บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ Jeff Goldblum

81 00:03:58.449 --> 00:04:00.250 and I will go get some tapas. 82 00:04:00.949 --> 00:04:02.370 You think this is a date? 83 00:04:02.849 --> 00:04:03.849 In my mind, I do. 84 00:04:04.610 --> 00:04:07.069 My wife understands. Or she will when I tell her. 85 00:04:10.280 --> 00:04:13.939 Ladies and gentlemen, Jeff Goldblum. 86 00:04:17.680 --> 00:04:18.939 Well, they didn't tell me that was the thing. 87 00:04:18.959 --> 00:04:19.759 Let me see. No, no, no, no. 88 00:04:19.779 --> 00:04:22.519 That's good. That's good what you did. Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, 89 00:04:22.560 --> 00:04:24.600 that is so you. Ecstatic about it. You just went 90 00:04:24.699 --> 00:04:25.879 on a jazz riff. 91 00:04:25.899 --> 00:04:25.990 Yeah. 92 00:04:26.000 --> 00:04:26.370 It was lovely. 93 00:04:26.629 --> 00:04:28.569 Thank you very much. That was lovely. 94 00:04:28.589 --> 00:04:32.290 I don't believe that you are available for any amount 95 00:04:32.310 --> 00:04:33.769 of time. You have two young children. 96 00:04:34.420 --> 00:04:36.819 Yes, that's true. So when you say, I don't care 97 00:04:36.860 --> 00:04:39.779 how time-consuming. Well, at some point, I might say, Conan, 98 00:04:40.319 --> 00:04:42.810 you know how many times you've called me today, and no, 99 00:04:42.889 --> 00:04:44.990 I wish I could. I'm just putting the kids to bed. 100 00:04:45.310 --> 00:04:47.970 I don't imagine that'll happen, though. But in between that 101 00:04:48.089 --> 00:04:52.360 and now, feel free to call on me for any 102 00:04:52.399 --> 00:04:54.319 old thing. If you'd said yesterday... You know, I watched 103 00:04:54.360 --> 00:04:56.699 the Super Bowl yesterday kind of by myself. Oh, is 104 00:04:56.720 --> 00:04:58.540 that true? Well, the kids were there and my wife 105 00:04:58.560 --> 00:04:59.860 and then a couple of her friends came over, but 106 00:04:59.879 --> 00:05:02.319 that was about it. That's called being with your family. 107 00:05:02.399 --> 00:05:05.199 That's not by yourself. Well, that's true. That's true. And 108 00:05:05.220 --> 00:05:06.980 a couple of other people, but it wasn't like a party. 109 00:05:07.139 --> 00:05:09.790 So it was almost a party, but not a party. Boy, 110 00:05:09.819 --> 00:05:11.870 you would have been, I would have served you any 111 00:05:11.910 --> 00:05:14.649 kind of chips you wanted if you would have come over. 112 00:05:15.089 --> 00:05:17.970 and like to heard your play-by-play. It was a dreary affair, really. 113 00:05:18.209 --> 00:05:21.310 The kids lost interest early on, were running around like maniacs, 114 00:05:21.329 --> 00:05:23.829 and then just kind of collapsing. And the other people, 115 00:05:23.879 --> 00:05:25.420 I don't know, were not so interested in it. I 116 00:05:25.439 --> 00:05:29.360 was watching it, and it was a dreary few hours. 117 00:05:30.579 --> 00:05:33.060 I'm a Pittsburgh Steelers fan, and I didn't want the 118 00:05:33.100 --> 00:05:36.300 Patriots to win. Sorry, sorry to all

your listeners who 119 00:05:36.399 --> 00:05:39.899 might feel otherwise. Anyway, I was just kind of dreary, 120 00:05:41.139 --> 00:05:42.920 weary about the whole thing. But if you'd been there, 121 00:05:42.959 --> 00:05:46.829 is my point, oh boy. Well, see, this is the thing. 122 00:05:46.860 --> 00:05:50.100 Jeff, you and I do have a connection, which is 123 00:05:50.759 --> 00:05:53.120 when you come on my show over the years, and 124 00:05:53.139 --> 00:05:54.339 this is the reason I really want to go on 125 00:05:54.360 --> 00:05:57.519 the podcast. I have a connection with you that's unlike 126 00:05:58.540 --> 00:06:01.870 my connection with anyone else. I don't often understand it, 127 00:06:02.300 --> 00:06:08.120 but you are a feline. You purr almost. Yes, exactly. 128 00:06:08.300 --> 00:06:12.439 And you come out, we're both very tall. Same height, exactly. 129 00:06:12.610 --> 00:06:14.069 I think we are the same height. Eye to eye. 130 00:06:14.129 --> 00:06:14.879 We see eye to eye. 131 00:06:15.319 --> 00:06:15.540 Yes. 132 00:06:15.639 --> 00:06:16.199 Oh, very good. 133 00:06:16.439 --> 00:06:20.829 And you come out and we start this mind meld. 134 00:06:21.470 --> 00:06:26.129 And I often, often when our interview's over, I don't 135 00:06:26.170 --> 00:06:27.930 know what it is we've said. I don't know if 136 00:06:27.949 --> 00:06:31.129 we've said anything of consequence, but people always say, oh 137 00:06:31.149 --> 00:06:33.540 my God, that was entertaining. But I often don't know 138 00:06:33.620 --> 00:06:36.399 what happened. Do you know what's happening when you come out? 139 00:06:36.480 --> 00:06:39.720 No, just now when I, we just finished another episode. 140 00:06:39.740 --> 00:06:41.720 I enjoyed it very much. But yeah, when I came back, 141 00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:44.199 I went, geez, what did I What did we talk about? 142 00:06:44.220 --> 00:06:47.079 I said that out loud, I think. I said, what 143 00:06:47.100 --> 00:06:49.019 did we say? You started at one point. Because it 144 00:06:49.040 --> 00:06:49.939 was all uncharted. 145 00:06:50.079 --> 00:06:50.279 Yes. 146 00:06:50.480 --> 00:06:53.730 At one point, you pointed at my shoes, and you 147 00:06:53.750 --> 00:06:58.290 just started talking about shoes. And you kept making those 148 00:06:58.310 --> 00:07:00.209 little noises the way you do it. 149 00:07:00.709 --> 00:07:02.509 I called them micro-orgasms. 150 00:07:02.850 --> 00:07:03.250 Yeah. 151 00:07:03.310 --> 00:07:04.750 And then on the show, you said something like that. 152 00:07:05.009 --> 00:07:06.240 And I said, not so micro. 153 00:07:06.959 --> 00:07:07.480 Oh, really? 154 00:07:09.540 --> 00:07:14.170 They're all overwhelmingly powerful. Oh, they are. Oh, they sure are. 155 00:07:14.449 --> 00:07:15.949 You know, that's the thing I want to talk about. 156 00:07:15.970 --> 00:07:18.810 Like a skipping stone. Remember the old Andy Griffith opening? 157 00:07:19.810 --> 00:07:21.730 And they'd skip those. It's like a. Skip a stone 158 00:07:21.769 --> 00:07:24.439 on the pond. Multiple, yes, ecstasies just skipping along the 159 00:07:24.800 --> 00:07:25.639 surface of the water. 160 00:07:25.660 --> 00:07:29.220 Okay, you're hearing the description of Jeff Goldblum describing his orgasms, 161 00:07:29.639 --> 00:07:33.939 multiple orgasms that fragment, that fragment and skip and hop, 162 00:07:34.430 --> 00:07:36.350 and one orgasm exploding into another. 163 00:07:36.490 --> 00:07:39.550 Exactly so. Hey, somebody said, is this true, that your 164 00:07:39.870 --> 00:07:43.509 orgasm resembles the way you sneeze? 165 00:07:43.529 --> 00:07:43.600 Yes. 166 00:07:44.449 --> 00:07:47.350 And I'm one of those multiple sneezers, speaking of which. 167 00:07:47.430 --> 00:07:51.699 I'm a serial achoo, achoo, achoo, achoo. How many was that? 168 00:07:51.800 --> 00:07:52.060 Nine. 169 00:07:52.120 --> 00:07:53.519 It sounds frightening for your partner. 170 00:07:54.079 --> 00:07:55.839 You know, it really does. It sounds like they don't 171 00:07:55.899 --> 00:07:57.639 know what's happening. 172 00:07:57.660 --> 00:07:58.480 That would be frightening. 173 00:07:58.540 --> 00:08:00.600 It would be, when is this quake over, you know? 174 00:08:01.079 --> 00:08:08.240 Maybe so. Many aftershocks, too. Those are the– Let's catch 175 00:08:08.259 --> 00:08:11.000 you by surprise, too. You can't. Will you attest, Matt 176 00:08:11.019 --> 00:08:15.019 Gourley and Sona, that he is moving? He is writhing. 177 00:08:15.420 --> 00:08:17.279 Jeff, as he's talking, you can't see this because it's 178 00:08:17.300 --> 00:08:21.250 a podcast, but he's undulating slowly from side to side 179 00:08:21.290 --> 00:08:22.500 like a cobra. 180 00:08:22.850 --> 00:08:26.389 As we were talking, involuntarily, I started to rotate my crops. 181 00:08:26.709 --> 00:08:29.029 I've never seen anyone gyrate vertically. 182 00:08:29.310 --> 00:08:29.569 Yes. 183 00:08:29.949 --> 00:08:30.029 Yes. 184 00:08:30.069 --> 00:08:34.809 Rotate my crops. That's right. 185 00:08:34.850 --> 00:08:35.929 He's still doing it. 186 00:08:36.620 --> 00:08:43.720 My field never goes fallow. Oh, God. Always changing the seed. Wait, 187 00:08:43.759 --> 00:08:46.200 now you're creepy. Oh, my God, I love it. 188 00:08:46.419 --> 00:08:50.360 I just, because I understand, okay, I'm gonna take you 189 00:08:50.379 --> 00:08:52.909 through my history of Jeff Goldblum. When I was a kid, 190 00:08:52.929 --> 00:08:57.850 and I love television, this show came on TV, and 191 00:08:57.870 --> 00:08:59.750 I've mentioned this to Jeff before, but this show came 192 00:08:59.809 --> 00:09:03.360 on television in, that was much better than any show 193 00:09:03.419 --> 00:09:07.169 I had seen on TV. It was called Ten Speed 194 00:09:07.210 --> 00:09:11.350 and Brown Shoe, and it was starring a brand new 195 00:09:11.509 --> 00:09:16.309 actor I'd never seen before, Jeff Goldblum, and

alongside. 196 00:09:15.820 --> 00:09:17.700 With Ben Vereen. Ben Vereen, of course. 197 00:09:17.720 --> 00:09:21.720 And it was a great show, and you were fantastic, 198 00:09:21.799 --> 00:09:24.169 and I was, I don't know how old I was. 199 00:09:24.190 --> 00:09:26.610 Was I 16? Was I 17? I don't know. It 200 00:09:26.629 --> 00:09:28.149 was 1980, I think. 201 00:09:28.149 --> 00:09:32.500 1980, I would have been 16, 17 years old when 202 00:09:32.539 --> 00:09:35.860 that came out. And I was blown away by the 203 00:09:35.899 --> 00:09:37.879 show and by this guy, Jeff Goldblum. I just thought 204 00:09:37.899 --> 00:09:42.620 he's hilarious. And sure enough, he starts showing up in 205 00:09:42.659 --> 00:09:46.309 movies and then you made the fly. And I thought 206 00:09:46.629 --> 00:09:52.389 this movie is scary But this, the guy playing Brundle. 207 00:09:52.580 --> 00:09:53.100 Seth Brundle. 208 00:09:53.159 --> 00:09:57.120 Seth Brundle is, I believe he's real and I really 209 00:09:57.210 --> 00:10:00.980 like him and he's funny and he's, but he's. 210 00:10:02.379 --> 00:10:02.659 Frightening. 211 00:10:02.700 --> 00:10:05.960 The transformation into someone frightening is real. And I had 212 00:10:05.980 --> 00:10:07.019 a lot of empathy and I thought this is one 213 00:10:07.039 --> 00:10:10.840 of the best horror movies I've seen. When that movie 214 00:10:10.860 --> 00:10:12.899 came out, I thought this is one of the best 215 00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:15.679 horror movies they've made in the last 20 years. And 216 00:10:15.720 --> 00:10:18.759 I thought it was really you. I really just believe, 217 00:10:19.090 --> 00:10:23.580 you know, yes, great cast and direction and script, but 218 00:10:23.600 --> 00:10:25.700 I really thought that was you. And I just, I 219 00:10:25.799 --> 00:10:28.519 love you in things. And I'm saying that because I 220 00:10:28.559 --> 00:10:31.799 have noticed that when you show up in Thor Ragnarok, 221 00:10:32.610 --> 00:10:33.509 you steal the show. 222 00:10:34.190 --> 00:10:35.750 You just, it's a delight. 223 00:10:36.470 --> 00:10:41.730 When your character, when you showed up in the first 224 00:10:42.149 --> 00:10:44.720 Jurassic Park, just delightful. 225 00:10:44.750 --> 00:10:45.009 Thank you. 226 00:10:49.990 --> 00:10:52.309 Over and over and over again, you've managed to get 227 00:10:53.210 --> 00:10:55.490 this part of yourself out there on the screen because 228 00:10:55.509 --> 00:10:57.070 you are, it is. 229 00:10:57.029 --> 00:10:59.649 A part of you. You are an imp. You're impish. 230 00:11:00.110 --> 00:11:01.830 You know, you're impish. You're very. 231 00:11:03.190 --> 00:11:06.019 For Jurassic 2, when I did the second Jurassic movie, 232 00:11:06.059 --> 00:11:08.679 I read a review and somebody said, yes, Mr. Goldblum, 233 00:11:08.720 --> 00:11:10.080 this looks like a giant gnome. 234 00:11:13.519 --> 00:11:16.230 You shouldn't read those things. Even when they compliment

