บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ FEELING THINGS: The 6-Second Kiss & Other Relationship Maintenance Tips (Amy & Chase)

three brothers. So it was like when we restructured, we were all like switching up our bedrooms because we wanted something new. Not the same. 00:03:18 Speaker 2: My... daughter would move her rooms in the middle of the night. 00:03:22 Speaker 1: I remember this. Yes. 00:03:24 Speaker 2: So we, at our old house, when I was still married and we had three bedrooms upstairs, she occupied all three rooms at one point in time. Good girl. And she would move all the furniture herself in the middle of the night. We would be asleep and we would wake up and in the morning she would be in another room and we would. 00:03:48 Speaker 2: The first time it happened, we were perplexed. Second time, obviously, we were like, okay, seen this before. Third time, we were like, what is going on? And then her therapist explained just the change that she was trying to create, which I can understand that. 00:04:06 Speaker 1: Same. Sometimes you want to make some new scenery. 00:04:09 Speaker 2: Clearly, if you just move to a new room, everything's going to be better or feel better. And I was really impressed with her reaction. her commitment to the process and like her strength because she was moving everything and this and we had wood floors and the floors were not scratched yeah I was so impressed by by that part she was actually just here before Chase and I started recording she has her own apartment now so she doesn't even live with me but she stopped by to go over some things and and then I gave her some groceries from the fridge I gave her some eggs and some grapes and some oranges and some blueberries and then she came in and was talking to Chase about something and we were Sitting, you know, about to hit record. And we were like, okay, yeah, we'll see you later. And she was so cute when she was shutting the door for us. She goes, I shall be going now. And she shut the door. 00:04:58 Speaker 1: She is such a beautiful young woman. 00:05:01 Speaker 2: I know. 00:05:02 Speaker 1: Like it's crazy to see both. I mean, even Stevenson, I'm like, he obviously is young, but he looks, you posted a picture not long ago. I think it was a school picture. 00:05:11 Speaker 2: A school picture from this year. 00:05:12 Speaker 1: He looks like a grown man. I know. 00:05:13 Speaker 2: Like a young grown man. Yeah, it's really. 00:05:14 Speaker 1: And she's just like. A lot. She's stunning. Yeah. Yeah. 00:05:18 Speaker 2: Well, my feeling of the day, having them both here and we kind of all just sat in the living room for a little bit. Maybe it was even just 30 minutes, but there was a lot happening. Like even Chase was like, because I've got some workers here at the house and I had Shannon here and everybody was working on something different and talking and talking over each other. And it was kind of loud and chaotic. And I loved it. I loved everything. minute of it. 00:05:42 Speaker 1: They were being siblings too. Like the little banter between them. 00:05:45 Speaker 2: Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 00:05:46 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:05:46 Speaker 2: Cause Tashira went up to talk to the workers and she was like, what, you know, what are y'all doing? And Stevenson goes, she's trying to go find herself a husband, which is, yeah. Teenage speak for husband. 00:06:00 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:06:00 Speaker 2: He's like, she's going up there to, to Riz on a husband. 00:06:05 Speaker 1: What's Riz being? 00:06:06 Speaker 2: Charisma. So she's going to go up there and show her charisma and, really, she went up there and then Stashira comes down and she goes, you're adding bunk beds to the game room. And I said, yeah, I am. And she said, is that going to add value to the house? 00:06:21 Speaker 1: And I was a fair question. 00:06:23 Speaker 2: I said, valid question. Uh, it's going to add value to my life because your brother loves to have sleepovers and we drag the mattresses out of the attic into the game room on the floor. And this setup will give us, uh, It'll help the room look a little bit more pulled together. And it's going to be like a movie room as well. A multipurpose room. My treadmill's also in there. But that room has sort of been the catch-all for the last two years. Like whenever I need something to just disappear and be out of the way, oh, put it up in the game room. And now I want the room to have a little more purpose to it. And two years in, I'm finally ready to dedicate to that. And to answer Sashir's question, I absolutely do think that whenever I decide to sell this house, a family will be buying it. People with kids, because the school that we're near, all the things, they will likely have kids. And I think they will appreciate, because the layout of the house, all of the bedrooms, including the primary, my bedroom, they're all close together, which I love. But yeah, when he has friends spend the night, that's why they go when I go to the other side of the house. I mean, my house isn't big, but it just happens to be on the other side above the garage is where the game room is. And kids can disappear there, and now they'll have their bunk beds and their place. Yeah, it adds more value. 00:07:43 Speaker 1: Yeah, but I did love her concern. She was like, you know, you're going to lose that secondary living room. 00:07:48 Speaker 2: I said, but it'll still be a living room. But then, yeah, her and Stevenson started arguing about that. It's awesome. Yeah, the banter between them I love. 00:08:01 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:08:03 Speaker 2: That was special for me. So that's my feeling of the day is I was grateful to have both of my kids in my house under one roof with me, even if it was just for 30 minutes, because I just got Stevenson back. Ben and I, our parenting, our co-parenting plan is 50-50. And if you're going through divorce or you know somebody going through divorce and they're doing 50-50 and they're trying to figure out their weekly schedule, Friday to Friday is so clutch. Don't sleep on Friday to Friday because a lot of

