Lisa Goodpaster Interview Notes
Author, Childhood Trauma Educator, Founder of the Stephood Project
Book: “Alienated: When Parents Won’t Parent”
YouTube: “Arash’s World Interview with Childhood Trauma Educator Lisa Goodpaster on When Parents Won’t Parent”
Podcast: “Alienated and Lingering Effects and Trauma that Bad Parenting Can Cause in Children with Lisa Goodpaster”
In this episode, I have the great pleasure of speaking with Childhood Trauma Educator, and Founder of the Stephood Project Lisa Goodpaster who is the author of “Alienated: When Parents Won’t Parent”. We talk about her personal experiences as a stepdaughter of being purposely and intentionally alienated from her parents by a female malignant narcissist and what divorce and abandonment look and feel like to a child.
Lisa also explains the various steps needed to reach awareness and then how to deal with one’s traumatic childhood past. Childhood trauma sticks with us and shapes and influences us profoundly as negative experiences affect our brains. Yet as adults, we have the chance and opportunity to make a conscious decision to change that by opening up to our feelings and being honest about what has happened instead of being led and driven by anger and victimization, which tend to trap us in victim mode, but which can be difficult to let go of.
This awareness and course of action take a lot of courage, effort, and hard work and will be very uncomfortable, but it is all necessary for healing and feeling whole again and there is no shortcut to emotional healing. But it is of great importance to dissolve negative love patterns lodged in our body and mind, which would make us then feel less alienated and less lonely and will help us see the future more clearly and more brightly on our path ahead.
00:18: Personal Intro:
America’s favorite stepdaughter. Advocate who knows how it feels to be growing up with divorce. Was nicknamed Tora (female bull). True that what you believe you become. Means “tiger” in Japanese (?)
01:34:
Talking about her book; First book and the hardest to write. Kids suffering from alienation. Stephood Project to bring awareness to feeling alienated from parents. We tend to normalize being a kid from divorce and kids tend to think their situation is normal. Being “brainwashed” as a little kid at age 7. She was alienated from both her parents by her stepmom. Was able to prove to psychologists what had happened because stepmom wrote everything down. A female malignant narcissist at work.
04:38:
When growing up you remember what it felt like as a kid being unhappy or upset. This type of trauma, it sticks to you. It will either make you or break you. Important to have these conversations. Did everything opposite with her own son. It takes a long time to put it together because nobody would want to believe that this had happened. Quite common occurrence in the United States alone.
07:01:
Your childhood does not have to define it, but you need awareness to create course corrections ahead. It took forty years for it all to come full circle. As a kid always being frustrated and angry about the divorce. She was alienated but she could not explain it. This is preventable. It’s hard to raise a kid. Parents tend to point the finger and shift blame.
09:15:
Band-aid relationships. Sometimes they can be good. Was married for 20 years and it gave her stability. When you get older, the body starts knocking at your door. It forces you to go. Negative love patterns: we either rebel or adopt parental patterns. Negative experiences like childhood trauma shape our brains but so do positive experiences as adults. You can’t stay there for long because it would reinforce those pathways. It was a life-long wakening.
12:31:
Going through a lot of healing. Re-learn how to regulate your nervous system. Dealing with the inner child. But before you can even address the inner child, you need to know what happened and what caused it. Examples of neuroplasticity. Panic attacks and the survival skills we all have. If we look at it with curiosity instead of fear, it allows space to realize that trauma is a part of life. It’s really uncomfortable though. People nowadays are suffering everywhere. Hard to work with but we are all human. The unconscious part of our mind. Suffering has connected us all.
16:33:
In order to heal you have to feel. There’s no shortcut to healing; the hardest thing to do. But the more you do it, the better you get at it. You gotta be careful to watch your energy too. What she was going through was a natural biological response to the amount of trauma she was going through. Drugs and alcohol can be numbing. Making a conscious decision and know here you want your life to go from here.
