Full Transcript for Ep. 121 How To Build True Discipline & Stay Consistent (& Why Motivation Is A Myth!)

00:01:52.120 number of different things. It's about things like habits and 35 00:01:52.540 --> 00:01:56.780 it feels like, at least from what I consume online, 36 00:01:56.799 --> 00:02:01.829 that women are more likely to label their discipline as like, 37 00:02:02.090 --> 00:02:04.489 I don't know, I follow these habits or I have 38 00:02:04.530 --> 00:02:06.709 a planner or rather than it just being like, I 39 00:02:06.750 --> 00:02:09.629 just get shit done. you know, and just like discipline 40 00:02:09.710 --> 00:02:12.990 above all. It's about the small steps that we actually 41 00:02:13.050 --> 00:02:15.250 take to get to the point that we want to 42 00:02:15.289 --> 00:02:18.009 get to. Anyway, that's not really the point, but I 43 00:02:18.069 --> 00:02:20.219 do think it's very interesting because when we look at 44 00:02:20.580 --> 00:02:23.699 and talk about how important something like discipline is, we 45 00:02:23.759 --> 00:02:26.259 look at the psychology of it and how it's been 46 00:02:26.300 --> 00:02:28.979 built in our own perception and like what our own 47 00:02:29.020 --> 00:02:32.039 perception is of discipline. And it's very hard to unlearn 48 00:02:32.639 --> 00:02:34.840 lot of the things that we are taught in terms 49 00:02:34.879 --> 00:02:36.560 of like why you do things and how you do 50 00:02:36.620 --> 00:02:38.979 things and how you get to a level of self-improvement 51 00:02:39.560 --> 00:02:42.960 and life improvement as a whole. But let's get into it. 52 00:02:42.979 --> 00:02:44.909 I really hope you enjoy this solo episode and if 53 00:02:44.939 --> 00:02:47.550 you do please like and subscribe. Only 10% of our 54 00:02:47.590 --> 00:02:50.030 solo episode viewers subscribe to our channel. I don't know 55 00:02:50.090 --> 00:02:51.650 if you just think it's shit but it's the best 56 00:02:51.669 --> 00:02:53.289 thing that you can do to help our small team 57 00:02:53.389 --> 00:02:54.969 so that we can make more. And I will say 58 00:02:55.030 --> 00:02:57.150 that our grand total of three solo episodes that we've 59 00:02:57.210 --> 00:03:00.229 ever done in this format I used to do an 60 00:03:00.289 --> 00:03:02.219 old format of them this is a new format the 61 00:03:02.240 --> 00:03:05.900 kind of like deep dive bite-sized chunk into like one 62 00:03:05.960 --> 00:03:09.740 topic have been like our most popular episodes ever so 63 00:03:09.840 --> 00:03:11.900 I know you like it you know you just gotta 64 00:03:12.319 --> 00:03:14.460 like and subscribe thank you very much but as always 65 00:03:14.539 --> 00:03:18.000 we are going to start with the context discipline can 66 00:03:18.039 --> 00:03:21.659 very much sometimes sound like a heavy serious word but 67 00:03:21.860 --> 00:03:24.250 But when you break it down, it's basically another way 68 00:03:24.310 --> 00:03:27.930 of just saying consistent action towards a goal. I think 69 00:03:27.949 --> 00:03:30.629 it's very easy to look at people

who seem super 70 00:03:30.669 --> 00:03:33.129 disciplined and think that, you know, they must have it 71 00:03:33.169 --> 00:03:35.409 all figured out. They must never miss doing that one 72 00:03:35.449 --> 00:03:37.949 thing or they must never doubt, you know, whether they're 73 00:03:37.969 --> 00:03:39.810 going to get that done today. But I think what 74 00:03:39.849 --> 00:03:43.050 we're really seeing in those situations isn't someone who's suddenly 75 00:03:43.129 --> 00:03:46.840 been blessed with the magical gift of constant discipline. In fact, 76 00:03:47.199 --> 00:03:50.280 it really is the result of consistent small efforts that 77 00:03:50.419 --> 00:03:53.979 very much stack up over time. So whether that's sticking 78 00:03:54.020 --> 00:03:57.419 to a fitness routine or staying focused at work or 79 00:03:57.539 --> 00:04:00.060 building a new skill, discipline is the key that unlocks 80 00:04:00.099 --> 00:04:02.520 long-term success. It is the ability to show up and 81 00:04:02.580 --> 00:04:05.400 do the work even when motivation has left the building. 82 00:04:05.460 --> 00:04:08.939 Because let me be very fucking clear, motivation is a 83 00:04:09.159 --> 00:04:12.219 fleeting feeling. It is an emotion you experience and it 84 00:04:12.319 --> 00:04:15.180 can very much drive you to take an action. But 85 00:04:15.219 --> 00:04:16.899 the reason you can't rely on it is because it 86 00:04:16.939 --> 00:04:21.250 depends on external factors like reward, recognition or inspiration. Whereas 87 00:04:21.509 --> 00:04:24.209 discipline is what keeps you taking that action and it's 88 00:04:24.230 --> 00:04:28.509 driven by processes rather than emotion. So here's the big misconception. 89 00:04:28.769 --> 00:04:32.810 Discipline isn't about perfection. it's about progress. And I think 90 00:04:32.850 --> 00:04:35.850 that's where many of us get stuck and when many 91 00:04:35.889 --> 00:04:38.790 of us end up shooting ourselves in the foot rather 92 00:04:38.829 --> 00:04:41.870 than just plodding towards the destination we want to get to. 93 00:04:41.949 --> 00:04:45.350 So we think that discipline means pushing ourselves to the extremes. 