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Dear Pastor Raywinkle, I am sorry to add this additional
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burden to your work. I know that what has been
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done is wrong from all that I have been taught
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and that any reasons that I might give will not
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make it right. But you are the one person that
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I know that, while not condoning this, will at least
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possibly understand why I felt that I had to do this. One,
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I wasn't earning anything anywhere near enough to support us.
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Everything I tried seemed to fall to pieces. True, we
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could have gone bankrupt and maybe gone on welfare. Two.
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But that brings me to my next point. Knowing the
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type of location that one would have to live in,
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plus the environment for the children, plus the effect on
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them knowing that they were on welfare, was just more
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than I thought they could and should endure. I know
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they were willing to cut back but this involved a
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lot more than that. 3. With Pat being so determined
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to get into acting, I was also fearful as to
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what that might do to her continuing to be Christian.
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I'm sure it wouldn't have helped. 4. Also, with Helen
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not going to church, I knew that this would harm
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the children eventually in their attendance. I had continued to
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hope that she would begin to come to church soon
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but when I mentioned to her that Mr Yudsei wanted
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to pay her an elder's call, she just blew up
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and said she wanted her name taken off the church rolls. Again,
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this could only have an adverse result for the children's
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continued attendance. So, that is the sum of it. If
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any one of these had been the condition, we might
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have pulled through, but this was just too much. At
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least I'm certain that all have gone to heaven now.
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If things had gone on, Who knows if this would
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be the case? Of course, Mother got involved because doing
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what I did to my family would have been a
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tremendous shock to her at this age. Therefore, knowing that
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she is also a Christian, I felt it best that
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she be relieved of the troubles of this world that
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would have hit her. After it was all over, I
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said some prayers for them all, from the hymn book.
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That was the least that I could do. Now for
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the final arrangements. Helen and the children have all agreed
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that they would prefer to be cremated. Please see to
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it that the costs are kept low. For Mother, she
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has a plot at the Frankenmuth Church Cemetery. Please contact
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Mr Herman Shelkus, Route 4, Vassar, Michigan, 41768. He's married
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to a niece of Mother's and knows what arrangements are
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to be made. She always wanted Reverend Herman Zender of
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Bay City to preach the sermons. but he's not well. Also,
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I'm leaving some letters in your care. Please send them
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on and add whatever comments you think appropriate. The relationships
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are as follows. Also, I don't know what will happen
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to the books and personal things, but to the extent possible,
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I'd like for them to be distributed as you see fit.
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Some books might go to the school or church library. Originally,
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I had planned this for November 1st, All Saints Day,
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but travel arrangements were delayed. I thought it would be
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an appropriate day for them to get to heaven. As
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for me, please let me be dropped from the congregation rolls.
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I leave myself in the hand of God's justice and mercy.
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I don't doubt that he is able to help us,
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but apparently he saw fit not to answer my prayers
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the way that I hoped they would be answered. This
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made me think that perhaps it was for the best
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as far as the children's souls are concerned. I know
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that many will only look at the additional years they
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could have lived, but if finally they were no longer Christians,
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what would be gained? Also, I'm sure many will say,
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how could anyone do such a horrible thing? My only
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answer is it isn't easy, and was only done after
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much thought. Pastor, Mrs Norris may possibly be reached at
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802 Pleasant Hill Drive, Elkin. home of her sister. One
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other thing, it may seem cowardly to have always shot
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from behind, but I didn't want any of them to know,
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even at the last second, that I had to do
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this to them. John got hurt more, because he seemed
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to struggle longer. The rest were immediately out of pain.
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John didn't consciously feel anything either. Please remember me in
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your prayers. I will need them whether or not the
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government does its duty as it sees it. P.S. John.