Fullständig transkription av Meredith Palomo

the fact that God does not look fondly upon DRAG argument. speaker-0: I know I understand. Uh-huh. God doesn't when I put that eyeliner pencil to my upper lip, God. speaker-1: God suddenly goes, Where where'd my where'd my holy servant go? She's gone. speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. And I don't wanna disappoint God like that anymore. I don't wanna be pulling on ⁓ you know, b big tall tube socks and and and and wearing a backwards hat with all my hair shoved up underneath it. I don't wanna be doing that anymore. speaker-1: Yeah, that is a surefire way for God to sort of become lost as to where your presence is. speaker-0: Yes. And see even today I do have a backwards hat on, but my hair is out. You can see that I'm a girl because of my long speaker-1: Yes, I can see this. You're wearing two braids with backwards hat. I mean, listen, we're gonna work on all that. Specifically later later ⁓ in this session of conversion therapy, we will have a gender specialist who might be able to help you with that, which will be good. ⁓ but okay, that makes sense of of where you are at that scale. That gives me a good sense of where we're starting from. Yeah. ⁓ it says here that you were born from the union of a man and a woman. Do you think that that contributed to your bisexuality? speaker-0: I think it's entirely possible that having ⁓ a ⁓ a male father and a female mother I think really contributed to my fascination with both genders. And furthermore, we get a few years down the road from my birth, I think it all really goes back to ⁓ the live action Scooby-Doo film from 2002 directed by James Gunn. I think is really where a lot of it starts. speaker-1: for me. Because of Shaggy with the is that the one where Shaggy Okay. speaker-0: That's in Monsters Unleashed. And that one was really important to me as well. That's also where we get ⁓ of course Velma in the orange latex bodysuit. speaker-1: Yeah. Damning stuff. Really. I really shouldn't have stepped to you on Scooby-Doo Knowledge, I'm realizing. speaker-0: I d I did and I did and my my my male father and my female mother did encourage my love of these deeply bisexual films by purchasing for me for Christmas a paperback book of behind the scenes stills that I read I don't want to say religiously 'cause I know that's the wrong use of the phrase, especially in the context of you, but I read it pretty religiously. speaker-1: Wow. Okay, so the thing about conversion therapy is normally we're getting parents in here who aren't interested in connecting with their children pretty much at all unless they're a specific way. ⁓ so the fact that you have parents who were encouraging this behavior that's very dangerous. speaker-0: I know, and they consider themselves to be Christians. And now I'm kind of wondering you know, what I don't even know what to think. It's like ⁓ okay, you say you're Christians, but then you're giving me a book where I can look at pictures of Freddie Prince Junior getting his armhair dyed blonde. speaker-1: That that would that could make any straight person bisexual, quite frankly. speaker-0: That and well that was a big pr and actually maybe there's some hope in that because it was th the dyeing of his armhair blonde, Sarah Michelle Geller used to help him with that. And that was one of the things that they really bonded over that built the cornerstone of their relationship. speaker-1: And they're married. speaker-0: Yeah, if that's where it starts is you know, I I don't think that's the straightest way to start a straight relationship is bleaching a man's arm hair speaker-1: Absolutely not. I mean the only thing that should be bleached in a straight relationship is ⁓ the woman's passion out of her body. Okay, so I have a question for you. What what are you looking most forward to about being straight? You know, this is gonna be a long journey. You gotta have a goal at the end. speaker-0: I would say agree with that. Yes. So the number one reason that I wanted to come today to convert myself away from bisexuality is because as you know as a bisexual woman, ⁓ whenever I wear like jeans, they ⁓ have to be cuffed. I have to cuff my jeans. And ⁓ my it's getting colder outside, my ankles are getting quite cold. ⁓ and I'm as you maybe also know as a bisexual person, I'm wearing like like a platform sandal or cloth. a lot of the time. And so legal requirement. Yeah. And so it's it's just mostly my ankles are getting so cold and the iciness that I feel on my ankles in these winter months reminds me of the iciness of the Lord towards my chosen lifestyle. speaker-1: Absolutely. You know, some people say hell is a burning pit of flames, but I say it could be a cold ankle on a you know on on a on a fifty eight degree day. speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. And that's I do feel like I'm kind of microdosing hell with my little ankles out all the time and ⁓ and my little cuffed jeans out all the time. So I feel like, you know, that's that's I've been scared I'm I'm looking I'm looking to get scared straight. speaker-1: Absolutely. W and that's something we won't be doing here today 'cause there's one thing that I know from my time. I should say we have a hundred percent success rate in our conversions. Wow. And one thing I know for sure is that people do their best personal growth when they feel ashamed and scared. So that's really what we're focused on here today. So we're gonna get those ankles covered up. Okay. We're gonna make sure you don't you you're not gonna walk out of here with an exposed toe or an Achilles heel that could be chapped. You know, we wanna make sure that we're addressing that. speaker-0: And I would love to also go ahead and be forthright with the fact that I do sometimes also like to wear like a slutty little outlet. I know. speaker-1: anklet. That's gonna be hard to overc that's tough. I know. Because you have to you can't even just buy an anklet at a regular at a regular jewelry store. You have to be sort of by the beach at the tow ring

store. speaker-0: Or be on the Venice the Venice boardwalk. speaker-1: Mm, the most sinful place in Los Angeles, if you ask me. The further west you go, the more sinful it gets. speaker-0: Very deeply bisexual place. There's people with all kinds of bodies running around over there with their bodies out. And when I'm there, sinfully shopping for foot foot and ankle jewelry, I do find myself ogling the tanned and sweat slicked bodies of, you know, both genders, also even maybe all genders. speaker-1: hate all kinds of bots. I don't we don't I think that the idea of going to Venice Beach and and and ogling the slicked body of a shredded man jogging past a stall selling t shirts that says the you know, with the Chick-fil-A logo that say fuck filet. speaker-0: Yeah, or like or like like little booty shorts that on the back they say John's ass. speaker-1: Yeah, John's ass or another shirt that's like, ⁓ I'm not gay but twenty dollars is twenty dollars. You know? Yep. That there's there's ⁓ it it could be a straight activity, but on the backdrop of a place that has, you know, a hoodie that says, Reach your hand in my pocket, I have a surprise for you you know, really highbrow humor. Really not good. speaker-0: Yeah. Really, really highbrow stuff and and when I'm when I'm on the Venice boardwalk, ⁓ I'll have to be honest with you, I'm not really buying a lot of the straight merchandise that you're describing. When I see the booty shorts that say John's ass across the back, I'm not saying, ⁓ let me wear those for a man named John. I'm taking a picture of it, sending it to my friend John, saying, Hey dude, you left something on the boardwalk speaker-1: ⁓ yeah. So you're sort of making a fun joke and connecting with your friends when you see speaker-0: Like I I text my friend John and I said, Hey dude, are you having a hard time sitting down today? And he goes, What? And I send him the picture and I say, You left your ass on the Venice boardwalk speaker-1: And you know, I understand that humor's a coping mechanism. I know. It's a way that we cover our most fraught ⁓ qualities, quite frankly. speaker-0: And that's yeah, I think that's what I'm secretly doing is I'm there and I'm feeling how how cold and and ⁓ festooned my ankles. And I'm looking for a way to run from how how guilty it makes me feel. speaker-1: Festoon. ⁓ Absolutely. You know, I think that it's a beautiful thing that you can admit that though. You know, there's a lot of people coming here saying, you know, when I see a poster of sort of like a AI slop lion with a rastafari hat smoking on There's mushrooms in the background and glows in the dark when you put in a black lie. Mm-hmm. When when most people when I'm talking to them about that, they they can't recognize that part of their attraction to it is gay. speaker-0: And there's like mushrooms in the back. speaker-1: And the fact that we're f we're in a starting point where you can you know, you have to recognize the pattern before you can

