บทถอดความฉบับเต็มของ Big Breaks

Chicago announced that they were looking for their next traffic reporter. 00:04:41.360 --> 00:04:50.160 And they were gonna have a contest, and the person that won the contest was gonna get to be a traffic reporter for three months, and the job was gonna pay$25,000. 00:04:50.879 --> 00:04:58.399 And that is more money than I had made in the previous 12 months, so my eyeballs like turned into little dollar signs, and I was like, okay, I'm doing this. 00:04:58.639 --> 00:05:10.399 So I made an audition video and I made it to the top 75, and then from there I advanced to a top 10 finalist position to become Chicago's next traffic reporter. 00:05:10.639 --> 00:05:17.600 And as a top 10 finalist, I had to do an actual day of live traffic reporting. 00:05:17.839 --> 00:05:19.199 Like it was a serious thing. 00:05:19.360 --> 00:05:23.199 They were gonna put us all on TV one at a time, do the thing, and then people were gonna vote. 00:05:23.360 --> 00:05:29.120 So um I was the only person in the top 10 who had no journalism experience. 00:05:29.439 --> 00:05:36.879 Uh, I was also the youngest, and at every stage of the like competition, I had worn different color Converse sneakers. 00:05:36.959 --> 00:05:39.920 Like just by accident, that's just like what my wardrobe was then. 00:05:40.000 --> 00:05:50.639 So I had like black sneakers in my audition video, and then I had green Converse sneakers the day we did the top 75 audition, which was a mistake because the traffic is reported in front of a green screen, and that audition was in front of a green. 00:05:50.959 --> 00:05:51.519 It was fine. 00:05:51.759 --> 00:05:52.160 It was fine. 00:05:52.240 --> 00:05:57.680 And then and then I came in for like another day of training with red Converse sneakers, and they just thought it was a riot. 00:05:57.759 --> 00:06:01.600 Like they thought, who's this kid with our Converse sneakers? 00:06:01.759 --> 00:06:03.519 Uh they thought I was real wild. 00:06:03.680 --> 00:06:18.079 And so when they were talking us through uh like preparation for our big on-air day, they were very clear about the fact that on the day that we came to do our on-air traffic report, we had to dress business casual. 00:06:18.319 --> 00:06:21.279 And they were like really looking at me when they said that. 00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:22.800 And I was like, okay, I get it. 00:06:22.879 --> 00:06:23.680 All right, all right, all right. 00:06:23.839 --> 00:06:25.439 And so I like go home to my closet. 00:06:25.519 --> 00:06:28.480 Like, business casual is still a triggering phrase to me. 00:06:28.639 --> 00:06:30.879 Like it's just the worst. 00:06:31.279 --> 00:06:33.199 And like I'm sweating, like I'm I don't know. 00:06:33.600 --> 00:06:38.639 So I go to my closet, like fling open the doors into my closet, and it reflects the life that I am living. 00:06:38.720 --> 00:06:46.240 It's like multicolored leggings and like three different tutos that I wear on the weekends when I'm like leading birthday parties for five-year-olds. 00:06:46.319 --> 00:06:48.240 Like, I just have nothing business casual. 00:06:48.399 --> 00:06:56.000 So I go, I go shopping and I get this sensible black dress that just like screams news reporter person. 00:06:56.240 --> 00:06:59.600 And but I still want to like maintain the meanness of it all. 00:06:59.759 --> 00:07:08.720 So I buy uh bright yellow high heels, like three-inch high heels, and I'm like, I am a lady, but I'm still like a little bit fun. 00:07:08.879 --> 00:07:19.040 Uh and I and I spend days practicing, just like walking back and forth in my apartment because like I'm not used to walking in three inch heels, but I feel pretty good. 00:07:19.199 --> 00:07:23.120 We they they gave us like real training, so I feel confident about what I'm about to do. 00:07:23.279 --> 00:07:32.000 And I wake up the morning of my traffic report at 3:30, because that is what time in the morning these people wake up and I'm I'm like getting my life together. 00:07:32.079 --> 00:07:37.839 I put on my dress and I I put on my Converse sneakers because I'm gonna drive in the sneakers because who drives in heels? 00:07:38.000 --> 00:07:58.800 Um and so I had my heels in a plastic bag, I grabbed some snacks, I'm like getting everything together, and I go down to my car, and it's dark and it's freezing cold because it's Chicago, and I'm driving down Lakeshore, and my knuckles are like frozen over the steering wheel, and I'm I'm feeling so nervous because I actually need this job. 00:07:58.959 --> 00:08:06.480 Like I'm I'm burning out, I'm running out of cash, um, and I feel like I have a decent chance, actually, in spite of it all. 00:08:06.720 --> 00:08:22.879 So I pull into the station and I go to grab my heels, and as I go to grab the bag, I double take it and I realize that instead of grabbing a bag of yellow heels, I have grabbed a bag of yellow bananas. 