Fullständig transkription av When the Impossible Becomes Possible — Amy Sheridan

been. 00:05:28.879 --> 00:05:31.279 It's it's highly likely that's not what my life will be. 00:05:31.360 --> 00:05:34.800 So you've just got to ride those ups and downs, I think. 00:05:35.040 --> 00:05:39.759 Yeah, you are you are you're a a a lot of series of threes. 00:05:40.639 --> 00:05:42.959 So like every posting would be a three. 00:05:44.079 --> 00:05:44.800 Yes, yes. 00:05:44.879 --> 00:05:47.759 The number three does uh permeate my life many times. 00:05:47.839 --> 00:05:53.120 And the fact that we we go on it, we've gone on posting for three years, it's like that's my measure. 00:05:53.199 --> 00:05:57.519 So everything is in three-year instalment, and that's how I plan my life. 00:05:57.839 --> 00:05:58.240 Yeah. 00:05:58.560 --> 00:06:01.360 Oh, there must be something numerology-wise in a three years well. 00:06:01.519 --> 00:06:04.240 I don't know that I'll have to have to look that one up. 00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:04.959 Yeah. 00:06:05.279 --> 00:06:08.720 But thank you again, thank you so much for joining us today. 00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:20.800 And if you in entirely also up to you as we as we were talking, but thinking about the the journey that we were we were that we were discussing. 00:06:21.199 --> 00:06:21.279 Yeah. 00:06:21.600 --> 00:06:23.839 Feel free to share or not share whatever you like. 00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:31.680 Um but what do you think was what's the one proof that you have come to know on the other side of that journey? 00:06:31.759 --> 00:06:36.480 And is there a word or a metaphor or a cliche that's some too? 00:06:37.920 --> 00:06:38.560 Yeah. 00:06:39.439 --> 00:06:53.759 Yeah, I think it is probably important to talk a little bit about the particular event because I think unfortunately for me, uh, it's not the your sort of singular, horrible, traumatic thing that's happened to me. 00:06:53.839 --> 00:06:55.680 There have been many in my life. 00:06:56.639 --> 00:07:00.240 But the response that I've had to this one has been slightly different. 00:07:00.319 --> 00:07:04.720 And so I think it's important to just articulate that story a little bit. 00:07:05.279 --> 00:07:12.639 So about a year ago, I had a serious accident while I was on a holiday with my family on the south coast of Australia. 00:07:12.959 --> 00:07:32.000 I um was hit by a very large rogue wave in a swimming pool that was an ocean pool, and it sucked me out of the pool and threw me onto the rocks and um very rough ocean below, and I broke some vertebrae um and some ribs and um was paralyzed from the chest down. 00:07:32.480 --> 00:07:34.639 My family were with me that day. 00:07:34.879 --> 00:07:41.519 Um, my sister, my partner, my brother-in-law, my two nieces who were all on the beach and watched the whole thing unfold. 00:07:41.920 --> 00:07:52.639 Um, and uh my my partner and my brother-in-law, and some some very brave strangers from the beach ran in and yanked me out of the water because I um could not move. 00:07:52.720 --> 00:07:56.800 Um, all I could do was take a breath every time a wave hit me. 00:07:58.160 --> 00:07:59.680 I was rushed to hospital. 00:07:59.759 --> 00:08:01.759 I had surgery very, very quickly. 00:08:01.920 --> 00:08:06.240 Um, and I had some very impressive hardware installed in my back. 00:08:06.639 --> 00:08:13.120 I've got two metal, two metal poles and about 20 metal screws up the length of my spine. 00:08:13.279 --> 00:08:16.000 Um, but fortunately, my spinal cord was not severed. 00:08:16.319 --> 00:08:17.519 It was only compressed. 00:08:17.680 --> 00:08:20.959 So they were able to relieve that pressure pretty quickly. 00:08:21.360 --> 00:08:34.240 And then within a couple of days of being in the intensive care unit, the doctors told me that they thought I'd make a full recovery and that that I would would walk again and would have a normal life. 00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:37.360 So that was the accident. 00:08:38.080 --> 00:08:49.840 Um, and when I think about something that I would use to summarize that experience, and it's it's it's so interesting that you actually mentioned this word before. 00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:54.639 Um, and I was like, okay, this is going to be interesting that that you already talked about this. 00:08:55.039 --> 00:09:04.480 For me, the sentiment that sums up my experience is that things that felt impossible have become possible. 00:09:04.799 --> 00:09:08.799 Oh god, it's good as shivers. 00:09:09.120 --> 00:09:24.799 And I yeah, I mean that in the the most basic sort of sense in that um when I was under the water, when I was in the waves and I couldn't move my body, and my brain told me, all you can do right now is breathe. 00:09:25.039 --> 00:09:28.000 And so that's all I did was was breathe. 00:09:28.399 --> 00:09:32.159 When I was sitting in the hospital, there's this image that often comes back to me. 00:09:32.320 --> 00:09:36.960 I was lying in the ICU when I had a hundred cords coming out of me. 00:09:37.120 --> 00:09:38.080 I couldn't move. 00:09:38.159 --> 00:09:40.159 I was in tremendous pain. 00:09:40.399 --> 00:09:42.639 My back had just been opened up. 00:09:42.960 --> 00:09:51.759 And um, there were glass walls everywhere in the ICU, and across the hall from me, there was a woman who was about, I'm guessing, 60, 70 years old. 00:09:51.919 --> 00:09:58.159 She had long gray hair, and she was sitting there, um, sitting upright in bed with her legs crossed, drinking a cup of tea. 00:09:58.399 --> 00:10:05.039 And I remember lying there completely immobile and wrapped with pain and just thinking, how is she doing that? 00:10:06.080 --> 00:10:07.840 How is she sitting up? 00:10:08.000 --> 00:10:08.720 That's amazing. 00:10:08.879 --> 00:10:10.320 I'm never going to be able to do that. 00:10:10.399 --> 00:10:13.279 I'm never going to be able to sit up myself. 00:10:13.360 --> 00:10:15.840 I'm never going to be able to like hold a cup of tea and drink it. 00:10:16.000 --> 00:10:21.600 Like that's sort of

