บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ Jim Downey

don't 85 00:03:41.669 --> 00:03:42.689 do antibiotics. 86 00:03:42.729 --> 00:03:45.810 No, why would you? By the way, my dad is 87 00:03:45.870 --> 00:03:50.259 a microbiologist. His whole life has been devoted. to antibiotics 88 00:03:50.300 --> 00:03:50.719 in their use. 89 00:03:50.680 --> 00:03:54.020 There you go but antibiotic resistance yes he would say 90 00:03:54.039 --> 00:03:55.699 don't overuse them yeah i'm not. 91 00:03:55.620 --> 00:03:57.300 Sure he'd agree with anything you're saying. 92 00:03:57.099 --> 00:03:59.259 He would agree with me i talked to him oh good. 93 00:03:59.400 --> 00:04:01.060 Um well how is he i haven't spoken to him 94 00:04:01.099 --> 00:04:03.400 in years oh yeah he we had a falling out. 95 00:04:03.379 --> 00:04:06.080 He called me to apologize about you. 96 00:04:07.770 --> 00:04:09.069 And uh matt how are you. 97 00:04:08.949 --> 00:04:11.530 Uh i'm good i go every six months because i 98 00:04:11.569 --> 00:04:13.889 have more moles. 99 00:04:13.509 --> 00:04:15.889 Than a three acre farm you know what i mean. 100 00:04:16.100 --> 00:04:17.389 You mean the farm that has a lot of moles 101 00:04:17.439 --> 00:04:18.060 digging underneath it? 102 00:04:18.060 --> 00:04:18.600 That's what I mean. 103 00:04:18.720 --> 00:04:22.620 So not the other mole. So, yeah. 104 00:04:22.980 --> 00:04:25.399 Well, I showed you my back here once in studio. 105 00:04:25.439 --> 00:04:25.720 Yeah, yeah. 106 00:04:25.800 --> 00:04:26.399 It was hideous. 107 00:04:26.420 --> 00:04:28.129 It was a constellation. And every time I go in, 108 00:04:28.139 --> 00:04:28.839 they take something. 109 00:04:29.360 --> 00:04:30.579 Oh, Conan, I know you go. 110 00:04:30.879 --> 00:04:33.660 I go every six months. Yeah. But the assistant who 111 00:04:34.240 --> 00:04:36.959 took over for you because you're so busy writing books 112 00:04:37.019 --> 00:04:39.779 where you sell me out and babbling away on the podcast. 113 00:04:39.800 --> 00:04:40.480 You wrote the foreword. 114 00:04:40.500 --> 00:04:40.839 That's true. 115 00:04:40.860 --> 00:04:41.860 And this is your podcast. 116 00:04:41.920 --> 00:04:43.839 That's true. Okay. Wow. 117 00:04:44.329 --> 00:04:47.170 He took me down immediately, but he took over and 118 00:04:47.629 --> 00:04:50.189 he let it go to like nine months without having David. 119 00:04:50.209 --> 00:04:52.920 And I said, David, I could die. I've got to 120 00:04:52.939 --> 00:04:54.600 go in twice a year because I'm just, you know, 121 00:04:54.620 --> 00:04:57.139 I was genetically engineered to live in a bog in 122 00:04:57.180 --> 00:05:00.000 Northern Ireland. And then I should, now I'm living near 123 00:05:00.019 --> 00:05:02.399 the Mexican border and I'm not supposed to be here. 124 00:05:02.800 --> 00:05:06.379 And so I just went and I'm fascinating. It's always 125 00:05:06.420 --> 00:05:10.069 fascinating because I'm covered in freckles. And I would think 126 00:05:10.189 --> 00:05:13.029 every freckle would be a potential, you know, something that 127 00:05:13.069 --> 00:05:14.850 would need to be looked at and cut off. And 128 00:05:15.290 --> 00:05:19.040 this woman can just tell the difference instantly. She's like, no, freckle, freckle, freckle. 129 00:05:19.100 --> 00:05:19.300 Hmm. 130 00:05:19.740 --> 00:05:22.300 This one looks suspicious. And I look at them and 131 00:05:22.319 --> 00:05:25.420 they just look like all the other freckles. So I 132 00:05:25.420 --> 00:05:28.959 don't know if she's just randomly. I'm like, well, he's here. 133 00:05:28.980 --> 00:05:32.819 It's an extra $ 45 if I take some. Oh, that 134 00:05:32.939 --> 00:05:34.300 one looks like a troublemaker. 135 00:05:34.319 --> 00:05:34.959 She's selling them. 136 00:05:35.490 --> 00:05:37.230 How long does it take for her to do the 137 00:05:37.290 --> 00:05:40.230 full body scan? Because that's what I'm worried about with 138 00:05:40.269 --> 00:05:40.589 my doctor. 139 00:05:40.610 --> 00:05:43.610 You called it scam. Was that a Freudian slip? The 140 00:05:43.670 --> 00:05:44.949 old full body scam? 141 00:05:45.290 --> 00:05:47.370 I'm worried my doctor does it so quickly, he's got 142 00:05:47.389 --> 00:05:48.290 to be missing some things. 143 00:05:48.470 --> 00:05:50.170 Yeah, you get worried about that. When they're real quick 144 00:05:50.209 --> 00:05:52.829 and breezy about it, I think. But they're so good. 145 00:05:52.870 --> 00:05:55.660 They've seen it all. They've seen it all like Bogie 146 00:05:55.680 --> 00:05:56.279 and Bacall. 147 00:05:56.579 --> 00:05:57.060 So they know. 148 00:05:57.220 --> 00:05:59.579 They know when they see it. So anyway, she said, well, 149 00:05:59.600 --> 00:06:01.310 I'm going to. Do this, do this. And then she 150 00:06:01.449 --> 00:06:02.689 saw something. She said, I'm going to have to cut 151 00:06:02.730 --> 00:06:04.389 this one out and give you a couple of stitches. 152 00:06:04.560 --> 00:06:05.639 I saw that on your neck. 153 00:06:05.779 --> 00:06:06.519 I did too. I look right at it. 154 00:06:06.519 --> 00:06:07.839 You've got a clogged oil duct. 155 00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:09.060 You've got a missing neck. 156 00:06:09.079 --> 00:06:11.220 We're falling apart. So it's in the back of my neck. 157 00:06:11.279 --> 00:06:13.860 And I've got these two stitches there. And then she 158 00:06:13.879 --> 00:06:15.959 put a big bandage on it. And she said, just 159 00:06:15.980 --> 00:06:18.470 to keep it in case it seeps a little. And 160 00:06:18.490 --> 00:06:20.269 I know this is why people tune into the podcast 161 00:06:20.310 --> 00:06:23.250 to hear about my seepage. Come on. 162 00:06:23.290 --> 00:06:23.649 Come on. 163 00:06:24.029 --> 00:06:24.910 What's it seeping? 164 00:06:25.670 --> 00:06:28.069 You know, oily eye over here is going to ask 165 00:06:28.189 --> 00:06:34.300 me about it. Suddenly, you're the head of the foreign 166 00:06:34.500 --> 00:06:39.759 seepage committee of

the Senate. Oh, wow. So I don't 167 00:06:39.779 --> 00:06:43.420 think you have an oily leg to stand on. Anyway, 168 00:06:43.519 --> 00:06:44.740 she cut something off and then she put a big 169 00:06:44.759 --> 00:06:46.339 bandage on it. And I was going right from there 170 00:06:46.420 --> 00:06:49.110 to a meeting. And I thought, this looks like I've 171 00:06:49.139 --> 00:06:51.430 had a facelift. Do you know what I mean? Well, 172 00:06:51.470 --> 00:06:53.910 it just looks like, you know what I mean? People 173 00:06:53.949 --> 00:06:56.649 in our business. Yeah. I don't mean your business. 174 00:06:56.810 --> 00:06:57.430 Podcasting? 175 00:06:58.060 --> 00:06:59.699 Not podcasting, but someone. 176 00:06:59.730 --> 00:07:02.970 But your face doesn't look like you had a facelift. 177 00:07:03.009 --> 00:07:05.230 No, I just thought whenever someone in Hollywood has like 178 00:07:05.250 --> 00:07:08.170 a lot of bandages around their neck, people might immediately think, oh, 179 00:07:08.490 --> 00:07:10.120 he got the old throat job. 180 00:07:10.129 --> 00:07:13.259 And it's just on one side on the back of 181 00:07:13.300 --> 00:07:13.660 your neck. 182 00:07:13.740 --> 00:07:16.259 I know, but that's a very specific one. 183 00:07:16.139 --> 00:07:17.480 Sided face stretch. 184 00:07:18.259 --> 00:07:20.370 Trust me, I can see who's had it out there. 185 00:07:20.389 --> 00:07:25.089 Emma Stone. She had work done on one quarter of 186 00:07:25.129 --> 00:07:27.050 an inch of the back right side of her neck. 187 00:07:27.189 --> 00:07:28.449 Did you get a facelift? 188 00:07:28.889 --> 00:07:29.060 No. 189 00:07:29.279 --> 00:07:31.579 I'm the only person who's encouraged by fans to get 190 00:07:31.740 --> 00:07:35.699 face work. They say, get something done. Fix that melon, 191 00:07:35.819 --> 00:07:37.939 is what people shout to me on the street. Fix 192 00:07:38.000 --> 00:07:40.199 that melon! Yeah. 193 00:07:40.360 --> 00:07:41.060 I think you look good. 194 00:07:41.300 --> 00:07:42.819 Thanks a lot, pal. That's nice. 195 00:07:42.839 --> 00:07:43.560 You do look good. 196 00:07:43.579 --> 00:07:46.759 You still have a really good jawline. Thank you very much. 197 00:07:47.009 --> 00:07:47.449 Thank you. 198 00:07:47.730 --> 00:07:48.889 I'd take that jawline. 199 00:07:49.250 --> 00:07:51.189 Well, I thought you were going to say, I'd do you. 200 00:07:51.920 --> 00:07:54.069 I thought that's what it sounded like. And you know what? 201 00:07:54.079 --> 00:07:54.699 That's a given. 202 00:07:54.769 --> 00:07:55.470 That's where you were. 203 00:07:55.490 --> 00:07:56.089 That's a given. 204 00:07:56.389 --> 00:07:57.149 Oh, OK. 205 00:07:57.189 --> 00:07:57.629 And you know what? 206 00:07:57.689 --> 00:08:00.709 That shouldn't be something that's like, oh, what? You should be. 207 00:08:00.829 --> 00:08:01.490 We're all. 208 00:08:01.829 --> 00:08:02.069 What? 209 00:08:02.250 --> 00:08:04.300 Sexuality, as we know, is a

spectrum. 210 00:08:04.319 --> 00:08:06.279 Oh, and we've reported this to HR. You should know 211 00:08:06.319 --> 00:08:08.100 Conan and I are sex partners. 212 00:08:08.319 --> 00:08:08.459 Yeah. 213 00:08:09.160 --> 00:08:13.420 Look, sexuality is just a swirling, twirling spectrum, and I'm 214 00:08:13.699 --> 00:08:14.759 all over it, baby. 215 00:08:14.779 --> 00:08:15.620 We're sex friends. 216 00:08:15.720 --> 00:08:18.779 When I think about people who are real adventurous with sex, 217 00:08:18.920 --> 00:08:21.670 I think about Matt Corley and Conan O'Brien. 218 00:08:21.689 --> 00:08:24.050 Well, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, we're sexual pirates on 219 00:08:24.069 --> 00:08:24.990 the high seas. 220 00:08:25.009 --> 00:08:25.410 Yeah. 221 00:08:25.569 --> 00:08:26.970 On the high seas of jizz. 222 00:08:27.209 --> 00:08:28.649 They call me Indiana Bones. 223 00:08:28.970 --> 00:08:29.089 Yeah. 224 00:08:29.610 --> 00:08:30.550 Oh, God. 225 00:08:30.569 --> 00:08:30.750 Okay. 226 00:08:30.769 --> 00:08:31.790 Yeah, exactly. 227 00:08:31.850 --> 00:08:35.600 Yeah, you too. Just fuck. All you do is fuck. 228 00:08:35.620 --> 00:08:37.649 Well, it's not just, I mean, there is some romance. 229 00:08:37.720 --> 00:08:39.539 It's not just pure. 230 00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:41.279 No, we get to it pretty much right away. 231 00:08:41.299 --> 00:08:41.419 Really? 232 00:08:41.480 --> 00:08:42.940 For me, I'm kind of invested. 233 00:08:43.080 --> 00:08:45.000 Well, I'm always in a hurry. I got things to do. 234 00:08:45.000 --> 00:08:49.139 I'm like, hey, Indiana Bones, get over here. We got 235 00:08:49.159 --> 00:08:52.259 to get to work on this. Get to work on this. Yep. 236 00:08:52.600 --> 00:08:56.000 I know the sex lingo that everyone's using. Hey, we 237 00:08:56.019 --> 00:08:56.940 got to get to work on this. 238 00:08:57.019 --> 00:08:57.179 See? 239 00:08:58.309 --> 00:09:01.669 There's work to be done in this sexual region. Yeah. 240 00:09:01.970 --> 00:09:04.360 By sex, do you guys mean just like building a 241 00:09:04.409 --> 00:09:07.169 model airplane? Do you think that's what sex is? 242 00:09:07.769 --> 00:09:10.299 Yeah. Of the Wright Brothers' first flyer. Cool, cool, cool. 243 00:09:10.340 --> 00:09:11.080 Launched at Kitty Hawk. 244 00:09:11.139 --> 00:09:13.059 We did a whole diorama of Kitty Hawk. 245 00:09:13.179 --> 00:09:14.080 Isn't that what sex is? 246 00:09:14.159 --> 00:09:16.019 Yeah, you guys sex it real good. 247 00:09:16.039 --> 00:09:17.700 Oh, boy, you should see these dioramas we built. 248 00:09:18.159 --> 00:09:18.320 Yeah. 249 00:09:18.860 --> 00:09:20.740 So anyway, moving on. All right. 250 00:09:20.860 --> 00:09:24.120 When you brought up dermatology today, did you just assume 251 00:09:24.330 --> 00:09:26.929 it would go to sexual piracy? 252 00:09:26.950 --> 00:09:29.250 Did you ever think you would say high C's of jizz? 253 00:09:29.269 --> 00:09:29.470 Yeah. 254 00:09:29.490 --> 00:09:30.690

