สำเนาบทสนทนา 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:00.388 --> 00:00:04.847
How much time do you want to spend wishing you were someone else,
00:00:04.847 --> 00:00:07.853
wishing you could be like them, wishing you could have their life,
00:00:08.143 --> 00:00:13.850
or even acting like somebody else, or just wanting to do things the way that somebody else does?
00:00:14.465 --> 00:00:21.924
This place of comparison and consequently ADHD masking can be completely exhausting.
00:00:22.435 --> 00:00:26.047
So in today's episode, I want to give you a few questions to consider and a
00:00:26.047 --> 00:00:32.864
few steps to follow that are going to help you get out of the cycle of comparison and ADHD masking.
00:01:04.890 --> 00:01:09.621
Hey friends, welcome to the ADHD with Confidence podcast. I'm your host, Kelsey Sprunk.
00:01:09.946 --> 00:01:15.328
And today we're going to talk about comparison and ADHD masking because chances
00:01:15.328 --> 00:01:20.898
are, if that is a place that you are stuck in, you are exhausted.
00:01:20.898 --> 00:01:25.958
It is exhausting to look at others' lives via social media or the people that
00:01:25.958 --> 00:01:30.528
you're surrounded with, what the world says, and feel like you are not enough.
00:01:30.528 --> 00:01:35.278
It's exhausting to compare yourself to who you used to be, maybe in a different
00:01:35.278 --> 00:01:40.741
stage of life, or who you thought you should be, or who you think you should be going forward.
00:01:41.235 --> 00:01:46.546
All those forms of comparison are incredibly defeating, discouraging, and exhausting.
00:01:46.947 --> 00:01:52.668
The other part is ADHD masking. Now, ADHD masking is when we are hiding traits
00:01:52.668 --> 00:01:58.958
of our ADHD in order to try and fit in, in order to try and appear more neurotypical
00:01:59.248 --> 00:02:01.494
where that seems to fit the situation.
00:02:02.104 --> 00:02:05.725
Now I'm going to talk today about why that's so incredibly exhausting,
00:02:06.085 --> 00:02:09.225
what kind of questions you can consider, and then at the end there,
00:02:09.487 --> 00:02:15.350
what steps you can follow to break that cycle of ADHD masking and comparison.
00:02:15.768 --> 00:02:18.868
Before we get to that, if you have been listening for a while and you don't
00:02:18.868 --> 00:02:23.552
mind scrolling down and leaving a quick star rating or a review,
00:02:23.796 --> 00:02:25.178
I would greatly appreciate it.
00:02:25.178 --> 00:02:31.378
That's one of the best ways to help bring this podcast to others who need to
00:02:31.378 --> 00:02:34.727
hear this encouragement, who want to live confidently with ADHD.
00:02:35.353 --> 00:02:39.581
Now, thinking about today, when we're talking about how much time we want to
00:02:39.581 --> 00:02:41.921
spend in that comparison or
00:02:41.921 --> 00:02:47.387
that ADHD masking, essentially wishing that we could be like someone else.
00:02:47.997 --> 00:02:54.161
For me, for example, I spent a lot of years wishing that I found it more life-giving,
00:02:54.161 --> 00:02:58.581
that I enjoyed it more to be at home all the time, that I was more introverted,
00:02:58.581 --> 00:03:01.683
that I didn't need as many people around.
00:03:02.252 --> 00:03:08.411
And I wasted a lot of time and a lot of energy on this instead of recognizing
00:03:08.411 --> 00:03:14.530
that I am somebody who is very outgoing, very social, and I thrive in that arena.
00:03:15.499 --> 00:03:19.412
Now I have four questions for you to consider. The first one is,
00:03:19.644 --> 00:03:23.615
what are you missing out on when you don't fully embrace who you are?
00:03:23.963 --> 00:03:27.533
What I mean by that is that if we're spending a lot of our time and our energy
00:03:27.945 --> 00:03:33.631
trying to be like somebody else, masking who we are, masking the parts of who
00:03:33.631 --> 00:03:34.859
we've been created to be.
00:03:35.335 --> 00:03:38.603
What are we missing out on? Are we missing out on opportunities?
00:03:38.951 --> 00:03:43.230
Are we missing out on feeling like we're living a fulfilling and meaningful life?
00:03:43.595 --> 00:03:49.441
Are we missing out on being able to feel fully seen and loved and understood
00:03:49.441 --> 00:03:53.174
by others when we're not willing to show who we truly are?
00:03:53.824 --> 00:03:58.271
The second question is, what is your family missing out on? The people close
00:03:58.271 --> 00:04:03.751
to you, What are they missing out on when you don't want to be yourself,
00:04:03.751 --> 00:04:06.663
when you don't want to be authentic to who you are?