94 00:04:45.550 --> 00:04:47.769 And I think that actually a lot of that does 95 00:04:47.829 --> 00:04:49.829 come from the fact that the only way we consume 96 00:04:49.870 --> 00:04:53.569 discipline as a concept is really this kind of like 97 00:04:53.709 --> 00:05:00.009 very macho podcast bro, sleep when you're dead vibe. that 98 00:05:00.050 --> 00:05:03.529 we get pushed. And actually, the truth is that discipline, 99 00:05:03.709 --> 00:05:07.290 just like habits, is built in the small everyday choices 100 00:05:07.350 --> 00:05:09.949 that we make. So if you've watched my first episode, 101 00:05:10.120 --> 00:05:12.879 it was on habits and how habits can change your 102 00:05:12.899 --> 00:05:15.079 entire life and how you've probably heard of the book 103 00:05:15.199 --> 00:05:17.509 Atomic Habits and You may have said you've read it, 104 00:05:17.560 --> 00:05:18.959 you may have actually read it, you may have read 105 00:05:19.040 --> 00:05:21.279 one chapter, but it's a really fucking interesting book and 106 00:05:21.300 --> 00:05:23.740 it can really help you change a lot in your 107 00:05:23.779 --> 00:05:27.279 life when you really understand what a habit is. You know, 108 00:05:27.339 --> 00:05:30.339 I was really thinking about the interaction between discipline and 109 00:05:30.399 --> 00:05:33.060 habits and I think they kind of interact with each 110 00:05:33.139 --> 00:05:36.029 other in a bit of a cycle. So you create 111 00:05:36.069 --> 00:05:39.470 habits as something that you do every day, for example, 112 00:05:39.870 --> 00:05:42.610 to get closer towards a goal. It is the discipline 113 00:05:42.829 --> 00:05:45.709 that makes you stick to the habits. And at the 114 00:05:45.769 --> 00:05:49.069 same time, repeating those habits, those small things over and 115 00:05:49.110 --> 00:05:51.990 over and over is just a form of discipline in general. 116 00:05:52.209 --> 00:05:55.310 So I do think of them as kind of, they 117 00:05:55.389 --> 00:05:57.439 very much go hand in hand. Like I don't think 118 00:05:57.480 --> 00:05:59.540 you can have habits without discipline and I don't think 119 00:05:59.560 --> 00:06:02.779 you can have discipline without habits. I think that really 120 00:06:02.839 --> 00:06:05.839 the key is you ace habits and that makes it 121 00:06:05.959 --> 00:06:08.800 easier because it means you need less discipline to actually 122 00:06:08.860 --> 00:06:10.899 carry things out in order to get to where you 123 00:06:10.920 --> 00:06:12.970 want to get to. It's a little bit complex. If 124 00:06:12.990 --> 00:06:15.509 you haven't listened to that solo episode, people fucking love 125 00:06:15.550 --> 00:06:17.930 that one. So that's great. I would go and listen 126 00:06:17.970 --> 00:06:19.589 to that because I feel like, I don't know, it 127 00:06:19.649 --> 00:06:22.790 made me think a lot about how to get to 128 00:06:22.850 --> 00:06:25.160 where I want to get to in life and how 129 00:06:25.519 --> 00:06:28.500 every single day needs to reflect where I want to 130 00:06:28.540 --> 00:06:30.819 get to. Otherwise, there's basically no way I'm going to 131 00:06:30.839 --> 00:06:33.360 get there. But if you know me, you know that 132 00:06:33.420 --> 00:06:36.639 I do not do anything without receipts. So let's get 133 00:06:36.670 --> 00:06:39.870 into the data. Studies have shown that disciplined individuals tend 134 00:06:39.889 --> 00:06:42.750 to have higher levels of life satisfaction and success in 135 00:06:42.810 --> 00:06:45.810 both personal and professional areas. So in a study published 136 00:06:45.850 --> 00:06:49.759 in the Journal of Personality, researchers found that self-control, often 137 00:06:49.819 --> 00:06:53.620 linked to discipline, was more

predictive of success than IQ 138 00:06:53.939 --> 00:06:57.060 in a group of adolescents over several years. What that 139 00:06:57.100 --> 00:07:00.250 basically means is that it's not necessarily raw talent or 140 00:07:00.290 --> 00:07:04.000 intelligence that leads to success, but instead how we consistently 141 00:07:04.079 --> 00:07:08.060 apply ourselves over time. Because discipline very much has a 142 00:07:08.100 --> 00:07:11.689 snowball effect, much like how habits compound over time, being 143 00:07:11.750 --> 00:07:15.089 disciplined in one area of your life often spreads into others. 144 00:07:15.569 --> 00:07:17.529 So when you develop the ability to stick with something 145 00:07:17.589 --> 00:07:20.790 hard like regular exercise or focused work sessions, you're not 146 00:07:20.829 --> 00:07:23.509 just building your body or growing your business, you are 147 00:07:23.569 --> 00:07:27.000 rewiring your brain to become more resilient in everything else 148 00:07:27.040 --> 00:07:30.899 that you do. In fact... research from 2013 shows that 149 00:07:31.000 --> 00:07:35.680 disciplined people tend to experience fewer stressful situations because they're 150 00:07:35.720 --> 00:07:39.810 better prepared to tackle challenges head-on. That preparation comes from 151 00:07:39.850 --> 00:07:44.050 creating systems, routines and structures that support their long-term goals. 