00:08:25.439 --> 00:08:36.240 And I and I burst into tears because I'm wearing my Converse sneakers, which they explicitly told me not to wear. 00:08:36.320 --> 00:08:38.960 I'm like, they're gonna think that I am not taking this seriously. 00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:44.720 I'm I'm I'm like sobbing, and I run up to the station and I'm like, listen, my roommate's gonna be up in three hours. 00:08:44.879 --> 00:08:46.080 She can bring the shoes down. 00:08:46.159 --> 00:08:47.120 Like, I'm so sorry. 00:08:47.279 --> 00:08:49.279 And they they're like, calm down. 00:08:49.519 --> 00:08:55.360 They're like, wear the Converse sneakers, bring the bananas into the studio, tell the story on air. 00:08:55.679 --> 00:08:58.480 And I'm like, okay, I'll do it. 00:08:58.720 --> 00:09:02.480 So I go in and I report the traffic. 00:09:02.720 --> 00:09:16.000 And first of all, let me just say there's no way I could have done that in Heels because these people are running from this the like desk where the anchors are to the green screen, like back and forth, back and forth, and there's a

bunch of cables that you have to like jump over because you get like three seconds to go from one place to the next. 00:09:16.240 --> 00:09:17.679 There's no way I could have done that in heels. 00:09:17.919 --> 00:09:20.960 But I report the living daylights out of the traffic. 00:09:21.200 --> 00:09:23.919 And sure enough, in between, the traffic hits. 00:09:24.000 --> 00:09:25.679 I'm telling the story of the bananas. 00:09:25.759 --> 00:09:28.639 And at one point, some of my friends showed up to like support me. 00:09:28.720 --> 00:09:32.960 Um they were gonna just like wait outside the window, you know, in the studios, there's always like the window to the street. 00:09:33.120 --> 00:09:41.039 And they the producers gave my friends the bananas so I could like tell the story, and then they like cut to my friends like eating bananas, like, no Carly. 00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:43.039 So it's like a whole thing. 00:09:43.200 --> 00:09:49.440 And um, and I finished the traffic report and I float out of there because I'm like, I nailed it. 00:09:49.840 --> 00:09:52.559 People are like high-fiving me, like patting me on the back. 00:09:52.799 --> 00:09:53.759 I feel so good. 00:09:53.919 --> 00:10:01.279 And then I float off to the interview with the suits because like even they can't actually let the Chicago people vote as a traffic reporter in. 00:10:01.440 --> 00:10:06.559 So there's like an interview portion of it, and I sit down, I'm feeling like a million bucks, and they're like, that was great. 00:10:06.639 --> 00:10:08.960 So why do you want to be a traffic reporter? 00:10:09.200 --> 00:10:12.799 And I'm like, oh, oh my God. 00:10:13.279 --> 00:10:13.679 What? 00:10:13.919 --> 00:10:21.120 Like, I hadn't thought through the fact that they could potentially ask me that question, and I have no I have no answer for it because I don't want to be a traffic reporter. 00:10:21.519 --> 00:10:26.559 I'm a pretty but I'm like, I'm like, oh, you know, like bring some flavor to the mornings. 00:10:26.720 --> 00:10:28.480 Like, I just like fumble something. 00:10:28.559 --> 00:10:34.639 Um, and I and I walk out and and I don't get the job. 00:10:35.600 --> 00:10:39.840 Oddly enough, the guy that did get the job is still doing it though, and that was like 12 years ago. 00:10:40.000 --> 00:10:46.559 So, like, it I guess it worked out the way that it was supposed to, but I was I was crushed because it just felt like okay, back to the grind. 00:10:46.720 --> 00:10:48.159 And so, you know, that's what I did. 00:10:48.240 --> 00:10:58.080 I went back, I hustled, I worked a million jobs, and about 10 months after the whole traffic situation, I got another audition for a live morning show. 00:10:58.320 --> 00:11:02.240 But this one was for preschoolers and involved a chicken puppet. 00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:07.519 And and that job I did get Converse Sneakers and all. 00:11:08.080 --> 00:11:08.960 Thank you. 00:11:12.879 --> 00:11:14.879 Carly is the greatest. 00:11:15.039 --> 00:11:20.799 In fact, your kids might know her as the former host of the children's TV program Sunny Side Up on Sprout. 