Fullständig transkription av A STEM Scientist’s Journey Through Trauma, IBS, & Healing with Anna Hodshire PhD

the IBS developed, but over time. 00:02:38.311 --> 00:02:43.850 I realized, you know, I, I finished up high school and then I went to college right away, 18 to 23. 00:02:43.850 --> 00:02:49.431 At some point in college, I was like, oh, I just have heartburn every day. 00:02:49.431 --> 00:02:52.520 Oh, I just, my stomach hurts literally every day. 00:02:52.520 --> 00:03:03.070 and I kind of normalized it in my mind for quite a while and I'd sort of go through series of, well, maybe if I, you know, maybe I need to go to the doctor. 00:03:03.070 --> 00:03:04.450 My mom was very supportive. 00:03:04.450 --> 00:03:12.461 I was living at home at the time, going to college, so she would help me, go to doctors and they'd kind of send me to a few specialists. 00:03:12.461 --> 00:03:17.721 I went to someone who I think a specialty was like liver at one point, and. 00:03:17.721 --> 00:03:22.895 I remember it was him and I'm from Utah, which is a fairly conservative state. 00:03:22.895 --> 00:03:25.795 he asked if I was on birth control and I said yes. 00:03:25.795 --> 00:03:27.776 And he said, oh, you don't need that. 00:03:27.776 --> 00:03:29.846 You just hold an aspirin between your knees. 00:03:29.846 --> 00:03:31.165 And I was just like, what? 00:03:31.165 --> 00:03:33.385 And it took me a minute to figure out what he was saying. 00:03:33.385 --> 00:03:34.735 My mom was so pissed. 00:03:34.735 --> 00:03:39.385 Like, I don't remember if she had worse with him, like when I was outta the room, but she was like, we're not going back to that guy. 00:03:39.385 --> 00:03:40.225 And I'm like, thank you, mom. 00:03:40.225 --> 00:03:57.616 so, but yeah, I, I developed IBS and I do believe that it was sort of like the cluster of things that happened after my dad's death and just all of the, you know, all of the stuff that I held inside from that experience. 00:03:58.149 --> 00:04:03.622 It can be so disheartening to go to doctors, you think? 00:04:03.622 --> 00:04:08.151 Here's this person that's supposed to be able to help me with whatever I'm going through. 00:04:08.151 --> 00:04:21.502 And you're searching for answers, And we're taught that they have the answers and like these people are almost like gods that, you know, you go to them and they're so much smarter than the rest of society or something. 00:04:21.502 --> 00:04:29.682 And then when you get an illness and you start going to doctors, you really see the whole gamut, Of oh my gosh. 00:04:29.682 --> 00:04:34.661 It really sometimes takes a lot of work to find a very good doctor. 00:04:34.661 --> 00:04:37.721 I, myself struggle with IBS. 00:04:37.721 --> 00:04:43.221 And it's a constant thing to me, trying to figure out what I can and can't eat. 00:04:43.221 --> 00:04:49.442 And I think that the more I stress about it, the worse it actually is. 00:04:49.442 --> 00:04:54.422 The more I worry about everything I put into my body, the worse my symptoms get. 00:04:54.422 --> 00:05:04.971 So I try to remind myself like it's back to basics, don't eat out, don't eat packaged food for the most part. 00:05:04.971 --> 00:05:10.822 And sometimes I, it's just, it sucks being so sensitive to everything. 00:05:10.822 --> 00:05:17.947 I wanna just eat whatever I want and then I get a big reminder again, like, you have to take care of yourself. 00:05:17.947 --> 00:05:24.547 You can't just willy-nilly throw caution to the wind for the most part, you know? 00:05:24.942 --> 00:05:25.232 Yeah. 00:05:25.492 --> 00:05:25.711 So, 00:05:26.916 --> 00:05:28.627 yeah, I a hundred percent can empathize with that. 00:05:28.627 --> 00:05:33.487 I definitely have the sort of like the no foods that just don't work well for me. 00:05:33.487 --> 00:05:35.857 And, um, I think it's. 00:05:35.857 --> 00:05:41.062 It's annoying, but I've been doing it for so long that I don't really think about it anymore. 00:05:41.062 --> 00:05:44.122 Like for instance, gluten seems to be a bit of a trigger for me. 00:05:44.122 --> 00:05:45.502 It doesn't really work well with my stomach. 00:05:45.502 --> 00:05:48.771 There's some nuts, dairy, and it's just like, I don't know. 00:05:48.771 --> 00:05:51.262 I haven't had bread for 10 years and I don't care at this point. 00:05:51.262 --> 00:05:51.442 Right? 00:05:51.442 --> 00:05:54.651 Like I don't sit there and watch other people eat bread and feel envious. 00:05:54.651 --> 00:05:56.031 I'm like, oh, I actually like my salad. 00:05:56.031 --> 00:05:57.711 Like I love all these vegetables. 00:05:57.711 --> 00:06:00.502 And my partner can attest. 00:06:00.502 --> 00:06:04.552 I get extremely excited when I go to a restaurant that I actually has a good salad. 00:06:04.552 --> 00:06:07.461 I'm like, look at all the different vegetables, and he's eating the hamburger. 00:06:07.461 --> 00:06:08.512 He's like, great. 00:06:11.451 --> 00:06:15.411 Yeah, I can totally see how that is. 00:06:15.411 --> 00:06:18.531 I, I do that sometimes and my husband's like, it's a salad, honey. 00:06:18.531 --> 00:06:20.177 And I'm like, this is so good. 00:06:20.177 --> 00:06:30.791 I've gone through so many different diets over the years and even with my husband, he used to have constant stomach problems and. 00:06:30.791 --> 00:06:38.802 I think when you have those type of issues that we have, it's like you start to experiment basically. 00:06:38.802 --> 00:06:49.281 And figure out for yourself, okay, if I take this out of my diet for so long, especially I think with a lot of people and they hear like, oh, you shouldn't eat gluten. 00:06:49.281 --> 00:06:51.322 Then they think, oh, you shouldn't eat it forever. 00:06:51.322 --> 00:06:59.721 And then it's like you're making this huge commitment that you're like, oh my gosh, now I can never eat cake and I can never have pizza. 00:06:59.721 --> 00:07:23.552 But I think just taking some of those foods out of your diet for a while, for some people anyway, that just like their body is so inflamed or they're having a

trigger for whatever reason, I've been able to help people like him to where I got him to basically cut a bunch of foods out for three weeks and now he doesn't have any more problems. 00:07:23.552 --> 00:07:23.612 Yeah. 00:07:23.612 --> 00:07:35.201 So it's good to just do those little things as well so then you can kind of see, okay, like is it a forever thing or is it something that I can just see for myself? 00:07:35.201 --> 00:07:47.151 Because going to the doctor, I think the last time I went for IBS, they gave me some trial medication and I was so sick for three days from taking that. 00:07:47.151 --> 00:08:03.831 So no matter what, they seem to be able to give me, and I even signed up for a nutritionist 'cause I thought, oh well I'll do this nutritionist program and check in monthly because I was doing low carb for a while to lose some weight. 00:08:03.831 --> 00:08:08.541 Like I cut out all processed foods and I really cut my sugar intake. 00:08:08.541 --> 00:08:15.607 Then I was doing great and I was like totally regular and I wasn't having any tummy issues. 00:08:15.607 --> 00:08:16.656 I was so happy. 00:08:16.656 --> 00:08:22.057 And then I quit smoking and I couldn't poop for like ever. 00:08:22.057 --> 00:08:25.297 And then I was having to take laxatives and I was like, this is so bad. 00:08:25.297 --> 00:08:37.657 So then I started doing the nutrition program and I was like, her answer was for me to take magnesium citrate every day. 00:08:37.657 --> 00:08:40.052 And it was awful. 00:08:40.052 --> 00:08:41.312 So I was like, forget it. 00:08:41.312 --> 00:08:41.777 I'm not doing this. 00:08:41.777 --> 00:08:49.182 I'm just gonna have to figure it out on my own because when it comes to that kind of thing, it just doesn't seem like they have any answers. 00:08:49.182 --> 00:08:53.501 But maybe again, maybe I just haven't found the right doctor. 00:08:53.501 --> 00:09:00.381 Because I think sometimes with everything that I've gone through with my health stuff that I give up easily or I already think like. 00:09:00.381 --> 00:09:05.572 They're not gonna figure it out because I just, I just don't have any faith in the system, I think. 00:09:05.572 --> 00:09:08.991 so what have you found to help you? 00:09:08.991 --> 00:09:13.601 So you've changed your diet at this point, and you just know what your trigger foods are and 00:09:13.692 --> 00:09:15.642 Yeah, I've done a lot of things. 00:09:15.642 --> 00:09:20.731 you mentioned stress was one of your triggers and I can, yeah, that's a hundred percent one of mine. 00:09:20.731 --> 00:09:28.371 So I think, I sort of wavered between trying to go to the doctors and just ignoring it and having stomach pain for quite a while. 00:09:28.371 --> 00:09:51.511 and then I wanna say my mom found this book, but I can't remember if it was her or me, but I'm, I've always been fascinated with the placebo effect, which very simply, you know, the, the classic example of a placebo effect would be a drug trial

