บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ Julie Bowen

And I did want 80 00:04:06.560 --> 00:04:07.360 to say radio. 81 00:04:07.879 --> 00:04:08.240 I did. 82 00:04:08.620 --> 00:04:13.419 But now you've busted me again, because that's also true. 83 00:04:13.580 --> 00:04:17.399 I don't have friends, and I really do wish that 84 00:04:17.459 --> 00:04:20.720 everybody listened to this on a mahogany curb top radio. 85 00:04:22.399 --> 00:04:26.519 And just before I came on, the announcer said, well, 86 00:04:26.560 --> 00:04:30.160 that does it for Little Orphan Annie today. And remember, 87 00:04:30.279 --> 00:04:33.110 use Crisco when you're doing your deep frying. We'll have 88 00:04:33.139 --> 00:04:36.370 a fireside chat with President Franklin Roosevelt in about half 89 00:04:36.410 --> 00:04:39.389 an hour. But until then, Conan O'Brien is coming to 90 00:04:39.470 --> 00:04:43.029 us from his broadcast booth in Los Angeles, Conan. And 91 00:04:43.069 --> 00:04:46.430 that people were huddled around and they were wearing farmer's 92 00:04:46.569 --> 00:04:49.529 bib overalls because they had been working in the fields 93 00:04:49.610 --> 00:04:51.949 all day. trying to avoid the dust from the dust 94 00:04:51.990 --> 00:04:56.269 bowl and just hovered around listening to Conan's soothing tones. 95 00:04:56.930 --> 00:04:59.449 But no, that's not the world I live in. I 96 00:04:59.470 --> 00:05:05.480 live in a world of various downloads. You couldn't even 97 00:05:05.560 --> 00:05:09.680 get that out. Dynamic ad insertions. I don't even know 98 00:05:09.699 --> 00:05:12.319 when they'll say, Conan, it's a dynamic ad insertion. 99 00:05:12.759 --> 00:05:13.139 And I'll say, what? 100 00:05:13.220 --> 00:05:14.870 What do you mean? It's an ad that comes on 101 00:05:15.230 --> 00:05:16.350 when the podcast airs. 102 00:05:16.550 --> 00:05:17.649 The podcast doesn't air. 103 00:05:18.199 --> 00:05:23.009 The podcast exists in the cloud. It's meta. It's everywhere 104 00:05:23.209 --> 00:05:25.350 all the time. And you access it. 105 00:05:25.879 --> 00:05:26.079 What? 106 00:05:26.480 --> 00:05:26.879 No, what? 107 00:05:27.040 --> 00:05:27.360 It's not meta. 108 00:05:27.379 --> 00:05:29.850 Well, what is it? Do you know what the... How 109 00:05:29.870 --> 00:05:32.529 do I explain what the podcast is to my parents? 110 00:05:32.670 --> 00:05:34.670 They don't know. They don't listen to it. My brother 111 00:05:34.709 --> 00:05:37.980 Neil won't listen to it because it doesn't happen on 112 00:05:38.040 --> 00:05:41.759 television or the radio. And I'll say... It's hosted on 113 00:05:41.800 --> 00:05:44.620 a server and downloaded by a user. How's that? Well, 114 00:05:44.639 --> 00:05:47.610 it just sounds like porn. What kind of porn are 115 00:05:47.620 --> 00:05:50.519 you watching? Do you download your porn? Yeah, I download it. 116 00:05:50.529 --> 00:05:52.550 You can stream it. It's so much better. 117 00:05:52.800 --> 00:05:54.300 It's better to stream it than download it. 118 00:05:54.300 --> 00:05:57.189 I wanna make sure that I can save it for later. 119 00:05:57.290 --> 00:06:00.009 So I download it and I have it in, then 120 00:06:00.029 --> 00:06:04.149 I have it burned onto cellophane so that I can- Yeah, wait, 121 00:06:04.170 --> 00:06:07.889 excuse me. So I can- What? Not celluloid? Oh, well, 122 00:06:08.269 --> 00:06:12.149 you know, let me cover quickly for myself. I use 123 00:06:12.180 --> 00:06:15.519 cellophane because celluloid has been proven to be the worst 124 00:06:15.600 --> 00:06:17.500 way to show film. 125 00:06:18.170 --> 00:06:18.430 You know what? 126 00:06:18.490 --> 00:06:20.709 I don't know the word for anything. I don't know 127 00:06:20.730 --> 00:06:22.089 the word for anything anymore. 128 00:06:22.509 --> 00:06:24.750 I promised you did something recently that I would not 129 00:06:24.850 --> 00:06:26.689 let you live down and I have to bring it 130 00:06:26.769 --> 00:06:29.060 up because this will already be out by then. But 131 00:06:29.319 --> 00:06:33.220 we are on a Zoom and the lovely editor, Mars, 132 00:06:33.259 --> 00:06:35.660 who works on the ads for this show. had her 133 00:06:35.720 --> 00:06:39.300 background was from the video game Animal Crossing. And you 134 00:06:39.379 --> 00:06:42.060 in all sincerity went, wow, you have. 135 00:06:41.959 --> 00:06:45.290 A beautiful living room. And it was like pink wood, 136 00:06:45.629 --> 00:06:49.329 like a rabbit living room. Yeah, I'm gonna admit that Mars, 137 00:06:49.370 --> 00:06:51.750 who by the way, shout out to Mars, she's very cool, 138 00:06:51.870 --> 00:06:55.310 does great work for the podcast. And she had this background. 139 00:06:56.009 --> 00:06:59.009 In my defense, it was a small box. There were 140 00:06:59.050 --> 00:07:01.680 many boxes up. So it's not like I was watching 141 00:07:01.699 --> 00:07:04.560 it on a giant screen on this Zoom, but I 142 00:07:04.660 --> 00:07:10.970 complimented her on her lovely, creative, kind of cool Etsy-styled room. 143 00:07:11.689 --> 00:07:15.779 And then it turned out she had to tell me that, no, 144 00:07:16.100 --> 00:07:18.579 this is from, what is it from again? Animal Crossing. 145 00:07:18.600 --> 00:07:19.000 Animal Crossing. 146 00:07:19.019 --> 00:07:21.540 And that- And by the way, just so you know, 147 00:07:21.759 --> 00:07:24.439 this video game is not like a photorealistic video game. 148 00:07:24.480 --> 00:07:27.500 It's like kind of like the Smurfs. No, it really 149 00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:30.560 was if someone had put up as their background, the 150 00:07:30.600 --> 00:07:33.500 living room from the Flintstones. And I said, oh, I 151 00:07:33.600 --> 00:07:39.100 love your rock apartment. I think that's really beautiful. Yeah. So, 152 00:07:39.920 --> 00:07:43.920 and all of you laughed really hard, because ha ha, 153 00:07:43.959 --> 00:07:49.189 Conan's an idiot who doesn't understand how things work. Okay, 154 00:07:49.209 -->

00:07:49.970 I guess we're done then. 155 00:07:54.360 --> 00:07:57.990 Also, you never go, oh, I'm sorry, I was wrong. 156 00:07:58.029 --> 00:08:01.889 You were like, no, that living room looks very real. 157 00:08:01.949 --> 00:08:04.800 And everyone's like, it's a cartoon. And you're like, no, no, no. 158 00:08:04.879 --> 00:08:07.620 But from my perspective, you just couldn't- You go on 159 00:08:07.660 --> 00:08:08.519 to gaslight us. 160 00:08:08.639 --> 00:08:12.959 Yes. I am always, always hoping that I can- get 161 00:08:13.019 --> 00:08:15.550 myself out of trouble if I just keep talking. And 162 00:08:15.629 --> 00:08:19.189 so that is my modus operandi. And so I just 163 00:08:19.209 --> 00:08:22.670 thought if I keep talking, I'll hit upon something that 164 00:08:22.709 --> 00:08:24.949 will make you guys go, oh, I guess that kind 165 00:08:25.009 --> 00:08:26.839 of makes sense. And then I'm in the clear and 166 00:08:26.860 --> 00:08:29.420 then I get to shit on you guys for even 167 00:08:29.519 --> 00:08:33.879 thinking that I was wrong. It's never happened. So, well, anyway, 168 00:08:33.899 --> 00:08:40.049 I said 45 incorrect things about technology. in this improvised 169 00:08:40.210 --> 00:08:44.519 opening to the show. And if you can spot them all, 170 00:08:45.200 --> 00:08:48.759 you'll win a solid Cherrywood VCR. 171 00:08:51.980 --> 00:08:52.600 Solid. 172 00:08:53.860 --> 00:08:57.250 Is there room to put the videotape in? 173 00:08:57.490 --> 00:09:01.070 It's carved out of a solid chunk of cherry wood 174 00:09:01.129 --> 00:09:04.669 by Nick Offerman. And this VCR will be sent your 175 00:09:04.730 --> 00:09:06.480 way through the U.S. 176 00:09:06.600 --> 00:09:06.879 Mail. 177 00:09:11.610 --> 00:09:13.529 All right, let's do this. My guest today is an 178 00:09:13.700 --> 00:09:17.860 Emmy award-winning actress who starred as Claire Dunphy for 11 179 00:09:17.860 --> 00:09:21.039 seasons on the hit ABC series Modern Family. Now she 180 00:09:21.080 --> 00:09:25.980 has a new podcast, Quitters, available wherever you get your podcasts. 181 00:09:26.039 --> 00:09:33.330 I'm very excited. She's with us today. Julie Bowen, welcome. 182 00:09:37.629 --> 00:09:39.240 This podcast, I got to tell you, you guys got 183 00:09:39.279 --> 00:09:41.799 me through the pandemic. I refused to listen for a while, okay? 184 00:09:41.960 --> 00:09:44.340 I was a holdout. I was a holdout. I was 185 00:09:44.360 --> 00:09:45.440 like- That makes sense. 186 00:09:45.559 --> 00:09:46.240 I don't, yeah. 187 00:09:46.440 --> 00:09:47.139 That makes total sense. 188 00:09:47.159 --> 00:09:49.820 Whenever something's really popular, you know, you don't want to 189 00:09:49.840 --> 00:09:51.210 be like, I love Coke. 190 00:09:51.250 --> 00:09:52.889 I love Coca-Cola. It's so amazing. 191 00:09:53.269 --> 00:09:56.629 So I listened to this throughout the podcast while riding 192 00:09:56.669 --> 00:09:59.409 my bike up and down the Hollywood Hills because there 193 00:09:59.450 --> 00:09:59.970 was nothing else. 194 00:10:00.080 --> 00:10:00.429 To do. 195 00:10:01.200 --> 00:10:02.820 And I would listen to you guys go, oh, do 196 00:10:02.840 --> 00:10:05.009 you think someone's watching this when they're working out? Oh, 197 00:10:05.039 --> 00:10:07.419 dear God, I hope not. Oh, God, I hope they're 198 00:10:07.460 --> 00:10:09.899 not in the gym. And I'm like, I'm on my bike, Conan. 199 00:10:09.919 --> 00:10:12.080 Can you hear me? We could hear you, actually. 200 00:10:13.820 --> 00:10:16.039 I don't understand how that's possible, but the technology has 201 00:10:16.059 --> 00:10:19.120 gotten so good that we would hear you, and we 202 00:10:19.159 --> 00:10:21.460 could kind of tell this is a steep hill. 203 00:10:22.840 --> 00:10:23.559 She's huffing. 204 00:10:23.639 --> 00:10:27.259 Yeah, she's on the bird street. She's climbed like 3,000 feet. 205 00:10:27.299 --> 00:10:30.320 This is incredible. Oh, my glutes. 206 00:10:31.740 --> 00:10:34.639 I would seriously get so excited, though, because I would 207 00:10:34.679 --> 00:10:37.210 go out for the entirety of however long the podcast was, 208 00:10:37.269 --> 00:10:39.149 and then I would even listen to the ads. 209 00:10:39.970 --> 00:10:40.669 Oh, there you go. 210 00:10:40.690 --> 00:10:42.149 Because I get really excited when they change. 211 00:10:42.419 --> 00:10:43.019 Yeah. 212 00:10:43.059 --> 00:10:47.720 I get super excited. And I got so into Sona 213 00:10:47.779 --> 00:10:48.120 and Matt. 214 00:10:48.179 --> 00:10:48.639 I'm sorry. 215 00:10:48.659 --> 00:10:51.830 No, no, but that's the whole... Listen, I can handle that. 216 00:10:52.049 --> 00:10:58.730 I think I'm not an egomaniacal monster. Sona. I think 217 00:10:58.809 --> 00:11:01.360 one of the things that helps the podcast work is 218 00:11:01.399 --> 00:11:04.320 that we are a parfait. I might be. 219 00:11:06.990 --> 00:11:09.940 There are many levels here. There are at least three 220 00:11:10.019 --> 00:11:11.899 levels of creamy goodness. 221 00:11:12.179 --> 00:11:14.379 But they don't mix in a parfait, do they? They 222 00:11:14.419 --> 00:11:15.120 kind of, you just. 223 00:11:15.159 --> 00:11:17.139 We don't mix really that well. That's true. 224 00:11:17.159 --> 00:11:18.220 That is pretty accurate. 225 00:11:18.299 --> 00:11:22.149 I am a layer of like granola and then- You're 226 00:11:22.210 --> 00:11:22.669 the base. 227 00:11:22.710 --> 00:11:23.470 You're the yogurt. 228 00:11:23.669 --> 00:11:26.789 Okay. I'm the yogurt. Sure. But a high quality yogurt. 229 00:11:27.269 --> 00:11:31.629 Like a full fat Greek? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your 230 00:11:31.710 --> 00:11:33.580 real full fat Greek yogurt. 231 00:11:33.600 --> 00:11:35.700 Yeah. You're my big fat Greek yogurt. 232 00:11:35.720 --> 00:11:35.919 Yeah. 233 00:11:36.360 --> 00:11:39.419 What does that make Gourley? Gourley, I want to say, 234 00:11:39.600 -->