the level of the physical limit I was under. 00:10:22.240 --> 00:10:22.559 Yeah. 00:10:23.279 --> 00:10:28.000 But then, you know, within two walks, two weeks, I was doing laps around the ward. 00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:34.240 Like, if someone had told me that that was possible, I probably wouldn't have believed them. 00:10:35.279 --> 00:10:37.440 But turns out it was. 00:10:38.320 --> 00:10:57.759 And I can apply that metaphor to so many points of the journey that I've gone through, from being able to just sit up and have a cup of tea in bed to being able to move to the Solomon Islands less than a year, six months after I had my accident and resume my life and resume my job. 00:10:57.919 --> 00:11:01.600 Like all of these things were impossible to me. 00:11:01.679 --> 00:11:05.039 They have become possible with the the passing of time. 00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:12.639 So that's that's what I think about when I think about this particular journey is that you can overcome it. 00:11:13.120 --> 00:11:13.440 Yeah. 00:11:13.600 --> 00:11:15.919 And I don't want to sound like polyannery about it. 00:11:16.000 --> 00:11:20.639 I don't want to be like, you know, the cliche thing, like anything is possible. 00:11:20.799 --> 00:11:22.320 Like, you know, some things aren't. 00:11:22.399 --> 00:11:24.080 Um, my life is different. 00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:26.480 Um, you know, I live with chronic pain. 00:11:26.559 --> 00:11:29.919 I I live with a ladder in between me and any surface that's behind me. 00:11:30.080 --> 00:11:33.600 Like there are some things I will never be able to do again. 00:11:34.320 --> 00:11:37.200 But I can sit up in bed and I can have a cup of tea. 00:11:37.360 --> 00:11:45.679 So oh my god, Amy, there's literally so many questions that are now just racing through my racing through my mind there. 00:11:46.240 --> 00:11:57.679 But one thing that really struck me, you said that when you were lying there and your brain said the one thing you can do is keep breathing. 00:11:58.000 --> 00:12:00.240 And sometimes that's it, isn't it? 00:12:00.320 --> 00:12:12.320 It's just focusing on what is the one thing that I could what is the one thing that I can can do right now in in my life that's oh it's exactly like Anna says in Frozen 2, the next right thing. 00:12:12.799 --> 00:12:14.639 Many, many nieces in my life. 00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:17.440 Uh yeah, no, it absolutely is okay. 00:12:17.679 --> 00:12:18.559 What's next? 00:12:18.720 --> 00:12:30.639 In that moment it was breathing, the next week it was sitting, the next week it was taking a step, the next week it was having a bowel movement, the next week it was and so on and so on. 00:12:30.799 --> 00:12:44.080 And it's like this this pebble that you know it it gets larger and larger the more it sort of expands out in that body of water, and over time they were suddenly doing things that you never thought you'd be able to. 00:12:44.480 --> 00:12:59.840 Yeah, I mean that's amazing, but I don't think it is a cliche, like literally the anything is possible is the driver for why I do what I do now, because I truly I do truly believe that the life that we always want. 00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:11.919 I mean, obviously there's both an accident, etc., there's different things that go with that, but in general, the life that we want is always there if we are willing to take action and and move towards it. 00:13:12.159 --> 00:13:18.080 But I guess in oh gosh, sorry, I've lost my bluming train of thought now. 00:13:18.240 --> 00:13:19.200 There was a question in there. 00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:21.679 Um there was a question in there for you. 00:13:22.000 --> 00:13:28.720 And but I do really love that as a sentiment to to hold that anything is possible. 00:13:29.200 --> 00:13:50.799 And if I when you were talking in several points of that, I just felt feel really struck by this almost like a micro moment in time that changes everything, but then also somehow times again to you in a in an adjusted way, in a different way, give you your life back also. 00:13:52.559 --> 00:13:56.080 It it's a process and it's a framework you can apply. 00:13:56.399 --> 00:14:01.279 So in that moment, take the breath, take the step, it's the next thing. 00:14:01.519 --> 00:14:19.840 But if you actually use that as a a way to sort of govern and guardrail your life, it actually gives you a pretty clear pathway for how you can choose to respond and react to certain things and the way you carry yourself and the way you make decisions and uh where you summon your courage. 00:14:20.080 --> 00:14:36.559 And if you just agree to maybe just do one thing extra or one thing new, or maybe consider that even though it is impossible today, it might be possible tomorrow, then I think that's that's a good approach. 00:14:37.840 --> 00:14:38.480 Yeah. 00:14:38.960 --> 00:14:40.559 And it's simple as well, isn't it? 00:14:40.639 --> 00:14:47.360 Because it cuts away all the nonsense, it cuts away all the bullshit, and it's like, what's the one thing that I can do now? 00:14:47.519 --> 00:14:52.159 What is that one, what's that one thing, and just keep moving from. 00:14:52.480 --> 00:14:55.440 I mean, it obviously also sounds incredibly simple. 00:14:55.519 --> 00:15:03.279 It must have been very hard at that point to believe that there was another one thing that you could keep doing and moving with. 00:15:04.240 --> 00:15:26.720 Well, I don't think if if you sort of line up all the things that I knew I had to do, i.e., learn to walk again, get out of hospital, somehow find the energy to go back to work, to do a job that's physically demanding, to be a good partner, to be a good aunt, to be a good sister, all those things together, that's too that was too much. 00:15:27.759 --> 00:15:33.039 When I thought about the the massive journey that was ahead of me, that was overwhelming. 00:15:34.399 --> 00:15:42.559 And I think, yeah, breaking it up into sort of more consumable bite sizes is a little

bit more, a little bit more pragmatic. 00:15:43.440 --> 00:15:52.720 Yeah, but it also makes it feel durable, doesn't it, when it's literally it's not, it's not like you say like the whole process that goes one, two, three, four, five. 00:15:52.799 --> 00:15:54.639 It's like, okay, one, where are we at? 00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:55.440 What am I doing? 00:15:55.600 --> 00:15:59.759 How does that look and what's what's going what's going on there? 00:16:01.200 --> 00:16:01.679 Yeah. 00:16:01.840 --> 00:16:02.000 Yeah. 00:16:02.240 --> 00:16:15.279 And how long do you think at that at that point, how long do you think it took to sort of really feel believable that anything is possible? 00:16:18.879 --> 00:16:23.919 I still don't I'm still coming to terms with what happened to me, I think. 00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:31.440 And it does sound a little like even when I say it out loud, even when I just said it to you, it sounds it sounds way too chilly to me. 00:16:31.840 --> 00:16:32.399 I don't know. 00:16:32.480 --> 00:16:34.799 I think I'm still working through that. 00:16:35.279 --> 00:16:40.639 I think it was just it was it was micro moments. 00:16:41.600 --> 00:16:46.000 It wasn't like a a sudden reckoning or a sudden revelation. 00:16:46.320 --> 00:16:47.840 Oh, anything's possible. 00:16:48.080 --> 00:16:54.960 It was like tiny little bullets of proof, like like those first few steps I took. 00:16:55.120 --> 00:17:01.360 I was like, oh, okay, okay, I will accept that I might be able to walk again. 00:17:01.440 --> 00:17:03.279 I will accept that that's possible. 