where half the participants get a sugar pill and half of the participants get the drug and even the participants on the sugar pill see some sort of improvement for whatever the drug is supposed to be for. 00:09:51.511 --> 00:09:52.351 Right. 00:09:52.351 --> 00:10:02.192 Our mind has this, you know, incredible power to heal ourselves if we have some, some belief that we would be healed from whatever is happening to us. 00:10:02.192 --> 00:10:07.201 So she found a book called Cure I believe, and I don't recall the author. 00:10:07.201 --> 00:10:10.562 it was all about the placebo effect and it had a bunch of different studies in it. 00:10:10.562 --> 00:10:15.361 one of 'em was specifically using hypnotherapy or hypnosis, for IBS. 00:10:15.361 --> 00:10:18.522 I was like, Hmm, okay, that's interesting. 00:10:18.522 --> 00:10:25.731 I think had the example been hypnotherapy for quitting smoking I wouldn't have necessarily made the connection, but it was for IBS specifically. 00:10:25.731 --> 00:10:32.692 So I just googled hypnotherapy for IBS and I was able to find an audio program online, very inexpensive. 00:10:32.692 --> 00:10:35.211 I believe the company is called Healthy Audio. 00:10:35.211 --> 00:10:38.511 it was like a hundred day program, and I'm like, well, what the hell? 00:10:38.511 --> 00:10:41.542 It's like 20 minutes of listening to this thing once a day. 00:10:41.542 --> 00:10:43.552 It's not that big of a lift. 00:10:43.552 --> 00:10:47.121 I like to take a quick afternoon siesta anyways, so let's do it. 00:10:47.121 --> 00:10:52.912 And within about a month into that program, I was like, so make does feel better. 00:10:52.912 --> 00:10:54.201 I'm actually doing better. 00:10:54.201 --> 00:10:56.182 Like this is actually doing something. 00:10:56.182 --> 00:11:08.501 and I think that sort of opened the door to there are healing modalities beyond going to the doctor and being disappointed in what they tell you or taking medication that has horrible side effects or whatever. 00:11:08.501 --> 00:11:11.241 so the hypnotherapy was a huge. 00:11:11.241 --> 00:11:13.101 A huge thing for me. 00:11:13.101 --> 00:11:17.162 I did find that it's almost like the effects would wear off, after time. 00:11:17.162 --> 00:11:23.881 So like I'd get through the a hundred days, I'd be feeling great for several months and then yeah, maybe things would start slipping in again. 00:11:23.881 --> 00:11:32.052 so I revisit the program and I've done the program a few times and I actually was thinking this morning, I'm like, how is my stomach doing not been doing great. 00:11:32.052 --> 00:11:33.822 I've had a lot of stress over the last month or so. 00:11:33.822 --> 00:11:43.152 I should probably go back and listen to a few of those sessions to kind of like refresh that it didn't take away all the symptoms, but it took, you know, whatever. 00:11:43.152 --> 00:11:49.211 We'll say I started at a hundred percent bad and I'm now after hypnotherapy, I could be anywhere between 25 and 50% fat. 00:11:49.211 --> 00:11:51.371 So like 50 to 75% improvement. 00:11:51.371 --> 00:11:52.241 That's huge, right? 00:11:52.241 --> 00:11:54.971 For anyone who suffers with any sort of chronic issue. 00:11:54.971 --> 00:11:56.741 and then, you know, diet. 00:11:56.741 --> 00:12:00.312 Yes, there are certain foods I eat and I instantly get stomach pain. 00:12:00.312 --> 00:12:02.261 So I know that that is not a thing for me. 00:12:02.261 --> 00:12:04.542 I do try to manage my stress. 00:12:04.542 --> 00:12:07.302 Um, and then I think. 00:12:07.302 --> 00:12:17.427 Somehow tied to the IBS in a sort of abstract way is that I've also had adult acne basically all my life, all my adult life and teenager life, and I hate it, right? 00:12:17.427 --> 00:12:20.626 Like it's not cute to be in your mid thirties and still have acne. 00:12:20.626 --> 00:12:22.726 you don't feel good about yourself when you have that. 00:12:22.726 --> 00:12:30.287 so I've also done a lot of exploration of like, why do I have this acne and what can I do to improve it? 00:12:30.287 --> 00:12:34.456 So I did do some holistic nutrition programs that helped. 00:12:34.456 --> 00:12:54.677 and really the major thing I got out of the holistic nutrition program that I'm now emphasizing in my personal healing sphere, is the mindset piece of going back to that placebo effect and being like, you know what can I do to help myself believe like, oh, I have clear skin, my stomach is doing great. 00:12:54.677 --> 00:13:01.726 I'm fine as an example, I had this Monday, just this last Monday, I was having stomach problems kind of all day. 00:13:01.726 --> 00:13:04.471 'cause again, it just hasn't been the greatest last few weeks. 00:13:04.471 --> 00:13:07.412 And I have started teaching in the evening. 00:13:07.412 --> 00:13:10.201 I'm a assistant professor at Colorado State University. 00:13:10.201 --> 00:13:16.381 And so night class from five to eight and I was like, I hope my stomach does okay, but whatever, you know? 00:13:16.381 --> 00:13:27.282 And I get in this new environment and it's very engaging and I'm focused on what I do and I walk away at, eight 15 and, I don't have a single moment of stomach problems. 00:13:27.282 --> 00:13:44.471 So it's not that my stomach is always a disaster, it's that I have created this mental like, oh yeah, when I'm stressed and I'm at home and the, you know, like the environment shapes how I feel more than reality, like what's actually happening inside, if that makes sense. 00:13:44.471 --> 00:13:50.131 So that's something I'm really working on is how do I not tie environment to triggers that. 00:13:50.131 --> 00:13:52.197 Gives me tummy pain. 00:13:53.256 --> 00:13:57.177 I can relate because I had cyst in my sacral spine. 00:13:57.177 --> 00:14:09.486 if I sit for long periods of time, or if I'm in a car that's not my own and it's uncomfortable to begin with, it's almost like I'm hypervigilant to it. 00:14:09.486 -->

00:14:09.547 Yeah. 00:14:09.547 --> 00:14:18.636 But if I am engaged to where my mind isn't thinking about it and isn't paying attention to it, then it's like outta sight, outta mind. 00:14:18.846 --> 00:14:18.907 Yeah. 00:14:19.496 --> 00:14:21.027 I totally understand where you're coming from. 00:14:21.027 --> 00:14:24.236 you said you have a STEM background. 00:14:24.236 --> 00:14:25.586 Tell me a little bit about that. 00:14:26.427 --> 00:14:31.886 In, high school, I kind of threw myself into school as a, as a distraction tool. 00:14:31.886 --> 00:14:39.677 And so I did a ton of AP classes, which are advanced placement that you take and you get college credit, if you pass the test basically at the end of the year. 00:14:39.677 --> 00:14:41.277 so I took a ton of those. 00:14:41.277 --> 00:14:46.797 And my favorite were biology and chemistry, like those were the AP options we had at my high school. 00:14:46.797 --> 00:14:55.496 And so I went to college and I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do, and I thought, well, I don't know much about engineering, but let's give it a go. 00:14:55.496 --> 00:15:05.506 So I, my very first semester of college, I took intro to engineering and as a part of the syllabus for the engineering degree, I didn't declare a major yet, but I was like, okay, what else would I need to take? 00:15:05.506 --> 00:15:08.057 And one of the things was intro to physics. 00:15:08.057 --> 00:15:10.966 And my high school either didn't have physics or I just didn't take it. 00:15:10.966 --> 00:15:11.897 I'm not really sure which. 00:15:11.897 --> 00:15:20.086 So I went into my first ever physics class and my first ever engineering class absolutely hated the engineering class. 00:15:20.086 --> 00:15:21.091 Dreadful. 00:15:21.091 --> 00:15:26.942 Like it was just, it felt like it was a bunch of dude bro engineer boys. 00:15:26.942 --> 00:15:29.312 'cause you know, they're 18 to 20 years old. 00:15:29.312 --> 00:15:30.121 They're, they're boys. 00:15:30.121 --> 00:15:32.871 you know, just like milling around. 00:15:32.871 --> 00:15:36.351 And of course we have like a group project and because I'm competent and very like. 00:15:36.351 --> 00:15:37.861 let's get things done. 00:15:37.861 --> 00:15:44.142 People, I of course had to like project manage and, you know, I felt very like, this is boring. 00:15:44.142 --> 00:15:45.701 I don't build things, I break them. 00:15:45.701 --> 00:15:47.562 This is not at all interesting. 00:15:47.562 --> 00:15:54.381 yeah, but the physics class I loved 'cause the teacher was, who's so funny, he loved teaching. 00:15:54.381 --> 00:16:09.451 He, brought all these concepts to life and it was really hard and challenging and I was still at that point in my life, I gravitated towards the really hard and challenging 'cause again, it kind of like pushed out any unwanted thoughts, any unwanted things. 00:16:09.451 --> 00:16:15.542 Like I could ignore my body hurting, I could ignore grief that I didn't wanna