people do Sunday to Sunday, which is what we originally were going to do until... One of my friends told me Friday to Friday is where it's at. And it really is because the kids, when they're in school, they get that buffer of school. So they leave Friday morning. Like, for example, if he's been with me, he'll leave to go to school on Friday morning, and then his dad will pick him up Friday afternoon. Then they have that buffer. It's not this weird jarring split up in the middle of your Sunday. Like, okay, pack your bag. Time to go to mom's or dad's. And then as the adult, you get an entire weekend. So you drop your kids off at school. Then you've got maybe work on Friday, but then you've got all day Saturday, all day Sunday. So if you want to take a road trip or do whatever, you don't have to be back mid-afternoon on Sunday for the swap. 00:09:16 Speaker 1: I think it sounds genius. 00:09:18 Speaker 2: So that's just my little. 00:09:20 Speaker 1: Pro tip. 00:09:21 Speaker 2: Pro tip. I derailed on that. Some of you are like, happily married, not ever getting divorced, but never say never. Just kidding. I don't wish that upon anybody, but I personally never thought I was going to get divorced either. But Ben and I have a good relationship. In fact, I just texted him a minute ago about something. And I said, I hope your trip in Africa goes well. And that's leading to where why I haven't seen Stevenson in a bit. And I'm grateful to have him back with me is normally we're every other week. But Ben is in Africa right now for two and a half weeks. So he kept Stevenson for two weeks because we like to have the equal time. And so he's been at Ben's the last two weeks, which was crazy for me. I don't like going that long. Yeah. Speaking of him looking like a grown man, if you go two weeks without seeing your teenager, they've changed. 00:10:11 Speaker 1: I'm pumped. We're done with this. He and I are going to In-N-Out Burger. And I like hang time with Stevenson. Because it's fun to see him grow up. 00:10:20 Speaker 2: Well, thank you for pouring into him and taking that time. And he loves In-N-Out. 00:10:25 Speaker 1: He loves In-N-Out, which I do too. 00:10:30 Speaker 2: So I have some things that we're going to go over. I pulled some little topics of discussion. And I saw this article about psychology saying people with remarkable minds usually say these four phrases in most conversations. And I'm curious if you... are willing to say these. And everybody listening, challenge yourself. Like, am I willing to say these four things? Because then that will mean you have a remarkable mind. And I want you to be honest with yourself because some of these might be really hard for you to do for whatever reason. The first one, I could be wrong. That means this person is confident enough to admit that they might be mistaken and stay open to new information. Are you willing, do you have the ability, Chase, to say, I could be wrong? 00:11:22 Speaker 1: I do. I think

sometimes I do say it, but I'm not giving myself credit. I think sometimes I'll say it in the tone of like, you know, I could be wrong. 00:11:31 Speaker 2: But you're probably not. 00:11:32 Speaker 1: But I'm probably right. But I'll work on that. Noted. 00:11:37 Speaker 2: Speaking of when Ben and I were being divorced and figuring out your co-parenting, there... I think we're at a place now where we've got a groove. But in the beginning, there were some things, and I for sure always thought I was right. And I couldn't understand why he didn't see what I saw. 00:11:53 Speaker 1: I do like that it's, I could be wrong, not I am wrong. 00:11:57 Speaker 2: No, I could be wrong. I could be wrong. Next one is, I changed my mind. This means a person is willing to consider their beliefs when new information challenges what they previously thought. And I would love to just give everyone permission to change their mind. Some of us get stuck in our ways, especially if we've been raised a certain way or we're conditioned to think a certain way. 00:12:24 Speaker 1: I love that. 00:12:26 Speaker 2: It's hard to be like, oh yeah, you don't realize like, oh yeah, duh, I have permission to change my mind. Even if you've staunchly stood for something similar to me, I'll circle back to the divorce. I declared on the radio- as a 25-year-old newly married person, divorce is not an option. That will never happen to me. And then Lunchbox and Bobby would give me all these heinous scenarios in which I would likely get divorced. And my reply was, well, I guess I'll be visiting him in jail. I'm not getting a divorce. And then fast forward to my 40s, you're allowed to change your mind. 00:13:07 Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I think people like, I love that actually, because I feel like sitting here trying to make it sound like I'm remarkable and I'm not, but I do think I've been intentional in my adult life, giving myself permission. Like, cause sometimes people think if you change your mind, like your wishy-washy, you're not sure of yourself or you're like, there's something wrong. And I think it's awesome to learn new things, experience new things and like, let that settle in to where you're at. And it's like, whether you change your mind in a relationship or a career or whatever, The way you approach life, like your philosophies. I think certainly my philosophies evolve. And I like it that way. So I like that. It's okay to change your mind. 00:13:54 Speaker 2: The next one is, I see your point. This person can understand and respect someone else's perspective without necessarily agreeing with it. I could work on that one too. 00:14:07 Speaker 1: Noted. 00:14:09 Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, I could be wrong. I see your point. 00:14:14 Speaker 1: It's a little cloudy, but I think I see it in there. 00:14:17 Speaker 2: I think I can grasp a little bit of what you're saying, a tiny bit. Make it make sense, though. 00:14:24 Speaker 1: Yeah, perspective is good. 00:14:25 Speaker 2: Yeah,