00:11:20.879 --> 00:11:26.480 And if her voice sounds familiar to you, well, she's been the promotional voice of Southwest Airlines for years. 00:11:26.639 --> 00:11:29.120 I am so psyched to have her on board. 00:11:29.360 --> 00:11:33.120 Up next, we have our pal Rory Scholl talking about his big break. 00:11:33.360 --> 00:11:40.480 Rory's a storyteller and improv comedian who I've known from the storytelling scene for years, and you may have seen him on the marvelous Mrs. 00:11:40.559 --> 00:11:46.000 Mazel, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, or in his traveling game show, The Big Quiz Thing. 00:11:46.159 --> 00:11:50.000 Here's Rory Scholl with his story Jingle All the Way. 00:11:52.960 --> 00:11:58.559 Say, did you know that the Tyrannosaurus Rex is a member of the deer family? 00:11:58.960 --> 00:11:59.360 Yeah. 00:11:59.600 --> 00:12:04.879 That's just one of the many lies I tell children at the Museum of Natural History. 00:12:05.279 --> 00:12:07.840 Um, because they're kids, who cares? 00:12:08.080 --> 00:12:28.399 Um I do birthday party tours for spoiled Upper West Side rich kids at the museum, you know, where they pick a theme like dinosaurs or space, or and I dress up like a character, and we walk around the museum, and then I take them down to the basement, and they eat dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, and I question every life choice I've ever made. 00:12:28.639 --> 00:12:31.919 Um there is one aspect I love about it. 00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:38.080 I bring my guitar sometimes and we improvise songs, you know, like Parker and the Mystery of the Museum and things like that. 00:12:38.159 --> 00:12:39.679 And I I enjoy that part. 00:12:39.840 --> 00:12:43.840 So I'm doing a tour for, oh, let's say Cooper. 00:12:44.159 --> 00:12:53.360 You know, one of these names that needs to be retired, you know, uh Cooper or Parker or Lexi or Madison, you know. 00:12:53.600 --> 00:12:57.840 Upper West Side parents, stop naming your kids after streets you see out of your window. 00:12:58.000 --> 00:12:59.120 That would be great. 00:12:59.360 --> 00:13:04.559 So we're doing space, and he asked me a question, like, what's the difference between a meteor and a meteorite? 00:13:04.799 --> 00:13:06.399 I'm like, one's edible, Cooper. 00:13:06.480 --> 00:13:07.440 I don't know. 00:13:07.919 --> 00:13:15.120 Um we go down to the basement and they start eating their nuggets, and I go and check my phone messages, and I get a message. 00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:18.799 It's like, hey Rory, it's Cindy from CBS. 00:13:18.879 --> 00:13:25.440 We really loved your audition tapes, and we'd love you to be on our show, and we'll see you in two weeks in Burbank. 00:13:25.600 --> 00:13:30.240 And it's a good thing I was wearing an astronaut costume because I was over the moon. 00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:33.200 That's for the dads in the

audience. 00:13:33.360 --> 00:13:34.799 You can use that if you want to. 00:13:34.960 --> 00:13:38.240 Um, a couple months, like I totally forgot about this audition. 00:13:38.320 --> 00:13:44.000 My songwriting partner and I auditioned to be on a new reality show uh by Mark Burnett. 00:13:44.159 --> 00:13:48.399 It was called Jingles about the exciting world of jingle writers. 00:13:48.799 --> 00:13:51.279 Yes, that's why you have never heard of it. 00:13:51.519 --> 00:13:54.399 Um but uh I was very excited. 00:13:54.480 --> 00:14:01.039 It was like, suck it, Coopers of the World, I'm out of here, I'm about to be famous, this is my big break, and we're off. 00:14:01.360 --> 00:14:05.679 So two weeks later, my partner and I, we got on the plane, and we're excited to go. 00:14:05.840 --> 00:14:16.559 I'm excited about this new opportunity, and uh Sam is excited because he had a girlfriend there, uh, the one that got away, and her husband just died, so he was excited. 00:14:16.720 --> 00:14:20.639 Um and Sam was married at the time, but it doesn't matter. 00:14:22.080 --> 00:14:24.960 I promised him I wouldn't use his real name. 00:14:25.279 --> 00:14:34.879 Uh so anyway, Sam and I are we're we're we land in Birdbank and we get into our hotel room and they take our cell phones and we're not allowed to watch the news. 00:14:35.039 --> 00:14:41.360 Take, you know, not can't can't watch newspapers because you don't want jingle writers being influenced by the outside world. 