บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ Billy Eichner

murderer of my career. Wow. Nicely done, Gourley. 79 00:03:51.099 --> 00:03:54.550 Nicely done. That was a big leap. It really was. 80 00:03:54.610 --> 00:03:56.770 Really not at all. Hey, I'm excited about today. I'll 81 00:03:56.789 --> 00:03:59.650 tell you that much right now, gang. Me too. We 82 00:03:59.669 --> 00:04:02.169 have a great guest. My guest tonight's a hilarious comedian. 83 00:04:02.770 --> 00:04:05.009 You know him from his show, Billy on the Street. 84 00:04:05.490 --> 00:04:07.349 You know, I've known this guy for years. We've sent 85 00:04:07.389 --> 00:04:13.569 him on many remotes on our show. He's consistently hilarious, inventive, 86 00:04:13.889 --> 00:04:17.709 delightfully creative, and I just love him. On July 19th, 87 00:04:17.750 --> 00:04:19.730 you'll be able to hear him as the voice of 88 00:04:19.819 --> 00:04:25.569 Timon in Disney's highly anticipated live-action remake of The Lion King. 89 00:04:29.790 --> 00:04:38.839 He's with us right now. Billy Eichner. Thanks for being here, Billy. Amazing. 90 00:04:39.000 --> 00:04:39.180 Yeah. 91 00:04:39.199 --> 00:04:41.560 I loved it. That was incredible. They should bump up 92 00:04:41.600 --> 00:04:43.779 the volume on that. Could you hear it? Yeah, they 93 00:04:43.800 --> 00:04:45.689 heard it. Oh, they heard it. They don't need to 94 00:04:45.709 --> 00:04:46.990 bump up the volume. They don't need to. It sounds 95 00:04:47.009 --> 00:04:49.389 like we had miked your stomach. It really did. It 96 00:04:49.410 --> 00:04:53.389 does sound like you're having a procedure. Yeah. Complicated. I 97 00:04:53.569 --> 00:04:58.500 have some, what do they call it? Polyps. Polyps. Yeah. Yeah. 98 00:04:58.540 --> 00:05:03.500 And what we do on this podcast, we talk to people, 99 00:05:03.759 --> 00:05:05.500 and as we talk to them, just so that we 100 00:05:05.540 --> 00:05:08.810 kill two birds with one stone, we also perform- Various 101 00:05:09.129 --> 00:05:14.060 surgical procedures, removals. We did a lot of facial work 102 00:05:14.139 --> 00:05:16.399 on Martin Short when he was here. Oh, wow, yeah. Yeah, 103 00:05:16.420 --> 00:05:19.540 we took out some crow's feet. We pulled that face back. 104 00:05:20.079 --> 00:05:22.779 It's as tight as a drum now. Looks like a 105 00:05:22.839 --> 00:05:27.620 young Jane Fonda. He looks like Jane Fonda when she 106 00:05:27.670 --> 00:05:30.569 was 15 years old now. Right. Congratulations to Marty Short 107 00:05:30.610 --> 00:05:33.269 on his new face. Billy, I'm thrilled that you're here. 108 00:05:33.290 --> 00:05:36.730 Thank you. Thank you for doing this. I've been such 109 00:05:36.750 --> 00:05:39.329 a big fan of yours. for a very long time. 110 00:05:39.350 --> 00:05:42.509 Thank you. And you've always so graciously, you would do 111 00:05:42.589 --> 00:05:47.819 bits for us. Oh yeah. And we've had some misadventures together. 112 00:05:47.839 --> 00:05:50.180 I remember we went on Grindr together for a remote. 113 00:05:50.199 --> 00:05:53.180 We did, that was so fun. And I learned a 114 00:05:53.199 --> 00:05:53.879 lot that night. 115 00:05:53.980 --> 00:05:54.319 You did. 116 00:05:54.860 --> 00:05:59.759 You really kind of predated the whole inclusiveness thing. 117 00:05:59.819 --> 00:06:00.600 Yes, thank you. 118 00:06:00.680 --> 00:06:05.209 Yeah, and people always thought that was my idea. People 119 00:06:05.290 --> 00:06:06.970 used to ask me, like, oh, how did you get 120 00:06:07.029 --> 00:06:08.910 Conan to do that Grindr bit? 121 00:06:08.949 --> 00:06:10.910 And I was like, no, no, no, no. His team 122 00:06:10.930 --> 00:06:12.990 came up with that. No, no, it wasn't even my team. 123 00:06:13.050 --> 00:06:16.000 It was me. I was insistent. I had to get 124 00:06:16.079 --> 00:06:19.160 on Grindr. You just wanted some dick. And then... Don't 125 00:06:19.199 --> 00:06:22.060 we all? And then I was, then I had to go, oh, 126 00:06:22.120 --> 00:06:26.560 it's a comedy bit. We'll get Billy Eichner. Yeah. And 127 00:06:26.600 --> 00:06:30.019 that got me into the Grindr community. And no, it was, 128 00:06:30.360 --> 00:06:34.120 you've always done terrific bits for us. And of course, 129 00:06:34.230 --> 00:06:39.350 everyone first came to know you doing that fantastic segment 130 00:06:39.389 --> 00:06:43.189 that I love, everybody loves, Billy on the Street. What 131 00:06:43.230 --> 00:06:46.490 I loved is that there's a lot of people that 132 00:06:46.550 --> 00:06:51.310 do pure energy in comedy. but don't have necessarily the 133 00:06:51.370 --> 00:06:54.209 comedic chops or the content. There are other people that 134 00:06:54.250 --> 00:06:57.189 have the content, but don't have the manic energy. You're 135 00:06:57.209 --> 00:07:00.149 one of the few people that combined both. And it 136 00:07:00.189 --> 00:07:01.709 was fantastic. Just fantastic. 137 00:07:01.769 --> 00:07:02.050 Yeah. 138 00:07:02.170 --> 00:07:04.490 And so I thought, oh, this guy is really funny 139 00:07:04.600 --> 00:07:08.920 on his feet and also fearless. And so my first 140 00:07:09.000 --> 00:07:12.319 question was, I can do fearless things, I think, but 141 00:07:12.339 --> 00:07:14.839 I'm always nervous just before I do them, especially when 142 00:07:14.879 --> 00:07:17.600 it involves people I don't know. There's a little bit 143 00:07:17.639 --> 00:07:20.060 of shyness I need to overcome. And then once I 144 00:07:20.139 --> 00:07:22.959 overcome it, I can act like a total fool. Were 145 00:07:23.000 --> 00:07:26.629 you ever afraid? Is there anything that you're overcoming to 146 00:07:26.670 --> 00:07:28.870 run up to people on the street and confront them 147 00:07:28.889 --> 00:07:29.250 like that? 148 00:07:30.300 --> 00:07:32.730 Yes. And first, I should say, just going back, you 149 00:07:32.769 --> 00:07:34.850 were the first major talk show to ever have me on. 150 00:07:35.009 --> 00:07:39.810 So thank you very much. Oh, it was against

my wishes. Yeah, 151 00:07:39.829 --> 00:07:42.449 there was a quota to fill. I don't have a 152 00:07:42.470 --> 00:07:43.329 lot of power at Conan. 153 00:07:43.350 --> 00:07:48.959 Yeah, exactly. Someone needed to fill that void. Yes. 154 00:07:49.240 --> 00:07:51.220 So thank you for that. You've always been so supportive. 155 00:07:51.240 --> 00:07:54.540 And- Yeah, those bits I did with you, I went 156 00:07:54.560 --> 00:07:57.079 to the Super Bowl for you when Madonna was the 157 00:07:57.100 --> 00:07:59.180 halftime show. That's still to this day, I think, one 158 00:07:59.199 --> 00:08:01.120 of the best things I ever did. It was so 159 00:08:01.160 --> 00:08:02.720 great because you're such a Madonna fan. 160 00:08:02.800 --> 00:08:04.600 I really was. It came from a very real place. 161 00:08:12.180 --> 00:08:14.939 Always works better. You know, if a comedian goes to 162 00:08:15.449 --> 00:08:18.829 make fun of something, it often, I think, falls flat. 163 00:08:18.850 --> 00:08:21.509 When someone goes, when you went and you were, you'd 164 00:08:21.569 --> 00:08:24.310 built a religion around Madonna and you're going to see 165 00:08:24.350 --> 00:08:27.160 her at the Super Bowl. It was, it made all 166 00:08:27.180 --> 00:08:29.319 the comedy that much better. Yeah, it did. 167 00:08:29.660 --> 00:08:33.840 And back to your question. Yes, especially when I first 168 00:08:33.860 --> 00:08:35.879 started doing the Billy on the Street bits, which by 169 00:08:35.899 --> 00:08:38.639 the way, people don't realize, I started doing them for 170 00:08:38.679 --> 00:08:43.100 my live show in New York. And I'm 40. So 171 00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:47.419 this was like back in 2004. Actually, this summer is 172 00:08:47.470 --> 00:08:53.070 the 15th year that I've been shooting some version of 173 00:08:53.129 --> 00:08:56.009 a Billy on the Street video. And I was making 174 00:08:56.029 --> 00:08:57.870 them for my live show. This is before a couple 175 00:08:57.889 --> 00:09:00.950 of years before YouTube even came along. And so I 176 00:09:01.110 --> 00:09:03.789 vividly recall the first time I went to shoot them 177 00:09:04.220 --> 00:09:07.039 walking in Washington Square Park and I had to circle 178 00:09:07.100 --> 00:09:11.100 the park multiple times in order to work up the 179 00:09:11.179 --> 00:09:14.000 nerve to go up to someone. Because I know this 180 00:09:14.440 --> 00:09:17.440 sounds like an annoying actor-y thing, but it really is 181 00:09:17.580 --> 00:09:22.019 so out of my comfort zone to do this. Now 182 00:09:22.090 --> 00:09:23.970 I'm used to it. It's been 15 years. I mean, 183 00:09:24.519 --> 00:09:27.250 I got used to it somehow. And still, the mornings 184 00:09:27.289 --> 00:09:28.970 I wake up and have to shoot a Billy on 185 00:09:28.990 --> 00:09:32.610 the Street segment, I just want it to be over. 186 00:09:33.149 --> 00:09:34.889 Well, can I just say something? I don't know if 187 00:09:34.909 --> 00:09:37.710 you can relate to this, but I've shot thousands and 188 00:09:37.730 --> 00:09:42.700 thousands and thousands of hours since 1993 out in the street, 189 00:09:43.120 --> 00:09:45.399 around the world, going up to people I don't know. 190 00:09:46.179 --> 00:09:50.559 And there's always something in my mind that's saying, they 191 00:09:50.600 --> 00:09:54.429 hate you. They're going to say something to you that 192 00:09:54.450 --> 00:09:57.269 hurts your feelings. You're going to, you know, and it 193 00:09:57.309 --> 00:10:01.230 doesn't happen, but that's the fear. and I don't know 194 00:10:01.250 --> 00:10:03.250 if people can relate to that when they see these 195 00:10:04.500 --> 00:10:06.919 They just think, oh, Billy Eichner, he's not worried about anything. 196 00:10:06.960 --> 00:10:09.139 But there is a little bit of fear when you 197 00:10:09.179 --> 00:10:11.509 invade someone's space and try and do comedy. 198 00:10:11.590 --> 00:10:11.789 Yeah. 199 00:10:11.929 --> 00:10:14.509 They can shut you down. Yeah, everyone always says, oh, 200 00:10:14.529 --> 00:10:17.470 you're fearless. But I always laugh at that. It's so 201 00:10:17.529 --> 00:10:22.370 funny because I'm so not fearless. But the bit works. 202 00:10:22.929 --> 00:10:23.409 I do. 203 00:10:24.220 --> 00:10:26.899 I still think, miraculously, that Billy on the Street works. 204 00:10:27.240 --> 00:10:29.059 When it's good, still makes me laugh. Yes. 205 00:10:29.120 --> 00:10:31.399 Somehow, even after all of these years. 206 00:10:31.519 --> 00:10:34.100 And I think it's weirdly, it's had a very strange trajectory. 207 00:10:34.139 --> 00:10:38.700 It's gotten more popular over time. The world, for all 208 00:10:38.720 --> 00:10:42.039 of our jokes, the world did get more inclusive. Entertainment 209 00:10:42.100 --> 00:10:45.919 did get more LGBT friendly. I think Billy on the 210 00:10:45.940 --> 00:10:49.769 Street does have a bit of a. gay sensibility, for 211 00:10:49.830 --> 00:10:52.860 lack of a better word. It certainly has a Billy sensibility. 212 00:10:54.240 --> 00:10:57.100 And so, you know, I love doing it. I love 213 00:10:57.139 --> 00:11:00.299 that people love it. It makes me feel good how 214 00:11:00.399 --> 00:11:02.539 much people love it. The people who love it really, 215 00:11:02.600 --> 00:11:05.139 really love it. And so, I keep doing it. But, 216 00:11:05.279 --> 00:11:07.710 you know, it's an odd thing to do. I started 217 00:11:07.730 --> 00:11:09.730 off as an actor. I went to theater school and 218 00:11:10.649 --> 00:11:12.649 it's one thing to be on stage. It's another thing 219 00:11:12.690 --> 00:11:15.070 to literally rush up to someone in the middle of 220 00:11:15.110 --> 00:11:17.570 their day and force them to talk about, you know, 221 00:11:17.649 --> 00:11:22.330 Kate Winslet, which is funny and also a ridiculous thing 222 00:11:22.370 --> 00:11:22.649 to do. 223 00:11:22.730 --> 00:11:25.190 Well, it's so great