00:11:45.220 is this... like a cyberry. Something tangy. Yeah, that's become 235 00:11:45.259 --> 00:11:49.529 very trendy. And people say it's good for you, but 236 00:11:49.549 --> 00:11:50.970 it will be found out in a couple of years 237 00:11:50.990 --> 00:11:53.309 that it's really not good for you. 238 00:11:53.350 --> 00:11:53.929 Like cigarettes. 239 00:11:53.970 --> 00:11:56.850 Yeah, exactly. And that it has no- Oh, you mean cool? 240 00:11:56.889 --> 00:12:02.120 It has no nutrients. It actually robs nutrients from your body. 241 00:12:02.129 --> 00:12:06.379 It leaches them. But then, Sona, you are the whipped topping. 242 00:12:06.539 --> 00:12:07.259 I'm gonna say that. 243 00:12:07.360 --> 00:12:07.879 Okay. 244 00:12:07.980 --> 00:12:12.799 Not substantial, but everyone loves you. That's very nice. You're 245 00:12:12.840 --> 00:12:15.620 the part they save for last, and then they take 246 00:12:15.679 --> 00:12:18.700 that big dollop of whipped fun at the top of 247 00:12:18.720 --> 00:12:19.299 the parfait. 248 00:12:19.419 --> 00:12:20.139 Okay, cool. 249 00:12:20.159 --> 00:12:22.279 So I am the base. I'll take it. I provide 250 00:12:22.350 --> 00:12:26.460 most of the nutrients and, of course, important fats. And 251 00:12:26.500 --> 00:12:29.490 all that good dairy protein. Matt, nothing. 252 00:12:29.899 --> 00:12:30.259 And then. 253 00:12:30.279 --> 00:12:33.289 Matt, nothing. 254 00:12:33.490 --> 00:12:36.830 Matt, it crushed cigarette in the middle of your parfait. 255 00:12:37.330 --> 00:12:39.590 Can I start my own parfait? I want out of 256 00:12:39.610 --> 00:12:40.809 this one. 257 00:12:41.129 --> 00:12:43.789 Well, I was listening and I was listening intently and 258 00:12:43.830 --> 00:12:46.529 I loved it so much that I got hit by 259 00:12:46.570 --> 00:12:46.830 a truck. 260 00:12:47.629 --> 00:12:47.710 What? 261 00:12:47.789 --> 00:12:49.169 That's right. What are you talking about? 262 00:12:49.230 --> 00:12:52.870 So look, you can't... I know this is a visual medium, right? 263 00:12:53.370 --> 00:12:53.659 This is. 264 00:12:53.970 --> 00:12:54.529 It's audio. 265 00:12:54.850 --> 00:12:55.250 But I mean. 266 00:12:55.759 --> 00:12:57.159 This and these two fingers. 267 00:12:57.240 --> 00:12:57.820 Oh, my God. 268 00:12:57.899 --> 00:12:59.450 All these three fingers, they're all broken. 269 00:12:59.470 --> 00:13:04.710 They aren't usually as crone-like and like a bird's hands. 270 00:13:04.809 --> 00:13:07.970 But these are broken because I was listening and laughing 271 00:13:08.110 --> 00:13:09.090 and I got hit by a truck. 272 00:13:09.129 --> 00:13:09.370 Oh, my. 273 00:13:09.470 --> 00:13:12.820 Or were you– I mean, your hands were hurt. Any 274 00:13:12.889 --> 00:13:15.039 other injuries? The rest of me was fine. 275 00:13:15.059 --> 00:13:16.600 I mean, clearly I'm not well in the head to 276 00:13:16.639 --> 00:13:20.279 begin with. So there wasn't much they could do. And 277 00:13:20.600 --> 00:13:23.620 I'm the idiot. I know that you famously walk around 278 00:13:23.679 --> 00:13:28.220 Los Angeles in sort of like full– Lance Armstrong circa 279 00:13:28.220 --> 00:13:31.179 2000 gear, right? 280 00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:34.000 I walk around LA and- Don't you clack into, I 281 00:13:34.039 --> 00:13:35.960 feel like I've been somewhere and seen you clack, clack, 282 00:13:36.000 --> 00:13:36.940 clack in somewhere. 283 00:13:36.980 --> 00:13:39.220 Years ago, I would wear that stuff because I was 284 00:13:39.320 --> 00:13:42.320 biking with friends who were super intense bikers and they 285 00:13:42.340 --> 00:13:44.639 would all do that. And then at some point, I 286 00:13:44.679 --> 00:13:48.070 think it's been like eight years, I said, I don't 287 00:13:48.110 --> 00:13:51.289 want to dress like a spaceman to go ride a bike. 288 00:13:51.789 --> 00:13:55.509 And so I totally started riding with a different friend, Brad, 289 00:13:56.159 --> 00:13:59.139 And he showed me the real way that I prefer 290 00:13:59.620 --> 00:14:02.279 which is I wear shorts, I wear a t-shirt, and 291 00:14:02.320 --> 00:14:06.639 I wear like some long sleeve. It looks like I'm 292 00:14:06.659 --> 00:14:07.679 a roadie in a band now. 293 00:14:07.840 --> 00:14:08.899 And you wear a brain bucket. 294 00:14:09.159 --> 00:14:10.799 You wear a helmet. You have to wear a helmet. 295 00:14:10.840 --> 00:14:13.100 Did not wear one when hit by a truck. 296 00:14:13.419 --> 00:14:15.070 No, that's bad. That's very bad. 297 00:14:15.179 --> 00:14:17.659 I know it's bad. So you guys owe me something. 298 00:14:17.779 --> 00:14:18.200 Yeah. 299 00:14:18.299 --> 00:14:21.120 So be nice. Be nice because I'm like. 300 00:14:21.139 --> 00:14:23.490 This is my fault, yes. I'm listening for all. 301 00:14:23.379 --> 00:14:25.509 The coded clues about whether or not you're going. 302 00:14:25.330 --> 00:14:26.190 To like me. 303 00:14:26.509 --> 00:14:26.830 Yeah. 304 00:14:27.350 --> 00:14:30.169 Well, we've hung out before, by the way, because you're 305 00:14:30.230 --> 00:14:33.049 friends with one of my neighbors. And I remember going 306 00:14:33.149 --> 00:14:36.990 over to the neighbor's house once and you were hanging 307 00:14:37.009 --> 00:14:38.909 there and we had a lovely time hanging out. 308 00:14:39.009 --> 00:14:41.269 And then I ran away because I was terrified. 309 00:14:41.850 --> 00:14:42.590 Terrified of? 310 00:14:42.730 --> 00:14:42.990 You. 311 00:14:43.429 --> 00:14:45.769 She said one day, come over. We're just going to 312 00:14:45.809 --> 00:14:48.009 hang out. We're having a pool thing. And I said, 313 00:14:48.049 --> 00:14:50.830 is Conan going to be there? And she said, yeah. 314 00:14:50.850 --> 00:14:52.230 And I go, well, then I can't wear my friends 315 00:14:52.269 --> 00:14:55.950 and family bikini because like I've given birth to twins 316 00:14:56.149 --> 00:15:00.070 and another child and I could not, I hold you 317

00:15:00.110 --> 00:15:01.149 in high regard. 318 00:15:01.370 --> 00:15:04.230 That's very nice. I don't understand how this relates to. 319 00:15:05.409 --> 00:15:06.529 How, why I like you? 320 00:15:06.669 --> 00:15:07.129 No, no, no. 321 00:15:07.230 --> 00:15:09.669 I mean, I don't understand why. 322 00:15:09.690 --> 00:15:10.490 Why I run away. 323 00:15:10.730 --> 00:15:15.970 Why you are a very attractive person. And yeah, I didn't, 324 00:15:16.600 --> 00:15:18.289 that would never enter my mind that you would be 325 00:15:18.389 --> 00:15:21.879 worried about. I can't wear this bikini around Conan. 326 00:15:22.019 --> 00:15:22.460 Oh, yes. 327 00:15:22.960 --> 00:15:25.240 Oh, definitely. Sona, how do you feel about your body 328 00:15:25.279 --> 00:15:28.240 after babies? Not the best. I'm not going to lie. 329 00:15:28.299 --> 00:15:31.000 I'm trying to get back there, but it's taking a while. 330 00:15:31.019 --> 00:15:34.100 The boobs are probably working. They can't discuss this. Gourley 331 00:15:34.320 --> 00:15:36.519 and Conan cannot even chime in. 332 00:15:36.519 --> 00:15:39.240 Gourley was about to jump in and start talking. I 333 00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:40.860 saved you. You're welcome. 334 00:15:41.440 --> 00:15:41.740 Thank you. 335 00:15:41.860 --> 00:15:44.080 I'm still open to talking about my breasts, but I 336 00:15:44.120 --> 00:15:44.799 won't force you. 337 00:15:44.820 --> 00:15:47.580 Gorley is lactating. He has a child recently. You know, 338 00:15:47.620 --> 00:15:48.919 he's got a newborn. Gorley. 339 00:15:49.019 --> 00:15:49.279 I know. 340 00:15:49.340 --> 00:15:51.659 It's just not as exciting as twins. I'm sorry, Gorley. 341 00:15:51.720 --> 00:15:52.259 It's okay. 342 00:15:52.320 --> 00:15:53.970 I understand. It's half as exciting. 343 00:15:53.990 --> 00:15:55.730 And it's not your first child, right? 344 00:15:55.750 --> 00:15:56.769 It is my first child. 345 00:15:56.789 --> 00:15:57.629 Oh, it is your first. 346 00:15:57.669 --> 00:15:57.929 Yeah. 347 00:15:58.049 --> 00:15:59.809 It kind of got swept under the carpet. 348 00:16:00.279 --> 00:16:00.909 With all the excitement. 349 00:16:00.970 --> 00:16:04.529 Well, I think what happened was because, I mean, look, Gorley, 350 00:16:04.549 --> 00:16:08.190 that's a hard act to follow. Sona had twins and 351 00:16:08.230 --> 00:16:10.269 then you were like, hey, look at me. We had 352 00:16:10.289 --> 00:16:12.279 one child. It's the best I could do. And every, 353 00:16:12.299 --> 00:16:15.279 you know, I think everyone listening to the podcast was like, boo, 354 00:16:15.700 --> 00:16:17.039 why not three? Why not four? 355 00:16:17.059 --> 00:16:17.360 Boo! 356 00:16:17.379 --> 00:16:18.720 You hack. 357 00:16:18.820 --> 00:16:23.370 And I think that's terrible that people reacted that way. But, yeah, Sona, 358 00:16:23.490 --> 00:16:25.909 you guys should bond about this because you've had twins 359 00:16:26.269 --> 00:16:27.070 and you've had twins. 360 00:16:27.250 --> 00:16:29.710 I have had twins. But also, Gorley, just I have 361 00:16:29.750 --> 00:16:30.210 to say. 362 00:16:30.169 --> 00:16:35.600 Your contribution I'm sure will be grand throughout this child's life. 363 00:16:35.620 --> 00:16:37.700 It was nothing on the outset. 364 00:16:37.740 --> 00:16:39.200 Like you'd have to bear the child. 365 00:16:39.220 --> 00:16:40.799 You didn't have to destroy the body. 366 00:16:41.159 --> 00:16:42.000 Completely acknowledged that. 367 00:16:42.019 --> 00:16:44.149 You don't have a Nikki Glaser vagina now. 368 00:16:44.169 --> 00:16:44.230 No. 369 00:16:45.419 --> 00:16:49.460 No, mine's more of a Lisa Lampanelli. I love that 370 00:16:49.519 --> 00:16:53.340 reference to Nikki Glaser who made me laugh so hard 371 00:16:53.379 --> 00:16:55.620 because she was on the late night show once and 372 00:16:55.639 --> 00:16:59.279 said that, what did she say? She said- I remember. 373 00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:01.659 She said her vagina was a hastily packed suitcase. 374 00:17:01.679 --> 00:17:03.139 A hastily packed suitcase. 375 00:17:03.240 --> 00:17:08.400 And that, I remember thinking to myself, dear God, it's time. 376 00:17:08.420 --> 00:17:12.069 And for the first time after having twins, taking my 377 00:17:12.109 --> 00:17:15.089 clothing off alone and walking towards the mirror and going, oh! 378 00:17:16.069 --> 00:17:17.750 No, she's right. 379 00:17:17.829 --> 00:17:19.009 It's a shirt tail. 380 00:17:19.029 --> 00:17:24.880 It's not okay. 381 00:17:25.460 --> 00:17:28.900 I didn't want to admit it to myself or others. 382 00:17:28.980 --> 00:17:30.420 And then Nikki just said it. 383 00:17:30.819 --> 00:17:31.079 Right. 384 00:17:31.099 --> 00:17:31.799 She just said it. 385 00:17:31.940 --> 00:17:32.660 Yeah. 386 00:17:32.740 --> 00:17:33.500 And there I was. 387 00:17:33.799 --> 00:17:36.920 I know, it's rough. I mean, although I didn't, I 388 00:17:37.000 --> 00:17:40.809 got a C-section. So I can't really- Her children, her 389 00:17:40.829 --> 00:17:42.670 babies walked out. Yeah, they did. 390 00:17:42.750 --> 00:17:44.180 They were crawling out. 391 00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:46.420 They walked out fully clothed. 392 00:17:46.460 --> 00:17:47.799 Did you schedule a C-section? 393 00:17:47.880 --> 00:17:48.220 I did. 394 00:17:48.269 --> 00:17:50.630 I had to because of my age and- Here's the 395 00:17:50.650 --> 00:17:51.049 creepy part. 396 00:17:51.069 --> 00:17:54.390 How big they were. I scheduled a C-section. For her? Yeah, 397 00:17:54.490 --> 00:17:58.150 for her to work around the podcast schedule. And the 398 00:17:58.190 --> 00:18:00.799 doctor said, I don't think this is actually the good time. 399 00:18:00.819 --> 00:18:03.059 I don't think they're ready. And I was like, hey, 400 00:18:03.099 --> 00:18:04.619 this is what's happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 401 00:18:04.680 --> 00:18:07.079 Coden had a conversation with my gyno and was like, 402 00:18:07.180

--> 00:18:08.740 we need it to happen now. 403 00:18:08.900 --> 00:18:14.720 Yeah, and then I assisted, which I thought was completely- Inappropriate. Inappropriate, 404 00:18:14.809 --> 00:18:16.250 and I didn't know what I was doing. 405 00:18:16.349 --> 00:18:18.630 No, all of the doctors involved lost their licenses. 406 00:18:18.650 --> 00:18:19.109 Yeah, yeah. 407 00:18:19.309 --> 00:18:21.529 To allow you into the OR. I would love to 408 00:18:21.589 --> 00:18:21.829 see that. 409 00:18:21.849 --> 00:18:24.789 I didn't wash up. I didn't wear gloves. 410 00:18:24.809 --> 00:18:26.130 Washings for weaklings. 411 00:18:26.190 --> 00:18:29.799 I just thought, oh, everyone's being a baby. He left 412 00:18:29.880 --> 00:18:33.039 a watch in there. I left, well, first of all. 413 00:18:34.160 --> 00:18:37.829 And guess what? I want it back. Because that is a. 414 00:18:37.849 --> 00:18:40.299 You're just gonna have to birth at that. 415 00:18:40.319 --> 00:18:43.099 That'll birth. That is a really, that Timex means a 416 00:18:43.119 --> 00:18:45.859 lot to me and I want that fucker back. So 417 00:18:46.220 --> 00:18:48.799 I've scheduled another C-section to go back in and get- 418 00:18:48.920 --> 00:18:50.720 And get it out again? What was, I think when 419 00:18:50.759 --> 00:18:53.420 I got it in 1989, a $ 35 Timex. Okay. 420 00:18:54.180 --> 00:18:55.740 But now it's an heirloom. 421 00:18:56.420 --> 00:18:58.779 Now we can sell it as an NFT or whatever 422 00:18:58.799 --> 00:18:59.119 it's called. 423 00:19:00.220 --> 00:19:02.579 No, we can't. Non-fungible thing. 424 00:19:02.599 --> 00:19:04.940 Oh, right. It is fungible. I don't even know what 425 00:19:04.960 --> 00:19:05.589 I'm talking about. 426 00:19:05.609 --> 00:19:09.589 Well, you joke about making her get a, I think, 427 00:19:09.670 --> 00:19:12.089 I hope you joke about making her get a C-section. 428 00:19:13.309 --> 00:19:17.089 Yes, I am. For our listeners, that was me. And 429 00:19:17.109 --> 00:19:18.960 for the legal department. And for the legal department, that 430 00:19:19.000 --> 00:19:21.720 was me. All in good fun. You know how I 431 00:19:21.759 --> 00:19:29.349 like to joke about forcing women to have invasive surgery? Oh, 432 00:19:29.390 --> 00:19:31.099 that's just one of my many riffs. 433 00:19:31.740 --> 00:19:36.019 My now ex-husband heard me mumbling about wanting one more 434 00:19:36.079 --> 00:19:38.910 kid after we had had twins. Because I thought, after 435 00:19:38.930 --> 00:19:40.349 you have twins, I thought I could do one more 436 00:19:40.369 --> 00:19:41.490 with my eyes closed, right? 437 00:19:41.509 --> 00:19:42.269 It would be so easy. 438 00:19:42.670 --> 00:19:46.230 So he immediately scheduled a vasectomy, as one does. 439 00:19:47.220 --> 00:19:49.940 And I went with him to the appointment to get 440 00:19:49.980 --> 00:19:53.079 the information and they gave us some pamphlet that described 441 00:19:53.220 --> 00:19:55.460 all the like what to expect. And there's all these 442 00:19:55.529 --> 00:19:59.769 drawings like out of this, like a 1960s textbook in school. 443 00:20:00.230 --> 00:20:03.369 And there's a woman standing there that first of all, 444 00:20:03.390 --> 00:20:06.619 the doctor says, We like to do this on a 445 00:20:06.940 --> 00:20:10.980 Thursday afternoon, Friday morning. Have you back at work Monday? 446 00:20:11.700 --> 00:20:14.460 And I was like, hell no, we're doing this. I 447 00:20:14.500 --> 00:20:17.740 need him up and running on the weekend. We got 448 00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:19.849 coverage during the week. Hell no, we're doing this on 449 00:20:19.869 --> 00:20:22.990 a Tuesday. I need that fucker up and running by Friday. 450 00:20:23.130 --> 00:20:25.210 So you referred to your ex- As. 451 00:20:25.130 --> 00:20:27.230 That fucker at the time with love. 452 00:20:27.250 --> 00:20:29.529 At the time, right, right, right. Could be a clue. 453 00:20:29.890 --> 00:20:30.029 Yeah. 454 00:20:31.170 --> 00:20:33.849 So what went wrong in the marriage? Hey, fucker. 455 00:20:34.049 --> 00:20:34.250 Hey. 456 00:20:34.450 --> 00:20:35.470 Happy Valentine's Day. 457 00:20:35.609 --> 00:20:38.390 There was a lot wrong with me. He's so nice. 458 00:20:38.410 --> 00:20:39.910 I don't know why he put up with me. But 459 00:20:39.930 --> 00:20:42.349 they give us this pamphlet that says like what to expect. 460 00:20:42.849 --> 00:20:43.549 If you get a vasectomy. 461 00:20:43.589 --> 00:20:44.329 If you get a vasectomy. 462 00:20:44.390 --> 00:20:47.589 And there's a woman sort of like leaning over with 463 00:20:47.630 --> 00:20:50.670 a tray of potato skins as her husband sits in 464 00:20:50.710 --> 00:20:53.210 a Barca lounger, all drawn, you know, that sort of 465 00:20:53.450 --> 00:20:56.799 with like ferns and like patio doors going out to 466 00:20:56.839 --> 00:21:00.029 a pool. And he's watching the game and he's got 467 00:21:00.490 --> 00:21:03.470 some frozen peas on his crotch and she's serving him 468 00:21:03.490 --> 00:21:06.730 potato skins. And I said, we do not fucking need this. 469 00:21:06.809 --> 00:21:08.390 And I ripped it up and I threw it out. 470 00:21:08.410 --> 00:21:12.420 I was like, you're going to be fine. I gave 471 00:21:12.460 --> 00:21:14.940 birth to twins. You're going to be great. Up and 472 00:21:15.019 --> 00:21:15.259 at him. 473 00:21:15.779 --> 00:21:17.619 So he had the vasectomy. 474 00:21:17.799 --> 00:21:20.430 Without the benefit of the pamphlet. 475 00:21:21.470 --> 00:21:22.549 And he said to me. 476 00:21:24.009 --> 00:21:28.359 I pick him up afterwards. He's gray-faced. This poor man. 477 00:21:28.480 --> 00:21:29.329 Why did he put up with me? 478 00:21:29.359 --> 00:21:29.569 He goes. 479 00:21:31.279 --> 00:21:32.359 Just drive and I. 480 00:21:32.319 --> 00:21:34.980 Said what happened in there he goes just drive and 481 00:21:35.019 --> 00:21:37.160 he's doubled over I said what happened

