, no, you didn't. And got very upset about it. 1023 00:40:19.260 --> 00:40:21.659 And so we haven't quite, this is what happened last week. 1024 00:40:21.719 --> 00:40:26.219 We haven't quite addressed that situation of explaining that aspect 1025 00:40:26.239 --> 00:40:28.019 to her. Because he didn't say it in a negative way. 1026 00:40:28.039 --> 00:40:30.440 It wasn't done in like, this kid can't read. It 1027 00:40:30.480 --> 00:40:33.119 was just more like, your mom and dad are everywhere 1028 00:40:33.199 --> 00:40:34.469 type of thing. And my kid's like,

no, they're not. 1029 00:40:34.480 --> 00:40:37.679 They're mine. And you're like, well. One day we're going 1030 00:40:37.699 --> 00:40:38.780 to have to explain this. And so Ash and I 1031 00:40:38.920 --> 00:40:41.559 just literally, so if you have any advice, we literally 1032 00:40:41.599 --> 00:40:45.139 just started discussing how are we going to talk about 1033 00:40:45.659 --> 00:40:48.760 how play pretend affects the rest of our lives. 1034 00:40:48.920 --> 00:40:49.300 Yeah. 1035 00:40:49.800 --> 00:40:56.820 I obviously, I mean, my experience with my kids is 1036 00:40:57.380 --> 00:41:00.519 that they, you know, for a long time I didn't 1037 00:41:00.539 --> 00:41:02.440 want them to know what I did. I really didn't 1038 00:41:02.480 --> 00:41:03.659 want them to know what I did. And I wanted 1039 00:41:03.699 --> 00:41:07.920 just to be the dad that comes home. and takes 1040 00:41:07.960 --> 00:41:11.710 his jacket off and puts his briefcase down from work 1041 00:41:12.530 --> 00:41:14.750 and plays around with them. And for a long time, 1042 00:41:14.769 --> 00:41:16.150 when they're really young, you can get away with that. 1043 00:41:16.349 --> 00:41:19.750 And then I find they notice something's different when they 1044 00:41:19.789 --> 00:41:21.929 realize people coming up to you on the street. 1045 00:41:21.949 --> 00:41:25.210 Well, my kid knows my name. My kids know my 1046 00:41:25.250 --> 00:41:28.530 name is Mila Kunis. No one has ever called me 1047 00:41:28.550 --> 00:41:31.280 Mila Kunis. And so when you go, hey, Bear, what's 1048 00:41:31.320 --> 00:41:34.820 mommy's name? And he goes, Mila Kunis. It breaks my heart. 1049 00:41:35.130 --> 00:41:37.809 Because the only reason he knows my name is because 1050 00:41:37.829 --> 00:41:39.969 somebody at the grocery store said it. Someone at the 1051 00:41:39.989 --> 00:41:41.719 gas station said it. Like it's the only reason that 1052 00:41:41.739 --> 00:41:43.440 they know what my real name is. 1053 00:41:43.739 --> 00:41:43.960 Right. 1054 00:41:44.239 --> 00:41:46.500 It's a really bizarre realization that I had that both 1055 00:41:46.519 --> 00:41:49.219 my kids know my husband and my real full names. 1056 00:41:49.340 --> 00:41:49.519 Right. 1057 00:41:49.539 --> 00:41:50.880 My kids know their parents' names. 1058 00:41:51.360 --> 00:41:51.699 Yeah. 1059 00:41:52.099 --> 00:41:53.579 Well, it's interesting because. 1060 00:41:55.079 --> 00:41:59.809 I've– both my kids, especially my son– are very comfortable 1061 00:41:59.849 --> 00:42:00.510 putting me down. 1062 00:42:00.530 --> 00:42:02.329 I hope that that happens. 1063 00:42:02.349 --> 00:42:03.969 No, no, and it's really good because I. 1064 00:42:03.949 --> 00:42:06.409 Was in a restaurant last night with my son and 1065 00:42:07.090 --> 00:42:09.929 he's 13 and we're having kind of like a guy's 1066 00:42:09.989 --> 00:42:14.539 night out because my wife and daughter were at a show. 1067 00:42:14.880 --> 00:42:17.940 So we're, I'm just talking about it, the two of 1068 00:42:17.980 --> 00:42:19.960 us were getting some, we just got a steak and 1069 00:42:19.980 --> 00:42:23.119 we're talking about stuff and a guy came over to 1070 00:42:23.139 --> 00:42:25.500 the table and he was saying all these, you know, 1071 00:42:26.239 --> 00:42:28.230 nice things to me about my. 1072 00:42:28.190 --> 00:42:29.230 Career and my work. 1073 00:42:29.909 --> 00:42:31.829 And my son was just sort of like smelling and 1074 00:42:31.869 --> 00:42:35.489 shaking his head, sort of like, and he said, the 1075 00:42:35.510 --> 00:42:37.329 guy said something really nice. Like I really, you know, 1076 00:42:37.469 --> 00:42:39.050 I am uncomfortable talking about it, but just. 1077 00:42:39.329 --> 00:42:40.050 He said like a nice thing. 1078 00:42:40.070 --> 00:42:40.739 Very complimentary towards you. 1079 00:42:40.750 --> 00:42:43.489 He was very complimentary towards me. And then my son 1080 00:42:43.530 --> 00:42:45.550 sort of was shaking his head and the guy left 1081 00:42:45.570 --> 00:42:48.409 the table. My son was like, yeah, a lot he 1082 00:42:48.449 --> 00:42:53.059 doesn't know, you know? And it was just really good, like... 1083 00:42:54.059 --> 00:42:58.119 You know, I know the real story, buddy. And I 1084 00:42:58.179 --> 00:43:01.539 love that. I love that he is, I mean, I 1085 00:43:01.579 --> 00:43:04.579 can tell he's, yeah, I can tell he's on some 1086 00:43:04.679 --> 00:43:07.239 level proud of what I'm doing, but he also knows. 1087 00:43:07.280 --> 00:43:09.650 But that's okay. It's healthy to be proud of your parents, right? 1088 00:43:09.690 --> 00:43:11.530 Like that's a good thing to do is to be proud. 1089 00:43:11.550 --> 00:43:13.070 Like I was proud of my dad was a cab driver. 1090 00:43:13.090 --> 00:43:14.889 I never looked at him and was like, so it's 1091 00:43:14.949 --> 00:43:16.090 okay that you were, you know. 1092 00:43:16.329 --> 00:43:16.550 Yeah, yeah. 1093 00:43:16.920 --> 00:43:19.079 But I hope that my kids have their idea, like, oh, 1094 00:43:19.099 --> 00:43:22.059 you think that they're hot shit? Like, I hope that 1095 00:43:22.099 --> 00:43:24.420 my kids are like, no, they're not. That's healthy. That's 1096 00:43:24.480 --> 00:43:29.159 a healthy parent-child relationship. Right. You know? 1097 00:43:29.599 --> 00:43:36.219 Well, I'm just watching, knowing you all these years and 1098 00:43:36.840 --> 00:43:38.420 seeing the way you guys are with your kids, I 1099 00:43:38.460 --> 00:43:40.300 have no doubt that they're going to be fine. 1100 00:43:40.380 --> 00:43:44.000 It's my biggest, like, how do you raise kids in L.A.? 1101 00:43:44.510 --> 00:43:49.070 Doing what we do and not have them turn out miserable. 1102 00:43:50.289 --> 00:43:54.250 I do think there's something to them having to get 1103 00:43:54.349 --> 00:43:56.309 jobs pretty early. 1104 00:43:56.510 --> 00:43:58.190 You know my husband. You

