Full Transcript for 097:Revitalizing Marriages with Body-Centered Somatic Healing

that I forgot about or had abandoned, learning to reclaim all of who I am has been the greatest gift of living awake, and together we will go on a journey of helping you to do the same. 00:02:32.104 --> 00:02:37.324 You can expect to learn practical tools to help you connect deeper to yourself, your purpose and those in your life. 00:02:37.324 --> 00:02:40.312 All you need is an open heart and an open mind. 00:02:40.312 --> 00:02:47.651 So if you're ready, it's time, it's time to wake up and thrive in mind. 00:02:47.651 --> 00:02:50.139 So, if you're ready, it's time, it's time to wake up and thrive. 00:02:50.139 --> 00:02:54.645 Good morning, welcome back to Wake Up and Thrive. 00:02:54.645 --> 00:02:55.568 I have a really fun interview today. 00:02:55.568 --> 00:02:56.592 I have my good friend, becky Astay. 00:02:56.633 --> 00:02:58.038 Becky, I hope I pronounced that right you did. 00:02:58.038 --> 00:03:00.705 I'm surprised most people don't Well. 00:03:00.764 --> 00:03:03.991 welcome to my podcast and my community. 00:03:03.991 --> 00:03:04.793 I'm so happy you're here. 00:03:05.639 --> 00:03:06.181 Me too. 00:03:06.181 --> 00:03:07.004 Thanks, Bridget. 00:03:07.004 --> 00:03:08.569 This is a good way to start my day with you. 00:03:09.020 --> 00:03:09.260 Good. 00:03:09.260 --> 00:03:26.186 So Becky and I actually met because listeners, as you guys know, two things I am so incredibly passionate about are helping women get out of their heads and into their body using somatics and I love to incorporate those tools within their marriages and helping create really life-giving marriages. 00:03:26.186 --> 00:03:39.752 And when I found Becky on Instagram, it was like a godsend, because her whole business and I'll let her tell more, but her whole business is centered around helping women heal their marriages and heal their wounding in their marriages using semantics. 00:03:39.752 --> 00:03:43.449 And as soon as I found it, I was like I absolutely love this. 00:03:43.560 --> 00:03:49.293 Not a lot of coaches are talking about the combination, but they absolutely work together beautifully. 00:03:49.293 --> 00:03:50.745 So I love to work. 00:03:50.745 --> 00:04:03.349 We very quickly connected and, turns out, we live only an hour from one another, plus, by the time this episode is airing, we will have a special announcement of an event that we're planning to host together in person. 00:04:03.349 --> 00:04:09.508 So I just feel so grateful that our paths have crossed and I'm so grateful for your time this morning with us. 00:04:09.508 --> 00:04:19.101 And, yeah, I would love to pass the mic to you and just let you introduce yourself and what part of your story really got you to where you are today. 00:04:20.024 --> 00:04:21.245 Yeah, thanks, bridget. 00:04:21.245 --> 00:04:26.221 It feels divine how we met and I'm really excited for this special announcement. 00:04:26.221 --> 00:04:28.629 I'm like counting them down the days, like Christmas. 00:04:28.629 --> 00:04:36.613 But yeah, I'm Becky Oste and I really got to this work, not because my marriage was thriving. 00:04:36.613 --> 00:04:42.668 We found ourselves, after 10 years of marriage separated, on the verge of divorce. 00:04:43.269 --> 00:04:49.225 We had this toxic dance that just picked up speed from really when I first started noticing it. 00:04:49.225 --> 00:04:55.791 It was around when we got engaged and at the time I didn't have words for it, so I just called it chase and run. 00:04:55.791 --> 00:04:58.021 Where I felt like I was chasing, he was running. 00:04:58.021 --> 00:05:03.192 Later I learned different language and lingo, like attachment styles. 00:05:03.192 --> 00:05:09.326 I was like, oh, I identify with the anxious, attached and he's more of the avoidant. 00:05:09.326 --> 00:05:22.305 You know, slash, the disorganized, and then different words, different groups and communities I got to be a part of like codependency and addiction, like gaining self-awareness as I go. 00:05:22.305 --> 00:05:25.432 But the dance itself wasn't changing. 00:05:25.432 --> 00:05:30.632 We it was just kind of picking up speed when we were good and it was good, but when we weren't it wasn't. 00:05:30.632 --> 00:05:33.065 So it was year 10 of marriage. 00:05:33.125 --> 00:05:39.341 That, um, the toxicity in our, you know, dynamic just really reached its head. 00:05:39.341 --> 00:05:42.326 And I was, I found myself. 00:05:42.326 --> 00:05:53.817 That was just my like dark soul moment of my life and my nervous system was literally in my journal prompts or in my like um, my dear God journal. 00:05:53.817 --> 00:05:54.560 You know writings. 00:05:54.560 --> 00:05:58.250 It was like my nervous system is on fire and I didn't even know what that meant at the time. 00:05:58.250 --> 00:06:03.490 I was just like please, god, help me, and I was having eczema, breakouts, insomnia. 00:06:03.490 --> 00:06:06.658 I felt very fragile mentally. 00:06:06.658 --> 00:06:16.449 I remember calling my best friend and just being like Courtney I think this is where people are before they're admitted for psychiatric help Like I feel so unstable. 00:06:16.449 --> 00:06:19.901 My world's turned upside down, like I don't know what's going on. 00:06:20.463 --> 00:06:33.449 So that's when I stumbled upon a coach on Instagram who combines somatic work and marriage you know recovery and that was my first introduction to somatic work and it was game changing. 00:06:33.449 --> 00:06:36.449 I call it my last second buzzer beater Hail Mary. 00:06:36.449 --> 00:06:40.882 I was like, if this doesn't work, I've tried everything else Throughout the 10 years. 00:06:40.882 --> 00:06:56.824 We had done couples counseling, therapy, retreats, emdr, you know prayer, podcasts, books, like you name it and so this was like my last shot and it ended up saving our marriage and we went from. 00:06:56.824 --> 00:07:03.286 You know, in the early phase it just felt like survival and like, oh

my God, are we really actually healing. 00:07:03.286 --> 00:07:11.072 And then to this point now where I cannot believe what we have Bridget's like completely unrecognizable. 00:07:11.072 --> 00:07:12.562 It feels like a brand new marriage. 00:07:12.562 --> 00:07:14.548 I can say it's thriving. 00:07:14.548 --> 00:07:18.425 I've never been able to say that about my relationship with my husband. 00:07:18.425 --> 00:07:20.973 So just grateful as heck. 00:07:20.973 --> 00:07:23.341 And now I get to pass this on to other people. 00:07:23.882 --> 00:07:24.685 That is so. 00:07:24.685 --> 00:07:25.649 Oh, that's amazing. 00:07:25.649 --> 00:07:31.432 I have heard bits and pieces of your story on your podcast and what you've shared to hear. 00:07:31.432 --> 00:07:32.862 Yeah, I mean, I can even just see. 00:07:32.862 --> 00:07:37.524 Just, they can't see your face, but I can see your face as you're describing like the despair that you were in. 00:07:38.266 --> 00:07:43.346 And today, right Like today where you are, you mentioned something that I think is really important. 00:07:43.346 --> 00:07:53.168 You said you tried prayer and I don't talk a lot about my belief system on here, but I think that's an important aspect, because prayer, along with therapy, it's awesome. 00:07:53.168 --> 00:08:03.403 It's not that it doesn't work, but it's one part of the experience, like, if we just think of our body, it's getting into the head, right, like all of that is. 00:08:03.403 --> 00:08:11.012 But God gave us an entire body, he gave us a neck down, and so to me, somatics is really incorporating that part of our experience. 00:08:11.012 --> 00:08:17.954 So, for my listeners, will you do me the honor of explaining to them, like, what is somatics? 00:08:17.954 --> 00:08:26.975 And then I want to jump into sort of like tangibly, how you use that to sort of make progress in your marriage. 