00:14:41.600 --> 00:14:50.720 And I'm the first hour or two I'm there, we're having a blast, and then I realized, you know, reality show, it's not real uh reality at all. 00:14:50.879 --> 00:15:05.759 I can see the lot from our hotel window that they're we're gonna be filming at, but still they make all the contestants get on a bus and drive, you know, and get off, they film us getting off the bus like oh, Hollywood, you know, and we're like, and they did a good job of you know making a diverse cast. 00:15:05.919 --> 00:15:19.600 There was like a little uh country and western uh duo, uh husband and wife from Tennessee, and there was a boy band from Vegas, and there was like you know, blues blues people and jazz and all these different and we were the goofy comics from New York, um comedy songwriters. 00:15:19.759 --> 00:15:22.559 And so uh I was like, Well, I'm gonna make the best of this. 00:15:22.639 --> 00:15:29.279 You know, I'm gonna ham it up, someone's gonna see me, and I'm gonna be hosting uh my own talk show before before this is all over. 00:15:29.440 --> 00:15:33.039 And so, you know, in every interview, I'm like, yeah, I love jingles. 00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:36.399 I sing them all the time, and products, I use products every day, you know. 00:15:36.559 --> 00:15:41.759 Um and uh so when they're interviewing the other people, I make sure like I can't be edited out of this. 00:15:41.840 --> 00:15:47.679 Like I'm in the background drinking a cup of coffee whether interviewing someone, or they're interviewing the jazz cup, I'm throwing a football to no one. 00:15:47.759 --> 00:15:52.799 I'm like, just you're not editing me out uh of this at all. 00:15:53.039 --> 00:15:57.279 Um so the next day uh they tell us the rules. 00:15:57.360 --> 00:16:05.120 So every week they're gonna give us a new product, and we have to come up with the jingle and a commercial, and we can mock up the product if we want to. 00:16:05.200 --> 00:16:07.519 And I'm like, okay, this is this is very exciting. 00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:10.240 So we get to meet our um our three judges. 00:16:10.399 --> 00:16:15.200 So we're all waiting in the lot on the stage, and our first judge walks in, and she's a lovely person. 00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:18.320 She works for an agency, I think it was called Kaplan Thaler or something like that. 00:16:18.480 --> 00:16:26.720 She's an she's an agent, and she gives us advice, and I'm rooting for y'all, and here's what I'm looking for in a in a song, and and good luck to everybody. 00:16:26.960 --> 00:16:34.720 And then the next judge comes in, and I think her name is Kathy, and Kathy wrote the uh Toys Are Us jingle. 00:16:34.879 --> 00:16:36.879 You know, I don't want to grow up. 00:16:39.120 --> 00:16:39.759 Right? 00:16:41.279 --> 00:16:46.159 But you would have thought she wrote the fucking white album the way she talked about her process. 00:16:47.120 --> 00:16:56.559 Um very serious woman, and uh I was like, alright, very good. 00:16:56.960 --> 00:17:10.319 And and then we're all set to meet our celebrity judge, and a door opens to the side, and I don't know if the smoke machine was broken or if it was a teamster out there having a cigarette, but the tiniest bit of smoke wafted in. 00:17:11.039 --> 00:17:22.559 And then in walks our celebrity judge, just dressed head to toe in leather with sunglasses, and he walks in the middle, he stands on the stage, and it's Gene Simmons. 00:17:23.200 --> 00:17:23.599 Yeah. 00:17:23.839 --> 00:17:28.319 Gene Simmons from KISS, if you were born after 2000. 00:17:29.920 --> 00:17:32.640 Which no one here was. 00:17:32.960 --> 00:17:33.440 Okay, good. 00:17:33.519 --> 00:17:35.039 So we all know Gene Simmons. 00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:40.400 And Gene Simmons takes the stage and he looks at us and he's like, Jingle writers. 00:17:40.880 --> 00:17:44.880 If you're not serious about writing jingles, there's the door. 00:17:47.920 --> 00:17:50.559 And he's pointing in the wrong direction. 00:17:50.799 --> 00:17:54.559 And I I lean over to Sam. 00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:55.680 You all know now. 00:17:55.759 --> 00:17:59.519 Uh I lean over to Sam and I say, This is never gonna see the light of day. 00:17:59.759 --> 00:18:16.319 Um so my new plan is to um uh uh befriend Gene Simmons, because this is at a time when he had like he had like five or six reality shows on TV at the time. 00:18:16.400 --> 00:18:18.640 So I was like, well, I'm just gonna make this dude love me. 00:18:18.799