he goes should 482 00:21:37.180 --> 00:21:41.039 have read the pamphlet and I said what did we 483 00:21:41.160 --> 00:21:44.099 miss and he was like I was supposed to shave 484 00:21:44.599 --> 00:21:45.990 and I was like oh no oh. 485 00:21:45.940 --> 00:21:48.910 No oh you're supposed to shave down there apparently I 486 00:21:48.900 --> 00:21:51.309 didn't know that why I don't. 487 00:21:51.369 --> 00:21:53.250 I was not allowed in the room that is his 488 00:21:53.309 --> 00:21:55.049 story to tell I realize I've told 99% of him 489 00:21:55.150 --> 00:21:57.609 but that 1% is. 490 00:21:57.150 --> 00:21:58.950 His that's the kind of thing where I would fuck 491 00:21:59.029 --> 00:22:02.849 up and go to the barber Oh, no. Yeah, and 492 00:22:02.890 --> 00:22:05.089 I would just think like, no, no, no, not up here, 493 00:22:05.150 --> 00:22:07.970 down here. And it would be like this sort of 494 00:22:08.269 --> 00:22:11.029 stereotypical Italian barber who's like, what are you talking about? 495 00:22:11.890 --> 00:22:12.630 Come on. 496 00:22:12.650 --> 00:22:14.109 He's got a hot towel. 497 00:22:14.130 --> 00:22:17.079 It's the same principle, yeah, hot towel. And he's got 498 00:22:17.119 --> 00:22:20.380 the blade. And other people are coming in and I'm saying, yeah, 499 00:22:20.400 --> 00:22:23.359 so anyway, big game this weekend. And I've got my 500 00:22:23.420 --> 00:22:24.339 legs in stirrups. 501 00:22:24.359 --> 00:22:24.779 Your legs up. 502 00:22:26.339 --> 00:22:27.900 I know I like this stuff. 503 00:22:29.009 --> 00:22:32.009 What if he spins the chair away from the door, though, 504 00:22:32.049 --> 00:22:33.470 and you know you're going to get murdered? 505 00:22:34.980 --> 00:22:38.160 They're here to murder your balls. My God, why did 506 00:22:38.200 --> 00:22:41.119 he do it, though? I don't understand why he... Why 507 00:22:41.160 --> 00:22:44.660 he got a vasectomy? No, why the barber shaved your balls. 508 00:22:44.720 --> 00:22:46.700 Oh, in that scenario, he did it because I'm a 509 00:22:46.740 --> 00:22:47.400 good tipper. 510 00:22:48.079 --> 00:22:48.900 Exactly. 511 00:22:48.920 --> 00:22:50.789 Yeah, and I sat and I waited my turn, and 512 00:22:50.829 --> 00:22:52.720 I read the magazine like everyone else, and then it 513 00:22:52.740 --> 00:22:54.529 was my turn, and I took my pants off, and 514 00:22:54.549 --> 00:22:56.470 he went, what do you do? And he went, well, 515 00:22:56.849 --> 00:23:00.130 you know, it's the same principle. Not every day you 516 00:23:00.170 --> 00:23:01.250 meet an Irish legend. 517 00:23:01.470 --> 00:23:02.710 I know what you mean, Coo Collin. 518 00:23:02.990 --> 00:23:06.089 Leaping vast distances, holding off armies. 519 00:23:06.230 --> 00:23:08.349 Eating tonnes of fresh grass. 520 00:23:08.509 --> 00:23:08.769 What? 521 00:23:08.950 --> 00:23:12.039 Not you or cows. That's one of the reasons Irish 522 00:23:12.079 --> 00:23:15.700 milk is so good. It's famous all over the world. 523 00:23:16.039 --> 00:23:17.599 Legendary. 524 00:23:18.099 --> 00:23:21.180 Ireland's grass and our farmers' commitment to more sustainable actions 525 00:23:21.460 --> 00:23:25.000 help make Irish dairy a true Irish legend. Always look 526 00:23:25.019 --> 00:23:26.869 for the National Dairy Council guarantee. 527 00:23:27.029 --> 00:23:29.089 Learn more at ndc.ie. 528 00:23:29.349 --> 00:23:33.480 Reckon we'll need a fleet of about 50 vehicles next quarter. Oh, 529 00:23:33.880 --> 00:23:35.849 one of our suppliers just pulled out of the market. 530 00:23:36.289 --> 00:23:40.480 Ten should do the job. Nice, just won a new contract. 531 00:23:40.799 --> 00:23:41.359 Make that 100, vehicles. 532 00:23:43.589 --> 00:23:45.960 Why tie up your valuable capital? Whether you need a 533 00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:48.559 car or van rental for two hours or two years, 534 00:23:48.839 --> 00:23:51.380 Europe Car offers total flexibility for you to get the 535 00:23:51.420 --> 00:23:54.069 job done. No matter what the job is, simply pay 536 00:23:54.109 --> 00:23:56.690 as you go. Search Europe Car Business to get moving. 537 00:23:56.990 --> 00:23:59.170 Europe Car, moving your business your way. 538 00:23:59.349 --> 00:24:01.210 Did you always want to become a teacher? 539 00:24:01.390 --> 00:24:02.529 For as long as I can remember. 540 00:24:02.650 --> 00:24:04.539 Bad Apples, starring Saoirse Ronan. 541 00:24:04.619 --> 00:24:05.019 Danny! 542 00:24:05.299 --> 00:24:05.500 Shut up! 543 00:24:06.700 --> 00:24:07.400 Oh! 544 00:24:07.420 --> 00:24:08.799 He pushed a girl down the stairs. 545 00:24:08.819 --> 00:24:10.619 I'm going to tell everyone you attacked me. 546 00:24:10.660 --> 00:24:11.119 Let me go! 547 00:24:11.140 --> 00:24:11.700 I hate you! 548 00:24:11.819 --> 00:24:12.880 Investigations continue into. 549 00:24:12.819 --> 00:24:13.980 The disappearance of Danny Carter. 550 00:24:14.019 --> 00:24:15.799 You're never letting me go, are you? Is anyone feeling 551 00:24:15.819 --> 00:24:16.200 sad or anxious? 552 00:24:16.220 --> 00:24:16.279 No? 553 00:24:16.279 --> 00:24:16.839 All right. 554 00:24:35.319 --> 00:24:37.539 This is, first of all, no one's ever come in 555 00:24:37.559 --> 00:24:38.700 a guns a blazing. 556 00:24:38.859 --> 00:24:39.200 What? 557 00:24:39.279 --> 00:24:41.480 Like Julie Bowen. I love it. Nobody has ever come in. 558 00:24:41.480 --> 00:24:42.160 Are you kidding me? 559 00:24:42.220 --> 00:24:45.440 This is like, I was doing like pump up laps 560 00:24:45.619 --> 00:24:46.180 in my house. 561 00:24:46.200 --> 00:24:47.819 Like, you got this. You got this. 562 00:24:47.859 --> 00:24:50.960 Like a 14 year old boy before the big game. 563 00:24:51.640 --> 00:24:53.839 And I was so nervous because. 564 00:24:54.200 --> 00:24:54.269 Why? 565 00:24:54.380 --> 00:24:54.859 It's us. 566 00:24:55.299 --> 00:24:57.539 No, because I've listened to you way too much. 567 00:24:57.940 --> 00:24:58.559 I've

listened to you. 568 00:24:58.789 --> 00:25:01.150 And like I said, I feel like I've got the code. 569 00:25:01.410 --> 00:25:04.079 And so, although I am losing track of it right now. 570 00:25:04.089 --> 00:25:06.059 I'm not sure there is a code. I honestly don't 571 00:25:06.099 --> 00:25:09.960 think there is. I think, but not an intentional code anyway. 572 00:25:10.180 --> 00:25:11.990 I don't, Pay attention that much. 573 00:25:12.390 --> 00:25:12.630 I know. 574 00:25:12.769 --> 00:25:13.190 We all know. 575 00:25:13.349 --> 00:25:15.529 I zone out often. That is your MO. That has 576 00:25:15.569 --> 00:25:17.710 always been your MO, has you zone out. 577 00:25:17.750 --> 00:25:20.730 Sona, why do you put up with this? He puts 578 00:25:20.789 --> 00:25:23.049 up with a lot, too. But are you really as 579 00:25:23.210 --> 00:25:25.549 terrible an employee as they make you out to be? 580 00:25:25.569 --> 00:25:26.210 No! 581 00:25:26.269 --> 00:25:27.769 I mean, they make you out to be like somebody 582 00:25:27.789 --> 00:25:28.049 who's like. 583 00:25:28.589 --> 00:25:31.759 starts to make an airline reservation and kind of gets 584 00:25:31.819 --> 00:25:33.980 through one half of the ticket. 585 00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:35.099 I mean, I have done that. 586 00:25:36.039 --> 00:25:39.289 You cannot... You know what? I'm going to say this 587 00:25:39.730 --> 00:25:42.549 in Sona's defense. You probably don't want to go down 588 00:25:42.589 --> 00:25:46.789 this path because... And listen, I say this with love. 589 00:25:46.829 --> 00:25:49.769 I am quite... Sona's got a book that's coming out 590 00:25:50.369 --> 00:25:51.710 called World's Worst Assistant. 591 00:25:51.750 --> 00:25:52.210 I do. 592 00:25:52.269 --> 00:25:55.329 That she wrote that's really good. And I wrote the foreword. 593 00:25:55.670 --> 00:25:59.210 And I'm quite honest in the foreword, I believe. 594 00:25:59.259 --> 00:25:59.500 Yes. 595 00:26:00.740 --> 00:26:02.779 But one of the things I go out of my 596 00:26:02.819 --> 00:26:06.640 way to say is that I really... I love Sona, 597 00:26:07.220 --> 00:26:11.529 we are besties, but some of the shit she has pulled, 598 00:26:11.720 --> 00:26:14.440 oh yeah, no, I mean- Who pals? You know what's interesting? 599 00:26:14.940 --> 00:26:17.690 My wife has pointed out to me that I, she's 600 00:26:17.890 --> 00:26:20.509 never seen me, the minute Sona had these twins and 601 00:26:20.529 --> 00:26:24.029 I started getting pictures, I stop everybody and make them 602 00:26:24.049 --> 00:26:26.309 look at pictures of her kids and she said- Charlie 603 00:26:26.329 --> 00:26:28.230 and Mikey. Yeah, and she said, you didn't do this 604 00:26:28.269 --> 00:26:30.670 with our kids. And you still don't do it with 605 00:26:30.730 --> 00:26:33.289 our kids. I'm like, ah, kids, look at these guys. 606 00:26:33.349 --> 00:26:35.009 I mean, I'm going to say he's going to be 607 00:26:35.029 --> 00:26:36.329 the godfather to my boys. 608 00:26:36.450 --> 00:26:37.390 Yeah. To both? 609 00:26:37.410 --> 00:26:40.089 That's how, yeah, that's how we're very close. He's going 610 00:26:40.130 --> 00:26:41.970 to be. Has he been told this? Is this, am 611 00:26:42.049 --> 00:26:44.210 I in on like the big reveal? Oh, by the way, 612 00:26:44.230 --> 00:26:44.799 can you do it? 613 00:26:44.910 --> 00:26:45.089 No. 614 00:26:45.650 --> 00:26:46.009 No. 615 00:26:46.269 --> 00:26:49.390 Pretty busy. No, I haven't done it yet. 616 00:26:49.630 --> 00:26:52.990 No, no. No, they asked me, I came over and 617 00:26:53.009 --> 00:26:55.390 you and Tack asked me to do it. And it 618 00:26:55.430 --> 00:26:58.420 was really funny because it was very subtle, but. Her husband, Tack, 619 00:26:58.440 --> 00:27:01.400 who's a very funny guy, he had music playing in 620 00:27:01.440 --> 00:27:03.009 the background. And then they said they wanted to talk 621 00:27:03.029 --> 00:27:06.049 to me about something. And then he quietly, I don't 622 00:27:06.069 --> 00:27:07.849 know if with a remote control or something, but he 623 00:27:07.930 --> 00:27:09.730 switched the song. And it was just playing kind of 624 00:27:09.750 --> 00:27:11.789 quietly in the background. But he started playing, as he 625 00:27:11.809 --> 00:27:13.890 was asking me, as they were both asking me, the 626 00:27:13.910 --> 00:27:14.609 Godfather theme. 627 00:27:14.690 --> 00:27:15.609 I was going to go. 628 00:27:15.670 --> 00:27:18.779 I love it. And so he's talking. And it's so- 629 00:27:18.799 --> 00:27:22.700 You come to me. Yeah. But it was so subliminal. 630 00:27:22.759 --> 00:27:25.099 It was at this kind of low level. And then 631 00:27:25.160 --> 00:27:29.890 I heard like the- But it's subliminal. And then they're like, 632 00:27:29.930 --> 00:27:32.230 we want to ask you something. And then they, it 633 00:27:32.250 --> 00:27:35.210 was really, it was really funny. It was cute. It 634 00:27:35.250 --> 00:27:39.599 was very funny. But I think your awe and excitement 635 00:27:39.680 --> 00:27:41.279 to be here is misplaced. 636 00:27:41.559 --> 00:27:43.359 Oh no, you should be flattered. 637 00:27:43.599 --> 00:27:45.660 I am very flattered. Be flattered. 638 00:27:45.859 --> 00:27:47.660 We're flattered. 639 00:27:47.700 --> 00:27:49.920 I've always loved your show and I've always thought you 640 00:27:49.940 --> 00:27:54.700 were hilariously funny. But getting this format is the bomb. 641 00:27:54.779 --> 00:27:58.150 Like getting to let you just roll and riff is 642 00:27:58.490 --> 00:27:59.049 so good. 643 00:27:59.069 --> 00:28:02.069 That's the part that I've, you know, it was such 644 00:28:02.089 --> 00:28:06.390 a surprise to me was started to do it. And 645 00:28:06.410 --> 00:28:07.970 I had this inkling like, well, wait, this could be 646 00:28:08.009 --> 00:28:10.230 kind of fun. And I remember them coming to me 647 00:28:10.269 --> 00:28:12.390 and saying, well, there's one thing you're