Because that's what you said. 255 00:09:30.710 --> 00:09:33.129 I didn't think I would say that. Okay. But let's 256 00:09:33.190 --> 00:09:35.919 admit it. I got the riz. Isn't that the new word? 257 00:09:36.320 --> 00:09:39.539 There's a new word now. Is it the new word? Riz? Rez? 258 00:09:39.639 --> 00:09:42.519 Eduardo's not a kid. Is it Rez or Riz? 259 00:09:42.559 --> 00:09:42.879 Riz. 260 00:09:43.240 --> 00:09:46.419 Riz for charisma. Thank you. For charisma. Would you say 261 00:09:46.470 --> 00:09:48.409 I've got the Riz? You've got some Riz. 262 00:09:48.429 --> 00:09:49.870 You've got kajisma. 263 00:09:50.070 --> 00:09:52.309 I tried to get us off of that, Matt. Oh, well. 264 00:09:52.370 --> 00:09:54.549 I worked hard to steer the boat away from those. 265 00:09:54.590 --> 00:09:55.750 You got us there, though. 266 00:09:55.769 --> 00:09:57.769 And then my job was to get us out. And 267 00:09:57.789 --> 00:09:59.990 then this boob over here brought us right back in. 268 00:10:00.009 --> 00:10:00.360 in again. 269 00:10:00.409 --> 00:10:02.340 So Riz, I'm shocked you know this. 270 00:10:02.639 --> 00:10:04.539 This is a word that's out there. And they talk 271 00:10:04.580 --> 00:10:10.340 about different young people in Hollywood or influencers who've got Riz. 272 00:10:10.480 --> 00:10:10.840 Okay. 273 00:10:11.019 --> 00:10:12.299 And it's short for charisma. 274 00:10:12.500 --> 00:10:12.659 Yeah. 275 00:10:12.840 --> 00:10:15.059 And wouldn't you say, Sona, that I have some riz? 276 00:10:15.240 --> 00:10:16.940 I would actually say you have riz. 277 00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:17.059 Yeah. 278 00:10:17.139 --> 00:10:17.919 You're riz'd up. 279 00:10:18.120 --> 00:10:18.320 Yeah. 280 00:10:18.559 --> 00:10:19.460 Yeah, you're really riz'd up. 281 00:10:19.480 --> 00:10:21.639 What if I opened a hotel called The Riz? 282 00:10:22.039 --> 00:10:22.259 No. 283 00:10:22.340 --> 00:10:24.320 And I greeted people in the lobby. 284 00:10:24.340 --> 00:10:26.399 No, people with riz don't do that. 285 00:10:26.490 --> 00:10:26.899 You're right. 286 00:10:27.070 --> 00:10:28.129 That's desperate. 287 00:10:28.149 --> 00:10:29.450 What about The Riz Carlton? 288 00:10:29.830 --> 00:10:30.070 Yeah. 289 00:10:30.450 --> 00:10:34.190 Ugh, you just punned it. Cool people don't do puns. 290 00:10:34.230 --> 00:10:35.250 No, that's actually wrong. 291 00:10:35.669 --> 00:10:35.809 Oh. 292 00:10:36.009 --> 00:10:36.509 Puns are back. 293 00:10:37.009 --> 00:10:37.750 No, they're not. 294 00:10:37.809 --> 00:10:39.470 No, no, puns are the worst. No, puns are back. 295 00:10:39.509 --> 00:10:40.320 Lowest form of hell. 296 00:10:40.360 --> 00:10:41.029 No, puns are back. 297 00:10:41.129 --> 00:10:43.100 Lowest form of hell is a pun? 298 00:10:43.120 --> 00:10:46.320 Yeah, yeah. Hitler in hell right now is like, I'm 299 00:10:46.379 --> 00:10:50.500 glad I never made a pun. He's like looking down 300 00:10:50.539 --> 00:10:53.980 a couple of levels.

At least I never did that. 301 00:10:54.779 --> 00:10:59.299 He's being molested with a flaming pitchfork 24-7. And still 302 00:10:59.340 --> 00:10:59.759 he's like, at. 303 00:10:59.899 --> 00:11:01.370 Least I didn't make a pun. 304 00:11:02.799 --> 00:11:05.799 My guest today is undoubtedly one of the greatest comedy 305 00:11:05.860 --> 00:11:09.610 writers of all time. He worked at Saturday Night Live 306 00:11:09.649 --> 00:11:12.490 for over 30 years, making him the longest tenured writer 307 00:11:12.529 --> 00:11:15.350 in that show's history. He also, on a personal note, 308 00:11:15.429 --> 00:11:19.070 championed me very early in my career. I owe him everything. 309 00:11:19.110 --> 00:11:19.370 He's a. 310 00:11:32.889 --> 00:11:37.669 Entirely unapologetic. Let me explain. Let me explain. Okay. There 311 00:11:37.710 --> 00:11:42.070 are many, many figures in our society who contribute an 312 00:11:42.129 --> 00:11:47.009 enormous amount to our culture and people who have unconventional 313 00:11:47.350 --> 00:11:54.139 personal lives. And yet, they seem exempt from criticism. Right. 314 00:11:55.250 --> 00:11:57.190 You know, Jeffrey Epstein. 315 00:11:57.529 --> 00:11:58.149 Wait a minute. 316 00:11:59.409 --> 00:12:01.129 Wait a minute. No, no, let me finish. 317 00:12:01.220 --> 00:12:02.480 I see it. Jeffrey Epstein. 318 00:12:02.580 --> 00:12:06.379 I see it. No one, no one, you know, criticizes him. 319 00:12:06.440 --> 00:12:06.799 And yet. 320 00:12:06.879 --> 00:12:08.000 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 321 00:12:08.320 --> 00:12:10.980 I have to apologize for the fact that I know 322 00:12:11.039 --> 00:12:11.840 Conan O'Brien. 323 00:12:11.960 --> 00:12:13.860 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. That is a double standard. 324 00:12:14.799 --> 00:12:14.919 Jim. 325 00:12:14.940 --> 00:12:18.120 It's wrong. Jim, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Much 326 00:12:18.159 --> 00:12:20.960 has been said. Much has been said about Jeffrey Epstein. 327 00:12:21.509 --> 00:12:22.090 Terrible things. 328 00:12:22.190 --> 00:12:25.549 I'm talking about Jeff Epstein, the New York financier. 329 00:12:27.690 --> 00:12:28.049 Yes. 330 00:12:28.470 --> 00:12:30.629 We're talking about the same Jeff Epstein. 331 00:12:30.669 --> 00:12:30.960 No. 332 00:12:31.279 --> 00:12:31.519 Yes. 333 00:12:31.600 --> 00:12:32.019 No. 334 00:12:32.100 --> 00:12:36.279 Yes. What? I never heard. Oh, it was a big 335 00:12:36.399 --> 00:12:37.759 story in the news. Huge. 336 00:12:37.980 --> 00:12:38.279 No. 337 00:12:38.539 --> 00:12:41.299 Yes. For you to say no one ever said- Jeff Epstein. Yes. 338 00:12:41.379 --> 00:12:43.200 Jeff Epstein. Yes. The financier. 339 00:12:43.220 --> 00:12:43.879 With the island. 340 00:12:44.120 --> 00:12:47.659 Yes. He had an island that I've never been to. 341 00:12:47.679 --> 00:12:51.860 Yeah. I'm pretty sure- With respect, if there was some 342 00:12:52.080 --> 00:12:53.940 news about Jeff Epstein, I would have heard. 343 00:12:53.960 --> 00:12:56.639 No, I don't know where you, what rock you've been under. 344 00:12:56.980 --> 00:12:59.279 It was a huge story. And I have to, Jeff 345 00:12:59.779 --> 00:13:02.480 Epstein is, I have to tell you, he's gone. He's dead. 346 00:13:02.500 --> 00:13:02.820 What do you mean? 347 00:13:02.980 --> 00:13:04.080 He's dead. He's dead. 348 00:13:04.220 --> 00:13:04.600 He's dead. 349 00:13:05.460 --> 00:13:05.799 Sorry. 350 00:13:05.899 --> 00:13:11.620 Nice try. If Jeff, if Jeff Epstein, if Jeff Epstein 351 00:13:12.110 --> 00:13:15.799 were deceased, I'm pretty sure I would know about it. 352 00:13:15.990 --> 00:13:19.730 Now I admit I've not, Probably since the pandemic, I 353 00:13:19.750 --> 00:13:20.899 have not talked to him. 354 00:13:20.970 --> 00:13:24.149 That would make sense. That would make sense. He's been 355 00:13:24.210 --> 00:13:25.769 dead for a number of years, Jim. 356 00:13:25.830 --> 00:13:28.700 I'll tell you, there's one easy way. Let's call Jelaine Maxwell. 357 00:13:28.740 --> 00:13:34.059 No, we're not calling Jelaine Maxwell. She's in prison. She's 358 00:13:34.120 --> 00:13:37.360 imprisoned for crimes she committed with Jeff Epstein. 359 00:13:38.279 --> 00:13:39.220 Jelaine's in prison. 360 00:13:39.279 --> 00:13:42.360 Yes. Stop calling her Jelaine. How do you know these people? 361 00:13:42.899 --> 00:13:43.039 Jim. 362 00:13:43.059 --> 00:13:43.820 All right, Jim. 363 00:13:43.960 --> 00:13:47.289 Listen to me. I'm just saying, I don't... I'm your friend. 364 00:13:47.850 --> 00:13:50.690 You know what? Whatever your... It doesn't matter what you 365 00:13:50.710 --> 00:13:51.889 do in your private life. 366 00:13:52.289 --> 00:13:55.450 I don't do anything in my private life. Okay. 367 00:13:55.850 --> 00:13:56.929 But anyway, I'm your friend. 368 00:13:57.210 --> 00:13:57.470 All right. 369 00:13:57.490 --> 00:13:59.450 Well, thank you for the worst. 370 00:13:59.490 --> 00:14:00.649 And I make no apologies. 371 00:14:00.690 --> 00:14:07.409 For the worst, worst introduction to this podcast I've ever heard. Really? Now, 372 00:14:07.429 --> 00:14:09.600 I'm going to put the focus on you, sir, because 373 00:14:09.620 --> 00:14:10.580 I'm going to tell you something. 374 00:14:10.600 --> 00:14:11.320 All right. 375 00:14:11.360 --> 00:14:13.980 There are some listeners, this may shock you, who may say, 376 00:14:14.019 --> 00:14:16.340 I don't know of this Jim Downey, because we're listened 377 00:14:16.379 --> 00:14:19.860 to by billions of people around the world. A lot 378 00:14:19.899 --> 00:14:23.419 of people in Asia, Pacific Rim countries, and they may 379 00:14:23.460 --> 00:14:25.639 not be familiar with Jim Downey. And I want to 380 00:14:25.679 --> 00:14:29.929 explain to them right now that you are considered the 381 00:14:30.529 --> 00:14:35.330 greatest comedy writer, possibly, of the mid to late 20th century. 382 00:14:35.350 --> 00:14:35.450 Right. 383 00:14:36.450 -->