because so much of it is, 224 00:11:26.330 --> 00:11:28.909 as I said earlier, it's the energy and the speed 225 00:11:29.570 --> 00:11:33.169 and you come rushing in and they don't have time. 226 00:11:33.649 --> 00:11:36.779 They don't have time. And And I think that's key 227 00:11:37.000 --> 00:11:40.990 because we live in an era where everybody's media savvy. Yes. Everybody. 228 00:11:41.330 --> 00:11:44.570 But you're not giving people time to be media savvy. Right. 229 00:11:44.649 --> 00:11:48.129 There's no time. So you're rushing right in and they 230 00:11:48.190 --> 00:11:50.429 have to be themselves because they have no other choice. 231 00:11:50.549 --> 00:11:52.409 And people say to me, but how can you still 232 00:11:52.450 --> 00:11:55.009 do it? Don't people recognize you? But they don't have 233 00:11:55.070 --> 00:11:56.190 time to process that. 234 00:11:56.490 --> 00:11:56.649 Right. 235 00:11:56.669 --> 00:11:59.029 You know, they might recognize me. Of course, more people 236 00:11:59.070 --> 00:12:01.970 know me now than when I started. But I catch 237 00:12:02.009 --> 00:12:04.440 people off guard. That's part of what's fun about it. 238 00:12:05.429 --> 00:12:07.250 And I run around with people who are way more 239 00:12:07.289 --> 00:12:08.820 famous than I am. We just did a video with 240 00:12:08.840 --> 00:12:11.039 the Jonas Brothers, you know, like all three of them. 241 00:12:11.590 --> 00:12:15.320 They're very popular, but when you're not expecting it, you know, 242 00:12:15.600 --> 00:12:17.299 and all of a sudden we're all in your face 243 00:12:17.340 --> 00:12:19.840 and I'm coming at you with the energy that I do, 244 00:12:20.299 --> 00:12:21.830 you're going to get a real reaction. 245 00:12:21.490 --> 00:12:24.649 Out of someone. No, anytime I encounter... all three Jonas 246 00:12:24.669 --> 00:12:27.820 Brothers when I don't expect it. Right. It freaks me out. Usually, 247 00:12:28.029 --> 00:12:30.960 you know, in your bed. In my bed. Yeah. I'm 248 00:12:31.000 --> 00:12:34.259 always like, guys, no. Again, you're so inclusive now. I 249 00:12:34.299 --> 00:12:36.639 really appreciate it. I want to be inclusive, but I 250 00:12:36.779 --> 00:12:38.980 tell them I'm in a committed relationship. I'm married. Right. 251 00:12:39.120 --> 00:12:41.259 And it's always the three of them. Right. And I 252 00:12:41.279 --> 00:12:43.940 don't know all their names. We all know Joe and Nick. 253 00:12:43.980 --> 00:12:44.139 Exactly. 254 00:12:44.159 --> 00:12:47.019 But then there's another one, Leroy. I don't know. Leroy Jonas. 255 00:12:47.100 --> 00:12:48.470 Leroy Jonas. His name is Kevin. 256 00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:48.870 Yeah. 257 00:12:49.120 --> 00:12:49.919 Kevin Jonas. 258 00:12:49.990 --> 00:12:50.210 Yeah. 259 00:12:50.379 --> 00:12:50.669 Yeah. 260 00:12:50.870 --> 00:12:50.990 And. 261 00:12:51.909 --> 00:12:54.049 you know, he'll let you do whatever you want. Okay. 262 00:12:54.909 --> 00:12:56.940 I'm just writing that down right now. Kevin's a friend 263 00:12:56.980 --> 00:13:00.539 of mine. Will let me do whatever I want. So 264 00:13:00.879 --> 00:13:03.500 you did one with, I mean, you've done such famous people. 265 00:13:03.559 --> 00:13:05.000 Who are some of the most famous people you've done 266 00:13:05.019 --> 00:13:09.769 it with? We did a segment with your friend, Michelle Obama. 267 00:13:09.789 --> 00:13:11.669 Michelle Obama. We did not have her on the street 268 00:13:11.710 --> 00:13:12.789 because that was impossible. 269 00:13:12.809 --> 00:13:12.990 Of course. 270 00:13:13.009 --> 00:13:14.549 She was still the first lady at the time. I 271 00:13:14.590 --> 00:13:16.190 hope one day we'll actually be able to go on 272 00:13:16.250 --> 00:13:17.629 the street with her. Also, wouldn't there be some part 273 00:13:17.649 --> 00:13:21.139 of you that would be I'd be almost disappointed. If 274 00:13:21.159 --> 00:13:24.000 we thought of a bit and the first lady did 275 00:13:24.080 --> 00:13:25.399 it and we were out on the street and I 276 00:13:25.419 --> 00:13:29.070 was dragging her by the arm, I'd almost be, I'd think, no, 277 00:13:29.110 --> 00:13:30.429 this is bad for America. 278 00:13:30.450 --> 00:13:33.250 Do you know what I mean? If she wanted to 279 00:13:33.350 --> 00:13:36.210 do it, I'd be up for it. Okay. 280 00:13:36.710 --> 00:13:39.149 I mean, she's so much fun. She's so game, as 281 00:13:39.210 --> 00:13:41.779 you know. But the segment we did with her was amazing. 282 00:13:41.820 --> 00:13:43.860 And she had no preparation for it, which was a 283 00:13:43.879 --> 00:13:44.379 big feat. 284 00:13:44.399 --> 00:13:44.799 Right. 285 00:13:44.919 --> 00:13:47.299 Because at first, when we presented her the idea, you know, 286 00:13:47.340 --> 00:13:49.179 we said to her team, look, they asked for the 287 00:13:49.240 --> 00:13:50.919 questions in advance. And I said, no, no, no, we 288 00:13:50.940 --> 00:13:53.669 can't do that. Like, I understand she's the first lady, 289 00:13:54.190 --> 00:13:57.210 but we can't do that because it has to be spontaneous. 290 00:13:57.730 --> 00:13:59.049 If we're not going to be on the street, at 291 00:13:59.090 --> 00:14:02.710 least her reaction's have to be spontaneous, otherwise it won't 292 00:14:02.750 --> 00:14:03.250 be funny. 293 00:14:03.629 --> 00:14:05.100 And luckily, they agreed. 294 00:14:05.399 --> 00:14:08.759 Right. And so all her reactions in that video are, 295 00:14:08.840 --> 00:14:10.740 you know, spur of the moment reactions. So that was 296 00:14:10.799 --> 00:14:13.139 obviously amazing. I got Letterman to do one. 297 00:14:13.460 --> 00:14:13.919 That's great. 298 00:14:13.980 --> 00:14:16.200 Which was great, which was for his show. It was 299 00:14:16.220 --> 00:14:19.279 for one of his final shows, and that was insane. 300 00:14:19.330 --> 00:14:23.009 I grew up watching Letterman. He obviously created Men on 301

00:14:23.029 --> 00:14:24.409 the Street to a certain degree. 302 00:14:24.429 --> 00:14:29.960 And who else? We've had so many people... Will Ferrell, 303 00:14:30.759 --> 00:14:33.730 Tina Fey. Now, who's your dream? Like, give me some 304 00:14:33.809 --> 00:14:37.570 dream people, people that haven't done it, but in your mind, 305 00:14:37.629 --> 00:14:41.059 if this person does it, you can now ascend into heaven. 306 00:14:41.240 --> 00:14:41.580 Meryl. 307 00:14:42.710 --> 00:14:45.070 Merle. We've been trying for years. What's the last name? 308 00:14:45.129 --> 00:14:49.009 I need help here. I can't even remember. I think 309 00:14:49.070 --> 00:14:50.929 it's Knowles. I thought you said Merle. I thought you 310 00:14:50.950 --> 00:14:55.450 meant Merle Haggard. Yeah, Merle Haggard is my dream guest. 311 00:14:56.190 --> 00:14:58.389 I'm not sure he's alive. Is he still alive? I 312 00:14:58.460 --> 00:15:00.029 don't believe he is. Someone's checking on that right now. 313 00:15:00.049 --> 00:15:02.539 He passed away recently. Well, then I want him even more. Exactly. 314 00:15:02.580 --> 00:15:04.860 What a big get that would be. The ghost of 315 00:15:04.879 --> 00:15:10.840 Merle Haggard. You want views on YouTube? The kids love 316 00:15:10.860 --> 00:15:12.000 the ghost of Merle Haggard. 317 00:15:12.019 --> 00:15:14.360 They do. And these are references, by the way, that 318 00:15:14.419 --> 00:15:17.240 will stymie a lot of people listening out there. But 319 00:15:17.279 --> 00:15:18.700 that's what I like to do is throw you a 320 00:15:18.740 --> 00:15:21.370 curve ball. Learn about Merle Haggard. Terrific country star. Exactly. 321 00:15:21.399 --> 00:15:25.009 I'm sure he loved gay people. Who knows? You don't know. 322 00:15:25.049 --> 00:15:26.769 We don't know. I can't put words in the ghost 323 00:15:26.809 --> 00:15:29.549 of Merle Haggard's mouth. That's a sentence I was pretty 324 00:15:29.590 --> 00:15:32.509 sure would be said on today's episode, and it was. 325 00:15:33.950 --> 00:15:37.409 Meryl Streep, dream guest. Now, why Meryl Streep? 326 00:15:37.450 --> 00:15:39.769 Well, going back to the very first season of the 327 00:15:39.809 --> 00:15:44.080 TV show, she became a real object of my affection 328 00:15:44.580 --> 00:15:48.080 on the show. And there's been kind of a Meryl 329 00:15:48.299 --> 00:15:51.139 renaissance in the past few years, but I actually think 330 00:15:51.259 --> 00:15:55.840 my obsession predated that a little bit. 331 00:15:55.860 --> 00:15:59.679 Oh, first of all, I wasn't aware that there was ever... 332 00:16:00.379 --> 00:16:04.710 Over an eclipse with Meryl Streep. She's always been Meryl Streep. 333 00:16:04.750 --> 00:16:08.309 She has, but there's a bit of, in terms of 334 00:16:08.330 --> 00:16:11.830 like mainstream popularity, I think among younger generations, there's a 335 00:16:11.850 --> 00:16:15.669 bit of pre-Devil Wears Prada and post-Devil Wears Prada. 336 00:16:16.029 --> 00:16:16.909 I see. 337 00:16:17.080 --> 00:16:21.080 And so as a lifelong Meryl fan, I was screaming 338 00:16:21.139 --> 00:16:25.159 about her. on the street from the very beginning. And 339 00:16:25.240 --> 00:16:28.370 she's aware. I have met Meryl and we've talked about it. 340 00:16:28.460 --> 00:16:29.279 She's very aware. 341 00:16:29.379 --> 00:16:31.460 She's seen the video. She gets it. 342 00:16:31.539 --> 00:16:34.690 We got close to getting her once and it didn't 343 00:16:34.769 --> 00:16:37.570 quite happen, but I really, that would be the number 344 00:16:37.730 --> 00:16:38.509 one guess. 345 00:16:38.850 --> 00:16:40.850 Okay. When you met her, what was that like? What 346 00:16:40.870 --> 00:16:42.710 was it like for you? This is someone you've idolized 347 00:16:42.730 --> 00:16:44.710 your whole life and then you meet Meryl Streep. 348 00:16:44.730 --> 00:16:49.200 It was actually weirder than that. This was Andy Cohen 349 00:16:49.220 --> 00:16:51.960 had booked Meryl on his show. And of course, it 350 00:16:51.980 --> 00:16:54.200 was Meryl. So they weren't going to have any other guests. 351 00:16:54.360 --> 00:16:56.659 He usually has two guests. But when he gets a really, 352 00:16:56.720 --> 00:16:59.240 really big star, they get to do it alone. But 353 00:16:59.419 --> 00:17:01.240 Andy also has a bartender. Yes. 354 00:17:01.360 --> 00:17:02.200 You know, who does nothing. 355 00:17:02.919 --> 00:17:06.059 And so he knew what a Meryl fan I was 356 00:17:06.599 --> 00:17:08.500 and that it was an ongoing thing on my show 357 00:17:08.519 --> 00:17:09.380 to talk about her. 358 00:17:09.500 --> 00:17:12.450 And so he had me be the bartender. Oh, that's nice. 359 00:17:12.470 --> 00:17:13.430 For Meryl's episode. 360 00:17:13.630 --> 00:17:17.869 And on live TV showed Meryl my clips of me 361 00:17:17.950 --> 00:17:21.470 screaming about her. So I got to watch her in 362 00:17:21.529 --> 00:17:24.799 real time react to me screaming about her, which was 363 00:17:24.880 --> 00:17:25.619 surreal and fantastic. 364 00:17:25.640 --> 00:17:28.140 While you were behind a bar. Yeah, I was behind 365 00:17:28.200 --> 00:17:30.960 a bar. Yes. Yeah. On, you know, basic cable. 366 00:17:31.839 --> 00:17:32.059 Yeah. 367 00:17:32.200 --> 00:17:34.220 Hey, baby, it's all basic cable now. Yeah, that's true. 368 00:17:35.140 --> 00:17:37.259 So that was very cool. And she was great. I mean, 369 00:17:37.299 --> 00:17:39.349 she's Meryl Streep. She's smart and funny. 370 00:17:39.619 --> 00:17:39.880 Yeah. 371 00:17:40.410 --> 00:17:43.480 I'm not sure. I'm not convinced. Here's what I'm doing. 372 00:17:43.779 --> 00:17:47.059 I'm going to put down Meryl Streep and be a 373 00:17:47.420 --> 00:17:52.390 little dicky about her just to create something so that 374 00:17:52.450 --> 00:17:54.390 she feels she needs to repair it and come on 375 00:17:54.410 --> 00:17:58.190 the podcast. Right. So it's fake. I admire Meryl

Streep. 376 00:17:58.210 --> 00:17:59.809 We can rip her apart. I've met her a bunch 377 00:17:59.849 --> 00:18:02.130 of times and she's a lovely person, but I'm going 378 00:18:02.150 --> 00:18:05.180 to just put it out there that, yeah, I don't, 379 00:18:07.180 --> 00:18:08.460 Is she really an actor? 380 00:18:08.819 --> 00:18:09.519 I mean. 381 00:18:09.660 --> 00:18:11.589 Is it that good? I don't know. At the end 382 00:18:11.609 --> 00:18:14.730 of the day, isn't she just memorizing lines? Exactly. Yes. 383 00:18:14.750 --> 00:18:15.549 She does. 384 00:18:15.769 --> 00:18:16.230 She does. 385 00:18:16.269 --> 00:18:18.609 She memorizes lines. And she's great at it. And guess what? 386 00:18:18.690 --> 00:18:20.369 They tell them where to stand. 387 00:18:20.569 --> 00:18:20.690 Yeah. 388 00:18:20.710 --> 00:18:22.509 And you know what? She doesn't provide the clothes or 389 00:18:22.529 --> 00:18:25.220 the wardrobe. They get that for her. She doesn't write it. Nope. 390 00:18:25.579 --> 00:18:25.819 No. 391 00:18:25.859 --> 00:18:27.900 Doesn't do any of that. She basically just shows up. 392 00:18:28.119 --> 00:18:28.400 Yeah. 393 00:18:28.619 --> 00:18:31.019 And then moves her mouth in a certain way that's 394 00:18:31.039 --> 00:18:33.720 been predetermined. And then everyone's like, hey, hey. 395 00:18:34.089 --> 00:18:37.630 There's really no difference between like Meryl Streep and Bob Saget. 396 00:18:37.829 --> 00:18:39.589 Exactly. You know what I mean? They're the same. They're 397 00:18:39.609 --> 00:18:42.049 just actors. Did you know that Meryl Streep tried to 398 00:18:42.089 --> 00:18:45.140 get the America's Funniest Home Videos and didn't get it, 399 00:18:45.210 --> 00:18:47.150 lost it to Saget? Well, I mean. And then in 400 00:18:47.170 --> 00:18:49.869 despair turned to legitimate acting. And that's a true story 401 00:18:49.890 --> 00:18:51.210 and you can look it up on the internet. 402 00:18:51.650 --> 00:18:55.190 Look, she has certain skills, but she doesn't have that 403 00:18:56.170 --> 00:18:57.769 Sagadian charm. 404 00:18:57.789 --> 00:18:57.849 No. 405 00:18:58.109 --> 00:18:58.250 No. 406 00:18:59.140 --> 00:19:03.140 She is not sagacious. No, she's not. She has no 407 00:19:04.980 --> 00:19:06.589 sagatorial skills. 408 00:19:06.609 --> 00:19:10.730 Yeah, I mean, try doing 15 minutes at the Laugh Factory, Meryl. 409 00:19:10.890 --> 00:19:15.869 Yeah, exactly. And you mean the L-A-U-G-H Laugh Factory, not 410 00:19:15.910 --> 00:19:19.869 the L-A-F-F Factory. Well, no, she's not up to that 411 00:19:20.190 --> 00:19:24.470 standard just yet. I think we've put it out there. Yeah. 412 00:19:24.650 --> 00:19:27.339 Meryl Streep's a bit of a phony. 413 00:19:27.380 --> 00:19:27.599 Yeah. 414 00:19:27.859 --> 00:19:30.599 And if she wants to clear the air, she knows. 415 00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:32.599 She knows where to go. Billy on the Street. Come 416 00:19:32.640 --> 00:19:37.579 improve yourself for once. No, no, no. It's the Conan podcast. Oh, 417 00:19:37.700 --> 00:19:39.559 I see. She's not going to do that. You don't 418 00:19:39.599 --> 00:19:42.970 think so? I don't think Meryl's going to do a podcast. Oh, yeah? 419 00:19:44.049 --> 00:19:46.509 I mean. You know what? Some people in the business 420 00:19:46.549 --> 00:19:49.289 really love it because no hair, no makeup. That's what 421 00:19:49.309 --> 00:19:52.869 I've heard from- not Ben Schwartz, okay? I mean, you know. 422 00:19:54.289 --> 00:19:58.569 I'm just saying, like, you know, it's a podcast. 423 00:19:58.950 --> 00:20:01.460 You know, she's Meryl Streep. Yeah, she'd be lucky. I 424 00:20:01.460 --> 00:20:04.500 love Ben Schwartz, by the way, and I'm here. Yeah. 425 00:20:04.559 --> 00:20:05.140 I'm here, too. 426 00:20:05.319 --> 00:20:05.539 Yeah. 427 00:20:06.000 --> 00:20:07.009 You know, I'm not Meryl. 428 00:20:07.200 --> 00:20:07.440 Yeah. 429 00:20:07.660 --> 00:20:09.970 So you're saying she's above what we're doing right now? 430 00:20:10.450 --> 00:20:11.849 I think she's above everything. 431 00:20:12.329 --> 00:20:12.670 Wow. 432 00:20:12.950 --> 00:20:14.730 What a lonely life that must be for her. Yeah, 433 00:20:14.769 --> 00:20:17.430 to sit on top with no one around you. Yeah. 434 00:20:18.289 --> 00:20:21.589 I know what that's like. I do, in my own way. 435 00:20:23.250 --> 00:20:26.630 To have that kind of talent that separates you from 436 00:20:26.829 --> 00:20:27.309 all else. 437 00:20:27.829 --> 00:20:28.130 Mm-hmm. 438 00:20:28.289 --> 00:20:29.970 Sonia, where'd you go? 439 00:20:30.319 --> 00:20:31.589 What? Huh? What? 440 00:20:32.069 --> 00:20:34.569 Sorry, what? Don't you often see me as a figure 441 00:20:34.630 --> 00:20:38.140 that's been elevated so far by his abilities and talents 442 00:20:38.200 --> 00:20:40.920 that I can't relate to other humans? I gotta go. 443 00:20:41.720 --> 00:20:43.500 I don't know. I don't know how to answer that. 444 00:20:43.759 --> 00:20:45.619 I'm just gonna back away from this microphone. Has Meryl 445 00:20:45.640 --> 00:20:49.019 ever done Conan? Yeah, Meryl did our show, when did she, 446 00:20:49.099 --> 00:20:51.299 I think about like 10 years ago. Oh, cool. And 447 00:20:51.339 --> 00:20:54.220 I think as she left, she said, this isn't for me. Right. 448 00:20:54.990 --> 00:20:57.430 I remembered her saying that, which is very unusual. People 449 00:20:57.470 --> 00:20:58.349 don't often say that. 450 00:20:58.730 --> 00:20:58.849 Mm-hmm. 451 00:20:59.359 --> 00:21:00.619 She wrote me a note and said it'll be a 452 00:21:00.680 --> 00:21:03.640 cold day in hell before I return. Right. Which I 453 00:21:03.640 --> 00:21:05.539 thought was weird. It was weird. Because it was on 454 00:21:05.579 --> 00:21:08.339 very nice stationery. Yeah. I don't know if she would like, 455 00:21:08.640 --> 00:21:10.779 you know, I don't know if she does like bits. Well, 456 00:21:10.839 --> 00:21:13.700 a true