152 00:07:44.329 --> 00:07:46.889 And I think that really is reflective in wider things too. 153 00:07:47.050 --> 00:07:48.970 I mean, I talk a lot on the podcast, especially 154 00:07:49.009 --> 00:07:52.139 guest episodes, of how proving to yourself that you are 155 00:07:52.160 --> 00:07:54.519 a good person or you're a disciplined person or you're 156 00:07:54.540 --> 00:07:57.199 a hard worker is is half of the battle. Like 157 00:07:57.300 --> 00:08:00.980 you need to compound feelings of yourself that are positive. 158 00:08:01.079 --> 00:08:02.740 So we've heard quite a few people come on the 159 00:08:02.779 --> 00:08:05.850 podcast that have basically said like their businesses and their 160 00:08:05.889 --> 00:08:08.829 work and their career was pretty shit until they became 161 00:08:08.850 --> 00:08:11.649 a better person. Like they became a more disciplined person. 162 00:08:11.689 --> 00:08:13.550 They became someone who stuck to what they said they 163 00:08:13.569 --> 00:08:16.379 were going to do. And that like really compounded in 164 00:08:16.439 --> 00:08:18.970 other areas of life. And I do think that's because 165 00:08:19.149 --> 00:08:22.209 when you develop like a culture of discipline within yourself, 166 00:08:22.790 --> 00:08:25.920 you know that basically you're proving to yourself again and again, 167 00:08:26.040 --> 00:08:27.839 not just that you can do hard things, but also 168 00:08:27.860 --> 00:08:30.529 that you can keep promises to yourself that I genuinely 169 00:08:30.550 --> 00:08:34.610 think there is nothing more harmful to self-worth than promising 170 00:08:34.649 --> 00:08:37.669 yourself you will do things and not getting them done. Like, 171 00:08:37.820 --> 00:08:39.980 whether that happens on a small level or whether that 172 00:08:40.019 --> 00:08:42.840 happens again and again and again, that is so damaging 173 00:08:42.879 --> 00:08:45.000 to your self-worth. Because if you think about it, like, 174 00:08:45.059 --> 00:08:46.919 if someone else did that to you, you'd think they 175 00:08:46.940 --> 00:08:48.919 were a pretty shit friend. Like, if they said, like, 176 00:08:48.960 --> 00:08:50.419 I'm going to come to dinner with you tonight and 177 00:08:50.440 --> 00:08:52.019 then didn't go to dinner with you, you'd think they 178 00:08:52.039 --> 00:08:54.340 were a shit friend. And so it makes complete sense 179 00:08:54.399 --> 00:08:56.580 that when you say to yourself over and over and 180 00:08:56.700 --> 00:08:59.299 over again, I'm going to get x done or I'm 181 00:08:59.320 --> 00:09:00.659 going to go to the gym or I'm going to 182 00:09:00.700 --> 00:09:02.659 do that job application or I'm actually going to start 183 00:09:02.679 --> 00:09:05.759 that business and every single time you don't show up 184 00:09:05.779 --> 00:09:09.259 for yourself that is really going to compound negatively for 185 00:09:09.299 --> 00:09:11.830 your self-worth because what you're essentially telling yourself is you 186 00:09:11.850 --> 00:09:14.929 do not respect yourself enough to actually show up and 187 00:09:14.970 --> 00:09:16.570 do the thing that you were meant to do and 188 00:09:16.669 --> 00:09:19.350 there's obviously a balance here like you will probably know 189 00:09:19.509 --> 00:09:21.610 if you veer more to the side of like too 190 00:09:21.649 --> 00:09:26.490 disciplined and too hard on yourself or a It's important 191 00:09:26.529 --> 00:09:28.409 to know that so that you can make sure you 192 00:09:28.450 --> 00:09:30.809 don't just lean too much in one direction and completely 193 00:09:30.830 --> 00:09:33.070 burn yourself out. But at the same time, if you 194 00:09:33.110 --> 00:09:35.649 are the type of person, you know you lack discipline. 195 00:09:35.889 --> 00:09:38.440 You know you are a little bit too forgiving with 196 00:09:38.480 --> 00:09:41.139 yourself when it comes to like saying that you're going 197 00:09:41.159 --> 00:09:43.440 to do things and not actually doing things. So I 198 00:09:43.480 --> 00:09:46.120 do really think that building habits that mean that you 199 00:09:46.159 --> 00:09:48.480 don't need to use truckloads of discipline all the time 200 00:09:48.519 --> 00:09:51.919 to actually get closer towards your goals, not just gets 201 00:09:51.940 --> 00:09:54.519 you closer towards those goals, but but it also, you 202 00:09:55.070 --> 00:09:56.990 prove to yourself over and over that you are a 203 00:09:57.029 --> 00:10:00.539 trustworthy person and that you make promises to yourself and 204 00:10:00.580

--> 00:10:03.539 you actually keep them and that goes a long way 205 00:10:03.600 --> 00:10:07.279 for not just like actual success and actually progressing towards 206 00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:11.330 xyz goal whatever it might be but actually self-worth like 207 00:10:11.370 --> 00:10:14.129 I really really really think that there is a huge 208 00:10:14.230 --> 00:10:18.470 link between discipline and self-worth self-worth and once you start 209 00:10:18.509 --> 00:10:20.590 to hack that and once you start to keep promises 210 00:10:20.610 --> 00:10:23.409 to yourself your life genuinely compounds in the right direction 211 00:10:23.649 --> 00:10:26.080 so how does discipline actually work we're going to get 212 00:10:26.100 --> 00:10:27.899 into the theories because this is what I find very 213 00:10:27.940 --> 00:10:30.799 interesting if we dig into the psychology there is a 214 00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:34.259 