00:17:03.600 --> 00:17:10.640 But there's no way in hell I'm ever going to be able to do this and this and this and this and this, and then catastrophize everything and feel very sad and depressed and angry about it. 00:17:10.880 --> 00:17:15.119 But it was like continuous little micro reminders of that possibility. 00:17:15.279 --> 00:17:19.200 And it sort of built over time and collectivized over time. 00:17:19.279 --> 00:17:23.039 And I found myself believing it and buying into it more and more. 00:17:23.200 --> 00:17:32.720 And I think it's only in hindsight that I, when you asked that question and I thought about it, that that's where I landed, that things that felt impossible have become possible. 00:17:32.960 --> 00:17:36.559 Because I don't think that was something that I felt at the time. 00:17:36.960 --> 00:17:43.119 And it was only after having gone through all of those things that I started to feel that way. 00:17:44.480 --> 00:17:53.200 And I guess, yeah, sorry the skew, sorry, the punning that way, but it's like at that point, it literally is putting one foot in front of the other. 00:17:53.279 --> 00:18:01.359 And if it's one step today, it's two tomorrow, it's three, maybe it goes back to one, but it keeps you you keep going and you keep you keep moving. 00:18:01.839 --> 00:18:02.799 Yeah, yeah. 00:18:04.079 --> 00:18:10.319 Now, as you said, you're you're already a year, um,

a year later. 00:18:10.880 --> 00:18:16.079 What did that what did that middle part look like and and feel like at that time? 00:18:17.200 --> 00:18:18.720 How did you keep going? 00:18:19.839 --> 00:18:27.759 Well, I mean, I I don't think I'm a poster child for a healthy way of dealing with trauma. 00:18:28.319 --> 00:18:39.119 My particular brand of dealing with trauma is to squash it down to the furthest recess of my soul, pretend like it didn't happen, nothing to see here, everything's fine, we're moving on, okay? 00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:49.680 Yeah, like I was just so determined to get over it as quickly as I possibly could and get back to my life because I loved my life. 00:18:49.920 --> 00:18:54.799 I was perfectly happy and the happiest that I had been in in such a long time. 00:18:55.119 --> 00:19:03.039 I was so annoyed that this happened because, you know, things were finally really clicking and falling into place, and I was genuinely content. 00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:06.799 So I was so pissed off that this happened. 00:19:07.039 --> 00:19:13.839 I didn't need any reminders of what my sister calls, you know, she always says, we didn't need any reminders of how precious our lives are. 00:19:13.920 --> 00:19:15.359 We we've had plenty. 00:19:16.640 --> 00:19:19.599 And so my my approach was just like, okay, we're done. 00:19:19.759 --> 00:19:24.480 I'm fine, everything's fine, and now we can just move forward and be completely happy again. 00:19:24.720 --> 00:19:25.039 Yeah. 00:19:25.200 --> 00:19:44.960 So I don't think I really allowed myself to fully feel um the pain, the anger, and the unfairness of that whole thing and the randomness of that whole thing, because I was just so determined to move on. 00:19:45.440 --> 00:19:52.480 So when I when I said before that I I said I'm I'm still coming to terms with what happened to me, I think that's what I'm coming to terms with. 00:19:52.640 --> 00:19:57.519 It's yeah, I've had this wonderful physical um recovery. 00:19:57.920 --> 00:20:00.960 I'm walking, I'm running, I'm jumping, I'm dancing. 00:20:01.119 --> 00:20:03.359 Um, people look at me, they have no idea. 00:20:03.759 --> 00:20:09.440 Tell them my story and they are flabbergasted because you wouldn't tell there was anything wrong with me. 00:20:09.519 --> 00:20:12.799 And then they see this scar on my back and they're like, holy crap, what happened to you? 00:20:13.599 --> 00:20:18.559 Which um, yeah, it's hot in the Solomon Islands and people aren't as polite as they are back home. 00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:25.680 And but I um yeah, I think um how I dealt with it was just to run through it as quickly as I could. 00:20:25.839 --> 00:20:35.039 And maybe I should have slowed down a bit more and let myself really heal in a much more healthy and kind of way. 00:20:36.559 --> 00:20:51.440 And there's also somehow going back to that one thing, it's almost like was that a point where it's like actually first I need to physically heal, and then

maybe that's something that that comes that comes later. 00:20:51.599 --> 00:20:54.880 There's one thing, what can I do right now? 00:20:55.200 --> 00:20:59.920 I need to physically rebuild my life. 00:21:00.720 --> 00:21:02.880 Yeah, I I hundred percent agree. 00:21:02.960 --> 00:21:14.400 Um, and I think at the time and this sort of very, very acute period, those first few months, I didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to be dealing with that side of it. 00:21:14.559 --> 00:21:17.839 All I had the energy to do was have physical recovery. 00:21:18.000 --> 00:21:19.599 But I was very aware of that. 00:21:19.680 --> 00:21:27.039 And I my sister is a clinical psychologist, so she was on this from you know the moment it happened, and she was like, you have to feel it, you have to talk about it. 00:21:27.200 --> 00:21:37.359 I'm like, I know, but that's just gonna go in a box over there until we're ready to open that box because right now I'm dealing with this problem. 00:21:37.839 --> 00:21:49.839 Um yes, that that physical problem rather than that emotional problem, yeah, which kind of fed that whole approach I was taking with just like, let's just get through this as fast as we possibly can. 00:21:50.079 --> 00:21:54.319 I kept waiting for that box to um to open itself. 00:21:54.640 --> 00:22:04.880 It didn't really, I mean, apart from the apparently I was having some panic attacks and the very Early days in the ICU, I would start shaking uncontrollably and couldn't breathe properly. 00:22:05.039 --> 00:22:08.880 And it tended to happen every time a medical professional came in the room. 00:22:08.960 --> 00:22:11.279 And I'm like, I don't know why this is happening. 00:22:11.359 --> 00:22:12.000 This is very strange. 00:22:12.079 --> 00:22:14.079 And my sister was like, You're having a panic attack. 00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:15.680 I'm like, I don't do that. 00:22:16.319 --> 00:22:17.839 I don't, my body doesn't do that. 00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:20.720 And my brain is smart enough to tell my body not to do that. 00:22:20.880 --> 00:22:23.920 Um, but to open itself, it didn't really. 00:22:24.000 --> 00:22:29.839 I mean, apart from a apparently I was having some panic attacks in the very early days in the ICU. 00:22:29.920 --> 00:22:33.359 I would start shaking uncontrollably and couldn't breathe properly. 00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:37.359 And it tended to happen every time a medical professional came in the room. 00:22:37.440 --> 00:22:39.680 And I'm like, I don't know why this is happening. 