00:08:27.720 --> 00:08:35.129 Yeah, I think, most simply put, when you hear the word somatic, it just means pertaining to the body, especially in contrast to the mind. 00:08:35.129 --> 00:08:45.812 So, exactly like you said, a lot of our mainstream modalities of healing that people will refer you out to and suggest you try are all you know neck up. 00:08:45.812 --> 00:08:58.933 So all the things that we just talked about tapping into you know brain rewiring, you know affirmations, you know things that are amazing, but it really is only 20% of the puzzle. 00:08:58.933 --> 00:09:01.582 So somatics gets into the body. 00:09:01.582 --> 00:09:33.484 It's about getting in touch with your body, your actual physical sensations, getting to know the language of your own body, what your body might be communicating to you, and learning to move trauma out of the body, learning to bring your body back into a regulated state, into that ooey-gooey nervous system that feels safe and relaxed and can breathe, instead of that activated nervous system getting stuck in that fight, flight, freeze, fawn state that people might've heard those words. 00:09:33.484 --> 00:09:35.408 So that's really semantics. 00:09:35.408 --> 00:09:37.701 It's just you think body, body, body, body. 00:09:37.701 --> 00:09:39.446 So much in the body, yeah. 00:09:39.687 --> 00:09:39.866 Yeah. 00:09:39.866 --> 00:09:46.866 So when you say you were sort of the anxious attachment in the marriage, explain a little bit about what that means. 00:09:46.866 --> 00:09:51.985 And then and then, somatically, what does that look like Like your nervous system? 00:09:51.985 --> 00:09:53.264 I love how you described it. 00:09:53.264 --> 00:09:53.645 You said that. 00:09:53.645 --> 00:09:57.150 I think you said I was like buzzing or something in your nervous system. 00:09:57.150 --> 00:10:03.994 So how would it, how would a nervous system feel manifest outwardly when you are anxiously attached? 00:10:04.700 --> 00:10:05.932 Yeah, great question. 00:10:05.932 --> 00:10:17.187 So attachment theory talks about how all of us have basically a primary dominant way that we tend to show up in relationships, and so there's four main types. 00:10:17.187 --> 00:10:19.251 There's secure, which is hashtag goals. 00:10:19.251 --> 00:10:24.491 There's anxious, which is kind of the known as the fear of abandonment. 00:10:24.491 --> 00:10:39.639 You know, we can shame ourselves when we say words like this, but like calling ourselves needy or codependent or clingy, really just the fear of separation and loss, and I'll dive more into what that looks somatically. 00:10:39.639 --> 00:10:42.842 But yeah, first is secure, then anxious attached. 00:10:42.842 --> 00:10:44.806 Then there's one called disorganized. 00:10:44.806 --> 00:10:51.192 But yeah, first is secure, then anxious attached, then there's one called disorganized, which is basically a mix of anxious and avoidant. 00:10:51.192 --> 00:10:52.413 Yeah, that's my husband. 00:10:52.413 --> 00:10:53.775 Type four both of you. 00:10:56.279 --> 00:10:58.429 That's why I'm like so drawn to you Push, pull, push pull. 00:10:59.222 --> 00:11:00.808 Do you also love Lana Del Rey? 00:11:00.808 --> 00:11:01.660 I? 00:11:01.740 --> 00:11:03.626 know, but maybe I will. 00:11:03.626 --> 00:11:04.750 Who is that? 00:11:08.340 --> 00:11:08.760 Just had to ask. 00:11:08.760 --> 00:11:10.567 I feel like every type four I've met loves Lana Del Rey. 00:11:10.567 --> 00:11:11.149 I know, but maybe I will. 00:11:11.149 --> 00:11:11.690 I just had to ask. 00:11:11.690 --> 00:11:13.375 I feel like every type four I've met was Lana Del Rey. 00:11:13.375 --> 00:11:17.182 And then the last type is, yeah, avoidant, just pure like isolate. 00:11:17.182 --> 00:11:21.648 To feel safe, you know, need distance, intimacy completely freaks them out. 00:11:21.648 --> 00:11:40.662 So, with the anxious attached, how that showed up somatically was, um, anytime we were in conflict, or he needed space, or, uh, at one point he had a motorcycle, like if he wasn't responding and I was worst

case scenario thinking, oh my God, what if he died on the side of the road? 00:11:41.123 --> 00:11:54.442 It would be for me rapidly increased heart rate, usually heat flushing through my body immediately cue the racing, ruminating, intrusive thoughts that I couldn't slow down or turn off. 00:11:54.442 --> 00:11:59.511 A lot of tension for me, especially my shoulders and neck. 00:11:59.511 --> 00:12:05.130 I would get massages and the massage therapist would be like honey, why are you so tight? 00:12:05.130 --> 00:12:07.024 I'm like I don't know. 00:12:07.024 --> 00:12:09.068 Am I worse than your typical client? 00:12:09.068 --> 00:12:12.544 And I had some therapists be like never felt someone like you. 00:12:12.544 --> 00:12:14.610 I'm like, oh my God, what's wrong with me? 00:12:14.610 --> 00:12:15.532 I'm so wound up. 00:12:15.880 --> 00:12:16.923 That is not what you say. 00:12:16.923 --> 00:12:21.625 By the way, if you work with a somatic coach, just so you know, we will never ask you what's wrong with you. 00:12:22.025 --> 00:12:22.967 Exactly. 00:12:22.967 --> 00:12:25.472 It's Like talk about triggering my shame. 00:12:25.472 --> 00:12:35.159 So those were like the dominant ways that it showed up for me somatically and just almost like my body took over and I needed to text him to fix it. 00:12:35.159 --> 00:12:39.868 If I was triggered, I needed to talk to him, even if he said can we not talk right now? 00:12:39.868 --> 00:12:46.373 It was just like I felt crazy, but I couldn't stop myself from kind of lunging towards him. 00:12:48.642 --> 00:12:51.591 And feel free to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable sharing here. 00:12:51.591 --> 00:12:59.684 But was the anxiousness created from that relationship or was that something you brought into the relationship? 00:12:59.684 --> 00:13:01.591 Or maybe a mixture combination of both? 00:13:02.220 --> 00:13:03.788 Yeah, it was a combo Like. 00:13:03.788 --> 00:13:16.085 At first I feel like we had a pretty clean foundation, like as far as trust goes, but I lost my dad suddenly when I was 18, right before meeting Sebastian. 00:13:16.085 --> 00:13:21.304 He died of a heart attack my first week of college and then I met Sebastian like right after that. 00:13:21.304 --> 00:13:29.057 So he was the first male in my life after losing my dad and I was a total daddy's girl, like when my dad moved me into college. 00:13:29.057 --> 00:13:34.900 I my one of my last memories with him was I was on his back, I was an 18 year old girl and he was like carrying me around like a piggyback. 00:13:35.582 --> 00:13:44.375 So that um was this deep abandonment wound that all of a sudden the most important man in my life just disappeared, poof, without warning. 00:13:44.375 --> 00:13:54.086 I totally brought that into the marriage and I remember um, one of his groomsmen my husband's groomsman was a therapist and he was like Sebastian, just a heads up. 00:13:54.086 --> 00:14:00.125 You know her, uh, dad, stuff is gonna play a big role in your marriage, her losing her dad. 00:14:00.125 --> 00:14:05.023 And I remember thinking like she doesn't know me, I'm strong, I'm healed. 00:14:05.023 --> 00:14:14.727 It turned out to be like the single most disrupting you know wound in my dynamic with him but then with my marriage. 00:14:14.727 --> 00:14:17.998 Within the marriage, there was on both ends. 00:14:17.998 --> 00:14:28.666 You know betrayal and you know broken vows and just trust shattered, starting year five of our marriage and so it was both. 00:14:29.048 --> 00:14:30.251 Yeah, no, thank you for. 00:14:30.251 --> 00:14:31.096 Thank you for sharing that. 00:14:31.096 --> 00:14:49.009 I think the context can be helpful because I also think it's important to understand, even if you haven't had betrayal or something major happen in your relationship, there are a lot of women that still show up with this anxious attachment, that show up with this dysregulation in the nervous system. 