yeah, yeah. And the fourth thing that remarkable minds, or fourth phrase that remarkable minds use in most conversations is simply, I don't know. This type of person is not afraid to admit what they don't know because they value learning over appearing smart. Some days I'm fine with I don't know. And other days I'm like clinging to I should know the answer and I just throw something out there. And I'm like, dang, I should have just said I don't know. 00:15:01 Speaker 1: I was feeling pretty remarkable until that last one. I was like, I think I'm doing pretty good. I need to work on that. 00:15:07 Speaker 2: You can't say I don't know? 00:15:08 Speaker 1: I think I can say it, but I usually feel like I come up with an answer for everything, which I need to not. Like sometimes I feel responsible, like just in my relationships and whatever, to have an answer. And I think I let that carry into like every corner of my life, which is not good because then I come across like a know-it-all. 00:15:27 Speaker 2: Yeah. So there you go. Quickly to recap the four phrases. I could be wrong. I changed my mind. I see your point and I don't know. 00:15:35 Speaker 1: Mm-hmm. 00:15:36 Speaker 2: Put those in your pocket and be remarkable. 00:15:38 Speaker 1: I see your point. 00:15:41 Speaker 2: Now, something that's not deemed remarkable, I guess, would be lying. Yeah, no. But I have a scenario for you. And this, I think, is a situation where it's 100% okay to lie. Okay? 00:15:54 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:15:55 Speaker 2: So I'm at Sephora looking at hairspray. 00:16:02 Speaker 1: Okay? 00:16:03 Speaker 2: Okay. And there's this man. I'm guessing his age, probably 60 years old. I don't know. Tan, skin, hat. Looks like he just came from golf. I don't know what he's doing at Sephora. Maybe this is his thing. I felt like he'd maybe been drinking. Now, this Sephora is in a mall, and there are restaurants nearby. So maybe he was having some wine at North Italia, and then he went into Sephora. I don't know. 00:16:33 Speaker 1: Okay? Okay. 00:16:34 Speaker 2: And he's sort of like piddling with the hair stuff, a blow dryer, which he does end up buying. But I can't really tell how much hair he has because he has a hat on. But I don't think he required a blow dryer. But he came up in line behind me and bought the blow dryer. 00:16:52 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:16:54 Speaker 2: As I'm looking at the hair products, he's asking me about them. And I'm like, I don't really know. I'm curious about this. I know my friend uses this product. I'm thinking about buying it. I'm not sure. Then he gives me his name, which was BJ. And then he nearly fell over dramatically, like acted like he fell over because he asked me how old I was. And then I told him my name and he did this big fake stumble of like, well, like heart attack. Like, I can't believe your age, you know? 00:17:27 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:17:29 Speaker 2: I think this is him trying to flirt. 00:17:32 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:17:33 Speaker 2: Maybe this is what he does to women at Sephora. And I happen to be the lucky one that day. I'm not sure. So he keeps talking to me and then starts telling me he's a tycoon and a legit businessman who has hotels in Hawaii. And he pulls up Instagram, shows me the hotel in Hawaii that he's a percentage owner in. I don't know what the percentage is. And then he told me to Google him. And I'm thinking this whole time, like, no, I'm good. I didn't ask for this, but he gave me his phone number. And I just typed it because I wanted to type it so that maybe I could Google him to get more information about who is this person and what is he about. So I have the number, too. I don't know what we're going to be able to find. I haven't done anything with this information yet. I'm just telling you this all. So the lie, I mean, I needed out of this situation fast and, and I'm telling the story kind of slow, but this all happened pretty quickly. Like from him approaching me to ask my age to him telling me he's a tycoon. 00:18:46 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:18:48 Speaker 2: So I then told him my boyfriend is over at Toccova's. I'm at Sephora and I need to go, I'm going to get my hairspray and then I need to go meet my boyfriend at Toccova's. And that's when I got my hairspray and I went, I walked to the checkout line and he grabbed the hairdryer and he walked up behind me in line and that's it. And that's my lie. But in that situation, it's totally okay for me to lie. 00:19:19 Speaker 1: Yeah. There's, that's an okay lie. 00:19:22 Speaker 2: But now do you want to try to, can you do some research and figure out who this BJ guy is? 00:19:27 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'll call him when we get done. 00:19:29 Speaker 2: I mean, we could literally call him right now. 00:19:34 Speaker 1: What are you going to do if he answers? 00:19:35 Speaker 2: I don't know. 00:19:36 Speaker 1: You need to star six, seven. I think that's still a thing. 00:19:39 Speaker 2: Star six, seven? 00:19:40 Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay. So he doesn't have your number. 00:19:42 Speaker 2: Okay. Okay. What are you going to say? I don't know. Let's just. 00:19:53 Speaker 1: BJ, you're being recorded. 0, 8, 2. 00:19:56 Speaker 2: 1, 6, 7, 8. Oh. The mailbox is full and cannot accept any messages at this time. 00:20:08 Speaker 1: Goodbye. 00:20:08 Speaker 2: Probably because he's a tycoon. 00:20:10 Speaker 1: And he's probably on a flight to Hawaii, which is why he went to voicemail. 00:20:14 Speaker 2: Okay, we'll have to try it later. 00:20:15 Speaker 1: I think he was buying a gift, by the way. 00:20:17 Speaker 2: The hair dryer? 00:20:18 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:20:19 Speaker 2: He had to be. 00:20:20 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:20:22 Speaker 2: But, I mean, at no point was he asking about the hair products. 00:20:25 Speaker 1: I don't know why I needed to clarify that. I was like, he's getting a gift. Have you ever seen a guy in Sephora? Like, I've been in Sephora to get a gift. 00:20:31 Speaker 2: Oh, maybe that's really, it's

honestly a good question. Has anybody else encountered BJ at Sephora? I swear I cannot be the only one. This felt like his thing. 00:20:43 Speaker 1: I mean. 00:20:44 Speaker 2: You know, like he goes, he gets a few cocktails, you know, at the Cheesecake Factory, and then he's over at Sephora. 00:20:54 Speaker 1: We're going to try calling him back. I need to know more about this guy. Okay. 00:20:57 Speaker 2: Well, we can maybe even with the information we have, we can research. 00:21:02 Speaker 1: I want to see if we can get a discount on a hotel stay. 00:21:05 Speaker 2: In Hawaii. 00:21:06 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:21:07 Speaker 2: I know. 00:21:09 Speaker 1: BJ, if you're listening. 00:21:11 Speaker 2: He's definitely not. I didn't give him any of my information. I can't remember what name I told him, but I did not tell him Amy. 00:21:19 Speaker 1: But that's totally justified to have little lies like that. 00:21:22 Speaker 2: Yeah, like my boyfriend's at Toccova's. Whatever you need to do to get out, you're still remarkable. 