you, 235 00:11:16.309 --> 00:11:17.950 it's never good. Sona, do I read things? 236 00:11:18.110 --> 00:11:19.129 Never reads anything. 237 00:11:19.190 --> 00:11:22.370 If someone writes an incredibly nice thing about me, everyone says, 238 00:11:22.669 --> 00:11:25.990 we've scanned it 35 times. It's only nice and it's superlatives. 239 00:11:26.049 --> 00:11:27.629 I'm like, okay, just put that in a drawer and 240 00:11:27.669 --> 00:11:28.789 I'll read that later. 241 00:11:28.830 --> 00:11:32.090 I know what you mean. I'm highly sensitive too. That's right. 242 00:11:32.769 --> 00:11:36.049 You get inoculated these days because there's so much opinionating 243 00:11:36.210 --> 00:11:39.059 going on. And so people must be saying horrible things 244 00:11:39.100 --> 00:11:41.620 all the time. And so you go, oh, okay. I'm 245 00:11:41.659 --> 00:11:43.629 not going to read below. I'm not going to read it. 246 00:11:43.639 --> 00:11:45.009 Don't read comments on the internet. 247 00:11:45.029 --> 00:11:45.289 Yeah. 248 00:11:45.350 --> 00:11:47.549 So you can avoid. You start to learn how to 249 00:11:47.590 --> 00:11:51.110 avoid things. Do you– Although a producer– I did a 250 00:11:51.149 --> 00:11:55.460 play once and I got bad reviews. Which play? Should 251 00:11:55.500 --> 00:11:56.840 I say? Because I'm going to go on to tell 252 00:11:56.899 --> 00:11:57.200 a story. 253 00:11:57.299 --> 00:11:57.840 Oh, boy. 254 00:11:57.860 --> 00:12:00.039 You're going to do it. It's still a wound. It's 255 00:12:00.080 --> 00:12:01.639 still an open wound. Is it a play I would 256 00:12:01.659 --> 00:12:05.299 have seen you in? Man. maybe I'll, I may reveal 257 00:12:05.340 --> 00:12:06.539 it at the end of this story. See if you 258 00:12:06.580 --> 00:12:08.720 think I can, or I'm going to break, have a 259 00:12:08.740 --> 00:12:11.460 breakdown if I do, but, uh, the reviews were poor 260 00:12:11.539 --> 00:12:16.289 for me, poor, poor, bad, bad, bad reviews. And then 261 00:12:17.210 --> 00:12:24.009 the producer of the theater company, famous producer said, okay, 262 00:12:24.029 --> 00:12:26.750 come on in to cheer me up. I think the 263 00:12:26.809 --> 00:12:29.470 day or two after it opened and said, uh, You know, 264 00:12:29.950 --> 00:12:32.909 you're a wonderful actor, and this is what I appreciate 265 00:12:33.330 --> 00:12:36.610 about you. And I read something. I heard it was good. 266 00:12:37.110 --> 00:12:38.470 I heard we got a good review because they were 267 00:12:38.490 --> 00:12:41.149 generally bad for the whole show, the whole production. I 268 00:12:41.190 --> 00:12:45.370 heard we got a good review. So my assistant lady, 269 00:12:46.080 --> 00:12:49.120 my sona or something, bring that review in, and I'm 270 00:12:49.139 --> 00:12:51.480 going to read it to Jeff. He needs something to 271 00:12:51.539 --> 00:12:54.059 cheer him up. And he started to read it. He 272 00:12:54.100 --> 00:12:56.419 hadn't read it before, and it said, well, this was good. 273 00:12:56.480 --> 00:12:59.169 In contrast to what other people say, this is a 274 00:12:59.210 --> 00:13:00.360 show is fine and dandy. 275 00:13:00.389 --> 00:13:01.080 It's good. 276 00:13:01.799 --> 00:13:05.100 Except for Mr. Goldblum, an actor I used to admire. 277 00:13:05.720 --> 00:13:09.200 He goes, Oh, nevermind. Nevermind. And then he went to 278 00:13:09.220 --> 00:13:11.220 all that trouble. He went to all that trouble. Didn't 279 00:13:11.240 --> 00:13:14.029 realize it was going to be another blow and said, well, 280 00:13:14.350 --> 00:13:16.590 and then ended the interview too shortly after he said, well, 281 00:13:16.889 --> 00:13:18.330 what can I say, Jeff here? And he had a 282 00:13:18.350 --> 00:13:21.570 lot of bric-a-brac on his desk, kind of, you know, mementos. 283 00:13:21.610 --> 00:13:23.470 He said, would you like to take something? He wanted 284 00:13:23.490 --> 00:13:25.309 to give me a present. He said, here, do you 285 00:13:25.330 --> 00:13:26.870 like Bert and Ernie? Take this little, it was a 286 00:13:26.870 --> 00:13:29.509 tiny bird. He said, take this with you. I said, okay, 287 00:13:29.529 --> 00:13:29.750 thank you. 288 00:13:29.820 --> 00:13:32.519 A little rubber Bert is what he gave you in 289 00:13:32.559 --> 00:13:34.600 exchange for reading you a bad review? 290 00:13:34.620 --> 00:13:37.320 Yes. It was a still, it was a horrible, horrible. 291 00:13:37.500 --> 00:13:40.000 I'm imagining when you walk around, people are very excited 292 00:13:40.039 --> 00:13:42.620 to see you and they have good feelings towards. 293 00:13:42.340 --> 00:13:44.120 You, which isn't the case with everybody. 294 00:13:44.750 --> 00:13:48.809 But I've also been an admirer of your lifestyle. You know, 295 00:13:48.850 --> 00:13:52.429 for many, many years, you were a, Single man on 296 00:13:52.470 --> 00:13:53.470 the prowl. 297 00:13:55.490 --> 00:13:56.929 And always. 298 00:13:56.950 --> 00:13:58.879 I don't know how prowly I was, but. 299 00:13:59.129 --> 00:13:59.620 Oh, you were. 300 00:13:59.629 --> 00:14:03.379 I enjoyed my single life. You did enjoy your single life. 301 00:14:03.440 --> 00:14:03.820 I did. 302 00:14:04.059 --> 00:14:06.039 You did, and you had a good time. I like 303 00:14:06.059 --> 00:14:06.700 to go on dates. 304 00:14:06.960 --> 00:14:07.679 I like dates. 305 00:14:07.980 --> 00:14:10.559 Some people say, oh, I don't like dates. Horrible dates. 306 00:14:10.659 --> 00:14:13.980 I like them. What do you like about dates? Well, 307 00:14:14.019 --> 00:14:19.120 the new investigation and possibility and potential and. 308 00:14:21.500 --> 00:14:25.039 You know. Oh God. Oh, I know that part. Yeah. 309 00:14:25.059 --> 00:14:29.179 Now would you, I would imagine, I always thought when 310 00:14:29.230 --> 00:14:31.389 I was a young man and I would go on 311 00:14:31.429 --> 00:14:33.250 a date, there are all these things that you have 312 00:14:33.289 -->

00:14:35.950 to deal with, which is, you know, oh, I'm, I 313 00:14:35.970 --> 00:14:39.990 don't have any money. My car is terrible. I remember 314 00:14:40.029 --> 00:14:41.419 going to a restaurant and thinking, am I going to 315 00:14:41.429 --> 00:14:42.860 be able to afford this? 316 00:14:43.779 --> 00:14:44.500 All those problems. 317 00:14:44.519 --> 00:14:49.220 But then you're Jeff Goldblum and you're single. And you're famous, 318 00:14:49.779 --> 00:14:53.450 and people like you, and you've got incredible clothes, and 319 00:14:53.490 --> 00:14:55.830 you walk into a restaurant, right this way, Mr. Goldblum, 320 00:14:55.889 --> 00:14:58.149 right this way, and you're with this beautiful woman. 321 00:14:58.429 --> 00:15:00.490 That must make a date a very nice experience. 322 00:15:00.789 --> 00:15:02.309 Well, yeah. 323 00:15:02.509 --> 00:15:05.009 I mean, I've been with my sweet, sweet Emily now 324 00:15:05.110 --> 00:15:08.070 for seven years, so I hardly— You don't even remember 325 00:15:08.110 --> 00:15:10.029 those times, do you? I don't remember those times, no. 326 00:15:10.070 --> 00:15:12.590 They've become a blur. Because I filmed most of it. 327 00:15:12.919 --> 00:15:13.340 You did? 328 00:15:13.419 --> 00:15:15.000 Yes, I have films of all of your dates. 329 00:15:15.279 --> 00:15:15.620 Really? 330 00:15:15.779 --> 00:15:17.879 I'd like that. I'd like to sit with you for 331 00:15:17.899 --> 00:15:20.309 a week or two and go through all that footage. 332 00:15:20.389 --> 00:15:21.549 It would take four months. 333 00:15:22.070 --> 00:15:26.710 Oh, really? Yeah, it's nice. Well, you know, I'm sure 334 00:15:26.750 --> 00:15:30.190 I benefited from, you know, sometimes being able to, you know, 335 00:15:30.330 --> 00:15:33.169 get a leg up on the situation. So to speak, yeah. 336 00:15:33.289 --> 00:15:36.610 So to speak, with one thing or another. But, of course, 337 00:15:36.690 --> 00:15:40.940 as we know, none of those things really make a 338 00:15:41.039 --> 00:15:43.700 happy life or a happy situation or a happy connection 339 00:15:44.100 --> 00:15:47.500 with you and somebody else. That's very finely personal and 340 00:15:48.070 --> 00:15:51.529 nothing that can be affected by money or the trappings 341 00:15:51.649 --> 00:15:53.690 of any old thing. 342 00:15:54.009 --> 00:15:56.950 You've taken to this whole enterprise like a duck to water. 343 00:15:57.509 --> 00:15:58.750 Yes, I have. 344 00:16:00.090 --> 00:16:00.429 I have. 345 00:16:00.470 --> 00:16:04.870 Well, she's spectacular. She's great. She's absolutely great, isn't she? 346 00:16:04.909 --> 00:16:09.519 And these kids... Thank goodness so far. Miraculous. You can 347 00:16:09.539 --> 00:16:10.090 always get out. 348 00:16:10.129 --> 00:16:12.090 If the kids don't turn out great, you can just 349 00:16:12.149 --> 00:16:17.230 walk away. There's very little emotional scarring when you just 350 00:16:17.250 --> 00:16:17.730 walk away. 351 00:16:17.610 --> 00:16:21.830 From a child. Well, you have, of course, Liza. You 352 00:16:21.870 --> 00:16:24.399 talk about my wife that way. The way you said 353 00:16:24.440 --> 00:16:28.919 my wife's name. Of course, you have Liza. Well, no, 354 00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:31.779 I hardly know your wife, but I'm sure. 355 00:16:31.799 --> 00:16:33.539 What? 356 00:16:34.100 --> 00:16:39.470 You're sure of what? I'm sure. I will thrash you. 357 00:16:39.490 --> 00:16:41.889 I will thrash you about the head and shoulders with 358 00:16:41.929 --> 00:16:45.169 a cudgel. I'd enjoy that. 359 00:16:45.200 --> 00:16:48.139 You know what's so funny? For you, everything's a sensual experience. 360 00:16:48.399 --> 00:16:50.519 This is what I've noticed about Jeff Goldblum. Everything is 361 00:16:50.580 --> 00:16:51.539 a sensual experience. 362 00:16:52.779 --> 00:16:54.259 Here, apply this. 363 00:16:54.720 --> 00:16:57.480 It's time to put this drywall up. You got to 364 00:16:57.519 --> 00:17:02.350 put this drywall up. We got to get this drywall. 365 00:17:02.379 --> 00:17:06.509 Why not enjoy it? Yeah, find the studs. That cudgel 366 00:17:06.529 --> 00:17:09.230 business got me going. The line, as we know, between 367 00:17:09.269 --> 00:17:11.470 pleasure and pain is sometimes papyrus thin. 368 00:17:12.039 --> 00:17:12.170 Oh. 369 00:17:17.500 --> 00:17:17.960 Madness. 370 00:17:18.339 --> 00:17:18.960 Pure madness. 371 00:17:19.000 --> 00:17:19.240 Madness. 372 00:17:19.680 --> 00:17:21.670 But no, but I was so interested in you, as 373 00:17:21.730 --> 00:17:24.210 I still am, because you've got, of course, you're two 374 00:17:24.230 --> 00:17:27.029 lovely kids. Yeah, I want to exchange all manner of 375 00:17:27.069 --> 00:17:29.650 notes and have play dates and all kind of things. 376 00:17:29.690 --> 00:17:30.930 I'd like to see you with your kids. 377 00:17:31.380 --> 00:17:34.839 Yeah, I'm a fun, well, you can attest, Sona. I'm 378 00:17:34.859 --> 00:17:35.519 a goofy dad. 379 00:17:36.049 --> 00:17:37.089 I'm very goofy with my kids. 380 00:17:37.470 --> 00:17:40.910 You're a goofy person in general, and I think you 381 00:17:41.150 --> 00:17:43.319 are very goofy in front of your kids. 382 00:17:43.470 --> 00:17:43.710 Yes. 383 00:17:43.970 --> 00:17:45.299 I play the fool. 384 00:17:45.460 --> 00:17:47.119 But they seem over it sometimes. 385 00:17:47.299 --> 00:17:51.289 Yes, yes. They, like America... Have grown weary. 386 00:17:52.470 --> 00:17:53.690 Oh, no. 387 00:17:53.710 --> 00:17:56.099 Not at all. But I realize about myself being a, 388 00:17:56.329 --> 00:17:58.819 now that I'm a dad, that I am a jokester. 389 00:17:58.890 --> 00:18:00.880 I like to make, I like to laugh. They make 390 00:18:00.940 --> 00:18:02.859 me laugh and I like to make them laugh. And 391 00:18:02.880 --> 00:18:04.759 I'm always joking. Emily is going, you know, she kind 392 00:18:04.779 --> 00:18:07.119 of lays down the law. That's how it goes.