deal with and just focus on schoolwork. 00:16:15.542 --> 00:16:19.501 So physics was a pretty good option for that, honestly. 00:16:19.501 --> 00:16:21.152 'cause it was really hard for me at least. 00:16:21.152 --> 00:16:23.881 Um, so it was a very difficult degree, but. 00:16:23.881 --> 00:16:28.057 I plowed through, mostly through hard work, not really talent, if I'm being honest. 00:16:28.057 --> 00:16:36.726 Um, and when I got done near the end, I had to do some sort of capstone type project, so like final project. 00:16:36.726 --> 00:16:44.006 And I didn't know what I wanted to do, so I was working with my advisor and I was interested by air quality. 00:16:44.006 --> 00:16:48.116 'cause where I'm from Ogden, Utah, it's in the Salt Lake Valley. 00:16:48.116 --> 00:16:59.461 And for people not familiar with the geography, basically most of the population of Utah lives along this kind of straight line beside the Rocky Mountains and kind of in between. 00:16:59.461 --> 00:17:03.677 So there's two mountain ranges on both sides of where everyone's living. 00:17:03.677 --> 00:17:05.537 And then we're all living kind of on the valley floor. 00:17:05.537 --> 00:17:07.906 What happens in the winter is. 00:17:07.906 --> 00:17:15.332 Especially when it snows, the ground is cold and a layer of air, cold air gets trapped. 00:17:15.332 --> 00:17:19.142 And as we all might remember the phrase, hot air rises. 00:17:19.142 --> 00:17:25.271 So if you have cold air trapped at the bottom, the warmer air above it is doing whatever the warmer air is doing and the cold air is just stuck. 00:17:25.271 --> 00:17:33.402 So any pollutant that's being emitted from cars, homes, agriculture, whatever it is, is gonna get stuck in that layer. 00:17:33.402 --> 00:17:43.882 So what happens in Utah, in the winter, along the Wasatch front where I lived, is that you'd have these inversion days where you basically look outside and it's gray, You don't feel good. 00:17:43.882 --> 00:17:45.442 You walk outside, your lungs hurt. 00:17:45.442 --> 00:17:47.001 You wonder why your eyes are burning. 00:17:47.001 --> 00:17:48.981 The air pollution is just terrible. 00:17:48.981 --> 00:17:53.491 So I did my research on that I was contemplating grad school. 00:17:53.491 --> 00:17:55.531 'cause I honestly didn't know what else to do with myself. 00:17:55.531 --> 00:17:59.491 I was like, the options I see from the degree I'm getting. 00:17:59.491 --> 00:18:10.156 From the people around me or are that I can go work for the local Air Force base, I can go work for this other local company, or I can keep going to school. 00:18:10.156 --> 00:18:11.896 And I didn't want the first two options. 00:18:11.896 --> 00:18:13.366 They did not appeal to me at that time. 00:18:13.366 --> 00:18:17.146 So I was like, well, I guess my only option is to keep going to school and go to grad school. 00:18:17.146 --> 00:18:21.676 And I was un enthusiastically considering physics programs. 00:18:21.676 --> 00:18:27.916 'cause again, I, I worked really hard and I was sort of getting, I was, I was really exhausted at that point. 00:18:27.916 --> 00:18:32.386 Just like, this is so hard for me, but I don't see any other route. 00:18:32.386 --> 00:18:36.977 And thank goodness for my advisor, because he said, well, you seem really interested in air pollution. 00:18:36.977 --> 00:18:39.257 Have you considered something like atmospheric science? 00:18:39.257 --> 00:18:44.386 And I said, no, because I've never heard of what atmospheric science is because we don't have that here. 00:18:44.386 --> 00:18:48.557 And you know, I'm not that creative at this point in my life to go look for new avenues. 00:18:48.557 --> 00:18:54.646 So I am making my applications for grad school right now for physics programs, un enthusiastically. 00:18:54.646 --> 00:18:56.926 I go and I Wikipedia. 00:18:56.926 --> 00:18:58.457 Atmospheric science. 00:18:58.457 --> 00:18:59.477 And I read for five minutes. 00:18:59.477 --> 00:19:00.106 I'm like, yep, okay. 00:19:00.106 --> 00:19:00.557 This is good. 00:19:00.557 --> 00:19:01.426 This is what I wanna do. 00:19:01.426 --> 00:19:08.807 So I go back to my applications and I switched all the language around to like atmospheric science and I applied to the atmospheric science programs. 00:19:08.807 --> 00:19:15.467 And I actually did get in, I got into Colorado State University's Atmospheric Science program, which is actually a really good program. 00:19:15.467 --> 00:19:17.237 So, you know, complete accident. 00:19:17.237 --> 00:19:20.057 I just liked Fort Collins, where the university is based. 00:19:20.057 --> 00:19:21.646 I'm like, this is another mountain town. 00:19:21.646 --> 00:19:22.487 This seems great. 00:19:22.487 --> 00:19:23.596 I like living by the mountains. 00:19:23.596 --> 00:19:26.997 so I came here for grad school. 00:19:26.997 --> 00:19:30.547 I got my master's in PhD, over about five years. 00:19:30.547 --> 00:19:43.537 And I definitely liked the program better than the physics program in that it was easier, like the, it wasn't just sort of like go slam your head against some really confusing math for, you know, eight hours and come back and report back. 00:19:43.537 --> 00:19:46.176 Like it was a little more tactical, a little more tangible. 00:19:46.176 --> 00:19:51.186 I was working on air pollution type problems, but I still kinda left grad school feeling like. 00:19:51.186 --> 00:19:56.616 I don't really like science, unfortunately. 00:19:56.616 --> 00:20:02.467 I started therapy a little after that time because I, again, not knowing what to do with myself. 00:20:02.467 --> 00:20:06.846 I went and did a postdoctoral research, position, which is kind of common after grad school. 00:20:06.846 --> 00:20:12.886 it's basically this position that is intended to exist for a short period of time. 00:20:12.886 --> 00:20:16.997 Most postdocs are like between one and five years, and then they're over. 00:20:16.997 -->

00:20:18.237 you can't be a postdoc forever. 00:20:18.237 --> 00:20:19.136 You have to go on. 00:20:19.136 --> 00:20:29.396 But it's just like this bridge time where they're like, we can still pay you, not very much, but we'll pay you a little more from your grad school that you feel like you're making good money and we want you to just go do some research for us. 00:20:29.396 --> 00:20:30.146 Like it. 00:20:30.146 --> 00:20:32.997 That's basically what the system is and. 00:20:32.997 --> 00:20:50.606 During my postdoc, I started therapy and I was able to start to identify, oh, I think I don't like science because I don't like sitting at my computer and coding for eight hours a day, like writing computer code, cranking through data making plots, and then eventually writing some sort of paper that gets published and then 10 people in the world read it. 00:20:50.606 --> 00:20:52.737 Very unsatisfying for me. 00:20:52.737 --> 00:20:58.527 There are plenty of scientists who love doing that, but that was not me, so I was able to then. 00:20:58.527 --> 00:21:02.201 Finished the postdoc, I explored working at a company. 00:21:02.201 --> 00:21:03.912 I thought it was gonna be my forever job. 00:21:03.912 --> 00:21:14.352 It fell apart after about a year because the CEO of the company was frankly just a horrible human being and very not growth oriented, like I'm a growth person. 00:21:14.352 --> 00:21:16.201 And I went in for a promotion. 00:21:16.201 --> 00:21:18.991 It was a small company, like 15, 20 employees. 00:21:18.991 --> 00:21:32.392 and I went in for a big promotion and the CEO quietly sat there and watched my presentation that my immediate boss was supporting and was like, no, you're a scientist and you're hired to do a scientist, so you can't do this other role. 00:21:32.392 --> 00:21:33.172 And I was like, well. 00:21:33.172 --> 00:21:35.182 I guess I'm gonna leave this company. 00:21:35.182 --> 00:21:38.511 So I went to another company, it was a startup. 00:21:38.511 --> 00:21:41.451 I was fired after six months because I was the wrong fit. 00:21:41.451 --> 00:21:42.231 And that's okay. 00:21:42.231 --> 00:21:45.231 And then I actually did end up back in academia. 00:21:45.231 --> 00:21:53.821 but with a pretty clear intention of like, okay, these are the things I, when I look back at these years, these are the things that I actually like and these are the things that I don't like. 00:21:53.821 --> 00:22:08.372 And now I haven't been able to shape every single hour of my job to all the things I like, but I've been able to shape over 50% of my job to the things I like, which is a whole hell of a step up from what I can say at the beginning of grad school where it was like 95% torture and 5%, like, I think I like this. 00:22:08.372 --> 00:22:08.701 I don't know. 00:22:08.701 --> 00:22:21.882 Um, so that's a very, very long answer to your question, but wrapping up the story, if we remember from five minutes ago Anna started school thinking she

could become an engineer and then this was like absolutely not. 00:22:21.882 --> 00:22:27.807 Ironically, I am now in a systems engineering department as an assistant professor. 00:22:27.807 --> 00:22:29.936 That's where I've landed at the moment. 00:22:29.936 --> 00:22:36.636 And, I've never taken an engineering class in between first semester of undergrad, and now I'm not an engineer. 00:22:36.636 --> 00:22:47.547 but systems engineering is a really interesting field that it's a little bit of a, it is what you make it, you know, there are people who are like systems engineering has, you know, these precise definitions and dah, dah, dah. 00:22:47.547 --> 00:22:57.267 But for people like me, systems engineering is really making connections between perhaps seemingly disparate or unconnected ideas. 00:22:57.267 --> 00:23:03.936 so my specific research ties in that air quality work that I did in grad school, and petroleum engineering. 00:23:03.936 --> 00:23:15.886 Essentially, I work with a lot of, oil and gas type projects on methane emissions, finding emission, unintentional emissions of releases of natural gas from producing and refining. 00:23:15.886 --> 00:23:18.916 Oil and gas products basically. 00:23:18.916 --> 00:23:24.336 so I think it's been a cool evolution that I'm still on. 00:23:24.336 --> 00:23:30.356 I haven't quite hit the, I love my job every hour of the day and that's like the ultimate goal is to get there. 00:23:30.356 --> 00:23:36.366 But I have grown a lot, which is been really fun to kind of reflect back on recently. 00:23:37.282 --> 00:23:50.423 I know earlier you said that you do some coaching in that field and help other people because it has been quite the journey for you to kind of find your niche within that 00:23:50.472 --> 00:23:52.182 Yeah, I appreciate you bringing that up. 00:23:52.182 --> 00:23:55.123 this is a little bit of a newer kind of side project for me. 00:23:55.123 --> 00:24:09.702 I realized one of my favorite things in my day is when I get to, I co-manage with a few other people, a fairly large, research group, where there's a few people who are working as research scientists or research engineers and there are also graduate students. 00:24:09.702 --> 00:24:19.393 And I like the mentorship piece, but I get extremely excited when we're talking about the how do I make this job work for me piece, right? 00:24:19.393 --> 00:24:22.962 I'm like, yeah, I can mentor you on your science or your engineering question. 00:24:22.962 --> 00:24:24.313 I'm not quite as good at that. 00:24:24.313 --> 00:24:28.782 I'm really pretty good actually at the, how can we make this job better for you? 00:24:28.782 --> 00:24:30.522 How can I help you with your time management? 00:24:30.522 --> 00:24:32.982 What do you wanna do next when you graduate? 00:24:32.982 --> 00:24:34.333 Those kind of questions. 00:24:34.333 --> 00:24:35.972 so it kind of made me realize, you know. 00:24:35.972 --> 00:24:50.657 It would actually light me