cease it. speaker-0: Yeah, I'm and I'm looking back now and I'm recognizing that when I do see, you know, a UV glow light poster of the sublime sun with mushrooms growing out of it the feelings I'm feeling are ones of ⁓ homosexual. speaker-1: Yeah, homosexual lust. I mean when you're bisexual anything could rev you up, that's what I'm understanding, you know? Yeah. I feel like, you know, I've talked to people ⁓ all across the ⁓ evil alphabet as I call it. ⁓ and I feel like bisexuality is almost the most difficult of it all because you're so close. You're so close being entered in the kingdom of heaven, but you're in sexual purgatory. speaker-0: That's an issue. Yeah. ⁓ Yeah, I ha and I have great news for you actually. It's something that feels very promising to me about my personal journey, is that I am married to a cis man. speaker-1: And that, you know, I did read that in your file and that is very to me signifies that you're ready to make a significant change. speaker-0: But when I'm with my cis male husband, say, at a strip club in Las Vegas, we are both kind of in love with the same stripper and talking about how hot she is and and and how I mean she told us she was in veterinarian school. That's not true. But we both were like looking at her and looking at each other and talking about how much we want to support. We'll pay for more dances. speaker-1: Okay, support's a nice euphemism. Okay. now I understand the idea that ⁓ you could fool yourself into thinking you were paying for more dances to help put a young woman through veterinary. speaker-0: Well no, we really were paying for more dances because we were like w enjoying the dances and enjoying this lady's speaker-1: Yeah, okay. So here's what I hear when you say that. I hear you're married to a man, that's a point for getting into heaven. But this that this husband is enabling this behavior where that's five steps back. Yeah. It would have been better if you weren't married to him, quite frankly. speaker-0: That's part of the issue too is that he really like kind of ⁓ accepts and supports my identity. speaker-1: Mm. We don't like that here. If you we're hoping to find you a husband who makes you feel every day that you are a smudge, a burnt smudge on the on the eyes of the Lord, blocking him from seeing the holy light. speaker-0: I'm I'm I'm excited to go home and tell him, ⁓ hey babe, everything's different now. I'm a smudge. ⁓ take take a Mr. Clean magic eraser to me and I'm done. speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. That's what we're hoping. We're gonna get you we're gonna get you to a place where when you're exiting from this from this church basement, you're gonna be avoiding the clean aisle for years. Okay, so what do you think will be the hardest thing to let go of about being bisexual? Is there something about the the way that you exist with this bisexuality that will feel wrought to free? speaker-0: Can't wait. Yeah. Well, I first of all, ch like checking out hot people all the time is a huge thing that I love to do. Mm-hmm. We live in Los Angeles. There's lots of hot people, male, female in between. Mm-hmm. And I really like ⁓ I like a little a a little looky loo. Mm-hmm. ⁓ and also another thing I'm gonna miss is yeah, when I'm like at a house party or a bar or festival or something and there's a hot girl and she wants to dance with me and My husband's cool with it because as I said he supports my identity and and I'm kinda just like spitting bad game and the ladies are loving it. Like I'm gonna miss that. speaker-1: So you're gonna miss sort of being charismatic and attracting hot people. speaker-0: I'm g I'm I'm gonna miss being charismatic and attractive. speaker-1: And you're gonna and you're gonna ca that's the thing, is that when you're straight, charisma and attractiveness, they're different, you know? They exist on a different scale than when you are quote unquote homosexual. Sure. When you're straight, charisma comes from your ability to sort of demand th to see a manager at a grocery store. That's your charisma's sort of goal based in that way. speaker-0: So I need to step away kind of from like being like charming and engaging and step more into being like antagonistic and terrible. speaker-1: Absolutely. It's sort of a charisma from the angle of fear instead of love. And quite frankly, I mean the way that you're I think that letting I understand letting go of of of checking people out might be difficult, but sounds like, you know, you're wasting your days having your tongue roll out like a big red carpet and your eyes boiling out of your head. Yeah, it sounds like that's really taking up a lot of your time. You know, that you're that's fair that you're ⁓ going sort of like speaker-0: Got it. speaker-1: Twisting your body and running after ho some hot people Yeah, exactly. That that's maybe not even actually good physiologically for you. speaker-0: I think that that is a fair statement. I th 'cause when I'm doing that too, my ankles are never colder than when I'm windmilling my legs around in kind of a little wheel right before I get purchased and it goes p-ding and I take off after whatever hot person happened to stroll by me on Los Felas Boulevard. speaker-1: Exactly. ⁓ I and I think we're gonna really be helping you with that. Sounds like this this is not only a emotional journey, but a physical one for you specifically. speaker-0: Yeah, yeah. Physically I'm looking forward to being able to just jog because I'm looking for some exercise and not because I'm chasing after a hot piece of ass. speaker-1: Yeah. Gotta have your tongue sort of flapping out behind you and when you're looking at them, you know, you have hearts circling your speaker-0: I am gonna miss when I see a hot person and it's like a pie on a windowsill and I sort of wave through the air and I float through the air, my legs tuck up underneath me like this and I float through the air down, you know, whatever boulevard I happen to be on when I see that

good looking person. speaker-1: Absolutely. And you and you sort of hear a soundtrack that's like speaker-0: Yeah. And I'm gonna miss being able basically I can lightly fly right now and I'm gonna miss being able to fly. speaker-1: One thing about conversion therapy is that we are looking to ground every gay person. Okay. We want them to feel like they're holding concrete bags. Locked down. speaker-0: F wanna feel like they can't fly anymore. If I mean if anything, like lead feet sh speaker-1: Shuffling along. Lead feet I mean, listen, ⁓ we've seen a straight man walk down the street. Yeah. Heavy step. speaker-0: They have to get new shoes all the time 'cause they're just wearing out the bottoms cause they just s speaker-1: They scuff. They're sinking through the insole, you know, heavy with the burden of masculinity. Absolutely. Okay. Well, you know, it sounds like we're starting from a pretty difficult place, but I still want to do some exercises to test ⁓ where we will start your therapy. So we're gonna do an exercise called finish this sentence. So I'm gonna give you the first half of the sentence and you just complete it. speaker-0: Straightness. speaker-1: And it'll help you know help us gauge where you are in this journey. So sin is just the devil. Okay. I mean and that okay, that's not wrong. All right. I turn to prayer when speaker-0: ⁓ having a little party. When there's a lot of turbulence on an airplane. speaker-1: Okay. I mean I think that's pretty normal. Shouldn't be the only time, but I do speaker-0: Well also sometimes one time I was in the grocery store and ⁓ an alarm started going off and I obviously got freaked out that there was some kind of a public act of violence going on. But I think it was just like kind of a ⁓ maybe they were testing the fire alarm, so I prayed then too. speaker-1: Okay, the greatest lesson I've learned from the Virgin Mary is speaker-0: that having a baby at fourteen years old is okay. speaker-1: You know what, I agree with that. That's a okay. Yeah, I mean listen, I think that as long as the relationship is straight, who cares? speaker-0: That's good. And the other thing I learned from her too is that if you really commit to a lie hard enough you can make big things happen. speaker-1: Right. Now hold on. When you say lie speaker-0: I mean she was running round on Joseph. speaker-1: Okay, I mean yeah, I guess she was impregnated by the Lord, but it was divine intervention. It wasn't okay. Well well Okay, okay, we're gonna move to the next one. Jesus died for our sins, so I could speaker-0: ⁓ so I could throw ass at Akbar to ⁓ my gosh, I can't think of the name of the Madonna song. At the time goes by so slowly, every little hung up. Hung up. Jesus died first and so I could throw ass to hung up at Akbar. speaker-1: Okay. ⁓ okay. Sunday morning is a great time to speaker-0: Have morning sex with my husband. speaker-1: Okay. I mean specifically you've already built up a case for me to dislike your husband

