Полная расшифровка выпуска #30: Defying Limits: Yip Pin Xiu’s Unseen Battles and Silent Strength

wearing off. And then 48 00:04:50.480 --> 00:04:55.920 the messages are unable to transmit through the synapses. So my muscles in the peripheral area 49 00:04:55.920 --> 00:05:02.480 get less messages and the muscles eventually waste. So doctors were saying that this condition was 50 00:05:04.240 --> 00:05:10.320 is a condition that deteriorates over time. But as I get older, and then it stabilizes a bit more. 51 00:05:10.320 --> 00:05:16.160 So when you were three, especially when you had your surgery to 16 before, you know, officially the 52 00:05:16.160 --> 00:05:21.840 diagnosis came out. How, how, what was your condition like, you know, especially this was a 53 00:05:21.840 --> 00:05:27.920 schooling age, you know, were you also taking part in the usual physical activities and salts? 54 00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:34.480 So my mom, I have two elder brothers. So she tries, she tried to really bring me up the same way 55 00:05:34.480 --> 00:05:39.760 that she did to my two elder brothers. So whatever they did, I did as well. If they went for piano 56 00:05:39.760 --> 00:05:43.920 classes, I would go for piano classes and then swimming classes, swimming classes, that's how I got 57 00:05:43.920 --> 00:05:51.440 started. But how it showed was that it affected my legs when I was three. I was actually able to 58 00:05:51.440 --> 00:05:59.920 walk all the way until I was 12. But I needed a support, like autosis, support for braces. And I 59 00:05:59.920 --> 00:06:05.840 only affected my hands when I was five. Right. So I remember trying to hide them when I was younger, 60 00:06:06.560 --> 00:06:12.400 like just wear jeans over my braces so that people couldn't tell. But of course, 61 00:06:13.520 --> 00:06:17.840 who was I kidding, you know, everybody could actually see that I was walking a bit different from 62 00:06:17.840 --> 00:06:25.040 everybody else. And I was really embarrassed when I was younger because I was so different 63 00:06:25.040 --> 00:06:30.480 and nobody else understood or had seen anybody else that was different from them when I was in primary 64 00:06:30.960 --> 00:06:35.200 school. Yeah. And this was like, you know, especially when you're in primary school, we we can't 65 00:06:35.200 --> 00:06:40.320 cover up in that sense because we have to wear the school uniform like everyone else. So what was 66 00:06:40.320 --> 00:06:46.400 that like for you as a young child seven years old going to school, knowing that you're different 67 00:06:46.400 --> 00:06:52.320 from the rest and also learning how to navigate that discomfort yet also wanting to fit into 68 00:06:52.320 --> 00:06:59.760 society. It was difficult when I was a kid. I would say that I was a completely different person 69 00:06:59.760 --> 00:07:06.560 when I was at home and when I was in school. So when I was at home, I was full of life, very energetic, 70 00:07:07.360 --> 00:07:14.000 mildly irritating. It's my brothers would say. But in school, I became really quiet and

I didn't have 71 00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:20.960 the confidence to have friends or get to know anybody. The only people that would be my friends 72 00:07:20.960 --> 00:07:26.480 would be like the buddies that were kind of assigned to you in school. Yeah. And the older like 73 00:07:26.480 --> 00:07:33.440 they were primary five when you were young. But even then, I think they also didn't understand 74 00:07:33.440 --> 00:07:39.440 the difference. So they were there only because they had to be there, but not genuinely because 75 00:07:39.440 --> 00:07:44.720 they wanted to be there. Yeah. As I got into older primary, then people got a little bit more 76 00:07:44.720 --> 00:07:53.520 empathetic. So maybe I did have a few friends then, but still maybe from a one to four, I was 77 00:07:53.600 --> 00:07:59.920 bullied in school. I was very, um, even embarrassed to go to the toilet because going to the 78 00:07:59.920 --> 00:08:05.760 toilet meant that I needed help. And I would wait until I got home that day to go to the toilet. 79 00:08:05.760 --> 00:08:12.400 Wow. So you were just tolerating and then Singapore was at the hand all the way. Wow. 80 00:08:13.040 --> 00:08:18.560 You know, how did this early experience with, you know, dealing with you being differently 81 00:08:18.560 --> 00:08:24.320 able from the rest of your peers? How did this experience shape you and your outlook on life 82 00:08:24.320 --> 00:08:31.760 as a person? At a certain point in my adulthood, I've gone for therapy just because I really wanted 83 00:08:31.760 --> 00:08:39.440 to know more about myself. Yeah. And what I learned was that this, all of these things like 84 00:08:40.400 --> 00:08:46.160 have actually taught me to be a very tough person, which is not necessarily the best thing also. 85 00:08:46.880 --> 00:08:52.160 So I think there was also kind of one made me such a good athlete. But I was tough because 86 00:08:52.800 --> 00:09:00.080 I went to a decent school when I went home. Um, sometimes I also didn't dare to really tell my 87 00:09:00.080 --> 00:09:06.080 parents about what was going on because I didn't want to trouble them as well. But I genuinely feel 88 00:09:06.080 --> 00:09:11.920 that kids, we sometimes we think that kids don't know a lot of things, but they do, they do, they know 89 00:09:12.000 --> 00:09:17.360 so much, even from each of like two years over three years, so they are well aware of what's going on. 90 00:09:17.360 --> 00:09:22.640 I think you might not remember it, but at that point, whatever they're feeling, it really does affect 91 00:09:22.640 --> 00:09:28.720 you as an adult. And they absorb it internally. And that's also, you know, how trauma actually happens. 