lot to learn about the mechanics of self-control and persistence 215 00:10:34.370 --> 00:10:36.250 so I'm going to pick out what I found most 216 00:10:36.330 --> 00:10:39.230 valuable but quick disclaimer I'm not a psychologist I have 217 00:10:39.370 --> 00:10:42.230 a music degree So we're learning together here. But one 218 00:10:42.289 --> 00:10:44.830 theory that really resonates with me and always has is 219 00:10:44.870 --> 00:10:48.269 the concept of delayed gratification, which was popularized by the 220 00:10:48.309 --> 00:10:52.360 famous Stanford marshmallow experiment conducted by Walter Mischel way back 221 00:10:52.379 --> 00:10:56.460 in the 1960s. Tested children's ability to delay gratification by 222 00:10:56.519 --> 00:11:00.299 offering them one marshmallow immediately or two if they waited 223 00:11:00.299 --> 00:11:03.159 15 minutes. The idea is simple. Can you resist a 224 00:11:03.220 --> 00:11:05.940 small immediate reward to wait for a larger one? They 225 00:11:05.980 --> 00:11:09.539 found that those who could delay gratification often ended up 226 00:11:09.600 --> 00:11:12.259 more successful and satisfied with life in the long run. 227 00:11:12.470 --> 00:11:14.990 But it's obviously not just about saying no to temptations. 228 00:11:15.190 --> 00:11:18.210 Discipline is about creating systems that make it easier to 229 00:11:18.250 --> 00:11:20.690 follow through. This brings us to our second theory, which 230 00:11:20.750 --> 00:11:23.610 is the idea of decision fatigue. Every decision we make 231 00:11:23.649 --> 00:11:26.629 throughout the day wears down our willpower, making it harder 232 00:11:26.649 --> 00:11:29.970 to stay disciplined. Imagine you have a daily stock of decisions, 233 00:11:30.029 --> 00:11:32.960 for example, and every decision you make, whether that's what 234 00:11:33.039 --> 00:11:35.980 outfit you're wearing or what lipstick to wear, uses up 235 00:11:36.039 --> 00:11:38.440 a bit of that supply. It's why overthinking can be 236 00:11:38.519 --> 00:11:40.639 so bad for us. And spoiler alert, we did a 237 00:11:40.679 --> 00:11:42.700 whole episode on overthinking and how to use it to 238 00:11:42.720 --> 00:11:45.529 your advantage recently. But this is because it expends so 239 00:11:45.590 --> 00:11:49.190 much of our energy on unnecessary analysis, depleting our important 240 00:11:49.230 --> 00:11:51.570 supply to use for actual things we care about. This 241 00:11:51.629 --> 00:11:53.070 means that when you get to late in the day 242 00:11:53.110 --> 00:11:55.080 and you've had a long day at work, deciding what 243 00:11:55.100 --> 00:11:57.399 to cook for dinner, for example, seems much harder than 244 00:11:57.419 --> 00:12:01.409 it should be. It's also literally why disciplined people create routines. 245 00:12:01.850 --> 00:12:04.470 They reduce the number of decisions that they actually need 246 00:12:04.509 --> 00:12:07.120 to make. Steve Jobs, for example, famously wore the same 247 00:12:07.179 --> 00:12:10.059 outfit every day to eliminate unnecessary choices and preserve his 248 00:12:10.100 --> 00:12:12.789 focus for important decisions. And now I'm not saying that 249 00:12:12.809 --> 00:12:14.909 we all need to start wearing black turtlenecks, but even 250 00:12:14.950 --> 00:12:16.970 laying out your clothes for the morning the night before 251 00:12:17.049 --> 00:12:19.830 can free up your morning mind. I personally am one 252 00:12:19.850 --> 00:12:22.570 of the most decisive people in the world. But boy, 253 00:12:22.610 --> 00:12:25.490 do I get decision fatigue. And I get decision fatigue 254 00:12:25.769 --> 00:12:28.690 first thing in the morning and late at night or 255 00:12:28.990 --> 00:12:32.009 after a big meeting, like anything that's like really zapped 256 00:12:32.090 --> 00:12:34.460 my brain and really like taken a lot of my 257 00:12:34.500 --> 00:12:36.379 brain power. I feel like one of the best things 258 00:12:36.419 --> 00:12:39.500 I've done is really learn these patterns. and basically put 259 00:12:39.519 --> 00:12:41.539 things in place that mean that I do not need 260 00:12:41.580 --> 00:12:43.779 to make big decisions at that point or they're already 261 00:12:43.820 --> 00:12:45.960 made for me. So to give an example of that, 262 00:12:46.179 --> 00:12:49.509 I generally plan my day where possible to have the 263 00:12:49.549 --> 00:12:52.690 hardest things first. Like without a doubt, for example, I 264 00:12:52.750 --> 00:12:55.110 knew I needed to do something this morning, least favorite 265 00:12:55.129 --> 00:12:57.149 thing to do right at the beginning of my day. 266 00:12:57.509 --> 00:13:00.629 Because if you get me after a few meetings, that 267 00:13:00.690 --> 00:13:02.220 piece of work is going to be shit and that 268 00:13:02.259 --> 00:13:04.820 piece of work is really important. Another thing is that 269 00:13:04.980 --> 00:13:08.299 like without fail, every single time I work out, I 270 00:13:08.340 --> 00:13:10.860 have laid out my clothes the night