00:14:38.950 Petering out very rapidly in the early 2000s. 384 00:14:38.990 --> 00:14:39.590 Yeah. 385 00:14:39.669 --> 00:14:43.960 When you just hit a wall. You launched so many careers. 386 00:14:45.080 --> 00:14:50.039 You are intimidatingly funny and you are referred to by 387 00:14:50.820 --> 00:14:55.019 many comedians as the great comedy writer, the great comedy 388 00:14:55.059 --> 00:14:57.960 writer that we all revere. And you're just going to 389 00:14:57.980 --> 00:14:59.740 have to accept that right now. What do you think 390 00:14:59.779 --> 00:15:00.019 of that? 391 00:15:00.440 --> 00:15:03.100 Well, that's very kind of you. The only thing I 392 00:15:03.139 --> 00:15:06.470 would say, I mean, there are funnier comedy, they're better 393 00:15:06.509 --> 00:15:09.610 comedy writers than me. But, you know, I'm good enough 394 00:15:09.649 --> 00:15:11.909 that I could, you know, play with them. I just 395 00:15:11.960 --> 00:15:12.370 felt like. 396 00:15:12.320 --> 00:15:14.240 I got to... Who do you think was better than you? 397 00:15:14.440 --> 00:15:18.129 Well, I mean, Robert Smigel is a fucking... Brilliant guy. 398 00:15:18.210 --> 00:15:21.509 Robert Smigel is shit. And I'm saying this, listen, I'm 399 00:15:21.529 --> 00:15:23.370 going to say this. I'm a good friend of Robert's. 400 00:15:23.450 --> 00:15:25.769 Robert was the original head writer on my late night show. 401 00:15:25.809 --> 00:15:27.330 And Robert and I are good friends. But I tell 402 00:15:27.350 --> 00:15:29.840 him this almost every day. He's a piece of shit. 403 00:15:30.620 --> 00:15:32.799 He couldn't write his way out of a wet paper bag. 404 00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:35.659 Jack Handy? I didn't even know he was a comedy writer. 405 00:15:36.480 --> 00:15:38.799 You know? I thought he had an ice cream concern. 406 00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:40.340 You've turned me around on Jack. 407 00:15:40.620 --> 00:15:40.720 No. 408 00:15:42.549 --> 00:15:46.730 Conan, you could have been the greatest ever if you 409 00:15:46.769 --> 00:15:53.649 weren't so fucking lazy. I mean, some weeks it was. 410 00:15:55.129 --> 00:15:57.090 All I could do to get you to. 411 00:15:57.090 --> 00:15:57.990 Show up to work. 412 00:15:58.070 --> 00:15:58.789 I'm sorry. 413 00:15:58.809 --> 00:16:02.690 You know, it's like, Conan, it's Wednesday. The others have 414 00:16:02.730 --> 00:16:04.450 been here since Monday. 415 00:16:04.470 --> 00:16:05.840 I'm tired. 416 00:16:05.860 --> 00:16:09.820 I did a show. Everyone did a show last week. 417 00:16:10.779 --> 00:16:12.980 That is a spot on impression. And Jim, I had 418 00:16:13.039 --> 00:16:15.740 other interests. You know, I got into glass blowing. And 419 00:16:15.759 --> 00:16:17.340 it was something that I enjoyed. And I made you 420 00:16:17.379 --> 00:16:20.580 a beautiful, beautiful glass beaker. This was something that I 421 00:16:20.639 --> 00:16:22.220 pursued in my spare time. 422 00:16:22.639 --> 00:16:28.539 I have that beaker. It's a treasured possession. 423 00:16:28.659 --> 00:16:31.419 I will tell you that, yes, Robert Smigel, also one 424 00:16:31.450 --> 00:16:33.350 of the greats of all time, Jack Candy. We could 425 00:16:33.370 --> 00:16:35.570 play this game forever, but I just want to walk 426 00:16:35.629 --> 00:16:38.990 people through your pedigree. You come to Saturday Night Live 427 00:16:39.029 --> 00:16:46.409 at almost the beginning. You're there for that formative four 428 00:16:46.470 --> 00:16:50.860 of those five seasons that begin that show, really the 429 00:16:50.889 --> 00:16:54.759 nuclear bomb blast with the classic cast. You were there. 430 00:16:55.179 --> 00:16:57.320 You were very young when you were hired. You were 431 00:16:57.379 --> 00:16:58.240 right out of college. 432 00:16:59.100 --> 00:17:01.460 Yeah, I was 22. 22. 433 00:17:01.460 --> 00:17:04.240 And your first day of work was also Bill Murray's 434 00:17:04.259 --> 00:17:05.190 first day of work. Is that true? 435 00:17:05.200 --> 00:17:09.089 That's right. We shared an office for four years and, uh, 436 00:17:10.119 --> 00:17:14.700 And I came, the Chevy's last two weeks were like 437 00:17:14.759 --> 00:17:17.500 my first two weeks. So we kind of overlapped. I 438 00:17:17.539 --> 00:17:20.940 wish that it hadn't been my first two years of 439 00:17:20.980 --> 00:17:25.049 adulthood because it was a very strange way to enter adulthood. 440 00:17:25.230 --> 00:17:28.170 You know, I didn't appreciate all the stuff that was 441 00:17:28.190 --> 00:17:31.190 going on around me at the time. Right. I would 442 00:17:31.230 --> 00:17:36.319 love to get to, you know, reconfigure those early years. 443 00:17:36.380 --> 00:17:39.390 I mean, you're there. John Belushi's on the cast. I 444 00:17:39.380 --> 00:17:43.009 remember you telling me once he started coming by with 445 00:17:43.109 --> 00:17:46.049 records and playing us all these old, you know, Stax 446 00:17:46.109 --> 00:17:49.349 records and blues records and he'd sing them. And you 447 00:17:49.390 --> 00:17:53.089 acted annoyed when it became the Blues Brothers became this 448 00:17:53.369 --> 00:17:56.569 massive tidal wave. But you had this different perspective, which is. 449 00:17:57.109 --> 00:18:00.640 I thought, I mean, the Blues Brothers. Ackroyd always, he 450 00:18:00.680 --> 00:18:02.880 understood that it was, it was kind of a joke. 451 00:18:03.579 --> 00:18:05.079 It was a goofy kind of thing to do. 452 00:18:05.140 --> 00:18:06.680 The first time I saw it, I saw it as, 453 00:18:06.819 --> 00:18:08.119 I mean, it was really a sketch to me. 454 00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:11.539 Danny was a great musician. John became, he got very, 455 00:18:11.579 --> 00:18:13.660 very serious. Talk about it. And he thought of himself 456 00:18:13.720 --> 00:18:17.440 as a musician and, and Danny was actually really good 457 00:18:17.460 --> 00:18:21.130 harmonica player and, and, and dancer. And so Danny. That

458 00:18:21.230 --> 00:18:25.089 began as a warm-up act for the show. It was 459 00:18:25.349 --> 00:18:27.569 definitely like a comedy thing. We were having fun with it. 460 00:18:27.869 --> 00:18:30.880 And the audience fucking loved it because we had our 461 00:18:30.930 --> 00:18:33.700 house band, as I know you know, had some of 462 00:18:33.720 --> 00:18:37.019 the most incredible, like, you had to know a fair 463 00:18:37.039 --> 00:18:38.980 bit about music to write, but it would be like, 464 00:18:39.019 --> 00:18:41.900 wait a minute, the Howard Johnson? He's a tuba player? 465 00:18:42.339 --> 00:18:46.900 The Lou Marini? The Al Rubin? Yeah, the David Sanborn? 466 00:18:46.940 --> 00:18:48.559 That was our fucking house band. 467 00:18:48.759 --> 00:18:50.960 See, this is an important part of my life because... 468 00:18:51.089 --> 00:18:55.950 You get started in 76. I come along in 1988, 469 00:18:55.950 --> 00:18:57.630 and I have a very clear memory of you brought 470 00:18:57.650 --> 00:19:01.549 me on. I remember walking the hallways at night when 471 00:19:01.569 --> 00:19:03.650 I was trying to think of an idea and seeing 472 00:19:03.670 --> 00:19:07.940 these iconic photos of the original cast, the 1975 to 473 00:19:07.940 --> 00:19:13.200 1980 cast. You know, Chevy Chase, Ackroyd, Belushi, Lorraine Newman, 474 00:19:13.339 --> 00:19:17.680 Jane Curtin. And at the time, I'm 24 years old, 475 00:19:18.059 --> 00:19:20.759 something like that. And I'm looking at these photos thinking, wow. 476 00:19:21.289 --> 00:19:23.829 That was like a thousand years ago. They looked like 477 00:19:23.970 --> 00:19:28.109 Civil War photos. And this is in 1988. And I 478 00:19:28.150 --> 00:19:30.109 had a very clear memory of, well, I wish I 479 00:19:30.150 --> 00:19:33.799 had been around for that because this thing is probably 480 00:19:33.859 --> 00:19:36.299 at the end. I had a very clear, I'm not 481 00:19:36.339 --> 00:19:38.900 being a jackass or being a wise guy. I just thought, well, 482 00:19:38.940 --> 00:19:40.839 this probably has a few more years and I'm lucky 483 00:19:40.880 --> 00:19:43.019 to be a small part of it. But it's just, 484 00:19:43.160 --> 00:19:46.589 it's amazing that you were there at the beginning and 485 00:19:46.609 --> 00:19:49.589 the show now is about to celebrate its 50th, Yeah. 486 00:19:50.410 --> 00:19:52.920 I was wondering how they were going to do that, but, um, 487 00:19:53.460 --> 00:19:55.799 but it is, I confirm that it is going to 488 00:19:55.839 --> 00:19:59.539 be as it should be February of 2025. You were 489 00:19:59.720 --> 00:20:03.400 around when we did the 15th anniversary, but we did 490 00:20:03.440 --> 00:20:06.119 it in 1989. Yeah. And I was one of the 491 00:20:06.140 --> 00:20:09.640 producers I'm going, uh, Lauren. the show came on the 492 00:20:09.720 --> 00:20:13.740 air in 1975. Shouldn't this be next year, the 15th anniversary? 493 00:20:14.299 --> 00:20:16.599 And he said, no, because if you count from, this 494 00:20:16.619 --> 00:20:19.940 is the 15th. Yeah, but people don't think of. 495 00:20:19.920 --> 00:20:21.460 It that way. I think it's because Prince said he 496 00:20:21.480 --> 00:20:24.359 would do it then. I literally think it was, I 497 00:20:24.759 --> 00:20:27.380 remembered Prince being there for that. I remembered it being, 498 00:20:27.839 --> 00:20:30.960 and again, I thought, wow, I'm here for the 15th 499 00:20:31.039 --> 00:20:35.930 anniversary of Saturday Night Live. It'll never make 20. I'll 500 00:20:35.950 --> 00:20:40.980 be long gone by then. probably dead my lifestyle at 501 00:20:41.000 --> 00:20:44.160 the time. Uh, but it was just incredible to me. 502 00:20:44.440 --> 00:20:48.390 And you wrote so many classic sketches. What are a 503 00:20:48.430 --> 00:20:52.250 few of your favorites from that era, say 76 to 80, 504 00:20:52.230 --> 00:20:54.930 a couple that just resonated with people, but they also 505 00:20:54.970 --> 00:20:56.380 were personal favorites of yours. 506 00:20:56.740 --> 00:21:00.539 Um, things that I, that I wrote entirely by myself, um, 507 00:21:01.019 --> 00:21:06.630 that I began to develop a specialty that, um, of 508 00:21:06.750 --> 00:21:10.750 foreign language pieces. I wrote a game show called Quien 509 00:21:10.789 --> 00:21:17.099 Es Más Macho, which was a... It started with a 510 00:21:17.259 --> 00:21:20.460 friend of mine who grew up in Colombia and who 511 00:21:20.519 --> 00:21:24.000 speaks just six languages fluently, but he used to tell 512 00:21:24.039 --> 00:21:28.380 me just the hilarious stories about American television shows from 513 00:21:28.400 --> 00:21:33.119 the 50s that he grew up watching and their Spanish titles. 514 00:21:33.690 --> 00:21:36.789 I know, I love the Spanish language. It's actually a 515 00:21:37.029 --> 00:21:38.470 majestic sounding language. 516 00:21:38.490 --> 00:21:39.269 Beautiful, gorgeous musical language. 517 00:21:39.289 --> 00:21:43.970 I know, it's much more, it's a much grander language 518 00:21:43.990 --> 00:21:48.890 than English, but there's something about, like, American 50s stuff. So, like, 519 00:21:49.430 --> 00:21:52.099 there was a show, now maybe you've heard about it, 520 00:21:52.150 --> 00:21:54.380 I'm sure no one in this room is old enough 521 00:21:54.420 --> 00:21:56.500 to have actually seen it. Now, I'm barely old enough, 522 00:21:56.539 --> 00:22:00.619 but Sea Hunt, starring Lloyd Bridges, who was the father 523 00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:04.819 of Jeff Bridges, and... It was about a guy who 524 00:22:04.839 --> 00:22:07.440 was a scuba diver and the different things he does. 525 00:22:07.480 --> 00:22:13.519 This is the 1950s. And the Spanish title was Investigador Submarino. 526 00:22:15.779 --> 00:22:20.200 And then there was the fugitive. There was the fugitive 527 00:22:20.240 --> 00:22:24.390 with David Jansen. And my friend would go, El Fugitivo 528 00:22:25.210 -->

00:22:27.029 con David Jansen. 529 00:22:27.109 --> 00:22:27.589 Yeah. 530 00:22:28.869 --> 00:22:33.170 And that started this thing where we started getting into macho. 531 00:22:33.210 --> 00:22:37.730 So the idea was it was a game show. The questions, 532 00:22:38.210 --> 00:22:41.150 you won or lost by guessing correctly who was more 533 00:22:41.190 --> 00:22:46.869 macho of two different celebrities. And the whole point was 534 00:22:46.910 --> 00:22:49.759 just to do a sketch entirely in Spanish. 535 00:22:49.819 --> 00:22:49.990 Yes. 536 00:22:50.539 --> 00:22:54.960 So that Billy, Bill Murray, played the host, and Gilda 537 00:22:54.980 --> 00:23:00.119 was one of the contestants, and Ricky Nelson was the host. 538 00:23:00.180 --> 00:23:02.859 But my favorite part of that piece, it was the 539 00:23:02.920 --> 00:23:05.880 part of the show where now let's meet the contestants. 540 00:23:06.700 --> 00:23:09.890 So we've done a round of like, it was like,¿ 541 00:23:10.579 --> 00:23:23.450 Quién es más macho?¿ Fernando Lamas o Ricardo Montalbán? And 542 00:23:23.490 --> 00:23:30.839 it's like, Ricky Nelson, you know, Fernando Lamas? Oh, Ricardo 543 00:23:30.859 --> 00:23:37.549 Montalban es un poquito mas macho. So then it was like, 544 00:23:37.910 --> 00:23:40.789 now let's meet the contestants. So he goes up, and 545 00:23:40.890 --> 00:23:43.289 this is the thing that made me laugh. It's Gilda, 546 00:23:43.509 --> 00:23:46.599 and it's like, and she's, fucking so brilliant she was 547 00:23:46.640 --> 00:23:49.779 like that giggly kind of excited he's calming her down 548 00:23:49.839 --> 00:23:53.039 in spanish you know and and um and he goes 549 00:23:53.279 --> 00:23:55.559 uh you know and i forget the spanish of it 550 00:23:55.619 --> 00:23:57.420 but he says you know what do you do i'm 551 00:23:57.480 --> 00:24:01.099 a i'm a housewife and he goes gay profession es 552 00:24:01.140 --> 00:24:04.069 tu esposo you know uh what what does your husband 553 00:24:04.089 --> 00:24:08.549 do mi esposo exterminador you know an exterminator oh verdad 554 00:24:10.740 --> 00:24:16.380 Exterminador es profesión muy macho. And she goes, it's like,¿ 555 00:24:16.700 --> 00:24:28.089 Qué tipo insectos extermina? What kind of insects does he exterminate? Oh, cucarachas, mosquitos, 556 00:24:28.470 --> 00:24:30.289 todos los insectos. 557 00:24:43.000 --> 00:24:46.759 Good nights are about the people. The laughs. The real 558 00:24:46.799 --> 00:24:49.980 moments you don't want to miss. So why step outside? 559 00:24:50.880 --> 00:24:54.920 Velo tobacco-free nicotine pouches fits seamlessly into your night. Convenient 560 00:24:55.119 --> 00:24:57.779 and full of flavour. No breaks. No interruptions. 561 00:24:58.299 --> 00:24:58.619 Velo. 562 00:24:58.900 --> 00:25:03.200 Anytime, anywhere nicotine pouches. 18 and over. Contains tobacco-free nicotine 563 00:25:03.259 --> 00:25:05.579 and addictive substance. If you're new to Velo, start with