00:22:39.759 --> 00:22:40.480 This is very strange. 00:22:40.559 --> 00:22:42.559 And my sister was like, You're having a panic attack. 00:22:42.720 --> 00:22:44.160 I'm like, no, I don't do that. 00:22:44.720 --> 00:22:46.240 I don't, my body doesn't do that. 00:22:46.319 --> 00:22:49.119 And my brain is smart enough to tell my body not to do that. 00:22:49.279 --> 00:22:52.960 Um, but I'm pretty certain that's what was actually happening. 00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:57.440 But that only lasted a few days and then they went away. 00:22:57.759 --> 00:23:11.759 As I said, I think it's only really been around that sort of one-year anniversary where I've let myself feel a little more open to talking about the emotional trauma of that, not just the physical. 00:23:12.720 --> 00:23:14.559 Yeah, and I mean that that's the thing, isn't it? 00:23:14.640 --> 00:23:16.079 It's like everything is. 00:23:16.319 --> 00:23:17.039 I don't know why. 00:23:17.119 --> 00:23:20.079 I always kind of come to a Harry Potter. 00:23:20.319 --> 00:23:30.480 I'm not even a massive fan, but when you look at Baltimore and he starts off all of himself with these whore crookses, I don't know if you know Harry Potter. 00:23:31.680 --> 00:23:33.920 Um, I'm following you, yep, keep going. 00:23:34.960 --> 00:23:41.200 But he separates himself off into all of these whore crookses and he he throws them as far apart as possible. 00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:46.960 And that's what he's evil and he's the body, but that's what gives him the strength. 00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:54.799 And actually, when all Harry Potter, his um his journey is finding all of those and destroying them. 00:23:55.119 --> 00:24:05.680 Because when they when he comes back together as a as a whole somehow, that's when he's vulnerable, and actually that's part of our journey as well, isn't it? 00:24:05.759 --> 00:24:13.920 That's coming back as that whole, being vulnerable and being open and feeling whole again. 00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:22.799 Yeah, I I guess that's I love that we're talking about Harry Potter and Frozen in his context in this conversation, and I think that is highly appropriate. 00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:30.720 I think for me, I didn't really see it as like separate parts of myself and gathering them all up at the end. 00:24:30.799 --> 00:24:43.119 I I kind of felt like it was just a Maslow's hierarchy of needs, it was just like survival, yeah, shelter food, and then at the the very bottom of that pyramid is emotional well-being. 00:24:43.599 --> 00:24:50.319 Um but I think what I'm learning is perhaps we need to flip that that triangle upside down a little bit. 00:24:51.279 --> 00:25:01.599 And yeah, sort of just not be quite so focused on the I'm fine, everything's fine, I'm perfect. 00:25:01.839 --> 00:25:05.039 Um it's okay to say that you aren't. 00:25:05.359 --> 00:25:21.839 Um that part of yourself is allowed to be made public, and that when you do that, Hamani and I don't know, the other characters will come around you and um and help you and love you and and support you. 00:25:21.920 --> 00:25:24.160 And right, right, right, is that isn't that right? 00:25:24.240 --> 00:25:26.079 Okay, yeah, yeah. 00:25:27.119 --> 00:25:27.440 Exactly. 00:25:27.599 --> 00:25:28.240 Yes, exactly. 00:25:28.400 --> 00:25:30.720 You your dream team are gonna be there with you. 00:25:31.680 --> 00:25:32.079 Yeah. 00:25:32.400 --> 00:25:36.079 And and actually that's a really

good point in that way. 00:25:36.640 --> 00:25:42.640 Who obviously you had acute things that you were going through at that time. 00:25:43.279 --> 00:25:53.039 And how did the people who were around you, like for them also, who were with you on the day, and obviously with you on your your recovery? 00:25:53.759 --> 00:25:57.119 It's it's a huge life-changing part for all of you. 00:25:57.440 --> 00:25:58.400 Um, absolutely. 00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:03.279 This did not happen to me, this happened to so many people. 00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:10.799 And it's funny because I feel like, in a way, it has affected those that love me more. 00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:16.079 Sorry, it affected those who love me the most more than it affected me. 00:26:17.359 --> 00:26:28.480 Because they saw it happen and they witnessed my pain and were scared that they would lose me. 00:26:28.880 --> 00:26:29.279 Yeah. 00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:32.880 I didn't see this happen. 00:26:34.640 --> 00:26:41.200 I never thought for a second that you know I wouldn't walk, even though there was that possibility. 00:26:41.279 --> 00:26:45.119 I was like, no, this actually is not conceivable to me. 00:26:45.440 --> 00:26:50.319 But I think in some ways it was harder for the people that loved me than it was for me. 00:26:51.759 --> 00:26:58.160 And I think that's partly also because I'm like, okay, we're fine, we're moving on. 00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:02.000 That might have something to do with that. 00:27:03.759 --> 00:27:08.160 If I back up a little second here, I mean there's uh there's some things that have gone on. 00:27:08.319 --> 00:27:08.640 Yeah. 00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:14.319 No, my family um have struggled and in their own ways. 00:27:15.119 --> 00:27:18.400 My brother-in-law and my partner had their own injuries. 00:27:21.680 --> 00:27:28.640 My sisters and my extended family, my my close friends, my Canberra family that I call them. 00:27:29.519 --> 00:27:34.400 Yeah, they all went through this with me in some ways far worse than I did. 00:27:35.440 --> 00:27:35.680 Yeah. 00:27:36.240 --> 00:27:52.480 I guess in that way it's almost like you, you had a focus, um, whereas they were like almost they got the helicopter view of everything, the the initial witness, and then witnessing your journey on the on the other side of it. 00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:55.519 And I guess obviously probably wanting to be swung for you. 00:27:55.680 --> 00:27:59.279 And I think for them it was it was outward. 00:27:59.359 --> 00:28:12.640 It was like you could see the body, you could see me, you could see the pain, you could see the hospital building, the drives every day, the the food collection, the the letters to family, like it was a very external experience. 00:28:12.720 --> 00:28:14.799 But for me, it was entirely internal. 00:28:15.680 --> 00:28:30.720 I was living inside my brain mostly, I would say, during that period, and just like constantly thinking about how I'm gonna get better and what I need