before and it 271 00:13:10.899 --> 00:13:13.320 makes such a big difference to actually in the morning, 272 00:13:13.379 --> 00:13:15.330 like my brain's not even warmed up yet and I'm 273 00:13:15.379 --> 00:13:17.149 actually trying to decide what to wear. It's not even 274 00:13:17.169 --> 00:13:19.690 an important decision. It doesn't matter what I wear, but 275 00:13:19.769 --> 00:13:21.710 I will literally just stand there for 10 minutes going. 276 00:13:22.779 --> 00:13:24.580 which isn't very helpful in terms of my morning routine. 277 00:13:24.759 --> 00:13:27.720 Another great way of combating this is meal prepping. I 278 00:13:27.779 --> 00:13:30.929 find that prepping meals or having decided at the beginning 279 00:13:30.970 --> 00:13:33.250 of the week what you were going to eat when 280 00:13:33.269 --> 00:13:37.230 you were in a non-decision fatigued environment or headspace makes 281 00:13:37.289 --> 00:13:39.549 such a big difference. Same with things like planning and workouts. 282 00:13:39.649 --> 00:13:41.779 My workouts are completely planned in from the beginning of 283 00:13:41.789 --> 00:13:43.779 the week. Like, I literally go into Shreddy, which is 284 00:13:43.799 --> 00:13:45.539 the app I use for workouts, which is also... my 285 00:13:45.600 --> 00:13:47.080 app I will look at my workouts for the week 286 00:13:47.120 --> 00:13:50.399 and I will physically schedule them into my google calendar 287 00:13:50.700 --> 00:13:52.659 and so I'm never waking up being like I could 288 00:13:52.899 --> 00:13:55.039 snooze my alarm given I don't even know what workout 289 00:13:55.090 --> 00:13:56.909 I'm doing rather than being like I know I am 290 00:13:56.950 --> 00:13:59.350 doing this exact workout and it's not that fucking hard 291 00:13:59.549 --> 00:14:01.309 and the final key theory that I'm going to introduce 292 00:14:01.330 --> 00:14:04.210 to you here is cognitive dissonance so this is a 293 00:14:04.250 --> 00:14:08.330 psychological phenomenon first coined by Leon Festinger in the 1950s 294 00:14:08.710 --> 00:14:12.039 cognitive dissonance occurs when there's a conflict between your beliefs 295 00:14:12.220 --> 00:14:16.740 goals or values and actual actions So this conflict creates 296 00:14:16.779 --> 00:14:20.179 a feeling of mental discomfort or tension. Our brains generally 297 00:14:20.230 --> 00:14:22.789 don't like this discomfort, so we're naturally driven to resolve 298 00:14:22.809 --> 00:14:24.809 it in one of two ways. So you change it 299 00:14:24.850 --> 00:14:27.789 by either changing your actions to align with your beliefs 300 00:14:28.250 --> 00:14:31.929 or the easier route, adjusting your beliefs to justify your actions. 301 00:14:32.389 --> 00:14:34.370 So for example, if you set a goal to exercise 302 00:14:34.409 --> 00:14:38.110 three times a week but repeatedly skip workouts, you'll likely 303 00:14:38.149 --> 00:14:41.870 experience cognitive dissonance. On the one hand, you value fitness 304 00:14:41.909 --> 00:14:44.970 and self-improvement, but on the other hand, your actions don't 305 00:14:45.009 --> 00:14:47.789 reflect that. So over time, you'll either need to start 306 00:14:47.850 --> 00:14:50.340 working out regularly to align your actions with your goals, 307 00:14:50.860 --> 00:14:53.440 or you'll adjust your mindset and lower the importance of 308 00:14:53.500 --> 00:14:55.940 fitness in your life. I will say that not necessarily 309 00:14:55.980 --> 00:14:59.620 from scientific backing, but from entire personal experience, I think 310 00:14:59.639 --> 00:15:01.879 that when you have the cognitive dissonance and you change 311 00:15:01.919 --> 00:15:03.879 the belief to align with the actions rather than the 312 00:15:03.940 --> 00:15:07.320 other way around, that is generally where you stop trusting 313 00:15:07.360 --> 00:15:10.320 yourself to make the right decisions and start generally feeling 314 00:15:10.340 --> 00:15:12.539 a little bit shit about yourself. There's probably been no 315 00:15:12.580 --> 00:15:14.460 time that you felt better than when you said you 316 00:15:14.480 --> 00:15:16.320 were going to do something and actually did it for 317 00:15:16.360 --> 00:15:18.960 a prolonged period of time like that. has a huge 318 00:15:19.019 --> 00:15:21.610 effect on, as we've already talked about like self-worth and everything, 319 00:15:21.639 --> 00:15:24.269 but generally just like your mood, like how you generally feel. 320 00:15:24.490 --> 00:15:26.690 On the other hand, if you consistently say you're going 321 00:15:26.730 --> 00:15:29.389 to do something and you do not do it, that 322 00:15:29.450 --> 00:15:31.830 is the first way of making yourself feel shit. And 323 00:15:31.850 --> 00:15:34.009 when you have to actively change your beliefs of what 324 00:15:34.070 --> 00:15:38.309 you value in order to get rid of that cognitive dissonance, 325 00:15:38.570 --> 00:15:40.649 it's never a good feeling for anyone. What I will 326 00:15:40.730 --> 00:15:44.009 say is that I think reprioritising is important. I think 327 00:15:44.070 --> 00:15:46.799 that sometimes some of us especially if you veer on 328 00:15:46.840 --> 00:15:49.639 the side of like working too much or being a 329 00:15:49.659 --> 00:15:51.830 little bit too hard on yourself a lot of us 330 00:15:51.870 --> 00:15:53.710 can veer on the side of setting too many goals 331 00:15:53.830 --> 00:15:55.950 at once and I strongly believe in the fact that 332 00:15:55.970 --> 00:15:57.169 you can have it all but you cannot have it 333 00:15:57.210 --> 00:15:59.970 all at once. And what this basically means is that 334 00:16:00.269 --> 00:16:02.690 you feel like you have five number one priorities, but 335 00:16:02.730 --> 00:16:04.509 you can't have five number one priorities. You can only 336 00:16:04.549 --> 00:16:06.970 have one number one priority and you can only fit 337 00:16:07.029 --> 00:16:09.350 a certain amount of things