00:14:49.009 --> 00:14:53.667 And you said something I would love you to kind of expand on. 00:14:53.667 --> 00:15:04.313 You said one way that it manifested, one way that the anxiety manifested in your body was intrusive thoughts, and I think often we get it wrong. 00:15:04.313 --> 00:15:09.687 We think when our thought is racing, we just have to tell ourself we're safe right. 00:15:09.706 --> 00:15:15.187 We just have to positively affirm, say our prayers, journal, get it all out and that works. 00:15:15.187 --> 00:15:24.730 But what I have found in my work with somatics is oftentimes the intrusive thoughts come from the response from the body, if that makes sense. 00:15:24.730 --> 00:15:30.639 So I'd love to hear like your thoughts on that and how you sort of worked with that example you talked about. 00:15:30.639 --> 00:15:33.690 So you find somatics, you get into somatics. 00:15:33.690 --> 00:15:38.591 How did that really help you calm the mind, calm those intrusive thoughts? 00:15:39.179 --> 00:15:48.412 Well, I think this is really helpful and this is what I tell people, and even in podcast episodes, like, if you don't remember anything I said in this whole episode, remember this. 00:15:48.611 --> 00:16:03.260 And I think this will help people understand why things like from the neck up like they work, ish or they don't, but maybe don't feel like they're getting you as far as you'd like is because we all have what's called this Vegas nerve. 00:16:03.322 --> 00:16:23.128 It's this big giant, big kahuna nerve that runs from the base of our skull to the bottom of our spine and it's like the superhighway of information for neurotransmitters and chemical messages constantly communicating within our body, from our body to our brain, brain to our body, running up and down our spine. 00:16:23.128 --> 00:16:32.388 So 20% of these messages go from our brain to our body and 80% go from our body to our brain. 00:16:32.388 --> 00:16:56.910 Meaning, when we're using modalities

that are, you know, tapping into the neck up just more cerebral, intellectual, um, reading, talking, verbalizing, it's it's like great, but it's you're going to feel like a salmon swimming upstream If your body is dysregulated or activated or, um, still holding trauma from your past, like our body keeps the score of the trauma that we've lived. 00:16:56.910 --> 00:17:06.528 So when you work with the body, you're leveraging the most potent piece of the puzzle you know, working with the 80% now. 00:17:07.140 --> 00:17:20.046 And so what I found when I stumbled upon somatic work, I was like damn, why is this like working so much better and faster and like this is wild. 00:17:20.046 --> 00:17:23.888 And so that's you know. 00:17:23.888 --> 00:17:32.856 I can't remember what else you asked, but I think that can paint the picture of why you know the body is such an important piece that we can't ignore it. 00:17:32.856 --> 00:17:34.164 We really need to start with it. 00:17:34.626 --> 00:17:41.090 Yeah Well, I love, love, love. 00:17:41.090 --> 00:17:45.377 How you just saidbrally, you are only experiencing. 00:17:45.377 --> 00:17:46.319 I love this 20%. 00:17:46.319 --> 00:17:50.217 You're only experiencing a portion of the experience. 00:17:50.217 --> 00:17:55.532 That means, if you solve it in the head, you're only solving a portion of the experience. 00:17:55.532 --> 00:17:58.406 So it's not, it's not, it's not the mind is bad. 00:17:58.406 --> 00:17:59.631 Don't work with the mind, it's. 00:17:59.880 --> 00:18:01.805 We need to incorporate both, and you said it. 00:18:01.805 --> 00:18:04.951 You said it in another interview or conversation. 00:18:04.951 --> 00:18:07.065 We had that like we are fine. 00:18:07.065 --> 00:18:08.648 I'm seeing this too with my clients. 00:18:08.648 --> 00:18:09.631 It's the last step. 00:18:09.631 --> 00:18:11.201 They try everything. 00:18:11.201 --> 00:18:16.304 They talk to friends, they talk to therapists, they talk to coaches right, they try everything. 00:18:16.304 --> 00:18:26.590 But and then they, then they stumble across the body and I think one of the reasons I was so drawn to you and your work is that both of our missions is start with the body, start, get that leverage. 00:18:26.590 --> 00:18:27.111 I love that. 00:18:27.111 --> 00:18:28.771 Get the leverage, get that one up. 00:18:28.771 --> 00:18:30.233 Where you are actually. 00:18:30.233 --> 00:18:34.096 You're actually tackling the majority of your experience. 00:18:34.096 --> 00:18:36.718 It is being recorded in the body. 00:18:36.718 --> 00:18:38.326 The trauma does the what did you say? 00:18:38.326 --> 00:18:39.483 The body does keep the score. 00:18:39.483 --> 00:18:41.643 It's this memory I've also heard. 00:18:41.643 --> 00:18:50.119 The body is like an antenna, and so if your body is, you know when you think of a radio, if I'm not using the right word. 00:18:50.119 --> 00:18:58.661 If it's dialed into anxiety, for example, dialed into overwhelm, it's going to pick up and attract thoughts that match that. 00:18:59.241 --> 00:19:18.602 It's going yeah, don't you agree, though, like I, I definitely experienced that in other ways in my marriage, with my anxiety Mine specifically was related to fear and fear of safety and that sort of thing but 100% when my body was in that state, the thoughts came and they would not stop. 00:19:19.364 --> 00:19:22.089 Yeah, yeah, I love the antenna example. 00:19:22.089 --> 00:19:23.192 That's really really good. 00:19:23.192 --> 00:19:32.086 You know you hear a lot of people just talking about you know the law of attraction and what you put out is what you draw back in. 00:19:32.086 --> 00:19:35.424 But I've never heard it, you know, described like an antenna, so I'm going to use that. 00:19:35.424 --> 00:19:35.465 It's good. 00:19:35.465 --> 00:19:35.659 Yeah, yeah, you use it. 00:19:35.659 --> 00:19:36.329 Never heard it, you know, described like an antenna, so I'm going to use that. 00:19:36.329 --> 00:19:36.991 It's good yeah. 00:19:37.212 --> 00:19:37.954 Yeah, you use it Well. 00:19:37.954 --> 00:19:46.642 And you know the other thing I, I, my mentors, told me it's like, yes, our thoughts do do create our feelings, but what creates our thoughts it's the state of your body Like. 00:19:46.642 --> 00:19:52.869 It is the state of that nervous system and that vagus nerve you were talking about, um, so I love that. 00:19:52.869 --> 00:19:59.710 So, going back to your story, you, you stumbled across the somatics coach and then this is the other reason I love somatics is people. 00:19:59.710 --> 00:20:04.667 You start to feel a shift almost immediately, almost immediately. 00:20:04.667 --> 00:20:06.755 Um, so take, walk me through. 00:20:06.755 --> 00:20:09.001 Like you meet her, you start to understand. 00:20:09.001 --> 00:20:14.684 Well, even backing up before you started working with the body, what did you, what did you learn? 00:20:14.684 --> 00:20:15.969 How do I want to word this? 00:20:15.969 --> 00:20:18.465 How did, how did how? 00:20:18.465 --> 00:20:22.941 Is it explained to you that your body is creating your experience within your marriage? 00:20:22.941 --> 00:20:23.883 Does that make sense? 00:20:23.883 --> 00:20:26.167 Or I can reword it. 00:20:27.109 --> 00:20:40.848 Um, when I first started the program, I think what she made clear because when I came in I was really really caught in that decision of should I stay or should I go. 00:20:40.848 --> 00:20:56.881 I just feel like it was so back and forth for so many years and I could not think my way through to a point of clarity and I had tried so hard for so long, so hard for so long. 00:20:56.881 --> 00:21:00.569 And I remember her saying like you're not going to be able to have clarity or hear your intuition until you move trauma out of your body. 00:21:00.569 --> 00:21:05.048 Um, and you'll absolutely have the answer to that question in eight weeks is what she said. 00:21:05.048