00:21:27 Speaker 1: Yeah, we all know your boyfriend wasn't at Toccova's. 00:21:31 Speaker 2: I do have a new pet peeve that I'm adding to my list. 00:21:38 Speaker 1: What's that? 00:21:40 Speaker 2: You know when someone's taking a picture for you, of you? Like if you've got a group of friends and someone's taking a photo. When someone takes 100 photos. Now, I'm exaggerating a little bit. It could be more like 40. Yeah. But it's the same shot and they just... Or even do that power shot where it does a burst. 00:22:02 Speaker 1: That's your pet peeve? 00:22:03 Speaker 2: Well, it's a new one. I have other pet peeves, but this is a new one. Because let me tell you, my brain only wants one or two pictures to choose from. If I have 40 or 50... I'm now overwhelmed and I'm never going to take the time to go back and pick out the best picture, even though they're probably all the same. I'm going to want to go through every single one and then I'm just not going to do it. So then it gets lost in the mix. So I want, hey, you know, a countdown, like three, two, one, cheese. Okay. One more. Three, two, one. Okay. 00:22:40 Speaker 1: Cheese. 00:22:41 Speaker 2: That's what I want. I want two pictures. 00:22:42 Speaker 1: I'm shocked. 00:22:43 Speaker 2: Why? 00:22:44 Speaker 1: Because I would, I would have sworn as you were saying that, that that would be something that you would like be on me about. If you asked me to take pictures, I'm like, you would have been like, why did you only take two? Like I would have sworn that you would have like. 00:23:02 Speaker 2: No, that's not me. 00:23:03 Speaker 1: No. 00:23:03 Speaker 2: And a lot of the younger, kids younger than us. 00:23:06 Speaker 1: Yeah. Kids. Kids. 00:23:07 Speaker 2: The youngins. 00:23:09 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:23:10 Speaker 2: They like thousands of photos. When we went to, for our summer trip, not this last summer, but the one before, with Stashira, my daughter, and then

the guy I was dating at the time, my boyfriend, his kids went. And so we had two teenage girls on the trip. And then my daughter got to take a friend. So that's three teenage girls. We were there for four days. They took, of themselves... like on the beach, like when we get ready for dinner, these are pictures just of them, not of anybody else in our family. They had over 3,300 pictures and they were going to sort through them all. And they loved every second of it, which I, so it's just a different. 00:23:52 Speaker 1: Which actually this actually, it makes sense. I could see you needing fewer options. And in fact, like I thought it was, we went to an event recently together and there were a few photos taken of us and you found a picture you liked and you just AI'd me. 00:24:07 Speaker 2: Completely out yeah i don't know how to do that so i had a cryo cat do it and i must say she did a really good job you can't even tell you. 00:24:14 Speaker 1: Were there i mean i'm like straight up disappeared. 00:24:17 Speaker 2: Straight up it fixed the stairs and the roses and the flowers so i put this picture up on instagram a couple of weeks ago and chase even put in the comments he's like i was in that photo i'm pretty sure you ai'd me out of it's. 00:24:29 Speaker 1: Different when you get cropped out but when you're just like vanish into thin air. It's like, damn. 00:24:35 Speaker 2: Well, I recall you saying something like you didn't like that picture of you. But did I make that up? 00:24:40 Speaker 1: It wasn't a great photo of me, but I wasn't like, I mean, I would have, I don't know. You just, it's like I didn't even exist. 00:24:47 Speaker 2: Here's what happened. 00:24:48 Speaker 1: I mean, this could be like girlfriends and boyfriends when they break up with people being like, I like all these photos, but like, boom. 00:24:56 Speaker 2: Oh, I heard of a divorce that's going to be happening recently of some people that we are known. Yeah. I'm not saying I know them. They are known. The public, you listening right now, you likely know who these people are. And when I heard about it, I went to the Instagrams of these people and nothing is officially announced, but stuff's been scrubbed. Things I knew I saw, I was already taken down. And see that Cayman's trip that I'm talking about. I mean, my ex-boyfriend and I broke up. What? It's October now. We broke up in February. Now we were together a year and a half. Chase is making a face because we kind of were trying to maybe think about getting back together months ago, but that was so months ago. So months ago, we broke up in February and he's all his stuff. Like any, it's still on my Instagram. My ex-husband from years back, still on my Instagram. I don't want to scrub my life. Now I understand if you went through something really horrible and you don't want to see that person on your page again. I mean, I get it. 00:26:03 Speaker 1: Yeah, totally. 00:26:04 Speaker 2: But I did have that thought the

other day when I was scrolling through and I saw our Cayman trip and I was saying like, this was our first trip as a mixed family where his kids went in mine. And I sort of did a carousel telling the story of how anxious we were about it. And then it turns out we had nothing to worry about. And yeah, we're not together anymore, but What if that post might be helpful for somebody that's thinking about going on their first blended family vacation? And maybe it'll give them a little encouragement. And maybe not. Maybe it has nothing to do with being encouragement for anybody else. It's just also a special trip that we had that I don't want to just delete all of those photos. And again, we're not on bad terms. So what if I get in another relationship? Is that weird? 00:26:49 Speaker 1: Be a lot of scrubbing. 00:26:50 Speaker 2: But I don't want to scrub. 00:26:51 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:26:52 Speaker 2: I'm not going to scrub. 00:26:53 Speaker 1: No scrubs. 00:26:54 Speaker 2: I'm not going to scrub. So that's my new pet peeve. I don't have a lot of pet peeves. Let me ask you this. When you put toilet paper on a toilet paper roll as a guy, is the toilet paper pulling over or under? 00:27:07 Speaker 1: I honestly couldn't tell you. 00:27:10 Speaker 2: See, that's a pet peeve of mine. 00:27:12 Speaker 1: Yeah. It's over. 00:27:14 Speaker 2: Always, it needs to be over. Because when it's under, it can run down. 00:27:18 Speaker 1: What does it matter? 00:27:19 Speaker 2: When it's under, it can hang down and even... When it's over, it can sit pretty. 