don't think my kids are 1105 00:43:58.210 --> 00:44:01.360 going to– they have jobs now. They literally have– they 1106 00:44:01.400 --> 00:44:03.760 have chores starting at age two in our house. 1107 00:44:03.780 --> 00:44:04.239 Right. 1108 00:44:04.260 --> 00:44:05.619 They're responsible for our dogs. 1109 00:44:06.059 --> 00:44:06.300 Right. 1110 00:44:06.340 --> 00:44:08.079 So they have to feed the dogs. They have to 1111 00:44:08.139 --> 00:44:12.119 walk the dogs. They're literally– they have to make their bed. 1112 00:44:12.539 --> 00:44:14.159 They have to wash their dishes. 1113 00:44:14.179 --> 00:44:14.280 Right. 1114 00:44:14.719 --> 00:44:18.500 They have jobs starting at two. It's a little bit extreme, but. 1115 00:44:18.429 --> 00:44:20.610 I think that- Yeah, I saw your son building a 1116 00:44:20.650 --> 00:44:22.690 stone wall. 1117 00:44:22.769 --> 00:44:23.929 And it was for the city. It was for the 1118 00:44:23.989 --> 00:44:25.809 city of Los Angeles. 1119 00:44:26.090 --> 00:44:27.079 Did he have sunblock on it? 1120 00:44:27.190 --> 00:44:27.630 No, he didn't. 1121 00:44:27.730 --> 00:44:28.489 Oh, okay. 1122 00:44:28.510 --> 00:44:31.019 He didn't. Oh, he didn't? No, he did not. 1123 00:44:31.300 --> 00:44:31.840 I know. I know. 1124 00:44:31.860 --> 00:44:34.900 Jobs are really important. It's funny how important it is 1125 00:44:34.940 --> 00:44:36.340 for your kids to have a job at a young age. 1126 00:44:36.880 --> 00:44:37.940 It's really important. 1127 00:44:38.559 --> 00:44:38.860 Right. 1128 00:44:39.519 --> 00:44:42.150 All right. We're going to- Can my kids come work 1129 00:44:42.190 --> 00:44:42.489 for you? 1130 00:44:43.090 --> 00:44:45.349 Yeah. Yeah. Actually, they could. 1131 00:44:45.369 --> 00:44:46.530 That'd be cool. 1132 00:44:46.730 --> 00:44:49.590 They'd have to handle alcohol, though. I want them bringing 1133 00:44:49.610 --> 00:44:50.090 me drinks. 1134 00:44:50.630 --> 00:44:52.570 My daughter can bring you a drink no problem today. 1135 00:44:52.869 --> 00:44:54.989 We have a little fridge that she knows how to open, 1136 00:44:55.130 --> 00:44:56.530 and she'll bring you a beer. 1137 00:44:56.550 --> 00:44:57.530 That's fantastic. 1138 00:44:57.550 --> 00:44:59.179 Ashton goes, can you get Daddy a beer? And she's like, 1139 00:44:59.219 --> 00:44:59.820 of course. 1140 00:44:59.840 --> 00:45:00.360 Right. 1141 00:45:00.420 --> 00:45:02.139 And she goes to the little fridge and gets a beer. 1142 00:45:02.159 --> 00:45:02.639 Yeah. 1143 00:45:02.860 --> 00:45:04.860 Mine would be, can you make Daddy a rum and Coke? 1144 00:45:05.840 --> 00:45:07.119 Could your kids make a rum and Coke? I don't know. 1145 00:45:07.219 --> 00:45:08.139 I wouldn't have a rum and Coke. 1146 00:45:08.159 --> 00:45:09.400 Do you think your kids have had a drink? 1147 00:45:10.139 --> 00:45:10.480 I do not. 1148 00:45:11.119 --> 00:45:12.000 You don't think so? 1149 00:45:12.019 --> 00:45:14.139 I think they're

like, I do not think they have. No, 1150 00:45:14.219 --> 00:45:16.849 I don't think they aspire. I don't think they aspire 1151 00:45:16.869 --> 00:45:19.349 to that. I think they're in a good way. I 1152 00:45:19.849 --> 00:45:21.550 think they're growing up slowly. And I know there are 1153 00:45:21.570 --> 00:45:23.989 people listening right now that are saying, oh, man, you're 1154 00:45:24.010 --> 00:45:25.070 so you don't get it. 1155 00:45:25.110 --> 00:45:26.079 Of course, they've had a drink. 1156 00:45:26.119 --> 00:45:27.940 And I'm thinking, oh, no, I believe I don't think 1157 00:45:27.960 --> 00:45:30.099 they I don't think they I don't think they have. 1158 00:45:30.880 --> 00:45:32.619 They smoke a ton of weed. 1159 00:45:34.039 --> 00:45:35.699 I've seen your daughter on vacation studying. 1160 00:45:36.219 --> 00:45:38.019 Yes, she does. I know. 1161 00:45:38.260 --> 00:45:39.920 I've seen it on a days where you're like, go 1162 00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:41.599 outside and play. And she's just like. 1163 00:45:41.920 --> 00:45:43.679 No, she's like, no, must. And it will be a 1164 00:45:43.820 --> 00:45:44.739 Saturday morning. 1165 00:45:44.760 --> 00:45:45.059 I know. 1166 00:45:45.300 --> 00:45:46.679 And she's like, I've got to work. 1167 00:45:46.840 --> 00:45:47.210 I know. 1168 00:45:47.329 --> 00:45:52.670 I must understand everything. And I'm saying, look. The sad 1169 00:45:52.690 --> 00:45:54.210 thing is it's a little familiar to me because I 1170 00:45:54.250 --> 00:45:54.909 was kind of like that. 1171 00:45:54.929 --> 00:45:55.449 Were you like that? 1172 00:45:55.510 --> 00:45:55.730 Yeah. 1173 00:45:55.989 --> 00:45:58.050 I was a bit of a freak as a child. 1174 00:45:58.829 --> 00:46:02.320 But that's the curse. That's why I have absolutely no 1175 00:46:02.360 --> 00:46:03.179 exposure to the sun. 1176 00:46:03.559 --> 00:46:04.440 And I'm in my 50s. Mm-hmm. 1177 00:46:06.329 --> 00:46:07.230 When are you going back to Cuba? 1178 00:46:08.110 --> 00:46:10.289 I'll go back? I should go back. You know where 1179 00:46:10.329 --> 00:46:11.929 I was? I was just in Ghana. I like to 1180 00:46:11.969 --> 00:46:13.190 go to different places and film. 1181 00:46:13.210 --> 00:46:14.670 That's what we talked about because I was like, I 1182 00:46:14.690 --> 00:46:18.610 want to go to Cuba. Oh, Jesus. Oh, my husband's here. 1183 00:46:18.630 --> 00:46:21.610 Your husband's here peering in the window. Is he going 1184 00:46:21.630 --> 00:46:22.909 to come in and say hello or is he just 1185 00:46:22.929 --> 00:46:23.739 going to be back there? 1186 00:46:23.760 --> 00:46:24.070 I don't know. 1187 00:46:24.090 --> 00:46:25.300 Are you going to come in? Oh, by the way, 1188 00:46:25.300 --> 00:46:26.860 do you know our anniversary's tomorrow? 1189 00:46:27.079 --> 00:46:27.840 Oh, is it really? 1190 00:46:28.039 --> 00:46:30.019 I know. And he thought it was today. Ask him 1191 00:46:30.059 --> 00:46:32.679 when's our anniversary. Come in. Come in. 1192 00:46:32.840 --> 00:46:33.519 When's your anniversary? 1193 00:46:33.599 --> 00:46:34.099 Oh, God. 1194 00:46:34.460 --> 00:46:35.380 Ask him because he got it wrong. 1195 00:46:35.989 --> 00:46:38.900 Okay, sir, ladies and gentlemen, it's Ashton. 1196 00:46:39.059 --> 00:46:40.480 It's also my Uber driver. 1197 00:46:40.719 --> 00:46:41.800 And your Uber driver. 