Yeah. 393 00:18:07.299 --> 00:18:09.539 You know, be the constructor of guardrails and this and that. 394 00:18:09.980 --> 00:18:12.940 And sometimes she gets critical of me, in fact. Like, 395 00:18:12.980 --> 00:18:14.880 you know, I'm an intrusion and, you know, come on, 396 00:18:14.880 --> 00:18:16.240 are you going to help this along or are you 397 00:18:16.279 --> 00:18:21.369 just going to make jokes, you know? To which I'm sensitive. 398 00:18:21.390 --> 00:18:23.589 Do you get sensitive to that if she- Of course. 399 00:18:23.630 --> 00:18:24.730 Criticizes you? I know. 400 00:18:24.750 --> 00:18:27.809 Yes, I'm sensitive to all criticism, but especially from your spouse. 401 00:18:27.950 --> 00:18:28.410 I know. 402 00:18:29.069 --> 00:18:33.369 And, you know, yes, occasionally if my wife, who's fantastic, 403 00:18:33.390 --> 00:18:36.990 but if she, if, I'm careful because she doesn't watch 404 00:18:37.029 --> 00:18:39.410 the show, but she does listen to the podcast. But 405 00:18:39.609 --> 00:18:41.539 I love her. I love her dearly. And she's a 406 00:18:41.619 --> 00:18:46.500 terrific mom, best mom ever. But occasionally- She'll say, oh, 407 00:18:46.579 --> 00:18:48.319 maybe you could have helped out more in that situation 408 00:18:48.380 --> 00:18:49.359 or you could have done this or you could have 409 00:18:49.380 --> 00:18:51.380 done that. And I feel like I'm a wounded bear 410 00:18:51.599 --> 00:18:52.180 at that point. 411 00:18:52.329 --> 00:18:58.390 I'm with you. Yeah. It's horrible. Just this morning, what 412 00:18:58.430 --> 00:19:00.769 happened just this morning? I started to kind of fumigate 413 00:19:01.009 --> 00:19:04.769 inside myself. And by the time we went— You would fume. 414 00:19:04.990 --> 00:19:07.200 I fumed. I didn't fumigate. If you fumigated, you would 415 00:19:07.240 --> 00:19:10.099 have— I was cleaning out myself. Fumigating is what I 416 00:19:10.099 --> 00:19:12.299 try to clean myself out. But I was fuming. 417 00:19:12.640 --> 00:19:13.259 Yeah, sorry. 418 00:19:13.319 --> 00:19:15.579 I tried to make a new use of the word, fumigating. 419 00:19:16.339 --> 00:19:20.420 I was fulminating. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, something like that. Fulminating. Yeah, 420 00:19:20.859 --> 00:19:24.190 I was marinating in my own juices, some kind of 421 00:19:24.250 --> 00:19:32.069 dark au jus. Insanity, insanity. She's great. She's like, talk 422 00:19:32.089 --> 00:19:34.549 about a duck, not taken to water, but a duck 423 00:19:34.589 --> 00:19:37.400 when they have a run-in, they flap their wings and 424 00:19:37.440 --> 00:19:41.009 they don't, doesn't buy them anymore. They don't carry a 425 00:19:41.049 --> 00:19:44.420 grudge or hold anything. Everything is of the moment. I 426 00:19:44.480 --> 00:19:46.579 need to be more like that myself. And I am, 427 00:19:46.599 --> 00:19:47.630 I'm getting, she's teaching me that. 428 00:19:47.640 --> 00:19:49.900 What i believe it is i believe that in

those 429 00:19:50.000 --> 00:19:53.180 moments when we have those interactions with our wives we're 430 00:19:53.220 --> 00:19:57.509 making them our moms and we're feeling scolded. 431 00:19:56.990 --> 00:20:01.049 By a mom yes and it's uh yes. 432 00:20:01.109 --> 00:20:03.539 I i really think that that It's true, and then 433 00:20:03.700 --> 00:20:05.119 what you have to do is the work in your 434 00:20:05.140 --> 00:20:08.839 mind of saying, this isn't my mom. You're not my mother, 435 00:20:08.859 --> 00:20:13.950 you're not my mother. This isn't 1971, and don't turn 436 00:20:13.990 --> 00:20:15.710 her into that. That's not fair to her. 437 00:20:15.769 --> 00:20:20.250 I'm sure that's true. I'm sure that's true. Yeah. Do 438 00:20:20.529 --> 00:20:22.650 you have a therapist? Because I could be your therapist. Well, 439 00:20:22.670 --> 00:20:26.990 you know, this may be- I don't know. Not a 440 00:20:27.009 --> 00:20:31.609 million laughs, but my therapist who Gary Shandling connect me 441 00:20:31.769 --> 00:20:34.500 to- She was his therapist. And I was pals with 442 00:20:34.539 --> 00:20:39.039 Gary Shandley. Became my therapist. And she was wonderful. Lou Katzman. 443 00:20:39.859 --> 00:20:41.039 But I don't know, over the course. And then for 444 00:20:41.059 --> 00:20:43.309 the last decade, I would just see her as needed 445 00:20:43.380 --> 00:20:45.029 once a year if I'm getting into or out of 446 00:20:45.069 --> 00:20:49.789 a relationship or I've had some problem. And then Emily, 447 00:20:50.450 --> 00:20:53.250 a couple of years into our relationship, said, gee, wouldn't 448 00:20:53.269 --> 00:20:56.190 it be lovely if we had a baby? What would 449 00:20:56.210 --> 00:20:58.819 you think about that? And it wasn't strategic or off-putting 450 00:20:58.880 --> 00:21:02.509 or untrustworthy at all. And I said, wow. This is serious. 451 00:21:03.009 --> 00:21:05.390 I'm so serious about you. This is so delightful that 452 00:21:05.730 --> 00:21:07.579 I should really consider this. Now, let's go in to 453 00:21:07.630 --> 00:21:11.039 see Lou. She hadn't met Lou Katzman, and we did. 454 00:21:11.059 --> 00:21:12.440 Lou Katzman sounds like an agent. 455 00:21:12.779 --> 00:21:12.980 I know. 456 00:21:13.000 --> 00:21:14.059 Like a 1940s agent. 457 00:21:14.079 --> 00:21:14.579 Lou Katzman. 458 00:21:14.619 --> 00:21:17.170 Get me Lou Katzman. You're screwing with the wrong guy. 459 00:21:17.539 --> 00:21:19.519 Lou Katzman's my agent. You're going to hear from him. 460 00:21:19.859 --> 00:21:22.839 Well, she was Lawanda Katzman. She's a southern lady who 461 00:21:22.880 --> 00:21:26.789 married a Katzman. That's how she became Katzman. Anyway, she 462 00:21:26.809 --> 00:21:28.950 was very good, and over the course of that next year, 463 00:21:29.509 --> 00:21:33.849 We excavated all my fears, considerations about it. And after 464 00:21:33.890 --> 00:21:36.609 a year, I said, yeah, this could be peachy and 465 00:21:36.630 --> 00:21:39.410 we'll get married and have a baby. And then she, 466 00:21:39.490 --> 00:21:41.069 having never done it before, I know you can do 467 00:21:41.130 --> 00:21:45.990 this too, got herself able to officiate at the wedding. Yes. 468 00:21:46.710 --> 00:21:49.509 So she officiated our wedding. She was wonderful. Then she 469 00:21:49.529 --> 00:21:52.150 died a few months ago. Oh, sorry to hear that. Yeah, 470 00:21:52.329 --> 00:21:55.069 that's okay. But why did I bring up, oh, so 471 00:21:55.410 --> 00:21:58.349 I need a new therapist. Yes, this is a fertile time. 472 00:21:58.769 --> 00:22:02.450 You know, I feel as self-reliant as ever, you know. 473 00:22:03.309 --> 00:22:06.549 But I always enjoyed therapy. I found it to be 474 00:22:06.569 --> 00:22:09.470 a real great fruitful bone to chew on, if I'm 475 00:22:09.509 --> 00:22:13.329 not mixing my metaphors. There's no such fruitful bone. There 476 00:22:13.430 --> 00:22:15.630 would be no fruitful bone. There's no bones in fruit. 477 00:22:16.009 --> 00:22:20.990 And there's no fruit-covered bone. Yeah, another way of saying it. Yeah, 478 00:22:21.410 --> 00:22:23.289 that's right. Except, is there? 479 00:22:23.309 --> 00:22:27.289 No, no, no bones in fruit. Everyone in the room 480 00:22:27.349 --> 00:22:28.589 is backing out slowly. 481 00:22:29.029 --> 00:22:31.730 It's just the two of us. But this is such 482 00:22:31.759 --> 00:22:36.680 a fertile time. Yes, all the maternal connections that might 483 00:22:36.779 --> 00:22:39.900 be there potentially with your wife and all the new 484 00:22:39.960 --> 00:22:45.369 sensitivities and new passions and new mortality thoughts and this 485 00:22:45.410 --> 00:22:50.019 is a fertile time to talk with somebody smart and yeah. 486 00:22:50.079 --> 00:22:52.000 I will, I can help you in that area if 487 00:22:52.019 --> 00:22:53.839 you want. I could be your therapist or I could 488 00:22:53.880 --> 00:22:54.900 recommend a therapist. 489 00:22:55.000 --> 00:22:58.039 Either, both. I think both would be good. Recommend. Recommend? 490 00:22:58.380 --> 00:23:01.059 What are you talking about? I think I have good, Sona, 491 00:23:01.099 --> 00:23:02.119 I give good advice, don't I? 492 00:23:02.299 --> 00:23:05.089 You do, but you're not like a licensed therapist. 493 00:23:05.180 --> 00:23:06.890 I mean, what are you talking about? 494 00:23:09.049 --> 00:23:09.789 How hard could it be? 495 00:23:09.849 --> 00:23:13.319 I'll just say, hmm, that sounds interesting and How does 496 00:23:13.339 --> 00:23:16.259 she feel about it? Okay, well, our time's up. 497 00:23:16.700 --> 00:23:17.319 No, he's very good. 498 00:23:17.339 --> 00:23:20.240 He's very empathic. And I've never had a problem telling 499 00:23:20.279 --> 00:23:24.180 a therapist absolutely everything and being entirely truthful. Even with you, 500 00:23:24.240 --> 00:23:26.900 I'd be, should I tell him that? I don't know. 501 00:23:26.920 -->

00:23:27.740 We're pals, too. 502 00:23:27.789 --> 00:23:30.450 You know, that's a different thing. Yeah, but you won't 503 00:23:30.490 --> 00:23:32.049 tell me the name of the plays you've been in. 504 00:23:32.410 --> 00:23:37.220 And then, you know, you're KG. You're one of KG Mink's. Um, 505 00:23:37.579 --> 00:23:40.119 let's take a quick break, a very quick break, uh, 506 00:23:40.740 --> 00:23:41.089 so that I. 507 00:23:41.089 --> 00:23:44.609 Can do some ads. Uh, yeah, things at cash cow. 508 00:23:50.609 --> 00:23:52.430 And now it's time for a very special edition of 509 00:23:52.690 --> 00:23:55.279 Conan O'Brien pays off the mortgage on his beach house. 510 00:23:55.890 --> 00:23:58.920 Uh, let me explain quickly if my voice sounds any different. 511 00:23:59.059 --> 00:24:03.299 I am in, uh, the airport in Australia, Sydney, Australia 512 00:24:03.339 --> 00:24:06.089 right now. I just finished a week of, uh, shooting 513 00:24:06.109 --> 00:24:08.130 an episode here for Netflix. I also did a live 514 00:24:08.190 --> 00:24:12.230 show in which I made possibly the mistake of singing 515 00:24:12.589 --> 00:24:15.009 as loud as I could while playing the guitar, the 516 00:24:15.109 --> 00:24:19.349 ACDC song, You Shook Me All Night Long, in front 517 00:24:19.390 --> 00:24:23.769 of 2,000 mystified Australians. But when I was done singing 518 00:24:23.809 --> 00:24:27.269 this song, my voice was completely gone. So now I 519 00:24:27.329 --> 00:24:30.769 sound a little bit like the great singer Lou Rawls. 520 00:24:31.289 --> 00:24:34.029 Look him up, kids. I'm here with Andrew Blair. 521 00:24:34.289 --> 00:24:34.730 Thanks, Clay. 522 00:24:35.200 --> 00:24:36.319 Yeah. Aaron Blair. 523 00:24:36.339 --> 00:24:36.500 Yeah. 524 00:24:36.839 --> 00:24:38.349 What did I just call you? You called me Andrew. 525 00:24:38.470 --> 00:24:40.569 Oh my God. I've known you forever. That's true. This 526 00:24:40.589 --> 00:24:41.950 is how jet lagged I am. 527 00:24:41.930 --> 00:24:42.170 18 years. 528 00:24:42.269 --> 00:24:42.490 Okay. 529 00:24:42.509 --> 00:24:44.440 Well, I'm here with Simon Blair. He does a great job. 530 00:24:45.269 --> 00:24:47.329 This family is on the brink of civil war. 531 00:24:47.509 --> 00:24:52.190 Mobland, the hit original series, is back, exclusively on Paramount +. 532 00:24:51.990 --> 00:24:55.470 We are the Harrigans. Don't know the name? Google us. 533 00:24:55.579 --> 00:24:57.460 From the underworld of Guy Ritchie. 534 00:24:57.480 --> 00:24:59.019 Do you want to step up the ladder? 535 00:24:59.099 --> 00:25:03.180 I want Cormac dead. Starring Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan, and 536 00:25:03.240 --> 00:25:03.960 Helen Mirren. 537 00:25:04.000 --> 00:25:05.900 You want to walk? I'll give you a walk. 538 00:25:06.759 --> 00:25:09.400 Stream the brand new series of Mobland from 18th of 539 00:25:09.440 --> 00:25:13.009 September exclusively on Paramount +. Subscription required. 540 00:25:13.009 --> 00:25:14.470 18 plus. T's and C's apply. 541 00:25:19.450 --> 00:25:20.829 We're back, sitting here with. 542 00:25:21.289 --> 00:25:24.309 It's a wonderful product. Jeff Goldblum. 543 00:25:24.710 --> 00:25:27.009 Whenever I'm with you, I find myself looking at what 544 00:25:27.029 --> 00:25:30.190 you're wearing, what you've got a great watch on. 545 00:25:30.210 --> 00:25:31.420 Thank you. 546 00:25:31.500 --> 00:25:35.019 I like your ring. You had a pinky ring for 547 00:25:35.039 --> 00:25:37.000 a while. Did you commit to it or did you 548 00:25:37.039 --> 00:25:37.599 get panicked? 549 00:25:37.880 --> 00:25:45.049 Here's what happened. I dreamed in this cycle with Andrew 550 00:25:45.069 --> 00:25:48.559 Vitero one night, He's your stylist. He's my stylist. Of 551 00:25:48.599 --> 00:25:50.480 a pinky ring. And I liked it. And I'd be 552 00:25:50.519 --> 00:25:54.960 wearing it now, except tactilely playing the piano and just 553 00:25:55.029 --> 00:26:00.190 going around. I'd rather be naked on my hands and everywhere, 554 00:26:00.509 --> 00:26:02.450 you know. Would you like to be naked all the time? 555 00:26:02.549 --> 00:26:04.769 For that matter. I bet you're very comfortable with your 556 00:26:04.809 --> 00:26:08.750 naked body. Well, I wouldn't strip right now. No, no, no. 557 00:26:08.789 --> 00:26:11.789 No one was asking you to. I might pass a 558 00:26:11.829 --> 00:26:13.410 note to you to that effect, but I wouldn't ask 559 00:26:13.450 --> 00:26:16.099 you to. But I get the sense that you're someone 560 00:26:16.119 --> 00:26:19.039 who has, you don't seem like an inhibited person. I 561 00:26:19.079 --> 00:26:21.940 think you'd walk around naked at home, purring. 562 00:26:22.740 --> 00:26:24.910 Yes, you should see the kids before they get the 563 00:26:24.990 --> 00:26:28.490 idea that nakedness is somehow interesting or significant at all. 564 00:26:28.769 --> 00:26:31.910 They sure like to be naked. Boy, kids, you watch, 565 00:26:31.930 --> 00:26:34.029 you get to watch the human being. I'd never been 566 00:26:34.049 --> 00:26:36.109 around kids before, but you get to watch the human 567 00:26:36.150 --> 00:26:42.329 being in their unspoiled, full-scrolls, selves and it's wild isn't 568 00:26:42.390 --> 00:26:44.930 it nakedness is certainly one of them comfort with their 569 00:26:44.950 --> 00:26:48.549 bodies unselfconsciousness is part of their thing of course and 570 00:26:49.150 --> 00:26:57.299 speaking of which sexuality too eroticism arousability and all sorts 571 00:26:57.359 --> 00:27:01.460 of things a couple of these boys wow you know 572 00:27:01.730 --> 00:27:03.519 And they're always playing with it. As a matter of fact, 573 00:27:03.619 --> 00:27:05.519 I came home– listen to this. I did that Red 574 00:27:05.599 --> 00:27:08.150 Nose Day with Richard Curtis. And they give you at 575 00:27:08.170 --> 00:27:09.819 the end of that thing, if you want, a couple 576 00:27:09.859 --> 00:27:13.869 of–