because he's supporting yeah this this sinful journey. So sure. I mean so speaker-0: Let me take it back then. Okay. Okay. Sunday morning is a great time to call an Uber for people that are still there from the late speaker-1: All right, I mean it's a saf safety thing, I guess. I was hoping I was hoping for mass, but that's okay. speaker-0: That's the other thing too. Do I have to be Catholic for that? speaker-1: ⁓ I feel that Catholicism is the school in which this ⁓ conversion is taking place, but we invite people of all stars and stripes because we know that our religion is ⁓ the most important, the most valuable and that our heaven is the real one. So honestly, I'm not looking to convert you to Catholicism, but I do think that our practices are rooted in Catholic message and ideals. speaker-0: Okay, then I I take it back. F Sunday morning is the gr of the best time to get wine drunk. speaker-1: Okay. The next one here is I feel Jesus' presence when I speaker-0: ⁓ I feel Jesus' presence when I Hm I don't know, gosh, when I what do I do? Maybe when I use the air fryer. speaker-1: Alright, you care elaborate on that or all right. speaker-0: Really. speaker-1: My favorite part of the Bible is okay. ⁓ that I did collect a fair amount of information and I'm grateful for that. ⁓ but I do think we need to do at least one more exercise to see. ⁓ I have I I have high hopes for you, and I I think you're gonna bring me back here. ⁓ so we're gonna play a game called Five Things. This is a Catholic exercise, doesn't exist in any other context. I'm gonna give you a category and you're gonna list the first five things in that category. speaker-0: The end of the year. Contacts. speaker-1: Doesn't not in my view. Okay. Okay. I'll help you keep track of how many you've done so far. So, first category. Okay. Five people you admire. speaker-0: Five people I admire. Stephanie Beatrice. She's ⁓ an actress. ⁓ She's married to a cis man, is an out by woman. I think that's great. Okay, I'm sensing maybe I should adjust. ⁓ so five people I admire. Another person that I admire, John Waters. Okay. ⁓ I'm like, do I get ⁓ I'm speaker-1: Okay, yeah. It okay. Mm. speaker-0: I'm torn here. ⁓ I'm torn here, father, between giving the answers that feel true to me and the answers that I think you want to hear. speaker-1: It's supposed to be we're gauging where you're at in your journey so I know how to help you. So it's whatever your f your knee-jerk reaction is. But I can't help but have my opinion about it, you know. speaker-0: Got it, of course, of course. Okay, then another person that I would say I admire is John Cena. He seems Okay, yeah. Okay. Another person I admire. ⁓ That's three. Okay, that's three so far. Can I say the entire cast of Scooby Doo two thousand two directed by James Gunn? Okay, amazing. speaker-1: Okay. Yeah, John Cena, okay. Three so far. Yeah, I mean I guess we'll count that as one. speaker-0: And then so I have one more. Mm-hmm. One more person that I

admire. The inventor of the backpack. speaker-1: Alright, pretty neutral, I guess. speaker-0: Mm-hmm I couldn't tell you who it is, but I just think that a backpack is like a great kind of bag. And it probably even was like an ancient person. but I really admire their work. speaker-1: Yeah, it'll pro it the backpack was probably invented by an ancient person. speaker-0: I I mean like like bags that go on your back have been around for a really long time. True. I guess I'm thinking more of like the more traditional like polyester with a zipper, so it probably is a more modern Yeah, but I do wonder if it's patented. Anyway, whoever that person is, they're the lot of admiration for them. I carry a backpack as a little purse. ⁓ This is my backpack purse. speaker-1: Mm-hmm. The fifth person. Okay. Well that that I mean that's a mark against because we just want you to have a purse purse. Backpack purse is really I mean i if I can say bisexual it's right down the middle. Yeah. So Alright, we'll work on that. Okay. Next category. Five staples of a great night out. speaker-0: Kind of a Five staples of a great night out. ⁓ drinks, dance, pop music. Like we need main pop girlies on the dance floor. Like I need, I need Lady Gaga on the dance floor. I need, you know, Madonna. I need Brittany. I need Ariana. I need Charlie on the dance floor. Chapel on the dance floor. speaker-1: Okay. Dancing? Yep. Yeah, we're getting worse and worse. Okay, but pop girly is okay. speaker-0: on the dance floor. Actually Jade and Zara Larson if we're being so real. ⁓ and then we also need ⁓ we need like a good group of friends. Fun friends friends that are down to dance. Friends that are not gonna turn into a pumpkin at midnight, you know, fun friends. And then last thing you need for a fun night out is like an outfit that makes you feel really hot and sexy. speaker-1: You know, I I would say there's not ⁓ the only thing I really have wrong with that is all the pop girlies, as you put it, ⁓ that you listed really promote and or are homosexual. Yeah. ⁓ so but You know, all the rest of that, that's fine. That's fine. You can say I'll pass me now. Listen, I'm no fuddy duddy. I think it's fine to ⁓ you know, go have fun. I just think that it should be fun that's sanctioned by my views specifically. Okay. Right. ⁓ all right, next category. Five things you don't want to find in your bag. speaker-0: Five things I don't want to find in my little leather backpack purse. I'm just thinking of all the things that are in there right now. Things I don't want to find in there, a parking ticket. I don't want to find I probably don't want to find. Well, I'll I'll just list some things that are in there that I wish weren't in there. Loose matches. And a box of matches that I guess that came open and they're all on the bottom now. ⁓ loose tic tac. Uh-huh. Same story, but with tic tacs. speaker-1: Okay. Okay. Real loose bag. same story but without hill. Meredith loose bag palobo. speaker-0: loose

adventure. speaker-1: That's well. speaker-0: Yeah. ⁓ I'm I'm I'm the loosest bag of the Palomo family for sure. And then one more thing that I don't want to have in there that's in there right now, gum that's got so old that when you try to chew it it turns into little pieces. ⁓ Like little grains. speaker-1: Okay. Yeah. You got sort of a fruit salad at the bottom fruit salad of objects at the bottom of your bag. speaker-0: Yeah. 'Cause I've been carrying this same purse for like three years and I don't think I've ever like fully emptied. speaker-1: And I couldn't really put my finger on it with clarity, but there's something very bisexual about that. That's not sort of a pick and mix situation in the bottom of your bag. Yeah. speaker-0: Yeah. Also, what else is in there? ⁓ peso. The coin kind. speaker-1: Just one? speaker-0: ⁓ speaker-1: Your bang must make makes a noise, something fierce when you shake it around. Wait, father, I have something in here find it. This will be Okay. It's ⁓ I do love to hear that. speaker-0: Here if I can find incredible it's something Christian related that a friend gave me. It was actually a very sweet gesture of her. I had it ⁓ my uncle passed away and she had these little calls it a worry stone. It's just like a little thing that you hold in your hand. I really wanna say it's in here. If it's not I'm gonna be so sad. speaker-1: ⁓ yeah. Really think there's all manner of things tumbling out of your bag for the audience at home. speaker-0: It's like lots of like what even is this? speaker-1: What the hell is that? What is that? I think it's a piece of gum split into some oil blotting she Not even the gums wrap. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: I don't think I can we all speaker-0: I really I really think speaker-1: Really think it's in here. speaker-0: I'm the honest. speaker-1: ⁓ so wow, existing right alongside the gum. Now let me see that. ⁓ so it's sort of a little wooden little wooden cross embedded into some other wood so you can sort of hold it and rub your finger on it. That's the idea. Yeah. Why'd you put it back in so quick? What else are you grabbing? Right next to the match. Right next to the don't Don't put ⁓ together. speaker-0: Bible thing. speaker-1: Wait, hold on. And what are you getting now, loose Advil? Hold on. You are I I'm sure you can hear the jingling. I can see it speaker-0: I just can't get it. speaker-1: Well what the hell is that? Tic deck with her hair on it. Really clear. Can you put that up there just so you could see the hair? That's dirty little really long hair. You know, it would have in the same pocket. ⁓ right back in. Just drop loose. Drop loose from a height. speaker-0: And you know where I'm putting all of this? speaker-1: My lord. I mean, listen, ⁓ y you sort of warmed me for a minute when you showed me some ⁓ Catholic symbolism, you know, this this Christian talisman that you have. Very beautiful. But to know that it's just sort of being shaken like a maraca at the bottom of