1198 00:46:42.059 --> 00:46:42.900 I'm Uber driving. 1199 00:46:42.920 --> 00:46:45.320 Wait, now when did you, you didn't know your anniversary? 1200 00:46:45.480 --> 00:46:46.119 I thought it was today. 1201 00:46:46.139 --> 00:46:48.760 You thought the anniversary was today? You're always better off 1202 00:46:48.780 --> 00:46:51.059 being a day early than a day late on the anniversary. 1203 00:46:51.099 --> 00:46:52.630 So you had no idea when the anniversary was. 1204 00:46:52.639 --> 00:46:54.639 But it's hanging, there's a plaque in our house that 1205 00:46:54.679 --> 00:46:58.519 has our anniversary on it. Like, so that, just look 1206 00:46:58.539 --> 00:46:59.179 in the kitchen. 1207 00:46:59.199 --> 00:46:59.820 I don't read it. 1208 00:47:01.019 --> 00:47:03.260 So you bought a pony today instead of getting it 1209 00:47:03.300 --> 00:47:05.079 delivered tomorrow. 1210 00:47:05.219 --> 00:47:07.300 I just ran out and picked up a pony. 1211 00:47:07.599 --> 00:47:09.400 You can't see this right now, but Ashton has a 1212 00:47:09.440 --> 00:47:11.869 pony here, and it's got a big bow on it, 1213 00:47:11.880 --> 00:47:12.960 and its name is Butterscotch. 1214 00:47:14.260 --> 00:47:16.800 That's fantastic. How are you? I'm great. So you're the 1215 00:47:16.860 --> 00:47:17.260 ride home? 1216 00:47:17.840 --> 00:47:18.679 I'm the Uber driver today. 1217 00:47:18.699 --> 00:47:20.690 We have to go pick up our kids. It's going 1218 00:47:20.710 --> 00:47:21.449 to be a really. 1219 00:47:21.969 --> 00:47:22.429 Exciting day today. 1220 00:47:22.650 --> 00:47:24.469 Look, we all pretended to care about our kids during 1221 00:47:24.489 --> 00:47:26.289 the podcast, but it's bullshit, man. 1222 00:47:26.909 --> 00:47:28.210 You're carrying this too far. 1223 00:47:28.230 --> 00:47:28.889 Do you want to come with us? 1224 00:47:29.719 --> 00:47:29.900 Sure. 1225 00:47:29.960 --> 00:47:31.530 And you don't invite the Uber driver in. 1226 00:47:31.550 --> 00:47:33.900 This isn't like the Stern Show where the driver comes up. 1227 00:47:35.570 --> 00:47:36.170 It can be. 1228 00:47:36.210 --> 00:47:37.989 Can I just say one thing? You guys have both 1229 00:47:38.050 --> 00:47:41.170 seen me on the beach. What's it like when you 1230 00:47:41.210 --> 00:47:45.269 see this body, this body running down the beach? 1231 00:47:45.289 --> 00:47:45.750 What's it like? 1232 00:47:45.769 --> 00:47:50.889 Can we call you White Lightning? I'm like, there goes 1233 00:47:50.929 --> 00:47:54.900 White Lightning. He's streaking by. I'm not kidding. 1234

00:47:55.000 --> 00:47:55.300 I know. 1235 00:47:55.360 --> 00:47:56.199 I can't miss you. 1236 00:47:56.280 --> 00:47:57.639 I mean, you're very specific. 1237 00:47:57.699 --> 00:48:01.139 I'm very specific. Specific is a nice word for a 1238 00:48:01.199 --> 00:48:04.420 tall Belgian woman. With no skin tone. 1239 00:48:04.639 --> 00:48:06.059 We're like, ah, Conan's here. 1240 00:48:06.219 --> 00:48:09.300 Look, there's Conan. It's like seeing an exotic ostrich. The 1241 00:48:09.320 --> 00:48:13.219 Irish are coming. Put the beer away. We're going to 1242 00:48:13.610 --> 00:48:16.409 have any for the guests later. 1243 00:48:16.570 --> 00:48:20.030 All right, I'm going to let you guys go get 1244 00:48:20.050 --> 00:48:20.570 your kids. 1245 00:48:20.869 --> 00:48:24.309 But thank you so much for being here. Ashton, good 1246 00:48:24.329 --> 00:48:24.730 to see you. 1247 00:48:25.130 --> 00:48:25.429 Pleasure. 1248 00:48:26.329 --> 00:48:27.889 Stay focused when you're driving, okay? 1249 00:48:28.150 --> 00:48:28.349 I do. 1250 00:48:28.550 --> 00:48:30.670 Okay, I know you do. We heard about that. We've 1251 00:48:30.690 --> 00:48:31.449 discussed it all. 1252 00:48:31.469 --> 00:48:31.730 Okay. 1253 00:48:32.630 --> 00:48:37.300 And Mila, seriously, since the first day I met you 1254 00:48:37.659 --> 00:48:39.360 and then a couple of times since then, once we 1255 00:48:39.400 --> 00:48:41.719 were at some kooky award show together and I think 1256 00:48:41.739 --> 00:48:43.719 I talked to you for like five minutes backstage. 1257 00:48:43.739 --> 00:48:45.360 It was like a people's choice or something. 1258 00:48:45.639 --> 00:48:47.360 And I talked to you for like five minutes backstage 1259 00:48:47.500 --> 00:48:51.420 and you left and I was glowing like that is 1260 00:48:51.460 --> 00:48:52.619 a special person. 1261 00:48:52.920 --> 00:48:54.460 And I really mean that. Thank you very much. 1262 00:48:54.519 --> 00:48:54.900 Thank you. 1263 00:48:54.940 --> 00:48:58.260 Thanks for being here and God bless you. And I 1264 00:48:58.280 --> 00:49:01.059 look forward to running into you when I'm wearing a Speedo. 1265 00:49:01.199 --> 00:49:01.780 See you this weekend. 1266 00:49:02.039 --> 00:49:05.780 Yeah, exactly. You should see me in a Speedo. It's awful. 1267 00:49:07.119 --> 00:49:07.469 We're done. 1268 00:49:10.070 --> 00:49:11.429 I know what you mean, Coo Collum. 1269 00:49:11.630 --> 00:49:14.719 Leaping vast distances, holding off armies. 1270 00:49:14.860 --> 00:49:16.980 Eating tons of fresh grass. 1271 00:49:17.139 --> 00:49:17.420 What? 1272 00:49:17.579 --> 00:49:20.690 Not you, we're cows. That's one of the reasons Irish 1273 00:49:20.710 --> 00:49:23.750 milk is so good. It's famous all. 1274 00:49:23.650 --> 00:49:24.409 Over the world. 1275 00:49:24.650 --> 00:49:25.179 Legend. 1276 00:49:25.409 --> 00:49:26.239 Dairy? 1277 00:49:26.719 --> 00:49:29.800 Ireland's grass and our farmers' commitment to more sustainable actions 1278 00:49:30.079 --> 00:49:32.860 help make Irish dairy a true Irish legend. 1279 00:49:33.139 --> 00:49:35.460 Always look for the National Dairy Council guarantee. 1280 00:49:35.639 --> 00:49:37.659 Learn more at ndc.ie. 1281 00:49:37.920 --> 00:49:39.840 Did you hear about the Murphys down the road? 1282 00:49:40.139 --> 00:49:42.960 I did. And with the Walshes too, of all people. 1283 00:49:43.280 --> 00:49:44.840 I heard the Flims were at it as well. 1284 00:49:45.099 --> 00:49:45.440 No. 1285 00:49:45.639 --> 00:49:46.900 Switchers, the lot of them. 1286 00:49:47.260 --> 00:49:49.719 You know, it might not be a bad idea. 1287 00:49:50.139 --> 00:49:50.420 Really? 1288 00:49:50.949 --> 00:49:53.199 I heard they all got a brilliant deal and saved 1289 00:49:53.280 --> 00:49:57.440 hundreds of euros switching their energy with Switcher.ie. Happy days. 1290 00:49:58.119 --> 00:49:59.079 Maybe we should join them. 1291 00:50:00.239 --> 00:50:03.780 See if you can save on your energy at Switcher.ie. 1292 00:50:04.219 --> 00:50:04.579 Switch. 