up a lot to spend a little bit more time working with people who, they don't need their science or engineering management, but they don't have the support around them right now for that, how to be happy at your job piece. 00:24:50.657 --> 00:24:50.867 Right. 00:24:50.867 --> 00:24:54.647 Which, is something I've spent a lot of time working on. 00:24:54.647 --> 00:24:55.938 I've done therapy around this. 00:24:55.938 --> 00:24:58.057 I've done coaching program, not coaching training. 00:24:58.057 --> 00:25:05.887 I'm doing programs nowadays that like, I'm guessing it's 5% or less people in there are STEM professionals. 00:25:05.887 --> 00:25:06.067 Right. 00:25:06.067 --> 00:25:11.347 I think it tends to attract a different crowd of people, but I love hearing different perspectives. 00:25:11.347 --> 00:25:13.298 'cause to me, like it's all just frameworks. 00:25:13.298 --> 00:25:24.698 I'm gonna learn and I'm gonna try out, and then I'm gonna take the pieces that work for me and I'm gonna build my own framework and then I wanna pass that on to other ss and engineers of like, Hey, like you might not have thought about. 00:25:24.698 --> 00:25:36.053 When you wake up in the morning, are you immediately just like looking at your phone at the news, stuck in a negative time loop in your brain thinking, negative thoughts dreading your day? 00:25:36.053 --> 00:25:42.413 Can you interrupt that with a simple short morning practice to say, Hey, I am here, I'm grounded. 00:25:42.413 --> 00:25:55.762 I'm taking three minutes for myself, maybe two while I brush my teeth to cause my eyes and breathe and wonder what the day could have in store with for me, like in a positive light instead of like, oh my God, I can't believe I have like eight meetings. 00:25:55.762 --> 00:26:05.593 And then that email I didn't answer yesterday, and I'm super stressed about this propo there's that shift, that I didn't think about making that shift until someone else told me to make that shift. 00:26:05.593 --> 00:26:12.373 And now I'm like, okay, the people that I gravitate to that I want to learn from. 00:26:12.373 --> 00:26:16.752 I don't think they have a lot of people in the STEM fields yet listening to them. 00:26:16.752 --> 00:26:28.853 And I wanna kind of bridge that gap of yeah, it may sound flipping ridiculous to choose a word of the day for I wanna feel confident or alive or, you know, radiant, whatever it is. 00:26:28.853 --> 00:26:35.573 That might sound ridiculous to your scientist brain, but if you can just dial it down a tiny bit and say, I'm gonna experiment. 00:26:35.573 --> 00:26:38.702 What if for the next 30 days I choose an emotion? 00:26:38.702 --> 00:26:44.762 And I try to revisit that emotion frequently throughout my day and just remind myself, Hey, I really wanted to feel radiant today. 00:26:44.762 --> 00:26:45.843 Do I feel radiant right now? 00:26:45.843 --> 00:26:46.923 Mm, not so much. 00:26:46.923 --> 00:26:49.413 What could I do to maybe dial up a little bit of radiance? 00:26:49.413 --> 00:26:54.432 Like that kind of, stuff that might feel woowoo, to the scientists and engineers. 00:26:54.432 --> 00:26:54.673 I'm like. 00:26:54.673 --> 00:27:03.327 Now y'all, there's a lot of like neuroscience behind this and I'm not gonna sit there because I'm not a neuroscientist and I'm not gonna be like, you know, your brain is doing these switches. 00:27:03.327 --> 00:27:06.417 I'm just like, just experiment and see if your life gets better. 00:27:06.417 --> 00:27:07.798 That's all I'm asking you to do. 00:27:07.798 --> 00:27:12.478 And if it doesn't work for you, then either change it so it works for you or try something else. 00:27:12.478 --> 00:27:21.077 I think that's kind of like the encompassing of what I'm trying to do with the coaching and I'm still figuring it out, but I think that's the direction I'm taking things in. 00:27:24.167 --> 00:27:39.708 That's an interesting perspective, especially when, you know, as young adults, kids go to college and you know, even from my experience, like I had no idea what I wanted to do. 00:27:39.708 --> 00:27:43.667 It's like you have to pick whatever and then Hope that you like it. 00:27:43.667 --> 00:27:45.998 For me it was horticulture and I live in Florida. 00:27:45.998 --> 00:27:52.538 I don't wanna like be in a nursery wedding to death all day around toxic chemicals. 00:27:52.538 --> 00:27:55.657 So I was like, I don't even know what I'm gonna do with that. 00:27:55.657 --> 00:28:00.607 But I like plants and I had a scholarship to do it, so I did it. 00:28:00.607 --> 00:28:08.157 But again, even now, I'm still like, do I like this job? 00:28:08.157 --> 00:28:15.688 Is this fulfilling to me or should I be doing something else instead of this that's gonna be more fulfilling? 00:28:15.688 --> 00:28:16.978 I'm always trying to figure it out. 00:28:16.978 --> 00:28:19.667 But again, like you're saying, how can I. 00:28:19.667 --> 00:28:24.678 Meet every day and make it the best that I can. 00:28:25.258 --> 00:28:25.617 Yeah, 00:28:26.067 --> 00:28:32.097 and I think that's, that's really something that's needed in the STEM field as well, because it is so technical. 00:28:32.097 --> 00:28:34.198 It is so right-brained and 00:28:34.317 --> 00:28:34.617 yeah, it 00:28:34.708 --> 00:28:50.887 seems very production and perfection oriented So where can we add these, deliberate intentions, choosing what you're doing instead of just being on the automatic loop. 00:28:50.887 --> 00:28:54.103 Yeah, that's a really cool thing that you're offering. 00:28:54.103 --> 00:29:06.083 And of course, you've lived through it too, as young adults starting out, we don't always have those reference points to say, oh yeah, I wanna do this. 00:29:06.083 --> 00:29:07.823 It's always like trial By error. 00:29:07.823 --> 00:29:14.512 Can you tell me more about the therapy and what you were dealing with and how that helped you? 00:29:16.732 --> 00:29:17.093 Yeah. 00:29:17.093 -->

00:29:36.383 you know, I honestly started therapy with more of a, I actually was having sort of interpersonal relationship issues with a family member and I was like, I need, I, I can't continue 'cause I love this family member and I know I'm being a bitch to the family member, but it just keeps happening, right? 00:29:36.383 --> 00:29:46.222 Like, I cannot, you know, so we sort of started there, but then it very quickly moved to like, well, I'm also kind of miserable at work all the time. 00:29:46.222 --> 00:29:56.212 and so I, I have been very fortunate that I started with a therapist and she was a great fit for me. 00:29:56.212 --> 00:29:57.353 Like fantastic fit. 00:29:57.353 --> 00:29:59.333 You know, I know that a lot of people kind of can. 00:29:59.333 --> 00:30:03.022 They start therapy and they're like, eh, I don't know. 00:30:03.022 --> 00:30:14.492 And honestly, I would say if you're listening and you're in that boat where you're like, eh, find another therapist, a lot of us hate to fire people in our lives, but I've heard the phrase, you know, 20 seconds of courage. 00:30:14.492 --> 00:30:15.813 And I like that. 00:30:15.813 --> 00:30:35.403 So what I mean by that is sometimes like making that big shift that's gonna help you is it takes like just that getting going, that activation energy, whatever you wanna call it, the 20 seconds of courage, the 20 seconds of courage to hit send on the email that says, dear so and so, therapist, thank you so much for your time working with me. 00:30:35.403 --> 00:30:39.482 I have decided that I am no longer going to use you. 00:30:39.482 --> 00:30:48.653 If you don't know how to word this email, like, I don't know, I'm not a chatty DP person, but use chatty TP or whatever it is you need to use to get the email out the door, Back to your question. 00:30:48.653 --> 00:31:04.103 So I was very lucky to find a therapist that I work with really well, and she did a really nice job of, she could tell that I'm not a person who does extremely well being told you are you are this, try this. 00:31:04.103 --> 00:31:08.242 Like, she did a very good job of being like, what if we explored this? 00:31:08.242 --> 00:31:17.272 and two major things with her was one we did, we started and we still do, what's called, I'm gonna forget the acronym. 00:31:17.272 --> 00:31:21.383 It's EMDR, which stands for eye Movement Desensitization. 00:31:21.383 --> 00:31:27.173 RI don't remember what the R stands for. 00:31:27.173 --> 00:31:30.633 But EMDR, Google it if you wanna know. 00:31:30.633 --> 00:31:45.393 but it's basically a trauma reprocessing thing, which was really necessary for me because I did have a lot of just like stuck things around both the trauma of my dad's death and the trauma of being in a household that was really tumultuous before that had happened. 00:31:45.393 --> 00:31:50.863 so that really started to calm my nervous system down. 00:31:50.863 --> 00:31:57.012 And we did a really cool exercise actually at the end of last year, we had identified a ton of limiting beliefs. 00:31:57.012 --> 00:32:03.163 And by limiting beliefs, like for me, these are the types of things of like, I'm unlovable unless I work hard. 00:32:03.163 --> 00:32:08.262 these things in your brain that you might not even realize you think, but are. 00:32:08.262 --> 00:32:11.847 Driving a lot of your behavior and decisions without you realizing it. 00:32:11.847 --> 00:32:21.077 So we went through that list at the end of last year of limiting beliefs and I could confidently to over half of them, I was like, Nope, don't believe that anymore. 00:32:21.077 --> 00:32:23.478 Some of 'em, I was like, yeah, we should probably still keep ring on on that one. 00:32:23.478 --> 00:32:35.857 And I was like, and I have a couple more to offer to your list, this is an ongoing process of dredging up what's in there from, for me it's been a, lot of early programming of I'm only safe if I'm working hard. 00:32:35.857 --> 00:32:37.117 I'm only safe if I'm quiet. 00:32:37.117 --> 00:32:42.008 I'm only safe if I am achieving perfect grades, but not in a kind of flashy way. 00:32:42.008 --> 00:32:46.778 'cause my older brother was not a good student, So I couldn't flaunt my success. 00:32:46.778 --> 00:32:49.357 I needed to just be quietly successful, that kind of thing. 00:32:49.357 --> 00:32:51.218 so that was incredibly helpful. 00:32:51.218 --> 00:32:54.798 And as a part of this journey, she also occasionally would, offer things. 00:32:54.798 --> 00:32:58.278 And one of the things she offered that I was immediately like, that's not me. 00:32:58.278 --> 00:32:59.928 This, at one point she was like. 00:32:59.928 --> 00:33:03.798 Have you ever considered if you might have a little bit of a DHD? 00:33:03.798 --> 00:33:10.397 And I'm like, no, I'm just not good at sitting there for three hours in a row and focusing intensely, which is what I should be doing. 00:33:10.397 --> 00:33:15.438 Because, you know, white men, researchers say that, getting in the flow is the only way to be a successful person. 00:33:15.438 --> 00:33:17.508 But this is a personal feeling, not a DHD. 00:33:17.508 --> 00:33:18.228 Alright. 00:33:18.228 --> 00:33:23.567 Well, after about a year of letting that float in the back of my mind I was like, could we revisit that? 00:33:23.567 --> 00:33:34.268 so I did end up through a recommendation for, through her, I started working with a second therapist as well. 00:33:34.268 --> 00:33:38.738 So I now have a team and I've realized actually a team of people is what I need around me. 00:33:38.738 --> 00:33:44.948 'cause you talk to one person and you get their skills and knowledges and perspectives and that's great. 00:33:44.948 --> 00:33:53.133 But hearing multiple perspectives and blending that together into what works for me is how I can be successful. 00:33:53.133 --> 00:34:01.532 So I started working with a second therapist who specializes more in A DHD, and we almost immediately