actor does it all. Yeah. Just putting that 457 00:21:13.740 --> 00:21:15.579 out there too. Can we talk about me again? Yeah. 458 00:21:15.640 --> 00:21:17.859 Let's get back to you. This was an only, it 459 00:21:17.900 --> 00:21:19.589 said in your contract when you agreed to do this 460 00:21:19.619 --> 00:21:21.440 that we had to discuss Meryl Streep for 20 minutes. 461 00:21:22.049 --> 00:21:23.829 I was wondering the other day whether Meryl had ever 462 00:21:23.869 --> 00:21:25.809 hosted SNL and I don't think she has. 463 00:21:26.089 --> 00:21:27.509 Nope. Which is kind of fascinating. Yeah. 464 00:21:27.779 --> 00:21:29.839 You'd think she'd be great at it. She claims to 465 00:21:30.140 --> 00:21:32.920 be able to play all these characters, but we've never 466 00:21:32.980 --> 00:21:33.680 seen it live. 467 00:21:34.380 --> 00:21:39.910 Nope. Could be anyone. No, exactly. Now, you've gone. Look 468 00:21:39.930 --> 00:21:40.769 what you did to me. 469 00:21:40.789 --> 00:21:43.569 This podcast, I have tried to get Meryl on Billy 470 00:21:43.589 --> 00:21:46.150 on the Street for like a decade, and this is 471 00:21:46.170 --> 00:21:47.349 going to ruin it completely. 472 00:21:47.369 --> 00:21:50.059 Yes, it will. Yes, it will, because she will hear this, 473 00:21:50.079 --> 00:21:51.660 because she's a big fan of the podcast. 474 00:21:51.839 --> 00:21:52.460 Oh, yeah. 475 00:21:52.779 --> 00:21:54.500 She does not want to see me in person, but 476 00:21:54.619 --> 00:21:55.839 she likes to listen to me. 477 00:21:56.140 --> 00:21:56.700 I'm told. 478 00:21:57.109 --> 00:21:59.230 Let's move on. Yeah. Tell me what you were like 479 00:21:59.609 --> 00:22:01.769 as a young man. You're growing up. You're in New York. 480 00:22:04.130 --> 00:22:06.099 What kind of household are we talking about here? 481 00:22:07.579 --> 00:22:11.859 Small family. I was pretty much an only child. Grew 482 00:22:11.880 --> 00:22:13.940 up in a small apartment in Forest Hills, Queens. I 483 00:22:13.980 --> 00:22:17.420 do have an older half-brother from my dad's first marriage. 484 00:22:18.099 --> 00:22:20.180 And we're friends, but I didn't grow up with him. 485 00:22:20.220 --> 00:22:22.660 He was older than me already. And so I was 486 00:22:22.700 --> 00:22:28.240 very much an only child, obsessed with television. obsessed with MTV. 487 00:22:28.480 --> 00:22:31.160 This was like, you know, late 80s, early 90s, always 488 00:22:31.220 --> 00:22:35.569 obsessed with pop culture and the entertainment industry. 489 00:22:35.630 --> 00:22:36.470 And all of it. 490 00:22:36.910 --> 00:22:41.980 And when I was around five or six, it turned 491 00:22:42.019 --> 00:22:43.339 out I had a really good singing voice. 492 00:22:43.740 --> 00:22:44.339 I didn't know that. 493 00:22:44.420 --> 00:22:44.640 Yes. 494 00:22:45.470 --> 00:22:47.410 Well, you know I'm in the fucking Lion King, right? No, 495 00:22:47.430 --> 00:22:49.099 I know that, but a lot of people with a 496 00:22:49.220 --> 00:22:52.920 bad singing voice manage to get themselves into these- That's true. 497 00:22:52.940 --> 00:22:54.380 They do, but you have a legitimate- I'm not gonna 498 00:22:54.400 --> 00:22:57.279 phone it in like Meryl, okay? I bring skills to 499 00:22:57.339 --> 00:22:57.700 the table. 500 00:22:57.720 --> 00:23:01.240 I tried to pull you out of the Meryl ditch 501 00:23:01.319 --> 00:23:04.930 and you're back in it. So- Meryl can sing, actually. Yeah, 502 00:23:04.990 --> 00:23:05.990 she does it all, apparently. 503 00:23:06.009 --> 00:23:06.349 Oh, she does? 504 00:23:06.470 --> 00:23:09.509 Well, she, maybe it's overdubbed, who can say? That's true. 505 00:23:10.230 --> 00:23:13.109 My point is, you find out you have a great 506 00:23:13.150 --> 00:23:13.829 singing voice. Yeah. 507 00:23:14.500 --> 00:23:18.029 And what kind of singing voice? I had kind of 508 00:23:18.069 --> 00:23:22.529 like a musical theater-y Broadway voice. And I love Broadway shows. 509 00:23:22.589 --> 00:23:26.130 And my parents loved Broadway and off-Broadway. And luckily, I 510 00:23:26.329 --> 00:23:29.210 grew up in New York City. And we weren't rich. 511 00:23:29.829 --> 00:23:32.589 But I was an only child and they had some money. 512 00:23:32.670 --> 00:23:34.630 And so we would go see shows. We'd go see 513 00:23:34.670 --> 00:23:37.160 a fair amount of Broadway shows. And then I started 514 00:23:37.200 --> 00:23:40.539 to buy albums and really get into Broadway. And I 515 00:23:40.559 --> 00:23:45.180 started taking voice lessons with some Broadway singing coach. And 516 00:23:45.200 --> 00:23:48.599 I never ended up doing that. But it was what 517 00:23:49.059 --> 00:23:50.980 my main focus was. And I went to Northwestern. I 518 00:23:50.980 --> 00:23:53.180 was a theater major. I did a ton of musicals, 519 00:23:53.200 --> 00:23:56.700 you know, and plays too. But I wasn't... focused on 520 00:23:56.819 --> 00:24:00.019 comedy so much until after college. It's kind of like 521 00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:02.460 a late bloomer in terms of the comedy scene. 522 00:24:02.779 --> 00:24:04.450 But you must have been funny around your friends. I 523 00:24:04.470 --> 00:24:07.470 was funny around my friends. I was funny in plays. 524 00:24:08.009 --> 00:24:10.539 I would do things like we'd be doing some Neil 525 00:24:10.579 --> 00:24:13.059 Simon play and I would add lines to it, which 526 00:24:13.079 --> 00:24:15.099 you're not supposed to do. I would like ad-lib as 527 00:24:15.140 --> 00:24:17.079 if I was doing a show at like Upright Citizens. 528 00:24:17.140 --> 00:24:19.450 That takes real balls. Yeah, with like a show that 529 00:24:19.470 --> 00:24:21.930 had won like, you know, the Pulitzer Prize for drama 530 00:24:21.970 --> 00:24:22.569 or something. 531 00:24:22.890 --> 00:24:23.990 And I was like, I'm going to throw in a 532 00:24:24.029 --> 00:24:26.630 couple of jokes here. I'm going to fix this problem.

Yeah, exactly. 533 00:24:28.539 --> 00:24:31.400 This show's not working. I'm going to fix it. Yeah, exactly. 534 00:24:31.420 --> 00:24:33.759 I'm not sure the odd couple works. Yeah. 535 00:24:33.940 --> 00:24:36.920 And so I would throw in lines and the audience 536 00:24:36.960 --> 00:24:40.029 would like those lines. And so I thought, oh, you know, 537 00:24:40.609 --> 00:24:42.710 I'm funny. People would say I'm funny, but I never 538 00:24:43.029 --> 00:24:46.450 thought about stand up. Northwestern had and has a huge 539 00:24:46.509 --> 00:24:47.329 improv scene. 540 00:24:47.529 --> 00:24:49.339 Kristen Schaal and I were in school together. 541 00:24:49.359 --> 00:24:53.819 Yeah. And Josh Myers and a lot of comedy folks 542 00:24:53.839 --> 00:24:56.119 that went on to become very successful. But they were 543 00:24:56.279 --> 00:24:58.720 all in the improv scene at Northwestern. I would go 544 00:24:58.819 --> 00:25:00.680 see it, but I wouldn't participate. 545 00:25:01.140 --> 00:25:01.740 That's interesting. 546 00:25:01.849 --> 00:25:02.069 Yeah. 547 00:25:02.289 --> 00:25:04.410 Did you ever get up into doing improv or no? 548 00:25:04.450 --> 00:25:06.589 Yeah, I ended up– once I got back to New York, 549 00:25:07.009 --> 00:25:09.170 I went through all the classes at Upright Citizens Brigade. 550 00:25:09.230 --> 00:25:11.650 I did kind of experiment with stand-up a little bit 551 00:25:11.710 --> 00:25:15.609 in New York and then eventually started writing my own show, 552 00:25:16.029 --> 00:25:18.690 which was like a live sort of talk variety show, 553 00:25:18.710 --> 00:25:20.630 which I called Creation Nation, which I did with a 554 00:25:20.670 --> 00:25:23.049 friend of mine. And that's where the Billy on the 555 00:25:23.089 --> 00:25:24.309 Street videos started. 556 00:25:24.769 --> 00:25:28.029 Yeah, what you did is you did essentially– what I 557 00:25:28.069 --> 00:25:29.880 always wanted to do, and I think did do it 558 00:25:30.259 --> 00:25:33.259 the same degree, which is create your own world. Right. 559 00:25:33.299 --> 00:25:35.059 Create a world. That's exactly what I did. Yeah, and 560 00:25:35.119 --> 00:25:39.460 so you created a world where you have the entire 561 00:25:39.559 --> 00:25:43.660 city of New York, you're conducting it, you're running around, 562 00:25:44.200 --> 00:25:48.079 you're putting it together, and it is, you've set the 563 00:25:48.099 --> 00:25:50.400 pace and the tempo and the style of comedy. 564 00:25:50.420 --> 00:25:50.529 Yeah. 565 00:25:52.160 --> 00:25:55.440 They're pawns in a way. I mean, you're using them 566 00:25:55.640 --> 00:25:59.369 and they have great, terrific reactions. And sometimes they're very 567 00:25:59.410 --> 00:26:01.710 funny in their own right, but it's your world and 568 00:26:01.730 --> 00:26:02.650 welcome to it, which. 569 00:26:02.549 --> 00:26:04.349 Is how you- That's exactly it. And it's kind of 570 00:26:04.369 --> 00:26:08.900 like a take

it or leave it situation. Um, and, uh, 571 00:26:09.380 --> 00:26:11.480 you know, not to get on, I don't, I didn't 572 00:26:11.559 --> 00:26:15.009 intend for this to get so serious, but, um, you know, 573 00:26:15.109 --> 00:26:18.650 especially when I was starting out, um, and even when 574 00:26:18.690 --> 00:26:21.150 Billy on the street, the TV show started, they're just, 575 00:26:21.609 --> 00:26:25.619 America has not been that kind to openly gay male comedians. 576 00:26:26.190 --> 00:26:30.319 And so the only options were basically like, oh, can 577 00:26:30.339 --> 00:26:33.900 you play the wacky neighbor on something and react to 578 00:26:33.980 --> 00:26:38.019 someone and not be able to center yourself and not 579 00:26:38.039 --> 00:26:42.349 have your sensibility dictate the show? Which I mean, I'm 580 00:26:42.410 --> 00:26:45.470 still a pretty rare person in this world and in 581 00:26:45.589 --> 00:26:48.269 our country, at least. in terms of in comedy. And 582 00:26:48.349 --> 00:26:51.990 so Billy on the Street allowed me, I wasn't just 583 00:26:52.029 --> 00:26:54.609 the wacky neighbor or the sidekick, it's my show. And 584 00:26:54.650 --> 00:26:56.170 it's kind of like, get out of my way. And 585 00:26:56.250 --> 00:26:58.970 if you don't like it, then go away, you know, 586 00:26:59.019 --> 00:27:01.079 or I'll storm away from you, something like that. 587 00:27:06.980 --> 00:27:09.079 Is this supposed to be funny? No, it's supposed to 588 00:27:09.099 --> 00:27:11.579 be whatever it is. I mean, actually, it's been really funny, 589 00:27:11.660 --> 00:27:16.079 but it also can be fascinating. It's not quite that either. 590 00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:19.440 What's that? It's not quite that either. Well, I don't know. 591 00:27:20.960 --> 00:27:25.230 I disagree because I find it, if you're cool to 592 00:27:25.269 --> 00:27:27.109 talk about it, I have a 15-year-old daughter and I 593 00:27:27.109 --> 00:27:32.210 have a 13-year-old son and they... are growing up in 594 00:27:32.250 --> 00:27:36.190 a world where they very much have no idea, I think, 595 00:27:36.609 --> 00:27:42.400 that someone who's gay would struggle with being a voice 596 00:27:43.200 --> 00:27:46.359 or coming out on television or on radio. They're just 597 00:27:46.400 --> 00:27:49.920 living in a different world, which is the good news. 598 00:27:50.539 --> 00:27:53.230 And I'm a good deal older than you. So when 599 00:27:53.250 --> 00:27:56.240 you say... Oh, when I was coming up, it was 600 00:27:56.279 --> 00:28:00.319 a different time. I'm thinking, well, I remember those days 601 00:28:00.500 --> 00:28:01.180 really well. 602 00:28:01.240 --> 00:28:01.440 Yeah. 603 00:28:01.500 --> 00:28:06.019 I remember the early, late 80s, early 90s really well. Yeah. 604 00:28:06.440 --> 00:28:09.380 And I'm not privy to what it was like to 605 00:28:09.420 --> 00:28:12.789 have to say, I'm going to be open about who 606 00:28:12.880 --> 00:28:16.009