00:04:07.296 --> 00:04:11.152
The third question, how much happier or more content in your life could you
00:04:11.152 --> 00:04:15.910
be if you accepted the way you are with your strengths, your weaknesses.
00:04:16.882 --> 00:04:19.002
And what is or isn't life-giving for you?
00:04:19.002 --> 00:04:24.154
How much happier could you be in your life if you were able to accept that?
00:04:24.684 --> 00:04:29.152
Now, the fourth question, what is the world around you missing out on when you
00:04:29.152 --> 00:04:30.712
don't fully embrace who you are?
00:04:30.712 --> 00:04:35.712
What I mean by that is when we're constantly trying to be like somebody else,
00:04:35.712 --> 00:04:41.083
we're trying to, you know, dampen the parts of us that we feel like are undesirable.
00:04:41.454 --> 00:04:46.652
We spend so much energy on that, that we don't have the time,
00:04:46.652 --> 00:04:53.221
the energy, or the opportunity to really explore and develop who we are and who we can be.
00:04:53.714 --> 00:04:57.622
And I think it's so beautiful how many different personalities there are,
00:04:57.622 --> 00:05:02.328
how many different interests and strengths and passions there are out there.
00:05:02.711 --> 00:05:07.362
And I think we each need to embrace the ones that God has given us,
00:05:07.362 --> 00:05:11.682
because that is when we're going to be able to step into our God-given purpose
Load full transcript
00:05:11.682 --> 00:05:14.342
to be able to serve and love others.
00:05:14.342 --> 00:05:17.642
And that's what's going to be life-giving for us. That's what's going to fill
00:05:17.642 --> 00:05:20.873
us with that joy and that energy.
00:05:21.425 --> 00:05:26.092
So I have three steps for you here. If you are feeling tempted at work,
00:05:26.092 --> 00:05:30.952
in your relationships, when you're out, wherever it is, to mask,
00:05:30.952 --> 00:05:32.971
to hide who you truly are.
00:05:33.592 --> 00:05:38.092
The first step is awareness. It's always awareness. It's just understanding,
00:05:38.092 --> 00:05:41.290
giving yourself grace, compassion, and curiosity.
00:05:41.725 --> 00:05:46.723
When is this happening? When am I comparing? When am I masking?
00:05:47.176 --> 00:05:52.402
And how do I do that? What kind of things do I feel are unacceptable that I
00:05:52.402 --> 00:05:54.124
need to change about myself?
00:05:54.705 --> 00:06:00.816
Another part of it is what triggers that. What kind of narrative or perspective or story is.
00:06:01.495 --> 00:06:05.559
Is behind it that you're telling yourself in these different situations?
00:06:05.942 --> 00:06:08.635
Does it have to do with something that you're telling yourself?
00:06:09.088 --> 00:06:13.041
Is it about who that person is and things that they say or how they respond?
00:06:13.436 --> 00:06:17.204
What is going on here? So in this first step, you don't need to come to any
00:06:17.204 --> 00:06:23.804
conclusions. It's about an awareness of when is this happening and what perspectives
00:06:23.804 --> 00:06:25.209
and stories are being told.
00:06:25.914 --> 00:06:32.277
The second step, if you are struggling with ADHD masking, is choosing to unmask.
00:06:32.706 --> 00:06:37.414
This needs to be a conscious choice sometimes. When we've been stuck in this
00:06:37.414 --> 00:06:41.994
cycle of ADHD masking, it needs to be a conscious choice.
00:06:42.772 --> 00:06:48.039
And within this, we can look at what new perspective do we want to take.
00:06:48.039 --> 00:06:53.579
So, for example, for me, something I can feel self-conscious about is interrupting
00:06:53.579 --> 00:06:56.424
or joining another conversation.
00:06:56.941 --> 00:07:01.069
And there are different stories I can tell. One is that's always rude.
00:07:01.069 --> 00:07:04.028
That's never acceptable. People aren't going to like you, whatever it is.
00:07:04.522 --> 00:07:07.349
But there are also times where I recognize that
00:07:07.715 --> 00:07:12.759
if other people are social like I am the more the merrier that you know to have
00:07:12.759 --> 00:07:16.358
fun conversations with people or who are similar and there's also opportunity
00:07:16.619 --> 00:07:20.573
for me to meet new people and make new connections make new friendships,
00:07:21.049 --> 00:07:25.499
talk about things that are life-giving and have that social connection that
00:07:25.499 --> 00:07:30.847
can be so incredibly beneficial to both parties. Does it always work out that way?