into your daily life. So 338 00:16:09.389 --> 00:16:10.929 sometimes I do think that in order to get rid 339 00:16:10.950 --> 00:16:14.870 of the cognitive dissonance, you have to change your belief, 340 00:16:15.049 --> 00:16:16.789 not in terms of being like, oh, well, that wasn't 341 00:16:16.830 --> 00:16:19.480 important to me anyway. but change your belief in terms 342 00:16:19.519 --> 00:16:21.980 of being like, okay, well, I can only have three 343 00:16:22.000 --> 00:16:25.480 of these things and this one's more important. It might 344 00:16:25.539 --> 00:16:27.830 be that you're trying to date at the same time 345 00:16:27.870 --> 00:16:29.809 as getting into fitness, at the same time as trying 346 00:16:29.850 --> 00:16:32.950 to get a promotion and be a really good friend. 347 00:16:33.470 --> 00:16:35.629 And actually, in an ideal world, you'd be able to 348 00:16:35.649 --> 00:16:39.029 do all of those things, but likelihood is there's going 349 00:16:39.070 --> 00:16:41.389 to need to be higher priorities and maybe it's not 350 00:16:41.429 --> 00:16:43.529 the season for dating or maybe it's not the season 351 00:16:43.590 --> 00:16:47.960 for getting really fit. And I think reprioritization as part 352 00:16:48.019 --> 00:16:51.039 of discipline is important because discipline only works when you're 353 00:16:51.059 --> 00:16:53.899 actually sticking to it. There's this whole essay, actually. I 354 00:16:54.019 --> 00:16:56.919 think it's like a whole essay that's called Things That 355 00:16:57.000 --> 00:16:58.860 Aren't Doing The Thing. And it has a list of 356 00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:00.940 all of these things that are not doing the thing, 357 00:17:01.080 --> 00:17:05.019 including planning doing the thing, including working towards doing the thing, 358 00:17:05.539 --> 00:17:07.900 including like putting the thing in your diary, all of this. 359 00:17:07.940 --> 00:17:10.549 And I think that It's just a good example of 360 00:17:10.849 --> 00:17:12.190 if you're not doing it, you're not doing it. If 361 00:17:12.210 --> 00:17:14.390 you've listened to one of my goal setting episodes, you'll 362 00:17:14.509 --> 00:17:17.549 know that we all get the same dopamine kick from 363 00:17:17.650 --> 00:17:20.750 putting goals in than we do from actually reaching them. 364 00:17:21.230 --> 00:17:24.849 And sometimes that doesn't help us because we then spend 365 00:17:24.890 --> 00:17:28.329 a lot of time feeling happy about certain goals and 366 00:17:28.349 --> 00:17:30.509 we haven't actually done anything to reach them. We were 367 00:17:30.549 --> 00:17:32.490 just excited planning them and then we didn't have the 368 00:17:32.529 --> 00:17:34.710 discipline to stick to them. But this is all why 369 00:17:34.750 --> 00:17:38.250 discipline is so important. It helps you reduce that cognitive 370 00:17:38.289 --> 00:17:41.900 tension by basically staying consistent with your long-term goals. So 371 00:17:41.920 --> 00:17:43.859 when you regularly act in a way that aligns with 372 00:17:43.880 --> 00:17:47.039 your values and aspirations, you're not only making progress, but 373 00:17:47.099 --> 00:17:50.670 also reinforcing those beliefs, which strengthens your overall sense of 374 00:17:50.730 --> 00:17:54.190 purpose and satisfaction. In contrast, a lack of discipline can 375 00:17:54.230 --> 00:17:58.160 lead to frustration and self-doubt. Your actions will obviously constantly 376 00:17:58.200 --> 00:18:00.630 clash with what you know you should be doing. So 377 00:18:00.650 --> 00:18:02.750 let's now talk about how you can actually build more 378 00:18:02.789 --> 00:18:05.109 discipline into your life. And we're going to break it 379 00:18:05.130 --> 00:18:07.309 down into a few practical steps because you know that's 380 00:18:07.329 --> 00:18:10.349 what I like to do. So first of all, start small. 381 00:18:10.529 --> 00:18:14.559 Just like habit building, discipline is about creating small, manageable changes. 382 00:18:14.940 --> 00:18:17.299 So if your goal is to wake up earlier, start 383 00:18:17.339 --> 00:18:19.980 by setting your alarm just 15 minutes earlier. Once that's 384 00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:22.299 a habit, adjust it again. One of the biggest ways 385 00:18:22.339 --> 00:18:25.609 you can fail, even with amazing discipline... is by biting 386 00:18:25.650 --> 00:18:27.289 off more than you can chew. Because if you think 387 00:18:27.309 --> 00:18:30.069 about it, if you suddenly make your alarm an hour 388 00:18:30.130 --> 00:18:32.390 and a half earlier, the chances you're going to stick 389 00:18:32.430 --> 00:18:34.759 to that versus just moving it a little bit earlier 390 00:18:34.940 --> 00:18:37.339 every single day are a lot lower. You're either going 391 00:18:37.359 --> 00:18:38.440 to do that or you are going to stick to 392 00:18:38.460 --> 00:18:40.259 it and you're going to burn yourself