19:32:
Anger one of the hardest things to let go of. Justified anger. We cannot survive without anger and anxiety. However, if we remain angry, we are still in victim mode. Such a hard long lesson because you don’t want to give up that anger. It feels powerful because you’re angry but that’s not power because it keeps you away from your awakening. Worked with somatic therapist to use ketamine. A tool but not a forever button. The older you get, you get better at it and get further away from the pain. Not old age symptoms but unresolved trauma that catches you off-guard and by surprise. How you family can become or feel like a cult.
23:33:
Kids now have a lot more access but back then we didn’t know things like being triggered or what panic attacks are. Growing up whole as kids but need to re-assess and redefine being present parents to help our kids navigate this crazy chaotic world. Parents are our attachment. The reason how we survive. Biologically imprinted in us. Ignoring and suppressing and not expressing feelings can lead to anxiety-ridden existence. Everyone’s to blame but no one’s at fault. No matter what you never want to hate your parents.
26:18:
It's important that parents get re-educated on the importance of raising your kids even if you have to get divorced but don’t divorce your kid’s foundation. Having a child unlike a spouse is a life-long commitment. Communication and honesty are key.
28:07:
We can learn so much from our child. We love them unconditionally. Giving everything and wanting to be present for our children. Her son’s well-being the most important thing to her. Giving them the space and letting them be who they are.
29:45:
About her inspiration and motivation for writing the book. It was always there, and she was always trying to write it. Had to go through a lot of stuff. Felt like the Wizard of Oz sometimes. What happened to her is still happening to kids now. Nobody will listen to the kids because they think they are brainwashed. Kids do know what’s going on. Things are getting worse for them. Many single-parent homes with Moms and Dads fighting against each other. With family court and greed in the middle.
31:13:
Divorced kids often marginalized. Considered a traumatic life event. When parents divorce, kids lose that foundation unless they co-parent. We need support for those kids. Stepparents often feeling entitled nowadays. Turning her negative experiences into something good. To help educate others on this is what’s going on. This is what the kids can’t say right now. What abandonment feels like at different ages so that parents can be equipped with, this is what not to do.
Author, Childhood Trauma Educator, Founder of the Stephood Project
Book: “Alienated: When Parents Won’t Parent”
YouTube: “Arash’s World Interview with Childhood Trauma Educator Lisa Goodpaster on When Parents Won’t Parent”
Podcast: “Alienated and Lingering Effects and Trauma that Bad Parenting Can Cause in Children with Lisa Goodpaster”
In this episode, I have the great pleasure of speaking with Childhood Trauma Educator, and Founder of the Stephood Project Lisa Goodpaster who is the author of “Alienated: When Parents Won’t Parent”. We talk about her personal experiences as a stepdaughter of being purposely and intentionally alienated from her parents by a female malignant narcissist and what divorce and abandonment look and feel like to a child.
Lisa also explains the various steps needed to reach awareness and then how to deal with one’s traumatic childhood past. Childhood trauma sticks with us and shapes and influences us profoundly as negative experiences affect our brains. Yet as adults, we have the chance and opportunity to make a conscious decision to change that by opening up to our feelings and being honest about what has happened instead of being led and driven by anger and victimization, which tend to trap us in victim mode, but which can be difficult to let go of.
This awareness and course of action take a lot of courage, effort, and hard work and will be very uncomfortable, but it is all necessary for healing and feeling whole again and there is no shortcut to emotional healing. But it is of great importance to dissolve negative love patterns lodged in our body and mind, which would make us then feel less alienated and less lonely and will help us see the future more clearly and more brightly on our path ahead.
00:18: Personal Intro:
America’s favorite stepdaughter. Advocate who knows how it feels to be growing up with divorce. Was nicknamed Tora (female bull). True that what you believe you become. Means “tiger” in Japanese (?)
01:34:
Talking about her book; First book and the hardest to write. Kids suffering from alienation. Stephood Project to bring awareness to feeling alienated from parents. We tend to normalize being a kid from divorce and kids tend to think their situation is normal. Being “brainwashed” as a little kid at age 7. She was alienated from both her parents by her stepmom. Was able to prove to psychologists what had happened because stepmom wrote everything down. A female malignant narcissist at work.