92 00:09:29.440 --> 00:09:33.600 We're going into a therapy session now. But, you know, being so just on your mentioned also, 93 00:09:33.600 --> 00:09:37.680 you're not wanting to share with your family, what your experience in school. So that's not 94 00:09:37.760 --> 00:09:42.000 to trouble them. What do you experience in school back then? So like people were 95 00:09:42.000 --> 00:09:48.880 chose staple bullets in my hair. I have very big hair. Beautiful, by the way. It's like the point 96 00:09:48.880 --> 00:09:52.800 out that everyone would envy you for that. Yeah. But then it's what they were trying to like keep, 97 00:09:52.800 --> 00:09:57.200 but you know, like Asian girls, like Singaporean girls are very straight and nice to care. 98 00:09:57.200 --> 00:10:03.920 So they're trying to put staple bullets or like eraser dust in my hair or really just ostracize 99 00:10:03.920 --> 00:10:08.880 me because I was different. Back then, I already started swimming. So I was really like 10 100 00:10:09.680 --> 00:10:16.320 and golden brown in my hair. It was really dry and had like streaks of brown in it as well. 101 00:10:16.320 --> 00:10:21.200 Because of the chlorine and water, yeah. Because of chlorine. So everything made me look different, 102 00:10:21.200 --> 00:10:27.280 not just the disability, but also who I was. So because of that, then I wasn't really like invited 103 00:10:27.360 --> 00:10:34.000 to birthday parties or anything of that sort. Yeah. I don't remember a lot of it now, but there's 104 00:10:34.000 --> 00:10:40.080 still like key moments like me telling the teacher and the teacher not doing anything even though 105 00:10:40.080 --> 00:10:45.520 the incident happened in front of her. Wow. Yeah. So back then, how did you cope? I just 106 00:10:45.520 --> 00:10:51.440 was your outlet. I think really back then, I just stopped at everything in, you know, I just 107 00:10:52.400 --> 00:10:58.240 compartmentalized it really well and tried not to let it affect me, go home and then everything's 108 00:10:58.240 --> 00:11:05.680 okay. But in the next day in school, you kind of face everything again. And at the point in time, 109 00:11:05.680 --> 00:11:11.200 I was swimming every Sunday and like weekends whenever I could, but it wasn't like 110 00:11:11.840 --> 00:11:17.360 competitive swimming level yet. So it also wasn't an outlet. And for me, it really was just 111 00:11:18.000 --> 00:11:23.840 trying to understand why people did this. And I think I dealt with it by just giving other people 112 00:11:23.840 --> 00:11:29.040 an excuse. But also, can I add that I think, you know, it was such a beautiful thing that we're at 113 00:11:29.040 --> 00:11:35.120 home when you went home. It was a place of love where you were genuinely supported and cared for. 114 00:11:35.120 --> 00:11:40.240 And that was also maybe what gave you the strength, you know, to be able to go through what you did. 115 00:11:41.200 --> 00:11:46.240 What role brings you that swimming play in your life, especially in those early days, 116 00:11:46.240 --> 00:11:49.680 when do you realize that perhaps swimming is more than just therapy for you that 117 00:11:50.640 --> 00:11:56.240 no, maybe the water is also a place where you

genuinely found freedom to express and be yourself. 118 00:11:57.680 --> 00:12:02.080 I guess swimming has always really made me feel like I wasn't that different. 119 00:12:02.320 --> 00:12:10.880 I could do handstands, handstands like anybody else that anything else that someone else could do, 120 00:12:10.880 --> 00:12:16.160 I could do it in the water. And that gave me a huge sense of freedom, which I loved. 121 00:12:17.280 --> 00:12:23.040 I loved this feeling of catching up with my peers, not being left behind in the water. 122 00:12:23.040 --> 00:12:26.640 In the water. Amazing. And there was even before I started competitive swimming. 123 00:12:26.640 --> 00:12:33.120 So, competitive swimming has shaped me so much into the person I am today, which is why I eventually 124 00:12:33.120 --> 00:12:38.400 opened a swim school and want to be able to pass on these values to the kids as well. 125 00:12:38.400 --> 00:12:43.200 Yeah, it's really beautiful. Yeah, when do you open a swim school? 126 00:12:43.200 --> 00:12:50.640 I opened a swim school, apex swimming after Tokyo. So there was around a time where I felt like 127 00:12:51.360 --> 00:12:58.000 I was ready to pass all of this knowledge down, not just values of swimming, but also proper swimming 128 00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:03.680 techniques to children. And we are in Bishan and Angmokyo and Puketima. 