this bag full of detritus. Uncon incongruent detritus, might I add. A loose match and a tic-tac with a hair on it sh really shouldn't be in the same place. It's like a junk drawer on your back. What the hell? That's exactly what All right. Well that's for sure bisexual. Whatever the he whatever the heck that speaker-0: And that's I didn't even when I came here I was thinking so much about the ankles that I really didn't think about the more practical applications of how my bisexuality negatively affects me and the biggest one of all is that I'm carrying around a garbage can speaker-1: Yeah, you're essentially you have a garbage garbage can with straps hanging off your back. And the main thing about it too is like it's a nice bag. It's a pretty nice bag. And it's also pretty small and you were sort of like magician scarfing out just the most needless items. speaker-0: Father, I could not if if I went through every single item in this bag with you, you'd be shocked. If you need a band aid I have that. It's in the original packaging, but it's just like it's seen better days. But I think it would still speaker-1: Yeah, I ⁓ you know, I'm already shocked. I I don't I don't know. Anything I think having an open wound and putting something on it that's been jangling around. Anything in that bag on an open wound, I think is probably a bad idea. What speaker-0: So next time I offer you anything I I also have like eight to ten lip glosses in there. I use one. speaker-1: Lord forbid one of those break open and create sort of a gooey sludge. Well our and w ⁓ God. Okay. It didn't break speaker-0: Already there's been a situation. It didn't break, but it's just sometimes when you use lip gloss and you put the thing back in the tube and you screw it back on, like a little bit gets on the outside of where it screws in. ⁓ speaker-1: Like a ring that's I mean I guess that I one look no I one look at that showed me that for sure it was sticky. I wasn't looking at what was in there and going, hmm, I bet it feels nice and balmy in there. Regular temp. No, no nothing to latch out of my skin when I reach my hand in there. speaker-0: Before we started recording, you did see me like take some luke glass out of there and like use it on my mouth. I'm putting I'm taking things out of that bag and I'm putting them on my mouth. speaker-1: Open wounds open open wet parts of the body feels wrong. And that open casket, I would say. To use a band-aid from that bag on open wound is open casket. speaker-0: Open cask and speaker-1: I think I got just about enough information to move forward. So it's very clear to me we have our work cut out for us. We're gonna pause here and I'm gonna have our ⁓ femininity expert, Vanessa Thaigap, come and join to to help you on this journey because this is really work for her. I don't think I could do this level of heavy lifting if I'm honest with love myself and the Lord. ⁓ so we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back. speaker-0: Thanks, Father. speaker-1: Hi, I'm sorry I'm late. I was at my annual husband's stitch appointment. Husband's ditchment. When I Yeah. Beautiful woman has a baby and to make sure she stays nice and tight for her husband They show it. They show it shut. A little bit. And I do that every year. ⁓ wow. It's my dedication. I go back and it sewn up. Okay. Kinda looks like the front of a football down there. speaker-0: Husband's husband stitch. Okay, whatever works for you. Tight. Okay. Whip tight. speaker-1: Whip tight. Okay. What's your name again, Portia? Meredith. Meredith, yes. Okay, hi. I'm Vanessa Thaigap. I am the femininity ⁓ coach and expert. Okay. ⁓ I've been hearing that you've been having some trouble. speaker-0: ⁓ my name is Meredith. Yeah, yeah. I was talking to father about it. Yeah, I'm I'm ready to be just a full blown heterosexual woman. speaker-1: And that's really what I like to hear. Any other answer I would get really mad. I'd get angry silent. ⁓ Yeah. speaker-0: I don't think I want to see you angry. Violent. I could see you being the kind of person who fights. speaker-1: Yeah, I love to fight. I'm sorta almost always looking for a reason to fight. I have sort of this anger in me where sorry, just sorry, I have a hair in my mouth. speaker-0: No, you have a lot of hairs in your browser. speaker-1: I love to fight and be violent and I don't think it's because I'm pushing any feelings away. I think it's because I really love my life and it just fills me with so much powerful energy. Anger. And anger. Big angers. Okay. Okay. So I'm gonna help you connect to your divine feminine. Uh-huh. I heard that you were struggling with letting go of wearing a little jewelry around on your feet and on your ankle. speaker-0: And powerful anger. Yeah. It's tough. Yeah, 'cause ⁓ the way in which I'm doing it with like a kind of a like a cuffed pair of like mom jeans and like some platform crocs. speaker-1: Yeah. ⁓ You you won't on your journey straightness you won't need a cuff because you're gonna be wearing jeans that are so skinny. Okay. You they're gonna be just wrapped wearing ankles so really tight. And they're gonna go all the way down, like right down. speaker-0: Okay. To your sock. ⁓ speaker-1: Okay. speaker-0: Sounds like maybe even I could like tuck them into some Ug boots. Ugh. That and jeans with Ugg boots. Yes. Skinny jeans with Ug Boots. That feels pretty straight. speaker-1: Yes you can Really good. That's like you are such a fast learner. Okay. So we're gonna do an activity to help get you on the right tracks. This activity is called Madonna or Whore. Okay. So I'm gonna list some qualities and you're gonna say whether the behaviors of a holy woman, Madonna or the Virgin Mary, or speaker-0: Good. Okay, good. Good. A whore. Madonna like the Virgin Mary, not Madonna like Madonna. Every little thing that you say you ought to do, I'm hung up. ⁓ I'm hung up on you. speaker-1: Who's that? Mm. I never I didn't know that was a song. I mean

that's what I say to my husband. I go, Every little thing that you say, I'll do speaker-0: I don't think that's the lyrics. speaker-1: Every little thing that you say. Well, I like mine better. You should sing mine. You wanna sing mine? speaker-0: Or do ⁓ Every little thing that you say I'll do. speaker-1: Yeah, good. That's your new mantra. Good. Yep. Really happy life. You know what they say? Happy husband. The end. Okay. So we're gonna do the first one and you're gonna tell me if this is the behavior or quality of a Madonna or a whore. Okay. Okay. Playing with your kids in the backyard. speaker-0: Okay. I mean you have to have had sex to have kids, but I think that's a pretty Madonna thing to do. speaker-1: Do. You know, you were on the right track there for a minute. Hoor. The only thing you should be playing with is your husband's dick and balls. Okay. Okay. All right. ⁓ number two. Telling your sister red isn't really her colour. speaker-0: Telling your sister red is not her color. I think that's like I guess and we're saying in this context horror is a bad thing. Okay. I think that's horror because I think it's mean to tear down other women. speaker-1: Mm-hmm. Okay, well, I think it's Madonna and I'm right because you're literally doing God's work. She looks so bad. ⁓ She's a summer. She's not a winter. Okay. And so winter red. Okay. Well, then I mean we have more work to do than I thought. Okay. Alright, next one. Finding your husband's Tinder profile. Madonna or whore. speaker-0: Okay, and it's a winter. Okay. What if I don't have a sister? Okay. ⁓ I don't think that's really a flec a reflection of my character. speaker-1: No it is. speaker-0: ⁓ then I think that that is if I'm literally just saying Madonna means good, whore means bad, I think it's whore 'cause I think that if my husband has a tinder profile then that's bad. speaker-1: Okay, but it's for you. Are you Madonna or whore? If you find your husband's gender profile. speaker-0: I'm a Madonna because I get to have all this righteous anger and be mad at him. speaker-1: Actually you'd be a whore because why are you on Tinder? Sort of a I can't argue around this boy. ⁓ speaker-0: Okay. I guess I just was imagining that it was one of those things where it's like like a a like a ⁓ a well meaning woman that I maybe don't know found his profile and put two and two together that he had a wife and contacted me to let me know that he was running around. speaker-1: No, you didn't get a hey girly message. You were on there. Or okay. Helping your elderly neighbor shovel their driveway in the winter. speaker-0: Okay, well then I guess whore. Helping my elderly neighbors shovel their driveway in the winter. I think that's pretty Madonna. That's pretty good. That's a good do good or helpful thing to do. speaker-1: Or. ⁓ what are you gonna do next? Suckin' stickin' balls? speaker-0: What if the neighbor is a woman? speaker-1: Well, I know I've heard about you, so I know what you would do. Okay.