00:27:27 Speaker 1: Don't you want it hanging down? 00:27:30 Speaker 2: No. 00:27:30 Speaker 1: No? 00:27:31 Speaker 2: No, because no. I don't think so. I think it's pretty over. To me, this should be a universal... But it can hang down either way. No. No, but if it's over, I mean, sure, a little bit. 00:27:42 Speaker 1: I'll show you when we're done. 00:27:44 Speaker 2: You're going to show me? 00:27:45 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll take you in the bathroom and show you. 00:27:46 Speaker 2: I understand a little bit it could, but then you adjust it. 00:27:49 Speaker 1: I don't even, honestly, if it's in my house, I don't even put the toilet paper on the thing. I just sit it there. 00:27:56 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:27:58 Speaker 1: Just saying. 00:27:59 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:27:59 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:27:59 Speaker 2: Well, I'm an over. That's another pet peeve. Wire hangers, that's a pet peeve. 00:28:06 Speaker 1: What hangers should I be using? 00:28:12 Speaker 2: I have metal ones, but if you have wire hangers, that's fine for you. I'm not anti them for other people. I see they serve a purpose as a hanger is a hanger, but I just have all the. 00:28:25 Speaker 2: Well, yeah, and you get them free from the dry cleaner and stuff. They're easy to collect. 00:28:28 Speaker 1: I know. 00:28:29 Speaker 2: I get it. I can't explain my pet peeves. 00:28:32 Speaker 1: Also, I like the collars being tight, and you can kind of bend the wire hanger to get in there and not stretch out the collar. You know what I mean? 00:28:41 Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:28:44 Speaker 1: You're just appeasing me. That was, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:28:47 Speaker 2: No, I see your point. 00:28:49 Speaker 1: You see my point? Thank you. 00:28:51 Speaker 2: I see your point. I could be wrong. 00:28:54 Speaker 1: Yeah. I could be on the toilet paper. 00:28:56 Speaker 2: But I don't know yet if I've changed my mind. Wow, I just used all four. 00:29:01 Speaker 1: You're so remarkable. 00:29:02 Speaker 2: I'm so remarkable. All right, now you want to know how to secretly read someone? 00:29:10 Speaker 1: Yeah, I do. 00:29:11 Speaker 2: Because I'm going to teach you. 00:29:12 Speaker 1: Okay? 00:29:14 Speaker 2: If you want to know someone's priorities, take a look at what they postpone. 00:29:22 Speaker 1: Huh. 00:29:23 Speaker 2: I mean, this is good for self-reflection as well. Like even just as a, you know, what do we call it? What do you call it when you're assessing something? A review? No, no, no. You want to do a quarterly review on yourself? Do a check-in? Why can't I think of the proper word? It's on the tip of my tongue, but I can't think of it. Analyze? I don't know. A report? A report? Quarterly review? Did I already say that one? I don't know. I guess it's not on the tip of my tongue. But you can... If you are curious about your priorities, take a look at what you're postponing. 00:30:02 Speaker 1: Okay? 00:30:05 Speaker 2: If you want to know about someone's insecurity, take a look at what they over-explain. If you want to know about someone's curiosity, well, that's revealed by what they question. And I really, really have been working on trying to be a more curious person. 00:30:23 Speaker 1: I think that's good. I think that keeps you young too, by the way. Curiosity. 00:30:30 Speaker 2: Tell me more. 00:30:32 Speaker 1: Well, I just think like, I think the people that I admire the most that are older are the ones that like continue to keep learning. They explore new things. They pick up new books that they wouldn't typically read. I mean, that's kind of like we were talking, we went to the movies recently, like in the same way with books, like I'll occasionally try to like pick up a book that I wouldn't typically read. read in the same way like I'll try to go to a movie that I wouldn't like pick first because I just want to see like what else is out there. 00:31:06 Speaker 2: Stay curious yeah it's fun yeah if you want to check on someone's empathy or even your own well that's revealed in how you're listening or how they listen jealousy that's revealed by how they react to success control That's revealed by how they handle uncertainty. Gratitude. What do they remember? Now, this one, I don't love that it's tied to remembering because I don't have the best memory. I do rely on my calendar a lot more because I've learned. I missed some friends' birthdays back when I used to

not keep a calendar. My ADHD was just all over the place, and I had no structure. And now I know. 00:31:53 Speaker 2: My brain is not the one that's always going to remember a friend's birthday, but I don't like making them feel that way. And I don't want to use like have like a crutch of like, oh, well, I'm ADHD. Now, Therapy Cat, who's one of my best friends, and obviously we co-host this podcast together. If one of us missed each other's birthday, we would be so fine with it because we get it. We both have a very similar ADHD experience. And we would probably laugh at it and move on. Well, that doesn't work for every relationship in your life. Some people are going to get their feelings hurt, and I don't want to hurt their feelings. So now I try. I think I have everything entered into my calendar. Occasionally one will pop up where I'm like, shoot, how is that not on my calendar? I have it as a reoccurring. Every year it should pop up that it's this person's birthday. But because I think I have gratitude, and I may not remember certain things, you know? 00:32:50 Speaker 1: Yeah, totally. Totally. 00:32:52 Speaker 2: Like, I'm thankful for the people in my life whose birthday I missed in years past. 00:32:57 Speaker 1: But I will say, like, I don't think remembering birthdays or specific things is tied to gratitude. But, like, certainly if you're grateful for something, you're going to remember it. 00:33:07 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:33:09 Speaker 1: You know. 00:33:10 Speaker 2: If you want to read someone's patience, well, that's revealed in how they handle waiting. 00:33:15 Speaker 1: I can reveal about myself that I'm not. 00:33:21 Speaker 2: Oh, you're not very patient. 00:33:22 Speaker 1: I'm not. I can act like it sometimes, but I don't feel it. 00:33:27 Speaker 2: So what's it like when you're acting and what's going on on the inside? What are you thinking? 00:33:32 Speaker 1: I'm frustrated. I'm annoyed. I'm a little judgy. 00:33:39 Speaker 2: Have you ever been that with me? 00:33:40 Speaker 1: I was just thinking that. That was the context in which I was like, I'll be sitting there and I'm like, oh my God. 00:33:50 Speaker 2: I guess I have no idea because you're acting patient. 