I am and not try and hide that the way 607 00:28:16.170 --> 00:28:19.789 everyone in show business did, especially in comedy for like 608 00:28:19.789 --> 00:28:20.210 800 years. 609 00:28:20.250 --> 00:28:20.329 Yeah. 610 00:28:22.119 --> 00:28:23.000 Yeah. 611 00:28:23.019 --> 00:28:26.670 I mean, for me, I remember when I graduated Northwestern 612 00:28:27.410 --> 00:28:32.569 in 2000, and I grew up with very liberal, gay-friendly 613 00:28:32.630 --> 00:28:35.180 parents in New York City. Like I said, went to 614 00:28:35.200 --> 00:28:38.119 see a ton of Broadway shows and off-Broadway and We 615 00:28:38.160 --> 00:28:39.809 would see I would go with my parents to see 616 00:28:39.829 --> 00:28:42.869 like plays about gay men and from a young age. 617 00:28:42.910 --> 00:28:46.410 And so I it was in very rarefied territory when 618 00:28:46.450 --> 00:28:48.670 it came to all of that. But I so they 619 00:28:48.710 --> 00:28:52.240 kind of didn't set me up for a world which 620 00:28:52.339 --> 00:28:55.599 was more and an industry, quite frankly, which was more 621 00:28:55.640 --> 00:28:56.839 homophobic than my. 622 00:28:56.779 --> 00:29:01.009 Childhood had been. Yeah. Weirdly. You felt almost like. I 623 00:29:01.029 --> 00:29:01.849 was like, it's not a big deal. 624 00:29:01.910 --> 00:29:02.190 I'm gay. 625 00:29:02.230 --> 00:29:02.690 Who cares? 626 00:29:02.930 --> 00:29:03.049 Yeah. 627 00:29:03.109 --> 00:29:04.869 Because you grew up in a little bit of maybe 628 00:29:04.910 --> 00:29:06.910 a bubble where you thought this is kind of normal. 629 00:29:06.950 --> 00:29:08.990 Yeah, this is normal. Like gay people were cool to me. 630 00:29:09.069 --> 00:29:11.250 I was like, you know, I was a huge Madonna 631 00:29:11.269 --> 00:29:13.140 fan when I was a kid. She was surrounded by 632 00:29:13.180 --> 00:29:15.480 gay guys. I thought she was cool and they were cool. 633 00:29:15.519 --> 00:29:17.599 My parents thought it was cool. I just didn't have 634 00:29:17.640 --> 00:29:20.740 an issue with it until later when I was like 635 00:29:20.779 --> 00:29:23.779 in my mid 20s and had like managers say to me, 636 00:29:24.220 --> 00:29:26.400 you know, can you make your show a little less gay? 637 00:29:27.170 --> 00:29:30.650 Wow. Yeah. And so, but I was always very rebellious. 638 00:29:30.670 --> 00:29:34.559 I've been given that note many times. By the Jonas Brothers. 639 00:29:34.579 --> 00:29:35.519 I refuse to take it. 640 00:29:35.819 --> 00:29:39.230 I know we're having gay sex right now, but it's 641 00:29:39.309 --> 00:29:39.970 still a little too gay. 642 00:29:40.009 --> 00:29:43.470 For us. Even when I have gay sex, people tell me, 643 00:29:43.589 --> 00:29:44.509 tone it down. 644 00:29:44.269 --> 00:29:45.589 On the gay. 645 00:29:45.690 --> 00:29:46.950 It's really hurtful. 646 00:29:47.390 --> 00:29:47.670 Yeah. 647 00:29:47.930 --> 00:29:51.599 Anyway, so... That's fascinating to me that you are talking 648

00:29:51.660 --> 00:29:54.500 about recent history when a manager is telling you make 649 00:29:54.539 --> 00:29:58.730 it less gay. That was 2006. Yeah. Yeah. And so... Yeah, 650 00:29:58.769 --> 00:30:00.390 I mean, you know, you. 651 00:29:59.950 --> 00:30:03.079 Can't place the blame on any one person. The industry 652 00:30:03.180 --> 00:30:06.319 was the way it was, still is in some regards. 653 00:30:06.460 --> 00:30:09.329 But look, there hasn't been a huge gay male presence 654 00:30:09.890 --> 00:30:14.160 on SNL. or The Daily Show, or any of the, 655 00:30:14.259 --> 00:30:16.839 or on Comedy Central in general, it has just started 656 00:30:16.880 --> 00:30:19.200 to change in literally like the last two years. 657 00:30:20.470 --> 00:30:20.670 Right. 658 00:30:20.690 --> 00:30:21.859 And, but you know, I started in 2000. 659 00:30:21.849 --> 00:30:21.970 So. 660 00:30:22.049 --> 00:30:22.410 Right. 661 00:30:22.789 --> 00:30:25.829 Yeah, it was a bit of a journey. I mean, 662 00:30:25.849 --> 00:30:29.269 I was very lucky. I basically carved out my own world. 663 00:30:29.390 --> 00:30:32.319 And what really saved me and allowed me to have 664 00:30:32.339 --> 00:30:35.480 a quote unquote mainstream career was the internet. 665 00:30:35.849 --> 00:30:36.089 Right. 666 00:30:36.369 --> 00:30:38.859 Because when the Billy on the Street videos prior to 667 00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:41.660 the TV show started to go viral, I could show 668 00:30:41.720 --> 00:30:45.160 these numbers to agents or people and say, hey, you 669 00:30:45.259 --> 00:30:49.019 think that this is for a limited audience, but I 670 00:30:49.039 --> 00:30:49.779 got a million. 671 00:30:49.559 --> 00:30:51.440 Views in a day and they're not all gay guys 672 00:30:51.500 --> 00:30:53.900 in Manhattan. You came along at a great time for 673 00:30:53.940 --> 00:30:56.269 you where you could make this thing. Yeah. You could 674 00:30:56.769 --> 00:30:59.930 completely control it yourself. And then people had to come 675 00:30:59.990 --> 00:31:02.910 to you and they had to say, okay, you win. 676 00:31:03.259 --> 00:31:03.440 Yeah. 677 00:31:03.599 --> 00:31:05.720 We saw that you got a million, you went, you're 678 00:31:05.759 --> 00:31:08.900 going viral left and right. It's really funny. You're getting 679 00:31:09.059 --> 00:31:12.410 huge celebrities to do it. And you created this. 680 00:31:12.529 --> 00:31:12.750 Yeah. 681 00:31:13.410 --> 00:31:13.569 Yeah. 682 00:31:14.700 --> 00:31:16.539 And the industry still has a long way to go. 683 00:31:16.559 --> 00:31:19.660 What I've been doing the last six months, my focus 684 00:31:19.680 --> 00:31:23.890 has been writing this rom-com for Universal, which I've been 685 00:31:23.930 --> 00:31:26.470 co-writing it with Nick Stoller. And Judd Apatow is going 686 00:31:26.490 --> 00:31:28.339 to produce it. And Nick is going to direct it. 687 00:31:28.369 --> 00:31:31.549 And I'm going to star in it. And I knew 688 00:31:31.569 --> 00:31:33.910 we announced it a few months ago. And people got 689 00:31:33.950 --> 00:31:36.569 very excited. And that was very lovely. And it was 690 00:31:36.630 --> 00:31:38.769 nice to see people get so excited because it's a 691 00:31:38.809 --> 00:31:42.990 gay rom-com. And it will be the first gay, if 692 00:31:43.049 --> 00:31:45.410 it's made, knock on wood, it will be the first 693 00:31:45.470 --> 00:31:48.930 gay rom-com ever produced by a major studio. And that 694 00:31:49.089 --> 00:31:53.349 I knew before the announcement. What I didn't realize, which 695 00:31:53.410 --> 00:31:56.779 like the blogs and stuff announced, which I don't even know, 696 00:31:56.940 --> 00:31:59.319 is that if and when the movie gets made, I 697 00:31:59.359 --> 00:32:05.940 will be the first openly LGBT actor to write and 698 00:32:06.079 --> 00:32:10.250 star in their own studio movie of any genre. 699 00:32:10.670 --> 00:32:13.170 Wow. Ever. That's amazing. In the history of Hollywood. And 700 00:32:13.190 --> 00:32:15.529 I'm not saying that to like pat myself on the back. No. 701 00:32:15.799 --> 00:32:19.240 But it's exciting and I'm very grateful. It's a little shocking. 702 00:32:19.259 --> 00:32:22.700 It's crazy. Yeah. Crazy. So, you know, that just goes 703 00:32:22.740 --> 00:32:26.619 to show you. What's it like with your family? I mean, 704 00:32:26.640 --> 00:32:29.000 they must be incredibly proud. I think so. 705 00:32:29.059 --> 00:32:29.359 Yeah. 706 00:32:29.460 --> 00:32:32.740 Though they're great. I mean, you know, they're like very supportive, 707 00:32:32.819 --> 00:32:33.829 very excited. 708 00:32:33.849 --> 00:32:37.910 Yeah. They went– I'm sure like for years they thought 709 00:32:37.950 --> 00:32:41.339 that I was insane and delusional when nothing was happening 710 00:32:41.819 --> 00:32:43.980 and then immediately got excited. 711 00:32:44.160 --> 00:32:47.839 I think that parents are thrilled the minute you're paying 712 00:32:47.859 --> 00:32:49.940 your own rent. Like I really do. 713 00:32:50.059 --> 00:32:50.240 Yeah. 714 00:32:50.339 --> 00:32:54.200 I really think that my parents, when I told them 715 00:32:54.220 --> 00:32:57.119 when I was graduating from a really good college that 716 00:32:57.140 --> 00:32:59.569 I wanted to go into comedy, I think they were 717 00:32:59.589 --> 00:33:03.210 pretty stunned. And then– The second I was paying my 718 00:33:03.250 --> 00:33:05.799 own rent, they said, this is the greatest decision you've 719 00:33:05.839 --> 00:33:06.859 ever made in your life. 720 00:33:07.000 --> 00:33:07.140 Right. 721 00:33:07.180 --> 00:33:08.559 They're super proud. Yeah. 722 00:33:08.660 --> 00:33:10.869 I was saying before, actually, you walked into the room, 723 00:33:10.890 --> 00:33:13.609 we were chatting. One of your producers, I forget his name. 724 00:33:13.789 --> 00:33:16.849 What is it? Adam. That's Adam in the corner. He 725 00:33:16.910 --> 00:33:18.309 says

he's a producer. He's a fan. 726 00:33:18.470 --> 00:33:18.750 Yeah. 727 00:33:18.809 --> 00:33:20.769 What's he going to do? Produce a podcast? Was he 728 00:33:20.809 --> 00:33:22.750 hand over the headphones? Exactly. What is there to do? 729 00:33:22.769 --> 00:33:24.670 What does he do? He wipes them down with Purell. 730 00:33:24.690 --> 00:33:26.890 He's sitting in the corner. He's taking notes with a pen. 731 00:33:27.089 --> 00:33:27.349 Yeah. 732 00:33:27.529 --> 00:33:29.029 He tells me we're making a lot of money on 733 00:33:29.049 --> 00:33:31.769 this thing. I've never seen a dime. Yeah, exactly. It's 734 00:33:31.789 --> 00:33:34.450 very suspicious. He drives a Bentley, by the way. You 735 00:33:34.769 --> 00:33:35.089 know what? 736 00:33:35.150 --> 00:33:37.039 Those crazy kids these days. 737 00:33:37.380 --> 00:33:41.380 And his vanity plate is pod for cash. 738 00:33:41.400 --> 00:33:42.099 Yeah. 739 00:33:43.059 --> 00:33:48.049 He's really exploiting this industry. He is. He's a bad guy. Yeah. 740 00:33:48.069 --> 00:33:48.710 He's a whore. 741 00:33:48.750 --> 00:33:52.200 He's a podcast whore. Podcast whore. He's pimping you out. 742 00:33:52.319 --> 00:33:55.160 He's pimping me out. Again, I have mouths to feed 743 00:33:55.200 --> 00:33:55.599 at home. 744 00:33:55.619 --> 00:33:59.150 That's right. And they're not, let's say, it's been a 745 00:33:59.170 --> 00:34:01.779 tough month. Yeah. You have your wife. You have how 746 00:34:01.799 --> 00:34:03.960 many kids? I have a wife and I have two children. 747 00:34:03.980 --> 00:34:06.220 And three Jonas brothers. And I have three Jonas brothers 748 00:34:06.279 --> 00:34:09.420 in my bed. In your bed. And this guy won't 749 00:34:10.340 --> 00:34:13.050 cough up the cash. He keeps saying, oh, your share. 750 00:34:13.070 --> 00:34:15.670 I mean, how much really, you don't get a big 751 00:34:15.750 --> 00:34:18.309 share on the Conan podcast. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Just do 752 00:34:18.329 --> 00:34:20.610 a couple more episodes. Just a few more to get 753 00:34:20.650 --> 00:34:23.110 us through. We'll get Jim Carrey in here. 754 00:34:23.170 --> 00:34:23.349 Yeah. 755 00:34:23.369 --> 00:34:26.369 Who else? We just got Pat Sajak's brother. Yeah. Suzanne 756 00:34:26.409 --> 00:34:27.530 Somers coming in. 757 00:34:27.650 --> 00:34:28.070 Yeah. 758 00:34:28.210 --> 00:34:29.909 We got a lot of good names coming in. Just 759 00:34:29.929 --> 00:34:33.179 keep the cash coming, baby. Exactly. I don't know. He's 760 00:34:33.199 --> 00:34:35.239 a bad guy. I want to make like an American 761 00:34:35.300 --> 00:34:39.679 Hustle movie, but about podcasting. Yeah. It would love to 762 00:34:39.719 --> 00:34:43.980 make podcasts look like... You know the way they always 763 00:34:44.039 --> 00:34:48.559 make drug dealers? Yeah. And they have... They have like 764 00:34:49.429 --> 00:34:52.349 an entire warehouse that's filled with, you know, naked women 765 00:34:52.829 --> 00:34:55.309 stuffing cocaine into bags. They always make it really sexy. 766 00:34:55.329 --> 00:34:57.969 They should do that about podcasts. That would be good. 767 00:34:58.159 --> 00:35:00.019 And then there's the guy who comes in and breaks 768 00:35:00.059 --> 00:35:02.059 my jaw because I didn't make enough money. 769 00:35:02.079 --> 00:35:05.400 And you're like, you're recording a podcast and like, fucking 770 00:35:05.480 --> 00:35:08.059 someone at the same time yeah it's just real there's 771 00:35:08.079 --> 00:35:11.739 like drugs and money everywhere on this podcasting table. 772 00:35:11.360 --> 00:35:16.119 Yeah there's drugs and I'm screwing somebody but I'm also. 773 00:35:15.559 --> 00:35:18.960 Doing the podcast yeah and then I'm like bring me 774 00:35:19.039 --> 00:35:21.679 another guest yeah and then like I don't know who 775 00:35:21.739 --> 00:35:25.159 like I don't know who like Wayne Brady comes in 776 00:35:25.320 --> 00:35:28.980 yeah and you're snorting coke off the Jonas Brothers tits 777 00:35:29.019 --> 00:35:31.360 yeah and just everyone's. 778 00:35:30.900 --> 00:35:34.639 Just fucking sick yeah It's just fucking sick. And it's like, 779 00:35:34.699 --> 00:35:38.530 you thought you knew podcasts. Yeah. You know? It's called 780 00:35:38.550 --> 00:35:40.230 American Podcast. 781 00:35:40.269 --> 00:35:40.730 Yeah. 782 00:35:41.230 --> 00:35:45.110 And it's just podcast. Yeah. Oh, and it just rips the, 783 00:35:45.849 --> 00:35:48.710 just lifts the rock up and you see the squirming 784 00:35:48.730 --> 00:35:50.849 worms underneath. Yeah, the bitter underbelly. 785 00:35:51.010 --> 00:35:51.429 Sweet. 786 00:35:51.750 --> 00:35:53.769 I love this movie. Let's make this movie. It's actually 787 00:35:53.789 --> 00:35:55.679 a really funny idea. It's a really funny movie. Let's 788 00:35:55.760 --> 00:35:58.309 make it and let's put our own money into it. 789 00:35:58.460 --> 00:35:58.719 Great. 790 00:35:58.820 --> 00:36:00.940 Adam will produce it. Adam will produce it. Bringing his 791 00:36:00.960 --> 00:36:03.840 producing expertise. And then just as we're done shooting, he 792 00:36:03.860 --> 00:36:09.639 disappears with the dailies. Where'd he go? Owned his private island, Podcastia. 793 00:36:09.659 --> 00:36:13.329 It's off the isle of Crete. What a creep that 794 00:36:13.530 --> 00:36:16.429 Adam Sachs is, I don't know. Adam Sachs. Yeah, let's 795 00:36:16.449 --> 00:36:20.590 get that name out there. Him and Meryl Streep, equally bad. 796 00:36:20.650 --> 00:36:25.320 My two dream guests. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway, let's get back to, 797 00:36:25.550 --> 00:36:27.780 it's a great idea, and I will rip it off. 798 00:36:28.519 --> 00:36:30.480 Is it my imagination, or are you getting a lot, 799 00:36:31.000 --> 00:36:33.199 you have always been a good looking guy, but I 800 00:36:33.280 --> 00:36:35.260 saw you for the first time in a while at 801 00:36:35.300 --> 00:36:37.739 this event recently,