Buying ballet flats in bulk from Timu and selling them on Etsy for fifty dollars. speaker-0: Horror. That's a terrible thing to do, to buy something mass produced and then profit from it. speaker-1: Okay, literally it's economics, Madonna. You're giving so many children jobs. You're helping the economy like crazy. Okay. So Madonna. Okay. Okay. Helping a single mother find formula for her baby. speaker-0: Madonna, that's a really nice thing to do. speaker-1: No, whore, classic bisexual behavior. What are you gonna do, sucker bisexual dick and balls? speaker-0: What if I was gonna suck her big bisexual mobby milkers? speaker-1: I can't even believe you'd say that to me. speaker-0: Well I guess if she had those she wouldn't be looking for formula speaker-1: That's her positive. speaker-0: I'm sorry. I'm sorry Vanessa. I've broken Vanessa speaker-1: Actually, can't believe you. Mommy milkers are only for your husband. He needs to fortify his strength so he can ⁓ so I've noticed his hairline or speaker-0: Rose of Sharon is from The Grapes of Wrath where her baby dies and she breastfeeds an old man at the end of it to save his life because they're all dying of starvation in the dust bowl. speaker-1: Rose of Sharon. Okay, I don't know how to read and now I'm really glad I don't. Pornograph. speaker-0: I remember we read all we all read that in like high school and we all were like looking at each other like speaker-1: I can't you what did you go to public school? ⁓ yeah. Okay, well that's why you should have gone to a Catholic school 'cause then you would have just read about Saint Augustine. speaker-0: And all the cool stuff that happens in the Bible. speaker-1: Yeah, super cool stuff's happening in there. Like they stone a woman. speaker-0: Yeah. And like like wars and assault and big crimes and incest, things like that. speaker-1: Yeah, the crucifix. Well, y okay, wait a minute. You're gonna criticize us when you're having a woman like breastfeed like a senior citizen? I'm speaker-0: Not John Steinbeck. speaker-1: Thank goodness, 'cause he's past saving, in my opinion. Okay, we're gonna do some role play. Okay. So I'm gonna help you ward off like homosexual advances, okay? Okay. So you're gonna be ordering a coffee at a coffee shop. Okay. And I'm a barista with micro banks trying to get your number. So I want you to reject me, okay? I wanna see you trying your best. Okay. Okay. Okay. Hi, welcome. Sorry, my septum rings in the way. ⁓ hi, welcome to coffee and bean. ⁓ can I get your order, cutie? speaker-0: ⁓ yeah, I'll have a vanilla latte with oat milk. speaker-1: Please. ⁓ oat milk. Some somebody's ⁓ iced. It looks like somebody's LGBT. Mm-hmm. Me too. ⁓ sorry. I guess I just wish you were. Would you ever experiment? speaker-0: Does this person have little tattoos on their own? speaker-1: Course they do, fuck. It's like one of like a little rows with like some hands. Really bunch of them too. But a stack jewelry and it matches there's sort of an earscape going on with the earrings. Definitely no bra, sleeveless shirt, good arms. Back in the scene. So, have you ever thought about experimenting? speaker-0: Really cool silver jewelry. ⁓ And like no bra for sure. Yikes. Yeah. Okay. I did the science fair. speaker-1: Mm mm mm. You're so funny. What was your project at the science fair? speaker-0: Put ice cubes in different conditions and saw how fast they melted. Like I put salt on one of ⁓ and I put one in the fridge and I left one on the counter. speaker-1: Okay. What grade did you get on that? One in the fridge, one on the counter, and one with salt on it. speaker-0: I was in like pr I was probably eight or nine. Okay. And I I think it was more of a passfail situation. speaker-1: Okay, well good for you probably. speaker-0: And I made the I made my mom go to Hobby Lobby and get me a trifold, like really late at night the night before. speaker-1: And what would you even put on the trifold? speaker-0: Like pictures of the ice at different stages. And then we also it's kind of both at that point. Half and half. Half half and half. No, it's all water. It's water. speaker-1: Water or an ice cube? Hmm, half and half. speaker-0: Okay, then it's all ice. speaker-1: ⁓ it's all ice. ⁓ okay. speaker-0: Okay, okay. I just want the coffee. I'll I'll tap to pay. speaker-1: Okay. ⁓ tap. And here's another thing you could tap if you were interested. Well you c speaker-0: Got a maple tree around here? speaker-1: You're so funny. Fuck! I mean, a maple tree? I got something sweet that could leak out. ⁓ really? I don't know, doesn't look like it. I could see your jangling backpack. I know you're into that. speaker-0: Okay, that's too much maybe for me. I'm look, I just want my coffee and I wanna get for I'll get for my husband, I would like to please get ⁓ a whole milk chai small speaker-1: ⁓ so he's gay too? speaker-0: He just likes he says it tastes like Christmas milk. And I wanna get him a cookie too. speaker-1: Okay. you know what's so crazy is I'm actually going to veterinary school. ⁓ do you want can I can I give you speaker-0: You like can I give you like fifty bucks to gyrate on me in my husband's laps? speaker-1: Okay, look, you were doing so good there for a minute. No And listen, I really did carry you down ⁓ you know, and scene, just to be clear, but I did really carry you down a road hoping that to watch you I put a stumbling block in front of you and baby you trip Really not good. speaker-0: I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I I I now that I know where the pitfalls are, I feel confident that I could do better in a real life scenario. speaker-1: Okay. That's good. You know, like really the main thing is that you try and you fail and you hold on to those failures and that they sort of eat at you. Okay. Make you feel really bad. Okay. Good. speaker-0: Okay, I think I can tap into that. I think I can tap into feeling defeated. speaker-1: Okay, yeah, that's very that's what I'm hoping for. Okay, good.