1293 00:50:05.099 --> 00:50:05.519 Save. 1294 00:50:06.000 --> 00:50:06.739 Happy days. 1295 00:50:07.519 --> 00:50:11.280 Every day you make around 35,000 choices. What to wear? 1296 00:50:11.559 --> 00:50:14.500 Toast or cereal? One more episode or time for bed? 1297 00:50:15.119 --> 00:50:16.949 The last thing you need is to stress over your 1298 00:50:16.989 --> 00:50:20.539 car insurance. That's where Cornmarket comes in. We make choosing 1299 00:50:20.559 --> 00:50:23.460 your car insurance simple. We do all the hard work 1300 00:50:23.659 --> 00:50:26.000 so you don't have to spend your time comparing endless quotes. 1301 00:50:26.440 --> 00:50:28.929 Call us today and save up to € 200 off your 1302 00:50:28.949 --> 00:50:33.190 car insurance. Cornmarket. We compare, you save. Offer applies to 1303 00:50:33.230 --> 00:50:34.949 new customers who take out a new policy by phone 1304 00:50:34.969 --> 00:50:37.769 before 31st December 2026. Discounts are up to a max 1305 00:50:37.769 --> 00:50:39.570 10% of the premium and are subject to a minimum 1306 00:50:39.610 --> 00:50:43.449 premium of € 355. Underwriter eligibility criteria and T & Cs apply. 1307 00:50:43.570 --> 00:50:46.039 Cornmarket Group Financial Services Ltd is regulated by the Central 1308 00:50:46.059 --> 00:50:46.539 Bank of Ireland. 1309 00:50:52.460 --> 00:50:55.420 So last week, I fed myself right into the mouth 1310 00:50:55.460 --> 00:50:58.079 of the lion by mentioning that I sketch with my 1311 00:50:58.119 --> 00:50:58.900 mother in the park. 1312 00:50:59.179 --> 00:51:03.179 You sketch with your mother in the park. Let's just 1313 00:51:03.219 --> 00:51:05.579 let that sink in for our listeners. 1314 00:51:05.940 --> 00:51:06.800 Her name is Welford. 1315 00:51:07.380 --> 00:51:10.760 Her name is Welford. She's lovely. 1316 00:51:11.360 --> 00:51:15.940 Listen, I'm not disparaging your mother, but some

people probably 1317 00:51:15.980 --> 00:51:17.800 accuse me of being hard on you, Gorley. 1318 00:51:17.880 --> 00:51:18.980 I think most people, yeah. 1319 00:51:19.019 --> 00:51:19.119 Oh. 1320 00:51:19.820 --> 00:51:20.400 Maybe half. 1321 00:51:20.739 --> 00:51:23.059 Maybe sometimes think that I'm overly tough on Gourley and 1322 00:51:23.079 --> 00:51:26.860 that I portray him as this kind of slackerish fop. 1323 00:51:27.739 --> 00:51:28.079 And then. 1324 00:51:28.099 --> 00:51:30.449 Well, you can't be a fop and a slacker. 1325 00:51:30.869 --> 00:51:35.329 Okay, let's change that. Again, fresh off the plane from Ghana. 1326 00:51:35.750 --> 00:51:36.070 Tired. 1327 00:51:36.190 --> 00:51:37.210 Came back on Monday. 1328 00:51:37.510 --> 00:51:37.849 Silence. 1329 00:51:39.889 --> 00:51:42.280 You can't just say silence. It's so wrong. 1330 00:51:42.320 --> 00:51:42.719 Silence! 1331 00:51:43.679 --> 00:51:45.000 I got that in an old sci-fi movie. 1332 00:51:45.019 --> 00:51:45.159 Silence! 1333 00:51:45.199 --> 00:51:45.599 Silence! 1334 00:51:46.199 --> 00:51:49.619 No, many people have accused me of maybe being a 1335 00:51:49.619 --> 00:51:52.650 little tough on you because I portray you, you've always 1336 00:51:52.690 --> 00:51:57.570 felt unfairly, as sort of a twee, fussy fop with 1337 00:51:57.909 --> 00:52:03.289 his little mannerisms, his collection of eBay presidential memorabilia. And 1338 00:52:03.329 --> 00:52:05.179 I thought, okay, maybe I'm being too tough on him. 1339 00:52:05.639 --> 00:52:09.360 And then last week, you reveal that you got to 1340 00:52:09.420 --> 00:52:14.360 run because... you have to go sketch in the park 1341 00:52:14.579 --> 00:52:17.619 with your mother, whose name is Welford. I happen to know, 1342 00:52:17.639 --> 00:52:19.260 because I have friends that listen to the podcast. One 1343 00:52:19.280 --> 00:52:21.059 of them called me up this morning and said that 1344 00:52:21.099 --> 00:52:24.860 his jaw dropped off. His jaw dropped off when he 1345 00:52:24.900 --> 00:52:27.760 heard that. He said he was walking down the west 1346 00:52:27.820 --> 00:52:30.800 side of Manhattan and his jaw fell off and clattered 1347 00:52:30.949 --> 00:52:33.489 on the sidewalk, then fell down into a grate. 1348 00:52:33.829 --> 00:52:36.269 So now his jaw is gone. So anyway, that really happened. 1349 00:52:36.289 --> 00:52:37.889 You really do that. And that's something you do regularly. 1350 00:52:37.989 --> 00:52:39.809 Well, we do it a few times a year, whenever 1351 00:52:39.849 --> 00:52:40.130 we can. 1352 00:52:40.550 --> 00:52:40.750 Yeah. 1353 00:52:40.929 --> 00:52:41.210 Yeah. 1354 00:52:41.289 --> 00:52:43.340 So you mentioned that you wanted to talk to her, 1355 00:52:43.550 --> 00:52:45.280 and I thought maybe we could get her on the line, 1356 00:52:45.320 --> 00:52:47.639 and you can maybe get to the bottom of the 1357 00:52:47.679 --> 00:52:49.280 truth of this all, if you really want to

know 1358 00:52:49.380 --> 00:52:50.579 where this is all coming from. 1359 00:52:50.599 --> 00:52:53.000 I am definitely my mother's son. I'm a mama's boy, 1360 00:52:53.059 --> 00:52:54.019 so this would be it. 1361 00:52:54.159 --> 00:52:55.099 Oh, you a mama's boy? 1362 00:52:55.119 --> 00:52:55.659 I know. 1363 00:52:55.719 --> 00:52:56.360 It's a surprise. 1364 00:52:56.380 --> 00:52:57.260 Oh, okay. 1365 00:52:57.500 --> 00:52:59.570 No, it's all right. You never know. There's so many 1366 00:52:59.610 --> 00:53:00.769 unexpected turns in life. 1367 00:53:00.989 --> 00:53:01.289 Okay. 1368 00:53:01.829 --> 00:53:02.610 Let's give her a call. 1369 00:53:07.510 --> 00:53:07.809 Hello. 1370 00:53:08.309 --> 00:53:09.489 We are not available now. 1371 00:53:10.289 --> 00:53:13.039 Please leave your name and phone number after the beep. 1372 00:53:14.780 --> 00:53:18.199 Hello, this is Conan O'Brien calling. I'm calling for Welford, 1373 00:53:18.579 --> 00:53:21.239 the mother of Matt Gourley, if you're there. 1374 00:53:21.260 --> 00:53:25.510 Hello, this is the mither of Matt Gourley. 1375 00:53:26.230 --> 00:53:26.929 Oh, my God. 1376 00:53:26.949 --> 00:53:27.570 Hi, Mom. 1377 00:53:28.650 --> 00:53:32.840 The Mither? I'm sorry, what do I call you? Your 1378 00:53:32.880 --> 00:53:34.340 last name is, is it Meryl? 1379 00:53:34.500 --> 00:53:34.760 Mrs. 1380 00:53:34.800 --> 00:53:35.119 Meryl? 