--> 00:21:09.440 And part of me was like, are you kidding me? 00:21:09.440 --> 00:21:11.403 Like, did you not hear? 00:21:11.403 --> 00:21:16.028 For 10 years I've tried to find clarity and you think your little eight week program is going to do that. 00:21:16.148 --> 00:21:17.711 but it did. 00:21:17.711 --> 00:21:20.836 It did and you know that. 00:21:20.836 --> 00:21:34.066 Just stuck with me is you're not going to be able to make decisions, you know, from logic, from based from your values, based from your intuition, if your nervous system is dysregulated. 00:21:34.066 --> 00:21:42.695 So when I started, the whole goal was just learning to bring my body back into a state of regulation when I was triggered. 00:21:42.695 --> 00:21:49.104 And it was very simple at the beginning, just practicing grounding tools over and over and over again, and I kind of found my favorites. 00:21:49.104 --> 00:21:50.672 I mean, people can Google grounding tools. 00:21:50.672 --> 00:21:51.414 There's a million. 00:21:51.434 --> 00:21:57.772 Breathwork is a grounding tool that you do, and so for me it was the five senses. 00:21:57.772 --> 00:22:12.346 So anytime I was triggered early on in my somatic journey, I just remember naming five things that I could see and I still do this four things I could hear, three things I could physically feel or touch, two things I could smell and one thing I could taste. 00:22:12.346 --> 00:22:25.284 It would just what it does is it brings you out of, yeah, the mind and lost in the ruminating, the thoughts, and back into what's here in this room, kind of orienting to the space around me. 00:22:25.284 --> 00:22:28.731 And I would do that over and over and over again. 00:22:28.731 --> 00:22:37.972 I would lay down on the ground and I would imagine tracing the outline of my body, which is just seems like childish. 00:22:37.972 --> 00:22:39.425 It's like what we do on the playground, right. 00:22:39.425 --> 00:22:42.579 We trace with chalk as kids, each other's bodies. 00:22:42.680 --> 00:22:51.001 But I would do that in my mind's eye and that alludes to this thing called proprioception, which is just your awareness of your own body in space. 00:22:51.001 --> 00:23:03.353 Again, it's just orienting back to the body and that my body is its own, you know, organism its own, separate thing from my husband's. 00:23:03.353 --> 00:23:05.714 And it might sound like how could that work? 00:23:05.714 --> 00:23:07.336 But for me it just did. 00:23:07.336 --> 00:23:09.136 I would lay down and just do that. 00:23:09.136 --> 00:23:20.483 There's a bunch of different grounding tools, but I found my favorite and I started to practice that over and over and over again. 00:23:20.483 --> 00:23:28.614 Instead of my typical knee jerk reactions of trying to move towards him and fix us, I was learning how to find safety in my own body for the first time really ever. 00:23:29.214 --> 00:23:40.667 Yes, I have actually never heard that somatic tool, so I will be trying that I love to lay down in the grass that's a big one for me or just barefoot in the grass. 00:23:40.667 --> 00:23:46.951 Um, the five senses that you said, yeah, and what I love the most about both of your examples are they're very simple. 00:23:46.951 --> 00:23:50.207 They're very simple, they're very accessible. 00:23:50.207 --> 00:24:06.511 Right, and, and something else that you said I just want to bring up, cause I think I remember reading this when I was studying somatics, and a lot of times when you are anxious and you can correct me if I'm wrong, tell me if you've heard this as well it can feel really scary to actually close our eyes and to be like that. 00:24:06.640 --> 00:24:11.608 So, if you first orient and use your senses outward, so instead of going in and going, what do I feel? 00:24:11.608 --> 00:24:15.325 Sometimes that can actually ramp up the nervous system because it doesn't feel safe. 00:24:15.325 --> 00:24:26.170 So, starting with using and we're working with the body by using the body, which is what I think not many people understand how do you, how do you use the body to heal? 00:24:26.170 --> 00:24:32.440 Use the body, use your senses, and if you don't feel comfortable closing your eyes and tuning inward, of what do I feel? 00:24:32.440 --> 00:24:33.342 That feels too scary. 00:24:33.342 --> 00:24:39.573 I love, love, love that five sense example of just peeking outward right, like what'd you say? 00:24:39.573 --> 00:24:47.693 Five things that you see, yeah, and what did you notice inside as you started to do those? 00:24:48.380 --> 00:24:51.345 It would just slow down my thoughts, my breathing. 00:24:51.345 --> 00:25:01.086 I'd start to feel like almost I was bringing in this hot air balloon of my thoughts and like kind of bringing myself back down to the ground. 00:25:01.086 --> 00:25:05.780 Um, so, but some people that one doesn't work for them. 00:25:05.780 --> 00:25:08.028 Like some of my clients, they're obsessed with the five senses. 00:25:08.028 --> 00:25:09.402 Others are like nah, that doesn't work. 00:25:09.402 --> 00:25:14.448 So it's all about like trying on, like clothes shopping, you know what fits, what doesn't. 00:25:14.891 --> 00:25:21.921 And what you said is really important, because some people think with somatic work, oh, just find safety in the body, just find safety in the body. 00:25:21.961 --> 00:25:24.686 But for some people their body is not a safe place. 00:25:24.686 --> 00:25:34.605 And so even the last week there was a client, um in our community that was really triggered and in an activated, um, you know, panic response. 00:25:34.605 --> 00:25:39.845 And we asked her like does it feel safe to ground right now, to like tune into your body? 00:25:39.845 --> 00:25:42.862 She's like no, like my body doesn't even feel like a safe place to be. 00:25:42.862 --> 00:25:47.311 So in those moments we're not going to point her attention to her body at all. 00:25:47.311 --> 00:25:51.301 We're

going to point it to the room around her and orient to the space around her. 00:25:51.301 --> 00:25:58.724 So that would be, you know, that's important for people to know, like you don't have to, like you said, close your eyes. 00:25:58.724 --> 00:26:03.767 You don't have to force yourself to do things if it's not feeling safe in the moment. 00:26:03.767 --> 00:26:16.413 For you, it might be more of a spatial orientation at first to start regulating your nervous system and then slowly you can titrate into becoming more aware and tuned into your actual body. 00:26:16.893 --> 00:26:17.992 Yeah, I love that. 00:26:17.992 --> 00:26:22.775 And I've heard you coach, I've heard you talk to your community and I love that. 00:26:22.775 --> 00:26:29.998 It's a constant checking in with their nervous system and their body and that's what we need to do on our road to healing. 00:26:29.998 --> 00:26:32.122 It is a constant tuning. 00:26:32.122 --> 00:26:36.861 And one thing I have found really helpful, because there's a million somatic tools out there. 00:26:36.861 --> 00:26:38.846 My community knows I teach breathwork. 00:26:38.846 --> 00:26:40.690 That's one of many tools. 00:26:41.271 --> 00:26:56.988 But honestly, if you just watch how your body you talked about the reactivity right Like for me, I used to be a yeller, sometimes still am, so when I can remove the shame, like, okay, my body needs sound, my body needs that in order to feel safe. 00:26:56.988 --> 00:27:04.632 It's being discharged right in like a really unhealthy way, but did you find any of the way that you normally would show up in your marriage? 00:27:04.632 --> 00:27:18.337 Did you find any of those patterns and sort of use them, if you will like the yelling example and use that as a way, oh, my body really needs this, like whether it's shaking, screaming, pounding, whatever I'm sort of. 00:27:18.337 --> 00:27:21.987 Can you, can you talk a little bit about the like non-sexy somatic tools? 00:27:23.210 --> 00:27:32.921 So, yeah, sometimes somatic work is not sexy and fanfare and this like grandiose, revolutionary new idea, and that can be really frustrating for a lot of people. 00:27:32.921 --> 00:27:39.534 Um, my husband's just getting into somatic work now after like two and a half years of me starting my journey. 