00:33:55 Speaker 1: I will say you're in a place now that I can be a little more open and transparent. Okay. 00:34:04 Speaker 2: So you would reveal to me, hey, I'm frustrated right now. 00:34:08 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd pick my battles with you. 00:34:10 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:34:11 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:34:12 Speaker 2: Cool. I can see that. 00:34:13 Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's definitely like, I mean, there's times I'm like, yeah, let's address this. And like, this makes sense. And there's times I'm like, not worth it. 00:34:22 Speaker 2: Not today. Not today. 00:34:24 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:34:25 Speaker 2: The final thing here is reading, uh, self-worth that's revealed by what you can tolerate or what, what, what you'll, what you'll tolerate and then, or what someone else will tolerate because their self-worth, like, are they going to put up with someone mistreating them or not having proper boundaries or Stuff like that. 00:34:44 Speaker 1: Y'all need to not put up with anything. 00:34:48 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:34:48 Speaker 1: That's my take. 00:34:49 Speaker 2: Sometimes, though, I will say there's, I don't know, there are these invisible boundaries where sometimes you have to put up with certain stuff, but you know it's not impacting you. To me, I categorize it under survival. And there might be different people in your life where you learn how to to manage the situation. So to others, it might look like you're actually putting up with something, but what they don't know is you've got an invisible boundary and there's a wall up in that situation is not impacting you. 00:35:22 Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I feel the same way, but those are people that just don't matter to me. Like at all. 00:35:27 Speaker 2: I know, but in certain situations, someone may have to matter. Like it's a, either you're reliant upon the situation financially, or there's a relationship, like you don't have the freedom to just walk away, but someone might Let me do a better job with this. They might see you having low self-worth because you're tolerating something. But what they don't know is you're tolerating it because it's circumstantial and you need it to survive. And you have done work around it and you've got these invisible boundaries and the boundaries are protecting you. So while you're in a situation that you're tolerating, and if you didn't have the boundaries, it would be wearing you down and you'd be exhausted and it'd be terrible and you'd have low self-worth. It actually isn't impacting your self-worth because joke's on them. You're playing the game. Do you know what I'm saying? 00:36:14 Speaker 1: I might see your point. 00:36:16 Speaker 2: You can see that. 00:36:17 Speaker 1: I could see your point. 00:36:19 Speaker 2: Did I do a terrible job of explaining that or is it just that? 00:36:22 Speaker 1: No, I'm tracking. No, I 100% am tracking. 00:36:25 Speaker 2: Yeah, because I could be wrong. 00:36:26 Speaker 1: I just am like, yeah, I just. 00:36:29 Speaker 2: I could be wrong. 00:36:30 Speaker 1: Even if you're someone I work with or like you might matter in my day to day, but like. If you don't matter in my heart, and that doesn't mean that I don't, like, wish you well, but I just, I think we probably. 00:36:44 Speaker 2: Are thinking the same thing. I think we're saying the same thing. Yeah. 00:36:46 Speaker 1: We're on the same page, guys. 00:36:47 Speaker 2: Because what I was sharing, all of those things, priorities, insecurity, curiosity, empathy, we could all look at that inwardly for ourselves. Inwardly? 00:36:55 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:36:56 Speaker 2: Is that how it is now? 00:36:58 Speaker 1: Say it with confidence. 00:36:59 Speaker 2: Inwardly. You could look inwardly with that, but also this is a way to read

someone else. So what I was sharing is you might be misreading someone. You might say, oh, they might not have much self-worth because of what they're tolerating. But what you don't know is they're just playing the game, the long game for a little bit. Eventually they'll hopefully be out, but they might be They might have an invisible boundary protecting them, and they actually have amazing self-worth. You know what I'm saying? 00:37:32 Speaker 1: I see your point. 00:37:33 Speaker 2: Thank you. Thank you. I know we talked about divorce earlier, sadly. 00:37:41 Speaker 1: You want to talk about it again? 00:37:42 Speaker 2: That mine didn't make it. No, but I forgot the final thing that I wanted to talk about, because we're two single people. The only people that should be talking about this is marriage maintenance tips. 00:37:51 Speaker 1: Yes. 00:37:53 Speaker 2: And I guess we're totally qualified. I was married 17 years. 00:37:57 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm a big bachelor. 00:37:59 Speaker 2: Big, big, huge. 00:38:01 Speaker 1: Yeah. Don't even put the toilet paper on the roll. 00:38:03 Speaker 2: He goes under. Oh, yeah. That's right. Yeah, you don't even put it on the roll. And then at my house, he doesn't even notice that I put it over. Although I will say Chase is obsessed with the hand soap at my house. 00:38:15 Speaker 1: Oh, it smells so good. I'm smelling my hands like right now. 00:38:17 Speaker 2: It's so good. So Caitlin, Bobby's wife, she actually gave me that set. 00:38:22 Speaker 1: That tracks because she's got good taste. 00:38:23 Speaker 2: She has great taste. And so she gave me that set. I hosted their baby shower. And so that was her gift. And it's really nice. like I, the jar, the, the bottles are so pretty. Like I, I want to keep them forever. Well, the hand soap part ran out. And so I filled the jar up with a totally different hand soap than the lotion. Cause it's a soap and a lotion and chase washed his hands. And he was like, Oh, this soap smells so good. 00:38:53 Speaker 1: Oh. 00:38:54 Speaker 2: And then he goes to the bathroom and he sees that there's lotion and Like five minutes later, he comes back and he's rubbing the lotion all over his arms. And he's like, I never put lotion on, but this soap just smells so good. I want to put the lotion on. And I was like, it's not the same at all. Like I think the hand soap is like more of this vanilla flavor because I know what you're loving. And then the lotion, which was originally what Caitlin got, it's like a sun-dried tomato. 00:39:24 Speaker 1: The hand soap smells like... Coconut. Coconut. 