Okay. ⁓ did you wanna try it one more time? See if you could say no. speaker-0: Well, you didn't really ask me anything that time. Well well you did ask me I did it kind of invite you to give us a lap dance. Ask. Okay, so yeah, let's do it again. speaker-1: Yeah, I mean I didn't have to Okay. Hi, welcome to the matcha world. what can I get for you, babe? speaker-0: ⁓ I'm not your babe. speaker-1: ⁓ sorry. speaker-0: And I would love ⁓ a half sweet matcha with ⁓ one percent milk please iced. ⁓ speaker-1: One percent milk, okay. speaker-0: ⁓ yeah, skim is too little, hole is too much. speaker-1: Whole is too much. speaker-0: Get your head out of the gutter. speaker-1: Wow. Okay, good. You pulled a face like you weren't sure if that was okay. But wow, wait. I love a woman who takes charge. speaker-0: I'd hate women. speaker-1: really good. ⁓ good you know, getting to I hate women is like not something a lot of women get to in their first session, but it's like you totally broke through. That was really good. Thank you. Okay, you know what? We're gonna move on to straight affirmations. So you'll just repeat after me. speaker-0: Yes, yay. Thank you. Thank you so much. I felt it. speaker-1: I'm gonna say something and you just repeat it and our hope is that you can embody this. Okay. I do not want to kiss my girlfriends on the lips after three beers. speaker-0: I do not want to kiss my girlfriends on the lips after three beers. speaker-1: You seen you sound like there was a question mark on the end of that, but speaker-0: Well, I wouldn't have three beers. I'd have like ⁓ I'd probably start with maybe a white claw and then I would do like a tequila soda with lime juice. And th I don't really need a third drink after that, I'm kinda already there. speaker-1: Okay, so the main thing you had an issue with was the speaker-0: Number of drinks and the beverage. So it if it was really gonna work for me it'd be like, I do not wanna kiss my girlfriends on the lips after one white claw and one tequila soda with lime juice. speaker-1: Really specifying the lime juice. speaker-0: Lime juice. Well, 'cause if you ask for it with just lime, they just give you a wedge and that's not enough. You need the lime juice to cut the well tequila taste. speaker-1: We move on the next one. I want to wear pastels on Easter. speaker-0: want to wear pastels on Easter. speaker-1: Okay, good, good. I do not want to get my belly button pierced. speaker-0: Oof, I I I do not want to get my belly button pierced. I've been thinking about it though. But thirty one is a crazy age to get your belly button pierced at what speaker-1: She didn't believe it, you more. I Piercing would you get if you want it like if you were to have it healed, what would it look like? Yeah, like would it have like a little Playboy bunny on it? 'Cause you could do that. speaker-0: ⁓ like what kind of belly ring would I wear? I no, I'd want like I I would want like a little charm, but maybe like a little silver star or something cool like speaker-1: Okay. That's too that's we're going in the wrong direction. speaker-0: ⁓ Okay, what if I like ⁓ like a Zara Larson kind of aesthetic, like a hibiscus flower or like a like a little gemstone dolphin? speaker-1: That's what I think. speaker-0: I think I don't think you're wrong. I think they look every time I see them kind of bodysurfing in the waves, like in Malibu, and they look so fucking happy and it's like the most magical, brilliant thing you've ever seen. I look at that and go, Ugh, hope I'm not like that speaker-1: So Yeah. You don't wanna be magical or brilliant. You kind of again, you know, the goal of today is for you to leave here more dim. As I heard you discuss with Tooth. Yeah. speaker-0: Exactly. And like like a a dolphin kind of like of its own volition, not for human entertainment, just because it's having fun, jumping up out of the water and doing an arc and like spraying water everywhere and it's like it's the sun is going down and it's like one of the most beautiful, awe inspiring things you've ever seen. I want nothing to do with that. I don't want any part of my my persona to be reminiscent of speaker-1: We don't want anything to that. No, in fact whenever I'm near the ocean and I see a dove I close my eyes. Just close your eyes. speaker-0: I should start doing that. I'll just close my eyes to be just to shield myself from the kind of like joy and carefree and beautiful life that I don't want to have. We don't want speaker-1: No, we don't want that here. No, that's you're going to hell if you have that. Okay. I want all d all dogs go to heaven. It's because dogs are straight and dolphins are and you don't even want to hear what's lesbian. There's a whole list. Well, I have to know it's in my line of work so I can figure out, you know, like what's happening. Mm cat, obviously. Iguana. speaker-0: Dolphins go to hell. All dolphins go to hell. Bisexual. Mm-hmm. Vanessa, I'm shocked you even know. Name for me some lesbian animals. Okay, wow. I I saw an iguana in Mexico and I was like, that's a butch lesbian. speaker-1: Bro with like one. That's a butch lesbian. Iguana is butch lesbian. speaker-0: Yeah, stoic, confident, unbothered, independent. Also lesbian. speaker-1: Horse, also lesbian. Horse very tall and yet beautiful. speaker-0: Okay. You think lesbians are taller? speaker-1: Well I mean I think I think lesbians think lesbians are tall and beautiful. speaker-0: Okay, Vanessa, I'm kinda cashing you out here on your own game. speaker-1: Well next one. I want this is one you have to repeat, okay? Okay. I want to slightly resemble my husband's mother and never address it. And you being married shouldn't keep you from saying that. speaker-0: I want to slightly resemble my husband's mother and never address it. Now this is maybe something you weren't expecting. My husband's mother is a lesbian. speaker-1: Now why would you tell me that after you see ⁓ speaker-0: She's a lesbian. She was born

and raised in East Texas and didn't realize her sexuality until after she'd already had my husband and his brother and now she has been living out and proud for thirty plus years and is happily married to a woman. speaker-1: That's the worst thing you could have told me. That's like hearing an orphanage burn down to me and my To hear that there's a woman who discovered something about herself later in life and is living sort of joyfully in sin. That's like that's like watching a puppy get shot in the head. speaker-0: I'm sorry, but not sketched the trick. Okay. Yeah. So watching like a sixty five year old woman retire to Santa Fe and like live her best life is like really speaker-1: It's horrible to me. That's like a it's like a house fire. Okay. It's like a house fire. Okay. speaker-0: Sorry, Yatma, sorry Sun. speaker-1: Okay, this one. I do not want to sing Man I feel like a woman at karaoke. You have to give it up. Yep. If you if you're committed to this journey you have to. speaker-0: Yeah. turning my stomach, Vanessa. That is Yeah. It's literally like being like, Hey Meredith, why don't you cut off your most used finger? That's what you're asking me to do. speaker-1: Probably your index finger. speaker-0: This one. And it's not for flipping people off. I do not want to sing Man I Feel Like a Woman at karaoke. ⁓ speaker-1: Yes I do, yes I do, yes I do. Let's go girls. But ⁓ Stop Stop, you have to give it up to Nathan. This isn't even karaoke, you're just singing it and you already sung Madonna. Don't swirl your braids. I'm sorry, but this guy had a moment of weakness. No. speaker-0: Dun dun dun dun. speaker-1: This is really bad, Mare. This is like really bad. And I thought you were doing so well. Okay, maybe we could save it with this last one. You just have to say it really passionately. I want to have a Pandora bracelet with mostly Disney charms. Commit to it. Believe that that's what will bring you closer to G-O-D. ⁓ speaker-0: Okay, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it. Okay, I want to have a Pandora bracelet with mostly Disney charms. speaker-1: Good. Very good now. Was that so hard? Didn't that feel just as good as singing Man? I feel like a woman. speaker-0: No. I'm I feel like I'm supposed to say yes. Yes, it did. Good. I'm excited. I'm excited to pay two hundred and fifty dollars for something that's this big and has Mickey Mouse ears on it. speaker-1: Yeah, like a buzz light, your colour to be little speaker-0: Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited to buy fine non costume jewelry commemorating my time at the twenty twenty six Epcot Food and Wine Festival. I'm excited. speaker-1: You know, you have a lot of information about that. Well it's proof that it's the journey you should go on. I speaker-0: I do have a lot of Disney knowledge and I am a fan of Disney. I I will say n not the company, but the parks. I do enjoy the parks. speaker-1: I mean we love I love the company. I actually hate the parks. You know they say Disney's the happiest