started doing parts work. 00:34:01.532 --> 00:34:05.133 So for listeners not familiar with that, it's called different things. 00:34:05.133 --> 00:34:08.132 Internal Family Systems is its official name, which I think is a stupid name. 00:34:08.132 --> 00:34:08.762 I don't like it. 00:34:08.762 --> 00:34:09.842 I like parts work. 00:34:09.842 --> 00:34:17.523 And it's just this concept of you are not, you know, you can believe this or not, but I find it really impactful for me. 00:34:17.523 --> 00:34:22.532 You are not necessarily just like the thing, the blob that is Anna, the Blob, that is Paula. 00:34:22.532 --> 00:34:24.932 You have all of these parts inside of you. 00:34:24.932 --> 00:34:26.253 And if you're kinda like, what does this mean? 00:34:26.253 --> 00:34:30.902 Like, have you ever had a conversation with yourself and you feel like you're talking to a couple of different people in there? 00:34:30.902 --> 00:34:33.753 There's probably different parts popping out. 00:34:33.753 --> 00:34:43.563 And so the MDR plus parts work has been like this, like just lightning bolt of combination of. 00:34:43.563 --> 00:34:53.807 EMDR turns down the trauma so that then I can give my attention to these parts and be like, oh, there's all these children parts running around trying to basically run the show. 00:34:53.807 --> 00:34:56.447 Getting in the way and telling me things that aren't true. 00:34:56.447 --> 00:35:08.297 so being able to kind of be like, no, there's this me and I am wise and kind and good at making decisions, but for whatever reason, the parts are really good at talking louder than that me. 00:35:08.297 --> 00:35:15.547 So I can address the parts needs, tell them that they don't need to run the show anymore, We're safe, we're fine. 00:35:15.547 --> 00:35:19.208 You can go play in the yard or whatever it is you want to do. 00:35:19.208 --> 00:35:22.148 And I am here to run this show. 00:35:22.148 --> 00:35:35.998 So all of this work, this kind of sphere of everything I've done has really helped me both be, Very empathetic to myself compared to what I was say 10 years ago. 00:35:35.998 --> 00:35:43.878 And by that I mean, I rode myself very hard in my twenties and I was constantly like, you are disappointing in this fashion. 00:35:43.878 --> 00:35:45.047 You're not good enough here. 00:35:45.047 --> 00:35:47.382 And now I'm kind of like, yeah, I'm not great. 00:35:47.382 --> 00:35:55.318 I'm actually quite bad at almost everything in the world, but so is everyone else, we're all meant to have our own unique little package of things we're good at. 00:35:55.318 --> 00:36:06.898 And I'm going to work on, building up these skills that I'm good at and that I'm excited about, and not worry so much about the things that don't actually matter that much, Like really be able to prioritize what matters. 00:36:07.768 --> 00:36:09.137 That hit home so well. 00:36:09.137 --> 00:36:11.137 I got chills when you were talking about that. 00:36:11.137 --> 00:36:12.018 I was like, oh, 00:36:12.447 --> 00:36:12.938 awesome. 00:36:13.878 --> 00:36:15.617 I hear some truth coming out here. 00:36:15.617 --> 00:36:41.998 So, and one of the past podcasts that I did too, we were talking about the perfectionism issues and the, just the striving and the not being enough and the things that we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel bad and feel small and not let that grown person of you, 00:36:41.998 --> 00:36:42.327 Yeah. 00:36:42.418 --> 00:36:50.668 Run the show, because that's so huge and it's such a, a big part of personal growth. 00:36:50.668 --> 00:36:50.728 Yeah. 00:36:50.728 --> 00:36:59.007 To finally get there and realize those voices are lies, that that's not even what I agree with. 00:36:59.007 --> 00:37:05.898 And I recently, was doing some hypnotherapy and. 00:37:05.898 --> 00:37:23.182 The therapist pointed out to me that the voice that I am listening to is not like I kept identifying with it, thinking that that was what I should be listening to. 00:37:23.182 --> 00:37:26.362 Like that's the real me, And I was like, oh my God. 00:37:26.362 --> 00:37:28.043 It's a total lie. 00:37:28.043 --> 00:37:28.672 Yeah. 00:37:28.672 --> 00:37:41.273 And here I am making myself feel like the biggest piece of garbage and pushing, pushing, pushing and going through this huge struggle, which has been causing me so much pain. 00:37:41.273 --> 00:37:48.893 And it is all a giant fallacy, but that's our personal journey, right? 00:37:48.893 --> 00:37:48.983 Yeah. 00:37:48.983 --> 00:37:52.943 Is to, to see that, to be able to overcome it. 00:37:52.943 --> 00:37:57.083 And live from a more powerful state of being. 00:37:57.083 --> 00:37:58.342 So that's awesome. 00:37:58.342 --> 00:37:59.902 Congratulations for doing 00:37:59.902 --> 00:38:00.293 that 00:38:00.413 --> 00:38:00.922 work. 00:38:01.432 --> 00:38:02.123 Yeah, thank you. 00:38:02.123 --> 00:38:09.123 I have parts that, frankly, I'm very glad when they show up sometimes, When I have 30 things to do at work. 00:38:09.123 --> 00:38:13.262 My project manager part kicks in and they're like, and I'm like, thank you. 00:38:13.262 --> 00:38:14.643 Yes, go make a schedule. 00:38:14.643 --> 00:38:15.663 I don't wanna make that schedule. 00:38:15.663 --> 00:38:16.382 That sounds boring. 00:38:16.382 --> 00:38:18.802 So, parts are not all bad. 00:38:18.802 --> 00:38:22.313 I think that sometimes it's easy to sort of be like, oh, there's this part. 00:38:22.313 --> 00:38:22.882 Get it outta me. 00:38:22.882 --> 00:38:23.753 And it's like, no. 00:38:23.753 --> 00:38:25.733 Like, they're there for a reason. 00:38:25.733 --> 00:38:30.313 They were developed over time for some sort of protection, some sort of coping mechanism. 00:38:30.313 --> 00:38:35.293 And now the real goal is like finding yourself when you need to find yourself. 00:38:35.293 --> 00:38:37.193 For me, and then also. 00:38:37.193 --> 00:38:43.293 Loving those parts and being like, yes, please