probably going to 648 00:28:12.430 --> 00:28:15.779 say no to, which is you have to read ads. 649 00:28:15.920 --> 00:28:19.019 And I said, so that's probably going to negate the 650 00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:20.869 whole thing for you. And I said, Do I get 651 00:28:20.910 --> 00:28:23.410 to sort of read them as myself and be kind 652 00:28:23.430 --> 00:28:25.609 of honest? And they went, well, yes. And I said, well, 653 00:28:25.630 --> 00:28:28.619 that just sounds like fun. Yeah. And then, you know, 654 00:28:29.119 --> 00:28:33.940 they brought Gorley in. And despite all of the jokes 655 00:28:34.279 --> 00:28:38.210 and cruel older brother riffing that I do with him, 656 00:28:38.289 --> 00:28:41.359 he's spectacular. I mean, he really makes this thing hum. No, no, 657 00:28:41.380 --> 00:28:45.500 it's true. No, it's true. And so this is where 658 00:28:45.539 --> 00:28:48.250 I feel like you and I can really connect, which. 659 00:28:48.230 --> 00:28:48.670 Is so nice. 660 00:28:48.769 --> 00:28:49.630 Are you being serious? 661 00:28:49.670 --> 00:28:49.950 I am. 662 00:28:50.069 --> 00:28:53.450 Is he being genuine? Yeah, that's very genuine. Of course. 663 00:28:53.609 --> 00:28:55.950 He's about to drop like an ice cold funny bomb 664 00:28:56.109 --> 00:28:56.529 on my head. 665 00:28:56.569 --> 00:28:57.109 No, no, no, no. 666 00:28:57.170 --> 00:28:57.589 I love that. 667 00:28:57.609 --> 00:29:00.440 Because I am wearing my friends and family bikini under 668 00:29:00.480 --> 00:29:08.480 this outfit. If it went well, I thought, maybe, just maybe. 669 00:29:08.839 --> 00:29:11.119 I'll go, no, this is, by the way, I wore 670 00:29:11.140 --> 00:29:14.079 this for you. I love that sweater. It's a ram's head. 671 00:29:14.119 --> 00:29:16.880 No, it's obviously, it's clearly a female reproductive system. 672 00:29:16.900 --> 00:29:18.799 Be female. You have a lovely sweater and you know 673 00:29:18.819 --> 00:29:21.240 what's nice? It looks, it's kind of a Christmassy sweater 674 00:29:21.619 --> 00:29:23.680 and it's got this design that at first glance you 675 00:29:23.700 --> 00:29:25.640 think is just kind of a nice design. And then 676 00:29:25.660 --> 00:29:30.420 you realize, oh, that is a quite precise design. rendering 677 00:29:30.599 --> 00:29:32.099 of the female reproductive system. 678 00:29:32.180 --> 00:29:35.210 You know, I saw it on Lena Dunham, I think 679 00:29:35.269 --> 00:29:38.069 was wearing it. And I was like, well, if she could, 680 00:29:38.210 --> 00:29:39.170 I can rock that. 681 00:29:39.190 --> 00:29:39.289 Yeah. 682 00:29:39.960 --> 00:29:42.680 And I'm a big knitter. I know that's as nerdy 683 00:29:42.829 --> 00:29:44.970 as F. But you might like that. I feel like 684 00:29:45.029 --> 00:29:46.869 you guys get into old school stuff. 685 00:29:47.170 --> 00:29:47.490 Oh, yeah. 686 00:29:47.509 --> 00:29:48.210 He just fell asleep. 687 00:29:48.430 --> 00:29:54.150 No, no, no. No, no. He fainted looking at you. No, no. Exactly. 688 00:29:54.210 --> 00:29:55.529 It's so much for you. 689 00:29:55.569 --> 00:29:57.289 I'm staring at the female reproductive system. 690 00:29:57.349 --> 00:29:57.630 I know. 691 00:29:57.690 --> 00:29:59.039 I thought I'd help you get comfortable with it because 692 00:29:59.099 --> 00:30:00.230 I am a huge fan. 693 00:30:00.660 --> 00:30:03.359 And one of my favorite things that nearly knocks me 694 00:30:03.420 --> 00:30:06.279 off the bike every time, but only really knocked me 695 00:30:06.319 --> 00:30:09.619 off the bike once, was when you make the penis talk. 696 00:30:10.500 --> 00:30:15.660 And the voice, and how uncomfortable though you are talking 697 00:30:15.789 --> 00:30:17.230 about the lady parts. 698 00:30:17.309 --> 00:30:17.630 Yeah. 699 00:30:17.670 --> 00:30:19.990 And I'm okay with that. I respect it. I just 700 00:30:20.009 --> 00:30:20.630 thought we'd. 701 00:30:20.670 --> 00:30:24.569 Have it here. I have a very, I am an 702 00:30:24.670 --> 00:30:29.059 uptight person. It's funny, I have two sides. I'm quite 703 00:30:29.480 --> 00:30:32.019 almost Victorian and uptight in some ways. 704 00:30:32.039 --> 00:30:32.119 Yeah. 705 00:30:32.539 --> 00:30:35.019 But then as a reaction to that, the other side, 706 00:30:35.039 --> 00:30:36.829 I have this Jekyll Hyde thing, the other side is, 707 00:30:37.559 --> 00:30:40.240 I'm not afraid of anything. And I don't understand how 708 00:30:40.299 --> 00:30:42.789 these two people can be jammed into one pair. 709 00:30:42.809 --> 00:30:45.990 I think it's when you feel safe, right? If somebody's 710 00:30:46.029 --> 00:30:48.990 being sort of restrictive, you can be expansive. 711 00:30:49.029 --> 00:30:50.329 Yes, very good. 712 00:30:50.529 --> 00:30:52.589 And if they're so crazy and you don't know where 713 00:30:52.609 --> 00:30:55.150 they're going to go, that's me. And you're like, oh, shit, 714 00:30:55.309 --> 00:30:56.710 then you sort of have to take it down. 715 00:30:56.930 --> 00:31:01.529 Now, I was curious about something. You are a middle child, right? 716 00:31:01.750 --> 00:31:03.400 So there's three sisters? 717 00:31:03.559 --> 00:31:04.180 Three sisters. 718 00:31:04.279 --> 00:31:05.000 And you're the middle. 719 00:31:05.039 --> 00:31:06.880 You talk about your family a lot. 720 00:31:06.980 --> 00:31:07.599 Yeah. 721 00:31:07.720 --> 00:31:10.579 But are you, and I try to imagine them, are 722 00:31:10.599 --> 00:31:11.839 they all really tall? 723 00:31:12.940 --> 00:31:15.569 They're quite. Yeah, they are. They're pretty tall. I have 724 00:31:15.730 --> 00:31:19.690 a sister who's average height, Kate. 725 00:31:19.910 --> 00:31:20.309 Yeah. 726 00:31:20.529 --> 00:31:22.190 Is that being like six foot? 727 00:31:22.829 --> 00:31:23.269 She's 6'4. 728 00:31:24.670 --> 00:31:25.109 She's 6'4. 729 00:31:25.269 --> 00:31:27.680 Average in your family is. 730 00:31:28.900 --> 00:31:31.839 But yeah, I would say for

the most part, We are. 731 00:31:32.200 --> 00:31:36.650 I think I was one of the tallest until my brother, 732 00:31:36.769 --> 00:31:39.890 my youngest brother, Justin, overtook me. Now, I think he 733 00:31:39.930 --> 00:31:40.569 was juicing. 734 00:31:40.589 --> 00:31:43.029 I think he was on steroids. 735 00:31:43.089 --> 00:31:45.950 He was juicing. Yeah, he was just trying to take 736 00:31:45.990 --> 00:31:49.210 me down. And then he barely creeped up above me. 737 00:31:49.230 --> 00:31:51.170 Did that bother you? 738 00:31:51.450 --> 00:31:53.190 No, it really didn't. And you know what's so funny 739 00:31:53.230 --> 00:31:55.750 is I have a son who is, I have a 740 00:31:55.890 --> 00:31:58.809 son and a daughter, but my son had this crazy 741 00:31:58.849 --> 00:32:03.029 growth spurt during COVID. But he was quite vocal that 742 00:32:03.130 --> 00:32:05.160 he does not want to be my height because he 743 00:32:05.220 --> 00:32:08.259 says that's too tall. You're too tall and it's kind 744 00:32:08.299 --> 00:32:12.440 of weird. And he keeps saying it. And I'm like, 745 00:32:12.599 --> 00:32:15.559 you know, it's a little hurtful. And he's like, look, 746 00:32:15.599 --> 00:32:18.940 don't get me wrong. I'm happy to be tall. I 747 00:32:18.960 --> 00:32:21.880 just don't want to be that kind of tall. And 748 00:32:22.259 --> 00:32:24.609 I said, you know, I'm not in the circus. You know, 749 00:32:24.710 --> 00:32:27.309 people aren't coming for thousands of miles to check me out. 750 00:32:27.710 --> 00:32:29.630 But it's not a functional tall. 751 00:32:29.890 --> 00:32:30.269 It isn't. 752 00:32:30.450 --> 00:32:30.849 It doesn't. 753 00:32:30.930 --> 00:32:33.589 It's like a decorative tall. Like I have decorative muscles. 754 00:32:34.049 --> 00:32:36.349 Like I work out a lot and they're just decorative. 755 00:32:36.410 --> 00:32:38.210 They're not doing it. There's no reason. 756 00:32:38.250 --> 00:32:40.769 Well, also my height is wasted on me. It doesn't, 757 00:32:41.029 --> 00:32:43.559 you know, for years people say like, oh man, I 758 00:32:43.599 --> 00:32:45.960 bet you play. I bet you're great at basketball. And 759 00:32:45.980 --> 00:32:51.609 I'd say, well, actually, apparently you need... You need sort 760 00:32:51.650 --> 00:32:52.529 of hand to eye skills. 761 00:32:52.569 --> 00:32:53.269 Not just tight. 762 00:32:53.369 --> 00:32:56.710 Yeah. You need to care about getting the ball in 763 00:32:56.750 --> 00:33:00.210 the basket, which is something that I've always, and whenever 764 00:33:00.230 --> 00:33:01.930 I would play basketball, because I used to play it 765 00:33:02.029 --> 00:33:03.809 a lot, sort of just in the neighborhood when I 766 00:33:03.829 --> 00:33:06.059 was growing up, and all I would do was invent 767 00:33:06.130 --> 00:33:08.680 characters and babble the whole time and try and make 768 00:33:08.700 --> 00:33:11.500 people laugh. But I didn't give a shit if the 769 00:33:11.700 -->

00:33:14.380 basket went into the hoop. I didn't care. I just 770 00:33:14.500 --> 00:33:16.380 cared about, no, no, no, isn't this a funny guy 771 00:33:16.420 --> 00:33:18.529 I'm being now? And they'd be like, you know- It'd 772 00:33:18.549 --> 00:33:20.339 be great if you helped a little bit. 773 00:33:20.710 --> 00:33:20.910 Yeah. 774 00:33:21.279 --> 00:33:23.559 You could at least just stand there under the basket 775 00:33:23.619 --> 00:33:24.980 and be like a big, like a shack. 776 00:33:25.019 --> 00:33:28.829 Yeah, but I would not be paying attention. You didn't care. 777 00:33:29.049 --> 00:33:31.470 I'd be doing a bit underneath the basket where I 778 00:33:31.509 --> 00:33:34.779 pretend the pole that's holding up. you know, is like 779 00:33:34.839 --> 00:33:38.140 another person. And I would have a backstory. I used 780 00:33:38.180 --> 00:33:41.089 to play with my brother, Luke, all the time. And 781 00:33:41.140 --> 00:33:43.150 I used to, and some other friends. And I would 782 00:33:43.250 --> 00:33:45.730 always go on and on about, okay, the guy I 783 00:33:45.809 --> 00:33:48.490 am now who's playing stickball, who's up to the plate. Okay, 784 00:33:48.509 --> 00:33:50.950 he committed murder a couple of years ago. He attacked 785 00:33:51.190 --> 00:33:54.170 a fan. And I had, his name was Nicky Fiss. 786 00:33:55.309 --> 00:33:55.910 This is true. 787 00:33:55.990 --> 00:33:56.730 Wait, really? 788 00:33:56.789 --> 00:33:59.170 Yeah. I'd say, okay, it's Nicky Fiss is now up 789 00:33:59.210 --> 00:34:00.269 at the plate. And they'd be like, what the fuck 790 00:34:00.309 --> 00:34:03.240 are you doing? You can just, just get up. because 791 00:34:03.700 --> 00:34:06.569 we would play stickball across the street at this park, 792 00:34:06.609 --> 00:34:08.289 and I'd be like, no, no, no, no, I'm Nicky 793 00:34:08.329 --> 00:34:10.349 Fist now. Now, Nicky Fist just spent two years in 794 00:34:10.409 --> 00:34:14.139 prison because he attacked a fan in the stands and 795 00:34:14.260 --> 00:34:17.059 beat him with his bat. He's hated by everyone. He's 796 00:34:17.079 --> 00:34:20.690 a cheap shot. He's mostly, but he's a quick infielder. 797 00:34:20.710 --> 00:34:21.869 And they'd be like, would you shut up? 798 00:34:21.869 --> 00:34:23.469 This is before every at-bat. 799 00:34:23.510 --> 00:34:24.369 Before every at-bat. 800 00:34:24.409 --> 00:34:26.769 Guys, you need to hear Nikki's backstory. 801 00:34:26.809 --> 00:34:28.590 And everybody hated it. 802 00:34:28.650 --> 00:34:29.170 Oh, man. 803 00:34:29.190 --> 00:34:31.230 Didn't they all have it memorized at a certain point? 804 00:34:31.250 --> 00:34:32.550 Or did you bring in new elements? You're like. 805 00:34:32.570 --> 00:34:34.190 I brought in different, different people. 806 00:34:34.869 --> 00:34:36.530 Nikki has tuberculosis. 807 00:34:36.650 --> 00:34:40.050 Yeah, yeah, yeah. How did they not beat you? Nikki 808 00:34:40.070 --> 00:34:43.329 lost a leg to diabetes, but he's still playing the game. 809 00:34:43.469 --> 00:34:43.829 Oh, God. 810 00:34:43.889 --> 00:34:49.429 Despite his vaccine, Nikki has polio. Poor Nikki. And then 811 00:34:49.469 --> 00:34:54.860 you'd run to first, like a disabled young man. 812 00:34:55.159 --> 00:34:57.800 It's shocking that I wasn't beaten to death as a child. 813 00:34:58.440 --> 00:35:01.800 And several people tried, but I'd never, I'd made it. 814 00:35:01.860 --> 00:35:02.480 I made it through. 815 00:35:02.760 --> 00:35:04.900 But that's where the height works in your favor, even 816 00:35:04.960 --> 00:35:07.400 if it's not functional. Like you can't play basketball or 817 00:35:07.420 --> 00:35:11.969 volleyball and by your admission. then maybe it kept you 818 00:35:11.989 --> 00:35:13.489 out of fights because they were scared. They're like, what 819 00:35:13.510 --> 00:35:15.690 if he unleashed that height at a certain point? 820 00:35:15.710 --> 00:35:19.769 There is, yeah. I am, right? If I ever truly unleashed, 821 00:35:20.389 --> 00:35:23.800 because I have, people are surprised. I get mad. I 822 00:35:23.840 --> 00:35:25.800 have a temper. You do have a temper. I have 823 00:35:25.840 --> 00:35:28.719 a temper. It's not a physical. No, but it is 824 00:35:28.800 --> 00:35:32.840 an Irish, like I will, that person just screwed me 825 00:35:32.920 --> 00:35:35.219 or my friend or one of my family members over. 826 00:35:35.679 --> 00:35:39.750 And I will hate them and I will never forget it. 827 00:35:39.869 --> 00:35:41.750 Will you just drink at them? 828 00:35:42.050 --> 00:35:44.710 I will drink at them. I will drink at you. 829 00:35:44.809 --> 00:35:46.630 I am Irish, I will. 830 00:35:46.530 --> 00:35:46.909 Drink at you. 831 00:35:46.929 --> 00:35:48.730 You know what I'm gonna do? 832 00:35:48.769 --> 00:35:50.610 You can't even stand it. 833 00:35:50.710 --> 00:35:54.550 I'm gonna shorten my life by drinking and thinking about you. 834 00:35:54.570 --> 00:35:56.590 And you're never gonna know. 835 00:35:58.190 --> 00:35:58.889 My life. 836 00:35:58.909 --> 00:36:02.429 Yeah. Oh, man. I'll take at least 15 years off 837 00:36:02.489 --> 00:36:06.500 my life expectancy drinking and hating you. And guess what? 838 00:36:06.579 --> 00:36:08.559 I'll never tell you so it won't affect you in 839 00:36:08.639 --> 00:36:11.320 any way. So fucking chew on that. 840 00:36:11.440 --> 00:36:12.139 Yeah. 841 00:36:12.380 --> 00:36:15.000 And when you show up at my funeral and I'm 842 00:36:15.099 --> 00:36:17.579 dead and you're not, just think about that. 843 00:36:17.599 --> 00:36:17.880 Yeah. 844 00:36:18.019 --> 00:36:20.219 And think about how you never knew how much I 845 00:36:20.260 --> 00:36:24.619 hated you. Now, I have a question because, you know, 846 00:36:24.909 --> 00:36:28.090 on your character on Modern Family, always day drinking, and 847 00:36:28.110 --> 00:36:31.409 it almost put this thought in my head. Claire is 848