00:27:39.534 --> 00:27:46.982 He's picked up stuff here and there, but he's beginning it really for himself and he's like man. 00:27:46.982 --> 00:27:59.483 It's like I find myself wanting to dismiss it because it's not this like big, you know confetti billboard kind of new way that's going to shift my paradigm. 00:27:59.483 --> 00:28:11.755 It's actually really really basic and people who are used to extreme emotions, extreme highs, extreme lows, that even can feel unsafe and kind of boring. 00:28:11.755 --> 00:28:17.809 So, yeah, the non-sexy stuff is I felt that that too. 00:28:17.809 --> 00:28:27.866 At the beginning I felt like, oh my God, I just paid how much for this course, like a 5k investment, and you're teaching me to put my hand over my heart and speak compassionately to myself. 00:28:27.866 --> 00:28:29.289 Are you kidding me? 00:28:29.289 --> 00:28:30.732 Like I got. 00:28:30.732 --> 00:28:31.922 I remember getting mad. 00:28:31.922 --> 00:28:35.209 Like this feels juvenile, like this is kindergarten. 00:28:35.209 --> 00:28:40.204 And then I'm like, oh, I'll try it and it worked. 00:28:40.204 --> 00:28:40.726 So. 00:28:41.547 --> 00:28:45.474 But one specific example that comes to mind is you brought up the shaking. 00:28:45.474 --> 00:28:52.432 So for me, like I was so, like rigor mortis, bridget, like there was no fluidity in my body. 00:28:52.432 --> 00:29:00.868 I was, you know, this uptight, workaholic, perfectionist, like barely breathe, like holding my breath, holding my muscles. 00:29:00.868 --> 00:29:03.500 No wonder my massage therapists were like honey, you're tight. 00:29:03.500 --> 00:29:15.308 So I remember um learning the power of shaking to release, and Peter Levine talks about this. 00:29:15.349 --> 00:29:20.971 He wrote a book called Waking the Tiger and he talks about researching and observing animals in the wild. 00:29:20.971 --> 00:29:37.473 When they come in face of danger or like life-threatening situation, after the danger has passed, they'll literally shake their bodies and it's a way of releasing trauma instead of that becoming like stuck energy, frozen energy in their body. 00:29:37.473 --> 00:29:41.846 And so I started doing that when I was mad or when I was scared. 00:29:41.846 --> 00:29:48.888 If there was some kind of danger, once it passed, I would literally like put Taylor Swift on and just shake it off. 00:29:48.888 --> 00:29:51.492 Exactly, but same with anger. 00:29:51.492 --> 00:29:52.701 You said you were a yeller. 00:29:52.701 --> 00:29:53.845 I was the opposite. 00:29:53.845 --> 00:30:02.402 There was a lot of shame and repression, of anger and rage, and I'm really just getting to the point where I'm doing deeper work on releasing that. 00:30:02.402 --> 00:30:05.869 I just went to my first rage room last month. 00:30:06.109 --> 00:30:07.574 It was awesome. 00:30:08.820 --> 00:30:09.762 Okay, we live nearby. 00:30:09.762 --> 00:30:10.765 I'm coming to the next one. 00:30:10.765 --> 00:30:11.527 Let's do it. 00:30:12.529 --> 00:30:13.652 We got to pick a better one. 00:30:13.652 --> 00:30:15.772 This one actually like the radio. 00:30:15.772 --> 00:30:17.962 Their speakers weren't working in the room. 00:30:18.022 --> 00:30:18.483 And. 00:30:19.266 --> 00:30:24.569 I was like that's the most important part, like this needs blasting, so we got to find a better one. 00:30:25.212 --> 00:30:26.036 I love it. 00:30:26.036 --> 00:30:27.824 One thing I want to mention about the shaking Cause. 00:30:27.824 --> 00:30:28.266 It's funny. 00:30:28.266 --> 00:30:30.115 I was on my first coaching program. 00:30:30.115 --> 00:30:42.544 I was being I was coaching in front of 200

people, right, and so I went into a full panic and this was before I even knew about somatics and she had me close my eyes and try to take deep breaths and I was like, lady, I do not like it's. 00:30:42.544 --> 00:30:47.246 It's almost like when you're mad and someone's like calm down and with my eyes are closed. 00:30:47.246 --> 00:30:54.368 I didn't know anything about the shaking or the waking the tiger I love Peter Levine, anything about his work and my body started shaking. 00:30:54.368 --> 00:30:56.192 I again, eyes closed. 00:30:56.192 --> 00:31:04.201 It's recorded now you can see I'm like, look, girl, I knew like my body knew and your body knows like it does. 00:31:04.583 --> 00:31:10.386 There are tools, there are amazing practitioners you can work with that will help provide that safe space, which I think is really helpful. 00:31:10.386 --> 00:31:13.742 But I want the biggest takeaway to know that you can start today. 00:31:13.742 --> 00:31:18.472 You can start today with really tuning into your body in those moments. 00:31:18.472 --> 00:31:21.790 I love how you mentioned it was working with the triggers. 00:31:21.790 --> 00:31:22.382 That was one of. 00:31:22.382 --> 00:31:23.567 Is that right? 00:31:23.567 --> 00:31:27.310 That was one of the first things that you really did, working with the triggers. 00:31:27.310 --> 00:31:42.765 So, moving on, another thing that you brought up I thought was interesting was that Sebastian was not into this work, which is very similar to my story, and it's a lot of women that come to me. 00:31:42.765 --> 00:31:47.628 So explain how, by you simply shifting your nervous system in your body, but he's not really doing that. 00:31:47.628 --> 00:31:49.777 How does that shift the whole dynamics? 00:31:49.777 --> 00:31:51.784 How does that shift the whole experience? 00:31:52.747 --> 00:31:54.330 Yeah, he was not on board. 00:31:54.330 --> 00:32:05.265 I remember when I first early started my like recovery journey this is before finding somatic work but I was doing um a workbook and he comes downstairs and he saw it was the recovery workbook. 00:32:05.265 --> 00:32:06.688 He goes what did I do? 00:32:06.688 --> 00:32:12.109 Now I was like, oh my God, get over yourself for once. 00:32:12.109 --> 00:32:14.880 I'm actually trying not to blame you and take responsibility. 00:32:14.880 --> 00:32:17.349 Get over yourself for once. 00:32:17.349 --> 00:32:19.538 I'm actually trying not to blame you and take responsibility. 00:32:22.839 --> 00:32:28.579 But then when I invested in the somatic course, it was when we were separated and it was the first like big investment that I made without you know getting his approval or talking about it. 00:32:28.579 --> 00:32:33.029 And I remember letting him know and he was just like you invested how much money. 00:32:33.029 --> 00:32:40.250 And he was like, well, really, really sarcastically, it was just kind of good luck with that, you know, hope it works out for you. 00:32:40.250 --> 00:32:42.824 And I was like, thanks, I need all the luck I can get. 00:32:42.824 --> 00:32:56.653 So, yeah, that was his attitude at first and if you ask him now what was the shift, he will tell you and he said this before like he's done masterclasses with me. 00:32:56.653 --> 00:32:59.163 He'll just say it wasn't something new. 00:32:59.685 --> 00:33:09.209 Becky was saying or doing, it was really just her energy completely shifted and I felt a completely different vibe coming off of her. 00:33:09.209 --> 00:33:14.971 I felt, you know, just in her presence there's this settledness, this groundedness, this for the first time seeing in her presence. 00:33:14.971 --> 00:33:17.422 There's this settledness, this groundedness, this for the first time seeing in her. 00:33:17.422 --> 00:33:25.242 Uh, she's really got herself and she doesn't need me, uh, conversation, to like go a certain way for her to be okay. 00:33:25.242 --> 00:33:29.430 So that's what he'll attribute it to. 00:33:29.430 --> 00:33:36.211 And at first it was hard for him to, I think, notice the difference because we were separated. 00:33:36.211 --> 00:33:41.087 We one night I went out for bachelor night. 00:33:41.087 --> 00:33:42.672 I watched the bachelor with my friends. 00:33:42.672 --> 00:33:43.681 Bridget, don't judge me. 00:33:44.522 --> 00:33:46.166 I do not like the bachelor, but no judgment. 