Red noses. Well, he'd done it before, but sure enough, 577 00:27:13.890 --> 00:27:15.079 he hadn't done it in a while. I came in. 578 00:27:15.089 --> 00:27:18.890 He was naked. I came in the room. Who was naked? Charlie. Oh, Charlie, 579 00:27:18.910 --> 00:27:20.490 your son. I thought the guy who gave you the 580 00:27:20.509 --> 00:27:22.109 red nose was naked. No, no, not Richard Curtis. Three 581 00:27:22.130 --> 00:27:22.690 and a half year old. 582 00:27:22.710 --> 00:27:25.210 Let's be really clear. Richard Curtis was not naked. 583 00:27:25.250 --> 00:27:29.930 No, in my house. Although he's a redhead, too. What 584 00:27:29.950 --> 00:27:32.920 does that mean? We're all perverts? Not at all, but 585 00:27:32.980 --> 00:27:35.440 I'm looking at one of the foremost redheads in the... 586 00:27:35.839 --> 00:27:39.359 It's in the cosmos. I think the most, yeah. Possibly 587 00:27:39.400 --> 00:27:43.180 the most. Anyway, he had this red nose on his penis. 588 00:27:43.720 --> 00:27:43.920 What? 589 00:27:44.259 --> 00:27:46.660 Your son put it on his penis? He did. And 590 00:27:46.720 --> 00:27:48.559 he was just having the best time because he's funny 591 00:27:48.700 --> 00:27:51.059 and he likes to make jokes. I think I've infected 592 00:27:51.079 --> 00:27:56.759 him with my joke-making, you know, bone. And speaking of which, 593 00:27:56.799 --> 00:28:00.529 he had the red nose on his penis and, you know, 594 00:28:00.660 --> 00:28:03.029 walking around. Yeah, it was quite a sight. But he 595 00:28:03.069 --> 00:28:05.640 likes it. You know, they, boy, they, slap it and 596 00:28:05.660 --> 00:28:07.339 they pinch it and they do all kinds of things. 597 00:28:07.799 --> 00:28:11.400 And they get erect. They get erectile, as you know, 598 00:28:11.799 --> 00:28:16.589 I'm sure, often. And we try not to make any 599 00:28:16.619 --> 00:28:19.130 big deal about it either. Well, you're supposed to shame them. 600 00:28:19.990 --> 00:28:20.630 I don't think so. 601 00:28:21.250 --> 00:28:21.470 Really? 602 00:28:22.089 --> 00:28:23.369 That's what I... Okay. 603 00:28:23.829 --> 00:28:27.789 But no, sexuality and sex was not spoken about in 604 00:28:27.829 --> 00:28:29.450 my home. Probably not your home either. 605 00:28:29.690 --> 00:28:32.420 Well, ours had a weird... Shirley and Harold were the parents. 606 00:28:32.519 --> 00:28:39.039 Shirley had a particularly... She would vacuum the house naked. 607 00:28:39.500 --> 00:28:39.640 What? 608 00:28:39.720 --> 00:28:40.500 Your mom would? 609 00:28:40.519 --> 00:28:40.589 Yep. 610 00:28:40.880 --> 00:28:42.940 She would go around with a vacuum cleaner somehow. Yeah, 611 00:28:43.299 --> 00:28:45.680 she thought, I think her general credo was the human 612 00:28:45.700 --> 00:28:47.740 body is, you know, in the new freedoms. This is 613 00:28:47.769 --> 00:28:50.650 in the new freedoms era. Fine and dandy. I'm part 614 00:28:50.690 --> 00:28:52.549 of the youth culture. She didn't want to be left 615 00:28:52.630 --> 00:28:55.049 out of anything. Anyway, she was, but she also was 616 00:28:55.109 --> 00:29:03.130 given to a complicated and probably un... Realized sexuality. I'm 617 00:29:03.170 --> 00:29:09.829 just guessing. Really? Well, maybe so. Maybe so. Anyway, she 618 00:29:09.849 --> 00:29:10.589 would go around. 619 00:29:10.430 --> 00:29:13.069 So you saw your mom vacuuming nude That must have 620 00:29:13.089 --> 00:29:14.000 had an influence on you And it was. 621 00:29:13.930 --> 00:29:16.319 A whole Philip Roth novel To be honest with you 622 00:29:16.380 --> 00:29:17.900 I won't go into it But there was probably a 623 00:29:17.900 --> 00:29:21.779 lot of complication To be excavated at a later date Right, 624 00:29:21.880 --> 00:29:25.160 with a professional Which I've done some with professionals Yes Well, you. 625 00:29:25.059 --> 00:29:26.869 Should continue to do it And I would like to 626 00:29:26.880 --> 00:29:29.170 be there when you do it Really? I would You're 627 00:29:29.190 --> 00:29:32.450 invited Would you let me sit in on a therapy session? 628 00:29:33.819 --> 00:29:36.049 Or do you feel, I wouldn't repeat anything. You trust me, 629 00:29:36.069 --> 00:29:36.329 don't you? 630 00:29:36.690 --> 00:29:38.630 Well. With a microphone and then we air it? 631 00:29:40.559 --> 00:29:40.819 Yes. 632 00:29:41.599 --> 00:29:42.000 Yes. 633 00:29:43.079 --> 00:29:45.359 I have another story I just thought of. Let's hear it. 634 00:29:46.380 --> 00:29:49.200 It sounds like a horror story. I can't possibly tell this. Why? 635 00:29:49.480 --> 00:29:49.940 Why not? 636 00:29:50.759 --> 00:29:51.200 Oh, no, no. 637 00:29:51.269 --> 00:29:56.369 Does it involve an erection? Yes. Oh, but don't they all? 638 00:29:56.470 --> 00:29:56.910 Never mind. 639 00:29:56.950 --> 00:29:57.660 Don't they all? 640 00:29:57.670 --> 00:29:57.970 Well, wait. 641 00:29:58.349 --> 00:30:00.410 Let's ask a couple of questions, and you can... Does 642 00:30:00.450 --> 00:30:01.980 it involve your childhood or maybe. 643 00:30:02.460 --> 00:30:06.220 Later years. My childhood? This story that you can't tell, 644 00:30:06.259 --> 00:30:07.960 does it involve your childhood or a little later on? 645 00:30:08.019 --> 00:30:12.740 Now we're getting to my adolescence. Ah, yeah. Newfound, yeah. 646 00:30:12.880 --> 00:30:14.819 And you learn that your powers increase. 647 00:30:15.140 --> 00:30:15.920 Yes, exactly. 648 00:30:15.980 --> 00:30:20.240 Your sexuality, you blossomed. Like a zucchini blossom. Like a 649 00:30:20.240 --> 00:30:24.470 zucchini blossom, like a fruit in its... A fruit with 650 00:30:24.529 --> 00:30:28.069 a bone in it this time, without the bone removed. 651 00:30:28.650 --> 00:30:30.710 What's the matter with us? They're going to come. It's 652 00:30:30.750 --> 00:30:33.869 not with us. Don't drag me into this. People are 653 00:30:33.890 --> 00:30:36.710 going to identify where we live and warn the

neighbors. 654 00:30:37.170 --> 00:30:43.650 Listen, you are— I've. 655 00:30:43.589 --> 00:30:46.569 Said too much. No, no. I'm feeling warm under my sweater. 656 00:30:46.750 --> 00:30:49.519 Yeah, I think we're all feeling warm. You know, I 657 00:30:49.539 --> 00:30:51.230 think it's good that there are other people in the room. 658 00:30:51.859 --> 00:30:53.440 If it were just the two of us, it would 659 00:30:53.480 --> 00:30:57.359 be somehow, A, more exciting, B, scarier. 660 00:30:57.720 --> 00:31:01.559 But it's good that we have mixed company too, because Sona. Sona, 661 00:31:01.579 --> 00:31:03.119 you'd tell us if this went too far, right? 662 00:31:03.400 --> 00:31:06.640 No, this is great. I don't know what's happening, but 663 00:31:06.700 --> 00:31:09.049 I'm enjoying it. It's very homoerotic. 664 00:31:09.650 --> 00:31:10.029 Really? 665 00:31:10.109 --> 00:31:13.769 You two are, you two are both moaning a lot. 666 00:31:13.869 --> 00:31:14.150 Yes. 667 00:31:15.390 --> 00:31:20.289 I have to say, I've always had, I, I, you know, 668 00:31:20.309 --> 00:31:23.519 I'm going to be completely open. I've always had just this, 669 00:31:24.099 --> 00:31:27.619 this affection for Jeff Goldblum. And then it, it, It 670 00:31:27.900 --> 00:31:30.500 passes on to like this, also this tactile, like when 671 00:31:30.539 --> 00:31:32.519 I see him, I like to give him a hug 672 00:31:32.579 --> 00:31:35.259 and shake his hand and he makes these very pleasing sounds. 673 00:31:36.480 --> 00:31:40.170 And so, yeah, it could be attraction. If it is, 674 00:31:40.609 --> 00:31:42.630 sexuality is a scale. 675 00:31:42.650 --> 00:31:45.710 We all know that. It's a spectrum. Matt, isn't it 676 00:31:45.769 --> 00:31:46.170 a spectrum? 677 00:31:46.490 --> 00:31:46.869 Certainly. 678 00:31:47.009 --> 00:31:48.670 I mean, this is the first time I've met you 679 00:31:48.769 --> 00:31:49.869 and I am bewitched. 680 00:31:50.710 --> 00:31:51.329 He is. 681 00:31:51.349 --> 00:31:51.789 It's true. 682 00:31:52.470 --> 00:31:54.700 You are one charming son of a bitch. 683 00:31:54.779 --> 00:31:57.579 So sweet. Do you know the theme song for Bewitched? 684 00:31:58.569 --> 00:32:00.089 Bewitched. 685 00:32:00.150 --> 00:32:00.829 Is that it? 686 00:32:00.849 --> 00:32:03.230 That's Giant Genie. That's I Dream of Genie. Never mind, 687 00:32:03.250 --> 00:32:03.549 we're wrong. 688 00:32:03.569 --> 00:32:05.190 Oh, wait, no, no, no. Who played Genie? 689 00:32:05.230 --> 00:32:07.190 Wait a minute, wait a minute. Barbara Eden. No, no, no, 690 00:32:07.190 --> 00:32:08.140 it has no, Bewitched doesn't. 691 00:32:08.220 --> 00:32:09.059 It does have lyrics. 692 00:32:09.119 --> 00:32:10.980 No, you're thinking of the movie. 693 00:32:11.000 --> 00:32:11.460 It used to. 694 00:32:11.779 --> 00:32:12.859 Yeah, she'd come in on that broom. 695 00:32:12.880 --> 00:32:16.279 Bewitched, Bewitched. 696 00:32:16.319 --> 00:32:24.890 Yes, yes, that's it. Hey, you're jazzy. Hey, you could 697 00:32:24.930 --> 00:32:26.650 have played one of the, if they were looking for 698 00:32:26.690 --> 00:32:30.119 another you know, Dick the husband, you know, because they 699 00:32:30.140 --> 00:32:32.279 went through a Dick replacement on that. There was Dick. 700 00:32:32.299 --> 00:32:34.460 They did a creepy thing on that show, which is the. 701 00:32:34.480 --> 00:32:36.460 Dick Sargent, Dick York. Dick York. 702 00:32:36.740 --> 00:32:36.980 Yeah. 703 00:32:37.089 --> 00:32:39.349 Had to leave the show because of a back injury. Oh, 704 00:32:39.390 --> 00:32:40.630 I didn't know that. And he was ill. 705 00:32:40.990 --> 00:32:43.829 He had to leave the show and he was replaced 706 00:32:43.869 --> 00:32:45.490 by Dick Sargent and they never said anything. 707 00:32:45.549 --> 00:32:46.009 That's right. 708 00:32:46.029 --> 00:32:48.009 I always find that scary. 709 00:32:48.029 --> 00:32:48.109 Yeah. 710 00:32:48.130 --> 00:32:50.150 In sitcoms when they do that and everyone acts like 711 00:32:50.210 --> 00:32:51.130 it's the same person. 712 00:32:51.269 --> 00:32:51.569 I know. 713 00:32:51.970 --> 00:32:52.309 I know. 714 00:32:52.329 --> 00:32:55.789 I'm going to make another observation. I know you play jazz. 715 00:32:55.890 --> 00:32:57.450 You're very passionate about jazz. 716 00:32:57.490 --> 00:33:02.890 You've made this album, which is incredible, really, the musicianship. 717 00:33:03.269 --> 00:33:06.250 But what's interesting is it's no coincidence to me that 718 00:33:06.269 --> 00:33:09.609 you like jazz, because I think when you speak, it's jazz. 719 00:33:09.869 --> 00:33:14.089 Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You speak very musically. 720 00:33:14.730 --> 00:33:16.539 And you bring things up, and they occur to you, 721 00:33:16.569 --> 00:33:18.630 and you follow them where they're going, and then you 722 00:33:18.950 --> 00:33:21.289 dip back, and then you find a difference. It's got 723 00:33:21.309 --> 00:33:23.680 a rhythm. Does this make any sense at all? 724 00:33:23.730 --> 00:33:27.619 It sure does, yeah. I was always naturally just excited 725 00:33:27.660 --> 00:33:31.220 about jazz and rhythmical things and different harmonic things and 726 00:33:31.509 --> 00:33:34.769 improvisation particularly. Then I studied acting with Sanford Meisner, whose 727 00:33:34.829 --> 00:33:39.950 cornerstone of his technique is this particular improvisation. And even 728 00:33:39.970 --> 00:33:42.710 though I like to do scripted material, do I do 729 00:33:42.730 --> 00:33:45.589 a David Mamet play or, you know, my Martin McDonough 730 00:33:45.609 --> 00:33:47.269 play and that you have to, as you know, be 731 00:33:47.690 --> 00:33:50.670 exactly on the words or a Wes Anderson movie who 732 00:33:50.710 --> 00:33:53.559 doesn't want you to replace and with the right. et cetera. 733 00:33:53.579 --> 00:33:55.920 And then you find a kind of freedom and interesting 734 00:33:56.279 -->