and I was like, thicc. You've had, 802 00:36:37.900 --> 00:36:41.199 I mean, you look fantastic. You're like, you're jacked. You're jacked. 803 00:36:41.219 --> 00:36:44.219 I've gotten head to toe plastic surgery. 804 00:36:44.400 --> 00:36:44.659 Is that it? 805 00:36:44.659 --> 00:36:47.590 Everything has been changed. You look great. And altered. You 806 00:36:47.630 --> 00:36:50.769 look great. Yes, I haven't. But thank you very much. Yeah, 807 00:36:50.849 --> 00:36:51.170 it's easy. 808 00:36:51.409 --> 00:36:52.789 This actually ties into what I was going to say. 809 00:36:52.869 --> 00:36:55.269 Why I brought Adam up is because Adam went to Northwestern, 810 00:36:55.489 --> 00:36:56.010 as did I. 811 00:36:56.429 --> 00:37:00.429 A great school. Which Adam now? I don't know. Adam, 812 00:37:01.949 --> 00:37:03.820 what is his last name? Oh, that Adam. Adam, yeah. 813 00:37:03.880 --> 00:37:06.980 We're still on that Adam? Yeah, I brought his name up. Okay, 814 00:37:07.019 --> 00:37:09.239 Adam Sachs, the guy who's ripping me off. Yeah, exactly. 815 00:37:09.260 --> 00:37:11.699 The guy who claims that the podcast isn't making any 816 00:37:11.760 --> 00:37:14.400 money when it's like number one, hello. He's like the 817 00:37:14.460 --> 00:37:16.019 Lou Pearlman of podcasts. 818 00:37:16.059 --> 00:37:16.480 He is. 819 00:37:16.900 --> 00:37:17.440 It's crazy. 820 00:37:17.460 --> 00:37:19.730 A boy band guy who I think is in jail, right? 821 00:37:19.809 --> 00:37:21.690 Or is he dead or dead and in jail? 822 00:37:21.730 --> 00:37:22.489 Who even knows? 823 00:37:22.590 --> 00:37:24.769 It's the same thing. He's with the ghost of Merle Haggard. 824 00:37:24.789 --> 00:37:26.659 He told me we're making no money. 825 00:37:26.820 --> 00:37:28.900 And then the other day I stopped by his house 826 00:37:29.019 --> 00:37:32.780 and he has four Arabian horses. Yeah. And meanwhile, you're 827 00:37:32.800 --> 00:37:36.570 in here just totally nude. Totally nude. Fucking all of 828 00:37:36.650 --> 00:37:41.489 Pod Save America. Exactly. Exactly. Coked up out of my mind. Oh, God. 829 00:37:41.510 --> 00:37:45.630 You're on opium. I've got clamps on my nipples. I'm 830 00:37:45.929 --> 00:37:50.260 doing poppers. I'm doing amyl nitrate. It's disgusting what's happening 831 00:37:50.300 --> 00:37:52.340 in here. Well, anyway. All right. 832 00:37:52.400 --> 00:37:55.059 I brought up Adam because we both went to Northwestern. 833 00:37:55.300 --> 00:37:57.880 And this is a true story. And I love Northwestern. 834 00:37:57.900 --> 00:38:00.199 And it really was worth every penny. But I had 835 00:38:00.260 --> 00:38:03.389 to get... My own frigging TV show before I paid 836 00:38:03.449 --> 00:38:06.250 off all my student loans. Wow, that's pretty crazy. Like 837 00:38:06.289 --> 00:38:08.110 that's kind of fucked up. That should not be the 838 00:38:08.130 --> 00:38:09.809 way that it is. I don't know why I brought 839 00:38:09.849 --> 00:38:12.599 that up. Because we have come a long way from 840 00:38:12.639 --> 00:38:13.320 wherever we started. 841 00:38:13.360 --> 00:38:17.309 Well, because, no, because we are saddling young people with 842 00:38:17.329 --> 00:38:19.590 an incredible amount of debt. Right. And then the only 843 00:38:19.630 --> 00:38:23.489 way they can make up the debt, pay it off, 844 00:38:23.869 --> 00:38:26.269 is to get a camera and physically assault people on 845 00:38:26.289 --> 00:38:28.750 the street. Exactly. And then put it on. That's my plan, 846 00:38:28.789 --> 00:38:34.940 Elizabeth Warren. Yeah. God, I forget what we were talking about. Well, 847 00:38:34.960 --> 00:38:37.320 you came here to really push Elizabeth Warren, I think. 848 00:38:37.340 --> 00:38:39.840 I did. That's why I'm here. I want a Warren 849 00:38:40.019 --> 00:38:44.159 Trump ticket. You should go. You know what would be fantastic? 850 00:38:44.199 --> 00:38:45.320 And I'm not even kidding. 851 00:38:45.340 --> 00:38:45.619 Yeah. 852 00:38:46.320 --> 00:38:48.929 You know the Republicans have, they don't have any celebrities. Yeah, 853 00:38:48.949 --> 00:38:50.750 that's true. They never have any good celebrities. They have 854 00:38:50.769 --> 00:38:53.250 like Chuck Norris. Right. And John Voight. And look, I'll 855 00:38:53.289 --> 00:38:55.650 tip my cap to both of them. I'm tipping an 856 00:38:55.690 --> 00:38:56.489 imaginary cap. 857 00:38:56.510 --> 00:38:56.730 Sure. 858 00:38:56.789 --> 00:39:02.079 They're fine gentlemen, but the Republicans never have great celebrity lineup. 859 00:39:02.500 --> 00:39:06.639 I think you should say- Trump, I'm Trump, Billy Eichner, 860 00:39:06.760 --> 00:39:09.679 and just really double down on it. Yeah, really lean 861 00:39:09.699 --> 00:39:11.039 into it. You would get invited to the White House. 862 00:39:11.380 --> 00:39:11.619 Yeah. 863 00:39:11.659 --> 00:39:13.860 They would be thrilled to have you. That's true. Just 864 00:39:13.900 --> 00:39:15.699 think about it, and yeah, you'll take a little bit 865 00:39:15.760 --> 00:39:19.929 of heat in the community. What, on Twitter? Who cares? Exactly. 866 00:39:20.070 --> 00:39:22.369 Does it even exist, Twitter, anymore? I mean, what's going on? 867 00:39:25.010 --> 00:39:25.690 Hold on a second. 868 00:39:25.710 --> 00:39:27.690 You had something you wanted to say. Oh, you complimented 869 00:39:27.730 --> 00:39:30.570 my looks, and what I was going to say is, Oh. Yeah, 870 00:39:30.650 --> 00:39:32.679 I was bringing it back to that. I see what 871 00:39:32.699 --> 00:39:34.639 you just did. But what I was going to say 872 00:39:34.760 --> 00:39:38.440 is that, yeah, it's ways. You know, you have people 873 00:39:38.500 --> 00:39:41.059 on TV and, you know. 874 00:39:41.079 --> 00:39:42.860 They put images of themselves on social media and all 875 00:39:42.880 --> 00:39:44.480 of a sudden they're looking better. And it's like, yeah, 876 00:39:44.519 --> 00:39:47.300

because you made money. Yeah. And, like, money makes you... 877 00:39:47.980 --> 00:39:50.789 Makes it easier to look better. You can afford slightly 878 00:39:51.090 --> 00:39:53.889 nicer clothes that fit. Yeah, you have a trainer. You 879 00:39:53.929 --> 00:39:58.400 can eat better. Someone's suggesting clothes for you. You know. 880 00:39:58.420 --> 00:40:03.400 I always get mad when someone is in an action movie... 881 00:40:03.489 --> 00:40:05.789 And they're being paid millions of dollars. And for the 882 00:40:05.829 --> 00:40:09.039 next six months, they're literally getting paid to every day 883 00:40:09.219 --> 00:40:11.539 work out with a trainer. And there's a chef that 884 00:40:11.579 --> 00:40:13.920 lives in their house. And they're all on steroids. Yeah. 885 00:40:14.000 --> 00:40:16.360 And then they get this ripped body and they go 886 00:40:16.519 --> 00:40:19.639 online and I'm supposed to compete with that? 887 00:40:19.760 --> 00:40:20.050 Right. 888 00:40:20.139 --> 00:40:22.710 I mean- I mean, I'm asked as a question, am 889 00:40:22.829 --> 00:40:25.349 I supposed to compete with that? I don't know. What 890 00:40:25.389 --> 00:40:28.489 does Kevin Jonas say about your body? Well, they're not fans. 891 00:40:28.610 --> 00:40:32.250 That's okay. I have no- Doing you a favor. No washboard. 892 00:40:32.550 --> 00:40:34.860 You know what I did? I drew a solar plexus. 893 00:40:35.030 --> 00:40:38.840 I drew abs on my body and they ran in 894 00:40:38.880 --> 00:40:43.360 the shower. Let's change the subject. You are voicing a 895 00:40:43.420 --> 00:40:47.260 major role, Timon. Yes. In the Lion King. Speaking of 896 00:40:47.300 --> 00:40:49.679 fucking Kevin James. What did you just say? 897 00:40:51.179 --> 00:40:51.840 Timon? 898 00:40:51.900 --> 00:40:54.079 I call him Timon. I call him Timon. That's the 899 00:40:54.179 --> 00:40:56.219 actual way you're supposed to pronounce it. It's Timon. 900 00:40:56.800 --> 00:40:57.280 It's Timon. 901 00:40:57.340 --> 00:40:57.739 Timon. 902 00:40:58.019 --> 00:40:58.199 Yeah. 903 00:40:58.219 --> 00:40:59.780 Yeah. But I say Timon. 904 00:41:00.719 --> 00:41:01.019 Okay. 905 00:41:01.059 --> 00:41:03.739 Well, that's probably offensive. No, no. I don't even know why, 906 00:41:03.760 --> 00:41:04.699 but I'm just going to say that it is. It's 907 00:41:04.719 --> 00:41:06.699 not offensive. What I've said, what I've found is that 908 00:41:06.739 --> 00:41:09.199 if you choose a slightly different pronunciation of a name 909 00:41:09.239 --> 00:41:11.360 and commit to it, you freak out everyone around you 910 00:41:11.409 --> 00:41:14.570 into thinking they got it wrong. So it's like if 911 00:41:14.630 --> 00:41:18.010 I said Conan, just you put a little something there. 912 00:41:18.030 --> 00:41:19.869 I'm very uncomfortable with that accent. 913 00:41:19.909 --> 00:41:20.230 Yeah. 914 00:41:20.389 --> 00:41:21.469 Deeply uncomfortable. 915 00:41:21.510 --> 00:41:21.849 Conan. 916 00:41:22.309 --> 00:41:26.449 Conan. Conan. Is it? Eastern European? I'm not saying what 917 00:41:26.489 --> 00:41:28.690 it is. I'm just doing a little bit of an accent. 918 00:41:29.050 --> 00:41:34.090 And you know what? I think it's region neutral. I see. 919 00:41:34.340 --> 00:41:36.159 I think it is pan-regional. So Meryl Streep's been telling 920 00:41:36.179 --> 00:41:37.820 herself about her accents all these years. 921 00:41:37.880 --> 00:41:39.800 I'm like, God, you have it in for her. Yeah, 922 00:41:39.920 --> 00:41:42.619 I do. But anyway, you're playing. 923 00:41:42.639 --> 00:41:47.159 Yes, I am Timon in Disney's Reimagine the Lion King. 924 00:41:47.190 --> 00:41:49.190 You just came up with another pronunciation. No, it's Timon. 925 00:41:49.510 --> 00:41:52.670 Timon and Pumbaa. Timon. I'm not going to say it 926 00:41:52.730 --> 00:41:54.670 that way. Pumbaa. Pumba? 927 00:41:54.829 --> 00:41:55.210 Pumba. 928 00:41:55.250 --> 00:41:58.469 Timon. Timon. You're playing Timon and the Lion King. This 929 00:41:58.510 --> 00:42:00.489 is a big deal. It's a big movie, yeah. 930 00:42:00.530 --> 00:42:03.619 Beyonce's in it, and Donald Glover's in it, and me 931 00:42:03.679 --> 00:42:06.280 and Seth Rogen are Timon and Pumba, and we sing 932 00:42:06.300 --> 00:42:11.880 Hakuna Matata, and Can You Feel the Love Tonight, and 933 00:42:11.920 --> 00:42:14.349 The Lion Sleeps Tonight, and lots of other fun things. 934 00:42:14.449 --> 00:42:17.170 Doesn't that, I have, I don't have a lot of 935 00:42:17.190 --> 00:42:19.389 these moments, but when I do have these moments where 936 00:42:19.409 --> 00:42:22.070 I'm getting to do something that's really cool that I 937 00:42:22.090 --> 00:42:24.469 would have dreamed about when I was a kid, I've 938 00:42:24.590 --> 00:42:28.570 gotten better at appreciating it. Are you good at appreciating it? 939 00:42:29.019 --> 00:42:34.579 Like stepping outside yourself and saying this is amazing. In general, yes. 940 00:42:35.840 --> 00:42:39.000 You know, sometimes you wait for people's reactions. You know, 941 00:42:39.059 --> 00:42:41.050 I haven't seen the movie yet. I saw a rough 942 00:42:41.110 --> 00:42:43.070 cut of it back in October, but I haven't seen 943 00:42:43.110 --> 00:42:47.289 the final product. So, you know, you're excited. I'm always 944 00:42:47.349 --> 00:42:50.929 excited and nervous at the same time. You know, you 945 00:42:50.969 --> 00:42:52.630 want it to be good. You want people to like it. 946 00:42:53.599 --> 00:42:55.679 You know, it's the Lion King. I actually, speaking of 947 00:42:55.820 --> 00:42:59.059 loving Broadway as a kid, I grew up loving Nathan Lane, 948 00:42:59.460 --> 00:43:02.389 who did the voice of Timon in the original. And so, 949 00:43:03.030 --> 00:43:05.190 you know, I'm walking in his footsteps, which is basically 950 00:43:05.230 --> 00:43:09.130 impossible to do. But, you know, I want people to 951 00:43:09.170 -->