to do to fix this. 00:28:30.880 --> 00:28:34.480 And um the very internal experience for me. 00:28:34.880 --> 00:28:53.119 Yeah, and I don't know why, and maybe this is not relevant for for you, when you were saying that, it just struck me something you were saying about when you were when you were in Baghdad, being in those compounds and it's very insular, everything looks the same. 00:28:53.519 --> 00:28:57.680 Was there any yeah, did that any draws or parallels between that? 00:28:58.240 --> 00:28:58.880 Absolutely. 00:28:59.039 --> 00:29:00.319 It's really interesting you say that. 00:29:00.480 --> 00:29:16.559 Yeah, I think for you to be able to be happy in a place like Baghdad and living on compounds, you have to have a very rich internal life and a vivid imagination that takes you out and above and far, far away. 00:29:16.720 --> 00:29:39.279 Um and I think I I think that's a real skill of mine is to be able to sit in some, you know, pretty horrible and challenging parts of the world, um, and be able to sort of yeah, use my brain and my creativity and my imagination to to create joy in life in those sorts of places. 00:29:40.720 --> 00:29:45.680 Yeah, because I mean it's almost like there's always a green shoe of something somewhere. 00:29:46.480 --> 00:29:46.880 Yeah. 00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:47.920 Yeah. 00:29:48.240 --> 00:29:55.680 And I and that may be part of that why that metaphor of what feels impossible becomes possible. 00:29:56.079 --> 00:29:57.599 That's imagination. 00:29:58.880 --> 00:29:59.920 That's what that is. 00:30:00.079 --> 00:30:03.039 That's that's creativity, that's that's hope. 00:30:03.279 --> 00:30:11.839 That is taking yourself out of your current situation by the power of your brain to something else. 00:30:12.319 --> 00:30:17.839 Yeah, daring to believe, daring to believe that there is something, there is another possibility. 00:30:18.160 --> 00:30:23.920 And was there was there a point, any point where you were just like, this is just not working? 00:30:24.079 --> 00:30:26.960 Like this is just not, this is just not gonna happen. 00:30:27.279 --> 00:30:27.599 No. 00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:38.880 Um, no, as I said, like um, even like in those first few days when we weren't actually sure if I was going to walk again, I didn't believe that. 00:30:39.359 --> 00:30:46.160 Like, even though I was deeply concerned about it, I still there was something in the back of my mind that didn't quite let me believe that. 00:30:46.400 --> 00:30:59.759 Now, whether that is absolute pure denial and a complete detachment from reality, or whether that is my intrinsic ability to be hopeful, I don't know. 00:30:59.920 --> 00:31:09.119 Maybe it's maybe it's the combination of the two, but there was no point in my journey in the last 12 months where I didn't think I was gonna be okay. 00:31:09.359 --> 00:31:09.839 Yeah. 00:31:10.160 --> 00:31:11.119 Oh, I love that. 00:31:11.279 --> 00:31:13.119 Well, I also see that in a different way.

00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:24.079 That is that also that an inner connection to yourself that you you felt that actually, no, this is this isn't this isn't it. 00:31:24.240 --> 00:31:25.279 I am not having it. 00:31:25.440 --> 00:31:28.799 Maybe it's just maybe it I think that yeah, that's definitely part of it. 00:31:28.880 --> 00:31:32.160 I'm like, I'm not having this, this is unacceptable to me, this is not what I ordered. 00:31:32.559 --> 00:31:37.519 Um but I also think it was probably just honed at a home skill. 00:31:37.680 --> 00:31:42.000 Um I've been through some other sort of pretty horrible things in my life. 00:31:42.079 --> 00:31:54.640 And there were times previously where I was not that confident, where I didn't feel that I was gonna make it, where I did feel like I didn't have hope, and where I did feel hopeless. 00:31:55.440 --> 00:32:02.960 And they were different contexts, and they weren't necessarily about a physical um recovery, which is what very much what this was about. 00:32:03.680 --> 00:32:09.359 So I have had those feelings before where I have like thought, no, I I don't think I can get through this. 00:32:10.319 --> 00:32:21.039 But I didn't have those feelings for this one, and I'm I'm sort of I'm wondering now what what it was about me or my life um then to allow me to have that different reaction this time. 00:32:21.359 --> 00:32:22.000 Yeah. 00:32:22.319 --> 00:32:24.240 I think everything shapes us, doesn't it? 00:32:24.400 --> 00:32:34.880 Like the way where we are, it takes us to one place and we learn something different, we evolve and we move change to allow me to have that different reaction this time. 00:32:35.200 --> 00:32:35.839 Yeah. 00:32:36.240 --> 00:32:38.160 I think everything shapes us, doesn't it? 00:32:38.240 --> 00:32:45.680 Like the way where we are, it takes us to one place and we learn something different, we evolve and we move on. 00:32:45.839 --> 00:33:03.920 And it's almost like that sometimes we we keep building that, we keep pouring into that emotional resilience that we have so that I think sometimes that every time something happens, we don't fall as far because we've built up that emotional resilience and our our cup is fuller. 00:33:04.079 --> 00:33:06.000 That it's like, okay, what do I do with this? 00:33:06.079 --> 00:33:09.200 How do in your like you like, no, this is not happening. 00:33:09.359 --> 00:33:12.079 I um I am not accepting this. 00:33:12.799 --> 00:33:19.279 Yeah, no, I I definitely think emotional resilience is a skill, and I think it's something you can practice. 00:33:19.519 --> 00:33:25.359 I think some people might be better at it than others um and might not have to try as hard. 00:33:25.519 --> 00:33:29.680 Um, but I still think it's something you can build and develop over time. 00:33:29.839 --> 00:33:32.960 I mean, I will you don't want to be tested too much, do you? 00:33:33.039 --> 00:33:49.440 You don't want to become a super expert, a super resilient um person, because that's kind of maybe maybe what I've been doing the last year is becoming a little bit too resilient and not like and keeping keep keeping a bit of that soft underbelly, I think is also um useful as well. 00:33:49.680 --> 00:33:51.440 Or maybe it was just turning 40. 00:33:51.519 --> 00:33:52.160 I don't know. 00:33:53.680 --> 00:33:56.400 I mean, you know, magical number. 00:33:56.720 --> 00:34:02.240 Yeah, I don't think, yeah, a lot of people really with 40 think, oh no, this is terrible. 00:34:02.319 --> 00:34:04.480 I it's a number, isn't it? 00:34:04.559 --> 00:34:09.199 Um yeah, 40's the new 30 is um is where I go with that. 00:34:09.360 --> 00:34:10.559 Yeah, yeah. 00:34:11.119 --> 00:34:20.639 Um it was interesting what you were saying there about the everybody else who was coming along on that who has come along on that journey with you. 00:34:21.519 --> 00:34:25.199 And do you think uh has that changed any of those relations? 00:34:27.039 --> 00:34:28.719 With my brother-in-law, I think. 