place on earth? The happiest place on earth is ⁓ every time I read a deadline article about a Disney executive like, you know, hitting a gay person with his car. speaker-0: Or like buying a sixth yacht while they like are firing animators. Yeah. speaker-1: Or I really love hearing when they're like, we're gonna ⁓ create a movie about ⁓ being a young homosexual child and then completely remove all those plot points from the movie so the movie sort of has no clear narrative and then it fails the box office and then is used as proof that queer movies shouldn't exist. I love that. I love it. Ratatouille is canonically straight. ⁓ speaker-0: Yeah. I like that more than Ratatouille. How was that? But what about the whole thing of the whole message of like, ⁓ if you can dream it you can be it and don't let people tell you you can't do something just because of the way you are? speaker-1: A rat on a man's head? Well that's about if you wanna be a a rat who wants to be a chef. And universal application in that way. Good. Okay, before I go, do you have any questions for B? I a g again I'm a heterosexuality expert. speaker-0: That's the only application for it. Absolutely. Okay, good. ⁓ I would say, Vanessa, my question for you is ⁓ what are you doing Saturday? speaker-1: Why? I'm not going to veterinary school. I'm not your type. Okay, I have to go. I have to make a big ham for my husband and my six sons. Brick, Nort, Shark, Fist, Rock, and Andrew. speaker-0: Is Nort short for Norton antivirus? speaker-1: Yeah. That's where my husband and I met. He was trying to hack my computer. 'Cause he wanted to see my nude photos that I wouldn't send him. Okay, we'll meet back here in six months and Toot will assess your journey. speaker-0: Perfect. Thanks, Vanessa. speaker-1: Welcome back. It's been six long months and we're inviting one of our ⁓ most astute students of our conversion therapy school back. ⁓ please give a warm round of applause for the new and improved Meredith Palomo. Hi very wonderful to have you back. Well, you know, I can just tell things have been going so much better for you. speaker-0: Hi Father, good to see you. Yeah, I since last time you saw me, I've denounced backwards hats. I've denounced oversized jean jacket. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, and I've been wearing ⁓ jeans all the way to my heel. speaker-1: That's you. Hi oversized jean jacket. Wow, jeans to your heel. You know, it's really proof to me that somebody's taking their journey seriously when they're when the back of their jeans sort of dragging against the ground, catching catching on leaves, dirt, getting a little hole cut in there. That's the straightest thing you could do. That's very beautiful. So tell me, I mean, life's I'm sure been very different. Have you ⁓ gotten a new job? speaker-0: Yeah, so ⁓ I'm now a full time stay at home wife. Wow. speaker-1: Congratulations, that's huge. speaker-0: Yeah, so I'm I'm really I'm just ⁓ kind of groveling over my husband twenty four seven. ⁓ he says that I'm smothering him, so I of course now sleep in the hall coat closet. speaker-1: Wow, and so for you sleeping in the Hulco closet, are you sleeping standing up, arms crossed over sort of Dracula style? ⁓ or curled up on a shelf. speaker-0: No, I'm I'm more so well, there's a pull up bar in there, so I'm hanging from that by my feet like a bat. speaker-1: Wow. ⁓ okay. And it's a new skill you've you've developed recently? speaker-0: Yeah, yeah. I just figure, you know, if I'm going back i like it's it's also a symbolic thing when I go and sleep in the closet, it signifies being in the closet. And back in there I go. And so that's where I kind of I express my innate sinfulness by sleeping like a bat, which is of course associated with a Dracula, which is of course associated with sin. speaker-1: Absolutely. Back in there you go. Mhm. So that's how you would tone. I think that's very beautiful that that's at top of mind. That's what's most important to you to make sure that you're doing that. ⁓ so you're sleeping in the ⁓ closet, ⁓ in the hall. ⁓ you're smothering your husband. You know, what sort of things have you been doing together, ⁓ that have been part of your street journey? 'Cause I know you and your husband used to do you know, activities that would bolster your your I hate to say it, former bisexuality. Yeah. You know? So what sort of straight things are you doing today? speaker-0: Right. So mostly it's ⁓ he goes out and does whatever he wants. Uh-huh. I stay home and fret and am jealous and check his location all the time and text him and say, When are you coming home? Where are you? Who are you with? Show me your phone. ⁓ and then I'm just kind of sitting in the dark at speaker-1: That sounds like a beautiful lifestyle. speaker-0: Yeah. I'm just kind of like angry and anxious and upset all the time. speaker-1: And you know, as we've said, the feeling of anger, I believe, you know, it's actually Vanessa who who preaches that mentality of anger is just anger leaving the body. speaker-0: Yeah. She says. Yeah, and we've we've never fought more. speaker-1: That is so wonderful, you know, 'cause to me, when I've seen bisexual ⁓ couples who may present heterosexual, they they really understand each other. And I think that that is ⁓ you know, where the problems start. Absolutely. There has to be there has to be opportunities to misunderstand each other and there's there's never more opportunities to misunderstand each other in a straight relationship. speaker-0: Exactly, exactly. So yeah, so he's out ⁓ with all of what used to be our friends and is now of course just his friends. 'Cause a lot of those people are women. ⁓ and I can't even comment on whether or not they're good looking 'cause I wouldn't know I don't see women like that. I see women as kind of like a glowing, flashing red sign that says threat, threat, threat to my marriage, threat to my marriage, enemy, enemy, dislike, dislike, put down, put down, distance, hostility.

speaker-1: Yeah, you don't see women like that. Mm-hmm. ⁓ speaker-0: That's kind of the way I'm feeling whenever I see women now. ⁓ bad, bad, bad, no good, bad, bad, bad. That's kind of what I'm thinking now when I see women. So I can't really go in public very much at all anymore. I mostly just stay home and ⁓ I'm I make soups. I was trying rock tumbling for a while, but that seemed a little too queer to me. speaker-1: Yeah, I mean an interest in geology is sort of inherently queer coded. It I mean, as long as you're looking at rocks that have no certain sparkle or shine, or looking at a rock that doesn't have sparkle or shine and believing it has a true inside to be revealed, it can be kind of straight. Yeah. You know, hiking, hiking, walking on a big old rock. Uhhuh. That could be straight. That could be straight. But it is good. Soups. Soups. What kind of soups have you been making? speaker-0: Really straight soups. ⁓ like Campbell's Chunky Out the Can. speaker-1: Chicken noodle. ⁓ so you're making soups is sort of a euphemism for speaker-0: Heating up Campbell's chunky out of the can. speaker-1: Yeah, you know, also Campbell's Chunky I think is in the same category as sort of a chef boyardy. speaker-0: Yeah, similar to that too. ⁓ that's another thing is that I'm I'm ⁓ I'm making the hungry man meals. Making the hungry man meals. I because the microwave feels a little queer to me, I'm making them in the oven. So a a lot of the bottom of our oven is covered in melted plastic. speaker-1: ⁓ wow. Wait, melted plastic, you're not taking covers off at all. I don't think the hungry man dinners are supposed to go in the oven. speaker-0: Well, I didn't think that either, but you know speaker-1: Leave them in there long enough, I guess to get warmed up. speaker-0: They warmed up, the plastic gets real melty, falls right through, drips all over the bottom of the drips all over the oven. And then I serve it to my husband and he kind of puts his head in his hands and he kinda silently sobs and he goes, like, Where is the woman that I married? And I think that that is a real sign of speaker-1: Mm-hmm. Absolutely. I mean, listen, if you and your husband aren't causing each other to cry at least one, two times a day, y I don't think your union is strong enough. speaker-0: Yeah. And I'm I'm I'm definitely crying a lot. I'm definitely crying a lot. speaker-1: something more important to address than that is ⁓ I've heard you've been taking up some new some new hobbies, you know, that you've been you've been ⁓ making some music recently. You've been writing some music and some songs. I know that you said that you were rejecting pop music when we were chatting before the podcast and you've been creating some maybe music people can dance to that's more appropriate in the eyes of the Lord. Do you want to speak a little to that? speaker-0: Yes. Yeah. I've been writing some music, some Yeah, that's absolutely true. I've been kind of writing personal hymns. Secular hymns, 'cause I wouldn't presume to be able to write hymns for the Lord. I think that's a more kind of holy person's job. And I'm just a reformed sinner, so I've been writing kind of some secular hymns about heterosexual married life, if you'd like to hear one. Wake in the morning. Give him some head. speaker-1: Beautiful thing to say. I would love to hear one. speaker-0: Brush your teeth with pink child's toothpaste. Go to the kitchen and eat some oats, but you can't heat them up because that would be too enjoyable. speaker-1: Very beautiful. I think that's great. speaker-0: Yeah, I and I decided too that I only brush my teeth now with ⁓ children's fluoride children's 'cause fluoride seems a little queer coated to me. speaker-1: Pink chink children. See the pink. Yeah. I mean taking care of your body in any way that isn't sort of a punishment. ⁓ isn't a speaker-0: Yeah. Appropriate. And I do buy the worst flavor toothpaste I can find. Right now it's bubblegum kiwi. speaker-1: Yeah, as Bubblegum kiwi. speaker-0: It was discontinued. It was I I found it I found it in the in the bargain bin at a five below. speaker-1: can imagine. You're brushing your teeth or something from a five beloved. Well This feels akin to eating a hair tic tac from the bottom of your bisexual backpack. speaker-0: Those tic tac, father. Those are for ambient noise only. Or they were. I now, instead of a purse, my big my leather backpack, I now carry just kind of like a little burlap envelope. And the only thing in it is I was gonna say condoms, but obviously I'm letting my husband hit it raw. ⁓ the only thing in it the only thing in it is my shot collar. speaker-1: Envelope Inventory One Shall Collar. ⁓ speaker-0: With a shot collar and Well, I have to put it on just in case I'm in public somewhere and I see Matthew Lillard. Or if I see Linda Cartellini or if I kind of happen to think about Linda Cartellini mm in public, then I have to put it on. speaker-1: A woman ⁓ Yeah, Shaggy Okay. And who's holding I know you said that your husband was sobbing, you know, is he the one who's holding the button? ⁓ Yeah. Or you were also holding. I speaker-0: The shot collar button. I I'm I tried to get him to hold the button and then it made him cry more and he was like, I don't wanna hurt you and I was like, God, now you're sounding ga a little gay. So I have to do it to myself. speaker-1: You know, the most important thing about conversion therapy is to take the values here and apply them to somebody else. You know. It shouldn't just be you living in this experience of kind of, you know. speaker-0: You d do you do think that because my husband does not wish to physically harm me that he might be a little gay? speaker-1: I mean I don't think it's a sign of being straight. I don't think it's a sign of being straight. But listen, he's not the one who walked through my office door. speaker-0: True. And and and let's g let's get back to the truth, which is that everything that's ever