00:33:59.259 nuance within that. And that's a very beautiful creative experience, 735 00:33:59.319 --> 00:34:04.200 but I do enjoy doing Portlandia or Thor Ragnarok on 736 00:34:04.240 --> 00:34:07.470 which we improvised a lot. And I like improvisation. I like, 737 00:34:07.529 --> 00:34:09.829 and as you know, these talk shows, which interests me 738 00:34:09.889 --> 00:34:12.590 terrifically as early on, I would go on a talk 739 00:34:12.630 --> 00:34:18.389 show and, and, and sort of adopt the cliche and 740 00:34:18.489 --> 00:34:21.980 conventional posture that, Oh, I like the work to speak 741 00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:25.400 for itself. What am I doing on this show or that? Really, 742 00:34:25.420 --> 00:34:30.809 because I was frightened that occurred to me. But I 743 00:34:30.869 --> 00:34:33.530 came to see it as an opportunity for something that 744 00:34:33.610 --> 00:34:36.889 I enjoy doing and something that could be very special, 745 00:34:36.909 --> 00:34:40.929 a little improvisation with somebody who's top-notch at it, playing 746 00:34:40.989 --> 00:34:45.090 ostensibly yourself, but in a short way. I love everything 747 00:34:45.130 --> 00:34:45.519 about it. 748 00:34:45.710 --> 00:34:48.320 And I think if you're in an environment where you 749 00:34:48.340 --> 00:34:51.849 feel safe, Where you know that, no, we can let 750 00:34:51.869 --> 00:34:54.550 this go and we can let this– let's see what happens. 751 00:34:54.630 --> 00:34:55.389 Yeah. Who cares? 752 00:34:55.409 --> 00:34:57.969 Let's just have fun. Today when I was on the show, 753 00:34:58.469 --> 00:35:01.440 you know, Rachel, whom I really enjoyed. She's one of 754 00:35:01.460 --> 00:35:04.119 the segment producers. The segment producing said, well, we talked 755 00:35:04.139 --> 00:35:06.599 for a little bit on the telephone and now I've 756 00:35:06.619 --> 00:35:09.280 got some questions that he may ask you. I said, well, 757 00:35:09.400 --> 00:35:12.849 surprise me. And she could have said, well, no, here, 758 00:35:12.869 --> 00:35:14.489 you better get ready for this. 759 00:35:14.690 --> 00:35:15.230 She said, okay. 760 00:35:15.469 --> 00:35:17.550 Well, that's the best anyway. So I really didn't know 761 00:35:17.650 --> 00:35:20.909 anything that was going to occur. And that's my kind 762 00:35:20.949 --> 00:35:22.800 of favorite thing. Your whole segment today was a cry 763 00:35:22.820 --> 00:35:28.059 for help. It was, my segment. All right. Well, listen, 764 00:35:30.010 --> 00:35:32.530 I think we should go out to dinner. Now, here's 765 00:35:32.550 --> 00:35:33.110 what I ask. 766 00:35:33.230 --> 00:35:33.869 It's a deal, yeah. 767 00:35:33.949 --> 00:35:35.780 Is it just you and I? Do we get the 768 00:35:35.840 --> 00:35:36.960 wives involved? 769 00:35:37.360 --> 00:35:40.260 I think we should do all variations of it. We 770 00:35:40.280 --> 00:35:41.980 should do yes, you and I, then we should get 771 00:35:42.019 --> 00:35:45.019 the wives involved. Maybe you and I just first. Okie dokie. 772 00:35:45.500 --> 00:35:48.980 It's because the wives, they can get in the way. 773 00:35:50.159 --> 00:35:50.559 What? 774 00:35:51.179 --> 00:35:52.769 So maybe just you and I. 775 00:35:52.900 --> 00:35:53.239 Okay. 776 00:35:53.440 --> 00:35:55.260 Would it be an Italian restaurant? What kind of cuisine 777 00:35:55.280 --> 00:35:55.699 are we talking about? 778 00:35:55.719 --> 00:36:00.320 Well, we could pick. Geez, I don't know. I love food, 779 00:36:00.860 --> 00:36:04.860 and I love all different manner of ambiance. What would you... 780 00:36:05.139 --> 00:36:06.219 What do you imagine? 781 00:36:06.280 --> 00:36:08.570 I see you in a very stylish restaurant. I think 782 00:36:08.610 --> 00:36:12.050 it would be important that it be kind of a cool. 783 00:36:13.170 --> 00:36:13.690 Look. 784 00:36:13.730 --> 00:36:16.369 No, I'm not saying it shouldn't be stuffy. I don't 785 00:36:16.429 --> 00:36:17.349 see you going to a stuffy restaurant. 786 00:36:17.369 --> 00:36:19.590 I don't like stuffy. I don't like fine food dining 787 00:36:19.610 --> 00:36:20.289 for that reason much. 788 00:36:20.329 --> 00:36:20.969 No, no, I don't like that. 789 00:36:20.989 --> 00:36:21.250 Right, right. 790 00:36:21.489 --> 00:36:22.030 I don't like lengthy. 791 00:36:22.050 --> 00:36:24.349 But you're also a Pittsburgh guy. You might like a 792 00:36:24.409 --> 00:36:26.050 T-bone steak, ribs. 793 00:36:26.659 --> 00:36:28.940 I like a steak. I go for the leaner cuts 794 00:36:29.000 --> 00:36:31.039 of meat these days. I like a nice filet, a 795 00:36:31.119 --> 00:36:36.559 petite filet, yeah, here or there. But I would do anything. 796 00:36:36.579 --> 00:36:38.659 But I like, you know, I did this little thing 797 00:36:38.699 --> 00:36:41.849 with Jonathan Gold before he passed away, speaking of which, 798 00:36:42.269 --> 00:36:42.929 who was wonderful. 799 00:36:42.949 --> 00:36:43.369 Do you know him? 800 00:36:43.389 --> 00:36:45.150 Did you see that documentary, City of Gold? 801 00:36:45.230 --> 00:36:45.409 Yes. 802 00:36:45.550 --> 00:36:47.710 It makes you appreciate Los Angeles in a whole different 803 00:36:47.750 --> 00:36:50.349 way through his eyes. He was brilliant. He was brilliant. 804 00:36:50.369 --> 00:36:51.949 He said, you know, he made me think that, hey, 805 00:36:51.989 --> 00:36:53.829 this is a good place to raise kids. You can, 806 00:36:53.869 --> 00:36:56.159 if you drive around and expose them to the right things, 807 00:36:56.179 --> 00:37:00.920 this is a place of diversity and cultural interest. And food-wise, 808 00:37:01.159 --> 00:37:03.159 you go to these little mini-malls that I used to think, ah, 809 00:37:03.320 --> 00:37:06.090 ugly people. Ugly town, you know. But no, no, no. 810 00:37:06.170 --> 00:37:10.429 You can appreciate the indigenous family, authentic offerings that they have. 811 00:37:10.550 --> 00:37:13.170 And so we could go to

Jitlada. We could go to, 812 00:37:13.210 --> 00:37:15.110 you know, this Thai place that was on his list. 813 00:37:15.349 --> 00:37:17.789 I have yet to go down the hundred, his last 814 00:37:17.869 --> 00:37:20.809 hundred of the list. But, you know, Musa and Franks. 815 00:37:20.849 --> 00:37:21.630 I like Musa and Franks. 816 00:37:21.679 --> 00:37:21.949 I went there. 817 00:37:21.969 --> 00:37:24.360 You know, I do this with a couple of friends 818 00:37:24.400 --> 00:37:27.079 of mine, Greg Daniels and Rodman Flender. We have a 819 00:37:27.099 --> 00:37:32.320 tradition where we find restaurants. Los Angeles restaurants. And the 820 00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:34.820 rule is they had to be in operation before we 821 00:37:34.840 --> 00:37:37.780 were born. And it took us to all these really 822 00:37:37.820 --> 00:37:40.619 interesting places downtown that have been around. 823 00:37:40.440 --> 00:37:43.530 Since the 40s or the 50s, or sometimes the 20s. 824 00:37:44.000 --> 00:37:46.059 And you'll find out, oh, this is where the police 825 00:37:46.099 --> 00:37:49.539 detectives always eat. And there's sawdust on the floor. But 826 00:37:49.559 --> 00:37:53.780 if you get the, you know, the pot roast is great. Uh, 827 00:37:53.960 --> 00:37:56.659 and they, they're, they're kooky places that, that no one 828 00:37:56.699 --> 00:37:57.320 knows about. 829 00:37:57.340 --> 00:37:58.039 Sounds great. 830 00:37:58.059 --> 00:38:01.679 But I took my daughter, uh, last weekend, I took 831 00:38:01.699 --> 00:38:05.809 my daughter Nev down to, uh, downtown LA. We went 832 00:38:05.889 --> 00:38:09.449 to little Tokyo and we found this little Korean barbecue 833 00:38:09.469 --> 00:38:11.909 place and it was like a little hole in the wall. 834 00:38:11.929 --> 00:38:14.349 And we went in fantastic, just a great meal. We 835 00:38:14.369 --> 00:38:17.050 brought a friend of hers and she's very interested in, uh, 836 00:38:17.860 --> 00:38:20.670 you know, Korean and Japanese culture. And so she wanted to, 837 00:38:20.659 --> 00:38:22.070 we went into all the little shops and. 838 00:38:22.469 --> 00:38:25.150 LA is really amazing that way. It's incredible. So maybe 839 00:38:25.170 --> 00:38:26.610 we'll do something like that, you and I. Let's do 840 00:38:26.670 --> 00:38:29.630 Korean barbecue. There's a place called Suit Bull Jeep. Do 841 00:38:29.650 --> 00:38:31.710 you know Suit Bull Jeep? Yeah. You go there and 842 00:38:31.750 --> 00:38:33.590 you cook things. They cook things right on this little 843 00:38:33.630 --> 00:38:36.389 grill there. I said, I got the squid and they, 844 00:38:36.530 --> 00:38:38.769 with a scissor, they come over with a big squid 845 00:38:38.789 --> 00:38:41.150 and they start cutting off some of the legs like that. 846 00:38:41.570 --> 00:38:43.989 It was kind of great. I like all that stuff. 847 00:38:44.190 --> 00:38:46.449 Let's go. Let's do some exploring because I have not 848 00:38:46.570 --> 00:38:49.500 gone And that's the one great thing about having kids. 849 00:38:49.960 --> 00:38:53.440 It must make you go, gee, I need to expose 850 00:38:53.480 --> 00:38:55.599 them anyway to all sorts of things. And seeing it 851 00:38:55.619 --> 00:38:58.659 through their eyes is kind of delightful. Well, enough with them. 852 00:38:58.699 --> 00:39:00.519 You get plenty of time with them. I see you 853 00:39:00.559 --> 00:39:02.260 and I going to a restaurant. No kids. 854 00:39:02.659 --> 00:39:02.929 Sounds good. 855 00:39:02.949 --> 00:39:06.250 They sound delightful, but mine neither. They're not there either. 856 00:39:06.269 --> 00:39:07.000 It's just you and I. 857 00:39:07.869 --> 00:39:11.019 It's a good idea. Night when there's no work the 858 00:39:11.079 --> 00:39:13.639 next day. And Musso and Franks, I asked, no work 859 00:39:13.659 --> 00:39:15.500 the next day, really? Well, I'd like to just make 860 00:39:15.519 --> 00:39:18.659 sure that I have a clear schedule. Plenty of time. What? 861 00:39:19.019 --> 00:39:23.170 I'm getting frightened. But I'm intrigued, strangely. But I asked 862 00:39:23.369 --> 00:39:24.929 on the day that I worked with Jonathan Gold, I said, 863 00:39:24.949 --> 00:39:26.380 what do you think about Mousseau Franks? He said, yes, 864 00:39:26.420 --> 00:39:26.880 that's good. 865 00:39:27.139 --> 00:39:27.420 It's good. 866 00:39:27.440 --> 00:39:29.400 It's still good. Yeah, go there. And of course, the 867 00:39:29.440 --> 00:39:32.179 atmosphere is very nice. But they have things on that menu, 868 00:39:32.199 --> 00:39:35.889 speaking of before we were born, like sherbet. You never see, 869 00:39:35.909 --> 00:39:38.349 you know, you see sorbet these days, but sherbet they have. 870 00:39:38.409 --> 00:39:40.909 That was all over when we were kids. Sherbet. Sherbet 871 00:39:40.929 --> 00:39:42.219 was what you ate all the time. 872 00:39:42.239 --> 00:39:42.469 That's right. 873 00:39:42.489 --> 00:39:43.440 And then it just went away. 874 00:39:43.579 --> 00:39:46.860 Went away or became sorbet. I don't know. 875 00:39:46.900 --> 00:39:47.360 Yeah. 876 00:39:47.519 --> 00:39:49.239 It's like asbestos, one of those fun things we had 877 00:39:49.260 --> 00:39:51.300 when we were kids that we're not allowed to enjoy anymore. 878 00:39:51.320 --> 00:39:56.280 Yeah, that's right. My parents smoked Chesterfield cigarettes a pack 879 00:39:56.320 --> 00:39:58.039 a day or something, you know, in the car. They'd 880 00:39:58.079 --> 00:40:00.400 get the four of us in the car and, you know, 881 00:40:01.199 --> 00:40:05.320 smoke away. My mom chewed tobacco. She did not. Okay, 882 00:40:05.360 --> 00:40:07.960 she didn't. It would have been fun if she did. 883 00:40:08.460 --> 00:40:13.969 Who played the grandma on Beverly Hillbillies? Irene Ryan. That's 884 00:40:14.030 --> 00:40:15.659 exactly right. Excuse me. 885 00:40:15.780 --> 00:40:18.829 Can we all pause for a second? Can we all 886