00:07:31.289 --> 00:07:35.909
No, but I believe that it is worth that risk. And so for me,
00:07:36.229 --> 00:07:40.989
unmasking is taking on that new perspective of the fact that you could speak
00:07:40.989 --> 00:07:43.427
into that person's life. You could encourage them.
00:07:43.955 --> 00:07:47.717
You could walk alongside them. You could learn about who they are.
00:07:47.868 --> 00:07:51.839
There can be so much positive to it as well. And so recognizing that instead
00:07:51.839 --> 00:07:58.689
of always holding in that desire to impulsively interrupt that it doesn't necessarily
00:07:58.689 --> 00:08:00.939
need to be the case all the time.
00:08:00.939 --> 00:08:05.269
It's okay and it's good for me to unmask and authentically show up as who I
00:08:05.269 --> 00:08:06.936
am. So what is that for you?
00:08:07.557 --> 00:08:11.487
Number three, this is really important. As far as unmasking,
00:08:11.934 --> 00:08:15.769
we need to know when we're taking the mask off, what is underneath?
00:08:15.769 --> 00:08:19.619
If we take a mask off and we don't know who we are.
00:08:19.619 --> 00:08:25.029
It can feel even scarier and unstable as we take off this mask and then question,
00:08:25.029 --> 00:08:29.889
okay, well, what's left? What's beneath the mask? And I think that can be sometimes
00:08:29.889 --> 00:08:32.264
a reason why we compare, we look to others.
00:08:32.912 --> 00:08:35.743
And we say, well, what are they doing? Is that what I'm supposed to be doing?
00:08:35.743 --> 00:08:38.496
Because we don't have that piece of self-trust.
00:08:38.955 --> 00:08:41.643
And that's something that we work on a lot here in the podcast as well.
00:08:41.643 --> 00:08:47.223
But part of understanding who you are is understanding what are your strengths
00:08:47.223 --> 00:08:50.971
that you bring to your life and to those around you?
00:08:51.406 --> 00:08:55.307
What are the things that you struggle with? How do you want to work with those?
00:08:55.766 --> 00:08:59.243
What are you interested in? What are you passionate about? and what are your
00:08:59.243 --> 00:09:04.553
needs now here on the podcast i talk a lot about needs and i have it's coming
00:09:04.553 --> 00:09:08.955
up so soon a 30-day adhd confidence course and we're going to talk about,
00:09:09.466 --> 00:09:12.583
understanding who you are we're going to work through all this so you understand
00:09:12.583 --> 00:09:17.865
your strengths your goals your purpose your passions and also how you can thrive
00:09:18.173 --> 00:09:21.679
so i have three tiers to that the basic one survival
00:09:22.062 --> 00:09:25.086
is your nutrition your hydration and your rest.
00:09:25.852 --> 00:09:29.828
The next level is what you need after those survival needs are met.
00:09:30.089 --> 00:09:31.486
These are your foundational needs.
00:09:31.486 --> 00:09:35.596
So for me, it's things like social connection, exercise, and my faith.
00:09:36.016 --> 00:09:39.424
So those need to be met first before I can get into that top tier,
00:09:39.865 --> 00:09:41.226
which is life-giving needs.
00:09:41.226 --> 00:09:44.966
So what is life-giving for you? What are the things that light you up,
00:09:44.966 --> 00:09:51.336
that give you more energy, that make your life feel fulfilling and meaningful?
00:09:51.336 --> 00:09:55.061
These are the types of things that we can work on through either ADHD coaching
00:09:55.490 --> 00:09:56.843
or through the upcoming course.
00:09:57.313 --> 00:10:02.061
If you want to check that out, go to ADHDwithconfidence.com forward slash offerings.
00:10:02.346 --> 00:10:07.808
You can book a free 15 minute intake coaching call or you can sign up for the course waitlist.
00:10:08.191 --> 00:10:10.624
So steps number one, awareness.
00:10:11.224 --> 00:10:17.416
Number two, choosing to unmask. And then number three, understanding who you genuinely are.
00:10:17.416 --> 00:10:22.996
We need to know who we are in order to like who we are, accept and love who
00:10:22.996 --> 00:10:28.956
we are. So it starts with building that peace in order to have the confidence
00:10:28.956 --> 00:10:32.232
to unmask and to show up as who we are.
00:10:32.766 --> 00:10:35.709
I hope you found something encouraging or helpful in today's episode.
00:10:36.017 --> 00:10:39.916
Once again, if you're willing to scroll down and leave a star rating or a review,
00:10:39.916 --> 00:10:41.375
I always greatly appreciate it.
00:10:41.613 --> 00:10:44.927
Thanks for being here today, and until next time, God bless.