00:43:11.750 like it. I do think it will be a very 952 00:43:11.849 --> 00:43:15.210 unique and like spectacular looking movie. 953 00:43:15.690 --> 00:43:16.739 Yeah, it's exciting. 954 00:43:17.110 --> 00:43:17.300 Yeah. 955 00:43:17.820 --> 00:43:20.909 It's very exciting. I'm gonna be so fucking rich when 956 00:43:20.949 --> 00:43:23.610 this movie comes out. I can't even fucking tell you. 957 00:43:25.170 --> 00:43:27.889 You're out for revenge, aren't you? Yeah. You're out for 958 00:43:27.909 --> 00:43:29.550 revenge against the people. After this, all. 959 00:43:29.429 --> 00:43:31.849 My enemies, that manager who told me I was too gay, 960 00:43:31.869 --> 00:43:33.929 watch your fucking face, bitch. 961 00:43:34.130 --> 00:43:34.409 Yeah. 962 00:43:34.719 --> 00:43:36.780 Okay? Because I've got Lion King money now and I 963 00:43:36.820 --> 00:43:39.519 will use it. All the people that stood in your way, 964 00:43:39.539 --> 00:43:41.639 because you had to make it yourself. That's right. You 965 00:43:41.659 --> 00:43:44.380 had to make it yourself with no help. Right. So 966 00:43:44.800 --> 00:43:48.139 once this Lion King thing comes out, I think it's 967 00:43:48.300 --> 00:43:49.519 revenge time. It's payback time. That's right. 968 00:43:49.579 --> 00:43:54.030 That's going to be in our podcast movie, an American podcast. 969 00:43:54.610 --> 00:43:57.590 The prequel to that is just me taking all the 970 00:43:57.690 --> 00:44:01.489 money that I make from Lion King and just Fucking 971 00:44:01.570 --> 00:44:03.690 destroying people who got in my way. 972 00:44:03.989 --> 00:44:06.909 Right. Yeah. That's what the Lion King's all about. It is. Yeah. 973 00:44:07.070 --> 00:44:09.719 It really is. Circle of life. Yeah. You stand in 974 00:44:09.760 --> 00:44:11.300 my way, I'll fucking kill you. 975 00:44:11.469 --> 00:44:11.889 I'll kill you. 976 00:44:11.909 --> 00:44:15.360 I don't care who you are. Lion, human, get the 977 00:44:15.500 --> 00:44:18.539 fuck out of here. All right? It's a beautiful story 978 00:44:18.579 --> 00:44:18.840 for kids. 979 00:44:18.860 --> 00:44:20.719 You're going to tell me a gay man can't make 980 00:44:20.760 --> 00:44:23.679 it in comedy? I'll fucking kill you right now. I'm 981 00:44:24.199 --> 00:44:26.340 going to go back in time. Everyone who got in 982 00:44:26.380 --> 00:44:29.130 my way, I'm taking this Lion King money. I'm just 983 00:44:29.170 --> 00:44:31.750 going to use it to just make your life a 984 00:44:31.929 --> 00:44:34.789 living hell. That's a great way to look at show business. 985 00:44:34.829 --> 00:44:37.309 Yeah. It's a very healthy way. I would take the 986 00:44:37.349 --> 00:44:41.170 podcast money, except Adam Sachs has it all. I don't 987 00:44:41.210 --> 00:44:43.159 have any of it. He hasn't given me any of it. 988 00:44:43.170 --> 00:44:45.090 He's over in the corner there. I'll take my. 989 00:44:45.010 --> 00:44:47.780 Lion King money. I will destroy Adam Sachs. He won't 990 00:44:47.820 --> 00:44:50.110 ever work on a podcast again. He's wearing a solid 991 00:44:50.139 --> 00:44:50.559 gold hat. 992 00:44:51.699 --> 00:44:56.039 Gucci thong right now underneath his pants disgusting who would 993 00:44:56.059 --> 00:44:58.380 even want a gold thong going up your butt it's 994 00:44:58.420 --> 00:45:01.019 ridiculous I would but after that yeah well I'd like 995 00:45:01.039 --> 00:45:02.760 to try it for a while for a weekend for 996 00:45:02.780 --> 00:45:04.710 like a couple of days no but he is just 997 00:45:04.849 --> 00:45:09.170 I mean he's back there wearing this giant ridiculous mink 998 00:45:09.349 --> 00:45:12.829 pimp hat yeah he's just making out like a bandit 999 00:45:12.909 --> 00:45:15.889 with this podcast so I would take revenge but I 1000 00:45:15.929 --> 00:45:16.800 don't have the cash to. 1001 00:45:16.760 --> 00:45:18.739 Do it right well I'm gonna use my Lion King 1002 00:45:18.800 --> 00:45:21.159 money and I'm gonna ruin Adam Sachs' life. 1003 00:45:21.559 --> 00:45:23.380 I don't know if anyone's ever said, I'm going to 1004 00:45:23.440 --> 00:45:27.949 take my Lion King money and fuck everyone over. That's 1005 00:45:27.989 --> 00:45:30.110 what I'm going to do. Who screwed with me. Thank you, 1006 00:45:30.170 --> 00:45:33.130 Bob Iger. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. What a gift. 1007 00:45:33.789 --> 00:45:34.449 Oh, man. 1008 00:45:34.929 --> 00:45:37.909 You're a good guy. Thanks. You get it. You're the 1009 00:45:37.949 --> 00:45:39.429 first person I've talked to. I've done a bunch of 1010 00:45:39.449 --> 00:45:42.469 these podcasts. I think you really understand what show business 1011 00:45:42.489 --> 00:45:46.210 is about, which is we had pain early on. Then 1012 00:45:46.250 --> 00:45:48.010 the minute we get a little money, we use it 1013 00:45:48.210 --> 00:45:51.989 to fuck everyone over. Absolutely. This podcast started with me 1014 00:45:52.130 --> 00:45:56.690 suppressing a burp. And here we are. We've gone downhill 1015 00:45:56.750 --> 00:45:59.329 from there. Or uphill. I don't know. It depends on 1016 00:45:59.369 --> 00:46:01.590 how you look at it. The burp, that may have 1017 00:46:01.610 --> 00:46:06.659 been the slight gurgle of deep-seated resentments. That's what it was, 1018 00:46:06.719 --> 00:46:10.989 the gurgle of revenge. Of revenge. Mm-hmm. This is a 1019 00:46:11.010 --> 00:46:14.289 beautiful interview. We really got to the heart of the 1020 00:46:14.329 --> 00:46:18.070 gay experience in comedy. Maybe we did. Maybe we did. 1021 00:46:18.090 --> 00:46:19.190 Who's to say we didn't? 1022 00:46:19.530 --> 00:46:19.849 Who's? 1023 00:46:19.949 --> 00:46:20.309 I don't know. 1024 00:46:21.710 --> 00:46:22.409 I am. 1025 00:46:23.750 --> 00:46:28.510 Well, that's another mouth sound. This has been an absolute delight. 1026 00:46:29.039 --> 00:46:32.059 I did promise you that you would talk about things 1027 00:46:32.099 --> 00:46:33.760

on this podcast you didn't think you'd talk about. I 1028 00:46:33.800 --> 00:46:34.400 really did. 1029 00:46:34.519 --> 00:46:34.719 Yeah. 1030 00:46:34.760 --> 00:46:36.920 And that's what this is all about. Right. That's what 1031 00:46:36.940 --> 00:46:39.739 this is about. We're not here to just. check off 1032 00:46:39.800 --> 00:46:41.980 little boxes that you've checked off before. Yeah. What are 1033 00:46:42.000 --> 00:46:44.239 you going to win? A podcast award? Exactly. There isn't, 1034 00:46:44.280 --> 00:46:45.860 you know what? There isn't even an award for podcasts. 1035 00:46:45.900 --> 00:46:49.119 There must be actually. There isn't. Nope. Looked into it. No? No. 1036 00:46:49.380 --> 00:46:55.050 Looked into it. Yeah. That's sad. The first thing I did. 1037 00:46:56.869 --> 00:46:58.510 We recorded one podcast. 1038 00:46:58.530 --> 00:47:00.590 Adam was like, we're getting a lot of listeners. You 1039 00:47:00.610 --> 00:47:02.610 were like, what's the outlook for the award? 1040 00:47:02.659 --> 00:47:05.199 What's the award? And then he had to explain to me. 1041 00:47:05.219 --> 00:47:06.699 I mean, it was hard to get him because he 1042 00:47:06.719 --> 00:47:08.820 was in the Caribbean at the time. Yeah, exactly. Apparently 1043 00:47:08.840 --> 00:47:11.260 he has a bank there that he likes to deposit 1044 00:47:11.300 --> 00:47:14.960 money into. But yeah, there's no awards in podcasts. There 1045 00:47:15.000 --> 00:47:18.159 will be. There must be. Oh, someday. We need more awards. 1046 00:47:18.179 --> 00:47:21.619 Something like that. Nope, that's for the internet. Wow. Yeah. 1047 00:47:21.900 --> 00:47:25.409 There's a podcasty, but it's not for podcasts, ironically. 1048 00:47:25.429 --> 00:47:25.760 Wow. 1049 00:47:26.039 --> 00:47:31.840 Interesting. It's for those pods you use to clean clothes. Oh. 1050 00:47:31.860 --> 00:47:35.670 I might be losing it. It's been a long day. 1051 00:47:35.690 --> 00:47:38.789 Is this over? Oh, it just ended about 40 minutes ago. 1052 00:47:38.789 --> 00:47:42.239 40 people just shook their head yes. This can't be used. 1053 00:47:42.300 --> 00:47:44.079 You can't put this on Spotify. 1054 00:47:44.219 --> 00:47:44.440 Oh, no, no. 1055 00:47:44.460 --> 00:47:47.000 This won't be on Spotify. It might be on Stitcher 1056 00:47:47.360 --> 00:47:49.760 or wherever podcasters sold, but I'll make sure this doesn't 1057 00:47:49.780 --> 00:47:52.889 get on Spotify. Okay, cool. It's been an honor talking 1058 00:47:52.909 --> 00:47:56.449 to you. Thank you, Conan. You're a really good person 1059 00:47:56.530 --> 00:47:59.570 and a talented person. You're very nice. And I have 1060 00:47:59.610 --> 00:48:02.440 a lot of respect for you, and I'm very happy 1061 00:48:02.460 --> 00:48:04.579 that good things are happening. Thank you. Are happening for you. 1062 00:48:04.590 --> 00:48:04.949 Thank you. 1063 00:48:04.989 --> 00:48:08.090 I appreciate all your support over the years now

that 1064 00:48:08.239 --> 00:48:09.610 we've been coming together. 1065 00:48:09.760 --> 00:48:11.920 Billy Eichner, you're a good man. Thank you, you too. 1066 00:48:11.940 --> 00:48:20.019 God bless. Bye. Let's get into what's bothering me right now. 1067 00:48:20.039 --> 00:48:20.260 Okay. 1068 00:48:20.679 --> 00:48:24.280 I was told I was downstairs. We record this podcast 1069 00:48:24.519 --> 00:48:26.780 at Warner Brothers, the studios where we make the show. 1070 00:48:26.820 --> 00:48:29.380 And I'm very busy making the show. So busy. And 1071 00:48:29.400 --> 00:48:32.389 they told me I had to hurry up because Gorley 1072 00:48:32.429 --> 00:48:36.190 has a hard out. Gorley has a hard out. I 1073 00:48:36.190 --> 00:48:37.969 had a feeling this would get back to you this way. 1074 00:48:37.989 --> 00:48:41.590 So I need to move my ass and get to 1075 00:48:41.610 --> 00:48:46.440 the podcast studio because Gorley has places to go and 1076 00:48:46.519 --> 00:48:51.539 things to do. That's absurd. I am Pavarotti. 1077 00:48:51.940 --> 00:48:52.480 Oh, boy. 1078 00:48:52.960 --> 00:48:57.809 And I'm being told, yeah, let's hurry it up there, chunks. 1079 00:48:58.960 --> 00:49:02.380 Because one of the guys over there holding the cable 1080 00:49:02.519 --> 00:49:06.860 has places to go and things to do. You were 1081 00:49:06.900 --> 00:49:11.130 speaking to a Pavarotti. Pagliacci is who I was speaking to. 1082 00:49:12.010 --> 00:49:12.750 Oh, God. 1083 00:49:13.909 --> 00:49:16.610 I can't believe you have a hard out. What do you, 1084 00:49:16.670 --> 00:49:20.829 I mean, can't you call ahead and ask? the watch 1085 00:49:20.909 --> 00:49:25.219 fob store to stay open an extra five minutes can't 1086 00:49:25.260 --> 00:49:28.900 you just wait a little bit to buy that Edison 1087 00:49:29.099 --> 00:49:32.659 phonograph that you've had your eye on that you want 1088 00:49:32.699 --> 00:49:35.159 to purchase so you can show your friends at the 1089 00:49:35.219 --> 00:49:39.139 coffee shop that you have the Edison phonograph. 1090 00:49:38.440 --> 00:49:40.940 I was so close to To leaving when I had 1091 00:49:41.000 --> 00:49:42.559 to leave, and I should have left. 1092 00:49:42.619 --> 00:49:44.579 You should have gone. You know what? What do you 1093 00:49:44.659 --> 00:49:46.539 have to do? I have a meeting, but listen. You 1094 00:49:46.559 --> 00:49:49.530 have a meeting about what? One of those podcasts where 1095 00:49:49.550 --> 00:49:52.590 you all improvise for nine hours? It's the Bibble Ibble 1096 00:49:52.610 --> 00:49:55.369 Gibble Show, starring Mr. Abble Dabble Dooble. 1097 00:49:55.610 --> 00:49:59.760 First of all, my improvised podcast is done in short beats. 1098 00:49:59.840 --> 00:50:01.400 The whole thing is 20 minutes long. 1099 00:50:01.420 --> 00:50:01.940 Really? 1100 00:50:01.980 --> 00:50:04.360 And it's beaten up into chunks, segments. 1101 00:50:04.380 --> 00:50:05.340 Wait, so what is that show? 1102