00:40:18.869 --> 00:40:21.909 pause for a second? That was fucking fast. 887 00:40:23.079 --> 00:40:23.480 Oh, it's me? 888 00:40:23.519 --> 00:40:25.320 Okay, can we just, can you, I want someone, I 889 00:40:25.480 --> 00:40:28.610 want some, an engineer to look at the time between, 890 00:40:28.630 --> 00:40:31.030 I didn't know that was coming, the time between when 891 00:40:31.050 --> 00:40:32.190 he asked and when I answered. 892 00:40:32.230 --> 00:40:32.969 There was no editing. 893 00:40:33.130 --> 00:40:35.110 It was like you were already thinking about her. 894 00:40:35.130 --> 00:40:37.190 You almost answered it ahead of time. 895 00:40:37.210 --> 00:40:38.849 When's the last time you talked about or thought about 896 00:40:38.969 --> 00:40:42.170 Irene Ryan? Probably a week ago. And I'm not kidding. 897 00:40:42.309 --> 00:40:45.099 I was very influenced by television as a child. 898 00:40:45.179 --> 00:40:48.260 I really appreciated those performers. She was amazing. Died recently. 899 00:40:48.780 --> 00:40:52.139 Before her, you know, her time really, ahead of time, 900 00:40:52.619 --> 00:40:57.510 she died really as the series ended, I think. And yeah, 901 00:40:58.269 --> 00:41:00.710 she was a young, she was much younger than she 902 00:41:00.750 --> 00:41:03.809 was playing. Yeah, she was a terrific, terrific actress. 903 00:41:03.829 --> 00:41:06.320 She was wonderful, but we'd never heard about her before then. 904 00:41:06.360 --> 00:41:07.599 I'm sure one could look her up and see that 905 00:41:07.619 --> 00:41:09.179 she was in movies or something. Irene Ryan, Beverly Hillbillies. 906 00:41:09.219 --> 00:41:12.159 Beverly Hillbillies is a very funny, creative show. 907 00:41:12.179 --> 00:41:14.050 Oh yeah, Max Baer Jr. Max Baer Sr. was a, 908 00:41:15.329 --> 00:41:18.869 Heavyweight champion, of course. Buddy Ebsen. I was riding down, driving, 909 00:41:18.929 --> 00:41:21.550 I think in the mid-70s when I first came to L.A., 910 00:41:21.909 --> 00:41:24.449 riding down La Cienega or something. Who pulls up next 911 00:41:24.469 --> 00:41:26.250 to me? Mr. 912 00:41:26.329 --> 00:41:26.550 Ebsen. 913 00:41:26.590 --> 00:41:28.550 A friend was with me, but I didn't have the 914 00:41:28.630 --> 00:41:32.530 authority or confidence to go. And I think I went, Mr. 915 00:41:32.630 --> 00:41:33.050 Ebsen. 916 00:41:33.110 --> 00:41:36.239 And he didn't see me. And the friend kept ribbing 917 00:41:36.280 --> 00:41:36.840 me about that. 918 00:41:36.860 --> 00:41:36.980 Oh, Mr. 919 00:41:37.340 --> 00:41:41.719 Ebsen. My greatest joy in life is– Of course, Ellie Mae, 920 00:41:41.739 --> 00:41:42.659 Donna Douglas. 921 00:41:42.860 --> 00:41:43.570 Donna Douglas. 922 00:41:44.159 --> 00:41:44.469 Sorry. 923 00:41:44.809 --> 00:41:45.769 In the cement pond. 924 00:41:45.969 --> 00:41:46.170 Yeah. 925 00:41:46.190 --> 00:41:47.650 I'm going out with the critters in the cement pond. 926 00:41:47.670 --> 00:41:49.750 She was

fantastic. Yes, we could go on and on. 927 00:41:49.769 --> 00:41:52.409 This hit right around my adolescence, as a matter of fact. 928 00:41:52.710 --> 00:41:55.409 You know what, really? I see Gilligan's Island. Oh, my God. 929 00:41:55.550 --> 00:41:58.550 You know what I was? I was into Marianne, much 930 00:41:58.570 --> 00:41:59.159 more than Ginger. 931 00:41:59.260 --> 00:42:00.139 I was into Ginger. 932 00:42:00.539 --> 00:42:02.639 No, I knew Ginger wouldn't give me the time of day, 933 00:42:02.679 --> 00:42:05.940 but I knew that Marianne would like me. 934 00:42:06.179 --> 00:42:08.840 Really? And she would take me back in the coconut trees. 935 00:42:09.840 --> 00:42:10.119 I'm sorry. 936 00:42:10.800 --> 00:42:13.590 It happened right around the time I was, speaking of 937 00:42:13.849 --> 00:42:15.869 the story that we didn't tell, right around I was 938 00:42:15.929 --> 00:42:16.489 coming of. 939 00:42:18.130 --> 00:42:18.409 Age. 940 00:42:18.510 --> 00:42:26.190 Oh, my God. Age. Yeah. And she was one of 941 00:42:26.269 --> 00:42:32.619 my first, the first, in fact, stimulant into some new 942 00:42:32.659 --> 00:42:33.920 phase in my life. 943 00:42:34.460 --> 00:42:37.760 You know, she's still with us, and we could probably 944 00:42:37.800 --> 00:42:42.369 contact her and let her know that she made you 945 00:42:42.409 --> 00:42:43.710 a man for the first time alone. 946 00:42:43.789 --> 00:42:44.389 She did, indeed. 947 00:42:44.650 --> 00:42:45.130 Listen to this. 948 00:42:45.469 --> 00:42:49.679 She was 20 years later in my early 30s, maybe. 949 00:42:50.239 --> 00:42:53.380 I did this show about jazz with Forrest Whitaker where 950 00:42:53.420 --> 00:42:56.440 we played. It was called Lush Life. I played a sideman, 951 00:42:56.460 --> 00:42:58.039 a sax. I pretended to play the saxophone. 952 00:42:58.059 --> 00:42:58.550 Yeah. 953 00:42:59.289 --> 00:43:01.530 But I was a womanizer of some kind or another. 954 00:43:01.829 --> 00:43:04.150 And then we played a gig and I was supposed 955 00:43:04.190 --> 00:43:07.090 to get together with this lady, older lady who I 956 00:43:07.130 --> 00:43:08.909 just met there. And we went up to an upstairs 957 00:43:08.969 --> 00:43:12.420 bathroom or bedroom and had sex quickly. And a little 958 00:43:12.480 --> 00:43:15.539 scene happened between us. I had the part with the 959 00:43:15.579 --> 00:43:22.579 producers and the director. We auditioned several women, including Tina Louise. Oh, 960 00:43:22.599 --> 00:43:25.239 my God. So you got to meet her. I got 961 00:43:25.280 --> 00:43:27.199 to meet her and we did the scene together in 962 00:43:27.239 --> 00:43:30.780 which she had to sit on my lap and kind 963 00:43:30.840 --> 00:43:34.550 of coo and maybe we kissed her briefly. We did it. 964 00:43:35.179 --> 00:43:38.849 Isn't that crazy when we've had this experience– because I've 965 00:43:38.869 --> 00:43:44.769 had the same experience where someone that I found very 966 00:43:44.849 --> 00:43:49.429 sexually stimulating in puberty– And you think, well, that would 967 00:43:49.469 --> 00:43:52.429 never– I'd never meet them. And then later on, you 968 00:43:52.489 --> 00:43:56.550 meet them and they hug you and they're affectionate. It's 969 00:43:56.590 --> 00:44:00.460 very crazy when that happens. I had that with Farrah Fawcett. 970 00:44:01.980 --> 00:44:03.400 Farrah Fawcett. Yeah. 971 00:44:03.500 --> 00:44:04.500 Yes, yes. 972 00:44:04.519 --> 00:44:07.280 Farrah Fawcett came on my show and after the show, 973 00:44:07.320 --> 00:44:09.719 I went into the dressing room and she just said, well, 974 00:44:09.739 --> 00:44:12.619 I had a really great time. And the next thing I. 975 00:44:12.719 --> 00:44:13.369 She just hugged me. 976 00:44:13.380 --> 00:44:17.769 She gave me a nice hug and she was– And 977 00:44:17.849 --> 00:44:21.659 I was in a very small room hugging this woman 978 00:44:21.739 --> 00:44:30.260 who was the apple of my eye at a tender age. 979 00:44:30.699 --> 00:44:33.440 I know exactly. I met Farrah Fawcett. Our band was 980 00:44:33.480 --> 00:44:38.170 playing a cigar club in Beverly Hills on Cannon Drive. 981 00:44:38.389 --> 00:44:39.030 She was there. 982 00:44:39.389 --> 00:44:39.630 Yeah. 983 00:44:39.750 --> 00:44:45.409 And we found ourselves– anyway, we shared an embrace. The 984 00:44:45.449 --> 00:44:46.110 police are coming. 985 00:44:46.130 --> 00:44:46.210 Yeah. 986 00:44:47.489 --> 00:44:49.429 Quick, Isla's got out the window now. 987 00:44:49.449 --> 00:44:50.510 I called them. 988 00:44:51.110 --> 00:44:53.250 Sona called the police. 989 00:44:53.309 --> 00:44:55.960 This has been, I feel like there's an alternate universe 990 00:44:55.980 --> 00:44:59.860 where you and I do a podcast that I think 991 00:44:59.920 --> 00:45:04.500 lasts 800 hours and food is brought in and occasionally 992 00:45:04.559 --> 00:45:06.110 we sleep, but we still murmur. 993 00:45:06.679 --> 00:45:09.940 I look forward to it. Maybe that alternate universe is 994 00:45:09.980 --> 00:45:11.659 very close to this one. We can get there quick. 995 00:45:12.199 --> 00:45:15.199 An absolute delight. And, you know, I'll say this about 996 00:45:15.239 --> 00:45:19.389 Jeff Goldblum as we sign off. He is what you 997 00:45:19.409 --> 00:45:22.650 think he is. He's one of the more authentic people 998 00:45:22.809 --> 00:45:27.030 I've come across. He really– He really is Jeff Goldblum. 999 00:45:27.210 --> 00:45:29.389 This is not an act, and it's delightful. 1000 00:45:29.710 --> 00:45:31.840 I adore you. Coming from you, high praise indeed, and 1001 00:45:32.119 --> 00:45:34.480 I'll cherish this moment forever. I doubt it. I think 1002 00:45:34.500 --> 00:45:38.599 you'll forget it very quickly, but still, it was a 1003 00:45:38.619 --> 00:45:41.780 nice thing to say. It's true. Jeff Goldblum. Conan O'Brien. 1004 00:45:47.329 --> 00:45:50.010 And now it's time for a segment called Conan

O'Brien 1005 00:45:50.030 --> 00:45:51.650 Pays Off the Mortgage on His Beach House. 1006 00:45:52.070 --> 00:45:54.159 This family is on the brink of civil war. 1007 00:45:54.320 --> 00:45:59.030 Mobland, the hit original series, is back exclusively on Paramount +. 1008 00:45:58.820 --> 00:46:02.300 We are the Harrigans. Don't know the name? Google us. 1009 00:46:02.380 --> 00:46:04.280 From the underworld of Guy Ritchie. 1010 00:46:04.300 --> 00:46:05.800 Do you want to step up the ladder? 1011 00:46:05.929 --> 00:46:07.050 I want Conrad dead. 1012 00:46:07.090 --> 00:46:10.769 Starring Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan, and Helen Mirren. 1013 00:46:10.789 --> 00:46:11.769 You want to walk? 1014 00:46:11.789 --> 00:46:12.630 I'll give you a walk. 1015 00:46:13.570 --> 00:46:16.210 Stream the brand new series of Mobland from 18th of 1016 00:46:16.230 --> 00:46:19.800 September exclusively on Paramount +. Subscription required. 1017 00:46:19.800 --> 00:46:21.340 18 plus. T's and C's apply. 1018 00:46:26.679 --> 00:46:30.179 Conan, Sona, this is an important moment. It's time to 1019 00:46:30.260 --> 00:46:32.969 discuss the results of the latest drawing contest. The one 1020 00:46:33.010 --> 00:46:36.190 we did as a blind drawing contest so that nobody 1021 00:46:36.210 --> 00:46:38.929 was voting for or against a person, but for the 1022 00:46:39.030 --> 00:46:39.610 art itself. 1023 00:46:39.929 --> 00:46:42.219 How do you guys feel about your... How about your 1024 00:46:42.280 --> 00:46:43.230 results before I tell you? 1025 00:46:43.239 --> 00:46:46.050 I've never been less nervous about anything in my life. 1026 00:46:46.690 --> 00:46:50.949 In my deepest, most sound REM sleep. Because I'm so confident. 1027 00:46:51.150 --> 00:46:54.889 I am an artist. Oh my God. 1028 00:46:55.070 --> 00:47:00.889 I think, I feel completely unthreatened by Sona's cabin of 1029 00:47:00.929 --> 00:47:06.320 dildos that she's inked. And I think that I'm going 1030 00:47:06.400 --> 00:47:09.440 to win. I don't think I'm going to win. I 1031 00:47:09.960 --> 00:47:10.960 know I'm going to win. 1032 00:47:12.309 --> 00:47:12.730 Okay. 1033 00:47:12.849 --> 00:47:13.300 Sona. 1034 00:47:13.679 --> 00:47:14.480 Here's the thing. 1035 00:47:14.980 --> 00:47:17.679 I didn't feel good about it when I drew it. 1036 00:47:18.219 --> 00:47:20.099 I didn't feel good about it when I saw it 1037 00:47:20.179 --> 00:47:24.989 this morning on Twitter. And if I was Conan, I 1038 00:47:25.030 --> 00:47:27.230 would feel the same he is feeling right now. 1039 00:47:27.710 --> 00:47:31.530 I would feel... Very confident about his doodle. 1040 00:47:32.010 --> 00:47:35.199 Also, you called yourself an artist, but you're really good 1041 00:47:35.239 --> 00:47:35.860 at doodling. 1042 00:47:36.239 --> 00:47:37.280 All you do is doodle. 1043 00:47:37.599 --> 00:47:39.599 This calls for doodling, so I doodle. 1044 00:47:39.719 --> 00:47:40.099 I know. 1045 00:47:40.139 --> 00:47:40.840 I'm