00:36:31.449 --> 00:36:35.369 such a day drinker that sometimes, and I do this 849 00:36:35.429 --> 00:36:37.510 and I should know better, but we all do it. 850 00:36:38.449 --> 00:36:40.980 I think of you that way as like day drinking 851 00:36:41.480 --> 00:36:43.639 and having a glass of wine all the time, or 852 00:36:44.119 --> 00:36:45.219 maybe on your bike. 853 00:36:45.929 --> 00:36:49.130 You have- Do I have like a squeezed bottle of wine? 854 00:36:49.230 --> 00:36:52.829 Not even, you have a glass of wine filled with 855 00:36:52.869 --> 00:36:56.320 Chardonnay and you've jammed it into the little basket of 856 00:36:56.360 --> 00:37:01.659 the bike. But I know that it's called acting, but 857 00:37:01.699 --> 00:37:03.800 I swear to God, you were so good in that 858 00:37:03.860 --> 00:37:05.750 role that there was part of me that just would 859 00:37:05.789 --> 00:37:09.769 assume Oh, yeah, yeah. Julie's going to walk in here with, like, 860 00:37:09.809 --> 00:37:13.949 a large glass of very, very oaky Chardonnay. 861 00:37:14.090 --> 00:37:16.809 No, I mean, a buttery Chardonnay with ice cubes to 862 00:37:16.869 --> 00:37:21.010 honor my mother, who never got an expensive wine that 863 00:37:21.050 --> 00:37:24.000 she didn't want to put an ice cube in. No, 864 00:37:24.019 --> 00:37:27.619 I am actually a very weak-willed, weak drinker. 865 00:37:29.099 --> 00:37:29.719 When I drink. 866 00:37:30.500 --> 00:37:32.579 It's three hours to bedtime from that point. So if 867 00:37:32.619 --> 00:37:35.300 I drink at noon, we're done at 3 p.m. 868 00:37:35.360 --> 00:37:35.599 Right. 869 00:37:36.320 --> 00:37:38.980 So I have a glass of wine with dinner. I'm 870 00:37:39.000 --> 00:37:40.989 going to bed at 10. That's just the way it is. 871 00:37:41.050 --> 00:37:42.750 I'm not that much fun. 872 00:37:42.889 --> 00:37:45.250 What about– because this is a question I have for you. 873 00:37:46.230 --> 00:37:49.190 You might be able to relate to this because Sona 874 00:37:49.710 --> 00:37:52.409 is very good at self-medicating. 875 00:37:52.780 --> 00:37:53.260 Yeah. 876 00:37:53.320 --> 00:37:54.880 And it's talked about it. You've been open about it. 877 00:37:54.880 --> 00:37:55.420 It's legal. 878 00:37:55.539 --> 00:37:56.159 It's legal. 879 00:37:56.179 --> 00:37:56.599 It's legal. 880 00:37:56.619 --> 00:37:58.199 Don't let them weed shame you. 881 00:37:58.300 --> 00:37:58.769 No, no, no. 882 00:37:58.849 --> 00:38:00.670 I'm not weed shaming you. I'm very. 883 00:38:01.289 --> 00:38:02.989 You weed shame me constantly. 884 00:38:03.010 --> 00:38:06.050 There's probably thousands of hours on tape of me weed 885 00:38:06.070 --> 00:38:07.989 shaming you, but I don't think I really do it 886 00:38:08.010 --> 00:38:12.489 that much. But you... But you're a believer in gummies. 887 00:38:12.510 --> 00:38:16.110 Have you done that? Have you done pot in any manner? 888 00:38:16.409 --> 00:38:19.360 I have a therapist whom I really

like and she's 889 00:38:19.380 --> 00:38:21.300 a full doctor. So I was trying to squeeze her 890 00:38:21.340 --> 00:38:23.280 for some Ambien or something because I never sleep. I'm 891 00:38:23.300 --> 00:38:26.400 a terrible sleeper. And she said, no, you really need 892 00:38:26.480 --> 00:38:30.400 some marijuana. And I was like, what do you think 893 00:38:30.559 --> 00:38:33.380 I am? I come to you for a professional opinion 894 00:38:33.420 --> 00:38:35.940 and this is very unprofessional. And she said, what if 895 00:38:36.019 --> 00:38:39.010 I wrote you a prescription for marijuana? 896 00:38:39.409 --> 00:38:40.909 And I was like, okay. 897 00:38:41.860 --> 00:38:45.380 So basically she wrote me a prescription for a half 898 00:38:45.440 --> 00:38:49.960 an edible gummy at bedtime every night and they will 899 00:38:50.179 --> 00:38:53.480 put you down and then you just have to hope 900 00:38:53.539 --> 00:38:56.219 that you're not a middle of the night peer, which 901 00:38:56.699 --> 00:38:59.590 I am. Did I mention how many babies I had? 902 00:39:00.070 --> 00:39:04.190 That bladder is basically in my pocket. I carry it 903 00:39:04.230 --> 00:39:04.690 with me. 904 00:39:04.730 --> 00:39:08.590 Most of my internal organs. 905 00:39:08.670 --> 00:39:10.289 I saw you, I'm sorry. I thought that was a 906 00:39:10.349 --> 00:39:14.889 change purse. No, no, it's my bladder. Because you took 907 00:39:14.949 --> 00:39:16.670 it out at one point and I thought, you know. 908 00:39:16.690 --> 00:39:19.389 I thought I'd just pour this water right onto it. 909 00:39:19.469 --> 00:39:22.989 She's gonna give me a coin. And no, I didn't 910 00:39:23.010 --> 00:39:25.619 realize that was your bladder. No, that's my bladder. And 911 00:39:25.699 --> 00:39:26.820 so when you have to get in the middle of 912 00:39:26.840 --> 00:39:28.309 the night, but what do you do? What do you 913 00:39:28.329 --> 00:39:31.039 need to do? Do you like meditate? or masturbate or 914 00:39:31.079 --> 00:39:31.800 what's the story? 915 00:39:31.820 --> 00:39:33.570 He's not gonna answer that, is he? 916 00:39:33.579 --> 00:39:34.099 No, I am. 917 00:39:34.159 --> 00:39:37.579 I'm gonna answer it right now. For me, masturbation is 918 00:39:37.760 --> 00:39:39.119 the form of meditation. 919 00:39:39.360 --> 00:39:39.940 I understand. 920 00:39:40.300 --> 00:39:43.860 I understand. You know, I got a special mat. Oh, 921 00:39:44.659 --> 00:39:46.820 come on. It's not me, is it? Oh my God. 922 00:39:47.400 --> 00:39:49.039 Oh my God. 923 00:39:50.769 --> 00:39:52.429 A special mat-mat. 924 00:39:52.610 --> 00:39:56.340 That's why I got this job? No, not you, Matt. 925 00:39:56.380 --> 00:39:59.260 The other, you know, yoga mat. You know what they 926 00:39:59.280 --> 00:40:01.440 say in meditations, you're supposed to stare into the middle 927 00:40:01.500 --> 00:40:04.659 distance with a fixed gaze. That's what I'm doing as 928 00:40:04.739 --> 00:40:05.989 I'm self-pleasuring. 929 00:40:06.269 --> 00:40:06.989 Oh, man. 930 00:40:07.050 --> 00:40:09.869 You abuse yourself while staring into the middle distance. 931 00:40:10.050 --> 00:40:11.250 I'm staring into the middle distance. 932 00:40:11.309 --> 00:40:13.570 As it comes in, you've got candles. 933 00:40:13.690 --> 00:40:19.420 I'm on a special mat. Yeah, and it's much faster 934 00:40:19.599 --> 00:40:22.920 than normal meditation, let me just say. It's much quicker. 935 00:40:23.559 --> 00:40:29.110 You get into a real great head space. 936 00:40:29.170 --> 00:40:33.369 Oh, I've met Liza, and as everyone says, she is 937 00:40:33.389 --> 00:40:33.849 so good. 938 00:40:35.789 --> 00:40:37.250 And she is so- This is. 939 00:40:37.210 --> 00:40:38.869 My wife Liza, yes. Your wife Liza. I thought you 940 00:40:38.909 --> 00:40:40.110 meant Liza Minnelli for a minute. 941 00:40:40.349 --> 00:40:41.110 No, she's not. 942 00:40:41.250 --> 00:40:44.010 What a name dropper. What a name dropper. By the way, 943 00:40:44.130 --> 00:40:46.150 and it comes out of nowhere. By the way, I've 944 00:40:46.190 --> 00:40:48.550 met Liza Minnelli. Where the fuck did that come from? 945 00:40:49.320 --> 00:40:51.440 I've met all famous Liza's. I just thought I'd let 946 00:40:51.460 --> 00:40:52.599 you know that right now. 947 00:40:53.159 --> 00:40:54.139 My wife Liza, yes. 948 00:40:54.159 --> 00:40:57.260 Your wife Liza is way above this kind of humor. 949 00:40:57.380 --> 00:41:01.500 To quote the great Sonoma Sessian said to me once, 950 00:41:02.289 --> 00:41:06.010 Liza is the only thing I like about you, which 951 00:41:06.090 --> 00:41:08.300 is she's a rock star. Yeah, she's great. 952 00:41:08.320 --> 00:41:09.840 But you know, there's people that you- People. 953 00:41:09.739 --> 00:41:13.519 Think there must be something to him because this very intelligent, 954 00:41:13.539 --> 00:41:16.420 beautiful woman seems to be sticking it out with him. And, 955 00:41:17.019 --> 00:41:19.239 you know, if she walked at any point, she could- 956 00:41:19.780 --> 00:41:21.530 no court, every court in the land would say you 957 00:41:21.570 --> 00:41:24.989 can have everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's California. We've 958 00:41:25.010 --> 00:41:27.269 listened to the podcast. They'd say it anyhow. We've listened 959 00:41:27.289 --> 00:41:29.679 to the podcast. Yeah, you've put up with enough. No, 960 00:41:29.690 --> 00:41:31.570 not even just half. You can have all of it. 961 00:41:31.570 --> 00:41:33.610 All of it. Conan's going to the Ramada Inn. 962 00:41:33.639 --> 00:41:37.840 It was the masturbation mat that did it 100% for Liza. 963 00:41:37.860 --> 00:41:41.039 Your Honor, we'd like to play the bit he did 964 00:41:41.079 --> 00:41:44.039 when Julie Boehm was on where he has a type 965 00:41:44.099 --> 00:41:49.340 of yoga meditation where he masturbates. That's not necessary, Your Honor. 966 00:41:49.360 --> 00:41:52.050 We concede the point. And

we rule in favor. 967 00:41:52.070 --> 00:41:54.409 Oh, man. 968 00:41:55.050 --> 00:42:00.090 Sona, is your brain back? It's getting there. It's bad. 969 00:42:00.440 --> 00:42:00.900 It is. 970 00:42:01.159 --> 00:42:03.539 It is bad. And there's a lot of other stuff too. 971 00:42:03.599 --> 00:42:06.340 That's just like, you know, sleep, no sleep. 972 00:42:06.460 --> 00:42:06.739 Yeah. 973 00:42:06.900 --> 00:42:10.280 Also like a lot of grandparents that, which I love, 974 00:42:10.380 --> 00:42:12.800 but there's also a lot of voices, a lot of things. 975 00:42:12.920 --> 00:42:14.659 It's, it's, you have to put on, you have to 976 00:42:14.679 --> 00:42:17.070 like put on earmuffs and not listen to all the advice. 977 00:42:17.320 --> 00:42:17.590 Yeah. 978 00:42:17.699 --> 00:42:19.469 Conan, have you given her a lot of like child 979 00:42:19.489 --> 00:42:21.710 rearing advice or you were like, I was not present. 980 00:42:22.130 --> 00:42:24.889 No, I think I was, um, I wasn't helpful, but 981 00:42:24.909 --> 00:42:28.630 I was present. Uh, I was not at all helpful, 982 00:42:28.670 --> 00:42:32.360 but I was present. I was very good at getting 983 00:42:32.380 --> 00:42:37.820 our daughter to eat because I can make kids laugh. 984 00:42:38.059 --> 00:42:40.380 And I was really good at saying, no one's taking 985 00:42:40.460 --> 00:42:44.969 these strained carrots from me and playing those kinds of games. 986 00:42:45.090 --> 00:42:47.769 And she would, like Liza could not get her to 987 00:42:47.889 --> 00:42:50.110 eat for a while. And then I would come in 988 00:42:50.150 --> 00:42:54.590 and I'd be like, ah, good. my strained squash. It's 989 00:42:54.780 --> 00:42:56.989 just for me. Now I'll just turn this way. And 990 00:42:57.050 --> 00:42:59.670 she would shovel all this food into her mouth. And 991 00:42:59.710 --> 00:43:02.610 then I'd turn around and go like, what? What's happened? 992 00:43:02.989 --> 00:43:05.590 And I'd have her stuffed animals up in arms. And 993 00:43:05.650 --> 00:43:09.090 she would be like, suddenly, I think she gained 60 pounds. Yeah. 994 00:43:09.349 --> 00:43:12.449 And she was only two years old. But I wanna 995 00:43:12.469 --> 00:43:14.510 make sure I talk to you about, because I think, 996 00:43:14.860 --> 00:43:17.019 you know, there are, obviously there's a lot of people 997 00:43:17.099 --> 00:43:20.480 out there jumping into the podcast space, as they say. 998 00:43:20.989 --> 00:43:25.619 I think you are uniquely equipped to be doing a 999 00:43:25.659 --> 00:43:28.469 podcast and you're doing one called– it's brand new and 1000 00:43:28.489 --> 00:43:29.349 it's called Quitters. 1001 00:43:29.389 --> 00:43:29.750 Quitters. 1002 00:43:29.929 --> 00:43:33.449 And it's going to– it premiered– Yesterday. Yesterday. 1003 00:43:33.530 --> 00:43:34.230 Well, yeah. 1004 00:43:34.250 --> 00:43:36.659 We'll say– I'll do it this way. It premiered on 1005 00:43:36.699 --> 00:43:41.179 February 14th and– I really like the idea behind this. 1006 00:43:41.320 --> 00:43:42.409 I want you to talk about it. 1007 00:43:42.469 --> 00:43:44.429 I don't know how you do this day in and 1008 00:43:44.489 --> 00:43:48.309 day out. But yes, we started, my partner Chad Sanders 1009 00:43:48.489 --> 00:43:51.989 and I started a podcast. He's the brains and I'm 1010 00:43:52.090 --> 00:43:55.500 the talky one. But he wrote a book called Black Magic, 1011 00:43:55.619 --> 00:43:58.260 which is about turning the trauma of being black in 1012 00:43:58.300 --> 00:44:01.380 America into something positive. Like if you can survive that, 1013 00:44:01.400 --> 00:44:05.019 you can survive anything. And he also wrote a New 1014 00:44:05.039 --> 00:44:09.460 York Times op-ed piece called I don't want your love texts. 1015 00:44:09.820 --> 00:44:14.070 That was really upsetting during all the BLM movement, during 1016 00:44:14.110 --> 00:44:17.309 all of those protests that was basically like, don't do 1017 00:44:17.349 --> 00:44:20.130 not text me white people and tell me, you know, 1018 00:44:20.170 --> 00:44:21.269 what can I, how are you? 1019 00:44:21.289 --> 00:44:24.469 And I was like, wait, no, I'm not supposed to. 1020 00:44:24.610 --> 00:44:27.480 Which is also a little bit in line with, you know, 1021 00:44:27.519 --> 00:44:32.349 what I was hearing at the time from a from 1022 00:44:32.389 --> 00:44:34.210 black people that I was talking to was, was that 1023 00:44:34.269 --> 00:44:38.500 we also don't want to be, uh, explaining our situation 1024 00:44:38.519 --> 00:44:42.329 to you, which, which I completely understand. Like the last thing, 1025 00:44:42.849 --> 00:44:45.579 you know, they wanted was for white America to say, 1026 00:44:45.599 --> 00:44:46.340 now tell us. 1027 00:44:46.639 --> 00:44:46.920 Right. 1028 00:44:47.179 --> 00:44:48.019 Explain to us. 1029 00:44:48.019 --> 00:44:48.820 Now explain. 1030 00:44:48.860 --> 00:44:50.440 Yeah, now explain. Now we're ready. 1031 00:44:50.559 --> 00:44:52.340 But I didn't get that either. I didn't get that either. 1032 00:44:52.360 --> 00:44:54.679 Because I was like, don't you want to explain? Haven't 1033 00:44:54.719 --> 00:44:57.469 you been waiting for this opportunity? 1034 00:44:57.489 --> 00:44:58.090 Right. 1035 00:44:58.130 --> 00:45:01.090 Which is so grandiose. Haven't you just been waiting for 1036 00:45:01.130 --> 00:45:03.210 me to sit down and pour you a cup of Joe? 1037 00:45:03.230 --> 00:45:03.670 Yeah. 1038 00:45:03.809 --> 00:45:07.159 So we can talk about your experience. Um, but Chad 1039 00:45:07.179 --> 00:45:09.360 and I just started talking and we were going to do, 1040 00:45:09.659 --> 00:45:11.059 we were looking at doing a TV show or a 1041 00:45:11.059 --> 00:45:14.699 movie together or something. And he had this idea, um, 1042 00:45:15.019 --> 00:45:17.260 for a podcast. And I said, I want to do it. Let's, 1043 00:45:17.440 --> 00:45:19.969 let's do that. That