--> 00:18:21.599 And he'll put me on something, and somebody's gonna see me, and this is it. 00:18:21.680 --> 00:18:24.160 It's my big break, suck it, Coopers of the World. 00:18:24.400 --> 00:18:29.119 And um so every time I would see him, I was like, Gene, and he'd he'd totally ignore me. 00:18:29.359 --> 00:18:32.160 Didn't didn't want anything to do with me at all. 00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:43.759 Um so new new new plan um was just to uh uh do everything I could in front of the cameras and befriend a cameraman or you know a key grip or somebody and somebody's gonna love me and put me on TV. 00:18:43.839 --> 00:18:49.839 Um so we get our first uh products and we have to come up with a jingle for uh and a product for gum. 00:18:50.000 --> 00:19:02.240 And so Sam and I decide on something called fruit it up, and we write a reggae song, and we make the gum look like little joints, and uh which is great for CBS. 00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:03.440 They loved it. 00:19:04.319 --> 00:19:09.279 And so um our host of the show was I think her name was Kim Kimberly Caldwell. 00:19:09.440 --> 00:19:12.720 I think she was like the fifth runner up on American Idol season four. 00:19:13.039 --> 00:19:14.079 You're shaking your head. 00:19:14.160 --> 00:19:16.079 Yep, big Caldwell fan in the back there. 00:19:16.240 --> 00:19:17.039 Alright, good. 00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:20.400 So she entered, she introduces us, we go in, we sing our fruited up song. 00:19:20.480 --> 00:19:24.319 And Gene Simmons is on a throne, and the two women are on stools. 00:19:24.559 --> 00:19:25.839 I mean, give me a break. 00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:35.680 We know he's producing the show, and uh so so we we get down, we sing our little fruited up song, and uh um uh Kaplan Thaler lady loves us. 00:19:35.839 --> 00:19:38.960 And the Toys Are Us woman, Kathy, she hates us. 00:19:39.119 --> 00:19:40.799 And so it's up to Gene Simmons. 00:19:40.880 --> 00:19:44.400 And and uh and Sam says, Well, what do you think, Mr. 00:19:44.559 --> 00:19:45.200 Simpson? 00:19:45.359 --> 00:19:52.799 And I was like, I said, Is it too late to get a new partner? 00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:56.720 You know, and he said, That's alright, I've been called worse. 00:19:56.799 --> 00:19:57.839 And I was like, All right, cool. 00:19:57.920 --> 00:20:00.400 So he goes, I'm gonna leave it up to a coin flip. 00:20:00.640 --> 00:20:00.960 Okay. 00:20:01.359 --> 00:20:02.720 He says, Call it. 00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:08.480 And I say, heads, and it's tails, and we are off the first episode. 00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:09.599 That's it. 00:20:09.839 --> 00:20:14.400 So we go outside, and you know, Caldwell uh interviews us. 00:20:14.799 --> 00:20:15.920 Well, well, that didn't go so well. 00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:17.759 I was like, Yeah, no, it did not. 00:20:18.000 --> 00:20:27.200 Uh and Sam's like, you know, Rory, uh, if someone says heads or tails, you always say heads or tails, and you said the wrong thing, and everything I said, well, Sam, you know what? 00:20:27.279 --> 00:20:28.720 The only reason you're here is to get laid. 00:20:28.799 --> 00:20:29.279 And he goes, What? 00:20:29.440 --> 00:20:29.839 And I go, what? 00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:30.720 And the cameras go, what? 00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:32.480 And I was like, uh, no, no, no. 00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:34.799 So we gotta nothing. 00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:36.480 We're we'll leave now. 00:20:36.720 --> 00:20:41.759 Um I didn't want, we didn't need that on camera, so we're leaving. 00:20:42.160 --> 00:20:49.680 My new new new plan after this was to make the people doing the exit interview fall in love with me. 00:20:49.759 --> 00:20:51.119 Oh, they're gonna love it. 00:20:51.519 --> 00:20:53.359 They're gonna love me and put me on something. 00:20:53.519 --> 00:20:54.799 Look out for this exit interview. 00:20:54.880 --> 00:20:56.319 I'm gonna be charming. 00:20:56.720 --> 00:20:59.519 So they're like, uh, well, we're sorry that didn't work out. 00:20:59.599 --> 00:21:01.359 Um, were there any judges you didn't like? 00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:04.640 And uh and we were like, oh no, because they're very manipulative, these people. 