00:33:47.650 --> 00:33:49.319 And I was like I'm going to be out late. 00:33:49.319 --> 00:33:51.423 Do you want to stay on the couch, you know? 00:33:51.423 --> 00:33:53.205 So you don't have to drive home super late. 00:33:53.205 --> 00:33:55.067 So he did that that night. 00:33:55.067 --> 00:34:00.615 And then he woke up the next day and had COVID and we were like, oh gosh, this is interesting. 00:34:00.615 --> 00:34:03.867 And he was staying with his mom at the time and his mom was terrified of COVID. 00:34:03.867 --> 00:34:37.925 So we were like, I guess you're staying with us for 15 days and that was when we started to have these conversations, um, that were just so new for us that's the best way I can put it Like just conversations where it was honest, authentic, that that was the first time I ever saw him cry in our marriage, and that was when I got to really practice these new tools of not reading into his every facial expression and his every word and trying to figure out is he telling me the truth, is he not? 00:34:38.365 --> 00:34:46.148 Instead, I was tuning into my body and asking my body what does my body feel right now, as he's telling me whatever? 00:34:46.148 --> 00:34:52.304 It is, disclosing things that he had never shared with me and stuff like that. 00:34:52.304 --> 00:35:08.701 And I noticed my body feels settled, my muscles are not tensed or bracing, my breath is open, and it was this new experience in myself where I was trusting for the first time. 00:35:08.701 --> 00:35:11.286 My body never lies and I can trust this. 00:35:11.748 --> 00:35:34.248

Not the words coming out of his mouth, but me this, not the words coming out of his mouth, but me I have like full body goosebumps listening to you talk about it, because it that is that's so powerful, becky, like I hope you know how powerful your story is and and I hope he knows that because it is like what you described, it's that anchor into the present moment, right, and how many people walk away. 00:35:34.248 --> 00:35:57.753 And again, walking away sometimes is the option, but to have a living, breathing example of it is possible to experience the depths of mistrust and betrayal and pain and using your entire body, using your entire experience, to move through that versus learning how to communicate and talk and that all comes. 00:35:57.753 --> 00:36:02.630 But what you're describing right now is is is huge. 00:36:02.630 --> 00:36:06.619 So, yeah, I really hope that you feel what I felt, as you sort of described that. 00:36:07.284 --> 00:36:09.994 Yeah, yeah, and the communication? 00:36:09.994 --> 00:36:20.739 You're right, it does come, but 80% of communication um is that the right hold on no 93, it's 93% of communication is nonverbal. 00:36:20.739 --> 00:36:30.293 It's our body language, our energy, our intonation of our voice, our facial expressions, and only 7% is the actual words coming out of our mouth. 00:36:30.293 --> 00:36:38.697 So it's yeah we get really hung up on what to say and we rehearse in our head, and it's communication has so little to do with that. 00:36:39.364 --> 00:36:51.989 Wow, yeah, yeah and and something else, you know again, my story, like so much of what, who I work with are women that maybe don't have this incredible rupture, but they just are feeling sort of unfulfilled and disconnected Right. 00:36:51.989 --> 00:36:53.996 And and it's somatics works with that. 00:36:53.996 --> 00:37:03.072 With that, amazingly, because it helps you get back into tune with feeling right, and we're not just talking about feeling the pain and feeling it all the way through. 00:37:03.072 --> 00:37:09.505 When you tune into your body, then you start to feel the connection and the love and the joy that's not found in your head. 00:37:09.505 --> 00:37:14.617 And when I asked my husband what he noticed, his only response is always you're just nicer. 00:37:17.485 --> 00:37:28.132 Hey that's a big thing, because what I found and you can tell me if you relate to this, but what I had found was so much of the energy like you were talking about that I was showing up in in those conversations. 00:37:28.132 --> 00:37:35.213 I was very quick to interrupt, I was very impatient, which really was a manifestation of my nervous system. 00:37:35.213 --> 00:37:41.449 I felt jittery, I felt impatient inside, I felt all over the place, and so that's what he experienced. 00:37:41.449 --> 00:37:45.108 So there was so much of our conversations that he, he didn't feel like. 00:37:45.108 --> 00:37:56.250 We're now in the stage where he's bringing so much

forward now, so many of his needs, so many of his desires, and I'm like it's kind of like it's a weird place to be in, because for years he didn't feel comfortable. 00:37:56.250 --> 00:38:02.699 I used to think he just didn't have needs, but the truth was I created this environment where it's that word safety. 00:38:02.699 --> 00:38:09.650 I didn't feel safe in my body and he definitely didn't feel safe bringing anything up because he didn't want to poke the bear, you know. 00:38:10.231 --> 00:38:12.539 Yeah, I don't know if you could speak to that. 00:38:13.041 --> 00:38:29.313 Yeah, and Sebastian said the same thing and I would feel so frustrated because for years I was like I'm a safe place, you can tell me anything, and his nervous system you know with my nervous system was like hell, no, not safe. 00:38:29.313 --> 00:38:31.918 So he did say the same thing. 00:38:31.918 --> 00:38:44.393 He's like for the first time I felt safe, being really honest with you, because I wasn't afraid of you collapsing or you know me, like just ruining your world. 00:38:44.393 --> 00:38:46.927 I knew that you were going to be able to have yourself. 00:38:47.068 --> 00:38:58.367 So, yeah, and what you were saying earlier too, just about like people's bodies are so wise, like, yes, it can be amazing to have a coach or a practitioner to guide you, especially at the beginning. 00:38:58.367 --> 00:39:05.894 But like, even as you're listening to this podcast right now, and if you're in the grocery store or whatever, just asking the simple question what does my body need? 00:39:05.894 --> 00:39:35.231 Right now, it'll speak to you just, even if it's like I just need a nap, and maybe that's not possible, but trying to set aside time for being able to lay down, even if it's for a minute or two, and maybe it's your body needs to shake or maybe it is you need to freaking, go take a baseball bat to the woods and hit a tree, like your body knows, and kids do this naturally, and it's interesting that we live in a society where we suppress a lot of the natural somatic intuition. 00:39:35.231 --> 00:39:40.239 That can like stop wiggling you know all of that? 00:39:40.840 --> 00:39:41.606 Yeah, well, it's. 00:39:41.606 --> 00:39:51.572 And again, what we're talking about by, by suppressing the body, we are literally, they're controlling that on a day I'm going to get all political, but we're, we're controlling, like, the experience. 00:39:51.572 --> 00:39:53.306 We are, we're shut, we're. 00:39:53.306 --> 00:39:59.192 We are shut down in the world that we live in to experiencing our full experience, good or bad, high or low. 00:39:59.192 --> 00:40:02.380 How could you solve something if you're not fully experiencing it? 00:40:02.380 --> 00:40:09.081 Right, how can you really move through something if you're not fully moving through it? 00:40:09.081 --> 00:40:12.231 So, yeah, okay, I could talk to you for hours about this. 00:40:12.291 --> 00:40:15.945 I have a lot I have so many