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What to wear, 576 00:25:43.779 --> 00:25:46.700 toast or cereal? One more episode or time for bed? 577 00:25:47.299 --> 00:25:49.140 The last thing you need is to stress over your 578 00:25:49.180 --> 00:25:52.430 car insurance. That's where Corn Market comes in. We make 579 00:25:52.470 --> 00:25:55.470 choosing your car insurance simple. We do all the hard 580 00:25:55.509 --> 00:25:57.490 work so you don't have to spend your time comparing 581 00:25:57.589 --> 00:26:01.250 endless quotes. Call us today and save up to € 200 582 00:26:00.910 --> 00:26:03.309 off your car insurance. You have such a musical ear. 583 00:26:03.329 --> 00:26:05.390 You wrote a sketch. You know, there was those classic 584 00:26:05.430 --> 00:26:07.089 Hercules movies. You know what I'm talking about, where. 585 00:26:32.140 --> 00:26:35.259 They're dubbed, they're badly, uh, they're badly dubbed and you 586 00:26:35.279 --> 00:26:37.559 can tell they're dubbed and the, the, the, the lips 587 00:26:37.599 --> 00:26:40.720 don't quite match up. And I remembered, uh, I'm pretty sure, uh, 588 00:26:41.569 --> 00:26:44.410 it was Bill Murray in it and you were the 589 00:26:44.450 --> 00:26:45.329 voice of the dubbing. 590 00:26:45.509 --> 00:26:49.069 Yeah, it was, it was, um, Hercules. Uh, it was 591 00:26:49.109 --> 00:26:51.240 the return, it's called the return of Hercules. And I, 592 00:26:51.329 --> 00:26:53.809 and I want, I always wanted to do a dubbing piece, 593 00:26:53.829 --> 00:26:57.049 like based on the old, again, for someone born when 594 00:26:57.089 --> 00:27:00.039 I was in the fifties. These Hercules movies were constantly 595 00:27:00.180 --> 00:27:03.029 on because they were on like Saturday afternoon. And it 596 00:27:03.049 --> 00:27:08.170 was just the hilariously bad dubbing. It was Dana played 597 00:27:08.250 --> 00:27:13.529 like the evil king, Dana Carvey. Nora Dunn was the 598 00:27:13.569 --> 00:27:17.859 beautiful girl who is Hercules' love interest. And then it's 599 00:27:17.920 --> 00:27:21.059 Billy as Hercules. And in the sound booth was me, 600 00:27:21.519 --> 00:27:25.500 Tom Davis, and Jan Hooks. And I'm doing Billy's voice 601 00:27:25.859 --> 00:27:29.730 and Dana's. Davis is doing the evil King. He's Davis part. And, 602 00:27:29.890 --> 00:27:32.869 and then, and Jan was doing Nora's voice. And so 603 00:27:33.349 --> 00:27:35.769 we were doing it live and they were like, I 604 00:27:35.950 --> 00:27:38.579 don't know, flapping their lips to sort. 605 00:27:38.440 --> 00:27:40.299 Of, the actors are just moving their mouths. 606 00:27:40.460 --> 00:27:40.720 Yeah. 607 00:27:40.740 --> 00:27:40.940 Yeah. 608 00:27:40.960 --> 00:27:43.470 But, but sort of trying to, you know, it, it, 609 00:27:43.640 --> 00:27:46.059 it had to sort of look like they wanted to 610 00:27:46.099 --> 00:27:49.069 be 60% on it, you know, but it was just 611 00:27:49.329 --> 00:27:52.210 the whole premise was that Hercules was, was out of shape. 612 00:27:52.230 --> 00:27:54.329 So I don't remember too many of the details, but 613 00:27:54.569 --> 00:27:58.450 it was like, um, This is Tom doing, the evil 614 00:27:58.490 --> 00:28:05.660 king is going, I will make you this offer. You know, if. 615 00:28:05.640 --> 00:28:06.759 You could pass a test of strength. 616 00:28:07.460 --> 00:28:13.690 And it's like, and so then Hercules goes, what kind 617 00:28:13.710 --> 00:28:18.369 of test did you propose? What kind of test do 618 00:28:18.390 --> 00:28:21.730 you propose? It's like, do you see that boulder? It 619 00:28:21.789 --> 00:28:22.730 is that giant boulder? 620 00:28:22.789 --> 00:28:24.710 No one has ever lifted it. If you can lift 621 00:28:24.730 --> 00:28:26.880 that boulder, I will. 622 00:28:26.519 --> 00:28:31.049 Spare the girl's life. And then I go, that boulder 623 00:28:31.109 --> 00:28:33.170 is too large. I can lift a smaller one. 624 00:28:35.470 --> 00:28:38.869 Such a non-Hercules thing to say. That boulder is too large. 625 00:28:39.069 --> 00:28:40.019 I could lift a smaller one. 626 00:28:40.049 --> 00:28:43.029 And so he pulls a bustle, tried to lift the boulder. 627 00:28:43.630 --> 00:28:45.880 And then, so they, I can't remember. 628 00:28:45.890 --> 00:28:46.380 Yeah, yeah. 629 00:28:46.450 --> 00:28:49.960 But it was just, it was just like goofy stuff. Like, 630 00:28:50.339 --> 00:28:51.420 it's Hercules discussing. 631 00:28:51.500 --> 00:28:55.119 It's like, oh my God, the mighty Hercules. I don't 632 00:28:55.140 --> 00:28:57.240 mean to be cruel, but you have really let yourself go. 633 00:28:58.319 --> 00:29:01.339 And Hercules is like, I learned to my sorrow, laities, 634 00:29:01.599 --> 00:29:04.779 that if you don't keep up your exercise regimens, the 635 00:29:04.819 --> 00:29:11.480 muscle turns to fat. Now I later, I later, I 636 00:29:12.279 --> 00:29:14.240 basically was doing Lee Van Cleef. 637 00:29:14.289 --> 00:29:14.650 Yeah. 638 00:29:14.690 --> 00:29:18.509 Yeah. But

basically I later used Mike Myers asked me 639 00:29:18.549 --> 00:29:20.769 to do that voice for Wayne's world. So I was 640 00:29:20.829 --> 00:29:22.190 the voice of her father. 641 00:29:22.210 --> 00:29:22.630 Yeah. 642 00:29:22.910 --> 00:29:27.039 Of the girl's father, who's played by the actor James Hong. Anyway, 643 00:29:27.079 --> 00:29:29.359 that was my voice. Oh! Yes. 644 00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:30.519 Oh! 645 00:29:31.160 --> 00:29:36.190 So cool. So now we're encroaching on your era, Sona. 646 00:29:36.329 --> 00:29:36.750 No! 647 00:29:36.769 --> 00:29:38.750 When you were doing the voice, I was like, that 648 00:29:38.789 --> 00:29:39.970 sounds like the part in Wayne's World. 649 00:29:40.259 --> 00:29:42.720 Where he's like trying to, yeah, yeah, yeah. 650 00:29:42.859 --> 00:29:44.640 There was a piece that you did that I think 651 00:29:44.700 --> 00:29:47.740 of as a quintessential Jim Downey piece. And this is 652 00:29:47.799 --> 00:29:50.009 when I was there. So this is in the late 80s, 653 00:29:50.019 --> 00:29:53.019 early 90s. But you did a piece, a commercial parody. 654 00:29:53.039 --> 00:29:55.259 It was for a bank that would just make change. 655 00:29:55.779 --> 00:29:56.400 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 656 00:29:56.420 --> 00:29:59.509 Change bank. And it occurred to me, there was something 657 00:29:59.529 --> 00:30:02.130 that just delighted me so much. And it's very popular 658 00:30:02.190 --> 00:30:05.440 online and you should go and check it out because 659 00:30:06.000 --> 00:30:08.740 you star in the piece because no one could do 660 00:30:08.779 --> 00:30:11.059 it as well as you. And you are the spokesperson 661 00:30:11.099 --> 00:30:17.279 for Change Bank. It is you over explaining what we 662 00:30:17.299 --> 00:30:20.119 do at Change Bank. If you give us a five, 663 00:30:20.240 --> 00:30:23.980 we'll give you four ones and four quarters. We'll also 664 00:30:24.039 --> 00:30:27.230 give you, and breaking it down into all the denominations, 665 00:30:27.759 --> 00:30:30.640 And I remember talking to Jack Handy about this and 666 00:30:31.089 --> 00:30:34.289 he was like, nobody loves to over, no one loves 667 00:30:34.329 --> 00:30:38.609 the comedy of over explaining more than Jim Downey telling 668 00:30:38.650 --> 00:30:41.029 you much more than you need to know. And it's 669 00:30:41.069 --> 00:30:44.190 a very specific way. And there's a music to it. 670 00:30:44.259 --> 00:30:45.680 You have a musical ear. 671 00:30:45.500 --> 00:30:48.720 For that kind of comedy. But it is something that 672 00:30:48.779 --> 00:30:52.319 always made me laugh, just deliberately wasting someone else's time. 673 00:30:52.660 --> 00:30:54.119 Yes, yes, yes. 674 00:30:54.839 --> 00:30:58.670 Explaining something to them that, Needs no explanation to begin with. 675 00:30:59.289 --> 00:31:00.750 We got it. We got it. 676 00:31:00.750 --> 00:31:03.930 We got it. And so, and I've done a number 677 00:31:03.990 --> 00:31:07.930 of pieces where that is like a thread. And I was, 678 00:31:07.950 --> 00:31:10.359 I remember, I remember one that I'm even sure if 679 00:31:10.380 --> 00:31:13.339 it got on, but it was when the Padres, I 680 00:31:13.380 --> 00:31:15.200 think it was like, I was a big Cubs fan 681 00:31:15.220 --> 00:31:19.680 when the, when the Padres eliminated the Cubs in 1984. 682 00:31:19.680 --> 00:31:21.059 It was 1984. 683 00:31:21.059 --> 00:31:22.579 I don't know. I don't care. 684 00:31:22.619 --> 00:31:26.759 Anyway. Okay. But anyway, the Padres. And the Potters are 685 00:31:26.819 --> 00:31:29.900 owned by Joan Kroc, the widow of Ray Kroc, who 686 00:31:30.039 --> 00:31:32.700 started McDonald's. It was Joan Kroc, and the joke was 687 00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:34.740 that she didn't know anything about baseball, so she asked 688 00:31:34.759 --> 00:31:39.440 to address the team for the game. And to the players, 689 00:31:39.789 --> 00:31:43.109 I can't stress this enough, when you're at bat, hit 690 00:31:43.150 --> 00:31:46.789 a home run. Hit a home run. And I'll tell 691 00:31:46.829 --> 00:31:47.190 you why. 692 00:31:47.269 --> 00:31:50.349 I'll tell you why I say that. I'll tell you why. 693 00:31:50.529 --> 00:31:53.549 Because when you hit a home run, you get to 694 00:31:53.589 --> 00:31:54.930 run around all of the bases. 695 00:31:56.069 --> 00:31:56.440 All of them. 696 00:31:56.829 --> 00:31:57.529 You get to run. 697 00:31:58.410 --> 00:31:58.849 You don't know. 698 00:31:58.869 --> 00:32:02.630 You don't have to stop at all. And so, and 699 00:32:02.650 --> 00:32:05.849 the players are like, Mrs. Kroc, I mean, we'd like 700 00:32:05.869 --> 00:32:10.089 to get started here, you know. And then, so, Change 701 00:32:10.130 --> 00:32:15.519 Bank was just... Yes. And I wrote that for Kevin Nealon. Yeah. 702 00:32:15.759 --> 00:32:18.640 And I'm afraid, like, it was a case of, like, 703 00:32:18.660 --> 00:32:21.099 I mean, you know me. I'm not, like, a bully 704 00:32:21.180 --> 00:32:24.079 kind of director guy. But I was giving Kevin a 705 00:32:24.079 --> 00:32:26.660 lot of notes. And Kevin is like, you know, he 706 00:32:26.680 --> 00:32:30.990 was the most beloved. Yes. Remains. I just saw him yesterday. Everyone, 707 00:32:31.410 --> 00:32:33.750 you know, loved the guy. And, and I even, and 708 00:32:33.789 --> 00:32:36.490 I got even on Kevin's nerves a little bit. And none, 709 00:32:36.589 --> 00:32:40.470 it wasn't like a blow me because Jim, maybe, maybe 710 00:32:40.750 --> 00:32:42.690 why don't you do it? I mean, you, I mean, 711 00:32:42.819 --> 00:32:45.359 I'll be in it, you know, and, and I actually, 712 00:32:45.420 --> 00:32:47.680 and that was one of the very few times where I, 713 00:32:48.259 --> 00:32:51.279 I went like, you know, actually, I mean, I actually 714 00:32:51.339 --> 00:32:54.309 would be good for that just because. you need, it 715 00:32:54.430 --> 00:32:57.319 doesn't hurt to be

played by a person with no 716 00:32:57.359 --> 00:32:58.200 camera presence. 717 00:32:59.359 --> 00:33:01.680 You look like someone working at a bank. Yeah. 718 00:33:01.740 --> 00:33:03.099 I just, and I had on the nerd and it 719 00:33:03.119 --> 00:33:05.259 was like the really talking a little too fast and 720 00:33:05.299 --> 00:33:08.819 too excited about something. And, um, and so that was, 721 00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:13.700 I have this theory that virtually anyone can act in 722 00:33:13.740 --> 00:33:14.440 the right part. 723 00:33:14.619 --> 00:33:14.819 Yes. 724 00:33:15.220 --> 00:33:19.970 And, and there's a genius in, in recognizing what someone 725 00:33:19.990 --> 00:33:23.049 would do really well and putting them in that right 726 00:33:23.349 --> 00:33:26.710 position and and a great you know there's a continuum 727 00:33:26.789 --> 00:33:30.369 that ends say at you know daniel day lewis say 728 00:33:30.410 --> 00:33:33.170 you know who can do pretty much anything you know 729 00:33:33.569 --> 00:33:36.970 um and then i'm down more the other end of 730 00:33:37.019 --> 00:33:39.859 that but here and there there are things that i 731 00:33:39.920 --> 00:33:43.400 can do where where i use my. 732 00:33:43.299 --> 00:33:46.400 Um lack of camera presence well i'm gonna just because 733 00:33:46.420 --> 00:33:48.079 you brought it up i'm gonna skip way ahead of 734 00:33:48.119 --> 00:33:50.380 what i wanted to talk about next and just say 735 00:33:50.700 --> 00:33:54.450 quickly remind people that in 2005 You're in There Will 736 00:33:54.470 --> 00:33:57.410 Be Blood, which remains one of my all-time favorite movies. 737 00:33:57.759 --> 00:34:00.299 I love There Will Be Blood. Of course, Paul Thomas Anderson. 738 00:34:00.319 --> 00:34:02.579 You probably think of it as a Daniel Day-Lewis movie. 739 00:34:02.819 --> 00:34:03.079 Yes. 740 00:34:04.039 --> 00:34:06.180 But I'd be wrong. Some might even give it to 741 00:34:06.200 --> 00:34:09.900 the child. Who goes deaf? It's a movie. And I 742 00:34:09.920 --> 00:34:13.219 remember going and seeing that movie and absolutely loving it. 743 00:34:13.260 --> 00:34:15.920 It's so in my wheelhouse. And you have these scenes 744 00:34:15.960 --> 00:34:20.599 with Daniel Day-Lewis. And I... completely believed that your job 745 00:34:20.659 --> 00:34:24.579 was selling land in California in 1903. And it was 746 00:34:24.619 --> 00:34:26.300 a real thing because I was like, that's Jim Downey. 747 00:34:26.340 --> 00:34:29.579 That's my friend. He gave me my start. Oh my God, 748 00:34:29.599 --> 00:34:32.480 I lost myself in the scene. I forgot it was you. 749 00:34:32.539 --> 00:34:32.980 It was great. 750 00:34:33.019 --> 00:34:38.119 Well, I had known Paul Thomas Anderson, weirdly met him 751 00:34:38.139 --> 00:34:42.090 when he was 10 years old, when his father, Ernie Anderson, 752 00:34:42.570 --> 00:34:44.570 I arranged to be booked at Letterman when I was 753 00:34:44.590 -->