sounds good. And 40 million people 1044 00:45:20.429 --> 00:45:23.429 quit their jobs in America in the last, in 2021. That's, 1045 00:45:23.969 --> 00:45:26.630 so there's a lot of people quitting stuff and it's 1046 00:45:26.750 --> 00:45:29.829 not necessarily about quitting like, um, oh, I couldn't hack it. 1047 00:45:30.250 --> 00:45:32.849 The kind of old school, like, cause I had, um, 1048 00:45:33.710 --> 00:45:36.989 I've had people say to me, like, what about stick-to-itiveness? 1049 00:45:37.320 --> 00:45:37.570 Right. 1050 00:45:37.980 --> 00:45:38.639 That's my father. 1051 00:45:40.559 --> 00:45:42.739 It's also most prospectors in. 1052 00:45:44.420 --> 00:45:46.000 Cartoons. 1053 00:45:46.139 --> 00:45:49.519 What about fighting your way to the top already? That 1054 00:45:50.340 --> 00:45:51.539 was George. 1055 00:45:51.900 --> 00:45:53.360 I was going to say. 1056 00:45:54.469 --> 00:45:57.360 So this is more about quitting the stuff that you 1057 00:45:57.409 --> 00:46:01.230 thought really defined you and it was really important. And 1058 00:46:01.369 --> 00:46:03.730 in order to let it go to do something else, 1059 00:46:03.869 --> 00:46:07.010 not necessarily just like, I don't want to work and quitting. 1060 00:46:07.429 --> 00:46:11.409 We don't actually support that. And Chad quit the tech world. 1061 00:46:12.670 --> 00:46:15.610 And in doing so, actually quit a lot of white 1062 00:46:15.659 --> 00:46:18.420 culture because he was working at Google and then went 1063 00:46:18.500 --> 00:46:20.360 back to, started writing for television. 1064 00:46:20.420 --> 00:46:21.360 He was working with Spike Lee. 1065 00:46:21.400 --> 00:46:23.579 And he's like, why do I, why am I dealing 1066 00:46:23.639 --> 00:46:27.039 with a corporate structure that is based on whiteness that 1067 00:46:27.179 --> 00:46:29.260 I will never be able to climb that ladder? 1068 00:46:29.699 --> 00:46:32.340 And I thought that was really interesting. And so we 1069 00:46:32.360 --> 00:46:33.010 have this podcast. 1070 00:46:33.050 --> 00:46:35.110 We talk to people about things they're quitting, things. 1071 00:46:34.989 --> 00:46:36.389 They have quit, things they want to quit. 1072 00:46:37.050 --> 00:46:41.530 And the greatest slash worst part of it is Chad 1073 00:46:41.570 --> 00:46:44.320 instituted these bells that you can ring on one another. 1074 00:46:45.079 --> 00:46:46.500 Naturally, I never ring the bell. 1075 00:46:46.539 --> 00:46:49.219 It is constantly being rung on me when I put 1076 00:46:49.300 --> 00:46:53.179 my foot in my mouth, which happens all the goddamn time. 1077 00:46:54.039 --> 00:46:56.650 But I'm hoping people can kind of go on this 1078 00:46:56.809 --> 00:47:00.989 ride with us and go, you know, she's educated. We're 1079 00:47:01.010 --> 00:47:04.349 not going to say smart. but I went, I have, 1080 00:47:04.550 --> 00:47:09.409 I have some college and I definitely, I have some college. 1081 00:47:10.329 --> 00:47:12.349 That was, I got a true, that was a Jesse 1082 00:47:12.369 --> 00:47:13.050 Tyler Ferguson. 1083 00:47:13.090 --> 00:47:15.010 Yeah, that's a good one. I have some college. 1084 00:47:15.170 --> 00:47:18.909 I have a little college, but I'm, I'm educated and 1085 00:47:19.210 --> 00:47:22.389 I should know better. And I think I stand in 1086 00:47:22.409 --> 00:47:25.570 for a lot of people who stick their, their, their 1087 00:47:25.699 --> 00:47:28.699 foot right squarely in their mouth. And in, in this 1088 00:47:28.760 --> 00:47:31.840 whole cancel culture period that we're in, it's kind of, 1089 00:47:32.340 --> 00:47:34.789 Are you hoping that you can learn as you go? 1090 00:47:34.809 --> 00:47:37.530 Well, I think that– I mean, first of all, quitting 1091 00:47:37.570 --> 00:47:42.429 has a negative connotation, which I don't think it deserves 1092 00:47:42.550 --> 00:47:44.409 because there are many things you should quit. 1093 00:47:44.550 --> 00:47:45.050 Yeah. 1094 00:47:45.530 --> 00:47:48.929 And somewhere along the line, quitting became, well, if you quit, 1095 00:47:49.389 --> 00:47:52.360 you gave up. It's like, no, you're quitting something so 1096 00:47:52.400 --> 00:47:53.500 that you can find something else. 1097 00:47:53.519 --> 00:47:53.739 Right. 1098 00:47:53.760 --> 00:47:56.000 You're quitting something so that you can help figure out 1099 00:47:56.039 --> 00:47:57.360 what it is you're supposed to be doing. 1100 00:47:57.539 --> 00:47:57.800 Right. 1101 00:47:58.360 --> 00:47:59.800 Have you ever quit anything? 1102 00:48:00.099 --> 00:48:00.480 Yeah. 1103 00:48:00.800 --> 00:48:04.070 I mean, I– You quit late night? Yeah, I did. 1104 00:48:04.289 --> 00:48:06.210 I mean, that's the biggest thing is I quit. 1105 00:48:06.230 --> 00:48:07.269 That's kind of huge. 1106 00:48:07.449 --> 00:48:07.789 Yeah. 1107 00:48:08.409 --> 00:48:10.670 Why did you? Can I ask that? I'm asking. Fuck it, 1108 00:48:10.750 --> 00:48:11.090 I'm asking. 1109 00:48:11.170 --> 00:48:15.860 Yeah, sure. Because it was 28 years of doing it 1110 00:48:16.300 --> 00:48:18.159 and it was in the back of my mind that 1111 00:48:18.880 --> 00:48:21.800 it would be time to wrap up the night to 1112 00:48:21.860 --> 00:48:24.880 night of it, which I almost began to feel when 1113 00:48:24.900 --> 00:48:27.699 I started doing late night way a million years ago, 1114 00:48:27.760 --> 00:48:32.050 back in 93, there was much less television around. And 1115 00:48:32.210 --> 00:48:35.510 there was this real estate and it felt like, no, 1116 00:48:35.530 --> 00:48:38.800 there has to be something on at 1230. And you've 1117 00:48:38.860 --> 00:48:41.659 got to fill this time every night. And I remember 1118 00:48:41.699 --> 00:48:44.699 at the time, I think I was on, we hardly 1119 00:48:44.719 --> 00:48:48.760 got any vacation. We hardly got any breaks at all 1120 00:48:48.820 --> 00:48:51.030 because there was this feeling that you've got to

keep 1121 00:48:51.070 --> 00:48:54.590 this thing going. And then after a long period of time, 1122 00:48:54.690 --> 00:48:57.480 I started to feel like I still want to make 1123 00:48:57.579 --> 00:49:00.039 funny things or things that I– I want to try 1124 00:49:00.079 --> 00:49:02.159 to make funny things or things that I think are funny. 1125 00:49:02.500 --> 00:49:06.480 But I don't think anybody needs to see me every night. 1126 00:49:06.500 --> 00:49:08.579 It really did come from that. I do not think 1127 00:49:08.679 --> 00:49:12.590 this is necessary anymore for me. I really– I don't 1128 00:49:12.650 --> 00:49:17.789 think America demands it. So you don't read the comments. No, 1129 00:49:17.849 --> 00:49:22.960 I– And it's just volume. It had been, I think, 1130 00:49:23.679 --> 00:49:29.039 something like 4,500 hours of entertaining people. And I thought, 1131 00:49:29.159 --> 00:49:32.420 I still want to do that. And the podcast gives 1132 00:49:32.460 --> 00:49:35.900 me the ability to do this quite regularly. But when 1133 00:49:35.920 --> 00:49:41.699 I make something for television, I'd like to Right. And 1134 00:49:41.719 --> 00:49:45.840 maybe put a little more time into it. So we'll see. 1135 00:49:47.380 --> 00:49:48.380 Was it a hard decision? 1136 00:49:49.400 --> 00:49:51.820 You know, I have to say it really wasn't. 1137 00:49:52.300 --> 00:49:58.139 So did your life change significantly before and after? When 1138 00:49:58.159 --> 00:50:01.820 you were like, I am done, your day-to-day, is it different? 1139 00:50:02.159 --> 00:50:04.659 It's different, but I was surprised at how busy it 1140 00:50:04.699 --> 00:50:05.170 still is. 1141 00:50:05.289 --> 00:50:06.050 It's very busy. 1142 00:50:06.110 --> 00:50:09.829 Because there's a lot to do. I mean, we're working 1143 00:50:09.889 --> 00:50:14.630 on the next thing, but also I... The podcast, we 1144 00:50:14.650 --> 00:50:17.389 do this, and we also do fan episodes once a week. 1145 00:50:17.429 --> 00:50:20.469 Oh, I know, yeah. How about that guy with the tanks? 1146 00:50:20.989 --> 00:50:21.570 Oh, man. 1147 00:50:21.590 --> 00:50:22.610 Yeah, I can't believe it. 1148 00:50:22.639 --> 00:50:23.389 I wanna buy that tank. 1149 00:50:23.429 --> 00:50:26.050 I could not understand. I came in in the middle. 1150 00:50:26.070 --> 00:50:28.679 I know, because I do listen like it's radio. I 1151 00:50:29.260 --> 00:50:30.320 appreciate that when you go. 1152 00:50:30.340 --> 00:50:31.340 You came in the middle? 1153 00:50:31.659 --> 00:50:34.079 Well, how? That is something I would do, too. And 1154 00:50:34.099 --> 00:50:36.860 I would be like, I wish I had heard the beginning. Well, 1155 00:50:37.219 --> 00:50:40.039 guess that'll never happen. That's the kind of thing I 1156 00:50:40.079 --> 00:50:41.840 would say in front of my son and he'd say, no, 1157 00:50:41.900 --> 00:50:44.239 you slide it back to the beginning. Yeah, you can 1158 00:50:44.280 --> 00:50:46.820 control your destiny as a podcast listener. 1159 00:50:46.840 --> 00:50:48.659 You can, but when you listen, so in the middle 1160 00:50:48.679 --> 00:50:50.320 of the night when I can't sleep, I try not 1161 00:50:50.340 --> 00:50:51.260 to look at a screen. 1162 00:50:51.440 --> 00:50:51.659 Right. 1163 00:50:52.050 --> 00:50:55.710 But I don't want to get in my crazy wheelie thoughts. 1164 00:50:56.170 --> 00:50:58.530 So I hit the podcast button on my phone and 1165 00:50:58.550 --> 00:51:01.929 I usually hit the sleep timer for like 30 minutes 1166 00:51:01.969 --> 00:51:04.949 or something. But every now and again, I miss the 1167 00:51:05.010 --> 00:51:07.170 timer and it just keeps going and going and going. 1168 00:51:07.489 --> 00:51:10.630 So it says that I've listened to 17 podcasts that 1169 00:51:10.650 --> 00:51:11.130 I haven't. 1170 00:51:11.570 --> 00:51:13.230 So I'm going back and I'm just hitting and it's 1171 00:51:13.250 --> 00:51:13.650 in the middle. 1172 00:51:13.889 --> 00:51:17.170 I love that I'm getting into your head while you're sleeping. 1173 00:51:17.230 --> 00:51:17.670 I know, you do. 1174 00:51:17.909 --> 00:51:20.630 But that tank guy, the fan guy was amazing. 1175 00:51:20.670 --> 00:51:21.469 He builds tanks. 1176 00:51:21.530 --> 00:51:24.960 That was crazy. That was like your dream dude, right? 1177 00:51:25.000 --> 00:51:25.239 Yeah. 1178 00:51:25.800 --> 00:51:27.239 I have to admit, there is part of me that 1179 00:51:27.280 --> 00:51:28.139 wants to have a tank. 1180 00:51:28.460 --> 00:51:28.880 Yeah, I know. 1181 00:51:29.219 --> 00:51:32.219 We all know. And I want to blow things up. Yeah. 1182 00:51:33.019 --> 00:51:35.920 So you have to do, you've had fan episodes and 1183 00:51:35.940 --> 00:51:37.449 you've got this and then you've got all the other 1184 00:51:37.469 --> 00:51:38.630 podcasts that you produce. 1185 00:51:38.869 --> 00:51:41.030 Plus, you don't just get a body like mine. Like 1186 00:51:41.150 --> 00:51:46.480 I'm working out constantly. I'm using various ropes and pulleys. 1187 00:51:47.199 --> 00:51:50.360 I'm using- What? You're an old ship. I'm an old ship. 1188 00:51:51.000 --> 00:51:56.369 We have to re, I need rigging. I've got barnacles 1189 00:51:56.889 --> 00:51:59.909 in my nether regions. Oh no. There's a lot of- 1190 00:51:59.949 --> 00:52:00.349 Oh no. 1191 00:52:00.369 --> 00:52:03.289 We've talked too much about your penis. Oh, for God's sake. 1192 00:52:03.630 --> 00:52:07.340 And yet the penis hasn't spoken, which is- Oh no. 1193 00:52:09.789 --> 00:52:13.690 The thing is when my penis talks, it's like, he's very, 1194 00:52:15.199 --> 00:52:18.000 he's an introvert. Yeah. And he likes to read like 1195 00:52:18.039 --> 00:52:23.739 the New Yorker. Yes. And back when I was in 1196 00:52:23.760 --> 00:52:25.809 my single days and I'd be like, yeah, and he gets, 1197 00:52:25.829 --> 00:52:27.369 you know, like, I'd be like, come on, we're on 1198