1381 00:53:35.519 --> 00:53:35.760 Yes. 1382 00:53:36.139 --> 00:53:36.440 Okay. 1383 00:53:36.500 --> 00:53:39.059 You had called me Nat Smither on your podcast. 1384 00:53:39.780 --> 00:53:41.400 Oh, I did. Oh my God. 1385 00:53:41.480 --> 00:53:43.760 I thought you were, I thought this was like a 1386 00:53:43.820 --> 00:53:48.960 character actress playing the part of Matt Gourley's mom, but 1387 00:53:49.000 --> 00:53:50.199 you really are his mom. 1388 00:53:50.659 --> 00:53:51.800 I am his mom, yes. 1389 00:53:52.429 --> 00:53:55.869 Well, let me, may I call you Welford? What do 1390 00:53:55.889 --> 00:53:56.349 you prefer? 1391 00:53:57.619 --> 00:53:57.860 Mrs. 1392 00:53:57.900 --> 00:53:59.400 Merrill, I mean, I want to be respectful. 1393 00:53:59.840 --> 00:54:02.440 No, Welford, it's fine. 1394 00:54:02.460 --> 00:54:03.659 Do you have a nickname? 1395 00:54:04.139 --> 00:54:04.380 Welf. 1396 00:54:06.099 --> 00:54:07.980 Your nickname is Welf, okay. 1397 00:54:08.019 --> 00:54:10.119 Yes, that's what my husband started calling me. 1398 00:54:10.320 --> 00:54:12.639 Mom, tell them your full name, all the names. 1399 00:54:13.000 --> 00:54:18.880 Oh, my gosh. Okay, Catherine, Welford, Noland, Warden, Gourley, Merrill. 1400 00:54:18.900 --> 00:54:23.320 Oh, my God. Did you come over on like seven Mayflowers? 1401 00:54:23.860 --> 00:54:25.619 Is that what happened? They all crashed into each other? 1402 00:54:27.150 --> 00:54:30.010 Well, I was given four names at birth. 1403 00:54:30.309 --> 00:54:31.449 And tell them what you call me.

1404 00:54:31.949 --> 00:54:32.349 Monty. 1405 00:54:33.050 --> 00:54:34.989 Why do you call Matt Monty? 1406 00:54:35.389 --> 00:54:38.860 Well, my two youngest boys, when they were real little, 1407 00:54:38.940 --> 00:54:41.280 couldn't say Matt for some reason, and they. 1408 00:54:41.239 --> 00:54:46.699 Called him Monty. Maybe they just had distaste for him. Well, anyway, 1409 00:54:46.719 --> 00:54:48.590 I won't go there. That seems cruel. Do you know 1410 00:54:48.619 --> 00:54:50.349 what my mother calls me, and I'm not kidding? 1411 00:54:51.070 --> 00:54:51.630 No, I don't. 1412 00:54:52.340 --> 00:54:52.920 Well, you shouldn't. 1413 00:54:53.780 --> 00:54:59.559 It was just, it was a rhetorical question. No, my 1414 00:54:59.590 --> 00:55:01.030 mother calls me pigeon pie. 1415 00:55:01.429 --> 00:55:01.789 What? 1416 00:55:02.150 --> 00:55:02.389 Yeah. 1417 00:55:02.710 --> 00:55:04.429 My mother will still to this day, I'll call up 1418 00:55:04.469 --> 00:55:05.809 and I'll go, hello, Ma, it's Conan. 1419 00:55:05.829 --> 00:55:07.829 And she'll say, well, hello there, pigeon pie. 1420 00:55:07.989 --> 00:55:09.989 Oh, that's all I'm ever going to call you now. 1421 00:55:10.389 --> 00:55:13.570 Hey, yes, you can do that right up until the 1422 00:55:13.590 --> 00:55:15.739 moment you're- You honestly know that's a term of endearment. 1423 00:55:17.010 --> 00:55:20.440 I think so, or else she's very hungry and will 1424 00:55:20.480 --> 00:55:24.860 eat anything. Well, I wanted to talk to you about 1425 00:55:24.900 --> 00:55:28.679 your son, Matt Gorley. You know him as Matt Gorley. 1426 00:55:29.260 --> 00:55:35.030 We just call him Monty. But let me ask you something, Welford. 1427 00:55:35.429 --> 00:55:38.789 Last week, Matt mentioned that it's a regular practice. Both 1428 00:55:38.829 --> 00:55:42.050 of you like to go to the park together at 1429 00:55:42.070 --> 00:55:44.210 an appointed time, and you like to sketch. 1430 00:55:44.750 --> 00:55:45.329 Is that correct? 1431 00:55:46.110 --> 00:55:46.590 Oh, yeah. 1432 00:55:48.050 --> 00:55:49.130 How long have you been doing this for? 1433 00:55:50.250 --> 00:55:52.519 I would say maybe about four times now. 1434 00:55:53.320 --> 00:55:55.119 Can I ask you some questions? Does Matt wear a 1435 00:55:55.139 --> 00:55:55.760 big sun hat? 1436 00:55:59.510 --> 00:56:00.389 No, he doesn't. Okay. 1437 00:56:00.750 --> 00:56:01.989 That's interesting to know. 1438 00:56:02.010 --> 00:56:03.190 He is a great artist, though. 1439 00:56:03.349 --> 00:56:04.170 Is he a good artist? 1440 00:56:04.289 --> 00:56:05.269 Oh, she's the best. 1441 00:56:05.389 --> 00:56:05.550 Oh. 1442 00:56:05.829 --> 00:56:06.389 She's amazing. 1443 00:56:06.409 --> 00:56:09.170 No, no, no. He is so much better. The last 1444 00:56:09.230 --> 00:56:11.739 time we went sketching, I didn't even want to look 1445 00:56:11.800 --> 00:56:14.800 at his drawing until I had finished mine because I 1446 00:56:14.840 --> 00:56:19.079 would have stopped doing mine. It's an architectural type of style, 1447 00:56:19.119 --> 00:56:23.500 but very light and airy, and mine is very detailed. 1448 00:56:23.519 --> 00:56:25.719 Can I just say that it seems like you both 1449 00:56:25.800 --> 00:56:29.639 have– A beautiful, special, and loving relationship, and it's making 1450 00:56:29.670 --> 00:56:34.449 me sick to my stomach. I've never gone sketching with 1451 00:56:34.510 --> 00:56:37.969 my mother. I've never gone sketching with my father. In fact, 1452 00:56:38.010 --> 00:56:40.429 my father and I have not made eye contact since 1453 00:56:40.489 --> 00:56:41.909 the Lyndon Johnson administration. 1454 00:56:43.219 --> 00:56:44.039 I want you to know that. 1455 00:56:44.179 --> 00:56:44.440 Yeah. 1456 00:56:44.659 --> 00:56:47.079 I don't know whether to laugh or to say that's sad. 1457 00:56:47.420 --> 00:56:50.960 No, it's just how we are as Irish Catholics. This 1458 00:56:51.059 --> 00:56:53.679 is clearly, I'm guessing, what is your denomination, if you 1459 00:56:53.699 --> 00:56:54.360 don't mind me asking? 1460 00:56:54.619 --> 00:56:56.280 Denomination? Yes. Religious? 1461 00:56:56.409 --> 00:56:57.849 Yes, yes. Your background. 1462 00:56:57.889 --> 00:56:58.750 Protestant. 1463 00:56:58.829 --> 00:56:59.570 Protestant, so. 1464 00:57:00.010 --> 00:57:01.469 And no, I am not for Trump. 1465 00:57:03.590 --> 00:57:05.869 Well, this is, I'm sorry. That's my mom. 1466 00:57:05.909 --> 00:57:08.789 Welford, this is not a robocall. Did you think this 1467 00:57:08.829 --> 00:57:11.880 was a robocall for Trump? I don't think many people 1468 00:57:11.900 --> 00:57:13.519 who go to the park to sketch are for Trump. 1469 00:57:13.760 --> 00:57:14.280 That's true. 1470 00:57:15.579 --> 00:57:18.500 So tell me, you say that, what kinds of things 1471 00:57:18.719 --> 00:57:21.559 are you guys drawing? What's Matt drawing, for example? What's 1472 00:57:21.579 --> 00:57:22.199 he sketching? 