just saying. 1046 00:47:40.880 --> 00:47:44.599 If I was in a contest that required me to 1047 00:47:44.659 --> 00:47:51.940 paint like Rembrandt, I would because I always match the occasion. 1048 00:47:52.219 --> 00:47:53.099 That's my ability. 1049 00:47:54.050 --> 00:47:56.909 Um, okay. No, I, I, I didn't feel good about this. 1050 00:47:57.150 --> 00:47:57.550 You're right. 1051 00:47:57.610 --> 00:47:59.719 My house looks like it was made of dildos and 1052 00:47:59.760 --> 00:48:02.880 I don't, uh, everything just didn't work. 1053 00:48:02.900 --> 00:48:06.679 And I think I just want to, again, go to, uh, 1054 00:48:07.059 --> 00:48:08.780 what comes to mind to me is that dildos would 1055 00:48:08.800 --> 00:48:12.889 be a terrible building material for a cabin. Not that 1056 00:48:12.949 --> 00:48:14.369 I know, not that I have a lot of experience, 1057 00:48:14.409 --> 00:48:17.050 but I think they're wobbly and. 1058 00:48:17.349 --> 00:48:18.889 Well, it depends on what they're made out of. 1059 00:48:19.170 --> 00:48:19.269 What? 1060 00:48:19.659 --> 00:48:21.889 Aren't dildos wobbly? Not all of them, I think. 1061 00:48:21.909 --> 00:48:22.480 Some are strong. 1062 00:48:22.500 --> 00:48:24.960 Gourley, what do you mean not all of them? 1063 00:48:24.980 --> 00:48:26.500 This is just common knowledge. 1064 00:48:26.760 --> 00:48:27.920 You really jumped in. 1065 00:48:28.139 --> 00:48:28.519 Sorry. 1066 00:48:28.760 --> 00:48:30.719 Yeah, you did jump in. And you say, well, actually, 1067 00:48:30.739 --> 00:48:35.039 that's a common misconception. There are many kinds of dildos. 1068 00:48:35.659 --> 00:48:38.840 And they have many consistencies depending on your needs, said Gourley. 1069 00:48:39.460 --> 00:48:42.500 Why, there's the IK35B-7. 1070 00:48:42.900 --> 00:48:46.679 I'm casting my vote for Sona right now. I'm considering 1071 00:48:46.719 --> 00:48:48.780 that I think that though they look like dildos, they're 1072 00:48:48.820 --> 00:48:50.820 made out of wood like a log cabin. So these 1073 00:48:50.860 --> 00:48:52.699 are like George Washington era dildos. 1074 00:48:53.000 --> 00:48:53.500 Yeah. 1075 00:48:53.519 --> 00:48:53.719 Yeah. 1076 00:48:54.090 --> 00:48:56.849 I think that I definitely cornered the dildo market. I 1077 00:48:57.170 --> 00:49:00.690 think people who like dildos would like my cabin better. 1078 00:49:00.710 --> 00:49:04.590 I think people who like drawing would like yours. 1079 00:49:04.670 --> 00:49:08.889 Washington era dildos. Common misconception. Not made of wood. Made 1080 00:49:08.909 --> 00:49:09.500 of ivory. 1081 00:49:09.659 --> 00:49:11.840 Oh, so you know a little something about dildos yourself. 1082 00:49:11.900 --> 00:49:13.159 No, I know a lot about history. 1083 00:49:13.260 --> 00:49:13.519 Uh-huh. 1084 00:49:14.099 --> 00:49:14.820 So ivory. 1085 00:49:16.219 --> 00:49:18.989 God, I'm so wanting to throw this your way. I 1086 00:49:19.030 --> 00:49:22.219 have the power

to do this. just reveal these results, Sona. 1087 00:49:22.460 --> 00:49:24.300 Yeah, but the fact that you're gritting your teeth and 1088 00:49:24.340 --> 00:49:27.000 you're frustrated and you don't seem happy right now, even 1089 00:49:27.019 --> 00:49:29.179 though you want Sona to win, I'm a master at 1090 00:49:29.219 --> 00:49:29.900 reading faces. 1091 00:49:30.440 --> 00:49:30.960 I have won. 1092 00:49:30.980 --> 00:49:35.739 I have won overwhelmingly. This isn't even close, you know? Yeah. 1093 00:49:35.840 --> 00:49:38.570 This is like the Civil War battle of three forks. 1094 00:49:39.429 --> 00:49:42.929 Or was it five forks? Write in with your answer. 1095 00:49:45.090 --> 00:49:48.860 The results of the second blind drawing contest of a 1096 00:49:49.059 --> 00:49:51.519 log cabin with a smoking chimney and a lumberjack. 1097 00:49:51.579 --> 00:49:52.760 Let's get to the part where I win. 1098 00:49:52.800 --> 00:49:53.380 Excuse me. 1099 00:49:53.400 --> 00:49:56.019 If people haven't tuned in, they need to know. 1100 00:49:56.639 --> 00:49:56.940 Okay. 1101 00:49:58.480 --> 00:50:02.079 Drawing two, Sonos, comes in at 18%. 1102 00:50:02.079 --> 00:50:03.670 Drawing number one comes in at 82%. 1103 00:50:03.670 --> 00:50:05.739 18% to 82%. 1104 00:50:09.780 --> 00:50:13.989 Hey, how you feeling now, Goldwater? Do we even get that? 1105 00:50:14.570 --> 00:50:16.289 There's so many young people that don't get that. 1106 00:50:16.610 --> 00:50:20.530 Goldwater ran against Lyndon Johnson in 64. He was crushed. 1107 00:50:20.530 --> 00:50:21.309 82% to 18%. 1108 00:50:21.309 --> 00:50:22.949 That's amazing. This is important. There are 2,204 votes in. 1109 00:50:22.969 --> 00:50:24.710 There are still 20 hours left in this poll. 1110 00:50:24.969 --> 00:50:25.230 Yeah, sure. 1111 00:50:25.269 --> 00:50:26.199 You know, I don't feel good about it. 1112 00:50:35.309 --> 00:50:37.389 We felt it was enough that we could call the election. 1113 00:50:37.429 --> 00:50:38.590 It was like the Nixon lands. 1114 00:50:38.710 --> 00:50:41.469 I prefer the Lyndon Johnson Goldwater example of 64. 1115 00:50:41.469 --> 00:50:42.360 Yeah. Okay. 1116 00:50:42.610 --> 00:50:42.880 All right. 1117 00:50:43.409 --> 00:50:45.860 Or maybe it's just two people who doodled and one 1118 00:50:45.940 --> 00:50:46.679 doodled better. 1119 00:50:47.059 --> 00:50:47.280 Right. 1120 00:50:47.559 --> 00:50:47.780 Yeah. 1121 00:50:47.880 --> 00:50:50.099 That's possible. One chose a cabin of... You know what? 1122 00:50:50.119 --> 00:50:52.539 There's an old Bible passage that says, when you build 1123 00:50:52.559 --> 00:50:58.329 your house upon the sand, you're going to fail. And 1124 00:50:59.750 --> 00:51:01.869 I think you built your cabin upon dildos. 1125 00:51:02.429 --> 00:51:02.730 You know what? 1126 00:51:03.570 --> 00:51:05.619 I would never think to do this, but your hubris 1127 00:51:05.679 --> 00:51:08.780 is so large right now that I'm tempted

to challenge. 1128 00:51:08.420 --> 00:51:09.500 You to a drawing contest. 1129 00:51:09.519 --> 00:51:10.559 Do it! 1130 00:51:10.659 --> 00:51:12.039 No, no, no. I. 1131 00:51:12.340 --> 00:51:13.530 I don't think you can handle it. 1132 00:51:13.880 --> 00:51:17.179 Well, first of all, Matt, I'm like a Western gunfighter. 1133 00:51:17.440 --> 00:51:22.039 I can't fight every goofy hayseed who stumbles into town 1134 00:51:22.500 --> 00:51:23.840 with a rusty six-shooter. 1135 00:51:23.860 --> 00:51:24.780 Do you know what I mean? 1136 00:51:24.820 --> 00:51:27.610 You can if that person gets insulted and pulls a gun. 1137 00:51:27.860 --> 00:51:30.289 Yeah, but your gun that you're going to pull, because 1138 00:51:30.309 --> 00:51:33.139 you just got off the wagon... And you're like, gosh, 1139 00:51:33.179 --> 00:51:34.619 there's Wild Bill Hickok. 1140 00:51:35.179 --> 00:51:36.619 I think I'll take him on. 1141 00:51:37.119 --> 00:51:40.610 And then you whip out this six shooter that your 1142 00:51:40.690 --> 00:51:44.389 pappy gave you, and it's all rusty, and the barrel 1143 00:51:44.449 --> 00:51:47.349 falls off, and all the pieces fall into the mud. 1144 00:51:47.989 --> 00:51:49.969 And you go, oh, Mr. Hickok, can you come back 1145 00:51:50.010 --> 00:51:52.940 here while I assemble my gun? And I'm already gone. 1146 00:51:52.980 --> 00:51:53.780 I'm in the saloon. 1147 00:51:54.780 --> 00:52:00.219 So, no, I can't take the time to walk back. 1148 00:52:00.780 --> 00:52:03.619 and sift through the mud and help you put together 1149 00:52:04.500 --> 00:52:08.340 your ancient pea shooter so that then we can stage 1150 00:52:08.400 --> 00:52:09.440 a contest. 1151 00:52:09.019 --> 00:52:12.820 In which you're killed. You're a coward. No, but you now, 1152 00:52:12.840 --> 00:52:14.719 it's just like, huh, I bet I'm a better drawer 1153 00:52:14.760 --> 00:52:16.510 than you, and then I'll beat you, and then you'll 1154 00:52:16.530 --> 00:52:18.110 be like, wait a minute, I found a friend who's 1155 00:52:18.119 --> 00:52:20.349 good at drawing. Let's get him in here, and now 1156 00:52:20.389 --> 00:52:23.150 you'll draw against him. But what if you don't beat me? Ooh. 1157 00:52:23.230 --> 00:52:23.989 Oh, God. 1158 00:52:26.250 --> 00:52:27.510 This is just depressing. 1159 00:52:27.849 --> 00:52:31.119 You're the worst winner ever. You're such a terrible person 1160 00:52:31.139 --> 00:52:31.679 when you win. 1161 00:52:32.300 --> 00:52:33.530 This is me. Deal with it. 1162 00:52:34.199 --> 00:52:35.340 Okay. 1163 00:52:35.360 --> 00:52:37.730 You know what I'm doing? I'm patterning myself after Trump. 1164 00:52:38.590 --> 00:52:39.190 I really am. 1165 00:52:39.809 --> 00:52:41.650 He has taught us that when you win, you just 1166 00:52:41.710 --> 00:52:47.050 talk about it incessantly, and that's what I want. 1167 00:52:47.590 --> 00:52:49.730 Well, then I'll be Trump. I won that doodle off 1168 00:52:49.829 --> 00:52:50.829 by a lot of votes. 1169 00:52:50.989 --> 00:52:52.329 Yeah, and did you have Russia help you? 1170 00:52:52.610 --> 00:52:52.989 Yeah. 1171 00:52:53.269 --> 00:52:57.889 I did get assistance from Russia. I got a lot 1172 00:52:57.909 --> 00:52:58.860 of assistance from Russia. 1173 00:52:59.800 --> 00:53:02.099 Okay, we can do a, you and I, let's do a, 1174 00:53:02.119 --> 00:53:04.340 we'll do a drawing contest sometime down the line. 1175 00:53:04.360 --> 00:53:04.440 Okay. 1176 00:53:04.820 --> 00:53:06.820 But let's move on. 1177 00:53:06.840 --> 00:53:07.000 Okay. 1178 00:53:07.019 --> 00:53:09.239 Because I do think there's important matters that we need 1179 00:53:09.280 --> 00:53:13.199 to address. We have, I'm told, a massive amount of 1180 00:53:13.260 --> 00:53:17.039 listeners out there that are relying on us to guide 1181 00:53:17.059 --> 00:53:18.940 them through this dark period in American history. 1182 00:53:20.050 --> 00:53:22.329 So in this segment, we need to now go to something. 1183 00:53:22.349 --> 00:53:23.670 Do you want to take a voicemail? 1184 00:53:23.949 --> 00:53:24.809 Sure, I'll take a voicemail. 1185 00:53:25.090 --> 00:53:25.170 Okay. 1186 00:53:25.190 --> 00:53:25.329 Okay. 1187 00:53:26.800 --> 00:53:30.070 This isn't a question, because somebody tells Sona to not 1188 00:53:30.090 --> 00:53:35.570 say Freddie Mercury, say Freddie Mir-merc-year-ry. I know I just 1189 00:53:35.610 --> 00:53:36.030 messed up. 1190 00:53:36.750 --> 00:53:37.750 What the fuck? But still. 1191 00:53:38.489 --> 00:53:41.170 She said it about 40 times in the Mark Manon episode. 1192 00:53:42.300 --> 00:53:44.250 Wait a minute. 1193 00:53:44.289 --> 00:53:45.190 What's this guy's name? 1194 00:53:45.210 --> 00:53:46.610 Did I pronounce Mercury wrong? 1195 00:53:46.730 --> 00:53:47.070 You did. 1196 00:53:47.269 --> 00:53:48.469 Do I still pronounce it wrong? 1197 00:53:48.489 --> 00:53:49.489 No, there it was right. 1198 00:53:49.570 --> 00:53:49.969 Mercury. 1199 00:53:50.610 --> 00:53:51.590 No, there you did it wrong. 1200 00:53:51.630 --> 00:53:52.090 Mercury. 1201 00:53:52.269 --> 00:53:54.449 No, Mercury. 1202 00:53:54.809 --> 00:53:55.369 Mercury. 1203 00:53:55.670 --> 00:53:58.610 Yeah, sometimes you go Mercury. Well, okay. 1204 00:53:58.889 --> 00:53:59.380 Okay. 1205 00:53:59.519 --> 00:54:00.079 And you know what? 1206 00:54:00.599 --> 00:54:02.840 Let's just back this whole thing up. First of all, 1207 00:54:03.820 --> 00:54:06.579 I love that this guy is getting on his last nerve. 1208 00:54:07.500 --> 00:54:10.920 He heard you on one podcast and he's ready to 1209 00:54:11.059 --> 00:54:14.480 pull his hair out. I've been with you for- Calm down, bro. 1210 00:54:14.880 --> 00:54:17.920 I've been with you for 10 years. You have tormented 1211 00:54:17.960 --> 00:54:21.500 me with your actions, and this guy's complaining? 1212 00:54:21.800 --> 00:54:22.139 Okay. 1213 00:54:22.840 --> 00:54:23.820 Well, all right. 1214