00:50:05.440 --> 00:50:05.900 Super Ego. 1103 00:50:06.599 --> 00:50:08.940 Oh, yeah, that's, I've heard a lot of, that's very good. Yeah, 1104 00:50:08.960 --> 00:50:10.840 I don't like the long- I've heard it's very good. 1105 00:50:10.860 --> 00:50:11.300 Guess what? 1106 00:50:11.380 --> 00:50:11.539 What? 1107 00:50:11.559 --> 00:50:14.320 The irony is, my ego is so great, I haven't 1108 00:50:14.340 --> 00:50:16.719 been able to check out Super Ego. Oh, I know that. 1109 00:50:17.400 --> 00:50:19.400 I have not. I've heard, and I'm going to be 1110 00:50:19.420 --> 00:50:21.860 honest with you, I've heard that you're, obviously, I've heard 1111 00:50:21.900 --> 00:50:24.139 you're a very talented fellow, and I've heard a lot 1112 00:50:24.159 --> 00:50:27.650 of great things about Super Ego. And every time, every 1113 00:50:27.769 --> 00:50:30.530 third time someone comes in this room who's done a 1114 00:50:30.730 --> 00:50:33.110 podcast or is aware of podcasts, they act like you're 1115 00:50:33.130 --> 00:50:35.730 the second coming. You're the best thing since sliced bread. 1116 00:50:36.070 --> 00:50:39.849 So look, I doff my imaginary cap to you. Oh, 1117 00:50:40.030 --> 00:50:45.309 come on. But for you to have the cojones to say, 1118 00:50:45.650 --> 00:50:48.429 tell Conan whatever he's doing down there. Never said that. 1119 00:50:48.750 --> 00:50:52.099 Whatever he's doing down there for television, let's speed it up. 1120 00:50:52.840 --> 00:50:56.920 Because I've got to get to my podcast where I 1121 00:50:56.980 --> 00:51:02.880 pretend to be a walrus. Hi, everybody. I'm Willie the walrus. 1122 00:51:03.679 --> 00:51:07.639 And we're going to improvise. Give me an occupation and 1123 00:51:07.679 --> 00:51:13.829 a color. What's that? Gynecologist and orange. Here we go. Oh, 1124 00:51:14.329 --> 00:51:18.730 my God. Oh, wow. I don't even know what to say. 1125 00:51:18.750 --> 00:51:21.829 Of course you don't. You're in the presence of... Of 1126 00:51:21.869 --> 00:51:24.429 a divine light. Oh my God. What do you say? 1127 00:51:24.449 --> 00:51:27.530 What do you say in that moment? You came in charged. 1128 00:51:27.690 --> 00:51:30.010 You just let it bathe over you. 1129 00:51:30.050 --> 00:51:32.219 That's all you do, man. I think that's the way 1130 00:51:32.239 --> 00:51:33.760 to go. I think I'm going to let it bathe 1131 00:51:33.840 --> 00:51:34.159 over me. 1132 00:51:34.239 --> 00:51:36.780 So you've got, no, to cut to the chase, you 1133 00:51:36.820 --> 00:51:38.219 do have another podcast to get to. 1134 00:51:38.320 --> 00:51:39.340 No, it's not a podcast. 1135 00:51:39.820 --> 00:51:41.639 He has other things. You don't know. You can't ask him. Oh, 1136 00:51:41.639 --> 00:51:43.010 you were lying about your other podcast? 1137 00:51:43.050 --> 00:51:43.699 I never said it. 1138 00:51:43.760 --> 00:51:46.849 He never said he had another podcast. Oh. So what 1139 00:51:46.869 --> 00:51:47.409 do you have to do? 1140 00:51:47.829 --> 00:51:48.869 I have a lunch meeting. 1141 00:51:48.929 --> 00:51:53.550 Conan. Jesus. You have a lunch. I was drinking water 1142 00:51:53.630 --> 00:51:55.889 and I really almost spit it out. You have a 1143 00:51:56.030 --> 00:51:57.829 lunch meeting. I'm afraid to tell you what I have 1144 00:51:57.849 --> 00:52:00.869 to do because I'm going to catch hell. No, no, seriously. 1145 00:52:01.269 --> 00:52:03.730 Someone who's higher up on the showbiz scale, obviously, than 1146 00:52:03.800 --> 00:52:04.550 Conan O'Brien. 1147 00:52:04.909 --> 00:52:06.219 It's not a show business thing. 1148 00:52:07.159 --> 00:52:07.380 What? 1149 00:52:07.619 --> 00:52:08.780 I have lunch with my mother. 1150 00:52:09.800 --> 00:52:10.840 Okay. Yeah. 1151 00:52:10.860 --> 00:52:11.099 What? 1152 00:52:11.280 --> 00:52:13.519 You should feel bad. Lunch with your mother? Do you 1153 00:52:13.539 --> 00:52:15.829 want to hear how twee this gets? Because I'm willing 1154 00:52:15.849 --> 00:52:17.250 to go into the lion's den right now. 1155 00:52:17.269 --> 00:52:20.869 My mom and I, we meet in a park and 1156 00:52:20.929 --> 00:52:21.780 we sketch. 1157 00:52:23.800 --> 00:52:24.340 No, you're kidding. 1158 00:52:24.440 --> 00:52:24.840 I'm not kidding. 1159 00:52:25.349 --> 00:52:26.730 You meet your mom in a park. 1160 00:52:26.769 --> 00:52:27.050 Yes. 1161 00:52:27.309 --> 00:52:28.289 And you sketch together. 1162 00:52:28.329 --> 00:52:30.429 My mom's an artist and I like to draw a 1163 00:52:30.449 --> 00:52:33.030 little bit too. And this is how we spend our time. 1164 00:52:33.550 --> 00:52:36.130 That's sweet, but you should have never told Conan. I know. 1165 00:52:36.150 --> 00:52:39.809 That's so sweet. I'm actually going to lean into this now. 1166 00:52:39.929 --> 00:52:42.420 I'm not afraid of this anymore. That's a really nice moment, 1167 00:52:42.440 --> 00:52:45.239 but you should have never told Conan. You know when 1168 00:52:45.280 --> 00:52:49.780 a snake unhinges its jaw and devours a rabbit hole 1169 00:52:50.199 --> 00:52:52.619 and it takes a while for it to digest the rabbit? Right. 1170 00:52:53.809 --> 00:52:56.630 What you just told me is something I need to 1171 00:52:56.690 --> 00:52:59.130 digest slowly. I know what I'm doing. I know what 1172 00:52:59.190 --> 00:53:03.090 I'm doing. He's now putting his feet confidently up on 1173 00:53:03.110 --> 00:53:06.059 the desk, and he's got his fingers clasped behind his 1174 00:53:06.179 --> 00:53:10.599 head in a no one can touch me, I'm invincible stance. No, 1175 00:53:10.659 --> 00:53:12.300 it's not that. It's I'm ready to die. 1176 00:53:12.599 --> 00:53:12.940 Okay. 1177 00:53:14.260 --> 00:53:17.710 I'm just going to let it happen. No kamikaze pilot 1178 00:53:18.369 --> 00:53:23.239 ever had that pose of relaxed... I've accepted my fate here. Okay, 1179 00:53:23.260 --> 00:53:26.260 so you're going to, I have to speed it up 1180 00:53:27.340

--> 00:53:30.989 with my show and my podcast and travel shows. No, 1181 00:53:30.989 --> 00:53:33.630 that was never the case. Hold it. You need to 1182 00:53:33.670 --> 00:53:37.130 meet your mom in the park and sketch together. Now, 1183 00:53:37.409 --> 00:53:38.610 did it ever occur to you, first of all, you 1184 00:53:38.650 --> 00:53:40.829 said it was lunch. There's no lunch. Well, we have 1185 00:53:40.869 --> 00:53:43.050 lunch and then we sketch. Where do you eat lunch? 1186 00:53:43.250 --> 00:53:44.710 A little Mexican restaurant in Whittier. 1187 00:53:44.730 --> 00:53:49.250 Oh my God. It's always the same one, isn't it? 1188 00:53:49.360 --> 00:53:51.800 No, but if it were up to me, probably, yeah. 1189 00:53:52.340 --> 00:53:55.349 So that you meet, you eat together, okay? And then 1190 00:53:55.389 --> 00:53:57.130 you walk to the park or you drive to the park? 1191 00:53:57.510 --> 00:53:58.409 I want to picture this. 1192 00:53:58.989 --> 00:54:00.329 We drive. 1193 00:54:00.570 --> 00:54:01.510 You drive to the park. 1194 00:54:01.570 --> 00:54:02.630 Generally, yeah. Right. 1195 00:54:02.789 --> 00:54:10.019 In your ironic late 1960s woody Jeep Wagoneer. 1196 00:54:10.159 --> 00:54:10.340 No. 1197 00:54:12.340 --> 00:54:13.119 You drive over there. 1198 00:54:13.139 --> 00:54:13.199 No. 1199 00:54:13.579 --> 00:54:16.900 In your... Let me guess. I bet it uses very 1200 00:54:16.920 --> 00:54:17.860 little gas, what you drive. 1201 00:54:17.880 --> 00:54:18.760 That's true. 1202 00:54:18.780 --> 00:54:19.219 I'm guessing. 1203 00:54:19.340 --> 00:54:21.320 Just be careful because I drive the same car as 1204 00:54:21.360 --> 00:54:21.619 you do. 1205 00:54:22.659 --> 00:54:24.530 Well, you actually sometimes, I think, drive my car because 1206 00:54:24.550 --> 00:54:26.139 you don't have a car. Yeah. And I, out of 1207 00:54:26.159 --> 00:54:28.730 the kindness of my heart, lend you mine. No. Because 1208 00:54:28.750 --> 00:54:31.869 your ironic bicycle only gets you so far. So you 1209 00:54:32.090 --> 00:54:33.989 go with your mother to the park and you two 1210 00:54:34.030 --> 00:54:34.690 set up easels? 1211 00:54:34.929 --> 00:54:36.230 No, we just have a pad. 1212 00:54:36.750 --> 00:54:39.010 You have a pad. Well, no, we've- Why don't I, 1213 00:54:39.070 --> 00:54:39.969 you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to 1214 00:54:39.989 --> 00:54:41.389 buy you each a pad. Okay. 1215 00:54:41.449 --> 00:54:43.309 How's that? We do each have a pad. 1216 00:54:43.409 --> 00:54:49.530 Oh, so you misspoke. What is happening? And what do 1217 00:54:49.550 --> 00:54:51.909 you sketch? Your mom sounds like a good artist. She's 1218 00:54:51.949 --> 00:54:52.530 sketching away. 1219 00:54:52.550 --> 00:54:52.889 She is, yeah. 1220 00:54:52.909 --> 00:54:53.630 And what are you sketching? 1221 00:54:53.769 --> 00:54:57.150 Well, generally we'll sketch a house in the neighborhood or something. 1222 00:54:57.170 --> 00:54:58.469 Whittier has all these old houses. 1223 00:54:58.630 --> 00:54:58.869 Cool. 1224 00:54:59.010 --> 00:54:59.429 That's cool. 1225 00:54:59.880 --> 00:55:02.119 Could you tell me exactly what it is, where this is? 1226 00:55:02.139 --> 00:55:05.019 Because someday I'd like to come by while you and 1227 00:55:05.039 --> 00:55:06.619 your mom are sketching and I want to hit you 1228 00:55:06.659 --> 00:55:07.159 with a stick. 1229 00:55:07.219 --> 00:55:08.099 Oh my God. 1230 00:55:09.550 --> 00:55:11.099 Not that hard. Why do you want to hit me 1231 00:55:11.139 --> 00:55:14.960 with a stick? There's work to be done. I work constantly. 1232 00:55:15.039 --> 00:55:17.780 And then I hear about you. I hear about you 1233 00:55:17.900 --> 00:55:21.380 taking time off. Oh, and asking me to accelerate my 1234 00:55:21.440 --> 00:55:23.360 schedule so that you can get to the park. Do 1235 00:55:23.389 --> 00:55:24.090 you want to hear what. 1236 00:55:24.010 --> 00:55:26.849 This suggestion was? I said, well, first of all, this 1237 00:55:26.889 --> 00:55:28.929 was supposed to happen at 1145. I was here early. 1238 00:55:29.449 --> 00:55:31.329 And then I just said, I have to go. But 1239 00:55:31.389 --> 00:55:33.190 you guys could continue on and you could do another 1240 00:55:33.289 --> 00:55:34.650 Adam Sachs plays me thing. 1241 00:55:35.260 --> 00:55:37.420 No, no, no. I don't see myself as instrumental here. No, no, 1242 00:55:37.420 --> 00:55:39.059 we're not doing that again. You don't need me. We 1243 00:55:39.099 --> 00:55:41.699 did that bit and it was fun and it was funny, 1244 00:55:42.030 --> 00:55:43.489 but now you want us to keep doing it so 1245 00:55:43.530 --> 00:55:45.829 that you continue to get a check without working. I 1246 00:55:45.909 --> 00:55:49.130 need to stop. So you can be in the- This 1247 00:55:49.289 --> 00:55:50.909 is my guest producer. 1248 00:55:51.130 --> 00:55:51.309 Yeah. 1249 00:55:51.329 --> 00:55:52.309 A little suggestion. 1250 00:55:52.369 --> 00:55:52.590 Sure. 1251 00:55:52.849 --> 00:55:53.150 Okay. 1252 00:55:53.269 --> 00:55:53.369 Okay. 1253 00:55:53.409 --> 00:55:54.610 A little suggestion in the future. 1254 00:55:54.809 --> 00:55:55.010 Yeah. 1255 00:55:55.070 --> 00:55:58.050 You can lie a little bit. You can say doctor's appointment. 1256 00:55:58.489 --> 00:56:01.090 You can say, you know, I've. 1257 00:56:01.050 --> 00:56:03.309 Got to go What if I am lying and this 1258 00:56:03.369 --> 00:56:03.909 is my lie? 1259 00:56:03.929 --> 00:56:06.309 No, no, no. No one would lie about this. No 1260 00:56:06.349 --> 00:56:08.010 one would lie about this. And I do want to 1261 00:56:08.030 --> 00:56:09.590 speak to your, would your mother be willing to speak 1262 00:56:09.610 --> 00:56:13.260 to me at some point? Oh, yeah. Okay. She loves you. No, 1263 00:56:13.389 --> 00:56:14.030 probably not after this. 1264 00:56:14.050 --> 00:56:15.059 Does that hurt any at all? 1265 00:56:15.119 -->