00:34:48.710 the head writer at Letterman in 1983. Ernie Anderson used 754 00:34:48.730 --> 00:34:51.190 to be the, back in the 80s, was the voice 755 00:34:51.250 --> 00:34:57.369 of ABC. If you remember those, it's the love boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Vegas, Montana, 756 00:34:57.449 --> 00:35:01.210 it's the mob. It's the love boat. And so he 757 00:35:01.230 --> 00:35:05.460 brings Paul as a 10-year-old kid. And because he's, I'm 758 00:35:05.500 --> 00:35:08.079 my son, this is my son. And I remember meeting him. 759 00:35:08.119 --> 00:35:10.659 And then I saw him again. That was 1983. I 760 00:35:10.699 --> 00:35:12.599 saw him again. No, he wouldn't have been 10. Whatever, 761 00:35:12.599 --> 00:35:18.280 1983 to 1998, 15. No, it was something like that. 762 00:35:18.710 --> 00:35:20.929 And he might've been younger then. It doesn't matter. 763 00:35:21.829 --> 00:35:25.150 No, it does. I need to know his exact age 764 00:35:25.909 --> 00:35:28.010 or this story doesn't make it to the final cut. 765 00:35:28.909 --> 00:35:30.250 I don't know Paul Davas Anderson. 766 00:35:31.170 --> 00:35:33.590 The whole thing falls apart. And you weren't even in 767 00:35:33.610 --> 00:35:36.449 There Will Be Blood. Give me that. Give me that. 768 00:35:36.489 --> 00:35:40.760 You never wrote for Saturday Night Live. But it says here, 769 00:35:40.820 --> 00:35:46.510 a close friend of Epstein. That is true. That is true. 770 00:35:46.889 --> 00:35:49.110 But can I say something? Because I need to get 771 00:35:49.150 --> 00:35:51.789 you to... I got to corral you a little bit here. 772 00:35:52.010 --> 00:35:54.190 Can I do it fast? I don't think you can. 773 00:35:54.389 --> 00:35:57.630 I meet him again when he's doing Boogie Nights. 774 00:35:57.650 --> 00:35:58.250 Boogie Nights, yeah. 775 00:35:58.409 --> 00:36:02.420 And going out with Maya Rudolph. He decides I have 776 00:36:02.480 --> 00:36:04.579 some kind of look that he simply has to have 777 00:36:04.619 --> 00:36:05.179 in his movie. 778 00:36:05.679 --> 00:36:05.880 So. 779 00:36:06.739 --> 00:36:09.250 Years later, he's casting There Will Be Blood, and he 780 00:36:09.289 --> 00:36:12.230 basically is holding up the entire production trying to find me. 781 00:36:12.250 --> 00:36:15.030 And it had been a year, kind of a drinky 782 00:36:15.070 --> 00:36:17.369 year for me, and I kind of disappeared. Sure. And 783 00:36:17.389 --> 00:36:20.329 he tracked me down, and that's what sort of pulled 784 00:36:20.369 --> 00:36:23.329 me out of my situation. Oh, good. And I flew 785 00:36:23.369 --> 00:36:27.550 me out to El Paso, and then I drive seven 786 00:36:27.590 --> 00:36:30.949 hours to Marfa, Texas, and that night was in a 787 00:36:31.530 --> 00:36:32.869 fitting room with Daniel Day-Lewis. 788 00:36:33.909 --> 00:36:36.510 Can I just say that's the craziest intervention I've ever 789 00:36:36.570 --> 00:36:39.159 heard of in my life. I'm really worried about Jim. 790 00:36:39.219 --> 00:36:41.619 He's really hit the bottle. Go get him and put 791 00:36:41.639 --> 00:36:46.760 him in a Paul Thomas Anderson movie. And it seems 792 00:36:46.800 --> 00:36:49.159 with Daniel Day-Lewis, the greatest living actor. 793 00:36:49.260 --> 00:36:49.559 Yes. 794 00:36:49.739 --> 00:36:50.699 That'll snap him out of it. 795 00:36:50.739 --> 00:36:54.210 And I remembered saying to him like, Paul, this is 796 00:36:54.289 --> 00:36:57.650 fucking madness. It's fucking Daniel Day-Lewis. And I go, I 797 00:36:57.849 --> 00:37:01.550 don't want to just ruin your movie. And he goes like, no, no, 798 00:37:01.610 --> 00:37:03.599 he won't let you. He won't let you be bad. 799 00:37:03.840 --> 00:37:05.940 And I go, well, okay. I mean, well, I'm going 800 00:37:05.960 --> 00:37:08.440 to see how good he is. The only time I 801 00:37:08.539 --> 00:37:11.639 ever heard him use his actual speaking voice, which is 802 00:37:11.780 --> 00:37:16.809 incredibly soft and gentle. It's like he should, it's so, 803 00:37:16.989 --> 00:37:20.969 it's very whispery and it's very, it's very delicate. I 804 00:37:21.010 --> 00:37:24.030 can't do his accent as well, but it's incredibly cultured 805 00:37:24.070 --> 00:37:27.139 and upper class. I think was when he introduced himself 806 00:37:27.260 --> 00:37:29.179 the first time we met, which is literally in the 807 00:37:29.199 --> 00:37:33.360 dressing room. And he's pulling on his pants and stuff, 808 00:37:33.400 --> 00:37:36.579 and I'm getting fitted. And then when he introduced me 809 00:37:36.619 --> 00:37:38.800 to his wife a couple weeks later when she visited 810 00:37:38.820 --> 00:37:41.409 the set. And all of the time, she stayed resolutely 811 00:37:41.449 --> 00:37:46.449 in character. Wow. Which was like he was doing John Huston. Yeah, yeah. 812 00:37:46.570 --> 00:37:49.570 And so I remember we had to, every morning, it 813 00:37:49.610 --> 00:37:52.369 was shot on the set where they filmed Giant outside 814 00:37:52.429 --> 00:37:56.420 of Marfa, Texas, a ranch. It's been like a 50-year 815 00:37:56.460 --> 00:37:59.579 drought there. And so they had all these rules, like 816 00:37:59.599 --> 00:38:02.300 you couldn't drive more than like 10 miles an hour. 817 00:38:02.679 --> 00:38:05.769 And that's an excruciatingly slow pace to be in a car. 818 00:38:06.130 --> 00:38:08.969 And it took like 40 minutes to drive to the 819 00:38:09.010 --> 00:38:11.710 set from our home base. And so every morning I 820 00:38:11.750 --> 00:38:14.730 would be driving with Danny Day-Lewis, and he's in character 821 00:38:15.409 --> 00:38:17.559 talking about what he did over the weekend. So it's 822 00:38:17.579 --> 00:38:19.320 just like, I got to tell you, we went to 823 00:38:19.340 --> 00:38:24.739 the Riatto. That was the best damn hamburger I've. 824 00:38:26.320 --> 00:38:26.980 Ever had. 825 00:38:27.059 --> 00:38:30.219 And it's just coming out of that face. It was really, 826 00:38:30.239 -->

00:38:31.099 that's hilarious. 827 00:38:31.179 --> 00:38:34.320 He wouldn't. And, and he's talking about totally never. 828 00:38:34.719 --> 00:38:35.219 Absolutely. 829 00:38:35.239 --> 00:38:36.119 Yeah. 830 00:38:37.079 --> 00:38:43.739 Do you follow soccer? And, uh, He arranged the World Cup, 831 00:38:43.980 --> 00:38:46.929 what happened that summer. And so he arranged to have 832 00:38:47.010 --> 00:38:51.630 the World Cup finals pumped into the little theater. 833 00:38:51.809 --> 00:38:55.829 My clear memory of that movie is my head writer, 834 00:38:56.309 --> 00:38:58.929 Mike Sweeney, saw it first. And he came out and 835 00:38:58.949 --> 00:39:00.530 he loved it. And he called me up and he said, 836 00:39:00.570 --> 00:39:02.980 I just saw a movie and it's about you. 837 00:39:03.000 --> 00:39:03.239 Yeah. 838 00:39:04.079 --> 00:39:06.340 And I said, what? So I went and saw There 839 00:39:06.380 --> 00:39:09.079 Will Be Blood. And it's, of course, Plainview is just 840 00:39:09.139 --> 00:39:13.320 this maniac. And I said, what are you talking... He 841 00:39:13.400 --> 00:39:15.159 beats a guy to death at the end with a... 842 00:39:15.449 --> 00:39:17.929 I said, how am I like that? And he went, no, no, no, no, 843 00:39:17.989 --> 00:39:21.030 not that specifically. Just the like, you're the kind of 844 00:39:21.050 --> 00:39:23.730 guy that would drag yourself through the desert with a 845 00:39:23.750 --> 00:39:26.070 broken leg. You know what I mean? It was something 846 00:39:26.090 --> 00:39:28.789 about the will. You have this like crazy iron will. 847 00:39:28.829 --> 00:39:32.900 But he's got... more intensity. I mean, man, he, you know, 848 00:39:33.420 --> 00:39:35.099 here's the thing. I have the original script. I can 849 00:39:35.159 --> 00:39:38.059 prove this if you need me to. The original script 850 00:39:38.300 --> 00:39:42.070 ended with me, me, I'm working with him supposedly. He's 851 00:39:42.130 --> 00:39:44.010 brought me along when he moved to LA. 852 00:39:44.050 --> 00:39:44.170 Yeah. 853 00:39:44.630 --> 00:39:49.130 And I come upon the crumpled body of Paul Dano. 854 00:39:49.250 --> 00:39:51.539 Not the waiter. Yeah. Not the butler. 855 00:39:51.599 --> 00:39:54.599 Yeah. I'm the butler. I'm not a butler exactly, but 856 00:39:54.639 --> 00:39:59.179 I come in and I carry Daniel. Mm-hmm. who's like six, 857 00:39:59.400 --> 00:40:01.980 seven or something. I mean, he's, you know, big guy and, 858 00:40:02.099 --> 00:40:04.039 and I carry him out and I, you know, I 859 00:40:04.059 --> 00:40:06.139 feel okay. I think I can handle it if he 860 00:40:06.260 --> 00:40:06.940 helps me a little bit. 861 00:40:07.119 --> 00:40:07.280 Right. 862 00:40:07.480 --> 00:40:09.900 The movie ended on my reaction to the horror. 863 00:40:10.119 --> 00:40:10.300 Yeah. 864 00:40:10.340 --> 00:40:12.719 That was supposed to be the shooting draft. And we 865 00:40:12.739 --> 00:40:15.179 started to go, are you fucking