out. And step 393 00:18:40.299 --> 00:18:43.109 two is to create systems, not just goals. Goals are 394 00:18:43.130 --> 00:18:46.509 obviously very important, but they are nothing without systems. If 395 00:18:46.549 --> 00:18:48.829 your goal is to get fit, your system might include 396 00:18:48.869 --> 00:18:51.490 scheduling workouts in advance, laying out your gym clothes the 397 00:18:51.529 --> 00:18:54.730 night before and meal prepping on Sundays. These systems reduce 398 00:18:54.769 --> 00:18:57.380 the friction in actually following through. It means that you 399 00:18:57.390 --> 00:18:59.900 need less discipline because you're just focusing on showing up 400 00:19:00.039 --> 00:19:02.799 rather than on making all of those decisions every single 401 00:19:02.859 --> 00:19:05.480 day that leads up to you actually completing that thing 402 00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:07.319 that you said you were going to do. Step three 403 00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:09.740 is I'd say you really need to focus on consistency, 404 00:19:09.859 --> 00:19:12.859 not

perfection. you're not always going to feel motivated. And 405 00:19:12.900 --> 00:19:15.609 that is okay. That is very normal. What matters is 406 00:19:15.880 --> 00:19:17.750 showing up even on the days where you're not at 407 00:19:17.789 --> 00:19:20.890 your best. So discipline can harbour huge amounts of shame. 408 00:19:21.410 --> 00:19:24.250 And while it's about keeping promises to yourself, that includes 409 00:19:24.269 --> 00:19:27.410 giving yourself grace when things aren't perfect. Because what you're 410 00:19:27.430 --> 00:19:28.880 going to do if you don't do that is you 411 00:19:28.900 --> 00:19:31.660 are going to get into a failure spiral. For example, 412 00:19:31.799 --> 00:19:34.500 at the moment, I am very much trying to stick 413 00:19:34.539 --> 00:19:36.859 to three workouts a week and three like good solid 414 00:19:36.900 --> 00:19:39.759 workouts a week. And that's not a lot, but I 415 00:19:39.779 --> 00:19:41.920 find myself very, very busy at the moment. So I 416 00:19:42.109 --> 00:19:43.809 haven't been finding that too easy to stick to. And 417 00:19:43.829 --> 00:19:46.049 I think in my mind, I've been like, that's so little. 418 00:19:46.390 --> 00:19:48.190 So I've always been like, need to do four or five, 419 00:19:48.230 --> 00:19:49.670 need to do four or five. And that is a 420 00:19:49.670 --> 00:19:51.920 good experience. of biting off more than I can chew 421 00:19:52.039 --> 00:19:54.559 but this week for example on Tuesday night I unexpectedly 422 00:19:54.599 --> 00:19:57.940 got back really really late and so Wednesday was meant 423 00:19:57.960 --> 00:20:00.490 to be my workout day and I just I was 424 00:20:00.509 --> 00:20:02.910 like I'm not going to get anywhere near enough sleep 425 00:20:03.009 --> 00:20:04.930 I really need some sleep dealing with some stress at 426 00:20:04.950 --> 00:20:07.759 the moment so it was just like I'm not going 427 00:20:07.779 --> 00:20:10.529 to work out tomorrow and what I could have done 428 00:20:10.769 --> 00:20:13.190 is not worked out and then like really beat myself 429 00:20:13.269 --> 00:20:14.750 up about it and then you get it into your 430 00:20:14.789 --> 00:20:16.910 head that rather than proving to yourself that you're a 431 00:20:16.930 --> 00:20:18.829 good person you stick to things you prove to yourself 432 00:20:18.849 --> 00:20:20.940 that you're not with just one slip up or not 433 00:20:20.980 --> 00:20:23.660 even slip up sometimes just a reprioritization and what you 434 00:20:23.680 --> 00:20:25.900 then do is you convince yourself of that and you 435 00:20:25.920 --> 00:20:28.900 start acting as if you are that instead it was 436 00:20:28.920 --> 00:20:32.970 just oh shit Okay, well, I'm prioritizing sleep actually today 437 00:20:32.990 --> 00:20:34.230 because I feel like I need to get a good 438 00:20:34.250 --> 00:20:36.279 amount of that. Otherwise, you know, I'm not going to 439 00:20:36.299 --> 00:20:39.140 be great on this big day. And I just said, 440 00:20:39.180 --> 00:20:41.319 I'm going to work out tomorrow morning instead. And I 441 00:20:41.359 --> 00:20:44.089 worked out this morning and I felt great about it. 442 00:20:44.230 --> 00:20:46.630 And I felt like, you know, even though the original 443 00:20:46.670 --> 00:20:49.150 plan was to do Wednesday... and I slipped up on 444 00:20:49.170 --> 00:20:51.250 that and I did Thursday, that's not a big deal 445 00:20:51.289 --> 00:20:53.329 at all. And I've just proved to myself that I'll 446 00:20:53.349 --> 00:20:55.109 stick to things and I've proved to myself that things 447 00:20:55.150 --> 00:20:57.230 can come up and I can still make my routine work. 448 00:20:57.430 --> 00:21:00.019 And I sometimes feel like that's more important because you 449 00:21:00.059 --> 00:21:03.440 can't just be super, super rigid and sometimes it's not 450 00:21:03.460 --> 00:21:05.480 going to work out. At the same time, if I 451 00:21:05.519 --> 00:21:07.240 had one week where I just didn't get any in 452 00:21:07.299 --> 00:21:10.160 at all, I could basically give myself a really hard 453 00:21:10.200 --> 00:21:12.400 time all weekend and tell myself how terrible I was 454 00:21:12.970 --> 00:21:16.009 and just completely fall off or I could just basically 455 00:21:16.069 --> 00:21:18.349 ignore it and use discipline to stick to it next time. 456 00:21:18.410 --> 00:21:20.599 I think it takes a lot of discipline to actually 457 00:21:20.700 --> 00:21:24.359 keep sticking to things when you haven't necessarily been the 458 00:21:24.400 --> 00:21:26.319 best at them as well but do not fall into 459 00:21:26.359 --> 00:21:29.019 that trap of just like falling off because it is 460 00:21:29.039 --> 00:21:32.180 the path of least resistance. Now number four is managing 461 00:21:32.200 --> 00:21:35.230 your environment. You've got to set yourself up for success 462 00:21:35.289 --> 00:21:39.269 by creating an environment that makes it easy to be disciplined. 