00:52:27.409 --> 00:52:29.269 a hot date. You gotta, you gotta, you know. 1199 00:52:29.789 --> 00:52:30.690 Don't wanna. 1200 00:52:34.489 --> 00:52:36.809 What are you reading? Are you reading The Atlantic? I'm 1201 00:52:36.869 --> 00:52:41.800 reading an article about global warming. Stop it. This is... 1202 00:52:42.400 --> 00:52:44.340 We gotta get to work here now, you know? This 1203 00:52:44.559 --> 00:52:48.599 woman's hot. This date's going really well. You're a problem. 1204 00:52:48.760 --> 00:52:50.460 You know, like, just a really. 1205 00:52:51.210 --> 00:52:53.380 I have an idea that we should wrap up this 1206 00:52:53.570 --> 00:52:57.079 podcast episode with the understanding that you'll be listening to 1207 00:52:57.099 --> 00:52:59.860 this half asleep, Julie, and we can end this episode 1208 00:52:59.900 --> 00:53:01.500 with some little whispers for you. 1209 00:53:02.059 --> 00:53:04.139 Oh, that's a good idea. Oh my gosh. Because you 1210 00:53:04.159 --> 00:53:07.489 know you're going to listen to yourself. Yeah. And now 1211 00:53:07.550 --> 00:53:10.869 it's time for you to relax. 1212 00:53:12.150 --> 00:53:13.730 Sleep. Sleep. 1213 00:53:14.010 --> 00:53:15.010 Oh my, this is so nice. 1214 00:53:15.099 --> 00:53:15.340 Sleep. 1215 00:53:15.920 --> 00:53:17.420 Please. 1216 00:53:17.460 --> 00:53:18.739 Sona's talking to me now, too. 1217 00:53:19.539 --> 00:53:23.059 Is this really happening? What if this actually happens? You 1218 00:53:23.119 --> 00:53:25.269 should just go to sleep. 1219 00:53:25.369 --> 00:53:25.869 Oh, my God. 1220 00:53:25.909 --> 00:53:27.289 I'm awake now. I'm awake. 1221 00:53:27.309 --> 00:53:28.360 Why does he come into it? 1222 00:53:28.409 --> 00:53:32.469 Conan's penis. That's a waker up there. Nobody wants to 1223 00:53:32.489 --> 00:53:37.329 talk to your penis. I had caffeine about three hours ago. 1224 00:53:38.489 --> 00:53:40.929 Shut up. We're trying to get Julie Bowen to go 1225 00:53:40.969 --> 00:53:41.429 to sleep. 1226 00:53:42.519 --> 00:53:44.320 It brings me so much joy. 1227 00:53:44.340 --> 00:53:47.019 You have got to sleep at night. And that is true. Matt, 1228 00:53:47.059 --> 00:53:50.400 you're right. And to all of our listeners right now, 1229 00:53:50.440 --> 00:53:52.380 I don't care where you're listening. If you're at work, 1230 00:53:52.539 --> 00:53:57.030 if you're performing surgery, important surgery, life-saving surgery, I want 1231 00:53:57.050 --> 00:54:00.750 you to go to sleep. If you're listening in the car. 1232 00:54:01.469 --> 00:54:03.059 And you're transporting a bunch of it. 1233 00:54:03.400 --> 00:54:05.519 And children to preschool. 1234 00:54:05.539 --> 00:54:06.380 Sleep. 1235 00:54:06.440 --> 00:54:09.719 Just not all. Just let it go. 1236 00:54:09.840 --> 00:54:16.260 Julie, you came in loaded for bear and fantastic. 1237 00:54:16.300 --> 00:54:17.219 Thank you for saying that. 1238 00:54:17.260 --> 00:54:17.800 I love it. 1239 00:54:17.900 --> 00:54:21.269 Some people like people being nerdy super fans. I am 1240 00:54:21.429 --> 00:54:22.969 such a nerdy super fan. 1241 00:54:22.989 --> 00:54:23.590 Well, that's sweet. 1242 00:54:23.630 --> 00:54:26.889 I have favorite episodes. I have favorite bits. 1243 00:54:27.230 --> 00:54:30.860 And to be here is like, it's a full armpit 1244 00:54:30.969 --> 00:54:32.639 explosion of sweat. 1245 00:54:32.679 --> 00:54:41.260 Jesus. I just love you. And you're really good at this. 1246 00:54:41.280 --> 00:54:44.320 And you're really, you're like, you are kind of the godfather. 1247 00:54:44.340 --> 00:54:46.099 If we could get some godfather music. 1248 00:54:48.460 --> 00:54:54.920 We don't have to pay for this. The licensing that 1249 00:54:55.019 --> 00:55:00.059 Coppola will hit us for. It costs so much. 1250 00:55:00.739 --> 00:55:03.969 But you are, you are the, you, you made this 1251 00:55:04.090 --> 00:55:07.190 weird thing that people do in their basements and in 1252 00:55:07.230 --> 00:55:11.070 their closets. Incredibly cool and interesting. 1253 00:55:11.210 --> 00:55:14.510 And I've actually learned a lot and you've inspired me 1254 00:55:14.590 --> 00:55:17.190 and inspired me to do my own podcast. 1255 00:55:17.230 --> 00:55:19.869 But everybody comes on here and I'm always like, I 1256 00:55:19.909 --> 00:55:21.889 want to be the person that, that he says. 1257 00:55:22.610 --> 00:55:23.650 We should get a meal. 1258 00:55:25.050 --> 00:55:25.190 Ooh. 1259 00:55:25.889 --> 00:55:31.380 Look, I'm pretty busy. Oh, no. And I know you 1260 00:55:31.400 --> 00:55:34.619 just put yourself in a very vulnerable position. I really did. Jeez. 1261 00:55:35.099 --> 00:55:37.570 Are you kidding? I mean, first of all, my wife 1262 00:55:37.610 --> 00:55:39.210 is also going to be jealous if she's not part 1263 00:55:39.250 --> 00:55:40.130 of it, because as you. 1264 00:55:40.090 --> 00:55:42.070 Know, she is- I won't wear inflammatory sweaters. 1265 00:55:42.550 --> 00:55:44.530 No, you should. That's not inflammatory. No, you absolutely should. No, 1266 00:55:44.530 --> 00:55:48.630 it's not inflammatory. It's the female reproductive system. It's the 1267 00:55:48.670 --> 00:55:50.469 reason we're all here, for Christ's sake. 1268 00:55:50.489 --> 00:55:54.380 Well, I thought if nothing else, because for talk show segments, 1269 00:55:54.400 --> 00:55:56.320 you have to have stories and stories and stories. And 1270 00:55:56.340 --> 00:55:59.699 I was driving here or getting dressed and I said, okay, nothing. 1271 00:55:59.980 --> 00:56:02.300 There's no pre-interview. There's nothing. All I know is these 1272 00:56:02.340 --> 00:56:05.599 people talking. And I knew I loved your penis voice. 1273 00:56:05.800 --> 00:56:10.730 And I knew- that didn't necessarily have a vagina. 1274 00:56:10.309 --> 00:56:12.500 Voice or a uterus voice. He's scared of it. 1275 00:56:12.510 --> 00:56:16.190 It usually makes you cringe. He

can't hear the word uterus. 1276 00:56:16.250 --> 00:56:18.670 He can't hear the word ovary. 1277 00:56:18.730 --> 00:56:20.889 It would sound like Saron from Lord of the Rings. 1278 00:56:23.659 --> 00:56:25.880 Why are you here? 1279 00:56:28.179 --> 00:56:30.659 Gee, I knew this wasn't going to work out. 1280 00:56:31.670 --> 00:56:36.389 You have no right. 1281 00:56:36.429 --> 00:56:37.730 Wow, you're dancing around. 1282 00:56:37.750 --> 00:56:38.849 I'm so happy. 1283 00:56:39.030 --> 00:56:39.789 Oh, my God. 1284 00:56:40.130 --> 00:56:43.230 In my wildest dreams, I didn't think I would actually 1285 00:56:43.369 --> 00:56:45.429 hear this. 1286 00:56:45.949 --> 00:56:48.449 Oh, my God. Be gone. 1287 00:56:49.090 --> 00:56:49.730 Okay. 1288 00:56:51.230 --> 00:56:56.349 I'll just take this little ring and go. You'll take nothing. 1289 00:56:57.800 --> 00:56:58.280 Oh, wow. 1290 00:56:58.679 --> 00:57:01.159 Okay, well, there we go. There it is. That's the 1291 00:57:01.199 --> 00:57:01.840 vagina voice. 1292 00:57:02.159 --> 00:57:02.800 Oh, wow. 1293 00:57:02.820 --> 00:57:03.840 The voice of Saron. 1294 00:57:03.900 --> 00:57:06.820 I could seriously die. 1295 00:57:06.860 --> 00:57:09.159 The most evil force in the universe. All right, well, Julie, 1296 00:57:09.179 --> 00:57:11.760 you gotta come back because this was- I will, please. 1297 00:57:12.400 --> 00:57:12.980 Sorry. 1298 00:57:13.019 --> 00:57:15.420 Yeah, you gotta come back because this was too much 1299 00:57:15.500 --> 00:57:21.010 fun and congrats on your new venture. Quitters, which is 1300 00:57:21.050 --> 00:57:23.510 available where? Wherever you get your podcast. 1301 00:57:23.650 --> 00:57:25.030 I mean, wherever you get your podcast. 1302 00:57:25.090 --> 00:57:25.449 Conan! 1303 00:57:25.469 --> 00:57:26.449 Thank you so much. 1304 00:57:26.789 --> 00:57:30.289 I'm sorry I ruined it. You didn't ruin anything. You 1305 00:57:30.309 --> 00:57:33.230 were great. Quitters, check it out. And Julie, please come 1306 00:57:33.269 --> 00:57:33.650 back soon. 1307 00:57:33.690 --> 00:57:35.110 Thank you. Thank you so much. 1308 00:57:35.530 --> 00:57:37.539 Not every day you meet an Irish legend. 1309 00:57:37.820 --> 00:57:39.059 I know what you mean, Coo Column. 1310 00:57:39.340 --> 00:57:42.420 Leaping vast distances, holding off armies. 1311 00:57:42.559 --> 00:57:44.679 Eating tonnes of fresh grass. 1312 00:57:44.860 --> 00:57:45.199 What? 1313 00:57:45.280 --> 00:57:48.360 Not you or cows. That's one of the reasons Irish 1314 00:57:48.400 --> 00:57:52.079 milk is so good. It's famous all over the world. 1315 00:57:52.360 --> 00:57:53.940 Legendary. 1316 00:57:54.440 --> 00:57:57.519 Ireland's grass and our farmers' commitment to more sustainable actions 1317 00:57:57.800 --> 00:58:01.320 help make Irish dairy a true Irish legend. Always look 1318 00:58:01.360 --> 00:58:05.400 for the National Dairy Council guarantee. Learn more at ndc.ie. 1319 00:58:05.679 --> 00:58:09.829 Reckon we'll need a fleet of about 50 vehicles next quarter. Oh, 1320 00:58:10.230 --> 00:58:12.199 one of our suppliers just pulled out of the market. 1321 00:58:12.619 --> 00:58:16.829 Ten should do the job. Nice, just won a new contract. 1322 00:58:17.150 --> 00:58:17.710 Make that 100, vehicles. 1323 00:58:19.940 --> 00:58:22.300 Why tie up your valuable capital? Whether you need a 1324 00:58:22.340 --> 00:58:24.889 car or van rental for two hours or two years, 1325 00:58:25.170 --> 00:58:27.710 Europe Car offers total flexibility for you to get the 1326 00:58:27.750 --> 00:58:30.409 job done. No matter what the job is, simply pay 1327 00:58:30.449 --> 00:58:33.010 as you go. Search Europe Car Business to get moving. 1328 00:58:33.329 --> 00:58:35.510 Europe Car, moving your business your way. 1329 00:58:35.690 --> 00:58:37.550 Did you always want to become a teacher? 1330 00:58:37.710 --> 00:58:38.869 For as long as I can remember. 1331 00:58:38.989 --> 00:58:40.840 Bad Apples, starring Saoirse Ronan. 1332 00:58:40.949 --> 00:58:41.380 Danny! 1333 00:58:41.639 --> 00:58:42.429 Shut up! 1334 00:58:42.530 --> 00:58:43.739 Four stars, Empire. 1335 00:58:43.780 --> 00:58:45.179 You pushed a girl down the stairs. 1336 00:58:45.199 --> 00:58:48.039 I'm going to tell everyone you attacked me. Let me go! 1337 00:58:48.159 --> 00:58:48.760 I hate you! 1338 00:58:48.780 --> 00:58:50.500 A relentless dark comedy, IndieWire. 1339 00:58:50.519 --> 00:58:53.099 Investigations continue into the disappearance of Danny Carter. 1340 00:58:53.159 --> 00:58:55.340 Deliciously twisted, BBC talking movies. 1341 00:58:55.360 --> 00:58:56.440 You're never letting me go, are you? 1342 00:58:56.460 --> 00:58:58.300 Top of its class, The Hollywood Reporter. 1343 00:58:58.380 --> 00:59:00.420 Is anyone feeling sad or anxious? 1344 00:59:00.440 --> 00:59:00.500 No? 1345 00:59:00.719 --> 00:59:02.239 All right. 1346 00:59:02.699 --> 00:59:05.070 Bad Apples in cinemas September 18th. Cert 15A. 1347 00:59:11.679 --> 00:59:14.940 Hey, Conan, you popped up on Saturday Night Live very 1348 00:59:15.019 --> 00:59:16.599 recently and very specially. 1349 00:59:16.659 --> 00:59:16.840 Yeah. 1350 00:59:16.880 --> 00:59:20.219 Yeah, it was, uh... Specially. Yeah, specially. I don't know 1351 00:59:20.239 --> 00:59:23.309 if that's the right way. It was a very special 1352 00:59:23.389 --> 00:59:25.429 episode of Saturday Night Live where they. 1353 00:59:25.449 --> 00:59:25.530 They. 1354 00:59:28.920 --> 00:59:31.480 They addressed eating disorders, and it started out by saying, 1355 00:59:31.500 --> 00:59:35.119 this is a very special Saturday Night Live tonight. Specially? 1356 00:59:35.159 --> 00:59:36.989 What am I thinking? I don't know what you were thinking, 1357 00:59:37.050 --> 00:59:41.250 but yeah, it was really nice. It was special. I 1358 00:59:41.289 --> 00:59:45.929 don't know when people will be hearing this, but as 1359 00:59:45.989 --> 00:59:50.309

I speak, it was just the other day, and what 1360 00:59:50.349 --> 00:59:53.469 happened was John Mulaney, who I'm a huge fan of, 1361 00:59:53.849 --> 01:00:00.139 and we've become pals over the years, he... basically told 1362 01:00:00.159 --> 01:00:02.480 me that he was going to be hosting Saturday Night 1363 01:00:02.519 --> 01:00:04.739 Live for the fifth time and that I was invited 1364 01:00:04.860 --> 01:00:08.480 to come by and see the show. And I had 1365 01:00:08.519 --> 01:00:15.360 not been back to 30 Rockefeller Center pretty much since 1366 01:00:15.699 --> 01:00:19.880 I departed in 2009 to come out West. So I 1367 01:00:19.880 --> 01:00:23.599 hadn't been back there and it felt like this is 1368 01:00:23.639 --> 01:00:25.820 a nice way to go back. The plan was just 1369 01:00:25.860 --> 01:00:28.650 for me to sit in the audience and get to 1370 01:00:28.690 --> 01:00:30.829 see some of the people that I've, you know, or 1371 01:00:30.869 --> 01:00:35.389 hang around backstage and watch the show and then, um, and, 1372 01:00:35.530 --> 01:00:39.639 and reconnect with people like Jim Downey, who's the head, uh, 1373 01:00:39.679 --> 01:00:41.980 was the head writer at Saturday Night Live, uh, who 1374 01:00:42.019 --> 01:00:44.800 hired me, who's one of the icons, one of the 1375 01:00:45.059 --> 01:00:47.579 great comedy writers of all time. He and I have 1376 01:00:47.639 --> 01:00:50.159 reconnected recently. So I was going to see him and 1377 01:00:50.199 --> 01:00:52.789 we were going to see the show together and, uh, 1378 01:00:52.949 --> 01:00:57.570 watch John do his thing and, And then John mentioned 1379 01:00:57.889 --> 01:00:59.230 to me, he called me up, I think it was 1380 01:00:59.309 --> 01:01:01.789 on Thursday or something, and said, hey, we're writing a sketch. 1381 01:01:01.869 --> 01:01:04.170 Would you want to be in it? And I thought, 1382 01:01:05.250 --> 01:01:06.210 if I get paid. 1383 01:01:07.630 --> 01:01:07.750 Oh. 1384 01:01:08.650 --> 01:01:13.429 No, I didn't. I said, sure. And what was nice 1385 01:01:13.510 --> 01:01:15.670 about it was I always like whenever I can close 1386 01:01:15.710 --> 01:01:19.190 a circle or in this sort of cosmic way. There's 1387 01:01:19.230 --> 01:01:23.639 a sketch called Five Timers Club. And it's basically anytime 1388 01:01:23.679 --> 01:01:28.119 someone's hosted the show their fifth time, they're welcomed into 1389 01:01:28.159 --> 01:01:32.340 the club. Long time ago, I think this was 1989, maybe, 1390 01:01:32.840 --> 01:01:36.280 or 1990, when I was a writer at SNL, they 1391 01:01:36.320 --> 01:01:38.699 did the sketch for the first time. Someone thought of it, 1392 01:01:39.239 --> 01:01:42.909 and they were welcoming Tom Hanks into the Five Timers Club. 1393 01:01:43.670 --> 01:01:46.610 And I'm just a writer at the show, a skinny 1394 01:01:46.730 --> 01:01:49.989 kid in his 20s. I remember Jim Downey, I think, 1395 01:01:50.090 --> 01:01:53.449 said- Well, there should be a doorman who opens people 1396 01:01:53.599 --> 01:01:56.599 up– who opens the door and lets people into the club. Conan, 1397 01:01:56.619 --> 01:01:59.880 why don't you do that? And so there's this footage 1398 01:01:59.900 --> 01:02:04.409 you can probably see online of the very first five-timer 1399 01:02:04.429 --> 01:02:07.889 sketch from whatever it is, 90 or– I saw that. 1400 01:02:07.969 --> 01:02:10.090 Was that the first time you were on camera? No, 1401 01:02:10.250 --> 01:02:12.960 I had done other things, but this was a big 1402 01:02:13.119 --> 01:02:17.530 one just because– Steve Martin's in the sketch and Elliot 1403 01:02:17.570 --> 01:02:21.119 Gould's in the sketch and Paul Simon's in the sketch 1404 01:02:21.139 --> 01:02:25.869 and And my job was just to open the door. 1405 01:02:25.989 --> 01:02:29.090 And I think Tom Hanks unnecessarily says a fake name 1406 01:02:29.139 --> 01:02:32.119 for me. He says, oh, hello, Sean. Like there was 1407 01:02:32.159 --> 01:02:34.480 no reason for me to have a name, but I 1408 01:02:34.500 --> 01:02:37.340 think he just said, oh, hello, Sean. And it's like, 1409 01:02:38.179 --> 01:02:40.039 and then I put a smoking jacket on him. I 1410 01:02:40.079 --> 01:02:42.519 remember having a little trouble with the smoking jacket for 1411 01:02:42.539 --> 01:02:45.119 a second and having a heart attack. 1412 01:02:46.659 --> 01:02:50.380 Something probably nobody else remembered. Yeah. 1413 01:02:50.679 --> 01:02:52.460 I remember seeing this live. 1414 01:02:52.480 --> 01:02:52.699 Yeah. 1415 01:02:52.739 --> 01:02:54.960 I watched that. And did you look at the guy 1416 01:02:55.000 --> 01:02:57.400 who was opening the door who worked at the Five 1417 01:02:57.440 --> 01:03:00.159 Timers Club named Sean and think, that guy looks like 1418 01:03:00.179 --> 01:03:01.210 he's got what it takes. 1419 01:03:01.489 --> 01:03:03.650 No, I thought that guy will someday be the bane 1420 01:03:03.670 --> 01:03:05.409 of my existence. 1421 01:03:05.969 --> 01:03:07.989 A lot of people thought that and they were right. 1422 01:03:08.269 --> 01:03:10.369 So anyway, I did that and it was kind of 1423 01:03:10.389 --> 01:03:13.070 just a nice moment. you know, of all the moments 1424 01:03:13.210 --> 01:03:15.000 in my life, that was just a nice little moment 1425 01:03:15.019 --> 01:03:20.929 that I had. So then John Mulaney very kindly, said, oh, 1426 01:03:20.980 --> 01:03:22.780 it'd be kind of cool if Conan was in this 1427 01:03:22.840 --> 01:03:26.820 five-timer sketch and came by. And he gave us the 1428 01:03:26.880 --> 01:03:29.019 reason when they asked me, what are you doing here? 1429 01:03:29.079 --> 01:03:33.349 I said, I'm here to sign up for Peacock. That 1430 01:03:33.449 --> 01:03:37.829 was a great line. And then, you know, so John 1431 01:03:38.130 --> 01:03:41.329 wrote this nice thing and I thought, well, this is okay. 1432 01:03:41.369 --> 01:03:43.789 This