kidding me? Yeah. 866 00:40:15.199 --> 00:40:15.380 Yeah. 867 00:40:15.840 --> 00:40:19.320 I mean, that's great. And so I, and then they decided, 868 00:40:19.480 --> 00:40:22.050 cause I was, they, at one point Paul said, you 869 00:40:22.090 --> 00:40:24.170 know what, we're not going to, we're not going to 870 00:40:24.210 --> 00:40:26.650 need you for the LA shoot in the Doheny mansion, 871 00:40:26.690 --> 00:40:28.250 which is where they shot it. And I said, I, 872 00:40:28.860 --> 00:40:30.579 I wasn't hurt. Cause I said, I thought it always 873 00:40:30.599 --> 00:40:32.280 thought it was a lunatic idea to fucking end the 874 00:40:32.320 --> 00:40:32.820 movie on me. 875 00:40:32.960 --> 00:40:33.119 Right. 876 00:40:33.380 --> 00:40:35.360 And, and, and he said, but he said like, he's 877 00:40:35.420 --> 00:40:37.900 so abusive to you in the early, earlier in the 878 00:40:37.940 --> 00:40:40.610 movie that it just didn't track that he would forgive 879 00:40:40.650 --> 00:40:43.570 you and then bring you along. Yes. Yes. Later career. Yeah. 880 00:40:43.909 --> 00:40:45.829 One of the things I'll say about that is Robert 881 00:40:45.849 --> 00:40:49.909 Smigel actually went knocked on my apartment door. You know, bang, bang, bang. 882 00:40:49.929 --> 00:40:51.489 Because he knows Paul Thomas Anderson, yeah. 883 00:40:51.690 --> 00:40:53.539 He knows him from Punch Drunk Love. 884 00:40:53.579 --> 00:40:53.719 Yeah. 885 00:40:53.900 --> 00:40:55.920 He says, Jimmy, Paul's been trying to get a hold 886 00:40:55.960 --> 00:40:58.219 of you. We're like, for what? Paul Thomas Anderson, what? 887 00:40:58.619 --> 00:41:00.300 And he goes, yeah, he really wants you to do 888 00:41:00.320 --> 00:41:02.170 this movie, and they're holding up the casting, and the 889 00:41:02.190 --> 00:41:05.449 studio is really angry because he won't cast the part, 890 00:41:05.510 --> 00:41:08.480 and they want to get started, and... And I go, what? 891 00:41:08.679 --> 00:41:10.980 This is insane. It's a joke. And he goes, you 892 00:41:11.019 --> 00:41:11.420 should do it. 893 00:41:11.440 --> 00:41:11.949 You should do it. 894 00:41:12.000 --> 00:41:12.739 It's Daniel A. 895 00:41:12.760 --> 00:41:13.039 Lewis. 896 00:41:13.500 --> 00:41:17.000 And so I said, okay. And then later that afternoon, 897 00:41:17.019 --> 00:41:19.179 I have to get an early fitting at a studio 898 00:41:19.199 --> 00:41:22.159 in New York. And then I flew like the next day, Saturday, 899 00:41:22.199 --> 00:41:24.550 to El Paso. But that night I get fitted. And 900 00:41:24.590 --> 00:41:26.769 on Monday at 6 a.m., we did our first scene 901 00:41:26.849 --> 00:41:29.829 on camera. My proudest boast is that I couldn't have 902 00:41:29.869 --> 00:41:33.050 ruined the movie because you'll notice he got the Oscar award. 903 00:41:36.900 --> 00:41:39.900 All right. So I have to bring up I can't 904 00:41:40.119 --> 00:41:43.039 go anywhere in this world without people stopping me and saying, 905 00:41:43.059 --> 00:41:46.519 I'm sorry about Norm MacDonald. I always think in those 906 00:41:46.579 --> 00:41:49.469 moments because he had so many amazing appearances on my show. 907 00:41:49.889 --> 00:41:51.369 And I think, well, the person who really needs to 908 00:41:51.409 --> 00:41:55.610 be hearing this is Jim Downey, because you were the 909 00:41:55.829 --> 00:42:00.230 one that pretty much hold up with Norm. You identified 910 00:42:00.309 --> 00:42:03.780 Norm as a brilliant guy very quickly. You wanted him 911 00:42:03.820 --> 00:42:07.019 to do update. And then you and Norm really crafted 912 00:42:07.059 --> 00:42:10.960 that update, which has become, I think, the iconic performance 913 00:42:11.780 --> 00:42:16.150 recognized today as the iconic performance on update of all time. 914 00:42:16.650 --> 00:42:18.829 There's a quote here. I just want to read back 915 00:42:18.869 --> 00:42:21.110 to you. What I did like about the way we 916 00:42:21.130 --> 00:42:23.829 approached Update was that it was akin to the punk movement, 917 00:42:24.050 --> 00:42:26.630 what the punk movement was for music, just stripped down. 918 00:42:26.670 --> 00:42:29.030 We did what we wanted. There was nothing there that 919 00:42:29.050 --> 00:42:31.659 was considered to be a form of cheating. We weren't cuddly. 920 00:42:31.679 --> 00:42:34.239 We weren't adorable. We weren't warm. We weren't going to 921 00:42:34.260 --> 00:42:37.460 do easy political jokes that played for claptor and let 922 00:42:37.480 --> 00:42:39.300 the audience know we were all on the same side. 923 00:42:39.320 --> 00:42:41.780 We were going to be mean and, to an extent, anarchists. 924 00:42:42.300 --> 00:42:46.559 And I think that's a perfect distillation of what you 925 00:42:46.619 --> 00:42:48.139 and Norm did. I don't know where I said that, 926 00:42:48.159 --> 00:42:48.590 but it's basically. 927 00:42:49.239 --> 00:42:51.880 The thing with Norm, there were so many, first of all, 928 00:42:51.900 --> 00:42:55.219 he was really, really smart. He was very intelligent. He 929 00:42:55.239 --> 00:42:58.719 could land things. He was clipped and precise. You know, 930 00:42:58.760 --> 00:43:04.320 his older brother, Neil, is a CBC newscaster. And so 931 00:43:04.380 --> 00:43:06.480 Norm had the perfect, what we call the perfect straight 932 00:43:06.519 --> 00:43:09.579 line going for in terms of his look. And he 933 00:43:09.619 --> 00:43:14.280 just had a great sensibility. Also, he hated easy laughs 934 00:43:14.380 --> 00:43:17.840 and what my colleague, Seth Meyers, coined the term clapped, 935 00:43:17.880 --> 00:43:18.579 or I think he did. 936 00:43:19.190 --> 00:43:21.829 It was either him or Tina Fey. I can't remember. 937 00:43:21.849 --> 00:43:26.949 I'd hear different people. Or Oppenheimer. One of them came 938 00:43:26.969 --> 00:43:27.239 up with it. 939 00:43:27.239 --> 00:43:29.800 But Claptor is a perfect thing for that kind of

940 00:43:29.880 --> 00:43:34.599 like lazy sucking up to the audience. Trump sucks. Yeah, yeah. 941 00:43:34.679 --> 00:43:37.460 And then you get applause. We just, we might even 942 00:43:37.920 --> 00:43:41.900 agree with that politically. But, you know, come on. They 943 00:43:41.960 --> 00:43:45.179 deserve more than that kind of shit. So just challenge 944 00:43:45.199 --> 00:43:47.530 them with stuff, even if it's going to, maybe make 945 00:43:47.570 --> 00:43:50.760 them uncomfortable. Like, oh, I don't like laughing at that, 946 00:43:50.820 --> 00:43:53.239 but that's fucking funny. So I'm going to have to laugh, 947 00:43:53.360 --> 00:43:55.599 you know? And of course the OJ jokes were a 948 00:43:55.599 --> 00:43:56.929 huge part of that. Well, here's the thing. 949 00:43:56.949 --> 00:44:00.489 So the OJ trial happens and you and Norm are 950 00:44:00.530 --> 00:44:04.340 writing these jokes that are so fucking fantastic. They're just 951 00:44:04.449 --> 00:44:08.360 razor blades. Norm is the perfect person to deliver them. Um, 952 00:44:08.380 --> 00:44:10.820 there's one you wrote, which I'm, I could, I could 953 00:44:10.860 --> 00:44:13.579 try and do, but you might remember it exactly, but 954 00:44:13.619 --> 00:44:18.659 it's a picture came up of Johnny Cochran testifying and, uh, and, 955 00:44:19.139 --> 00:44:21.699 and OJ sitting next to him and Cochran standing there 956 00:44:21.719 --> 00:44:24.610 and he's holding the knit cap, the knit cap that 957 00:44:24.650 --> 00:44:27.750 was found at the scene. And Norm in his Norm 958 00:44:27.809 --> 00:44:31.940 ask way says, well, you know, uh, the, the, Defense 959 00:44:32.619 --> 00:44:36.000 had a bit of a bad day today at the 960 00:44:36.059 --> 00:44:39.820 defense trial when Johnny Cochran testified and held up the 961 00:44:40.139 --> 00:44:42.440 knit cap that was found at the scene of the murder. 962 00:44:43.099 --> 00:44:45.039 He was going on about the knit cap when suddenly 963 00:44:45.059 --> 00:44:47.780 he was interrupted by OJ, who said, hey, hey, easy 964 00:44:47.800 --> 00:44:50.679 with that. That's my lucky stabbing cap. 965 00:44:52.079 --> 00:44:52.260 Yeah. 966 00:44:53.030 --> 00:44:55.860 And I remembered that being an ice bullet that went 967 00:44:55.880 --> 00:44:57.519 through my heart. It was so. 968 00:44:57.539 --> 00:44:59.809 That's my lucky stabbing hat. 969 00:44:59.820 --> 00:45:04.139 Yeah, that's my lucky stabbing hat. And the thing is, 970 00:45:04.679 --> 00:45:07.239 and you know this too, he would say something like that. 971 00:45:07.440 --> 00:45:09.579 And I don't know where my camera is. It's there, 972 00:45:09.599 --> 00:45:16.690 I guess. That's my lucky stabbing hat. And he would hold... 973 00:45:16.800 --> 00:45:22.679 in this way that nobody does. Hold and hold and hold, 974 00:45:22.780 --> 00:45:24.320 and he would do it for a joke that killed, 975 00:45:24.380 --> 00:45:26.360 as that one did, but he'd also do it for 976 00:45:26.380 --> 00:45:29.039 a joke that he liked, or that you liked, or 977 00:45:29.079 --> 00:45:31.949 that you guys liked, and if it got nothing. 978 00:45:32.469 --> 00:45:35.289 It was like, it wasn't, some people said, you're punishing 979 00:45:35.329 --> 00:45:38.449 the audience for not liking the joke. No, we're giving 980 00:45:38.489 --> 00:45:43.219 them enough time to appreciate it. There was one that 981 00:45:43.260 --> 00:45:46.059 was like, was O.J. Simpson high on drugs the night 982 00:45:46.079 --> 00:45:49.679 of the murders? Absolutely not, says a defiant O.J. And 983 00:45:49.719 --> 00:45:51.690 a simple test of any of his blood found at 984 00:45:51.710 --> 00:45:58.230 the crime scene will prove it. And then. 985 00:46:00.670 --> 00:46:03.590 There was one like... Indignation. Indignation is so good. 986 00:46:03.630 --> 00:46:08.599 There was one... There was one when O.J. Simpson had 987 00:46:08.639 --> 00:46:12.489 been criticized because the first Mother's Day after the murders, 988 00:46:12.530 --> 00:46:18.670 he played golf in Scotland. Yeah. And it's like this weekend, O.J. 989 00:46:18.730 --> 00:46:22.260 Simpson playing golf in Scotland was heavily criticized and not 990 00:46:22.280 --> 00:46:24.860 spending the first Mother's Day since Nicole Brown Simpson's murder 991 00:46:24.880 --> 00:46:30.449 with his children. And angry Simpson responded. Idiots. I didn't 992 00:46:30.510 --> 00:46:36.449 spend Mother's Day with my kids because I killed their mother. 993 00:46:37.050 --> 00:46:37.849 There were two. 994 00:46:37.710 --> 00:46:39.579 More I wanted to bring up because I was very... 995 00:46:39.949 --> 00:46:45.539 Norm and I would spend insane amounts of time obsessing 996 00:46:45.619 --> 00:46:48.539 over the precise wording of a joke. And I remember 997 00:46:48.559 --> 00:46:52.510 there was one that I thought actually benefited from our 998 00:46:52.760 --> 00:46:56.190 kind of neurotic attention to tail. But it started off 999 00:46:56.510 --> 00:47:00.960 as a joke about Penthouse Magazine. had this cover story, 1000 00:47:01.480 --> 00:47:03.800 which even if you didn't read Penthouse, you would see 1001 00:47:03.840 --> 00:47:07.599 the cover on newsstands. And it was, you know, this week, 1002 00:47:07.760 --> 00:47:13.000 shocking photos, alien autopsy. This is Penthouse Magazine. So they 1003 00:47:13.019 --> 00:47:16.150 claim to be actual photos of an alien autopsy. So 1004 00:47:16.230 --> 00:47:18.969 the joke we started out with, which I think would 1005 00:47:18.989 --> 00:47:24.809 have been good enough, was this week, Penthouse Magazine released 1006 00:47:24.869 --> 00:47:29.179 its much-awaited photos of an alien autopsy. according to those 1007 00:47:29.199 --> 00:47:33.219 who've seen the issue, the photos were sharp, clear, and 1008 00:47:33.360 --> 00:47:39.860 easy to masturbate to. And so, so anyway, then I 1009 00:47:39.920 --> 00:47:43.829 thought like,

you know what? That, there's, that can be better. 1010 00:47:44.010 --> 00:47:47.030 There's a better rhythm to that. So I, so I suggest, 1011 00:47:47.090 --> 00:47:52.329 I first suggested that it should be, and, and quote, 1012 00:47:52.769 --> 00:47:55.690 easy to masturbate to, because I just liked it for rhythm. 1013 00:47:55.860 --> 00:47:58.530 And then, I came up with one of my greatest 1014 00:47:58.570 --> 00:48:01.889 contributions of the season, which was I added the word surprisingly. 1015 00:48:01.909 --> 00:48:07.380 So that the joke became kind of different. So it 1016 00:48:07.389 --> 00:48:10.179 was like, according to those who've seen the advanced copies, 1017 00:48:10.619 --> 00:48:15.300 the photos are sharp, clear, and quote, surprisingly easy to 1018 00:48:15.820 --> 00:48:20.500 masturbate to. You got this image of a guy going, 1019 00:48:20.519 --> 00:48:20.909 you know, I. 1020 00:48:22.849 --> 00:48:27.210 At first, I didn't think this would work, but God 1021 00:48:27.630 --> 00:48:31.420 damn it. God damn it. This is fucking hot. 1022 00:48:32.400 --> 00:48:34.019 This is fucking hot. 1023 00:48:43.670 --> 00:48:47.440 Good nights are about the people, the laughs, the real 1024 00:48:47.480 --> 00:48:50.659 moments you don't want to miss. So why step outside? 1025 00:48:51.559 --> 00:48:55.599 Velo tobacco-free nicotine pouches fits seamlessly into your night. Convenient 1026 00:48:55.800 --> 00:49:00.030 and full of flavor. No breaks, no interruptions. Velo anytime, 1027 00:49:00.150 --> 00:49:04.030 anywhere nicotine pouches. 18 and over contains tobacco-free nicotine and 1028 00:49:04.070 --> 00:49:06.280 addictive substance. If you're new to Velo, start with Mellow. 1029 00:49:06.360 --> 00:49:07.880 You should not use this product if you do not 1030 00:49:07.980 --> 00:49:14.139 already use nicotine. Batteries, tech, toys and tools that power 1031 00:49:14.219 --> 00:49:18.070 our everyday lives. And inside them are materials like aluminium, cobalt, 1032 00:49:18.170 --> 00:49:20.530 copper and lithium that can be used to and again. 1033 00:49:21.150 --> 00:49:23.449 So when they're finished, don't let them go to waste. 1034 00:49:23.849 --> 00:49:25.170 Recycle them for free. 1035 00:49:25.869 --> 00:49:26.269 It's easy. 1036 00:49:26.789 --> 00:49:29.730 Just return your old batteries and electricals for free recycling 1037 00:49:29.789 --> 00:49:33.340 to your nearest participating retailer or your local recycling centre. 1038 00:49:33.940 --> 00:49:37.179 Find your nearest free drop-off point at weireland.ie today. 1039 00:49:40.400 --> 00:49:44.159 Every day you make around 35,000 choices. What to wear? 1040 00:49:44.449 --> 00:49:47.389 Toast or cereal? One more episode or time for bed? 1041 00:49:47.989 --> 00:49:49.829 The last thing you need is to stress over your 1042 00:49:49.849 --> 00:49:53.429 car insurance. That's where Cornmarket comes in. We make choosing 1043 00:49:53.449 --> 00:49:56.360 your