00:21:04.799 --> 00:21:06.000 I was like, no, no, everyone was fine. 00:21:06.079 --> 00:21:07.279 They're like, well, which one didn't you like? 00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:09.519 I was like, well, I mean, Kathy didn't like us, I guess. 00:21:09.599 --> 00:21:10.559 So you didn't like Kathy. 00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:11.759 No, I didn't say I didn't like Kathy. 00:21:12.000 --> 00:21:13.119 Would you say Kathy's a bitch? 00:21:13.200 --> 00:21:14.640 No, but out of the three is Kathy a bitch? 00:21:14.720 --> 00:21:17.200 I was like, well, yeah, I guess Kathy's a bitch, and like, well, Kathy's a bitch. 00:21:17.279 --> 00:21:18.480 I was like, oh fuck. 00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:21.759 Uh so that didn't work at all. 00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:31.519 So we're leaving, we're walking to the bus, and actually we we pass Kathy on the lot, and she's just like, okay, have fun, go back to New York and tell your jokes. 00:21:31.839 --> 00:21:33.839 And I was like, Sam, Kathy is a bitch. 00:21:34.160 --> 00:21:36.000 Um we were alright. 00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:38.480 So our Hollywood dream did not work out. 00:21:38.559 --> 00:21:44.480 Uh, but I will say, when I was back in New York two weeks later, I did a show and I got a standing ovation. 00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:50.319 All right, because not a five year old in the audience didn't love the ballad of Cooper and the dinosaur birthday. 00:21:50.559 --> 00:21:51.759 Thank you very much. 00:21:54.079 --> 00:21:59.119 I desperately want someone to give that jingle writing reality TV show a second chance. 00:21:59.279 --> 00:21:59.839 It's Carly. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:07.119 Again, and if you haven't heard, we're highlighting students from the Artichoke storytelling workshops in every episode of this pod. 00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:13.119 Today we're gonna hear from Daniel Aubrey, who

took his first class this year at age 90. 00:22:13.279 --> 00:22:16.240 Here he is with a story from his class show. 00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:20.000 Okay. 00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:22.079 Da-da-da-da. 00:22:23.279 --> 00:22:25.200 Let's rock and roll. 00:22:27.119 --> 00:22:41.759 So I am the only child of moderately wealthy but not rich, middle-aged parents growing up in a townhouse in New York. 00:22:43.279 --> 00:22:45.200 And it's a bit lonely. 00:22:46.559 --> 00:22:58.640 Uh I don't have many peers to talk to, so I find a refuge in the darkened space of movie theaters. 00:22:59.039 --> 00:23:04.079 And in the process, I fall in love with a medium. 00:23:04.319 --> 00:23:09.519 I fall in love with film, sell you Lloyd, movies, call it what you will. 00:23:10.319 --> 00:23:16.880 And I have this epiphany when I'm give or take, 15, that that's what I want to do the rest of my life. 00:23:17.039 --> 00:23:19.279 I want to direct motion pictures. 00:23:20.480 --> 00:23:37.039 Well, through a savant blend of nepotism and good luck, um, over the next couple of years, I get to work on three feature films during my summer holidays in Europe, um, in France, where I come from. 00:23:37.519 --> 00:23:38.960 And so I'm on my way. 00:23:39.119 --> 00:23:41.519 I'm on the way to living my dream. 00:23:42.160 --> 00:23:52.160 It's now Christmas, and I'm spending it with my parents in a little town in Mexico called Cuernavaca, where they have a house. 00:23:52.400 --> 00:23:56.640 It's been described as a sunny place for shady people. 00:23:57.519 --> 00:23:59.920 My parents, bless them, are not shady. 00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:07.200 They're lovely people, but their rich Texas neighbors may have a skeleton or two in their closet. 00:24:07.839 --> 00:24:31.039 I'm having lunch, and at the lunch is a friend, uh Russian emigre film producer, friend of our the families, and he announces at lunch that he is producing a movie based on Cervantes' novel Don Quixote, with none other than my absolute hero, Orson Wells. 00:24:32.559 --> 00:24:37.519 I have seen Citizen Kane, his masterpiece, 20 times. 00:24:37.839 --> 00:24:40.559 I know the movie frame by frame. 00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:49.119 I am besotted by the notion that he did this movie when he was 25 years old, and here I am already 20, and I've done nothing. 00:24:50.720 --> 00:24:52.079 But it gets better. 00:24:52.319 --> 00:24:56.160 Oscar says, Danielle, I know you've been an assistant director. 