129 00:13:03.680 --> 00:13:12.000 Beautiful. You know, your first Paralympic goal in 2008 was such a defining moment for Singapore 130 00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:18.640 and for all of us as a nation. How did that victory change the way you saw yourself? 131 00:13:18.640 --> 00:13:28.160 Not just as an athlete, but as a person. The journey to that gold medal was really pivotal in my life. 132 00:13:30.880 --> 00:13:37.040 At that point in time, I started swimming competitive briefly in 2004, early 2004. 133 00:13:37.040 --> 00:13:42.400 How old were you when it was 2004 when you started competitive swimming at 12? 134 00:13:42.480 --> 00:13:46.240 When I was in Beijing, I was 16. So 12 and 135 00:13:47.280 --> 00:13:51.360 competitive in a sense that we were training 12 times a week. 136 00:13:52.240 --> 00:13:56.880 So we were swimming 12 times a week. That's like almost twice a day. 137 00:13:56.880 --> 00:14:00.080 Yes, we were swimming 12 times a week and then I was swimming every day as well. 138 00:14:00.880 --> 00:14:04.560 It can't ask me to do that now. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not at the energy anymore. 139 00:14:04.560 --> 00:14:10.080 But yes, I'm superhuman. Yeah, so like the entire journey really taught me so much. 140 00:14:10.880 --> 00:14:18.480 Being able to go to different countries to compete, being able to talk to so many people, 141 00:14:18.480 --> 00:14:23.040 I never think that I would talk to really made me grow up and expose myself to all of this. 142 00:14:24.240 --> 00:14:28.400 A lot of athletes, sometimes they only love competition or sometimes they only love training. 143 00:14:28.400 --> 00:14:32.560 But I'm really the kind that enjoys you. You embrace all parts of the journey. 144 00:14:32.560 --> 00:14:37.760 I love it. I love the pain in training and I love the excitement of the competition. 145 00:14:37.760 --> 00:14:43.760 Yeah. Yeah. All the adrenaline, even in and out of the pool and things like that. 146 00:14:43.760 --> 00:14:50.800 So what did you discover about yourself when you won your first goal in the Paralympics in 2008? 147 00:14:51.600 --> 00:14:57.280 I know. I think the biggest takeaway was that I was also doing my whole levels. 148 00:14:57.920 --> 00:15:02.560 Right. It was like so long ago. And I didn't do that well for my whole level. 149 00:15:02.640 --> 00:15:08.800 So it came to a realization that if I could be a Paralympic champion, 150 00:15:08.800 --> 00:15:12.400 if I could be number one in the world, there's no way I cannot study. 151 00:15:13.280 --> 00:15:19.200 So I transferred all the determination, exactly determination from the pool, 152 00:15:20.560 --> 00:15:26.720 or the pain there into being a completely normal teenager. I went to Polly, I did spot science. 153 00:15:27.680 --> 00:15:31.040 But for one's in my life, when my friends asked me after school, 154 00:15:31.840 --> 00:15:34.880 do you want to go to McDonald's? I was like, yeah, it's good school. 155 00:15:34.880 --> 00:15:40.560 Yeah. Wow. You know, in your journey and in all of that that you've experienced, 156 00:15:40.560 --> 00:15:48.800 and in your journey as a world class athlete, what has been the quietest and most personal battle 157 00:15:48.800 --> 00:15:52.960 that you've been through? The one that maybe, you know, all of us looking at your success, 158 00:15:52.960 --> 00:16:00.400 won't really get to see. Sometimes I feel like people think it's easy for me to do this, 159 00:16:00.400 --> 00:16:09.040 because I've done this a couple of times, and I feel like it is expected that I win. But I feel like 160 00:16:10.720 --> 00:16:20.320 sometimes only I understand points in the journey where I feel like I'm not ready, 161 00:16:21.040 --> 00:16:29.280 or I'm slow, I'm not reaching my own expectations. And it's sometimes difficult when everybody goes and say, 162 00:16:29.280 --> 00:16:34.800 oh yeah, you did so well in training today. But if you actually look at the smaller things, 163 00:16:35.360 --> 00:16:40.800 or the other parameters and you compare it across time, it actually wasn't a good session. So there's 164 00:16:40.800 --> 00:16:51.600 a lot of, there's some disjoint between how I feel and what people see. And because it needs to be 165 00:16:51.600 --> 00:16:56.720 on the same level because before you can move forward with a plan. But if there's some difference, 166 00:16:56.720 --> 00:17:01.920 then it is difficult because what they are planning is my not necessarily be what I want to do or 167 00:17:01.920 --> 00:17:07.760 agree on. And yeah, I think because of all of these