00:39:28 Speaker 2: Vanilla. 00:39:29 Speaker 1: It smells like a warm, happy cabin. 00:39:32 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:39:33 Speaker 1: Sure. 00:39:34 Speaker 2: Well, what does the lotion smell like? 00:39:36 Speaker 1: Oh, like tomatoes. 00:39:37 Speaker 2: No, what Caitlin got me. 00:39:39 Speaker 1: Shout out, Caitlin. It's still a. 00:39:41 Speaker 2: Nice gift, but I wouldn't see a guy really liking that tomato scent. And you were rubbing it all over. Oh, I know. 00:39:50 Speaker 1: Now it kind of like, I smell like a warm, happy cabin with. 00:39:54 Speaker 2: Ketchup on his hands. 00:39:55 Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't know. 00:39:57 Speaker 2: Oh, that's funny. So yeah, Kid Chase is very much a bachelor. I am single and we're going to give you marriage to marriage. I'm dating. Yeah. But I'm single. 00:40:11 Speaker 1: Same. 00:40:11 Speaker 2: I'm not. I have nothing to proclaim. 00:40:13 Speaker 1: No, I just. 00:40:14 Speaker 2: You're dating. 00:40:15 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:40:16 Speaker 2: I would go on a date like if somebody asked me on a date. 00:40:18 Speaker 1: We know. 00:40:19 Speaker 2: Okay. All right. Marriage maintenance tips from two single people. 00:40:28 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:40:29 Speaker 2: These are too late for me, but maybe we can implement these later. We got time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:40:34 Speaker 1: It's not too late for you. Yeah. Okay. 00:40:36 Speaker 2: Okay. Six second kiss. Kat and I have actually talked about this tip before. You're supposed to kiss for a full six seconds before you leave the house. And it can't just be three seconds. It's got to be for six. 00:40:51 Speaker 1: Okay? Is that like a mild make out? Can it be like a double kiss? Like a two, three second kiss? 00:40:58 Speaker 2: No, it's got to be six. Yeah, it's got to be six. 00:41:02 Speaker 1: So it's a little bit of a make out. 00:41:04 Speaker 2: A little bit. 00:41:05 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. 00:41:06 Speaker 2: But if you're leaving the house for work, it can't be too much. Is it like one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi? Three Mississippi. Damn. What? 00:41:17 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:41:17 Speaker 2: Sorry. Another thing you need to do is called the debrief. Every night, tell each other one specific thing you noticed about the other. So let's do that right now. Just like the friendship debrief. What's one specific thing? 00:41:31 Speaker 1: I know. 00:41:32 Speaker 2: I've got one. 00:41:33 Speaker 1: You go first. Okay. 00:41:35 Speaker 2: I think it's really kind that you're going to drive all the way out to see our other friend that's going through something hard. And that's the type of person that you are. Cause you're like, you don't even know if they want to see you, but you've got their location and you're going to show up there with just a little gift and be like, Hey, here's this. They may not want to talk. They may not want to hang out, but like, Hey, thinking of you and I'm here for you like that. I noticed that about you today. And, and, and it backs up your track record. I know you do that sort of thing, but I noticed you working on that today. What are you going to say about me? Why are you laughing? People can't see you laughing. 00:42:10 Speaker 1: This is totally why I'm a bachelor. There's a million things I could say great about you. But it was funny the way you didn't frame it like one good

thing. So I was thinking my mind went to like the one annoying thing today for the debrief. 00:42:28 Speaker 2: Oh, okay. Okay. 00:42:30 Speaker 1: Which wasn't super annoying, but I just was like, I had to take my shoes off again because it's a no-shoe house. And then I walk in and I'm like, but the cat box or the litter box is on the kitchen table, but I have to take my shoes off? 00:42:43 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:42:44 Speaker 1: Let's debrief about this then today. 00:42:47 Speaker 2: Back up. The litter box is not on the kitchen table. It's on the dining room table. It's on the kitchen counter. Dining room table, which is another room that we rarely eat in. Mm-hmm. And because I'm getting the bunk beds in the game room, which again is the catch-all. So where's the litter box? In the game room. And they're working in there and they've got the door shut because the saws are really loud. And the saw actually was stressing Maggie out. So we had to, she needed to use the bathroom. So we moved it to the dining room. I had to have it up on a counter because then Cara, my dog, will get into it. And then after I move it back to the game room, I will Totally clean and sanitize that area. 00:43:28 Speaker 1: I just want to say, if we were married, I would have failed this debrief at the end of the day. 00:43:33 Speaker 2: Because, yeah, I guess I... And I learned more about me. Well, but to your point, there are no rules. The debrief could be something negative. 00:43:41 Speaker 1: I think if we were married, I would have probably said in the debrief, as we went to bed, I'm tired of this being a no-shoe household. I want to bring shoes back. 00:43:52 Speaker 2: And I would say, ice. I can see that. 00:43:56 Speaker 1: I bought the house. 00:43:57 Speaker 2: But I'm not changing my mind. 00:43:59 Speaker 1: And good night. 00:44:01 Speaker 2: Yeah. Now there's something called the turn toward. This is the next thing on the marriage maintenance list. When your partner makes a small comment, turn toward them instead of past them. Small comment, turn toward it, not past it. 00:44:17 Speaker 1: Is eye contact good enough? I feel like that. I like that, the turn toward, but like. 00:44:23 Speaker 2: I guess you could turn toward and look for everyone. Yeah. We probably turn toward and look at them. Yeah. 00:44:28 Speaker 1: Like eye contact. 00:44:29 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:44:29 Speaker 1: I think eye contact's good. 00:44:31 Speaker 2: The physical reset is next. This is hold hands during a disagreement, even briefly. Touch flowers, cortisol fast. 00:44:38 Speaker 1: Absolutely not. This is, I'm not, I'm not, see, I'm not cut out for marriage. I'm just going to be a bachelor. I'm not holding your hands while we argue. That guy, that guy sounds like a douche bag. 00:44:52 Speaker 2: It says, During a disagreement, even if it's briefly. 00:44:56 Speaker 1: No. 00:44:58 Speaker 2: Just like touch. 