questions too about like your husband, like I. 00:40:15.945 --> 00:40:21.934 Would love to hear Sebastian's point of view too as well, cause I just think it's it's such an interesting story. 00:40:21.934 --> 00:40:22.695 It's very rare. 00:40:22.695 --> 00:40:25.184 It's very rare to hear couples nowadays. 00:40:25.184 --> 00:40:27.530 I feel like sticking out once they. 00:40:27.931 --> 00:40:30.297 I think it's very common that couples experience this. 00:40:30.297 --> 00:40:40.989 It's not very common that couples are still not just together but actually thriving and doing it from this place of whole body healing, which is just really. 00:40:40.989 --> 00:40:43.175 It's just really phenomenal. 00:40:43.175 --> 00:40:50.438 It's really cool, and I love being on the same mission as you to really help more women experience life fully, right. 00:40:50.438 --> 00:40:55.992 Experience your full experience so that you can actually move through it, whether that's in your life, business, health or marriage. 00:40:56.704 --> 00:41:06.067 And so what I would love to do to just sort of end this interview for now is if you could talk to a woman right now who's new on her journey. 00:41:06.067 --> 00:41:23.206 Maybe she's dealing with betrayal, maybe she's dealing with her own mistrust, because that's a lot of what I find is it's not necessarily created from the relationship They've come in with, just walls around their heart, closed heart, just no trust, and so these women are showing up with control, right, like they want to control everything. 00:41:23.206 --> 00:41:27.996 And so could you speak to that woman who is ready to try something new. 00:41:27.996 --> 00:41:29.405 She wants to start beginning. 00:41:29.405 --> 00:41:32.213 You sort of gave us a little tidbit on tuning into your body. 00:41:32.213 --> 00:41:38.293 But what would you tell her, what would you advise her to start doing, and what can she start doing right now? 00:41:40.418 --> 00:41:49.891 It's true, I'll give a thought, but first just to like say what you just said about the self-trust really being the biggest abandonment wound. 00:41:49.891 --> 00:42:00.815 It's like the self-abandonment in the breathwork session that you did with my group at the point in the middle of the session when you said at what point did you stop believing you could trust yourself? 00:42:00.815 --> 00:42:28.190 That was when, like, all of us lost it, and I think that really is where we need to go back to and find and rediscover and like come home to that God-given intuition that we all have but maybe haven't been taught to trust it, or maybe it's been a corroded relationship with our own intuition. 00:42:28.190 --> 00:42:38.235 For whatever reason, whether it's, you've been in communities where the authority in that community was kind of behavior control or, you know, mind control. 00:42:38.235 --> 00:42:44.635 If it wasn't, you know leaders teaching you to really, really trust yourself, that it's okay to trust yourself. 00:42:44.635 --> 00:42:49.601 So there's so many reasons, um, where we've gone wrong with that. 00:42:49.641 --> 00:42:57.434 What I would say to a woman who can relate to anything today is it's so collective and it's not your fault. 00:42:57.434 --> 00:43:05.195 I think a lot of us can be found in this just shame storm, this spiraling shame storm of like what's wrong with me? 00:43:05.195 --> 00:43:06.297 Why do I feel this way. 00:43:06.297 --> 00:43:07.646 Why am I so? 00:43:07.646 --> 00:43:15.088 Either insecure or controlling or angry or whatever the thing is, and truly it's conditioning. 00:43:15.088 --> 00:43:17.277 It's what was mirrored to you growing up. 00:43:17.840 --> 00:43:20.987 It's going back even further, generationally and ancestrally. 00:43:20.987 --> 00:43:22.291 Our body keeps the score. 00:43:22.291 --> 00:43:31.416 You literally have cells and DNA from your grandmother, great grandma, so whatever their lived experience was, that's in your body too. 00:43:31.416 --> 00:43:36.597 That doesn't even have to be woo, woo as people call it, like that's just science. 00:43:36.597 --> 00:43:38.813 That's science, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:43:38.813 --> 00:43:45.481 So just taking the shame and the pressure away and seeing this is like damn. 00:43:45.481 --> 00:44:08.666 This is an opportunity where we live in a generation that is crazy, right, like the world is crazy, but also really, really, really beautiful, and I see awakening to this higher level of awareness and consciousness and healing than I think any generation that at least we know in recent past. 00:44:08.666 --> 00:44:14.778 So I would just say it's collective work on dissolving your shame. 00:44:14.778 --> 00:44:21.652 Offer yourself radical self-compassion and just start getting curious about what your body might be communicating to you. 00:44:22.394 --> 00:44:24.269 I love it Sounds so simple. 00:44:24.269 --> 00:44:26.612 Right, we know it's not. 00:44:26.612 --> 00:44:31.577 It is simple once you understand and feel the impact that this work can have. 00:44:31.577 --> 00:44:37.318 But, like I've experienced, like you've experienced in the beginning, it is really helpful to do that with somebody. 00:44:37.318 --> 00:44:38.527 It is really helpful. 00:44:38.527 --> 00:44:48.998 What I have found over and over and over again is that it's this line of like sometimes the most healing thing you can do is letting your unhealed parts be witnessed. 00:44:48.998 --> 00:45:05.639 It's in the witnessing right, it's in the witnessing and I think we live in a society where we try to witness just by venting, but to actually be in a room or community of women and let them see your tears, let them see your rage, let them see your grief. 00:45:05.639 --> 00:45:08.612 Sometimes that's all we need. 00:45:08.612 --> 00:45:11.791 What do you think about that? 00:45:12.385 --> 00:45:22.485 It's so true, and so powerful, and so powerful. 00:45:22.485 --> 00:45:25.452 I went to

Mexico on a retreat in November and that was the first time I ever let other women, see my anger ever. 00:45:25.472 --> 00:45:28.286 Like I said, that was a really big thing for me, a lot of suppressed. 00:45:28.286 --> 00:45:37.532 And I was in this session and I was just terrified, like shaking, and I remember the invitation, like just to let it out. 00:45:37.532 --> 00:45:47.112 We were like on the beach, on this yoga shala, no one around, like all the other girls were just like screaming, cursing, and I was like I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this. 00:45:47.112 --> 00:45:53.010 And I was like, oh, I'll just stand here and cry, I'll save the screaming for later, I'm not going to do this around these women. 00:45:53.851 --> 00:45:59.259 And then I was like I came all the way to Mexico, paid all this money for this retreat, like I'm going to leave it here and let it go. 00:45:59.259 --> 00:46:00.681 And so I did. 00:46:00.681 --> 00:46:12.235 That was the first time I ever just like let it out, just like screamed and out all the grief and injustice I feel like I had ever experienced in my lifetime. 00:46:12.235 --> 00:46:18.856 And I can't even begin to tell you how healing that was and how changed I feel since then. 00:46:18.856 --> 00:46:27.726 And so it can feel terrifying, but really the freedom is on the verge of that tipping point of fear For sure. 00:46:28.487 --> 00:46:28.947 For sure. 00:46:28.947 --> 00:46:39.925 So creating that self-trust and that safety first within yourself, reaching out and doing it in a community is is something I cannot recommend enough for my listeners. 00:46:39.925 --> 00:46:41.409 It's really, really powerful. 00:46:41.409 --> 00:46:44.405 I love it's so funny that you weren't in touch with your anger. 00:46:44.405 --> 00:46:46.291 I was like way too in touch with my anger. 00:46:47.293 --> 00:46:48.456 That's why we need each other. 00:46:49.766 --> 00:46:50.248 Oh yeah. 00:46:50.248 --> 00:46:58.494 So is there anything else that you would love to share about somatics, about marriage, any words of wisdom to sort of leave my community with? 00:46:58.494 --> 00:47:00.427 I know you've given us a lot. 00:47:01.190 --> 00:47:05.237 Yeah, I think that's it, the, the training that I offer. 00:47:05.237 --> 00:47:09.597 It's a free training called three secrets to the thriving intimacy that supported a lot of women. 00:47:09.597 --> 00:47:16.768 I can give you the link in the show notes if people um want to just go deeper with the actual marriage piece. 