00:54:24.139 --> 00:54:24.480 Okay. 1215 00:54:24.900 --> 00:54:26.019 First of all, I didn't know I was saying the 1216 00:54:26.039 --> 00:54:27.960 word wrong, but I also didn't know I pronounced my 1217 00:54:28.039 --> 00:54:31.219 Gs hard until you said it every single time I 1218 00:54:31.280 --> 00:54:34.500 say a word that's like walking, talking, hangover. 1219 00:54:34.539 --> 00:54:38.400 You always say, you go hangover. And I've tried to 1220 00:54:38.699 --> 00:54:40.840 help you because I want you to assimilate. 1221 00:54:40.860 --> 00:54:41.199 Okay. 1222 00:54:41.219 --> 00:54:42.559 Okay. To this country. 1223 00:54:42.940 --> 00:54:45.760 I was born in this country, but. 1224 00:54:45.840 --> 00:54:47.400 We don't know for sure. Yes, we do. There are 1225 00:54:47.440 --> 00:54:48.440 no records of your birth. 1226 00:54:48.500 --> 00:54:48.960 There are. 1227 00:54:49.099 --> 00:54:51.559 It's called the birth certificate. It is the record of 1228 00:54:51.619 --> 00:54:54.219 my birth, and it is from Montebello, California. 1229 00:54:54.239 --> 00:55:01.110 I've asked your parents to produce records, and they shrugged, 1230 00:55:01.699 --> 00:55:05.849 and then they handed over some leaves, and I said, 1231 00:55:05.909 --> 00:55:06.650 those are leaves. 1232 00:55:08.179 --> 00:55:09.349 Now, listen, I love them. 1233 00:55:09.389 --> 00:55:09.889 They're great. 1234 00:55:09.929 --> 00:55:11.489 The Armenian people are a great and proud people. 1235 00:55:11.510 --> 00:55:12.469 They are. And you know what? 1236 00:55:12.829 --> 00:55:15.530 Going off of that, I was raised by immigrants. I 1237 00:55:15.550 --> 00:55:17.710 was surrounded by immigrants. And a lot of the words 1238 00:55:17.789 --> 00:55:20.570 I say are incorrect. And I used to sing questions. 1239 00:55:21.030 --> 00:55:24.699 I can't say the word brewery or prerequisite. I can't 1240 00:55:24.780 --> 00:55:27.300 say those words. There are a lot of things I 1241 00:55:27.360 --> 00:55:28.159 say incorrectly. 1242 00:55:28.179 --> 00:55:29.099 What was brewery? 1243 00:55:29.800 --> 00:55:31.099 A place where they make beer. 1244 00:55:31.119 --> 00:55:32.039 Is it brewery? 1245 00:55:32.460 --> 00:55:32.900 Brewery. 1246 00:55:33.940 --> 00:55:34.639 You can't do it? 1247 00:55:34.639 --> 00:55:35.820 I can't say it. 1248 00:55:35.840 --> 00:55:36.320 Say it again. 1249 00:55:36.599 --> 00:55:38.519 Brewery. Brewery? 1250 00:55:39.699 --> 00:55:43.530 Can you say the fine English clothing maker Burberry? 1251 00:55:43.550 --> 00:55:44.369 Can you say that? 1252 00:55:44.510 --> 00:55:45.050 Burberry. 1253 00:55:45.210 --> 00:55:46.829 Say I bought some Burberry at the brewery. 1254 00:55:46.889 --> 00:55:49.090 I bought some Burberry at the brewery. 1255 00:55:49.250 --> 00:55:49.449 What? 1256 00:55:49.690 --> 00:55:53.010 This sucks so hard. Say I got some Burberry. I 1257 00:55:53.050 --> 00:55:54.820 bought Burberry at the brewery. 1258 00:55:55.579 --> 00:55:56.659 For Freddie Mercury. 1259 00:55:56.880 --> 00:55:57.099 Yeah. 1260 00:55:57.179 --> 00:55:59.800 I bought Burberry at the brewery for Freddie Mercury. 1261 00:56:00.559 --> 00:56:02.659 Okay, you're having a total meltdown. This is so stupid. 1262 00:56:03.039 --> 00:56:04.099 Here's the thing, though. 1263 00:56:04.119 --> 00:56:06.500 A lot of the words that I say incorrectly are 1264 00:56:06.539 --> 00:56:09.280 because I was saturated with a lot of accents growing up, 1265 00:56:09.340 --> 00:56:09.679 I think. 1266 00:56:09.780 --> 00:56:10.139 It is true. 1267 00:56:10.179 --> 00:56:12.280 Your parents have very thick accents. 1268 00:56:12.340 --> 00:56:14.929 No, well, my mom has a thicker accent than my 1269 00:56:14.969 --> 00:56:16.340 dad came here in the 60s. 1270 00:56:16.389 --> 00:56:19.570 He's fine. He's not that bad. But it's not just him. 1271 00:56:19.619 --> 00:56:22.650 It's all my aunts and uncles. I speak three languages, 1272 00:56:23.090 --> 00:56:25.190 so I can do that. What is his name? What's 1273 00:56:25.230 --> 00:56:28.070 this guy's name? First of all, fuck this guy. 1274 00:56:29.750 --> 00:56:31.170 Yeah, that was, I didn't like his tone. 1275 00:56:31.210 --> 00:56:32.429 I didn't either. 1276 00:56:32.489 --> 00:56:34.409 I'm going to stick up for you. I did not 1277 00:56:34.429 --> 00:56:36.010 like his tone at all. And if he were here, 1278 00:56:36.070 --> 00:56:37.550 I would beat him within an inch of his life. 1279 00:56:37.690 --> 00:56:38.469 Yes, thank you. 1280 00:56:38.769 --> 00:56:44.039 But he's not here. So we can only imagine the 1281 00:56:44.059 --> 00:56:44.940 beating that he would have. 1282 00:56:46.860 --> 00:56:48.199 Thank you for sticking. 1283 00:56:47.900 --> 00:56:50.480 Up for my honor. No, I do stick up for you. 1284 00:56:50.519 --> 00:56:52.920 You're my friend. I care about you. And I don't 1285 00:56:52.960 --> 00:56:58.929 like someone being snide to you. What I do find 1286 00:56:59.010 --> 00:57:02.650 interesting is that Freddie Mercury is one of your all-time heroes. 1287 00:57:02.710 --> 00:57:03.829 You love Freddie Mercury. 1288 00:57:03.889 --> 00:57:04.949 I do love him, sure. 1289 00:57:05.110 --> 00:57:08.769 And so it's interesting that you would mispronounce his name 1290 00:57:08.869 --> 00:57:09.409 of all names. 1291 00:57:09.429 --> 00:57:09.909 Do you know what I mean? 1292 00:57:10.150 --> 00:57:14.659 I didn't know I was mispronounced. Do you pronounce everything perfectly? 1293 00:57:14.820 --> 00:57:15.400 I do, yes. 1294 00:57:15.559 --> 00:57:16.159 That's not true. 1295 00:57:17.300 --> 00:57:17.800 I'm sorry. 1296 00:57:18.039 --> 00:57:23.340 But I edit this podcast and you say mortgage. 1297 00:57:23.480 --> 00:57:23.980 Instead of what? 1298 00:57:24.000 --> 00:57:24.199 Mortgage. 1299 00:57:24.219 --> 00:57:26.960 Mortgage. I say, what do you mean mortgage? 1300 00:57:27.300 --> 00:57:29.800 You say, I got to

pay off my beach house mortgage. 1301 00:57:29.820 --> 00:57:30.989 Yeah, you know why I do that? 1302 00:57:31.010 --> 00:57:31.739 Oh, well, well, well. 1303 00:57:32.030 --> 00:57:34.010 Do you know why I do that? Why? Do you 1304 00:57:34.030 --> 00:57:35.670 know why I do that? No, I don't. 1305 00:57:36.010 --> 00:57:39.570 I do it because it has a folksy charm. And 1306 00:57:39.610 --> 00:57:43.510 I do it intentionally because if a celebrity says, I 1307 00:57:43.550 --> 00:57:47.789 have to pay off my mortgage, then people say, what 1308 00:57:47.809 --> 00:57:48.190 a dick. 1309 00:57:48.610 --> 00:57:50.010 Who cares? You're a celebrity. 1310 00:57:50.030 --> 00:57:52.179 You probably have the money to pay it off. We 1311 00:57:52.199 --> 00:57:54.239 don't want to hear about your problems, probably with a 1312 00:57:54.260 --> 00:57:57.940 supermodel right now, you know? But I always say, I 1313 00:57:58.440 --> 00:58:00.119 got to pay off my mortgage. 1314 00:58:00.159 --> 00:58:01.840 You never say it like that. 1315 00:58:01.860 --> 00:58:02.119 I do. 1316 00:58:02.199 --> 00:58:03.340 Like a sexy baby? 1317 00:58:03.500 --> 00:58:03.780 No. 1318 00:58:04.539 --> 00:58:07.340 It's got a little bit of a Midwestern twang when 1319 00:58:07.400 --> 00:58:07.860 I do it. 1320 00:58:07.960 --> 00:58:08.579 And I do it on purpose. 1321 00:58:08.599 --> 00:58:10.619 Yeah, but you shimmied your shoulders when you. 1322 00:58:10.500 --> 00:58:11.119 Say, oh. 1323 00:58:11.159 --> 00:58:13.039 I got to pay off my mortgage. It's got a 1324 00:58:13.059 --> 00:58:16.980 little bit of the late Carol Channing in it. It's 1325 00:58:17.260 --> 00:58:19.829 what I'm doing. Is I'm being folksy. 1326 00:58:19.909 --> 00:58:20.469 Yeah. 1327 00:58:20.510 --> 00:58:23.550 Yeah, I do that intentionally. I am a master wordsmith. 1328 00:58:24.190 --> 00:58:28.460 I'm a professional speaker of words. And anytime you think 1329 00:58:28.639 --> 00:58:32.369 that I'm mispronouncing something, there is an intention behind it. 1330 00:58:32.500 --> 00:58:35.380 Even when you asked her parents to papoose her birth certificate? 1331 00:58:35.510 --> 00:58:37.340 Yeah, you messed that word up. 1332 00:58:37.730 --> 00:58:42.269 No, that's actually, that was a mini stroke. That doesn't 1333 00:58:42.309 --> 00:58:45.889 count as mispronouncing when you have a cerebral occlusion. 1334 00:58:46.090 --> 00:58:46.349 Okay. 1335 00:58:47.070 --> 00:58:48.409 Now, back to Sona. 1336 00:58:48.570 --> 00:58:50.820 Well, actually, can we continue on you for a second? 1337 00:58:50.840 --> 00:58:51.050 Sure. 1338 00:58:51.239 --> 00:58:54.000 Because you also came from a family that has a 1339 00:58:54.039 --> 00:58:54.780 lot of accents. 1340 00:58:54.960 --> 00:58:57.199 I don't think I have it. It creeps in. 1341 00:58:57.260 --> 00:58:59.559 New England creeps in when you talk sometimes. 1342 00:58:59.579 --> 00:59:00.760 It creeps in. 1343 00:59:00.780 --> 00:59:03.309 I hate that I'm mispronouncing words right now. 1344 00:59:04.030 --> 00:59:07.849 But anyway, I think Sona should get a pass because 1345 00:59:08.309 --> 00:59:10.150 the fact that you're speaking, which as well as you do. 1346 00:59:10.230 --> 00:59:14.860 Is a miracle. You've been here, whatever, six years, seven years? 1347 00:59:15.300 --> 00:59:15.429 What? 1348 00:59:15.489 --> 00:59:18.099 I've been working for you for 10 years. 1349 00:59:18.260 --> 00:59:19.519 Okay. 1350 00:59:19.860 --> 00:59:26.880 You came to America and... No, this is a big... 1351 00:59:27.099 --> 00:59:28.909 Remember the first day you came to work? And you 1352 00:59:28.949 --> 00:59:32.150 were frightened by the elevator? And I said, you said 1353 00:59:32.250 --> 00:59:36.659 magic room took me to, and I was like, no, no. 1354 00:59:37.500 --> 00:59:39.219 Let's use the stairs and we'll talk about that later. 1355 00:59:39.260 --> 00:59:42.840 Those are all true facts. But Sona, I am proud 1356 00:59:42.880 --> 00:59:46.420 that I have been your tutor and your gateway to 1357 00:59:46.440 --> 00:59:47.340 this wonderful country. 1358 00:59:49.340 --> 00:59:50.199 I want this to end. 1359 00:59:50.579 --> 00:59:50.800 Yeah. 1360 00:59:51.300 --> 00:59:55.760 So yeah, I'm gonna mispronounce words and you can suck it, 1361 00:59:56.170 --> 00:59:57.489 guy who left this voicemail. 1362 00:59:59.849 --> 01:00:00.730 I'm with you on that one. 1363 01:00:03.260 --> 01:00:07.179 Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Sona Movsesian and Conan 1364 01:00:07.239 --> 01:00:08.559 O'Brien as himself. 1365 01:00:08.980 --> 01:00:10.679 Produced by me, Matt Gourley. 1366 01:00:11.059 --> 01:00:14.090 Executive produced by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team 1367 01:00:14.150 --> 01:00:17.150 Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf. 1368 01:00:17.550 --> 01:00:18.829 Special thanks to Jack. 1369 01:00:18.630 --> 01:00:21.610 White and the White Stripes for the theme song. Incidental 1370 01:00:21.639 --> 01:00:25.469 music by Jimmy Vivino. You can rate and review this 1371 01:00:25.510 --> 01:00:28.409 show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review 1372 01:00:28.449 --> 01:00:31.440 featured on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? 1373 01:00:31.679 --> 01:00:37.400 Call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. 1374 01:00:37.800 --> 01:00:40.739 It too could be featured on a future episode. And 1375 01:00:40.800 --> 01:00:43.739 if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs 1376 01:00:43.780 --> 01:00:47.949 a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts 1377 01:00:47.989 --> 01:00:48.670 are downloaded. 1378 01:00:48.690 --> 01:01:00.510 Music This has been a Team Coco production in association 1379 01:01:00.590 --> 01:01:01.329 with Earwolf. 1380 01:01:07.639 --> 01:01:09.699 This family is on the brink of civil war. 1381 01:01:09.880 --> 01:01:14.570 Mobland, the hit original series, is back, exclusively on Paramount +. 1382 01:01:14.369 --> 01:01:17.849 We are the Harrigans. You don't know the name? 1383 01:01:17.929 --> 01:01:19.829 From the underworld of Guy Ritchie. 1384 01:01:19.849 --> 01:01:21.389 Do you want to step up the ladder? 1385 01:01:21.469 --> 01:01:25.530 I want Cormac dead. Starring Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan, and 1386 01:01:25.619 --> 01:01:26.360 Helen Mirren. 1387 01:01:26.380 --> 01:01:28.280 You want to walk? 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