have this job when I need you to have this job. 00:38:43.293 --> 00:38:50.523 But when I'm done, like I don't actually wanna spend, when I'm done with work milling around in my brain about work, I'm like, no, we're good. 00:38:50.523 --> 00:38:51.242 We're moving on. 00:38:51.242 --> 00:38:52.052 Go to sleep. 00:38:52.052 --> 00:38:52.592 You know? 00:38:52.592 --> 00:39:09.793 the other thing I wanted to mention with the therapy journey is that it's helped me a ton, but I also really appreciate how much it's helped me with how I interact with other people and how I can be more empathetic to people who are struggling. 00:39:09.793 --> 00:39:22.393 'cause I think younger me would sort of be like, I don't understand why you're struggling and now, I can even see in some people, depending on how, depending on kind of, you know, what their energies are. 00:39:22.393 --> 00:39:28.182 Like I can, I can see like, oh, that part, I, I accidentally just raised a part that's very defensive and now. 00:39:28.182 --> 00:39:43.858 I want to help deescalate it or they're, they're already just coming in with all of this, guarding and I'm like, okay, how can I help deescalate things so that I can talk to the person, not their protector part, who's really riled up about something. 00:39:43.858 --> 00:39:48.487 so I think that's been really great in terms of making me a better mentor as well. 00:39:50.197 --> 00:39:59.557 So where are you at in your journey now with the, you said the IBS you have pretty much under control. 00:39:59.557 --> 00:40:13.228 So do you feel like over time everything that you have gone through, that it's basically given you the skills to. 00:40:13.228 --> 00:40:48.974 Help yourself and others you've gone through all these traumas and learned all these different tools and methods and ways of being that aren't wrong, we're never wrong, and you are able to, through all the work that you've been doing, assimilate all of those and incorporate it into all the work that you're doing on a daily basis for yourself to make yourself happier and healthier. 00:40:48.974 --> 00:40:49.664 Yeah. 00:40:49.664 --> 00:40:52.244 And sharing those gifts with others. 00:40:54.193 --> 00:40:54.614 Yeah. 00:40:54.614 --> 00:40:55.833 where am I in my journey? 00:40:55.833 --> 00:40:57.094 I would say. 00:40:57.094 --> 00:41:02.443 I don't really play video games, so I'm not gonna get the terminology. 00:41:02.443 --> 00:41:02.713 Right. 00:41:02.713 --> 00:41:08.173 But I'm aware that there's this concept of like the boss that you have to play near the end of the video game. 00:41:08.173 --> 00:41:14.563 I'm not there yet, I'm still somewhere kind of in the middle, and I don't think that's a bad thing. 00:41:14.563 --> 00:41:23.213 so with the IBS specifically, for me, there are days where I'm just frustrated and I'm like, I didn't wanna be gassy right now, go away tummy pain. 00:41:23.213 --> 00:41:36.014 But realistically, I'm like, okay, I'm getting these problems and maybe I do ignore them for a few days, which, by the way, another member of my coaching team is a somatic coach, which has been So Good. 00:41:36.014 --> 00:41:39.373 And I'm actually gonna have her on my podcast within the next month or so. 00:41:39.373 --> 00:41:40.153 I'm so excited. 00:41:40.153 --> 00:41:44.463 It's really necessary for me because I basically divorced my body after my dad's death. 00:41:44.463 --> 00:41:52.253 I had an eating and exercise disorder to just Expend all energy and then, school obsession to expand all mental energy. 00:41:52.253 --> 00:41:55.403 And so my body was like, go away body. 00:41:55.403 --> 00:41:58.134 I don't care if you hurt, you have to do what I tell you to do. 00:41:58.134 --> 00:42:19.264 so when I am, willing to check in and be like, oh yeah,, all right, I've had tummy problems for the last two weeks or whatever, it's annoying, but I acknowledge that it's the reminder that I haven't been my healthiest self either mentally or physically, or both, Either my eating's off or my mental health is off, or some combination pack of all of the above. 00:42:19.264 --> 00:42:29.414 And frankly, I look around at how other people eat who do not have health problems in America, and I'm like, that's probably gonna bite you in the ass someday. 00:42:29.414 --> 00:42:34.643 You probably should not eat like that, like,, We should be eating whole Foods. 00:42:34.643 --> 00:42:36.384 We should be eating good meals. 00:42:36.384 --> 00:42:38.813 We shouldn't be eating all this processed crap. 00:42:38.813 --> 00:42:53.554 So I'm grateful in a way I've been able to get to that point where things are not perfect physically with the IBS, but I'm grateful that it's there because it tells me when I don't eat well, it tells me when I didn't do things as well I could. 00:42:53.554 --> 00:43:09.494 and then for kind of, you know, more like the job side of things, 'cause we talked about that as well I am a person who, my job is not my life and yet I want to have a lot of meaningful impact on the world and for me doing that is through my job somehow. 00:43:09.494 --> 00:43:21.034 Now my job may not look like what it looks like in five years, just because I'm an assistant professor now does not mean that I'm planning on a hundred percent as long as I get tenure, which is if people don't really know what tenure is, I don't either. 00:43:21.034 --> 00:43:30.213 It's just that sort of weird hoops you jump through and then it's really hard to fire you, after you get tenure, It's possible, but it's a pain so you don't get fired very often. 00:43:30.213 --> 00:43:35.463 Even if I got tenure in 10 years, if I'm like, this is not working for me. 00:43:35.463 --> 00:43:37.003 I'm not afraid to walk away from a job. 00:43:37.003 --> 00:43:38.563 We'll do something else. 00:43:38.563 --> 00:43:41.773 But I want my work, whatever it is, to be really impactful. 00:43:41.773 --> 00:43:43.353 and to be impactful. 00:43:43.353 -->

00:43:47.074 I need to be creative and to be creative, I need to be happy. 00:43:47.074 --> 00:43:54.273 So I think I'm further behind on my happiness at work journey, because the health thing was so pressing. 00:43:54.273 --> 00:43:55.983 I needed to get that under control. 00:43:55.983 --> 00:43:57.244 I was having a problem dating. 00:43:57.244 --> 00:44:01.914 A hard,, time having relationships because I was in so much pain from this IBS. 00:44:01.914 --> 00:44:03.983 So I was like, this is number one. 00:44:03.983 --> 00:44:05.244 I need to feel physically. 00:44:05.244 --> 00:44:05.724 Okay. 00:44:05.724 --> 00:44:12.494 And now I've realized, the next big journey is I need to be mentally okay. 00:44:12.494 --> 00:44:18.313 So going back to my very poor attempt at video game terminology, maybe with the IBS, I'm like almost at the boss level. 00:44:18.313 --> 00:44:19.594 We're almost about to fight the boss. 00:44:19.594 --> 00:44:25.134 He's there, I'm there, we're kinda circling around each other, but we're not really that excited to get into it yet. 00:44:25.134 --> 00:44:28.134 Mental health journey somewhere in the middle. 00:44:28.134 --> 00:44:40.884 I'm kind of meandering around on a side quest, but all the side quests are building up to, something amazing and I don't think it's ever gonna end, I don't think we reach a point in our lives where we're perfectly healthy inside and out. 00:44:40.884 --> 00:44:42.773 There's nothing to be worked on. 00:44:42.773 --> 00:44:45.804 No, I think, that's part of the human condition. 00:44:45.804 --> 00:44:47.123 but that's okay. 00:44:47.123 --> 00:44:47.693 It's exciting. 00:44:47.693 --> 00:44:54.164 So video game level, part two and three and four and five are just waiting for me out there over the years 00:44:56.264 --> 00:44:59.878 seems like trial by fire for people like us that 00:44:59.969 --> 00:45:00.298 yeah. 00:45:00.748 --> 00:45:07.588 Have illnesses that force us to do the personal growth and development. 00:45:07.588 --> 00:45:11.309 And basically find the gifts that we have to offer the world. 00:45:11.309 --> 00:45:13.289 Sometimes it's not so fun. 00:45:14.114 --> 00:45:24.559 But you know, I think we all have trials and tribulations, I don't think I've, I mean, maybe I just don't gravitate towards people who live a charmed life, but I've never met someone who has a charmed life who just never had a trauma. 00:45:24.559 --> 00:45:27.358 I was married to someone who didn't have a lot of trauma. 00:45:27.358 --> 00:45:32.759 So he did struggle to empathize with me, I think, on that level. 00:45:32.759 --> 00:45:39.849 But His behavior was almost as if he had, he still was just very driven, very pushing of himself, very demanding of himself. 00:45:39.849 --> 00:45:42.159 And I was like, huh, I wonder where this came from. 00:45:42.159 --> 00:45:42.478 I don't know. 00:45:42.478 --> 00:45:47.579 We never got to that level in our relationship and we're divorced now and for good on all sides. 00:45:47.579 --> 00:45:48.449 No hard feelings. 00:45:48.449 --> 00:45:58.989 But I think it's, yeah, even if you don't have big T trauma, we all have stuff, That's just floating around a little t trauma, that we're just gonna, dive through. 00:45:58.989 --> 00:46:06.188 And I would say for me, working with other people was the only way to get to where I'm at didn't really work for the physical health. 00:46:06.188 --> 00:46:13.148 The physical doctors, Western medical system did not work for me for physical health. 00:46:13.148 --> 00:46:21.278 I had to find my own way there, but I found my own way there through other people's work, I didn't just figure this out on my own. 00:46:21.278 --> 00:46:23.679 It was a little bit, just more of a personal journey of. 00:46:23.679 --> 00:46:28.284 Go find this hippotherapy or listen to this book, or try this meditation technique. 00:46:28.284 --> 00:46:35.744 Actually working on my mental health, that did require that one-on-one interaction of someone listening to me and being like, oh, let's try this. 00:46:35.744 --> 00:46:42.344 So I think you have to kind of also find the right level of coaching for the right problem that you're facing. 00:46:42.344 --> 00:46:44.623 Some problems you can solve through a book, some problems. 00:46:44.623 --> 00:46:45.824 You need to talk to someone. 00:46:47.864 --> 00:46:53.414 You think it's like searching for your truth, like who fits with your truth? 00:46:54.643 --> 00:46:55.213 I do. 00:46:55.213 --> 00:46:55.574 Yeah. 00:46:55.574 --> 00:46:59.943 I, again, super lucky with my therapists, my somatic coach. 00:46:59.943 --> 00:47:03.923 they all immediately, we locked in, we vibed. 00:47:03.923 --> 00:47:04.583 It was fine. 00:47:04.583 --> 00:47:08.833 But there's also probably a little bit of a level the therapist was pure luck. 00:47:08.833 --> 00:47:11.563 'cause I did start with better help, so they just paired me. 00:47:11.563 --> 00:47:17.143 but after that, like I think there was a certain level of once I am in, I sort of understand what I'm looking for. 00:47:17.143 --> 00:47:20.054 And it was really pretty easy actually for me to find the right people. 00:47:21.164 --> 00:47:21.943 That's awesome. 00:47:21.943 --> 00:47:23.094 Congratulations. 00:47:24.653 --> 00:47:24.833 Thank you. 00:47:24.833 --> 00:47:29.213 And again, to those of you out there who are like, that's not me, just send the email. 00:47:29.213 --> 00:47:30.293 20 seconds of courage. 00:47:30.293 --> 00:47:32.213 Fire your therapist, find another one. 00:47:32.213 --> 00:47:35.543 Literally it's therapy coaching, all of this stuff. 00:47:35.543 --> 00:47:38.474 And if you are not vibing with your person, just do not work with them. 00:47:38.474 --> 00:47:39.583 Just say, Nope, we're good. 00:47:39.583 --> 00:47:40.393 Moving on. 00:47:40.393 --> 00:47:42.554 Use that money somewhere else. 00:47:44.384 --> 00:47:45.793 Where can people find you? 00:47:45.844 -->