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him. 1081 00:51:59.369 --> 00:52:01.730 And he never told me that. And I didn't hear 1082 00:52:01.769 --> 00:52:05.369 that for years. I heard it from some network executives. 1083 00:52:05.789 --> 00:52:08.969 And part of everything else, if that had been me, 1084 00:52:09.409 --> 00:52:11.820 that would have been, you bet Norm would have heard it. 1085 00:52:12.300 --> 00:52:13.960 You would have talked about it. Yeah, of course. 1086 00:52:14.079 --> 00:52:14.800 I mean, come on. 1087 00:52:15.119 --> 00:52:18.960 Norm didn't. I mean, he was a very stoic old world. 1088 00:52:19.000 --> 00:52:19.940 He came from a different century. 1089 00:52:20.059 --> 00:52:20.480 Oh, yeah. 1090 00:52:20.940 --> 00:52:23.920 I mean, I remembered when he died, you called me 1091 00:52:23.960 --> 00:52:26.019 and you said you were mad at me initially. You said, 1092 00:52:26.599 --> 00:52:28.679 I can't believe you didn't tell me, Conan. And I said, 1093 00:52:28.860 --> 00:52:31.019 I didn't know. None of us. None of us knew. 1094 00:52:31.079 --> 00:52:31.860 Laurie Jo knew. 1095 00:52:31.880 --> 00:52:36.659 And his Mark Gervitz, his manager knew. Well, Gervitz knows everything. 1096 00:52:36.679 --> 00:52:39.429 His mother and his son knew. Yeah. And his brother. 1097 00:52:39.590 --> 00:52:42.559 So outside of family, it was like three people. And 1098 00:52:42.599 --> 00:52:45.159 he didn't, and I know why he didn't, I mean, 1099 00:52:45.429 --> 00:52:47.110 I've been told and it made perfect sense, so I 1100 00:52:47.139 --> 00:52:49.309 believe it. He just didn't want it to ever be 1101 00:52:49.349 --> 00:52:52.250 about anything but being funny. He didn't want to be 1102 00:52:52.329 --> 00:52:55.889 brave or fighting the good fight or, you know, he 1103 00:52:55.929 --> 00:52:58.429 didn't want to do heartwarming stuff. I was a little 1104 00:52:58.449 --> 00:53:00.690 hurt that he didn't tell me, but I mean, I 1105 00:53:00.730 --> 00:53:03.429 talked to him, I guess, I know you may have 1106 00:53:03.469 --> 00:53:05.409 talked to him more recently than I'd had, but I'd 1107 00:53:05.449 --> 00:53:09.269 talked to him certainly the summer of of 2020 we. 1108 00:53:09.110 --> 00:53:11.150 Were trying we were trying to get him on my 1109 00:53:11.210 --> 00:53:14.400 last uh late night show was not long before he 1110 00:53:14.420 --> 00:53:16.219 passed and we were trying really hard to get him 1111 00:53:16.260 --> 00:53:18.300 to be because i wanted nothing more than to him 1112 00:53:18.340 --> 00:53:20.739 to be one of the last guests and he was 1113 00:53:20.780 --> 00:53:23.360 considering it but then wouldn't do it and then and 1114 00:53:24.530 --> 00:53:25.510 i think he didn't he. 1115 00:53:25.429 --> 00:53:27.869 Knew that he also didn't he knew that his appearance 1116 00:53:27.889 --> 00:53:29.949 was kind of changing and he didn't want to but 1117 00:53:30.010 --> 00:53:32.469 you know if i i know this is shifting from 1118 00:53:32.570 --> 00:53:36.429 one kind of bravery to another, but he, one of our, 1119 00:53:36.869 --> 00:53:39.449 my proudest moments was a joke we did. And I 1120 00:53:39.829 --> 00:53:42.250 think it was a Frank joke, Frank Sebastiano. It was 1121 00:53:42.289 --> 00:53:45.679 a joke where we took the world's most innocuous kind 1122 00:53:45.739 --> 00:53:48.440 of C-section news story. And it was, it was, we 1123 00:53:48.460 --> 00:53:50.679 would clip a real news story and show it on 1124 00:53:50.699 --> 00:53:53.280 the monitor so that the audience knew this is a 1125 00:53:53.320 --> 00:53:55.400 real thing. We didn't make it up. And, um, we 1126 00:53:55.440 --> 00:53:58.210 did that for most of our, our, our things. So 1127 00:53:58.250 --> 00:54:01.719 the story was like, you know, Denver City Council approves 1128 00:54:01.780 --> 00:54:06.679 traffic light for Martin Avenue. And so it goes enormous. 1129 00:54:07.070 --> 00:54:10.630 This week, the Denver City Council finally, on its third attempt, 1130 00:54:10.869 --> 00:54:13.550 voted funds for a new traffic light on Martin Avenue. 1131 00:54:13.960 --> 00:54:16.780 And he turns dramatically to another camera and goes, maybe 1132 00:54:16.820 --> 00:54:19.179 they would have voted the funding earlier if instead of 1133 00:54:19.219 --> 00:54:24.460 a traffic light, it was for rich white men. And 1134 00:54:24.519 --> 00:54:28.360 then we bring up a lower third. Applaud now. 1135 00:54:28.519 --> 00:54:29.280 Actually. 1136 00:54:34.159 --> 00:54:36.539 But that's the kind of stuff that there's not really 1137 00:54:36.579 --> 00:54:38.719 a great place to laugh in that joke. 1138 00:54:38.820 --> 00:54:39.019 Right. 1139 00:54:39.059 --> 00:54:41.400 That's the thing that like Norm, we would, we would 1140 00:54:41.420 --> 00:54:43.760 do our, our run through, like we would work on 1141 00:54:43.780 --> 00:54:46.760 the jokes a bit during the week, but mainly Friday night. 1142 00:54:47.139 --> 00:54:49.170 And we would, that's when especially I would do a 1143 00:54:49.210 --> 00:54:52.170 lot of rewriting and refining. And then I'd run through 1144 00:54:52.210 --> 00:54:54.949 stuff with Norm. And then Saturday we do a run 1145 00:54:54.989 --> 00:54:57.070 through and they were always screaming. We were always kind 1146 00:54:57.110 --> 00:54:59.230 of late getting in the studio really late. Cause they were, 1147 00:54:59.269 --> 00:55:01.730 come on guys, we're losing time. So we'd come down 1148 00:55:01.750 --> 00:55:04.769 to our run through. And we'd make a few kind 1149 00:55:04.789 --> 00:55:07.489 of changes, maybe think of some things for Norm to add. 1150 00:55:07.510 --> 00:55:09.789 And then we'd have a dress. And then my attitude 1151 00:55:09.809 --> 00:55:12.730 with Lorne Michaels, the producer, the big guy, was always like, 1152 00:55:13.090 --> 00:55:14.869 tell us how long you want the segment to be. 1153 00:55:15.070 --> 00:55:19.719 We're like,

because we're the most easily bologna-sliced segment. And 1154 00:55:19.800 --> 00:55:22.239 my attitude, and Norm kind of agreed, it's like, Norm 1155 00:55:22.280 --> 00:55:24.099 wanted a certain, he didn't want to feel that like, 1156 00:55:24.340 --> 00:55:26.099 we had to have, we were entitled to a certain 1157 00:55:26.139 --> 00:55:29.599 amount of the show. But I always argued like, anything... 1158 00:55:29.679 --> 00:55:33.030 If we're cutting lean, we're in good shape, you know? So, 1159 00:55:33.059 --> 00:55:36.639 I mean, sure, we'll always cut the fat. Everyone should 1160 00:55:36.659 --> 00:55:38.880 do that. But if we also have to give up 1161 00:55:38.920 --> 00:55:40.679 something we don't want to give up, it's probably a 1162 00:55:40.739 --> 00:55:43.230 good indication. No, no. A lot of our stuff can 1163 00:55:43.269 --> 00:55:45.849 be done next week, you know? You know, we used to, 1164 00:55:45.889 --> 00:55:49.130 we would do six-minute updates. I think we did a five-minute. 1165 00:55:49.210 --> 00:55:51.590 They do like 12-minute updates now, you know, and they 1166 00:55:51.610 --> 00:55:54.230 did them before us. And Norm, I will say this, 1167 00:55:54.289 --> 00:55:57.159 Norm was not crazy about features. He wasn't crazy about 1168 00:55:57.199 --> 00:55:59.619 having other people on the segment, you know, always. And 1169 00:55:59.980 --> 00:56:02.539 sometimes I had to like get him to be more 1170 00:56:02.940 --> 00:56:06.650 involved with the guests. But Seth Meyers was the best 1171 00:56:06.789 --> 00:56:09.510 ever at interacting with, I mean, he was great at that. 1172 00:56:09.590 --> 00:56:12.250 I wish Norm had been a little more playful like that. 1173 00:56:12.269 --> 00:56:15.030 Be a good straight man. But what I always took 1174 00:56:15.070 --> 00:56:17.849 away from you, and you're in my head a lot 1175 00:56:18.329 --> 00:56:20.389 over the years that I've been writing and all the 1176 00:56:20.429 --> 00:56:23.239 years that I've been doing things. And you're surprisingly easy 1177 00:56:23.280 --> 00:56:29.099 to masturbate to. Okay. But you're also in my head 1178 00:56:29.119 --> 00:56:32.420 for another reason. No, you're in my head because there's 1179 00:56:32.440 --> 00:56:35.039 an ethic that I got from you and I also 1180 00:56:35.079 --> 00:56:38.619 got from Robert Smigel. And I try to pick from 1181 00:56:38.659 --> 00:56:41.750 the best, which is if I can lose it, yes, 1182 00:56:41.829 --> 00:56:44.369 trim the fat, but also sometimes cut into the muscle. 1183 00:56:44.550 --> 00:56:48.170 Norm would totally throw out something if he came to 1184 00:56:48.230 --> 00:56:50.769 suspect it was not the kind of laugh we wanted. 1185 00:56:51.260 --> 00:56:53.869 And by the way, that doesn't mean it was dirty 1186 00:56:53.889 --> 00:56:56.929 or something. If it was like cheap or easy or whatever. 1187 00:56:57.409 --> 00:56:59.769 And the thing is, you could give Norm a choice 1188 00:56:59.789 --> 00:57:03.170 of like, okay, this is absolutely guaranteed to kill. It'll 1189 00:57:03.190 --> 00:57:06.239 get a mini standing ovation, but it's hacky and we 1190 00:57:06.280 --> 00:57:09.960 both know it. This is guaranteed to die. I promise 1191 00:57:10.000 --> 00:57:14.380 you we'll get, you know, death camp silence. But it's 1192 00:57:14.440 --> 00:57:18.769 fucking brilliant. Norm would unhesitatingly go for the silence. And I, 1193 00:57:18.920 --> 00:57:20.980 but I would go, yeah, I would too, but I'm 1194 00:57:21.019 --> 00:57:22.380 not the guy out there. Yeah. 1195 00:57:22.460 --> 00:57:22.940 He is. 1196 00:57:22.960 --> 00:57:25.780 And I always fucking love that about him. He would 1197 00:57:25.800 --> 00:57:28.940 never reject something because it's funny, but they're not going 1198 00:57:28.960 --> 00:57:30.960 to get, they're going to laugh, you know? And I, 1199 00:57:31.179 --> 00:57:33.840 I had fights with, even with people that you and 1200 00:57:33.889 --> 00:57:37.750 I both respect who just, oh man, it killed, it killed. 1201 00:57:38.070 --> 00:57:40.969 You go, yeah, but come on, man. Right. And, and, 1202 00:57:41.110 --> 00:57:43.429 and a lot of that is, is these days, especially 1203 00:57:43.690 --> 00:57:47.219 anything political is, It's just so, the temptation, because this is, 1204 00:57:47.380 --> 00:57:49.409 coming up with stuff is hard. You know, you have 1205 00:57:49.429 --> 00:57:50.349 to fill time. 1206 00:57:50.369 --> 00:57:52.909 It doesn't feel good. You're out there in front of 1207 00:57:52.949 --> 00:57:56.550 people and you tell a joke and everyone applauds. It's 1208 00:57:56.590 --> 00:58:00.110 a terrible feeling. It doesn't feel good. You want to 1209 00:58:00.130 --> 00:58:02.269 just really catch them by surprise and make them laugh. 1210 00:58:02.309 --> 00:58:05.179 It's very Soviet to go with the applause. 1211 00:58:05.579 --> 00:58:08.000 I know. And Stalin was funny, which is sad. 1212 00:58:08.260 --> 00:58:12.800 Stalin? Occasionally. Yeah, he could be funny. Don't kid yourself. 1213 00:58:12.840 --> 00:58:13.050 He was. 1214 00:58:15.260 --> 00:58:19.119 Joe, Joe. Uncle Joe. Uncle Joe. 1215 00:58:19.539 --> 00:58:22.980 Ask your husband, he's a funny guy. Oh my God, Conan. Cousins, 1216 00:58:23.300 --> 00:58:25.800 grew up in the Soviet Union. He was 11. Yeah, oh, 1217 00:58:25.840 --> 00:58:28.480 but he was highly active in the Soviet Union. 1218 00:58:28.500 --> 00:58:29.900 Oh yeah, I'll ask him about Stalin. 1219 00:58:29.920 --> 00:58:30.980 He was on the Politburo. 1220 00:58:31.019 --> 00:58:32.019 Was he a funny guy? 1221 00:58:32.239 --> 00:58:34.940 Yeah, Lorne Michaels, this is a quote from Lorne Michaels. 1222 00:58:34.960 --> 00:58:38.380 He called you, Jim Downey, the best political humorist alive. 1223 00:58:39.360 --> 00:58:39.619 Well. 1224 00:58:39.860 --> 00:58:41.880 That was before the birth three years ago of a 1225