00:34:29.840 --> 00:34:34.639 He has been in our family um for as long as I can remember. 00:34:35.440 --> 00:34:41.119 He he and my sister started dating when they were like, I don't know, 12 or something ridiculous, I don't know. 00:34:41.360 --> 00:34:46.800 And so he's always been in my life as a as a boy, as a teenager, as a young man. 00:34:47.119 --> 00:34:54.159 He jumped into that water and put his own life at risk in front of his wife and two girls. 00:34:54.639 --> 00:35:05.199 Feel tethered physically and emotionally to him because he was the first one to get to me. 00:35:07.039 --> 00:35:11.519 So funny that word just came into my head, tethered, and he tethered himself to me. 00:35:12.159 --> 00:35:17.920 And then my partner got to me, and both of them somehow managed to get me. 00:35:18.320 --> 00:35:24.400 My my gratitude and my love for my brother-in-law has increased. 00:35:25.440 --> 00:35:39.440 And I think the love I have for um my partner and my two sisters very loved them very much, and I was already as close as I could be to those people. 00:35:39.679 --> 00:35:46.320 I don't think that has changed, it has just reconfirmed that love and that they are in my life. 00:35:46.559 --> 00:35:59.199 But I think the unexpected uptake and love has been for my brother-in-law because even though we, you know, we were very close, and he's as I said, he's my brother-in-law and he's been part of my family so long. 00:35:59.519 --> 00:36:00.079 Well, isn't it? 00:36:00.159 --> 00:36:15.519 And I guess it's things that nobody ever wishes to know how you would respond or how we how you would react that somebody did that, and that's a connection that you will you will have for life. 00:36:16.719 --> 00:36:26.000 My brother-in-law and my partner, they um they saved my life that day, and um that's a that's a factor you never quite uh forget. 00:36:26.559 --> 00:36:36.639 It's literally, as you said earlier, it's like things don't

happen to one person in I'm paraphrasing now, but in isolation, it's it's a whole collective, isn't it? 00:36:36.800 --> 00:36:43.840 That it makes us realize more that we are not alone, we are part of something bigger. 00:36:44.480 --> 00:36:48.880 Well, the the beauty of of crisis and trauma is that it illuminates. 00:36:49.119 --> 00:36:50.400 Oh, this sounds so hicky. 00:36:50.719 --> 00:36:53.920 When you go through something like this, you're like, holy shit. 00:36:54.400 --> 00:37:00.480 Oh, so much low a horrible way to spend a minute alone in that hospital. 00:37:00.559 --> 00:37:01.679 I was there for six weeks. 00:37:01.840 --> 00:37:08.000 It's just a line of people inside the door to come and spend time with me and comfort me and tell me that they love me. 00:37:08.320 --> 00:37:24.000 All over the world that I hadn't seen for you, didn't think, you know, people have thought of me that much, but like the messages that I got from you know, the far corners of the world was just that was such a lovely thing, I think. 00:37:24.320 --> 00:37:27.679 Being reminded of of the fact that you were loved. 00:37:28.159 --> 00:37:28.719 Yeah. 00:37:29.039 --> 00:37:29.920 Absolutely. 00:37:30.159 --> 00:37:45.920 I mean, I remember something that I was thinking when you were talking that that's one of my that's one of my lasting sort of memories, the uh memories or something that I knew about you in DACA was you were always very close to your family. 00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:54.239 You spoke about them a lot, you were always, especially with your nieces, there was lots of things that you were always planning to do and go, and that always sticks in my mind. 00:37:54.400 --> 00:37:58.159 So it's Amy say, ah, family, Amy, family. 00:37:58.639 --> 00:38:02.559 Yeah, well, one thing that is not in my bio is world's greatest auntie. 00:38:02.639 --> 00:38:03.920 So um maybe we should add that. 00:38:04.079 --> 00:38:05.920 We'll just cut we'll just correct that right there. 00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:11.360 We'll put that in because you really always went that extra mile. 00:38:11.440 --> 00:38:15.360 Like you were so you are so involved, invested, and present. 00:38:15.519 --> 00:38:35.199 Yeah, it was always clear that it was such a huge, such a huge part of um I remember I don't go on Facebook very often, and I remember your um post was at the top of my feed, and I remember just thinking, my God, like this is unbelievable, like how yeah. 00:38:35.360 --> 00:38:48.639 So even as a very far distant bystander, outstander, whatever you want to call it, it was it felt so visceral to to to see and yeah, read about that news. 00:38:48.719 --> 00:38:52.079 It felt really shocking that yeah, yeah. 00:38:52.960 --> 00:38:54.719 Because it's not supposed to happen, right? 00:38:55.039 --> 00:38:55.920 Yeah, yeah. 00:38:56.239 --> 00:39:04.719 Yeah, that's not supposed to happen close to me and love me and and have been involved in my life, know that there have been many sad things that have happened. 00:39:04.880 --> 00:39:14.000 Um again, seriously, like you you've had your three, you're done your three, like you you're done, like now the rest of your life is gonna be pure joy and happiness. 00:39:14.159 --> 00:39:17.679 And the fact that that's not true for people. 00:39:17.840 --> 00:39:31.360 I think that happens every time something bad happens to someone, they're like, no, no, this was not part of the plan, and this is so unfair, and and it did we sign anything that said that life would be fair, and that's a that's a bit of pill to swallow. 00:39:31.519 --> 00:39:32.639 It's true. 00:39:33.039 --> 00:39:33.679 Yeah. 00:39:34.159 --> 00:39:42.320 And what's now, obviously, a year um a year later, what's the what's the taking? 00:39:42.480 --> 00:39:49.119 What do you take from it that you're like that this is a learning for me and this is for my life moving forward? 00:39:50.239 --> 00:39:53.360 Yeah, it's it's funny how often I get asked that question. 00:39:53.519 --> 00:39:59.360 It's like when something bad happens to you, you have to have some sort of revelatory. 00:40:01.039 --> 00:40:07.199 What I'm slowly getting my head around is that and and just like white knuckling it. 00:40:08.480 --> 00:40:19.039 Maybe it's okay to stop, maybe it's okay to be slow, be a bit more present, be a bit more vulnerable, be a bit more in pain, ask for a bit more help. 00:40:19.199 --> 00:40:21.599 I'm slowly coming to terms with it. 00:40:21.679 --> 00:40:24.960 I'm slowly formulating some views around that. 00:40:25.199 --> 00:40:36.079 Once you get through that, that sort of immediate acute phase of trauma, it's like, okay, well, what's the lesson and how do I improve and and how do I go forward and be happier and healthier? 00:40:36.159 --> 00:40:46.480 And I haven't quite figured that out yet, but I think it has something to do with um and being a little less perfect or broken. 00:40:48.960 --> 00:40:50.079 Because I am. 00:40:50.559 --> 00:40:50.880 Yeah. 00:40:51.119 --> 00:40:53.280 I'm broken in half, and they too. 00:40:53.360 --> 00:41:03.199 Yeah, there has been much pain in my life, and you can't just be expected to be glistening and sparkly and and everything's fine. 00:41:03.280 --> 00:41:08.159 So I think maybe it's around some of those words that I just ineloquently kind of wrote. 00:41:08.639 --> 00:41:09.679 No, I like it. 00:41:09.760 --> 00:41:14.079 I think there's so much in that that there are a lot of life lessons, right? 00:41:14.239 --> 00:41:19.119 Just learning to accept, learning to accept the all of those different things. 00:41:19.360 --> 00:41:25.679 It's that's yeah, that's a huge, that's a huge life lesson right there. 00:41:27.519 --> 00:41:35.440 Now, obviously, being on the other side of it, now you're in the beautiful Solomon Islands with permanent sunshine. 00:41:35.760 --> 00:41:37.920 Um what's different for you now? 00:41:38.079 --> 00:41:42.880 What's what's the what's