00:47:16.768 --> 00:47:20.288 And intimacy is more than just physical connection. 00:47:20.288 --> 00:47:24.496 You know there's like 17 plus kinds of intimacy, but that is. 00:47:24.557 --> 00:47:24.757 I don't. 00:47:24.757 --> 00:47:26.228 I don't know if I need all I don't know. 00:47:26.228 --> 00:47:28.235 If I know, I'll say I'll be grabbing that guide. 00:47:28.235 --> 00:47:30.248 Yes, we will put that guide. 00:47:30.248 --> 00:47:30.650 I also. 00:47:30.650 --> 00:47:38.936 I'm curious your program that you lead is it for women who have experienced betrayal or who who would be a good fit for your program? 00:47:39.577 --> 00:47:57.219 Yeah, not necessarily there are women in the program who've experienced betrayal, but it's for just the high achieving wife who wants to reclaim harmony in her marriage by moving trauma out of the body, and so really it's just somebody who finds herself disconnected or spinning her wheels. 00:47:57.219 --> 00:48:03.695 She's tried everything else to reclaim that connection with her husband and somatic work is the missing piece. 00:48:03.695 --> 00:48:05.989 That tends to be the woman that comes in here. 00:48:05.989 --> 00:48:08.255 It's not people's first introduction to healing. 00:48:08.255 --> 00:48:10.869 It's usually like their last pit stop. 00:48:10.869 --> 00:48:13.735 So the program I run is called root to rise. 00:48:13.735 --> 00:48:22.371 It's a six month women's group coaching program and, um, yeah, if you're interested about that, you can reach out to me on Instagram. 00:48:22.371 --> 00:48:28.376 I have a team member who would just see if you're a good fit for that and see if and how we can support you. 00:48:28.376 --> 00:48:34.635 And if the program itself isn't a good fit, we'll still point you in the direction of some resources or someone that might be better. 00:48:35.344 --> 00:48:37.271 Amazing, and I've met her team members. 00:48:37.271 --> 00:48:37.632 They are. 00:48:37.632 --> 00:48:41.161 They are amazing as well, so I will put all your information down below. 00:48:41.161 --> 00:48:46.679 Becky also has a podcast called I do breakthrough, no your breakthrough blueprint. 00:48:46.719 --> 00:48:50.570 I'm so sorry, your breakthrough blueprint, so I will link that as well. 00:48:50.570 --> 00:48:57.650 She is a wealth of information and my favorite part is just the vulnerability and the authenticity that you will get with hearing her story. 00:48:57.650 --> 00:49:00.635 So, becky, thank you for being here. 00:49:00.635 --> 00:49:03.059 Yeah, it was so good, it was great. 00:49:03.059 --> 00:49:10.594 I hope you guys enjoyed that episode as much as I enjoyed recording it. 00:49:10.594 --> 00:49:12.405 Becky really is a wealth of wisdom. 00:49:12.405 --> 00:49:13.427 Go and find her. 00:49:13.427 --> 00:49:15.351 Check her out on Instagram, go listen to her podcast. 00:49:15.351 --> 00:49:15.552 Find her. 00:49:15.552 --> 00:49:17.173 Check her out on Instagram, go listen to her podcast. 00:49:17.193 --> 00:49:33.050 You will love everything about her, I promise, and I am finally ready to reveal what we've been working on and what we are inviting you into to become a part of with us, along with our friend Julie as well, who's another master level somatic coach. 00:49:33.050 --> 00:49:37.032 So you're getting three experts for the price of one, which is incredible. 00:49:37.032 --> 00:49:55.690 And what we are inviting you

into is our first ever in-person three-night, four-day retreat on the Eastern Shore in the USA, and it is going to be an incredible weekend of not only relaxation, fun, sisterhood, rest, restoration, right All of that is so important. 00:49:55.690 --> 00:50:01.831 We will leave plenty of open space for you guys to really escape the noise and relax. 00:50:01.831 --> 00:50:05.726 It's a beautiful setting, but we also are going to be doing work. 00:50:05.726 --> 00:50:29.746 We're going to be doing healing work together with women in person, because, as we have coached hundreds of women combined over the last five years, a running theme that we have noticed is that so many women are afraid to claim what it is they want, whether it's in their marriage, in their friendships, in their business, in their health, in their life, in motherhood, whatever it is. 00:50:29.746 --> 00:50:33.155 Women are not, we're not speaking up, we're not. 00:50:33.155 --> 00:50:44.811 First of all, we're not in touch with what it is that we really want, and then, when we are in touch with it, we don't feel like we deserve it, we don't feel like we're worthy of it, and so we're not claiming it, we're not having it and we are miserable. 00:50:45.244 --> 00:50:50.476 So many of us are walking around and we've healed aspects of our life, but there's still more. 00:50:50.476 --> 00:50:51.498 We want more. 00:50:51.498 --> 00:51:00.306 We know that there's more, we just don't know how to get there. 00:51:00.306 --> 00:51:18.873 And so, for us, what we have found, over and over and over again, is it's learning to break through the shame, learning to break through the stories of not enoughness and really coming back into the truth of who you are, coming back into feeling liberated, to really say what you want to say, say how you feel, go after the things you like and love and need and desire and create a life around it. 00:51:18.873 --> 00:51:20.748 It's an incredible way to live. 00:51:20.748 --> 00:51:27.108 We all are doing it in our own life and relationships on so many different paths. 00:51:27.108 --> 00:51:32.018 Right, these tools have taken each one of us on different and unique paths. 00:51:32.018 --> 00:51:35.914 So this is not just for women that fit into a box. 00:51:35.914 --> 00:51:41.128 This is for high achieving, independent, busy women that are ready. 00:51:41.128 --> 00:51:50.739 They are ready to break through their shame stories, they are ready to claim their desires and they are ready to feel anchored anchored in who they innately are. 00:51:51.264 --> 00:51:54.891 So we are inviting you into a four day retreat called Wild and Rooted. 00:51:54.891 --> 00:51:58.516 It's going to be in October 2024. 00:51:58.516 --> 00:52:01.367 It's October 10th to the 14th, so it's a long weekend. 00:52:01.367 --> 00:52:04.092 All you have to do is get yourself there. 00:52:04.092 --> 00:52:07.831 Once you get yourself there, everything will be provided. 00:52:07.831 --> 00:52:11.005 We will have all of the nourishing food for you, all of the adventure set up. 00:52:11.005 --> 00:52:12.469 You don't have to think of a single thing. 00:52:12.469 --> 00:52:20.630 You will be getting breath, work and workshops and coaching and sisterhood and community, and I could go on and on and on, but you are going to want to be in the rooms. 00:52:20.791 --> 00:52:29.206 We are opening this up first to our community that includes all of you guys and then we will be opening it up even larger, to the public at large. 00:52:29.206 --> 00:52:38.936 There are only 10 spots available for this retreat, so if you have been wanting and craving in person, like I have, you are going to want to be in the room. 00:52:38.936 --> 00:52:42.576 So you can click the link below and you can look at all the different pricing options. 00:52:42.576 --> 00:52:49.646 There are payment plans available upon request and we really believe if there is a will, there is a way. 00:52:49.646 --> 00:52:55.009 So if you want to be there and you just don't know how you can make it financially, please reach out to us. 00:52:55.009 --> 00:52:56.333 We will hop on a call with you. 00:52:56.333 --> 00:52:57.737 We will make it work. 00:52:57.737 --> 00:53:09.028 We are a stand for a women's yes, we are a stand for your desires and we will do what we can in our power to help you claim it. 00:53:09.028 --> 00:53:10.492 So I hope to see you guys there. 00:53:10.492 --> 00:53:11.956 It's going to be an incredible weekend. 00:53:11.956 --> 00:53:15.315 I'm sending everybody so much love and I will see you next Monday.