will be fun. And then I come back to 1433 01:03:43.949 --> 01:03:46.380 NBC and I hadn't been there in a long time. 1434 01:03:46.460 --> 01:03:52.780 And It was just lovely because all these cameramen, I mean, Blay, 1435 01:03:52.860 --> 01:03:55.699 you can jump in here because Aaron Blay, you worked 1436 01:03:55.780 --> 01:03:58.599 with me at Saturday Night Live. You worked with me 1437 01:03:58.619 --> 01:04:01.769 at Late Night, which was on the ninth. We were 1438 01:04:01.809 --> 01:04:04.969 on the ninth floor and SNL was on the eighth floor. 1439 01:04:06.409 --> 01:04:09.050 and their offices are on the 17th floor. I'm just 1440 01:04:09.070 --> 01:04:12.130 going to start naming what's on- Oh yeah, keep telling us. 1441 01:04:12.329 --> 01:04:14.389 Then there's an insurance company on the fifth floor. 1442 01:04:14.730 --> 01:04:16.130 And you walk in from the front door. 1443 01:04:16.159 --> 01:04:19.539 Our studio, of course, on the sixth floor. No, anyway, yeah. 1444 01:04:19.980 --> 01:04:24.940 It's Floors with Conan O'Brien. Now on the 43rd floor, 1445 01:04:25.099 --> 01:04:29.639 it's interesting. There's a Bitcoin company now. But anyway, you 1446 01:04:29.679 --> 01:04:33.070 work there, Blay. And so there are all these people 1447 01:04:33.670 --> 01:04:37.320 that have worked at 30 Rock forever. And so you 1448 01:04:37.340 --> 01:04:41.139 go there and people are just coming off of, it's nice. 1449 01:04:41.159 --> 01:04:44.119 Have you ever seen the movie Sunset Boulevard? There's a 1450 01:04:44.179 --> 01:04:49.449 scene where Nora Desmond, the aging silent film star goes 1451 01:04:49.510 --> 01:04:51.780 back to the studio. And she goes back to the 1452 01:04:51.829 --> 01:04:53.550 film studio and she hasn't been there in a long time. 1453 01:04:54.050 --> 01:04:56.110 And she walks in and all these people up in 1454 01:04:56.130 --> 01:04:59.409 the cameras and holding the lights go, Nora, Nora, you know, 1455 01:04:59.449 --> 01:05:01.849 it's me. And she goes, oh, Giuseppe, you know? And 1456 01:05:01.869 --> 01:05:04.230 then another guy will go like, Ms. Desmond, you know, 1457 01:05:04.269 --> 01:05:06.190 good to see you. And she go, oh, it's, you know, 1458 01:05:06.969 --> 01:05:09.840 it's Tommy. Hello there, Tommy. That's how it felt a 1459 01:05:09.860 --> 01:05:14.239 little bit. I was a very old silent film star 1460 01:05:14.300 --> 01:05:18.400 who went back, but it was really very meaningful and 1461 01:05:18.440 --> 01:05:21.340 sweet because- Some of the people that worked on my 1462 01:05:21.380 --> 01:05:25.460 late night show are there. Tina Ryan, who did, you know, 1463 01:05:25.639 --> 01:05:30.019 worked in wardrobe. She came and found me and started, 1464 01:05:30.820 --> 01:05:33.699 she was crying and I practically started crying, although I 1465 01:05:33.739 --> 01:05:36.800 didn't because I don't have, well, I don't have a soul. 1466 01:05:36.820 --> 01:05:41.820 But we had a really

nice connection. And so many 1467 01:05:41.889 --> 01:05:47.500 people came out and said hi. And I absolutely loved it. 1468 01:05:48.289 --> 01:05:51.630 And then- To boot, I get to... I don't take 1469 01:05:51.650 --> 01:05:54.340 it for granted, but anytime I get to hang out, 1470 01:05:54.409 --> 01:05:56.239 because you really do have to hang out there for 1471 01:05:56.280 --> 01:05:58.420 a while. If you're doing it, you have to do 1472 01:05:58.440 --> 01:05:59.820 it at dress, you have to do it at air. 1473 01:05:59.900 --> 01:06:04.199 So who am I hanging out with? Tina Fey, Steve Martin, 1474 01:06:04.840 --> 01:06:08.679 Candice Bergen was in the sketch, and Elliot Gould, and 1475 01:06:09.019 --> 01:06:12.179 Paul Rudd, who... It's one of those things where you'd 1476 01:06:12.219 --> 01:06:13.340 love to be able to say, you know the way 1477 01:06:13.380 --> 01:06:15.659 you think Paul Rudd is a nice guy? Well, let 1478 01:06:15.699 --> 01:06:19.409 me tell you. And then you... He is... there is 1479 01:06:19.510 --> 01:06:21.750 not a nicer human being in the world than Paul Rudd. 1480 01:06:21.969 --> 01:06:26.010 And he's really funny, obviously, and great. So I was 1481 01:06:26.050 --> 01:06:27.880 just having the time of my life hanging out with 1482 01:06:27.900 --> 01:06:31.079 these guys. And you mentioned the podcast. Oh, yeah. 1483 01:06:31.139 --> 01:06:31.480 I know. 1484 01:06:31.659 --> 01:06:35.019 That was really- Disparagingly. You're bearing the lead. Disparagingly, yeah. 1485 01:06:35.039 --> 01:06:35.199 Yeah. 1486 01:06:35.360 --> 01:06:37.900 Well, they had this great setup line, which was, you know, 1487 01:06:37.920 --> 01:06:40.860 I basically say- John Mulaney, this is a very special thing. 1488 01:06:40.920 --> 01:06:45.610 Why I host, you know, I was on TV for whatever, 1489 01:06:45.610 --> 01:06:49.969 30 years and I can, you know, I think I'm 1490 01:06:50.010 --> 01:06:51.969 bragging or somewhat about how I've been on TV for 1491 01:06:51.969 --> 01:06:54.849 30 years and then he says, or for decades and 1492 01:06:55.150 --> 01:06:56.650 then he says, well, what do you do now? And 1493 01:06:56.670 --> 01:07:02.119 I just went, I have a podcast. And getting to 1494 01:07:02.159 --> 01:07:04.800 just hang out with such, you know, I mean, these 1495 01:07:04.900 --> 01:07:07.619 are It's funny because people assume that because I've been 1496 01:07:07.639 --> 01:07:09.619 doing this a long time that I wouldn't get phased 1497 01:07:09.659 --> 01:07:12.820 by people. But I'm always going to be a little 1498 01:07:12.860 --> 01:07:16.639 intimidated by a Steve Martin and, frankly, also a Tina Fey. 1499 01:07:16.679 --> 01:07:21.380 I think she's absolutely brilliant. And every time I'm around Tina, 1500 01:07:21.420 --> 01:07:26.210 I'm like, I want my best behavior because– I, you know, 1501 01:07:26.489 --> 01:07:29.670 she's one of the best of all time. And I just, 1502 01:07:29.849 --> 01:07:32.380 so anyway, that was all great. But what was really 1503 01:07:32.460 --> 01:07:35.099 funny as I make that kind of joke about, yeah, 1504 01:07:35.119 --> 01:07:37.860 I'm just doing a podcast, big deal, ha ha. And 1505 01:07:37.880 --> 01:07:40.679 the crowd really laughs. And then I'm walking, when the 1506 01:07:40.719 --> 01:07:42.940 sketch is over and the band's playing, you have to 1507 01:07:42.980 --> 01:07:45.340 walk through the crowd to get back to your dressing room. 1508 01:07:45.760 --> 01:07:48.730 And people in the crowd started shouting, Katakai, Katakai, Katakai. 1509 01:07:51.210 --> 01:07:54.010 And I was turning around and yeah, it was so funny. 1510 01:07:54.090 --> 01:07:55.989 Cause I've just been like, yeah, I just have a podcast. 1511 01:07:56.250 --> 01:07:58.989 And then I'm walking through that crowd and those chairs 1512 01:07:59.050 --> 01:08:00.670 are on the floor and a guy goes, Katakai. And 1513 01:08:00.690 --> 01:08:02.730 then someone else goes, Katakai. And then someone else was like, 1514 01:08:02.789 --> 01:08:05.739 is God made here? And I'm like, man, yeah, this 1515 01:08:05.780 --> 01:08:10.099 is great. And then they, yeah. So that was, I mean, 1516 01:08:10.280 --> 01:08:12.480 and then I, of course, I went to the after 1517 01:08:12.539 --> 01:08:15.840 party and talked to Lorne Michaels for a really long time, 1518 01:08:15.860 --> 01:08:19.279 which was, he's the reason anybody knows me at all. 1519 01:08:19.359 --> 01:08:22.899 He put me He plucked me from pretty much complete 1520 01:08:22.920 --> 01:08:26.000 obscurity and put me in this impossible position. So that 1521 01:08:26.020 --> 01:08:30.460 was anytime I get to cross paths with him and 1522 01:08:30.500 --> 01:08:34.409 sit there and have a drink and talk is really 1523 01:08:35.010 --> 01:08:38.149 a big deal for me. And also getting to talk 1524 01:08:38.210 --> 01:08:42.189 to that cast and those writers, they're super talented. And 1525 01:08:42.270 --> 01:08:47.100 so it just was kind of emotional to get to 1526 01:08:47.140 --> 01:08:51.520 go back and have that connection again. And also just 1527 01:08:51.560 --> 01:08:54.470 see what good hands that show is in. I mean, 1528 01:08:54.489 --> 01:09:01.180 they're very, very– man, they're talented writers and incredibly talented performers. Anyway, 1529 01:09:01.460 --> 01:09:01.880 that was a treat. 1530 01:09:01.899 --> 01:09:02.579 That's very cool. 1531 01:09:02.659 --> 01:09:05.359 Now let's get back to what floor, what things happen on. 1532 01:09:05.520 --> 01:09:06.329 No. 1533 01:09:06.449 --> 01:09:07.149 As I said. 1534 01:09:07.170 --> 01:09:07.810 No. 1535 01:09:07.909 --> 01:09:11.989 NBC News, third floor. Yeah, exactly. And a lot of 1536 01:09:12.029 --> 01:09:16.770 people don't know, but the legal counsel for Nike shoes. 1537 01:09:17.170 --> 01:09:20.640 Now that is on the 55th floor, but it's on 1538 01:09:20.680 --> 01:09:22.260 the north side,

not the south. 1539 01:09:22.560 --> 01:09:25.119 When we redid the offices and half of our offices 1540 01:09:25.159 --> 01:09:27.939 moved to eight, half of our offices were shared with 1541 01:09:27.960 --> 01:09:29.220 the tax department. 1542 01:09:29.279 --> 01:09:31.500 Guess what? If I've ever heard of a chunk that 1543 01:09:31.520 --> 01:09:34.680 can get cut, it's... This is riveting. 1544 01:09:34.800 --> 01:09:38.449 This is a very specially episode. 1545 01:09:38.670 --> 01:09:41.890 I love how I got super... about as emotional as 1546 01:09:41.970 --> 01:09:44.510 I can get about going back to Saturday Night Live 1547 01:09:44.529 --> 01:09:47.470 and saying such sweet things and having a real moment 1548 01:09:47.529 --> 01:09:50.930 and then immediately we veer into hey remember when we 1549 01:09:50.970 --> 01:09:56.449 shared offices with the tax department anyway a big huge 1550 01:09:56.489 --> 01:10:00.460 thank you to everyone at SNL and John Mulaney especially 1551 01:10:00.760 --> 01:10:05.380 but everyone else who made me so feel so welcome 1552 01:10:05.640 --> 01:10:10.420 and they were so sweet and and so thank you all. 1553 01:10:12.100 --> 01:10:16.010 Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian, 1554 01:10:16.270 --> 01:10:17.010 and Matt Gourley. 1555 01:10:17.289 --> 01:10:18.789 Produced by me, Matt Gourley. 1556 01:10:19.090 --> 01:10:22.720 Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross 1557 01:10:22.800 --> 01:10:26.159 at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. 1558 01:10:26.439 --> 01:10:30.109 Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. 1559 01:10:30.449 --> 01:10:31.130 Take it away, Jimmy. 1560 01:10:34.529 --> 01:10:37.529 Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent 1561 01:10:37.550 --> 01:10:38.869 producer is Jennifer Samples. 1562 01:10:39.329 --> 01:10:40.560 Engineering by Will Becton. 1563 01:10:40.899 --> 01:10:44.800 Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, 1564 01:10:45.079 --> 01:10:48.239 Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review 1565 01:10:48.279 --> 01:10:50.760 this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your 1566 01:10:50.800 --> 01:10:52.460 review read on a future episode. 1567 01:10:52.800 --> 01:10:53.840 Got a question for Conan? 1568 01:10:54.140 --> 01:10:59.079 Call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. 1569 01:10:59.380 --> 01:11:01.659 It too could be featured on a future episode. And 1570 01:11:01.699 --> 01:11:04.500 if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs 1571 01:11:04.520 --> 01:11:06.720 a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher. 1572 01:11:07.050 --> 01:11:16.000 Or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a 1573 01:11:16.039 --> 01:11:19.680 Team Coco production in association with Earwolf. 1574 01:11:25.739 --> 01:11:29.890 Reckon we'll need a fleet of about 50 vehicles next quarter. Oh, 1575 01:11:30.289 --> 01:11:32.250 one of our suppliers just pulled out of the market. 1576 01:11:32.689 --> 01:11:36.869 Ten should do the job. Nice, just won a new contract. 1577 01:11:37.189 --> 01:11:37.750 Make that 100 vehicles. 1578 01:11:39.979 --> 01:11:42.350 Why tie up your valuable capital? Whether you need a 1579 01:11:42.390 --> 01:11:44.949 car or van rental for two hours or two years, 1580 01:11:45.229 --> 01:11:47.770 Europe Car offers total flexibility for you to get the 1581 01:11:47.810 --> 01:11:50.449 job done. No matter what the job is, simply pay 1582 01:11:50.489 --> 01:11:53.069 as you go. Search Europe Car Business to get moving. 1583 01:11:53.390 --> 01:11:55.550 Europe Car, moving your business your way. 1584 01:11:55.750 --> 01:11:57.590 Did you always want to become a teacher? 1585 01:11:57.770 --> 01:11:58.869 For as long as I can remember. 1586 01:12:01.189 --> 01:12:01.439 Danny! 1587 01:12:01.699 --> 01:12:02.500 Shut up! 1588 01:12:02.600 --> 01:12:03.800 Four stars empire. 1589 01:12:03.819 --> 01:12:05.220 You pushed a girl down the stairs. 1590 01:12:05.239 --> 01:12:08.100 I'm going to tell everyone you attacked me. Let me go! 1591 01:12:08.220 --> 01:12:08.779 I hate you! 1592 01:12:08.819 --> 01:12:10.119 A relentless dark comedy. 1593 01:12:10.180 --> 01:12:10.539 Indie-wise. 1594 01:12:10.579 --> 01:12:13.180 Investigations continue into the disappearance of Danny Carter. 1595 01:12:13.220 --> 01:12:15.409 Deliciously twisted. BBC talking movies. 1596 01:12:15.430 --> 01:12:16.510 You're never letting me go, are you? 1597 01:12:16.529 --> 01:12:18.369 Top of its class. The Hollywood Reporter. 1598 01:12:18.430 --> 01:12:20.550 Is anyone feeling sad or anxious? 1599 01:12:21.090 --> 01:12:21.250 No? 1600 01:12:22.050 --> 01:12:22.310 Alright. 1601 01:12:22.770 --> 01:12:25.140 Bad Apples. In cinemas September 18th. Cert 15A.