the next, what's the forward motion? 00:41:43.360 --> 00:41:44.639 What context are you talking about? 00:41:44.800 --> 00:41:49.679 I think physically, um, not live the physical life that I used to live. 00:41:49.840 --> 00:41:52.320 There are some things I I can't do anymore. 00:41:53.039 --> 00:42:01.840 Things about living in in the Solomon Islands is sort of get on a banana boat and go island hopping because jostling around up and down on a tiny boat. 00:42:02.159 --> 00:42:06.880 So there's there's a lot of limitations on what I can do physically with my body. 00:42:07.599 --> 00:42:14.239 There's a lot of limitations in what I how I choose to to walk around the world as well. 00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:28.159 I I really do feel like with this accident, I played my Joker card times when I cross the road now instead of once, because I just can't move around the world with that same level of carefreeness that I used to. 00:42:28.400 --> 00:42:30.239 So that's a little different. 00:42:30.880 --> 00:42:52.800 I am trying to be more slow and to feel things a bit more, not too much, rather than just continually focusing on getting to the next thing, doing the next thing, making the next achievement, getting that promotion, getting that posting, um trying to sort of sit with some of those uncomfortable. 00:42:53.119 --> 00:43:02.079 Being linear, like I said to you before, like being linear would be lovely, um, instead of these peaks and troughs, which are really inconvenient. 00:43:02.239 --> 00:43:15.920 Yeah, so I think it's it's it's the knowing that there's restrictions on my body, knowing that there's sort of more um risk mitigance that that I have um through this experience and through all of the experiences. 00:43:16.320 --> 00:43:16.960 Yeah. 00:43:17.679 --> 00:43:21.920 Yeah, I love that because I guess it goes back again to that slowing down, isn't it? 00:43:22.079 --> 00:43:31.599 The slowing down, being more present, and keep coming back to where you are and where you are are able to be right now. 00:43:31.920 --> 00:43:34.159 Yeah, and not be quite so forward-looking. 00:43:34.239 --> 00:43:40.880 I'm I was always so I still am, I'm working on it, but so focused on the future and what was next. 00:43:40.960 --> 00:43:46.960 And I think I was just perpetually always moving towards something and could never enjoy where I was. 00:43:47.360 --> 00:43:48.639 Because I was always so focused. 00:43:48.960 --> 00:43:54.800 One thing I one thing I've been doing the last few years is I've I keep a happy thoughts book. 00:43:55.840 --> 00:43:57.199 Continuing the movie theme. 00:43:57.280 --> 00:43:59.840 Did you ever watch Hook when you were a kid? 00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:00.880 Uh yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:44:01.119 --> 00:44:01.360 Yeah. 00:44:02.559 --> 00:44:09.840 One of my favorite movies and um the happy thought, the thing that makes them float, the thing that makes them fly. 00:44:10.079 --> 00:44:14.400 And so I thought, okay, every day I'm gonna write something down that is my happy thought for the day. 00:44:14.960 --> 00:44:15.199 Yeah. 00:44:15.440 --> 00:44:18.719 Um I've found that to be a really, really useful practice. 00:44:18.800 --> 00:44:21.840 And I tell all my family and friends to do the same thing. 00:44:22.000 --> 00:44:31.440 Um journaling, um, sort of not an exploration of feelings and um process, but it's it's just uh this thing happened today and it was really cool. 00:44:31.599 --> 00:44:33.519 And I just want to clock that. 00:44:33.920 --> 00:44:34.320 Yeah. 00:44:35.280 --> 00:44:37.599 I think that encourages presence. 00:44:38.159 --> 00:44:39.920 Yeah, and that's the thing, isn't it? 00:44:40.079 --> 00:44:52.000 We we get so we get so stuck moving between the past and the future that we forget about the present, we forget about what's going on right now because actually that's where life is being lived. 00:44:52.159 --> 00:44:55.039 Life is being lived right here, right now, we're talking. 00:44:55.199 --> 00:45:01.360 It's not about you know, in an hour's time, maybe you're gonna go for dinner, I'm gonna have my first coffee. 00:45:01.519 --> 00:45:06.800 Um, there's there's these different things, but it's it's literally what what is happening now. 00:45:07.760 --> 00:45:15.760 Yes, because you could be literally hit by a wave and sucked through an ocean wall and end up in hospital for three months. 00:45:15.920 --> 00:45:32.320 So yeah, you may as well try and be a little bit more present and enjoy yeah, what's around you, have your sense of perspective, have your sense of gratefulness and yeah, just be yeah, just be. 00:45:32.480 --> 00:45:40.800 And what are you what are you most proud of yourself for in the journey that you have well are still in? 00:45:41.119 --> 00:45:43.920 What would you give yourself for? 00:45:45.440 --> 00:46:00.800 Oh god, that is such awful quite proud of the fact that I never lost my sense of humor or my sense of joy, even in my really, really dark moments. 00:46:01.840 --> 00:46:12.000 I remember being wheeled off to surgery and I think I'd put my hand up in the air and said bye Felicia or something stupid like that. 00:46:12.079 --> 00:46:26.480 I my girlfriends sneak champagne into the spinal ward so I could illegally drink alcohol within vowed that my relationships have become stronger through this. 00:46:26.559 --> 00:46:45.519 I'm really proud of my partner and I for getting through a deeply horrible time that are stronger and more in love than we ever have been because that was hard, and to see him um watch me go through that pain and to to never leave. 00:46:45.599 --> 00:47:06.559 I'm so grateful that he'd never left because of my sisters and me, because we do this all without a mother to you know continually get hit by life's waves, um, and for us to still love and support each other the way we do, I'm so proud of us as well. 00:47:07.360 --> 00:47:12.480 So yeah, that's called humour, joy, love, and disability.