00:56:17.579 Does she really? Yeah, she does. And she doesn't mind 1266 00:56:17.619 --> 00:56:20.260 when I, oh, she probably has spent a lifetime thinking 1267 00:56:20.300 --> 00:56:21.980 I wish someone would rip this guy a new one. 1268 00:56:22.019 --> 00:56:24.559 No, because she, I have tried to set her up. 1269 00:56:24.619 --> 00:56:25.599 It's the same thing with your parents. 1270 00:56:25.679 --> 00:56:28.000 I cannot get my parents to listen to a podcast 1271 00:56:28.539 --> 00:56:30.940 for the life of me. They still say the same thing. Like, 1272 00:56:30.980 --> 00:56:31.760 where do I watch it? 1273 00:56:31.840 --> 00:56:32.010 Yeah. 1274 00:56:32.469 --> 00:56:35.550 My parents have an old curvetop radio from the 30s 1275 00:56:35.610 --> 00:56:37.389 and they just are always twisting the dial trying to 1276 00:56:37.429 --> 00:56:40.030 find my podcast. Yeah. And all they hear are old 1277 00:56:40.170 --> 00:56:41.289 FDR fireside jazz. 1278 00:56:41.309 --> 00:56:41.829 Yeah, yeah. 1279 00:56:42.230 --> 00:56:43.869 Well, she's a huge fan who's never heard my work. 1280 00:56:43.949 --> 00:56:47.130 She watches your show though. Well, please, that's a dying medium. 1281 00:56:47.369 --> 00:56:48.050 Yeah. 1282 00:56:48.309 --> 00:56:52.289 Radio, it's all about radio. Well, anyway, I will try to, 1283 00:56:52.289 --> 00:56:55.090 I'm glad we learned a lot about Matt Gourley today. 1284 00:56:55.110 --> 00:56:55.449 Yeah. 1285 00:56:55.469 --> 00:56:58.010 Which is, he is a nice guy. He does his 1286 00:56:58.130 --> 00:57:00.849 own yard work and his own– his hands are flecked 1287 00:57:00.909 --> 00:57:01.630 with– I know. 1288 00:57:01.650 --> 00:57:01.909 I apologize. 1289 00:57:01.929 --> 00:57:04.309 It looks like all kinds of stain. Yeah. 1290 00:57:04.429 --> 00:57:06.050 But I just thought I was in and out today. 1291 00:57:06.130 --> 00:57:08.010 Like I thought we were coming in doing quick ad 1292 00:57:08.050 --> 00:57:10.010 reads and a segment. And so I didn't– like if 1293 00:57:10.030 --> 00:57:12.010 there's a guest, I'll clean myself up a little bit. 1294 00:57:12.090 --> 00:57:12.710 But, you know. 1295 00:57:12.809 --> 00:57:16.090 Yeah. That looks like you just strangled a vaudevillian performer 1296 00:57:16.110 --> 00:57:20.409 in blackface. Oh, my God. But whatever. 1297 00:57:20.469 --> 00:57:23.909 So has any of this since this podcast happened– taking 1298 00:57:23.949 --> 00:57:24.679 the heat off you. 1299 00:57:24.739 --> 00:57:26.400 Like, do you feel like a little bit of a 1300 00:57:26.420 --> 00:57:28.900 breath of fresh air? Yeah, I was just checking my phone. 1301 00:57:28.920 --> 00:57:30.760 I know, I saw you over there. It was nice. 1302 00:57:30.880 --> 00:57:33.000 I'm fine with whatever's happening. 1303 00:57:33.159 --> 00:57:35.280 I've got to get a third person in on this. 1304 00:57:35.300 --> 00:57:38.119 We should just keep adding people. No, no, no, no. 1305 00:57:38.320 --> 00:57:42.530 You've given me a lifetime, Gourley, of stuff to work 1306 00:57:42.550 --> 00:57:45.570 with already. Already, yeah, I know. Already. I thought we 1307 00:57:45.769 --> 00:57:50.409 had enough when you owned Eisenhower's telephone from his summer residence. 1308 00:57:51.070 --> 00:57:51.449 But no. 1309 00:57:51.469 --> 00:57:51.530 No. 1310 00:57:51.929 --> 00:57:57.150 You occasionally, routinely meet your mother in the park and 1311 00:57:57.170 --> 00:57:57.630 you both sketch. 1312 00:57:57.650 --> 00:57:59.030 A couple times a year, a few times a year. 1313 00:57:59.150 --> 00:58:02.349 That's why it was hard to miss it. 1314 00:58:02.469 --> 00:58:03.829 Well, did you miss it yet? 1315 00:58:04.070 --> 00:58:05.610 No, but I got to run. 1316 00:58:05.829 --> 00:58:09.519 Okay. Let's go quickly. And again, I'm sorry that- You 1317 00:58:09.559 --> 00:58:10.099 don't need to apologize. 1318 00:58:10.119 --> 00:58:10.380 No, no. 1319 00:58:10.400 --> 00:58:13.739 I apologize for having so much work to do to 1320 00:58:13.780 --> 00:58:17.500 keep the Conan Empire afloat so that all you freeloaders 1321 00:58:17.539 --> 00:58:20.340 can sketch in the park to your heart's desire. 1322 00:58:20.820 --> 00:58:22.940 You know what I'm drawing today? Conan in a dunk 1323 00:58:22.980 --> 00:58:25.530 tank or like being drawn and quartered or something. 1324 00:58:25.550 --> 00:58:29.489 I bet there's something else you're drawing. A check from Conan. Yeah, 1325 00:58:29.570 --> 00:58:34.260 I should hope so. Well-earned, huh? Yeah, really well-earned. Very 1326 00:58:34.320 --> 00:58:38.340 nicely done. Thailand sketching. Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet. 1327 00:58:38.400 --> 00:58:42.820 What are you sketching, Maddie? Oh, just, I don't know, 1328 00:58:42.840 --> 00:58:47.530 little doodles. What's that in your back pocket, Maddie? Oh, 1329 00:58:47.590 --> 00:58:50.429 it's a check I got from Conan. 1330 00:58:50.909 --> 00:58:53.670 Oh, it looks like a big check. Yes, it is 1331 00:58:53.710 --> 00:58:58.860 a big check. It pays for all my little... Indulgences. 1332 00:58:58.880 --> 00:59:01.079 Oh, okay. 1333 00:59:01.099 --> 00:59:03.780 Shouldn't you be at work? I should, but I'm here 1334 00:59:03.800 --> 00:59:07.429 with you, mommy. I'm here with you, mither. I'd like 1335 00:59:07.469 --> 00:59:09.809 to point out that you are literally sketching while. 1336 00:59:09.650 --> 00:59:10.280 Saying, this. 1337 00:59:10.460 --> 00:59:10.699 Yeah. 1338 00:59:11.320 --> 00:59:12.840 I know. I do so many things at once. What 1339 00:59:12.860 --> 00:59:14.280 the hell is that? What did you walk up to 1340 00:59:14.400 --> 00:59:15.199 Jackson Pollock? 1341 00:59:15.440 --> 00:59:15.699 Nice. 1342 00:59:15.719 --> 00:59:17.019 Hey, Conan, you okay? 1343 00:59:17.849 --> 00:59:21.250 I know. You're so angry. I'm kind of wound up today. 1344 00:59:21.550 --> 00:59:24.110 You think? You think so? I got

wound up. No, 1345 00:59:24.210 --> 00:59:26.730 I just am always, I'm always coming in hot. 1346 00:59:26.829 --> 00:59:27.050 Yeah. 1347 00:59:27.250 --> 00:59:29.679 You will back me up, son, that they, they're pulling 1348 00:59:29.699 --> 00:59:31.659 me in a lot of directions lately. I will back, 1349 00:59:31.679 --> 00:59:33.260 because I have to schedule all this stuff. 1350 00:59:33.559 --> 00:59:33.780 Yeah. 1351 00:59:33.980 --> 00:59:37.179 And, yeah. I won't complain. I have, I love. You 1352 00:59:37.219 --> 00:59:39.019 won't complain. No, I won't. 1353 00:59:39.639 --> 00:59:41.730 That was 20 minutes of complaining. 1354 00:59:41.750 --> 00:59:45.829 It really was. I'm not one to find fault with others. 1355 00:59:45.849 --> 00:59:46.349 Yeah. 1356 00:59:47.050 --> 00:59:50.969 I'm not one to complain. I'm filled with contentment. I 1357 00:59:51.010 --> 00:59:54.849 have the half smile of the Buddha. I also have 1358 00:59:54.889 --> 00:59:57.369 the abdomen of the Buddha, I think. All right, well, 1359 00:59:57.389 --> 00:59:57.989 let's continue. 1360 00:59:58.110 --> 01:00:01.170 Okay, well, we'll see you guys later tonight at our 1361 01:00:01.210 --> 01:00:01.909 podcast home. 1362 01:00:02.349 --> 01:00:07.250 Yes, we sleep in a bunk bed, a triple-decker bunk bed. 1363 01:00:08.269 --> 01:00:10.110 And we listen to our own podcast. 1364 01:00:10.139 --> 01:00:13.250 We listen to our own podcast. And your mother's outside 1365 01:00:13.309 --> 01:00:15.909 sketching it all in the park at night, which is dangerous. Oh, 1366 01:00:15.929 --> 01:00:17.449 you want to know the best part? What? 1367 01:00:17.469 --> 01:00:18.210 My mother's name. 1368 01:00:18.570 --> 01:00:18.750 What? 1369 01:00:18.969 --> 01:00:19.469 Welford. 1370 01:00:20.010 --> 01:00:21.389 What? I swear. 1371 01:00:21.469 --> 01:00:23.010 No, what is that? 1372 01:00:23.030 --> 01:00:24.650 It's just an old family name. 1373 01:00:24.869 --> 01:00:29.110 Can I register that I haven't spoken yet? That Sona 1374 01:00:29.159 --> 01:00:32.980 jumped in with a, oh, really? Stunned silence. Welford? 1375 01:00:33.820 --> 01:00:34.280 Welford. 1376 01:00:34.340 --> 01:00:37.440 How did her first marriage to Thurston Howell III go? 1377 01:00:37.820 --> 01:00:39.940 Did that work out? Apparently not. It was only a 1378 01:00:39.980 --> 01:00:41.980 first marriage. Does everyone call her Wealthy? 1379 01:00:42.119 --> 01:00:43.480 They call her Wealth. 1380 01:00:44.059 --> 01:00:46.139 Her name is Wealth. So you're going to sketch with 1381 01:00:46.420 --> 01:00:48.590 your mother whose name is Welford in a park. 1382 01:00:48.679 --> 01:00:48.909 Yeah. 1383 01:00:49.210 --> 01:00:53.409 In Whittier. In Whittier. Welford in Whittier. Wow. 1384 01:00:53.650 --> 01:00:53.929 Yeah. 1385 01:00:54.150 --> 01:00:57.090 Okay. You're an absurd person. That's not my name. My 1386 01:00:57.110 --> 01:00:57.989 name is Matt. 1387 01:00:58.269 --> 01:00:58.389 Yeah. 1388

01:00:58.409 --> 01:01:00.280 Yeah. You know what you are? I think you might 1389 01:01:00.300 --> 01:01:02.599 be a figment of my imagination. Maybe. I don't think 1390 01:01:02.619 --> 01:01:03.809 you're a real person. No one else can see me. 1391 01:01:03.820 --> 01:01:06.019 I honestly don't think you're a real person. No one 1392 01:01:06.059 --> 01:01:08.880 else can see me. Conan, I am you. I am you. 1393 01:01:08.900 --> 01:01:09.440 You are. 1394 01:01:09.460 --> 01:01:12.739 I'm bouncing around in that big dome. I'm Jimmy Stewart 1395 01:01:12.780 --> 01:01:17.309 and you're the pink rabbit. It's Harvey, don't you? You 1396 01:01:17.349 --> 01:01:20.489 don't see him? You don't see Harvey? Wait, you don't 1397 01:01:20.570 --> 01:01:23.820 see Matt? He's right here. I do a podcast with him. 1398 01:01:23.829 --> 01:01:27.550 His mother's name is Welford. By a president's phone. And 1399 01:01:27.590 --> 01:01:31.909 he has Eisenhower's phone, you see. Not from the White House, 1400 01:01:31.949 --> 01:01:35.150 from his summer residence. You need a mandolin? He has 1401 01:01:35.210 --> 01:01:38.469 a cafe au lait while he plucks a lute. Your 1402 01:01:38.530 --> 01:01:41.769 car should have a crank. He's a strange fella. You 1403 01:01:41.809 --> 01:01:42.449 don't see him. 1404 01:01:42.570 --> 01:01:43.070 I see him. 1405 01:01:43.349 --> 01:01:45.530 When's the last time you cross-country skied? 1406 01:01:45.730 --> 01:01:48.980 Okay. Your name's Conan. Yeah, exactly. 1407 01:01:49.159 --> 01:01:49.280 Right. 1408 01:01:49.320 --> 01:01:53.039 That's not that normal. No. Well, it's normal now. Kind 1409 01:01:53.059 --> 01:01:56.719 of a household name. Hey, Gorley, have a good time. 1410 01:01:56.880 --> 01:02:00.199 My best to Mama Welford. Thank you. And seriously, I 1411 01:02:00.219 --> 01:02:02.699 do look forward to chatting with her. Okay, let's do it. 1412 01:02:02.849 --> 01:02:03.489 Love you guys. 1413 01:02:03.590 --> 01:02:03.969 Bye. 1414 01:02:03.989 --> 01:02:04.150 Bye, Matt. 1415 01:02:04.170 --> 01:02:05.449 Love you. 1416 01:02:05.550 --> 01:02:08.329 Love you. Love you too, Matt. Love you, all of us. 1417 01:02:08.429 --> 01:02:10.969 I work with you. Love you. Love you too. Work 1418 01:02:11.010 --> 01:02:11.199 with you. 1419 01:02:14.139 --> 01:02:17.639 Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, with Sona Movsesian and Conan 1420 01:02:17.699 --> 01:02:22.079 O'Brien as himself. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced 1421 01:02:22.119 --> 01:02:25.039 by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and 1422 01:02:25.119 --> 01:02:28.650 Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson at Earwolf. Special thanks to 1423 01:02:28.690 --> 01:02:29.429 Jack White for. 1424 01:02:29.349 --> 01:02:30.010 The theme song. 1425 01:02:30.510 --> 01:02:36.300 Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, 1426 01:02:36.420 --> 01:02:37.920 and the show is engineered. 1427 01:02:37.539 --> 01:02:38.320 By Will Becton. 1428 01:02:38.519 --> 01:02:40.900 You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, 1429 01:02:40.960 --> 01:02:43.699 and you might find your review featured on a future episode. 1430 01:02:43.920 --> 01:02:48.400 Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline 1431 01:02:48.840 --> 01:02:51.489 at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It, too, could be 1432 01:02:51.530 --> 01:02:54.190 featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, 1433 01:02:54.349 --> 01:02:57.969 please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts. 1434 01:02:58.289 --> 01:03:01.090 Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. 1435 01:03:05.639 --> 01:03:10.630 This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf. 1436 01:03:17.909 --> 01:03:18.769 How was school, Pat? 1437 01:03:19.250 --> 01:03:22.139 We were learning all about France and Joan of Arc 1438 01:03:22.420 --> 01:03:24.360 and the Eiffel Tower and how they speak. 1439 01:03:24.639 --> 01:03:25.579 Bonjour, Mama! 1440 01:03:26.400 --> 01:03:29.659 We all know how important school is for children's learning, 1441 01:03:29.800 --> 01:03:33.900 friendships and overall development. But one in five children are 1442 01:03:33.940 --> 01:03:36.329 missing a month or more of their school year. And 1443 01:03:36.369 --> 01:03:39.530 when they miss school, they miss out. Every school day 1444 01:03:39.690 --> 01:03:43.380 is a new day. Visit gov.ie forward slash school attendance. 1445 01:03:43.840 --> 01:03:45.360 An initiative of the Government of Ireland.