happened in the whole entire world is my fault. speaker-1: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, on a journey toward straightness it's something that I think a lot of people struggle with is knowing that, ⁓ if you are a straight woman, you are accepting the fact that at any given moment you can and should be blamed. speaker-0: Yeah, and I've I've really I've really been ⁓ getting into that, taking that on. Like I was at the grocery store, ⁓ I was all the way across the store and somebody knocked over a really big display of ⁓ cans and they kinda rolled all over the place. Big guy. Yeah, it could've it could've been a guy, but as far as I know it was me. So I'm running I'm running towards the scene of disaster. I'm saying, It's me, it's me, I did this. I'm kind of dropping to my knees, hands behind my head like I'm about to be shot execution style. 'Cause I just kind of assume that that's about what's about to happen to me at any given speaker-1: I guess you are in an American grocery store. It's not outside the realm of possibilità. ⁓ And how has your relationship with Prayer been? speaker-0: Well, like I said, that was one of the times that I prayed previously. Great. I'm spending eighteen to nineteen hours a day just praying. ⁓ my. Yeah. That's vacation. Yeah, it's a it's a so anytime I'm not shocking myself, apologizing for things that as far as I know I did do or ⁓ attempting to ⁓ g give my husband oral sex, which he at this point is like, it d y your heart's not like I don't it feels weird at this point. I'm not even I know you're not enjoying I'm so how can I and I wanna do stuff for you and then speaker-1: So denying oral sex. speaker-0: He he well, 'cause he he he has this whole thing caught up where he wants sex to be something that we both enjoy and he kinda doesn't understand that that's not really part of the speaker-1: No, the most important part of sex is that both people walk away feeling a little ashamed. speaker-0: Yes. Well, except for the man, I should actually feel double shame. speaker-1: Yeah, you should feel double shame And the man should walk away feeling like Madden I want a big yeah, angry and like Mm where's my big I want a big sandwich or like a big turkey leg like they have at a Renfair. speaker-0: Exactly. So I'm praying nineteen hours a day. My husband gets home from work. I try to give him oral sex. He starts crying and then I pull a pile of melted plastic out of the oven for him. speaker-1: That sounds like a beautiful schedule. And then you know the other eighteen to nineteen hours you're praying. speaker-0: And then I'm praying. Yeah. Or I'm shocking myself 'cause I a accidentally thought about Freddie Prince Jr. and that little ascot. speaker-1: I'm glad that you have a system that works for. And if I'm honest, you know, it does sound like a pretty difficult schedule to uphold. It is. speaker-0: Me too. It is. I've been so tired. I'm barely sleeping. and even when I am sleeping, I'm not sleeping well, 'cause as I mentioned, I'm sleeping upside down by my feet hanging from a pull-up bar in the closet. speaker-1: So would you say sort of wholesale things have been better since conversion therapy then? speaker-0: I'm definitely feeling a lot more attracted to wholesale. I'm feeling a strong to be in Costco. Feeling a strong need to be in Costco. speaker-1: Costco Yeah. Buy a TV, an HD TV fifty-six inch for 149 hours. speaker-0: I did buy a Kindle paper white. Yeah. Every day. I yeah. I'm reading one page of Avatar on each one. A Court of Thrones and Roses. speaker-1: Every day. Okay, are you reading on ⁓ or? As God intended, you know? speaker-0: Yeah. So that's what I'm doing. That's that's a that's also a little bit of my day. So I'm really only sleeping, let's call it forty five minutes a night. 'Cause I I mean who I mean it's I c speaker-1: That's and that's pretty impressive given the way in the manner in which you're sleeping. speaker-0: Yeah, so I'm kind of kind of what Keith Reneery did to the people in Nexium, I'm kind of doing to myself. speaker-1: That's to keep yourself on track with ⁓ heterosexuality. Okay. Let's not No and and that's to keep yourself on track. speaker-0: Okay, sorry. I was like, okay, well I'm sorry I touched Ke I don't know if Keith Renegus may be a friend of yours. speaker-1: I mean listen, I I don't stand by what he did, but I think it was interesting. speaker-0: That it was heterosexual for the most part on his part. speaker-1: Yeah, I mean for the most part was it? speaker-0: I think he was exclusively ⁓ kind of sexually abusing women, yeah. speaker-1: Okay. Well, getting a little dark. You know, it it is amazing to see you like this. You know, I have never seen your light more dim. speaker-0: Thank you. I feel dimmer than ever. I feel utterly sleep deprived. ⁓ in terms of what I'm eating. As I mentioned in my song, cold uncooked oats style. Horse style. Which Vanessa did mention is a lesbian animal. But I think the way I'm doing it is very straight. Because when a horse eats oats, it likes it. And when I eat oats, I really, really, really, really, really, really don't. speaker-1: Mm-hmm. So draw out sort of horse. Well, you know, it's a good practice, you know, how they say like special K was invented to curb masturbation or ⁓ the Christian couples are known to before they're married to avoid having sex eat a raw potato every time they think an unpure impure thought. speaker-0: Yeah, so that's kind of me with my uncooked oats. Yeah, well that's the other thing that's in my burlap envelope is loose oats. speaker-1: Yeah, you with your outs. ⁓ You can't get away from loose in the bottom of a bag, can you? I your sexuality might change. You might age with time. Chop collar or not, something loose is always gonna be jangling in the bottom of that bag. speaker-0: loose in my bag. And that's that's what I'm learning too, is that there are certain parts of me that are That's that's part of me that I've learned is not tied to my sexuality, is my desire to have small loose items in a bag that I carry. So yeah, I'm I'm either if I get too excited thinking about two James Gunn's two thousand two Scooby Doo live action film, or worse even Monsters Unleashed. speaker-1: Mm. Shot collar and some loose out. Mm. Umor on. speaker-0: Shock collar on, oats in the mouth, shocking myself while trying to swallow dry oats, kind of like choking, gagging, having a little fit. And then of course everyone's a little disturbed. And then that of course helps because then I feel more sense of shame. Yeah. Blame. speaker-1: And you associate those things with this this ⁓ sinful behavior and that helps you avoid speaker-0: Exactly, exactly. And my my new my new straight lifestyle is all kind of shame, blame, guilt and pain, which I think is the kind of the four the four posts of what you really wanted to S B G and P speaker-1: Yeah. S B G and P most important elements of a straight life, quite frankly. Well it sounds like you're doing so happy with ya would you say that you've been fully converted? speaker-0: Yeah. Great. Thank you so much. I would say I've been fully converted. I would say my marriage has never been worse. and I would say I've never been more miserable. speaker-1: I'm so glad we went on this journey together. You know, one thing that I always want to ask people on just to make sure to help 'cause we live in a very ⁓ a technological world, is there any social media accounts we should be avoiding? speaker-0: Okay, social media accounts to avoid, you should avoid my personal account, meredith.d.palomo. If if you wanted to just make sure that I'm staying on my journey, you could follow me there. If you wanna avoid a group of like really amazing ⁓ improvisers, many of which are queer, don't follow at danceclubremix.mp four. speaker-1: Yeah, speaker-0: It's horrible. There's a person on my team named DJ Mausner and they are very queer and they are trans and and they are such like a delight and a wonderful person. So you don't you probably don't want to be assault. So don't follow that. And then I'm on another group speaker-1: That would be Yeah, that'll be very confusing. speaker-0: of ⁓ amazing female improvisers called Shag. ⁓ and some of us are queer and we all are women. So obviously you're not gonna wanna see definitely are not gonna wanna see like joyful women being hilarious and like maximizing their joint sleigh. So like don't follow at Shag. speaker-1: No no women on stage. Okay, definitely no at Shag.improv. Well thank you so much. I'm so glad to welcome you back into ⁓ the kingdom of heaven. speaker-0: I've never been happier to have warm ankles and a cold heart.