different things, then 168 00:17:09.200 --> 00:17:16.320 some pressure can be pretty high expectations on myself, especially when I feel like I know the 169 00:17:16.320 --> 00:17:23.040 whole complete truth. But everybody just sees like flowers and rainbows. Yeah. And like you say, 170 00:17:23.040 --> 00:17:29.120 maybe from the outside, it looks easy, it's expected, especially now that you're on to your seventh 171 00:17:29.120 --> 00:17:35.680 goal medal as well. You talked earlier also about, you know, how the external lands of your 172 00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:42.960 success versus your own internal lands of your own success and how you see it. How do you bridge 173 00:17:42.960 --> 00:17:49.920 the gap that you mentioned earlier? And how do you process your victories, your setbacks and your 174 00:17:49.920 --> 00:17:58.080 journey? How do I view the lands like the external internal one? I think sometimes what I really do 175 00:17:58.080 --> 00:18:05.360 is I just shut it out, you know, especially narrowing to like very big games and things that 176 00:18:05.360 --> 00:18:12.880 matter. I tend to shut out the outside noises quite a bit because even after doing this for so 177 00:18:12.880 --> 00:18:23.280 many, it still affects me. And the people closest to me, those on my team, those my family, 178 00:18:23.280 --> 00:18:28.160 my friends know somehow, I don't know why they know, but they know what to say to me. I didn't 179 00:18:28.160 --> 00:18:35.040 brief them like, guys, you can't talk about this or this, but they know not to say certain things. 180 00:18:35.680 --> 00:18:41.040 And that really helps. Yeah. When you mean say certain things or talk about certain things, 181 00:18:41.040 --> 00:18:47.200 you mean things that might be sensitive to you in that point at that point in time? 182 00:18:47.280 --> 00:18:53.440 Yes. So like things like, oh, like it's very easy to say like, oh, yeah, come back if I go 183 00:18:53.440 --> 00:18:58.240 metal, but these kind of things may actually also be like, oh, what do you mean, come back if I go 184 00:18:58.240 --> 00:19:03.920 metal? Yeah. It's not as easy as you think it is, but I mean, of course, it also means well. 185 00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:12.560 Yes. Yeah, but it could also be like, oh, talking about my competitors, which can also be quite 186 00:19:13.520 --> 00:19:18.320 difficult for me sometimes because we are taught to swim in our lane, you know, we're not taught to 187 00:19:19.920 --> 00:19:24.080 look at how fast other people do. Yeah. So really just, I just want to stay in my lane, 188 00:19:24.080 --> 00:19:29.120 do my own thing, and I don't need to know about anybody else. That's such a beautiful 189 00:19:29.120 --> 00:19:34.400 analogy and lesson for life as well, right? And you know, Pingsu, you talked also about the 190 00:19:34.400 --> 00:19:38.480 experience that you've been through that truly only you and the closest people around you know 191 00:19:38.560 --> 00:19:43.600 what you've been through to be able to achieve what you've achieved. And all of that has been so 192 00:19:43.600 --> 00:19:50.000 incredible. You have set world records, you have won gold medals, and you know, you have really 193 00:19:50.000 --> 00:19:57.040 inspired Singapore and beyond. What has been the hardest sacrifice for you in this journey? 194 00:19:58.080 --> 00:20:02.480 I don't like to view things as a very hard sacrifice because when you see it as a very hard 195 00:20:02.480 --> 00:20:06.720 sacrifice and maybe eventually you start to feel like, oh, man, I've given up so much for this. 196 00:20:07.360 --> 00:20:12.960 But I think the one thing that I've done with my life is that all my decisions I've made have 197 00:20:12.960 --> 00:20:20.720 revolved around being a good athlete. So say, for example, if I was younger and I didn't go 198 00:20:21.760 --> 00:20:27.040 to do an exchange program or I didn't study overseas, it was because I wanted to have the best 199 00:20:27.040 --> 00:20:34.800 environment for me, which was thing in Singapore. Or if I, whatever I've chosen to do in this 200 00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:45.120 20 years have made me the best athlete that I can be. And I would say I've given up certain things. 201 00:20:45.120 --> 00:20:53.200 I have sacrificed certain things, but nothing seems as big as what I want to do. 202 00:20:54.880 --> 00:20:59.840 It's really beautiful. I mean, just think about the 12 times a week training and things like 203 00:20:59.920 --> 00:21:05.760 that. Those are just a tip of the iceberg of the things that you have to really give, 204 00:21:05.760 --> 00:21:10.640 you know, it takes immense discipline. But I also truly believe in having a balance. 205 00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:15.200 You know, and it wasn't something I had when I was younger, but now I need the balance. 206 00:21:15.200 --> 00:21:19.120 I need to be able to have a social life. I need to have time with my family. I need to 207 00:21:19.200 --> 00:21:29.840 friends. And it works because I'm able to still balance it. I don't sacrifice swimming or the 208 00:21:29.840 --> 00:21:36.560 spot over something. Yeah. Yeah. You know, there have been so many moments of triumphs in your 209 00:21:36.560 --> 00:21:42.480 journey. Were there times where you adopted yourself? And how do you push through these periods of 210 00:21:42.480 --> 00:21:54.800 self-doubt? So many. Every... I would say there has been doubt over time. I think there was this 211 00:21:54.800 --> 00:21:59.520 period where it was really affecting me so much that I couldn't even sleep properly at night. 212 00:21:59.520 --> 00:22:04.720 I would wake up in the middle of the night and get anxious about it and then start crying. 213 00:22:05.680 --> 00:22:12.560 This is before a competition. This was somewhere in 2018. Yeah. I had a change in 214 00:22:13.440 --> 00:22:19.200 coach, some change in environment and the new program wasn't exactly working for me.