1473 00:57:22.440 --> 00:57:27.110 Well, we're sketching unique houses, buildings. We went to Pio 1474 00:57:27.150 --> 00:57:31.570 Pico Mansion in Pico Rivera and sketched one of the buildings. 1475 00:57:31.590 --> 00:57:33.550 I'm not sure if it was the mansion or not. 1476 00:57:33.670 --> 00:57:35.369 Let me ask you something. 1477 00:57:36.329 --> 00:57:40.269 Does Matt ever sketch people or is it always architectural shapes? 1478 00:57:41.139 --> 00:57:43.619 Um, I'm sure he's sketched people before. 1479 00:57:43.760 --> 00:57:45.289 But you haven't seen it. Let me tell you where 1480 00:57:45.309 --> 00:57:49.010 I'm going with this, Welford. It's a known fact that 1481 00:57:49.090 --> 00:57:53.260 people who only sketch architecture do so because they feel 1482 00:57:53.760 --> 00:57:59.579 removed and isolated from humanity. Adolf Hitler famously only painted 1483 00:57:59.739 --> 00:58:03.500 and sketched architecturally. And he was quite

competent at it. 1484 00:58:03.519 --> 00:58:08.170 When asked to portray humans, he had great difficulty. This 1485 00:58:08.230 --> 00:58:12.449 probably belied some kind of deep-felt frustration and alienation, which 1486 00:58:12.510 --> 00:58:14.130 led to him destroying half the world. 1487 00:58:14.369 --> 00:58:17.070 Anyway, what I'm trying to— Well, I know Matt has 1488 00:58:17.210 --> 00:58:18.250 sketched people. 1489 00:58:17.989 --> 00:58:20.250 Before he— Yes, but can I just say something, Welford? 1490 00:58:20.289 --> 00:58:24.300 He did so against their will. And— I looked up 1491 00:58:24.340 --> 00:58:29.570 the police records in Los Angeles, and seven times your 1492 00:58:29.670 --> 00:58:33.809 son has been arrested and detained for sketching women that 1493 00:58:33.829 --> 00:58:37.909 were sunbathing against their will. Were you not aware of this? 1494 00:58:38.289 --> 00:58:40.530 Well, I think I did see his poster in the 1495 00:58:40.590 --> 00:58:41.659 post office once. 1496 00:58:41.760 --> 00:58:45.059 Very nice. Oh, my God. You have the improv gene. 1497 00:58:45.139 --> 00:58:48.400 Yes, Ann. Thank you. Thank you very much. I see 1498 00:58:48.440 --> 00:58:49.360 now where Matt gets it. 1499 00:58:49.710 --> 00:58:53.269 Well, you know what? I make my jokes, and I. 1500 00:58:52.610 --> 00:58:55.639 Like to, as Sona calls it, she says, oh, you're 1501 00:58:55.679 --> 00:58:59.280 quite the josh-ter. You like your joshing and your jesting. 1502 00:58:59.300 --> 00:59:00.300 That's what Sona always says. 1503 00:59:00.340 --> 00:59:00.820 Yes, she does. 1504 00:59:02.199 --> 00:59:04.750 But I think it's very sweet that you have this 1505 00:59:04.789 --> 00:59:07.769 relationship with your son, and I'll admit to being a 1506 00:59:07.789 --> 00:59:09.590 little jealous, because. 1507 00:59:10.219 --> 00:59:12.300 Oh, Pigeon Pie, you should come along sometime. 1508 00:59:12.539 --> 00:59:13.059 Yeah. 1509 00:59:13.639 --> 00:59:15.980 I would love to, if you mentioned Pigeon Pie one 1510 00:59:16.000 --> 00:59:16.440 more time. 1511 00:59:16.460 --> 00:59:19.059 I think I heard on your podcast with Billy Eichner 1512 00:59:19.099 --> 00:59:21.480 that you wanted to come to the park one time 1513 00:59:21.519 --> 00:59:22.670 when we were sketching and. 1514 00:59:22.940 --> 00:59:24.739 I would like to come sometime, and I would like 1515 00:59:24.780 --> 00:59:26.480 to see Matt sitting there. 1516 00:59:26.719 --> 00:59:27.440 What kind of sunglasses? 1517 00:59:27.460 --> 00:59:31.309 Does he wear like a vintage sort of late 50s sunglasses, 1518 00:59:31.409 --> 00:59:35.230 those kind that have the flip-up lens, flip-up shade? 1519 00:59:35.610 --> 00:59:36.989 I really have no idea. 1520 00:59:37.110 --> 00:59:39.010 Oh, you don't look at your son ever, huh? 1521 00:59:39.349 --> 00:59:43.500 Maybe that's why you strictly sketch architectural forms rather than 1522 00:59:43.539 --> 00:59:46.380 a human being, Welford. You see, you and your son 1523 00:59:46.480 --> 00:59:50.760 suffer from the same malady, an inability to truly bond 1524 00:59:50.780 --> 00:59:51.659 with another human being. 1525 00:59:52.110 --> 00:59:53.719 Now, we're bonding with each other, right, Mom? 1526 00:59:54.010 --> 00:59:55.900 Yeah, I wouldn't give it up for the world. 1527 00:59:56.619 --> 00:59:58.679 What was Matty like when he was a little boy? 1528 00:59:58.719 --> 01:00:02.900 Was he always out there collecting butterflies? What kind of 1529 01:00:02.940 --> 01:00:03.590 fellow was he? 1530 01:00:03.889 --> 01:00:06.809 Well, he was very funny, funny all the time. 1531 01:00:06.969 --> 01:00:12.079 Oh, so what happened? Did he hit his head or something? 1532 01:00:12.119 --> 01:00:14.280 You know, those things, they say a sharp blow and 1533 01:00:14.300 --> 01:00:15.280 that can just go away. 1534 01:00:17.449 --> 01:00:22.449 He was very creative. He had made his own films 1535 01:00:22.710 --> 01:00:25.849 with Star Wars characters and the like. And, you know, 1536 01:00:25.929 --> 01:00:27.889 he majored in theater and set design. 1537 01:00:28.239 --> 01:00:31.039 Did he have trouble with bullies, I imagine? Bullies bullying 1538 01:00:31.079 --> 01:00:31.780 him for his. 1539 01:00:31.800 --> 01:00:32.539 I do now. 1540 01:00:33.219 --> 01:00:34.300 Yeah, you, Conan. 1541 01:00:35.019 --> 01:00:37.599 Excuse me, Welford. Excuse me. 1542 01:00:38.039 --> 01:00:40.699 You're the one who's incapable of drawing the human form 1543 01:00:41.429 --> 01:00:43.389 because of your desire to invade Poland. 1544 01:00:43.849 --> 01:00:46.969 That's not me. That's you, Welford. I'm sorry. 1545 01:00:48.550 --> 01:00:50.869 You don't have to answer that. I'm clearly out of control. 1546 01:00:52.289 --> 01:00:55.070 I'm way out of control today, and I apologize. You know, 1547 01:00:55.510 --> 01:00:58.199 let's get back to Matt. Matt, he got along well 1548 01:00:58.219 --> 01:00:58.820 with other children? 1549 01:00:59.119 --> 01:00:59.619 Oh, yeah. 1550 01:00:59.940 --> 01:01:01.139 No real issues then back then? 1551 01:01:01.440 --> 01:01:03.760 Not that I know of, but I'm finding out lately 1552 01:01:03.800 --> 01:01:06.800 that for most of my kids that they did things 1553 01:01:06.880 --> 01:01:09.300 that I had no idea they did, and I'm glad 1554 01:01:09.360 --> 01:01:10.809 I didn't know it when they did it. 1555 01:01:11.090 --> 01:01:13.429 Well, what are you talking about? This is fantastic. Why 1556 01:01:13.449 --> 01:01:17.429 don't you be quiet, Matt? Ah, see, my technique has worked. 1557 01:01:17.769 --> 01:01:20.789 I have kept you talking, Walford, and now the beans 1558 01:01:20.929 --> 01:01:25.599 are out of the tureen. A saying that no one's 1559 01:01:25.679 --> 01:01:28.940 ever uttered. So you find that your children now are 1560 01:01:28.960 --> 01:01:30.679 telling you things that they were up to that you 1561 01:01:30.699 -->