00:58:41.960 --> 00:58:49.889 hilarious child. Ogilvy Johnson. 1226 00:58:49.909 --> 00:58:51.250 I've seen the kid stuff. 1227 00:58:53.849 --> 00:58:57.849 Yeah, you're so principled and you're right. Now, so much 1228 00:58:57.929 --> 00:59:02.170 political comedy now, which is wailing one way or the other. 1229 00:59:02.590 --> 00:59:04.630 And I find that it's just a, I don't know, 1230 00:59:04.650 --> 00:59:07.670 it doesn't feel to me like a satisfying time to 1231 00:59:07.730 --> 00:59:09.909 be a comedy writer if you're trying to do politics. 1232 00:59:10.019 --> 00:59:13.619 because there's so much that's just attitude. 1233 00:59:13.639 --> 00:59:17.820 There's a temptation to enrage the audience. I mean, you know, 1234 00:59:17.860 --> 00:59:20.590 I mean, I don't, I mean, personally, you know, I 1235 00:59:20.789 --> 00:59:25.230 just fucking loathe Trump as a human being. But it 1236 00:59:25.269 --> 00:59:30.510 doesn't mean that every, just attacking him is funny. There 1237 00:59:30.530 --> 00:59:33.829 are interesting ways to attack him. You know, I always 1238 00:59:33.849 --> 00:59:36.250 like John Mulaney's thing about there's a horse loose in 1239 00:59:36.269 --> 00:59:39.360 the hospital. I mean, just as sort of an interesting. 1240 00:59:39.599 --> 00:59:43.199 Mulaney had a great run about Trump and his president 1241 00:59:43.239 --> 00:59:45.780 was like, there's a horse loose in a hospital. And 1242 00:59:45.940 --> 00:59:47.239 just how odd that was. 1243 00:59:48.300 --> 00:59:49.619 It was such a metaphor. 1244 00:59:49.639 --> 00:59:52.860 It was a great metaphor for for Trump being president. 1245 00:59:53.099 --> 00:59:55.119 And what I loved about it was it captured the 1246 00:59:55.159 --> 00:59:57.730 absurdity of it all. But it did it. in this 1247 00:59:57.829 --> 01:00:00.769 way that there was no bile. It was, and, and 1248 01:00:01.050 --> 01:00:04.909 it's very hard. You need to sometimes, it was purely comedic, 1249 01:00:05.010 --> 01:00:08.150 which I loved. So let's just end this by saying 1250 01:00:08.210 --> 01:00:11.590 that John Mulaney is better than anyone we know. Is 1251 01:00:11.610 --> 01:00:12.570 that the point you were trying to make? 1252 01:00:12.590 --> 01:00:17.710 He's very good. Very funny man. Um, he, when, when 1253 01:00:17.750 --> 01:00:19.940 Mulaney first came to the show as a writer, um, 1254 01:00:20.840 --> 01:00:23.619 you were talking about like my, you know, I like 1255 01:00:23.659 --> 01:00:26.619 to sort of identify people and I didn't, I didn't 1256 01:00:26.679 --> 01:00:29.340 find him or hire him, but I was walking through, 1257 01:00:29.360 --> 01:00:32.199 and this is really about Melania, not me, but I 1258 01:00:32.219 --> 01:00:34.070 was walking through the studio and it, by the end 1259 01:00:34.110 --> 01:00:35.690 of my career, I was, you know, I was like, 1260 01:00:35.849 --> 01:00:38.230 you know, 60 years old. And I, you know, I 1261 01:00:38.409 --> 01:00:42.019 was aware of, of the age gap between me and the, 1262 01:00:42.170 --> 01:00:45.150 and having once been the very youngest writer, I was 1263 01:00:45.230 --> 01:00:50.139 now massively the oldest writer. And, um, so I didn't, 1264 01:00:50.340 --> 01:00:52.159 I didn't hang out. I didn't do the late night 1265 01:00:52.179 --> 01:00:55.030 things I wrote from home. Like, you know, I live 1266 01:00:55.090 --> 01:00:57.869 in upstate New York near Cooperstown. And so I would 1267 01:00:57.909 --> 01:01:01.269 be at home Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and then I'd write 1268 01:01:01.309 --> 01:01:04.050 my piece and I'd dictate it. I always dictate my 1269 01:01:04.090 --> 01:01:08.150 pieces because they're, you know, they have to be spoken 1270 01:01:08.550 --> 01:01:11.489 and they have to be speakable and they have to be, 1271 01:01:11.510 --> 01:01:15.550 they're going to be heard and not read. And so 1272 01:01:15.590 --> 01:01:18.750 you need to, when I'm dictating them, I'm changing them. 1273 01:01:18.769 --> 01:01:20.769 I go, wait a minute, hang on, I'm changing, you know. 1274 01:01:21.110 --> 01:01:23.510 And anyway, they have it at read-through, and then I'm 1275 01:01:23.570 --> 01:01:25.230 told if it's in or not. And if it's in, 1276 01:01:25.269 --> 01:01:27.550 I drive down to New York. Anyway, so I was 1277 01:01:27.590 --> 01:01:29.840 in the studio on Saturday. And I don't even, I'm 1278 01:01:29.860 --> 01:01:31.440 not even sure I'd met Mulaney. It was like the 1279 01:01:31.480 --> 01:01:35.219 second show. And I'm walking through the studio, and they're 1280 01:01:35.260 --> 01:01:37.159 rehearsing one of his, he had a piece on. I 1281 01:01:37.539 --> 01:01:40.159 think it was like his second show. And he had 1282 01:01:40.179 --> 01:01:44.219 this hilarious piece on. And there's this great sort of, 1283 01:01:44.659 --> 01:01:48.449 the host was Tim McGraw. who's a really good actor, 1284 01:01:48.489 --> 01:01:51.019 very funny guy. And he, it was like a, a 1285 01:01:51.119 --> 01:01:53.860 country kind of, um, a show where he does like 1286 01:01:53.920 --> 01:01:57.659 practical jokes, but he's such a, a soft hearted sweet guy. 1287 01:01:57.699 --> 01:02:01.480 He keeps like apologizing for it's hard to explain. You'd 1288 01:02:01.500 --> 01:02:03.570 have to see the face, but, and I heard it 1289 01:02:03.710 --> 01:02:06.469 and I know this makes me sound like an arrogant asshole, 1290 01:02:06.489 --> 01:02:08.570 but it reminded me of that. There was a story 1291 01:02:08.610 --> 01:02:12.809 about Ted Williams when Hank Aaron was a rookie, Ted 1292 01:02:12.849 --> 01:02:16.289 Williams is playing, uh, He was somehow involved in the, 1293 01:02:16.480 --> 01:02:19.500 I didn't know they had interleague games or anything, but 1294 01:02:20.099 --> 01:02:24.199 Hank Aaron is warming up and Ted Williams is sitting 1295 01:02:24.219 --> 01:02:27.960 in the dugout and hears from the way

the ball 1296 01:02:28.019 --> 01:02:30.699 is coming off Hank Aaron's bat that he's never heard 1297 01:02:30.739 --> 01:02:33.599 that before. And he storms out there, who was just 1298 01:02:33.619 --> 01:02:37.780 taking batting practice? And it was Hank Aaron and Ted Williams, 1299 01:02:38.019 --> 01:02:40.019 and I sort of had that, it was akin to that. 1300 01:02:40.059 --> 01:02:42.969 I'm not comparing myself to Ted Williams. I am comparing 1301 01:02:43.010 --> 01:02:44.159 John Mulaney to Hank Aaron though. 1302 01:02:44.579 --> 01:02:45.780 He's a lot like Hank Aaron. 1303 01:02:45.960 --> 01:02:49.219 But I, I'm saying that I walking through the studio 1304 01:02:49.280 --> 01:02:51.880 and I hear this and I go, that's a new writer. 1305 01:02:52.159 --> 01:02:55.179 That's a new, we don't, that's not a writer. I know. Yeah. Yeah. That's, 1306 01:02:55.280 --> 01:02:57.710 we have a new writer or a guest writer. Cause that, 1307 01:02:58.110 --> 01:03:00.250 that wasn't, that's not, and I'm listening to the piece 1308 01:03:00.550 --> 01:03:02.309 and I go, that was not written by a writer 1309 01:03:02.369 --> 01:03:05.050 whose work I'm. So, and it was right. I was right. 1310 01:03:05.170 --> 01:03:08.139 It turned out it was, it was, um, John and 1311 01:03:08.199 --> 01:03:09.519 he went on to write a lot of great stuff. 1312 01:03:09.920 --> 01:03:10.139 Yeah. 1313 01:03:10.159 --> 01:03:12.260 And, um, and then he's trying stand up, but. 1314 01:03:14.280 --> 01:03:15.980 Whatever. He's young. 1315 01:03:16.119 --> 01:03:17.000 He's young. He'll get it. 1316 01:03:17.000 --> 01:03:17.599 He'll get it. 1317 01:03:18.260 --> 01:03:22.409 He will get it. Hang in there, sir. Jim, I will. 1318 01:03:23.110 --> 01:03:27.150 The highest compliment I can pay you is that I 1319 01:03:27.210 --> 01:03:29.530 wasn't joking. You're in my head a lot. And I 1320 01:03:29.550 --> 01:03:32.530 think that's true of every comedy writer of my generation 1321 01:03:32.570 --> 01:03:35.780 and for generations before and after me. I think that's 1322 01:03:35.840 --> 01:03:40.210 what would Jim think about this? with this Meet Jim standard. 1323 01:03:41.269 --> 01:03:43.690 And that's a real gift you've given to all of us, 1324 01:03:43.730 --> 01:03:47.179 an incredible gift. Seriously, you've given us a, you are 1325 01:03:47.300 --> 01:03:53.260 uncompromising and proud to know you. Thanks for giving me 1326 01:03:53.300 --> 01:03:55.780 a shot way back in 1988. It would have been 1327 01:03:55.820 --> 01:03:58.190 a crime not to. Well, I'm glad you feel that way. 1328 01:03:58.230 --> 01:04:02.750 Crime against comedy. Okay. 1329 01:04:02.969 --> 01:04:06.139 But seriously, I'm just, I'm thrilled to, When you agreed 1330 01:04:06.179 --> 01:04:08.539 to do this, I thought this is a- We've. 1331 01:04:08.420 --> 01:04:10.940 Been talking about my doing this for quite a few years. 1332 01:04:11.079 --> 01:04:11.300 Yeah. 1333 01:04:11.639 --> 01:04:12.260 So I'm glad. 1334 01:04:12.260 --> 01:04:12.820 22 years. 1335 01:04:12.920 --> 01:04:14.610 And this doesn't have to be the last time I 1336 01:04:14.630 --> 01:04:17.190 do it. No, this is the last time. Yeah. Yeah. 1337 01:04:17.429 --> 01:04:21.730 It really, it's been a nightmare. I never want to 1338 01:04:21.750 --> 01:04:22.769 see you again. This is it. 1339 01:04:22.789 --> 01:04:23.489 Oh, man. 1340 01:04:23.590 --> 01:04:23.860 Yeah. 1341 01:04:23.929 --> 01:04:26.489 Sorry. That's really- and duly harsh. 1342 01:04:30.469 --> 01:04:32.130 Next time you're on, I want you to, you dubbed 1343 01:04:32.210 --> 01:04:34.750 with your own voice the whole time. Conan, it is 1344 01:04:34.789 --> 01:04:36.789 a pleasure to be here. I must say, the last time, 1345 01:04:37.030 --> 01:04:37.630 these microphones. 1346 01:04:38.909 --> 01:04:39.929 These microphones are too long. 1347 01:04:42.340 --> 01:04:44.219 Jim, thank you so much for doing this. Well, thank you. 1348 01:04:44.610 --> 01:04:47.039 Thank you, Sona. Thanks, everybody. 1349 01:04:47.059 --> 01:04:48.260 I get a special name. 1350 01:04:50.119 --> 01:04:54.059 Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian, 1351 01:04:54.280 --> 01:04:57.989 and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced 1352 01:04:58.030 --> 01:05:01.349 by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, 1353 01:05:01.590 --> 01:05:05.190 and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song 1354 01:05:05.210 --> 01:05:08.369 by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. 1355 01:05:08.710 --> 01:05:09.449 Take it away, Jimmy. 1356 01:05:12.530 --> 01:05:15.530 Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent 1357 01:05:15.550 --> 01:05:16.849 producer is Jennifer Samples. 1358 01:05:17.250 --> 01:05:21.250 Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. 1359 01:05:21.690 --> 01:05:24.989 Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. 1360 01:05:25.679 --> 01:05:28.000 You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, 1361 01:05:28.099 --> 01:05:30.780 and you might find your review read on a future episode. 1362 01:05:30.960 --> 01:05:35.440 Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline 1363 01:05:35.460 --> 01:05:38.300 at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be 1364 01:05:38.340 --> 01:05:39.639 featured on a future episode. 1365 01:05:39.880 --> 01:05:42.579 And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien 1366 01:05:42.599 --> 01:05:46.239 Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine 1367 01:05:46.280 --> 01:05:47.539 podcasts are downloaded. 1368 01:06:01.510 --> 01:06:05.280 Good nights are about the people. The laughs. The real 1369 01:06:05.320 --> 01:06:08.480 moments you don't want to miss. So why step outside? 1370 01:06:09.400 --> 01:06:13.440 Velo tobacco-free nicotine pouches fits seamlessly into your night. Convenient 1371 01:06:13.639 --> 01:06:17.869 and full of flavour. No breaks. No interruptions. Velo. Anytime, 1372 01:06:18.010 --> 01:06:21.869 anywhere nicotine pouches. 18 and over. Contains tobacco-free nicotine and 1373 01:06:21.909 --> 01:06:24.110 addictive substance. If you're new to Velo, start with Mellow. 1374 01:06:24.190 --> 01:06:25.710 You should not use this product if you do not 1375 01:06:25.809 --> 01:06:26.610 already use nicotine. 1376 01:06:29.159 --> 01:06:32.849 Batteries, tech, toys and tools that power our everyday lives. 1377 01:06:33.409 --> 01:06:36.449 And inside them are materials like aluminium, cobalt, copper and 1378 01:06:36.469 --> 01:06:39.210 lithium that can be used again and again. So when 1379 01:06:39.230 --> 01:06:42.260 they're finished, don't let them go to waste. Recycle them 1380 01:06:42.570 --> 01:06:46.019 for free. It's easy. Just return your old batteries and 1381 01:06:46.059 --> 01:06:49.820 electricals for free recycling to your nearest participating retailer or 1382 01:06:49.860 --> 01:06:53.360 your local recycling centre. Find your nearest free drop-off point 1383 01:06:53.519 --> 01:06:55.030 at weireland.ie today.