00:47:13.039 --> 00:47:14.320 Oh, I love that, Amy. 00:47:14.480 --> 00:47:15.199 That's amazing. 00:47:15.440 --> 00:47:20.639 And I feel really do you know the um the Japanese art of Kisuki? 00:47:21.840 --> 00:47:23.119 Yes, I've heard of that. 00:47:23.599 --> 00:47:24.000 Yeah. 00:47:24.239 --> 00:47:40.239 And I don't know why, just I was thinking of that when when you were talking, and it's life breaks, it changes, and we can put it back together, and there's a gold thread that runs through things that it's beautiful again, but it's different, but it's whole again. 00:47:41.440 --> 00:47:42.719 Well, there's your word. 00:47:42.960 --> 00:47:43.280 Okay. 00:47:43.599 --> 00:47:57.440 So the very first question you asked me, you asked me to identify a metaphor or a sort of sentiment or a word, and I very easily could identify some sentences and some some coming up for a word was was nearly impossible. 00:47:57.519 --> 00:48:00.079 I couldn't think of a word, but there you go, there's that, that'll do. 00:48:00.320 --> 00:48:02.079 Yes, okay, we'll go with that. 00:48:03.039 --> 00:48:05.760 Oh my god, Amy, thank you so much. 00:48:05.920 --> 00:48:17.440 Like I can't imagine uh a fraction of of what you have been through in the last year, but you, your strength and your resilience is is incredible. 00:48:17.519 --> 00:48:21.679 That at no point did you doubt that anything was going to be any different. 00:48:21.920 --> 00:48:29.440 And yeah, you are thriving and living to tell the tale and basking in the eternal sunshine. 00:48:29.920 --> 00:48:32.320 Yes, and the sweaty sunshine. 00:48:33.840 --> 00:48:40.159 Yeah, but I really, really appreciate you taking the time to share and share your journey with us today. 00:48:40.960 --> 00:48:42.400 Thank you for having me. 00:48:45.119 --> 00:48:48.320 There's something beautifully simple about Amy's story. 00:48:48.480 --> 00:48:51.840 Not because what happened was simple, of course it absolutely wasn't. 00:48:52.079 --> 00:48:55.199 A rogue wave changed her life in a matter of seconds. 00:48:55.360 --> 00:49:01.360 One minute she was on holiday with her family, the next she was lying in intensive care, wondering if she'd ever walk again. 00:49:01.519 --> 00:49:08.880 What's really struck me wasn't just her recovery, which is incredibly remarkable, but it was how she recovered. 00:49:09.039 --> 00:49:13.840 She didn't try to solve the next year, she didn't try to figure out the rest of her life. 00:49:14.000 --> 00:49:17.599 She just kept asking herself, what's the next thing? 00:49:17.920 --> 00:49:21.840 One breath, one movement, one step, then another. 00:49:22.079 --> 00:49:29.199 I think that's such a powerful reminder because it's so easy to get overwhelmed by the size of what sits in front of us. 00:49:29.360 --> 00:49:35.679 We jump into the future, imagining everything that could go wrong, or we look backwards wishing things had been different. 00:49:35.920 --> 00:49:38.159 Meanwhile, life is just a life thing. 00:49:38.239 --> 00:49:40.639 It's happening right here, right now. 00:49:40.800 --> 00:49:44.639 Sometimes the bravest thing we can do isn't having all the answers. 00:49:44.800 --> 00:49:47.840 It's just asking, what's that next thing I can do? 00:49:48.000 --> 00:49:50.400 Amy also reminded me of something else. 00:49:50.719 --> 00:49:57.760 We spend so much time wanting life to be neat and predictable, but it isn't and we don't have that control. 00:49:58.079 --> 00:50:00.239 It never was, it never will be. 00:50:00.400 --> 00:50:02.880 And none of us are promised a straight line. 00:50:03.039 --> 00:50:07.519 I mean, how boring if it was just a straight linear line. 00:50:09.199 --> 00:50:13.199 Which is why I love the Japanese philosophy of Kintsuki. 00:50:13.360 --> 00:50:20.079 When a piece of pottery breaks, they don't try to hide the cracks, they repair them with gold. 00:50:20.400 --> 00:50:23.840 Making the history of that object part of its beauty. 00:50:24.079 --> 00:50:29.360 That feels like such a fitting metaphor for Amy's journey, and she loved it when I shared that with her too. 00:50:29.519 --> 00:50:33.760 She isn't the same person she was before that day, and she wouldn't pretend to be. 00:50:34.079 --> 00:50:41.599 But she has put herself back together with honesty, humour, resilience, love and appreciation for the people who stood beside her. 00:50:41.760 --> 00:50:48.639 Sometimes the most beautiful version of ourselves isn't the one before life happened, it's the one we've rebuilt afterwards. 00:50:49.119 --> 00:50:53.280 Amy, thank you so much for sharing your story so openly. 00:50:53.519 --> 00:50:57.199 I know it will stay with so many people, it has stayed with me.