00:45:00 Speaker 1: No. 00:45:00 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:45:03 Speaker 1: Let me back up. I could work. I could see your point. I can work on that. That's probably something. 00:45:13 Speaker 2: I'm really glad we started the episode with the four phrases that remarkable minds say so that we could refer back to them this entire episode. 00:45:20 Speaker 1: I'm realizing I'm pretty unremarkable, but I'm going to work on it. Yeah. Yeah. 00:45:25 Speaker 2: The next one is praise out loud. Compliment your partner in front of someone else. 00:45:30 Speaker 1: I like that. 00:45:31 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:45:31 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:45:32 Speaker 2: The weekly check-in. Ask, how are we doing once a week, out loud and on purpose? 00:45:37 Speaker 1: I'm good at that in my current, like, relationship. Like, the girl that I'm dating. Because I'm really bad at sometimes just in the day-to-day of it. But, like, I like to do an intentional check-in and communicate, like, hey, how are you doing? Where are you at? This is where I'm at. 00:45:55 Speaker 2: How are we doing? 00:45:56 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:45:57 Speaker 2: We could do this in our friendship, though. How are we doing? Especially as we work together more, like Chase and I are working on some projects together. Stay tuned. 00:46:06 Speaker 1: Stay tuned. 00:46:07 Speaker 2: And we might need to do a how are we doing? Especially since now I know you act like you're being patient and everything's fine and inside you're. so frustrated and annoyed. 00:46:18 Speaker 1: I'm not like so frustrated and so annoyed. 00:46:20 Speaker 2: I can't honestly think of a time that I've ever been frustrated or annoyed with you. So I'm like, what? 00:46:27 Speaker 1: Some like, yeah, I just like you can get a little squirrel, your ADHD. 00:46:35 Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, I can't help that. 00:46:37 Speaker 1: I know that about you and I love and respect you the way you are. And I just let it, sit there because i know eventually you're going to come back and find. 00:46:48 Speaker 2: The nut yeah uh the shared novelty do one thing together every month i think that's good it releases dopamine wow once what once a month. 00:46:59 Speaker 1: I can guarantee if we're in a relationship we are releasing dopamine more than once a month. 00:47:06 Speaker 2: What does that mean sex oh okay dopamine okay activity together uh is that not on the list No, just a six-second. 00:47:17 Speaker 1: This is a crappy list. 00:47:19 Speaker 2: This is a six-second list. Six-second kiss is the only real physical thing. And then that brief hand-holding during a disagreement. The shared novelty. I know I said that one. I'm saying it again because it's doing one new thing together every month. Did I say new? It has to be new. Because I was like, once a month? You should be doing way more stuff than once a month. But I guess trying something new together? 00:47:42 Speaker 1: Heard that. 00:47:44 Speaker 2: And then the final thing is the repair attempt. Reach first after a fight, even when small. Couples who last

repair fast. You like that saying? 00:47:58 Speaker 1: I'm pretty good at saying, like, I don't like you, but I love you when I've been in a relationship. Like, there's times that I'm like, because I don't. 00:48:08 Speaker 2: I don't like you right now, but I love you? 00:48:10 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:48:10 Speaker 2: You're pretty good at that? Yeah. I understand the sentiment behind that, but I don't like, I don't like love to hear that. 00:48:17 Speaker 1: Really? 00:48:17 Speaker 2: Like, I love you, but I just don't like you right now. 00:48:21 Speaker 1: Well, I wouldn't say it like that. 00:48:22 Speaker 2: Well, how would you say it? 00:48:23 Speaker 1: I'd be like, Hey, I don't like you right now, but I love you. Okay. Like meaning like you're annoying the shit out of me, but I'm, but I still love you and carry bad. I'm here and I'm going to be here in the morning. Like, okay. Like, give me a beat. 00:48:40 Speaker 2: Got it. 00:48:41 Speaker 1: I don't like you. 00:48:43 Speaker 2: Just you need space. 00:48:44 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:48:44 Speaker 2: Walk away. 00:48:45 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:48:46 Speaker 2: So I don't grab for your hand at that point? 00:48:48 Speaker 1: No. Don't. Which I am thinking, like, why is sex not on this list? Because you could, like, lump in, like, four of these things. 00:48:56 Speaker 2: This is just marriage maintenance. I mean, that's probably a whole other type of list. Like, these are, like, little things you can do that don't require. 00:49:02 Speaker 1: I'm just saying you can point inward. You can kiss for six seconds. You can do all those things. And, like, if you're married, having sex. Right. So have more sex. I get it. Try new things. 00:49:13 Speaker 2: Cool. Chase is like, I have this all figured out. Praise out loud. Yeah. 00:49:18 Speaker 1: We should get married. 00:49:20 Speaker 2: Yeah. Rethink that bachelor thing. Okay. Well, there you have it. That's our episode. 00:49:27 Speaker 1: There it is. 00:49:29 Speaker 2: There it is. I could see your point. Do you remember how we closed things? Because we did it last week. I'm going to say. 00:49:37 Speaker 1: Have the day. 00:49:39 Speaker 2: And then you say... You need to have. Okay. All right. Make sure you send us emails if you want to. Hey, they're at feelingthingspodcast.com. You can also call us. All of this will be in the show notes as well if you don't have a pen, but it's 877. I was about to say 77 Bobby. That's Bobby's number. 877-207-2077. Leave us a voicemail. We would love to hear from you. If you've got a question for Couch Talks, if you want to send Kat a message, Chase a message, In all transparency, I don't know for sure if Kat and I will be back next week. I don't know. I'm just giving her space with baby Zoe and trying to figure out this whole mom thing. So I don't know what's going to happen next week. Will Chase be back for a third? 00:50:23 Speaker 1: We will see. 00:50:24 Speaker 2: Time will tell. But we hope wherever you are, whatever you're doing. 00:50:29 Speaker 1: That's very Delilah. I'm sorry. Wherever you're at. 00:50:34 Speaker 2: Wherever you are right now. You're my voice. I hope you have the day. 00:50:38 Speaker 1: That you need to have. 00:50:40 Speaker 2: Bye now. 00:50:42 Speaker 1: Signing off. 00:50:44 Speaker 2: Amy and Chase. 00:50:45 Speaker 1: Delilah.