463 00:21:39.670 --> 00:21:41.789 So if you're trying to cut back on social media, 464 00:21:42.150 --> 00:21:46.019 delete apps, use website blockers. If you're trying to eat healthier, 465 00:21:46.339 --> 00:21:48.220 stock your fridge with the foods that you want to 466 00:21:48.259 --> 00:21:51.500 be eating. Think back to the decision fatigue. It doesn't 467 00:21:51.519 --> 00:21:53.400 make sense for you to be making your life harder 468 00:21:53.440 --> 00:21:56.619 for yourself all the time. And then step five is 469 00:21:56.819 --> 00:22:00.359 using accountability. I really, really recommend this. But having someone 470 00:22:00.500 --> 00:22:03.660 or something to hold you accountable makes discipline so much easier. 471 00:22:04.099 --> 00:22:07.019 So sharing your goals with a friend, hiring a coach 472 00:22:07.240 --> 00:22:09.539 or using a habit tracking app to stay on course. 473 00:22:09.559 --> 00:22:11.859 There's so many different options.

But when you're not just 474 00:22:11.880 --> 00:22:14.240 promising things to yourself and you're also promising things to 475 00:22:14.299 --> 00:22:18.019 other people, that's a great way of staying on track. 476 00:22:18.259 --> 00:22:20.380 What I would also say about this is having talked 477 00:22:20.400 --> 00:22:23.230 about self-worth in this guise, if you do not have 478 00:22:23.269 --> 00:22:25.410 super high self-worth or you think of yourself as someone 479 00:22:25.430 --> 00:22:28.630 who doesn't stick to things, sometimes it's not enough just 480 00:22:28.670 --> 00:22:30.980 to promise yourself to do something. Like sometimes you've got 481 00:22:31.019 --> 00:22:33.380 to recognise that actually, do you know what, I'm maybe 482 00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:36.099 not someone that that is enough for, I don't have 483 00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:38.509 that level of self-worth or I don't seem to stick 484 00:22:38.549 --> 00:22:41.220 to that. And sometimes telling someone else you're going to 485 00:22:41.259 --> 00:22:43.579 do something or promising someone else you're going to do 486 00:22:43.619 --> 00:22:46.009 something or telling them you're going to stay accountable to 487 00:22:46.049 --> 00:22:48.789 them and report back to them every week is a 488 00:22:48.849 --> 00:22:51.250 good way of starting to do that, not just for yourself, 489 00:22:51.549 --> 00:22:53.910 you're doing it for someone else, but in turn you're 490 00:22:53.930 --> 00:22:58.640 basically building up your own self-confidence and self-worth and proof 491 00:22:59.019 --> 00:23:01.400 that you are a disciplined person, even if it wasn't 492 00:23:01.440 --> 00:23:04.220 for yourself in the first place. Genuinely, those five steps, 493 00:23:04.279 --> 00:23:06.200 they sound pretty simple. I think a lot of people 494 00:23:06.259 --> 00:23:08.339 miss a few of them out, and that is where 495 00:23:08.380 --> 00:23:11.269 the continuous, like, falling off comes from again and again. 496 00:23:11.289 --> 00:23:14.029 And I think that the best thing you can do 497 00:23:14.089 --> 00:23:16.930 if you find yourself not necessarily being a really disciplined person, 498 00:23:16.970 --> 00:23:19.589 you want to be a disciplined person, is to write 499 00:23:19.650 --> 00:23:22.609 those five steps down and work out what that means 500 00:23:22.650 --> 00:23:25.269 for you. Like work out what reducing decision fatigue looks 501 00:23:25.309 --> 00:23:27.950 like for you. Work out what a good environment for 502 00:23:28.009 --> 00:23:31.049 being disciplined looks like for you. Write them down. I 503 00:23:31.309 --> 00:23:34.569 want like a list of how you can do that better. 504 00:23:34.670 --> 00:23:36.569 And I promise you it will unlock some things that 505 00:23:36.609 --> 00:23:39.430 you haven't even necessarily thought about before. I hope today's 506 00:23:39.470 --> 00:23:41.619 episode gave you a new way of thinking about discipline. 507 00:23:41.839 --> 00:23:44.500 It's not some magic skill that few people have and 508 00:23:44.539 --> 00:23:47.079 others don't. It's definitely something that you can build and 509 00:23:47.099 --> 00:23:49.880 strengthen over time. And if you want to read more 510 00:23:49.920 --> 00:23:52.660 on this topic, I've included a few recommendations in the notes. 511 00:23:52.779 --> 00:23:54.940 And thank you so much for listening. I will see 512 00:23:54.960 --> 00:23:57.140 you in the next episode of Working Hard, Hardly Working.