00:47:48.813 I am on Instagram, STEM identity for my podcast. 00:47:48.813 --> 00:47:49.744 my personal. 00:47:49.744 --> 00:47:56.938 Instagram, I don't think I, I sent it to you, The only reason why you'd want, you'd wanna follow me there honestly would be for pictures of mountains and cats and dogs. 00:47:56.938 --> 00:47:59.369 I have three cats and two dogs, which is a lot of fun. 00:47:59.369 --> 00:48:00.898 Two kittens and an older cat. 00:48:00.898 --> 00:48:03.208 but yeah, with identity, I post about the podcast. 00:48:03.208 --> 00:48:05.239 I'm super fired up about science nowadays. 00:48:05.239 --> 00:48:16.039 That's honestly my favorite thing about the podcast is that I have been very intentional about, okay, go spend some time just looking at science news outlets and reading. 00:48:16.039 --> 00:48:24.139 I got so bored with the research I was doing 'cause I've just been doing it for a while and I'm a person who likes new things constantly, so I'm like, let's just learn about new things. 00:48:24.139 --> 00:48:25.489 so that's been super fun. 00:48:25.489 --> 00:48:27.548 So I'll post, sciencey type things. 00:48:27.548 --> 00:48:30.128 So yeah, Instagram is the best place to follow me. 00:48:30.548 --> 00:48:31.989 What is your podcast about? 00:48:32.673 --> 00:48:42.594 So em, deity is, it's essentially taking kind of that whole coaching world that we talked about for a little bit and trying to distill concepts into podcast episodes. 00:48:42.594 --> 00:48:47.244 So my solo episodes, I dig into a specific topic. 00:48:47.244 --> 00:48:50.153 For example, this week I just released two episodes. 00:48:50.153 --> 00:48:51.563 Actually most weeks are just one. 00:48:51.563 --> 00:49:00.574 But I was like, I got released this as a, combo pack about giving talks, which I think it's easy to be like, well, you know, I don't give a talk because I don't go to conferences. 00:49:00.574 --> 00:49:03.123 But do you have project meetings that stress you out? 00:49:03.123 --> 00:49:04.983 Do you have client meetings that stress you out? 00:49:04.983 --> 00:49:12.364 Like we actually, most of us in our jobs do have moments where we need to present material and we need to present it effectively. 00:49:12.364 --> 00:49:18.474 So one part was on basically getting better at talks by treating it like a performance, I'm actually. 00:49:18.474 --> 00:49:22.309 Fairly introverted, but I have a performer side of me. 00:49:22.309 --> 00:49:24.438 I did a lot of music in my past. 00:49:24.438 --> 00:49:27.949 I was, that was actually honestly another healing tool was just a ton of music. 00:49:27.949 --> 00:49:32.528 I was in bands, and I performed on stage a lot, within a group, but still I was up there. 00:49:32.528 --> 00:49:39.659 So for me, talks are giving a performance, I'm taking on this persona of I want you to be entertained for the next 15 minutes because you know what? 00:49:39.659 --> 00:49:42.059 Science communication is really important.

00:49:42.059 --> 00:49:55.318 If we cannot tell you what we're doing and you're just like, I have no idea what's going on, then yeah, of course you're gonna fall into situations where like 2025 US federal funding for science hit the bricks. 00:49:55.318 --> 00:49:55.739 Right? 00:49:55.739 --> 00:49:57.028 It was a shit show. 00:49:57.028 --> 00:50:13.579 This year's looking a little better to give positive news, It's not just because we're bad at communicating what we do, but there's definitely a good chunk of we're bad at communicating what we do so people don't understand why they would wanna fund, like their tax dollars would go to science and engineering. 00:50:13.579 --> 00:50:18.599 and then the other part was yeah, that's all good and well Anna, but what if I can't get past being extremely nervous? 00:50:18.599 --> 00:50:19.349 And I'm like, I hear you. 00:50:19.349 --> 00:50:21.809 I was you my first public talk disaster. 00:50:21.809 --> 00:50:24.088 So yeah, here's some tools for getting past the nerve. 00:50:24.088 --> 00:50:27.599 Solo episodes are more on tools and ideas. 00:50:27.599 --> 00:50:30.358 I have some interviews that I'm so excited about. 00:50:30.358 --> 00:50:34.989 Those tend to be a little bit more, tell me about how you got to where you are. 00:50:34.989 --> 00:50:37.253 Through your science career. 00:50:37.253 --> 00:50:41.744 and I'm trying to interview a range of people, not just other PhDs like me. 00:50:41.744 --> 00:50:42.793 'cause that's really boring, right? 00:50:42.793 --> 00:50:43.994 Most people don't have PhDs. 00:50:43.994 --> 00:50:47.773 Like if you have an undergrad in science and you're like, I'm not sure what to do with it. 00:50:47.773 --> 00:50:52.034 You should be able to listen to someone who's like, I too have an undergrad in science and here's the cool shit I did. 00:50:52.034 --> 00:50:52.963 I'm like, perfect. 00:50:52.963 --> 00:50:53.713 Love it. 00:50:53.713 --> 00:50:56.623 And then as a bonus feature, and I'm pretty excited. 00:50:56.623 --> 00:50:58.693 I don't know if this is gonna take off or not, but I'm loving it. 00:50:58.693 --> 00:50:59.204 So far. 00:50:59.204 --> 00:51:05.563 I'm doing something called journal club once a month where I find an interesting sounding academic article. 00:51:05.563 --> 00:51:11.503 I reach out to the lead author, they hop on with me, and we talk about, how did you get to where you are? 00:51:11.503 --> 00:51:17.373 Because I think that is actually so compelling and interesting, Research doesn't just happen from a vacuum. 00:51:17.373 --> 00:51:24.184 And usually these peer reviewed publications are coming from master's and PhD above type education level. 00:51:24.184 --> 00:51:25.143 So like, all right. 00:51:25.143 --> 00:51:27.693 How did you decide to go to school for forever? 00:51:27.693 --> 00:51:29.853 I went to school for 10 years to get my degrees right. 00:51:29.853 --> 00:51:32.164 And then let's dig into the paper. 00:51:32.164 -->