So when my 215 00:22:19.200 --> 00:22:25.600 times were dropping and things like that, I just really tried to do everything I could within my 216 00:22:25.600 --> 00:22:34.320 control to get better, the better, but once I couldn't do anything else already, I just felt 217 00:22:34.320 --> 00:22:40.560 really helpless. And then there was when I needed to not only do things within my control, but also 218 00:22:40.560 --> 00:22:47.440 talk to other people to fix the situation. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it was things like that that made me 219 00:22:47.440 --> 00:22:53.280 realise that I still generally care a lot about this. But I mean, there also have been times where I've 220 00:22:53.280 --> 00:22:58.480 not been excited about competition anymore. This was after painting. Yeah. I suffered this 221 00:22:58.480 --> 00:23:06.480 thing called an Olympic hangover. And I didn't care about training or competitions that much anymore 222 00:23:06.480 --> 00:23:13.520 because I didn't know what I wanted to do after that. I went to school, I was a good student and then 223 00:23:14.080 --> 00:23:19.760 because of this change in routine, this change in rhythm, it was so difficult to come back again. 224 00:23:19.760 --> 00:23:26.320 And it took me one and a half years to recover from this hangover. Yes. And then by then 225 00:23:26.320 --> 00:23:31.600 London came and then it was just yeah, go again. What do you do in that one and a half years to help 226 00:23:31.600 --> 00:23:37.600 you recover from the Olympic hangover? That was my first one and I won the medal. So at that point, 227 00:23:37.600 --> 00:23:42.400 I was really thinking to myself, if I'm already here, what else? What else do I want in life? 228 00:23:42.960 --> 00:23:48.320 I reached school. I mean, you've achieved your goal. Exactly. So I didn't realise that 229 00:23:49.680 --> 00:23:54.560 I still wanted to continue. It took me a long time. So I spent one and a half years, I went to school, 230 00:23:54.560 --> 00:23:59.280 I became a good student, I did really well in school. I had a social life, I went out, 231 00:23:59.280 --> 00:24:05.120 parties, dating, things like that, holidays with my family. And then when I realised that 232 00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:13.200 okay, I'm starting to get really slow. In a pool? Yes. I had a sit down with my psychologist and she 233 00:24:13.200 --> 00:24:18.800 told me okay, you have two options. First of all, if you don't want to do this anymore, just retire. 234 00:24:19.600 --> 00:24:26.720 And immediately when she said that I knew that no, this is not I won. And the next one was okay, 235 00:24:26.720 --> 00:24:31.120 just go back to train four times a week. So three times, increase it by three times to six times a 236 00:24:31.120 --> 00:24:36.320 week. Six times a week. And then I thought to myself okay, it's not that bad, it's not 12 237 00:24:36.320 --> 00:24:42.640 times. Let's do that one or one step at a time. And that was how I started going back. Wow. And 238 00:24:42.640 --> 00:24:49.520 that was when you realised that you still had that fire within you to pursue this. But that was also 239 00:24:49.520 --> 00:24:55.760 just before London, which was my second games and the games that I didn't met in. So it was really, 240 00:24:56.560 --> 00:25:02.480 it was kind of beautiful because there really was a lesson in there. It was like you deserve what 241 00:25:02.480 --> 00:25:08.160 you get. And I was like yeah, okay, sure. So I couldn't be too disappointed also because I didn't put 242 00:25:08.160 --> 00:25:14.400 in four years worth of like all the effort I needed to do, you know. And then after London, I knew 243 00:25:14.400 --> 00:25:19.200 immediately straight away. Okay, let's do this properly. Yes, let's do this properly. Yeah. And it 244 00:25:19.200 --> 00:25:25.360 truly takes, you know, that laser focus of committing back to the regime and the routine. 245 00:25:25.360 --> 00:25:29.840 You know, things you, when I listen to your journey and when I look at you, you are such a 246 00:25:29.840 --> 00:25:36.000 celebrated public figure, celebrated athlete. And you have spent much of your life in 247 00:25:36.880 --> 00:25:43.600 with people knowing of you, watching you and rooting for you. How do you maintain your sense of 248 00:25:43.680 --> 00:25:51.600 self? I think first you need to kind of know what you, who you are. You know, what do you like 249 00:25:51.600 --> 00:25:59.200 doing in life? Are you, do you have your own opinions and your own personality? Or are you just 250 00:25:59.200 --> 00:26:06.880 really like moving with the wind? I think it's important to spend some time with yourself, reflect 251 00:26:06.960 --> 00:26:13.920 on what you do every single day, have a purpose and know what you like and don't like. And then 252 00:26:13.920 --> 00:26:23.840 eventually you just be very steadfast. And in this whole thing, if this one's difficult because 253 00:26:23.840 --> 00:26:28.960 a lot of people don't know themselves. Yeah, that's self awareness. Yes, they don't have it. And it 254 00:26:29.040 --> 00:26:37.440 really is a completely long as journey to find who you really are. And sometimes not even 255 00:26:38.160 --> 00:26:44.480 at the age of 30, not a lot of people get to find it because if you're not really, like you say, 256 00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:49.680 the keyword is intentional. If you're not intentional in your life, if you don't know who you are, 257 00:26:49.680 --> 00:26:55.840 what you want, then how can people help you know who you are or what you want? Yeah, so 258 00:26:56.640 --> 00:27:03.760 it's really times like this. And one thing that I hold really dear to heart is one of the things 259 00:27:03.760 --> 00:27:10.080 my, one of my first coaches told me, he told me regardless what you do in life, if you win, it's 260 00:27:11.040 --> 00:27:17.760 your responsibility. But if you lose, it is also your loss, your responsibility. You