01:01:31.340 didn't know about. 1562 01:01:31.699 --> 01:01:31.980 Right. 1563 01:01:32.340 --> 01:01:33.019 What have I done? 1564 01:01:33.320 --> 01:01:35.719 I don't know about you, honey. I don't know. I 1565 01:01:35.760 --> 01:01:37.909 just know the other three have done stuff. 1566 01:01:37.949 --> 01:01:38.670 Yeah, it's only them. 1567 01:01:38.690 --> 01:01:39.809 Well, what did they do? 1568 01:01:39.829 --> 01:01:40.329 Okay. 1569 01:01:40.389 --> 01:01:41.469 Is there anything we can talk about? 1570 01:01:41.650 --> 01:01:43.929 Well, I just found out a couple of weeks ago 1571 01:01:44.010 --> 01:01:47.550 that my two youngest sons and a friend of theirs, 1572 01:01:48.170 --> 01:01:51.639 we have our garage is right next to a neighbor's garage, 1573 01:01:51.699 --> 01:01:54.079 and it's a little enclosed area behind a gate. 1574 01:01:54.099 --> 01:01:54.300 Okay. 1575 01:01:54.820 --> 01:01:57.219 They used to go back there, and there was a 1576 01:01:57.280 --> 01:02:02.280 couch back there, very classy. And they told me, and 1577 01:02:02.360 --> 01:02:04.260 I don't know if they're telling me the truth or not, 1578 01:02:04.300 --> 01:02:06.460 but that they used to smoke weed out there. 1579 01:02:06.860 --> 01:02:07.260 What? 1580 01:02:07.519 --> 01:02:08.800 And this is when they were teens. 1581 01:02:09.360 --> 01:02:13.909 Wait a minute, they were smoking Mary Jane on a couch? 1582 01:02:14.489 --> 01:02:17.849 And this is when you're supposedly around? Are you there 1583 01:02:17.889 --> 01:02:18.949 at the house when this is happening? 1584 01:02:19.210 --> 01:02:22.230 I'm sure they did things mostly when I, excuse me, 1585 01:02:22.289 --> 01:02:22.789 wasn't there. 1586 01:02:23.179 --> 01:02:24.599 How do you think they got a hold of this 1587 01:02:25.139 --> 01:02:26.280 wacky tabacky? 1588 01:02:26.530 --> 01:02:29.690 Well, it's certainly something beyond my knowledge. 1589 01:02:30.110 --> 01:02:30.849 Okay. 1590 01:02:31.110 --> 01:02:32.550 So you're just finding out about this now? 1591 01:02:32.889 --> 01:02:35.929 No, the only thing I would do when you were 1592 01:02:35.949 --> 01:02:39.610 gone is I would take the mattress outside and jump 1593 01:02:39.670 --> 01:02:41.539 off the roof and do my own little stunt shows 1594 01:02:41.639 --> 01:02:42.300 when you weren't there. 1595 01:02:44.559 --> 01:02:47.039 Listen, I give your son a hard time here on 1596 01:02:47.059 --> 01:02:49.960 the show, Wilford, but I do it out of good fun, 1597 01:02:49.980 --> 01:02:52.360 a sense of bon ami, you know what I'm saying? 1598 01:02:52.679 --> 01:02:55.940 Oh, I know you. Yeah, I've watched your TV show 1599 01:02:56.039 --> 01:02:58.590 and listening to the podcast. 1600 01:02:58.650 --> 01:02:59.329 Are you a regular? 1601 01:02:59.349 --> 01:03:01.750 I haven't listened to them all, but I've listened to 1602 01:03:01.789 --> 01:03:03.989 a few of them, and they're very funny. 1603 01:03:04.170 --> 01:03:06.849 Are you a regular viewer of the TV show? 1604 01:03:08.769 --> 01:03:11.840 Well, not anymore. When you were on Late Night, I 1605 01:03:11.880 --> 01:03:12.400 think it was. 1606 01:03:13.239 --> 01:03:14.079 They don't have cable. 1607 01:03:14.280 --> 01:03:18.139 So you haven't seen me since 2010. But nine years 1608 01:03:18.159 --> 01:03:21.059 I've been toiling away on my craft, and you haven't 1609 01:03:21.079 --> 01:03:21.380 been there. 1610 01:03:21.400 --> 01:03:21.760 I'm so sorry. 1611 01:03:22.320 --> 01:03:25.590 You'll watch your son jump off a roof, but you 1612 01:03:25.630 --> 01:03:28.630 won't watch me make a professional television show. Well, what 1613 01:03:28.650 --> 01:03:31.230 if we offered to buy you cable? Would you watch 1614 01:03:31.289 --> 01:03:31.590 me then? 1615 01:03:31.610 --> 01:03:32.389 Well, sure. 1616 01:03:32.409 --> 01:03:34.610 Well, I'm not sure you would. 1617 01:03:34.809 --> 01:03:36.269 Mom, play your cards right on this. 1618 01:03:36.369 --> 01:03:39.389 You know, you'd like catch up on Veep. 1619 01:03:39.840 --> 01:03:42.219 I would definitely watch you, Conan. 1620 01:03:42.320 --> 01:03:47.500 You don't even know my name. I would definitely watch you, Conan. 1621 01:03:47.539 --> 01:03:50.039 I'm in the middle of a cough. Yeah, that's everyone's excuse. 1622 01:03:50.079 --> 01:03:51.320 Conan, Conan, Conan, Conan. 1623 01:03:51.800 --> 01:03:55.099 I would definitely watch it because we enjoyed your show 1624 01:03:55.559 --> 01:03:56.260 when we saw it. 1625 01:03:56.960 --> 01:03:57.360 Thank you. 1626 01:03:58.480 --> 01:04:00.059 Welford, I'm going to get you cable, and I want 1627 01:04:00.079 --> 01:04:02.599 you to watch the show, and then we're going to 1628 01:04:02.639 --> 01:04:04.019 check back in with you, okay? 1629 01:04:04.519 --> 01:04:06.320 Sona, will you set this up? Will you make sure 1630 01:04:06.340 --> 01:04:07.300 that we get Welford cable? 1631 01:04:07.880 --> 01:04:10.000 I get. 1632 01:04:10.940 --> 01:04:12.119 Speak into the microphone. 1633 01:04:12.239 --> 01:04:14.239 I don't even have cable, but I sure. 1634 01:04:14.380 --> 01:04:15.519 Wait, you don't have cable. 1635 01:04:15.559 --> 01:04:17.159 No, but we can get her cable. 1636 01:04:17.199 --> 01:04:18.199 Wait, how do you watch the show? 1637 01:04:18.960 --> 01:04:22.179 Okay. I want you to let me tape it here. 1638 01:04:22.199 --> 01:04:22.829 Oh, my God. 1639 01:04:23.280 --> 01:04:23.760 God. 1640 01:04:24.119 --> 01:04:26.039 You want me to watch it when we're taping in 1641 01:04:26.079 --> 01:04:28.159 here and then go home and watch it again? 1642 01:04:28.179 --> 01:04:28.960 With your husband. 1643 01:04:29.199 --> 01:04:29.500 No. 1644 01:04:29.559 --> 01:04:30.320 Tack loves me. 1645 01:04:30.559 --> 01:04:30.940 No. 1646 01:04:31.320 --> 01:04:32.880 I mean, he does, but no. 1647 01:04:33.900 --> 01:04:34.159 Sure. 1648 01:04:34.300 --> 01:04:35.639 I'll get cable.