00:51:50.494 So I got to talk to someone who does research in ancient DNA and had a project that essentially was looking at dogs and wolves to determine after dogs came into existence, I'm not gonna get the terminology right, 'cause I'm not a biologist, but we basically bred wolfs to become dogs. 00:51:50.494 --> 00:51:54.534 But then over the decades, there was occasional interbreeding. 00:51:54.534 --> 00:51:56.213 Between wolves and dogs. 00:51:56.213 --> 00:52:03.804 So how much wolf, DNA is there actually in dogs that is from this interbreeding, not just from the fact that wolves came from dogs. 00:52:03.804 --> 00:52:05.414 And that was so fun. 00:52:05.414 --> 00:52:11.684 And I got to talk to a researcher who has a research group right next to Yellowstone National Park and goes to Yellowstone and samples in the hot springs. 00:52:11.684 --> 00:52:15.074 And I'm like, this is my favorite place on earth when I can't believe that you have a research group there. 00:52:15.074 --> 00:52:23.074 hopefully it's kind of a fun, both practical and also like, hey, STEM enthusiasts, stem can be fun even though we feel kind of bummed out sometimes. 00:52:23.074 --> 00:52:24.903 our jobs can be a little overwhelming. 00:52:24.903 --> 00:52:27.463 it's a bit of a grab bag, but I'm having a blast. 00:52:27.463 --> 00:52:28.063 So far 00:52:29.923 --> 00:52:35.773 I've heard that the opposite of depression is expression and creativity. 00:52:35.773 --> 00:52:36.764 Hmm. 00:52:36.764 --> 00:52:42.824 And I can definitely tell when you talk about that, you totally light up, like it's totally your jam. 00:52:42.824 --> 00:52:43.668 That's cool. 00:52:43.668 --> 00:52:48.003 Yeah, and I have a biology background, I have my master's in entomology. 00:52:48.128 --> 00:52:48.748 Oh, that's awesome. 00:52:49.208 --> 00:52:52.773 And yeah, so I'm like, oh, science talk. 00:52:52.773 --> 00:52:54.634 I can totally get into that. 00:52:55.838 --> 00:52:55.958 Yeah. 00:52:55.958 --> 00:52:57.369 You might enjoy that Yellowstone episode. 00:52:57.369 --> 00:52:57.998 It's out. 00:52:57.998 --> 00:53:09.998 And the guy was so nice and kind and interesting and it's such a delight because again, I'm getting to talk to these scientists I've never would've talked to in any other realm because they're not in anything that I do for my science. 00:53:09.998 --> 00:53:17.148 so getting to hear from them and seeing their joy and how excited they're about science makes me re excited about science. 00:53:17.148 --> 00:53:18.978 'cause I have my ups and downs. 00:53:18.978 --> 00:53:26.829 And last year was really tough to be a scientist in the US or an engineer in the US in academia was just soul crushing. 00:53:26.829 --> 00:53:30.108 My lab lost over 300 and. 00:53:30.108 --> 00:53:50.498 $30 million because we had received a few really large grants at the end of the Biden administration that was going to be potentially hugely impactful for helping emissions from oil and gas, like working with operators, not penalizing anyone, just being like, Hey, let's just make the technology better. 00:53:50.498 --> 00:53:54.338 And then, you know, this administration was like, nah. 00:53:54.338 --> 00:54:00.068 And then we lost, so we lost pending money that was over $325 million. 00:54:00.068 --> 00:54:03.548 And then we lost current funds as well at the end of last year. 00:54:03.548 --> 00:54:06.188 totaling somewhere around $8 million. 00:54:06.188 --> 00:54:08.228 So it was sharpening. 00:54:08.228 --> 00:54:13.199 So I needed this project, honestly, to make me be like, okay, I do like what I do and I'm okay. 00:54:16.619 --> 00:54:17.188 Yeah. 00:54:17.188 --> 00:54:21.498 I'm always in awe of people that followed that path. 00:54:21.498 --> 00:54:24.438 To be able to work in the field. 00:54:24.438 --> 00:54:37.878 It's like the starving artist syndrome, You and I, we went to college, we believed the work hard, work your butt off achieve and get the trophy and you know, you'll figure it out. 00:54:37.878 --> 00:54:41.838 You'll find something to do with that degree basically. 00:54:41.838 --> 00:54:50.313 and then whenever I listen to people on podcasts about that, because I listen to sometimes the ally ward her, oh yeah, I love a, that's super fun. 00:54:50.313 --> 00:54:54.554 Man, like what if you really just follow your dream? 00:54:54.554 --> 00:55:00.773 Yeah., And it just works out because that's what you're supposed to be doing instead of all these sidetrack things. 00:55:00.773 --> 00:55:01.134 Right? 00:55:01.134 --> 00:55:03.713 But again, like you were saying, it's all perfect. 00:55:03.713 --> 00:55:04.134 But 00:55:04.193 --> 00:55:04.403 yeah, 00:55:04.403 --> 00:55:16.143 this is our journey and we have to work through these things and learn why these things that we believe are not so, and then it becomes another. 00:55:16.143 --> 00:55:18.813 Piece of us that we're like, oh, okay. 00:55:18.813 --> 00:55:29.514 I totally see where I needed to take that action because that is what I believed and now I know better. 00:55:29.934 --> 00:55:30.204 Yeah. 00:55:30.264 --> 00:55:33.204 And then I can tell other people my truth. 00:55:33.804 --> 00:55:34.193 Yeah. 00:55:34.193 --> 00:55:41.123 And I meet people, I meet young people or people in grad school who might be, in their mid to late twenties, and they're like, yeah, I know what I wanna do. 00:55:41.123 --> 00:55:42.954 And I'm astounded by that fact. 00:55:42.954 --> 00:55:45.023 I'm like, wow, that's so cool. 00:55:45.023 --> 00:55:49.313 And they might in 10 years change their mind and be like, oh no, that wasn't what I wanted to do. 00:55:49.313 --> 00:56:00.414 But I think it's very, very valuable to get the messages and as many platforms as possible to say, it's wonderful if you know what you want to do. 00:56:00.414 --> 00:56:04.403 It's also wonderful if you don't know what you want to do because there are opportunities. 00:56:04.403 --> 00:56:06.893

And as long as you're taking. 00:56:06.893 --> 00:56:14.708 The time to be introspective enough to understand, okay, I don't know what I wanna do, but here's this opportunity, so I'm just gonna go do it. 00:56:14.708 --> 00:56:17.469 Did that opportunity work for you or not? 00:56:17.469 --> 00:56:18.639 Probably. 00:56:18.639 --> 00:56:20.949 Ultimately, some of it worked for you and some of it did not. 00:56:20.949 --> 00:56:22.418 What are the pieces didn't work? 00:56:22.418 --> 00:56:24.728 How can you try to not repeat that in your next job? 00:56:24.728 --> 00:56:31.949 How can you amplify the pieces that did work in your next job and just rinse and repeat, There was no way I wanted to be a professor. 00:56:31.949 --> 00:56:36.849 When I left grad school, my advisor was a really kind, very compassionate person. 00:56:36.849 --> 00:56:42.518 Extremely stressed out all the time because he took some things upon himself that I don't know that he needed to take on himself. 00:56:42.518 --> 00:56:45.728 And I looked at that model, I'm like, there's no way I wanna do this. 00:56:45.728 --> 00:56:49.809 So I did other things for five years and then this professor opportunity came up and I was like. 00:56:49.809 --> 00:56:55.583 No, actually, I've discovered that I like teaching, I like mentoring, I like writing grants. 00:56:55.583 --> 00:56:59.443 I enjoy being a part of kind of a small company vibe. 00:56:59.443 --> 00:57:04.264 the department I'm in actually has kind of a small company vibe because everyone sort of has their own niche. 00:57:04.264 --> 00:57:11.423 but we work together very collaboratively, and was like, this is the right opportunity for me, so I'm gonna take it. 00:57:11.423 --> 00:57:15.083 And again, as I mentioned before, if in 10 years I'm not that happy, then I'll move on. 00:57:15.083 --> 00:57:19.143 But yeah, I think it's okay to change, right? 00:57:19.143 --> 00:57:27.324 we're allowed, we don't live in that world where our parents or grandparents, depending on your age, had a career for one lifetime. 00:57:27.324 --> 00:57:28.083 were they happy? 00:57:28.083 --> 00:57:37.494 Some people were probably pretty happy doing that, but I think ultimately there were probably a lot of really unhappy people who were just sort of like, well, you just have one career for your life and That's all. 00:57:37.494 --> 00:57:46.264 I think, maybe one more point to that is that I like this concept of being the first generation in something Being a first generation student is incredible. 00:57:46.264 --> 00:57:47.793 And I'm not a first generation student. 00:57:47.793 --> 00:57:49.474 my parents both had college degrees. 00:57:49.474 --> 00:57:50.403 My mother was a lawyer. 00:57:50.403 --> 00:57:53.193 but I'm the first generation that went to therapy. 00:57:53.193 --> 00:57:57.634 and I'm probably the first generation who is throwing myself into really finding a job. 00:57:57.634 --> 00:58:07.813 I love, my mom lucked out into jobs she loved over time, but I don't think she put a lot of intentional work, like either it worked for her or, whatever she may do. 00:58:07.813 --> 00:58:21.340 So to kinda like be proud of what are you the first generation and what are you kind of saying, no, I don't care that my parents have this mindset around money or jobs or romance or whatever it is. 00:58:21.340 --> 00:58:26.170 Like, that's not working for me and I'm gonna be the first generation to say, yeah, okay, I'm gonna do something different. 00:58:26.170 --> 00:58:32.141 I think that's incredibly powerful and you should be proud of yourself when you can identify that you are the first generation to do something new. 00:58:34.331 --> 00:58:35.951 What are you available for? 00:58:35.951 --> 00:58:36.221 Right? 00:58:36.226 --> 00:58:36.416 Yeah. 00:58:37.181 --> 00:58:37.481 Yeah. 00:58:37.510 --> 00:58:38.141 Exactly. 00:58:38.590 --> 00:58:38.920 Yeah. 00:58:38.920 --> 00:58:42.851 Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. 00:58:42.851 --> 00:58:50.170 It has been a eye-opening and just beautiful conversation. 00:58:51.041 --> 00:58:51.820 Yeah, thank you. 00:58:51.820 --> 00:58:52.690 I had a ton of fun. 00:58:52.690 --> 00:59:04.690 Thank you for your patience as I tried to get off my last work meeting of the day, but these things happen, super fun and yeah, if people are excited about STEM identity, reach out. 00:59:04.690 --> 00:59:10.726 If people have comments, questions, things you wanna hear about, I'm always open to feedback and thank you for this beautiful platform. 00:59:10.726 --> 00:59:16.965 I think it's so important that stories are told around more chronic type illnesses. 00:59:16.965 --> 00:59:33.556 'cause I think they can be so discouraging at times that it's very helpful to sort of be like, there's so many different paths out there and if whatever's happening in your life right now is not working for you, then what new path can you try? 00:59:35.746 --> 00:59:36.135 Yeah. 00:59:36.135 --> 00:59:39.106 Even sometimes just the littlest shifts, right? 00:59:39.106 --> 00:59:40.065 Yep. 00:59:40.065 --> 00:59:45.766 Because sometimes that's what keeps us so stuck is that we're like, but I can't, I can't get out of this. 00:59:45.766 --> 00:59:48.195 I can't do anything about it. 00:59:48.195 --> 00:59:48.525 You know? 00:59:48.525 --> 01:00:01.536 So it's like, What little things even can you do to just give yourself a little bit more of a breather or be easier on yourself in some way? 01:00:02.746 --> 01:00:03.795 thank you for listening. 01:00:03.795 --> 01:00:09.976 If you've enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a friend. 01:00:09.976 --> 01:00:13.635 Until next time, you get to choose who writes your story. 01:00:13.635 --> 01:00:15.195 Let's make it a good one.