don't blame 261 00:27:17.760 --> 00:27:22.880 the coaches, you don't blame the program, you don't blame anybody else at the end. Wow, you do 262 00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:29.760 what can be done along the way. And it is your absolute responsibility to that the results are 263 00:27:29.760 --> 00:27:36.800 yours. Wow, I love that. You know, I think it's such a reminder that live truly at the end of 264 00:27:36.800 --> 00:27:41.760 the day is we're not victims of what happens. And you know, to take charge and take responsibilities 265 00:27:41.760 --> 00:27:47.360 for the good, the setbacks, failures, because you know, I love this quote by John Maxwell when he 266 00:27:47.360 --> 00:27:53.040 says, sometimes we win, sometimes we learn. And even in the losses, the setbacks, there is so much 267 00:27:53.040 --> 00:27:57.920 that we can get out of there. You know, Pings Hill, you have also broken so much barriers for 268 00:27:57.920 --> 00:28:04.720 parallel athletes in Singapore. What would you like to see more of, you know, in the world of 269 00:28:04.720 --> 00:28:11.680 sports, especially for athletes who are differently able? I think in Singapore, I would like to see 270 00:28:12.000 --> 00:28:18.400 a stronger sporting culture. We did really well during the Covid days when everybody was on lockdown. 271 00:28:18.400 --> 00:28:23.600 Yeah. We had time to go running, my friends, play back in the... So when you mean stronger sporting 272 00:28:23.600 --> 00:28:29.360 culture, you mean like Singaporeans being more active? I think it comes from many different areas. 273 00:28:29.360 --> 00:28:35.200 You know, active is one of it being participative, but also watching it, supporting our athletes, 274 00:28:35.200 --> 00:28:43.600 even parents thinking that sports is important for their kids. Really, it's just like a whole culture 275 00:28:43.600 --> 00:28:50.480 where we put sports as more of a priority. In the past, it was always academics first, you know? Of 276 00:28:50.480 --> 00:28:56.720 course, sports can be more important than a lot of things, but maybe as important, you know, for 277 00:28:56.720 --> 00:29:04.880 your health, mental health, physical health. And if Singapore is a stronger sporting culture, 278 00:29:04.880 --> 00:29:11.600 I think our athletes will also be more supported. And not just on mobile body athletes, 279 00:29:11.600 --> 00:29:20.400 pariah athletes, but really everyone... Now we have a lot of support from MCCY, so the Ministry 280 00:29:20.400 --> 00:29:27.120 and from sports Singapore. But I think the next level also really is for corporates to understand 281 00:29:27.120 --> 00:29:34.720 that sports is of value. We have a lot of celebrities' fronting brands, which is good, you know, 282 00:29:34.720 --> 00:29:41.040 to get to know our local people. But hopefully, eventually in time, people also see the value in 283 00:29:41.040 --> 00:29:45.920 sports and athletes. Interesting. And to support them as well. That's a very interesting point. 284 00:29:45.920 --> 00:29:51.920 And do you think you have come across a country that is actually a great advocate as a nation 285 00:29:51.920 --> 00:29:57.680 for sports, like what you had explained? I think if we only look at sports. Yeah, only sports. 286 00:29:57.760 --> 00:30:04.640 That's a great job. They really support their athletes. A lot of them have... They don't really 287 00:30:04.640 --> 00:30:09.840 get as much support from the government, I think, but they do get a lot more support from corporates. 288 00:30:10.400 --> 00:30:15.760 And really, like the whole country, backing up an athlete, sending their four competitions, 289 00:30:15.760 --> 00:30:24.560 for seeing their journey and seeing them perform eventually, we know, no, we know they're still 290 00:30:25.520 --> 00:30:30.560 behind that. Because they have been on that journey. Yeah, it's true. And I think it's also 291 00:30:30.560 --> 00:30:38.720 important to see sports as a viable career option, maybe not only as an athlete, but also surrounding 292 00:30:38.720 --> 00:30:43.600 them, like sometimes we may not respect coaches as much because we think coaching is easy. 293 00:30:44.560 --> 00:30:52.000 But high performance coaching is not easy. Or even being a physiologist or a sports administrator, 294 00:30:52.080 --> 00:30:56.880 there are a lot of options. So in order for if we want sports to be of a priority, 295 00:30:56.880 --> 00:31:03.520 there will also need more options in these areas. That's a great reminder. And if there is one 296 00:31:03.520 --> 00:31:09.120 misconception that you can clear up about being a parallel athlete, or just as someone who is 297 00:31:09.120 --> 00:31:18.000 differently able from the mess, what would that misconception be? That we don't train a lot, 298 00:31:18.080 --> 00:31:26.960 that we don't train that the fill is not competitive. Then I will encourage you to watch a few games, 299 00:31:26.960 --> 00:31:33.360 not only swimming, but watch the games so that you can see the spirit in it and then see the training 300 00:31:33.360 --> 00:31:39.360 behind, see the journey behind it and actually get to appreciate it. As long as the sports are 301 00:31:39.360 --> 00:31:44.080 different, it's definitely not the same. So be a parallel sport or able body sports. It's always 302 00:31:44.080 --> 00:31:49.120 going to be different, but it's about how you understand it enough to find joy in it. 303 00:31:49.120 --> 00:31:52.320 Yeah. And so your encouragement for us would be to 304 00:31:53.760 --> 00:32:00.480 expose ourselves more to the parallel athletes and the sports that they play and understand that 305 00:32:00.480 --> 00:32:06.240 even in that few, it is also very competitive and very tough. I'm also very curious to understand 306 00:32:06.240 --> 00:32:12.080 from you with all the medals and achievements that you've had. How do you define success for yourself? 307 00:32:12.080 -->