1649 01:04:36.090 --> 01:04:36.409 No, no. 1650 01:04:36.570 --> 01:04:38.369 For Welford. That's what I meant. 1651 01:04:38.429 --> 01:04:38.690 Yes. 1652 01:04:38.889 --> 01:04:39.949 Welford, we're going to get you set up. 1653 01:04:39.949 --> 01:04:40.969 Welford, I'll get you cable. 1654 01:04:41.289 --> 01:04:42.849 Will you watch my show, Welford? 1655 01:04:42.929 --> 01:04:44.190 And then I want to talk to you and I 1656 01:04:44.230 --> 01:04:45.670 want you to be honest with me and tell me 1657 01:04:45.710 --> 01:04:48.050 if it compares to the show that you watched when 1658 01:04:48.090 --> 01:04:50.659 you last saw me almost a decade ago. 1659 01:04:50.679 --> 01:04:52.280 Will you do that for me? 1660 01:04:52.579 --> 01:04:53.719 Oh, that sounds wonderful. 1661 01:04:53.900 --> 01:04:56.190 Well, Fred, there's a rumor that you dressed Matt as 1662 01:04:56.230 --> 01:04:57.170 a girl for eight years. 1663 01:04:57.909 --> 01:05:00.289 Is that true? And you made him wear a... Oh, 1664 01:05:00.349 --> 01:05:01.989 that reminds me. 1665 01:05:02.030 --> 01:05:03.789 Did you make him dress as a girl and wear 1666 01:05:04.250 --> 01:05:08.090 a turn-of-the-century 1902 girl's outfit until he was 11? 1667 01:05:08.090 --> 01:05:08.630 Is that true? 1668 01:05:08.650 --> 01:05:11.269 She did not cut my hair for how long, Mom? 1669 01:05:11.289 --> 01:05:11.769 That's it. 1670 01:05:11.949 --> 01:05:14.889 Except my bangs, so I just had long, curly hair 1671 01:05:14.909 --> 01:05:15.170 with bangs. 1672 01:05:15.250 --> 01:05:15.929 I knew that. 1673 01:05:15.989 --> 01:05:16.289 Yeah. 1674 01:05:16.369 --> 01:05:18.389 How did I know that, Welford? How did I know? 1675 01:05:20.170 --> 01:05:23.219 Well, his hair was just too cute. I couldn't cut it. 1676 01:05:23.570 --> 01:05:25.800 Oh, that's the one regret I have. 1677 01:05:26.199 --> 01:05:28.980 That's why you couldn't... Work the machinery down at the mill. 1678 01:05:29.000 --> 01:05:29.400 I'm sorry, Matt. 1679 01:05:29.559 --> 01:05:31.800 Well, listen, Welford, it's been very nice talking to you, 1680 01:05:31.820 --> 01:05:33.460 unless anyone else has any thoughts. 1681 01:05:33.780 --> 01:05:34.699 No, I love you, Mom. 1682 01:05:34.900 --> 01:05:35.659 Love you, too, hon. 1683 01:05:36.199 --> 01:05:37.599 Yeah, it's really sweet. When are you going to sketch 1684 01:05:37.639 --> 01:05:38.360 in the park next? 1685 01:05:38.380 --> 01:05:40.250 I don't know, probably a month or two. 1686 01:05:40.260 --> 01:05:44.119 Well, we don't know yet, but hopefully sometime soon. Okay. 1687 01:05:44.340 --> 01:05:46.210 Well, think about drawing people or just drawing it and 1688 01:05:46.250 --> 01:05:47.489 see if you can learn. 1689 01:05:47.550 --> 01:05:48.070 Manage it? 1690 01:05:48.510 --> 01:05:48.789 Yeah. 1691 01:05:48.969 --> 01:05:53.110 It's called having empathy and connection to others. But just 1692 01:05:53.150 --> 01:05:55.590 try it. I don't want you to turn bitter and 1693 01:05:55.610 --> 01:05:57.190 then start invading neighboring countries. 1694 01:05:58.179 --> 01:05:58.360 Okay. 1695 01:05:58.380 --> 01:06:00.800 Well, it was lovely talking to you, and I look 1696 01:06:00.820 --> 01:06:02.500 forward to hearing your thoughts about the show. 1697 01:06:02.760 --> 01:06:03.059 All right. 1698 01:06:03.119 --> 01:06:03.940 Thanks, Conan. 1699 01:06:04.079 --> 01:06:04.519 Bye-bye. 1700 01:06:04.559 --> 01:06:05.199 Thanks, Mom. 1701 01:06:05.480 --> 01:06:05.860 Bye. 1702 01:06:05.980 --> 01:06:07.880 Bye, Matt. Bye, Sona. Bye. 1703 01:06:08.159 --> 01:06:08.400 Bye. 1704 01:06:08.699 --> 01:06:08.980 Bye. 1705 01:06:12.260 --> 01:06:15.760 Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Sona Movsesian and Conan 1706 01:06:15.820 --> 01:06:20.230 O'Brien as himself. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced 1707 01:06:20.269 --> 01:06:23.170 by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and 1708 01:06:23.250 --> 01:06:26.760 Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson at Earwolf. Special thanks to 1709 01:06:26.820 --> 01:06:30.389 Jack White for the theme song. Incidental Music by Jimmy Vivino. 1710 01:06:32.440 --> 01:06:36.039 Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and the show is engineered. 1711 01:06:35.659 --> 01:06:36.440 By Will Becton. 1712 01:06:36.639 --> 01:06:39.019 You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, 1713 01:06:39.079 --> 01:06:41.829 and you might find your review featured on a future episode. 1714 01:06:42.050 --> 01:06:45.650 Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline 1715 01:06:46.409 --> 01:06:49.610 at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It, too, could be 1716 01:06:49.650 --> 01:06:52.289 featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, 1717 01:06:52.469 --> 01:06:56.829 please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, 1718 01:06:57.110 --> 01:07:05.030 or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a 1719 01:07:05.130 --> 01:07:08.789 Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.