04:38:
When growing up you remember what it felt like as a kid being unhappy or upset. This type of trauma, it sticks to you. It will either make you or break you. Important to have these conversations. Did everything opposite with her own son. It takes a long time to put it together because nobody would want to believe that this had happened. Quite common occurrence in the United States alone.
07:01:
Your childhood does not have to define it, but you need awareness to create course corrections ahead. It took forty years for it all to come full circle. As a kid always being frustrated and angry about the divorce. She was alienated but she could not explain it. This is preventable. It’s hard to raise a kid. Parents tend to point the finger and shift blame.
09:15:
Band-aid relationships. Sometimes they can be good. Was married for 20 years and it gave her stability. When you get older, the body starts knocking at your door. It forces you to go. Negative love patterns: we either rebel or adopt parental patterns. Negative experiences like childhood trauma shape our brains but so do positive experiences as adults. You can’t stay there for long because it would reinforce those pathways. It was a life-long wakening.
12:31:
Going through a lot of healing. Re-learn how to regulate your nervous system. Dealing with the inner child. But before you can even address the inner child, you need to know what happened and what caused it. Examples of neuroplasticity. Panic attacks and the survival skills we all have. If we look at it with curiosity instead of fear, it allows space to realize that trauma is a part of life. It’s really uncomfortable though. People nowadays are suffering everywhere. Hard to work with but we are all human. The unconscious part of our mind. Suffering has connected us all.
16:33:
In order to heal you have to feel. There’s no shortcut to healing; the hardest thing to do. But the more you do it, the better you get at it. You gotta be careful to watch your energy too. What she was going through was a natural biological response to the amount of trauma she was going through. Drugs and alcohol can be numbing. Making a conscious decision and know here you want your life to go from here.
19:32:
Anger one of the hardest things to let go of. Justified anger. We cannot survive without anger and anxiety. However, if we remain angry, we are still in victim mode. Such a hard long lesson because you don’t want to give up that anger. It feels powerful because you’re angry but that’s not power because it keeps you away from your awakening. Worked with somatic therapist to use ketamine. A tool but not a forever button. The older you get, you get better at it and get further away from the pain. Not old age symptoms but unresolved trauma that catches you off-guard and by surprise. How you family can become or feel like a cult.
23:33:
Kids now have a lot more access but back then we didn’t know things like being triggered or what panic attacks are. Growing up whole as kids but need to re-assess and redefine being present parents to help our kids navigate this crazy chaotic world. Parents are our attachment. The reason how we survive. Biologically imprinted in us. Ignoring and suppressing and not expressing feelings can lead to anxiety-ridden existence. Everyone’s to blame but no one’s at fault. No matter what you never want to hate your parents.
26:18:
It's important that parents get re-educated on the importance of raising your kids even if you have to get divorced but don’t divorce your kid’s foundation. Having a child unlike a spouse is a life-long commitment. Communication and honesty are key.
28:07:
We can learn so much from our child. We love them unconditionally. Giving everything and wanting to be present for our children. Her son’s well-being the most important thing to her. Giving them the space and letting them be who they are.
29:45:
About her inspiration and motivation for writing the book. It was always there, and she was always trying to write it. Had to go through a lot of stuff. Felt like the Wizard of Oz sometimes. What happened to her is still happening to kids now. Nobody will listen to the kids because they think they are brainwashed. Kids do know what’s going on. Things are getting worse for them. Many single-parent homes with Moms and Dads fighting against each other. With family court and greed in the middle.
31:13:
Divorced kids often marginalized. Considered a traumatic life event. When parents divorce, kids lose that foundation unless they co-parent. We need support for those kids. Stepparents often feeling entitled nowadays. Turning her negative experiences into something good. To help educate others on this is what’s going on. This is what the kids can’t say right now. What abandonment feels like at different ages so that parents can be equipped with, this is what not to do.