00:32:17.040 And how has that evolved through the years? Maybe in the past success was 308 00:32:18.800 --> 00:32:24.400 when you want something, when you have an achievement or something like that, but 309 00:32:25.840 --> 00:32:33.760 after the 2018 incident where I had a lot of anxiety, it also taught me to not tie my performance 310 00:32:33.760 --> 00:32:41.280 to myself. I loved that. By then when I wasn't performing well, I was in such a bad place that I 311 00:32:41.280 --> 00:32:46.960 didn't feel good as a person as well. And it's really difficult to not do that because everybody sees 312 00:32:46.960 --> 00:32:52.640 you for your achievements. You're only on the papers when you're in a go medal, when something is 313 00:32:52.640 --> 00:33:00.640 there and people celebrate you. But it took me a long time to, maybe I wouldn't even say I can do it 314 00:33:01.360 --> 00:33:09.040 with full certainty now like this separation, but it's less. I know that if I don't, if my times 315 00:33:09.040 --> 00:33:15.040 I know what I want, it doesn't mean I'm a shitty person. It doesn't mean I'm lousy and I sometimes 316 00:33:15.040 --> 00:33:20.080 I still think I'm lousy, but I think everybody has those things. So I get what you mean. So what I 317 00:33:20.080 --> 00:33:26.240 tell myself is a bad day is not a bad life. Because there are days where you just, whether 318 00:33:26.240 --> 00:33:31.600 personally a profession, they just don't meet your own expectations. I want to go home. I just want 319 00:33:32.400 --> 00:33:38.240 to show and get paid. And cry. Yeah. Yeah, but really, yeah, exactly isn't this a bad day only. 320 00:33:38.240 --> 00:33:43.920 And just how to pick yourself up after that. Yeah. So how have you learned to pick yourself up 321 00:33:43.920 --> 00:33:50.400 again and again and again in your journey? My he spent time being sad when you can be happy. 322 00:33:51.120 --> 00:33:58.320 I think that's that's what I do. Like I get sad, but I also move on really first because 323 00:33:59.120 --> 00:34:06.240 because why waste time being sad. I mean, you learn, you reflect, you must, you must learn 324 00:34:06.240 --> 00:34:12.560 something from it. You cannot just ignore it and make the same mistake again. You must become 325 00:34:12.560 --> 00:34:18.880 a better person from it. Wow. And after you've learned a lesson, okay, be nice to yourself. I 326 00:34:18.880 --> 00:34:23.120 think it's important to be kind to yourself. Yes, I think it's important to be compassionate and 327 00:34:23.120 --> 00:34:28.080 kind to ourselves. What do you think has been the most fulfilling part of your journey? 328 00:34:28.080 --> 00:34:33.040 And is there perhaps, you know, a personal accomplishment that matters more than just winning 329 00:34:33.040 --> 00:34:40.480 medals? One thing I like to say, I feel the most accomplished from this is really just seeing 330 00:34:41.040 --> 00:34:49.520 Singapore, um, the whole society when I was 16, you know, how many people knew about 331 00:34:49.520 --> 00:34:56.240 our spots or even what people with disabilities were doing at at the time, um, how much 332 00:34:56.320 --> 00:35:01.680 accessible places we have at that time. And then compared to now 2024, what's happening in 333 00:35:01.680 --> 00:35:09.520 society? Yeah. And I wouldn't say I did it, but I think I did play an influence, um, in 334 00:35:10.880 --> 00:35:16.720 more recent awareness, correct, raising awareness. And you just look back and then see how things 335 00:35:16.720 --> 00:35:21.120 have changed so much has changed. Yeah. And I think that is something that I am very proud to be 336 00:35:21.120 --> 00:35:25.280 a part of. No, you should be so proud. And you know, to be an advocate as well, because I think 337 00:35:25.360 --> 00:35:31.040 I first also got to know a lot more about Paralympics because of you. And we were so interested to 338 00:35:31.040 --> 00:35:36.480 follow your journey as well. And that also, you know, allowed us to be more conscious. Actually, 339 00:35:36.480 --> 00:35:42.480 actually, you know, there is also a world where a parrot athletes really come together to compete 340 00:35:42.480 --> 00:35:49.840 competitively. So thank you for that. No, thank you. And it's really beautiful because it has 341 00:35:49.840 --> 00:35:55.360 brought society together. And also, you realize that there are so many different facets to 342 00:35:56.000 --> 00:36:02.320 like say, the disability community. Yeah. There are maybe only like a certain percentage that 343 00:36:02.320 --> 00:36:07.040 does sports and watch the Paralympics games. Yeah. Just like anybody, any other community, 344 00:36:07.040 --> 00:36:14.160 but there's so many more people who like to do fashion, they do things that they love to do. 345 00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:22.960 And anyone of us, we also can also assume that somehow some people get mad that maybe 346 00:36:22.960 --> 00:36:26.240 not in Singapore, but in other countries that if you are a person of disability, you should 347 00:36:26.240 --> 00:36:31.040 join the Paralympics, but we don't expect everybody in society to join the Olympics. So why do we 348 00:36:31.040 --> 00:36:37.120 expect that for PWDs? You know, this concept of resilience gets thrown around a lot, especially 349 00:36:37.600 --> 00:36:44.160 today. But what does resilience truly mean to you and your journey? Resilience is something that it's 350 00:36:44.160 --> 00:36:50.880 not something you do in one day. It's something you do over a long period of time and you do it over 351 00:36:50.880 --> 00:36:56.560 and over and over again. And you're not sure if that's the right thing to do. You're not sure if 352 00:36:56.560 --> 00:37:01.360 this doing this certain action, this certain part is going to lead you to success, but you do it 353 00:37:02.320 --> 00:37:07.520 anyway, because you stick to the process, you try to find your goals, try to reach your

goals. 354 00:37:07.520 --> 00:37:14.160 And to me, I think that is resilience, just putting in a lot of effort into something and doing 355 00:37:14.160 --> 00:37:19.280 it well and heart over a long period of time until you manage to reach your goals. And I think 356 00:37:19.840 --> 00:37:27.280 not everybody gets to reach their goals sometimes. But that doesn't mean that the journey is wasted. 357 00:37:27.360 --> 00:37:34.160 It just means you have to find a point in the journey where you pivot to do something else or you do 358 00:37:34.160 --> 00:37:39.760 the same thing in a different way. Yeah. And try to reach your goals. Sometimes it's not a straight forward, 359 00:37:39.760 --> 00:37:45.360 but it's always fun. It is not. And love it. It's not linear journey. And you know, I think it's 360 00:37:45.360 --> 00:37:50.720 such a good reminder that at the end of the day, the person that we become in the process and in 361 00:37:50.960 --> 00:37:56.880 a journey, perhaps it's more important than just reaching a goal in itself. And thank you for 362 00:37:56.880 --> 00:38:02.880 being such a great living example. And you know, be like reminding us of all of this. And I love 363 00:38:02.880 --> 00:38:08.160 to ask this question now, you know, if you could have a billboard down the streets of New York or 364 00:38:08.160 --> 00:38:14.000 Tokyo and Singapore that can say anything that you would like to say, what would your billboard say? 365 00:38:14.640 --> 00:38:20.400 As cliche as it may sound, I think it's really to be kind to yourself. I think people don't have 366 00:38:20.400 --> 00:38:26.800 this reminder enough. Okay, no, also you must work hard first in order to be kind to yourself. Don't 367 00:38:26.800 --> 00:38:31.840 be too kind to yourself. Yeah, don't just be kind to yourself, but also work hard and be kind to 368 00:38:31.840 --> 00:38:38.480 yourself. Like it's just, yeah, just gentle reminders. Also it might just be a STB advertisement for 369 00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:43.200 people to come and sing up for. Oh, sorry, whoever this one to do sports. I don't know. 370 00:38:44.720 --> 00:38:51.760 Which is my face there. Yeah, just reminding us of your journey. Yeah, and if you could look 371 00:38:51.760 --> 00:38:58.320 back on everything that you've gone through and the journey that you've had, what would you say 372 00:38:58.320 --> 00:39:05.840 to younger pings you who was seven and struggling to come to terms or understand what life, the 373 00:39:05.840 --> 00:39:10.800 card that life has dealt her? If you have a dream, if there's something you really like to do, 374 00:39:12.400 --> 00:39:18.880 don't be afraid about what people may think about it. When I was seven, a lot of people say that 375 00:39:18.880 --> 00:39:23.760 I couldn't assume. A lot of people did not believe that I was eventually going to be an athlete. 376 00:39:25.600 --> 00:39:31.760 So don't listen to them. Don't listen to people who say no to you unless it does the unless it 377 00:39:31.760 --> 00:39:38.960 makes sense. But don't listen to the naysayers. And if you think you can do something, go ahead and 378 00:39:38.960 --> 00:39:45.120 do it. And you really don't know where you're at. Just try it for yourself. You know that reminds me 379 00:39:45.120 --> 00:39:49.200 also in one of my previous episode, the guest Sonia, she also said this quote that she will keep 380 00:39:49.200 --> 00:39:56.000 with her for the rest of her life. That is the thing that is worse than failure is regret. And like 381 00:39:56.000 --> 00:40:00.800 what you said, I think at the end of the day, if we don't try, we don't know. And if we feel 382 00:40:00.880 --> 00:40:06.880 it's okay, we learn it because self stop when we go again. But don't leave a life that when we are 383 00:40:06.880 --> 00:40:13.600 perhaps 90 on our dying bed and then realize that shucks I regret that I should have tried. I 384 00:40:13.600 --> 00:40:19.200 should have at least gave it a good shot. Yeah. And I think just trying really putting yourself 385 00:40:19.200 --> 00:40:24.400 out there, you get to know so many more people. And to me, the people I've met along the way have 386 00:40:24.400 --> 00:40:30.560 really been maybe the best thing that's happened from this. Yeah. That's okay. Well, thank you so 387 00:40:30.560 --> 00:40:36.160 much, Pink Seal for coming on the show for sharing your journeys authentically. And thank you for 388 00:40:36.160 --> 00:40:42.160 who you are. And you know, truly doing all of us proud, not just the medals that you've won, 389 00:40:42.160 --> 00:40:49.280 which have been incredible, but also in fully embracing and showing up for yourself and allowing 390 00:40:49.280 --> 00:40:51.280 us to really live I carelessly for you.