00:24:56.240 --> 00:24:58.000 We're looking for an assistant director. 00:24:58.160 --> 00:24:59.039 Are you interested? 00:24:59.279 --> 00:25:00.480 Am I interested? 00:25:00.640 --> 00:25:05.599 I would crawl on my knees through broken glass to get this job. 00:25:06.559 --> 00:25:08.720 It turns out that there's no budget. 00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:12.240 It's Frank Sinatra mob money that's financing. 00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:14.079 This is a very shoestring production. 00:25:14.319 --> 00:25:20.559 But the next day, I show up at the location about a hundred miles outside of Mexico City. 00:25:20.720 --> 00:25:26.640 Uh, Wells and his crew and his uh actors are having uh breakfast. 00:25:26.799 --> 00:25:36.160 Uh, the production manager, a little Spaniard named Salazar, introduces me to Wells, who barely looks up from his breakfast. 00:25:36.400 --> 00:25:44.480 Now, Wells' breakfast consists of a strip steak 12 inches long with six eggs on top. 00:25:44.799 --> 00:25:45.039 Okay. 00:25:45.519 --> 00:25:51.039 Which accounts for the fact that ten years later Orson Wells weighed in at over 300 pounds. 00:25:51.359 --> 00:25:53.279 But that's in the future. 00:25:53.759 --> 00:25:58.160 Anyway, minutes later, all hell breaks loose. 00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:12.720 It turns out that Salazar, in addition to being the production manager, is also the prop master, and he has forgotten Don Quixote's fake beard in Mexico City two hours away. 00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:20.480 I have never seen such an eruption as Wells in Full Fury. 00:26:20.720 --> 00:26:22.400 It was awesome to watch. 00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:25.680 He called this poor guy every name under the sun. 00:26:26.079 --> 00:26:28.559 His mother was brought in, his sisters. 00:26:28.720 --> 00:26:30.319 It was horrible to see. 00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:37.759 I am sure that if Salazar could have made the earth open for him and to be swallowed whole, he would have done it. 00:26:38.079 --> 00:26:41.119 Eventually, Wells simmered down a bit. 00:26:41.200 --> 00:26:43.039 And in the meantime, I'd had an idea. 00:26:43.119 --> 00:26:43.920 So I said, Mr. 00:26:44.000 --> 00:26:46.720 Wells, are we shooting any close-ups today? 00:26:46.799 --> 00:26:49.759 And he said, no, no, it's all medium shot and long shots. 00:26:50.000 --> 00:26:55.519 They're walking, they're riding across this cornfield on their horse and their mule. 00:26:55.680 --> 00:26:58.240 Um I said, okay, I'll be back in a few minutes. 00:26:58.400 --> 00:27:06.480 So I went into the cornfield, I shucked a few ears of corn, I found Salazar cowering in his trailer. 00:27:06.799 --> 00:27:11.200 Miraculously, in his kit he had some wood paste of some kind. 00:27:11.359 --> 00:27:18.000 And out of the corn silks, we fashioned a beard for Don Quixote. 00:27:18.799 --> 00:27:28.799 Well, when I brought the actor in front of Wells, it was like a small child who'd been given the greatest Christmas present ever. 00:27:29.440 --> 00:27:34.480 From that moment on, as far as Wells was concerned, I walked on water. 00:27:35.039 --> 00:27:36.720 I could do no wrong. 00:27:37.759 --> 00:27:45.119 I tried, and at one point he said that I was the best assistant director he'd ever had because I anticipated his needs. 00:27:45.279 --> 00:27:48.720 I knew in advance, before him, what he wanted. 00:27:49.359 --> 00:27:51.759 But all good things come to an end. 00:27:52.400 --> 00:27:56.880 I was about to discover that nepotism cuts both ways. 00:27:57.279 --> 00:28:06.079 Uh

the son of a famous Spanish director named Luis Banuel also wanted to be uh his assistant director. 00:28:06.240 --> 00:28:08.319 And I was quietly displaced. 00:28:08.559 --> 00:28:09.920 I was told to go home. 00:28:10.079 --> 00:28:15.200 I was not allowed to say goodbye to Wells because it might upset him. 00:28:16.000 --> 00:28:17.680 Do I have any regrets? 00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:18.880 Absolutely not. 00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:22.240 This is still one of the peak experiences of my life. 00:28:22.559 --> 00:28:25.279 The Spanish gypsies have a saying. 00:28:28.799 --> 00:28:29.440 Can they? 00:28:29.759 --> 00:28:31.279 Absolutely not. 00:28:35.920 --> 00:28:37.839 And now my chat with Daniel Aubrey. 00:28:38.079 --> 00:28:49.039 I know you identify with a broad definition of storyteller, and you've been a screenwriter and all these different things, but what was it like learning this technical style of personal storytelling? 00:28:49.519 --> 00:28:51.119 It was very intuitive. 00:28:51.359 --> 00:28:56.880 For some reason, I don't have stage fright, which is considered a bad thing among actors. 00:28:56.960 --> 00:29:05.279 You know, the great actors like Laurence Olivier used to vomit every night before going on stage because they were so terrified. 00:29:05.599 --> 00:29:06.799 But I don't have it. 00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:16.000 So what I really found very interesting because I had didn't have that experience, was the rapport with the audience. 00:29:16.160 --> 00:29:22.079 Having them laugh when some some sometimes surprises me, you know. 00:29:22.319 --> 00:29:25.119 It was the rapport with the audience that really intrigued me. 00:29:25.279 --> 00:29:25.920 Yeah. 00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:29.680 It's a great way of creating community, you know. 00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:36.559 There was one piece of advice that Drew gave me, which I thought was very valuable. 00:29:36.799 --> 00:29:38.400 He said, don't write it down. 00:29:38.559 --> 00:29:51.119 Because when you write it down, then you're memorizing and you're vulnerable to you know forgetting and getting stuck in the middle of a story, which and there's nothing, of course, more embarrassing and upsetting. 00:29:51.279 --> 00:29:52.799 So I I really took that to heart. 00:29:52.960 --> 00:29:56.480 I don't write it down, I just rehearsed it a few times. 00:29:56.720 --> 00:30:05.200 And the last time I did one uh in uh Norma's Lavengers, I only rehearsed it once or twice. 00:30:05.440 --> 00:30:06.240 How'd that feel? 00:30:06.400 --> 00:30:07.680 Yeah, and it felt great. 00:30:07.839 --> 00:30:09.359 And it felt very liberating. 00:30:09.599 --> 00:30:12.799 Yeah, I think you're way more present with the audience for that exchange. 00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:15.839 When it's not written, you know, you're not running on autopilot. 00:30:16.000 --> 00:30:18.799 You're in the moment, you're responding in real time. 00:30:19.039 --> 00:30:19.440 Yeah. 00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:20.240 Yeah. 00:30:20.480 --> 00:30:24.160 Well, thank you for being game for a chat, and we'll see you around soon. 00:30:24.480 --> 00:30:25.200 Wonderful. 00:30:25.680 --> 00:30:34.240 I love it when Daniel takes the stage because he's lived one of those lives that's been so rich in story, and my jaws just constantly hitting the floor listening to him. 00:30:34.480 --> 00:30:38.319 I'm always excited to hear him tell a story at one of our monthly Story Slams. 00:30:38.400 --> 00:30:47.759 And if you might be interested in taking a shot at live storytelling, our story slams take place every fourth Thursday at Norma's in Wappinger's Falls. 00:30:48.000 --> 00:30:56.160 And if the idea of standing on stage and bearing your soul scares the bejesus out of you, our storytelling workshops are great for helping you gain that confidence. 00:30:56.400 --> 00:31:00.480 Graduates of the workshops have gone on to win like multiple Moth Story Slams. 00:31:00.559 --> 00:31:05.359 They've appeared on popular storytelling podcasts and have even told their stories on PBS. 00:31:05.599 --> 00:31:13.680 You can sign up for our newsletter at artichokeshow.com to be the first to hear when our next storytelling session becomes available. 00:31:14.160 --> 00:31:16.079 And that's it for this episode, folks. 00:31:16.240 --> 00:31:24.559 We'll be back with a new episode shortly, but we hope to see you at our next mainstage show in Beacon on Saturday, September 12th. 00:31:24.880 --> 00:31:30.000 Our theme song, The Artichoke, was written and performed by the Goth folk duo Charming Disaster. 00:31:30.240 --> 00:31:32.559 Please, please, please buy their music. 00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:34.079 They are incredible. 00:31:34.400 --> 00:31:43.359 Carly and Rory's stories were recorded at the Howland Cultural Center in Beacon, New York, and Daniel's story was recorded at Norma's in Wappinger's Falls. 00:31:43.599 --> 00:31:46.319 Huge thanks to the staffs of both establishments. 00:31:46.559 --> 00:31:56.880 Thank you to Carly Shiracki for producing and editing this episode, to Adam Selpst, our graphic designer, and to my dog Lula for keeping quiet while I recorded this. 00:31:57.039 --> 00:31:59.119 She's a very good girl. 00:31:59.440 --> 00:32:01.119 Take care, everybody.